June 6, 2024 • 44 mins
What kinds of things are you ok doing alone? We discuss what we are comfortable doing and won't do alone. Laura's brilliant idea of having a stand-up comedy contest among us goes over like a lead balloon with Erik. But, we think we have him convinced to do it so get ready for that contest soon.
Producer Bryan whips out a Wild Card Segment and we end by playing one of our favorite games called "What's Your Price?" Laura gives a scenario and everyone has to write down the lowest amount they'd do it for like, "What's your price to hot tub naked with your entire family?" The answers and the commentary are hilarious.
Hope you get a laugh or two from this one.
Love your podcast!!!
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/laura-cain-after-dark--4162487/support.
Producer Bryan whips out a Wild Card Segment and we end by playing one of our favorite games called "What's Your Price?" Laura gives a scenario and everyone has to write down the lowest amount they'd do it for like, "What's your price to hot tub naked with your entire family?" The answers and the commentary are hilarious.
Hope you get a laugh or two from this one.
Love your podcast!!!
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/laura-cain-after-dark--4162487/support.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:11):
Hello, look at us. Welcometo Laura Kane after Dark. Hi.
I'm Laura Kane. This is EricRimmer. We are the Bobbsey Twins.
We are We look cute. Ithink you look well, No you don't.
That front part is not good thatway. Do you need like a
little messacare or something, a littlelip anyway, welcome to the show.
(00:34):
Thank you so much for watching andlistening. We sure appreciate it. We
sure hope that we provide some sortof escape from your everyday grind. You
know, we just want to bea light, fun escape, like you're
like having dinner with us, becausethis is literally literally what it's like to
go out to dinner with us.It really is. We'd delight. We
are delight. We are we are. Okay, So on this episode,
(00:57):
Brian has a wild card. He'sgonna whip out. You have some sort
of special thing for me. Ihave something that I ordered for you because
I feel like you need to beeducated. It's an educational tool. Okay,
(01:17):
I'm just hoping that it is allowedon YouTube. I'm actually not sure.
Well, we'll see what happens whenI whip it out. I'm nervous.
We're gonna play what's your price?The favorite game? What's your price?
I have some good ones today,and real quick, before we start
(01:38):
with our sponsors, do you knowthat this has words? Don da da
d done dun dun. Yeah,shaven a haircut two bits? I did
not. Okay, you are fortyfive. You really know he's not he's
older than that, because he's Imean, we are. You didn't know
that shaven a haircut two bits?Had no idea? I thought that was
(02:01):
like so cool. Anyway, Ohand by the way, we are okay,
let me ask you something real quick, Eric. Yes, we are
going on five years in August.We will be doing this podcast together,
you and me for five years.Yes, I know you respect this podcast.
(02:23):
You love the people that listen andwatch. So therefore, this is
going to be something that's gonna challengeyou, and you're gonna do it.
You have to agree to do it. We're gonna do the stand up comedy
routine. Hell no, yes weare. Eric. Now I have all
(02:44):
off the air. I'll tell yousome ways that will make it a little
easier. What are you so afraidof? What are you? Okay,
tell me why you're afraid? Whyare you not funny. You are hysterical.
This will push you out of yourcomfort zone. It's always good to
be pushed out of your comfort zonea little bit. Now, Brian is
gonna like rock it, of course, Well, of course he will.
(03:05):
Yeah, probably, Yeah, Brianwill kill it. Yeah. I probably
most likely will lose. But I'mgonna give it my all. I'm telling
you what I will. I've beenthinking about it already, but we're gonna
make it a thing. So it'sgoing to just do you love me?
I love you, unconditioned? Doyou respect me? I do? Do
(03:27):
you respect my decisions? Well,don't answer that. I don't answer that,
not all the time. But thisis gonna be a good thing.
This is gonna be funny to watch. It's gonna be painful, maybe,
but great. It's not gonna befunny. It'll be not funny. The
two of you will be funny.I will not be funny, but that'll
be funny. If you're not funny, you're doing it. You're doing it.
(03:52):
I'm gonna just say, you know, I just flew into San Diego,
and boy, are my arm's tired? Fine? Make a bunch of
dad jokes, Look up a bunchof jokes. Okay, the joke part
isn't funny. The fact you've toldyou like three dimes in a row exactly.
Come on, that's part's kind offunny. Now listen, in all
reality. You know what you coulddo and I can't believe I'm even saying
(04:15):
this out loud. What you coulddownload some AI app, Chat, GPT
or whatever and have them write itfor you, all of them for a
I know I won't do that,but Eric could easily do that. You
know what, You could dick upsome old thing that nobody's heard in a
long time and then just do it. Eric, You're doing it. No,
(04:39):
yeah you are. I'm going tobe sick that day. I strap
No, you're not. Eric.Come on, you gambled for the first
time for me, and I appreciatethat and thank you. It was really
funny and fun and cute and Iloved it. And this is another thing
you're going to do for me becauseyou love me. Thank you and the
show and I love the fact thatyou This is another thing you're going to
(05:00):
do for me. Thank you.And because you're in, You're in.
I know you're you're going to doit. Okay, you know what if
I have to do this for you. What do I have to do?
What do I have to do?What don't I want to do? I'm
going to make you watch I'm likea one minute video of somebody puking.
And that's different from the videos yousend me daily, well because I don't
(05:25):
watch them, No I don't.So then this one, you'll have to
watch one minute of it, aone minute video, and then you will
agree to do the stand up.Sure. This is how invested I am
in this and how good I thinkit's going to be. Okay, oh,
this is awesome. Thank you foragreeing to do it. I will
(05:47):
do it. I will suffer throughit. It's going to make me crazy
and my poems are gonna just what. I'm probably going to pass out,
but oh well, and you haveto keep your eyes open. I will
Okay, Okay, it'd be great. I have a question for you guys
before we get into Brian. Doyou want to do your wildcard after we
do? The sponsors? Sure?Okay, our fantastic sponsors La Joya Cosmetic
(06:08):
Surgery Center. They have a lotof specials going on right now. Go
to Lahoyacosmetic dot com and here's moreabout La Joya Cosmetic and our favorite guy
ever Jarsler Hi Jall Growthing. LaJoya Cosmetic Surgery Center is the place to
go if you're looking to rejuvenate yourappearance, tighten and shape your body,
and just just something special for yourself. You deserve to look your very best.
(06:30):
Laoya Cosmetic Surgery Center offers over ninetyprocedures and treatments for a natural,
youthful appearance. They are absolutely thebest in the business. Try out their
treatment planner at glamfam dot com.It's so easy and amazing to use.
We can't say enough great things abouttheir Board certified plastic surgeons. And guess
what they offer flexible payment plans soyou can start your journey to a better
(06:51):
you right now. Free consultations too. The very best in the business is
in our own backyard. How luckyare we? Make sure you tell them
that Laura Kane after Dark sent you. We love everything about La Joya Cosmetic
Surgery Center. Go to clamfam dotcom. Are you ready to take control
of your financial future? Look nofurther than Jay Wartzler. You're trusted and
(07:13):
our favorite certified financial planner. Lifeis full of financial decisions and with thirty
plus years of experience and a dedicationto your financial wellbeing. Jay is your
partner and achieving your financial goals.So if you're at or near retirement and
you want to know if you havesufficient assets and income sources for a comfortable
retirement, or if you are simplychanging jobs and you're unsure about what your
(07:35):
options are with your current retirement plan, please reach out to j. Jay
Wartzler and the team at Capital Growthgo the extra mile to ensure your financial
success. Their office is a onestop shop for financial advising, estate planning,
tax preparation, and divorce analysis.Call J today at eight five eight
(07:55):
five five two six' nine sixto zero or email him at jaide W
at Capitol Growth Inc dot com.All Right, I have a question for
you guys, and it's just notdeep or anything. It's just I'm curious
what things are you comfortable doing alone? For disturbating? Come on, I'm
(08:16):
not comfortable doing that long partner.Wow, I didn't expect it to go
there right away. Oh my god. Yeah, she she does. She
messages me, she frequently, shecalls me. Sometimes she complains about She's
like, you're so vulgar. I'mlike kind of the part. I know
it is just it's yeah, shethinks you're hilarious. But I've told my
(08:39):
mom, I'm like, you know, it's an act, Like it's just
a right jokes right now, Ican. I have no problem going to
dinner by myself. And I canbecause I can, you know, like
read or look at my phone orsomething. I don't have a problem with
people looking at me if I'm aloneeating dinner. I on the other hand,
(09:01):
I cannot go to see a moviealone. I don't know why,
but I just it's too sad.It makes me a little bit depressed and
a little bit I get a littleweirded out, like people are like,
oh, look at that girl sittingall by herself, outsad, poor thing.
Now what are you comfortable doing alone? Are you? Are you comfortable
(09:22):
going to dinner by yourself? Areyou comfortable? Are you comfortable going on
a trip by yourself? Have youever done that? I'll go last because
it will tie on a wild card, all right, so, oh good.
I used to not be comfortable doingit, but I I've been a
couple of times to the movies bymyself, but I don't like going to
eat by myself. Do you enjoygoing to the movies by yourself? I'm
(09:43):
getting better at that, but youdon't like going out to dinner by yourself.
Have you ever gone on vacation alone? No, okay, one time.
It was one time at band camp. It was like two thousand and
eight. I think I was rightout after I got out of rehab.
I think I was still living withTommy and I had a weekend or a
(10:03):
whole week. Oh, they hada week off. We had a week
off. I'm like, what amI going to do? So I'm like,
you know what, I want togo on a trip alone. So
I drove to Sedona by myself,stay in an hotel, hiked alone,
tried to find the vortexas went onthis really really cool stargazing tour in the
(10:26):
middle of the night on the topof this hill. It was pitch black
and you could see the Milky Way. It was really really cool. And
I listened to books on tape thewhole way there and the whole way back.
So I just read something where theysaid everybody needs to do that at
some point, is just go ona trip by yourself. I yeah,
one agree, And a friend ofmine recently it's like I want to experience
(10:50):
that with somebody. I don't wantto, but I get it. I
totally get it. Yeah, Andthen think about like the people you can
meet or not or just be alonewith your thoughts, and I don't know,
I think it's cool. Would yougo on trip by yourself? Yeah?
I actually love being alone. Imean, I love being with people,
but I also, like, donot mind being alone. I don't
(11:11):
know, Maybe that's just me,but I think it's kind of fun to
be wholly absorbed in just oneself,and not in a selfish way, but
just in like a very like consciousof your mind in a way that you
can only do when you're alone,especially when you do something like really kind
of intense alone. But I don'tmind doing a lot of things alone,
(11:31):
or going to the movies, asI did twice. This, Oh is
this okay? Play a wild cardmusic, Play a wildcard music? Is
this? He says, is dovetailing. We're dovetailing right now. Whale tailing,
whale tailing. This is weird musicfor this, Okay. So my
girlfriend's been studying for school the lastthis last weekend, so I had basically
a whole weekend to myself, andI was like, what the fuck do
(11:54):
I do with myself? So Iwent to the movies on Friday night and
I saw Furiosa. It's incredible,it's great. It's not as good as
Fury Road, but it's super good. Can't wait. What time did you
go and what movie theater were youat? Gross? Small? I think
it went like seven pm or something. So was it crowded? Nope?
(12:15):
I went and saw the Imax too, okay, and it was very It
was not crowded all, which isactually disappointing because I want that movie to
do well. It's very It's notquite as good as Fury Road. It
is incredible though, it's super good. So do you know what I heard
which sucks is that he had atrilogy it may still happen, and they
said because of the lackluster ticket sales, it might not happen. And that's
(12:35):
what he was banking on. Wasthis to do really well? So it
was it was going to be aboutMax's origin. Yeah, well's well,
see. I think this this movieis. It's tremendous. It's so good.
I think he'll end up doing well. I think once it gets released
on streaming, I think the NumblesNumbers will do really well. But any
Anya Taylor Joys in it and she'sfantastic, Like Chris Hemsworth in it and
(12:56):
he is incredible. I mean,he really steals the show. It's pretty
Does he play Max? No,he's just a villain. Max isn't in
it? Okay. The only criticismI have is that the first The Fury
Road was very practically practical effect oriented. Not say there wasn't CGI, but
Furiosa definitely has a lot more CGIscenes, which sometimes take away from it
(13:16):
because especially when you compare it toMad Max, which was very real so
still very good. And then onSunday I went and saw In a Violent
Nature in the theater. Oh okay, wait a minute, how was that?
It's pretty good. It's very stylized, which makes it good. Otherwise
it would be a little bland.But it is a kind of a generic
(13:37):
horror slasher movie. But it isfrom the perspective of the killer the entire
time, so you're just falling aroundthe killer. It's like Friday the thirteenth
if you only watched what Jason wasdoing the entire time. Now, is
it one of like those which Ihate? One of those found foot Do
you remember do you remember the movieHardcore Henry? Yeah, I love that
movie. Okay, so is itlike that? No? Oh okay?
(14:00):
It is third person, and infact, you actually you do leave the
killer sometimes. You focus on thevictims sometimes, but it's largely told through
his perspective on the events happening morethan anything else. And it is definitely
slow at times because there's he doesn'tsay a word and you know the story.
It's really light on the story.No one cares about why what's happening
(14:20):
is happening, but has impeccable style. It's shot by the one by one
format, so it's a square.It's not like nine by six or sixteen
by nine. Like most movies arereally interesting, great color grading, great
cinematography. It's really it's really fun. It is incredibly gory, though it's
very gory. See, I won'tgo to anything it doesn't have good color
grading. What about you? Thatis no, but that's something that like
(14:43):
Mad Max is something that is heavilycolor graded and looks really good. Is
Mad Max? The one where theyhad that that popcorn bucket that everybody's going
crazy about. Oh that's no,it's a, it's another one. Dune
had one, but then there's anew one Deadpool dead Pool. Okay,
so it looks like a like athat's the kind of bad with a big
(15:05):
mouth. The blow job, yeahyeah, yeah, yeah, it looks
like a sex toy. Oh it'sa joke. It's intentional anyway. Anyways,
Furios was really good and the violentnature is good. It's a little
more artsy, so it's not quitehigh octane entertainment, but it is if
you can appreciate that, it's reallygood. So I recommend both them.
(15:28):
Okay, did you feel any sortof way, like kind of sad guy
going? Yeah, I was bothdepressed and like very content, so it
was weird. Wow, that's like, like this is sad. And I
was like, I don't mind.Did you like have popcorn? And the
whole thing like, I don't I'mnot a popcorn person. So I just
picked up got a drink and thatwas good to go. All right,
(15:48):
all right, love my popcorn.Before we get into what's your price?
Speaking of price, I bought yousomething or see. I don't know if
we can with this out. Isthis is something I get to keep?
Yes, just do it? Ithink if it's for educational purposes, it
is, it is. I thinkyou're fine, all right? Oh God?
Preface this by saying, Eric issomebody who has never seen a woman's
(16:17):
genitalia in the live or in personor are I don't even know the one
picture. The pictures you have seenare all like really messed up ones.
So I think you have a reallybad view of what they really look like.
But you don't know what think what'swhat and where it goes? You
(16:37):
know where this goes and where thatis. So what I did was I
got you a model. Oh no, and it's kind of I don't think
it was meant to be educational,if you know what I mean. I
think it was meant to be towell, it was. It was hard
to find one that wasn't like twohundred dollars that Laura's use a flashlight to
(17:00):
demonstrate. Gross. I'm here.I just want okay, Oh god,
I don't think I can put thisup? Can I? Okay? Now?
Eric? What this right here?I can't do this. I don't
think I can do this. Idon't want to watch you. I know,
I know, I know if youknow what, it's gonna make him
(17:22):
uncomfortable. It's gonna make you uncomfortable, but just hand it to Eric.
This is actually a nice looking one. Yes, Now, this is the
part that you stimulate. These arethe labia means to know these parts?
He doesn't. This is medical.He doesn't need to know, just should
know. Just grab it, Eric, touch it a little bit and just
(17:45):
pet it like it's a little doggyit for the show. He was his
finger up there tomorrow. Is thissomething that like you can Actually I don't
even want to know. I don'twant I'm not sure that. I don't
know what other purpose you'd have,like keeping your change in there or something.
Yes. Oh god, all right, boys, get out your paths
(18:07):
of paper, because it's time forname your price. Thank you for not
making me do anything disgusting like lickat or whatever. No, I I
you were saving me. You havesome that would have gotten this canceled drug?
Yeah, sure that wouldn't have beenokay, throw up? All right?
Do we have any kind of likebumper music we can play into this?
(18:32):
This is a radio term bumper music. Oh, don't play the again.
This is a fun gang. Welike this game. There we go,
all right. This game is whereI give everybody a scenario and you
have to tell me or write downthe lowest amount that you would do this
thing for touch that vagina, eightbazillion dollars, and you always are you
(18:55):
always exaggerate. I want you tobe more realistic this time, like,
really think about it. No,I'm not exact. There's that I wouldn't
do here exactly. Yeah, rightbefore the show was literally no, come
on, you were I saw youyou had your finger. Oh god,
Okay, I'm going to do onejust for Eric, and I want you
(19:17):
to be I don't want you togo one trillion dollars. Be okay,
this is really happening. Okay,it's really happening. It is a twenty
four year old woman. She isnaked, and she's got a great body,
she's clean, she's everything's fine,and she's standing in front of you.
(19:38):
You have to take your finger andjust touch her, not even rub
or anything, just touch her inher private area consensual, consensually. Yes,
of course she's there for that.What's your price? And don't put
one trillion dollars or I'm going tobe so mad, be honest. Just
(20:02):
you are ridiculous. You were absolutelyridiculous, Brian. You don't have to
please one billion dollars. That isthe dumbest thing. You are so ridiculous.
You just have to touch it.You don't even have to do anything
to it. Yeah, come on, what's the real answer. Okay,
what is the real answer. It'sgetting so read. She is she's a
stranger, but she's there just foryou to touch it. Not even sexually.
(20:26):
Well that definitely would not be ano. No. Just she's standing
in front of you. You justhave to go woop and that's it.
You God, he's ridiculous. He'sabsolutely ridiculous. Hey, I just lowered
my price. I just lowered myOkay, I want to seriously, if
if someone said five hundred thousand dollars, just go touch touch it, you'd
(20:48):
say no, five hundred thousand,yeah, okay, okay, okay,
now we're somewhere, okay, twohundred and fifty thousand. No, So
someone off he says two undred fiftythousand, you just have to go do
that, you'd say no, Idon't that. There's no way. No,
she's standing right there and you justhave to And I have a box
of money that's dollars. You justhave to reach a fine fifty Okay,
(21:08):
let's try one hundred. No,it's this is not the kme art.
Get down twenty five dollars. Touchingyune is negative a thousand, by the
way, cross a thousand. Whatyour price to get kicked in the chest
by a horse? Oh? Hellno? Did I ever tell you about?
(21:33):
So this is true. My dadwas a landscape architect and he was
doing a job for this client thathad up up stables, and the daughter
of the client went out to putsome brushes away and spook the horse,
(21:55):
and it kicked her in the faceand she had to have full wreaking like
knocked out all of her teeth,like ripped her eye lid off, like
almost killed her. And I waslike, oh, a billion, not
even a billion. I don't uhh, that'd kill you. Two hundred thousand
dollars. Oh my god, areyou crazy? Okay, I'll see you
(22:17):
guys both in the hospital. No, chest, I can survive chest.
Also, I'm gonna kind of leanback like neo as you know, as
it kicks me, So I'm notgoing to take the full impact. Here's
the problem with me. It's gonnapop my boob, my breast, implant.
You know you do know that yourheart is right there, she's got
airbags. She's fine. Well,you're not gonna die from it. This
that's my own rule. You mightwell okay, well whatever, okay,
(22:41):
what's your price? And this willbe interesting because I want to know what
you guys had to repeat the lastmeal you ate for every meal for one
month? Oh, every single mealfor one month? The last meal you
ate let's see one month? Okay, all right? First Eric, how
(23:04):
much? Oh? Five hundred bucks? So you must add something good?
What'd you have? I had achicken and white cheddar and uh onion burger
burger yump that I made at home. Brian, what's your price? I
(23:25):
had a California Brios two hundred bucks, all right. I had a waffle,
a big giant waffle, scrambled eggsand bacon, And I said,
one thousand dollars because that probably isn'tgoing to be good for me for one
month to eat that every single day. You know what, No, I'm
going to take a zero off onehundred dollars. I do that for one
hundred dollars, all right. What'syour price to have an Audi belly button
(23:48):
that's three inches long? Oh?God? Three inches long like that forever.
Oh gosh, see as a woman. Oh this is tough, this
is tough. It is so grossup looking. You got a dick sticking
out of your chest. I'm goingfive hundred thousand, five hundred million dollars,
(24:15):
yes, because I would have thatship wacked off. Yes, absolutely,
I'm doing seven and fifty thousand.You two are quick, crazy.
You can tucket. I can do. I'll drop it off myself, chop
it off. That is disgusting.Okay, what's your price? Show up
for work or school in a robeand nothing else? Now, Brian,
(24:41):
this is when you go into work. This is this is a power play
if you ask, oh gosh,let's see nothing else, just a robe,
show up for work, full dayof work, your eight hours.
I really got to think about thisbecause, like I really realized, think
about this. I feel like you'reone mental breakdown away from doing that.
(25:06):
I know. I mean you mightnot have done it last night. All
right, anyway, what is itEric? One hundred bucks? Yeah,
to go the full day at workwearing a robe and nothing else. Sure?
Wow, I said fifteen hundred.I said five thousand, Okay,
because I want five thousand, becauseyou want five thousand, but you do
it for less. Yeah, it'sjust it's a good way to make five
(25:29):
thousand, as I wouldn't do itfor much less. That Can you imagine
going to work and not having towear underwear. You'd just be like,
no, you that's you don't dothat anyway. Right. You can get
fired though, the thing you getfired over. Yeah, I mean you
have to give you'd have to likework with clients in your robe. Okay,
you'd have to meet new perspective,okay, whatever, All right,
(25:52):
what's your price to give pedicures toevery resident in a nursing home? Ill?
And just say there's about twenty fiveof them and you have to get
full on petticures with the scrubbing ofthe calluses and everything. Oh god,
and I bet a lot of thosehave like hammer toe and feet get weird.
(26:14):
Oh god, I do it fortwo grand Oh my god, no
wait no wait, let me thinkabout this being too too quick on the
trigger. Here is that one time? It's one time you have to Oh
god, all right, Brian,what's your price? I'm adding trauma?
(26:38):
Oh he's like really seriously thinking aboutthis. That is absolutely revolting. There's
probably missing toes. Oh I needto there's definitely dark nails. Oh god,
I'm changing. I changed my bruiseddark old nails or no nails or
no nails. God, I woulddie, Oh my god. Okay,
(27:03):
ship, I don't know if Icould talk about this on that I saw
somebody to date with the most sandals. Oh, I thought I was gonna
puke, older person, younger.It was the toenails that it looked like
a butthole because it was like nonail, had no to I don't know.
(27:30):
I just put many nines on thispaper as like, my god,
oh god, it sounds, ohgod, literally making my eyes water.
Okay, this one I want anhonest I want you to visualize this as
my stomach is growling. I'm sohungry right now. What's your price to
(27:52):
eat a live roach? Oh?Let me think about this. What type?
Just your basic and it has tobe sizable. Not only from the
pet store or is it from thegarbage dumpster? Do they sell roaches at
the pet store? Translators, it'sfrom the garbage. It's from your from
(28:17):
not your house from like my answer, Oh, I got an answer for
you. It's from downtown San diegoOh hell, and it's sizable. Okay,
I'm really truly thinking about this.Okay, you know what, honestly,
(28:38):
oh my god, really really wouldI do this? Really? Really
really? Yes, I would tengrand. I'm being honest. I'm being
honest. Somebody had ten thousand dollarsin front of me and there's a roach,
it would be horrific. I wouldhate it. I would die almost.
But I know ten thousand dollars.Do you know how much poop and
(29:00):
those legs have walked on? Well, I'm not going to think about Oh,
that's just the act of eating.Oh my god. Okay, so
Ryan, what's your price? Yourroommate is gross, three, your roommate
is disgusting, My roommate has walkedOh my god, I said, need
to eat a live roach for tenthousand dollars A downtown a downtown live roach.
(29:23):
Yeah, so you live sizable roach? Ten grand? Come on,
Brian. Okay, my answer isthe same as last time. I added
an extra row of nines. Well, why is it's? Whyse It's so
incredibly it is disgusting to be disgusting. I want to do it. I
(29:44):
want I want all the money onthis paper, which I can't even count.
God, you don't get to dothe nine nine to nine thing anymore.
Okay, okay, you do,then here we go. Yeah,
what's your price to get in ahot tip naked with your family? Oh
god, well, my whole family'sdead. Whole family will pretend that they're
(30:07):
not. You're, you're. Everybody'salive, and you're you are. You're
at a cabin and it's like maybesnowy outside. You guys want to get
in the hot tub because it's whatyou're gonna get naked. Come on,
I'm setting the scene. Thank god. Oh gosh, let me think mom,
Dad, Oh, oh my god, Jenny, Eric, Oh lord,
(30:30):
oh boy, at this age,let's see wow wow wow wow wow.
Okay, Laura's like five dollars.No, what is your answer?
Eric? One trillion dollars? Thatis disrespectful? No, come on,
No, you heard how upset mymom got when she saw me in bike
shorts, Like, can you imagineyour mom walked up to a hot tub
(30:55):
naked in front of oh my hey? Okay, okay, have my answer,
and I did not do I didlast time. This time my answer
is as many eights as like afit on the saw really, yeah,
I said one hundred thousand dollars.Oh my god. Yeah, well last
time you said you give your datamassage like a hundred fifty boh, yeah,
that's true. Oh god, doyou still want to do that Laura
(31:18):
half the time of his life?Or would you like to give your brother
Eric a massage? No? No, no, I don't think so.
What about Jenny? I give Jennymassage? Yeah, that's not especially for
chicks. Sure, no problem,it's not. I do that for nothing.
But for Eric, I don't know. Every chick is like two inches
away from being like bisexual. It'sfine. Oh my oh what's your price
(31:41):
to use somebody else's a complete stranger? You don't know this person's toothbrush for
one month? Oh somebody you don'tknow as stranger toothbrush has been used.
It's been used, no, butnot like heavily, and you got to
use it for the rest of themonth. And let's let's assume they don't
(32:04):
have any diseases or anything they're goingto pass on to you. It's just
the act of using a stranger's toothbrush. Okay, this is pathetic. Oh
my god, Okay, Eric,don't copy Brian that's not okay my joke.
That is ridiculous. Okay, whenwe do the stand up, I
(32:27):
want him to go first so hecan't go after me and just copy my
joke. Good, good idea,because I am not going first. That
was not part of the deal.We'll go second. Okay, you can
go last. I don't care.No, I'm going last, so that
he can't copy my note. I'mnot going first. He'll go second.
We got him in. Let's justget it in first. I had two
grand, but I changed it.I know, my thing with teeth and
(32:47):
feet, five five hundred, that'sfine. Yeah, gross, you two
are gross. What's your price toallow five people to vomit on you?
Oh, Laura? One dollar?Now? Let me just no dollar?
No, what is no? Honestlythey have there, they have to puke
(33:07):
on you, on your on yourchest, on your pants, on your
shoes. How do you know that'snot a normal Friday? Or I might
I might make extra money that way. He has a puke My god,
oh my god, there're probably issuch a thing. Oh guarantee you,
oh for sure. Only fans areyou kidding? Just for fans, just
(33:27):
for fans? Okay, what's yourprice, Brian, mine is ten thousand
dollars. Oh my god. Here'sthe thing. Five people throw up on
you, which happens to people I'msure all the time downtown anyways. The
people throw up on you, yougo immediately, shower, hose off,
take a clothes off, whatever.It's a problem for like ten minutes.
(33:52):
Eric, mine is one hundred thousandmillion, mine is one gig a billion.
That's insane. I would never No, I no, I am.
I'm dead series. So somebody said, Laura, here is here is a
suitcase full of one hundred dollars bills. No, I can't if you were
(34:14):
what if you were a negative seventeendollars in your check? I am okay,
let me let me rephrase I havebeen lately, Laura. I bring
into this studio a briefcase and ithas twenty thousand dollars in it, and
I say I can fix you know, fifty fifty thousand dollars. I say
I can fix all of your financialissues right now. You don't have to
worry about it. It'll set youback up. You can buy yourself a
(34:36):
real Louis Vuittont this time, maybea new car if you wanted to all
your problems will be solved. Allyou have to do is let five people
throw up on you. You canpay your rent for the next twenty five
years. I'll keep hustling. Wayhave been, No way. I don't
believe that. No, do youunderstand phobias? Do you understand? Like
terror? What's scarier than your terror? What homelessness? Not to me?
(35:00):
You gotta be homeless and have peoplethrow up on you? Almost, that's
insane. It's a legitimate phobia ofmine. Like it, like it's making
me like my palms are just sweatingright now? Another not I just like
her arms are heavy? Okay?What's your price to sing the national anthem
acapella at a Podrais game? Oh? A sold out Podrais game. Well
(35:28):
remember when Roseanbar did it? Yes, and she grabbed a crotch and that
whole thing. No, you wouldn't, you would not do that. I
couldn't grab my crotch. Oh,say, can you see okay anzerly lie?
Can I can? I can?I read it? And the rockets
(35:51):
red lare That wasn't too bad?That was actually good? Right? What's
your price? I'll I have amile ago first fifty thousand dollars. Honestly,
yeah, okay, okay, fivehundred thousand dollars. When we had
a singing contest and we had asinging teacher in here and we were he
(36:12):
guaranteed me that he had a songbecause we sang for her to critique us,
he spoke the words. He herefused to sing. I think I
did, didn't I do Madonna's JustifyMy Love? It is ridiculous and I'm
so mad. I've never been butit was. It's a song. It's
ridiculous. It's a song I woulddo it for. I want to kiss
you in Paris. It's a stupidone. I do it for ten grand
(36:36):
No, you know what, Noan song I do five five thousand?
Did you? The new Eminem isgreat, stupid. I love it.
It's super good. He is myhusband, my lover, my all time
crush. Don't all of his singleshe drops are always amazing, incredible.
(36:57):
I love It's so good. MarshallMather, Oh well, that's slim.
Slim Shady is the Death of SlimShady coming out this summer. The Death
of Slim Shady is the name ofhis album this next one. Yes,
it's coming out this summer. Okay, Adam Lambert's new CD is really good,
not even close to the talent ofthe man. Oh please name Marshall
(37:19):
Meadow please. You grew up onthe eight Mile. Yeah, what's your
price? To be frozen and thenrevived one hundred years later? Oh that
would be a freaky. That wouldbe so freaky. Think about one hundred
years ago, I don't think,because all my friends would be dead,
all the advancements we've made, Wherewould we be. I will I'll go
(37:43):
right now, negative one thousand.I will pay you. I will pay
money for this what but not now? I want to wait till i'm older,
well, like our age or likeolder old. Yeah, what you
mean? You mean Laura's age lateeighty so checks out well, like I
want to be like end of lifelike not like you know, like Laura's
(38:04):
age. Yeah. I want tobe in my last couple of years,
not like I could barely get aroundlike you know older. And then yeah,
freeze me and let me live acouple years in the future. Oh
my god, kids are so mean. I would do it would take a
lot. I'm going to say twentytwo million. End of your life though,
but I don't I think I justwant to be done. I don't
think I want to be revived atthe end of your life. So you
(38:27):
only have to live a couple extrayears, I know, but by then
probably they can extend my life indefinitely. Maybe. And then if you want
to live forever, you have theoption. I know, but then I
might not. No, Okay,so let's do this what Brian producer.
Brian has a great idea. Sowe'll do at ninety nine years old,
you and I will get frozen,and then a hundred years later we'll wake
(38:51):
up and we probably live forever.We'd be like those chicks and death becomes
her. But do you want tolive forever? That'd be kind of cool.
No, well, I mean ricketyand be like no, let's just
pretend that they don't. Why not? I don't know, because there should
be a time when you just you'reeternal rest, you know what I'm saying.
But don't don't go there with meforever. Don't go Look I'm going
(39:19):
to see my dad again. Okay, I don't even say, wouldn't you
rather lights just don't go out?I know that's what you think. Look
what let's go out? Yeah,and then there's nothing you'll imagine if we
were just hot for the rest ofour lives, like we never got older.
It's too late for me on thatline. Are we talking like twenty
(39:42):
years ago or like at this agenow? If we got frozen, when
we get frozen at the age we'reat right now? Okay, I think
we're thinking about this too. Weare, we are, we are,
we are. I mean, butI think you and I should do it.
Okay, I mean, you'll stillhave big, rock hard boobs hopefully
the horse didn't know she No,she won't because over time, well you'll
(40:07):
be frozen. You won't be gettingthem done every year. Yeah, but
when you come out of it,they'll still be hard and big, not
necessarily all right now, really,truly, truly, truly, this is
the last one we're doing. Okay, and I'm talking full on. Okay,
Okay, we're all friends. We'relike family, right, the three
(40:30):
family. Yes, Brian's our son, your mommy in this instance. No,
he's he's our friend. Okay,Oh god, God, this is
gonna be something disgusting. No,it's not disgusting. What's your price to
perform a strip tease for all ofus? Here? We did this question
(40:52):
last time? We did? Yes, because remember I said one hundred forty
bucks right now you have to takeyour pants off? And you you were
like no, because you gave aball answer. I did. We did.
Eric also gave like a two dollaranswer, say two dollars rate because
I'm sorry to the fire on thisone. Okay, let's see who's tomorrow.
(41:14):
Oh, what's your price to lickthe nose of the player to your
right? That would be me,right, that would be you for me.
Don't don't put your nose up yet. Let me put my price down.
You better say like a penny.Okay, let me make it.
(41:37):
Hey, hold on, he'll stopto lick the inside of the person's nose
to your left, to your right? Mm hmm. But yeah, what
did you put? Wait? Becauseyou'd have to do, Brian? Okay,
(42:00):
what's your answer, Brian, Becauseyou'd have to do. There's a
lot, there's a lot of riding. There's a lot of my god,
now there's sevens now they're probably sevenseven seven. Come on, Brian,
let's get real. Let's put let'sbring out that, let's bring out that
briefcase again. I don't want youto, but if you had to.
(42:22):
I'd let you if there was abriefcase full stacks of one hundred dollars bills,
just stacks and stacks and stacks onBrian, here you go. All
you have to do is stick yourtongue up my nose. It's still riding.
Wow, this is ridiculous. Thisis ridiculous. I said fifty dollars,
I'd do that. I do thatto you for fifty. I know
(42:44):
you'd be doing it to Brian.I'll do it for fifty. Steak your
nose. There's no boogies in there, well there might be, who knows.
You Just stick. I don't wantto get a surprise. Well,
whatever, that's the risk you're taking. Still writing you still right? God
is not okay, I know,but he's a little boy. He could
(43:07):
do anything, all right, Brian, show your answer. What the hell
my tongue anywhere near you? Guys? The nines and wait but wait does
it go on to another page?Oh wow, extra extra on the next
paces. Get real, Brian,get real. That's my price that I
(43:31):
think you are being ridiculous, andI think you're joking, and I think
I'm gonna maybe have a little conversationwith your mom about me not wanting to
lick the inside of your nose.Have that conversation with my mom. I'll
have a conversation with your mom abouthow cheap you are. I don't want
(43:52):
to give my dad. You don'tcare, you don't care about taking a
naked hot ride with your family.Rely. Okay, all right, all
right, alright, alright, we'redone. We're done. We're done,
We're done, right done, allright. We'll be back next week with
well someone is going on recasion,but we have we still are going.
We're chugging along like normal. Wehave an episode coming up next week and
(44:16):
until then, thank you so muchfor watching and listening. We sure love
that you guys do every week.We really sure appreciate it. And I
love your podcast. Love your podcast. I love you, my sweet babies,
love you everybody that was creepy.Bye bye
Hello, look at us. Welcometo Laura Kane after Dark. Hi.
I'm Laura Kane. This is EricRimmer. We are the Bobbsey Twins.
We are We look cute. Ithink you look well, No you don't.
That front part is not good thatway. Do you need like a
little messacare or something, a littlelip anyway, welcome to the show.
(00:34):
Thank you so much for watching andlistening. We sure appreciate it. We
sure hope that we provide some sortof escape from your everyday grind. You
know, we just want to bea light, fun escape, like you're
like having dinner with us, becausethis is literally literally what it's like to
go out to dinner with us.It really is. We'd delight. We
are delight. We are we are. Okay, So on this episode,
(00:57):
Brian has a wild card. He'sgonna whip out. You have some sort
of special thing for me. Ihave something that I ordered for you because
I feel like you need to beeducated. It's an educational tool. Okay,
(01:17):
I'm just hoping that it is allowedon YouTube. I'm actually not sure.
Well, we'll see what happens whenI whip it out. I'm nervous.
We're gonna play what's your price?The favorite game? What's your price?
I have some good ones today,and real quick, before we start
(01:38):
with our sponsors, do you knowthat this has words? Don da da
d done dun dun. Yeah,shaven a haircut two bits? I did
not. Okay, you are fortyfive. You really know he's not he's
older than that, because he's Imean, we are. You didn't know
that shaven a haircut two bits?Had no idea? I thought that was
(02:01):
like so cool. Anyway, Ohand by the way, we are okay,
let me ask you something real quick, Eric. Yes, we are
going on five years in August.We will be doing this podcast together,
you and me for five years.Yes, I know you respect this podcast.
(02:23):
You love the people that listen andwatch. So therefore, this is
going to be something that's gonna challengeyou, and you're gonna do it.
You have to agree to do it. We're gonna do the stand up comedy
routine. Hell no, yes weare. Eric. Now I have all
(02:44):
off the air. I'll tell yousome ways that will make it a little
easier. What are you so afraidof? What are you? Okay,
tell me why you're afraid? Whyare you not funny. You are hysterical.
This will push you out of yourcomfort zone. It's always good to
be pushed out of your comfort zonea little bit. Now, Brian is
gonna like rock it, of course, Well, of course he will.
(03:05):
Yeah, probably, Yeah, Brianwill kill it. Yeah. I probably
most likely will lose. But I'mgonna give it my all. I'm telling
you what I will. I've beenthinking about it already, but we're gonna
make it a thing. So it'sgoing to just do you love me?
I love you, unconditioned? Doyou respect me? I do? Do
(03:27):
you respect my decisions? Well,don't answer that. I don't answer that,
not all the time. But thisis gonna be a good thing.
This is gonna be funny to watch. It's gonna be painful, maybe,
but great. It's not gonna befunny. It'll be not funny. The
two of you will be funny.I will not be funny, but that'll
be funny. If you're not funny, you're doing it. You're doing it.
(03:52):
I'm gonna just say, you know, I just flew into San Diego,
and boy, are my arm's tired? Fine? Make a bunch of
dad jokes, Look up a bunchof jokes. Okay, the joke part
isn't funny. The fact you've toldyou like three dimes in a row exactly.
Come on, that's part's kind offunny. Now listen, in all
reality. You know what you coulddo and I can't believe I'm even saying
(04:15):
this out loud. What you coulddownload some AI app, Chat, GPT
or whatever and have them write itfor you, all of them for a
I know I won't do that,but Eric could easily do that. You
know what, You could dick upsome old thing that nobody's heard in a
long time and then just do it. Eric, You're doing it. No,
(04:39):
yeah you are. I'm going tobe sick that day. I strap
No, you're not. Eric.Come on, you gambled for the first
time for me, and I appreciatethat and thank you. It was really
funny and fun and cute and Iloved it. And this is another thing
you're going to do for me becauseyou love me. Thank you and the
show and I love the fact thatyou This is another thing you're going to
(05:00):
do for me. Thank you.And because you're in, You're in.
I know you're you're going to doit. Okay, you know what if
I have to do this for you. What do I have to do?
What do I have to do?What don't I want to do? I'm
going to make you watch I'm likea one minute video of somebody puking.
And that's different from the videos yousend me daily, well because I don't
(05:25):
watch them, No I don't.So then this one, you'll have to
watch one minute of it, aone minute video, and then you will
agree to do the stand up.Sure. This is how invested I am
in this and how good I thinkit's going to be. Okay, oh,
this is awesome. Thank you foragreeing to do it. I will
(05:47):
do it. I will suffer throughit. It's going to make me crazy
and my poems are gonna just what. I'm probably going to pass out,
but oh well, and you haveto keep your eyes open. I will
Okay, Okay, it'd be great. I have a question for you guys
before we get into Brian. Doyou want to do your wildcard after we
do? The sponsors? Sure?Okay, our fantastic sponsors La Joya Cosmetic
(06:08):
Surgery Center. They have a lotof specials going on right now. Go
to Lahoyacosmetic dot com and here's moreabout La Joya Cosmetic and our favorite guy
ever Jarsler Hi Jall Growthing. LaJoya Cosmetic Surgery Center is the place to
go if you're looking to rejuvenate yourappearance, tighten and shape your body,
and just just something special for yourself. You deserve to look your very best.
(06:30):
Laoya Cosmetic Surgery Center offers over ninetyprocedures and treatments for a natural,
youthful appearance. They are absolutely thebest in the business. Try out their
treatment planner at glamfam dot com.It's so easy and amazing to use.
We can't say enough great things abouttheir Board certified plastic surgeons. And guess
what they offer flexible payment plans soyou can start your journey to a better
(06:51):
you right now. Free consultations too. The very best in the business is
in our own backyard. How luckyare we? Make sure you tell them
that Laura Kane after Dark sent you. We love everything about La Joya Cosmetic
Surgery Center. Go to clamfam dotcom. Are you ready to take control
of your financial future? Look nofurther than Jay Wartzler. You're trusted and
(07:13):
our favorite certified financial planner. Lifeis full of financial decisions and with thirty
plus years of experience and a dedicationto your financial wellbeing. Jay is your
partner and achieving your financial goals.So if you're at or near retirement and
you want to know if you havesufficient assets and income sources for a comfortable
retirement, or if you are simplychanging jobs and you're unsure about what your
(07:35):
options are with your current retirement plan, please reach out to j. Jay
Wartzler and the team at Capital Growthgo the extra mile to ensure your financial
success. Their office is a onestop shop for financial advising, estate planning,
tax preparation, and divorce analysis.Call J today at eight five eight
(07:55):
five five two six' nine sixto zero or email him at jaide W
at Capitol Growth Inc dot com.All Right, I have a question for
you guys, and it's just notdeep or anything. It's just I'm curious
what things are you comfortable doing alone? For disturbating? Come on, I'm
(08:16):
not comfortable doing that long partner.Wow, I didn't expect it to go
there right away. Oh my god. Yeah, she she does. She
messages me, she frequently, shecalls me. Sometimes she complains about She's
like, you're so vulgar. I'mlike kind of the part. I know
it is just it's yeah, shethinks you're hilarious. But I've told my
(08:39):
mom, I'm like, you know, it's an act, Like it's just
a right jokes right now, Ican. I have no problem going to
dinner by myself. And I canbecause I can, you know, like
read or look at my phone orsomething. I don't have a problem with
people looking at me if I'm aloneeating dinner. I on the other hand,
(09:01):
I cannot go to see a moviealone. I don't know why,
but I just it's too sad.It makes me a little bit depressed and
a little bit I get a littleweirded out, like people are like,
oh, look at that girl sittingall by herself, outsad, poor thing.
Now what are you comfortable doing alone? Are you? Are you comfortable
(09:22):
going to dinner by yourself? Areyou comfortable? Are you comfortable going on
a trip by yourself? Have youever done that? I'll go last because
it will tie on a wild card, all right, so, oh good.
I used to not be comfortable doingit, but I I've been a
couple of times to the movies bymyself, but I don't like going to
eat by myself. Do you enjoygoing to the movies by yourself? I'm
(09:43):
getting better at that, but youdon't like going out to dinner by yourself.
Have you ever gone on vacation alone? No, okay, one time.
It was one time at band camp. It was like two thousand and
eight. I think I was rightout after I got out of rehab.
I think I was still living withTommy and I had a weekend or a
(10:03):
whole week. Oh, they hada week off. We had a week
off. I'm like, what amI going to do? So I'm like,
you know what, I want togo on a trip alone. So
I drove to Sedona by myself,stay in an hotel, hiked alone,
tried to find the vortexas went onthis really really cool stargazing tour in the
(10:26):
middle of the night on the topof this hill. It was pitch black
and you could see the Milky Way. It was really really cool. And
I listened to books on tape thewhole way there and the whole way back.
So I just read something where theysaid everybody needs to do that at
some point, is just go ona trip by yourself. I yeah,
one agree, And a friend ofmine recently it's like I want to experience
(10:50):
that with somebody. I don't wantto, but I get it. I
totally get it. Yeah, Andthen think about like the people you can
meet or not or just be alonewith your thoughts, and I don't know,
I think it's cool. Would yougo on trip by yourself? Yeah?
I actually love being alone. Imean, I love being with people,
but I also, like, donot mind being alone. I don't
(11:11):
know, Maybe that's just me,but I think it's kind of fun to
be wholly absorbed in just oneself,and not in a selfish way, but
just in like a very like consciousof your mind in a way that you
can only do when you're alone,especially when you do something like really kind
of intense alone. But I don'tmind doing a lot of things alone,
(11:31):
or going to the movies, asI did twice. This, Oh is
this okay? Play a wild cardmusic, Play a wildcard music? Is
this? He says, is dovetailing. We're dovetailing right now. Whale tailing,
whale tailing. This is weird musicfor this, Okay. So my
girlfriend's been studying for school the lastthis last weekend, so I had basically
a whole weekend to myself, andI was like, what the fuck do
(11:54):
I do with myself? So Iwent to the movies on Friday night and
I saw Furiosa. It's incredible,it's great. It's not as good as
Fury Road, but it's super good. Can't wait. What time did you
go and what movie theater were youat? Gross? Small? I think
it went like seven pm or something. So was it crowded? Nope?
(12:15):
I went and saw the Imax too, okay, and it was very It
was not crowded all, which isactually disappointing because I want that movie to
do well. It's very It's notquite as good as Fury Road. It
is incredible though, it's super good. So do you know what I heard
which sucks is that he had atrilogy it may still happen, and they
said because of the lackluster ticket sales, it might not happen. And that's
(12:35):
what he was banking on. Wasthis to do really well? So it
was it was going to be aboutMax's origin. Yeah, well's well,
see. I think this this movieis. It's tremendous. It's so good.
I think he'll end up doing well. I think once it gets released
on streaming, I think the NumblesNumbers will do really well. But any
Anya Taylor Joys in it and she'sfantastic, Like Chris Hemsworth in it and
(12:56):
he is incredible. I mean,he really steals the show. It's pretty
Does he play Max? No,he's just a villain. Max isn't in
it? Okay. The only criticismI have is that the first The Fury
Road was very practically practical effect oriented. Not say there wasn't CGI, but
Furiosa definitely has a lot more CGIscenes, which sometimes take away from it
(13:16):
because especially when you compare it toMad Max, which was very real so
still very good. And then onSunday I went and saw In a Violent
Nature in the theater. Oh okay, wait a minute, how was that?
It's pretty good. It's very stylized, which makes it good. Otherwise
it would be a little bland.But it is a kind of a generic
(13:37):
horror slasher movie. But it isfrom the perspective of the killer the entire
time, so you're just falling aroundthe killer. It's like Friday the thirteenth
if you only watched what Jason wasdoing the entire time. Now, is
it one of like those which Ihate? One of those found foot Do
you remember do you remember the movieHardcore Henry? Yeah, I love that
movie. Okay, so is itlike that? No? Oh okay?
(14:00):
It is third person, and infact, you actually you do leave the
killer sometimes. You focus on thevictims sometimes, but it's largely told through
his perspective on the events happening morethan anything else. And it is definitely
slow at times because there's he doesn'tsay a word and you know the story.
It's really light on the story.No one cares about why what's happening
(14:20):
is happening, but has impeccable style. It's shot by the one by one
format, so it's a square.It's not like nine by six or sixteen
by nine. Like most movies arereally interesting, great color grading, great
cinematography. It's really it's really fun. It is incredibly gory, though it's
very gory. See, I won'tgo to anything it doesn't have good color
grading. What about you? Thatis no, but that's something that like
(14:43):
Mad Max is something that is heavilycolor graded and looks really good. Is
Mad Max? The one where theyhad that that popcorn bucket that everybody's going
crazy about. Oh that's no,it's a, it's another one. Dune
had one, but then there's anew one Deadpool dead Pool. Okay,
so it looks like a like athat's the kind of bad with a big
(15:05):
mouth. The blow job, yeahyeah, yeah, yeah, it looks
like a sex toy. Oh it'sa joke. It's intentional anyway. Anyways,
Furios was really good and the violentnature is good. It's a little
more artsy, so it's not quitehigh octane entertainment, but it is if
you can appreciate that, it's reallygood. So I recommend both them.
(15:28):
Okay, did you feel any sortof way, like kind of sad guy
going? Yeah, I was bothdepressed and like very content, so it
was weird. Wow, that's like, like this is sad. And I
was like, I don't mind.Did you like have popcorn? And the
whole thing like, I don't I'mnot a popcorn person. So I just
picked up got a drink and thatwas good to go. All right,
(15:48):
all right, love my popcorn.Before we get into what's your price?
Speaking of price, I bought yousomething or see. I don't know if
we can with this out. Isthis is something I get to keep?
Yes, just do it? Ithink if it's for educational purposes, it
is, it is. I thinkyou're fine, all right? Oh God?
Preface this by saying, Eric issomebody who has never seen a woman's
(16:17):
genitalia in the live or in personor are I don't even know the one
picture. The pictures you have seenare all like really messed up ones.
So I think you have a reallybad view of what they really look like.
But you don't know what think what'swhat and where it goes? You
(16:37):
know where this goes and where thatis. So what I did was I
got you a model. Oh no, and it's kind of I don't think
it was meant to be educational,if you know what I mean. I
think it was meant to be towell, it was. It was hard
to find one that wasn't like twohundred dollars that Laura's use a flashlight to
(17:00):
demonstrate. Gross. I'm here.I just want okay, Oh god,
I don't think I can put thisup? Can I? Okay? Now?
Eric? What this right here?I can't do this. I don't
think I can do this. Idon't want to watch you. I know,
I know, I know if youknow what, it's gonna make him
(17:22):
uncomfortable. It's gonna make you uncomfortable, but just hand it to Eric.
This is actually a nice looking one. Yes, Now, this is the
part that you stimulate. These arethe labia means to know these parts?
He doesn't. This is medical.He doesn't need to know, just should
know. Just grab it, Eric, touch it a little bit and just
(17:45):
pet it like it's a little doggyit for the show. He was his
finger up there tomorrow. Is thissomething that like you can Actually I don't
even want to know. I don'twant I'm not sure that. I don't
know what other purpose you'd have,like keeping your change in there or something.
Yes. Oh god, all right, boys, get out your paths
(18:07):
of paper, because it's time forname your price. Thank you for not
making me do anything disgusting like lickat or whatever. No, I I
you were saving me. You havesome that would have gotten this canceled drug?
Yeah, sure that wouldn't have beenokay, throw up? All right?
Do we have any kind of likebumper music we can play into this?
(18:32):
This is a radio term bumper music. Oh, don't play the again.
This is a fun gang. Welike this game. There we go,
all right. This game is whereI give everybody a scenario and you
have to tell me or write downthe lowest amount that you would do this
thing for touch that vagina, eightbazillion dollars, and you always are you
(18:55):
always exaggerate. I want you tobe more realistic this time, like,
really think about it. No,I'm not exact. There's that I wouldn't
do here exactly. Yeah, rightbefore the show was literally no, come
on, you were I saw youyou had your finger. Oh god,
Okay, I'm going to do onejust for Eric, and I want you
(19:17):
to be I don't want you togo one trillion dollars. Be okay,
this is really happening. Okay,it's really happening. It is a twenty
four year old woman. She isnaked, and she's got a great body,
she's clean, she's everything's fine,and she's standing in front of you.
(19:38):
You have to take your finger andjust touch her, not even rub
or anything, just touch her inher private area consensual, consensually. Yes,
of course she's there for that.What's your price? And don't put
one trillion dollars or I'm going tobe so mad, be honest. Just
(20:02):
you are ridiculous. You were absolutelyridiculous, Brian. You don't have to
please one billion dollars. That isthe dumbest thing. You are so ridiculous.
You just have to touch it.You don't even have to do anything
to it. Yeah, come on, what's the real answer. Okay,
what is the real answer. It'sgetting so read. She is she's a
stranger, but she's there just foryou to touch it. Not even sexually.
(20:26):
Well that definitely would not be ano. No. Just she's standing
in front of you. You justhave to go woop and that's it.
You God, he's ridiculous. He'sabsolutely ridiculous. Hey, I just lowered
my price. I just lowered myOkay, I want to seriously, if
if someone said five hundred thousand dollars, just go touch touch it, you'd
(20:48):
say no, five hundred thousand,yeah, okay, okay, okay,
now we're somewhere, okay, twohundred and fifty thousand. No, So
someone off he says two undred fiftythousand, you just have to go do
that, you'd say no, Idon't that. There's no way. No,
she's standing right there and you justhave to And I have a box
of money that's dollars. You justhave to reach a fine fifty Okay,
(21:08):
let's try one hundred. No,it's this is not the kme art.
Get down twenty five dollars. Touchingyune is negative a thousand, by the
way, cross a thousand. Whatyour price to get kicked in the chest
by a horse? Oh? Hellno? Did I ever tell you about?
(21:33):
So this is true. My dadwas a landscape architect and he was
doing a job for this client thathad up up stables, and the daughter
of the client went out to putsome brushes away and spook the horse,
(21:55):
and it kicked her in the faceand she had to have full wreaking like
knocked out all of her teeth,like ripped her eye lid off, like
almost killed her. And I waslike, oh, a billion, not
even a billion. I don't uhh, that'd kill you. Two hundred thousand
dollars. Oh my god, areyou crazy? Okay, I'll see you
(22:17):
guys both in the hospital. No, chest, I can survive chest.
Also, I'm gonna kind of leanback like neo as you know, as
it kicks me, So I'm notgoing to take the full impact. Here's
the problem with me. It's gonnapop my boob, my breast, implant.
You know you do know that yourheart is right there, she's got
airbags. She's fine. Well,you're not gonna die from it. This
that's my own rule. You mightwell okay, well whatever, okay,
(22:41):
what's your price? And this willbe interesting because I want to know what
you guys had to repeat the lastmeal you ate for every meal for one
month? Oh, every single mealfor one month? The last meal you
ate let's see one month? Okay, all right? First Eric, how
(23:04):
much? Oh? Five hundred bucks? So you must add something good?
What'd you have? I had achicken and white cheddar and uh onion burger
burger yump that I made at home. Brian, what's your price? I
(23:25):
had a California Brios two hundred bucks, all right. I had a waffle,
a big giant waffle, scrambled eggsand bacon, And I said,
one thousand dollars because that probably isn'tgoing to be good for me for one
month to eat that every single day. You know what, No, I'm
going to take a zero off onehundred dollars. I do that for one
hundred dollars, all right. What'syour price to have an Audi belly button
(23:48):
that's three inches long? Oh?God? Three inches long like that forever.
Oh gosh, see as a woman. Oh this is tough, this
is tough. It is so grossup looking. You got a dick sticking
out of your chest. I'm goingfive hundred thousand, five hundred million dollars,
(24:15):
yes, because I would have thatship wacked off. Yes, absolutely,
I'm doing seven and fifty thousand.You two are quick, crazy.
You can tucket. I can do. I'll drop it off myself, chop
it off. That is disgusting.Okay, what's your price? Show up
for work or school in a robeand nothing else? Now, Brian,
(24:41):
this is when you go into work. This is this is a power play
if you ask, oh gosh,let's see nothing else, just a robe,
show up for work, full dayof work, your eight hours.
I really got to think about thisbecause, like I really realized, think
about this. I feel like you'reone mental breakdown away from doing that.
(25:06):
I know. I mean you mightnot have done it last night. All
right, anyway, what is itEric? One hundred bucks? Yeah,
to go the full day at workwearing a robe and nothing else. Sure?
Wow, I said fifteen hundred.I said five thousand, Okay,
because I want five thousand, becauseyou want five thousand, but you do
it for less. Yeah, it'sjust it's a good way to make five
(25:29):
thousand, as I wouldn't do itfor much less. That Can you imagine
going to work and not having towear underwear. You'd just be like,
no, you that's you don't dothat anyway. Right. You can get
fired though, the thing you getfired over. Yeah, I mean you
have to give you'd have to likework with clients in your robe. Okay,
you'd have to meet new perspective,okay, whatever, All right,
(25:52):
what's your price to give pedicures toevery resident in a nursing home? Ill?
And just say there's about twenty fiveof them and you have to get
full on petticures with the scrubbing ofthe calluses and everything. Oh god,
and I bet a lot of thosehave like hammer toe and feet get weird.
(26:14):
Oh god, I do it fortwo grand Oh my god, no
wait no wait, let me thinkabout this being too too quick on the
trigger. Here is that one time? It's one time you have to Oh
god, all right, Brian,what's your price? I'm adding trauma?
(26:38):
Oh he's like really seriously thinking aboutthis. That is absolutely revolting. There's
probably missing toes. Oh I needto there's definitely dark nails. Oh god,
I'm changing. I changed my bruiseddark old nails or no nails or
no nails. God, I woulddie, Oh my god. Okay,
(27:03):
ship, I don't know if Icould talk about this on that I saw
somebody to date with the most sandals. Oh, I thought I was gonna
puke, older person, younger.It was the toenails that it looked like
a butthole because it was like nonail, had no to I don't know.
(27:30):
I just put many nines on thispaper as like, my god,
oh god, it sounds, ohgod, literally making my eyes water.
Okay, this one I want anhonest I want you to visualize this as
my stomach is growling. I'm sohungry right now. What's your price to
(27:52):
eat a live roach? Oh?Let me think about this. What type?
Just your basic and it has tobe sizable. Not only from the
pet store or is it from thegarbage dumpster? Do they sell roaches at
the pet store? Translators, it'sfrom the garbage. It's from your from
(28:17):
not your house from like my answer, Oh, I got an answer for
you. It's from downtown San diegoOh hell, and it's sizable. Okay,
I'm really truly thinking about this.Okay, you know what, honestly,
(28:38):
oh my god, really really wouldI do this? Really? Really
really? Yes, I would tengrand. I'm being honest. I'm being
honest. Somebody had ten thousand dollarsin front of me and there's a roach,
it would be horrific. I wouldhate it. I would die almost.
But I know ten thousand dollars.Do you know how much poop and
(29:00):
those legs have walked on? Well, I'm not going to think about Oh,
that's just the act of eating.Oh my god. Okay, so
Ryan, what's your price? Yourroommate is gross, three, your roommate
is disgusting, My roommate has walkedOh my god, I said, need
to eat a live roach for tenthousand dollars A downtown a downtown live roach.
(29:23):
Yeah, so you live sizable roach? Ten grand? Come on,
Brian. Okay, my answer isthe same as last time. I added
an extra row of nines. Well, why is it's? Whyse It's so
incredibly it is disgusting to be disgusting. I want to do it. I
(29:44):
want I want all the money onthis paper, which I can't even count.
God, you don't get to dothe nine nine to nine thing anymore.
Okay, okay, you do,then here we go. Yeah,
what's your price to get in ahot tip naked with your family? Oh
god, well, my whole family'sdead. Whole family will pretend that they're
(30:07):
not. You're, you're. Everybody'salive, and you're you are. You're
at a cabin and it's like maybesnowy outside. You guys want to get
in the hot tub because it's whatyou're gonna get naked. Come on,
I'm setting the scene. Thank god. Oh gosh, let me think mom,
Dad, Oh, oh my god, Jenny, Eric, Oh lord,
(30:30):
oh boy, at this age,let's see wow wow wow wow wow.
Okay, Laura's like five dollars.No, what is your answer?
Eric? One trillion dollars? Thatis disrespectful? No, come on,
No, you heard how upset mymom got when she saw me in bike
shorts, Like, can you imagineyour mom walked up to a hot tub
(30:55):
naked in front of oh my hey? Okay, okay, have my answer,
and I did not do I didlast time. This time my answer
is as many eights as like afit on the saw really, yeah,
I said one hundred thousand dollars.Oh my god. Yeah, well last
time you said you give your datamassage like a hundred fifty boh, yeah,
that's true. Oh god, doyou still want to do that Laura
(31:18):
half the time of his life?Or would you like to give your brother
Eric a massage? No? No, no, I don't think so.
What about Jenny? I give Jennymassage? Yeah, that's not especially for
chicks. Sure, no problem,it's not. I do that for nothing.
But for Eric, I don't know. Every chick is like two inches
away from being like bisexual. It'sfine. Oh my oh what's your price
(31:41):
to use somebody else's a complete stranger? You don't know this person's toothbrush for
one month? Oh somebody you don'tknow as stranger toothbrush has been used.
It's been used, no, butnot like heavily, and you got to
use it for the rest of themonth. And let's let's assume they don't
(32:04):
have any diseases or anything they're goingto pass on to you. It's just
the act of using a stranger's toothbrush. Okay, this is pathetic. Oh
my god, Okay, Eric,don't copy Brian that's not okay my joke.
That is ridiculous. Okay, whenwe do the stand up, I
(32:27):
want him to go first so hecan't go after me and just copy my
joke. Good, good idea,because I am not going first. That
was not part of the deal.We'll go second. Okay, you can
go last. I don't care.No, I'm going last, so that
he can't copy my note. I'mnot going first. He'll go second.
We got him in. Let's justget it in first. I had two
grand, but I changed it.I know, my thing with teeth and
(32:47):
feet, five five hundred, that'sfine. Yeah, gross, you two
are gross. What's your price toallow five people to vomit on you?
Oh, Laura? One dollar?Now? Let me just no dollar?
No, what is no? Honestlythey have there, they have to puke
(33:07):
on you, on your on yourchest, on your pants, on your
shoes. How do you know that'snot a normal Friday? Or I might
I might make extra money that way. He has a puke My god,
oh my god, there're probably issuch a thing. Oh guarantee you,
oh for sure. Only fans areyou kidding? Just for fans, just
(33:27):
for fans? Okay, what's yourprice, Brian, mine is ten thousand
dollars. Oh my god. Here'sthe thing. Five people throw up on
you, which happens to people I'msure all the time downtown anyways. The
people throw up on you, yougo immediately, shower, hose off,
take a clothes off, whatever.It's a problem for like ten minutes.
(33:52):
Eric, mine is one hundred thousandmillion, mine is one gig a billion.
That's insane. I would never No, I no, I am.
I'm dead series. So somebody said, Laura, here is here is a
suitcase full of one hundred dollars bills. No, I can't if you were
(34:14):
what if you were a negative seventeendollars in your check? I am okay,
let me let me rephrase I havebeen lately, Laura. I bring
into this studio a briefcase and ithas twenty thousand dollars in it, and
I say I can fix you know, fifty fifty thousand dollars. I say
I can fix all of your financialissues right now. You don't have to
worry about it. It'll set youback up. You can buy yourself a
(34:36):
real Louis Vuittont this time, maybea new car if you wanted to all
your problems will be solved. Allyou have to do is let five people
throw up on you. You canpay your rent for the next twenty five
years. I'll keep hustling. Wayhave been, No way. I don't
believe that. No, do youunderstand phobias? Do you understand? Like
terror? What's scarier than your terror? What homelessness? Not to me?
(35:00):
You gotta be homeless and have peoplethrow up on you? Almost, that's
insane. It's a legitimate phobia ofmine. Like it, like it's making
me like my palms are just sweatingright now? Another not I just like
her arms are heavy? Okay?What's your price to sing the national anthem
acapella at a Podrais game? Oh? A sold out Podrais game. Well
(35:28):
remember when Roseanbar did it? Yes, and she grabbed a crotch and that
whole thing. No, you wouldn't, you would not do that. I
couldn't grab my crotch. Oh,say, can you see okay anzerly lie?
Can I can? I can?I read it? And the rockets
(35:51):
red lare That wasn't too bad?That was actually good? Right? What's
your price? I'll I have amile ago first fifty thousand dollars. Honestly,
yeah, okay, okay, fivehundred thousand dollars. When we had
a singing contest and we had asinging teacher in here and we were he
(36:12):
guaranteed me that he had a songbecause we sang for her to critique us,
he spoke the words. He herefused to sing. I think I
did, didn't I do Madonna's JustifyMy Love? It is ridiculous and I'm
so mad. I've never been butit was. It's a song. It's
ridiculous. It's a song I woulddo it for. I want to kiss
you in Paris. It's a stupidone. I do it for ten grand
(36:36):
No, you know what, Noan song I do five five thousand?
Did you? The new Eminem isgreat, stupid. I love it.
It's super good. He is myhusband, my lover, my all time
crush. Don't all of his singleshe drops are always amazing, incredible.
(36:57):
I love It's so good. MarshallMather, Oh well, that's slim.
Slim Shady is the Death of SlimShady coming out this summer. The Death
of Slim Shady is the name ofhis album this next one. Yes,
it's coming out this summer. Okay, Adam Lambert's new CD is really good,
not even close to the talent ofthe man. Oh please name Marshall
(37:19):
Meadow please. You grew up onthe eight Mile. Yeah, what's your
price? To be frozen and thenrevived one hundred years later? Oh that
would be a freaky. That wouldbe so freaky. Think about one hundred
years ago, I don't think,because all my friends would be dead,
all the advancements we've made, Wherewould we be. I will I'll go
(37:43):
right now, negative one thousand.I will pay you. I will pay
money for this what but not now? I want to wait till i'm older,
well, like our age or likeolder old. Yeah, what you
mean? You mean Laura's age lateeighty so checks out well, like I
want to be like end of lifelike not like you know, like Laura's
(38:04):
age. Yeah. I want tobe in my last couple of years,
not like I could barely get aroundlike you know older. And then yeah,
freeze me and let me live acouple years in the future. Oh
my god, kids are so mean. I would do it would take a
lot. I'm going to say twentytwo million. End of your life though,
but I don't I think I justwant to be done. I don't
think I want to be revived atthe end of your life. So you
(38:27):
only have to live a couple extrayears, I know, but by then
probably they can extend my life indefinitely. Maybe. And then if you want
to live forever, you have theoption. I know, but then I
might not. No, Okay,so let's do this what Brian producer.
Brian has a great idea. Sowe'll do at ninety nine years old,
you and I will get frozen,and then a hundred years later we'll wake
(38:51):
up and we probably live forever.We'd be like those chicks and death becomes
her. But do you want tolive forever? That'd be kind of cool.
No, well, I mean ricketyand be like no, let's just
pretend that they don't. Why not? I don't know, because there should
be a time when you just you'reeternal rest, you know what I'm saying.
But don't don't go there with meforever. Don't go Look I'm going
(39:19):
to see my dad again. Okay, I don't even say, wouldn't you
rather lights just don't go out?I know that's what you think. Look
what let's go out? Yeah,and then there's nothing you'll imagine if we
were just hot for the rest ofour lives, like we never got older.
It's too late for me on thatline. Are we talking like twenty
(39:42):
years ago or like at this agenow? If we got frozen, when
we get frozen at the age we'reat right now? Okay, I think
we're thinking about this too. Weare, we are, we are,
we are. I mean, butI think you and I should do it.
Okay, I mean, you'll stillhave big, rock hard boobs hopefully
the horse didn't know she No,she won't because over time, well you'll
(40:07):
be frozen. You won't be gettingthem done every year. Yeah, but
when you come out of it,they'll still be hard and big, not
necessarily all right now, really,truly, truly, truly, this is
the last one we're doing. Okay, and I'm talking full on. Okay,
Okay, we're all friends. We'relike family, right, the three
(40:30):
family. Yes, Brian's our son, your mommy in this instance. No,
he's he's our friend. Okay,Oh god, God, this is
gonna be something disgusting. No,it's not disgusting. What's your price to
perform a strip tease for all ofus? Here? We did this question
(40:52):
last time? We did? Yes, because remember I said one hundred forty
bucks right now you have to takeyour pants off? And you you were
like no, because you gave aball answer. I did. We did.
Eric also gave like a two dollaranswer, say two dollars rate because
I'm sorry to the fire on thisone. Okay, let's see who's tomorrow.
(41:14):
Oh, what's your price to lickthe nose of the player to your
right? That would be me,right, that would be you for me.
Don't don't put your nose up yet. Let me put my price down.
You better say like a penny.Okay, let me make it.
(41:37):
Hey, hold on, he'll stopto lick the inside of the person's nose
to your left, to your right? Mm hmm. But yeah, what
did you put? Wait? Becauseyou'd have to do, Brian? Okay,
(42:00):
what's your answer, Brian, Becauseyou'd have to do. There's a
lot, there's a lot of riding. There's a lot of my god,
now there's sevens now they're probably sevenseven seven. Come on, Brian,
let's get real. Let's put let'sbring out that, let's bring out that
briefcase again. I don't want youto, but if you had to.
(42:22):
I'd let you if there was abriefcase full stacks of one hundred dollars bills,
just stacks and stacks and stacks onBrian, here you go. All
you have to do is stick yourtongue up my nose. It's still riding.
Wow, this is ridiculous. Thisis ridiculous. I said fifty dollars,
I'd do that. I do thatto you for fifty. I know
(42:44):
you'd be doing it to Brian.I'll do it for fifty. Steak your
nose. There's no boogies in there, well there might be, who knows.
You Just stick. I don't wantto get a surprise. Well,
whatever, that's the risk you're taking. Still writing you still right? God
is not okay, I know,but he's a little boy. He could
(43:07):
do anything, all right, Brian, show your answer. What the hell
my tongue anywhere near you? Guys? The nines and wait but wait does
it go on to another page?Oh wow, extra extra on the next
paces. Get real, Brian,get real. That's my price that I
(43:31):
think you are being ridiculous, andI think you're joking, and I think
I'm gonna maybe have a little conversationwith your mom about me not wanting to
lick the inside of your nose.Have that conversation with my mom. I'll
have a conversation with your mom abouthow cheap you are. I don't want
(43:52):
to give my dad. You don'tcare, you don't care about taking a
naked hot ride with your family.Rely. Okay, all right, all
right, alright, alright, we'redone. We're done. We're done,
We're done, right done, allright. We'll be back next week with
well someone is going on recasion,but we have we still are going.
We're chugging along like normal. Wehave an episode coming up next week and
(44:16):
until then, thank you so muchfor watching and listening. We sure love
that you guys do every week.We really sure appreciate it. And I
love your podcast. Love your podcast. I love you, my sweet babies,
love you everybody that was creepy.Bye bye
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Special Summer Offer: Exclusively on Apple Podcasts, try our Dateline Premium subscription completely free for one month! With Dateline Premium, you get every episode ad-free plus exclusive bonus content.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!