May 16, 2024 • 44 mins
This is absolutely insane!
Erik manages to get yet another Keanu Reeves personalized gift for Producer Bryan. This one is the coolest one by far.
Erik also gives Laura a great early birthday present, which surprises the heck out of her.
There's a funny game called "The 5 Second Rule" where you have to name three things on a card in 5 seconds to win a point. We got the Uncensored version so you can only imagine what some of our answers might be.
Our party is fast approaching, May 24th at Viejas Resort and Casino to see George Michael Reborn. For ticket info go to https://www.lauracainafterdark.com
Love your podcast!
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/laura-cain-after-dark--4162487/support.
Erik manages to get yet another Keanu Reeves personalized gift for Producer Bryan. This one is the coolest one by far.
Erik also gives Laura a great early birthday present, which surprises the heck out of her.
There's a funny game called "The 5 Second Rule" where you have to name three things on a card in 5 seconds to win a point. We got the Uncensored version so you can only imagine what some of our answers might be.
Our party is fast approaching, May 24th at Viejas Resort and Casino to see George Michael Reborn. For ticket info go to https://www.lauracainafterdark.com
Love your podcast!
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/laura-cain-after-dark--4162487/support.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:09):
No alone. Hello, you cannotdo that show. You can't get this
episode, bann This one's got tostay up. I know. Oh gosh,
leave it to you. Welcome toLaura Kane after Dark, everybody,
thank you for tuning in. Ericjust gave me like a boo boo just
(00:29):
to wake up a little bit.What he was doing before was way worse.
It can't be banned from anything else. Please. Oh by the way,
what love that Renegade scene? Sothat okay, hilarious. I know
it's so funny. So back inthe day, in the nineties, there
used to be a show called Renegade. Stu Siegal Productions did Renegade Pensacola and
(00:51):
Silk Stockings from San Diego, andthey were like nationwide shows and they were
they played on I forgot what station. They were, like the UPN or
you say network or something. Yeah. Anyway, So I was cast throughout
a couple of years in different variousroles. Now this one popped up because
I recently got a residual check fora scene that I was in almost thirty
(01:17):
years ago. Okay, it wasnineteen ninety six, okay, and I
don't even have a speaking line forthree cents. No, it was twenty
nine bucks. Oh really. Yeah. So this episode where I played Jennifer,
I just walk in behind the oneof the main characters and I'm like,
I'm sorry, I couldn't I couldn'tstop him from coming in. But
(01:38):
I'm whispering I don't really have lines, and she's like, that's okay,
and then I leave, like I'mliterally on for like two seconds. Yeah,
and I got twenty nine bucks thirtyyears later. Come on, that's
awesome. Go so I found itonline somehow. Oh my god, that
was delicious. I know it.I had the really poofy bangs and everything.
Yeah, it was great. Youhad the total turd role. Awesome
(02:00):
in nineteen ninety six. Eighty six, not ninety six. This is a
big episode, you guys, becauseapparently we Brian and I are about to
get the gift of all gifts.Brian gets his two year anniversary with Laura
can after Dark Podcast producing the showGift. I get my birthday gift a
little early, and now can youcan you say exactly how do you think
(02:29):
Brian is going to react? Brianwill probably faint on site, and as
he's fainting, he'll say, Ilove you, Eric. This is bigger
and better than what you've previously.Oh, this makes the other the other
stuff look like oop what? Andthen okay, how do you think I'm
(02:51):
going to react to the gift?You will scream, I yeah, did
you look for my birthday gift?Or did you just have and upon something?
And I was like, oh mygod, I looked you did?
Yes? Oh my god, Ihate this is. Okay, let's roll
some ass and let's jump. No, no, no, we're going to
stretch this out. No, no, I've waited so long. Oh my
(03:13):
god, this is You're gonna haveto come up here when we do.
Okay, so let's play the steall right, So we have to talk
about something from Capital Growthingwordsler. It'stheir annual shred event. It's back on
Saturday, May twenty fifth. Theannual shred event is they're bringing it back.
Bring your unwanted documents, tax returns, process checks, financial statements,
et cetera. Have them shredded whilechatting with the financial advisors. Now's your
(03:37):
chance to come and see the newoffice. The location is one two six
eight zero High Bluff Drive, rightoff of Delmar Heights Road. You make
the first ride. I think upnine thirty am till eleven thirty am on
May twenty fifth. Refreshments will beserved and then you can tear the new
office. It's really cool. Yeah, we'll keep you posted, Okay,
So that's on May twenty fifth.May twenty oh, we'll talk about our
(03:58):
party after we talk more about CapitalGrowth, Inc. Jawartzler and La joya
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dot com and we got to talkabout our party which is coming up,
Brian's second year anniversary party where he'sgoing to show up for an hour and
a half and then go gamble.But that's fine. At Viehas Resort and
Casino. It's May twenty fourth,which happens to be my birthday. Yes,
and so doors open at six o'clock. I'm getting you a cake.
You are, yes, I know, just the kind of you're just a
(06:08):
simple girl with the dream. Iknow exactly what kind of a cake you
want or what kind of cake?Yellow cake with any kind of frosting,
any kind of frosting, well,not too sweet and nothing with fruit,
yes, yes, and you knowthe frosting. I want chocolate, thank
you, not any kind I don'twell, I mean any yes, any
kind of chalk. Okay, thankyou. You scared me there from it
(06:30):
that we weren't best friends anymore.Okay, you and Marla like the exact
same cake. Really THEFF number oneand you're both of your birthdays are in
May. She Gemini. I thinkshe's a Taurus if her birthday was on
Monday, yeah it was. Okay. Anyway, our party is May twenty
fourth. It's at Vahause Casino andResort. And what we're doing is we're
(06:51):
giving away some prizes. From sixto seven, doors open officially at seven
before you, guys, I'll openat six and then we're going to watch
a great band, George Michael Reborn. This guy sounds looks just like George
Michael, and you will have itis the best time. It's such a
fun show and it's already sold outcompletely. So the only way you can
(07:14):
get tickets, we have twenty fivepair to give to you, guys,
and this is how you get them. Okay. We're not making you jump
through tons of hoops or buy anythingor anything like that. You just have
to follow us on Instagram, followus on TikTok, you have to tag
a friend on one of our postsor we'veposted or whatever, and then just
subscribe to our YouTube channel, whichis free. You just hit the button
(07:36):
and then if you do all thosethings DM Laura Kane after dark on Instagram
and the first twenty five people,boom, I'll get your ticket. Boom
boom. We're checking too, somake sure you're actually subscribing. Oh yes,
we will be double checking each oneof those boxes. Okay, so
that is on May twenty fourth.Oh my god, I can't, I
can't, I can't, I can'tdo this. I have to okay.
(07:59):
I'm like, my armpits are split. Why because I'm nervous about what's in
the bag. That's the bag,you know. The best part is is
such an underwhelming bag too. It'slaying a flat, like, yeah,
so he didn't have these. Hewas panicking before he got here, and
he's like, I didn't I didn'twrap Brian's gift or wars. Do you
have any gift bags? And I'mlike, well, what size do you
(08:20):
need? He goes, well,probably the size of like a bread a
bread box or whatever. And I'mlike, so it's an odd size but
it's literally the size of a breadbox, but it's flat. Well I
wasn't gonna play my hand and belike, oh I need one. Well
okay, so Eric claims that.Okay before so I'm going first my birthday
(08:43):
gift. Okay, so I'm gettingmy birthday gift early. Do you want
to explain anything before I open itup? Like? How well? Yes,
she went to get I do nothave your card and hear that I'm
giving you on your actual birthday.Okay, but happy birthday, Laura Kane.
Oh my god, Okay, it'slet's take guess. Okay, it's
(09:07):
it's got to be something, anautograph of some sort, or tickets to
something. I don't know why.Oh, but you wouldn't be in like
it doesn't feel tickety. It couldbe a big envelope with or cah it's
it's it's something that has a mattit's a I'll let you guys see it
first and then I'll turn it around. No, no way, how did
(09:35):
you get that? I have mysources the real Barbie, Margot Robbie.
Is that her actual autograph? Yes? Oh my god? Did you get
this? Like professionally dined? Ohmy god, that's so cool. She's
like what I want to be whenI grow up. For that, bro,
(09:56):
that's so cool. Okay, Iwould never be able to read her
her autograph. It doesn't look likeMargot Robbie at all. Just looks like
a big scribble. But I amso stoked, thank you. And that's
such a cute picture of her.That's on. I know. Oh I
have to go see now, I'mgonna have to go to Michael's to get
a neat free, a neat one, and then I'll put it up on
(10:18):
our wall. Yes, all right, now, Brian's turn. Now,
Brian apparently he's going to faint.Yes, now, Brian, you have
to wait a minute. Let memake sure that it's in here. Okay,
make sure it's happy anniversary, Brianfor everything you do. Look,
I'm taking claim to this too.Now you have to you have to pull
both out at the same time.So there's there. You go. Okay,
(10:46):
oh from what is it saying theanniversary to you? Oh wow,
god? Oh okay, so thisis oh wow, it's so much I
love it. So you do realizethere's two signatures. Yeah, so this
(11:09):
is halle Berry and ye halle Berryand Keanu Reeves. And this is from
the third third John Wick movie,I think Parabellum, which is a great
one, super good movie. Nowthe really, the real kicker is the
the third personalized Keanu Reeves thing Ihave, the Happy two years. That
was pretty crazy. That is insane, can I Yeah, yeah, okay.
(11:31):
It's just on a on a likea little square piece of paper.
It looks like his marker was runningout a little bit. Brian, Happy
anniversary two years. Keanu. Lookat that. Oh my god, I
go mag shaking because he actually waslike touching this and then let me see
this. Oh my gosh, whatis this movie? That's John Wick?
(11:54):
That's Wick. I've never seen aJohn Wick movie. Oh my god,
watch him. I know I heardit. I'm just I just love this
man, Keanum so much, justfor he just seems like he's just so
cool with his well he obviously isso clearly with his fans. Oh my
god, Ryan, that's pretty crazythat I know you're gonna have like a
whole shrine to Keanu. No,I already have two things on my walf.
(12:18):
Oh by the way, Oh,he's like, there's something else coming
here. There is, holy shit, but it is not what you think
it is. Is it from someIs it from Keanu Reeves? I am
not going at leberty to say it'sHarrison for what's the what's the et on
this? It's like another format,Yeah exactly. No, hopefully it'll be
(12:41):
here by your anniversary. Oh Jesus, my heart can't handle these things.
Oh it's another like one day mybirthday started and it's just never stopped.
Oh my god. That's so cool. Now now that you have somewhat of
a rapport with either Keanu or people, what is the percentage in your opinion
(13:05):
of him? One day showing upin my living room. What is the
percentage right now? That's a verygood question, missu. Yeah, yeah,
because that was the original goal.It was a lofty goal. It's
very lofty. And in the meantime, we've been we've been getting these autographs
(13:28):
for Brian, Yes, personalized lettersto Brian that could be for nobody else
but Brian. Yeah, literally,And but we still haven't gotten an etam
maybe when he might sit in thisseat right here, do you think he's
tired of writing my name? It'swith a why? Remember it's with a
(13:50):
why, because I mean it's notjust like, oh, you know Keanu
Reeves signed picture. Every single thinghe sent me says to Brian on it,
like everything says to Brian. Soit's at least four times. Now
what has Eric told is people orhim about I know, I think that's
this is so cool, Eric,you have like the connections you are awesome,
(14:13):
like Farby real life Farvey, She'slike I loved her. I've loved
her ever since I saw her inWolf of Wall Street that she was great
and I'm ever thinking she was themost beautiful woman I've ever seen. And
then she became Barbie Marco Robbie,thank you Eric. Oh my gosh,
Oh my gosh. But I sawthat dog Star was coming to the belly
(14:39):
up at some point, yes,like I think maybe it had already had
happened, and I was like,oh I better. It was like on
a Thursday, though, So Iknew that it wasn't going to like coincide
with our when we record our podcast. But we'll get him in here one
of these days. I know it. I just know it, especially now
that he knows like who you arekind of. I mean, he he
(15:00):
knows you know, you know,Keanu Reeves knows you happy two years that's
what he knows. That's crazy thatthat's actually this is cool. This is
crazy, though, I know,are you going to go back to Michael's
or where'd you go? Hobby?Love your Michaels. I don't know how
I'm gonna frame this, because didn'tthey want to all want to touch it.
(15:20):
This has already got a mat onit though, So Matt, how
do you a frame that has alike a mat something that has a mat
on it? No, I'm talkingabout that. This is such a tiny
ast thing. I don't even knowif they could frame something this small.
Oh my god, I have tosee Oh my gosh. Well, congratulations,
that was awesome. Thank you,thank you, thank you Eric,
Eric, we love you so much, and thank you for in advance for
(15:46):
my cake. You're on twenty fourth. You're welcome, and no, we
can't wait to see you guys atthe party. It'll be great. It'll
celebrate Brian and oh I learned howto. I'm very disappointed in one thing
though, what he didn't faint.I thought Brian was going No, Brian,
no, there's no if if Keanoactually keep well, I just want
(16:07):
to say the ante for me,fainting is increased with everything I get.
So I've he's never been. Thisis as amped up as I've ever seen.
The first time, I almost fainted. The first thing, I almost
just die. I can I cansafely say this, Oh god, what
(16:27):
when you see what's coming next?What the hell? Okay, how is
this happening? Just watch? Wait? When when did we say? When
did you him? I'm waiting forit. It could come next week.
(16:48):
It could like you could be presentingthis to him at the party. I
could Oh my god, Oh mygod, oh my god. All right,
well, I don't say I knowI don't even know. I don't,
are you. I am pulling outevery stop for the two of you.
I think he must be in theIlluminati or something. He's I am
working every angle, all your Hollywoodsources. Yes, and I usually don't
(17:15):
I never would do that, Butdon't do that for the two of you.
I am doing it. My god, that is just so cool,
and I'm fine, there's more tocome. That's just totally my heart can't
handle it. Crazy, but that'show I want to die. So okay,
So all right, I have whatthe most popular baby names are for
(17:38):
this year, the top ten.You don't care. The Social Security Administration
released its annual list of the mostpopular names in the US for boys and
girls. Now do we want toguess any names before I give you the
names? Well, you're for twentythree Nora, yeah, uh no,
(18:00):
Jake no, that was like twothousand and five. Emma, Emma is
number two, Olivia number one,y she did such a beautiful name.
Let me think, Come on,there's one that there's so many of I
(18:21):
know so many of these. Ryan. Ryan is not on the boy or
girl list. I'll just give you. I'll just give him to you.
Okay, here are the girls,Luna, Evelyn, Evelyn, Evelyn,
(18:41):
Ava, Isabella, Mia, Sophia. That's one of the one. I
know a lot of Sophia's Amelia,Charlotte. That's a pretty pretty name.
Emma, and then Olivia. Andthen for boys and he guesses on the
boys. Jake no, no,Jake no. William is number ten old
(19:04):
school, then Lucas Henry. Ilove it. I've already decided it's gonna
be my first son's name. Oh, Charlie was almost Henry more for Henry
Jones. But you know Henry Jones. Who's Henry Jones? If you think
about it will come to you.Maybe not. You should know, though
I probably should. Am I embarrassedright now? Henry Jones Junior? I
(19:26):
say, do you know who JonesJunior is? Ookay, we don't know,
well who is he? That's IndianaJones's real name? Oh? Sorry,
oh, okay, okay? UhTheodore Theodore Theo. Oh that's cute.
Matteo No, I hate the name. Oh, I love that.
I know a couple Mateo's and thegreat people by hate Nameteo call Maddie right
(19:48):
or Teo, Elijah, Oliver,Noah and Liam is the number one name.
Liam. Okay. So, nowI have a game, you guys.
It's called the five second uh rule? Five second yeah, five second
rules, and the the the objectof the game, I can't even think
(20:12):
straight. The object of the gameis to name three things that are on
this card within five seconds. Here'sthe little timer, your whole one.
You need help, Yes, here'sthe timer goes like this, So you
have exactly that much time. Igot it, I think. So that's
(20:33):
five seconds. That's five seconds.Okay, So I will just read you
what you're supposed to. Let meread the card to you. No,
I'm gonna read the card to youand then to you, and then you
read one to me, and thenwhoever gets it gets the card. Who
has the most cards at the endwins. Take turns individually, right,
(20:55):
Yes, okay? Ready, Eric, Yes, name three nicknames for sexual
intercourse, fucking doing it bareback?Okay, all right, but bear just
refers to the nature of the protection. Oh, I'll give it to him.
I'll give it to him. I'llgive it to me. All right
(21:15):
now, Brian, name three placesyou'd like to hide a camera, plant,
cabinet, and TV. Okay,all right, okay, Laura,
things that get stuck under your nails, food, makeup, and hair?
(21:36):
Okay, hair, I don't know, you get hair stuck under your nails?
Well? Dog air? Maybe?Yeah? Sometimes? I know that's
totally gross. Okay, ready,yes, Eric, name three male body
parts dick, nipples, and balls. Okay, we're good at this game,
all right, Yeah, Brian,name three celebrities involved in a sex
(22:00):
scandal. Uh Marilyn Monroe. Idon't know. Actually, okay, so
when you're not okay, so nowyou try it. Wait wait, you
can't say Mayln Monroe. So yousaid that, Yes, yes, you
can't say that three celebrities in asex scandal. Uh. Kim Kardashian Uh,
(22:22):
Ellen degenerous? What okay? Thelady who doesn't like penises? Okay,
oh my god, Okay wait aminute, Paris Hilton. Nope,
that's hard. It's hard. It'shard, see because I can't you can't
repeat what anybody else said? What'sa sex scandal? Too? Like it?
(22:45):
Like? Is it just cheating?Pamela Pamela Anderson and Tommy Abou Russell
Crow che on his wife? Isthat sex scandal? Sure? With Meg
Ryan? Yes, that was asex scandal. Yes, totally okay,
Now, Eric, yes, namedthree songs about sex? Uh doing it
(23:07):
a big ship? I don't know, okay, Brian. Three songs about
sex, Go Cake by the Ocean, Pour some sugar on me, and
come on Eileen, that's about sex. I'm pretty sure. All right.
I hate that song. I didn'tknow that. Oh my god, I
hate that song more than you inthat dress. My thoughts, I can
(23:27):
confess that song. Yeah, ohver John dirty. At least it's a
very least a very I've never reallylistened to the lyrics except for come on,
Eileen. I love that song.Okay, come on come is in
the title true? So now it'smy turn, Yes, okay. Jerks
named three jerks Antonio, Brian sometimesand for the word cock, thank you,
(23:56):
okay, Eric, three jerks gotrump um ship. That's the only
jerk I can think. Ryan,Three jerks go Jimmy Kimmel, Charlie Sheen
and uh uh no, no,I know, I know. Sometimes it
is all right. Now it's EricStern. Name three ways you deal with
(24:22):
a hemorrhoid, cream, medicine andpoking it. Okay, you get it?
Okay, Brian, name three placesyou'd hate to get a pimple.
But genitals and back easy anywhere.I guess. No one wants the camera
(24:45):
so we can see. There's nocamera right now, there's no I know.
Can you turn it around? Allright? Oh my god? Okay,
so here ready? Yeah, okay, go drugs? Three drugs ecstasy,
heroin, cocaine. Okay, yes, I know, thank you?
All right now it's Eric Stern namedthree times faster is better? No,
(25:12):
I'm going to name okay, namethree things that burn, go fire,
a stove and oban, I meanwhatever. Brian named three people with questionable
morals, uh, Trump, CharlieSheen, and Jimmy Kim. Okay,
(25:38):
whatever, I'll give it to you, all right. But he seems like
a jerk. I don't. Idon't think. Oh this is a great
one for Laura. Oh, herewe go, ready. And activities that
make you hungry, oh, sex, working out and gardening. You wouldn't
know about any of those things,I know, not lately. Not.
(26:00):
Okay, Eric, name three wordsyou say when you're angry, fuck,
shit and crap. Okay, Brian, name three lies you tell on a
job interview. Yes or no?I've never been to jail. Yes,
I have that work experience, andI don't have any weaknesses. You didn't
(26:22):
get it? What, yes,I did? No, the ball was
already there was still one. Therewas still one left. See I'm so
easy. Such a pushover. Okay, go one more round, luracane.
Okay, what reasons you get?Dirty gardening, playing in mud, and
sexual intercourse. That's the same thingyou said last time you did the same
(26:45):
thing, didn't you. Okay?Eric, name three men who should consider
hair removal, Tom Selleck, Trumpand Charlie Sheen. Ooh, Trump with
no hair, that would be youknow what, I actually like him a
little bit better. A bald DonaldTrump. You would look a lot more
imposing, like you look like gooddoctor No from the original James Bond.
(27:07):
He looked like this. Yeah,this structor evil? All right? Brian
named three people who need to gainweight. I don't know any innerxic people.
Okay, I'll give you a differentone. Name three uses for coconut
oil lubricant good for your hair,and moisturizer lubricip. You know how I
(27:30):
know that? Like actually, becauseI used to like there was this one
time I saw like this, likethis couple they walked into the target I
was like, in the same mile. I think it was in like the
super aisle, and they bought twothings of coconut oil and they walked out.
That was all they got. AndI was like why and so like
Google, I was like, well, else can you do with cocon oil?
And like the one of the topnumber results is lubricint. I was
like, it wasn't for just moisturizing. No, I mean, I guess
(27:52):
it is. It's like two andone's for moisturizing. You're wiener, all
right? Eric, Yes, namedthree people who would make better zombies than
humans. Uh, Trump, CharlieSheen and Tom Selling recycling pot of answers.
Brian named three ways the world couldend Trump nuclear annihilation, pandemic and
(28:19):
volcanoes. Perfect Okay, I don'tknow. I didn't see that one.
Uh shoot, juicy things okay,vaginas, oranges and pineapples one of those
things in your experiences. Okay,Eric, that's so gross. Name three.
(28:44):
I don't think you well, Idon't think you know that. Named
three. Oh here, this isa good one. Named three uses for
your tongue, Oh, kissing,kunnelingus and analongus analongus. I don't think
that's a word. Yes, itis the word. What's the word rimming?
(29:06):
Oh yeah, in a lungus.Though, in a lungus, I
think they called eating ass or lickingass. Never have never will never have
never will a tasty treat there?No, no, no, Lauracane has
never done that. Chocolate factory isclosed, yes, and I think that
goes in there. Everything has comeout, okay, sometimes occasionally, like
(29:29):
once every month. Okay, namethree items in a mob daughter's dowry.
What the hell does that mean?Okay? Uh, gaudy rings, drugs
and a pistol? Okay, Eric, wait, no, it's waits my
turn. Yes, okay, gotasty things okay, penis, chocolate,
(29:56):
cake and oranges. I don't thinkthe first one counts. Why you never
taste right? But tasty? AskEric? Be tasting object like actually like,
oh this is a pleasant like Iwish my drink was this flavor.
I it depends on the person,but I you know, I'm giving myself
(30:17):
that card. I get that cardthere. Okay, one more round and
then and then we'll stop. Thisis fun. We're getting we're getting good
at this now. Eric named threethings you nibble nibble, neck cock and
ass neck, went from next straightto cock, and from cock to ask
(30:37):
how many cocks you nibble? No? No, okay, so it's like
he's like you want had like,no, I want you to nibble.
Brian named three reasons to feel shamenibbling on cock, getting a bad grade,
and committing a crime. Nailed it. Pick a good one for me
(31:00):
to end on. Oh well,this is a good one for you.
Ways to end a bad date.Leave the restaurant, pretend that you're going
to the bathroom, and pretend youget a phone call emergency. Oh that's
very good. Thank you, thankyou, thank you. Do we want
to end one more round? Let'sgo one. I'm around okay, half
an hour right now? All right, we could go as we want.
(31:22):
Eric, Yeah, name three waysyou get a bruise, falling, punching,
hitting, Okay, I mean thoseare all correct? Yeah okay,
Brian? Yeah. Three free thingswater, air, sun, well not
water, so outside water is freedepending on where you get from not from
(31:44):
the sink. No, no,that's also not free. Okay, mix
it up. See if there's anygood ones. Oh okay, okay,
let's see this is going to beoh god, okay, ready my god,
Oh my god, Laura, I'mgonna have to maybe do a couple
(32:07):
of these for you. Okay,Okay, nicknames for evacuating your bowels,
okay, dropping your kids off atthe pool, put shitting, and crapping.
I'm gonna say you should have justsaid crapping and dumping. That's great,
but that was clever the first one, I guess. Okay, Eric,
(32:27):
mm hmmm, all right, namethree uh uses for pantyhose, mask
for your legs, and for yourhands. For your hands, I don't
think you could. We know ifyou describe what you can do with them
(32:49):
with your Okay, I was niceto you. I gave you one for
what I don't remember. No,I don't think you earned it. I
did. I didn't have a contentiousanswer. Okay, we have not withheld
one from anybody. Okay, here'sthe one, Brian, name three things
that could get stuck up your nose. A bean, a pencil, and
(33:14):
a paper clip. Okay, true, all those things are a dick.
Okay, here, okay, notone of those. I don't want that.
I don't want that top one becauseI don't know. I know this
is like the nod, isn't anuncensored version. There's a family version two
of this game. It's fun.Here's another death here, oh my god.
(33:42):
And there are some on the otherside too. Oh yeah, they
were all over the place. Damn. Okay, okay, ready, yes,
reasons you wish you were a dog. I can sleep all day,
(34:02):
I can eat whatever I want,and I can ship in the yard.
You can do that, now,that's true. What I would have totally
said I could lick my own balls. Well, why would I have something
good? I don't want? Yeah? Use all right, Eric, Yes,
something wrong with your dog? He'sbeen looking his balls the past three
(34:24):
hours. Three nicknames for urination,pissing, pee and uh uh urinating?
I don't know. Three nicknames forurination, whizzing, weeing, and tinkling.
Good. Have you ever heard ofthe term making water? No?
(34:46):
I got to make some water.That's that's old school. That doesn't make
sense. What it's an actual thing? It doesn't make sense. That came
to my head anyway. Okay,now it's my turn or whatever. Lour
Kane, Yes, sluts okay,Kim Kardashian, Paris Hilton, and Nicki
minaj Oh what I don't know.I'm sorry. Nikki. Well, yeah,
(35:12):
no, she talks about being aslut and her songs, right,
yeah, I think that was morecar booty. Ho isn't that her song?
What? What about? What elsepussy I should have? I don't
think. Well, I'm you knowwhat, I'm keeping the card. Eric
name three places you find a prostitute, Ali Club and Vegas. There's the
(35:37):
one that lives here. Okay,Brian, Yeah. Three reasons to be
embarrassed. You ship yourself, youpissed yourself, or you came accidentally in
your pants. I got and Iwas like, I was like, all
right, I'm gonna go for them. Crazy one, my god, Okay,
(36:00):
that would be embarrassing. It wouldbe totally embarrassing. Yeah, uh
okay, yes, let me seehere. Colors your poop could be brown,
green, yellow, Look, Ieven have time to spare. God,
(36:21):
thank you give me another one thatwas boring yellow poop. I'm a
little concerned for you. I neverwill that's it could be asking for a
friend, okay, okay, ready, yeah, another one places you don't
want to find blood Okay, undermy nose, coming out of my butt,
or coming out of my knee.Okay, then now it's Brian's turn
(36:45):
to do that same one. Okay, wait, where is the question?
Places you don't want to find blood? My bed, my bathroom, my
pants. You're good at keep itsimple, stupid. Okay, Eric,
Yes, name three things you shoutout during sex. I'm coming, oh
(37:07):
baby, Yeah, that's it.You get done a lot more than three
on that one. Okay, butZinga, this is a good one.
Okay. Name three things you shouldn'tbuy on discount toilet paper, pregnancy tests,
and condoms. Good job, youguys are infesting my mind with just
(37:30):
sex stuff, and that's something Ican think about. I had condom instantly,
but I was like, I don'twant to say condom. That's gross.
Like we've done so many and Iwas like, all right, that's
all I got. Hey, we'reon, you know what, we're on
a vibe right now, we're ready, yes, already, then we'll stop.
Okay, get ready to turn it? Okay. Things you bang drum
(37:51):
a guy a girl? I don'tthink you could. You can bang a
guy. You can bang a girl, of course. I alway here when
I say like, oh I'm abang, it's always on, like I'm
not bang her, I'm going tobang him. Maybe you can say that.
I guess I'm just Eric named threethings on a hooker's to do list.
(38:15):
Get cash, get blown, gether vagina eaten because I say get
tested. All right, okay,Brian pay Rent name uh three Oh this
(38:36):
is good, this is good.Name three places you don't want to have
diarrhea? Uh in my car,in a dressing room at the grocery store.
I thought have a grocery store toogood, good, good good.
I had dressing room that came intomy head for some reason. Okay,
yes, okay, let me seehere. Did we do you? I
(38:59):
think we lost the order. Iknow we did. We did do you?
You're next? Okay, No,he's looking for one for me.
Okay, Okay, we are goingto do this one. Okay. Places
you wish you could wear pajamas?Uh, the grocery store, work and
(39:21):
dinner out. I didn't see it, so you get it. I know,
yeah, I get it. Youwant to keep going? Yes,
okay, Eric, Eric, namethree things that are no good dry dick,
fingers and a tongue. I thoughtyou were going to say, like
(39:45):
badge or something. Okay, thatwas that was so far off my radar.
Okay, Brian, name three phallicshaped things A penis sometimes sticks,
and all right, I'll go togenus is shaped just like a paullus.
(40:07):
I realized that one day, evenget that. I shouldn't the rules against
that? Okay, go Laura caYes, reasons you puke? Oh my
god, you're thinking about before youYou drank too much, you ate too
much, you have the flu.Okay, Okay, there we go,
(40:29):
Thank you, welcome. Eric namedthree things you pay for by the hour,
hookers, parking, and movies.That's what you pay for movies by
the hour. You do? Ohokay, I can't relate, so either.
Just Brian, name three sexual positions. Go really really, I'm going
(40:58):
to pleat the fifth on that.All right again? Matrimony, matrimonial,
the chicken and donkey, the flyingsquirrel in the koala. You don't get
that one. I don't know whyyou're not. Wait, don't I have
to do it? I bet no, I bet if you look at the
commas suture, I bet those wereall in there. Okay. They have
like the craziest names, like theh the monkey squatting football magicians. All
(41:20):
right, Eric, you give ita shot. Wait, what was the
question again. Uh places, Waitit is the position sexual positions named three
sexual positions go reverse, cow girl, Doggie style and missionary. Good.
Okay, wait, where's the card? Were here? You get the card?
The crotch card? Okay, okay, or unless you have you should
(41:42):
have answered that. I don't evenknow. I don't know what's happening right
now. Are people you never wantto see naked? Trump? But you
know what though I would want tois do you naked? I just that
would make me tormy. Daniel's gota lot of money to see him naked.
(42:05):
I want to see I pretty muchwould want to see anybody naked?
Why not? Why not? Youknow what, I'm going to give it
to you. She got one thatwas good enough for me. God,
all right, it's totally fell apart. All right? Are we done?
Oh? Wait? Brian? Okthings you don't want to hear your doctor
(42:30):
say you have cancer, you havean infection disease. We're naming a new
disease after you. You're pregnant.I would never want to hear that.
Well, you'll never hear that.Lets count up your cards and then I'll
count up Brian's cards. I thinkBrian is the clear winner here, but
I don't think we get we heldany cards back from anybody. I know.
I don't think so. The otherone call it three way time,
(42:51):
all right, we'll call it athree way anyway. You guys just follow
our instructions on Laura Cane after Dark. They're right there. How you can
get tickets to suit our big party, which is on May twenty fourth at
Viejas Casino and Resorts. It's onMay twenty fourth, Friday. We're going
to be seeing the band George MichaelReborn, and before that we'll be giving
(43:12):
away some prizes and we're just goingto celebrate Brian's two years with the show.
And it just happens to fall onmy actual birthday. It's going to
be a blast. Seventh seen sofun Ken, I didn't count. You
have seven Brian clear I think Brianclearly one one, two, three,
four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven,
twelve, thirteen, fourteen, fifteen, sixteen, seventeen, eighteen,
(43:36):
nineteenth. Yeah, Brian wins.Brian wins gradually, thank you. I'll
be here until next week. Howto get the tickets? Just got a
Laura Kane after dark dot com.You'll see how and then we will email
you a pair of tickets if youwin. All right, thank you so
much for watching, and thank youso much for listening. We love you,
guys, We love you. We'llwait to party with you. Love
your podcast, Love your podcast.I love you, my sweet babies,
(43:59):
I love you, Love you too. Thank you for my president. Oh
my god. Fine, you canturn this off. Mammy, mam ma,
No alone. Hello, you cannotdo that show. You can't get this
episode, bann This one's got tostay up. I know. Oh gosh,
leave it to you. Welcome toLaura Kane after Dark, everybody,
thank you for tuning in. Ericjust gave me like a boo boo just
(00:29):
to wake up a little bit.What he was doing before was way worse.
It can't be banned from anything else. Please. Oh by the way,
what love that Renegade scene? Sothat okay, hilarious. I know
it's so funny. So back inthe day, in the nineties, there
used to be a show called Renegade. Stu Siegal Productions did Renegade Pensacola and
(00:51):
Silk Stockings from San Diego, andthey were like nationwide shows and they were
they played on I forgot what station. They were, like the UPN or
you say network or something. Yeah. Anyway, So I was cast throughout
a couple of years in different variousroles. Now this one popped up because
I recently got a residual check fora scene that I was in almost thirty
(01:17):
years ago. Okay, it wasnineteen ninety six, okay, and I
don't even have a speaking line forthree cents. No, it was twenty
nine bucks. Oh really. Yeah. So this episode where I played Jennifer,
I just walk in behind the oneof the main characters and I'm like,
I'm sorry, I couldn't I couldn'tstop him from coming in. But
(01:38):
I'm whispering I don't really have lines, and she's like, that's okay,
and then I leave, like I'mliterally on for like two seconds. Yeah,
and I got twenty nine bucks thirtyyears later. Come on, that's
awesome. Go so I found itonline somehow. Oh my god, that
was delicious. I know it.I had the really poofy bangs and everything.
Yeah, it was great. Youhad the total turd role. Awesome
(02:00):
in nineteen ninety six. Eighty six, not ninety six. This is a
big episode, you guys, becauseapparently we Brian and I are about to
get the gift of all gifts.Brian gets his two year anniversary with Laura
can after Dark Podcast producing the showGift. I get my birthday gift a
little early, and now can youcan you say exactly how do you think
(02:29):
Brian is going to react? Brianwill probably faint on site, and as
he's fainting, he'll say, Ilove you, Eric. This is bigger
and better than what you've previously.Oh, this makes the other the other
stuff look like oop what? Andthen okay, how do you think I'm
(02:51):
going to react to the gift?You will scream, I yeah, did
you look for my birthday gift?Or did you just have and upon something?
And I was like, oh mygod, I looked you did?
Yes? Oh my god, Ihate this is. Okay, let's roll
some ass and let's jump. No, no, no, we're going to
stretch this out. No, no, I've waited so long. Oh my
(03:13):
god, this is You're gonna haveto come up here when we do.
Okay, so let's play the steall right, So we have to talk
about something from Capital Growthingwordsler. It'stheir annual shred event. It's back on
Saturday, May twenty fifth. Theannual shred event is they're bringing it back.
Bring your unwanted documents, tax returns, process checks, financial statements,
et cetera. Have them shredded whilechatting with the financial advisors. Now's your
(03:37):
chance to come and see the newoffice. The location is one two six
eight zero High Bluff Drive, rightoff of Delmar Heights Road. You make
the first ride. I think upnine thirty am till eleven thirty am on
May twenty fifth. Refreshments will beserved and then you can tear the new
office. It's really cool. Yeah, we'll keep you posted, Okay,
So that's on May twenty fifth.May twenty oh, we'll talk about our
(03:58):
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dot com and we got to talkabout our party which is coming up,
Brian's second year anniversary party where he'sgoing to show up for an hour and
a half and then go gamble.But that's fine. At Viehas Resort and
Casino. It's May twenty fourth,which happens to be my birthday. Yes,
and so doors open at six o'clock. I'm getting you a cake.
You are, yes, I know, just the kind of you're just a
(06:08):
simple girl with the dream. Iknow exactly what kind of a cake you
want or what kind of cake?Yellow cake with any kind of frosting,
any kind of frosting, well,not too sweet and nothing with fruit,
yes, yes, and you knowthe frosting. I want chocolate, thank
you, not any kind I don'twell, I mean any yes, any
kind of chalk. Okay, thankyou. You scared me there from it
(06:30):
that we weren't best friends anymore.Okay, you and Marla like the exact
same cake. Really THEFF number oneand you're both of your birthdays are in
May. She Gemini. I thinkshe's a Taurus if her birthday was on
Monday, yeah it was. Okay. Anyway, our party is May twenty
fourth. It's at Vahause Casino andResort. And what we're doing is we're
(06:51):
giving away some prizes. From sixto seven, doors open officially at seven
before you, guys, I'll openat six and then we're going to watch
a great band, George Michael Reborn. This guy sounds looks just like George
Michael, and you will have itis the best time. It's such a
fun show and it's already sold outcompletely. So the only way you can
(07:14):
get tickets, we have twenty fivepair to give to you, guys,
and this is how you get them. Okay. We're not making you jump
through tons of hoops or buy anythingor anything like that. You just have
to follow us on Instagram, followus on TikTok, you have to tag
a friend on one of our postsor we'veposted or whatever, and then just
subscribe to our YouTube channel, whichis free. You just hit the button
(07:36):
and then if you do all thosethings DM Laura Kane after dark on Instagram
and the first twenty five people,boom, I'll get your ticket. Boom
boom. We're checking too, somake sure you're actually subscribing. Oh yes,
we will be double checking each oneof those boxes. Okay, so
that is on May twenty fourth.Oh my god, I can't, I
can't, I can't, I can'tdo this. I have to okay.
(07:59):
I'm like, my armpits are split. Why because I'm nervous about what's in
the bag. That's the bag,you know. The best part is is
such an underwhelming bag too. It'slaying a flat, like, yeah,
so he didn't have these. Hewas panicking before he got here, and
he's like, I didn't I didn'twrap Brian's gift or wars. Do you
have any gift bags? And I'mlike, well, what size do you
(08:20):
need? He goes, well,probably the size of like a bread a
bread box or whatever. And I'mlike, so it's an odd size but
it's literally the size of a breadbox, but it's flat. Well I
wasn't gonna play my hand and belike, oh I need one. Well
okay, so Eric claims that.Okay before so I'm going first my birthday
(08:43):
gift. Okay, so I'm gettingmy birthday gift early. Do you want
to explain anything before I open itup? Like? How well? Yes,
she went to get I do nothave your card and hear that I'm
giving you on your actual birthday.Okay, but happy birthday, Laura Kane.
Oh my god, Okay, it'slet's take guess. Okay, it's
(09:07):
it's got to be something, anautograph of some sort, or tickets to
something. I don't know why.Oh, but you wouldn't be in like
it doesn't feel tickety. It couldbe a big envelope with or cah it's
it's it's something that has a mattit's a I'll let you guys see it
first and then I'll turn it around. No, no way, how did
(09:35):
you get that? I have mysources the real Barbie, Margot Robbie.
Is that her actual autograph? Yes? Oh my god? Did you get
this? Like professionally dined? Ohmy god, that's so cool. She's
like what I want to be whenI grow up. For that, bro,
(09:56):
that's so cool. Okay, Iwould never be able to read her
her autograph. It doesn't look likeMargot Robbie at all. Just looks like
a big scribble. But I amso stoked, thank you. And that's
such a cute picture of her.That's on. I know. Oh I
have to go see now, I'mgonna have to go to Michael's to get
a neat free, a neat one, and then I'll put it up on
(10:18):
our wall. Yes, all right, now, Brian's turn. Now,
Brian apparently he's going to faint.Yes, now, Brian, you have
to wait a minute. Let memake sure that it's in here. Okay,
make sure it's happy anniversary, Brianfor everything you do. Look,
I'm taking claim to this too.Now you have to you have to pull
both out at the same time.So there's there. You go. Okay,
(10:46):
oh from what is it saying theanniversary to you? Oh wow,
god? Oh okay, so thisis oh wow, it's so much I
love it. So you do realizethere's two signatures. Yeah, so this
(11:09):
is halle Berry and ye halle Berryand Keanu Reeves. And this is from
the third third John Wick movie,I think Parabellum, which is a great
one, super good movie. Nowthe really, the real kicker is the
the third personalized Keanu Reeves thing Ihave, the Happy two years. That
was pretty crazy. That is insane, can I Yeah, yeah, okay.
(11:31):
It's just on a on a likea little square piece of paper.
It looks like his marker was runningout a little bit. Brian, Happy
anniversary two years. Keanu. Lookat that. Oh my god, I
go mag shaking because he actually waslike touching this and then let me see
this. Oh my gosh, whatis this movie? That's John Wick?
(11:54):
That's Wick. I've never seen aJohn Wick movie. Oh my god,
watch him. I know I heardit. I'm just I just love this
man, Keanum so much, justfor he just seems like he's just so
cool with his well he obviously isso clearly with his fans. Oh my
god, Ryan, that's pretty crazythat I know you're gonna have like a
whole shrine to Keanu. No,I already have two things on my walf.
(12:18):
Oh by the way, Oh,he's like, there's something else coming
here. There is, holy shit, but it is not what you think
it is. Is it from someIs it from Keanu Reeves? I am
not going at leberty to say it'sHarrison for what's the what's the et on
this? It's like another format,Yeah exactly. No, hopefully it'll be
(12:41):
here by your anniversary. Oh Jesus, my heart can't handle these things.
Oh it's another like one day mybirthday started and it's just never stopped.
Oh my god. That's so cool. Now now that you have somewhat of
a rapport with either Keanu or people, what is the percentage in your opinion
(13:05):
of him? One day showing upin my living room. What is the
percentage right now? That's a verygood question, missu. Yeah, yeah,
because that was the original goal.It was a lofty goal. It's
very lofty. And in the meantime, we've been we've been getting these autographs
(13:28):
for Brian, Yes, personalized lettersto Brian that could be for nobody else
but Brian. Yeah, literally,And but we still haven't gotten an etam
maybe when he might sit in thisseat right here, do you think he's
tired of writing my name? It'swith a why? Remember it's with a
(13:50):
why, because I mean it's notjust like, oh, you know Keanu
Reeves signed picture. Every single thinghe sent me says to Brian on it,
like everything says to Brian. Soit's at least four times. Now
what has Eric told is people orhim about I know, I think that's
this is so cool, Eric,you have like the connections you are awesome,
(14:13):
like Farby real life Farvey, She'slike I loved her. I've loved
her ever since I saw her inWolf of Wall Street that she was great
and I'm ever thinking she was themost beautiful woman I've ever seen. And
then she became Barbie Marco Robbie,thank you Eric. Oh my gosh,
Oh my gosh. But I sawthat dog Star was coming to the belly
(14:39):
up at some point, yes,like I think maybe it had already had
happened, and I was like,oh I better. It was like on
a Thursday, though, So Iknew that it wasn't going to like coincide
with our when we record our podcast. But we'll get him in here one
of these days. I know it. I just know it, especially now
that he knows like who you arekind of. I mean, he he
(15:00):
knows you know, you know,Keanu Reeves knows you happy two years that's
what he knows. That's crazy thatthat's actually this is cool. This is
crazy, though, I know,are you going to go back to Michael's
or where'd you go? Hobby?Love your Michaels. I don't know how
I'm gonna frame this, because didn'tthey want to all want to touch it.
(15:20):
This has already got a mat onit though, So Matt, how
do you a frame that has alike a mat something that has a mat
on it? No, I'm talkingabout that. This is such a tiny
ast thing. I don't even knowif they could frame something this small.
Oh my god, I have tosee Oh my gosh. Well, congratulations,
that was awesome. Thank you,thank you, thank you Eric,
Eric, we love you so much, and thank you for in advance for
(15:46):
my cake. You're on twenty fourth. You're welcome, and no, we
can't wait to see you guys atthe party. It'll be great. It'll
celebrate Brian and oh I learned howto. I'm very disappointed in one thing
though, what he didn't faint.I thought Brian was going No, Brian,
no, there's no if if Keanoactually keep well, I just want
(16:07):
to say the ante for me,fainting is increased with everything I get.
So I've he's never been. Thisis as amped up as I've ever seen.
The first time, I almost fainted. The first thing, I almost
just die. I can I cansafely say this, Oh god, what
(16:27):
when you see what's coming next?What the hell? Okay, how is
this happening? Just watch? Wait? When when did we say? When
did you him? I'm waiting forit. It could come next week.
(16:48):
It could like you could be presentingthis to him at the party. I
could Oh my god, Oh mygod, oh my god. All right,
well, I don't say I knowI don't even know. I don't,
are you. I am pulling outevery stop for the two of you.
I think he must be in theIlluminati or something. He's I am
working every angle, all your Hollywoodsources. Yes, and I usually don't
(17:15):
I never would do that, Butdon't do that for the two of you.
I am doing it. My god, that is just so cool,
and I'm fine, there's more tocome. That's just totally my heart can't
handle it. Crazy, but that'show I want to die. So okay,
So all right, I have whatthe most popular baby names are for
(17:38):
this year, the top ten.You don't care. The Social Security Administration
released its annual list of the mostpopular names in the US for boys and
girls. Now do we want toguess any names before I give you the
names? Well, you're for twentythree Nora, yeah, uh no,
(18:00):
Jake no, that was like twothousand and five. Emma, Emma is
number two, Olivia number one,y she did such a beautiful name.
Let me think, Come on,there's one that there's so many of I
(18:21):
know so many of these. Ryan. Ryan is not on the boy or
girl list. I'll just give you. I'll just give him to you.
Okay, here are the girls,Luna, Evelyn, Evelyn, Evelyn,
(18:41):
Ava, Isabella, Mia, Sophia. That's one of the one. I
know a lot of Sophia's Amelia,Charlotte. That's a pretty pretty name.
Emma, and then Olivia. Andthen for boys and he guesses on the
boys. Jake no, no,Jake no. William is number ten old
(19:04):
school, then Lucas Henry. Ilove it. I've already decided it's gonna
be my first son's name. Oh, Charlie was almost Henry more for Henry
Jones. But you know Henry Jones. Who's Henry Jones? If you think
about it will come to you.Maybe not. You should know, though
I probably should. Am I embarrassedright now? Henry Jones Junior? I
(19:26):
say, do you know who JonesJunior is? Ookay, we don't know,
well who is he? That's IndianaJones's real name? Oh? Sorry,
oh, okay, okay? UhTheodore Theodore Theo. Oh that's cute.
Matteo No, I hate the name. Oh, I love that.
I know a couple Mateo's and thegreat people by hate Nameteo call Maddie right
(19:48):
or Teo, Elijah, Oliver,Noah and Liam is the number one name.
Liam. Okay. So, nowI have a game, you guys.
It's called the five second uh rule? Five second yeah, five second
rules, and the the the objectof the game, I can't even think
(20:12):
straight. The object of the gameis to name three things that are on
this card within five seconds. Here'sthe little timer, your whole one.
You need help, Yes, here'sthe timer goes like this, So you
have exactly that much time. Igot it, I think. So that's
(20:33):
five seconds. That's five seconds.Okay, So I will just read you
what you're supposed to. Let meread the card to you. No,
I'm gonna read the card to youand then to you, and then you
read one to me, and thenwhoever gets it gets the card. Who
has the most cards at the endwins. Take turns individually, right,
(20:55):
Yes, okay? Ready, Eric, Yes, name three nicknames for sexual
intercourse, fucking doing it bareback?Okay, all right, but bear just
refers to the nature of the protection. Oh, I'll give it to him.
I'll give it to him. I'llgive it to me. All right
(21:15):
now, Brian, name three placesyou'd like to hide a camera, plant,
cabinet, and TV. Okay,all right, okay, Laura,
things that get stuck under your nails, food, makeup, and hair?
(21:36):
Okay, hair, I don't know, you get hair stuck under your nails?
Well? Dog air? Maybe?Yeah? Sometimes? I know that's
totally gross. Okay, ready,yes, Eric, name three male body
parts dick, nipples, and balls. Okay, we're good at this game,
all right, Yeah, Brian,name three celebrities involved in a sex
(22:00):
scandal. Uh Marilyn Monroe. Idon't know. Actually, okay, so
when you're not okay, so nowyou try it. Wait wait, you
can't say Mayln Monroe. So yousaid that, Yes, yes, you
can't say that three celebrities in asex scandal. Uh. Kim Kardashian Uh,
(22:22):
Ellen degenerous? What okay? Thelady who doesn't like penises? Okay,
oh my god, Okay wait aminute, Paris Hilton. Nope,
that's hard. It's hard. It'shard, see because I can't you can't
repeat what anybody else said? What'sa sex scandal? Too? Like it?
(22:45):
Like? Is it just cheating?Pamela Pamela Anderson and Tommy Abou Russell
Crow che on his wife? Isthat sex scandal? Sure? With Meg
Ryan? Yes, that was asex scandal. Yes, totally okay,
Now, Eric, yes, namedthree songs about sex? Uh doing it
(23:07):
a big ship? I don't know, okay, Brian. Three songs about
sex, Go Cake by the Ocean, Pour some sugar on me, and
come on Eileen, that's about sex. I'm pretty sure. All right.
I hate that song. I didn'tknow that. Oh my god, I
hate that song more than you inthat dress. My thoughts, I can
(23:27):
confess that song. Yeah, ohver John dirty. At least it's a
very least a very I've never reallylistened to the lyrics except for come on,
Eileen. I love that song.Okay, come on come is in
the title true? So now it'smy turn, Yes, okay. Jerks
named three jerks Antonio, Brian sometimesand for the word cock, thank you,
(23:56):
okay, Eric, three jerks gotrump um ship. That's the only
jerk I can think. Ryan,Three jerks go Jimmy Kimmel, Charlie Sheen
and uh uh no, no,I know, I know. Sometimes it
is all right. Now it's EricStern. Name three ways you deal with
(24:22):
a hemorrhoid, cream, medicine andpoking it. Okay, you get it?
Okay, Brian, name three placesyou'd hate to get a pimple.
But genitals and back easy anywhere.I guess. No one wants the camera
(24:45):
so we can see. There's nocamera right now, there's no I know.
Can you turn it around? Allright? Oh my god? Okay,
so here ready? Yeah, okay, go drugs? Three drugs ecstasy,
heroin, cocaine. Okay, yes, I know, thank you?
All right now it's Eric Stern namedthree times faster is better? No,
(25:12):
I'm going to name okay, namethree things that burn, go fire,
a stove and oban, I meanwhatever. Brian named three people with questionable
morals, uh, Trump, CharlieSheen, and Jimmy Kim. Okay,
(25:38):
whatever, I'll give it to you, all right. But he seems like
a jerk. I don't. Idon't think. Oh this is a great
one for Laura. Oh, herewe go, ready. And activities that
make you hungry, oh, sex, working out and gardening. You wouldn't
know about any of those things,I know, not lately. Not.
(26:00):
Okay, Eric, name three wordsyou say when you're angry, fuck,
shit and crap. Okay, Brian, name three lies you tell on a
job interview. Yes or no?I've never been to jail. Yes,
I have that work experience, andI don't have any weaknesses. You didn't
(26:22):
get it? What, yes,I did? No, the ball was
already there was still one. Therewas still one left. See I'm so
easy. Such a pushover. Okay, go one more round, luracane.
Okay, what reasons you get?Dirty gardening, playing in mud, and
sexual intercourse. That's the same thingyou said last time you did the same
(26:45):
thing, didn't you. Okay?Eric, name three men who should consider
hair removal, Tom Selleck, Trumpand Charlie Sheen. Ooh, Trump with
no hair, that would be youknow what, I actually like him a
little bit better. A bald DonaldTrump. You would look a lot more
imposing, like you look like gooddoctor No from the original James Bond.
(27:07):
He looked like this. Yeah,this structor evil? All right? Brian
named three people who need to gainweight. I don't know any innerxic people.
Okay, I'll give you a differentone. Name three uses for coconut
oil lubricant good for your hair,and moisturizer lubricip. You know how I
(27:30):
know that? Like actually, becauseI used to like there was this one
time I saw like this, likethis couple they walked into the target I
was like, in the same mile. I think it was in like the
super aisle, and they bought twothings of coconut oil and they walked out.
That was all they got. AndI was like why and so like
Google, I was like, well, else can you do with cocon oil?
And like the one of the topnumber results is lubricint. I was
like, it wasn't for just moisturizing. No, I mean, I guess
(27:52):
it is. It's like two andone's for moisturizing. You're wiener, all
right? Eric, Yes, namedthree people who would make better zombies than
humans. Uh, Trump, CharlieSheen and Tom Selling recycling pot of answers.
Brian named three ways the world couldend Trump nuclear annihilation, pandemic and
(28:19):
volcanoes. Perfect Okay, I don'tknow. I didn't see that one.
Uh shoot, juicy things okay,vaginas, oranges and pineapples one of those
things in your experiences. Okay,Eric, that's so gross. Name three.
(28:44):
I don't think you well, Idon't think you know that. Named
three. Oh here, this isa good one. Named three uses for
your tongue, Oh, kissing,kunnelingus and analongus analongus. I don't think
that's a word. Yes, itis the word. What's the word rimming?
(29:06):
Oh yeah, in a lungus.Though, in a lungus, I
think they called eating ass or lickingass. Never have never will never have
never will a tasty treat there?No, no, no, Lauracane has
never done that. Chocolate factory isclosed, yes, and I think that
goes in there. Everything has comeout, okay, sometimes occasionally, like
(29:29):
once every month. Okay, namethree items in a mob daughter's dowry.
What the hell does that mean?Okay? Uh, gaudy rings, drugs
and a pistol? Okay, Eric, wait, no, it's waits my
turn. Yes, okay, gotasty things okay, penis, chocolate,
(29:56):
cake and oranges. I don't thinkthe first one counts. Why you never
taste right? But tasty? AskEric? Be tasting object like actually like,
oh this is a pleasant like Iwish my drink was this flavor.
I it depends on the person,but I you know, I'm giving myself
(30:17):
that card. I get that cardthere. Okay, one more round and
then and then we'll stop. Thisis fun. We're getting we're getting good
at this now. Eric named threethings you nibble nibble, neck cock and
ass neck, went from next straightto cock, and from cock to ask
(30:37):
how many cocks you nibble? No? No, okay, so it's like
he's like you want had like,no, I want you to nibble.
Brian named three reasons to feel shamenibbling on cock, getting a bad grade,
and committing a crime. Nailed it. Pick a good one for me
(31:00):
to end on. Oh well,this is a good one for you.
Ways to end a bad date.Leave the restaurant, pretend that you're going
to the bathroom, and pretend youget a phone call emergency. Oh that's
very good. Thank you, thankyou, thank you. Do we want
to end one more round? Let'sgo one. I'm around okay, half
an hour right now? All right, we could go as we want.
(31:22):
Eric, Yeah, name three waysyou get a bruise, falling, punching,
hitting, Okay, I mean thoseare all correct? Yeah okay,
Brian? Yeah. Three free thingswater, air, sun, well not
water, so outside water is freedepending on where you get from not from
(31:44):
the sink. No, no,that's also not free. Okay, mix
it up. See if there's anygood ones. Oh okay, okay,
let's see this is going to beoh god, okay, ready my god,
Oh my god, Laura, I'mgonna have to maybe do a couple
(32:07):
of these for you. Okay,Okay, nicknames for evacuating your bowels,
okay, dropping your kids off atthe pool, put shitting, and crapping.
I'm gonna say you should have justsaid crapping and dumping. That's great,
but that was clever the first one, I guess. Okay, Eric,
(32:27):
mm hmmm, all right, namethree uh uses for pantyhose, mask
for your legs, and for yourhands. For your hands, I don't
think you could. We know ifyou describe what you can do with them
(32:49):
with your Okay, I was niceto you. I gave you one for
what I don't remember. No,I don't think you earned it. I
did. I didn't have a contentiousanswer. Okay, we have not withheld
one from anybody. Okay, here'sthe one, Brian, name three things
that could get stuck up your nose. A bean, a pencil, and
(33:14):
a paper clip. Okay, true, all those things are a dick.
Okay, here, okay, notone of those. I don't want that.
I don't want that top one becauseI don't know. I know this
is like the nod, isn't anuncensored version. There's a family version two
of this game. It's fun.Here's another death here, oh my god.
(33:42):
And there are some on the otherside too. Oh yeah, they
were all over the place. Damn. Okay, okay, ready, yes,
reasons you wish you were a dog. I can sleep all day,
(34:02):
I can eat whatever I want,and I can ship in the yard.
You can do that, now,that's true. What I would have totally
said I could lick my own balls. Well, why would I have something
good? I don't want? Yeah? Use all right, Eric, Yes,
something wrong with your dog? He'sbeen looking his balls the past three
(34:24):
hours. Three nicknames for urination,pissing, pee and uh uh urinating?
I don't know. Three nicknames forurination, whizzing, weeing, and tinkling.
Good. Have you ever heard ofthe term making water? No?
(34:46):
I got to make some water.That's that's old school. That doesn't make
sense. What it's an actual thing? It doesn't make sense. That came
to my head anyway. Okay,now it's my turn or whatever. Lour
Kane, Yes, sluts okay,Kim Kardashian, Paris Hilton, and Nicki
minaj Oh what I don't know.I'm sorry. Nikki. Well, yeah,
(35:12):
no, she talks about being aslut and her songs, right,
yeah, I think that was morecar booty. Ho isn't that her song?
What? What about? What elsepussy I should have? I don't
think. Well, I'm you knowwhat, I'm keeping the card. Eric
name three places you find a prostitute, Ali Club and Vegas. There's the
(35:37):
one that lives here. Okay,Brian, Yeah. Three reasons to be
embarrassed. You ship yourself, youpissed yourself, or you came accidentally in
your pants. I got and Iwas like, I was like, all
right, I'm gonna go for them. Crazy one, my god, Okay,
(36:00):
that would be embarrassing. It wouldbe totally embarrassing. Yeah, uh
okay, yes, let me seehere. Colors your poop could be brown,
green, yellow, Look, Ieven have time to spare. God,
(36:21):
thank you give me another one thatwas boring yellow poop. I'm a
little concerned for you. I neverwill that's it could be asking for a
friend, okay, okay, ready, yeah, another one places you don't
want to find blood Okay, undermy nose, coming out of my butt,
or coming out of my knee.Okay, then now it's Brian's turn
(36:45):
to do that same one. Okay, wait, where is the question?
Places you don't want to find blood? My bed, my bathroom, my
pants. You're good at keep itsimple, stupid. Okay, Eric,
Yes, name three things you shoutout during sex. I'm coming, oh
(37:07):
baby, Yeah, that's it.You get done a lot more than three
on that one. Okay, butZinga, this is a good one.
Okay. Name three things you shouldn'tbuy on discount toilet paper, pregnancy tests,
and condoms. Good job, youguys are infesting my mind with just
(37:30):
sex stuff, and that's something Ican think about. I had condom instantly,
but I was like, I don'twant to say condom. That's gross.
Like we've done so many and Iwas like, all right, that's
all I got. Hey, we'reon, you know what, we're on
a vibe right now, we're ready, yes, already, then we'll stop.
Okay, get ready to turn it? Okay. Things you bang drum
(37:51):
a guy a girl? I don'tthink you could. You can bang a
guy. You can bang a girl, of course. I alway here when
I say like, oh I'm abang, it's always on, like I'm
not bang her, I'm going tobang him. Maybe you can say that.
I guess I'm just Eric named threethings on a hooker's to do list.
(38:15):
Get cash, get blown, gether vagina eaten because I say get
tested. All right, okay,Brian pay Rent name uh three Oh this
(38:36):
is good, this is good.Name three places you don't want to have
diarrhea? Uh in my car,in a dressing room at the grocery store.
I thought have a grocery store toogood, good, good good.
I had dressing room that came intomy head for some reason. Okay,
yes, okay, let me seehere. Did we do you? I
(38:59):
think we lost the order. Iknow we did. We did do you?
You're next? Okay, No,he's looking for one for me.
Okay, Okay, we are goingto do this one. Okay. Places
you wish you could wear pajamas?Uh, the grocery store, work and
(39:21):
dinner out. I didn't see it, so you get it. I know,
yeah, I get it. Youwant to keep going? Yes,
okay, Eric, Eric, namethree things that are no good dry dick,
fingers and a tongue. I thoughtyou were going to say, like
(39:45):
badge or something. Okay, thatwas that was so far off my radar.
Okay, Brian, name three phallicshaped things A penis sometimes sticks,
and all right, I'll go togenus is shaped just like a paullus.
(40:07):
I realized that one day, evenget that. I shouldn't the rules against
that? Okay, go Laura caYes, reasons you puke? Oh my
god, you're thinking about before youYou drank too much, you ate too
much, you have the flu.Okay, Okay, there we go,
(40:29):
Thank you, welcome. Eric namedthree things you pay for by the hour,
hookers, parking, and movies.That's what you pay for movies by
the hour. You do? Ohokay, I can't relate, so either.
Just Brian, name three sexual positions. Go really really, I'm going
(40:58):
to pleat the fifth on that.All right again? Matrimony, matrimonial,
the chicken and donkey, the flyingsquirrel in the koala. You don't get
that one. I don't know whyyou're not. Wait, don't I have
to do it? I bet no, I bet if you look at the
commas suture, I bet those wereall in there. Okay. They have
like the craziest names, like theh the monkey squatting football magicians. All
(41:20):
right, Eric, you give ita shot. Wait, what was the
question again. Uh places, Waitit is the position sexual positions named three
sexual positions go reverse, cow girl, Doggie style and missionary. Good.
Okay, wait, where's the card? Were here? You get the card?
The crotch card? Okay, okay, or unless you have you should
(41:42):
have answered that. I don't evenknow. I don't know what's happening right
now. Are people you never wantto see naked? Trump? But you
know what though I would want tois do you naked? I just that
would make me tormy. Daniel's gota lot of money to see him naked.
(42:05):
I want to see I pretty muchwould want to see anybody naked?
Why not? Why not? Youknow what, I'm going to give it
to you. She got one thatwas good enough for me. God,
all right, it's totally fell apart. All right? Are we done?
Oh? Wait? Brian? Okthings you don't want to hear your doctor
(42:30):
say you have cancer, you havean infection disease. We're naming a new
disease after you. You're pregnant.I would never want to hear that.
Well, you'll never hear that.Lets count up your cards and then I'll
count up Brian's cards. I thinkBrian is the clear winner here, but
I don't think we get we heldany cards back from anybody. I know.
I don't think so. The otherone call it three way time,
(42:51):
all right, we'll call it athree way anyway. You guys just follow
our instructions on Laura Cane after Dark. They're right there. How you can
get tickets to suit our big party, which is on May twenty fourth at
Viejas Casino and Resorts. It's onMay twenty fourth, Friday. We're going
to be seeing the band George MichaelReborn, and before that we'll be giving
(43:12):
away some prizes and we're just goingto celebrate Brian's two years with the show.
And it just happens to fall onmy actual birthday. It's going to
be a blast. Seventh seen sofun Ken, I didn't count. You
have seven Brian clear I think Brianclearly one one, two, three,
four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven,
twelve, thirteen, fourteen, fifteen, sixteen, seventeen, eighteen,
(43:36):
nineteenth. Yeah, Brian wins.Brian wins gradually, thank you. I'll
be here until next week. Howto get the tickets? Just got a
Laura Kane after dark dot com.You'll see how and then we will email
you a pair of tickets if youwin. All right, thank you so
much for watching, and thank youso much for listening. We love you,
guys, We love you. We'llwait to party with you. Love
your podcast, Love your podcast.I love you, my sweet babies,
(43:59):
I love you, Love you too. Thank you for my president. Oh
my god. Fine, you canturn this off. Mammy, mam ma,
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