April 18, 2024 • 43 mins
We play a compelling, funny round of the game "What's Your Price," where Laura gives Erik and Producer Bryan scenarios and we all have to write down the lowest price we'd do these things for.
One of the scenarios is "What's your price to do a striptease in front of all of us down to your birthday suit?"
Another one? "What's your price to leave your soon-to-be spouse at the altar?" And "What's your price to be branded with a hot iron on your butt?"
Laura whips out a list of signs that you are officially old, the list of top celebrity billionaires in a short Rando News segment.
And, why was Laura cutting up male appendages over the weekend? It's true and it's so random.
We want to be your fun, crazy, hilarious escape from your daily grind. Sit back, grab a snack, laugh, and play with us.
We are unapologetically unfiltered fun and we love you for being part of our podcast family. Love your podcast!!
www.lauracainafterdarl.com
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/laura-cain-after-dark--4162487/support.
One of the scenarios is "What's your price to do a striptease in front of all of us down to your birthday suit?"
Another one? "What's your price to leave your soon-to-be spouse at the altar?" And "What's your price to be branded with a hot iron on your butt?"
Laura whips out a list of signs that you are officially old, the list of top celebrity billionaires in a short Rando News segment.
And, why was Laura cutting up male appendages over the weekend? It's true and it's so random.
We want to be your fun, crazy, hilarious escape from your daily grind. Sit back, grab a snack, laugh, and play with us.
We are unapologetically unfiltered fun and we love you for being part of our podcast family. Love your podcast!!
www.lauracainafterdarl.com
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/laura-cain-after-dark--4162487/support.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:09):
It's stop saying that. Hi.Hi, welcome to Lori Kane after Dark.
Hi. Oh wow, that wasthe fast dude. Would you guys
let me Hi, Welcome to Loricaneafter Dark air Grimmer producer Brian. That's
right. Welcome to Thursday. Welcometo Thursday. Please subscribe? Yeah,
(00:33):
okay, continue? What else doI say? Now? Word from our
spots, I usually tease something soglad that we could highlight a little piece
of joy for your week. That'swhat we do here this time together.
What's our mission statement? What Brian? I mean Live Laugh podcast, Live
(00:54):
Laugh podcast podcast. That is No, that's our modern joy to millions of
people, find Laura. Try notto swear on a word from our sponsors.
Now, try not to annoy you. No, we've never lived up
to that one. All right,Before we get to our sponsors, I
(01:15):
want to tell you we're going totalk about We're going to talk about what
I did last weekend. We're goingto which is it's uh, you lost
some money. No, I madesome money. You actually want this lost.
I didn't go to the casino.It has nothing to do with the
casino. Believe it. I know, I know. I doesn't have anything
(01:37):
to do with knee pads. Itdoes not does not, thank you very
much. I also have a littletiny random news which there's some good stories
in it, and a roaring goodround of what Your Price? I love
this game. What's your Price?We're just going to shout out for this
(02:00):
time because I forgot to give youguys your little pads of paper. But
anyway, oh great, Oh,I can do that during the sponsors.
I'll do that during the sponsors,which are right now. La Joya Cosmetic
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(03:07):
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(03:53):
or email him at jayw at Capitolgrowthinc. Dot Com. All right, thank
you very much to our sponsors forhelping us put on all right, So
this weekend I went and worked Tasteof Hillcrest. You know how they do
(04:17):
those tastes Downtown's tasted, Oh powaway, I mean, I don't know.
Anyway, they have Tasted of Hillcrestand you buy a ticket. Basically what
you do is you buy a ticket, you get a little card, and
on the card there's all the differentrestaurants that you go by, and you
walk up and down University and theyhand out little samples of food or samples
(04:39):
of drink or whatever. Yes,so my daughter over the summer worked at
a restaurant called Creme de la Crateand it's on University. The cameras moved
my big time Elvis Elvis, ElvisElvis, and uh. I was in
(04:59):
there with a friend and I said, hey, the owner's really was very
good to my daughter. I said, if you ever need any help,
let me know, and he goes, you, actually, Tomorrow's Taste of
Hillcrest. I could use your helpbecause we're handing out like samples of our
waffles, which are really delicious andin some mimosas for Taste Hillcrest. I'm
(05:19):
like, okay, sure, noproblem. He goes, would you want
to work maybe from like eleven thirtyto four thirty. I'm like absolutely.
So I get there and there isthe it's set up outside. Oh did
you just mark on me? Ohmy gosh, oh great, great,
(05:40):
say we can't go to Taco Bellnow? Oh great? Anyway, yeah,
that's not that that's permanent or anything. He set up outside and there's
wait. My job was to makethe waffles, to cut the waffles,
and to put them into little tinyplastic cups and hand them out. The
waffles were in the shape of apenis. Oh yeah. The waffle iron
(06:09):
was like one, two, three, four penises. Can you get me
one of those waffle irons? Okay? And I had to put the batter
in each one of the penises,push, put the thing down, time
it for three minutes, turn themover, and then I had to cut
them into pieces and do you knowyou had to circumcise them. Do you
know see? Do you know howmany comments I got about like, oh,
(06:32):
I'm like I'm giving you the tip, Like here's the tip. Oh,
it's just the tip. Oh,that's all it matters is just the
tip. And then I'd cut offthe balls and then the woman goes,
oh, give me the balls.I already have his, you know,
Oh my god. The jokes aboutthe penises were okay, I'm helping you
next year. Not only that youhad to choose from caramel chocolate or white
(06:57):
chocolate. Oh topping white. No, they were all waffle colored dicks.
But oh so ship uh the otherone and then what's it? Carble caramel?
And then but the white chocolate wasso viscous and like it looked just
(07:18):
like what you think would come outof a real penis. It was really
funny though, but it was aperfect Oh stop, but I don't want
to say it. So fun wouldbe so much fun your penis, Oh
(07:39):
my god, that's like that.You're crazy fun and visual anyway, walking
around with like confetti in your hair. Those are the only penises I've seen
in a long time. You verymuch. No, I did not need
a moment. Maybe we should devotenext week's podcast dating and maybe like let's
(08:03):
talk about it and talk me.Maybe we should get a dating expert on
what do you Yeah? No,we okay, yeah, all right,
who's a dating expert, maybe amatchmaker. Yeah, oh but those are
kind of expense. Yeah, Ithink we can just talk about we always
(08:24):
well, you know what, maybewe can. That's a good idea.
You can find a dating expert,you know. Well, I'm sure I
know tons of dating experts. I'llthink of something. All right, I
might have to wear one of yourwigs, but I could rustle up a
dating expert you love, oh,b one, oh, I would use
(08:48):
one of your voices. Miss Leehasn't come. You know what. Miss
Lee is a dating expert. Ijust don't trust her advice. She's actually
very very good. I don't likehearing Miss Lee talk about like sexual things.
I don't like hearing her voice talkabout anything. Actually, well,
you might just have to because she'sfree and you love wearing wigs. You've
(09:13):
got you need to admit that becauseyou wore one last week just for the
hell of it, well, becauseit looked like you. And I'm kind
of obsessed with you. I knowyou were, I kind of you still
are. Oh moderately. Oh okay, all right now, please cue some
(09:33):
music for a tiny little round ofrandom news. Please, thank you.
Can you take a super no no, no, no, there's so many
buttons here. I just I don'tknow I gave you. Yeah, how
did I didn't know that the cricketswere going to come up. Oops,
get your hand off my butt please, it's on your upper thigh. It's
(09:54):
pretty much your butts back here,don't and don't touch right now? Why
there we go? Oh? Sorry? Why are you getting some flirtatious with
me? You're like weird right now? Off hornym me. You were the
one giving me Google eyes earlier.You you were like biting your lip and
(10:18):
yeah, talking a lot with yourtongue. You were looking at me very
sexually. Well that's because I couldn'tbelieve how you filled out that dress.
I mean anyway, I look likeI sausage getting ready to pop out of
the casing and then you fill itout. Great. Okay, you want
(10:39):
to know who the top billionaires are. This is going to make me so
I can tell you. Okay,let's do some guessing. Nope, No,
Google are not Google, but theseare celebrity. These are billionaires Z.
Celebrity Beyonce Taylor Swift, Rihanna jayZ is number five. Uh Rihanna
(11:05):
is not in the top ten.She's not No. Kim Kardashian, she's
number six one point seven billion.Jessica Simpson, Oh, good guess No,
Jessica Simpson, I don't think she'sworth that. Who has recently become
a billionaire? Anybody? Anybody?Kylie, No, she's not on the
(11:26):
list. Taylor Swift, there yougo said like six times you did.
I didn't. I was just notpaying its own. Rihanna. There's a
tie between Rihanna and Tyler Perry.That's why I saw they're number eight one
point four billion. So I'll giveyou the top ten. Tiger Woods is
ten one point three. He reallycows the celebrity. Yeah. Absolutely,
(11:46):
he's worth one point three billion.He is, I know, Tyler Perry,
Rihanna tied for eight nine seven,Peter Jackson director oh one point five
billion. Is he the one thatdid all the Yes? Yeah, Kim
Kardashian number six, Jay z setas number five with two point five billion,
Oprah number four two point eight,Michael Jordans three point two. Steven
(12:13):
Spielberg is worth four point eight billiondollars, And who tops the list then
Brian of richest who tops the list? Then yeah, yeah, if Steven
Spielberg is number two, who wouldbe number one one director? Maybe that's
what I'm hinting at. Martin Scorsese. No good, well, yeah,
(12:37):
that was a good guess. StevenSpielberg, Oh stut uh, come on,
you got it's on the tip beerside. A guy that did not
Raiders the last Star Wars. Yes, George Lucas five point five billion direct
anyways, Okay, didn't he directStar Wars? Well, he directed the
prequels, but we don't want totalk about those. He's not he's not
(12:58):
really director. He's more of ahe's this is the creative idea or behind
Star Wars. We did not directthe original movies. He's the richest celebrity
in the world, my god,George Lucas. Okay, five point five
billion, alright, that's what Forbessays. Anyway, Well, I just
like the definition of celebrity seems alittle nebulous here. Well, cool,
(13:18):
he's a celebrity because he's the directorand they direct movies, and that's a
Hollywood thing. Okay, So here, Brian, I know you probably don't
do any of these, Eric,How many of these do you do?
Because I think I do all ofthese. These are signs that you're an
old person now. Oh well,gen Z loves to remind us how old
we are all the time, rightold, yes, all right. So
(13:41):
somebody put together some a list ofrandom things that make that you're old officially.
If you do these things. Youeat toms like candy. I do.
Actually I do eat tumbs on occasion. I like you see your forty
five sometimes I need to. You'venever had tongues, You've never had heartburn,
(14:01):
probably, but I've never eaten tombs. I don't. I don't use
them for heart burn. I usethem for like an magestion. Though I've
never had a tombs. I justhad to buy some recently, I know,
because somebody's older than someone I haven'tused them in a while. So
you still print your boarding past justin case it I do. I love
(14:24):
it. I knew you. Iknew you'd be that guy. Oh my
gosh, even I don't do that. Okay. You can't stand or sit
without making some sort of no everyday. And I don't understand it because
it doesn't hurt when I get up. But why am I grunting? Why
(14:45):
for everything? Just bending over topull something out of the fridge, I'm
like, oh, that makes nosense. Well, you've got to stop
doing that. I now at timeswill sit down to be because I'm too
tired to stand. That's not inon this list, but that could be.
So I just gave everybody some freeAMMO. You watch the local news
(15:11):
every night. No, I neverwatched the news. Well I'm going to
actually say this counts for you becauseyou are the one person I know that
still has cable. I do,so that would be a person who has
cable that would watch the news likeregularly, like the five o'clock news.
You start conversations with strangers in public. No, I do that all the
(15:35):
time. But I've always done that. I do not. You leave the
plastic on things just to keep themnew. No, okay, you've recently
said how do you work this dangthing? All the time, you've told
a server please give my compliments tothe chef. Yes, I know you
(15:56):
have. And you drive by anice and say that's a nice house all
the time. I do that too, though I don't think that's exclusive to
old people. I think think oldpeople the what they do is they just
say, oh, look, thatsign says stop, We're going to stop
now. Like they point out everythingand they read everything and they say it
(16:21):
out loud. Oh, look atthat. Now, the Church of the
Holy Spirit is having a picnic.Okay, as you're driving by. As
you get older, you will alsotalk to yourself out loud. Oh my
gosh, I talked to myself.I talked to the dog. Yeah,
it's bad. A study found thata pat on the back really does help.
(16:44):
Thank you. Just tell me I'mdoing a good job. You're doing
a wonderful job. You're doing allright. Not only are you beautiful,
but you're talented. Just pat meon the back. Okay. So they
studied basketball players and they said thatthey when they made a free throw and
they the other players would pat themon the back, they would most likely
(17:06):
make the other free throw. Theydid like a huge study and said that
that actually works. It's like encouragement, and so it is a study anyway.
That all right, fine, whateverthat was, Okay, now onto
the real stuff. Get your padsof paper and your pens, get your
Maxi pads out. Cuse some othermusic so we can make this exciting and
(17:32):
not the crickets. I keep doingthat. Not the crickets play the wild
card music or something. Thank you, Okay, we're playing what's your Price?
Okay, the game where I givescenarios and you have to write down.
(17:52):
We all have to write down whatis the lowest amount we would do
that thing for. Here we go, Oh boy, what's your price?
Enthusiastically congratulate a woman who isn't actuallypregnant. Okay, go It would take
(18:22):
a thousand dollars for me to dothat, because that's awfully rude. It
is somebody right after eight months afterI had Charlie, somebody asked me,
oh, or said, congratulations,you're you're expecting. I'm like, no,
I actually just had a kid eightmonths ago. I do it.
You would be honest, I wouldthought that exact thing. Okay, what's
(18:47):
your price? Tickle the person infront of you at the grocery store.
Oh, tickle? I hate tickling. By the way, tickling is like
torture. Oh I see, it'slike no, I never like to be
tickled. Okay, tickle a strangerat the grocery store. Let's seem okay,
(19:08):
I'm going two grand, I'm doingfifteen hundred. I'm in the three
three thousand. Relistically, lord,do it for like one hundred. I
mean at this point with all mycard trouble. All right, what's your
price to have extremely bad breath forone year? Oh? One full year?
(19:30):
Just you are the guy or thegirl with bad breath for one whole
year? What's your price? I'mgoing fifteen grand? I'm going one hundred
thousand. Oh wha, what didyou play a million? There's nothing more
like oh, especial relationship. Ohoh helotosis. That sucks, that really
(19:55):
sucks. Oh my god. Onetime when I was married, we had
a friend and who had really,really really bad breath, and we made
the decision as a couple to tellhim about it because we wanted to help
him. And it was like theworst thing I think I've ever tell.
(20:18):
It was horrible. I don't everdo that. It was just not I
don't really remember the words so longago. All I remember is driving away
from his house and feeling, doyou like cry? He was like mad
or he was caught off guard forsure, Like no, he didn't say
(20:42):
he wasn't nothing like that. Hewas kind of nice about it, but
like also in a like what thehell just happened sort of way, and
it made me feel uncomfortable. Itwas the most awkward thing ever is just
don't do it. I had anold coworker that had a thyroid problem and
everybody picked me to tell her thatshe had horrible bo oh no, it
(21:06):
was the worst. What did shesay to you? She was I think
she wound up quitting before two andI was like, people were being really
mean. They were leaving like sticksof deodorant in her office and stuff.
It was awful. And so theywere like, well, you trained her,
you tell her, how did you? Okay, I'm her. I
(21:30):
don't remember, Well, okay,do it now? Like now, what
would you say? I'm her?I was like, hey, I just
need to talk to you about something, and it was super sensitive. Oh
what what did I do? You? Stinko was a manager at Chickle.
(21:51):
I think I should do it twiceat the same person. That was awful,
And I said, saying up forour employee hand, but we have
certain grooming standards and I've just hadwill come up to me and like,
you know, tell me that that'sit and that's what I had to do.
And because I talked to hr aboutit and that's what I had to
do. And she's like, well, that's when she told me. She
had a tight road problem, andI was like, I'm so sorry,
(22:14):
Like it's I was like, wecan move your office outside. It's awful
no matter what it issh Oh mygod. I don't know if I gave
you guys this one before, butit is, what's your price caddle up
with only the never before washed hotelcomfort for the night. That's what your
(22:38):
blanket and your sheet is. Isthat comforter from the hotel? Don't you
throw that be washed before never?Okay, So you're just saying, what's
my price to go to a hotel? No, to cuddle up with a
hotel comforter? Okay, which iswhat I normally do with the hotel.
(22:59):
Okay, No, no, no, no, no, no no no
no. Don't you well you probablygo to nice hotels. Yeah, I've
been to some hotels that are like, you know, they have that horrible
bed spread or whatever that you know, they never wash. They just put
it on there, but they changethe sheet Cuba hares on it and probably
blood. Yeah, if you tooklike the black legs, it's my price.
(23:21):
I pay probably like one hundred andfifty bucks a nice to do it?
So but no, I always throwthat thing off first, and I
never use the blanket. I justsleep with the sheets and the blanket that's
in between the two sheets. Allright, whatever you guys. I'll just
say free because I could stay inthe hotel for free two million. Are
you saying you've never stayed in thehotel? Then no, I would never
(23:42):
sleep. I never would sleep atthe comforter. Then what do you use
the blanket? The blanket that's inbetween, like there's a sheet and they
put the blanket and they put likea sheet on top. Sometimes you throw
are there are there bed bugs?No? We did the bed bug thing
less? No bad bags? Butwhat's your price? Like? Are free?
(24:03):
Okay? No? Terrible as thehotel? No, it's not terrible.
It's a medium. It's a mediumhotel. So a fleabag, not
a flea bag, no fleas.It's just you just you just cannot be
shared based on the price. Youjust have not the rits in Paris.
And it's not like Motel six.It's like it's fine, you do not
(24:26):
touch the comforter. Whatever, okay, anyway, what's your price? Be
a contestant on Naked and Afraid.Oh god, oh I think we did
this one? Did we do thisone because okay, well I'm going to
say, yeah, okay, I'mgoing big on this one. Oh you
(24:49):
went big two. I want twohundred thousand dollars. I only went one
hundred thousand. Eric went five hundredthousand dollars. And it's not the case
being naked. It's the bug bites. I do not want a bug bite
on my butthole. I did notrealistic with one hundred thousand, I probably
do it. How wait, howlong do you think they filmed for?
(25:12):
Well, I think it's like atleast four days, five days, four
days for one hundred grand. Icould do that. But you but the
elements. It's just the elements andone hundred grand. Have you watched that
show? I have only seen itonce. The bug bites are so intense.
You get one hundred thousands, Brianand I would have more appendages that
(25:34):
would get bit. True, youhave less appendages. We have inside things
that get bit Oh you think you'reside. You're saying bugs are going to
climb up inside. That's what happenson naked and afraid. I swear to
god, yes, oh my god. There was this one woman. She
was absolutely one miserable. She quit, she tapped out, because she had
(25:59):
bug bites all inside your thighs andup into her bad. I don't know,
I don't know. You didn't needto say that. I would say
that under the vaheen. Oh didyou get my message the other day about
what that? I was on thecorner of Old Lady Road and dry the
heen drive. Stop talking about that. Stop talking about my vagina period?
(26:25):
Well, I was on that roadand I thought of you period. Thank
you speaking of it. Yeah,I was all driving. Oh my god,
Laura, I gotta call you.Period. Were tumble weeds on the
side of the road. I thoughtyou might have rolled through down enough.
What's your price to only wear shirtsthat expose your belly button for one year?
(26:52):
No, you know what, let'sdo a month. For one full
month, wherever you go, youhave to wear a shirt that exposes your
belly button. Mmm. Okay,okay, I'm going three thousand. What
I hate my belly buttons so much? I hate it. I'm I'm okay.
Well, I'm doing five hundred dollars. I got clients and stuff.
(27:14):
I can't wear a misery Wait,I can't wear a jacket over it?
Oh? Then, like I Iwore one of those shirts on the show.
Remember that Madonna te shirt. Yeah, I rocked that thing. I
rocked that thing. All right,here's something now, I this is a
this is pretty harsh. What's yourprice? Leave your soon to be spouse
(27:41):
at the altar? Oh? What'syour price? Oh my god, Oh
my god, oh my god,oh my god, oh my god.
Wow, oh wow. Okay,I got it me too. This was
easy. I know Brian's probably likeeight hundred billion. Nope, I said
(28:04):
one million. I said one million, one million. That's it. I
put infinite. Oh oh, thatwas sweet. Guys out here putting you
put only a million. There arepeople with a million dollars. That's a
game show amount of money. Iknow. I'm saying, you cast yourself
(28:26):
on Survivor. They're like, okay, Survivor, And I'm like, here,
instay, have you do all this? You just have to leave your
spouse at the altar? And you'relike, okay, yeah, sure,
but then we can really then wecan have with a billion, we could
have the wedding we really wanted.I said, what I mean, if
I can just if I could belike I leave them like like, by
the way, I'm doing this abillion? Yeah, exactly. Yeah,
(28:47):
that's why I do that for sure. That like fifty grand Oh my god,
Okay, what's your price to getbranded on the butt by a hot
iron with your initials? Okay,hold on anywhere other than the I think
brands are kind of cool, butthe butt's not. But it has to
be on your butt and it's yourinitials branded with a hot iron. Nope,
(29:11):
Oh my god, Oh my god, Oh my god. That would
hurt. Oh wow, that wouldhurt. Okay, I'm okay, okay,
okay. If I'm being realistic,would you say, Eric one one
million, one trillion, one trillion. I would never in a million.
I won't even get a tattoo,Brian, I bet all the hip Gake
kids are doing it anyways too.That seems like a very like up and
(29:33):
up like thing. It should be. Yeah, I said twenty five grand
Oh my god. First I putfifteen. Then I said twenty five.
It's just like a tattoo that's lessnoticeable and it hurts a lot more hurts
hell, I said thousand. Yea, if someone if someone offered me like
like dead serious, if someone likesmessaged me and says like give you twenty
(29:53):
five grand to get an ass brand, I'll do it, you tour,
No, I would do it.I think you would be so you would
hate yourself for doing I don't thinkso. It's not that big a deal.
Tell my butt, no one's gonnasee it, all right, what's
your price? Then initiate a foodfight at a five star restaurant and they
(30:15):
know it's you who initiated it.Five okay, So I'm trying to think
of Okay, so is mister athat's like the okay, let me think
you know what, let's see mokay. Eric says, is that one
hundred and fifty thousand, seven hundredand fifty thousand, Brian, real quick,
(30:41):
before I show mine, I justyou know what happens. It wouldn't
be a food fight. You wouldjust pick up food, yell food fight
and throw it at someone and everyonewould stare at you. So it wouldn't
be a food fight anyways. Isaid eighty thousand, I said ten thousand,
ten thousand. That's really cheap.I know, I know, I
just all I can say it.I'm sorry. I'll just say yeah and
(31:02):
not or what about this? What'syour price? To loudly whistle for your
waiters attention at the super fancy fivestar rest, Like I wish I could
do that. That makes you seemricher because you're an asshole. Oh my
god, I would never do that, Like, get over your god,
(31:23):
I can't whistle. I wish Icould whistle, you know what? I
would do that? Okay, howmuch? I do it for fifteen hundred
and actually I do it for likethirty five hundred, but I give it
like a five hundred dollars tip orsomething good. Point Eric, I feel
like you're lying. I feel likeit's not that high. I feel like
(31:44):
if I feel like if someone cameat you with something lower than seventy five,
you would do it seventy four.He's lying, Okay, what's your
price? And I don't think we'vedone this one before, but this isn't
intense to me. Erase all thepictures you've ever taken, no, wait,
(32:10):
like off your phone, erased themfrom if I have eraseferents, destroy
erase, set on fire, they'regone. All the pictures you've ever taken
in your whole life are gone.Because I have all the pictures of me
and my mom and my dad andstuff. So I would never Oh,
oh you copied, Brian, Idid. That's not in the coach of
(32:31):
all. I said one billion,but I'd hate myself. I'd i'd be
a billionaire, but I still hatemyself. Ten million, ten million?
Really? Yeah, well you have, Well, we have a whole lot
more pictures than you do at thisage. What your price? Be A
(32:51):
foot shorter? So you're how tall? You are? Five eleven and a
half So you before eleven? Ohno? A foot? Oh no,
no, no, no? What'syour price? Oh my god? So,
oh my yeah, you'd be likethree fe years. No, I'm
(33:14):
five to nine, would be fournine? Okay, oh my god,
you are. I'm going five hundredthousand. And here's why it's okay for
a woman to be short. I'vealways wanted to be petite. You No,
I am not. I've always wantedto be like a little like just
(33:35):
a little little girl. And ifI was four eleven, they just called
me kickstamp. Yeah for me aslike I'm six feet. If I was
five feet, I need at leastfive Like that's for a life too,
I need at least five million.All right, what's your price? Clog
the toilet every time? You poopoutside of your home. Okay, well,
so how much money would Eric payto stay? Eric? No?
(33:59):
Eric one taller? Wait so youlike want that? So you you wouldn't?
You don't have a problem at like, for instance, being at Mysteries
clogging the toilet at Mysteries on myhouse? Oh my god, I already
did it at tj oh you ranfor the hills. Yeah, it doesn't
mean I have to stick around.But you didn't finish dinner yet. You
(34:21):
have to pay for dinner, allright, I'm saying well, I'm saying
they have more than one hole there. I'm saying a million, because this
is also one of those for lifethings. So I need a good chunk
of change to get me through life. I'm going five hundred thousand, even
though you know, okay, amateurs, this is really embarrassing. You know,
I clog the toilet all the time, and I don't know why.
I really don't know why. Ican tell you probably why. This is
(34:44):
why I don't want her to cometo my house. Your toilet can handle
anything, apparently. Well, okay, when I talked to you today,
I was pooping. Yes, hecalled me while he was pooping. Okay,
so at work. You know,at at companies, they have those
industrial sucks toilets. Right I cloggedone of those? Yeah, I it
(35:07):
did not. It sucks. Getthe rulers just so you can start getting
reference on I just but they're notthough, Like, they're not giant.
I'm not like, I'm not likepooping a loaf of bread. It literally
is like you're trying to jam uploaf of bread into a thimble. God
anyway, Okay, no, whatyou eat? I know what your answer
(35:29):
is going to be, but Iwant you to really just think about this.
Think about it. Okay, what'syour price to eat a giant spider
web? Oh not with a spiderin it. Just eat a spider web,
a giant one that you see.We're a pretty one, you know,
one of those little beautiful ones.Crumple it up and eat it and
(35:52):
there's no spider eggs or carcasses oranything in there. I don't know.
I don't know about that. Thisis easy, how much. See I'm
close. I did a thousand.It's when you crumple up a spider web,
it becomes infinitesimally small, exactly.It's it's like eating like a flake
of dust. It's pretty low forhim. I know that shocks me.
(36:15):
All right, what's your price toget shot in the chest with a taser
gun? Oh? Hell no,Now I don't know. It sure looks
like it hurts. So I willtell you this. Somebody that I know
was in the police academy and theyhave to get tasered. Yeah, and
(36:36):
you literally shit yourself. You canyeah, yeah, or pee. Yeah,
it's that much voltage going. Idon't think that's a normal occurrence usually,
it's just it's very painful. Alsoused to lose control of your Like
you're how long does it last?Like? How long? How long does
the tasing? I mean like itit's a little in the academy. Well,
it's however long they're holding down thetrigger on those? Yeah. So,
(36:59):
but like the anything to do fiveseconds? Now, have you seen
those? Have you seen those showswhere people are so high that the tasers
don't even affect them. Oh thathappened that. I put two I put
one million for two grands. It'soh, it'll be over soon. Okay,
you know what I'm going? Fivethousand. I didn't even write it
down. I want five thousand.What's your price? Eat a whole raw
(37:22):
onion. Oh in one sitting,I'm going okay. Yeah, I feel
like you guys are a little lowon Oh No, I love onions.
I can eat them like an apple. I love onions too, but hard
(37:43):
to eat raw, quantity, purple, or it doesn't matter white. I
love onion. It doesn't even matter. I love Oh. Yeah, it's
good you guys. We need togo to in and Out because I need
to get the onion. Can youget onions on your grilled cheese? Yeah?
Like they put that thing thick ofthick onions. Oh yes. Like
if I'm making food and I'm choppingonions and there's a couple left on the
(38:05):
cutting board, I just pop inmy mile like a tick tap agree.
Okay, Yeah. What's your priceto perform a strip tease full on down
to your birthday suit in front ofeveryone here? Wait, that's not a
(38:25):
tease? Then that's just a stripshow. Mm hmmm, well then just
strip in front of all of us, in front of okay, but you
dance, Yes, that's what theteas part is. You're doing. You're
performing a show, a strip tease, and then you take it all off.
So you want me to scar brandfor life? Yes, Well,
what's your price? Your boy?You're gonna scar your boy for life?
(38:50):
What is that gonna what is thatgonna cost? What's that worth to you?
Oh? My god? Can youimagine me doing it to you guys?
Oh, that would be amazing.Eric would like you we're talking about.
I have my answer, you knowwhat? Okay, what's your answer?
Ten dollars one hundred and fifty.That's only one hundred and fifty.
(39:15):
I feel like we know each otherso much. So you're saying right now,
I could buy you to do astrip show for one hundred and fifty
bucks. Yeah, that's how easyit would be if I give you one
hundred bucks fifty bucks right now,and you would do it in front of
you, yeah, full on naked. Yeah, for one hundred fifty bucks.
Oh, think about it. I'llgive you three hundred. Now we're
(39:36):
within the realm of possibility. Igot one hundred ffty bucks. I give
you a hundred ffty bucks right now, saying you would do that, and
I'd still have to do the dance. Yeah, you gotta do the dance
everything naked. I'm calling bull onthis. Hold on, if you think
she's gonna change her if you thinkyou'd do it, that's fine. Fifteen
(39:57):
hundred. I bet you do itfor less than Actually I think, wouldn't
you just really thinking about one hundredand fifty dollars until until yeah, until
producer Brian's actually had it in hisfunction said here it is okay, so
mine real quick is infinity to thepower of ten. I'm not getting naked
from you losing. Oh my god, wow, Brian calm, Oh what
(40:22):
the Laura? What are you pushingfor? Here? He has Well,
Eric, your price is probably notthat high, I said, ten dollars.
Yeah, ten dollars. I mean, like, I see, I
believe I could buy Eric right now. Now listen, Brian, there is
a price. There is a priceBrian would take, not for my pride.
I know you already worked the cornerson Saturdays and Sunday, so I
(40:44):
know one hundred fifty bucks. We'llget a lapf at my house unannounced,
and I'm naked, so I ain'tdoing that. What's your price to suck
fresh milk directly from the utter ofa cow? M I'm I'm going two
(41:05):
hundred bucks, I said. FIOkay, it's kind of weird, but
like it's not that weird, Sothere are fifty all right, all right,
finally, what's your price? Smuggledrugs from another country? Oh to
another country? Not here? Nothere? Necessarily from one country to another
(41:27):
one be successful. We don't know, you're just smart. No, actually
no, this is just agreeing tosmuggle drugs from one country to another via
airplane. Well wait, via airplane, via the air I wouldn't do it.
Then that sounds way risk. Wellwhat's your price, infinity sign?
(41:49):
I would just do it for doinglike a border crossing. That's different.
No, I wish countries because thatalso makes a difference. It doesn't just
think about the worst, think aboutlike like Columbia to that's my answer.
A wait, okay, wait Columbiaanywhere I do for like much less,
because that's not that difficult. I'mreally thinking about this because what if somebody
(42:14):
said to me, what if somebodyasked me to be a drug mule?
But would my price be? Thenwhat if you get caught? Then you
spend the whole rest of your lifein a pokey in a Colombian jail.
Yeah, I'm saying tw fifty thousand, but you're just like raped and you
have to shit in a hole inthe ground. Jesus. All right,
I'm saying two fifty k. ButI get to choose the country and the
(42:34):
way we smoke them. Well,no, that's not the way this game
works. No, I'm saying onemillion. Okay, all right, you
guys, I'm hungry. And alsowe need to talk about May twenty fourth,
which is my birthday, and it'salso Brian's to your anniversary. I
think to your Anniversary should come beforeyour birthday. It actually does come before
my birthday. Oh, we shouldstop announcing your birthday first. Well,
(42:58):
it just so happens on my birthdayson a Friday, which is like my
favorite day. Now I see,Now this is when I know the show
has come to an end. Thisis the quintessential sign that Eric is ready
to You don't get to make funof him because you just said you would
strip in front of me for onehundred fifty bucks. So okay, anyway,
(43:20):
we're hoping to have we are goingto have a party. We're hoping
to have it at Kwan. It'llbe fun. May twenty fourth for the
celebrations. And thank you so muchfor watching listening. Love your podcast.
I love your podcast. Oh,I love you. I think that works.
Love your podcast. There you go, Love you my sweet babies.
Bye, thank you,
It's stop saying that. Hi.Hi, welcome to Lori Kane after Dark.
Hi. Oh wow, that wasthe fast dude. Would you guys
let me Hi, Welcome to Loricaneafter Dark air Grimmer producer Brian. That's
right. Welcome to Thursday. Welcometo Thursday. Please subscribe? Yeah,
(00:33):
okay, continue? What else doI say? Now? Word from our
spots, I usually tease something soglad that we could highlight a little piece
of joy for your week. That'swhat we do here this time together.
What's our mission statement? What Brian? I mean Live Laugh podcast, Live
(00:54):
Laugh podcast podcast. That is No, that's our modern joy to millions of
people, find Laura. Try notto swear on a word from our sponsors.
Now, try not to annoy you. No, we've never lived up
to that one. All right,Before we get to our sponsors, I
(01:15):
want to tell you we're going totalk about We're going to talk about what
I did last weekend. We're goingto which is it's uh, you lost
some money. No, I madesome money. You actually want this lost.
I didn't go to the casino.It has nothing to do with the
casino. Believe it. I know, I know. I doesn't have anything
(01:37):
to do with knee pads. Itdoes not does not, thank you very
much. I also have a littletiny random news which there's some good stories
in it, and a roaring goodround of what Your Price? I love
this game. What's your Price?We're just going to shout out for this
(02:00):
time because I forgot to give youguys your little pads of paper. But
anyway, oh great, Oh,I can do that during the sponsors.
I'll do that during the sponsors,which are right now. La Joya Cosmetic
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or email him at jayw at Capitolgrowthinc. Dot Com. All right, thank
you very much to our sponsors forhelping us put on all right, So
this weekend I went and worked Tasteof Hillcrest. You know how they do
(04:17):
those tastes Downtown's tasted, Oh powaway, I mean, I don't know.
Anyway, they have Tasted of Hillcrestand you buy a ticket. Basically what
you do is you buy a ticket, you get a little card, and
on the card there's all the differentrestaurants that you go by, and you
walk up and down University and theyhand out little samples of food or samples
(04:39):
of drink or whatever. Yes,so my daughter over the summer worked at
a restaurant called Creme de la Crateand it's on University. The cameras moved
my big time Elvis Elvis, ElvisElvis, and uh. I was in
(04:59):
there with a friend and I said, hey, the owner's really was very
good to my daughter. I said, if you ever need any help,
let me know, and he goes, you, actually, Tomorrow's Taste of
Hillcrest. I could use your helpbecause we're handing out like samples of our
waffles, which are really delicious andin some mimosas for Taste Hillcrest. I'm
(05:19):
like, okay, sure, noproblem. He goes, would you want
to work maybe from like eleven thirtyto four thirty. I'm like absolutely.
So I get there and there isthe it's set up outside. Oh did
you just mark on me? Ohmy gosh, oh great, great,
(05:40):
say we can't go to Taco Bellnow? Oh great? Anyway, yeah,
that's not that that's permanent or anything. He set up outside and there's
wait. My job was to makethe waffles, to cut the waffles,
and to put them into little tinyplastic cups and hand them out. The
waffles were in the shape of apenis. Oh yeah. The waffle iron
(06:09):
was like one, two, three, four penises. Can you get me
one of those waffle irons? Okay? And I had to put the batter
in each one of the penises,push, put the thing down, time
it for three minutes, turn themover, and then I had to cut
them into pieces and do you knowyou had to circumcise them. Do you
know see? Do you know howmany comments I got about like, oh,
(06:32):
I'm like I'm giving you the tip, Like here's the tip. Oh,
it's just the tip. Oh,that's all it matters is just the
tip. And then I'd cut offthe balls and then the woman goes,
oh, give me the balls.I already have his, you know,
Oh my god. The jokes aboutthe penises were okay, I'm helping you
next year. Not only that youhad to choose from caramel chocolate or white
(06:57):
chocolate. Oh topping white. No, they were all waffle colored dicks.
But oh so ship uh the otherone and then what's it? Carble caramel?
And then but the white chocolate wasso viscous and like it looked just
(07:18):
like what you think would come outof a real penis. It was really
funny though, but it was aperfect Oh stop, but I don't want
to say it. So fun wouldbe so much fun your penis, Oh
(07:39):
my god, that's like that.You're crazy fun and visual anyway, walking
around with like confetti in your hair. Those are the only penises I've seen
in a long time. You verymuch. No, I did not need
a moment. Maybe we should devotenext week's podcast dating and maybe like let's
(08:03):
talk about it and talk me.Maybe we should get a dating expert on
what do you Yeah? No,we okay, yeah, all right,
who's a dating expert, maybe amatchmaker. Yeah, oh but those are
kind of expense. Yeah, Ithink we can just talk about we always
(08:24):
well, you know what, maybewe can. That's a good idea.
You can find a dating expert,you know. Well, I'm sure I
know tons of dating experts. I'llthink of something. All right, I
might have to wear one of yourwigs, but I could rustle up a
dating expert you love, oh,b one, oh, I would use
(08:48):
one of your voices. Miss Leehasn't come. You know what. Miss
Lee is a dating expert. Ijust don't trust her advice. She's actually
very very good. I don't likehearing Miss Lee talk about like sexual things.
I don't like hearing her voice talkabout anything. Actually, well,
you might just have to because she'sfree and you love wearing wigs. You've
(09:13):
got you need to admit that becauseyou wore one last week just for the
hell of it, well, becauseit looked like you. And I'm kind
of obsessed with you. I knowyou were, I kind of you still
are. Oh moderately. Oh okay, all right now, please cue some
(09:33):
music for a tiny little round ofrandom news. Please, thank you.
Can you take a super no no, no, no, there's so many
buttons here. I just I don'tknow I gave you. Yeah, how
did I didn't know that the cricketswere going to come up. Oops,
get your hand off my butt please, it's on your upper thigh. It's
(09:54):
pretty much your butts back here,don't and don't touch right now? Why
there we go? Oh? Sorry? Why are you getting some flirtatious with
me? You're like weird right now? Off hornym me. You were the
one giving me Google eyes earlier.You you were like biting your lip and
(10:18):
yeah, talking a lot with yourtongue. You were looking at me very
sexually. Well that's because I couldn'tbelieve how you filled out that dress.
I mean anyway, I look likeI sausage getting ready to pop out of
the casing and then you fill itout. Great. Okay, you want
(10:39):
to know who the top billionaires are. This is going to make me so
I can tell you. Okay,let's do some guessing. Nope, No,
Google are not Google, but theseare celebrity. These are billionaires Z.
Celebrity Beyonce Taylor Swift, Rihanna jayZ is number five. Uh Rihanna
(11:05):
is not in the top ten.She's not No. Kim Kardashian, she's
number six one point seven billion.Jessica Simpson, Oh, good guess No,
Jessica Simpson, I don't think she'sworth that. Who has recently become
a billionaire? Anybody? Anybody?Kylie, No, she's not on the
(11:26):
list. Taylor Swift, there yougo said like six times you did.
I didn't. I was just notpaying its own. Rihanna. There's a
tie between Rihanna and Tyler Perry.That's why I saw they're number eight one
point four billion. So I'll giveyou the top ten. Tiger Woods is
ten one point three. He reallycows the celebrity. Yeah. Absolutely,
(11:46):
he's worth one point three billion.He is, I know, Tyler Perry,
Rihanna tied for eight nine seven,Peter Jackson director oh one point five
billion. Is he the one thatdid all the Yes? Yeah, Kim
Kardashian number six, Jay z setas number five with two point five billion,
Oprah number four two point eight,Michael Jordans three point two. Steven
(12:13):
Spielberg is worth four point eight billiondollars, And who tops the list then
Brian of richest who tops the list? Then yeah, yeah, if Steven
Spielberg is number two, who wouldbe number one one director? Maybe that's
what I'm hinting at. Martin Scorsese. No good, well, yeah,
(12:37):
that was a good guess. StevenSpielberg, Oh stut uh, come on,
you got it's on the tip beerside. A guy that did not
Raiders the last Star Wars. Yes, George Lucas five point five billion direct
anyways, Okay, didn't he directStar Wars? Well, he directed the
prequels, but we don't want totalk about those. He's not he's not
(12:58):
really director. He's more of ahe's this is the creative idea or behind
Star Wars. We did not directthe original movies. He's the richest celebrity
in the world, my god,George Lucas. Okay, five point five
billion, alright, that's what Forbessays. Anyway, Well, I just
like the definition of celebrity seems alittle nebulous here. Well, cool,
(13:18):
he's a celebrity because he's the directorand they direct movies, and that's a
Hollywood thing. Okay, So here, Brian, I know you probably don't
do any of these, Eric,How many of these do you do?
Because I think I do all ofthese. These are signs that you're an
old person now. Oh well,gen Z loves to remind us how old
we are all the time, rightold, yes, all right. So
(13:41):
somebody put together some a list ofrandom things that make that you're old officially.
If you do these things. Youeat toms like candy. I do.
Actually I do eat tumbs on occasion. I like you see your forty
five sometimes I need to. You'venever had tongues, You've never had heartburn,
(14:01):
probably, but I've never eaten tombs. I don't. I don't use
them for heart burn. I usethem for like an magestion. Though I've
never had a tombs. I justhad to buy some recently, I know,
because somebody's older than someone I haven'tused them in a while. So
you still print your boarding past justin case it I do. I love
(14:24):
it. I knew you. Iknew you'd be that guy. Oh my
gosh, even I don't do that. Okay. You can't stand or sit
without making some sort of no everyday. And I don't understand it because
it doesn't hurt when I get up. But why am I grunting? Why
(14:45):
for everything? Just bending over topull something out of the fridge, I'm
like, oh, that makes nosense. Well, you've got to stop
doing that. I now at timeswill sit down to be because I'm too
tired to stand. That's not inon this list, but that could be.
So I just gave everybody some freeAMMO. You watch the local news
(15:11):
every night. No, I neverwatched the news. Well I'm going to
actually say this counts for you becauseyou are the one person I know that
still has cable. I do,so that would be a person who has
cable that would watch the news likeregularly, like the five o'clock news.
You start conversations with strangers in public. No, I do that all the
(15:35):
time. But I've always done that. I do not. You leave the
plastic on things just to keep themnew. No, okay, you've recently
said how do you work this dangthing? All the time, you've told
a server please give my compliments tothe chef. Yes, I know you
(15:56):
have. And you drive by anice and say that's a nice house all
the time. I do that too, though I don't think that's exclusive to
old people. I think think oldpeople the what they do is they just
say, oh, look, thatsign says stop, We're going to stop
now. Like they point out everythingand they read everything and they say it
(16:21):
out loud. Oh, look atthat. Now, the Church of the
Holy Spirit is having a picnic.Okay, as you're driving by. As
you get older, you will alsotalk to yourself out loud. Oh my
gosh, I talked to myself.I talked to the dog. Yeah,
it's bad. A study found thata pat on the back really does help.
(16:44):
Thank you. Just tell me I'mdoing a good job. You're doing
a wonderful job. You're doing allright. Not only are you beautiful,
but you're talented. Just pat meon the back. Okay. So they
studied basketball players and they said thatthey when they made a free throw and
they the other players would pat themon the back, they would most likely
(17:06):
make the other free throw. Theydid like a huge study and said that
that actually works. It's like encouragement, and so it is a study anyway.
That all right, fine, whateverthat was, Okay, now onto
the real stuff. Get your padsof paper and your pens, get your
Maxi pads out. Cuse some othermusic so we can make this exciting and
(17:32):
not the crickets. I keep doingthat. Not the crickets play the wild
card music or something. Thank you, Okay, we're playing what's your Price?
Okay, the game where I givescenarios and you have to write down.
(17:52):
We all have to write down whatis the lowest amount we would do
that thing for. Here we go, Oh boy, what's your price?
Enthusiastically congratulate a woman who isn't actuallypregnant. Okay, go It would take
(18:22):
a thousand dollars for me to dothat, because that's awfully rude. It
is somebody right after eight months afterI had Charlie, somebody asked me,
oh, or said, congratulations,you're you're expecting. I'm like, no,
I actually just had a kid eightmonths ago. I do it.
You would be honest, I wouldthought that exact thing. Okay, what's
(18:47):
your price? Tickle the person infront of you at the grocery store.
Oh, tickle? I hate tickling. By the way, tickling is like
torture. Oh I see, it'slike no, I never like to be
tickled. Okay, tickle a strangerat the grocery store. Let's seem okay,
(19:08):
I'm going two grand, I'm doingfifteen hundred. I'm in the three
three thousand. Relistically, lord,do it for like one hundred. I
mean at this point with all mycard trouble. All right, what's your
price to have extremely bad breath forone year? Oh? One full year?
(19:30):
Just you are the guy or thegirl with bad breath for one whole
year? What's your price? I'mgoing fifteen grand? I'm going one hundred
thousand. Oh wha, what didyou play a million? There's nothing more
like oh, especial relationship. Ohoh helotosis. That sucks, that really
(19:55):
sucks. Oh my god. Onetime when I was married, we had
a friend and who had really,really really bad breath, and we made
the decision as a couple to tellhim about it because we wanted to help
him. And it was like theworst thing I think I've ever tell.
(20:18):
It was horrible. I don't everdo that. It was just not I
don't really remember the words so longago. All I remember is driving away
from his house and feeling, doyou like cry? He was like mad
or he was caught off guard forsure, Like no, he didn't say
(20:42):
he wasn't nothing like that. Hewas kind of nice about it, but
like also in a like what thehell just happened sort of way, and
it made me feel uncomfortable. Itwas the most awkward thing ever is just
don't do it. I had anold coworker that had a thyroid problem and
everybody picked me to tell her thatshe had horrible bo oh no, it
(21:06):
was the worst. What did shesay to you? She was I think
she wound up quitting before two andI was like, people were being really
mean. They were leaving like sticksof deodorant in her office and stuff.
It was awful. And so theywere like, well, you trained her,
you tell her, how did you? Okay, I'm her. I
(21:30):
don't remember, Well, okay,do it now? Like now, what
would you say? I'm her?I was like, hey, I just
need to talk to you about something, and it was super sensitive. Oh
what what did I do? You? Stinko was a manager at Chickle.
(21:51):
I think I should do it twiceat the same person. That was awful,
And I said, saying up forour employee hand, but we have
certain grooming standards and I've just hadwill come up to me and like,
you know, tell me that that'sit and that's what I had to do.
And because I talked to hr aboutit and that's what I had to
do. And she's like, well, that's when she told me. She
had a tight road problem, andI was like, I'm so sorry,
(22:14):
Like it's I was like, wecan move your office outside. It's awful
no matter what it issh Oh mygod. I don't know if I gave
you guys this one before, butit is, what's your price caddle up
with only the never before washed hotelcomfort for the night. That's what your
(22:38):
blanket and your sheet is. Isthat comforter from the hotel? Don't you
throw that be washed before never?Okay, So you're just saying, what's
my price to go to a hotel? No, to cuddle up with a
hotel comforter? Okay, which iswhat I normally do with the hotel.
(22:59):
Okay, No, no, no, no, no, no no no
no. Don't you well you probablygo to nice hotels. Yeah, I've
been to some hotels that are like, you know, they have that horrible
bed spread or whatever that you know, they never wash. They just put
it on there, but they changethe sheet Cuba hares on it and probably
blood. Yeah, if you tooklike the black legs, it's my price.
(23:21):
I pay probably like one hundred andfifty bucks a nice to do it?
So but no, I always throwthat thing off first, and I
never use the blanket. I justsleep with the sheets and the blanket that's
in between the two sheets. Allright, whatever you guys. I'll just
say free because I could stay inthe hotel for free two million. Are
you saying you've never stayed in thehotel? Then no, I would never
(23:42):
sleep. I never would sleep atthe comforter. Then what do you use
the blanket? The blanket that's inbetween, like there's a sheet and they
put the blanket and they put likea sheet on top. Sometimes you throw
are there are there bed bugs?No? We did the bed bug thing
less? No bad bags? Butwhat's your price? Like? Are free?
(24:03):
Okay? No? Terrible as thehotel? No, it's not terrible.
It's a medium. It's a mediumhotel. So a fleabag, not
a flea bag, no fleas.It's just you just you just cannot be
shared based on the price. Youjust have not the rits in Paris.
And it's not like Motel six.It's like it's fine, you do not
(24:26):
touch the comforter. Whatever, okay, anyway, what's your price? Be
a contestant on Naked and Afraid.Oh god, oh I think we did
this one? Did we do thisone because okay, well I'm going to
say, yeah, okay, I'mgoing big on this one. Oh you
(24:49):
went big two. I want twohundred thousand dollars. I only went one
hundred thousand. Eric went five hundredthousand dollars. And it's not the case
being naked. It's the bug bites. I do not want a bug bite
on my butthole. I did notrealistic with one hundred thousand, I probably
do it. How wait, howlong do you think they filmed for?
(25:12):
Well, I think it's like atleast four days, five days, four
days for one hundred grand. Icould do that. But you but the
elements. It's just the elements andone hundred grand. Have you watched that
show? I have only seen itonce. The bug bites are so intense.
You get one hundred thousands, Brianand I would have more appendages that
(25:34):
would get bit. True, youhave less appendages. We have inside things
that get bit Oh you think you'reside. You're saying bugs are going to
climb up inside. That's what happenson naked and afraid. I swear to
god, yes, oh my god. There was this one woman. She
was absolutely one miserable. She quit, she tapped out, because she had
(25:59):
bug bites all inside your thighs andup into her bad. I don't know,
I don't know. You didn't needto say that. I would say
that under the vaheen. Oh didyou get my message the other day about
what that? I was on thecorner of Old Lady Road and dry the
heen drive. Stop talking about that. Stop talking about my vagina period?
(26:25):
Well, I was on that roadand I thought of you period. Thank
you speaking of it. Yeah,I was all driving. Oh my god,
Laura, I gotta call you.Period. Were tumble weeds on the
side of the road. I thoughtyou might have rolled through down enough.
What's your price to only wear shirtsthat expose your belly button for one year?
(26:52):
No, you know what, let'sdo a month. For one full
month, wherever you go, youhave to wear a shirt that exposes your
belly button. Mmm. Okay,okay, I'm going three thousand. What
I hate my belly buttons so much? I hate it. I'm I'm okay.
Well, I'm doing five hundred dollars. I got clients and stuff.
(27:14):
I can't wear a misery Wait,I can't wear a jacket over it?
Oh? Then, like I Iwore one of those shirts on the show.
Remember that Madonna te shirt. Yeah, I rocked that thing. I
rocked that thing. All right,here's something now, I this is a
this is pretty harsh. What's yourprice? Leave your soon to be spouse
(27:41):
at the altar? Oh? What'syour price? Oh my god, Oh
my god, oh my god,oh my god, oh my god.
Wow, oh wow. Okay,I got it me too. This was
easy. I know Brian's probably likeeight hundred billion. Nope, I said
(28:04):
one million. I said one million, one million. That's it. I
put infinite. Oh oh, thatwas sweet. Guys out here putting you
put only a million. There arepeople with a million dollars. That's a
game show amount of money. Iknow. I'm saying, you cast yourself
(28:26):
on Survivor. They're like, okay, Survivor, And I'm like, here,
instay, have you do all this? You just have to leave your
spouse at the altar? And you'relike, okay, yeah, sure,
but then we can really then wecan have with a billion, we could
have the wedding we really wanted.I said, what I mean, if
I can just if I could belike I leave them like like, by
the way, I'm doing this abillion? Yeah, exactly. Yeah,
(28:47):
that's why I do that for sure. That like fifty grand Oh my god,
Okay, what's your price to getbranded on the butt by a hot
iron with your initials? Okay,hold on anywhere other than the I think
brands are kind of cool, butthe butt's not. But it has to
be on your butt and it's yourinitials branded with a hot iron. Nope,
(29:11):
Oh my god, Oh my god, Oh my god. That would
hurt. Oh wow, that wouldhurt. Okay, I'm okay, okay,
okay. If I'm being realistic,would you say, Eric one one
million, one trillion, one trillion. I would never in a million.
I won't even get a tattoo,Brian, I bet all the hip Gake
kids are doing it anyways too.That seems like a very like up and
(29:33):
up like thing. It should be. Yeah, I said twenty five grand
Oh my god. First I putfifteen. Then I said twenty five.
It's just like a tattoo that's lessnoticeable and it hurts a lot more hurts
hell, I said thousand. Yea, if someone if someone offered me like
like dead serious, if someone likesmessaged me and says like give you twenty
(29:53):
five grand to get an ass brand, I'll do it, you tour,
No, I would do it.I think you would be so you would
hate yourself for doing I don't thinkso. It's not that big a deal.
Tell my butt, no one's gonnasee it, all right, what's
your price? Then initiate a foodfight at a five star restaurant and they
(30:15):
know it's you who initiated it.Five okay, So I'm trying to think
of Okay, so is mister athat's like the okay, let me think
you know what, let's see mokay. Eric says, is that one
hundred and fifty thousand, seven hundredand fifty thousand, Brian, real quick,
(30:41):
before I show mine, I justyou know what happens. It wouldn't
be a food fight. You wouldjust pick up food, yell food fight
and throw it at someone and everyonewould stare at you. So it wouldn't
be a food fight anyways. Isaid eighty thousand, I said ten thousand,
ten thousand. That's really cheap.I know, I know, I
just all I can say it.I'm sorry. I'll just say yeah and
(31:02):
not or what about this? What'syour price? To loudly whistle for your
waiters attention at the super fancy fivestar rest, Like I wish I could
do that. That makes you seemricher because you're an asshole. Oh my
god, I would never do that, Like, get over your god,
(31:23):
I can't whistle. I wish Icould whistle, you know what? I
would do that? Okay, howmuch? I do it for fifteen hundred
and actually I do it for likethirty five hundred, but I give it
like a five hundred dollars tip orsomething good. Point Eric, I feel
like you're lying. I feel likeit's not that high. I feel like
(31:44):
if I feel like if someone cameat you with something lower than seventy five,
you would do it seventy four.He's lying, Okay, what's your
price? And I don't think we'vedone this one before, but this isn't
intense to me. Erase all thepictures you've ever taken, no, wait,
(32:10):
like off your phone, erased themfrom if I have eraseferents, destroy
erase, set on fire, they'regone. All the pictures you've ever taken
in your whole life are gone.Because I have all the pictures of me
and my mom and my dad andstuff. So I would never Oh,
oh you copied, Brian, Idid. That's not in the coach of
(32:31):
all. I said one billion,but I'd hate myself. I'd i'd be
a billionaire, but I still hatemyself. Ten million, ten million?
Really? Yeah, well you have, Well, we have a whole lot
more pictures than you do at thisage. What your price? Be A
(32:51):
foot shorter? So you're how tall? You are? Five eleven and a
half So you before eleven? Ohno? A foot? Oh no,
no, no, no? What'syour price? Oh my god? So,
oh my yeah, you'd be likethree fe years. No, I'm
(33:14):
five to nine, would be fournine? Okay, oh my god,
you are. I'm going five hundredthousand. And here's why it's okay for
a woman to be short. I'vealways wanted to be petite. You No,
I am not. I've always wantedto be like a little like just
(33:35):
a little little girl. And ifI was four eleven, they just called
me kickstamp. Yeah for me aslike I'm six feet. If I was
five feet, I need at leastfive Like that's for a life too,
I need at least five million.All right, what's your price? Clog
the toilet every time? You poopoutside of your home. Okay, well,
so how much money would Eric payto stay? Eric? No?
(33:59):
Eric one taller? Wait so youlike want that? So you you wouldn't?
You don't have a problem at like, for instance, being at Mysteries
clogging the toilet at Mysteries on myhouse? Oh my god, I already
did it at tj oh you ranfor the hills. Yeah, it doesn't
mean I have to stick around.But you didn't finish dinner yet. You
(34:21):
have to pay for dinner, allright, I'm saying well, I'm saying
they have more than one hole there. I'm saying a million, because this
is also one of those for lifethings. So I need a good chunk
of change to get me through life. I'm going five hundred thousand, even
though you know, okay, amateurs, this is really embarrassing. You know,
I clog the toilet all the time, and I don't know why.
I really don't know why. Ican tell you probably why. This is
(34:44):
why I don't want her to cometo my house. Your toilet can handle
anything, apparently. Well, okay, when I talked to you today,
I was pooping. Yes, hecalled me while he was pooping. Okay,
so at work. You know,at at companies, they have those
industrial sucks toilets. Right I cloggedone of those? Yeah, I it
(35:07):
did not. It sucks. Getthe rulers just so you can start getting
reference on I just but they're notthough, Like, they're not giant.
I'm not like, I'm not likepooping a loaf of bread. It literally
is like you're trying to jam uploaf of bread into a thimble. God
anyway, Okay, no, whatyou eat? I know what your answer
(35:29):
is going to be, but Iwant you to really just think about this.
Think about it. Okay, what'syour price to eat a giant spider
web? Oh not with a spiderin it. Just eat a spider web,
a giant one that you see.We're a pretty one, you know,
one of those little beautiful ones.Crumple it up and eat it and
(35:52):
there's no spider eggs or carcasses oranything in there. I don't know.
I don't know about that. Thisis easy, how much. See I'm
close. I did a thousand.It's when you crumple up a spider web,
it becomes infinitesimally small, exactly.It's it's like eating like a flake
of dust. It's pretty low forhim. I know that shocks me.
(36:15):
All right, what's your price toget shot in the chest with a taser
gun? Oh? Hell no,Now I don't know. It sure looks
like it hurts. So I willtell you this. Somebody that I know
was in the police academy and theyhave to get tasered. Yeah, and
(36:36):
you literally shit yourself. You canyeah, yeah, or pee. Yeah,
it's that much voltage going. Idon't think that's a normal occurrence usually,
it's just it's very painful. Alsoused to lose control of your Like
you're how long does it last?Like? How long? How long does
the tasing? I mean like itit's a little in the academy. Well,
it's however long they're holding down thetrigger on those? Yeah. So,
(36:59):
but like the anything to do fiveseconds? Now, have you seen
those? Have you seen those showswhere people are so high that the tasers
don't even affect them. Oh thathappened that. I put two I put
one million for two grands. It'soh, it'll be over soon. Okay,
you know what I'm going? Fivethousand. I didn't even write it
down. I want five thousand.What's your price? Eat a whole raw
(37:22):
onion. Oh in one sitting,I'm going okay. Yeah, I feel
like you guys are a little lowon Oh No, I love onions.
I can eat them like an apple. I love onions too, but hard
(37:43):
to eat raw, quantity, purple, or it doesn't matter white. I
love onion. It doesn't even matter. I love Oh. Yeah, it's
good you guys. We need togo to in and Out because I need
to get the onion. Can youget onions on your grilled cheese? Yeah?
Like they put that thing thick ofthick onions. Oh yes. Like
if I'm making food and I'm choppingonions and there's a couple left on the
(38:05):
cutting board, I just pop inmy mile like a tick tap agree.
Okay, Yeah. What's your priceto perform a strip tease full on down
to your birthday suit in front ofeveryone here? Wait, that's not a
(38:25):
tease? Then that's just a stripshow. Mm hmmm, well then just
strip in front of all of us, in front of okay, but you
dance, Yes, that's what theteas part is. You're doing. You're
performing a show, a strip tease, and then you take it all off.
So you want me to scar brandfor life? Yes, Well,
what's your price? Your boy?You're gonna scar your boy for life?
(38:50):
What is that gonna what is thatgonna cost? What's that worth to you?
Oh? My god? Can youimagine me doing it to you guys?
Oh, that would be amazing.Eric would like you we're talking about.
I have my answer, you knowwhat? Okay, what's your answer?
Ten dollars one hundred and fifty.That's only one hundred and fifty.
(39:15):
I feel like we know each otherso much. So you're saying right now,
I could buy you to do astrip show for one hundred and fifty
bucks. Yeah, that's how easyit would be if I give you one
hundred bucks fifty bucks right now,and you would do it in front of
you, yeah, full on naked. Yeah, for one hundred fifty bucks.
Oh, think about it. I'llgive you three hundred. Now we're
(39:36):
within the realm of possibility. Igot one hundred ffty bucks. I give
you a hundred ffty bucks right now, saying you would do that, and
I'd still have to do the dance. Yeah, you gotta do the dance
everything naked. I'm calling bull onthis. Hold on, if you think
she's gonna change her if you thinkyou'd do it, that's fine. Fifteen
(39:57):
hundred. I bet you do itfor less than Actually I think, wouldn't
you just really thinking about one hundredand fifty dollars until until yeah, until
producer Brian's actually had it in hisfunction said here it is okay, so
mine real quick is infinity to thepower of ten. I'm not getting naked
from you losing. Oh my god, wow, Brian calm, Oh what
(40:22):
the Laura? What are you pushingfor? Here? He has Well,
Eric, your price is probably notthat high, I said, ten dollars.
Yeah, ten dollars. I mean, like, I see, I
believe I could buy Eric right now. Now listen, Brian, there is
a price. There is a priceBrian would take, not for my pride.
I know you already worked the cornerson Saturdays and Sunday, so I
(40:44):
know one hundred fifty bucks. We'llget a lapf at my house unannounced,
and I'm naked, so I ain'tdoing that. What's your price to suck
fresh milk directly from the utter ofa cow? M I'm I'm going two
(41:05):
hundred bucks, I said. FIOkay, it's kind of weird, but
like it's not that weird, Sothere are fifty all right, all right,
finally, what's your price? Smuggledrugs from another country? Oh to
another country? Not here? Nothere? Necessarily from one country to another
(41:27):
one be successful. We don't know, you're just smart. No, actually
no, this is just agreeing tosmuggle drugs from one country to another via
airplane. Well wait, via airplane, via the air I wouldn't do it.
Then that sounds way risk. Wellwhat's your price, infinity sign?
(41:49):
I would just do it for doinglike a border crossing. That's different.
No, I wish countries because thatalso makes a difference. It doesn't just
think about the worst, think aboutlike like Columbia to that's my answer.
A wait, okay, wait Columbiaanywhere I do for like much less,
because that's not that difficult. I'mreally thinking about this because what if somebody
(42:14):
said to me, what if somebodyasked me to be a drug mule?
But would my price be? Thenwhat if you get caught? Then you
spend the whole rest of your lifein a pokey in a Colombian jail.
Yeah, I'm saying tw fifty thousand, but you're just like raped and you
have to shit in a hole inthe ground. Jesus. All right,
I'm saying two fifty k. ButI get to choose the country and the
(42:34):
way we smoke them. Well,no, that's not the way this game
works. No, I'm saying onemillion. Okay, all right, you
guys, I'm hungry. And alsowe need to talk about May twenty fourth,
which is my birthday, and it'salso Brian's to your anniversary. I
think to your Anniversary should come beforeyour birthday. It actually does come before
my birthday. Oh, we shouldstop announcing your birthday first. Well,
(42:58):
it just so happens on my birthdayson a Friday, which is like my
favorite day. Now I see,Now this is when I know the show
has come to an end. Thisis the quintessential sign that Eric is ready
to You don't get to make funof him because you just said you would
strip in front of me for onehundred fifty bucks. So okay, anyway,
(43:20):
we're hoping to have we are goingto have a party. We're hoping
to have it at Kwan. It'llbe fun. May twenty fourth for the
celebrations. And thank you so muchfor watching listening. Love your podcast.
I love your podcast. Oh,I love you. I think that works.
Love your podcast. There you go, Love you my sweet babies.
Bye, thank you,
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