August 19, 2024 • 42 mins
Monday (pt 1 of 2): On today’s Late Riser’s Podcast, Robert Earl Keen sets the tone for your Monday with Swervin’ In My Lane… - Ricky B. and Lucy R. Sharpe sing “Put the Seat Down”.. - We replay a call from Larry the Cable Guy.. - Tacky Jackie’s kicks off their Back to School sale.. - Bill Clinton leads us in a refresher for the “Clinton Mambo”.. - Tater and John Boy take another whack at reenacting some silly, but actual, “Courtroom Transquips”.. - and we’ll round out the show with a call to our agent Murray…
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Still another pass back for you lessen thirty minutes from
right now. It's a big sell. Oh, let somebody better
damn it than me, tell you than me? All right?
Speaker 2 (00:13):
Time might be the Big Show that still picking.
Speaker 3 (00:15):
Him up at you?
Speaker 1 (00:17):
Whoa, it's you, Marcel. What am I doing well?
Speaker 4 (00:20):
When I'm not hanging up on racing fat boy and
trying to cure Beds of her terminal blondness. I'm listening
to my two favorite straight white Southern boys, John Boy
and Billie on the Big Show. Oh, Marcel, just stop, No,
I won't tell Randy you s that hello.
Speaker 1 (01:09):
Godd having on them it is? Are you laying there
and thinking?
Speaker 3 (01:15):
What day is it? One day day?
Speaker 5 (01:23):
Oh?
Speaker 1 (01:24):
That soothing boyo Tater gets us going. We know it's
a Monday morning.
Speaker 6 (01:28):
That shock.
Speaker 1 (01:32):
Our right, Well, let's have some fun on the Monday.
Speaker 2 (01:35):
Come on, get up and get at it.
Speaker 1 (01:37):
Be thankful for your jobs. That's Mario. We need a
Mario pep talk. Don't go on bothering people. I look
at the national days while you pull up Mario's pep talk.
Somebout National Aviation Day? Always on Orville Wright's birthday? How
about o Orville and his brother Will Burr. They were
(02:00):
from Dayton, Ohio. So Orville was born on this day
in eighteen seventy one. I don't know who the older
right brother was. I guess whoever got to fly the
plane the other one had to push. Now they actually
flipped a coin over it. Is that right? A good deal?
Speaker 3 (02:14):
All right, oh Orville.
Speaker 1 (02:15):
That's why I said, you know, Ohio, there's arguing, Hey man,
we usuld be first in flight. North Carolina got it
on our license plates. But actually they did it. You
know the sand dune at Kitty Hawk thro the Outer
Banks and one that I fell down. The listener was
there when he was a kid.
Speaker 7 (02:31):
That was the first man to flight or powered flight
in North Carolina.
Speaker 1 (02:36):
No, no, I just fell Oh okay, oh you're talking
about the Wilburn Orville. Yeah, there was the record. Well,
we got it on the license plate. They changed it
now it says first in freedom. Really yeah, we we
go Ohio on All right, Well, I hope you all
happy this National Soft ice Cream Day. It tastes the
way to cool off on a hot summer day. In
(02:58):
this National Potato Day, maybe a good time to play
hot potato if you leave it out in the sun.
I'm just workshopping here sad material, and now for our
Monday morning. What do you say, pep talk? Yeah, okay,
all right.
Speaker 8 (03:15):
I tell you everybody's complaining and going on, worried about things,
crying out loud. It's jobs out there that's a little
bit more difficult than what.
Speaker 9 (03:25):
You got here. Please please calm down, be appreciative of
your job. Don't complain all the time, don't argue, don't
don't just go on and bother people crying out loud.
Speaker 1 (03:38):
All right, Yes, we're not gonna go on and bother people.
Larry the cable guy Rand in the Romantic Court transcripts, Wow,
how why would we want to mess up a show
like this? We're gonna get the winning beginning in minutes
going out here. Go back to what you were doing
(04:00):
the shows on the radio, Good morning, got a big
show on the radio. First prize pack is a backpack
from Fishing Cycles. High quality electric bikes at affordable prices.
Another summer giveaway we got here on the Big Show,
giving away the Fishing seven fifty x all terrain e bike,
fat tires, powerful motor, impressing forty five mile range. Even
(04:23):
thinking about an electric bicycle go with fissions man, this
is the best on the market. Be sure to enter
to win yours at the Big Show dot com. Listen
up here three days in history where we're gonna categories.
August nineteenth. It was nineteen oh nine. A dirt track
in Indianapolis was open for the testing of automobiles. The
(04:44):
track later became the Indianapolis Speedway site of the Indianapolis
five hundred nineteen oh nine. Move up to nineteen eighty seven.
Consumer reporter David Horowitz was held at gunpoint on camera
during a newscast and Burbank, California. He was forced to
read the assailant's rambling notes. The program was taken off
(05:06):
the air until police could get the gunman off the set.
Horowitz was unharmed. I mean, find a copy of that
a little bit later this morning. I think that would
be historically and significant. Please somebody do something and don't
go on bothering people trying to Finally, on this date,
Note two, a South African driver survived a shooting when
(05:26):
the bullet lodged in a wad of money, A wad
of money in his jacket pocket. Victim was attacked outside
of the bank where he just collected about a thousand bucks.
Told police he realized hid been shot when he found
a hole in his pocket and a bullet in the
wad of money. Yeah, there you get them.
Speaker 2 (05:45):
Well, there it is.
Speaker 1 (05:46):
There's our three categories one eight hundred Big Shows. You're
told free line. Come on, we'll play out Bursts next.
(06:16):
Good morning, that's a big show on the radio, Rolling
through you, Monday, August nineteenth. Today's feature track from the
Big Show bed box. Our agent Murray Frank Perdues offered
to the Pope search for key word chicken. Hit the
mid boxes brought you by Lon Tiger's motorcycle Lawyers rested
for the custom Big Show motorcycle at Big Show Bike
(06:37):
dot com. And right now, that's good.
Speaker 10 (06:44):
Outburst. Let's play Upburst. It's the game that anyone can win.
Shoon Boy and Billy give the prizes from the big
Prize per Let's go contested number one.
Speaker 5 (06:59):
This should be a.
Speaker 10 (07:01):
Lot of fun when you're playing out have them Mary
up and guest. Time you love the best time you
love a big shots.
Speaker 1 (07:11):
Let's say he Michael from Maynardsdale, can.
Speaker 3 (07:16):
I see we have shot?
Speaker 11 (07:26):
It's humboat.
Speaker 1 (07:27):
My friend is Michael fat I think there's Michael.
Speaker 2 (07:35):
Yes it is Michael.
Speaker 1 (07:37):
Michael. Will listen, narrow this down. Jackie is working in
a correct state. There, so we got Tennessee and no Humbolt.
All right stuff. Yes, I think I beat somebody in
Maybury Trivia from your fine town a couple of years ago.
I have no doubt.
Speaker 2 (07:54):
Just take us sitting up.
Speaker 1 (07:55):
Probably beat somebody in Mayberry Trivia. Hey, Michael, we're pulling
for you, buddy. Let's hit you through these three categories.
Get you that fishing cycles prize pack. You read it.
Let's do it man in five seconds. Three famous race tracks.
Ready go.
Speaker 12 (08:12):
Indi Speedway, Bristol and Martinsville Dagons.
Speaker 1 (08:17):
Now my gonna give us three things you see during
a newscast, Ready to go, the weather, the news, and
the sport man.
Speaker 2 (08:28):
And for the win, three things found in a bank.
Ready go, money, a killer and a vault one money. Say,
and there are right over Humbo. All right, that is
an easy party.
Speaker 1 (08:43):
Now let's get Jackie's the right address to get you
the prize package. Using can I give a shout out
to my friends?
Speaker 12 (08:52):
Please do from over here in Trenton at the Highway
Department at Gifton County They do a good job with me,
and I'm working good for them.
Speaker 3 (09:01):
Thank you very much.
Speaker 1 (09:01):
Well awesome, Michael, appreciate you and yours. Listen to the
Big Show bad a Man of the Hour, top of
your news. Get Robert Earl ken sing on Monday morning song,
don't be swerving into my lane.
Speaker 13 (09:25):
H good morning. It's a big show on the radio
(09:58):
Monday morning.
Speaker 1 (10:00):
All get on up.
Speaker 13 (10:02):
Yeah, Monday morning. So Robert Earl Key.
Speaker 14 (10:08):
That's done by Robert Earl Keane is being lying a
bit your studio.
Speaker 15 (10:12):
Sometimes I don't know what I'm doing.
Speaker 2 (10:17):
Come on tack and get ready to say anybody.
Speaker 3 (10:20):
Sometimes on my days are filled with right els.
Speaker 2 (10:27):
I traveled down last bad things ain't going.
Speaker 15 (10:33):
Mind way because there's always someone swarming in my line.
Speaker 13 (10:41):
You keep swimming in my.
Speaker 15 (10:43):
Line and it's causing lots of Thinginger.
Speaker 1 (10:49):
I'm a honking on my horror.
Speaker 2 (10:53):
I'm shooting you the flame.
Speaker 3 (10:56):
Keep switching on my bride lots.
Speaker 16 (11:01):
Just to him.
Speaker 15 (11:04):
When you're swerving all lives Pie Way, you're running someone
off the road.
Speaker 11 (11:13):
The day Joe Way, I thought I never.
Speaker 15 (11:18):
Never could glove another how else could I feed? But
nowing you run into me, I can't believe I could
not see her.
Speaker 2 (11:35):
I'll tank up the one's at the waiting.
Speaker 15 (11:41):
You keep swarming in my life, just causing lots of bab.
Speaker 11 (11:49):
I'm a cussing out your name.
Speaker 13 (11:53):
I'm shooting you the fight.
Speaker 11 (11:57):
I keep switching on my bride and line. What you
just too, Dampton?
Speaker 15 (12:02):
Now when you're swerving all lives ay by, you're running
someone off the road.
Speaker 1 (12:18):
Driving a big show.
Speaker 13 (12:45):
Good morning, it's a big show on the radio.
Speaker 1 (12:48):
Elesack.
Speaker 4 (12:52):
Hello, friends, you're old palp birt Burn here with another
falange frightening entry of John Bully and Billy playhouse today's
episode Animal Control. As our story opens, a distraught suburban
housewife waits for the animal control officer.
Speaker 13 (13:07):
You over here, Are you the animal guy?
Speaker 6 (13:11):
Yes, ma'am, guy animal, the animal guide. I make your
critters skinner. Now, I might to understand. You have a
full grown gorilla in your mango tree.
Speaker 11 (13:20):
That's right.
Speaker 1 (13:21):
Look look there he is there he is.
Speaker 2 (13:23):
Oh yeah, that's a gorilla, all right, and he is
a big un.
Speaker 14 (13:27):
So is this something you think you can handle?
Speaker 2 (13:30):
Yes, ma'am, got everything I need.
Speaker 16 (13:32):
So all you've got is a ladder like an eight
foot metal pole, A pair of handcuffs and a shotgun
and a row whiler.
Speaker 6 (13:39):
Yes, ma'am, how's that gonna work?
Speaker 3 (13:41):
Will, ma'am?
Speaker 6 (13:41):
The procedure is, first, I strategically placed the ladder in
a safe yet accessible site on the mango tree. Next,
I shimmy up the aforementioned ladder with this pole. When
the gorilla isn't looking, I'll take this pole and stick
him in what is referred to in the business as
his poop.
Speaker 11 (13:56):
Shoot.
Speaker 6 (13:59):
This will startled the gorilla, causing him to fall, and
in a split second, the rot wiler will clamp jaws
down on his gorilla McNuggets. Oh dear, pretty much the
gorilla's reaction. Now at that time, I shame me down
the ladder, and while the gorilla is disoriented, I slap
on the cuffs and hustle him into the cage in the.
Speaker 1 (14:15):
Back of the truck.
Speaker 13 (14:16):
What about the shotgun, oh.
Speaker 1 (14:17):
Ma'am, that is for you.
Speaker 6 (14:19):
What if, by chance, the gorilla knocks me out of
the tree, shoot the dogs.
Speaker 3 (14:29):
And how.
Speaker 4 (14:31):
We hope you've enjoyed John Boy and Billy playhouse to
distract the gorilla, could you possibly.
Speaker 2 (14:36):
Undo those top two buttons?
Speaker 4 (14:38):
Stop tune in next time when we'll hear the crusty
old rottweiler ball chomping trainers say.
Speaker 2 (14:46):
Hey, big man, let me hold a dollar. Good morning.
Speaker 1 (14:56):
You got the big show on the radio. More chances
for you to win coming out.
Speaker 2 (15:00):
I'm after your news weather sports. Yeah, this is your
old pals, you stein La Black.
Speaker 4 (15:05):
When I'm not mooching some of that fine Jacques Danielle
Whiskey and I play the right fine gumbo off my
best friend Woodrow Boodrow and that sassy sack of wife
and he's on Lizbeth.
Speaker 1 (15:15):
I'm listening to those.
Speaker 5 (15:16):
Tool wacky Cajun John Boy and Philly right there on
that there big show.
Speaker 2 (15:20):
Woe, there's funny I Guary on.
Speaker 13 (15:22):
Pee Yah, Good morning.
Speaker 1 (15:57):
It's a big Jean radio A couple of the months
by letting Tothan's most famous fast food mascot go to
his head.
Speaker 17 (16:09):
Reggaee and lose the all lang it. I got home
really late last night when I drinking it got pretty time.
Tiptoed all the way through the house so I wouldn't
(16:30):
wake up my spis. I stumbled along the.
Speaker 18 (16:35):
Upstairs hall, tripped on the can in stepped on the ball,
trying hard not to make.
Speaker 3 (16:45):
A sad.
Speaker 4 (16:48):
The bathrooms the place said I was bow close the
door slow so it wouldn't squeak.
Speaker 2 (16:58):
I just needed take me a leave.
Speaker 1 (17:03):
Then I heard a voice.
Speaker 2 (17:04):
Before I be gone.
Speaker 5 (17:08):
Put the seat down when you get done. Put the
seat down when I get done. You seem to forget
whose number one.
Speaker 2 (17:23):
You ain't my boss, You're.
Speaker 3 (17:24):
Just my wife.
Speaker 2 (17:28):
Don't make the biggest mistake of your life. That's when she.
Speaker 16 (17:33):
Busted in the door, knock me flat right on the floor,
stuff by face in the toilet, ball.
Speaker 2 (17:48):
Slamm the lid til my head was swollen. She rubbed
my body.
Speaker 3 (17:54):
Down with name.
Speaker 2 (17:57):
She didn't leave a single I begged her to stop.
She said, no way. This time I'm going to make
you pay. She slapped my junk.
Speaker 4 (18:13):
With the back of her head, jimmy in the head
with a frying paint.
Speaker 2 (18:22):
She said to me, better listen, put the seat down
when you get done. I'll put the seat down when
I get done.
Speaker 19 (18:37):
And if I don't, I'm sure going to run button
n There ain't no change. I already pete right in
my pants.
Speaker 1 (18:53):
Did you say good morning? Got the big shoon a rady?
You hang on for Mount Olive pickles prize back. You
can win, so somebody will when we play John Boy
Jeffardy mount Olive probably partners with the National Wheelchair Basketball Association,
enhancing lives of people with disabilities chair for Team USA
(19:16):
at the Paralympics in Paris starting August twenty eighth. Well
we have had them, good old co meetians on the
show here. It's his last week or so called him
with Killer Bees last week. Derek Stroup has got a
new record. Well we don't call him records now what
we call him albums, Yes, and Albacillan album Eating Dinner Twice.
It is on Larry the Cable Guys record label, Get
(19:39):
Her Done Records. Hello, Old Larry. He is very picky
about who he lets on his label, and Derek wins
on this one. So y'all look up Derek Stroup, Get
Her Done Records.
Speaker 13 (19:53):
Unless has some fun.
Speaker 2 (19:54):
When Old Larry was in the Big Show.
Speaker 1 (19:56):
Studio right there at that microphone, can I do this letry?
Speaker 3 (19:59):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (19:59):
Yeah, Now this is your adopted pigmy.
Speaker 12 (20:01):
Yeah, I adopted booblah boobla, this pigmy I adopted. I
sent him a care package and he sent me back
a letter.
Speaker 11 (20:10):
If you want to.
Speaker 12 (20:12):
Dear Larry the cable guy, thanks for sending me them flyshwaters.
They they come in handy on them muggy nights. I
appreciate the PlayStation, but there ain't no place to plug.
Speaker 3 (20:30):
It in down there.
Speaker 11 (20:33):
My brother Booboo Bee Booble got crushed by a flower
bag last night during the food drop.
Speaker 12 (20:42):
He broke a leg and lost his job as wilderbee'st
de gutter down at the meat plant. Mom's all excited
because they're gonna show her boobs on the cover of
the February geograph. She just rode a wild hog down
to the beauty shop. Some bamboo in her nipples and
a pigeon bone in her nose. All right, I shrunk
(21:07):
a missionary head last night and put it on a stick,
so you'll be getting it as soon as ups starts
delivering again.
Speaker 11 (21:13):
Down here, the last driver ended up in a kettle
of taters and roots.
Speaker 12 (21:21):
We run into this ridiculous We run into some touchy
drivers last night, hippo gigging. It's like frog gigging, but
with hippos. I hurt my back because I had to
carry the decoys. Tonight, we're going to kill a pigmy
hord and dance around drinking mango juice.
Speaker 11 (21:46):
Let's see here.
Speaker 12 (21:47):
Just let you know your phrase get her done has
really caught on deck down there. We always ride it
across our forehead with fish eggs when we go on
a hunt.
Speaker 11 (21:58):
Well, I gotta go.
Speaker 12 (21:59):
There's a lot ain't in the camp and a lot
of time them lions. If you're not in your cant
in your tent, they get a little mean and they'll come.
Speaker 11 (22:08):
That's all he's done.
Speaker 12 (22:12):
I hope he's okay. That's actually the last I heard
from him. But that's letter from Booblah Boom.
Speaker 1 (22:20):
But you need to apologize right now, Lord.
Speaker 11 (22:23):
I apologize a letter to Boobla bo that's just hard.
Speaker 1 (22:29):
Apologize.
Speaker 3 (22:29):
What is this Russia?
Speaker 4 (22:30):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (22:30):
What the hell?
Speaker 11 (22:33):
Yeah, that's that's from Boobla. You know, I also got
this deal.
Speaker 3 (22:38):
I don't know.
Speaker 11 (22:38):
I got to see d Lord, I apologize.
Speaker 1 (22:41):
Oh yeah, that's funny. Man's a great album.
Speaker 12 (22:44):
I got a thing on there where I answer toddler mail,
you know, from toddlers and me mail, and a couple
of kids have written me. So I got a couple
of my answer if you want.
Speaker 3 (22:56):
To hear it.
Speaker 1 (22:57):
Yeah, let's let's this she.
Speaker 12 (23:01):
Dear Larry, do midgets have regular sized turds or little
midget turds? Love Delford, age four, deer turd sye wandering Delford.
This is a question I myself have always wandered about magics.
I used to date a midget stripper. Once I met
(23:21):
her at a bachelor party. When she popped out of
a cupcake, I always wondered about the size of herd poops.
I tried to look over stall once to watch or
go to toilet, but I couldn't see too good.
Speaker 11 (23:34):
But it's mad like some big o wishes. Let's see
what else you.
Speaker 3 (23:43):
Mean?
Speaker 1 (23:43):
There's more.
Speaker 11 (23:46):
You want?
Speaker 3 (23:46):
Hear a nothing?
Speaker 12 (23:47):
Yeah, dear Larry, Why do fart stink? Jimmy, aged two,
Dear Jimmy, the Lord Doun created fart stink so deaf
folks can enjoy us good belly half act rest down.
My dad used to say, every time you cut wine,
it means someone has prayed for you. And the stink
(24:08):
with this meunt of dead demons being.
Speaker 11 (24:10):
Blowed out behind that. I hope I answered those questions.
Speaker 1 (24:20):
Any wonder he is rich beyond his beliefs. Rise, Well,
let's play John Boy Jeopardy review. Yesterday's question we found out,
well that was Friday's question. We weren't here on Sunday,
so never month. Today's John Boy Jeopardy. According to the
(24:40):
Official United States Marines History Division, the president gets a
twenty one gun salute. This is what we give the
vice president?
Speaker 6 (24:50):
Is it the one finger?
Speaker 1 (24:52):
Seems that way? Recently?
Speaker 2 (24:56):
What y'all got one eight hundred?
Speaker 1 (24:58):
Big Show? You told free Line we played John Boy Jeopardy.
Next Good Monday morning, Big Show's on the radio. Today's
(25:30):
feature track for the Big Show bit box, our agent
Murray Frank perdues offer to the Pope. Search for keyword chicken.
Hit the bit box at the Big Show dot Com.
Brought to you by law Tiger's Motorcycle Lawyers thatser for
the custom Big Show motorcycle.
Speaker 2 (25:46):
At Big Show Bike dot com.
Speaker 1 (25:49):
And right now let's play yes live across America. It's
John Boy Jeopardy and now your host.
Speaker 7 (25:57):
He says, twenty one gun salutes should he reserved for
those who serve. Like his grandfather, he had the heart
of a lion and a lifetime ban from the Berlin Zoo.
Speaker 2 (26:09):
He's John Boy.
Speaker 1 (26:11):
That as I hated Donald out of Columbus, Georgia. Good morning, Donald,
Good morning, John boy. Hello buddy, you got the first
shot at it this morning.
Speaker 2 (26:22):
See what you got?
Speaker 1 (26:23):
According to the Official United States Marines History Division, the
president gets a twenty one gun salute. This is what
we give the vice president. And you are thinking, Donald,
I can hear it.
Speaker 2 (26:39):
I am, thank you.
Speaker 1 (26:42):
How about nineteen.
Speaker 2 (26:44):
Nineteen gun salute?
Speaker 3 (26:48):
Wow?
Speaker 2 (26:48):
That work man nighteen down there?
Speaker 10 (26:53):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (26:53):
I had never heard of a nineteen gun salute. Yeah, yeah,
I mean this is vice president, though I guess at.
Speaker 7 (26:58):
One time it was seventeen. For some reason, they upped
it to nineteen. Do you know where the whole history
of the twenty one gun salute comes from?
Speaker 3 (27:05):
Oh?
Speaker 1 (27:06):
Yeah, okay, no, I'm done. Just hold on that, David,
I mean Donald, you you have a great day, buddy,
Thanks for playing. Thank you, all right, buddy, let's go
to carry He down in Standing Rock, Alabama. Good morning,
Carry Why the other guy won? Oh yeah?
Speaker 7 (27:25):
Why am I doing that?
Speaker 1 (27:26):
I don't know, because you knocked it out of my head.
I'm just trying to get away from one of your stories.
Speaker 3 (27:30):
All right.
Speaker 1 (27:33):
Ahead, Carrie, I'll give away two prize bats just to
keep Randy from telling me a story, man, But I'm
pretty sure my team.
Speaker 2 (27:43):
Yeah, yeah, why you say nineteen two? Oh that's.
Speaker 3 (27:48):
Yeah night Wow.
Speaker 2 (27:51):
If we had time, Randy could tell us if I
have to excluse my dog gun.
Speaker 1 (27:55):
Oh, I wouldn't tell you now if you asked me to.
Boys said, y'all listen and playing with us this morning.
Can't thank y'all enough. All right, we got a news
intro coming up, Randy, right quick? Can you do it until.
Speaker 3 (28:16):
Talking?
Speaker 20 (28:17):
What is it?
Speaker 7 (28:17):
In the eighteen hundreds, when cargo ships would be coming
in with their cannons loaded, they would discharge the cannons
into the air because it takes a little time to
reload a cannon. So that would tell the port authority
is okay for him to come.
Speaker 1 (28:32):
In the end? Oh, you didn't make a hurry up
it is. Don't go around bothering people. We got time
caps al on the other side.
Speaker 13 (28:44):
This report.
Speaker 4 (29:14):
This is the award winning John Boy and Billy Big Show,
the South's number one exports.
Speaker 14 (29:29):
John Milly, y'all, Maxy man, I hear y'all got these
boys on the show.
Speaker 3 (29:34):
What was that lace? Rob Becker got that roadway show? Yeah,
the King Men men, cavemen.
Speaker 14 (29:41):
All I had, everybody making the whole whole professions out
of the difference between men and women, all them stupid
books and lectures comedians. I guess it can be fun,
But I tell you, Rob, I listen to you now.
I'm kind of with you on that caveman deal. Because
if my whole life consists.
Speaker 3 (29:58):
Of how that I can better get along with my wife,
take a club and beat me with it.
Speaker 14 (30:05):
Now, I'm gonna break it down for you, women and me,
and this is gonna be a service to you as well.
I got twenty five things women that we men want
you to know. Learn these just twenty five things, and
you'll understand us. Everything will be all right. We can
live happily ever after, okay, right. Number one, learn to
(30:26):
work the toilet seat. If it's up, don't come tell
us about it. Put it down yourself.
Speaker 3 (30:33):
Number two, don't cut your hair ever. Number three, don't
make us guess we hate that. Number four.
Speaker 14 (30:43):
If you ask a question you don't want an answer
to expect an answer you don't want to hear.
Speaker 3 (30:49):
Number five. Sometimes we're not thinking about you. You must
learn to live with it.
Speaker 14 (30:56):
Number six, we're never thinking about the relationships.
Speaker 3 (31:03):
Number seven. Get rid of your cat. No, it's not different,
it's just.
Speaker 2 (31:08):
Like every other cat.
Speaker 3 (31:11):
Number eight. Dogs are better than any cats. Period number nine.
Sunday equal sports.
Speaker 2 (31:18):
Number ten.
Speaker 3 (31:19):
Shopping is not everybody's idea of a good time. Number eleven.
Anything you wear is fine really.
Speaker 14 (31:28):
Number twelve You have enough clothes. Number thirteen you have
too many shoes. Number fourteen. Crying is blackmail. Use it
if you must, but don't expect us to like it.
Number fifteen. Your brother is an idiot. Number sixteen.
Speaker 3 (31:48):
Ask what, ask for what? Number sixteen. This is for
what you want. Subtle hints don't work. Number seventeen. No,
we don't know what day it is. We never will
mark anniversaries. Number eighteen. Share the bathroom. Number n eighteen,
Share the closet. Number twenty. Yes and no are perfectly
(32:12):
acceptable answers. Number twenty one. A headache that lasts for
seventeen months is a problem. See a doctor. Number twenty two.
Nothing says I love you like sex in the morning.
Speaker 14 (32:27):
Number twenty three. Foreign films are best left to foreigners.
Number twenty four. Check your all and number twenty five.
Don't give us fifty rules when twenty five will do
John boyd.
Speaker 3 (32:42):
Did that do it? Yeah?
Speaker 2 (32:43):
Bye?
Speaker 3 (32:44):
John boy MILLI yeah, I have a nice dab.
Speaker 2 (32:48):
John boy and Phillies. A woman fixing a car that's
like a pig trying to read.
Speaker 1 (32:54):
Good morning radio, dumb rights.
Speaker 13 (33:23):
Good morning. It's a big shaw on the radio.
Speaker 3 (33:26):
Man.
Speaker 2 (33:27):
Already back to school?
Speaker 1 (33:29):
You know today they're going back today in Charlotte, back
the Burgh schools, North Carolina. Where we are some kids
in South Carolina been back for two weeks? Yeah?
Speaker 3 (33:38):
Yeah, and where you are?
Speaker 1 (33:40):
When did we go back?
Speaker 2 (33:41):
Eddie?
Speaker 1 (33:42):
What you don't have to go back anymore? You're done?
Speaker 2 (33:45):
Good grief?
Speaker 1 (33:46):
You graduated.
Speaker 2 (33:49):
It was around this time.
Speaker 11 (33:51):
I remember there. I was like in the twenties of August.
Speaker 1 (33:54):
Okay, well, I know I was used to turning down
summer school. No, I don't need to get that. I'll
be fine. I'll be fun.
Speaker 2 (34:00):
It's hot when I go back.
Speaker 7 (34:01):
To I told you wrong, So I take the blame.
But the local Charlotte schools go back on the twenty eighth.
Speaker 1 (34:09):
Okay, oh read, oh you just scared it off. Oh
I know, I'm sorry.
Speaker 2 (34:13):
You got time to go shopping and tacky jackies.
Speaker 4 (34:20):
Hello friends, your old pal Bert Bern here hits that
time of year again, when parents can breathe a sigh
of relief, get a little me time, and push the
Karen feeding of their horrible offspring on the state. That's
right back to school, so ring the bell and send
them back to hell in style thanks to the big
back to school sale at Tacky Jackie's Close for hose
(34:42):
does your daughter dress like a crackhead? Does your closet
look like Lindsay Lohan's laundry hamper? Is your lit trap
full of sequins and glitter? To your friends, think you've
adopted Miley Cyrus? To your nosy neighbors give you a
sympathetic pat on the back while handing you a gift
certificate for planned parenthood?
Speaker 2 (34:58):
Is that the state of affairs in your house? Old snookums,
We'll guess what.
Speaker 4 (35:02):
Despite your best attempts to dress your little darling as
a treasure, she's tarted up like total trash, and no
amount of complaining, tears and empty threats are going to
change it. She's dressing like a hoe. So go with
the flow in style and Tacky Jackie's she.
Speaker 3 (35:20):
Your money.
Speaker 10 (35:21):
Money.
Speaker 4 (35:24):
Tacky Jackie carries all the top names for school age
sartorial trappery brands like Stank and Skank, Tammy Millfiger, George
Your Harmony, a Legro.
Speaker 2 (35:34):
For Slutty, and of course via wag.
Speaker 3 (35:38):
My Jin.
Speaker 2 (35:41):
They're all friendly and they're red.
Speaker 4 (35:45):
They're out here at Colossal Savings over regular retail because
with a moral direction of your child, you'll need all
your available money to bail out your honey. Be sure
to check out our quirky teenage on site bail bondsman,
mister Dinky. Remember, if your daughter's kinky and the situation's hanky,
it's time to shake hands with mister Dinky, and you'll
(36:06):
only find him here at Tacky Jackie's Clothes for Hose.
Taki Jackie has something for everyone. Preteens postings in betweens,
prom queens, drama, queens, closet queens, tweakers, sneakers, debate, club speakers, tweeters, cheaters,
tarti bell beaters, geeks, freaks, chubby cheeks, snoozers, boozers, chess
club losers, crunkers, punkers, amateur spelunkers.
Speaker 1 (36:29):
Fruities, beauties, girls with cooties.
Speaker 2 (36:31):
Jewelers, poolers, above ground.
Speaker 4 (36:33):
Poolers, goobs, noobs, dudes, duds, and then one kid with
a six hair mustache, peer stylid and crooked mullets that
keeps inviting you on a snipepunk. We've got you all
covered at Tacky Jackie's and don't worry, guys, we haven't
forgotten you. This weekend only, We've got a humongous fifty
percent off sale on our entire line of pine sized,
Pip and Beuty playoff fashions. Neon green, pink and orange
(36:58):
polyester bell bottoms with a fur line athletic supporter on
the outside, Paisley overalls with comfy spandex crunch so you
can boogoloo at platform.
Speaker 2 (37:07):
Sneakers with optional training wheels.
Speaker 4 (37:09):
All purchases over seventy five dollars will receive absolutely free
a complimentary chest hair wig for all you virgins and
late bloomers only at Tacki Jackies.
Speaker 1 (37:18):
Clothes for hose.
Speaker 2 (37:20):
Stuff and Saturday only. Be sure to come hungry to
get you ready for the school year.
Speaker 4 (37:26):
The lunch room gals from Grizzly Stump Elementary will be
serving free grub cafeteria style from eleven am to noon.
They'll have all your favorites heaping steaming bubbling ladles of
the green stuff, the brown stuff.
Speaker 2 (37:40):
I don't have some of the and the all new
blue stuff.
Speaker 1 (37:45):
Don't get cheap only all one.
Speaker 2 (37:47):
Is approved by Michelle Obama. Whatever you do, don't miss.
Speaker 4 (37:52):
The big back to school sale at Tacky Jackies Clothes
for Hose.
Speaker 2 (37:56):
And here we grow again with a brand new location.
Speaker 4 (37:59):
Look for a hand painted sign on Seventh Street, right
behind Jews and Jugs, Coacher Strip Parlor, and across the
street from Captain Hook's hands.
Speaker 2 (38:06):
On piercings and Lasik eye surgery.
Speaker 4 (38:09):
Knock on the door and marked livestock and asked for
Shky Glecki, the world's funniest dark eleptic. And if he
doesn't fall asleep, he'll let you into a wonderland of savings,
the kind of savings you'll only find that Tacky Jackie's
Clothes for Hose. This is your old Paldbert Fern saying
see you there, good morning.
Speaker 1 (38:35):
You got a big show on al radio. More chances
you to win coming up after your news weathers barts.
I stand on the hill, but not for a thrill,
for the breath of a fresh keel. And never mind
the man who contemplates doing away with licensed plates. He
stands alone anyhow, Bacon, the Cookies of Discontent, bather heat
(39:00):
of the laundromat, leaving their soul and then like in
Portrago dot dot dot, you know, kind of hot set up.
Speaker 20 (39:11):
Leaving their soul heart the waters of the Medulla Oblonga
with John Boy and Billy on the Big Show like
that with John Boy.
Speaker 13 (39:23):
Yeah, good morning.
Speaker 2 (40:00):
It's a week show on the radio Monday. I'll go
see nineteen.
Speaker 1 (40:05):
So I just acted that one of Jackie's favorite scenes
the Andy Griffiths Show. I don't know if you were
back in time, and I want to leave you out.
He says, okay, well what for me? Just just right quick.
So this is Barney and Goober on Helen Crump's porch
looking in on Andy and Helen on the couch. When
(40:28):
Barney thought it'd be a good idea if he could
see somebody in an action so Goober would know how
to act with Lydia on their date that they're coming up.
So they're trying to fix Goober up. He was just like,
you know, in a way with him, right, he said,
so anyway, so we got it down then, Barney, so
I will go cut to when Barney says, unless I
miss my guests, You've got yourself a kiss coming up
(40:48):
about now. Oh, Barney, they're doing it. They're doing it.
They're doing it.
Speaker 3 (40:54):
How a boy? Andy? All right?
Speaker 4 (40:57):
Right?
Speaker 2 (40:57):
Arm just floated it out there, you too, Ellen, yea.
Speaker 1 (41:06):
And they went back into the house. Whon't you I
was seated on the couch. No, that's Andy and Halees,
I said, couch house telling you about so anyway, they
were going to ride to the dams and let her say,
do you mind if we walk? I'm a little nauseous
from all that candy we've been eating. Yeah, I didn't
(41:29):
have time to set it up, y'all. I'm working on
the time scheduled here. So the rest of y'all that no,
Maybury just going filling into two friends and family around.
You're just getting it at goober scorn uh yea. On
the way over here, she took my rm oh boy,
oh yeah, I was getting close. Your hair's gripping. That
(41:50):
was all right? All right?
Speaker 2 (41:55):
Where were west?
Speaker 1 (41:57):
Let's go back to Randy the Roman. Oh please, that
was such a fun birthday we had for Randy. In
any scene from Maybury, I'll be happy to act out
for you. It's the birthday Boy Big Show. Rose on
Still another pass back for you lessen thirty minutes from
right now. It's a big sell. Oh, let somebody better
damn it than me, tell you than me? All right?
Speaker 2 (00:13):
Time might be the Big Show that still picking.
Speaker 3 (00:15):
Him up at you?
Speaker 1 (00:17):
Whoa, it's you, Marcel. What am I doing well?
Speaker 4 (00:20):
When I'm not hanging up on racing fat boy and
trying to cure Beds of her terminal blondness. I'm listening
to my two favorite straight white Southern boys, John Boy
and Billie on the Big Show. Oh, Marcel, just stop, No,
I won't tell Randy you s that hello.
Speaker 1 (01:09):
Godd having on them it is? Are you laying there
and thinking?
Speaker 3 (01:15):
What day is it? One day day?
Speaker 5 (01:23):
Oh?
Speaker 1 (01:24):
That soothing boyo Tater gets us going. We know it's
a Monday morning.
Speaker 6 (01:28):
That shock.
Speaker 1 (01:32):
Our right, Well, let's have some fun on the Monday.
Speaker 2 (01:35):
Come on, get up and get at it.
Speaker 1 (01:37):
Be thankful for your jobs. That's Mario. We need a
Mario pep talk. Don't go on bothering people. I look
at the national days while you pull up Mario's pep talk.
Somebout National Aviation Day? Always on Orville Wright's birthday? How
about o Orville and his brother Will Burr. They were
(02:00):
from Dayton, Ohio. So Orville was born on this day
in eighteen seventy one. I don't know who the older
right brother was. I guess whoever got to fly the
plane the other one had to push. Now they actually
flipped a coin over it. Is that right? A good deal?
Speaker 3 (02:14):
All right, oh Orville.
Speaker 1 (02:15):
That's why I said, you know, Ohio, there's arguing, Hey man,
we usuld be first in flight. North Carolina got it
on our license plates. But actually they did it. You
know the sand dune at Kitty Hawk thro the Outer
Banks and one that I fell down. The listener was
there when he was a kid.
Speaker 7 (02:31):
That was the first man to flight or powered flight
in North Carolina.
Speaker 1 (02:36):
No, no, I just fell Oh okay, oh you're talking
about the Wilburn Orville. Yeah, there was the record. Well,
we got it on the license plate. They changed it
now it says first in freedom. Really yeah, we we
go Ohio on All right, Well, I hope you all
happy this National Soft ice Cream Day. It tastes the
way to cool off on a hot summer day. In
(02:58):
this National Potato Day, maybe a good time to play
hot potato if you leave it out in the sun.
I'm just workshopping here sad material, and now for our
Monday morning. What do you say, pep talk? Yeah, okay,
all right.
Speaker 8 (03:15):
I tell you everybody's complaining and going on, worried about things,
crying out loud. It's jobs out there that's a little
bit more difficult than what.
Speaker 9 (03:25):
You got here. Please please calm down, be appreciative of
your job. Don't complain all the time, don't argue, don't
don't just go on and bother people crying out loud.
Speaker 1 (03:38):
All right, Yes, we're not gonna go on and bother people.
Larry the cable guy Rand in the Romantic Court transcripts, Wow,
how why would we want to mess up a show
like this? We're gonna get the winning beginning in minutes
going out here. Go back to what you were doing
(04:00):
the shows on the radio, Good morning, got a big
show on the radio. First prize pack is a backpack
from Fishing Cycles. High quality electric bikes at affordable prices.
Another summer giveaway we got here on the Big Show,
giving away the Fishing seven fifty x all terrain e bike,
fat tires, powerful motor, impressing forty five mile range. Even
(04:23):
thinking about an electric bicycle go with fissions man, this
is the best on the market. Be sure to enter
to win yours at the Big Show dot com. Listen
up here three days in history where we're gonna categories.
August nineteenth. It was nineteen oh nine. A dirt track
in Indianapolis was open for the testing of automobiles. The
(04:44):
track later became the Indianapolis Speedway site of the Indianapolis
five hundred nineteen oh nine. Move up to nineteen eighty seven.
Consumer reporter David Horowitz was held at gunpoint on camera
during a newscast and Burbank, California. He was forced to
read the assailant's rambling notes. The program was taken off
(05:06):
the air until police could get the gunman off the set.
Horowitz was unharmed. I mean, find a copy of that
a little bit later this morning. I think that would
be historically and significant. Please somebody do something and don't
go on bothering people trying to Finally, on this date,
Note two, a South African driver survived a shooting when
(05:26):
the bullet lodged in a wad of money, A wad
of money in his jacket pocket. Victim was attacked outside
of the bank where he just collected about a thousand bucks.
Told police he realized hid been shot when he found
a hole in his pocket and a bullet in the
wad of money. Yeah, there you get them.
Speaker 2 (05:45):
Well, there it is.
Speaker 1 (05:46):
There's our three categories one eight hundred Big Shows. You're
told free line. Come on, we'll play out Bursts next.
(06:16):
Good morning, that's a big show on the radio, Rolling
through you, Monday, August nineteenth. Today's feature track from the
Big Show bed box. Our agent Murray Frank Perdues offered
to the Pope search for key word chicken. Hit the
mid boxes brought you by Lon Tiger's motorcycle Lawyers rested
for the custom Big Show motorcycle at Big Show Bike
(06:37):
dot com. And right now, that's good.
Speaker 10 (06:44):
Outburst. Let's play Upburst. It's the game that anyone can win.
Shoon Boy and Billy give the prizes from the big
Prize per Let's go contested number one.
Speaker 5 (06:59):
This should be a.
Speaker 10 (07:01):
Lot of fun when you're playing out have them Mary
up and guest. Time you love the best time you
love a big shots.
Speaker 1 (07:11):
Let's say he Michael from Maynardsdale, can.
Speaker 3 (07:16):
I see we have shot?
Speaker 11 (07:26):
It's humboat.
Speaker 1 (07:27):
My friend is Michael fat I think there's Michael.
Speaker 2 (07:35):
Yes it is Michael.
Speaker 1 (07:37):
Michael. Will listen, narrow this down. Jackie is working in
a correct state. There, so we got Tennessee and no Humbolt.
All right stuff. Yes, I think I beat somebody in
Maybury Trivia from your fine town a couple of years ago.
I have no doubt.
Speaker 2 (07:54):
Just take us sitting up.
Speaker 1 (07:55):
Probably beat somebody in Mayberry Trivia. Hey, Michael, we're pulling
for you, buddy. Let's hit you through these three categories.
Get you that fishing cycles prize pack. You read it.
Let's do it man in five seconds. Three famous race tracks.
Ready go.
Speaker 12 (08:12):
Indi Speedway, Bristol and Martinsville Dagons.
Speaker 1 (08:17):
Now my gonna give us three things you see during
a newscast, Ready to go, the weather, the news, and
the sport man.
Speaker 2 (08:28):
And for the win, three things found in a bank.
Ready go, money, a killer and a vault one money. Say,
and there are right over Humbo. All right, that is
an easy party.
Speaker 1 (08:43):
Now let's get Jackie's the right address to get you
the prize package. Using can I give a shout out
to my friends?
Speaker 12 (08:52):
Please do from over here in Trenton at the Highway
Department at Gifton County They do a good job with me,
and I'm working good for them.
Speaker 3 (09:01):
Thank you very much.
Speaker 1 (09:01):
Well awesome, Michael, appreciate you and yours. Listen to the
Big Show bad a Man of the Hour, top of
your news. Get Robert Earl ken sing on Monday morning song,
don't be swerving into my lane.
Speaker 13 (09:25):
H good morning. It's a big show on the radio
(09:58):
Monday morning.
Speaker 1 (10:00):
All get on up.
Speaker 13 (10:02):
Yeah, Monday morning. So Robert Earl Key.
Speaker 14 (10:08):
That's done by Robert Earl Keane is being lying a
bit your studio.
Speaker 15 (10:12):
Sometimes I don't know what I'm doing.
Speaker 2 (10:17):
Come on tack and get ready to say anybody.
Speaker 3 (10:20):
Sometimes on my days are filled with right els.
Speaker 2 (10:27):
I traveled down last bad things ain't going.
Speaker 15 (10:33):
Mind way because there's always someone swarming in my line.
Speaker 13 (10:41):
You keep swimming in my.
Speaker 15 (10:43):
Line and it's causing lots of Thinginger.
Speaker 1 (10:49):
I'm a honking on my horror.
Speaker 2 (10:53):
I'm shooting you the flame.
Speaker 3 (10:56):
Keep switching on my bride lots.
Speaker 16 (11:01):
Just to him.
Speaker 15 (11:04):
When you're swerving all lives Pie Way, you're running someone
off the road.
Speaker 11 (11:13):
The day Joe Way, I thought I never.
Speaker 15 (11:18):
Never could glove another how else could I feed? But
nowing you run into me, I can't believe I could
not see her.
Speaker 2 (11:35):
I'll tank up the one's at the waiting.
Speaker 15 (11:41):
You keep swarming in my life, just causing lots of bab.
Speaker 11 (11:49):
I'm a cussing out your name.
Speaker 13 (11:53):
I'm shooting you the fight.
Speaker 11 (11:57):
I keep switching on my bride and line. What you
just too, Dampton?
Speaker 15 (12:02):
Now when you're swerving all lives ay by, you're running
someone off the road.
Speaker 1 (12:18):
Driving a big show.
Speaker 13 (12:45):
Good morning, it's a big show on the radio.
Speaker 1 (12:48):
Elesack.
Speaker 4 (12:52):
Hello, friends, you're old palp birt Burn here with another
falange frightening entry of John Bully and Billy playhouse today's
episode Animal Control. As our story opens, a distraught suburban
housewife waits for the animal control officer.
Speaker 13 (13:07):
You over here, Are you the animal guy?
Speaker 6 (13:11):
Yes, ma'am, guy animal, the animal guide. I make your
critters skinner. Now, I might to understand. You have a
full grown gorilla in your mango tree.
Speaker 11 (13:20):
That's right.
Speaker 1 (13:21):
Look look there he is there he is.
Speaker 2 (13:23):
Oh yeah, that's a gorilla, all right, and he is
a big un.
Speaker 14 (13:27):
So is this something you think you can handle?
Speaker 2 (13:30):
Yes, ma'am, got everything I need.
Speaker 16 (13:32):
So all you've got is a ladder like an eight
foot metal pole, A pair of handcuffs and a shotgun
and a row whiler.
Speaker 6 (13:39):
Yes, ma'am, how's that gonna work?
Speaker 3 (13:41):
Will, ma'am?
Speaker 6 (13:41):
The procedure is, first, I strategically placed the ladder in
a safe yet accessible site on the mango tree. Next,
I shimmy up the aforementioned ladder with this pole. When
the gorilla isn't looking, I'll take this pole and stick
him in what is referred to in the business as
his poop.
Speaker 11 (13:56):
Shoot.
Speaker 6 (13:59):
This will startled the gorilla, causing him to fall, and
in a split second, the rot wiler will clamp jaws
down on his gorilla McNuggets. Oh dear, pretty much the
gorilla's reaction. Now at that time, I shame me down
the ladder, and while the gorilla is disoriented, I slap
on the cuffs and hustle him into the cage in the.
Speaker 1 (14:15):
Back of the truck.
Speaker 13 (14:16):
What about the shotgun, oh.
Speaker 1 (14:17):
Ma'am, that is for you.
Speaker 6 (14:19):
What if, by chance, the gorilla knocks me out of
the tree, shoot the dogs.
Speaker 3 (14:29):
And how.
Speaker 4 (14:31):
We hope you've enjoyed John Boy and Billy playhouse to
distract the gorilla, could you possibly.
Speaker 2 (14:36):
Undo those top two buttons?
Speaker 4 (14:38):
Stop tune in next time when we'll hear the crusty
old rottweiler ball chomping trainers say.
Speaker 2 (14:46):
Hey, big man, let me hold a dollar. Good morning.
Speaker 1 (14:56):
You got the big show on the radio. More chances
for you to win coming out.
Speaker 2 (15:00):
I'm after your news weather sports. Yeah, this is your
old pals, you stein La Black.
Speaker 4 (15:05):
When I'm not mooching some of that fine Jacques Danielle
Whiskey and I play the right fine gumbo off my
best friend Woodrow Boodrow and that sassy sack of wife
and he's on Lizbeth.
Speaker 1 (15:15):
I'm listening to those.
Speaker 5 (15:16):
Tool wacky Cajun John Boy and Philly right there on
that there big show.
Speaker 2 (15:20):
Woe, there's funny I Guary on.
Speaker 13 (15:22):
Pee Yah, Good morning.
Speaker 1 (15:57):
It's a big Jean radio A couple of the months
by letting Tothan's most famous fast food mascot go to
his head.
Speaker 17 (16:09):
Reggaee and lose the all lang it. I got home
really late last night when I drinking it got pretty time.
Tiptoed all the way through the house so I wouldn't
(16:30):
wake up my spis. I stumbled along the.
Speaker 18 (16:35):
Upstairs hall, tripped on the can in stepped on the ball,
trying hard not to make.
Speaker 3 (16:45):
A sad.
Speaker 4 (16:48):
The bathrooms the place said I was bow close the
door slow so it wouldn't squeak.
Speaker 2 (16:58):
I just needed take me a leave.
Speaker 1 (17:03):
Then I heard a voice.
Speaker 2 (17:04):
Before I be gone.
Speaker 5 (17:08):
Put the seat down when you get done. Put the
seat down when I get done. You seem to forget
whose number one.
Speaker 2 (17:23):
You ain't my boss, You're.
Speaker 3 (17:24):
Just my wife.
Speaker 2 (17:28):
Don't make the biggest mistake of your life. That's when she.
Speaker 16 (17:33):
Busted in the door, knock me flat right on the floor,
stuff by face in the toilet, ball.
Speaker 2 (17:48):
Slamm the lid til my head was swollen. She rubbed
my body.
Speaker 3 (17:54):
Down with name.
Speaker 2 (17:57):
She didn't leave a single I begged her to stop.
She said, no way. This time I'm going to make
you pay. She slapped my junk.
Speaker 4 (18:13):
With the back of her head, jimmy in the head
with a frying paint.
Speaker 2 (18:22):
She said to me, better listen, put the seat down
when you get done. I'll put the seat down when
I get done.
Speaker 19 (18:37):
And if I don't, I'm sure going to run button
n There ain't no change. I already pete right in
my pants.
Speaker 1 (18:53):
Did you say good morning? Got the big shoon a rady?
You hang on for Mount Olive pickles prize back. You
can win, so somebody will when we play John Boy
Jeffardy mount Olive probably partners with the National Wheelchair Basketball Association,
enhancing lives of people with disabilities chair for Team USA
(19:16):
at the Paralympics in Paris starting August twenty eighth. Well
we have had them, good old co meetians on the
show here. It's his last week or so called him
with Killer Bees last week. Derek Stroup has got a
new record. Well we don't call him records now what
we call him albums, Yes, and Albacillan album Eating Dinner Twice.
It is on Larry the Cable Guys record label, Get
(19:39):
Her Done Records. Hello, Old Larry. He is very picky
about who he lets on his label, and Derek wins
on this one. So y'all look up Derek Stroup, Get
Her Done Records.
Speaker 13 (19:53):
Unless has some fun.
Speaker 2 (19:54):
When Old Larry was in the Big Show.
Speaker 1 (19:56):
Studio right there at that microphone, can I do this letry?
Speaker 3 (19:59):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (19:59):
Yeah, Now this is your adopted pigmy.
Speaker 12 (20:01):
Yeah, I adopted booblah boobla, this pigmy I adopted. I
sent him a care package and he sent me back
a letter.
Speaker 11 (20:10):
If you want to.
Speaker 12 (20:12):
Dear Larry the cable guy, thanks for sending me them flyshwaters.
They they come in handy on them muggy nights. I
appreciate the PlayStation, but there ain't no place to plug.
Speaker 3 (20:30):
It in down there.
Speaker 11 (20:33):
My brother Booboo Bee Booble got crushed by a flower
bag last night during the food drop.
Speaker 12 (20:42):
He broke a leg and lost his job as wilderbee'st
de gutter down at the meat plant. Mom's all excited
because they're gonna show her boobs on the cover of
the February geograph. She just rode a wild hog down
to the beauty shop. Some bamboo in her nipples and
a pigeon bone in her nose. All right, I shrunk
(21:07):
a missionary head last night and put it on a stick,
so you'll be getting it as soon as ups starts
delivering again.
Speaker 11 (21:13):
Down here, the last driver ended up in a kettle
of taters and roots.
Speaker 12 (21:21):
We run into this ridiculous We run into some touchy
drivers last night, hippo gigging. It's like frog gigging, but
with hippos. I hurt my back because I had to
carry the decoys. Tonight, we're going to kill a pigmy
hord and dance around drinking mango juice.
Speaker 11 (21:46):
Let's see here.
Speaker 12 (21:47):
Just let you know your phrase get her done has
really caught on deck down there. We always ride it
across our forehead with fish eggs when we go on
a hunt.
Speaker 11 (21:58):
Well, I gotta go.
Speaker 12 (21:59):
There's a lot ain't in the camp and a lot
of time them lions. If you're not in your cant
in your tent, they get a little mean and they'll come.
Speaker 11 (22:08):
That's all he's done.
Speaker 12 (22:12):
I hope he's okay. That's actually the last I heard
from him. But that's letter from Booblah Boom.
Speaker 1 (22:20):
But you need to apologize right now, Lord.
Speaker 11 (22:23):
I apologize a letter to Boobla bo that's just hard.
Speaker 1 (22:29):
Apologize.
Speaker 3 (22:29):
What is this Russia?
Speaker 4 (22:30):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (22:30):
What the hell?
Speaker 11 (22:33):
Yeah, that's that's from Boobla. You know, I also got
this deal.
Speaker 3 (22:38):
I don't know.
Speaker 11 (22:38):
I got to see d Lord, I apologize.
Speaker 1 (22:41):
Oh yeah, that's funny. Man's a great album.
Speaker 12 (22:44):
I got a thing on there where I answer toddler mail,
you know, from toddlers and me mail, and a couple
of kids have written me. So I got a couple
of my answer if you want.
Speaker 3 (22:56):
To hear it.
Speaker 1 (22:57):
Yeah, let's let's this she.
Speaker 12 (23:01):
Dear Larry, do midgets have regular sized turds or little
midget turds? Love Delford, age four, deer turd sye wandering Delford.
This is a question I myself have always wandered about magics.
I used to date a midget stripper. Once I met
(23:21):
her at a bachelor party. When she popped out of
a cupcake, I always wondered about the size of herd poops.
I tried to look over stall once to watch or
go to toilet, but I couldn't see too good.
Speaker 11 (23:34):
But it's mad like some big o wishes. Let's see
what else you.
Speaker 3 (23:43):
Mean?
Speaker 1 (23:43):
There's more.
Speaker 11 (23:46):
You want?
Speaker 3 (23:46):
Hear a nothing?
Speaker 12 (23:47):
Yeah, dear Larry, Why do fart stink? Jimmy, aged two,
Dear Jimmy, the Lord Doun created fart stink so deaf
folks can enjoy us good belly half act rest down.
My dad used to say, every time you cut wine,
it means someone has prayed for you. And the stink
(24:08):
with this meunt of dead demons being.
Speaker 11 (24:10):
Blowed out behind that. I hope I answered those questions.
Speaker 1 (24:20):
Any wonder he is rich beyond his beliefs. Rise, Well,
let's play John Boy Jeopardy review. Yesterday's question we found out,
well that was Friday's question. We weren't here on Sunday,
so never month. Today's John Boy Jeopardy. According to the
(24:40):
Official United States Marines History Division, the president gets a
twenty one gun salute. This is what we give the
vice president?
Speaker 6 (24:50):
Is it the one finger?
Speaker 1 (24:52):
Seems that way? Recently?
Speaker 2 (24:56):
What y'all got one eight hundred?
Speaker 1 (24:58):
Big Show? You told free Line we played John Boy Jeopardy.
Next Good Monday morning, Big Show's on the radio. Today's
(25:30):
feature track for the Big Show bit box, our agent
Murray Frank perdues offer to the Pope. Search for keyword chicken.
Hit the bit box at the Big Show dot Com.
Brought to you by law Tiger's Motorcycle Lawyers thatser for
the custom Big Show motorcycle.
Speaker 2 (25:46):
At Big Show Bike dot com.
Speaker 1 (25:49):
And right now let's play yes live across America. It's
John Boy Jeopardy and now your host.
Speaker 7 (25:57):
He says, twenty one gun salutes should he reserved for
those who serve. Like his grandfather, he had the heart
of a lion and a lifetime ban from the Berlin Zoo.
Speaker 2 (26:09):
He's John Boy.
Speaker 1 (26:11):
That as I hated Donald out of Columbus, Georgia. Good morning, Donald,
Good morning, John boy. Hello buddy, you got the first
shot at it this morning.
Speaker 2 (26:22):
See what you got?
Speaker 1 (26:23):
According to the Official United States Marines History Division, the
president gets a twenty one gun salute. This is what
we give the vice president. And you are thinking, Donald,
I can hear it.
Speaker 2 (26:39):
I am, thank you.
Speaker 1 (26:42):
How about nineteen.
Speaker 2 (26:44):
Nineteen gun salute?
Speaker 3 (26:48):
Wow?
Speaker 2 (26:48):
That work man nighteen down there?
Speaker 10 (26:53):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (26:53):
I had never heard of a nineteen gun salute. Yeah, yeah,
I mean this is vice president, though I guess at.
Speaker 7 (26:58):
One time it was seventeen. For some reason, they upped
it to nineteen. Do you know where the whole history
of the twenty one gun salute comes from?
Speaker 3 (27:05):
Oh?
Speaker 1 (27:06):
Yeah, okay, no, I'm done. Just hold on that, David,
I mean Donald, you you have a great day, buddy,
Thanks for playing. Thank you, all right, buddy, let's go
to carry He down in Standing Rock, Alabama. Good morning,
Carry Why the other guy won? Oh yeah?
Speaker 7 (27:25):
Why am I doing that?
Speaker 1 (27:26):
I don't know, because you knocked it out of my head.
I'm just trying to get away from one of your stories.
Speaker 3 (27:30):
All right.
Speaker 1 (27:33):
Ahead, Carrie, I'll give away two prize bats just to
keep Randy from telling me a story, man, But I'm
pretty sure my team.
Speaker 2 (27:43):
Yeah, yeah, why you say nineteen two? Oh that's.
Speaker 3 (27:48):
Yeah night Wow.
Speaker 2 (27:51):
If we had time, Randy could tell us if I
have to excluse my dog gun.
Speaker 1 (27:55):
Oh, I wouldn't tell you now if you asked me to.
Boys said, y'all listen and playing with us this morning.
Can't thank y'all enough. All right, we got a news
intro coming up, Randy, right quick? Can you do it until.
Speaker 3 (28:16):
Talking?
Speaker 20 (28:17):
What is it?
Speaker 7 (28:17):
In the eighteen hundreds, when cargo ships would be coming
in with their cannons loaded, they would discharge the cannons
into the air because it takes a little time to
reload a cannon. So that would tell the port authority
is okay for him to come.
Speaker 1 (28:32):
In the end? Oh, you didn't make a hurry up
it is. Don't go around bothering people. We got time
caps al on the other side.
Speaker 13 (28:44):
This report.
Speaker 4 (29:14):
This is the award winning John Boy and Billy Big Show,
the South's number one exports.
Speaker 14 (29:29):
John Milly, y'all, Maxy man, I hear y'all got these
boys on the show.
Speaker 3 (29:34):
What was that lace? Rob Becker got that roadway show? Yeah,
the King Men men, cavemen.
Speaker 14 (29:41):
All I had, everybody making the whole whole professions out
of the difference between men and women, all them stupid
books and lectures comedians. I guess it can be fun,
But I tell you, Rob, I listen to you now.
I'm kind of with you on that caveman deal. Because
if my whole life consists.
Speaker 3 (29:58):
Of how that I can better get along with my wife,
take a club and beat me with it.
Speaker 14 (30:05):
Now, I'm gonna break it down for you, women and me,
and this is gonna be a service to you as well.
I got twenty five things women that we men want
you to know. Learn these just twenty five things, and
you'll understand us. Everything will be all right. We can
live happily ever after, okay, right. Number one, learn to
(30:26):
work the toilet seat. If it's up, don't come tell
us about it. Put it down yourself.
Speaker 3 (30:33):
Number two, don't cut your hair ever. Number three, don't
make us guess we hate that. Number four.
Speaker 14 (30:43):
If you ask a question you don't want an answer
to expect an answer you don't want to hear.
Speaker 3 (30:49):
Number five. Sometimes we're not thinking about you. You must
learn to live with it.
Speaker 14 (30:56):
Number six, we're never thinking about the relationships.
Speaker 3 (31:03):
Number seven. Get rid of your cat. No, it's not different,
it's just.
Speaker 2 (31:08):
Like every other cat.
Speaker 3 (31:11):
Number eight. Dogs are better than any cats. Period number nine.
Sunday equal sports.
Speaker 2 (31:18):
Number ten.
Speaker 3 (31:19):
Shopping is not everybody's idea of a good time. Number eleven.
Anything you wear is fine really.
Speaker 14 (31:28):
Number twelve You have enough clothes. Number thirteen you have
too many shoes. Number fourteen. Crying is blackmail. Use it
if you must, but don't expect us to like it.
Number fifteen. Your brother is an idiot. Number sixteen.
Speaker 3 (31:48):
Ask what, ask for what? Number sixteen. This is for
what you want. Subtle hints don't work. Number seventeen. No,
we don't know what day it is. We never will
mark anniversaries. Number eighteen. Share the bathroom. Number n eighteen,
Share the closet. Number twenty. Yes and no are perfectly
(32:12):
acceptable answers. Number twenty one. A headache that lasts for
seventeen months is a problem. See a doctor. Number twenty two.
Nothing says I love you like sex in the morning.
Speaker 14 (32:27):
Number twenty three. Foreign films are best left to foreigners.
Number twenty four. Check your all and number twenty five.
Don't give us fifty rules when twenty five will do
John boyd.
Speaker 3 (32:42):
Did that do it? Yeah?
Speaker 2 (32:43):
Bye?
Speaker 3 (32:44):
John boy MILLI yeah, I have a nice dab.
Speaker 2 (32:48):
John boy and Phillies. A woman fixing a car that's
like a pig trying to read.
Speaker 1 (32:54):
Good morning radio, dumb rights.
Speaker 13 (33:23):
Good morning. It's a big shaw on the radio.
Speaker 3 (33:26):
Man.
Speaker 2 (33:27):
Already back to school?
Speaker 1 (33:29):
You know today they're going back today in Charlotte, back
the Burgh schools, North Carolina. Where we are some kids
in South Carolina been back for two weeks? Yeah?
Speaker 3 (33:38):
Yeah, and where you are?
Speaker 1 (33:40):
When did we go back?
Speaker 2 (33:41):
Eddie?
Speaker 1 (33:42):
What you don't have to go back anymore? You're done?
Speaker 2 (33:45):
Good grief?
Speaker 1 (33:46):
You graduated.
Speaker 2 (33:49):
It was around this time.
Speaker 11 (33:51):
I remember there. I was like in the twenties of August.
Speaker 1 (33:54):
Okay, well, I know I was used to turning down
summer school. No, I don't need to get that. I'll
be fine. I'll be fun.
Speaker 2 (34:00):
It's hot when I go back.
Speaker 7 (34:01):
To I told you wrong, So I take the blame.
But the local Charlotte schools go back on the twenty eighth.
Speaker 1 (34:09):
Okay, oh read, oh you just scared it off. Oh
I know, I'm sorry.
Speaker 2 (34:13):
You got time to go shopping and tacky jackies.
Speaker 4 (34:20):
Hello friends, your old pal Bert Bern here hits that
time of year again, when parents can breathe a sigh
of relief, get a little me time, and push the
Karen feeding of their horrible offspring on the state. That's
right back to school, so ring the bell and send
them back to hell in style thanks to the big
back to school sale at Tacky Jackie's Close for hose
(34:42):
does your daughter dress like a crackhead? Does your closet
look like Lindsay Lohan's laundry hamper? Is your lit trap
full of sequins and glitter? To your friends, think you've
adopted Miley Cyrus? To your nosy neighbors give you a
sympathetic pat on the back while handing you a gift
certificate for planned parenthood?
Speaker 2 (34:58):
Is that the state of affairs in your house? Old snookums,
We'll guess what.
Speaker 4 (35:02):
Despite your best attempts to dress your little darling as
a treasure, she's tarted up like total trash, and no
amount of complaining, tears and empty threats are going to
change it. She's dressing like a hoe. So go with
the flow in style and Tacky Jackie's she.
Speaker 3 (35:20):
Your money.
Speaker 10 (35:21):
Money.
Speaker 4 (35:24):
Tacky Jackie carries all the top names for school age
sartorial trappery brands like Stank and Skank, Tammy Millfiger, George
Your Harmony, a Legro.
Speaker 2 (35:34):
For Slutty, and of course via wag.
Speaker 3 (35:38):
My Jin.
Speaker 2 (35:41):
They're all friendly and they're red.
Speaker 4 (35:45):
They're out here at Colossal Savings over regular retail because
with a moral direction of your child, you'll need all
your available money to bail out your honey. Be sure
to check out our quirky teenage on site bail bondsman,
mister Dinky. Remember, if your daughter's kinky and the situation's hanky,
it's time to shake hands with mister Dinky, and you'll
(36:06):
only find him here at Tacky Jackie's Clothes for Hose.
Taki Jackie has something for everyone. Preteens postings in betweens,
prom queens, drama, queens, closet queens, tweakers, sneakers, debate, club speakers, tweeters, cheaters,
tarti bell beaters, geeks, freaks, chubby cheeks, snoozers, boozers, chess
club losers, crunkers, punkers, amateur spelunkers.
Speaker 1 (36:29):
Fruities, beauties, girls with cooties.
Speaker 2 (36:31):
Jewelers, poolers, above ground.
Speaker 4 (36:33):
Poolers, goobs, noobs, dudes, duds, and then one kid with
a six hair mustache, peer stylid and crooked mullets that
keeps inviting you on a snipepunk. We've got you all
covered at Tacky Jackie's and don't worry, guys, we haven't
forgotten you. This weekend only, We've got a humongous fifty
percent off sale on our entire line of pine sized,
Pip and Beuty playoff fashions. Neon green, pink and orange
(36:58):
polyester bell bottoms with a fur line athletic supporter on
the outside, Paisley overalls with comfy spandex crunch so you
can boogoloo at platform.
Speaker 2 (37:07):
Sneakers with optional training wheels.
Speaker 4 (37:09):
All purchases over seventy five dollars will receive absolutely free
a complimentary chest hair wig for all you virgins and
late bloomers only at Tacki Jackies.
Speaker 1 (37:18):
Clothes for hose.
Speaker 2 (37:20):
Stuff and Saturday only. Be sure to come hungry to
get you ready for the school year.
Speaker 4 (37:26):
The lunch room gals from Grizzly Stump Elementary will be
serving free grub cafeteria style from eleven am to noon.
They'll have all your favorites heaping steaming bubbling ladles of
the green stuff, the brown stuff.
Speaker 2 (37:40):
I don't have some of the and the all new
blue stuff.
Speaker 1 (37:45):
Don't get cheap only all one.
Speaker 2 (37:47):
Is approved by Michelle Obama. Whatever you do, don't miss.
Speaker 4 (37:52):
The big back to school sale at Tacky Jackies Clothes
for Hose.
Speaker 2 (37:56):
And here we grow again with a brand new location.
Speaker 4 (37:59):
Look for a hand painted sign on Seventh Street, right
behind Jews and Jugs, Coacher Strip Parlor, and across the
street from Captain Hook's hands.
Speaker 2 (38:06):
On piercings and Lasik eye surgery.
Speaker 4 (38:09):
Knock on the door and marked livestock and asked for
Shky Glecki, the world's funniest dark eleptic. And if he
doesn't fall asleep, he'll let you into a wonderland of savings,
the kind of savings you'll only find that Tacky Jackie's
Clothes for Hose. This is your old Paldbert Fern saying
see you there, good morning.
Speaker 1 (38:35):
You got a big show on al radio. More chances
you to win coming up after your news weathers barts.
I stand on the hill, but not for a thrill,
for the breath of a fresh keel. And never mind
the man who contemplates doing away with licensed plates. He
stands alone anyhow, Bacon, the Cookies of Discontent, bather heat
(39:00):
of the laundromat, leaving their soul and then like in
Portrago dot dot dot, you know, kind of hot set up.
Speaker 20 (39:11):
Leaving their soul heart the waters of the Medulla Oblonga
with John Boy and Billy on the Big Show like
that with John Boy.
Speaker 13 (39:23):
Yeah, good morning.
Speaker 2 (40:00):
It's a week show on the radio Monday. I'll go
see nineteen.
Speaker 1 (40:05):
So I just acted that one of Jackie's favorite scenes
the Andy Griffiths Show. I don't know if you were
back in time, and I want to leave you out.
He says, okay, well what for me? Just just right quick.
So this is Barney and Goober on Helen Crump's porch
looking in on Andy and Helen on the couch. When
(40:28):
Barney thought it'd be a good idea if he could
see somebody in an action so Goober would know how
to act with Lydia on their date that they're coming up.
So they're trying to fix Goober up. He was just like,
you know, in a way with him, right, he said,
so anyway, so we got it down then, Barney, so
I will go cut to when Barney says, unless I
miss my guests, You've got yourself a kiss coming up
(40:48):
about now. Oh, Barney, they're doing it. They're doing it.
They're doing it.
Speaker 3 (40:54):
How a boy? Andy? All right?
Speaker 4 (40:57):
Right?
Speaker 2 (40:57):
Arm just floated it out there, you too, Ellen, yea.
Speaker 1 (41:06):
And they went back into the house. Whon't you I
was seated on the couch. No, that's Andy and Halees,
I said, couch house telling you about so anyway, they
were going to ride to the dams and let her say,
do you mind if we walk? I'm a little nauseous
from all that candy we've been eating. Yeah, I didn't
(41:29):
have time to set it up, y'all. I'm working on
the time scheduled here. So the rest of y'all that no,
Maybury just going filling into two friends and family around.
You're just getting it at goober scorn uh yea. On
the way over here, she took my rm oh boy,
oh yeah, I was getting close. Your hair's gripping. That
(41:50):
was all right? All right?
Speaker 2 (41:55):
Where were west?
Speaker 1 (41:57):
Let's go back to Randy the Roman. Oh please, that
was such a fun birthday we had for Randy. In
any scene from Maybury, I'll be happy to act out
for you. It's the birthday Boy Big Show. Rose on
Hosts And Creators
Billy James
Johnny "John Boy" Isley
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