August 4, 2025 • 38 mins
This is either sick or just funny….Laura and Erik plan out their unique and maybe even trendy post-death plans, including dividing up their ashes and having Producer Bryan manage their “Urn Tour.”
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- Laura shares an embarrassing story (AGAIN) about tripping and skidding across the casino floor which causes much attention to her horror.
- The conversation touches on Laura's tendency to call her mother when the topic of crazy controversies comes up. And our obsession with true crime shows.
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/laura-cain-after-dark--4162487/support.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:11):
What up, guys.
Speaker 2 (00:12):
Welcome to Laura Kane after Dark.
Speaker 1 (00:14):
I'm Laura Kane producer Brian Hello, okay, so yeah, have
you noticed something new about Eric?
Speaker 3 (00:24):
Nope?
Speaker 2 (00:27):
What is he missing.
Speaker 3 (00:31):
Underwear?
Speaker 1 (00:32):
Well? That's always say I'm not sure why. If you
think it's like it is a cool factor makes you cooler,
or if you've seen a podcast where they don't wear
headphones and you think it looks better, he's he's like
the no headphone guy. Now okay, No, he's doing it
for a reason. I don't know what it is.
Speaker 3 (00:51):
Because he doesn't want to wear him.
Speaker 1 (00:53):
I don't why. That's a bunch of the I know
this man just doesn't want to wear He thinks he
doesn't look as cool with them. And it's you need
him on to hear, like you need to hear music.
What if you play sounds, which he Bryan ever does.
Speaker 4 (01:09):
Look, if I need to hear something, I'll put him on.
Speaker 3 (01:14):
I'm with Eric on this one. I think you're gonna
I think this.
Speaker 4 (01:16):
Is Oh no, you need yours on? Why because it
hide your big ears?
Speaker 1 (01:22):
I don't have big that's the only big thing I don't.
Speaker 3 (01:24):
It's fine.
Speaker 1 (01:25):
I have a big nose, big feed a giant head.
Speaker 3 (01:28):
I would recommend you both wear them, but I'm not
going to get all up in arms about it.
Speaker 1 (01:33):
The recommendation from our producers. They put on a headphone,
So let's do it.
Speaker 4 (01:37):
Okay, you do it first.
Speaker 1 (01:39):
No, I think this is in the Mexican standoff. Oh
my god, I think you may have just been canceled
for that.
Speaker 3 (01:44):
It's not racist Mexican standoff.
Speaker 1 (01:48):
I don't know.
Speaker 4 (01:49):
You're gonna You're gonna be a nightmare in the old
folks homes.
Speaker 2 (01:52):
I stop, I'm not I'm.
Speaker 3 (01:53):
Going to be you know what you woke Flora?
Speaker 4 (01:56):
Oh my goodness, Jason's The good thing is is Jason's
going to take care of us.
Speaker 1 (02:00):
Jason will take care of us.
Speaker 4 (02:00):
But well he'll you'll finally have to exercise. He's really
going to put you.
Speaker 1 (02:06):
To I know, are those I'm gonna I'm gonna dread
those like noon classes?
Speaker 4 (02:11):
Or is going to be like my legs? Have I
been behind my ears and years?
Speaker 3 (02:16):
They make her stand up for five minutes and starts
getting tired.
Speaker 4 (02:19):
God, make sure ninety day fiance is an on Jason,
or she won't to do it.
Speaker 1 (02:22):
Make sure it's on loop.
Speaker 2 (02:23):
Please, I beg you that and what else.
Speaker 1 (02:26):
Do I watch?
Speaker 4 (02:27):
We're gonna have to have two separate TVs. Oh my gosh,
what just one one at my foot of the button,
one at your foot of the bed.
Speaker 1 (02:34):
Just non stop Dateline, NonStop, forty hours, NonStop anything crime,
anything where like a wife is missing and the husband
is like on TV like, oh my poor wife is
missing and you know he did it?
Speaker 4 (02:47):
Like oh, I'm watching the one on Netflix right now
about the girl that goes overboard on the boat.
Speaker 1 (02:52):
Oh my god, Yeah, that happens a lot on cruise ships.
My mom told me, because well, my mom's the only
person on the face of the earth to actually call
her right now, that still is just call my mom.
Wait phone, Okay, we have to call my mom.
Speaker 3 (03:08):
Laura has like whenever Laura doesn't have an idea, she
recycled the same three things.
Speaker 1 (03:12):
Yeah, did we talk about the cruise ship thing with
my mom?
Speaker 3 (03:15):
No, but you call your mom every opportunity.
Speaker 1 (03:17):
Well, because she's freaking hysterical.
Speaker 4 (03:19):
I have to do that. I have to do the thing,
the connect right, Yeah.
Speaker 1 (03:22):
You have connected. First, my mom hates being on She
always hated be on the air because she she she's
a very private person.
Speaker 3 (03:29):
So stop calling whatever chance you can get. I feel bad.
Speaker 1 (03:32):
No, I don't feel bad. I told my mom, I said, Mom,
do you want me to be successful? Mom? Do you
want menny?
Speaker 3 (03:38):
Wait? Wait, wait, you're manipulating your mom always, you know what.
I don't think I'm going turn up the thing. Connect first,
yea connected?
Speaker 1 (03:48):
I don't hear ringing.
Speaker 4 (03:50):
I do.
Speaker 3 (03:50):
Give it a second.
Speaker 4 (03:51):
Do you have your headphones?
Speaker 1 (03:53):
There? It is, she's gonna she's gonna be match.
Speaker 2 (03:57):
She will go.
Speaker 4 (03:58):
No, Laura, No, she won't pick up.
Speaker 3 (04:01):
What time is it eighth?
Speaker 4 (04:02):
It's only a little after.
Speaker 1 (04:04):
She might. She might because this is right about the
time she goes, where's my phone?
Speaker 4 (04:09):
I don't know where it is. You can never. Oh,
it's all no, I don't know where It'll be.
Speaker 1 (04:13):
Like one more time, okay, what no, Just because if
she if you call twice, she'll know it's something important. Okay,
So my mom, every night eight thirty ish, it's a
definite time.
Speaker 2 (04:27):
I think it's like eight.
Speaker 4 (04:28):
Thirty or nine.
Speaker 1 (04:29):
We'll put on her big robe, go out onto the
patio with her radio. She used to have the last
person on earth with an actual radio. Listen to her
AM Coast to coast, and so.
Speaker 4 (04:41):
We'll call her at eight thirty.
Speaker 1 (04:43):
Okay, we'll call her back, okay, and does her crosswords,
has her little her can martini or two, and has
her two or three SIGs. That's her like her favorite
time of day.
Speaker 3 (04:56):
And I respect that. I totally do Honestly, that sounds
like a dream.
Speaker 1 (05:00):
Eighty four years old. You can do that.
Speaker 3 (05:02):
My my dream is to do that in New Orleans
on a balcony on Market Street while it rains.
Speaker 4 (05:07):
Wow, just a simple boy with a dream.
Speaker 3 (05:09):
I don't know that. Just that at night time too,
would you flow of the street lights?
Speaker 1 (05:17):
Would you be doing a crossword or would you just
be sitting there thinking about lights?
Speaker 3 (05:22):
Think I'd be very mysterious.
Speaker 2 (05:23):
Would be smoking?
Speaker 3 (05:24):
Oh yeah, I'd be chained smoking, like, oh god, I
would be.
Speaker 1 (05:28):
And you've never had a cigarette in your life?
Speaker 3 (05:32):
You have two?
Speaker 1 (05:34):
Okay?
Speaker 4 (05:35):
The first one was may throw up.
Speaker 3 (05:37):
No second wasn't much better than the first one though, Okay,
so the appeal Besides, you.
Speaker 1 (05:42):
Think it's going to be really fine when you're older
to get addicted to smoking, don't.
Speaker 3 (05:47):
I've smoked a couple of cigars, like two cigars. They're
not great, but they smell their cigarettes.
Speaker 4 (05:52):
As your pseudo dad, I'm gonna have to veto that
he can do anything in his eighties. No he can't.
Speaker 3 (05:58):
I'll do I'll do it with all the kids are doing,
which is vaping, because you can get the raspberry flavors
and stuff. Problem solve smells good, taste good.
Speaker 4 (06:06):
No, well we'll be dead.
Speaker 1 (06:07):
So yeah, and you know what. Wait, I'm going to
be cremated. But are you going to be buried with
your parents?
Speaker 4 (06:14):
No, I'm going to be cremated.
Speaker 1 (06:16):
You don't have like a family plot.
Speaker 4 (06:17):
We do. But I'm gonna is your brother there, I know,
I don't know.
Speaker 3 (06:23):
You guys shouldet buried in New Orleans. He's not somewhere
where I can see the graveyard. You're buried from my
balcony on Market Street.
Speaker 1 (06:30):
Oh, the graveyards in New Orleans are really cool.
Speaker 4 (06:34):
Okay, So Brian, you'll have to take some of us
with you while you're smoking and drinking out on a balcony.
Speaker 3 (06:39):
Like the food A doll looks like you guys, And
I'll just go to the verbally harassed that's perfect, Yeah,
do it, or you're so dumb talk back to Poulter.
Speaker 1 (06:50):
That hell out of you. I'm going to actually scary.
Speaker 3 (06:52):
You, and I'll say watch this, lord, and I'll take
your food doll and I'll chuck it onto the street
and I'll say turn out to get run over.
Speaker 2 (06:57):
So it doesn't matter.
Speaker 1 (06:58):
I'm dead.
Speaker 3 (06:59):
All still work some dead people, I think.
Speaker 1 (07:01):
Okay, but we're not going to be buried. I'm going
to be creaming. And I thought you wanted to be creamy.
Speaker 4 (07:06):
Yeah, okay, I thought we would just mix our ashes together.
Speaker 3 (07:10):
I'm gonna roll it up in a cigar and smoke it.
Speaker 1 (07:14):
No, no, no, no, no, yeah, here's what here's my.
Speaker 4 (07:19):
Now, Brian, I don't think you should probably smoke it
because there's gonna be way more plastic particles in Laura's ashes.
Then there will be mold plastics.
Speaker 1 (07:27):
Yeah, yeah, you know have plastic in your system.
Speaker 3 (07:29):
I think I will Here's what I'll do. I'll smoke
your ashes and I'll use a bowl of Laura's ashes
to put out the cigarette as so much plastic.
Speaker 4 (07:42):
He'll just make you an Internet ash tray.
Speaker 3 (07:44):
That's Laura. This is what you're This is your true
calling all along.
Speaker 1 (07:50):
Here's my I'm dead fantasy. Okay number one, No, I
don't want to be murdered. Don't murder me, please, but
if it.
Speaker 4 (07:59):
Does happen, unless she clogs the toilet at the hobby.
Speaker 1 (08:02):
Lobby, if something happens and I'm murdered, all right, uh huh,
please make sure if he's still alive that that what's
his name?
Speaker 2 (08:11):
Does my dateline?
Speaker 4 (08:12):
Oh?
Speaker 1 (08:13):
Keith Morrison? All right, and I want I want to
because I want my death he already Wait why would
you be that date line? Because it's so because I'm so.
It was such a crazy on.
Speaker 4 (08:28):
A loop on the I D Murder channel.
Speaker 1 (08:30):
Right on two hours.
Speaker 3 (08:31):
I want to press passholder Laura Kane was murdered by her.
Speaker 1 (08:34):
Husband her husband or was she?
Speaker 4 (08:37):
Yeah, he does. She could have been murdered by your
co host or is.
Speaker 3 (08:41):
Producer especially bad because she had a press.
Speaker 1 (08:45):
Pass that he was envious of?
Speaker 3 (08:49):
Yes, just kidding. That was Laura Kane's delusion.
Speaker 1 (08:53):
Okay, No, here's my little fantasy. I'm cremated, you're cremated.
We each have an earn. You have your earn, I
have myron. It's little we can maybe we could pick
them up beforehand, like we pick out something like cool
and aesthetically cool. I'll just pick out something cute.
Speaker 4 (09:08):
I'm yours is gonna have like a b L boo
boo on top of it or something hanging from.
Speaker 3 (09:12):
That will be like this grand thing, and yours just
like pink or something.
Speaker 1 (09:16):
It would be like hand carved wood, like from like
like teak or something that's really cool. And then mine
will be like some porcelain whatever.
Speaker 4 (09:24):
Mine'll just be like a Louis Vuitton.
Speaker 1 (09:28):
That would be Louis Baiton.
Speaker 4 (09:30):
That would be great.
Speaker 3 (09:32):
One Laura's will be the same thing, will be fake.
Speaker 4 (09:35):
Oh yeah from maybe they have all please are actually w's.
Speaker 2 (09:41):
Oh my god, that's fine.
Speaker 1 (09:42):
Fun.
Speaker 4 (09:43):
We'll get We'll get her a d or earn and
it'll be like d o I R.
Speaker 3 (09:47):
It says, it says dire and dire.
Speaker 4 (09:51):
I'm fine with that, okay, perfect.
Speaker 1 (09:53):
I want every press past I've ever had in my life, shredded, gotcha,
hung from my urn, my oscar seat filler, yes, all
five of them until I was banned, and then I
want my police press pass until here's.
Speaker 4 (10:12):
The letter that that you got saying that you were
banned for life?
Speaker 3 (10:16):
Is that?
Speaker 4 (10:16):
Do you still have that? So we can put it
in the lanyard that was in a phone call.
Speaker 3 (10:20):
Oh you know what, Laura, Here's what I'll do. I'll do.
I'll put your urn on the mantle. Right beneath it
on the ground will be a shredder, And every day
I will toss your press pass and try to loop
it around on the landyard. I'll try to loop it
around the base. And if I miss falls into the shredder,
so you know, you get a chance to keep it
and I get a chance to destroy it.
Speaker 1 (10:40):
Oh my current Comic Con pass because it says press
on it.
Speaker 3 (10:43):
Oh my god, I want.
Speaker 1 (10:45):
My police press pass.
Speaker 3 (10:47):
Not only that, I want my oh lean which police
department gave you your press pass?
Speaker 1 (10:52):
San Diego phone call?
Speaker 3 (10:55):
And then of the Mexican food shop and you just
tried to get the.
Speaker 1 (11:02):
Never abuse that ever, I want that for the rest
of my life.
Speaker 3 (11:05):
It's not what I'm telling the cops.
Speaker 1 (11:07):
So and then I also have this blue thing that
I land I laminated because on a door it's for
your car to put in the thing. Like so you
can roll up on a crime scene and I know
you can't go into the crime scene tape, but like
you can get close. You could talk to police officers.
They let the press people in park in white. You
can park in white, you can park in yellow, you
can park in a metered thing without paying.
Speaker 3 (11:29):
But that is that is the warring benefit, right.
Speaker 5 (11:31):
See I want that up there too. I was thinking
this initially until you made your point. I thought, if
you go first, since you're.
Speaker 4 (11:42):
Older than I am, not true. I thought I would
take you to a taxidermist, because then I thought, with
traffic being so bad, I could use the car pooling
anytime I wanted, and I could.
Speaker 3 (11:54):
Just put this joke.
Speaker 4 (11:57):
I know, but I think that that would be great.
Speaker 1 (12:00):
No, it wouldn't.
Speaker 2 (12:00):
You wouldn't I you.
Speaker 4 (12:02):
I'd fix your hair different ways, I get you a
different dolls from It would be almost like I had
a real doll that I had no desire to have
sex with, just using you for the carpooling.
Speaker 1 (12:14):
So we're Brian, here's where you come in.
Speaker 3 (12:18):
I've told you what I'm doing.
Speaker 1 (12:19):
No, no, no, you come into our pictures as our producer.
Now you're you're going to produce us posthumously. Yes, we're
going on on tour.
Speaker 2 (12:31):
Oh yeah, we'll go to like different.
Speaker 1 (12:35):
Venue.
Speaker 2 (12:36):
Oh yeah, we can go like Balbo theater.
Speaker 3 (12:38):
Like I'll pay you my estate. I'm like all the
day I get some debt to pay for you.
Speaker 2 (12:46):
What a state, and then we can go like.
Speaker 4 (12:48):
Oh we could be we could some of our ashes.
Ashes could be spread on our favorite celebrities lawns. Like
you could go on like an LA tour. Yeah, so
what I'm supposed to do is it like some ashes?
Is this like a podcast tour where people are.
Speaker 1 (13:03):
Listeners?
Speaker 3 (13:05):
I used to carry your earns around?
Speaker 1 (13:06):
Yeah, yeah, a tour more so for like wherever you go,
that's cool, Like you can take us through the Haunted Trail.
You can take us to Greece if you go, you
can take us on on to the Grand Canyon with
you here as.
Speaker 3 (13:22):
We I'll do. I'm gonna take a but I'm gonna
get on the train, the the coastal train whatever.
Speaker 2 (13:27):
It's called coaster.
Speaker 3 (13:29):
Yep, I'm gonna put I'm gonna put you on it
under your seat and hope they never find you and
you get to travel up and down California all now.
Speaker 4 (13:39):
Listen, that kind of sounds like a jip because but
it's not fat it is.
Speaker 3 (13:43):
Guess why I have no interest in lugging your earns around.
Speaker 4 (13:47):
Well, then we'll have to listen We're gonna have to
find somebody that will then I'll.
Speaker 3 (13:51):
Find Nope, here you go, tall Cliff. Okay, let you
be free, you'll go everywhere.
Speaker 1 (13:56):
Okay, will you agree to be in charge of if
people want to take like a salt and pepper shaker
of each one of us on like a cruise with
them to spread our ashes on the Caribbean, and.
Speaker 3 (14:09):
You can just spoon facilitating human trafficking even if those
people are dead.
Speaker 1 (14:16):
Sorry, Jason, will do it for us. Jason, will you
see there we go.
Speaker 4 (14:22):
So what we need to do is we have to
have little We could probably order.
Speaker 1 (14:26):
Them from bone won't go through.
Speaker 4 (14:28):
Oh hey, do you want to be cremated in your
underwear that I got you for Christmas? From my face?
Speaker 2 (14:32):
Yes, of my favorite underwear?
Speaker 4 (14:33):
Or do you want me to like put those on
the urn like.
Speaker 1 (14:36):
Those cremate me?
Speaker 4 (14:37):
Okay, perfect, don't want but listen, I think this. I
just had another great idea. We should order like bags
with our faces on it, right, like bags? No, like
little zip lock bags?
Speaker 1 (14:51):
Oh, like little clear bag?
Speaker 4 (14:52):
Yeah? And are we gonna just mix our stuff together?
Oh no, because you got too much plastic in yours.
Speaker 1 (14:58):
That's right, right, and if the people want to, they
can take a scoop and a scoop.
Speaker 4 (15:02):
Yeah for sure.
Speaker 1 (15:03):
If they want to mix us, that's fine, that's fine,
but it's up to them. But no, we're not going
to do it at a fear of it could.
Speaker 4 (15:09):
Combust contaminate the oceans. I know, the poor turtles and fish.
Somebody who gets your implant wrapped around their fin fin jeus,
Oh my god, this will be fun.
Speaker 1 (15:27):
All right?
Speaker 4 (15:29):
We could, you know, we could probably call some place
like Penskes, that spice place that was in Hillcrest, and
asked them if they had like a really delicious spice,
like a creole spice that we created.
Speaker 3 (15:40):
Okay, that might be racist.
Speaker 4 (15:42):
Why isn't it spicy? Isn't creole spicy?
Speaker 1 (15:45):
I think that creole is?
Speaker 2 (15:47):
It is a language.
Speaker 3 (15:49):
I'm gonna wait, we know what's the is that?
Speaker 1 (15:51):
Like?
Speaker 3 (15:51):
Okay?
Speaker 2 (15:51):
Should we just stop saying, Oh, cage is.
Speaker 4 (15:53):
What I was thinking of, not creole, Cajun Creole is
a no Cagun is Sorry No, no, I was thinking cage.
Speaker 3 (16:01):
And I'm making fun of you because you said me
saying Mexicans standoff was racist.
Speaker 4 (16:06):
Oh I thought it was.
Speaker 3 (16:07):
Why would that be racist. I don't know the word
Mexican is not racist.
Speaker 4 (16:10):
I know that it could be like southern California spice,
and it would just be both of our ashes.
Speaker 2 (16:17):
Well you have to add some.
Speaker 1 (16:18):
Mine would be so bland, yours would be bland. I
call you as California beige, beige nothingness. It would tastes
like like noodles, like like just playing spaghetti.
Speaker 4 (16:29):
You know what, Maybe yours should be separate because maybe
people would want to do it if they're if they're
not bound up and they need to be bound up,
they could just take all there you go, like they
could take a spoonful of mine and it would be
very valuable. Then, yes, yours would be Mine would be
like a diuretic.
Speaker 1 (16:45):
So we a pharmacy or something.
Speaker 3 (16:49):
You guys are off my hands. Yeah, perfect, perfect.
Speaker 1 (16:52):
Dead talk. We're going to play the question game. We
haven't played it in a long time, so let's play.
Speaker 4 (16:58):
This could go down, it'll really.
Speaker 1 (17:00):
I know it could. It could, and usually things do
it does around here. All right, who wants to go first?
All right, Brian, great, I'm gonna read your question. You
have to answer it.
Speaker 4 (17:10):
Maybe he looks super excited.
Speaker 1 (17:11):
He's looked excited the entire time he's been here.
Speaker 3 (17:14):
This is my face.
Speaker 1 (17:15):
Your face has gotten worse.
Speaker 3 (17:17):
And you've gotten more difficult. As the nice progressed, you
have gotten progressive.
Speaker 1 (17:22):
Overall, Like over the weeks, Brian.
Speaker 4 (17:25):
Do you still love me?
Speaker 3 (17:26):
Of course, Laura's gotten more difficult over the weeks.
Speaker 4 (17:32):
You're you are so gonna die first.
Speaker 1 (17:35):
I know. I know that, and make sure of it,
that's for sure. Okay, if you could change one part
of your appearance, what would it be?
Speaker 4 (17:45):
You're nothing, You're perfect?
Speaker 3 (17:46):
Yeah, that's what I was gonna say.
Speaker 1 (17:48):
Okay, no, be as. Is there something when you look
in the mirror and you just go, God, I wish.
Speaker 4 (17:56):
I I'm a dude.
Speaker 1 (17:57):
So well, it isn't necessary. Guys have insecurities.
Speaker 3 (18:02):
Make my hair thicker?
Speaker 1 (18:04):
Okay, that's valid.
Speaker 4 (18:05):
Oh I thought you were gonna say, like, I'd like
my dip to be at least five inches shorter because
it's so handicapped.
Speaker 1 (18:12):
You guys are yeah, so such butt buddies. I'm so
over it.
Speaker 4 (18:20):
Over it, he's my guy.
Speaker 3 (18:22):
Oh you're over it?
Speaker 1 (18:23):
Over it?
Speaker 3 (18:24):
So sorry? Inconvenience, are you hearing you?
Speaker 1 (18:28):
Next?
Speaker 4 (18:30):
Do I just pick anything?
Speaker 1 (18:31):
Yeah?
Speaker 4 (18:31):
There's so many things I know they're all questions. Oh hell, no,
sing us a song that best describes you?
Speaker 3 (18:40):
Yeah, please don't.
Speaker 1 (18:41):
How about say it?
Speaker 3 (18:43):
I don't want to hear it.
Speaker 4 (18:44):
Say it.
Speaker 3 (18:45):
He's just pick a new question. That was all.
Speaker 1 (18:47):
No, my name is Loricane and sometimes I'm a pain,
but it's okay because one it rains, it's beautiful, just
like my soul.
Speaker 3 (18:58):
Okay.
Speaker 5 (18:59):
Wow, hey, someone had to do it that you're really
going to die?
Speaker 4 (19:03):
First, what would you do if you found out you
had twenty four hours to live? Honestly, I'd spend every
dime on my money.
Speaker 1 (19:13):
Ooh, what would you buy first?
Speaker 4 (19:16):
Well, I'd leave you enough to survive for like a.
Speaker 1 (19:19):
Month, thank you? Well, no, he'd member he'd pay mement
for a month.
Speaker 4 (19:22):
Yeah, I would.
Speaker 1 (19:23):
That's I I appreciate that. And you would you know
what you want me to see, Charlie.
Speaker 4 (19:27):
I would, I'd pay. I'd give you an allowance. I'd
have to break it up though.
Speaker 3 (19:32):
She's like, he would definitely do that, and listening to
all the things that you know that just so you
know that these are what you have to do.
Speaker 4 (19:37):
And I would definitely if I know I had twenty
four hours to live, I would definitely keep you with
your nails, hair, eyelash extensions and no extensions though for
your no hair, no hair, just.
Speaker 3 (19:47):
Give it all to me and I'll be sure to
facilitate that.
Speaker 1 (19:50):
Okay, I you know what. I and in a weird way,
like I trust that you would do that.
Speaker 3 (19:56):
Great glad to hear that.
Speaker 1 (19:58):
I trust that you would hold out the money to me.
I would dole out some financial responsibility to you, but
you would the money is mine, Oh yes it is,
and you can dole that on me.
Speaker 2 (20:12):
Eric, what never mind?
Speaker 3 (20:14):
I think Eric would agree with me that for your
own goods, someone needs to have the ability to say.
Speaker 1 (20:18):
No, I guess what. I'm going to give it to
j Wartzler.
Speaker 3 (20:21):
Okay, no, But if he gives it to me, then no,
because Jay Wartzler can't.
Speaker 1 (20:24):
Tell you now, Oh yes he can. He would if
it's yeah, I mean he deals with like it depends
on how much she gives me. If you're going to
give me like a thousand dollars, then no, he's not
going to take care of it. He's not going to.
Speaker 4 (20:38):
I'll give you like that. What if I gave you
double that? What if I gave you like a hundred k.
Speaker 1 (20:42):
Oh my, okay, that would be great. Then I can
go to j oh you.
Speaker 3 (20:46):
Eric, you know you can't give a hundred k because
it'd be gone like six months.
Speaker 4 (20:49):
No, that's what I mean. I'd have to do it
in installments, which said spend the whole thing through j Yeah,
which I give it.
Speaker 3 (20:56):
Just give it to me. I'll handle it. Okay, I'll
make sure she also speak.
Speaker 1 (20:59):
Hundred We make sure that I spent that I pay
my rent and your rent.
Speaker 3 (21:03):
Will get paid, thank you. But like other things like
non discretionary spending or discretionary spending.
Speaker 1 (21:09):
Real time, I do get this is allowed. Hair coloring, yes,
oh I've been doing Eric.
Speaker 4 (21:17):
Yes, I know, I'm gonna say you're dead.
Speaker 3 (21:21):
Sorry, you're dead. Sorry.
Speaker 4 (21:22):
No, but I'm gonna I'm gonna have to put that
in the clause because I don't want to looking like
a chrysanthemum with like weird bleach spots in her hair,
eyebrows out of the wrong.
Speaker 1 (21:32):
Shape a month, no, every like every two months.
Speaker 3 (21:36):
About Oh that's fine, okaye's all right.
Speaker 1 (21:38):
I do need my eyelash extensions, he said, I could
have one kind of extension, and that's what I want,
and those are like one hundred bucks every like three weeks.
Speaker 3 (21:46):
Is this a good use of money to.
Speaker 1 (21:48):
Stay looking good and feeling viral?
Speaker 3 (21:51):
Feeling viral like an infection?
Speaker 1 (21:54):
What do you kind of? Whatever it is, whatever the word, You're.
Speaker 4 (21:57):
Just gonna have to thank you every day.
Speaker 1 (22:00):
I will thank you every day.
Speaker 3 (22:02):
But besides a couple of those basics, the rest of it,
I am finger on Brian's managing it, because otherwise you
will go out and blow it at the casino or something.
Speaker 4 (22:10):
Oh, she totally will. Yeah, that's going to be another stipulation.
You're never allowed in a casino.
Speaker 1 (22:17):
When I go, Antonio gives me one hundred dollars. That's
the only way I can go. And sometimes I turn.
Speaker 3 (22:23):
When you go, I will give you nothing.
Speaker 2 (22:26):
Can I tell you a funny story about the casino?
Speaker 1 (22:27):
Oh?
Speaker 4 (22:28):
No, oh god, what.
Speaker 1 (22:31):
Okay? This is really no?
Speaker 4 (22:34):
No, no, no, no. She clogged the sequan bathroom.
Speaker 3 (22:38):
No did you use a pool queue that was in
the restaurant to break No?
Speaker 2 (22:42):
I did, has nothing to do with the bathroom.
Speaker 4 (22:44):
She's like, I had to use a coaster from the restaurant.
Speaker 3 (22:47):
So the guy that hands out men she.
Speaker 1 (22:53):
The bathroom.
Speaker 4 (22:55):
She uses a dar of like axe bodies spray.
Speaker 1 (22:58):
From the remain name list the casino lamp in the corner.
You guys, shut up. So uh, he gives me my
hundred bucks, and I get all excited because then I
could play my eighty eight cent bets on the penny slots,
and like sometimes if when I win, like four hundred dollars,
sometimes I have, sometimes one, five hundred, sometimes one. I
(23:19):
always give him the hundred back if I don't win.
He's like, fine, don't worry about it, which is cool.
So we go. He goes and sits at the bar
most of the time because he likes to drink and
play the bar games. And then I'll go just cruise
off by myself, by the way, and I'm always looking
like kind of like haggish when I go there, because
we go kind of on a whim. And I'm telling
(23:40):
you what, I don't usually get picked up in real life, honestly, there.
I have been picked up so many times at the casino.
Speaker 3 (23:50):
Is the barriers standard. You should see them.
Speaker 4 (23:56):
People there's this fine like felons.
Speaker 1 (24:00):
Like oh, and they always say oh oh, Like the
guy will be betting like eight eight cents.
Speaker 2 (24:06):
He's like then and then he he'll help jackpot, like.
Speaker 1 (24:09):
Oh, good for you, you know, congratulations.
Speaker 2 (24:11):
Sometimes they say that's oh, you know.
Speaker 3 (24:13):
That's so cringey he goes.
Speaker 1 (24:14):
He goes, oh, I saw you from across. I almost
sat with sat next to you to play the game,
you know, and uh, he goes, Oh, I've got more
money than this, don't worry, you know, like like that
kind of thing, and well, you're.
Speaker 4 (24:24):
All you have eighty nine.
Speaker 3 (24:27):
I can't hold on. I can't imagine anything like more
old lady ish than sitting there being a casino hitting
the slots and then I hit jackpot and the old
lady next to me goes, oh, good for you, congratulations.
I know, I'm totally that is a senior citizen.
Speaker 1 (24:41):
I am a senior citizen.
Speaker 2 (24:42):
I thought about that today.
Speaker 3 (24:45):
Like, don't let spoil your dinner.
Speaker 2 (24:46):
Especially after what happened to me recently.
Speaker 3 (24:50):
So recently.
Speaker 1 (24:52):
I was No, not a bathroom incident.
Speaker 3 (24:56):
You're throwing money down there to try to it.
Speaker 1 (24:57):
No. I was walking around and I was wearing these
flip flops that I hadn't worn in a while, and
somehow I'm a little bit of a clumsy person anyway,
and so I can whatever whatever So I'm in the
middle of the casino floor like we're here are the tables,
and here are the slot machines. And I'm walking in
that little aisle and I get twisted all up in
(25:20):
my shoe and I go skidding across the floor and
I my shoes come off with their flip flops, and
I sprained my ankle and I scabbed up my knee.
A guy comes running over, a guy from the casino,
and he goes, are you okay?
Speaker 2 (25:36):
Until everybody comes over to me and says, are you okay?
Speaker 1 (25:38):
That's how bad it looked. And I go, I'm fine.
I'm fine, Like I got up, I walked, I was fine.
Then he goes, I have to write this up.
Speaker 3 (25:47):
Oh like why for I guess accent?
Speaker 4 (25:51):
Oh my god, at oh my god, I would be
would have been oh my god.
Speaker 1 (25:57):
He was really he's sweet looking. Could you really have
to do this? I go, I'm fine, and he's like, no, no,
it's ok it's okay. So he wrote down my name,
you know my number? No no, no, no no. Do you
need me?
Speaker 2 (26:09):
Do you need me to call pedal?
Speaker 4 (26:10):
Did you did you show me your police pass?
Speaker 3 (26:13):
Out of the way A loser police press is on site.
Let me get your name a picture for the paper.
Speaker 4 (26:21):
You're like, you should have told me you needed mouth
to mouth.
Speaker 1 (26:24):
No.
Speaker 3 (26:25):
Oh, I wish I was there because would make sure
that was I got a picture and that was like
front page, top pages out. Oh yeah, like Casino.
Speaker 4 (26:35):
I would have done an incident report to I told.
Speaker 1 (26:38):
You it's going to remain nameless because it was only
four of them.
Speaker 4 (26:42):
No, there's in the east count Wow you got you
got carpet birds on your knees, said, nothing to show
for it.
Speaker 3 (26:47):
We have to golden acorns, not a penny.
Speaker 1 (26:51):
Mine is two hund.
Speaker 4 (26:54):
Wow did you ever get screwed? And not in a
good way?
Speaker 3 (26:59):
But I bet it was a good a thousand. Barona's
all flat. If you tripping bron that's so embarrassing. Psychology
got him? How did you trip? Is all one level?
Speaker 1 (27:17):
I told you I got. I got twisted up in
my flip flop that I haven't worn in a long time.
Speaker 3 (27:22):
I don't know.
Speaker 4 (27:23):
Because depth sometimes have you seen how Laura walks when
she's on a mission.
Speaker 3 (27:29):
They're the most basic, the most basic ever.
Speaker 2 (27:33):
I was on a mission.
Speaker 1 (27:34):
I got lost in her pain because it's one machine
I always went on and I was like on a
mission as I saw someone getting up because it's it
was packed.
Speaker 2 (27:42):
It's called the Flaming hot Pots.
Speaker 1 (27:44):
It's the best machine ever.
Speaker 3 (27:45):
If I was.
Speaker 4 (27:47):
Run the other way, Oh my god, have you ever
seen her when she is on a mission. It is
like that awful that music from the Wizard of Oz
where it's like, yeah.
Speaker 1 (28:02):
It's the flattest of flat casinos. And it's the smallest.
Oh I mean can it's not as big as floor.
Speaker 3 (28:12):
It's pretty big.
Speaker 1 (28:14):
Well, it was pretty packed.
Speaker 3 (28:16):
Pretty small. Wow.
Speaker 1 (28:17):
No, yeah, anyways, well it's one level.
Speaker 3 (28:21):
Yep.
Speaker 1 (28:22):
So that happened the area.
Speaker 3 (28:24):
Oh boy, poor, poor lo God.
Speaker 1 (28:28):
And that was recently too, And I wasn't going to
tell that one either, because then it makes me look
like I'm like an old lady, like you said, I'm
an old lady.
Speaker 3 (28:35):
The old lady. It's the tripping. It's the clapping for
other people who when they hit their jackpots, didn't at
the last time for them, But you just said, oh, nice,
that's been one thing, but you're like, congratulations happening. It's
even worse.
Speaker 2 (28:50):
Somehow, I get excited for them.
Speaker 3 (28:52):
Nice.
Speaker 4 (28:53):
Did you didn't something that's like one or something happened
where you mouthed up to something. Probably oh god, no.
Speaker 3 (29:02):
That's when she went up to the penthouse suite.
Speaker 4 (29:05):
Oh yes with the guy.
Speaker 1 (29:09):
It was yeah, we were playing the Flaming Hot Pods
and I went up with the Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 4 (29:14):
Something tells me you shouldn't be sitting at the.
Speaker 3 (29:17):
Jackpot and she was like, nice skipped for you became friends.
Have you talked to him since? I'm sorry, Lauris, I
can't even I know.
Speaker 1 (29:27):
I'm the worst.
Speaker 2 (29:27):
I am the worst.
Speaker 3 (29:28):
This has been one of the more difficult shows through.
Speaker 1 (29:31):
Even Antonio said, I am not allowed. I've been banned
from going to concerts him because he hates me at
concerts because I don't pay attention because.
Speaker 2 (29:41):
I want to leave after.
Speaker 1 (29:45):
He's banning me from like he's gonna bare me from
the casino.
Speaker 3 (29:49):
Oh for sure, good he should.
Speaker 1 (29:51):
He stays away from me, for sure. He gives me
my money and tells me to go.
Speaker 4 (29:56):
Yeah, heave ho.
Speaker 2 (29:57):
Yeah, so its like even he kicking.
Speaker 1 (30:03):
He drove both ways.
Speaker 3 (30:05):
Yes, I just figured he brought you along be the
d d.
Speaker 1 (30:09):
Oh oh one time yes, one time? No, because he
would one time? Yes? Oh yes.
Speaker 3 (30:17):
Most death otherwise I would not invite you to the
casino with me.
Speaker 1 (30:21):
I know he does.
Speaker 4 (30:23):
Terrified.
Speaker 1 (30:23):
Can call my mom real quick and then we're and
then I'll answer this one dumb question.
Speaker 3 (30:27):
Wait, why are we calling your mom?
Speaker 1 (30:29):
Because I have I need to ask her a question
about a cruise ship. Oh right, and she's gonna get
really mad, but she'll be sweet after. I'm going to
tell her there's something she can't say that do say.
Speaker 3 (30:46):
She'll she'll know.
Speaker 1 (30:47):
I'll tell her. She's like, who is this person? This
spam person?
Speaker 4 (30:54):
She says, Eric on her phone, she's got my phone number.
Speaker 2 (30:59):
She's outside. She sails up without her phone.
Speaker 1 (31:01):
See, thanks mom, Great, Okay, this is my mom's there.
Speaker 3 (31:05):
I can't believe is like, how dare my mom be
enjoying her retirement?
Speaker 1 (31:09):
I know, how dare her not be there for her
daughter when she needs her on?
Speaker 3 (31:13):
No, that's her thing, So you can ask her about
a cruise.
Speaker 1 (31:15):
Here's what's going on. My mom is the last person
that has also a subscription to the National Inquirer.
Speaker 3 (31:23):
She has packs like she stacks of them, and she's like,
she's like a man in black. She fallows the tabloids
to know who's the alien it is.
Speaker 4 (31:30):
It's hilarious.
Speaker 2 (31:31):
It is the best thing ever.
Speaker 1 (31:33):
That's why she sent me that blue dot that you
have to stare at order to get money.
Speaker 2 (31:37):
That came from the inquiry. Of course, she said, she goes.
Speaker 1 (31:44):
There are so many people I've read this in the
cooler that die on cruise ships and it's never reported
because they either jump or they're pushed by like by
like it's no, it's always and they're never or it's
not like the cruise ship lines don't want arrogate backs
or whatnot.
Speaker 2 (32:03):
Well, that's what she ran in the choir.
Speaker 3 (32:04):
Wait, so their famili's like, guess you disappeared off the
face of the earth after when he was on.
Speaker 4 (32:07):
A cruise well or well, did you hear what they
said about this.
Speaker 1 (32:11):
Girl that No, I did have to talk to the
end of it.
Speaker 4 (32:13):
Yet they said that it was either The brother said, oh,
I saw her talking to these two scientologists. They were
dressed in scientologists garb, and I think they trafficked or
to clean like I don't know.
Speaker 3 (32:27):
I didn't traffic.
Speaker 1 (32:28):
Do you dress scientologists dress?
Speaker 4 (32:30):
Don't?
Speaker 3 (32:30):
Yeah?
Speaker 4 (32:31):
But to do the sea org like where they have
to clean the barnacles off the boat the no, and
everybody was like, no, they don't scientist.
Speaker 1 (32:39):
No.
Speaker 4 (32:40):
Then they thought that she was abducted as a sex
slave on.
Speaker 3 (32:47):
A cruise ship.
Speaker 4 (32:48):
Yes, where somebody like put her. I don't even know
where they'd put her. But this was another theory was
that she got abducted and is a sex slave in
like Bermuda or whatever, and that they there's a site
that the parents have and every birthday there's a there's
a ping from Bermuda and they're on there for about
half an hour and then and I'm like, wouldn't you
(33:09):
have moved then to Bermuda to find your kids?
Speaker 3 (33:12):
Is an urban legend to the end of it, Like, no,
I'm on.
Speaker 1 (33:16):
The second original that she just disappeared off the cruises,
that she fell off the cruise ship.
Speaker 4 (33:21):
They don't know, because first of all, the tragedy of
the whole thing is she was wearing Birkenstocks. That's the tragedy.
I got off that because they are awful.
Speaker 3 (33:34):
The regular birson stocks are awful. I do a pair
of the Boston Birkenstocks, like the closed toad versions are
those are great? Those are so no things. Nope, I
don't wear them out of the house though, because they're ugly.
Speaker 4 (33:45):
Oh, I wouldn't wear those casino. Oh my god, No,
I get that.
Speaker 3 (33:51):
I get that.
Speaker 4 (33:51):
I'm gonna have you banned for a sweatsuit.
Speaker 1 (33:54):
They stuck the drive in though them, so we're Originally
they said she she john her she was.
Speaker 4 (34:00):
They thought she jumped. But then yeah, but then a
lot of people do.
Speaker 3 (34:07):
There was a kid that fell overboard like a couple
of months ago and they never found him, and it
was national news for weeks.
Speaker 4 (34:13):
And then there was just recently the girl that fell
off and that on a Disney cruise and the dad
jumped in and saved her.
Speaker 3 (34:18):
I think they both disappeared forever.
Speaker 4 (34:21):
No, they they they're fine, did they?
Speaker 3 (34:23):
I thought there was one where a dad jumped in
after somebody and they never got seen again.
Speaker 1 (34:26):
No, the Disney one that they were both Okay, you
know that series called train Wreck, that's there's one about
that cruise ship, the biggest cruise ship ever that tipped over,
like they got Not the poop Cruise, Not the poop Cruise.
It's a different cruise where the the captain got too close.
Speaker 3 (34:42):
He was like Suez Canal. Oh, oh, you're talking about
off the coast like Spain or something years ago they capsized.
Speaker 2 (34:48):
Yeah, yes, and that one.
Speaker 4 (34:50):
Oh, I haven't seen that one.
Speaker 1 (34:51):
I'm like, I'm not going on a cruise. I know the.
Speaker 3 (34:57):
Two times in history or something.
Speaker 4 (34:58):
It's just I feel like a crew would be a
nightclub that you couldn't get off exactly.
Speaker 3 (35:03):
The thing is, they're so cheap comparatively. Here's the thing. Well,
this wouldn't be nice for Laura, but you just get
to open the open bar package. It's been a little
bit extra cheap vacation relatively speaking. You don't remember any of.
Speaker 2 (35:14):
It until the toilets back up and.
Speaker 1 (35:17):
All the pukes.
Speaker 4 (35:17):
Oh, that would be my worst that'd be my worst nightmare.
Speaker 1 (35:21):
Or somebody gets some horrible viruses. Everybody gets it.
Speaker 3 (35:24):
I think as long as you do an adults only cruise,
it would be too bad.
Speaker 4 (35:27):
Now I finally a cruise with kids, God forbid. Oh
my god.
Speaker 3 (35:31):
The Disney cruise cool.
Speaker 2 (35:33):
Though, I bet, I bet they're really nice for the kids.
Speaker 4 (35:35):
Wait till you see the hat that's coming. The baseball cap.
Speaker 1 (35:39):
That's coming is something to do with Disney.
Speaker 2 (35:41):
No where did that come out?
Speaker 1 (35:44):
Squirrel?
Speaker 4 (35:45):
He's so because we were talking about kids.
Speaker 1 (35:46):
Oh okay, I don't even ask this question.
Speaker 2 (35:49):
I just can't end it.
Speaker 1 (35:50):
It was like, have you ever gotten a.
Speaker 2 (35:51):
Phone call or text during sex?
Speaker 4 (35:54):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (35:54):
You have?
Speaker 1 (35:54):
You know what I don't remember because.
Speaker 3 (35:57):
It's that can you imagine? Okay, we'll be ond.
Speaker 4 (36:01):
Call Laura one time when she was having a booty call.
Speaker 1 (36:03):
Which plumber?
Speaker 3 (36:05):
What this? Remember this this a long time ago.
Speaker 2 (36:10):
The plumber. I missed the plumber, remember, but.
Speaker 3 (36:13):
He was this story to your keep this story to yourself.
Speaker 4 (36:17):
She was in the bathroom right before she was getting
ready to do it, and I called her and she
was like, hold on, I got to take this call.
Oh yeah, we were You were whispering in the like
closet or the bathroom or something.
Speaker 2 (36:28):
Oh yeah, because you'd just come over you went over there.
Speaker 4 (36:32):
I can't remember. Oh no, that's probably one of those things.
Speaker 3 (36:34):
Didn't you just drop her?
Speaker 4 (36:35):
Oh I did drop you off for a booty call?
Speaker 1 (36:38):
Young guy?
Speaker 4 (36:38):
Yes, downtown. And it was so humiliating because guys, but
I'm going to cut this short. But I long ago
is a long time. I rolled down my window and
I'm all.
Speaker 3 (36:49):
You taking care of my little girl, going to mut
you remember that.
Speaker 4 (36:53):
At all?
Speaker 2 (36:54):
Just real quick This made me laugh in the morning.
Speaker 1 (36:59):
Jesus the guys to me, he goes, well, I was
freezing all night, night thief because I guess they stole
all the plat kids. He called me a night thief.
He was funny.
Speaker 2 (37:13):
I thought that was really funny. But like he was
freezing the entire night.
Speaker 4 (37:15):
Because did he drag your homework? Did I have to
pick you up?
Speaker 3 (37:18):
Oh?
Speaker 4 (37:18):
My god, you.
Speaker 3 (37:22):
Don't give out the details enough.
Speaker 1 (37:24):
Run your own career, oh career, Oh, trying to give
you a tupe.
Speaker 3 (37:34):
Okay, some stories. Look, I love when you tell stories
that you should you say you shouldn't, but these ones
you probably should keep.
Speaker 1 (37:41):
Let me ask you why this one.
Speaker 3 (37:44):
If I were if we delve into it, then it's
doing the precise opposite. I'm just saying I wouldn't give out.
I wouldn't give out detailed X. You know, sexual conquests
on here?
Speaker 1 (37:55):
Okay, Okay, I understand the deepness of it, like going
farther with it the story, Yes.
Speaker 4 (38:04):
All right, but lord, do you really want to go
deeper about the story?
Speaker 1 (38:09):
The story that I knew that was going to happen.
I knew that was gonna happen. Down will end it.
Thank you for Oh boy, oh my god, don't die
anytime soon because I love you.
Speaker 4 (38:22):
I love you. Don't die any type.
Speaker 2 (38:23):
I'm here for the long haul. I didn't think for a
long time.
Speaker 4 (38:27):
I hope, so I am.
Speaker 2 (38:28):
I'm gonna go through a lot of embarrassing things.
Speaker 4 (38:31):
Good or do you plan on pooping tomorrow? I probably won't.
Speaker 2 (38:36):
It's probably be a couple of days.
Speaker 4 (38:38):
Anyways, that store.
Speaker 2 (38:44):
I'd run from there, that's for sure.
Speaker 3 (38:46):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (38:46):
Anyway, love your podcast.
Speaker 4 (38:48):
I love your podcast.
Speaker 1 (38:50):
My sweet babes. Again, I'm so sorry MoMA's weird.
What up, guys.
Speaker 2 (00:12):
Welcome to Laura Kane after Dark.
Speaker 1 (00:14):
I'm Laura Kane producer Brian Hello, okay, so yeah, have
you noticed something new about Eric?
Speaker 3 (00:24):
Nope?
Speaker 2 (00:27):
What is he missing.
Speaker 3 (00:31):
Underwear?
Speaker 1 (00:32):
Well? That's always say I'm not sure why. If you
think it's like it is a cool factor makes you cooler,
or if you've seen a podcast where they don't wear
headphones and you think it looks better, he's he's like
the no headphone guy. Now okay, No, he's doing it
for a reason. I don't know what it is.
Speaker 3 (00:51):
Because he doesn't want to wear him.
Speaker 1 (00:53):
I don't why. That's a bunch of the I know
this man just doesn't want to wear He thinks he
doesn't look as cool with them. And it's you need
him on to hear, like you need to hear music.
What if you play sounds, which he Bryan ever does.
Speaker 4 (01:09):
Look, if I need to hear something, I'll put him on.
Speaker 3 (01:14):
I'm with Eric on this one. I think you're gonna
I think this.
Speaker 4 (01:16):
Is Oh no, you need yours on? Why because it
hide your big ears?
Speaker 1 (01:22):
I don't have big that's the only big thing I don't.
Speaker 3 (01:24):
It's fine.
Speaker 1 (01:25):
I have a big nose, big feed a giant head.
Speaker 3 (01:28):
I would recommend you both wear them, but I'm not
going to get all up in arms about it.
Speaker 1 (01:33):
The recommendation from our producers. They put on a headphone,
So let's do it.
Speaker 4 (01:37):
Okay, you do it first.
Speaker 1 (01:39):
No, I think this is in the Mexican standoff. Oh
my god, I think you may have just been canceled
for that.
Speaker 3 (01:44):
It's not racist Mexican standoff.
Speaker 1 (01:48):
I don't know.
Speaker 4 (01:49):
You're gonna You're gonna be a nightmare in the old
folks homes.
Speaker 2 (01:52):
I stop, I'm not I'm.
Speaker 3 (01:53):
Going to be you know what you woke Flora?
Speaker 4 (01:56):
Oh my goodness, Jason's The good thing is is Jason's
going to take care of us.
Speaker 1 (02:00):
Jason will take care of us.
Speaker 4 (02:00):
But well he'll you'll finally have to exercise. He's really
going to put you.
Speaker 1 (02:06):
To I know, are those I'm gonna I'm gonna dread
those like noon classes?
Speaker 4 (02:11):
Or is going to be like my legs? Have I
been behind my ears and years?
Speaker 3 (02:16):
They make her stand up for five minutes and starts
getting tired.
Speaker 4 (02:19):
God, make sure ninety day fiance is an on Jason,
or she won't to do it.
Speaker 1 (02:22):
Make sure it's on loop.
Speaker 2 (02:23):
Please, I beg you that and what else.
Speaker 1 (02:26):
Do I watch?
Speaker 4 (02:27):
We're gonna have to have two separate TVs. Oh my gosh,
what just one one at my foot of the button,
one at your foot of the bed.
Speaker 1 (02:34):
Just non stop Dateline, NonStop, forty hours, NonStop anything crime,
anything where like a wife is missing and the husband
is like on TV like, oh my poor wife is
missing and you know he did it?
Speaker 4 (02:47):
Like oh, I'm watching the one on Netflix right now
about the girl that goes overboard on the boat.
Speaker 1 (02:52):
Oh my god, Yeah, that happens a lot on cruise ships.
My mom told me, because well, my mom's the only
person on the face of the earth to actually call
her right now, that still is just call my mom.
Wait phone, Okay, we have to call my mom.
Speaker 3 (03:08):
Laura has like whenever Laura doesn't have an idea, she
recycled the same three things.
Speaker 1 (03:12):
Yeah, did we talk about the cruise ship thing with
my mom?
Speaker 3 (03:15):
No, but you call your mom every opportunity.
Speaker 1 (03:17):
Well, because she's freaking hysterical.
Speaker 4 (03:19):
I have to do that. I have to do the thing,
the connect right, Yeah.
Speaker 1 (03:22):
You have connected. First, my mom hates being on She
always hated be on the air because she she she's
a very private person.
Speaker 3 (03:29):
So stop calling whatever chance you can get. I feel bad.
Speaker 1 (03:32):
No, I don't feel bad. I told my mom, I said, Mom,
do you want me to be successful? Mom? Do you
want menny?
Speaker 3 (03:38):
Wait? Wait, wait, you're manipulating your mom always, you know what.
I don't think I'm going turn up the thing. Connect first,
yea connected?
Speaker 1 (03:48):
I don't hear ringing.
Speaker 4 (03:50):
I do.
Speaker 3 (03:50):
Give it a second.
Speaker 4 (03:51):
Do you have your headphones?
Speaker 1 (03:53):
There? It is, she's gonna she's gonna be match.
Speaker 2 (03:57):
She will go.
Speaker 4 (03:58):
No, Laura, No, she won't pick up.
Speaker 3 (04:01):
What time is it eighth?
Speaker 4 (04:02):
It's only a little after.
Speaker 1 (04:04):
She might. She might because this is right about the
time she goes, where's my phone?
Speaker 4 (04:09):
I don't know where it is. You can never. Oh,
it's all no, I don't know where It'll be.
Speaker 1 (04:13):
Like one more time, okay, what no, Just because if
she if you call twice, she'll know it's something important. Okay,
So my mom, every night eight thirty ish, it's a
definite time.
Speaker 2 (04:27):
I think it's like eight.
Speaker 4 (04:28):
Thirty or nine.
Speaker 1 (04:29):
We'll put on her big robe, go out onto the
patio with her radio. She used to have the last
person on earth with an actual radio. Listen to her
AM Coast to coast, and so.
Speaker 4 (04:41):
We'll call her at eight thirty.
Speaker 1 (04:43):
Okay, we'll call her back, okay, and does her crosswords,
has her little her can martini or two, and has
her two or three SIGs. That's her like her favorite
time of day.
Speaker 3 (04:56):
And I respect that. I totally do Honestly, that sounds
like a dream.
Speaker 1 (05:00):
Eighty four years old. You can do that.
Speaker 3 (05:02):
My my dream is to do that in New Orleans
on a balcony on Market Street while it rains.
Speaker 4 (05:07):
Wow, just a simple boy with a dream.
Speaker 3 (05:09):
I don't know that. Just that at night time too,
would you flow of the street lights?
Speaker 1 (05:17):
Would you be doing a crossword or would you just
be sitting there thinking about lights?
Speaker 3 (05:22):
Think I'd be very mysterious.
Speaker 2 (05:23):
Would be smoking?
Speaker 3 (05:24):
Oh yeah, I'd be chained smoking, like, oh god, I
would be.
Speaker 1 (05:28):
And you've never had a cigarette in your life?
Speaker 3 (05:32):
You have two?
Speaker 1 (05:34):
Okay?
Speaker 4 (05:35):
The first one was may throw up.
Speaker 3 (05:37):
No second wasn't much better than the first one though, Okay,
so the appeal Besides, you.
Speaker 1 (05:42):
Think it's going to be really fine when you're older
to get addicted to smoking, don't.
Speaker 3 (05:47):
I've smoked a couple of cigars, like two cigars. They're
not great, but they smell their cigarettes.
Speaker 4 (05:52):
As your pseudo dad, I'm gonna have to veto that
he can do anything in his eighties. No he can't.
Speaker 3 (05:58):
I'll do I'll do it with all the kids are doing,
which is vaping, because you can get the raspberry flavors
and stuff. Problem solve smells good, taste good.
Speaker 4 (06:06):
No, well we'll be dead.
Speaker 1 (06:07):
So yeah, and you know what. Wait, I'm going to
be cremated. But are you going to be buried with
your parents?
Speaker 4 (06:14):
No, I'm going to be cremated.
Speaker 1 (06:16):
You don't have like a family plot.
Speaker 4 (06:17):
We do. But I'm gonna is your brother there, I know,
I don't know.
Speaker 3 (06:23):
You guys shouldet buried in New Orleans. He's not somewhere
where I can see the graveyard. You're buried from my
balcony on Market Street.
Speaker 1 (06:30):
Oh, the graveyards in New Orleans are really cool.
Speaker 4 (06:34):
Okay, So Brian, you'll have to take some of us
with you while you're smoking and drinking out on a balcony.
Speaker 3 (06:39):
Like the food A doll looks like you guys, And
I'll just go to the verbally harassed that's perfect, Yeah,
do it, or you're so dumb talk back to Poulter.
Speaker 1 (06:50):
That hell out of you. I'm going to actually scary.
Speaker 3 (06:52):
You, and I'll say watch this, lord, and I'll take
your food doll and I'll chuck it onto the street
and I'll say turn out to get run over.
Speaker 2 (06:57):
So it doesn't matter.
Speaker 1 (06:58):
I'm dead.
Speaker 3 (06:59):
All still work some dead people, I think.
Speaker 1 (07:01):
Okay, but we're not going to be buried. I'm going
to be creaming. And I thought you wanted to be creamy.
Speaker 4 (07:06):
Yeah, okay, I thought we would just mix our ashes together.
Speaker 3 (07:10):
I'm gonna roll it up in a cigar and smoke it.
Speaker 1 (07:14):
No, no, no, no, no, yeah, here's what here's my.
Speaker 4 (07:19):
Now, Brian, I don't think you should probably smoke it
because there's gonna be way more plastic particles in Laura's ashes.
Then there will be mold plastics.
Speaker 1 (07:27):
Yeah, yeah, you know have plastic in your system.
Speaker 3 (07:29):
I think I will Here's what I'll do. I'll smoke
your ashes and I'll use a bowl of Laura's ashes
to put out the cigarette as so much plastic.
Speaker 4 (07:42):
He'll just make you an Internet ash tray.
Speaker 3 (07:44):
That's Laura. This is what you're This is your true
calling all along.
Speaker 1 (07:50):
Here's my I'm dead fantasy. Okay number one, No, I
don't want to be murdered. Don't murder me, please, but
if it.
Speaker 4 (07:59):
Does happen, unless she clogs the toilet at the hobby.
Speaker 1 (08:02):
Lobby, if something happens and I'm murdered, all right, uh huh,
please make sure if he's still alive that that what's
his name?
Speaker 2 (08:11):
Does my dateline?
Speaker 4 (08:12):
Oh?
Speaker 1 (08:13):
Keith Morrison? All right, and I want I want to
because I want my death he already Wait why would
you be that date line? Because it's so because I'm so.
It was such a crazy on.
Speaker 4 (08:28):
A loop on the I D Murder channel.
Speaker 1 (08:30):
Right on two hours.
Speaker 3 (08:31):
I want to press passholder Laura Kane was murdered by her.
Speaker 1 (08:34):
Husband her husband or was she?
Speaker 4 (08:37):
Yeah, he does. She could have been murdered by your
co host or is.
Speaker 3 (08:41):
Producer especially bad because she had a press.
Speaker 1 (08:45):
Pass that he was envious of?
Speaker 3 (08:49):
Yes, just kidding. That was Laura Kane's delusion.
Speaker 1 (08:53):
Okay, No, here's my little fantasy. I'm cremated, you're cremated.
We each have an earn. You have your earn, I
have myron. It's little we can maybe we could pick
them up beforehand, like we pick out something like cool
and aesthetically cool. I'll just pick out something cute.
Speaker 4 (09:08):
I'm yours is gonna have like a b L boo
boo on top of it or something hanging from.
Speaker 3 (09:12):
That will be like this grand thing, and yours just
like pink or something.
Speaker 1 (09:16):
It would be like hand carved wood, like from like
like teak or something that's really cool. And then mine
will be like some porcelain whatever.
Speaker 4 (09:24):
Mine'll just be like a Louis Vuitton.
Speaker 1 (09:28):
That would be Louis Baiton.
Speaker 4 (09:30):
That would be great.
Speaker 3 (09:32):
One Laura's will be the same thing, will be fake.
Speaker 4 (09:35):
Oh yeah from maybe they have all please are actually w's.
Speaker 2 (09:41):
Oh my god, that's fine.
Speaker 1 (09:42):
Fun.
Speaker 4 (09:43):
We'll get We'll get her a d or earn and
it'll be like d o I R.
Speaker 3 (09:47):
It says, it says dire and dire.
Speaker 4 (09:51):
I'm fine with that, okay, perfect.
Speaker 1 (09:53):
I want every press past I've ever had in my life, shredded, gotcha,
hung from my urn, my oscar seat filler, yes, all
five of them until I was banned, and then I
want my police press pass until here's.
Speaker 4 (10:12):
The letter that that you got saying that you were
banned for life?
Speaker 3 (10:16):
Is that?
Speaker 4 (10:16):
Do you still have that? So we can put it
in the lanyard that was in a phone call.
Speaker 3 (10:20):
Oh you know what, Laura, Here's what I'll do. I'll do.
I'll put your urn on the mantle. Right beneath it
on the ground will be a shredder, And every day
I will toss your press pass and try to loop
it around on the landyard. I'll try to loop it
around the base. And if I miss falls into the shredder,
so you know, you get a chance to keep it
and I get a chance to destroy it.
Speaker 1 (10:40):
Oh my current Comic Con pass because it says press
on it.
Speaker 3 (10:43):
Oh my god, I want.
Speaker 1 (10:45):
My police press pass.
Speaker 3 (10:47):
Not only that, I want my oh lean which police
department gave you your press pass?
Speaker 1 (10:52):
San Diego phone call?
Speaker 3 (10:55):
And then of the Mexican food shop and you just
tried to get the.
Speaker 1 (11:02):
Never abuse that ever, I want that for the rest
of my life.
Speaker 3 (11:05):
It's not what I'm telling the cops.
Speaker 1 (11:07):
So and then I also have this blue thing that
I land I laminated because on a door it's for
your car to put in the thing. Like so you
can roll up on a crime scene and I know
you can't go into the crime scene tape, but like
you can get close. You could talk to police officers.
They let the press people in park in white. You
can park in white, you can park in yellow, you
can park in a metered thing without paying.
Speaker 3 (11:29):
But that is that is the warring benefit, right.
Speaker 5 (11:31):
See I want that up there too. I was thinking
this initially until you made your point. I thought, if
you go first, since you're.
Speaker 4 (11:42):
Older than I am, not true. I thought I would
take you to a taxidermist, because then I thought, with
traffic being so bad, I could use the car pooling
anytime I wanted, and I could.
Speaker 3 (11:54):
Just put this joke.
Speaker 4 (11:57):
I know, but I think that that would be great.
Speaker 1 (12:00):
No, it wouldn't.
Speaker 2 (12:00):
You wouldn't I you.
Speaker 4 (12:02):
I'd fix your hair different ways, I get you a
different dolls from It would be almost like I had
a real doll that I had no desire to have
sex with, just using you for the carpooling.
Speaker 1 (12:14):
So we're Brian, here's where you come in.
Speaker 3 (12:18):
I've told you what I'm doing.
Speaker 1 (12:19):
No, no, no, you come into our pictures as our producer.
Now you're you're going to produce us posthumously. Yes, we're
going on on tour.
Speaker 2 (12:31):
Oh yeah, we'll go to like different.
Speaker 1 (12:35):
Venue.
Speaker 2 (12:36):
Oh yeah, we can go like Balbo theater.
Speaker 3 (12:38):
Like I'll pay you my estate. I'm like all the
day I get some debt to pay for you.
Speaker 2 (12:46):
What a state, and then we can go like.
Speaker 4 (12:48):
Oh we could be we could some of our ashes.
Ashes could be spread on our favorite celebrities lawns. Like
you could go on like an LA tour. Yeah, so
what I'm supposed to do is it like some ashes?
Is this like a podcast tour where people are.
Speaker 1 (13:03):
Listeners?
Speaker 3 (13:05):
I used to carry your earns around?
Speaker 1 (13:06):
Yeah, yeah, a tour more so for like wherever you go,
that's cool, Like you can take us through the Haunted Trail.
You can take us to Greece if you go, you
can take us on on to the Grand Canyon with
you here as.
Speaker 3 (13:22):
We I'll do. I'm gonna take a but I'm gonna
get on the train, the the coastal train whatever.
Speaker 2 (13:27):
It's called coaster.
Speaker 3 (13:29):
Yep, I'm gonna put I'm gonna put you on it
under your seat and hope they never find you and
you get to travel up and down California all now.
Speaker 4 (13:39):
Listen, that kind of sounds like a jip because but
it's not fat it is.
Speaker 3 (13:43):
Guess why I have no interest in lugging your earns around.
Speaker 4 (13:47):
Well, then we'll have to listen We're gonna have to
find somebody that will then I'll.
Speaker 3 (13:51):
Find Nope, here you go, tall Cliff. Okay, let you
be free, you'll go everywhere.
Speaker 1 (13:56):
Okay, will you agree to be in charge of if
people want to take like a salt and pepper shaker
of each one of us on like a cruise with
them to spread our ashes on the Caribbean, and.
Speaker 3 (14:09):
You can just spoon facilitating human trafficking even if those
people are dead.
Speaker 1 (14:16):
Sorry, Jason, will do it for us. Jason, will you
see there we go.
Speaker 4 (14:22):
So what we need to do is we have to
have little We could probably order.
Speaker 1 (14:26):
Them from bone won't go through.
Speaker 4 (14:28):
Oh hey, do you want to be cremated in your
underwear that I got you for Christmas? From my face?
Speaker 2 (14:32):
Yes, of my favorite underwear?
Speaker 4 (14:33):
Or do you want me to like put those on
the urn like.
Speaker 1 (14:36):
Those cremate me?
Speaker 4 (14:37):
Okay, perfect, don't want but listen, I think this. I
just had another great idea. We should order like bags
with our faces on it, right, like bags? No, like
little zip lock bags?
Speaker 1 (14:51):
Oh, like little clear bag?
Speaker 4 (14:52):
Yeah? And are we gonna just mix our stuff together?
Oh no, because you got too much plastic in yours.
Speaker 1 (14:58):
That's right, right, and if the people want to, they
can take a scoop and a scoop.
Speaker 4 (15:02):
Yeah for sure.
Speaker 1 (15:03):
If they want to mix us, that's fine, that's fine,
but it's up to them. But no, we're not going
to do it at a fear of it could.
Speaker 4 (15:09):
Combust contaminate the oceans. I know, the poor turtles and fish.
Somebody who gets your implant wrapped around their fin fin jeus,
Oh my god, this will be fun.
Speaker 1 (15:27):
All right?
Speaker 4 (15:29):
We could, you know, we could probably call some place
like Penskes, that spice place that was in Hillcrest, and
asked them if they had like a really delicious spice,
like a creole spice that we created.
Speaker 3 (15:40):
Okay, that might be racist.
Speaker 4 (15:42):
Why isn't it spicy? Isn't creole spicy?
Speaker 1 (15:45):
I think that creole is?
Speaker 2 (15:47):
It is a language.
Speaker 3 (15:49):
I'm gonna wait, we know what's the is that?
Speaker 1 (15:51):
Like?
Speaker 3 (15:51):
Okay?
Speaker 2 (15:51):
Should we just stop saying, Oh, cage is.
Speaker 4 (15:53):
What I was thinking of, not creole, Cajun Creole is
a no Cagun is Sorry No, no, I was thinking cage.
Speaker 3 (16:01):
And I'm making fun of you because you said me
saying Mexicans standoff was racist.
Speaker 4 (16:06):
Oh I thought it was.
Speaker 3 (16:07):
Why would that be racist. I don't know the word
Mexican is not racist.
Speaker 4 (16:10):
I know that it could be like southern California spice,
and it would just be both of our ashes.
Speaker 2 (16:17):
Well you have to add some.
Speaker 1 (16:18):
Mine would be so bland, yours would be bland. I
call you as California beige, beige nothingness. It would tastes
like like noodles, like like just playing spaghetti.
Speaker 4 (16:29):
You know what, Maybe yours should be separate because maybe
people would want to do it if they're if they're
not bound up and they need to be bound up,
they could just take all there you go, like they
could take a spoonful of mine and it would be
very valuable. Then, yes, yours would be Mine would be
like a diuretic.
Speaker 1 (16:45):
So we a pharmacy or something.
Speaker 3 (16:49):
You guys are off my hands. Yeah, perfect, perfect.
Speaker 1 (16:52):
Dead talk. We're going to play the question game. We
haven't played it in a long time, so let's play.
Speaker 4 (16:58):
This could go down, it'll really.
Speaker 1 (17:00):
I know it could. It could, and usually things do
it does around here. All right, who wants to go first?
All right, Brian, great, I'm gonna read your question. You
have to answer it.
Speaker 4 (17:10):
Maybe he looks super excited.
Speaker 1 (17:11):
He's looked excited the entire time he's been here.
Speaker 3 (17:14):
This is my face.
Speaker 1 (17:15):
Your face has gotten worse.
Speaker 3 (17:17):
And you've gotten more difficult. As the nice progressed, you
have gotten progressive.
Speaker 1 (17:22):
Overall, Like over the weeks, Brian.
Speaker 4 (17:25):
Do you still love me?
Speaker 3 (17:26):
Of course, Laura's gotten more difficult over the weeks.
Speaker 4 (17:32):
You're you are so gonna die first.
Speaker 1 (17:35):
I know. I know that, and make sure of it,
that's for sure. Okay, if you could change one part
of your appearance, what would it be?
Speaker 4 (17:45):
You're nothing, You're perfect?
Speaker 3 (17:46):
Yeah, that's what I was gonna say.
Speaker 1 (17:48):
Okay, no, be as. Is there something when you look
in the mirror and you just go, God, I wish.
Speaker 4 (17:56):
I I'm a dude.
Speaker 1 (17:57):
So well, it isn't necessary. Guys have insecurities.
Speaker 3 (18:02):
Make my hair thicker?
Speaker 1 (18:04):
Okay, that's valid.
Speaker 4 (18:05):
Oh I thought you were gonna say, like, I'd like
my dip to be at least five inches shorter because
it's so handicapped.
Speaker 1 (18:12):
You guys are yeah, so such butt buddies. I'm so
over it.
Speaker 4 (18:20):
Over it, he's my guy.
Speaker 3 (18:22):
Oh you're over it?
Speaker 1 (18:23):
Over it?
Speaker 3 (18:24):
So sorry? Inconvenience, are you hearing you?
Speaker 1 (18:28):
Next?
Speaker 4 (18:30):
Do I just pick anything?
Speaker 1 (18:31):
Yeah?
Speaker 4 (18:31):
There's so many things I know they're all questions. Oh hell, no,
sing us a song that best describes you?
Speaker 3 (18:40):
Yeah, please don't.
Speaker 1 (18:41):
How about say it?
Speaker 3 (18:43):
I don't want to hear it.
Speaker 4 (18:44):
Say it.
Speaker 3 (18:45):
He's just pick a new question. That was all.
Speaker 1 (18:47):
No, my name is Loricane and sometimes I'm a pain,
but it's okay because one it rains, it's beautiful, just
like my soul.
Speaker 3 (18:58):
Okay.
Speaker 5 (18:59):
Wow, hey, someone had to do it that you're really
going to die?
Speaker 4 (19:03):
First, what would you do if you found out you
had twenty four hours to live? Honestly, I'd spend every
dime on my money.
Speaker 1 (19:13):
Ooh, what would you buy first?
Speaker 4 (19:16):
Well, I'd leave you enough to survive for like a.
Speaker 1 (19:19):
Month, thank you? Well, no, he'd member he'd pay mement
for a month.
Speaker 4 (19:22):
Yeah, I would.
Speaker 1 (19:23):
That's I I appreciate that. And you would you know
what you want me to see, Charlie.
Speaker 4 (19:27):
I would, I'd pay. I'd give you an allowance. I'd
have to break it up though.
Speaker 3 (19:32):
She's like, he would definitely do that, and listening to
all the things that you know that just so you
know that these are what you have to do.
Speaker 4 (19:37):
And I would definitely if I know I had twenty
four hours to live, I would definitely keep you with
your nails, hair, eyelash extensions and no extensions though for
your no hair, no hair, just.
Speaker 3 (19:47):
Give it all to me and I'll be sure to
facilitate that.
Speaker 1 (19:50):
Okay, I you know what. I and in a weird way,
like I trust that you would do that.
Speaker 3 (19:56):
Great glad to hear that.
Speaker 1 (19:58):
I trust that you would hold out the money to me.
I would dole out some financial responsibility to you, but
you would the money is mine, Oh yes it is,
and you can dole that on me.
Speaker 2 (20:12):
Eric, what never mind?
Speaker 3 (20:14):
I think Eric would agree with me that for your
own goods, someone needs to have the ability to say.
Speaker 1 (20:18):
No, I guess what. I'm going to give it to
j Wartzler.
Speaker 3 (20:21):
Okay, no, But if he gives it to me, then no,
because Jay Wartzler can't.
Speaker 1 (20:24):
Tell you now, Oh yes he can. He would if
it's yeah, I mean he deals with like it depends
on how much she gives me. If you're going to
give me like a thousand dollars, then no, he's not
going to take care of it. He's not going to.
Speaker 4 (20:38):
I'll give you like that. What if I gave you
double that? What if I gave you like a hundred k.
Speaker 1 (20:42):
Oh my, okay, that would be great. Then I can
go to j oh you.
Speaker 3 (20:46):
Eric, you know you can't give a hundred k because
it'd be gone like six months.
Speaker 4 (20:49):
No, that's what I mean. I'd have to do it
in installments, which said spend the whole thing through j Yeah,
which I give it.
Speaker 3 (20:56):
Just give it to me. I'll handle it. Okay, I'll
make sure she also speak.
Speaker 1 (20:59):
Hundred We make sure that I spent that I pay
my rent and your rent.
Speaker 3 (21:03):
Will get paid, thank you. But like other things like
non discretionary spending or discretionary spending.
Speaker 1 (21:09):
Real time, I do get this is allowed. Hair coloring, yes,
oh I've been doing Eric.
Speaker 4 (21:17):
Yes, I know, I'm gonna say you're dead.
Speaker 3 (21:21):
Sorry, you're dead. Sorry.
Speaker 4 (21:22):
No, but I'm gonna I'm gonna have to put that
in the clause because I don't want to looking like
a chrysanthemum with like weird bleach spots in her hair,
eyebrows out of the wrong.
Speaker 1 (21:32):
Shape a month, no, every like every two months.
Speaker 3 (21:36):
About Oh that's fine, okaye's all right.
Speaker 1 (21:38):
I do need my eyelash extensions, he said, I could
have one kind of extension, and that's what I want,
and those are like one hundred bucks every like three weeks.
Speaker 3 (21:46):
Is this a good use of money to.
Speaker 1 (21:48):
Stay looking good and feeling viral?
Speaker 3 (21:51):
Feeling viral like an infection?
Speaker 1 (21:54):
What do you kind of? Whatever it is, whatever the word, You're.
Speaker 4 (21:57):
Just gonna have to thank you every day.
Speaker 1 (22:00):
I will thank you every day.
Speaker 3 (22:02):
But besides a couple of those basics, the rest of it,
I am finger on Brian's managing it, because otherwise you
will go out and blow it at the casino or something.
Speaker 4 (22:10):
Oh, she totally will. Yeah, that's going to be another stipulation.
You're never allowed in a casino.
Speaker 1 (22:17):
When I go, Antonio gives me one hundred dollars. That's
the only way I can go. And sometimes I turn.
Speaker 3 (22:23):
When you go, I will give you nothing.
Speaker 2 (22:26):
Can I tell you a funny story about the casino?
Speaker 1 (22:27):
Oh?
Speaker 4 (22:28):
No, oh god, what.
Speaker 1 (22:31):
Okay? This is really no?
Speaker 4 (22:34):
No, no, no, no. She clogged the sequan bathroom.
Speaker 3 (22:38):
No did you use a pool queue that was in
the restaurant to break No?
Speaker 2 (22:42):
I did, has nothing to do with the bathroom.
Speaker 4 (22:44):
She's like, I had to use a coaster from the restaurant.
Speaker 3 (22:47):
So the guy that hands out men she.
Speaker 1 (22:53):
The bathroom.
Speaker 4 (22:55):
She uses a dar of like axe bodies spray.
Speaker 1 (22:58):
From the remain name list the casino lamp in the corner.
You guys, shut up. So uh, he gives me my
hundred bucks, and I get all excited because then I
could play my eighty eight cent bets on the penny slots,
and like sometimes if when I win, like four hundred dollars,
sometimes I have, sometimes one, five hundred, sometimes one. I
(23:19):
always give him the hundred back if I don't win.
He's like, fine, don't worry about it, which is cool.
So we go. He goes and sits at the bar
most of the time because he likes to drink and
play the bar games. And then I'll go just cruise
off by myself, by the way, and I'm always looking
like kind of like haggish when I go there, because
we go kind of on a whim. And I'm telling
(23:40):
you what, I don't usually get picked up in real life, honestly, there.
I have been picked up so many times at the casino.
Speaker 3 (23:50):
Is the barriers standard. You should see them.
Speaker 4 (23:56):
People there's this fine like felons.
Speaker 1 (24:00):
Like oh, and they always say oh oh, Like the
guy will be betting like eight eight cents.
Speaker 2 (24:06):
He's like then and then he he'll help jackpot, like.
Speaker 1 (24:09):
Oh, good for you, you know, congratulations.
Speaker 2 (24:11):
Sometimes they say that's oh, you know.
Speaker 3 (24:13):
That's so cringey he goes.
Speaker 1 (24:14):
He goes, oh, I saw you from across. I almost
sat with sat next to you to play the game,
you know, and uh, he goes, Oh, I've got more
money than this, don't worry, you know, like like that
kind of thing, and well, you're.
Speaker 4 (24:24):
All you have eighty nine.
Speaker 3 (24:27):
I can't hold on. I can't imagine anything like more
old lady ish than sitting there being a casino hitting
the slots and then I hit jackpot and the old
lady next to me goes, oh, good for you, congratulations.
I know, I'm totally that is a senior citizen.
Speaker 1 (24:41):
I am a senior citizen.
Speaker 2 (24:42):
I thought about that today.
Speaker 3 (24:45):
Like, don't let spoil your dinner.
Speaker 2 (24:46):
Especially after what happened to me recently.
Speaker 3 (24:50):
So recently.
Speaker 1 (24:52):
I was No, not a bathroom incident.
Speaker 3 (24:56):
You're throwing money down there to try to it.
Speaker 1 (24:57):
No. I was walking around and I was wearing these
flip flops that I hadn't worn in a while, and
somehow I'm a little bit of a clumsy person anyway,
and so I can whatever whatever So I'm in the
middle of the casino floor like we're here are the tables,
and here are the slot machines. And I'm walking in
that little aisle and I get twisted all up in
(25:20):
my shoe and I go skidding across the floor and
I my shoes come off with their flip flops, and
I sprained my ankle and I scabbed up my knee.
A guy comes running over, a guy from the casino,
and he goes, are you okay?
Speaker 2 (25:36):
Until everybody comes over to me and says, are you okay?
Speaker 1 (25:38):
That's how bad it looked. And I go, I'm fine.
I'm fine, Like I got up, I walked, I was fine.
Then he goes, I have to write this up.
Speaker 3 (25:47):
Oh like why for I guess accent?
Speaker 4 (25:51):
Oh my god, at oh my god, I would be
would have been oh my god.
Speaker 1 (25:57):
He was really he's sweet looking. Could you really have
to do this? I go, I'm fine, and he's like, no, no,
it's ok it's okay. So he wrote down my name,
you know my number? No no, no, no no. Do you
need me?
Speaker 2 (26:09):
Do you need me to call pedal?
Speaker 4 (26:10):
Did you did you show me your police pass?
Speaker 3 (26:13):
Out of the way A loser police press is on site.
Let me get your name a picture for the paper.
Speaker 4 (26:21):
You're like, you should have told me you needed mouth
to mouth.
Speaker 1 (26:24):
No.
Speaker 3 (26:25):
Oh, I wish I was there because would make sure
that was I got a picture and that was like
front page, top pages out. Oh yeah, like Casino.
Speaker 4 (26:35):
I would have done an incident report to I told.
Speaker 1 (26:38):
You it's going to remain nameless because it was only
four of them.
Speaker 4 (26:42):
No, there's in the east count Wow you got you
got carpet birds on your knees, said, nothing to show
for it.
Speaker 3 (26:47):
We have to golden acorns, not a penny.
Speaker 1 (26:51):
Mine is two hund.
Speaker 4 (26:54):
Wow did you ever get screwed? And not in a
good way?
Speaker 3 (26:59):
But I bet it was a good a thousand. Barona's
all flat. If you tripping bron that's so embarrassing. Psychology
got him? How did you trip? Is all one level?
Speaker 1 (27:17):
I told you I got. I got twisted up in
my flip flop that I haven't worn in a long time.
Speaker 3 (27:22):
I don't know.
Speaker 4 (27:23):
Because depth sometimes have you seen how Laura walks when
she's on a mission.
Speaker 3 (27:29):
They're the most basic, the most basic ever.
Speaker 2 (27:33):
I was on a mission.
Speaker 1 (27:34):
I got lost in her pain because it's one machine
I always went on and I was like on a
mission as I saw someone getting up because it's it
was packed.
Speaker 2 (27:42):
It's called the Flaming hot Pots.
Speaker 1 (27:44):
It's the best machine ever.
Speaker 3 (27:45):
If I was.
Speaker 4 (27:47):
Run the other way, Oh my god, have you ever
seen her when she is on a mission. It is
like that awful that music from the Wizard of Oz
where it's like, yeah.
Speaker 1 (28:02):
It's the flattest of flat casinos. And it's the smallest.
Oh I mean can it's not as big as floor.
Speaker 3 (28:12):
It's pretty big.
Speaker 1 (28:14):
Well, it was pretty packed.
Speaker 3 (28:16):
Pretty small. Wow.
Speaker 1 (28:17):
No, yeah, anyways, well it's one level.
Speaker 3 (28:21):
Yep.
Speaker 1 (28:22):
So that happened the area.
Speaker 3 (28:24):
Oh boy, poor, poor lo God.
Speaker 1 (28:28):
And that was recently too, And I wasn't going to
tell that one either, because then it makes me look
like I'm like an old lady, like you said, I'm
an old lady.
Speaker 3 (28:35):
The old lady. It's the tripping. It's the clapping for
other people who when they hit their jackpots, didn't at
the last time for them, But you just said, oh, nice,
that's been one thing, but you're like, congratulations happening. It's
even worse.
Speaker 2 (28:50):
Somehow, I get excited for them.
Speaker 3 (28:52):
Nice.
Speaker 4 (28:53):
Did you didn't something that's like one or something happened
where you mouthed up to something. Probably oh god, no.
Speaker 3 (29:02):
That's when she went up to the penthouse suite.
Speaker 4 (29:05):
Oh yes with the guy.
Speaker 1 (29:09):
It was yeah, we were playing the Flaming Hot Pods
and I went up with the Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 4 (29:14):
Something tells me you shouldn't be sitting at the.
Speaker 3 (29:17):
Jackpot and she was like, nice skipped for you became friends.
Have you talked to him since? I'm sorry, Lauris, I
can't even I know.
Speaker 1 (29:27):
I'm the worst.
Speaker 2 (29:27):
I am the worst.
Speaker 3 (29:28):
This has been one of the more difficult shows through.
Speaker 1 (29:31):
Even Antonio said, I am not allowed. I've been banned
from going to concerts him because he hates me at
concerts because I don't pay attention because.
Speaker 2 (29:41):
I want to leave after.
Speaker 1 (29:45):
He's banning me from like he's gonna bare me from
the casino.
Speaker 3 (29:49):
Oh for sure, good he should.
Speaker 1 (29:51):
He stays away from me, for sure. He gives me
my money and tells me to go.
Speaker 4 (29:56):
Yeah, heave ho.
Speaker 2 (29:57):
Yeah, so its like even he kicking.
Speaker 1 (30:03):
He drove both ways.
Speaker 3 (30:05):
Yes, I just figured he brought you along be the
d d.
Speaker 1 (30:09):
Oh oh one time yes, one time? No, because he
would one time? Yes? Oh yes.
Speaker 3 (30:17):
Most death otherwise I would not invite you to the
casino with me.
Speaker 1 (30:21):
I know he does.
Speaker 4 (30:23):
Terrified.
Speaker 1 (30:23):
Can call my mom real quick and then we're and
then I'll answer this one dumb question.
Speaker 3 (30:27):
Wait, why are we calling your mom?
Speaker 1 (30:29):
Because I have I need to ask her a question
about a cruise ship. Oh right, and she's gonna get
really mad, but she'll be sweet after. I'm going to
tell her there's something she can't say that do say.
Speaker 3 (30:46):
She'll she'll know.
Speaker 1 (30:47):
I'll tell her. She's like, who is this person? This
spam person?
Speaker 4 (30:54):
She says, Eric on her phone, she's got my phone number.
Speaker 2 (30:59):
She's outside. She sails up without her phone.
Speaker 1 (31:01):
See, thanks mom, Great, Okay, this is my mom's there.
Speaker 3 (31:05):
I can't believe is like, how dare my mom be
enjoying her retirement?
Speaker 1 (31:09):
I know, how dare her not be there for her
daughter when she needs her on?
Speaker 3 (31:13):
No, that's her thing, So you can ask her about
a cruise.
Speaker 1 (31:15):
Here's what's going on. My mom is the last person
that has also a subscription to the National Inquirer.
Speaker 3 (31:23):
She has packs like she stacks of them, and she's like,
she's like a man in black. She fallows the tabloids
to know who's the alien it is.
Speaker 4 (31:30):
It's hilarious.
Speaker 2 (31:31):
It is the best thing ever.
Speaker 1 (31:33):
That's why she sent me that blue dot that you
have to stare at order to get money.
Speaker 2 (31:37):
That came from the inquiry. Of course, she said, she goes.
Speaker 1 (31:44):
There are so many people I've read this in the
cooler that die on cruise ships and it's never reported
because they either jump or they're pushed by like by
like it's no, it's always and they're never or it's
not like the cruise ship lines don't want arrogate backs
or whatnot.
Speaker 2 (32:03):
Well, that's what she ran in the choir.
Speaker 3 (32:04):
Wait, so their famili's like, guess you disappeared off the
face of the earth after when he was on.
Speaker 4 (32:07):
A cruise well or well, did you hear what they
said about this.
Speaker 1 (32:11):
Girl that No, I did have to talk to the
end of it.
Speaker 4 (32:13):
Yet they said that it was either The brother said, oh,
I saw her talking to these two scientologists. They were
dressed in scientologists garb, and I think they trafficked or
to clean like I don't know.
Speaker 3 (32:27):
I didn't traffic.
Speaker 1 (32:28):
Do you dress scientologists dress?
Speaker 4 (32:30):
Don't?
Speaker 3 (32:30):
Yeah?
Speaker 4 (32:31):
But to do the sea org like where they have
to clean the barnacles off the boat the no, and
everybody was like, no, they don't scientist.
Speaker 1 (32:39):
No.
Speaker 4 (32:40):
Then they thought that she was abducted as a sex
slave on.
Speaker 3 (32:47):
A cruise ship.
Speaker 4 (32:48):
Yes, where somebody like put her. I don't even know
where they'd put her. But this was another theory was
that she got abducted and is a sex slave in
like Bermuda or whatever, and that they there's a site
that the parents have and every birthday there's a there's
a ping from Bermuda and they're on there for about
half an hour and then and I'm like, wouldn't you
(33:09):
have moved then to Bermuda to find your kids?
Speaker 3 (33:12):
Is an urban legend to the end of it, Like, no,
I'm on.
Speaker 1 (33:16):
The second original that she just disappeared off the cruises,
that she fell off the cruise ship.
Speaker 4 (33:21):
They don't know, because first of all, the tragedy of
the whole thing is she was wearing Birkenstocks. That's the tragedy.
I got off that because they are awful.
Speaker 3 (33:34):
The regular birson stocks are awful. I do a pair
of the Boston Birkenstocks, like the closed toad versions are
those are great? Those are so no things. Nope, I
don't wear them out of the house though, because they're ugly.
Speaker 4 (33:45):
Oh, I wouldn't wear those casino. Oh my god, No,
I get that.
Speaker 3 (33:51):
I get that.
Speaker 4 (33:51):
I'm gonna have you banned for a sweatsuit.
Speaker 1 (33:54):
They stuck the drive in though them, so we're Originally
they said she she john her she was.
Speaker 4 (34:00):
They thought she jumped. But then yeah, but then a
lot of people do.
Speaker 3 (34:07):
There was a kid that fell overboard like a couple
of months ago and they never found him, and it
was national news for weeks.
Speaker 4 (34:13):
And then there was just recently the girl that fell
off and that on a Disney cruise and the dad
jumped in and saved her.
Speaker 3 (34:18):
I think they both disappeared forever.
Speaker 4 (34:21):
No, they they they're fine, did they?
Speaker 3 (34:23):
I thought there was one where a dad jumped in
after somebody and they never got seen again.
Speaker 1 (34:26):
No, the Disney one that they were both Okay, you
know that series called train Wreck, that's there's one about
that cruise ship, the biggest cruise ship ever that tipped over,
like they got Not the poop Cruise, Not the poop Cruise.
It's a different cruise where the the captain got too close.
Speaker 3 (34:42):
He was like Suez Canal. Oh, oh, you're talking about
off the coast like Spain or something years ago they capsized.
Speaker 2 (34:48):
Yeah, yes, and that one.
Speaker 4 (34:50):
Oh, I haven't seen that one.
Speaker 1 (34:51):
I'm like, I'm not going on a cruise. I know the.
Speaker 3 (34:57):
Two times in history or something.
Speaker 4 (34:58):
It's just I feel like a crew would be a
nightclub that you couldn't get off exactly.
Speaker 3 (35:03):
The thing is, they're so cheap comparatively. Here's the thing. Well,
this wouldn't be nice for Laura, but you just get
to open the open bar package. It's been a little
bit extra cheap vacation relatively speaking. You don't remember any of.
Speaker 2 (35:14):
It until the toilets back up and.
Speaker 1 (35:17):
All the pukes.
Speaker 4 (35:17):
Oh, that would be my worst that'd be my worst nightmare.
Speaker 1 (35:21):
Or somebody gets some horrible viruses. Everybody gets it.
Speaker 3 (35:24):
I think as long as you do an adults only cruise,
it would be too bad.
Speaker 4 (35:27):
Now I finally a cruise with kids, God forbid. Oh
my god.
Speaker 3 (35:31):
The Disney cruise cool.
Speaker 2 (35:33):
Though, I bet, I bet they're really nice for the kids.
Speaker 4 (35:35):
Wait till you see the hat that's coming. The baseball cap.
Speaker 1 (35:39):
That's coming is something to do with Disney.
Speaker 2 (35:41):
No where did that come out?
Speaker 1 (35:44):
Squirrel?
Speaker 4 (35:45):
He's so because we were talking about kids.
Speaker 1 (35:46):
Oh okay, I don't even ask this question.
Speaker 2 (35:49):
I just can't end it.
Speaker 1 (35:50):
It was like, have you ever gotten a.
Speaker 2 (35:51):
Phone call or text during sex?
Speaker 4 (35:54):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (35:54):
You have?
Speaker 1 (35:54):
You know what I don't remember because.
Speaker 3 (35:57):
It's that can you imagine? Okay, we'll be ond.
Speaker 4 (36:01):
Call Laura one time when she was having a booty call.
Speaker 1 (36:03):
Which plumber?
Speaker 3 (36:05):
What this? Remember this this a long time ago.
Speaker 2 (36:10):
The plumber. I missed the plumber, remember, but.
Speaker 3 (36:13):
He was this story to your keep this story to yourself.
Speaker 4 (36:17):
She was in the bathroom right before she was getting
ready to do it, and I called her and she
was like, hold on, I got to take this call.
Oh yeah, we were You were whispering in the like
closet or the bathroom or something.
Speaker 2 (36:28):
Oh yeah, because you'd just come over you went over there.
Speaker 4 (36:32):
I can't remember. Oh no, that's probably one of those things.
Speaker 3 (36:34):
Didn't you just drop her?
Speaker 4 (36:35):
Oh I did drop you off for a booty call?
Speaker 1 (36:38):
Young guy?
Speaker 4 (36:38):
Yes, downtown. And it was so humiliating because guys, but
I'm going to cut this short. But I long ago
is a long time. I rolled down my window and
I'm all.
Speaker 3 (36:49):
You taking care of my little girl, going to mut
you remember that.
Speaker 4 (36:53):
At all?
Speaker 2 (36:54):
Just real quick This made me laugh in the morning.
Speaker 1 (36:59):
Jesus the guys to me, he goes, well, I was
freezing all night, night thief because I guess they stole
all the plat kids. He called me a night thief.
He was funny.
Speaker 2 (37:13):
I thought that was really funny. But like he was
freezing the entire night.
Speaker 4 (37:15):
Because did he drag your homework? Did I have to
pick you up?
Speaker 3 (37:18):
Oh?
Speaker 4 (37:18):
My god, you.
Speaker 3 (37:22):
Don't give out the details enough.
Speaker 1 (37:24):
Run your own career, oh career, Oh, trying to give
you a tupe.
Speaker 3 (37:34):
Okay, some stories. Look, I love when you tell stories
that you should you say you shouldn't, but these ones
you probably should keep.
Speaker 1 (37:41):
Let me ask you why this one.
Speaker 3 (37:44):
If I were if we delve into it, then it's
doing the precise opposite. I'm just saying I wouldn't give out.
I wouldn't give out detailed X. You know, sexual conquests
on here?
Speaker 1 (37:55):
Okay, Okay, I understand the deepness of it, like going
farther with it the story, Yes.
Speaker 4 (38:04):
All right, but lord, do you really want to go
deeper about the story?
Speaker 1 (38:09):
The story that I knew that was going to happen.
I knew that was gonna happen. Down will end it.
Thank you for Oh boy, oh my god, don't die
anytime soon because I love you.
Speaker 4 (38:22):
I love you. Don't die any type.
Speaker 2 (38:23):
I'm here for the long haul. I didn't think for a
long time.
Speaker 4 (38:27):
I hope, so I am.
Speaker 2 (38:28):
I'm gonna go through a lot of embarrassing things.
Speaker 4 (38:31):
Good or do you plan on pooping tomorrow? I probably won't.
Speaker 2 (38:36):
It's probably be a couple of days.
Speaker 4 (38:38):
Anyways, that store.
Speaker 2 (38:44):
I'd run from there, that's for sure.
Speaker 3 (38:46):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (38:46):
Anyway, love your podcast.
Speaker 4 (38:48):
I love your podcast.
Speaker 1 (38:50):
My sweet babes. Again, I'm so sorry MoMA's weird.
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