December 10, 2024 • 49 mins
This could be the most awkward show we've ever done..The Laura Cain After Dark Stand-Up Comedy Contest. Each of us had to perform a 2-3 minute set in front of professional comedian, Mal Hall, who was asked to give honest opinions about who did the best and who bombed. This is a can't-miss episode...the nervousness, the awkward content, and Mal's feedback are priceless. This will make you cringe and crack up at the same time. And, Laura thinks she took it too far and may have pissed off Erik forever. Mal is amazing for agreeing to do this. He's hysterical and you can find him at The Comedy Club in La Jolla, Lou Lous at The Lafayette Hotel, and possibly on Netflix soon. Love your podcast!
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:09):
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Speaker 1 (00:55):
Oh my gosh, Hello and welcome to Laura Caane after Dark,
The Laura Cane Only. Welcome. I'm Laura Cane. This is
Eric Rimmer, Hi produce of Brian.
Speaker 3 (01:11):
Behind the Mic God damn.
Speaker 1 (01:12):
It okay so, and we have in studio the hysterical
rising stars. I love him so much. He is so
freaking funny. Mal Hall is here to suffer through our performance.
(01:36):
I thought it would be appropriate to get a professional
comedian to give us his take on each of our
bits or our sets, each of our sets, which I
literally finished like a half hour ago.
Speaker 4 (01:57):
Wow, talk about being prepared.
Speaker 1 (01:59):
Well, I had ideas in my mind, but like I
had to change some things so I might be reading it. Hey,
this is the first time.
Speaker 5 (02:07):
I'm not giving you any sort of look. I don't
know why you're looking at me.
Speaker 1 (02:11):
I'm just looking at you. I think we're all on
edge big time because this is I'm not I'm scared.
Speaker 5 (02:16):
Yeah, you know what I said. This was a mistake,
but I'm not on edge.
Speaker 4 (02:20):
I'm not.
Speaker 5 (02:22):
I'm funnier than you, so I'm not.
Speaker 1 (02:26):
It's not a mistake. No matter what happens. Even if
this blows.
Speaker 5 (02:31):
Hardcore, oh that's I'm not worried about it. It SUCs either.
Speaker 1 (02:34):
It's going to be funny. Maybe Hopefully mal has agreed,
and I told him that the three of us are
fine with any kind of criticism that he has. There
are no hard feelings at all. We want the truth.
Speaker 5 (02:50):
I mean, the worst thing is is just to hear
that you're not funny, which we already know.
Speaker 1 (02:53):
And that's whatever. Whatever. I'm up for anything. I put
work into this and I really want to I'm giving
it a shot. I'm really giving it a shot.
Speaker 5 (03:05):
You found a real career.
Speaker 1 (03:07):
I'm going to read it, though. I mean, I'm so nervous.
I'm really really nervous.
Speaker 5 (03:11):
Just glance at it, you know, and then speak from
the heart.
Speaker 1 (03:16):
I literally don't think I've taken a breath all day.
Speaker 5 (03:18):
Wow, it's a long time.
Speaker 1 (03:20):
I'm really nervous about this, and this is my idea.
Speaker 2 (03:23):
You know what, if you pass out, that would be
the best thing ever, eye rocket, Could.
Speaker 4 (03:31):
You do that?
Speaker 1 (03:33):
I might do? Could I? I might?
Speaker 4 (03:36):
If you passed out, oh my god, totally you would.
Speaker 1 (03:39):
Well, the what we want to find is the loser.
Because the loser there are consequences. Perhaps we'll talk about
that in a minute, but this whole thing might be
the consequence. But I know, I know, Okay. I also
said last week that we were going to talk about
our big fat Matt box of holiday fun. I'll tell
(04:02):
you some of the things that are in it, but
I haven't had the chance to put it all together
yet and tell you how to win it. So that'll
be next episode. But here are a few of the things.
What are you looking at me? Do I have to
get it off? What is it lipstick? I'm sure they're
I'm sure I do.
Speaker 5 (04:23):
Now that's funny comedy, Okay.
Speaker 1 (04:26):
We have Dolphace Club merch hoodies, a T shirt, I think,
a little jacket, some fun things. We have a set
of children's books from Georgia Irvine from the San Diego Zoo,
their children's books, picture books about animals at the zoo,
a whole set and they're hardcover and they're great and
they're signed, Yes, they're signed. And we have a tattoo
(04:49):
free tattoo at Vivid Tattoo in Hillcrest. The artist gave
me a certificate for the box we have that something
is coming around from the Hoya Cosmetic. I just haven't
asked them, but they always give. And then of course
our fabulous Capital Growth Jane Warsler will be dolan out
(05:12):
some cash. I hope I haven't asked him yet. Wait,
I know this is what but this is what I'm
hoping is.
Speaker 5 (05:18):
Gonna be hilarious.
Speaker 1 (05:20):
Shut up.
Speaker 4 (05:23):
Your comedy routine was great.
Speaker 5 (05:25):
You're giving you're you're giving away money we haven't even
asked for yet.
Speaker 4 (05:28):
Wow, you are a funny dad.
Speaker 5 (05:31):
I think we can go home now. She just she
killed it.
Speaker 1 (05:34):
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Speaker 5 (07:49):
I know he's you're bombing, Laura.
Speaker 1 (07:51):
Come, I know I'm already bombing, But that's okay, okay, TikTok.
I would like to bring up to the stage, the
main stage, the main stage, the incredible, the hilarious. A friend,
(08:12):
this guy is on eatest of all time. His name
is Mal Hall. Come on up, Mal, come to the
stand up mike first, because I set this up a
little laird. Hi. Hey, you'll be sitting down here. You're
sitting in an invisible chair right now. Okay, So Mal,
(08:36):
tell us where people can see you perform these days
and when and how?
Speaker 3 (08:42):
In San Diego. You could see me at the Comedy
Store in Lahoya almost every Thursday if I'm not on
the road. And then i have a new residency show
that I'm producing at Lulu's at the Lafayette the last
Wednesday every month, and I'm at I mean, I've been
doing stand up in Sandy Go so long that you
can find me basically at any sort of local comedy
(09:04):
show during the week, and then I'm around the country
on the weekend.
Speaker 1 (09:07):
Is this your only job?
Speaker 4 (09:08):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (09:10):
That is fantastic. You're making a living doing what you've loved.
Speaker 3 (09:13):
Yeah, last fifteen years, I've paid my bills.
Speaker 1 (09:18):
I'm sure it took a long I mean, it was
a long road.
Speaker 4 (09:21):
Laura.
Speaker 2 (09:21):
This could so be not you.
Speaker 1 (09:27):
I remember now when you were roaming the halls of
iHeart oh yeah, and we pull you in for like
to do a couple jokes and stuff. You were always
so funny and I'm just so I mean, I don't
know if this is appropriate for me to say, but
I'm proud of you.
Speaker 3 (09:42):
I take all the pride and love. I appreciate it.
That building was like a major piece of my story,
you know, working in that building. I got a lot
of exposure there.
Speaker 1 (09:56):
Just on various stations.
Speaker 3 (09:58):
I produced Dave, Shelley and Chainsaw like Shelley's News for
probably five years right when I started, and that was big.
And then Mikey put me on the air as a
comedian way earlier than he should have, but it was amazing.
And AJ's Playhouse, like the whole that whole hallway was
like very kind to me when I.
Speaker 1 (10:16):
Started back in the day. Is there ever a time
I'm sure the answer is yes. Please tell us about
one time when you just bombed and what does it
feel like, because I want to know ahead of time.
Speaker 2 (10:32):
I want to know ahead of time you think that
he would have ever bombed.
Speaker 3 (10:38):
You have to bomb to find like you have to bomb.
Everyone bombs learn. You learn more when you bomb than
when you're killing. You know, it doesn't feel good. Uh,
and it's just you. I tell my musician friends all
the time, they're so lucky that they have friends. Like
if they're having a bad show, it's like, at least
you're still playing with your playing music with your friends.
(10:59):
If I a bad show, it's like I'm standing up
there by myself and the crowd is like, this is
your fault. And most of the time it is my fault,
and you either fix it or you just grind through,
however much much time you have left. You know, it's
it's it's part of it's part of the game. It's
part of the game. But I've I've bombed.
Speaker 4 (11:20):
Quite a bit.
Speaker 3 (11:21):
Nothing nothing recent, nothing recent, but I've I've had some
stinkers where you're up there and it's like these jokes
normally work, and tonight is just not it. It is not
the night.
Speaker 4 (11:34):
You know.
Speaker 1 (11:35):
Yeah, you can't predict an audience how they're gonna they're
the X factor every night.
Speaker 3 (11:40):
The jokes, like a lot of my jokes, like the
the jokes that are in the set set that I'm
touring there, it's just like musicians that tour that tour,
it's like they have a set list of all the
songs they're going to play. It's like I have the
jokes that I want to do, and for most crowds,
it works in the order that I wanted to go.
And then every once while you've run into that crowd
(12:01):
that's like, we're different.
Speaker 1 (12:05):
We're not gonna laugh, We're gonna just drink and observe.
Speaker 4 (12:09):
Yep, yep.
Speaker 3 (12:10):
There are those bombs too where it's like you feel like, Wow,
this whole crowd hates me, like they have not laughed
at one thing. And then after the show, like it'll
be death. I'll stand up there for half an hour dying.
And then after the show they come up and they're like,
you were so funny. We really enjoyed that. I'm like,
oh cool, tell your face next time, laugh next time.
(12:31):
That would help me know that I don't need to
kill myself when I go home.
Speaker 1 (12:35):
That's oh gosh. And so okay, what is up next
for mel Hall in the next two years?
Speaker 3 (12:48):
The next two years? I don't plan that far ahead,
to be honest. It's like I have next year. So
I shot my I shot a comedy special at Lulu's
in September and we're currently editing that and so hopefully
I'm going to be putting that out in the spring.
We're going to try to sell it to some big
streamers and hopefully somebody buys it and that would be amazing,
(13:10):
but if not, we'll release it on YouTube and it'll
do whatever it's going to do. And then I'm going
to tour. I'm doing a bus tour with Angela Johnson
in the beginning.
Speaker 4 (13:18):
Of the year. That's like I love her.
Speaker 3 (13:20):
Yeah, that's that's going to span most of the country.
And then I hopefully in the summer slash fall, I'll
do my own headlining tour and return to some of
those cities and do my full show.
Speaker 1 (13:31):
Who do you think is the funniest person on the planet.
Speaker 3 (13:39):
I don't think there's one funniest person on the plane.
There's a lot of super funny people. Chappelle is like
one of my favorites. Nate Bargetzi's one of my favorites,
Angela is one of my favorites. Sebastian's one of my favorites.
It's like, there's you catch I Like, I tell people
all the time they should just go to go to
comedy clubs because some of them funniest people in the
(14:01):
country are names that you've never heard of, and those
are the people that should.
Speaker 1 (14:07):
Be seen, you know, And why don't they make it?
What is it just luck and opportunity that.
Speaker 3 (14:13):
It's a luck game, it's a time and game. It's
like I'm sure some of the most talented musicians we've
never seen or heard of, you know. And it's the
same thing. It's like right place, right time. And but yeah,
like any given night, any sort of main comedy club,
you walk in there, it's like you're going to see
somebody that makes you go, holy shit, like who are you?
Speaker 4 (14:36):
Where have I been?
Speaker 1 (14:38):
Like?
Speaker 3 (14:38):
I want more of this? And I think that's like
the magic of the comedy club.
Speaker 1 (14:43):
Oh my god. Okay, like the magic that's going to
happen here today.
Speaker 3 (14:48):
How did this idea come up? I need to know
because two thirds of the people here don't seem stoked
about what's right?
Speaker 1 (14:56):
Right, Okay, let me just say.
Speaker 4 (14:58):
It was not my idea.
Speaker 5 (15:00):
Actually, it started like two years ago when we did
the roast.
Speaker 1 (15:03):
We did a roast, okay, and then from that I
got the bride idea, Hey, we should all write a
stand up comedy routine and whoever does the worst has
to do the set at an open mic night as a.
Speaker 3 (15:17):
Punishment subject the public to this.
Speaker 1 (15:19):
Exactly, Okay, in hopes that everybody would bring their a game,
you know, but two of the people, two of the
three of us, refuse to do that. Okay, under no
circumstances will two of these.
Speaker 3 (15:36):
People stand up in public? Yeah, but what's the big fear?
Speaker 4 (15:40):
Eric? Yeah? What makes you think it's me? No?
Speaker 1 (15:43):
But no, because I'm shy.
Speaker 2 (15:47):
Okay, yeah, you're getting up in front of a whole
room of people.
Speaker 1 (15:52):
Oh hell no.
Speaker 3 (15:55):
Speaking was not your thing. You weren't clown in high school?
Speaker 1 (15:59):
Right, But he's so funny and he's so like outgoing
that surprises me.
Speaker 4 (16:04):
But no, I'm very shy when it comes especially people
I don't know.
Speaker 3 (16:07):
Yeah, it's it's.
Speaker 5 (16:08):
Way easier to deliver comedy than this to write it.
Speaker 4 (16:10):
Though.
Speaker 5 (16:11):
If I like, if someone wrote my comedy for me,
I could probably bomb or killing Eric.
Speaker 3 (16:15):
But I have to write.
Speaker 4 (16:16):
That's the problem.
Speaker 3 (16:17):
That is the hard part. That is the hardest part.
Speaker 1 (16:20):
And it's not jokes you're writing. It's observations and your
funny take on the observations. Right, Oh my god. Wow.
Speaker 3 (16:26):
For some people it depends on what style you guys
have three different styles. There's one liner comedians, there's storytellers,
and there's like observational, like who knows what?
Speaker 1 (16:37):
Do comedians ever just tell straight up jokes like three
guys walk into a bar.
Speaker 3 (16:43):
There's definitely comedians. I just tell jokes, for sure. I
think that's one of the hardest ones really to remember,
to remember like whatever. I don't know how if a
joke like that takes a minute to two minutes and
you have to do an hour set, It's like, how
many jokes is that that you have to remember? God
every single night? Ye to go in a specific order,
(17:05):
if they, you know, go together. It's like I tell
stories and it's easy for me to tell them every
night because there are stories that happened in my life
that I sort of punched up to make, you know,
funny for the public or whatever. But I can remember
that every night.
Speaker 4 (17:19):
I could.
Speaker 3 (17:20):
I'm just telling you something that actually happened. But to
remember a joke.
Speaker 1 (17:25):
Every night, Yeah, do you remember the very first funny
thing you said in front of a crowd on a mic?
Your very first like stand up?
Speaker 3 (17:37):
I don't know that I can pinpoint the actual joke.
I just remember that it took me a year and
a half to write my first set, So you guys,
you know, doing it in a week is, you know,
the instant way to do it, I guess, but I
took a year and a half and it was five minutes.
And I feel like I was super nervous to go up,
(17:58):
super super nervous because it's like comedies. People hate public speaking,
that's number one, and now you're public speaking with expectation
that it's funny, and people don't like being told that
they're going to laugh. So like that's why audiences, some
audiences are extra difficult because they're like, I'm it's hard
to make me like people come up after the show.
(18:20):
I laughed at you, and it's hard to make me laugh.
It's like, well, why, why why do you wear that
with so much pride? Just laugh a little bit. So
I do remember doing that show and then like sort
of floating off stage and going like I definitely going
to do that again. And I literally just have not
stopped since that time. So I can't pinpoint exactly, but
(18:42):
definitely that first set was a drug that I'm chasing.
Speaker 1 (18:45):
You know, when all of this is said and done,
will you do something for me.
Speaker 4 (18:50):
What's up?
Speaker 1 (18:51):
Will you do your little bit about the wash cloth?
That was one of the funniest things. It's so incredibly true.
Speaker 3 (18:59):
I don't know that it's going to work just the
three of us, but I could try to find that
clip and send it to you and then you could
post it.
Speaker 1 (19:05):
Okay, oh yes, please?
Speaker 4 (19:06):
That was hilarious.
Speaker 1 (19:07):
Oh my god that maybe it lost so hard?
Speaker 3 (19:08):
Okay, in the alley of the comedy store. It was
that the show you guys were at.
Speaker 1 (19:12):
Yeah, one of those weird ones like off the in
O B and Ali and ob or No.
Speaker 4 (19:17):
That was it was comedy.
Speaker 3 (19:18):
Since I was in COVID right that you guys came
to that show and the orside.
Speaker 2 (19:24):
You know it wasn't We've seen a couple Yeah, okay,
it was inside Okay, okay, okay.
Speaker 1 (19:28):
But I know the one you were talking about, the
one all the tables were set outside. Yes, okay, all right,
you're gonna sit here, but first you're going to pick
the order in which we will be performing.
Speaker 3 (19:38):
And you guys have no idea how much time you're doing.
Do you want me to have a clock?
Speaker 1 (19:43):
I'm just gonna okay, I just wrote I just typed
out everything, and I'm just going to go for it.
I don't know how long it is. It could be
ten minutes. I have no idea.
Speaker 3 (19:53):
I doubt that doubt all right, So have fun with it.
Speaker 1 (19:57):
You pick pick who's going first.
Speaker 4 (20:01):
God please be Laura Laura. Okay, I'll go Laura Cain.
Speaker 5 (20:09):
I can't wait for this.
Speaker 1 (20:10):
Okay, so your headphones.
Speaker 4 (20:14):
Oh boy.
Speaker 5 (20:15):
As an audience member, I'm just gonna let you know
you're about a bomb.
Speaker 3 (20:20):
I'm an easy laugher.
Speaker 1 (20:21):
So you know.
Speaker 2 (20:24):
You know how Laura says that when I tell my
dad jokes, it's just a line exactly.
Speaker 5 (20:29):
That's what she's not gay, Yeah, because she never laughs anything.
Speaker 1 (20:32):
We say, Yeah, well no, I don't laugh at jokes.
Speaker 5 (20:34):
That's true.
Speaker 4 (20:35):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (20:36):
You guys are going to prepostly stonewall each other.
Speaker 5 (20:38):
No no, no, no.
Speaker 1 (20:40):
No, Like I gave this my all, Okay, I gave
this everything I got. This is all. This is what
I have. Okay, So you have it or I don't.
Speaker 3 (20:51):
I'm definitely rooting for you, but I'm also rooting against
you because if you give it, you're all in just
a week. It makes my fifteen years.
Speaker 1 (20:59):
Don't worry putting on my headphones because I don't want
to hear crickets and booze throughout my entire set.
Speaker 5 (21:10):
Brian, Oh my god, the soundboards ever by me, isn't it?
Speaker 4 (21:12):
Oh wow?
Speaker 1 (21:14):
Okay, so how about you do the introduction, play the music,
and I'll come up on stage like a real comedian.
Speaker 2 (21:21):
Okay, ladies and gentlemen, a blonde bombshell herself Laura Caine.
Speaker 1 (21:32):
Hey, guys, Hey guys, thanks so much for coming out.
Love seeing your faces. It's great that you're here. My
first time doing stand up comedy. So I hope you
guys will go easy on me and here we go.
You know I'm an open book. I mean, I tell
(21:55):
you everything about my life, unlike my partner Eric, who's
so secretive about his love life you might think he's single.
All I'm gonna say is this when his nude guy
is done with his paper route, every morning they go
(22:16):
to IHOT for chocolate chip pancakes. It's super fun.
Speaker 3 (22:19):
Oh.
Speaker 1 (22:20):
I don't even think this dude knows they are going out.
He might just think Eric is a volunteer for Big
Brothers of America. But I am happy for my partner
in crime, Eric because I haven't had a boyfriend in
two years. I can't even remember the last time I
(22:41):
was touched in a romantic way. Oh wait, yes I do.
Chucky made me feel great the other night. The best
I've had Actually I met him at a sex shop
in Tijuana. He was hanging on the wall with all
the other battery Operation Dix. Okay, now this part is
(23:05):
going to sound a little ron Burgundy ish, so bear
with me and keep the eye rolls to a minimum, please.
You could say that I've been a local celebrity for
the last thirty years, and yes, I cringed a little
bit when I said that, So don't think that you're
(23:28):
the only one. I mean, I've been in radio soul long.
Producer Brian's parents listen to me when their parents took
them to grade school. That's how long. With any kind
of fame comes the haters, the desktop critics, the dreaded trolls.
(23:52):
I've been their target for many, many years. What is
it about being in the public eye that makes these
people think that we have lost the ability to feel
offended or hurt? You'd think by now i'd have skin
as thick as Eric's big ass bush, But I don't hair.
(24:17):
Just a few comments I've received over the years that
these people thought were perfectly okay to post on public platforms. Okay,
number one, I'm sure you've been heard this before, but
you look like a man. You are my least favorite
(24:40):
part of the Jeff and Jerr Show. In fact, I
think I might hate you. Oh my gosh, it's just
a matter of time before you fall down drunk again.
You suck and you're not pretty. I'd rather take a
bath and shit than go out on a date with
someone like you. And then this one just came down
(25:03):
the pipeline the other day. Have you thought about slowing
down on the plastic surgery a little bit. Look, I'm
as real as they come. My fake hair, my fake eyelashes,
fake lips, botus face, and my fake Louis Vuitton and
(25:26):
fake Gucci sunglasses. Thank you for that comment, though, And
one more mean comment. Instead of spending your money on
a Louis Fauton, why don't you give to the homeless instead?
You come across so selfish. First of all, bees, I
(25:48):
am providing for the homeless, three of them at the moment.
They're called roommates. And how will I ever forget this? One,
perhaps the meanest and funniest of all time. I see
you got your boobs done? Why didn't you start with
your face? I literally spit out my cheerios when I
(26:08):
saw that. It was so mean that I laughed for days.
Something that I am proud of, though, is that I'm
seventeen years sober, no drugs, no alcohol, or waking up
in Italy tied to a lounge chair. Now my big
thrill is door Dash energy drinks and giving my uber
(26:30):
driver a handy as a tip before the five star rating.
Of course, something I'm not proud of is my room.
It looks like the trash dump on Staten Island. It
is a disaster. There is a suitcase on my floor
that has been there unpacked for three weeks, and my
(26:51):
closet is so jamful of shoes and clothes I'm afraid
the entire infrastructure of my duplex will eventually implode from
the weight of it all. And let's be serious, how
many pairs of sweats does a girl need? I've got
so many hoodies I could open it up my own
hot topic store if I wanted to. And I want
(27:12):
to talk about again my loyal podcast partner Eric He's
been there for me for the last eighteen years. I
love him to death, but his ego is growing bigger
and faster than Juan Soto's salary. A joke that will
go over Eric's head like a seagull chasing a piece
(27:32):
of food from a toddler's hand. He truly believes he's
a celebrity because he co hosts a podcast that thirteen
people listen to every week. He shows up five minutes
before showtime with nothing more than a post it note
with showbuzinws He's scribbled while driving here. The only thing
(27:55):
he's consistent about is taking dick pics and setting them
out as you nearly Christmas cards. His big rig is
so well known for causing attention from disgusted shoppers at
ross who clearly can see his vpl underwear is nonexistent
(28:16):
in his wardrobe. And let's get real, Eric's skin is
so pasty you could see his internal organs through his skin.
On a sunny day, I mean, in the morning, he
looks like a newborn bearded dragon with a hideous rash.
He's also violently afraid of spiders, but even more so
a vaginas. Whenever I want him to do something or
(28:41):
are in an argument. I just start unzipping my pants. Boom,
it's done. I win. I mean, if I had a
choice between male or female genitalia, I'd go full cock
and balls any day. Easy to pee, fun to play with,
cream fill and they shape shift and mine would make
(29:04):
Ron Jeremy's look like a toadstool in winter. Thank you,
ladies and gentlemen. I appreciate you being here. Please sit
your waiters and to drink minim. I appreciate it. Thank
you for the applause. See you later.
Speaker 3 (29:24):
Okay, I was a roast. Wow, its like a half
roast half like a diary entry.
Speaker 5 (29:35):
There's a lot of personal rands in.
Speaker 1 (29:36):
There, so give me. Give me your true thoughts.
Speaker 4 (29:44):
Negative five no, no, no.
Speaker 1 (29:46):
I want to hear like what I did well and
what I didn't do so good.
Speaker 3 (29:51):
I mean, it sounds like you were trying to be
very honest, which is good. You need to honesty with
your stand up. There's a lot of words though. I
could tell that you typed it like you were reading it.
And in in the comedy game we call extra words fat,
and there's like a lot of fat. Two sheets could
(30:12):
have been probably half a sheet, and you would have
got the.
Speaker 1 (30:16):
Same sort of really okay, okay, like.
Speaker 3 (30:18):
When you read, like if you ever read that again,
like when you read it, read it out loud and
listen for the sentences that don't set up the next sentence.
Those are the ones that need to get out of there.
Speaker 1 (30:29):
Okay.
Speaker 3 (30:31):
Like one of the things, you're like, he runs faster
than a toddler running from a seagull catching a whatever
it was like, describe, describing, describing, and it was like,
just a toddler running from a seagull is fine?
Speaker 4 (30:45):
And then what you know?
Speaker 1 (30:46):
Gotcha?
Speaker 3 (30:47):
I would just say it's a bit wordy dog.
Speaker 1 (30:49):
For me, I did hear some chuckles.
Speaker 3 (30:54):
I was laughing. There were a couple of funny lines
in there. I forget which lines they were, but the
ones that I laughed at those are real laughs. I
think I was not expecting you to come after Eric
like that.
Speaker 4 (31:06):
Me either, same.
Speaker 3 (31:07):
That was that was great. That was pretty vicious. But
you guys are good friends, so it's like we not anymore.
Speaker 5 (31:16):
Honestly, that was punching heartier for us.
Speaker 4 (31:18):
Wow, sleep with one eye opened.
Speaker 3 (31:23):
Okay, we only roast the ones we love.
Speaker 4 (31:26):
So I think you are good.
Speaker 1 (31:29):
All right.
Speaker 3 (31:29):
Now, it took me by by surprise of Eric.
Speaker 4 (31:32):
Yeah, so mean to.
Speaker 1 (31:35):
Hey, just wait till you hear his Well, I think.
Speaker 3 (31:39):
He's gonna probably freestyle some stuff.
Speaker 5 (31:41):
I think I think Eric should go next, just to
respond to that.
Speaker 1 (31:45):
Well, actually, we should do it fairly. Picked the ball,
took the ball, just pick a name.
Speaker 4 (31:53):
There we go. No, we like mouthsa, we have to
do it.
Speaker 5 (31:56):
Fair fifty to fifty chance, come on, come on to
fifty chances.
Speaker 3 (32:02):
Well, I mean they're post its. So Eric was stuck
to Brian.
Speaker 4 (32:06):
But Eric Eric.
Speaker 5 (32:10):
John calling these things our natural order succeeded again.
Speaker 1 (32:14):
All right, buddy, you're out, okay, and I'll introduce you.
Oh yeah, put on your headphones, baby. Yes, we're on
Instagram Live. Yes. Hi everybody, Hi, everybody, This is thank
(32:35):
you for helping us with ourselves.
Speaker 5 (32:39):
We run a professional operation around you know, we're super professional.
Speaker 1 (32:44):
Oh good, you did get to see me. Good. All right,
ladies and gentlemen, we have a very special treat for
you tonight here at the Laura Kane after Dark Comedy Club.
Taking the stage for the first time.
Speaker 3 (32:58):
The question Laura, do you see other people here? Because
it's just three of us.
Speaker 1 (33:03):
I'm trying to think of the mind. Yes, you know
you've been a radio. You just let me Welcome to
the stage, everybody, Eric, God after you?
Speaker 2 (33:24):
What lever do I pull to be crushed by a
safe Jesus Christ? Happy holidays? Are we all ready for
this festive season? Friday night, I wasn't sure what I
was going to say tonight because this isn't my forte
(33:44):
standing up in front of people telling jokes. But then
Friday night kicked it into high gear. Okay, I had
two parties to go to. Two holiday parties to go to.
First and one was just a friend's holiday party. That
food they had seven there bean dip, which will factor
into my second part of the evening.
Speaker 4 (34:08):
Go to that.
Speaker 2 (34:08):
Go to the second party, which was a fundraiser in
Rancho Santa Fe. The house was so fancy that nobody
could go inside. It was out in the back. Oh,
so security guards couldn't go in the house, only relegated
to the back. So there was a dance floor. We
were out on the dance force dancing.
Speaker 4 (34:29):
Oh.
Speaker 2 (34:29):
The people that invited me wound up getting sick. So
I went knowing no one And that's nothing that I
would normally do.
Speaker 4 (34:38):
Get there.
Speaker 2 (34:39):
DJ played this Christmas song by Cher and Kelly Clarkson.
The remix comes on. Run out to the dance floor, dancing,
and I get that rumbling in my stomach. Everything seizes
up and I'm like, oh no, I run trying to
find a bathroom. I'm like porta potties. There's a line
for the pact with people. So I'm like, oh my god.
(35:01):
So I see along the wall, you know, the sparkly
long streamers in red and green.
Speaker 4 (35:08):
I back up to it.
Speaker 2 (35:10):
No and release the longest, most violent fart I think
I've ever released in my entire life. As I'm farting,
I realize why is it so loud? And my brain
is going why is it so loud? And so I
start backing up, backing up, and as I back up,
(35:31):
it gets louder and louder. I look back and poking
out from behind the red and green glittery streamers is
a microphone which is attached to a stage which is
attached to a karaoke machine. As I turn, the music
(35:55):
has stopped. Share is not playing anymore. A room full
of people are staring at me. So the karaoke mic
which was on was poked right into my buttthole. So
I get a text the next day that says, Christmas
just came early. Fucking funniest thing I've ever heard. So
(36:19):
the host of the party called the people that invited.
Speaker 4 (36:23):
Me that's awesome.
Speaker 6 (36:25):
So needless to say.
Speaker 2 (36:26):
I'm probably banned from Rancho Santa Fe for the rest
of my life. I took an uber home and got
mistaken for Chris Hemsworth in the back of the uber.
Speaker 4 (36:40):
Now I do look.
Speaker 2 (36:42):
Like Chris Chris Hemsworth if he got stung by like
a million beasts. We were talking the other day we
had Laura was talking about a little bit of politics
on the show, but we couldn't go too far. And
that's fine because I could never be a political commentator.
(37:05):
Back when Condoleeza Rice, remember her, I thought that was
something that you served with fatas I was going to say.
A friend told me the other day. I was going
to the store and I called Laura and said, is
anything you want me to get you? And she said,
I'd like you to get me some cream so I
(37:28):
can have a juicy vagina. And I was like, well,
I can't go to the store for that. I'll have
to go to a different store, which would be like
Home Depot or Lows, because I'd have to get like
a weed whacker to get all the tumble weeds out
and then a leaf blower to get all the dust out,
so I can't just go to a store for your
(37:50):
dry vagina. Oh God, now Laura has a dog. I
have no pets because I have no time and I
really don't want any pet hair in my house. But
everybody's like, oh.
Speaker 6 (38:06):
God, you'd be such a good pet dad, Like he'd
be such a good pet dad, you should get a pet,
And I'm like, well, you know, I thought about it,
and I thought, you know, every squirrel is a flying
squirrel if you kick it hard enough, So why would
I not be a good pet dad, you know?
Speaker 4 (38:24):
I mean.
Speaker 2 (38:26):
Really, we were at a party the other night at
JODI's house and we had we did our famous Brady
Bunch everybody on the staircase pose. I don't remember who
took the picture, but that is never to happen again,
(38:49):
because after analyzing the picture, I have what's called an
at risk face. From certain angles, I look like a
melting wheel of bree cheese, and then from the other
angle I have what's called an at risk chin. So
I have you seen the pictures? I look horrible. I'll
(39:11):
show you. I need to get like a whole face lift.
Speaker 4 (39:18):
It was awful.
Speaker 2 (39:20):
So that's why always take pictures from high up, so
we all look like fetuses.
Speaker 4 (39:28):
Do you like my jacket? Yeah?
Speaker 1 (39:30):
Like nice?
Speaker 4 (39:31):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (39:31):
Yeah, it's dry clean only, which means it's going to
be dirty forever. And that's about it.
Speaker 1 (39:43):
Okay, all right, I'm impressed.
Speaker 3 (39:46):
That was good.
Speaker 5 (39:47):
That was good, Eric, that was good.
Speaker 3 (39:49):
That was really good.
Speaker 1 (39:50):
All right.
Speaker 3 (39:51):
That first, the story about going to the party, it
was like, good, good setup. So we all pictured the house,
so you're at the the microphone. You farting into the
microphone was not what I thought you were going to say,
which like, really that was awesome. I thought it was good. Okay, yeah,
I thought it was awesome.
Speaker 4 (40:10):
Thank you.
Speaker 1 (40:11):
I agree any criticism.
Speaker 3 (40:14):
I mean, I could be critical of everything you guys
are doing, but it's like that, for being the first
time in front of three people, I didn't think it
was that bad.
Speaker 5 (40:23):
That's roll with that.
Speaker 1 (40:25):
Didn't let it out. You let it roll with me.
Speaker 3 (40:28):
I laughed at your jokes.
Speaker 1 (40:30):
Well, you gave me. Give me some tips.
Speaker 3 (40:32):
You went much longer than he went to I'm just
funnier than you.
Speaker 5 (40:37):
Actually, I will say, Eric, I was kind of impressive.
You're like comedic timing and cadence up there was actually
pretty like flowed pretty well.
Speaker 4 (40:44):
Thank you.
Speaker 5 (40:44):
It was impressed.
Speaker 3 (40:45):
I was too.
Speaker 1 (40:46):
Good job, Eric, good lord job. All right, now you
sit down, Brian, produce of Brian, sit down here, and
I'm going to run the controls. Oh my gosh, and
you have to introduce Brian.
Speaker 2 (40:58):
All right, ladies and gentlemen, the man of the hour,
Brian Jones.
Speaker 5 (41:12):
Hello, everybody, that's really loud. Thank you, Laura. Welcome to
Laura's living room. If you thought you were depressed, you
are now because this is quite perhaps the saddest place
in San Diego. These couches are from Amazon, not Ikea.
We're moving up in the world. Anyways. You guys all
roasted the crap out of each other, and I've already
(41:34):
done that. I burned you alive, and you are still
the melted puddle of plastic I left you in during
our roast, so I thought I would keep things a
little chill. I was just gonna tell a story. I
want to keep it a little lighthearted because you guys
are so mean to each other and it hurt inside
a little bit. So I'm gonna cheer us all up.
So I was at a funeral last week. No, no,
(41:56):
it's okay. I was just there for the snacks.
Speaker 3 (41:58):
I swear.
Speaker 5 (41:59):
I swear funeral have great snacks. They're really to die for,
thank you. And you know, snacks at funerals are kind
of awkward because you've got somebody up the front given
a nice impassion, you know, heartfelt goodbye, and then I'm
at the back, you know, and every time I take
a bite of a cookie, one of those great Costco cookies,
you know I'm going to do that. Oh mmm, delicious.
So I definitely got a couple of head turns, but
(42:21):
it was it wasn't too bad. And you know, the
sniffles and tears are just they're just the nice background
for my sweet, sweet, succulent joy. And you probably think
I'm a bad person or a shallow person for just
going to funerals for snacks, but I swear I go
to them sometimes to lend support. And I felt really
bad i hit that person with my car, so I
really wanted to be there to support them.
Speaker 3 (42:41):
That's okay.
Speaker 5 (42:42):
I didn't get convicted because they're no witnesses. They also
got ran over by cars.
Speaker 1 (42:45):
That same day.
Speaker 5 (42:47):
Anyways, this is an outdoor memorial, though, and it was
kind of interesting because they didn't have gravestones. They had
headstones and they were implanted in the ground about an
inch above the grass. And that was kind of awkward
because I waited a snack table. I go buy like
fifty of them because they're all over the place, and
I tripped on like all of them, and so, you know,
it felt kind of bad tripping on everybody's dead body.
(43:07):
It was kind of like going through it when you're
in a theater and you're trying to get to the bathroom.
You're like, oh, excuse me, sorry, Hey, I went to
school with Oh whoops, it's really awkward. Charlie Brandon, no one,
you didn't text me back. Hope you weren't the one
I hit with my car. Anyways, but you know, I
kind of wonder. You look at those coffins and I think, wow,
those looks like really comfy beds, little kastrophobic, a little
(43:28):
dark in there, but that may not be too bad.
So I decided, you know, I got to see if
I am claustrophobic or not. So I did the one
thing that I knew could test that. I locked myself
in the porta potty for about an hour because I
swear to God, and nothing is more claustrophobic than there.
And they smell like death, so it's perfect. And if
you really want to get the full experience of the
stress of three thousand pounds of dirt sitting on top
(43:50):
of you while you're laying in a sweet, sweet awful
ten thousand dollars bucks with a bed built into it,
you just got a rush in there right before the
dad who bought his funnel cake and scarfed it down
starts sprinting for the bathroom. And then once he's banging
on there with the theory of God, that is the
full stress experience of what it's like being buried alive.
Speaker 3 (44:08):
So I thank everybody.
Speaker 5 (44:09):
That's my time for the night. I'm here tell tomorrow.
Speaker 3 (44:24):
That was good. Okay, that was good considering I feel
like you wanted to do this the least. It was
a nice like set centered around death, you know, and
and manslaughter. And uh, I enjoyed the I enjoyed the
(44:44):
change of direction at the top about the you know,
going to the funerals for the snacks. I thought that
was funny. I didn't quite get all the killing of
people that you do with your car. I hope I
don't see you out all the legal reasons. Those are
all jokes. But yeah, I thought I thought all three
of you guys did a good job for doing stand
(45:05):
up literally in front of one person and the internet.
That was like you guys, ronal, applause for all of you, thank.
Speaker 1 (45:11):
You here week, applause.
Speaker 5 (45:12):
Let's do this our internet of fifteen people.
Speaker 1 (45:17):
All right, Brian, come back here and then wait the
moment of truth. Now the torture is over. The sets
have been done. This bit that we've been talking about
for two years, we did it, you guys. Reto Mal
(45:44):
you're the professional, m H in your opinion, who's the
funniest person of the show.
Speaker 3 (45:54):
I would say who delivered the best set to me,
the most structured, like I would see this out of open.
Mike sept would be Eric Like the story that he
told was like a legit story that I could see
someone like working through at a club. That was like
a legit bit. And so I would say he did
the best okay, and he wasn't really reading it. He
(46:16):
was like telling us a story like ke'p making eye
contact and I was like, okay, this is I don't
where is this going?
Speaker 4 (46:22):
Like? I was good, thank you?
Speaker 1 (46:24):
Okay, So he's number one. Now it comes down to
me and Brian, and you know it, just be brutally honest.
It's okay.
Speaker 3 (46:32):
I think he's not going to do it if I
say he's the worst, and I think it's better content
for your show if you go to an open mic
and do three minutes.
Speaker 5 (46:40):
Okay, th things through, But.
Speaker 1 (46:44):
Secretly am why funnier than Brian? Or is Brian funnier
than me? Just tell me the truth. Mel, It's okay,
I can handle it.
Speaker 3 (46:52):
Look at I'm not the I'm not the the end
all be all on who's funny. I'm sure there's ten
people that think he's funny and ten people that think
you're funny. You guys have two different, completely different styles.
He was very dark and you were very sort of
introspective with your stand up. So I would say, flip
(47:12):
a coin, that's who's funnier right now. Just take it, Laura,
just take it.
Speaker 1 (47:17):
Okay. One last question, do any besides, Eric, if I
worked hard enough, could I.
Speaker 6 (47:26):
Do this.
Speaker 3 (47:28):
Like stand up as your job?
Speaker 6 (47:30):
Yes?
Speaker 3 (47:30):
No, that was the funniest thing we've learn.
Speaker 6 (47:35):
All you.
Speaker 3 (47:39):
Can try. It's very hard, oh very hard.
Speaker 1 (47:46):
Oh god.
Speaker 5 (47:47):
Okay, come on, nohingst are funny like that.
Speaker 1 (47:50):
I know, but you know what, I appreciate your honesty
and thank you. Okay, now eron and go see Mel
Hall at Hotel the La Joya comedy club. He is hysterical.
We're going to post one of my favorite bits that
he does about wash claws. I never forgot this. This
(48:11):
is the one of the freaking funniest observations I've ever
heard from a comedian in my life. I love it.
We really appreciate you being here.
Speaker 3 (48:20):
This was really this was actually super fun. I'm glad
I came up super fun. Oh my gosh, I hope
you guys had fun.
Speaker 4 (48:28):
We did.
Speaker 1 (48:29):
We're just all glad that it's over. But apparently I'm
the loser, but we all kind of knew that that
was probably the eventuality.
Speaker 4 (48:37):
Well you're not funny, you know.
Speaker 5 (48:40):
Actually no, there were some good jokes in there.
Speaker 1 (48:42):
Thank you, just a little lifeless, lifeless. I was nervous.
That's probably why okay, but Mal says, it's not my
jam anyway. It's not stick to your job, stick stick
to my day job.
Speaker 5 (48:54):
You know what, you have a good good you know,
little niche carved out and the public sphere. So I think,
don't give that up and chat and proceed to something different.
Speaker 1 (49:04):
Okay. Anyway, I hope you guys enjoyed watching this train wreck.
Thank you so much.
Speaker 3 (49:10):
Mel.
Speaker 1 (49:11):
We really it's an honor for you to be here.
Thank you, thank you, thank you, and uh we say
something at the end of our podcast, and after I
say it, will you say it? And Eric then we
close it out. Sure okay, So anyway, first, thank you
for watching on YouTube, Thank you for watching on Instagram Live.
Thank you for listening as always, and love your podcast.
Speaker 4 (49:35):
Love your podcast, Love your podcast.
Speaker 1 (49:38):
I love you, my sweet babies.
Speaker 3 (49:40):
Bye,
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Speaker 1 (00:55):
Oh my gosh, Hello and welcome to Laura Caane after Dark,
The Laura Cane Only. Welcome. I'm Laura Cane. This is
Eric Rimmer, Hi produce of Brian.
Speaker 3 (01:11):
Behind the Mic God damn.
Speaker 1 (01:12):
It okay so, and we have in studio the hysterical
rising stars. I love him so much. He is so
freaking funny. Mal Hall is here to suffer through our performance.
(01:36):
I thought it would be appropriate to get a professional
comedian to give us his take on each of our
bits or our sets, each of our sets, which I
literally finished like a half hour ago.
Speaker 4 (01:57):
Wow, talk about being prepared.
Speaker 1 (01:59):
Well, I had ideas in my mind, but like I
had to change some things so I might be reading it. Hey,
this is the first time.
Speaker 5 (02:07):
I'm not giving you any sort of look. I don't
know why you're looking at me.
Speaker 1 (02:11):
I'm just looking at you. I think we're all on
edge big time because this is I'm not I'm scared.
Speaker 5 (02:16):
Yeah, you know what I said. This was a mistake,
but I'm not on edge.
Speaker 4 (02:20):
I'm not.
Speaker 5 (02:22):
I'm funnier than you, so I'm not.
Speaker 1 (02:26):
It's not a mistake. No matter what happens. Even if
this blows.
Speaker 5 (02:31):
Hardcore, oh that's I'm not worried about it. It SUCs either.
Speaker 1 (02:34):
It's going to be funny. Maybe Hopefully mal has agreed,
and I told him that the three of us are
fine with any kind of criticism that he has. There
are no hard feelings at all. We want the truth.
Speaker 5 (02:50):
I mean, the worst thing is is just to hear
that you're not funny, which we already know.
Speaker 1 (02:53):
And that's whatever. Whatever. I'm up for anything. I put
work into this and I really want to I'm giving
it a shot. I'm really giving it a shot.
Speaker 5 (03:05):
You found a real career.
Speaker 1 (03:07):
I'm going to read it, though. I mean, I'm so nervous.
I'm really really nervous.
Speaker 5 (03:11):
Just glance at it, you know, and then speak from
the heart.
Speaker 1 (03:16):
I literally don't think I've taken a breath all day.
Speaker 5 (03:18):
Wow, it's a long time.
Speaker 1 (03:20):
I'm really nervous about this, and this is my idea.
Speaker 2 (03:23):
You know what, if you pass out, that would be
the best thing ever, eye rocket, Could.
Speaker 4 (03:31):
You do that?
Speaker 1 (03:33):
I might do? Could I? I might?
Speaker 4 (03:36):
If you passed out, oh my god, totally you would.
Speaker 1 (03:39):
Well, the what we want to find is the loser.
Because the loser there are consequences. Perhaps we'll talk about
that in a minute, but this whole thing might be
the consequence. But I know, I know, Okay. I also
said last week that we were going to talk about
our big fat Matt box of holiday fun. I'll tell
(04:02):
you some of the things that are in it, but
I haven't had the chance to put it all together
yet and tell you how to win it. So that'll
be next episode. But here are a few of the things.
What are you looking at me? Do I have to
get it off? What is it lipstick? I'm sure they're
I'm sure I do.
Speaker 5 (04:23):
Now that's funny comedy, Okay.
Speaker 1 (04:26):
We have Dolphace Club merch hoodies, a T shirt, I think,
a little jacket, some fun things. We have a set
of children's books from Georgia Irvine from the San Diego Zoo,
their children's books, picture books about animals at the zoo,
a whole set and they're hardcover and they're great and
they're signed, Yes, they're signed. And we have a tattoo
(04:49):
free tattoo at Vivid Tattoo in Hillcrest. The artist gave
me a certificate for the box we have that something
is coming around from the Hoya Cosmetic. I just haven't
asked them, but they always give. And then of course
our fabulous Capital Growth Jane Warsler will be dolan out
(05:12):
some cash. I hope I haven't asked him yet. Wait,
I know this is what but this is what I'm
hoping is.
Speaker 5 (05:18):
Gonna be hilarious.
Speaker 1 (05:20):
Shut up.
Speaker 4 (05:23):
Your comedy routine was great.
Speaker 5 (05:25):
You're giving you're you're giving away money we haven't even
asked for yet.
Speaker 4 (05:28):
Wow, you are a funny dad.
Speaker 5 (05:31):
I think we can go home now. She just she
killed it.
Speaker 1 (05:34):
Okay, before we start this shit show, let's talk about
our fabulous news sponsor who we love and adore, Dune Jewelry.
Dounejewelry dot com is where you need to go if
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(05:57):
take off or forget, something that will remind them of
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(06:17):
I chose sand from San Clemente Beach because I spent
my years there as a kid with my best friend
and it brings back such good memories. And here's the
ring with the sand and turquoise and mother of pearl.
You can like blend it with other elements that mean something.
So I have an order for my mom, my sister,
(06:37):
my niece, and my daughter. My dad's ashes are going
to be one of the elements, and then we're gonna
have dirt from the Rocky mountains as another element, and
then dried flowers. There's so many things and they make
the most beautiful jewelry and it is high end. It
is great Dunejewelry dot com. And please to get fifteen
(07:02):
percent off, do not forget to put in the promo
code Laura Caine fifteen. This is gonna be a Christmas
gift Hanukkah gift that you will You'll win. You'll win
the prize game, I mean the present game. You're gonna
win the present game for sure if you give a
gift of Doune George for sure. So thank you so much.
(07:25):
And I can't to show I know Holly Daniels Christiansen
started this whole company and she's an incredible woman. And
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Laura Kane after Dark dot com Laura Kane fifteen for
your discount. Get on there so you can get up
before Christmas. Okay, now.
Speaker 5 (07:49):
I know he's you're bombing, Laura.
Speaker 1 (07:51):
Come, I know I'm already bombing, But that's okay, okay, TikTok.
I would like to bring up to the stage, the
main stage, the main stage, the incredible, the hilarious. A friend,
(08:12):
this guy is on eatest of all time. His name
is Mal Hall. Come on up, Mal, come to the
stand up mike first, because I set this up a
little laird. Hi. Hey, you'll be sitting down here. You're
sitting in an invisible chair right now. Okay, So Mal,
(08:36):
tell us where people can see you perform these days
and when and how?
Speaker 3 (08:42):
In San Diego. You could see me at the Comedy
Store in Lahoya almost every Thursday if I'm not on
the road. And then i have a new residency show
that I'm producing at Lulu's at the Lafayette the last
Wednesday every month, and I'm at I mean, I've been
doing stand up in Sandy Go so long that you
can find me basically at any sort of local comedy
(09:04):
show during the week, and then I'm around the country
on the weekend.
Speaker 1 (09:07):
Is this your only job?
Speaker 4 (09:08):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (09:10):
That is fantastic. You're making a living doing what you've loved.
Speaker 3 (09:13):
Yeah, last fifteen years, I've paid my bills.
Speaker 1 (09:18):
I'm sure it took a long I mean, it was
a long road.
Speaker 4 (09:21):
Laura.
Speaker 2 (09:21):
This could so be not you.
Speaker 1 (09:27):
I remember now when you were roaming the halls of
iHeart oh yeah, and we pull you in for like
to do a couple jokes and stuff. You were always
so funny and I'm just so I mean, I don't
know if this is appropriate for me to say, but
I'm proud of you.
Speaker 3 (09:42):
I take all the pride and love. I appreciate it.
That building was like a major piece of my story,
you know, working in that building. I got a lot
of exposure there.
Speaker 1 (09:56):
Just on various stations.
Speaker 3 (09:58):
I produced Dave, Shelley and Chainsaw like Shelley's News for
probably five years right when I started, and that was big.
And then Mikey put me on the air as a
comedian way earlier than he should have, but it was amazing.
And AJ's Playhouse, like the whole that whole hallway was
like very kind to me when I.
Speaker 1 (10:16):
Started back in the day. Is there ever a time
I'm sure the answer is yes. Please tell us about
one time when you just bombed and what does it
feel like, because I want to know ahead of time.
Speaker 2 (10:32):
I want to know ahead of time you think that
he would have ever bombed.
Speaker 3 (10:38):
You have to bomb to find like you have to bomb.
Everyone bombs learn. You learn more when you bomb than
when you're killing. You know, it doesn't feel good. Uh,
and it's just you. I tell my musician friends all
the time, they're so lucky that they have friends. Like
if they're having a bad show, it's like, at least
you're still playing with your playing music with your friends.
(10:59):
If I a bad show, it's like I'm standing up
there by myself and the crowd is like, this is
your fault. And most of the time it is my fault,
and you either fix it or you just grind through,
however much much time you have left. You know, it's
it's it's part of it's part of the game. It's
part of the game. But I've I've bombed.
Speaker 4 (11:20):
Quite a bit.
Speaker 3 (11:21):
Nothing nothing recent, nothing recent, but I've I've had some
stinkers where you're up there and it's like these jokes
normally work, and tonight is just not it. It is not
the night.
Speaker 4 (11:34):
You know.
Speaker 1 (11:35):
Yeah, you can't predict an audience how they're gonna they're
the X factor every night.
Speaker 3 (11:40):
The jokes, like a lot of my jokes, like the
the jokes that are in the set set that I'm
touring there, it's just like musicians that tour that tour,
it's like they have a set list of all the
songs they're going to play. It's like I have the
jokes that I want to do, and for most crowds,
it works in the order that I wanted to go.
And then every once while you've run into that crowd
(12:01):
that's like, we're different.
Speaker 1 (12:05):
We're not gonna laugh, We're gonna just drink and observe.
Speaker 4 (12:09):
Yep, yep.
Speaker 3 (12:10):
There are those bombs too where it's like you feel like, Wow,
this whole crowd hates me, like they have not laughed
at one thing. And then after the show, like it'll
be death. I'll stand up there for half an hour dying.
And then after the show they come up and they're like,
you were so funny. We really enjoyed that. I'm like,
oh cool, tell your face next time, laugh next time.
(12:31):
That would help me know that I don't need to
kill myself when I go home.
Speaker 1 (12:35):
That's oh gosh. And so okay, what is up next
for mel Hall in the next two years?
Speaker 3 (12:48):
The next two years? I don't plan that far ahead,
to be honest. It's like I have next year. So
I shot my I shot a comedy special at Lulu's
in September and we're currently editing that and so hopefully
I'm going to be putting that out in the spring.
We're going to try to sell it to some big
streamers and hopefully somebody buys it and that would be amazing,
(13:10):
but if not, we'll release it on YouTube and it'll
do whatever it's going to do. And then I'm going
to tour. I'm doing a bus tour with Angela Johnson
in the beginning.
Speaker 4 (13:18):
Of the year. That's like I love her.
Speaker 3 (13:20):
Yeah, that's that's going to span most of the country.
And then I hopefully in the summer slash fall, I'll
do my own headlining tour and return to some of
those cities and do my full show.
Speaker 1 (13:31):
Who do you think is the funniest person on the planet.
Speaker 3 (13:39):
I don't think there's one funniest person on the plane.
There's a lot of super funny people. Chappelle is like
one of my favorites. Nate Bargetzi's one of my favorites,
Angela is one of my favorites. Sebastian's one of my favorites.
It's like, there's you catch I Like, I tell people
all the time they should just go to go to
comedy clubs because some of them funniest people in the
(14:01):
country are names that you've never heard of, and those
are the people that should.
Speaker 1 (14:07):
Be seen, you know, And why don't they make it?
What is it just luck and opportunity that.
Speaker 3 (14:13):
It's a luck game, it's a time and game. It's
like I'm sure some of the most talented musicians we've
never seen or heard of, you know. And it's the
same thing. It's like right place, right time. And but yeah,
like any given night, any sort of main comedy club,
you walk in there, it's like you're going to see
somebody that makes you go, holy shit, like who are you?
Speaker 4 (14:36):
Where have I been?
Speaker 1 (14:38):
Like?
Speaker 3 (14:38):
I want more of this? And I think that's like
the magic of the comedy club.
Speaker 1 (14:43):
Oh my god. Okay, like the magic that's going to
happen here today.
Speaker 3 (14:48):
How did this idea come up? I need to know
because two thirds of the people here don't seem stoked
about what's right?
Speaker 1 (14:56):
Right, Okay, let me just say.
Speaker 4 (14:58):
It was not my idea.
Speaker 5 (15:00):
Actually, it started like two years ago when we did
the roast.
Speaker 1 (15:03):
We did a roast, okay, and then from that I
got the bride idea, Hey, we should all write a
stand up comedy routine and whoever does the worst has
to do the set at an open mic night as a.
Speaker 3 (15:17):
Punishment subject the public to this.
Speaker 1 (15:19):
Exactly, Okay, in hopes that everybody would bring their a game,
you know, but two of the people, two of the
three of us, refuse to do that. Okay, under no
circumstances will two of these.
Speaker 3 (15:36):
People stand up in public? Yeah, but what's the big fear?
Speaker 4 (15:40):
Eric? Yeah? What makes you think it's me? No?
Speaker 1 (15:43):
But no, because I'm shy.
Speaker 2 (15:47):
Okay, yeah, you're getting up in front of a whole
room of people.
Speaker 1 (15:52):
Oh hell no.
Speaker 3 (15:55):
Speaking was not your thing. You weren't clown in high school?
Speaker 1 (15:59):
Right, But he's so funny and he's so like outgoing
that surprises me.
Speaker 4 (16:04):
But no, I'm very shy when it comes especially people
I don't know.
Speaker 3 (16:07):
Yeah, it's it's.
Speaker 5 (16:08):
Way easier to deliver comedy than this to write it.
Speaker 4 (16:10):
Though.
Speaker 5 (16:11):
If I like, if someone wrote my comedy for me,
I could probably bomb or killing Eric.
Speaker 3 (16:15):
But I have to write.
Speaker 4 (16:16):
That's the problem.
Speaker 3 (16:17):
That is the hard part. That is the hardest part.
Speaker 1 (16:20):
And it's not jokes you're writing. It's observations and your
funny take on the observations. Right, Oh my god. Wow.
Speaker 3 (16:26):
For some people it depends on what style you guys
have three different styles. There's one liner comedians, there's storytellers,
and there's like observational, like who knows what?
Speaker 1 (16:37):
Do comedians ever just tell straight up jokes like three
guys walk into a bar.
Speaker 3 (16:43):
There's definitely comedians. I just tell jokes, for sure. I
think that's one of the hardest ones really to remember,
to remember like whatever. I don't know how if a
joke like that takes a minute to two minutes and
you have to do an hour set, It's like, how
many jokes is that that you have to remember? God
every single night? Ye to go in a specific order,
(17:05):
if they, you know, go together. It's like I tell
stories and it's easy for me to tell them every
night because there are stories that happened in my life
that I sort of punched up to make, you know,
funny for the public or whatever. But I can remember
that every night.
Speaker 4 (17:19):
I could.
Speaker 3 (17:20):
I'm just telling you something that actually happened. But to
remember a joke.
Speaker 1 (17:25):
Every night, Yeah, do you remember the very first funny
thing you said in front of a crowd on a mic?
Your very first like stand up?
Speaker 3 (17:37):
I don't know that I can pinpoint the actual joke.
I just remember that it took me a year and
a half to write my first set, So you guys,
you know, doing it in a week is, you know,
the instant way to do it, I guess, but I
took a year and a half and it was five minutes.
And I feel like I was super nervous to go up,
(17:58):
super super nervous because it's like comedies. People hate public speaking,
that's number one, and now you're public speaking with expectation
that it's funny, and people don't like being told that
they're going to laugh. So like that's why audiences, some
audiences are extra difficult because they're like, I'm it's hard
to make me like people come up after the show.
(18:20):
I laughed at you, and it's hard to make me laugh.
It's like, well, why, why why do you wear that
with so much pride? Just laugh a little bit. So
I do remember doing that show and then like sort
of floating off stage and going like I definitely going
to do that again. And I literally just have not
stopped since that time. So I can't pinpoint exactly, but
(18:42):
definitely that first set was a drug that I'm chasing.
Speaker 1 (18:45):
You know, when all of this is said and done,
will you do something for me.
Speaker 4 (18:50):
What's up?
Speaker 1 (18:51):
Will you do your little bit about the wash cloth?
That was one of the funniest things. It's so incredibly true.
Speaker 3 (18:59):
I don't know that it's going to work just the
three of us, but I could try to find that
clip and send it to you and then you could
post it.
Speaker 1 (19:05):
Okay, oh yes, please?
Speaker 4 (19:06):
That was hilarious.
Speaker 1 (19:07):
Oh my god that maybe it lost so hard?
Speaker 3 (19:08):
Okay, in the alley of the comedy store. It was
that the show you guys were at.
Speaker 1 (19:12):
Yeah, one of those weird ones like off the in
O B and Ali and ob or No.
Speaker 4 (19:17):
That was it was comedy.
Speaker 3 (19:18):
Since I was in COVID right that you guys came
to that show and the orside.
Speaker 2 (19:24):
You know it wasn't We've seen a couple Yeah, okay,
it was inside Okay, okay, okay.
Speaker 1 (19:28):
But I know the one you were talking about, the
one all the tables were set outside. Yes, okay, all right,
you're gonna sit here, but first you're going to pick
the order in which we will be performing.
Speaker 3 (19:38):
And you guys have no idea how much time you're doing.
Do you want me to have a clock?
Speaker 1 (19:43):
I'm just gonna okay, I just wrote I just typed
out everything, and I'm just going to go for it.
I don't know how long it is. It could be
ten minutes. I have no idea.
Speaker 3 (19:53):
I doubt that doubt all right, So have fun with it.
Speaker 1 (19:57):
You pick pick who's going first.
Speaker 4 (20:01):
God please be Laura Laura. Okay, I'll go Laura Cain.
Speaker 5 (20:09):
I can't wait for this.
Speaker 1 (20:10):
Okay, so your headphones.
Speaker 4 (20:14):
Oh boy.
Speaker 5 (20:15):
As an audience member, I'm just gonna let you know
you're about a bomb.
Speaker 3 (20:20):
I'm an easy laugher.
Speaker 1 (20:21):
So you know.
Speaker 2 (20:24):
You know how Laura says that when I tell my
dad jokes, it's just a line exactly.
Speaker 5 (20:29):
That's what she's not gay, Yeah, because she never laughs anything.
Speaker 1 (20:32):
We say, Yeah, well no, I don't laugh at jokes.
Speaker 5 (20:34):
That's true.
Speaker 4 (20:35):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (20:36):
You guys are going to prepostly stonewall each other.
Speaker 5 (20:38):
No no, no, no.
Speaker 1 (20:40):
No, Like I gave this my all, Okay, I gave
this everything I got. This is all. This is what
I have. Okay, So you have it or I don't.
Speaker 3 (20:51):
I'm definitely rooting for you, but I'm also rooting against
you because if you give it, you're all in just
a week. It makes my fifteen years.
Speaker 1 (20:59):
Don't worry putting on my headphones because I don't want
to hear crickets and booze throughout my entire set.
Speaker 5 (21:10):
Brian, Oh my god, the soundboards ever by me, isn't it?
Speaker 4 (21:12):
Oh wow?
Speaker 1 (21:14):
Okay, so how about you do the introduction, play the music,
and I'll come up on stage like a real comedian.
Speaker 2 (21:21):
Okay, ladies and gentlemen, a blonde bombshell herself Laura Caine.
Speaker 1 (21:32):
Hey, guys, Hey guys, thanks so much for coming out.
Love seeing your faces. It's great that you're here. My
first time doing stand up comedy. So I hope you
guys will go easy on me and here we go.
You know I'm an open book. I mean, I tell
(21:55):
you everything about my life, unlike my partner Eric, who's
so secretive about his love life you might think he's single.
All I'm gonna say is this when his nude guy
is done with his paper route, every morning they go
(22:16):
to IHOT for chocolate chip pancakes. It's super fun.
Speaker 3 (22:19):
Oh.
Speaker 1 (22:20):
I don't even think this dude knows they are going out.
He might just think Eric is a volunteer for Big
Brothers of America. But I am happy for my partner
in crime, Eric because I haven't had a boyfriend in
two years. I can't even remember the last time I
(22:41):
was touched in a romantic way. Oh wait, yes I do.
Chucky made me feel great the other night. The best
I've had Actually I met him at a sex shop
in Tijuana. He was hanging on the wall with all
the other battery Operation Dix. Okay, now this part is
(23:05):
going to sound a little ron Burgundy ish, so bear
with me and keep the eye rolls to a minimum, please.
You could say that I've been a local celebrity for
the last thirty years, and yes, I cringed a little
bit when I said that, So don't think that you're
(23:28):
the only one. I mean, I've been in radio soul long.
Producer Brian's parents listen to me when their parents took
them to grade school. That's how long. With any kind
of fame comes the haters, the desktop critics, the dreaded trolls.
(23:52):
I've been their target for many, many years. What is
it about being in the public eye that makes these
people think that we have lost the ability to feel
offended or hurt? You'd think by now i'd have skin
as thick as Eric's big ass bush, But I don't hair.
(24:17):
Just a few comments I've received over the years that
these people thought were perfectly okay to post on public platforms. Okay,
number one, I'm sure you've been heard this before, but
you look like a man. You are my least favorite
(24:40):
part of the Jeff and Jerr Show. In fact, I
think I might hate you. Oh my gosh, it's just
a matter of time before you fall down drunk again.
You suck and you're not pretty. I'd rather take a
bath and shit than go out on a date with
someone like you. And then this one just came down
(25:03):
the pipeline the other day. Have you thought about slowing
down on the plastic surgery a little bit. Look, I'm
as real as they come. My fake hair, my fake eyelashes,
fake lips, botus face, and my fake Louis Vuitton and
(25:26):
fake Gucci sunglasses. Thank you for that comment, though, And
one more mean comment. Instead of spending your money on
a Louis Fauton, why don't you give to the homeless instead?
You come across so selfish. First of all, bees, I
(25:48):
am providing for the homeless, three of them at the moment.
They're called roommates. And how will I ever forget this? One,
perhaps the meanest and funniest of all time. I see
you got your boobs done? Why didn't you start with
your face? I literally spit out my cheerios when I
(26:08):
saw that. It was so mean that I laughed for days.
Something that I am proud of, though, is that I'm
seventeen years sober, no drugs, no alcohol, or waking up
in Italy tied to a lounge chair. Now my big
thrill is door Dash energy drinks and giving my uber
(26:30):
driver a handy as a tip before the five star rating.
Of course, something I'm not proud of is my room.
It looks like the trash dump on Staten Island. It
is a disaster. There is a suitcase on my floor
that has been there unpacked for three weeks, and my
(26:51):
closet is so jamful of shoes and clothes I'm afraid
the entire infrastructure of my duplex will eventually implode from
the weight of it all. And let's be serious, how
many pairs of sweats does a girl need? I've got
so many hoodies I could open it up my own
hot topic store if I wanted to. And I want
(27:12):
to talk about again my loyal podcast partner Eric He's
been there for me for the last eighteen years. I
love him to death, but his ego is growing bigger
and faster than Juan Soto's salary. A joke that will
go over Eric's head like a seagull chasing a piece
(27:32):
of food from a toddler's hand. He truly believes he's
a celebrity because he co hosts a podcast that thirteen
people listen to every week. He shows up five minutes
before showtime with nothing more than a post it note
with showbuzinws He's scribbled while driving here. The only thing
(27:55):
he's consistent about is taking dick pics and setting them
out as you nearly Christmas cards. His big rig is
so well known for causing attention from disgusted shoppers at
ross who clearly can see his vpl underwear is nonexistent
(28:16):
in his wardrobe. And let's get real, Eric's skin is
so pasty you could see his internal organs through his skin.
On a sunny day, I mean, in the morning, he
looks like a newborn bearded dragon with a hideous rash.
He's also violently afraid of spiders, but even more so
a vaginas. Whenever I want him to do something or
(28:41):
are in an argument. I just start unzipping my pants. Boom,
it's done. I win. I mean, if I had a
choice between male or female genitalia, I'd go full cock
and balls any day. Easy to pee, fun to play with,
cream fill and they shape shift and mine would make
(29:04):
Ron Jeremy's look like a toadstool in winter. Thank you,
ladies and gentlemen. I appreciate you being here. Please sit
your waiters and to drink minim. I appreciate it. Thank
you for the applause. See you later.
Speaker 3 (29:24):
Okay, I was a roast. Wow, its like a half
roast half like a diary entry.
Speaker 5 (29:35):
There's a lot of personal rands in.
Speaker 1 (29:36):
There, so give me. Give me your true thoughts.
Speaker 4 (29:44):
Negative five no, no, no.
Speaker 1 (29:46):
I want to hear like what I did well and
what I didn't do so good.
Speaker 3 (29:51):
I mean, it sounds like you were trying to be
very honest, which is good. You need to honesty with
your stand up. There's a lot of words though. I
could tell that you typed it like you were reading it.
And in in the comedy game we call extra words fat,
and there's like a lot of fat. Two sheets could
(30:12):
have been probably half a sheet, and you would have
got the.
Speaker 1 (30:16):
Same sort of really okay, okay, like.
Speaker 3 (30:18):
When you read, like if you ever read that again,
like when you read it, read it out loud and
listen for the sentences that don't set up the next sentence.
Those are the ones that need to get out of there.
Speaker 1 (30:29):
Okay.
Speaker 3 (30:31):
Like one of the things, you're like, he runs faster
than a toddler running from a seagull catching a whatever
it was like, describe, describing, describing, and it was like,
just a toddler running from a seagull is fine?
Speaker 4 (30:45):
And then what you know?
Speaker 1 (30:46):
Gotcha?
Speaker 3 (30:47):
I would just say it's a bit wordy dog.
Speaker 1 (30:49):
For me, I did hear some chuckles.
Speaker 3 (30:54):
I was laughing. There were a couple of funny lines
in there. I forget which lines they were, but the
ones that I laughed at those are real laughs. I
think I was not expecting you to come after Eric
like that.
Speaker 4 (31:06):
Me either, same.
Speaker 3 (31:07):
That was that was great. That was pretty vicious. But
you guys are good friends, so it's like we not anymore.
Speaker 5 (31:16):
Honestly, that was punching heartier for us.
Speaker 4 (31:18):
Wow, sleep with one eye opened.
Speaker 3 (31:23):
Okay, we only roast the ones we love.
Speaker 4 (31:26):
So I think you are good.
Speaker 1 (31:29):
All right.
Speaker 3 (31:29):
Now, it took me by by surprise of Eric.
Speaker 4 (31:32):
Yeah, so mean to.
Speaker 1 (31:35):
Hey, just wait till you hear his Well, I think.
Speaker 3 (31:39):
He's gonna probably freestyle some stuff.
Speaker 5 (31:41):
I think I think Eric should go next, just to
respond to that.
Speaker 1 (31:45):
Well, actually, we should do it fairly. Picked the ball,
took the ball, just pick a name.
Speaker 4 (31:53):
There we go. No, we like mouthsa, we have to
do it.
Speaker 5 (31:56):
Fair fifty to fifty chance, come on, come on to
fifty chances.
Speaker 3 (32:02):
Well, I mean they're post its. So Eric was stuck
to Brian.
Speaker 4 (32:06):
But Eric Eric.
Speaker 5 (32:10):
John calling these things our natural order succeeded again.
Speaker 1 (32:14):
All right, buddy, you're out, okay, and I'll introduce you.
Oh yeah, put on your headphones, baby. Yes, we're on
Instagram Live. Yes. Hi everybody, Hi, everybody, This is thank
(32:35):
you for helping us with ourselves.
Speaker 5 (32:39):
We run a professional operation around you know, we're super professional.
Speaker 1 (32:44):
Oh good, you did get to see me. Good. All right,
ladies and gentlemen, we have a very special treat for
you tonight here at the Laura Kane after Dark Comedy Club.
Taking the stage for the first time.
Speaker 3 (32:58):
The question Laura, do you see other people here? Because
it's just three of us.
Speaker 1 (33:03):
I'm trying to think of the mind. Yes, you know
you've been a radio. You just let me Welcome to
the stage, everybody, Eric, God after you?
Speaker 2 (33:24):
What lever do I pull to be crushed by a
safe Jesus Christ? Happy holidays? Are we all ready for
this festive season? Friday night, I wasn't sure what I
was going to say tonight because this isn't my forte
(33:44):
standing up in front of people telling jokes. But then
Friday night kicked it into high gear. Okay, I had
two parties to go to. Two holiday parties to go to.
First and one was just a friend's holiday party. That
food they had seven there bean dip, which will factor
into my second part of the evening.
Speaker 4 (34:08):
Go to that.
Speaker 2 (34:08):
Go to the second party, which was a fundraiser in
Rancho Santa Fe. The house was so fancy that nobody
could go inside. It was out in the back. Oh,
so security guards couldn't go in the house, only relegated
to the back. So there was a dance floor. We
were out on the dance force dancing.
Speaker 4 (34:29):
Oh.
Speaker 2 (34:29):
The people that invited me wound up getting sick. So
I went knowing no one And that's nothing that I
would normally do.
Speaker 4 (34:38):
Get there.
Speaker 2 (34:39):
DJ played this Christmas song by Cher and Kelly Clarkson.
The remix comes on. Run out to the dance floor, dancing,
and I get that rumbling in my stomach. Everything seizes
up and I'm like, oh no, I run trying to
find a bathroom. I'm like porta potties. There's a line
for the pact with people. So I'm like, oh my god.
(35:01):
So I see along the wall, you know, the sparkly
long streamers in red and green.
Speaker 4 (35:08):
I back up to it.
Speaker 2 (35:10):
No and release the longest, most violent fart I think
I've ever released in my entire life. As I'm farting,
I realize why is it so loud? And my brain
is going why is it so loud? And so I
start backing up, backing up, and as I back up,
(35:31):
it gets louder and louder. I look back and poking
out from behind the red and green glittery streamers is
a microphone which is attached to a stage which is
attached to a karaoke machine. As I turn, the music
(35:55):
has stopped. Share is not playing anymore. A room full
of people are staring at me. So the karaoke mic
which was on was poked right into my buttthole. So
I get a text the next day that says, Christmas
just came early. Fucking funniest thing I've ever heard. So
(36:19):
the host of the party called the people that invited.
Speaker 4 (36:23):
Me that's awesome.
Speaker 6 (36:25):
So needless to say.
Speaker 2 (36:26):
I'm probably banned from Rancho Santa Fe for the rest
of my life. I took an uber home and got
mistaken for Chris Hemsworth in the back of the uber.
Speaker 4 (36:40):
Now I do look.
Speaker 2 (36:42):
Like Chris Chris Hemsworth if he got stung by like
a million beasts. We were talking the other day we
had Laura was talking about a little bit of politics
on the show, but we couldn't go too far. And
that's fine because I could never be a political commentator.
(37:05):
Back when Condoleeza Rice, remember her, I thought that was
something that you served with fatas I was going to say.
A friend told me the other day. I was going
to the store and I called Laura and said, is
anything you want me to get you? And she said,
I'd like you to get me some cream so I
(37:28):
can have a juicy vagina. And I was like, well,
I can't go to the store for that. I'll have
to go to a different store, which would be like
Home Depot or Lows, because I'd have to get like
a weed whacker to get all the tumble weeds out
and then a leaf blower to get all the dust out,
so I can't just go to a store for your
(37:50):
dry vagina. Oh God, now Laura has a dog. I
have no pets because I have no time and I
really don't want any pet hair in my house. But
everybody's like, oh.
Speaker 6 (38:06):
God, you'd be such a good pet dad, Like he'd
be such a good pet dad, you should get a pet,
And I'm like, well, you know, I thought about it,
and I thought, you know, every squirrel is a flying
squirrel if you kick it hard enough, So why would
I not be a good pet dad, you know?
Speaker 4 (38:24):
I mean.
Speaker 2 (38:26):
Really, we were at a party the other night at
JODI's house and we had we did our famous Brady
Bunch everybody on the staircase pose. I don't remember who
took the picture, but that is never to happen again,
(38:49):
because after analyzing the picture, I have what's called an
at risk face. From certain angles, I look like a
melting wheel of bree cheese, and then from the other
angle I have what's called an at risk chin. So
I have you seen the pictures? I look horrible. I'll
(39:11):
show you. I need to get like a whole face lift.
Speaker 4 (39:18):
It was awful.
Speaker 2 (39:20):
So that's why always take pictures from high up, so
we all look like fetuses.
Speaker 4 (39:28):
Do you like my jacket? Yeah?
Speaker 1 (39:30):
Like nice?
Speaker 4 (39:31):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (39:31):
Yeah, it's dry clean only, which means it's going to
be dirty forever. And that's about it.
Speaker 1 (39:43):
Okay, all right, I'm impressed.
Speaker 3 (39:46):
That was good.
Speaker 5 (39:47):
That was good, Eric, that was good.
Speaker 3 (39:49):
That was really good.
Speaker 1 (39:50):
All right.
Speaker 3 (39:51):
That first, the story about going to the party, it
was like, good, good setup. So we all pictured the house,
so you're at the the microphone. You farting into the
microphone was not what I thought you were going to say,
which like, really that was awesome. I thought it was good. Okay, yeah,
I thought it was awesome.
Speaker 4 (40:10):
Thank you.
Speaker 1 (40:11):
I agree any criticism.
Speaker 3 (40:14):
I mean, I could be critical of everything you guys
are doing, but it's like that, for being the first
time in front of three people, I didn't think it
was that bad.
Speaker 5 (40:23):
That's roll with that.
Speaker 1 (40:25):
Didn't let it out. You let it roll with me.
Speaker 3 (40:28):
I laughed at your jokes.
Speaker 1 (40:30):
Well, you gave me. Give me some tips.
Speaker 3 (40:32):
You went much longer than he went to I'm just
funnier than you.
Speaker 5 (40:37):
Actually, I will say, Eric, I was kind of impressive.
You're like comedic timing and cadence up there was actually
pretty like flowed pretty well.
Speaker 4 (40:44):
Thank you.
Speaker 5 (40:44):
It was impressed.
Speaker 3 (40:45):
I was too.
Speaker 1 (40:46):
Good job, Eric, good lord job. All right, now you
sit down, Brian, produce of Brian, sit down here, and
I'm going to run the controls. Oh my gosh, and
you have to introduce Brian.
Speaker 2 (40:58):
All right, ladies and gentlemen, the man of the hour,
Brian Jones.
Speaker 5 (41:12):
Hello, everybody, that's really loud. Thank you, Laura. Welcome to
Laura's living room. If you thought you were depressed, you
are now because this is quite perhaps the saddest place
in San Diego. These couches are from Amazon, not Ikea.
We're moving up in the world. Anyways. You guys all
roasted the crap out of each other, and I've already
(41:34):
done that. I burned you alive, and you are still
the melted puddle of plastic I left you in during
our roast, so I thought I would keep things a
little chill. I was just gonna tell a story. I
want to keep it a little lighthearted because you guys
are so mean to each other and it hurt inside
a little bit. So I'm gonna cheer us all up.
So I was at a funeral last week. No, no,
(41:56):
it's okay. I was just there for the snacks.
Speaker 3 (41:58):
I swear.
Speaker 5 (41:59):
I swear funeral have great snacks. They're really to die for,
thank you. And you know, snacks at funerals are kind
of awkward because you've got somebody up the front given
a nice impassion, you know, heartfelt goodbye, and then I'm
at the back, you know, and every time I take
a bite of a cookie, one of those great Costco cookies,
you know I'm going to do that. Oh mmm, delicious.
So I definitely got a couple of head turns, but
(42:21):
it was it wasn't too bad. And you know, the
sniffles and tears are just they're just the nice background
for my sweet, sweet, succulent joy. And you probably think
I'm a bad person or a shallow person for just
going to funerals for snacks, but I swear I go
to them sometimes to lend support. And I felt really
bad i hit that person with my car, so I
really wanted to be there to support them.
Speaker 3 (42:41):
That's okay.
Speaker 5 (42:42):
I didn't get convicted because they're no witnesses. They also
got ran over by cars.
Speaker 1 (42:45):
That same day.
Speaker 5 (42:47):
Anyways, this is an outdoor memorial, though, and it was
kind of interesting because they didn't have gravestones. They had
headstones and they were implanted in the ground about an
inch above the grass. And that was kind of awkward
because I waited a snack table. I go buy like
fifty of them because they're all over the place, and
I tripped on like all of them, and so, you know,
it felt kind of bad tripping on everybody's dead body.
(43:07):
It was kind of like going through it when you're
in a theater and you're trying to get to the bathroom.
You're like, oh, excuse me, sorry, Hey, I went to
school with Oh whoops, it's really awkward. Charlie Brandon, no one,
you didn't text me back. Hope you weren't the one
I hit with my car. Anyways, but you know, I
kind of wonder. You look at those coffins and I think, wow,
those looks like really comfy beds, little kastrophobic, a little
(43:28):
dark in there, but that may not be too bad.
So I decided, you know, I got to see if
I am claustrophobic or not. So I did the one
thing that I knew could test that. I locked myself
in the porta potty for about an hour because I
swear to God, and nothing is more claustrophobic than there.
And they smell like death, so it's perfect. And if
you really want to get the full experience of the
stress of three thousand pounds of dirt sitting on top
(43:50):
of you while you're laying in a sweet, sweet awful
ten thousand dollars bucks with a bed built into it,
you just got a rush in there right before the
dad who bought his funnel cake and scarfed it down
starts sprinting for the bathroom. And then once he's banging
on there with the theory of God, that is the
full stress experience of what it's like being buried alive.
Speaker 3 (44:08):
So I thank everybody.
Speaker 5 (44:09):
That's my time for the night. I'm here tell tomorrow.
Speaker 3 (44:24):
That was good. Okay, that was good considering I feel
like you wanted to do this the least. It was
a nice like set centered around death, you know, and
and manslaughter. And uh, I enjoyed the I enjoyed the
(44:44):
change of direction at the top about the you know,
going to the funerals for the snacks. I thought that
was funny. I didn't quite get all the killing of
people that you do with your car. I hope I
don't see you out all the legal reasons. Those are
all jokes. But yeah, I thought I thought all three
of you guys did a good job for doing stand
(45:05):
up literally in front of one person and the internet.
That was like you guys, ronal, applause for all of you, thank.
Speaker 1 (45:11):
You here week, applause.
Speaker 5 (45:12):
Let's do this our internet of fifteen people.
Speaker 1 (45:17):
All right, Brian, come back here and then wait the
moment of truth. Now the torture is over. The sets
have been done. This bit that we've been talking about
for two years, we did it, you guys. Reto Mal
(45:44):
you're the professional, m H in your opinion, who's the
funniest person of the show.
Speaker 3 (45:54):
I would say who delivered the best set to me,
the most structured, like I would see this out of open.
Mike sept would be Eric Like the story that he
told was like a legit story that I could see
someone like working through at a club. That was like
a legit bit. And so I would say he did
the best okay, and he wasn't really reading it. He
(46:16):
was like telling us a story like ke'p making eye
contact and I was like, okay, this is I don't
where is this going?
Speaker 4 (46:22):
Like? I was good, thank you?
Speaker 1 (46:24):
Okay, So he's number one. Now it comes down to
me and Brian, and you know it, just be brutally honest.
It's okay.
Speaker 3 (46:32):
I think he's not going to do it if I
say he's the worst, and I think it's better content
for your show if you go to an open mic
and do three minutes.
Speaker 5 (46:40):
Okay, th things through, But.
Speaker 1 (46:44):
Secretly am why funnier than Brian? Or is Brian funnier
than me? Just tell me the truth. Mel, It's okay,
I can handle it.
Speaker 3 (46:52):
Look at I'm not the I'm not the the end
all be all on who's funny. I'm sure there's ten
people that think he's funny and ten people that think
you're funny. You guys have two different, completely different styles.
He was very dark and you were very sort of
introspective with your stand up. So I would say, flip
(47:12):
a coin, that's who's funnier right now. Just take it, Laura,
just take it.
Speaker 1 (47:17):
Okay. One last question, do any besides, Eric, if I
worked hard enough, could I.
Speaker 6 (47:26):
Do this.
Speaker 3 (47:28):
Like stand up as your job?
Speaker 6 (47:30):
Yes?
Speaker 3 (47:30):
No, that was the funniest thing we've learn.
Speaker 6 (47:35):
All you.
Speaker 3 (47:39):
Can try. It's very hard, oh very hard.
Speaker 1 (47:46):
Oh god.
Speaker 5 (47:47):
Okay, come on, nohingst are funny like that.
Speaker 1 (47:50):
I know, but you know what, I appreciate your honesty
and thank you. Okay, now eron and go see Mel
Hall at Hotel the La Joya comedy club. He is hysterical.
We're going to post one of my favorite bits that
he does about wash claws. I never forgot this. This
(48:11):
is the one of the freaking funniest observations I've ever
heard from a comedian in my life. I love it.
We really appreciate you being here.
Speaker 3 (48:20):
This was really this was actually super fun. I'm glad
I came up super fun. Oh my gosh, I hope
you guys had fun.
Speaker 4 (48:28):
We did.
Speaker 1 (48:29):
We're just all glad that it's over. But apparently I'm
the loser, but we all kind of knew that that
was probably the eventuality.
Speaker 4 (48:37):
Well you're not funny, you know.
Speaker 5 (48:40):
Actually no, there were some good jokes in there.
Speaker 1 (48:42):
Thank you, just a little lifeless, lifeless. I was nervous.
That's probably why okay, but Mal says, it's not my
jam anyway. It's not stick to your job, stick stick
to my day job.
Speaker 5 (48:54):
You know what, you have a good good you know,
little niche carved out and the public sphere. So I think,
don't give that up and chat and proceed to something different.
Speaker 1 (49:04):
Okay. Anyway, I hope you guys enjoyed watching this train wreck.
Thank you so much.
Speaker 3 (49:10):
Mel.
Speaker 1 (49:11):
We really it's an honor for you to be here.
Thank you, thank you, thank you, and uh we say
something at the end of our podcast, and after I
say it, will you say it? And Eric then we
close it out. Sure okay, So anyway, first, thank you
for watching on YouTube, Thank you for watching on Instagram Live.
Thank you for listening as always, and love your podcast.
Speaker 4 (49:35):
Love your podcast, Love your podcast.
Speaker 1 (49:38):
I love you, my sweet babies.
Speaker 3 (49:40):
Bye,
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