November 13, 2025 • 29 mins
You don’t want to miss this one! We kick things off with an eye-opening (and slightly horrifying) discussion about the “gooch” — what it is, who has one, and why we’re suddenly all experts on the topic. Then things take an unexpected turn when Producer Claire reveals the unique purchase she just made and the lofty goal that comes with it. Finally, we wrap it all up with a side-splitting call to Laura’s legendary Auntie Doo Doo, who drops the big F-bomb and unleashes her iconic smoker’s laugh that’ll have you in tears. It’s wild, it’s weird, and it’s one you’ll be quoting all week. Don’t miss it! Love your podcast!!
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
Turn off your phone. Get stop. Yeah, you can play.
Speaker 2 (00:05):
You can play a horse. Afterwards, you can play your
little girlfriend and the most bossy person on the planet.
Speaker 3 (00:12):
You really are.
Speaker 2 (00:15):
Hello, welcome the Laura Kane after dark. Thank you for
joining us.
Speaker 4 (00:19):
Hi.
Speaker 1 (00:19):
Almost the middle of.
Speaker 4 (00:21):
It is the middle of I don't want to talk
about it.
Speaker 2 (00:24):
Then comes, then comes Thanksgiving, then comes Hanukah, then comes Christmas.
Speaker 1 (00:29):
Then when does Quanta fall into that?
Speaker 2 (00:32):
But anyway, the holidays and then New Year's Eve, which
is always depressing for me because I don't ever kiss
anyone on New Year's Eve.
Speaker 1 (00:41):
Anybody I want to.
Speaker 2 (00:43):
Anyway, Well I've kissed you before, but yeah, please please.
Speaker 3 (00:49):
No, you won't.
Speaker 2 (00:50):
And anyway, it wouldn't mean anything. It wouldn't be like
out of the movies. I wanted to be like out
of the movies, you know, even though I don't like
those kind of movies. Romantic, right, Sorry to do this
right off the jump, but we're having an argument. Yes,
As I was sitting down, Eric and I were like
(01:12):
flip fake fighting, and he took his finger and as
I was sitting down, he stuck it what he thought
was up my butt, but it was not up my butt.
Speaker 1 (01:23):
It was kind of between my badge and but.
Speaker 4 (01:27):
You are sick. I don't know what you're talking.
Speaker 1 (01:29):
The one that did it.
Speaker 2 (01:30):
So I'm like, you touched me in between the spot
and then and then you said the taint, and I said,
girls don't have a taint, Only dudes have a taint, right,
and then Claire said, no, girls have a taint.
Speaker 5 (01:44):
No, yeah, girls do have Everyone has a taint and
taints are universal.
Speaker 1 (01:52):
Men have a gooch.
Speaker 4 (01:53):
What is a goot?
Speaker 3 (01:55):
It's it's I think.
Speaker 5 (01:56):
It's technically just slang for taint. But I feel like
like you can kind of get into ball territory, testical
territory and still be in the if you if you
walk up to a man and go like this and
then like like that.
Speaker 1 (02:13):
Whatever you hit is.
Speaker 2 (02:17):
Yes, every human has a gouch, which is the slang
term for perineum. Oh, the area of the body is
the space between the anus and the external genital.
Speaker 5 (02:28):
Okay, so gucci is also just done the word for
your tank. Your preenium is also another word for your taint.
That's a scientific word.
Speaker 1 (02:33):
It's a diamond. It's diamond shaped.
Speaker 4 (02:38):
Lauren, You I think you'd really let go touch me
in the diamond. Hey, why don't you put that on
your hinge profile? Does anyone to touch me in my
perennium perennium diamond.
Speaker 6 (02:51):
Area?
Speaker 4 (02:52):
That could be your super diamond perennium.
Speaker 3 (02:58):
Weird and sick? Oh sick?
Speaker 2 (03:01):
You are sick, all right? So now you solve that.
And everybody has a gooch. Everybody has a taint, right,
everybody got that.
Speaker 1 (03:08):
I feel so connected. I feel I feel like I
feel knowledgeable. I feel like I've been to a class.
I feel like I've maybe been to university.
Speaker 4 (03:16):
Hey, you know what we could do? I had a brilliant.
Speaker 3 (03:18):
Idea just now I don't know.
Speaker 1 (03:21):
I'm worried about.
Speaker 4 (03:22):
We could change that. This right here to Laura taint
after dark and I could be with Eric.
Speaker 1 (03:30):
Oh that would be so great. My mom would love me.
Speaker 4 (03:36):
My god.
Speaker 2 (03:37):
Oh, by the way, I'm spending three days with Anti
Doodoo and my mom in the desert.
Speaker 4 (03:45):
I'm going to see you. I'm going to be there
for Thanksgiving.
Speaker 1 (03:49):
It's this week. It's this week. I wish it was. Oh,
my god, Auntie would have loved.
Speaker 3 (03:55):
To have seen you.
Speaker 1 (03:56):
She loves you more than she loves me.
Speaker 4 (03:57):
And maybe maybe I'll stop on the stair.
Speaker 3 (04:01):
She would love that.
Speaker 1 (04:03):
Oh my god, do you have no idea?
Speaker 2 (04:05):
Okay, no idea, but we'll talk about it anyway. So
I'm gonna be with two eighty five year old women
who love to smoke and drink theirs and their city's
at night. They watch Fox TV all day long, especially Judy.
Oh no, I can't they have like this whole schedule.
Speaker 3 (04:23):
My mom not so much.
Speaker 2 (04:24):
Judy is and then she and then we have the
gummy that's taken at nine thirty. Gd takes her gummy
at nine thirty and then stumbles to her room. My
mom doesn't do the gummy, she doesn't need to. And
then but she has enough martinis to.
Speaker 4 (04:39):
Make her sleep.
Speaker 1 (04:40):
And then Judy was.
Speaker 2 (04:42):
All upset because she's like, oh, her back's hurting her,
and she was very she almost thought about canceling.
Speaker 1 (04:47):
As coming out. I'm like, I called her and like,
why why would you do that? What's are you okay?
What's wrong? She's like, I'm just afraid I won't be
able to walk around like is see you know with
you guys, I'm like, Judy, that's not why we come
out to see you. We come to see you, not
the casinos.
Speaker 4 (05:05):
Throw her in a rascal and you're good to go.
Speaker 1 (05:09):
Oh my god, that's so true. Oh do they have
those casino I'm sure they do well.
Speaker 2 (05:16):
Wreck her a rascal and she can rascal around and
play her penny slots.
Speaker 1 (05:22):
Oh my god. Problem solved.
Speaker 4 (05:24):
Get her on the phone. Okay, so Judy Church on
the phone.
Speaker 1 (05:31):
All right, Now you're gonna have to put up Claire
on the roadcaster is the.
Speaker 2 (05:38):
The bluetooth? Now, let me see if my bluetooth is on. No,
we're not nearing gummy time.
Speaker 1 (05:45):
But I don't know.
Speaker 2 (05:46):
This might be a crucial show. This might be a
crucial show that she's watching. Why can't I find my.
Speaker 4 (05:55):
Okay, it's gonna be.
Speaker 2 (05:57):
I'm not connected, but I now I am all on
a minute. It's looking for it. Here we go and connected. Okay,
I'm connected, all right, So here we go. Just turn
it up so we can hear. Now I'm it's it
says it's connected. Just just raise the.
Speaker 1 (06:15):
Okay, here we go.
Speaker 3 (06:16):
Okay, here we go.
Speaker 1 (06:17):
My god, I'm so excited because I called her today.
So here we go.
Speaker 4 (06:20):
She's going to get double good news.
Speaker 1 (06:22):
Here she comes through.
Speaker 4 (06:25):
Here we go.
Speaker 1 (06:25):
Yeah, Okay, just looking at your picture whose minor?
Speaker 6 (06:32):
Eric's yours?
Speaker 1 (06:34):
Which one?
Speaker 6 (06:37):
I don't know, it just came up, and then you're
then you called. I don't even get a chance to
read the damn thing.
Speaker 1 (06:43):
Okay, Hi, Eric, Hi sweetheart, we had a brilliant idea.
Speaker 4 (06:49):
Listen, you're you're going to have double the good news
right now. And as a pseudo game show host, I'm
here to tell you you just doubled your luck. Laura
and Mama are coming out to see you this week, yep, tomorrow.
Guess who's going to be in Palm Springs over Thanksgiving?
Speaker 5 (07:10):
Who?
Speaker 2 (07:11):
Me?
Speaker 6 (07:12):
Oh my god? Really?
Speaker 4 (07:14):
Yep?
Speaker 1 (07:15):
Told you she loves Eric more than me. Shut up, Laura,
so true, so incredibly true. It's okay, Well what do you, Eric?
Speaker 6 (07:24):
What are you going to do on Thanksgiving?
Speaker 4 (07:26):
I'm going to Zinn for dinner?
Speaker 6 (07:30):
Oh okay, yes, because I was going to include you
with us.
Speaker 4 (07:33):
Oh you're so sweet. See.
Speaker 2 (07:35):
I think probably going to Mom's and having like Vaughn's
Mon's half turkey or maybe even like honey baked ham
because I don't even know if Mom wants to do
a turkey this year.
Speaker 6 (07:50):
Well, she's not going to do it, Jenny does it?
Speaker 2 (07:52):
Oh?
Speaker 1 (07:53):
Jenny's going to do.
Speaker 6 (07:53):
This's going to be at mister P's.
Speaker 2 (07:55):
Isn't she, Judy, you want to hear something in all
of my years, and don't say the years or else
I'm going to out you too.
Speaker 6 (08:04):
Shut the fuck up. I'm not going out to it
anymore than you without me exact I know you.
Speaker 1 (08:17):
I've never once cooked a turkey, not a once in
my whole life.
Speaker 6 (08:24):
That's not that is the money you are. You are
not a cook. You are not a housewife. You are
not a mother. You do not want to do any
of those goddamn things. You've always been a bubbet lor Ma.
Speaker 1 (08:40):
Take the mother apart back, you got to take them.
Speaker 6 (08:43):
Well, you've been a very good mother, been a very
good mother. Yes, I got to take that.
Speaker 2 (08:48):
I had to tease you, but okay, no, but yeah,
the cookie and the thing, yes, you're correct about that.
Speaker 1 (08:55):
You're very correct about that.
Speaker 6 (08:57):
And I only had to do it because I had
to do it.
Speaker 3 (09:00):
I know, we know.
Speaker 1 (09:01):
Back in the day, we had to do that.
Speaker 6 (09:03):
We had to do We had no choice, We had
no choice.
Speaker 1 (09:06):
We had we came up with a brilliant idea.
Speaker 4 (09:09):
I understand your back is hurting, oh ship, Yes, yes, okay.
Speaker 6 (09:14):
So I'm not going to get on it, Eric, what
I'm not going to get on it?
Speaker 4 (09:21):
No, listen, you don't. You don't have to worry about
your dismount any doodoo.
Speaker 6 (09:33):
Oh my god, I'm going to pay in my pants?
Speaker 1 (09:36):
She probably she honestly?
Speaker 6 (09:37):
Will you better not have me? Are you recording me?
Speaker 1 (09:41):
Yes, you're on, You're on? Yeah, yes, I know.
Speaker 4 (09:45):
But we have an idea that we're going to get.
We're going to get you a rascal. Yes, and you're you're.
Speaker 3 (09:52):
Going to.
Speaker 2 (09:54):
You're going to the casino, GD What would you think
about us renting and or finding a rascal for you
to like zoom around the casino floor in so you
don't have to walk? No?
Speaker 3 (10:09):
No, why would you want?
Speaker 5 (10:11):
Kid?
Speaker 6 (10:11):
Are you absolutely kidding me?
Speaker 1 (10:14):
Why would you not?
Speaker 6 (10:15):
There never gonna be a day in hell that I do? Go?
Speaker 4 (10:20):
Okay, so are you serious? So listen, Laura, that was
a really bad idea in your part idea cocky.
Speaker 6 (10:28):
It's you're totally tacking and I'm gonna slap you upside
the head.
Speaker 4 (10:31):
Oh my god, this is amazing. So how about this all?
Come out and take my shirt off and carry you
around the casino?
Speaker 6 (10:42):
Can I pray with your hair on your chicks. Sure.
Speaker 2 (10:45):
Oh, he's got a lot of it, Judy, Yeah, it's
all red, red and red and gray.
Speaker 4 (10:52):
You could you can. You always have a very nice
manic cur so you can run your hands anywhere you like.
Speaker 6 (10:57):
Oh god, oh my god, here we go.
Speaker 1 (11:03):
Anyway, all right, Auntie do do? I thought that was
a I thought I anyway.
Speaker 4 (11:08):
I thought, Okay, okay, okay, you got you got anti
doo Dooo fire.
Speaker 1 (11:14):
I know she's fired.
Speaker 6 (11:16):
You got no, I am wow? No, one step one
step above a wheelchair.
Speaker 4 (11:21):
Okay, this is this is the perfect time for me
to ask Auntie doo doo, who do you like better?
Speaker 1 (11:30):
Right now? Remember who's kill that girl?
Speaker 6 (11:34):
I'm gonna kill that girl night.
Speaker 1 (11:40):
Oh, You're gonna get it.
Speaker 3 (11:42):
You're gonna get it. Anyway.
Speaker 6 (11:44):
Who are you coming down here with air?
Speaker 4 (11:48):
I'm going to see some friends and then I'm I'm
gonna be there for three days.
Speaker 1 (11:54):
You have to go by.
Speaker 4 (11:56):
Yes, I will totally come and see you.
Speaker 6 (11:58):
Oh yeah, you got to well. Mary and Laurel will
be here too, so you might as well come over.
When are you coming down?
Speaker 4 (12:04):
I'm not coming till until Thanksgiving? Oh oh oh How far.
Speaker 1 (12:09):
Is Palm Springs from Palm Desert?
Speaker 6 (12:13):
About fifteen minutes.
Speaker 2 (12:14):
All right, you can take fifteen minutes out of your
precious schedule to go visit Anti Doodoo Hair, fancy little community.
Speaker 1 (12:21):
We have lunch, I bet you will. She loves going out.
Speaker 6 (12:26):
Oh I love lunch, Yes, she does.
Speaker 3 (12:33):
She does love lunch.
Speaker 1 (12:34):
That's my favorite.
Speaker 6 (12:36):
I do lunch every day.
Speaker 4 (12:37):
She loves it me too.
Speaker 6 (12:40):
I don't cook, Eric, I do not cook.
Speaker 4 (12:42):
Oh you don't.
Speaker 1 (12:44):
No, oh no, that's why I think I'm actually her daughter.
Speaker 4 (12:48):
Have you been to Lulu's?
Speaker 5 (12:50):
Oh?
Speaker 6 (12:50):
Hell, yes, I love that place. Food is so damn good.
Speaker 4 (12:53):
That's where we'll go for lunch.
Speaker 1 (12:54):
Oh you gots okay, Lula's date. There you go?
Speaker 4 (12:56):
All right, there we go.
Speaker 6 (12:57):
Well that means driving back into Springs, which is parking
is a bitch it is, and Lula's got a parking
place behind it, but they never have any room. Well,
the only time to go is, you know, around one
thirty or two. Don't go at lunchtime.
Speaker 4 (13:13):
No, no, we'll go. We'll go a little bit later.
Speaker 6 (13:16):
Yeah, yeah, perfect, all right, done, sounds good to me.
Speaker 1 (13:21):
All right, and I'll see you tomorrow.
Speaker 6 (13:24):
Okay, what time are you leaving your house?
Speaker 1 (13:27):
I'm true to try to leave it, like eight thirty.
Speaker 6 (13:34):
Oh yeah right, oh yeah right, no, I really.
Speaker 1 (13:36):
I'm gonna try. His mom really wants to get there,
really she wants to get there.
Speaker 6 (13:40):
She wants to go gamble. What the hell can you
get back gambling? Her fingers are itching, Laura's I know,
well I feel I feel felt better today. Good. Oh
maybe maybe I can go. Okay, everybody's trying to make
me the doctor and I'm not doing it.
Speaker 3 (14:01):
So well, we'll have to.
Speaker 1 (14:04):
We're going to work on that.
Speaker 4 (14:05):
Anti do. Have you ever tried salon pass? Now, that's
not that's not a pill for like you know, I
know I've heard about it before or anything like that.
Speaker 1 (14:17):
It's a sticker.
Speaker 4 (14:18):
Have you tried that? Because they really do work?
Speaker 1 (14:21):
Oh really, you will bring you some?
Speaker 6 (14:24):
Well we go, we can go to CBS and get some.
Speaker 1 (14:28):
That's right, we'll go do that.
Speaker 4 (14:30):
Listen, had I known Anti do I ordered these?
Speaker 6 (14:36):
What if you ordered those? There's diamond shaped things that
they keep talking about.
Speaker 4 (14:40):
Well these are these are called scorpion pads?
Speaker 5 (14:43):
What?
Speaker 6 (14:44):
Yeah? There?
Speaker 4 (14:45):
Oh my god? Do they ever work?
Speaker 3 (14:48):
What is it?
Speaker 4 (14:48):
What is pain for your back?
Speaker 6 (14:52):
What are you talking about on television with the fake choppers.
And he comes on and he's got a hat on
one time and not a hat on it again, and
he talking about these diamond shaped things that he sells,
and he said, if you even think that you might
need it, you better order it. Well, yeah, he's telling him.
You know, he's on TV. Pain for pain. Oh, leg pain,
(15:16):
back pain, what the hell? Brain pain?
Speaker 1 (15:24):
All right, Andy, do do? Go finish watching Fox News
and then take your no.
Speaker 6 (15:30):
Oh, Wilson, I've been watching Pole Dark.
Speaker 4 (15:34):
Oh what's right?
Speaker 1 (15:35):
Okay, I've heard I've heard people talking about this.
Speaker 4 (15:38):
Oh my god.
Speaker 6 (15:39):
The guy in there is just I mean, he can
put his shoes shoes under my bed any day. I
looked at him, I really looked at him. Well tonight,
I think he's kind of tiny. I mean he's frame.
Speaker 1 (15:58):
I'm talking about it in the other regions.
Speaker 3 (16:04):
You have Dick Dar too. You have Dick Dar.
Speaker 1 (16:12):
No I know, but like you know Gatar, you have
Dick Dar. You know what the what does Dick looks like?
Speaker 6 (16:20):
It's probably a humongous.
Speaker 3 (16:23):
Because he's a little guy.
Speaker 1 (16:25):
Oh yeah, sometimes that happens too. Yes, you're right, you're
right about that. All right, all right, all right, we're gone,
We're we'll see you tomorrow.
Speaker 3 (16:35):
And I love you.
Speaker 6 (16:37):
I love you too.
Speaker 4 (16:38):
I love you too, sweetheart. I'll see you soon. Okay,
bye bye.
Speaker 2 (16:45):
Never feels is always like perfect. I believe she busted
out the big f this time.
Speaker 4 (16:53):
Oh my god. Hello, Okay, hilarious.
Speaker 2 (16:56):
Claire comes waltzing in today and casually, yeah, mentions to
me something that she has purchased. So please, now let's
turn our attention to produce her, Claire and talk about
the purchase and where it was done, why it was done,
(17:20):
how much it was, and all that.
Speaker 5 (17:23):
I have used some of my hard earned money, my
United States American dollarge to buy a set of juggling balls,
and I'm going to learn to juggle before the next
renaissance fair.
Speaker 4 (17:35):
Oh my god.
Speaker 1 (17:38):
Okay, have the balls come out of the bag.
Speaker 3 (17:42):
Yes?
Speaker 1 (17:43):
Have you been playing with the balls?
Speaker 3 (17:45):
Yes?
Speaker 1 (17:47):
Have you got close to the juggling part?
Speaker 2 (17:50):
No?
Speaker 1 (17:51):
Have you been watching videos on YouTube?
Speaker 2 (17:54):
Yes?
Speaker 1 (17:56):
Have they helped you at all? I'm gonna get there.
Speaker 4 (18:00):
She's determined. I believe her.
Speaker 1 (18:02):
I know she really You know, what, of all people,
she will learn how to juggle?
Speaker 2 (18:07):
Well, I bought something I thought for sure you hadn't
whipped these out yet.
Speaker 1 (18:13):
I thought you just bought them and you were gonna
whip them out.
Speaker 5 (18:15):
No, I have them, and I well, therefore my out
they go with my outfit for the next Renaissance Fair.
And so I put on the whole outfit, okay, And
then I had to get the balls out, and I
took some pictures of me pretend juggling. I just threw
them up in the air and let them fall for
the picture.
Speaker 1 (18:31):
And the picture turned out like so good.
Speaker 5 (18:32):
And that picture turned out so good.
Speaker 1 (18:34):
When is the next Renaissance Fair?
Speaker 3 (18:36):
How much I have?
Speaker 1 (18:36):
Like six months?
Speaker 4 (18:37):
Okay, so that's what you're gonna be? Fine?
Speaker 1 (18:40):
Well, yeah, we need a practicing schedule.
Speaker 5 (18:43):
Yeah, no, I gotta get serious.
Speaker 2 (18:45):
You need to put aside like at least a half
hour a day. Wow, come on, okay, it's gonna take
that time.
Speaker 4 (18:53):
Listen to mommy.
Speaker 1 (18:55):
Now, I bought something similar.
Speaker 4 (18:57):
She rides me like a stolen bike.
Speaker 3 (18:59):
So I, okay, who I'm trying to Maybe.
Speaker 4 (19:09):
That wasn't the right adempt. I make sure I think
that was more sexual than it was. You know what, Claire?
Scratch that.
Speaker 5 (19:16):
Okay, I'm gonna we're gonna sort of strike that from
the record.
Speaker 2 (19:20):
We'll strike it from the right, edit it out, but
we'll just strike it from the right. Yeah, okay, So
about I want to say, two years.
Speaker 3 (19:27):
Ago, do I know what this is? Now?
Speaker 2 (19:30):
I bought this and I was going to learn this
and then show you guys on the podcast my talent.
Speaker 1 (19:41):
It's been sitting in my credenza for that long. I
will now reveal to you what my goal was. And
it may just have jug.
Speaker 4 (19:56):
Oh boy, that costs go.
Speaker 1 (20:01):
I saw this and I was like, oh my god,
I need this, I need this. I want to learn
all of it.
Speaker 2 (20:09):
Magic tricks, oh my magic tricks, four hundred tricks tours.
Speaker 1 (20:15):
Uh, trucos I don't know different languages.
Speaker 3 (20:19):
Uh.
Speaker 2 (20:19):
Look, you've got cards. Oh it's the one with the
cups and the balls underneath the cups. Look it's got
Oh there's something where a ball is flying like somehow floating.
Look I did I opened one. I opened one end,
(20:42):
but I haven't opened it. Look there's flies here.
Speaker 3 (20:44):
What are the flies from for?
Speaker 1 (20:47):
There's dice, there's chains, you know what. Claire.
Speaker 2 (20:52):
By the next Renaissance Fair six months from now, I'm
going to learn some of these magic tricks and I'm
going to blow your Do.
Speaker 5 (20:59):
You want to a gesture with me? I'm being like
a court jester and I want to juggle.
Speaker 3 (21:08):
That means no, no, it's okay.
Speaker 1 (21:11):
Fine, just say that you're embarrassed of me. It's fine.
Speaker 3 (21:14):
No, don't me care.
Speaker 1 (21:16):
Actually I was not.
Speaker 3 (21:18):
I was.
Speaker 1 (21:19):
This is me giving it thought. This was me, This
was me giving it some thought about how I've.
Speaker 2 (21:25):
Never been to a Renaissance fair and why the hell
not if I could learn one of these tricks, maybe
the trick where like the ball is like floating in
between my gloved hands to.
Speaker 1 (21:39):
Wear if you want whatever you want?
Speaker 4 (21:43):
Did they wear like the hats like a boy?
Speaker 3 (21:45):
I've got a hat?
Speaker 1 (21:46):
Okay, yeah, I've got a I mean, this is it's hard.
Speaker 5 (21:50):
I can share a visual, but I don't.
Speaker 1 (21:53):
Know that it was a pretty lady.
Speaker 5 (21:56):
I'm a pretty lady.
Speaker 4 (21:56):
I've addressed you both are pretty ladies.
Speaker 1 (21:58):
You're a pretty lady, jes Yes, okay.
Speaker 5 (22:01):
So this is my brand new take on the jester
where I get to be a pretty lady and a jester.
Speaker 1 (22:06):
I all see. I love that.
Speaker 5 (22:07):
I don't know that this is a visual medium, but
I do feel we're reaching the point where I do
have to share.
Speaker 2 (22:12):
Okay, Okay, we're working with Okay, So we're wearing a
dress obviously, like at like one one that's poofy. Do
we wear poofy dresses or are they flowy kind of dresses?
And do you wear like the corset type thing?
Speaker 1 (22:28):
Yes? Okay. Let me and the shoes. What shoes do
we wear?
Speaker 5 (22:32):
I don't know yet.
Speaker 1 (22:33):
I gotta wear something like tie up boots kind of thing.
Speaker 5 (22:35):
Yeah, something comfortable because you.
Speaker 1 (22:37):
Know you're going to be in the I'm not going
to eat a leg. That's fine.
Speaker 3 (22:42):
You don't have to do.
Speaker 2 (22:43):
They have like other foods that I would eat, not
like Renaissance type foods like beef livers and weird stuff.
Speaker 4 (22:51):
Oh, cabbage rolls.
Speaker 3 (22:54):
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (22:55):
That's okay.
Speaker 3 (22:55):
Let's see.
Speaker 1 (22:56):
Let's see. Oh my god, you're.
Speaker 2 (23:01):
Oh see, I wish I could show this, you know what. Okay,
put it up next time. Okay, see this is too hard.
Speaker 3 (23:08):
You can put it up.
Speaker 1 (23:09):
Put it up close to thing that is so look
at You're scary. But your hat is a little scary.
It's a little devilish, but I kind of like it.
Speaker 4 (23:24):
Okay, so I would wear the hat just on a
regular basis.
Speaker 2 (23:29):
I would do it, Okay, I would go with you
if I could be like a pretty lady that wears
like a long train type of thing, and I don't
want to wear like a really thick or no, really
tight corset.
Speaker 1 (23:41):
Oh yeah, wow, should I be No gestures.
Speaker 2 (23:48):
Don't have that privilege, do they? Oh, because you're sneaky
like that, yes, sneaky like okay, so I can be
like the queen.
Speaker 1 (23:59):
You're like doing the queen on the side. Oh yeah, wow, Okay,
we've got.
Speaker 3 (24:05):
This figure out.
Speaker 1 (24:06):
This has like we have six months. We have six
months to figure this whole thing out. Yeah. I've got
to learn a trick. She's gonna learn how to juggle.
I'm going to the Renaissance.
Speaker 4 (24:14):
You both are going to be playing with a lot
of balls.
Speaker 5 (24:17):
That happens behind the scenes of the Renaissance Fair. Wait,
I don't know how much you know about Renaissance Fair.
Speaker 6 (24:22):
No.
Speaker 1 (24:22):
Nothing.
Speaker 3 (24:23):
So everyone is.
Speaker 5 (24:25):
Staying it's lives like a big park, okay, and everyone
is all the vendors, all the people that work there
are staying the night in a tent in like a
medieval tent behind their little stall where they sell their
pies or their drinkings or whatever, and they are all
when the the night ends, when the people leave, they're
all doing it crazy style.
Speaker 4 (24:47):
Oh so there's like a renaissance orgy, yes, going on.
Speaker 1 (24:50):
You can hear all that stuff happening.
Speaker 5 (24:53):
Well, no, it's after the gas sleeve. I've only well,
why have you I have well, I've not participated. Okay, good,
but I have been invited to participate.
Speaker 1 (25:06):
Oh I at this is at the.
Speaker 5 (25:11):
The big one in Irwindale. You can find these people,
the uh, the people that do the nights. There's a
hot am I about to docks this man I don't know.
There's a hot young knight named Gareth, named Sir Gareth.
And I saw him before he was a knight, when
he was just a stable boy, okay, And I was like,
(25:32):
this stable boy is cute as hell. That's my stable boy.
And so I go up to him after the thing
and I give him like I like fake flowers, and
I give him one and his face gets so serious
and he walks up to me and he's put his
hands out and we shake hands through the bars while
he's tending the horses, and he says like, hi, I'm Gareth.
And then he says, are you gonna be around later?
(25:55):
And so I was invited to stay after to do
the crazy doing it crazy?
Speaker 2 (26:00):
Wait wait, wait, wait this whole thing like, so you're
really truly role playing this whole entire time and is
earned it?
Speaker 1 (26:08):
Dale like the big one that's near La, that's a
big one, and do people. So this guy had to
go from stable boy. You have to work your way up, apparently.
Speaker 2 (26:18):
So.
Speaker 1 (26:20):
Because he was the stable boy.
Speaker 5 (26:22):
And the next year I saw him, he was the
night and everyone in the internet is thirsting over him now.
But I liked him first, okay, and he wanted me back.
Speaker 1 (26:29):
All right, Well, go get that night with your juggling.
Remember from like two years ago, years ago. Now, look
at what I can do bang bang bang. Think about
what I can do with some other ball.
Speaker 4 (26:41):
You could say something, you could exactly. You could say
you think I'm good with these?
Speaker 1 (26:47):
Oh gosh, that was too easy.
Speaker 4 (26:49):
Wait wait, see you can work the flesh colored one.
Speaker 1 (26:54):
You got three of them, right, That's what I used
to Some guys do, right, do they?
Speaker 3 (27:00):
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (27:01):
Some people have three nips?
Speaker 3 (27:03):
Yeah, I think it's much more common to only have one.
Speaker 1 (27:05):
Than to have one ball than three balls? Yeah, yeah,
I wish we had phone like Harry Styles.
Speaker 4 (27:11):
Yeah he does, he does. I hate love him speaking
of three balls? What has three balls and comes from
outer space? And we're going to end the show after
this because I can't.
Speaker 3 (27:22):
I thought we were doing No, we'll do.
Speaker 1 (27:25):
That next she's had enough getting to know me? Yes,
I think's had enough. We'll do that next time.
Speaker 4 (27:31):
What has three balls and comes from outer space?
Speaker 1 (27:35):
I don't know what has three balls and comes from
outer space?
Speaker 4 (27:38):
Laura Caine, it is e T the extra testicle?
Speaker 3 (27:46):
No flat line?
Speaker 1 (27:49):
Flat line?
Speaker 4 (27:50):
You smile.
Speaker 1 (27:53):
Because you make me laugh with your laugh. Could you
think it's dumbest things are funny?
Speaker 4 (27:59):
Oh my god, that was hilarious. Claire is laughing.
Speaker 1 (28:02):
Well, Claire is probably laughing because I'm loving you're laughing.
I don't even think she was that funny.
Speaker 3 (28:08):
I literally I don't.
Speaker 4 (28:09):
It was hilarious.
Speaker 1 (28:10):
I feel like.
Speaker 2 (28:12):
It was a perfect that was and like how we're
going to segue into but next week we're gonna play
never Have I Ever? And then we'll learn even.
Speaker 1 (28:21):
More a Mount Claire. We learned a lot about Claire
just this one episode. We're gonna learn a lot.
Speaker 4 (28:28):
Of I learned that you we all have guccas, we
all have.
Speaker 1 (28:31):
Goo ands, and they're diamond shaped, and I think that
I don't know.
Speaker 4 (28:36):
I like the fact that the diamonds we do one question.
Speaker 1 (28:39):
No no, no, no no. We should end, because that
was a great end. You never know when to tie
a bowl around it.
Speaker 4 (28:44):
Oh right, well, this is such a pretty package. We
should This was a pretty package.
Speaker 1 (28:50):
Anyway. Thank you guys for watching, Thank you for supporting us,
thank you for listening. We love you so much. Thank
you Claire for being part of this mess. And love
your podcast.
Speaker 4 (29:02):
Love your podcast.
Speaker 1 (29:03):
I love you, my sweet babies.
Speaker 3 (29:04):
Bye.
Turn off your phone. Get stop. Yeah, you can play.
Speaker 2 (00:05):
You can play a horse. Afterwards, you can play your
little girlfriend and the most bossy person on the planet.
Speaker 3 (00:12):
You really are.
Speaker 2 (00:15):
Hello, welcome the Laura Kane after dark. Thank you for
joining us.
Speaker 4 (00:19):
Hi.
Speaker 1 (00:19):
Almost the middle of.
Speaker 4 (00:21):
It is the middle of I don't want to talk
about it.
Speaker 2 (00:24):
Then comes, then comes Thanksgiving, then comes Hanukah, then comes Christmas.
Speaker 1 (00:29):
Then when does Quanta fall into that?
Speaker 2 (00:32):
But anyway, the holidays and then New Year's Eve, which
is always depressing for me because I don't ever kiss
anyone on New Year's Eve.
Speaker 1 (00:41):
Anybody I want to.
Speaker 2 (00:43):
Anyway, Well I've kissed you before, but yeah, please please.
Speaker 3 (00:49):
No, you won't.
Speaker 2 (00:50):
And anyway, it wouldn't mean anything. It wouldn't be like
out of the movies. I wanted to be like out
of the movies, you know, even though I don't like
those kind of movies. Romantic, right, Sorry to do this
right off the jump, but we're having an argument. Yes,
As I was sitting down, Eric and I were like
(01:12):
flip fake fighting, and he took his finger and as
I was sitting down, he stuck it what he thought
was up my butt, but it was not up my butt.
Speaker 1 (01:23):
It was kind of between my badge and but.
Speaker 4 (01:27):
You are sick. I don't know what you're talking.
Speaker 1 (01:29):
The one that did it.
Speaker 2 (01:30):
So I'm like, you touched me in between the spot
and then and then you said the taint, and I said,
girls don't have a taint, Only dudes have a taint, right,
and then Claire said, no, girls have a taint.
Speaker 5 (01:44):
No, yeah, girls do have Everyone has a taint and
taints are universal.
Speaker 1 (01:52):
Men have a gooch.
Speaker 4 (01:53):
What is a goot?
Speaker 3 (01:55):
It's it's I think.
Speaker 5 (01:56):
It's technically just slang for taint. But I feel like
like you can kind of get into ball territory, testical
territory and still be in the if you if you
walk up to a man and go like this and
then like like that.
Speaker 1 (02:13):
Whatever you hit is.
Speaker 2 (02:17):
Yes, every human has a gouch, which is the slang
term for perineum. Oh, the area of the body is
the space between the anus and the external genital.
Speaker 5 (02:28):
Okay, so gucci is also just done the word for
your tank. Your preenium is also another word for your taint.
That's a scientific word.
Speaker 1 (02:33):
It's a diamond. It's diamond shaped.
Speaker 4 (02:38):
Lauren, You I think you'd really let go touch me
in the diamond. Hey, why don't you put that on
your hinge profile? Does anyone to touch me in my
perennium perennium diamond.
Speaker 6 (02:51):
Area?
Speaker 4 (02:52):
That could be your super diamond perennium.
Speaker 3 (02:58):
Weird and sick? Oh sick?
Speaker 2 (03:01):
You are sick, all right? So now you solve that.
And everybody has a gooch. Everybody has a taint, right,
everybody got that.
Speaker 1 (03:08):
I feel so connected. I feel I feel like I
feel knowledgeable. I feel like I've been to a class.
I feel like I've maybe been to university.
Speaker 4 (03:16):
Hey, you know what we could do? I had a brilliant.
Speaker 3 (03:18):
Idea just now I don't know.
Speaker 1 (03:21):
I'm worried about.
Speaker 4 (03:22):
We could change that. This right here to Laura taint
after dark and I could be with Eric.
Speaker 1 (03:30):
Oh that would be so great. My mom would love me.
Speaker 4 (03:36):
My god.
Speaker 2 (03:37):
Oh, by the way, I'm spending three days with Anti
Doodoo and my mom in the desert.
Speaker 4 (03:45):
I'm going to see you. I'm going to be there
for Thanksgiving.
Speaker 1 (03:49):
It's this week. It's this week. I wish it was. Oh,
my god, Auntie would have loved.
Speaker 3 (03:55):
To have seen you.
Speaker 1 (03:56):
She loves you more than she loves me.
Speaker 4 (03:57):
And maybe maybe I'll stop on the stair.
Speaker 3 (04:01):
She would love that.
Speaker 1 (04:03):
Oh my god, do you have no idea?
Speaker 2 (04:05):
Okay, no idea, but we'll talk about it anyway. So
I'm gonna be with two eighty five year old women
who love to smoke and drink theirs and their city's
at night. They watch Fox TV all day long, especially Judy.
Oh no, I can't they have like this whole schedule.
Speaker 3 (04:23):
My mom not so much.
Speaker 2 (04:24):
Judy is and then she and then we have the
gummy that's taken at nine thirty. Gd takes her gummy
at nine thirty and then stumbles to her room. My
mom doesn't do the gummy, she doesn't need to. And
then but she has enough martinis to.
Speaker 4 (04:39):
Make her sleep.
Speaker 1 (04:40):
And then Judy was.
Speaker 2 (04:42):
All upset because she's like, oh, her back's hurting her,
and she was very she almost thought about canceling.
Speaker 1 (04:47):
As coming out. I'm like, I called her and like,
why why would you do that? What's are you okay?
What's wrong? She's like, I'm just afraid I won't be
able to walk around like is see you know with
you guys, I'm like, Judy, that's not why we come
out to see you. We come to see you, not
the casinos.
Speaker 4 (05:05):
Throw her in a rascal and you're good to go.
Speaker 1 (05:09):
Oh my god, that's so true. Oh do they have
those casino I'm sure they do well.
Speaker 2 (05:16):
Wreck her a rascal and she can rascal around and
play her penny slots.
Speaker 1 (05:22):
Oh my god. Problem solved.
Speaker 4 (05:24):
Get her on the phone. Okay, so Judy Church on
the phone.
Speaker 1 (05:31):
All right, Now you're gonna have to put up Claire
on the roadcaster is the.
Speaker 2 (05:38):
The bluetooth? Now, let me see if my bluetooth is on. No,
we're not nearing gummy time.
Speaker 1 (05:45):
But I don't know.
Speaker 2 (05:46):
This might be a crucial show. This might be a
crucial show that she's watching. Why can't I find my.
Speaker 4 (05:55):
Okay, it's gonna be.
Speaker 2 (05:57):
I'm not connected, but I now I am all on
a minute. It's looking for it. Here we go and connected. Okay,
I'm connected, all right, So here we go. Just turn
it up so we can hear. Now I'm it's it
says it's connected. Just just raise the.
Speaker 1 (06:15):
Okay, here we go.
Speaker 3 (06:16):
Okay, here we go.
Speaker 1 (06:17):
My god, I'm so excited because I called her today.
So here we go.
Speaker 4 (06:20):
She's going to get double good news.
Speaker 1 (06:22):
Here she comes through.
Speaker 4 (06:25):
Here we go.
Speaker 1 (06:25):
Yeah, Okay, just looking at your picture whose minor?
Speaker 6 (06:32):
Eric's yours?
Speaker 1 (06:34):
Which one?
Speaker 6 (06:37):
I don't know, it just came up, and then you're
then you called. I don't even get a chance to
read the damn thing.
Speaker 1 (06:43):
Okay, Hi, Eric, Hi sweetheart, we had a brilliant idea.
Speaker 4 (06:49):
Listen, you're you're going to have double the good news
right now. And as a pseudo game show host, I'm
here to tell you you just doubled your luck. Laura
and Mama are coming out to see you this week, yep, tomorrow.
Guess who's going to be in Palm Springs over Thanksgiving?
Speaker 5 (07:10):
Who?
Speaker 2 (07:11):
Me?
Speaker 6 (07:12):
Oh my god? Really?
Speaker 4 (07:14):
Yep?
Speaker 1 (07:15):
Told you she loves Eric more than me. Shut up, Laura,
so true, so incredibly true. It's okay, Well what do you, Eric?
Speaker 6 (07:24):
What are you going to do on Thanksgiving?
Speaker 4 (07:26):
I'm going to Zinn for dinner?
Speaker 6 (07:30):
Oh okay, yes, because I was going to include you
with us.
Speaker 4 (07:33):
Oh you're so sweet. See.
Speaker 2 (07:35):
I think probably going to Mom's and having like Vaughn's
Mon's half turkey or maybe even like honey baked ham
because I don't even know if Mom wants to do
a turkey this year.
Speaker 6 (07:50):
Well, she's not going to do it, Jenny does it?
Speaker 2 (07:52):
Oh?
Speaker 1 (07:53):
Jenny's going to do.
Speaker 6 (07:53):
This's going to be at mister P's.
Speaker 2 (07:55):
Isn't she, Judy, you want to hear something in all
of my years, and don't say the years or else
I'm going to out you too.
Speaker 6 (08:04):
Shut the fuck up. I'm not going out to it
anymore than you without me exact I know you.
Speaker 1 (08:17):
I've never once cooked a turkey, not a once in
my whole life.
Speaker 6 (08:24):
That's not that is the money you are. You are
not a cook. You are not a housewife. You are
not a mother. You do not want to do any
of those goddamn things. You've always been a bubbet lor Ma.
Speaker 1 (08:40):
Take the mother apart back, you got to take them.
Speaker 6 (08:43):
Well, you've been a very good mother, been a very
good mother. Yes, I got to take that.
Speaker 2 (08:48):
I had to tease you, but okay, no, but yeah,
the cookie and the thing, yes, you're correct about that.
Speaker 1 (08:55):
You're very correct about that.
Speaker 6 (08:57):
And I only had to do it because I had
to do it.
Speaker 3 (09:00):
I know, we know.
Speaker 1 (09:01):
Back in the day, we had to do that.
Speaker 6 (09:03):
We had to do We had no choice, We had
no choice.
Speaker 1 (09:06):
We had we came up with a brilliant idea.
Speaker 4 (09:09):
I understand your back is hurting, oh ship, Yes, yes, okay.
Speaker 6 (09:14):
So I'm not going to get on it, Eric, what
I'm not going to get on it?
Speaker 4 (09:21):
No, listen, you don't. You don't have to worry about
your dismount any doodoo.
Speaker 6 (09:33):
Oh my god, I'm going to pay in my pants?
Speaker 1 (09:36):
She probably she honestly?
Speaker 6 (09:37):
Will you better not have me? Are you recording me?
Speaker 1 (09:41):
Yes, you're on, You're on? Yeah, yes, I know.
Speaker 4 (09:45):
But we have an idea that we're going to get.
We're going to get you a rascal. Yes, and you're you're.
Speaker 3 (09:52):
Going to.
Speaker 2 (09:54):
You're going to the casino, GD What would you think
about us renting and or finding a rascal for you
to like zoom around the casino floor in so you
don't have to walk? No?
Speaker 3 (10:09):
No, why would you want?
Speaker 5 (10:11):
Kid?
Speaker 6 (10:11):
Are you absolutely kidding me?
Speaker 1 (10:14):
Why would you not?
Speaker 6 (10:15):
There never gonna be a day in hell that I do? Go?
Speaker 4 (10:20):
Okay, so are you serious? So listen, Laura, that was
a really bad idea in your part idea cocky.
Speaker 6 (10:28):
It's you're totally tacking and I'm gonna slap you upside
the head.
Speaker 4 (10:31):
Oh my god, this is amazing. So how about this all?
Come out and take my shirt off and carry you
around the casino?
Speaker 6 (10:42):
Can I pray with your hair on your chicks. Sure.
Speaker 2 (10:45):
Oh, he's got a lot of it, Judy, Yeah, it's
all red, red and red and gray.
Speaker 4 (10:52):
You could you can. You always have a very nice
manic cur so you can run your hands anywhere you like.
Speaker 6 (10:57):
Oh god, oh my god, here we go.
Speaker 1 (11:03):
Anyway, all right, Auntie do do? I thought that was
a I thought I anyway.
Speaker 4 (11:08):
I thought, Okay, okay, okay, you got you got anti
doo Dooo fire.
Speaker 1 (11:14):
I know she's fired.
Speaker 6 (11:16):
You got no, I am wow? No, one step one
step above a wheelchair.
Speaker 4 (11:21):
Okay, this is this is the perfect time for me
to ask Auntie doo doo, who do you like better?
Speaker 1 (11:30):
Right now? Remember who's kill that girl?
Speaker 6 (11:34):
I'm gonna kill that girl night.
Speaker 1 (11:40):
Oh, You're gonna get it.
Speaker 3 (11:42):
You're gonna get it. Anyway.
Speaker 6 (11:44):
Who are you coming down here with air?
Speaker 4 (11:48):
I'm going to see some friends and then I'm I'm
gonna be there for three days.
Speaker 1 (11:54):
You have to go by.
Speaker 4 (11:56):
Yes, I will totally come and see you.
Speaker 6 (11:58):
Oh yeah, you got to well. Mary and Laurel will
be here too, so you might as well come over.
When are you coming down?
Speaker 4 (12:04):
I'm not coming till until Thanksgiving? Oh oh oh How far.
Speaker 1 (12:09):
Is Palm Springs from Palm Desert?
Speaker 6 (12:13):
About fifteen minutes.
Speaker 2 (12:14):
All right, you can take fifteen minutes out of your
precious schedule to go visit Anti Doodoo Hair, fancy little community.
Speaker 1 (12:21):
We have lunch, I bet you will. She loves going out.
Speaker 6 (12:26):
Oh I love lunch, Yes, she does.
Speaker 3 (12:33):
She does love lunch.
Speaker 1 (12:34):
That's my favorite.
Speaker 6 (12:36):
I do lunch every day.
Speaker 4 (12:37):
She loves it me too.
Speaker 6 (12:40):
I don't cook, Eric, I do not cook.
Speaker 4 (12:42):
Oh you don't.
Speaker 1 (12:44):
No, oh no, that's why I think I'm actually her daughter.
Speaker 4 (12:48):
Have you been to Lulu's?
Speaker 5 (12:50):
Oh?
Speaker 6 (12:50):
Hell, yes, I love that place. Food is so damn good.
Speaker 4 (12:53):
That's where we'll go for lunch.
Speaker 1 (12:54):
Oh you gots okay, Lula's date. There you go?
Speaker 4 (12:56):
All right, there we go.
Speaker 6 (12:57):
Well that means driving back into Springs, which is parking
is a bitch it is, and Lula's got a parking
place behind it, but they never have any room. Well,
the only time to go is, you know, around one
thirty or two. Don't go at lunchtime.
Speaker 4 (13:13):
No, no, we'll go. We'll go a little bit later.
Speaker 6 (13:16):
Yeah, yeah, perfect, all right, done, sounds good to me.
Speaker 1 (13:21):
All right, and I'll see you tomorrow.
Speaker 6 (13:24):
Okay, what time are you leaving your house?
Speaker 1 (13:27):
I'm true to try to leave it, like eight thirty.
Speaker 6 (13:34):
Oh yeah right, oh yeah right, no, I really.
Speaker 1 (13:36):
I'm gonna try. His mom really wants to get there,
really she wants to get there.
Speaker 6 (13:40):
She wants to go gamble. What the hell can you
get back gambling? Her fingers are itching, Laura's I know,
well I feel I feel felt better today. Good. Oh
maybe maybe I can go. Okay, everybody's trying to make
me the doctor and I'm not doing it.
Speaker 3 (14:01):
So well, we'll have to.
Speaker 1 (14:04):
We're going to work on that.
Speaker 4 (14:05):
Anti do. Have you ever tried salon pass? Now, that's
not that's not a pill for like you know, I
know I've heard about it before or anything like that.
Speaker 1 (14:17):
It's a sticker.
Speaker 4 (14:18):
Have you tried that? Because they really do work?
Speaker 1 (14:21):
Oh really, you will bring you some?
Speaker 6 (14:24):
Well we go, we can go to CBS and get some.
Speaker 1 (14:28):
That's right, we'll go do that.
Speaker 4 (14:30):
Listen, had I known Anti do I ordered these?
Speaker 6 (14:36):
What if you ordered those? There's diamond shaped things that
they keep talking about.
Speaker 4 (14:40):
Well these are these are called scorpion pads?
Speaker 5 (14:43):
What?
Speaker 6 (14:44):
Yeah? There?
Speaker 4 (14:45):
Oh my god? Do they ever work?
Speaker 3 (14:48):
What is it?
Speaker 4 (14:48):
What is pain for your back?
Speaker 6 (14:52):
What are you talking about on television with the fake choppers.
And he comes on and he's got a hat on
one time and not a hat on it again, and
he talking about these diamond shaped things that he sells,
and he said, if you even think that you might
need it, you better order it. Well, yeah, he's telling him.
You know, he's on TV. Pain for pain. Oh, leg pain,
(15:16):
back pain, what the hell? Brain pain?
Speaker 1 (15:24):
All right, Andy, do do? Go finish watching Fox News
and then take your no.
Speaker 6 (15:30):
Oh, Wilson, I've been watching Pole Dark.
Speaker 4 (15:34):
Oh what's right?
Speaker 1 (15:35):
Okay, I've heard I've heard people talking about this.
Speaker 4 (15:38):
Oh my god.
Speaker 6 (15:39):
The guy in there is just I mean, he can
put his shoes shoes under my bed any day. I
looked at him, I really looked at him. Well tonight,
I think he's kind of tiny. I mean he's frame.
Speaker 1 (15:58):
I'm talking about it in the other regions.
Speaker 3 (16:04):
You have Dick Dar too. You have Dick Dar.
Speaker 1 (16:12):
No I know, but like you know Gatar, you have
Dick Dar. You know what the what does Dick looks like?
Speaker 6 (16:20):
It's probably a humongous.
Speaker 3 (16:23):
Because he's a little guy.
Speaker 1 (16:25):
Oh yeah, sometimes that happens too. Yes, you're right, you're
right about that. All right, all right, all right, we're gone,
We're we'll see you tomorrow.
Speaker 3 (16:35):
And I love you.
Speaker 6 (16:37):
I love you too.
Speaker 4 (16:38):
I love you too, sweetheart. I'll see you soon. Okay,
bye bye.
Speaker 2 (16:45):
Never feels is always like perfect. I believe she busted
out the big f this time.
Speaker 4 (16:53):
Oh my god. Hello, Okay, hilarious.
Speaker 2 (16:56):
Claire comes waltzing in today and casually, yeah, mentions to
me something that she has purchased. So please, now let's
turn our attention to produce her, Claire and talk about
the purchase and where it was done, why it was done,
(17:20):
how much it was, and all that.
Speaker 5 (17:23):
I have used some of my hard earned money, my
United States American dollarge to buy a set of juggling balls,
and I'm going to learn to juggle before the next
renaissance fair.
Speaker 4 (17:35):
Oh my god.
Speaker 1 (17:38):
Okay, have the balls come out of the bag.
Speaker 3 (17:42):
Yes?
Speaker 1 (17:43):
Have you been playing with the balls?
Speaker 3 (17:45):
Yes?
Speaker 1 (17:47):
Have you got close to the juggling part?
Speaker 2 (17:50):
No?
Speaker 1 (17:51):
Have you been watching videos on YouTube?
Speaker 2 (17:54):
Yes?
Speaker 1 (17:56):
Have they helped you at all? I'm gonna get there.
Speaker 4 (18:00):
She's determined. I believe her.
Speaker 1 (18:02):
I know she really You know, what, of all people,
she will learn how to juggle?
Speaker 2 (18:07):
Well, I bought something I thought for sure you hadn't
whipped these out yet.
Speaker 1 (18:13):
I thought you just bought them and you were gonna
whip them out.
Speaker 5 (18:15):
No, I have them, and I well, therefore my out
they go with my outfit for the next Renaissance Fair.
And so I put on the whole outfit, okay, And
then I had to get the balls out, and I
took some pictures of me pretend juggling. I just threw
them up in the air and let them fall for
the picture.
Speaker 1 (18:31):
And the picture turned out like so good.
Speaker 5 (18:32):
And that picture turned out so good.
Speaker 1 (18:34):
When is the next Renaissance Fair?
Speaker 3 (18:36):
How much I have?
Speaker 1 (18:36):
Like six months?
Speaker 4 (18:37):
Okay, so that's what you're gonna be? Fine?
Speaker 1 (18:40):
Well, yeah, we need a practicing schedule.
Speaker 5 (18:43):
Yeah, no, I gotta get serious.
Speaker 2 (18:45):
You need to put aside like at least a half
hour a day. Wow, come on, okay, it's gonna take
that time.
Speaker 4 (18:53):
Listen to mommy.
Speaker 1 (18:55):
Now, I bought something similar.
Speaker 4 (18:57):
She rides me like a stolen bike.
Speaker 3 (18:59):
So I, okay, who I'm trying to Maybe.
Speaker 4 (19:09):
That wasn't the right adempt. I make sure I think
that was more sexual than it was. You know what, Claire?
Scratch that.
Speaker 5 (19:16):
Okay, I'm gonna we're gonna sort of strike that from
the record.
Speaker 2 (19:20):
We'll strike it from the right, edit it out, but
we'll just strike it from the right. Yeah, okay, So
about I want to say, two years.
Speaker 3 (19:27):
Ago, do I know what this is? Now?
Speaker 2 (19:30):
I bought this and I was going to learn this
and then show you guys on the podcast my talent.
Speaker 1 (19:41):
It's been sitting in my credenza for that long. I
will now reveal to you what my goal was. And
it may just have jug.
Speaker 4 (19:56):
Oh boy, that costs go.
Speaker 1 (20:01):
I saw this and I was like, oh my god,
I need this, I need this. I want to learn
all of it.
Speaker 2 (20:09):
Magic tricks, oh my magic tricks, four hundred tricks tours.
Speaker 1 (20:15):
Uh, trucos I don't know different languages.
Speaker 3 (20:19):
Uh.
Speaker 2 (20:19):
Look, you've got cards. Oh it's the one with the
cups and the balls underneath the cups. Look it's got
Oh there's something where a ball is flying like somehow floating.
Look I did I opened one. I opened one end,
(20:42):
but I haven't opened it. Look there's flies here.
Speaker 3 (20:44):
What are the flies from for?
Speaker 1 (20:47):
There's dice, there's chains, you know what. Claire.
Speaker 2 (20:52):
By the next Renaissance Fair six months from now, I'm
going to learn some of these magic tricks and I'm
going to blow your Do.
Speaker 5 (20:59):
You want to a gesture with me? I'm being like
a court jester and I want to juggle.
Speaker 3 (21:08):
That means no, no, it's okay.
Speaker 1 (21:11):
Fine, just say that you're embarrassed of me. It's fine.
Speaker 3 (21:14):
No, don't me care.
Speaker 1 (21:16):
Actually I was not.
Speaker 3 (21:18):
I was.
Speaker 1 (21:19):
This is me giving it thought. This was me, This
was me giving it some thought about how I've.
Speaker 2 (21:25):
Never been to a Renaissance fair and why the hell
not if I could learn one of these tricks, maybe
the trick where like the ball is like floating in
between my gloved hands to.
Speaker 1 (21:39):
Wear if you want whatever you want?
Speaker 4 (21:43):
Did they wear like the hats like a boy?
Speaker 3 (21:45):
I've got a hat?
Speaker 1 (21:46):
Okay, yeah, I've got a I mean, this is it's hard.
Speaker 5 (21:50):
I can share a visual, but I don't.
Speaker 1 (21:53):
Know that it was a pretty lady.
Speaker 5 (21:56):
I'm a pretty lady.
Speaker 4 (21:56):
I've addressed you both are pretty ladies.
Speaker 1 (21:58):
You're a pretty lady, jes Yes, okay.
Speaker 5 (22:01):
So this is my brand new take on the jester
where I get to be a pretty lady and a jester.
Speaker 1 (22:06):
I all see. I love that.
Speaker 5 (22:07):
I don't know that this is a visual medium, but
I do feel we're reaching the point where I do
have to share.
Speaker 2 (22:12):
Okay, Okay, we're working with Okay, So we're wearing a
dress obviously, like at like one one that's poofy. Do
we wear poofy dresses or are they flowy kind of dresses?
And do you wear like the corset type thing?
Speaker 1 (22:28):
Yes? Okay. Let me and the shoes. What shoes do
we wear?
Speaker 5 (22:32):
I don't know yet.
Speaker 1 (22:33):
I gotta wear something like tie up boots kind of thing.
Speaker 5 (22:35):
Yeah, something comfortable because you.
Speaker 1 (22:37):
Know you're going to be in the I'm not going
to eat a leg. That's fine.
Speaker 3 (22:42):
You don't have to do.
Speaker 2 (22:43):
They have like other foods that I would eat, not
like Renaissance type foods like beef livers and weird stuff.
Speaker 4 (22:51):
Oh, cabbage rolls.
Speaker 3 (22:54):
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (22:55):
That's okay.
Speaker 3 (22:55):
Let's see.
Speaker 1 (22:56):
Let's see. Oh my god, you're.
Speaker 2 (23:01):
Oh see, I wish I could show this, you know what. Okay,
put it up next time. Okay, see this is too hard.
Speaker 3 (23:08):
You can put it up.
Speaker 1 (23:09):
Put it up close to thing that is so look
at You're scary. But your hat is a little scary.
It's a little devilish, but I kind of like it.
Speaker 4 (23:24):
Okay, so I would wear the hat just on a
regular basis.
Speaker 2 (23:29):
I would do it, Okay, I would go with you
if I could be like a pretty lady that wears
like a long train type of thing, and I don't
want to wear like a really thick or no, really
tight corset.
Speaker 1 (23:41):
Oh yeah, wow, should I be No gestures.
Speaker 2 (23:48):
Don't have that privilege, do they? Oh, because you're sneaky
like that, yes, sneaky like okay, so I can be
like the queen.
Speaker 1 (23:59):
You're like doing the queen on the side. Oh yeah, wow, Okay,
we've got.
Speaker 3 (24:05):
This figure out.
Speaker 1 (24:06):
This has like we have six months. We have six
months to figure this whole thing out. Yeah. I've got
to learn a trick. She's gonna learn how to juggle.
I'm going to the Renaissance.
Speaker 4 (24:14):
You both are going to be playing with a lot
of balls.
Speaker 5 (24:17):
That happens behind the scenes of the Renaissance Fair. Wait,
I don't know how much you know about Renaissance Fair.
Speaker 6 (24:22):
No.
Speaker 1 (24:22):
Nothing.
Speaker 3 (24:23):
So everyone is.
Speaker 5 (24:25):
Staying it's lives like a big park, okay, and everyone
is all the vendors, all the people that work there
are staying the night in a tent in like a
medieval tent behind their little stall where they sell their
pies or their drinkings or whatever, and they are all
when the the night ends, when the people leave, they're
all doing it crazy style.
Speaker 4 (24:47):
Oh so there's like a renaissance orgy, yes, going on.
Speaker 1 (24:50):
You can hear all that stuff happening.
Speaker 5 (24:53):
Well, no, it's after the gas sleeve. I've only well,
why have you I have well, I've not participated. Okay, good,
but I have been invited to participate.
Speaker 1 (25:06):
Oh I at this is at the.
Speaker 5 (25:11):
The big one in Irwindale. You can find these people,
the uh, the people that do the nights. There's a
hot am I about to docks this man I don't know.
There's a hot young knight named Gareth, named Sir Gareth.
And I saw him before he was a knight, when
he was just a stable boy, okay, And I was like,
(25:32):
this stable boy is cute as hell. That's my stable boy.
And so I go up to him after the thing
and I give him like I like fake flowers, and
I give him one and his face gets so serious
and he walks up to me and he's put his
hands out and we shake hands through the bars while
he's tending the horses, and he says like, hi, I'm Gareth.
And then he says, are you gonna be around later?
(25:55):
And so I was invited to stay after to do
the crazy doing it crazy?
Speaker 2 (26:00):
Wait wait, wait, wait this whole thing like, so you're
really truly role playing this whole entire time and is
earned it?
Speaker 1 (26:08):
Dale like the big one that's near La, that's a
big one, and do people. So this guy had to
go from stable boy. You have to work your way up, apparently.
Speaker 2 (26:18):
So.
Speaker 1 (26:20):
Because he was the stable boy.
Speaker 5 (26:22):
And the next year I saw him, he was the
night and everyone in the internet is thirsting over him now.
But I liked him first, okay, and he wanted me back.
Speaker 1 (26:29):
All right, Well, go get that night with your juggling.
Remember from like two years ago, years ago. Now, look
at what I can do bang bang bang. Think about
what I can do with some other ball.
Speaker 4 (26:41):
You could say something, you could exactly. You could say
you think I'm good with these?
Speaker 1 (26:47):
Oh gosh, that was too easy.
Speaker 4 (26:49):
Wait wait, see you can work the flesh colored one.
Speaker 1 (26:54):
You got three of them, right, That's what I used
to Some guys do, right, do they?
Speaker 3 (27:00):
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (27:01):
Some people have three nips?
Speaker 3 (27:03):
Yeah, I think it's much more common to only have one.
Speaker 1 (27:05):
Than to have one ball than three balls? Yeah, yeah,
I wish we had phone like Harry Styles.
Speaker 4 (27:11):
Yeah he does, he does. I hate love him speaking
of three balls? What has three balls and comes from
outer space? And we're going to end the show after
this because I can't.
Speaker 3 (27:22):
I thought we were doing No, we'll do.
Speaker 1 (27:25):
That next she's had enough getting to know me? Yes,
I think's had enough. We'll do that next time.
Speaker 4 (27:31):
What has three balls and comes from outer space?
Speaker 1 (27:35):
I don't know what has three balls and comes from
outer space?
Speaker 4 (27:38):
Laura Caine, it is e T the extra testicle?
Speaker 3 (27:46):
No flat line?
Speaker 1 (27:49):
Flat line?
Speaker 4 (27:50):
You smile.
Speaker 1 (27:53):
Because you make me laugh with your laugh. Could you
think it's dumbest things are funny?
Speaker 4 (27:59):
Oh my god, that was hilarious. Claire is laughing.
Speaker 1 (28:02):
Well, Claire is probably laughing because I'm loving you're laughing.
I don't even think she was that funny.
Speaker 3 (28:08):
I literally I don't.
Speaker 4 (28:09):
It was hilarious.
Speaker 1 (28:10):
I feel like.
Speaker 2 (28:12):
It was a perfect that was and like how we're
going to segue into but next week we're gonna play
never Have I Ever? And then we'll learn even.
Speaker 1 (28:21):
More a Mount Claire. We learned a lot about Claire
just this one episode. We're gonna learn a lot.
Speaker 4 (28:28):
Of I learned that you we all have guccas, we
all have.
Speaker 1 (28:31):
Goo ands, and they're diamond shaped, and I think that
I don't know.
Speaker 4 (28:36):
I like the fact that the diamonds we do one question.
Speaker 1 (28:39):
No no, no, no no. We should end, because that
was a great end. You never know when to tie
a bowl around it.
Speaker 4 (28:44):
Oh right, well, this is such a pretty package. We
should This was a pretty package.
Speaker 1 (28:50):
Anyway. Thank you guys for watching, Thank you for supporting us,
thank you for listening. We love you so much. Thank
you Claire for being part of this mess. And love
your podcast.
Speaker 4 (29:02):
Love your podcast.
Speaker 1 (29:03):
I love you, my sweet babies.
Speaker 3 (29:04):
Bye.
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