July 18, 2024 • 42 mins
Laura’s little boy, her first-born, her soulmate, and her favorite male human being on the planet is getting married in Portland on Sunday to his longtime absolute love of his life, Maia. So, needless to say, Laura is a rollercoaster of emotions so we apologize if this episode is all over the place. First off, she’s wearing the dress she THOUGHT she was going to show up in at the big event, but Erik and Producer Bryan notice something that is NO BUENO about the dress. Do you notice it, too?
Erik has a few fun surprises for Laura and a hot beauty item review that all the celebs are raving about. Is it all it’s cracked up to be?
Plus, the Secret Sound is back. Guess in the comments, DM us, email us at lauracainad@gmail.com because if you guess correctly you win $100 CASH!
Get ready for some crazy fun because it’s comin’ at ya!
Thank you for all the nice words you guys have sent to us.
Means a whole lot.
Love your podcast!
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/laura-cain-after-dark--4162487/support.
Erik has a few fun surprises for Laura and a hot beauty item review that all the celebs are raving about. Is it all it’s cracked up to be?
Plus, the Secret Sound is back. Guess in the comments, DM us, email us at lauracainad@gmail.com because if you guess correctly you win $100 CASH!
Get ready for some crazy fun because it’s comin’ at ya!
Thank you for all the nice words you guys have sent to us.
Means a whole lot.
Love your podcast!
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/laura-cain-after-dark--4162487/support.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:08):
Oh, hello everybody. Welcome toLaura Kane after Dark. Thank you for
tuning in. This is Eric Rimmer, my partner, my bff, my
confidant, my support, my workhusband, everything. You're my everything,
my memories, my good memories,everything good to anyway, I appreciate you.
(00:34):
So I'm very emotional this week.So I want to say what's on
my mind? Oh my god,I'm so glad you're not yelling at me.
No, you mean a lot tome, and your opinion matters to
me so much. I very muchlike this dress. Oh the dress.
Well, first of all, thecolor. We have produced a Brian over
here, we were so into eachother. My god, I should we
just make out? I don't care. You want to sure? Oh you
(00:58):
would never do that, No,long as you don't ask me to do
something else. Oh I want toknow. Okay, So it is Thursday.
We dropped this episode on Thursday.Yes, and I have bad news.
What well you're leading and so we'renot going to have new episodes next
week. Yes, I'm going tobe very sad. Brian and I will
be not working next week with you. And that's actually there will be a
(01:21):
video of me. There will bea podcast episode will be me sitting on
my lawn watching grass grow a giantbattle of alcohol. It will be an
hour and a half long. Therewon't be any talking. Oh my god,
you can join You could join mein watching grow. I might just
come up and join you. Whydon't you guys do something? Yeah,
(01:42):
you might. You don't need me. Yeah, do your own thing.
I don't have to set this allup, I know, exactly right.
So, yeah, we're gonna beoff next week because the wedding is Sunday,
and then I don't come back untilTuesday. So anyway, it's okay,
we'll be back after that. Okay, So what I'm wearing right now,
it doesn't really look really good oncamera at the moment, but so
(02:04):
I might not wear it. Whatdo you think It's one of the dresses
I'm thinking about wearing. It's muchbrighter on camera than it is in person.
It's long, and it has likea slip, but not not a
really obnoxious slit, not like abasic instinct, you know what. And
I put my hair. My hairis so dirty right now. I tried
to do something. I'm a mess, but I'm doing the best I can.
(02:27):
I don't think I'm gonna wear thisone? What this one? I'm
not feel unhappy I see. Ithink the color just throws me off a
little bit. I think it's muchprettier in person than it is on camera.
Okay. Also, your your boobsare very lopsided looking at it,
Oh, yeah they are. Ijust noticed that on Yeah, that's not
(02:49):
good. I was like, lookingat the monitor here, I was like,
there's only a shadow on half ofit. Looks like one boob is
giant and the other one. It'slike it does it does? Oh my
god, that really weird. Okay, well then this dress is out.
Yeah, okay, back to theAmazon. That's hilarious actually, and it's
really weird because my I caught itjust as you were saying it. I
was like, why does that lookso weird? I'd have lopsided boobs in
(03:14):
every single picture you moved and ityou caught a shadow and I was like,
shadow went over half of her Torsoyeah, I was like, what
is that. I was like,oh, she's missing a boob. Yeah,
oh that's even from the side.You have boob and then it's super
flat. You have like an yeah, you have like an a cup.
It looks like you. That's noboyan, No, we don't know.
No, we're not doing Okay,I'm really glad that I wore this tonight
(03:36):
to this Okay, you're welcome.I'm down to one dress. So hopefully
after the podcast, when I tryit on for you, guys, just
hideous doily thing better work out foryou. I think I think the other
one looks good. Anyway, we'llsee my little boy getting married on Sunday.
Okay, Oh, Charlie, Erichas a product to talk about,
yes, that all the celebrities areraving about and using. No, it
(04:02):
is a shameless little joke there.Then you have a story f something,
yes, that that shocked you tremendously. This was so sad. I know,
it's really I was horrified. Ihave a kind of an interesting list
(04:23):
celebrities that seem really good, butthere's something about them that's suspicious. I
have a list I want to seeif you have one that Okay, I'll
be curious to know if it's onthe list. And uh, we're just
gonna have fun, guys, fun, fun fun. Okay, First,
let's oh the secret sound? Howare we getting that from my phone?
(04:46):
I forgot to do it again?You can play it from your phone,
or people can just go back andwatch two episodes ago or four episodes ago
for like three seconds. Let's makeit easy on ourselves. The secret sound
we blew it last week. Weforgot to play it, and it sounds
like we're blowing it this week.Mama blew it this week because I forgot
to load it on the machine.You can connect real quick and play if
(05:08):
you want. I don't know whereit is, Brian, It's on your
voice memos. Oh thank you,oh God, thank you for this is
how it is right now, Thisis how it is right now. God,
Charlie only gets married once in alifetime. Hey, Siri, where
are my voice memos? They're there? Okay, all right, here we
go. Do am I? Imean, let me, let me get
(05:30):
connected, let me get paired sowe can play it for you. Because
the winner if you guess it,one hundred dollars cash. Baby. Let
me get connected so you can hearit. And uh, because we did
get a lot, a lot,a lot of guesses. I do,
I do, Thank you, OhChucky, free hugs. You love that.
(05:51):
I tell the story about the shirtI got my girlfriend for when we
switched roles, but it didn't comein time, and so the one that
she's been wearing, Okay, Idid tell you what say, pretty little
crack horse like happiest little crack holeor something. Oh my god, that's
hilarious. And she wears it sounashamedly too. That makes me respect your
girlfriends so much. She should havemy house one day where and I was
(06:14):
like, okay, so funny,Okay, here we go. I'm up,
I'm connected, and here's the secretsound. What do you think this
is? Everybody? I'll play ittwo more times. I have a guess.
(06:46):
I feel like it's paper towels beingripped. If you would like to
guess, you can comment on anyone of our social media's gonna you can
d m us, you can emailus at Laura Kane ad at GLn.
I love it when you guys dothat. It'd be super fun if you'd
come in on our YouTube page becauseI like it when people do that,
(07:08):
because not too many people do.I'm just gonna be honest, not too
many comments on there, so Iwill see it. And if you guess
it correctly, one hundred dollars cashis what you were going to win.
One more time because we forgot toplay last week. Okay, there we
go. Where we did it?On a scale of one to ten?
(07:30):
How close am I with paper towelsripping? I feel like I'd rather not?
This is This is a hint.This is the hint we're getting our
audience since they haven't gotten it yet. It's been like a month. It
hasn't quite been two weeks. Threeweeks, it's been like three weeks.
Yeah, we can't say no,not jeez, I must be close.
Yeah, you said more by notsaying anything. Yeah, maybe maybe not.
(07:56):
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(08:16):
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(10:11):
Something coming up that I'm going tobe a part of on September seventh is
the twenty twenty four five Case Skadatalfour Research. It's the eighth annual I'm
the MC. Here's the cool logofor this year. Most us with the
mostess and SCAD is something that's veryserious. It affects women mostly and this
(10:33):
is what it stands for. SCADis spontaneous coordinary artery dissection. It's a
little known and poorly understood cause ofa heart attack. Most patients are young,
healthy and active women who do nothave the typical risk factors of heart
disease. Although less common, itcan affect men to SCAD, can reoccur,
and can be fatal. Research isneeded to identify the causes and the
(10:56):
best treatment options. SCAD is thenumber one cause of heart attacks and women
under the age of fifty, pregnantwomen, and new moms. There's so
little research about this and it's somuch as unknown that This walk raises money
for that, and it's important andit's fun and it's at Crown Point.
And last year I did it andI walked with some people. We had
(11:20):
a great walk. It was abeautiful day. There are vendors afterwards,
face painting, survivors, there's somepeople that are families that have lost somebody
to SCAD. So if you wouldlike to walk with us and be a
part of it and be a partof the help, that would be awesome.
Go to our website, Laura Kaneafter dark dot com because the link
is on there for you to signup, and it's on September seventh,
So sign up now so you canget your T shirt. Absolutely. Okay,
(11:45):
Now, what do you want tostart with? I would like to
present you with your gifts. Oh, my godness, gifts. Okay,
I do Okay, so I'd likeyou to close your eyes. Are these
from where I think they're from?And it's not a big deal. I
like this place. One is fromwhere you think it is, Okay,
the other one is not. Igot it at a little Okay, keep
(12:09):
your eyes shut. Okay, wow, is that a real Louis Witon bag?
It is? So? This isfrom where you think it is?
Okay? Our favorite place sometimes Tamu, but we like to call it Timu.
It's simply a sticker that I canput anywhere, and it says shit
(12:35):
show, admit one. Oh therewe go. Absolutely point. I might
put it on my phone case,I think, because it's a constant shit
showre my life. Thank you,you're welcome. This probably costs you thirty
nine cents. I think it waslike a dollar. I know who you
(12:56):
got, scam. I totally did. Thank you. No. I think
you'll probably like this a little bitbetter. Okay, now you you like
you like this a lot, soI'm good. Well, I'm just gonna
tell you here, hold out yourhand, okay, okay, okay,
(13:24):
across see I collect Okay, I'mnot. I was raised Catholic, baptized
Catholic, never went to Catholic Church, very rarely, only with my grandmother,
not a practicing Catholic. However,I have an affinity for religious art.
(13:45):
It looks like a cathedral in here. Yes, I love crosses,
and I love crosses that have astory. Each one of these crosses on
my wall has a story. AndI love the religious art from the Byzantine
area especially. Wow, what ahistorical Paul Laura Eastern Byzantine Catholicism art icons.
I love Byzantine. Yeah, Constantinople, Baby, I love the saints.
(14:07):
I love everything about it. Sothis explain to me where you got
it, and and this is fromyou, so it'll mean something to me.
It's going on the wall. Whatabout this? Spoke to you and
said, Laura, I just lovethe colors and the birds and the flowers.
And I knew how you were intoflowers with your tattoo and everything.
(14:28):
And so I saw that at alittle boutique in Encinita's and z I got,
well, that is so sweet?Was it kind of expensive a little
bit? It was kind of nice. Thank you. It means even more
to me now, Lily. Yourwall, though it like would be a
perfect horror movie shot in a slowpan just moving backwards, revealing all those
(14:48):
crosses. I'd be like a broll shot in a horror movie. I
have a giant crucifix, I havecrosses, I have bleeding hearts, I
have there's a shot where all thecross is slowly flip upside down. Oh,
that'd be creepy. And the Extorcistreborn or what was the last one
they just did, Exorcist something Ican't remember. It was so stupid.
(15:11):
I'm going to make the Extorcist afterdark. This is a happy wall,
not if those crosses flip upside down, going are all out of here.
If that happened. Thanks, I'mme, I'm recording. Thank you for
my gifts. Okay, now wehave to talk about something very very serious.
Okay. I've known you for along time, almost nineteen years,
(15:37):
twenty years, twenty ok what happenedthe other day when I was on the
phone with you was shocking. Itwas horrifying. So I'm going to set
the scene. You were in thecar with a girlfriend of yours and you
said, hold on, I haveto I'm in drive through at Jack in
(16:00):
the Box. I have to placean order. The male voice came on
and I hear Laura say hi,Louise. Okay, oh my god,
you're on a first name basis withthe Jack Laura and they have a full
on conversation. Then this picture emergeswith Laura and Louis. Oh my god.
(16:32):
I would like you to explain therelationship that you because I have never
seen anybody go through a drive through. You either go there for every meal
of your day. No, Iremember when you used to go through way
back in the old days and getice. Okay, this is where it
stems from. By the way,my bill was twenty four dollars. Louise
(16:55):
helped me up twenty four dollars atJack in the Box. Oh food for
a bunch of people. Oh okay, but he gave me a discount,
his employee discount. This is howclose we are, me and Louise.
I. This man is a hardworker. I appreciate him. And back
in the day, I want tosay, ten years ago. He's worked
there for a long time. Iused to go every single day to Jack
(17:18):
in the Box to get two largecups of ice. What did I always
tell you? I'd be talking toher and she'd be crunching on this ice,
and I'm like, that is notgood for your teeth, are you?
And Mack? Yes, okay,that makes sense. But you know
how I go through my addictive periodI go through I get addicted to things
and then they fade away. Sothis was one of my big addictions.
(17:41):
At one point I had to havetwo full things of they have good ice
at Jack in the Box and Iwould go through two big bags of the
thick red vines and I would eatice and red fines all day long.
Uh huh. So Louise and Ibecame friends. I would ask him quit
because you were the crazy lady thatcame through and he was always so nice
(18:03):
to me, and the fact thathe still works there and he works so
hard, and I so I recognizehis voice when he's on the little you
know, when you go drive through. I'm like, oh, it's Louise.
Hey, it's me Laura. Ohhello, And that freaked you out
that much? God, I waslike, yeah, eats every meal here.
(18:25):
Let me clear I don't. That'sa heartwarming story for Luish and that's
an embarrassing story for you, Iknow, I know. Then I moved
on to my red boled gummy bearface, which is gone and over her
house when it looked like the backlot of Sanford and Son. Yeah.
Well, when I walked in toshoot the podcast one day and there were
(18:45):
like twenty two chairs in here,and I was like, what the oh
I got? I was addicted tochairs for a while. The current addictions,
Oh, Brian, you should haveseen these two disgusting ottomans that she
had that were like a leopard printor something, and they were so mad
and gross, and she was doinglike a dry buy and handed the girl
(19:08):
the money over the chain link fenceand then and they smelled like feet.
I discovered off her up and Iwas addicted to that for a little while.
And I loved to look at thingsall day long. It was so
fun for me. So that wasone addiction. Now I'm addicted to boba.
I have to have like a milktea boba almost every single day.
(19:30):
Dude, that is too much.Every day. This is how my addiction
works. I know, But canwe get you addicted every other day or
something? And I'm addicted to mymorning meal, which is two packages of
oatmeal with almond butter and chia seedsand a celsius. I eat that every
(19:55):
single morning for the last two months. Now, Well, at least that's
how healthy. Not really, it'scelsius. Isn't too healthy? Is it?
No? But nomea? Is itsteel cut? No, it's from
like Kroger's. It's like the sweetestkind you could I'm going to get used
some steel cut. But that takesa long That takes too long to make.
(20:17):
Oh, eggs eggs in the morning. What every once in a while?
Whyggs? Eggs are so good foryou? I love eggs. I
can't. I can't think of anythingelse I'm really addicted to right now.
As far as that goes, youshould try cigarettes. I hear those are
good. Those smoking They've done that. It was cool, wasn't it.
You felt cool when you did it. No, you know what makes me
feel cool? Oh, this couldbe a topic. This is what makes
(20:41):
me feel cool. When I goto a concert and I'm get there almost
at showtime. I get there wheneverthe seats are already filled, and my
seats are so good that I walkin from the top. I keep walking
down, down, down, down, I look up at all the people
in my mm hmm, walk downdown to the floor, get the thing,
(21:03):
and I walk down going to aconcert in good seats. Having better
seats than everybody else makes me feellike I'm the coolest person on the planet.
Okay, Okay, there's that,And then I also have did I
tell you about my elevator thing?No, okay, I'm an elevator snob.
I feel like I am so muchbetter than the person that's in the
(21:26):
elevator with me. If what I'mon a higher floor than they are.
What I have that it makes mefeel like I'm so incredibly cool. I
know this is really weird. Therapist. Four people get into the elevator.
Maybe it's like thirteen stories. You'relike, uh, what floor? They're
like, oh, just Ford.You're like, I do that. I
(21:48):
go five, and then I'll pushmine. It'll be like eleven. It'll
be at the top one. I'llbe like, have a good day.
I should get off on floor three. I have like that attitude. Why,
I don't know if they have airconditioning down there on floor three.
I have that. Actually it's weird, but it makes me feel like I'm
(22:08):
so important. I was going topay you a compliment before you just said
the elevator thing, because that's crazy. I want that compliment. Okay,
Brian was going to take this isso rare. I want to ran that
was going to tell you that heloved you. No, you won't do
that. I was going to say, for your age, you're pretty cool.
That's a pretty good compliment. I'lltake that. Yeah, yeah,
(22:32):
okay, elaborate a little bit.How so no, Oh, Brian,
come on, give me one reasonwhy you say that. Oh you're just
for your age, you're pretty hipand with it and cool? Am I
inappropriately? So? I don't knowwhat that would meaning, like, do
I do things that a woman inher fifties shouldn't be doing or wearing or
saying? I don't really know ifI think that there is Well he hasn't
(22:56):
seen the White Go Go, butit's yet true. I did wear that
you have aged gracefully with society,not against society as many people do.
He is full of compliments tonight.I'm very This fills my soul and it
will keep my soul filled for awhile because I know this is few and
far between. Thank you, Brian. Whatever I'm past, I know I'm
(23:21):
not pushing it. I'm not I'mnot pushing it. Okay, So you
have a product that you want tobring up to our attentions that you've used
I have, so let's talk aboutthat, all right. So I was
online and a lot of people weretalking this product by Zombie Beauty called the
(23:41):
Zombie Packs. Celebrities use this alot, yes, so it's it's the
new rage. And I thought,well, this is probably going to be
a rock a crap. It's notcheap. What is it supposed to do
that other masks don't. It's supposedto tighten and lift okay, and when
and make your skin very dewey.Okay. So it I got it on
(24:07):
Amazon. It has been blowing offthe shelves. It was almost thirty dollars
for this pack. Okay, howmany does it come with? It comes
with eight. So it comes withthese little packs and it's it's got all
natural stuff in it. So noneof this stuff is crazy, Okay,
stuff that's bad for you? Thatcomes with the brush, Yeah, it
(24:30):
comes with the brush sawtbrush, andthen it comes with the activator so you
rip off this little and there's onethat corresponds with each packet of powder.
Let me just say he called meafter replying this. I have the videos
(24:55):
and I'm going to post them online. I sent them to Brian as well.
So you pour this in the littlepacket of powder, then you stir
it up with the brush. Youget all the bubbles out and the stuff,
and then you brush it on yourface. You leave it on for
about fifteen minutes. You can leaveit on a little bit longer. I'm
telling you right now. When itstarts to tighten hold onto your hats and
(25:22):
they tell you we were going toI was gonna do it on the show,
but you can't move your face atall. Oh, and so it
would be it would just sound likewe were Charlie Brown's mom, and I
thought it's not going to be beneficialfor us to do it. I could
barely and it gets all wrinkly looking. It gets all wrinkly. And that's
why it's called the zombie pack.Because your face looks like it's all blistered.
(25:44):
So if you guys watch on Thursday, I will post the videos.
It's so creepy. It looks likeyou just got boils all over your face.
There's big bubbles and okay, itturned, it starts to crack and
everything. It's really gross. Butlet me tell you when that comes off
your face and it's very easy towash off. Your face feels like a
(26:08):
newborn baby. It is so softand your skin is tight. How often
are you supposed to use it?Twice a week? Okay? So you
give that five stars or four stars? I it was. So there's a
there's another one on the market calledlike Hanna Cure Yes, which is very
(26:29):
very expensive, same though right,same kind of thing. It's about one
hundred and fifty dollars more and itdoes the exact same thing. So Zombie
Beauty is they've got one called There'sZombie and then there's another one called Mummy.
Oh okay, and they're all onAmazon. They're all on Amazon,
(26:52):
and it does more like brightening.I just ordered that one to see how
I forgot that. I have astory to tell you that reminds me of
something I don't know why. Iwas asked to introduce a performer on stage
at sea World. They have aconcert series. Every Saturday, they have
(27:15):
a performer and they asked it's likean through iHeart. So they asked me
if I would interview this celebrity firstbefore he went on and then go on
stage and introduce him to the crowd. It was the first one of the
series and it was Jesse McCartney andhe is an actor, he is a
singer. He's a songwriter and likethirty seven years old and so long story
(27:42):
shore, we get there. Hefor whatever reason ran at a time.
Something went on. I didn't dothe pre interview, fine, but I
did get to introduce him on stageand I got a picture with him.
Very sweet person. But it happenedagain. You guys him, Oh no,
when you thought you were hot shittingnow called Diaria. Well, look,
(28:03):
I'm behind a mic. I havebeen for many When I'm on the
mic, I'm usually alone or withmaybe one other person in a studio behind
the mic, and I don't thinkabout the people that are listening because I
do not think because I don't seethem. So I'm comfortable. Well,
(28:29):
this venue at Sea World packed withpeople and I had to go down this
like bridge thing to get to thething, and they gave me a script,
and I freak. I get verynervous speaking, and I know you
wouldn't think so, but when Isee the faces, I immediately get nervous.
So I'm like, Okay, Laura, you can do this, you
(28:49):
can do this, you can dothis. So I started off strong.
Hey, everybody, how's it going. We have Jesse McCartney in the house.
I just met her. He wasgreat. This is the Sea World
Concert summer series. We have bowWow coming up this summer. We have
Genuine, we have You're Genuine.So they have a couple more. And
(29:15):
then it started, Oh no whereImmediately, all of a sudden, all
my saliva dried up. Oh thiswhat happens when I'm nervous and you've got
the top lip over the teeth.It was starting to rise. I had
about three sentences left to say,and I literally could not form words.
(29:40):
And I was horrified that the audiencecould tell like I was. Brian doesn't
perfectly, because what's happened to mebefore? I'm like, so you guys
meg here, you get your seeingpath? Wow, like I could.
Brian does it better than me.But I couldn't form words. I had
no saliva. I'm sure no onecared. I wouldn't care. It was
(30:07):
I was. I cared. Ifelt so embarrassed. But Brian, please,
you do it so well. Idon't remember what voice it is I
do. That's just what is aperson with extreme dry mouth? I don't
know, sound like trying to talkto the world. Oh yike, I'm
looking fun. You did a goodtoo once. Oh yeah, I oh
(30:34):
yeah, you peed your pants whenI did it. Oh I love so
hard when you did it. Ohmy god, But how do you prevent
that from happening? Do I putlike a rocket, grow a pair man?
Do it? Hey? Ready?Yeah? Okay, look, okay,
that you get the heat to getyour tickets. Yet Jack, he
(31:03):
were out, he were out,And this is the end. Now you
guys have saved my last line.And now everybody what you've been waiting for,
the one, the only Jesse McCartney. I'll say that, how I
say the lady, he came themoment you've all been waiting for. Put
(31:30):
your hee McCartney. Oh my god. I tried to work so hard through
it, so hard, and itshe didn't give me, but they did.
You know what I should do?I should sit in the front row
with one of those water guns andjust squirt you in the face, did
you. Oh god, that wouldbe amazing. She's like line, Oh
(31:56):
my god. And I was doingsuch a good job to the in when
I could I literally, oh mygod, it's up to here. Oh
my god. They probably were like, she han't still got wait wait can
you okay, hold on all right, I would like you to do that.
Okay, look at me, wellabout l zero ka anyway, Kai,
(32:25):
that's exactly what you look like anyway. So that happened, but it
was really fun and I loved itand I did a lot. Okay,
one more thing, yes, andlets you have something? Did you have
something else? I do? WeWell, we were talking the other day
about Laura and I living together inour old age. We were talking about
(32:46):
Jay Wurtzler and how he's making memoney, and I said, so when
we lived together back to back orfoot to foot like our you know,
Charlie in chocolate factory bed, wewere talking about I don't know what like
(33:07):
are. We were saying, howwe're going to pay for our living expenses.
Oh, that's right, and Isaid, well it would probably be
more beneficial if we were married.She lit up like a Christmas tree and
said, oh, that's great.And then I thought, we'll wait a
minute. I've always wanted to marrya gay man. Yeah, I'm gonna
(33:29):
get ft because she'll marry me andthen just keep me sedated and then run
off with all my money. Heproperly saved for his retirement. He's good
to go when it hits time.He's taken care of. But guess he's
going to ride that train. Iwas basically telling him, let's get married.
Yeah, and then and then youcan take care of me too.
(33:50):
You will get tax benefits. Yeahyeah, but then I'm a kid benefit.
Then I'll be desolate because I'll justlook over and bed our total'll be
touching, and she'll just be rufflingthrough a new Louis Vuitton bag, a
new Christian Dior bag, a newYSL bag. Does Daddy need more orange
choice things in your dream? Iwould love to see a like a sitcom
(34:15):
where it's just you guys both fallinginto like the traditional like you know,
husband and wife stereotypes of like husbandcomes home to complain, wife bitches at
him for all this stuff now goingalong. That would be hilarious. Is
that a new dress? She's like, No, it's been hanging in the
closet for months. We're gonna,you know what, No, you're gonna
(34:36):
marry me. We're gonna live ourlives out together because we are soulmates.
Yes we are sure, We're notlike you know, romantic, but you're
my non sexual life partner, andyou are my retirement plan. Wait,
I want to officiate your marriage though, Oh definitely, Oh my god.
Yeah, And then Laura could sayall the time, She's like like,
(34:58):
Laura, what are you doing outof the house. She's like, well,
I came home and my husband wasbanging a dude, so I had
to get out, so I hadto go buy myself something. Banging the
pool boys. So it's like they'relike, oh my god, I'm so
sorry. It's like that's fine,Okay, We're going to end on one
more thing. I think this one'stoo long, because you know what,
I got so much to do rightnow. I am so excited about Charlie's
(35:22):
wedding. I know this is thelast time I want to talk about it
because it's happening on Sunday. Butthis boy who died three times on the
way to his first surgery and hadthree surgeries since then, who everybody thought
was not going to make it,who was so fragile when he was born,
nobody could hold him. Who peoplethought he had giganticism, people thought
(35:47):
he had this and that and thisand that. Now look at him getting
married to the love of his life, the way he wants to do it.
I couldn't be more proud. Iam just racked with emotions, and
I am thrilled because I get tosee Evan, my mom my, sister,
(36:09):
every whole family. Is going tobe a great, great experience.
And I can't wait to tell youall about it when we return, not
next week but the week after.And thank you everybody for all your well
wishes. I've received all of themon Instagram and Facebook, all the nice
messages you've sent me. I appreciateit now. Finally, how many times
(36:30):
a day does the average Americans saythe following phrase? I've said it today,
maybe five times. What's the phraseI'm tired? One hundred and seventy
eight times per day. The averageAmerican spends one four hundred and sixty hours
(36:52):
a year feeling tired and says outloud, I'm tired three times to day.
Three to that checks. That's allthree times a day on average.
I said about three times an hourout loud. Oh yeah, I know
me too. Yeah. Because hewakes up but naked, face down from
(37:13):
the TV. He's like, howdid I get here? I'm so tired?
I literally like I'm so tired outloud. But I thought that was
anyway, that's not a good wayto end. Well, it's a great
way to end. I was doinglaundry the other night and I have a
mat that I like do my situps and stuff on, and it was
(37:37):
so humid out that I laid onthe mat and fell asleep naked. Woke
up at four ten in the morningcompletely naked. Yeah, with the dryerp
like going off. Yeah, ohmy, that's good. I was not
expecting that that was good. Yeah, Brian, Yes, I just want
(37:57):
you to know that I feel likeGod put you in this chair in my
life, in our lives for areason, and I love that. And
you fit our show so well,and I just appreciate everything you do for
us. And I feel like youare my son in some ways because you
(38:21):
are at the same age as myson, but you act like a forty
five year old man, which Ilove. I love it when you give
me grief. I think it's funnywhen you don't say I love you back.
I just think I'm just very blessed. I feel very lucky that you
sit in my living room once aweek. Thank you. You're welcome.
(38:42):
Okay, sir, you are lucky. I have truly blessed your life.
I just love you both. Ilove you you are You should be very
very proud of yourself because you've raisedtwo Hella great kids on your own,
(39:04):
no help from anybody else except Derekexcept me, not monetarily. Well no,
but it's all about you. Likeit, then you better put a
ring on it? Yeah, exact? Yeah, yeah. And you don't
want Cubic sarconia, do you?I don't. I don't care. I
don't care about that. I don'tneed to. I don't need a diamond.
You should get get her Cubic zirconia. Come on, blood diamond.
(39:28):
I don't want somebody she'll just she'lljust hawk it. I want a blood
diamond. No, she'll she'll howkit on an offer up. I just
appreciate you both a lot, andI I love that we do this.
And I know this is non secorder, but I just feel overwhelmed with
gratefulness. Well, and you shouldbe. I love your podcast. I
(39:52):
know. Let's end this thing.I got a lot of things to do
on a fashion show for us.Oh yeah, I got Okay, Uh,
you guys are and I appreciate youfor watching and listening and listen to
us all for five years, we'vebeen doing this to night. Oh well,
we're gonna do it for five more. We're gonna do it for like
fifty five more. Guess what foreverstuck Brian will be in our assisted living
(40:15):
home set up. Okay, holdup, I haven't set out my five
year plan yet, so let's notjump. I'm just setting it up for
you. So and he'll be justfilming us in bed. That will require
quite a bit of a raise,but I'm willing for that. I'm willing
to provide that. What are youguys doing in No, just doing our
podcast like I'm just eating being likesounds awful Oas character, we'll both be
(40:40):
in depends probably, Oh, I'mfine with that. She'll she'll be like
rail. You'll be like one ofthose older ladies that's gonna be tanned,
super super skinny with huge boobs.Well, I just can't wait for Brian's
wedding someday. And oh I loveto be a part of it, and
(41:04):
anything you need from me, Iwould be happy to. Brian Kilaura and
I officiate your wedding be funny thatyou should do it whatever you want,
because I'll get ordained. That'd befunny. Yeah, you should do it
because he likes you better than me, and that's fine. I'll get ordained.
We could be like Jim and TammyFaye Baker, but we totally could
(41:30):
officiated his wedding. You should officiatethe wedding. Well, that is anyway
you want to sing a song,like, do you want to sing the
song that they walk down the aisle? Know? I can sing your first
dance? You could sing that song? I can again, never mind,
Okay, we got to end thiscamera. Oh no they Okay, I
(41:52):
see we're stuck. We're stuck,all right, Love you guys, see
you in a week. Love yourpodcast, Love your podcast. I love
you, my sweet babies, andI'm seeing you today. Bye mhm
Oh, hello everybody. Welcome toLaura Kane after Dark. Thank you for
tuning in. This is Eric Rimmer, my partner, my bff, my
confidant, my support, my workhusband, everything. You're my everything,
my memories, my good memories,everything good to anyway, I appreciate you.
(00:34):
So I'm very emotional this week.So I want to say what's on
my mind? Oh my god,I'm so glad you're not yelling at me.
No, you mean a lot tome, and your opinion matters to
me so much. I very muchlike this dress. Oh the dress.
Well, first of all, thecolor. We have produced a Brian over
here, we were so into eachother. My god, I should we
just make out? I don't care. You want to sure? Oh you
(00:58):
would never do that, No,long as you don't ask me to do
something else. Oh I want toknow. Okay, So it is Thursday.
We dropped this episode on Thursday.Yes, and I have bad news.
What well you're leading and so we'renot going to have new episodes next
week. Yes, I'm going tobe very sad. Brian and I will
be not working next week with you. And that's actually there will be a
(01:21):
video of me. There will bea podcast episode will be me sitting on
my lawn watching grass grow a giantbattle of alcohol. It will be an
hour and a half long. Therewon't be any talking. Oh my god,
you can join You could join mein watching grow. I might just
come up and join you. Whydon't you guys do something? Yeah,
(01:42):
you might. You don't need me. Yeah, do your own thing.
I don't have to set this allup, I know, exactly right.
So, yeah, we're gonna beoff next week because the wedding is Sunday,
and then I don't come back untilTuesday. So anyway, it's okay,
we'll be back after that. Okay, So what I'm wearing right now,
it doesn't really look really good oncamera at the moment, but so
(02:04):
I might not wear it. Whatdo you think It's one of the dresses
I'm thinking about wearing. It's muchbrighter on camera than it is in person.
It's long, and it has likea slip, but not not a
really obnoxious slit, not like abasic instinct, you know what. And
I put my hair. My hairis so dirty right now. I tried
to do something. I'm a mess, but I'm doing the best I can.
(02:27):
I don't think I'm gonna wear thisone? What this one? I'm
not feel unhappy I see. Ithink the color just throws me off a
little bit. I think it's muchprettier in person than it is on camera.
Okay. Also, your your boobsare very lopsided looking at it,
Oh, yeah they are. Ijust noticed that on Yeah, that's not
(02:49):
good. I was like, lookingat the monitor here, I was like,
there's only a shadow on half ofit. Looks like one boob is
giant and the other one. It'slike it does it does? Oh my
god, that really weird. Okay, well then this dress is out.
Yeah, okay, back to theAmazon. That's hilarious actually, and it's
really weird because my I caught itjust as you were saying it. I
was like, why does that lookso weird? I'd have lopsided boobs in
(03:14):
every single picture you moved and ityou caught a shadow and I was like,
shadow went over half of her Torsoyeah, I was like, what
is that. I was like,oh, she's missing a boob. Yeah,
oh that's even from the side.You have boob and then it's super
flat. You have like an yeah, you have like an a cup.
It looks like you. That's noboyan, No, we don't know.
No, we're not doing Okay,I'm really glad that I wore this tonight
(03:36):
to this Okay, you're welcome.I'm down to one dress. So hopefully
after the podcast, when I tryit on for you, guys, just
hideous doily thing better work out foryou. I think I think the other
one looks good. Anyway, we'llsee my little boy getting married on Sunday.
Okay, Oh, Charlie, Erichas a product to talk about,
yes, that all the celebrities areraving about and using. No, it
(04:02):
is a shameless little joke there.Then you have a story f something,
yes, that that shocked you tremendously. This was so sad. I know,
it's really I was horrified. Ihave a kind of an interesting list
(04:23):
celebrities that seem really good, butthere's something about them that's suspicious. I
have a list I want to seeif you have one that Okay, I'll
be curious to know if it's onthe list. And uh, we're just
gonna have fun, guys, fun, fun fun. Okay, First,
let's oh the secret sound? Howare we getting that from my phone?
(04:46):
I forgot to do it again?You can play it from your phone,
or people can just go back andwatch two episodes ago or four episodes ago
for like three seconds. Let's makeit easy on ourselves. The secret sound
we blew it last week. Weforgot to play it, and it sounds
like we're blowing it this week.Mama blew it this week because I forgot
to load it on the machine.You can connect real quick and play if
(05:08):
you want. I don't know whereit is, Brian, It's on your
voice memos. Oh thank you,oh God, thank you for this is
how it is right now, Thisis how it is right now. God,
Charlie only gets married once in alifetime. Hey, Siri, where
are my voice memos? They're there? Okay, all right, here we
go. Do am I? Imean, let me, let me get
(05:30):
connected, let me get paired sowe can play it for you. Because
the winner if you guess it,one hundred dollars cash. Baby. Let
me get connected so you can hearit. And uh, because we did
get a lot, a lot,a lot of guesses. I do,
I do, Thank you, OhChucky, free hugs. You love that.
(05:51):
I tell the story about the shirtI got my girlfriend for when we
switched roles, but it didn't comein time, and so the one that
she's been wearing, Okay, Idid tell you what say, pretty little
crack horse like happiest little crack holeor something. Oh my god, that's
hilarious. And she wears it sounashamedly too. That makes me respect your
girlfriends so much. She should havemy house one day where and I was
(06:14):
like, okay, so funny,Okay, here we go. I'm up,
I'm connected, and here's the secretsound. What do you think this
is? Everybody? I'll play ittwo more times. I have a guess.
(06:46):
I feel like it's paper towels beingripped. If you would like to
guess, you can comment on anyone of our social media's gonna you can
d m us, you can emailus at Laura Kane ad at GLn.
I love it when you guys dothat. It'd be super fun if you'd
come in on our YouTube page becauseI like it when people do that,
(07:08):
because not too many people do.I'm just gonna be honest, not too
many comments on there, so Iwill see it. And if you guess
it correctly, one hundred dollars cashis what you were going to win.
One more time because we forgot toplay last week. Okay, there we
go. Where we did it?On a scale of one to ten?
(07:30):
How close am I with paper towelsripping? I feel like I'd rather not?
This is This is a hint.This is the hint we're getting our
audience since they haven't gotten it yet. It's been like a month. It
hasn't quite been two weeks. Threeweeks, it's been like three weeks.
Yeah, we can't say no,not jeez, I must be close.
Yeah, you said more by notsaying anything. Yeah, maybe maybe not.
(07:56):
First, let's before we get toall this stuff, we need to
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(10:11):
Something coming up that I'm going tobe a part of on September seventh is
the twenty twenty four five Case Skadatalfour Research. It's the eighth annual I'm
the MC. Here's the cool logofor this year. Most us with the
mostess and SCAD is something that's veryserious. It affects women mostly and this
(10:33):
is what it stands for. SCADis spontaneous coordinary artery dissection. It's a
little known and poorly understood cause ofa heart attack. Most patients are young,
healthy and active women who do nothave the typical risk factors of heart
disease. Although less common, itcan affect men to SCAD, can reoccur,
and can be fatal. Research isneeded to identify the causes and the
(10:56):
best treatment options. SCAD is thenumber one cause of heart attacks and women
under the age of fifty, pregnantwomen, and new moms. There's so
little research about this and it's somuch as unknown that This walk raises money
for that, and it's important andit's fun and it's at Crown Point.
And last year I did it andI walked with some people. We had
(11:20):
a great walk. It was abeautiful day. There are vendors afterwards,
face painting, survivors, there's somepeople that are families that have lost somebody
to SCAD. So if you wouldlike to walk with us and be a
part of it and be a partof the help, that would be awesome.
Go to our website, Laura Kaneafter dark dot com because the link
is on there for you to signup, and it's on September seventh,
So sign up now so you canget your T shirt. Absolutely. Okay,
(11:45):
Now, what do you want tostart with? I would like to
present you with your gifts. Oh, my godness, gifts. Okay,
I do Okay, so I'd likeyou to close your eyes. Are these
from where I think they're from?And it's not a big deal. I
like this place. One is fromwhere you think it is, Okay,
the other one is not. Igot it at a little Okay, keep
(12:09):
your eyes shut. Okay, wow, is that a real Louis Witon bag?
It is? So? This isfrom where you think it is?
Okay? Our favorite place sometimes Tamu, but we like to call it Timu.
It's simply a sticker that I canput anywhere, and it says shit
(12:35):
show, admit one. Oh therewe go. Absolutely point. I might
put it on my phone case,I think, because it's a constant shit
showre my life. Thank you,you're welcome. This probably costs you thirty
nine cents. I think it waslike a dollar. I know who you
(12:56):
got, scam. I totally did. Thank you. No. I think
you'll probably like this a little bitbetter. Okay, now you you like
you like this a lot, soI'm good. Well, I'm just gonna
tell you here, hold out yourhand, okay, okay, okay,
(13:24):
across see I collect Okay, I'mnot. I was raised Catholic, baptized
Catholic, never went to Catholic Church, very rarely, only with my grandmother,
not a practicing Catholic. However,I have an affinity for religious art.
(13:45):
It looks like a cathedral in here. Yes, I love crosses,
and I love crosses that have astory. Each one of these crosses on
my wall has a story. AndI love the religious art from the Byzantine
area especially. Wow, what ahistorical Paul Laura Eastern Byzantine Catholicism art icons.
I love Byzantine. Yeah, Constantinople, Baby, I love the saints.
(14:07):
I love everything about it. Sothis explain to me where you got
it, and and this is fromyou, so it'll mean something to me.
It's going on the wall. Whatabout this? Spoke to you and
said, Laura, I just lovethe colors and the birds and the flowers.
And I knew how you were intoflowers with your tattoo and everything.
(14:28):
And so I saw that at alittle boutique in Encinita's and z I got,
well, that is so sweet?Was it kind of expensive a little
bit? It was kind of nice. Thank you. It means even more
to me now, Lily. Yourwall, though it like would be a
perfect horror movie shot in a slowpan just moving backwards, revealing all those
(14:48):
crosses. I'd be like a broll shot in a horror movie. I
have a giant crucifix, I havecrosses, I have bleeding hearts, I
have there's a shot where all thecross is slowly flip upside down. Oh,
that'd be creepy. And the Extorcistreborn or what was the last one
they just did, Exorcist something Ican't remember. It was so stupid.
(15:11):
I'm going to make the Extorcist afterdark. This is a happy wall,
not if those crosses flip upside down, going are all out of here.
If that happened. Thanks, I'mme, I'm recording. Thank you for
my gifts. Okay, now wehave to talk about something very very serious.
Okay. I've known you for along time, almost nineteen years,
(15:37):
twenty years, twenty ok what happenedthe other day when I was on the
phone with you was shocking. Itwas horrifying. So I'm going to set
the scene. You were in thecar with a girlfriend of yours and you
said, hold on, I haveto I'm in drive through at Jack in
(16:00):
the Box. I have to placean order. The male voice came on
and I hear Laura say hi,Louise. Okay, oh my god,
you're on a first name basis withthe Jack Laura and they have a full
on conversation. Then this picture emergeswith Laura and Louis. Oh my god.
(16:32):
I would like you to explain therelationship that you because I have never
seen anybody go through a drive through. You either go there for every meal
of your day. No, Iremember when you used to go through way
back in the old days and getice. Okay, this is where it
stems from. By the way,my bill was twenty four dollars. Louise
(16:55):
helped me up twenty four dollars atJack in the Box. Oh food for
a bunch of people. Oh okay, but he gave me a discount,
his employee discount. This is howclose we are, me and Louise.
I. This man is a hardworker. I appreciate him. And back
in the day, I want tosay, ten years ago. He's worked
there for a long time. Iused to go every single day to Jack
(17:18):
in the Box to get two largecups of ice. What did I always
tell you? I'd be talking toher and she'd be crunching on this ice,
and I'm like, that is notgood for your teeth, are you?
And Mack? Yes, okay,that makes sense. But you know
how I go through my addictive periodI go through I get addicted to things
and then they fade away. Sothis was one of my big addictions.
(17:41):
At one point I had to havetwo full things of they have good ice
at Jack in the Box and Iwould go through two big bags of the
thick red vines and I would eatice and red fines all day long.
Uh huh. So Louise and Ibecame friends. I would ask him quit
because you were the crazy lady thatcame through and he was always so nice
(18:03):
to me, and the fact thathe still works there and he works so
hard, and I so I recognizehis voice when he's on the little you
know, when you go drive through. I'm like, oh, it's Louise.
Hey, it's me Laura. Ohhello, And that freaked you out
that much? God, I waslike, yeah, eats every meal here.
(18:25):
Let me clear I don't. That'sa heartwarming story for Luish and that's
an embarrassing story for you, Iknow, I know. Then I moved
on to my red boled gummy bearface, which is gone and over her
house when it looked like the backlot of Sanford and Son. Yeah.
Well, when I walked in toshoot the podcast one day and there were
(18:45):
like twenty two chairs in here,and I was like, what the oh
I got? I was addicted tochairs for a while. The current addictions,
Oh, Brian, you should haveseen these two disgusting ottomans that she
had that were like a leopard printor something, and they were so mad
and gross, and she was doinglike a dry buy and handed the girl
(19:08):
the money over the chain link fenceand then and they smelled like feet.
I discovered off her up and Iwas addicted to that for a little while.
And I loved to look at thingsall day long. It was so
fun for me. So that wasone addiction. Now I'm addicted to boba.
I have to have like a milktea boba almost every single day.
(19:30):
Dude, that is too much.Every day. This is how my addiction
works. I know, But canwe get you addicted every other day or
something? And I'm addicted to mymorning meal, which is two packages of
oatmeal with almond butter and chia seedsand a celsius. I eat that every
(19:55):
single morning for the last two months. Now, Well, at least that's
how healthy. Not really, it'scelsius. Isn't too healthy? Is it?
No? But nomea? Is itsteel cut? No, it's from
like Kroger's. It's like the sweetestkind you could I'm going to get used
some steel cut. But that takesa long That takes too long to make.
(20:17):
Oh, eggs eggs in the morning. What every once in a while?
Whyggs? Eggs are so good foryou? I love eggs. I
can't. I can't think of anythingelse I'm really addicted to right now.
As far as that goes, youshould try cigarettes. I hear those are
good. Those smoking They've done that. It was cool, wasn't it.
You felt cool when you did it. No, you know what makes me
feel cool? Oh, this couldbe a topic. This is what makes
(20:41):
me feel cool. When I goto a concert and I'm get there almost
at showtime. I get there wheneverthe seats are already filled, and my
seats are so good that I walkin from the top. I keep walking
down, down, down, down, I look up at all the people
in my mm hmm, walk downdown to the floor, get the thing,
(21:03):
and I walk down going to aconcert in good seats. Having better
seats than everybody else makes me feellike I'm the coolest person on the planet.
Okay, Okay, there's that,And then I also have did I
tell you about my elevator thing?No, okay, I'm an elevator snob.
I feel like I am so muchbetter than the person that's in the
(21:26):
elevator with me. If what I'mon a higher floor than they are.
What I have that it makes mefeel like I'm so incredibly cool. I
know this is really weird. Therapist. Four people get into the elevator.
Maybe it's like thirteen stories. You'relike, uh, what floor? They're
like, oh, just Ford.You're like, I do that. I
(21:48):
go five, and then I'll pushmine. It'll be like eleven. It'll
be at the top one. I'llbe like, have a good day.
I should get off on floor three. I have like that attitude. Why,
I don't know if they have airconditioning down there on floor three.
I have that. Actually it's weird, but it makes me feel like I'm
(22:08):
so important. I was going topay you a compliment before you just said
the elevator thing, because that's crazy. I want that compliment. Okay,
Brian was going to take this isso rare. I want to ran that
was going to tell you that heloved you. No, you won't do
that. I was going to say, for your age, you're pretty cool.
That's a pretty good compliment. I'lltake that. Yeah, yeah,
(22:32):
okay, elaborate a little bit.How so no, Oh, Brian,
come on, give me one reasonwhy you say that. Oh you're just
for your age, you're pretty hipand with it and cool? Am I
inappropriately? So? I don't knowwhat that would meaning, like, do
I do things that a woman inher fifties shouldn't be doing or wearing or
saying? I don't really know ifI think that there is Well he hasn't
(22:56):
seen the White Go Go, butit's yet true. I did wear that
you have aged gracefully with society,not against society as many people do.
He is full of compliments tonight.I'm very This fills my soul and it
will keep my soul filled for awhile because I know this is few and
far between. Thank you, Brian. Whatever I'm past, I know I'm
(23:21):
not pushing it. I'm not I'mnot pushing it. Okay, So you
have a product that you want tobring up to our attentions that you've used
I have, so let's talk aboutthat, all right. So I was
online and a lot of people weretalking this product by Zombie Beauty called the
(23:41):
Zombie Packs. Celebrities use this alot, yes, so it's it's the
new rage. And I thought,well, this is probably going to be
a rock a crap. It's notcheap. What is it supposed to do
that other masks don't. It's supposedto tighten and lift okay, and when
and make your skin very dewey.Okay. So it I got it on
(24:07):
Amazon. It has been blowing offthe shelves. It was almost thirty dollars
for this pack. Okay, howmany does it come with? It comes
with eight. So it comes withthese little packs and it's it's got all
natural stuff in it. So noneof this stuff is crazy, Okay,
stuff that's bad for you? Thatcomes with the brush, Yeah, it
(24:30):
comes with the brush sawtbrush, andthen it comes with the activator so you
rip off this little and there's onethat corresponds with each packet of powder.
Let me just say he called meafter replying this. I have the videos
(24:55):
and I'm going to post them online. I sent them to Brian as well.
So you pour this in the littlepacket of powder, then you stir
it up with the brush. Youget all the bubbles out and the stuff,
and then you brush it on yourface. You leave it on for
about fifteen minutes. You can leaveit on a little bit longer. I'm
telling you right now. When itstarts to tighten hold onto your hats and
(25:22):
they tell you we were going toI was gonna do it on the show,
but you can't move your face atall. Oh, and so it
would be it would just sound likewe were Charlie Brown's mom, and I
thought it's not going to be beneficialfor us to do it. I could
barely and it gets all wrinkly looking. It gets all wrinkly. And that's
why it's called the zombie pack.Because your face looks like it's all blistered.
(25:44):
So if you guys watch on Thursday, I will post the videos.
It's so creepy. It looks likeyou just got boils all over your face.
There's big bubbles and okay, itturned, it starts to crack and
everything. It's really gross. Butlet me tell you when that comes off
your face and it's very easy towash off. Your face feels like a
(26:08):
newborn baby. It is so softand your skin is tight. How often
are you supposed to use it?Twice a week? Okay? So you
give that five stars or four stars? I it was. So there's a
there's another one on the market calledlike Hanna Cure Yes, which is very
(26:29):
very expensive, same though right,same kind of thing. It's about one
hundred and fifty dollars more and itdoes the exact same thing. So Zombie
Beauty is they've got one called There'sZombie and then there's another one called Mummy.
Oh okay, and they're all onAmazon. They're all on Amazon,
(26:52):
and it does more like brightening.I just ordered that one to see how
I forgot that. I have astory to tell you that reminds me of
something I don't know why. Iwas asked to introduce a performer on stage
at sea World. They have aconcert series. Every Saturday, they have
(27:15):
a performer and they asked it's likean through iHeart. So they asked me
if I would interview this celebrity firstbefore he went on and then go on
stage and introduce him to the crowd. It was the first one of the
series and it was Jesse McCartney andhe is an actor, he is a
singer. He's a songwriter and likethirty seven years old and so long story
(27:42):
shore, we get there. Hefor whatever reason ran at a time.
Something went on. I didn't dothe pre interview, fine, but I
did get to introduce him on stageand I got a picture with him.
Very sweet person. But it happenedagain. You guys him, Oh no,
when you thought you were hot shittingnow called Diaria. Well, look,
(28:03):
I'm behind a mic. I havebeen for many When I'm on the
mic, I'm usually alone or withmaybe one other person in a studio behind
the mic, and I don't thinkabout the people that are listening because I
do not think because I don't seethem. So I'm comfortable. Well,
(28:29):
this venue at Sea World packed withpeople and I had to go down this
like bridge thing to get to thething, and they gave me a script,
and I freak. I get verynervous speaking, and I know you
wouldn't think so, but when Isee the faces, I immediately get nervous.
So I'm like, Okay, Laura, you can do this, you
(28:49):
can do this, you can dothis. So I started off strong.
Hey, everybody, how's it going. We have Jesse McCartney in the house.
I just met her. He wasgreat. This is the Sea World
Concert summer series. We have bowWow coming up this summer. We have
Genuine, we have You're Genuine.So they have a couple more. And
(29:15):
then it started, Oh no whereImmediately, all of a sudden, all
my saliva dried up. Oh thiswhat happens when I'm nervous and you've got
the top lip over the teeth.It was starting to rise. I had
about three sentences left to say,and I literally could not form words.
(29:40):
And I was horrified that the audiencecould tell like I was. Brian doesn't
perfectly, because what's happened to mebefore? I'm like, so you guys
meg here, you get your seeingpath? Wow, like I could.
Brian does it better than me.But I couldn't form words. I had
no saliva. I'm sure no onecared. I wouldn't care. It was
(30:07):
I was. I cared. Ifelt so embarrassed. But Brian, please,
you do it so well. Idon't remember what voice it is I
do. That's just what is aperson with extreme dry mouth? I don't
know, sound like trying to talkto the world. Oh yike, I'm
looking fun. You did a goodtoo once. Oh yeah, I oh
(30:34):
yeah, you peed your pants whenI did it. Oh I love so
hard when you did it. Ohmy god, But how do you prevent
that from happening? Do I putlike a rocket, grow a pair man?
Do it? Hey? Ready?Yeah? Okay, look, okay,
that you get the heat to getyour tickets. Yet Jack, he
(31:03):
were out, he were out,And this is the end. Now you
guys have saved my last line.And now everybody what you've been waiting for,
the one, the only Jesse McCartney. I'll say that, how I
say the lady, he came themoment you've all been waiting for. Put
(31:30):
your hee McCartney. Oh my god. I tried to work so hard through
it, so hard, and itshe didn't give me, but they did.
You know what I should do?I should sit in the front row
with one of those water guns andjust squirt you in the face, did
you. Oh god, that wouldbe amazing. She's like line, Oh
(31:56):
my god. And I was doingsuch a good job to the in when
I could I literally, oh mygod, it's up to here. Oh
my god. They probably were like, she han't still got wait wait can
you okay, hold on all right, I would like you to do that.
Okay, look at me, wellabout l zero ka anyway, Kai,
(32:25):
that's exactly what you look like anyway. So that happened, but it
was really fun and I loved itand I did a lot. Okay,
one more thing, yes, andlets you have something? Did you have
something else? I do? WeWell, we were talking the other day
about Laura and I living together inour old age. We were talking about
(32:46):
Jay Wurtzler and how he's making memoney, and I said, so when
we lived together back to back orfoot to foot like our you know,
Charlie in chocolate factory bed, wewere talking about I don't know what like
(33:07):
are. We were saying, howwe're going to pay for our living expenses.
Oh, that's right, and Isaid, well it would probably be
more beneficial if we were married.She lit up like a Christmas tree and
said, oh, that's great.And then I thought, we'll wait a
minute. I've always wanted to marrya gay man. Yeah, I'm gonna
(33:29):
get ft because she'll marry me andthen just keep me sedated and then run
off with all my money. Heproperly saved for his retirement. He's good
to go when it hits time.He's taken care of. But guess he's
going to ride that train. Iwas basically telling him, let's get married.
Yeah, and then and then youcan take care of me too.
(33:50):
You will get tax benefits. Yeahyeah, but then I'm a kid benefit.
Then I'll be desolate because I'll justlook over and bed our total'll be
touching, and she'll just be rufflingthrough a new Louis Vuitton bag, a
new Christian Dior bag, a newYSL bag. Does Daddy need more orange
choice things in your dream? Iwould love to see a like a sitcom
(34:15):
where it's just you guys both fallinginto like the traditional like you know,
husband and wife stereotypes of like husbandcomes home to complain, wife bitches at
him for all this stuff now goingalong. That would be hilarious. Is
that a new dress? She's like, No, it's been hanging in the
closet for months. We're gonna,you know what, No, you're gonna
(34:36):
marry me. We're gonna live ourlives out together because we are soulmates.
Yes we are sure, We're notlike you know, romantic, but you're
my non sexual life partner, andyou are my retirement plan. Wait,
I want to officiate your marriage though, Oh definitely, Oh my god.
Yeah, And then Laura could sayall the time, She's like like,
(34:58):
Laura, what are you doing outof the house. She's like, well,
I came home and my husband wasbanging a dude, so I had
to get out, so I hadto go buy myself something. Banging the
pool boys. So it's like they'relike, oh my god, I'm so
sorry. It's like that's fine,Okay, We're going to end on one
more thing. I think this one'stoo long, because you know what,
I got so much to do rightnow. I am so excited about Charlie's
(35:22):
wedding. I know this is thelast time I want to talk about it
because it's happening on Sunday. Butthis boy who died three times on the
way to his first surgery and hadthree surgeries since then, who everybody thought
was not going to make it,who was so fragile when he was born,
nobody could hold him. Who peoplethought he had giganticism, people thought
(35:47):
he had this and that and thisand that. Now look at him getting
married to the love of his life, the way he wants to do it.
I couldn't be more proud. Iam just racked with emotions, and
I am thrilled because I get tosee Evan, my mom my, sister,
(36:09):
every whole family. Is going tobe a great, great experience.
And I can't wait to tell youall about it when we return, not
next week but the week after.And thank you everybody for all your well
wishes. I've received all of themon Instagram and Facebook, all the nice
messages you've sent me. I appreciateit now. Finally, how many times
(36:30):
a day does the average Americans saythe following phrase? I've said it today,
maybe five times. What's the phraseI'm tired? One hundred and seventy
eight times per day. The averageAmerican spends one four hundred and sixty hours
(36:52):
a year feeling tired and says outloud, I'm tired three times to day.
Three to that checks. That's allthree times a day on average.
I said about three times an hourout loud. Oh yeah, I know
me too. Yeah. Because hewakes up but naked, face down from
(37:13):
the TV. He's like, howdid I get here? I'm so tired?
I literally like I'm so tired outloud. But I thought that was
anyway, that's not a good wayto end. Well, it's a great
way to end. I was doinglaundry the other night and I have a
mat that I like do my situps and stuff on, and it was
(37:37):
so humid out that I laid onthe mat and fell asleep naked. Woke
up at four ten in the morningcompletely naked. Yeah, with the dryerp
like going off. Yeah, ohmy, that's good. I was not
expecting that that was good. Yeah, Brian, Yes, I just want
(37:57):
you to know that I feel likeGod put you in this chair in my
life, in our lives for areason, and I love that. And
you fit our show so well,and I just appreciate everything you do for
us. And I feel like youare my son in some ways because you
(38:21):
are at the same age as myson, but you act like a forty
five year old man, which Ilove. I love it when you give
me grief. I think it's funnywhen you don't say I love you back.
I just think I'm just very blessed. I feel very lucky that you
sit in my living room once aweek. Thank you. You're welcome.
(38:42):
Okay, sir, you are lucky. I have truly blessed your life.
I just love you both. Ilove you you are You should be very
very proud of yourself because you've raisedtwo Hella great kids on your own,
(39:04):
no help from anybody else except Derekexcept me, not monetarily. Well no,
but it's all about you. Likeit, then you better put a
ring on it? Yeah, exact? Yeah, yeah. And you don't
want Cubic sarconia, do you?I don't. I don't care. I
don't care about that. I don'tneed to. I don't need a diamond.
You should get get her Cubic zirconia. Come on, blood diamond.
(39:28):
I don't want somebody she'll just she'lljust hawk it. I want a blood
diamond. No, she'll she'll howkit on an offer up. I just
appreciate you both a lot, andI I love that we do this.
And I know this is non secorder, but I just feel overwhelmed with
gratefulness. Well, and you shouldbe. I love your podcast. I
(39:52):
know. Let's end this thing.I got a lot of things to do
on a fashion show for us.Oh yeah, I got Okay, Uh,
you guys are and I appreciate youfor watching and listening and listen to
us all for five years, we'vebeen doing this to night. Oh well,
we're gonna do it for five more. We're gonna do it for like
fifty five more. Guess what foreverstuck Brian will be in our assisted living
(40:15):
home set up. Okay, holdup, I haven't set out my five
year plan yet, so let's notjump. I'm just setting it up for
you. So and he'll be justfilming us in bed. That will require
quite a bit of a raise,but I'm willing for that. I'm willing
to provide that. What are youguys doing in No, just doing our
podcast like I'm just eating being likesounds awful Oas character, we'll both be
(40:40):
in depends probably, Oh, I'mfine with that. She'll she'll be like
rail. You'll be like one ofthose older ladies that's gonna be tanned,
super super skinny with huge boobs.Well, I just can't wait for Brian's
wedding someday. And oh I loveto be a part of it, and
(41:04):
anything you need from me, Iwould be happy to. Brian Kilaura and
I officiate your wedding be funny thatyou should do it whatever you want,
because I'll get ordained. That'd befunny. Yeah, you should do it
because he likes you better than me, and that's fine. I'll get ordained.
We could be like Jim and TammyFaye Baker, but we totally could
(41:30):
officiated his wedding. You should officiatethe wedding. Well, that is anyway
you want to sing a song,like, do you want to sing the
song that they walk down the aisle? Know? I can sing your first
dance? You could sing that song? I can again, never mind,
Okay, we got to end thiscamera. Oh no they Okay, I
(41:52):
see we're stuck. We're stuck,all right, Love you guys, see
you in a week. Love yourpodcast, Love your podcast. I love
you, my sweet babies, andI'm seeing you today. Bye mhm
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