May 9, 2024 • 43 mins
Laura gets a tattoo as part of her birthday month celebration. She shows all of us for the first time. Do you like it?
Erik has a massively embarrassing fall in a crowded store. We’re talkin’ knocked down shelves, splayed out limbs, hovering people.
Producer Bryan sees something he’s been obsessed with since childhood,
Laura educates us on what words and terms Re OUT and which ones are IN.
Love your podcast!
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/laura-cain-after-dark--4162487/support.
Erik has a massively embarrassing fall in a crowded store. We’re talkin’ knocked down shelves, splayed out limbs, hovering people.
Producer Bryan sees something he’s been obsessed with since childhood,
Laura educates us on what words and terms Re OUT and which ones are IN.
Love your podcast!
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/laura-cain-after-dark--4162487/support.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:10):
Hello, and welcome to Laura Kaneafter Dark. Thank you so much for
tuning in on YouTube or anywhere elsethat you listen. We appreciate it.
I'm Laura Kane. Oh my god, you look so fetching today. Thank
you. You're welcome. This ismy co host, Eric Grimmer, my
bff, my bff. We're numbertwo, number two. I'm your number
(00:33):
two and now you're my number two. Do you how does it feel what
to be number two? Does itfeel great? I'm good? Are you
okay with it? Sure, I'velearned, I've accepted it, but it
didn't feel good at first. Well, it's really not going to feel good
when you find out that you're numberthree. Oh god, Karen, I'm
gonna I'm to get her. I'mgoing to cut her, you know.
(00:54):
And after I had lunch with atClaya. Oh Claire, don't you steal
clear from me? Already already taken. He's a friendstealer, he is he
already he charms the pants off peopleand then they become his friends and not
my friends. Anyway. Hello,welcome to the show. And guess what,
(01:15):
Brian, Oh my god, Iwas just about to mention, you
know. Eric gave me such goodnews. I'm actually in a bad mood
now, so that's wait, hegave you such good news that you're in
a bad mood now, No,that makes no sense. You know exactly
what I mean. I know whatyou mean. We'll get to this in
a minute. This is a goodsegue. Yes, he's whatever. But
(01:38):
I was gonna say, Brian producer, Brian will be with the show or
like in a matter of days,with us for two years. You've been
with us for two years, puttingup about antics for time. I have
milk to this show. I havetwo years and he hasn't told you yet.
Well, no, he's what doeshe He's received some pretty damn cool
days. I have milked this show. He's gotten some courts out of gold
(02:04):
mine. Yeah. Anyway, weare celebrating Brian's to your anniversary, and
it just so happens to be onmy actual birthday birthday, May twenty fourth,
v a house resort and casino atthe George Michael We'reborn Concert. Wait,
thank you, Happy birthday. It'sgonna be an absolute blast. Now
if you want to go, wehave twenty five pair of free tickets for
(02:28):
you. And this is what youneed to do. It's super easy.
We're not going to make you jumpthrough too many hoops. You just have
to follow us on Instagram, followus on TikTok Laura Kan after Dark Everywhere,
Subscribe to us on YouTube Laura Kanafter Dark. That's free. Tag
a comment on one of our postsand tag a friend and then give us
(02:49):
lap chances. And if you goto our website there will be buttons with
links to all those places. Yes, so, oh, thank you,
Brian. Yes so, Brian makingit super easy for you. So the
first twenty five people will get thosetickets, and if you don't get tickets,
come out anyway. We're gonna celebrate. We're gonna have things to give
away. Doors open at six forus US meeting us, our podcast family,
(03:10):
meaning you guys too, and thenthe actual doors for the common people
open at seven for the commoners,and then the show begins at eight,
which is great. It's gonna bejust a blaster to celebrate all around.
Okay, real quick, can Ijust tell the story about what happened before
we started quiet? So Eric hasbeen teasing that he has both a gift
(03:34):
for me and Laura big time.Yeah, Laura's is apparently going to make
her scream. God, I hopeit's not your mind. He says,
you may wait your pasts. Hesays he's never he's never spent this much
money on me before. Ever.We got you a stripper. What I
know, I can't imagine what there'sreally I can't imagine what it is.
(03:57):
I don't know what. That's whymy problem because Eric supposedly he has a
gift so good. People will literallysteal it if it's taken out in public
and it's a gift from Keanu Reedagain, so I'm lost track, but
he describes He's like, he's like, you will wet and ship in your
pants. It's so good. Justwait to see it. People will steal
(04:18):
it. He's like, we can'tdo it at the party, otherwise people
might steal it. He says thatabout my gift too. So we'll do
it. When are we going todo the next week? We're doing it
next week. We're going to doit next week. We have to do
it next week. We'll do itnext week. Anticipations too much, Now,
Okay, we'll do it next Thursday. Because we have Michael Brown on
on Michael Brown's coming on what ifwhat if we don't reveal it until the
(04:40):
party? No, never mind,I don't know how we make that work.
That'd be kind of funny, though. No, I want I want
it to happen next week. Ican't wait now, I can't wait,
and you can't wait. No,I want us to do it next week.
I want us not tell anybody untilthe party. I know, but
I don't know. I don't think. So what I can do is let's
talk this out. I will betweenshows give you your gifts, so not
(05:06):
on the actual air, on thevideo podcast YouTube okay, and then we
can talk about it on Thursday showand I will take a picture of you
guys holding what I got you,and then we'll reveal it at ye hus
Okay. One last question. Canboth of the items, the item for
(05:28):
me and Forlora both fit in yourbag? No? Which item that was
either? One? Oh God?Will you be walking through the door with
by yourself with something under your arts? Like? Is it is it heavy?
(05:56):
I hate him? I hate himso much. It could be it
could be heavy. I don't know. This is it's making me angry talk
about it like it's like I'm soexcited. I'm angry. Mister predicto.
Are we gonna love the presence thatEric brings us? It's gonna be a
one time it says, no,doubtful. So he's building it up.
(06:25):
I'm not excited. I'm not excitedanymore. Oh no, this don't know
the way he's talking about. Okay, let me let me okay, Okay.
What you're probably not gonna like itis that sarcastic. You're just saying
that just to now not be allyeah, open them and be like I've
(06:45):
seen better. No. I signedby Keanu Reeves. I've got a couple
of these. This is an impressiveYeah. I know right, You're like,
oh great, now I have toget another frame. Yeah. My
favorite thing is that is that meand Laura are the usually the ones that
odds that stuff, and this isthe one thing where we are absolutely the
same, are totally on the sameside with this one. Yeah, it's
big time. Okay, I havesomething to reveal to you real quick what
(07:10):
you should and talk about some Iwas gonna say that I was. I
have something big. I know,I know, I know. Oh okay,
before we play, Okay, Ihave something for you to read.
Jay Wartzler sent this to me.Oh no, and Jay wants me to
read it. I want you toread it. Okay, he sent it
to me. He didn't say hewants you to read it, but I
thought I'm going to have Eric readit. Oh great. He loves jokes
(07:35):
like you like jokes. Okay.And so before we play Jay Wartzler's Capital
Growth, Inc. Commercial and theLa Joya Cosmetic Surgery Center Commercial, I
would like you to read the firstparagraph. Okay, just just right here.
Yeah. One sock cutter he cutssocks. Two sock cutters, they
(07:59):
cut socks. Four soft cutters theycut socks. Say it faster. One
sock cutter he cut socks. Tosuck cutter. Two sock cutters they cut
socks. Four sock cutters they cutsocks. Okay, okay, now,
okay, then do this one onesmart fellow he felt smart. Two smart
fellows they felt smart, Three smartfellows they all felt smart. Okay,
(08:22):
this doesn't work. Can you dothat? One smart fella he felt smart
fellas they felt smart, Three smartfellas, they all felt smart. One
smart pilla do smelt fort What aboutone sock cutter he cut socks, two
cocksutters, one cocksucker he suck cocks. Any read that? Why have to
(08:43):
be so good at this? He'syeah, he's never been tripped up by
those. He never has a coupleof times. Anyway, I have something
major to reveal to you after LaoyaCosmetic Surgery Center j Wurstler's caval growth ink.
Laoya Cosmetic Surgery Center, can youplease surgically No, this hasn't really
remove. This very important to me. Oh and it's a big reveal and
(09:07):
you're gonna see a part of methat, Brian, you might want to
close. Oh no, it's notanything to do with your vagina as Oh
go. La Joya Cosmetic Surgery Centeris the place to go if you're looking
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(09:31):
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(09:52):
How lucky are we? Make sureyou tell them that Laura Kane after
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(10:16):
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So if you're at or near retirementand you want to know if you have
sufficient assets and income sources for acomfortable retirement, or if you are simply
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(10:37):
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(10:58):
Okay, Okay, So this birthdayof mine, it's not like anything
special. It's not like a it'snot a huge number. It's not a
small but it's not sixty sixty fiveis still a big number. It's nothing
special. But I've decided that I'mjust gonna celebrate my life and I'm just
(11:20):
gonna do fun things and they don'thave to be expensive. And so I
okay, I've been wanting to dothis thing. I think I've been thinking
about it for quite a while.And then I saw a post from a
woman and I got in touch withher. We started talking. She has
(11:41):
such an incredible story that she's comingon the podcast the twenty third of May,
the Monday, the twenty third.She's gonna tell she's from Russia.
She has like this really intense,cool, great story. But anyway,
that's what I'm about to show you. What I'm about to tell you,
(12:05):
I feel is a no win situationbecause no matter what, when you do
this thing, people are not gonnaeither like it or understand it. So
I just have to be prepared forthat, and that's fine. It's for
me. My father when he beforehe passed, he always said he loved
(12:26):
bald eagles. One time we sawa bald eagle on a telephone pole outside
of our home. It was themost beautiful thing, and he took pictures
and videos of that thing. Heloved bald eagles. He goes, when
I die, I'm going to besoaring the Rocky mountains. I'm going to
be a bald eagle. So Ialways thought. My dad died when he
was sixty suddenly, and he wasmy best friend and I could tell him
(12:48):
everything and anything. I loved mydad. He was the best dad ever
anyway, So I always thought,Okay, I'm going to get maybe someday
it's how two of an eagle,a bald eagle soaring in the sky.
Please tell me you have like themost patriotic American. So I'm about to
(13:13):
show it to you. A girlnamed Anastasia from Nothing Sacred Tattoo On University
did this for me. And thenwhen when she was doing it, when
we were talking, I'm like,you have to come on the podcast and
she's going to offer like a reallygood deal like she has we have.
It's a win win, So youguys are going to really enjoy her.
(13:35):
She's a really thick accident. Shewas kind of nervous coming on. I'm
like, don't worry. I'll helpyou through it because she has a really
cool story to tell. All right, are you ready? No? Okay,
see here's here, Here we go, Here we go. He's gonna
say, I know, I knowwhat he wants. If he brings killing
her killer gifts. He probably hatedit, and that's fine. I don't
(13:58):
care. You know what I amaccepting now, I'm showing everybody with the
high probability that people are going tonot like it. I think you're hyping
up the bad part of it toomuch. I'm just I guess I'm just
trying to prepare myself. Okay,I have questions. Okay, but this
may where is this could this couldpotentially scar Brian a little bit? Oh
(14:22):
god, so just he is.I'm going to try to be as uh
as uh hm gentle with this ispossible, Okay, if it's gonna scar
Brian? Does this mean it lookslike an eagle flying into a cave?
Let me my underwear up? Herewe go? Oh got taking her pants
off? I'm not taking my pantsoff. Ready, Okay, here we
(14:43):
go. Let me make sure thatsomething is covered. Wow, I am
scarred. Well, it's just likebad. It's it's an eagle with the
sun in the background. He's flyingup onto the sky and to my daddy
right there, and it's you knowwhat. I love it And if you
could see it, amra close thereit is. I don't think we can
(15:07):
do an I don't think we shouldknow what. You know what in a
great spot because when you're in youreighties and you're on your back, it'll
be completely covered. No, no, I'll be getting my third boob job
by then I'll be eighty. Therewon't be enough jobs we'll be able to
(15:28):
fix it. Oh my god.But anyway, she did an incredible job,
just such a light hand. Atfirst, I was like, okay,
she goes this is the one ofthe most sensitive areas of all.
I was like, oh no,And then it started and I was like
and then it was fine. Youreally do have a light hand. So
anyway, well, thank god itwasn't on your vagina. What now?
(15:50):
You really honestly thought you really reallywhen I said I got a tattoo,
you honestly had thought that I wouldget it on my vagina, you know,
like eagle's nest. I could see, Oh my god, I could
see you doing something crazy like maybehere. But yeah, okay, you
know, like actually physically tattoos.You're she has been asked. Well,
(16:10):
we'll ask her this on the podcast, the different things that people have asked
her to tattoo. And you knowhow many dicks she's been asked to which
she will not? Yeah, Ibet, I mean, whoa, that's
like torture. Can you imagine?I cannot. I would never ask do
I know? So anyway, there'sthat, and I love it and it
was one of my you do Ihate it? No, it's good.
(16:36):
That's good, thank you, thankyou, thank you. So I'm really
happy. It was really fun.And we'll talk to her on this.
Unfortunately no other man will ever seeit. But I know we'll never get
that fun, I know. Andwhat do we have to say? Now?
Remember what I told you? You'renot getting any more tattoos. No,
I don't need anymore. I don'twant anymore. Okay, wait,
(16:59):
let me ask you something unless yes, let's see. Okay, let's let's
see. Let me think about something. If by some horrific chance Eric were
no longer with us and I wantedto memorialize Eric on my body. What
would I get? I'm not goingto get a chucky doll, don't tune
(17:22):
actually my lower bag. No,a little chucky doll will be awesome.
She memorializes her dad with a beautifulcreature like an eagle, and I,
I think the f b FF numbertwo. Get a chucky doll. I
think that's great. A murderous toddlergreat, I think perfect. God,
(17:48):
I get that one in color.There we go, so people would know
it's me. I think that's Ithink that's cool idea. I don't think
wow, Yeah, I don't thinkyou as as before I die. I'm
saying that I don't think I shoulddo it. Don't do anything to memorialize
myself on your body. Please,you should get a Wien your like like
(18:10):
a Wiener tattoo that looks like alike a crappy, like a drawing like
the once he draws every single hostyou. This is how you can memorialize
me. Do you want of mydrawings to do it on your cheek?
Oh my god, that'd be amazing. Drop you imagine like a small dick,
like right right by your mouth,right here. Oh that'd be great.
(18:36):
Wait, we got to talk aboutwhat happened to you. Oh Jesus,
this is another phone call I received. I get many phones. I
get a lot of freaking phone callsfrom this one. He loves to talk
on the phone. I do,and he knows that I don't like it,
and he does this on purpose.But this was this He needed to
tell me whenever I make a completefool out of myself in public, you
(19:00):
get the first phone that. Iappreciate that because I need to hear about
that. So I went to lunchon Friday with our friend Claya and her
sister clayat Dollhouse doll Face Club,doll Face Club, and she have the
cutest doll face outfit on and apurse. It was she. I love
her and her sister. I knowthey're the best. And oh, we
(19:23):
had so much fun. So afterlunch, I thought, I need to
run over to Marshall's because we wentto Questo and just get some hand soap.
So I go over there, getthe hand soap and then I use
a toothpaste called Luminis and online it'sexpensive, but they have it there at
Marshalls. Yeah, for like Idon't know, five ninety nine or something,
(19:45):
okay, and it's like an allnath or natural teeth whitener and it
works great. So I thought,oh, maybe they'll have it. Sometimes
they do, sometimes they don't.So I'm walking through like that Health and
Beauty and the one mission Value,know how they have the like the shelving
(20:06):
that go with all the product onit that go, you know, and
then they have the end caps.So I'm wearing one of her sweatshirts,
black pants, and my big hugeCarl Lagerfeld combat boots okay, oh boy,
because they play a part in this. So I turned the corner and
(20:30):
there's a cart in the aisle witha bunch of stuff in it. There's
a woman looking at one of thechaosks, and there's an employee putting stuff,
taking stuff out of boxes and puttingthem on the shelves. And there's
a narrow path between the cart andthe shelves where the products are, and
(20:52):
I mean I can maneuver through justfine, right right right. Well,
I didn't think that my boots wereso big, so as I tried to
go around the rubber heel caught onthe on the shelf, on the bottom
(21:15):
part of it, and I startto go over, oh like I and
I'm trying to regain my composure andmy steps and I just like it looked
like a newborn fawn, like Iwas tripping over myself. Is your life
flashing before your eyes? And mythought bubble was just drop what you're holding
(21:37):
and put your arms out. Yeah, you're knock your teeth out right.
So I did. And when Idid it, I hit the end cap.
When I fell face down, myphone went flying. The product went
flying. I hit the end capand it fell over what all ell the
(22:00):
entire thing was on it, likeeyelashes and lip bombs and whatever else.
They were all over the floor onthe front and the back. Oh,
like a whole shelf, an entirelike five foot tall kiosk with product on
the little hangars. Did it makea big sound? It sounded like a
(22:22):
bomb went off, And so Iscreamed because it was so loud. So
all of a sudden, I hearpeople going, oh my god, are
you okay? And I'm so embarrassedand horrified, like and I'm I'm starting
to get up, and you know, a lady's handing me my phone and
the product and a pair of toenailclippers, and I'm like, well,
(22:44):
i don't know where these came from, but I'm trying to hang them on
a kiosk. And the employees like, sir, are you okay? Oh
my gosh, and I'm like,yeah, I'm fine. I wish we
could have the store video camera,Oh my god, video survey. And
so I stand up and because I'mall in black, I'm filthy dirty.
(23:04):
Oh yeah, the floors in thereare no Oh my god, I'm I'm
just gray at this point. SoI'm like, no, I'm fine,
and I turn and looked at I'vegot my phone, I've got the product.
I turn and look and there musthave been about twenty people like running
over the look because you could haveheard that thing oh through the whole store.
Oh like, it was so loud. So I just paid for my
(23:26):
product and left. I would havejust left the product champed out. It
was almost well that's crazy, themusic, Yeah, it was. It
was. I mean, I wasjust like, oh, well, the
line's not long. You needed thatLuminix toothpaste. Oh, it wasn't even
there. It wasn't even there someother thing, and if it was,
(23:47):
it was probably three asles over.After that whole Kiosk fell over, I
was like, I'm not no,oh, Brian, what's up with you?
Okay. Over the weekend I wentto hold On, I know,
so I completely forgot about this.So, you know, she's like,
are you okay? Are you okay? And I'm like, yeah, yeah,
I'm fine. So I stopped byTrader Joe's, go you know,
(24:14):
go home, get out of mycar. Animal. I get in the
house and I'm like, oh,I don't even want to look. I
pull my pants down and look inthe mirror and I have road rash from
my right hip. So is thatwhat that was a picture you sent me?
(24:37):
Yes, going all the way downto my right knee. It's like
big gashes and all this red.Like thank god, grab it didn't break
his hip, thank god. Andthen I've got like a big old thing
there. I'm like, oh mygod, thank god, Clay. She
would have been like, who yeah, I or not know this version?
(25:00):
Yeah after dark? What anyway?Okay. So over the weekend I went
to the radio shell oh yeah,down because they were doing a performance of
Rare's The Lost Arc with a liveorchards. Oh yeah, that was really
cool. I saw that two yearsago and it was amazing what they showed
(25:22):
the movie with a live So theyhave the movie playing on like three big
screens and then they have the orchestraplaying the music accompaniment throughout the entire movie
and they take an intermission. Itis pretty, it's pretty cool. It's
really cool. Like it's kind ofhard to like. There are definitely parts
of it that don't sound as goodbecause they don't have any like live mixing
they do in post production. Butthere's something to be said about it,
(25:44):
like it is, it's pretty,it's pretty cool. It is it's really
cool. It's really neat. AndI ended up buying I thought I just
got this, you know, goodseats. I end up buying actually a
private table accident. Oh did youwe got well, there was like two
other people there, but we gota table where we could have ordered food,
but we did because it was veryexpensive. What kind of levels are
I mean, what kind of levelof seats can you get? I've never
(26:04):
been to the Rady Shell. Youhave to do that's nice. So they
have the lawn which can bring chairsfor I don't remember how much liss you
can bring chairs, like you haveto bring chair they are like seventy five.
I doubt they're that much because myticket was only like our tickets are
like one hundred and fifteen per seeds, so I don't think there's I bet
they're like fifty to sixty. Sowe have a lawn seat. It's lawn
(26:25):
where you can bring your own chair, and so they have that ticket.
And then there are rows they're likethe rows like typical seating. I don't
know much those are, and thoseare pretty those are fairly close, they're
all right. And then we arein the like the first row of private
tables, and those are pretty niceand they're pretty spacious and like you know,
you could you can order food andstuff, and it's pretty close to
(26:47):
the actual shell too. And thenthey have like the expensive ones or like
the like what they call the orchestrapit seating even though it's not by the
orchestra, but that's like right upto the front, and that is private
tables too, So I don't knowhow much those I think those were like
two hundred pieces because I think ourswere like one fifteen to one fifty a
piece. Does the Rady Shell goall year Do they have a season?
Uh? Oh? Actually it waspretty cold down there though. Yeah,
(27:10):
and it gets cold because it wasred on the water. Yet it was
only sixty three, but the windshillwas pretty rough. So I don't think
it's open all year round. Ithink it's just a certain season that they're
open open. Yeah, it's reallycool. I'm sure they're not open to
December, but yeah, it was. It was really cool though. You
know, obviously a huge Indiana Jonesfan, so that was fun. If
(27:30):
I you know, if I couldchoose next what signs, it would definitely
be a Harrison Ford It may bea Temple of Doom poster signed. So
how old is Harrison Ford right now? Seventy? No, he's older than
that, he's eighty. You aboutgetwork, get on that. I already
have myself a note. Did youreally note about it? See? Well,
(27:53):
so I have all the Indiana Jonesposters obviously. My favorite one though
is actually the he's eighty one.Wow, he looks great? He does.
Yeah, you didn't really prefer thatlast movie that, I mean,
the Last Destiny. I did notcare for it. No, I do
not want its poster. The posteris all right, but I don't want
(28:14):
it because I don't like the movie. Oh okay, no, but you
might just have to take what youget. That's fair, that's totally fair.
I'll take it. I don't wantit. If it's not. If
it's that poster, you can sendit back to my I saw a very
good movie the other night. Ohyeah, Civil War. Okay, I
(28:37):
haven't seen it. I heard aboutit on Netflix or no, I rented
it. It was good, okay, I think it was on Amazon Brain.
There's something coming up called Black Rabbitwith Jason Bateman and somebody else cool,
and it's on Netflix and I don'tknow when it comes out. I
just saw a commercial for it,and I'm like, this be good.
(29:00):
I didn't see like the actual teaser, but I just saw like a picture.
I'm like, whatever Jason Bateman isin watching, I am watching.
But I watched the Table Vision series. Yeah, oh it is what It's
on a channel? No, it'sa Netflix okay. Jason Babman and Jude
(29:22):
Law the star in new limited seriesBlack Rabbit. Jude Law. Jude Law
like him. I like him.And it doesn't give you really much of
anything else, does it? Ijust know. Oh, Jason baby Nelson
directs it too. Oh, thisis gonna be good. I saw Baby
Reindeer again, the whole entire thingwith Evan and her friend. We binged
it again and I got the factthat that is a true story. Is
(29:48):
mine boggling. And now she's comingout the wantings. No what she saying.
She's saying that she was misrepresented.Oh yeah, well they say,
you know, to cover his tracks. They say semi autobiographical. Right,
three things okay, and it's allregarding my songstresses. Oh boy, Madonna,
(30:14):
Yes, new record. She didtwo nights ago. Her final Celebration
tour concert was in Rio de Janeiroone. It was free. Almost two
million people attended it. Now thatmust have made her feel so good.
(30:34):
It looked I watched it on YouTube. That is two million people must be
insane. But here's a thing whatI would have never And I've been to
every Madonna concert that she's ever done. I'm a huge Madonna fan. The
price of those tic sis time we'reso outrageous. You watch that thing on
YouTube, it's like you have afront row seat. It's all filmed,
(30:56):
it's professionally done. It's not onsomebody's eye, and it was incredible.
All right, how much is thecheapest ticket? When is it coming?
When she comes down? Oh,she's done. Oh this was the last
I was going to go to LAto see her. Yeah, and the
nosebleed seats were like five hundred bucksapiece. That's same with like insane.
Yeah. So I was like,no, sorry, I mean justify that,
(31:18):
and I mean I'm never that faraway to see her. And I
was like, no way, Iwould never pay that much and said that
full. Let's once you get throughwith like the fees too, it's like
six hundred and fifty. Yeah,because I went, me and my my
girlfriend got tickets to kg el Fantwhen they come to San Diego in July,
and I think our tickets were likeone hundred and ten each and end
up costing like three hundred and fiftybucks. I'm like, dude, that's
(31:40):
crazy, Yeah, it's nuts.I look to see if there were any
justin Timberlake tickets left. He's he'shere May fourteenth, and it sold out,
but there were like spotty ones.There was one the very top,
tippy tippy top last nose, butthree hundred and eighty five. That was
ridiculous. What I mean it wasone of the best shows I've ever seen.
(32:06):
His first the first time I sawhim, I was like blown away.
I loved it. In two thousandand six, I loved it.
Then I saw it again in twentysixteen. Still great. I can't stand
his face. Well, isn't thata mean thing to say? Okay,
how dare you say about my justin? I won't. I won't go into
just Timberlake. I hated his lastalbum. It was awful. What was
(32:29):
his last movie? I actually don'tknow. It was last I'm thinking of
in time? Was his last one? Was? No? The last one
that he did was really good?No, it was really good. Which
one? Well, there was onecalled Parker that was really good. I
think it was called Parker. Andthen he just did one with what's her
name? I'll look it up.Okay, But three of my songstresses have
(32:53):
new music out. Oh god,I wit she's a songstress? Now,
Yes, I did you hear it? Yes? I bought both of them.
Okay, what's thee A song calledI Love It's we saw Sea together?
We didn't. It was the worstconcert I've ever seen. Wait,
what I think is her only goodsong. Oh no, I love her.
(33:17):
But remember she never came on stage. She just stood in the back.
That was like fantastic. She satin the she stood it. She
stood in the corner and sang whileshe had all of her dancers, and
like it was so weird. Wait, don't play I can't play it well.
And my Kate Hudson, Oh Kate, she has a good voice.
(33:38):
But now she's a pop star.What's a song called it's don't play?
Don't play it. I'm gonna findout. Okay, I gonna find out.
And it's good, it's great.Which of the three is your favorite?
Probably do a lipa? Okay,yea lipa is really hot? All
right, I'm going to finally endwith this. Now, apparently where jen
(34:00):
X your gen z uh Yeah?I think I missed a call for Millennial
by like six issues. Okay,here are things that we're not supposed to
say anymore, that you guys nowsay, and so we have to now
these are outdated terms, and theseare the new terms. You can't say
them. No, we are supposedto now say these because you guys say
(34:20):
these. Okay, here instead ofyolo, you only live once, Yolo
is that what that means? Wedon't say that anymore. You never knew
that, No, you only liveone. I just recently found out what
goat meant. I did not knowwhat greatest of all time? Yeah,
no, one really uses it asthe all times Since you see on that
(34:42):
like the roast of Tom Brady,no, I need to see that.
You better be ready for your earsto fall off. Why, well,
all the roasts are amazing filthy itis. Didn't get mad at someone I
would wouldn't be surprised so mean,I wouldn't. Who would he be the
maddest at? Oh my, Icouldn't even tell. You couldn't who was
(35:06):
the meanest everybody? Yeah, theroast I will say, like the roast
of Rob Lowe, and I thinkthey did Eli Manning or some of the
funniest things I've ever seen. Theone are so funny. But they were
mean. I mean, they aremean like I would. Did you guys
remember Comedy Central and that was thatwas where edited those were good. I
remember that they had a man cultureon one. I don't know why.
(35:29):
That was the roast of Pamela Andersonor something, but they had culture and
they were so like I mean andculture is a little controversial. They were
so mean to her. I waslike, it was hilarious. So is
this something that you would say watchit? Yes, okay, I mean
I didn't even really know what sportshe played. Roasts are funny, for
(35:50):
real. Here was one of thethings. So I think it was Elizas
Schlicinger. Do you know who sheis? Her name? She's hilarious.
And she said, what's his name? Tom Brady? Oh, Tom Brady?
She said, you have h fiverings or six rings? And she
goes seven, including the one thatwas given back to you by your ex
(36:12):
wife. That's not that's great.That was probably one of the only things
I could say that that I couldrepeat. They had one because the last
one they had, the last ComedyCentral one they had. They had Pete
Davison up there, and dude,he was a monster. He was so
he was he was roasting, hewas help roasting. He wasn't the roasted
one. Well, even the roastedone makes roast for everyone else. So,
(36:37):
I mean, they're all in goodfun, but sometimes they are like
I would be like, I don'tknow how that could be in good fun.
It's so mean. Oh my god, it was okay, I gotta
watch that. I gotta watch that. I mean, okay, so don't
no more, yolo. You onlylive once. Now it's d I f
t P. Do it for theplot? No, do it for the
(36:59):
what plot? Like, you're themain character of your life, so sometimes
don't avoid things. Do it forthe plot? Right, But you don't
say dift tip f TP you know, how do you? How do you
say dift tip? No? Youdon't. You just say do it for
the plot? You I've never willnever it's never never else. That's not
that common though, that that's kindof I will never be able to even
remember that. Now. I respondwith this a lot. You're not supposed
(37:22):
to say, hey, Laura,meet me at the park at eight o'clock
KK, like I instead of okay, I put KK? What is K?
It's like, okay, you'll stilluse that. Why don't you just
say okay, just like it's cute? Kk KK is fucking stupid. People
still use KK. It's fine anyway, You're not supposed to use that.
Anything that's ridiculous sucks. People stillsay K. It's instead you're supposed to
(37:45):
say bet, no, that's old. Now what it is? It's like
like you bet, like you bet? Kind of is everybody that lazy that
they can't put you in front?I would not know what somebody was talking
for you. You're like you respondingwhat word? You guys? You guys
are the worst. No, betis not like a okay, you bet
like it's kind of more like youbet. You are like respond I say
(38:07):
okay, not KK, that's fine. KK is stupid, but it's still
acceptable. That is kind of old. Now, oh my god, this
is annoying. I'm sure I've respondedto you with a case instead of rolling
on the floor laughing for a while. Instead, just send a skull emoji
(38:28):
like it's so funny. You justdie, or you can say I'm dead.
Yeah, and you do you spellit d E ED? No,
I say a D. I meanI don't okay, I don't use all.
I don't even know you find theskull emoji? I know because you're
forty five, like you're in atwenty four year speak the language. But
ed is stupid. You just sayokay, don't shorten great the word great
by saying g R and then theand then the number. Say that slaps?
(38:54):
Why is there everything getting longer?Like I would just say great,
no, just say it slaps,say it slaps. I'm not and say,
oh my god. The only thingI want to slap is you for
reading this. You're gonna angry.God, this is stupid. If you
have like if if you have anamazing talk, I might say this ship
(39:14):
slaps, this is fire, likethat's that is that is your fire's out?
No, it's not heard. Thisis fire according to this list.
Now lit is back in. Uhwhat fires not out? Let's not I
thought list somebody was getting high.No lit, that is so lit like
(39:35):
that is so cool. ITT's old. I wouldn't say, no, Lit's
coming back. It's not my god, it not. I am part of
this generation. Your a little pieceof paper means nothing to be compiled by
people your age. Oh okay.Instead of saying like you just dissed me
right now, clap back. Yeah, I guess a little bit. It's
kind of old. Don't diss me, you don't clap back. You just
(39:55):
that was a bad clap back.I don't even know how to use it.
I would say, like, let'ssaying like I'm talking about celebrity beef.
You say, oh, Madonna talkedcrap about you know, uh Taylor
Swift, but she clapped back andwas, Okay, I see, don't
think call things gross gross gross?Fine, no, you call them ick.
No, it is no, itis for behavior because if someone does
(40:19):
something that you don't like, thatkind of like you ever seen someone do
something, especially like some of thethe sex you're attracted to, and you're
like, ooh, I don't likethat and you lose all like attraction for
them. That's ick. That's theick. That's the ick. Okay,
like, oh, that person gaveme the ick when they did, you
know, X, Y or Z. Never say give me the four one
one. No one under forty knowswhat that number even is what it was
(40:40):
for. Blah blah blah blah.I don't even hear people over forty say
that. I know. Instead yousay what's the tea or spill the tea?
That's that's for gossip though, yeah, that is for cossip. But
that was also give me the fourone one because that was for information.
You dial that for actual information backin the day and when we were young,
when we were so so long ago. It's so many moves. And
(41:04):
finally, do not call people crazypeople cray, Yeah, I agree's gray
Cray. They are now de Lulu. No, yes, no, my
god, no for delusional. Yeah, both those things are out. We
don't say I will never say that. US kids don't say de Lulu.
That's stupid. That is just intwenty twenty four. No, you're Delulu.
(41:24):
No, you're not termed. DeLulu makes me want to I think
psycho is still probably more. Ido not want those No, I want
you to rip it up. Youcan rip it up. Oh thank god,
yeah, I rip it up.I would just say they're crazy,
they're insane, their psycho. No, I like that one. You don't.
(41:44):
I shouldn't stop. I need togo home and take a silk wood
shower. Oh that was just asimple, so annoying, Liz. Now
you know how I feel that I'mtrying to figure out this can someone like
three months, if someone came upto me and use one of those terms,
I would probably resort to my oldself and punch them in the face.
Oh, Bessie, now see thenthey clap back, Yeah, oh
(42:05):
good one. And I and youwould say this ship don't slap and I'd
be like, that's so lit.Oh god, oh he's about to fund
Oh God, he's gonnaunch me forreal right now, I'm gonna return her
present. If you want tickets toour big party celebration on May twenty fourth,
Friday via Huse Casino Resorting Casino,a concert George Michael Reborn and a
(42:28):
party, go to Lourcane after Darkdot com get all the details how you
can win your tickets and we havefun things do too, And please don't
touch my book. You're like touchingbear. They're actually bear boobs covered by
like a sticker. Oh, theseare bare boobs you're touching right now,
not even my bra. You're likegroping. Sorry, guess who's straight?
Now? Hey, baby, wantto get it? Actually felt good?
(42:51):
That hasn't happened in a while.Thing, okay, Jesus. Laura's like,
wow, I love getting fueled bygay man. I just realized it's
great. I love it. Ilove it all right? Please all right?
Love your podcast? Just say it, Eric, just you, Oh
my god, Brian, top ofyour podcast? What do you want me
(43:12):
to hear the man? I loveyou, my sweet babies. I'm sorry,
Mama does this for a living well? No, you're not you're not.
No, you're lit
Hello, and welcome to Laura Kaneafter Dark. Thank you so much for
tuning in on YouTube or anywhere elsethat you listen. We appreciate it.
I'm Laura Kane. Oh my god, you look so fetching today. Thank
you. You're welcome. This ismy co host, Eric Grimmer, my
bff, my bff. We're numbertwo, number two. I'm your number
(00:33):
two and now you're my number two. Do you how does it feel what
to be number two? Does itfeel great? I'm good? Are you
okay with it? Sure, I'velearned, I've accepted it, but it
didn't feel good at first. Well, it's really not going to feel good
when you find out that you're numberthree. Oh god, Karen, I'm
gonna I'm to get her. I'mgoing to cut her, you know.
(00:54):
And after I had lunch with atClaya. Oh Claire, don't you steal
clear from me? Already already taken. He's a friendstealer, he is he
already he charms the pants off peopleand then they become his friends and not
my friends. Anyway. Hello,welcome to the show. And guess what,
(01:15):
Brian, Oh my god, Iwas just about to mention, you
know. Eric gave me such goodnews. I'm actually in a bad mood
now, so that's wait, hegave you such good news that you're in
a bad mood now, No,that makes no sense. You know exactly
what I mean. I know whatyou mean. We'll get to this in
a minute. This is a goodsegue. Yes, he's whatever. But
(01:38):
I was gonna say, Brian producer, Brian will be with the show or
like in a matter of days,with us for two years. You've been
with us for two years, puttingup about antics for time. I have
milk to this show. I havetwo years and he hasn't told you yet.
Well, no, he's what doeshe He's received some pretty damn cool
days. I have milked this show. He's gotten some courts out of gold
(02:04):
mine. Yeah. Anyway, weare celebrating Brian's to your anniversary, and
it just so happens to be onmy actual birthday birthday, May twenty fourth,
v a house resort and casino atthe George Michael We'reborn Concert. Wait,
thank you, Happy birthday. It'sgonna be an absolute blast. Now
if you want to go, wehave twenty five pair of free tickets for
(02:28):
you. And this is what youneed to do. It's super easy.
We're not going to make you jumpthrough too many hoops. You just have
to follow us on Instagram, followus on TikTok Laura Kan after Dark Everywhere,
Subscribe to us on YouTube Laura Kanafter Dark. That's free. Tag
a comment on one of our postsand tag a friend and then give us
(02:49):
lap chances. And if you goto our website there will be buttons with
links to all those places. Yes, so, oh, thank you,
Brian. Yes so, Brian makingit super easy for you. So the
first twenty five people will get thosetickets, and if you don't get tickets,
come out anyway. We're gonna celebrate. We're gonna have things to give
away. Doors open at six forus US meeting us, our podcast family,
(03:10):
meaning you guys too, and thenthe actual doors for the common people
open at seven for the commoners,and then the show begins at eight,
which is great. It's gonna bejust a blaster to celebrate all around.
Okay, real quick, can Ijust tell the story about what happened before
we started quiet? So Eric hasbeen teasing that he has both a gift
(03:34):
for me and Laura big time.Yeah, Laura's is apparently going to make
her scream. God, I hopeit's not your mind. He says,
you may wait your pasts. Hesays he's never he's never spent this much
money on me before. Ever.We got you a stripper. What I
know, I can't imagine what there'sreally I can't imagine what it is.
(03:57):
I don't know what. That's whymy problem because Eric supposedly he has a
gift so good. People will literallysteal it if it's taken out in public
and it's a gift from Keanu Reedagain, so I'm lost track, but
he describes He's like, he's like, you will wet and ship in your
pants. It's so good. Justwait to see it. People will steal
(04:18):
it. He's like, we can'tdo it at the party, otherwise people
might steal it. He says thatabout my gift too. So we'll do
it. When are we going todo the next week? We're doing it
next week. We're going to doit next week. We have to do
it next week. We'll do itnext week. Anticipations too much, Now,
Okay, we'll do it next Thursday. Because we have Michael Brown on
on Michael Brown's coming on what ifwhat if we don't reveal it until the
(04:40):
party? No, never mind,I don't know how we make that work.
That'd be kind of funny, though. No, I want I want
it to happen next week. Ican't wait now, I can't wait,
and you can't wait. No,I want us to do it next week.
I want us not tell anybody untilthe party. I know, but
I don't know. I don't think. So what I can do is let's
talk this out. I will betweenshows give you your gifts, so not
(05:06):
on the actual air, on thevideo podcast YouTube okay, and then we
can talk about it on Thursday showand I will take a picture of you
guys holding what I got you,and then we'll reveal it at ye hus
Okay. One last question. Canboth of the items, the item for
(05:28):
me and Forlora both fit in yourbag? No? Which item that was
either? One? Oh God?Will you be walking through the door with
by yourself with something under your arts? Like? Is it is it heavy?
(05:56):
I hate him? I hate himso much. It could be it
could be heavy. I don't know. This is it's making me angry talk
about it like it's like I'm soexcited. I'm angry. Mister predicto.
Are we gonna love the presence thatEric brings us? It's gonna be a
one time it says, no,doubtful. So he's building it up.
(06:25):
I'm not excited. I'm not excitedanymore. Oh no, this don't know
the way he's talking about. Okay, let me let me okay, Okay.
What you're probably not gonna like itis that sarcastic. You're just saying
that just to now not be allyeah, open them and be like I've
(06:45):
seen better. No. I signedby Keanu Reeves. I've got a couple
of these. This is an impressiveYeah. I know right, You're like,
oh great, now I have toget another frame. Yeah. My
favorite thing is that is that meand Laura are the usually the ones that
odds that stuff, and this isthe one thing where we are absolutely the
same, are totally on the sameside with this one. Yeah, it's
big time. Okay, I havesomething to reveal to you real quick what
(07:10):
you should and talk about some Iwas gonna say that I was. I
have something big. I know,I know, I know. Oh okay,
before we play, Okay, Ihave something for you to read.
Jay Wartzler sent this to me.Oh no, and Jay wants me to
read it. I want you toread it. Okay, he sent it
to me. He didn't say hewants you to read it, but I
thought I'm going to have Eric readit. Oh great. He loves jokes
(07:35):
like you like jokes. Okay.And so before we play Jay Wartzler's Capital
Growth, Inc. Commercial and theLa Joya Cosmetic Surgery Center Commercial, I
would like you to read the firstparagraph. Okay, just just right here.
Yeah. One sock cutter he cutssocks. Two sock cutters, they
(07:59):
cut socks. Four soft cutters theycut socks. Say it faster. One
sock cutter he cut socks. Tosuck cutter. Two sock cutters they cut
socks. Four sock cutters they cutsocks. Okay, okay, now,
okay, then do this one onesmart fellow he felt smart. Two smart
fellows they felt smart, Three smartfellows they all felt smart. Okay,
(08:22):
this doesn't work. Can you dothat? One smart fella he felt smart
fellas they felt smart, Three smartfellas, they all felt smart. One
smart pilla do smelt fort What aboutone sock cutter he cut socks, two
cocksutters, one cocksucker he suck cocks. Any read that? Why have to
(08:43):
be so good at this? He'syeah, he's never been tripped up by
those. He never has a coupleof times. Anyway, I have something
major to reveal to you after LaoyaCosmetic Surgery Center j Wurstler's caval growth ink.
Laoya Cosmetic Surgery Center, can youplease surgically No, this hasn't really
remove. This very important to me. Oh and it's a big reveal and
(09:07):
you're gonna see a part of methat, Brian, you might want to
close. Oh no, it's notanything to do with your vagina as Oh
go. La Joya Cosmetic Surgery Centeris the place to go if you're looking
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(09:31):
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(09:52):
How lucky are we? Make sureyou tell them that Laura Kane after
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(10:16):
to your financial wellbeing, Jay isyour partner and achieving your financial goals.
So if you're at or near retirementand you want to know if you have
sufficient assets and income sources for acomfortable retirement, or if you are simply
changing jobs and you're unsure about whatyour options are with your current retirement plan,
please reach out to j. JayWartzler and the team at Capital Growth
(10:37):
go the extra mile to ensure yourfinancial success. Their office is a one
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Call J today at eight five eightfive five two six' nine six to
zero or email him at jaywt Capitolgrowthinc. Dot com. I always love you,
(10:58):
Okay, Okay, So this birthdayof mine, it's not like anything
special. It's not like a it'snot a huge number. It's not a
small but it's not sixty sixty fiveis still a big number. It's nothing
special. But I've decided that I'mjust gonna celebrate my life and I'm just
(11:20):
gonna do fun things and they don'thave to be expensive. And so I
okay, I've been wanting to dothis thing. I think I've been thinking
about it for quite a while.And then I saw a post from a
woman and I got in touch withher. We started talking. She has
(11:41):
such an incredible story that she's comingon the podcast the twenty third of May,
the Monday, the twenty third.She's gonna tell she's from Russia.
She has like this really intense,cool, great story. But anyway,
that's what I'm about to show you. What I'm about to tell you,
(12:05):
I feel is a no win situationbecause no matter what, when you do
this thing, people are not gonnaeither like it or understand it. So
I just have to be prepared forthat, and that's fine. It's for
me. My father when he beforehe passed, he always said he loved
(12:26):
bald eagles. One time we sawa bald eagle on a telephone pole outside
of our home. It was themost beautiful thing, and he took pictures
and videos of that thing. Heloved bald eagles. He goes, when
I die, I'm going to besoaring the Rocky mountains. I'm going to
be a bald eagle. So Ialways thought. My dad died when he
was sixty suddenly, and he wasmy best friend and I could tell him
(12:48):
everything and anything. I loved mydad. He was the best dad ever
anyway, So I always thought,Okay, I'm going to get maybe someday
it's how two of an eagle,a bald eagle soaring in the sky.
Please tell me you have like themost patriotic American. So I'm about to
(13:13):
show it to you. A girlnamed Anastasia from Nothing Sacred Tattoo On University
did this for me. And thenwhen when she was doing it, when
we were talking, I'm like,you have to come on the podcast and
she's going to offer like a reallygood deal like she has we have.
It's a win win, So youguys are going to really enjoy her.
(13:35):
She's a really thick accident. Shewas kind of nervous coming on. I'm
like, don't worry. I'll helpyou through it because she has a really
cool story to tell. All right, are you ready? No? Okay,
see here's here, Here we go, Here we go. He's gonna
say, I know, I knowwhat he wants. If he brings killing
her killer gifts. He probably hatedit, and that's fine. I don't
(13:58):
care. You know what I amaccepting now, I'm showing everybody with the
high probability that people are going tonot like it. I think you're hyping
up the bad part of it toomuch. I'm just I guess I'm just
trying to prepare myself. Okay,I have questions. Okay, but this
may where is this could this couldpotentially scar Brian a little bit? Oh
(14:22):
god, so just he is.I'm going to try to be as uh
as uh hm gentle with this ispossible, Okay, if it's gonna scar
Brian? Does this mean it lookslike an eagle flying into a cave?
Let me my underwear up? Herewe go? Oh got taking her pants
off? I'm not taking my pantsoff. Ready, Okay, here we
(14:43):
go. Let me make sure thatsomething is covered. Wow, I am
scarred. Well, it's just likebad. It's it's an eagle with the
sun in the background. He's flyingup onto the sky and to my daddy
right there, and it's you knowwhat. I love it And if you
could see it, amra close thereit is. I don't think we can
(15:07):
do an I don't think we shouldknow what. You know what in a
great spot because when you're in youreighties and you're on your back, it'll
be completely covered. No, no, I'll be getting my third boob job
by then I'll be eighty. Therewon't be enough jobs we'll be able to
(15:28):
fix it. Oh my god.But anyway, she did an incredible job,
just such a light hand. Atfirst, I was like, okay,
she goes this is the one ofthe most sensitive areas of all.
I was like, oh no,And then it started and I was like
and then it was fine. Youreally do have a light hand. So
anyway, well, thank god itwasn't on your vagina. What now?
(15:50):
You really honestly thought you really reallywhen I said I got a tattoo,
you honestly had thought that I wouldget it on my vagina, you know,
like eagle's nest. I could see, Oh my god, I could
see you doing something crazy like maybehere. But yeah, okay, you
know, like actually physically tattoos.You're she has been asked. Well,
(16:10):
we'll ask her this on the podcast, the different things that people have asked
her to tattoo. And you knowhow many dicks she's been asked to which
she will not? Yeah, Ibet, I mean, whoa, that's
like torture. Can you imagine?I cannot. I would never ask do
I know? So anyway, there'sthat, and I love it and it
was one of my you do Ihate it? No, it's good.
(16:36):
That's good, thank you, thankyou, thank you. So I'm really
happy. It was really fun.And we'll talk to her on this.
Unfortunately no other man will ever seeit. But I know we'll never get
that fun, I know. Andwhat do we have to say? Now?
Remember what I told you? You'renot getting any more tattoos. No,
I don't need anymore. I don'twant anymore. Okay, wait,
(16:59):
let me ask you something unless yes, let's see. Okay, let's let's
see. Let me think about something. If by some horrific chance Eric were
no longer with us and I wantedto memorialize Eric on my body. What
would I get? I'm not goingto get a chucky doll, don't tune
(17:22):
actually my lower bag. No,a little chucky doll will be awesome.
She memorializes her dad with a beautifulcreature like an eagle, and I,
I think the f b FF numbertwo. Get a chucky doll. I
think that's great. A murderous toddlergreat, I think perfect. God,
(17:48):
I get that one in color.There we go, so people would know
it's me. I think that's Ithink that's cool idea. I don't think
wow, Yeah, I don't thinkyou as as before I die. I'm
saying that I don't think I shoulddo it. Don't do anything to memorialize
myself on your body. Please,you should get a Wien your like like
(18:10):
a Wiener tattoo that looks like alike a crappy, like a drawing like
the once he draws every single hostyou. This is how you can memorialize
me. Do you want of mydrawings to do it on your cheek?
Oh my god, that'd be amazing. Drop you imagine like a small dick,
like right right by your mouth,right here. Oh that'd be great.
(18:36):
Wait, we got to talk aboutwhat happened to you. Oh Jesus,
this is another phone call I received. I get many phones. I
get a lot of freaking phone callsfrom this one. He loves to talk
on the phone. I do,and he knows that I don't like it,
and he does this on purpose.But this was this He needed to
tell me whenever I make a completefool out of myself in public, you
(19:00):
get the first phone that. Iappreciate that because I need to hear about
that. So I went to lunchon Friday with our friend Claya and her
sister clayat Dollhouse doll Face Club,doll Face Club, and she have the
cutest doll face outfit on and apurse. It was she. I love
her and her sister. I knowthey're the best. And oh, we
(19:23):
had so much fun. So afterlunch, I thought, I need to
run over to Marshall's because we wentto Questo and just get some hand soap.
So I go over there, getthe hand soap and then I use
a toothpaste called Luminis and online it'sexpensive, but they have it there at
Marshalls. Yeah, for like Idon't know, five ninety nine or something,
(19:45):
okay, and it's like an allnath or natural teeth whitener and it
works great. So I thought,oh, maybe they'll have it. Sometimes
they do, sometimes they don't.So I'm walking through like that Health and
Beauty and the one mission Value,know how they have the like the shelving
(20:06):
that go with all the product onit that go, you know, and
then they have the end caps.So I'm wearing one of her sweatshirts,
black pants, and my big hugeCarl Lagerfeld combat boots okay, oh boy,
because they play a part in this. So I turned the corner and
(20:30):
there's a cart in the aisle witha bunch of stuff in it. There's
a woman looking at one of thechaosks, and there's an employee putting stuff,
taking stuff out of boxes and puttingthem on the shelves. And there's
a narrow path between the cart andthe shelves where the products are, and
(20:52):
I mean I can maneuver through justfine, right right right. Well,
I didn't think that my boots wereso big, so as I tried to
go around the rubber heel caught onthe on the shelf, on the bottom
(21:15):
part of it, and I startto go over, oh like I and
I'm trying to regain my composure andmy steps and I just like it looked
like a newborn fawn, like Iwas tripping over myself. Is your life
flashing before your eyes? And mythought bubble was just drop what you're holding
(21:37):
and put your arms out. Yeah, you're knock your teeth out right.
So I did. And when Idid it, I hit the end cap.
When I fell face down, myphone went flying. The product went
flying. I hit the end capand it fell over what all ell the
(22:00):
entire thing was on it, likeeyelashes and lip bombs and whatever else.
They were all over the floor onthe front and the back. Oh,
like a whole shelf, an entirelike five foot tall kiosk with product on
the little hangars. Did it makea big sound? It sounded like a
(22:22):
bomb went off, And so Iscreamed because it was so loud. So
all of a sudden, I hearpeople going, oh my god, are
you okay? And I'm so embarrassedand horrified, like and I'm I'm starting
to get up, and you know, a lady's handing me my phone and
the product and a pair of toenailclippers, and I'm like, well,
(22:44):
i don't know where these came from, but I'm trying to hang them on
a kiosk. And the employees like, sir, are you okay? Oh
my gosh, and I'm like,yeah, I'm fine. I wish we
could have the store video camera,Oh my god, video survey. And
so I stand up and because I'mall in black, I'm filthy dirty.
(23:04):
Oh yeah, the floors in thereare no Oh my god, I'm I'm
just gray at this point. SoI'm like, no, I'm fine,
and I turn and looked at I'vegot my phone, I've got the product.
I turn and look and there musthave been about twenty people like running
over the look because you could haveheard that thing oh through the whole store.
Oh like, it was so loud. So I just paid for my
(23:26):
product and left. I would havejust left the product champed out. It
was almost well that's crazy, themusic, Yeah, it was. It
was. I mean, I wasjust like, oh, well, the
line's not long. You needed thatLuminix toothpaste. Oh, it wasn't even
there. It wasn't even there someother thing, and if it was,
(23:47):
it was probably three asles over.After that whole Kiosk fell over, I
was like, I'm not no,oh, Brian, what's up with you?
Okay. Over the weekend I wentto hold On, I know,
so I completely forgot about this.So, you know, she's like,
are you okay? Are you okay? And I'm like, yeah, yeah,
I'm fine. So I stopped byTrader Joe's, go you know,
(24:14):
go home, get out of mycar. Animal. I get in the
house and I'm like, oh,I don't even want to look. I
pull my pants down and look inthe mirror and I have road rash from
my right hip. So is thatwhat that was a picture you sent me?
(24:37):
Yes, going all the way downto my right knee. It's like
big gashes and all this red.Like thank god, grab it didn't break
his hip, thank god. Andthen I've got like a big old thing
there. I'm like, oh mygod, thank god, Clay. She
would have been like, who yeah, I or not know this version?
(25:00):
Yeah after dark? What anyway?Okay. So over the weekend I went
to the radio shell oh yeah,down because they were doing a performance of
Rare's The Lost Arc with a liveorchards. Oh yeah, that was really
cool. I saw that two yearsago and it was amazing what they showed
(25:22):
the movie with a live So theyhave the movie playing on like three big
screens and then they have the orchestraplaying the music accompaniment throughout the entire movie
and they take an intermission. Itis pretty, it's pretty cool. It's
really cool. Like it's kind ofhard to like. There are definitely parts
of it that don't sound as goodbecause they don't have any like live mixing
they do in post production. Butthere's something to be said about it,
(25:44):
like it is, it's pretty,it's pretty cool. It is it's really
cool. It's really neat. AndI ended up buying I thought I just
got this, you know, goodseats. I end up buying actually a
private table accident. Oh did youwe got well, there was like two
other people there, but we gota table where we could have ordered food,
but we did because it was veryexpensive. What kind of levels are
I mean, what kind of levelof seats can you get? I've never
(26:04):
been to the Rady Shell. Youhave to do that's nice. So they
have the lawn which can bring chairsfor I don't remember how much liss you
can bring chairs, like you haveto bring chair they are like seventy five.
I doubt they're that much because myticket was only like our tickets are
like one hundred and fifteen per seeds, so I don't think there's I bet
they're like fifty to sixty. Sowe have a lawn seat. It's lawn
(26:25):
where you can bring your own chair, and so they have that ticket.
And then there are rows they're likethe rows like typical seating. I don't
know much those are, and thoseare pretty those are fairly close, they're
all right. And then we arein the like the first row of private
tables, and those are pretty niceand they're pretty spacious and like you know,
you could you can order food andstuff, and it's pretty close to
(26:47):
the actual shell too. And thenthey have like the expensive ones or like
the like what they call the orchestrapit seating even though it's not by the
orchestra, but that's like right upto the front, and that is private
tables too, So I don't knowhow much those I think those were like
two hundred pieces because I think ourswere like one fifteen to one fifty a
piece. Does the Rady Shell goall year Do they have a season?
Uh? Oh? Actually it waspretty cold down there though. Yeah,
(27:10):
and it gets cold because it wasred on the water. Yet it was
only sixty three, but the windshillwas pretty rough. So I don't think
it's open all year round. Ithink it's just a certain season that they're
open open. Yeah, it's reallycool. I'm sure they're not open to
December, but yeah, it was. It was really cool though. You
know, obviously a huge Indiana Jonesfan, so that was fun. If
(27:30):
I you know, if I couldchoose next what signs, it would definitely
be a Harrison Ford It may bea Temple of Doom poster signed. So
how old is Harrison Ford right now? Seventy? No, he's older than
that, he's eighty. You aboutgetwork, get on that. I already
have myself a note. Did youreally note about it? See? Well,
(27:53):
so I have all the Indiana Jonesposters obviously. My favorite one though
is actually the he's eighty one.Wow, he looks great? He does.
Yeah, you didn't really prefer thatlast movie that, I mean,
the Last Destiny. I did notcare for it. No, I do
not want its poster. The posteris all right, but I don't want
(28:14):
it because I don't like the movie. Oh okay, no, but you
might just have to take what youget. That's fair, that's totally fair.
I'll take it. I don't wantit. If it's not. If
it's that poster, you can sendit back to my I saw a very
good movie the other night. Ohyeah, Civil War. Okay, I
(28:37):
haven't seen it. I heard aboutit on Netflix or no, I rented
it. It was good, okay, I think it was on Amazon Brain.
There's something coming up called Black Rabbitwith Jason Bateman and somebody else cool,
and it's on Netflix and I don'tknow when it comes out. I
just saw a commercial for it,and I'm like, this be good.
(29:00):
I didn't see like the actual teaser, but I just saw like a picture.
I'm like, whatever Jason Bateman isin watching, I am watching.
But I watched the Table Vision series. Yeah, oh it is what It's
on a channel? No, it'sa Netflix okay. Jason Babman and Jude
(29:22):
Law the star in new limited seriesBlack Rabbit. Jude Law. Jude Law
like him. I like him.And it doesn't give you really much of
anything else, does it? Ijust know. Oh, Jason baby Nelson
directs it too. Oh, thisis gonna be good. I saw Baby
Reindeer again, the whole entire thingwith Evan and her friend. We binged
it again and I got the factthat that is a true story. Is
(29:48):
mine boggling. And now she's comingout the wantings. No what she saying.
She's saying that she was misrepresented.Oh yeah, well they say,
you know, to cover his tracks. They say semi autobiographical. Right,
three things okay, and it's allregarding my songstresses. Oh boy, Madonna,
(30:14):
Yes, new record. She didtwo nights ago. Her final Celebration
tour concert was in Rio de Janeiroone. It was free. Almost two
million people attended it. Now thatmust have made her feel so good.
(30:34):
It looked I watched it on YouTube. That is two million people must be
insane. But here's a thing whatI would have never And I've been to
every Madonna concert that she's ever done. I'm a huge Madonna fan. The
price of those tic sis time we'reso outrageous. You watch that thing on
YouTube, it's like you have afront row seat. It's all filmed,
(30:56):
it's professionally done. It's not onsomebody's eye, and it was incredible.
All right, how much is thecheapest ticket? When is it coming?
When she comes down? Oh,she's done. Oh this was the last
I was going to go to LAto see her. Yeah, and the
nosebleed seats were like five hundred bucksapiece. That's same with like insane.
Yeah. So I was like,no, sorry, I mean justify that,
(31:18):
and I mean I'm never that faraway to see her. And I
was like, no way, Iwould never pay that much and said that
full. Let's once you get throughwith like the fees too, it's like
six hundred and fifty. Yeah,because I went, me and my my
girlfriend got tickets to kg el Fantwhen they come to San Diego in July,
and I think our tickets were likeone hundred and ten each and end
up costing like three hundred and fiftybucks. I'm like, dude, that's
(31:40):
crazy, Yeah, it's nuts.I look to see if there were any
justin Timberlake tickets left. He's he'shere May fourteenth, and it sold out,
but there were like spotty ones.There was one the very top,
tippy tippy top last nose, butthree hundred and eighty five. That was
ridiculous. What I mean it wasone of the best shows I've ever seen.
(32:06):
His first the first time I sawhim, I was like blown away.
I loved it. In two thousandand six, I loved it.
Then I saw it again in twentysixteen. Still great. I can't stand
his face. Well, isn't thata mean thing to say? Okay,
how dare you say about my justin? I won't. I won't go into
just Timberlake. I hated his lastalbum. It was awful. What was
(32:29):
his last movie? I actually don'tknow. It was last I'm thinking of
in time? Was his last one? Was? No? The last one
that he did was really good?No, it was really good. Which
one? Well, there was onecalled Parker that was really good. I
think it was called Parker. Andthen he just did one with what's her
name? I'll look it up.Okay, But three of my songstresses have
(32:53):
new music out. Oh god,I wit she's a songstress? Now,
Yes, I did you hear it? Yes? I bought both of them.
Okay, what's thee A song calledI Love It's we saw Sea together?
We didn't. It was the worstconcert I've ever seen. Wait,
what I think is her only goodsong. Oh no, I love her.
(33:17):
But remember she never came on stage. She just stood in the back.
That was like fantastic. She satin the she stood it. She
stood in the corner and sang whileshe had all of her dancers, and
like it was so weird. Wait, don't play I can't play it well.
And my Kate Hudson, Oh Kate, she has a good voice.
(33:38):
But now she's a pop star.What's a song called it's don't play?
Don't play it. I'm gonna findout. Okay, I gonna find out.
And it's good, it's great.Which of the three is your favorite?
Probably do a lipa? Okay,yea lipa is really hot? All
right, I'm going to finally endwith this. Now, apparently where jen
(34:00):
X your gen z uh Yeah?I think I missed a call for Millennial
by like six issues. Okay,here are things that we're not supposed to
say anymore, that you guys nowsay, and so we have to now
these are outdated terms, and theseare the new terms. You can't say
them. No, we are supposedto now say these because you guys say
(34:20):
these. Okay, here instead ofyolo, you only live once, Yolo
is that what that means? Wedon't say that anymore. You never knew
that, No, you only liveone. I just recently found out what
goat meant. I did not knowwhat greatest of all time? Yeah,
no, one really uses it asthe all times Since you see on that
(34:42):
like the roast of Tom Brady,no, I need to see that.
You better be ready for your earsto fall off. Why, well,
all the roasts are amazing filthy itis. Didn't get mad at someone I
would wouldn't be surprised so mean,I wouldn't. Who would he be the
maddest at? Oh my, Icouldn't even tell. You couldn't who was
(35:06):
the meanest everybody? Yeah, theroast I will say, like the roast
of Rob Lowe, and I thinkthey did Eli Manning or some of the
funniest things I've ever seen. Theone are so funny. But they were
mean. I mean, they aremean like I would. Did you guys
remember Comedy Central and that was thatwas where edited those were good. I
remember that they had a man cultureon one. I don't know why.
(35:29):
That was the roast of Pamela Andersonor something, but they had culture and
they were so like I mean andculture is a little controversial. They were
so mean to her. I waslike, it was hilarious. So is
this something that you would say watchit? Yes, okay, I mean
I didn't even really know what sportshe played. Roasts are funny, for
(35:50):
real. Here was one of thethings. So I think it was Elizas
Schlicinger. Do you know who sheis? Her name? She's hilarious.
And she said, what's his name? Tom Brady? Oh, Tom Brady?
She said, you have h fiverings or six rings? And she
goes seven, including the one thatwas given back to you by your ex
(36:12):
wife. That's not that's great.That was probably one of the only things
I could say that that I couldrepeat. They had one because the last
one they had, the last ComedyCentral one they had. They had Pete
Davison up there, and dude,he was a monster. He was so
he was he was roasting, hewas help roasting. He wasn't the roasted
one. Well, even the roastedone makes roast for everyone else. So,
(36:37):
I mean, they're all in goodfun, but sometimes they are like
I would be like, I don'tknow how that could be in good fun.
It's so mean. Oh my god, it was okay, I gotta
watch that. I gotta watch that. I mean, okay, so don't
no more, yolo. You onlylive once. Now it's d I f
t P. Do it for theplot? No, do it for the
(36:59):
what plot? Like, you're themain character of your life, so sometimes
don't avoid things. Do it forthe plot? Right, But you don't
say dift tip f TP you know, how do you? How do you
say dift tip? No? Youdon't. You just say do it for
the plot? You I've never willnever it's never never else. That's not
that common though, that that's kindof I will never be able to even
remember that. Now. I respondwith this a lot. You're not supposed
(37:22):
to say, hey, Laura,meet me at the park at eight o'clock
KK, like I instead of okay, I put KK? What is K?
It's like, okay, you'll stilluse that. Why don't you just
say okay, just like it's cute? Kk KK is fucking stupid. People
still use KK. It's fine anyway, You're not supposed to use that.
Anything that's ridiculous sucks. People stillsay K. It's instead you're supposed to
(37:45):
say bet, no, that's old. Now what it is? It's like
like you bet, like you bet? Kind of is everybody that lazy that
they can't put you in front?I would not know what somebody was talking
for you. You're like you respondingwhat word? You guys? You guys
are the worst. No, betis not like a okay, you bet
like it's kind of more like youbet. You are like respond I say
(38:07):
okay, not KK, that's fine. KK is stupid, but it's still
acceptable. That is kind of old. Now, oh my god, this
is annoying. I'm sure I've respondedto you with a case instead of rolling
on the floor laughing for a while. Instead, just send a skull emoji
(38:28):
like it's so funny. You justdie, or you can say I'm dead.
Yeah, and you do you spellit d E ED? No,
I say a D. I meanI don't okay, I don't use all.
I don't even know you find theskull emoji? I know because you're
forty five, like you're in atwenty four year speak the language. But
ed is stupid. You just sayokay, don't shorten great the word great
by saying g R and then theand then the number. Say that slaps?
(38:54):
Why is there everything getting longer?Like I would just say great,
no, just say it slaps,say it slaps. I'm not and say,
oh my god. The only thingI want to slap is you for
reading this. You're gonna angry.God, this is stupid. If you
have like if if you have anamazing talk, I might say this ship
(39:14):
slaps, this is fire, likethat's that is that is your fire's out?
No, it's not heard. Thisis fire according to this list.
Now lit is back in. Uhwhat fires not out? Let's not I
thought list somebody was getting high.No lit, that is so lit like
(39:35):
that is so cool. ITT's old. I wouldn't say, no, Lit's
coming back. It's not my god, it not. I am part of
this generation. Your a little pieceof paper means nothing to be compiled by
people your age. Oh okay.Instead of saying like you just dissed me
right now, clap back. Yeah, I guess a little bit. It's
kind of old. Don't diss me, you don't clap back. You just
(39:55):
that was a bad clap back.I don't even know how to use it.
I would say, like, let'ssaying like I'm talking about celebrity beef.
You say, oh, Madonna talkedcrap about you know, uh Taylor
Swift, but she clapped back andwas, Okay, I see, don't
think call things gross gross gross?Fine, no, you call them ick.
No, it is no, itis for behavior because if someone does
(40:19):
something that you don't like, thatkind of like you ever seen someone do
something, especially like some of thethe sex you're attracted to, and you're
like, ooh, I don't likethat and you lose all like attraction for
them. That's ick. That's theick. That's the ick. Okay,
like, oh, that person gaveme the ick when they did, you
know, X, Y or Z. Never say give me the four one
one. No one under forty knowswhat that number even is what it was
(40:40):
for. Blah blah blah blah.I don't even hear people over forty say
that. I know. Instead yousay what's the tea or spill the tea?
That's that's for gossip though, yeah, that is for cossip. But
that was also give me the fourone one because that was for information.
You dial that for actual information backin the day and when we were young,
when we were so so long ago. It's so many moves. And
(41:04):
finally, do not call people crazypeople cray, Yeah, I agree's gray
Cray. They are now de Lulu. No, yes, no, my
god, no for delusional. Yeah, both those things are out. We
don't say I will never say that. US kids don't say de Lulu.
That's stupid. That is just intwenty twenty four. No, you're Delulu.
(41:24):
No, you're not termed. DeLulu makes me want to I think
psycho is still probably more. Ido not want those No, I want
you to rip it up. Youcan rip it up. Oh thank god,
yeah, I rip it up.I would just say they're crazy,
they're insane, their psycho. No, I like that one. You don't.
(41:44):
I shouldn't stop. I need togo home and take a silk wood
shower. Oh that was just asimple, so annoying, Liz. Now
you know how I feel that I'mtrying to figure out this can someone like
three months, if someone came upto me and use one of those terms,
I would probably resort to my oldself and punch them in the face.
Oh, Bessie, now see thenthey clap back, Yeah, oh
(42:05):
good one. And I and youwould say this ship don't slap and I'd
be like, that's so lit.Oh god, oh he's about to fund
Oh God, he's gonnaunch me forreal right now, I'm gonna return her
present. If you want tickets toour big party celebration on May twenty fourth,
Friday via Huse Casino Resorting Casino,a concert George Michael Reborn and a
(42:28):
party, go to Lourcane after Darkdot com get all the details how you
can win your tickets and we havefun things do too, And please don't
touch my book. You're like touchingbear. They're actually bear boobs covered by
like a sticker. Oh, theseare bare boobs you're touching right now,
not even my bra. You're likegroping. Sorry, guess who's straight?
Now? Hey, baby, wantto get it? Actually felt good?
(42:51):
That hasn't happened in a while.Thing, okay, Jesus. Laura's like,
wow, I love getting fueled bygay man. I just realized it's
great. I love it. Ilove it all right? Please all right?
Love your podcast? Just say it, Eric, just you, Oh
my god, Brian, top ofyour podcast? What do you want me
(43:12):
to hear the man? I loveyou, my sweet babies. I'm sorry,
Mama does this for a living well? No, you're not you're not.
No, you're lit
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