November 18, 2024 • 36 mins
Monday (pt 1 of 2): On today’s Late Riser’s Podcast, - it's collection week for Operation Christmas Child and Randy Riddle brings Mama Gump back to the microphone.. - The Not Ready for Drive Time Players shuffle into the Playhouse for today's performance.. - John Boy has a bright idea to hire prisoners to work for the show.. - Speaking of which, we’ll put some of them in the lineup for Dumb Crooks News.. - Ward Burton Raps, by request.. - We’ll share some pretty funny classified ads we've run across.. - Oliver checks in with an essay on women.. - John Boy insists that we give our short lived “Right or Wrong" contest another shot, before we shelf it forever.. - and will wrap up with a letter from a listener…
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
What go now, go now, okay, good morning Stan Higgins.
Speaker 2 (00:05):
Here.
Speaker 3 (00:06):
Nothing makes my day like a chance to pipe in
on John Boy and Billy here in the big show.
Speaker 1 (00:11):
But I don't come here just to see them. I'm
not a gay.
Speaker 3 (00:15):
I come here for the eye Candy, Babs, Jackie and
Fader and Fanny's got a sweet to How is that.
Speaker 2 (00:55):
More usday?
Speaker 1 (00:59):
I kid?
Speaker 4 (01:01):
I say, how long was I sleep?
Speaker 2 (01:03):
Wake up?
Speaker 1 (01:04):
It is?
Speaker 5 (01:06):
It will happen that way. Billy will wake up and
find out that you know, years have lapsed. The closest
man I know to Rip Van Winkle. Billy can sleep
anywhere anytime.
Speaker 2 (01:17):
That is everybody's got to run superpower superhero tally.
Speaker 1 (01:21):
I admire it.
Speaker 6 (01:23):
I still say the most impressive thing I ever say.
Speaker 7 (01:25):
I don't know if folks lest we have heard me
say this, but I saw Billy go to sleep on
a wooden park bench at Disney World in the rain
in the winter beat.
Speaker 2 (01:38):
That's awesome, man, Thank you.
Speaker 1 (01:40):
All the other dwarfs standing around him going what's with you?
Speaker 2 (01:46):
A midget had him over his head in Newburn Saturday night.
Speaker 1 (01:50):
Be ready to do him on the.
Speaker 6 (01:51):
Turnbox pillers did one? Johnny one? Can I do one.
Speaker 4 (01:58):
You started to hold deal, started.
Speaker 2 (02:00):
To say nothing, Say bailly, they'll pick out your super
talent and then beat you with it. You're right, you're right.
Speaker 4 (02:08):
In my world they should be admiring you, and yet
somehow they're trying to throw you down.
Speaker 1 (02:12):
Oh yeah.
Speaker 8 (02:14):
On Johnny's super Stupidity, Johnny says that the two words
that I never want to hear him say, I'm rested in.
Speaker 4 (02:24):
The three ways. Of course, I've been thinking.
Speaker 5 (02:26):
Oh yeah, I taste metal when I hear it.
Speaker 2 (02:33):
To get down there, dude, alright, fine, I'm tired of talking, y'all.
We'll give you legs out, put another name and had
a good bet you in minutes. Good Monday morning, ever
body of the Big Show is on the radio. Here
we go, giving you legs up at this Southbirst game.
We're gona play for the aforementioned prize package. It is Monday,
November the eighteenth. On this date, Public Opinion nextperk Doctor
(02:55):
George Gallop would have been one hundred and one. He
conducted his first Gallop pole in nineteen thirty five, when
he asked three thousand Americans, do you think expenditures by
the government are too little? Too great? Are just right.
Speaker 4 (03:09):
Gee, what did they say?
Speaker 2 (03:10):
Well, let's see, the majority said too great, sixty percent. Well.
Gallup died July twenty eighth, nineteen eighty four, at age
of eighty three. When he died, fifty two percent felt bad,
thirty percent cents didn't care, and uh, eleven mode is
a joke? Son?
Speaker 4 (03:28):
Is that we're completely confused by the question.
Speaker 2 (03:30):
Apparently that would have been a good one. Randyer just
shouldn't pull it off.
Speaker 9 (03:35):
Air Buryea, thanks for laying down on him on that, Georgie,
let me finish up.
Speaker 2 (03:41):
Eleven percent were undecided and one percent were glad he
was gone because their dinner was getting cold.
Speaker 1 (03:49):
Nah, it's funnier the way you did.
Speaker 2 (03:50):
The first sees you're the master song er writer Johnny Mercer.
Speaker 6 (03:56):
No, that's the way it's written. Yes, sorry, that's singer.
Speaker 2 (04:02):
Say right. If you wouldn't concentrate on writing those jokes
like that.
Speaker 1 (04:05):
You know what. I was giggling too hard at the joke.
Speaker 2 (04:13):
Anyway, So.
Speaker 6 (04:16):
He's laughing at my pain.
Speaker 2 (04:21):
Uh anyway, Johnny Mercer. Some of his more famous lyrics
included hooray for Hollywood River, that old black man get me, Yeah, man,
you got it. Go big Daddy and jeep birds, creep
birds words, get those peeper jeep birds.
Speaker 1 (04:42):
Creep birds.
Speaker 2 (04:43):
Where'd you get those thighs? Those thighs whatever?
Speaker 1 (04:50):
He's a leg man, stupid he said he was the King.
You understand he was a song or writer.
Speaker 2 (04:57):
Yeah, Johnny.
Speaker 6 (04:58):
The most painful thing happened is we were into the
dealership on Saturday. We put Pillars in charge of the
satellite radio in the car.
Speaker 2 (05:04):
Oh boy, he dialed up the Broadway.
Speaker 1 (05:06):
Channel talk look at your white eyed fee right.
Speaker 2 (05:13):
For the whole hour.
Speaker 1 (05:14):
Billy he sold.
Speaker 4 (05:17):
Channel, let's hear some p funk come on.
Speaker 1 (05:19):
Put it on the channel Billy wanted, and the candy
Man came.
Speaker 4 (05:22):
Oble, ain't there any black people working at that radio station?
Speaker 8 (05:26):
And the most embarrassing part was is Randy and I
did a duet the candy Man.
Speaker 2 (05:33):
I'm so sorry I didn't ride with y'all.
Speaker 4 (05:36):
Me too, I'm so sorry I did.
Speaker 2 (05:41):
And finally on the State nineteen ninety two, Superman died
when issued number seventy five of the Superman comics was
released to the public. Superman was killed by a monster
named Doomsday, but the Man of Steel was brought back
to life a year later.
Speaker 4 (05:55):
And Doomsday was forced to change his name to I
Hate Monday.
Speaker 2 (06:02):
He doomed me. Yeah, okay, well there you go, boys
and girls. That's our legs up. If you want to
play doll one eight hundred Billy big Goal, I wouldn't you.
Speaker 10 (06:11):
Know what you'll get.
Speaker 2 (06:15):
I mean, no, Billy big, I mean I'll be another
show going on.
Speaker 1 (06:19):
Yeah, not one eight hundred big show ball gall.
Speaker 10 (06:24):
There you go, come on to make show.
Speaker 1 (06:54):
What's already I'm moving around the bottom of the hour
and let's go. We're all, we're all. It's time Outburst.
Let's play Outburst.
Speaker 4 (07:03):
It's the game that anyone can win.
Speaker 1 (07:06):
John Boys, Bully. We gave the prizes from the big
Prize being.
Speaker 2 (07:12):
Let's go contested number one.
Speaker 1 (07:15):
This should really be a lot of funs win. You're
playing Outburst.
Speaker 4 (07:21):
Have a hurry up and guest, time you love the
best time you love a big Shots.
Speaker 2 (07:30):
Clarksburg, West Virginia.
Speaker 11 (07:32):
We got a dog, all right, shots, we're going on
the forty.
Speaker 1 (07:42):
All right, Dougy, Okay, Buddy.
Speaker 4 (07:43):
Oh Man, first time, cal alright.
Speaker 2 (07:46):
Welcome in here. All right, Doug, let's clear thehead.
Speaker 12 (07:52):
Let's get cleared.
Speaker 2 (07:53):
Okay, I'm talking about all right, here we go, I
got I read it now, all right, here you go, Doug.
Three places where you might take a survey, Ready go
a polling place, work and them all yeah, there you go,
very good place, is there? Doug? All right?
Speaker 1 (08:14):
Moving along?
Speaker 6 (08:15):
I hear a voice helping him out.
Speaker 4 (08:18):
Maybe it's that still small voice inside him.
Speaker 6 (08:22):
Not unless there's a woman trapped.
Speaker 2 (08:23):
Never know, Maybe a woman's trapped Doug's body, all right,
maybe she's trapped underdogs.
Speaker 4 (08:33):
He's let her out, Doug, let her out, Doug.
Speaker 2 (08:36):
All right, all right, there we go, Doug. Three songs ready.
Speaker 12 (08:40):
Go across my heart straight to uh, Happy birthday to you,
Good morning America.
Speaker 4 (08:50):
You got it, of course to follow up, stick a needle.
Speaker 2 (08:55):
In my eyes?
Speaker 4 (08:58):
I got that right.
Speaker 2 (09:00):
That was close.
Speaker 6 (09:02):
That woman you got with it. She's going to give
you all the answers.
Speaker 2 (09:06):
All right, Doug for the wind. Three Superman superpowers, ready
to go, X.
Speaker 4 (09:12):
Trade vision, jump over a tall building and he can fly.
Speaker 2 (09:20):
You know, I guess wan't take that, but I never
understood that. In the opening of Superman, they say he
could leap tall buildings, but they never mentioned anything about
him flying that.
Speaker 4 (09:31):
Which is the much cooler superpower, right.
Speaker 5 (09:34):
Name a guy that wouldn't take X ray vision over
any of that.
Speaker 4 (09:38):
I well know you're super Originally couldn't fly, he was like,
you know he could, he could leap long distances, but yay,
he got more. His powers got bigger and bigger as
the nineteen thirties and forties went on.
Speaker 6 (09:50):
Kay, I gotta tell you this from Radioactive Fraul.
Speaker 13 (09:53):
The last long car trip, Pillars and Billy in the
back of the Lord and they got to talking about
some game that Billy's kids got where superheroes fight each
other and Billy got baited didn't play. They got into
an involved conversation about which superhero could kick which superheroes
butt but seriously, no really, I turned to both of them,
(10:14):
I said, I have never felt so normal.
Speaker 8 (10:16):
And Billy's kids took him to the cleaners on.
Speaker 14 (10:19):
This game there were your kids sit down and say,
I don't worry, I'll explain the rules as we go along,
and all of a sudden, like the scarlet Witch is
getting her butt kicked.
Speaker 4 (10:29):
Wait a minute, she's a witch.
Speaker 2 (10:30):
There is no way, all right, jone, look, look, I'll
take Doug's information and the get me out of this cover.
Speaker 1 (10:39):
He started going on about spider Man.
Speaker 3 (10:46):
Yo morning, rednecks, this is your pompa diss of love.
I turn enjoying the hell out of my retirement.
Speaker 1 (10:54):
Drinking liquor, eating vinies.
Speaker 3 (10:57):
And when I get to Jones in for a crack
and a go with it, I tune in to John
Boy and Billy on the Big Show. If why I
done lost my appetite for crackers?
Speaker 2 (11:39):
Good morning the Big Shows on your radio. From Daycarehan
kids say the darnedest things. The people who followed the
Lord were called the twelve opossums. The spinal column is
a long bunch of bones. The head sets on the
top and you set on bottom. We do not raise
(12:03):
silkworms in the United States because we get our silk
from Rayon. He is a larger worm and gives more silk.
One of the main causes of dust is janitors. A
scalp obeys all to whom obedience is due, and respects
all duly constipated authorities. One byproduct of raising cattle is calves.
(12:30):
To prevent head calls, use an agonizer to spray into
the nose until it drips into the throat. The four
seasons are salt, pepper, mustard.
Speaker 1 (12:40):
And vinegar.
Speaker 10 (12:43):
The Johnvoys bakers.
Speaker 2 (12:46):
The climate is hot as next to the creator. Oliver
Cromwell had a large red nose, but under it were
deeply religious feelings. The word trousers is an uncommon noun
because it is singular at the top and pearl at
the bottom. Syntax is all the money collected at the
(13:08):
church from centers. The blood circulates through the body by
flowing down one leg and up the other. In spring,
the salmon swim upstream to spoon. Iron was discovered because
someone smelt it, And finally, in the middle of the
(13:35):
eighteenth century, all the Morons moved to Utah. Good morning
(14:04):
to make shows on the radio with s and Billy.
Speaker 12 (14:10):
It's hih.
Speaker 4 (14:13):
Welcome to John, Boy and Billy Playhouse. Today's episode Me
and Missus Boudreaux. As our story opens, Justin LeBlanc approaches
the home of his friend Woodrow Boudreau in Thibodeaux, Louisiana.
Speaker 1 (14:29):
And Woodrow you in that.
Speaker 15 (14:32):
Hello, ded Justin.
Speaker 1 (14:36):
Howdy Elizabeth? Where Woodrow he.
Speaker 15 (14:38):
Already there shi Ballet Place getting the truck fixed. Seemed
like he been gone some more, well, you know, been
going the longer than he said he gonna be what
you say, he's been gone some more like?
Speaker 9 (14:52):
Okay, now looking I pulled you out of the bathtub,
did I?
Speaker 15 (14:56):
Oh no, no, I already don't finished. I was just
fixing to drive my hair. Listen justin. I hear your
wife done run off and left you well.
Speaker 9 (15:05):
About three or two weeks ago, put a dead juicetarn
letter up on the fridge of that.
Speaker 1 (15:10):
Since that time, ain't seen hot and O hat.
Speaker 15 (15:12):
I can't tell you how so I am to heard that.
How you holding up?
Speaker 12 (15:16):
Ah?
Speaker 1 (15:17):
You know, I reckon, I'm doing about the best I can.
Speaker 15 (15:20):
Well look here if you need anything from me or
WOODO anything, all Joe say the wood. All you got
to do is ask, oh, thank you very good? Hey,
how do you like to cam over and eat one?
Not next week?
Speaker 1 (15:33):
Oh? You fix up some of that world famous boot
rug dumbo.
Speaker 15 (15:36):
I think I could have ranged that.
Speaker 9 (15:38):
Then you got yourself a deal share. Sure would be
nice to have some good home cooking again, especially fixed
up by the beauty most famous female girl like yourself.
Speaker 15 (15:49):
There, beauty musk with my hair waiting me wrapped up
in this old bat rob. I must look like a mess,
for sure.
Speaker 1 (15:56):
I know you are many finding looking sack of woman.
Speaker 15 (16:00):
Well tank you stan that's nice to hear. Lord knows
my husband don't never said it to me.
Speaker 1 (16:07):
Then your hseband is a lot dumber than he look.
And that ain't easy to this.
Speaker 9 (16:13):
What I mean is I sure wish I had a
woman as fine as you around that house.
Speaker 15 (16:17):
That wife done tore out your heart and stump that
suckle flat, ain't.
Speaker 1 (16:21):
She we You know you kindly remind me of her.
Speaker 9 (16:26):
You and her about the same size, but y'all got
that peaches of nerve complexion. She didn't have nowhere near
what you got in the bazoom department.
Speaker 15 (16:34):
Though, Now Juice stand you're gonna embarrass.
Speaker 9 (16:38):
Me the truth, then bazoom you god look like too
cute little puppet dog get a sack. I try not
to notice, but every time I seen you, there they is,
and they usually get here about.
Speaker 1 (16:52):
For five minutes. For you, dude, I don't recognize you
could let me see them.
Speaker 2 (16:58):
Good get.
Speaker 15 (17:00):
Forgetting that, says Junior High.
Speaker 1 (17:04):
I ain't trying to get none of that what you
call freak on. I just want to take a little.
Speaker 15 (17:08):
Peak juice style of blank you and my husband is
best friend.
Speaker 9 (17:12):
I know that, but if he don't never knew about
it and who they're gonna hurt.
Speaker 15 (17:17):
I don't think that's such a good idea.
Speaker 1 (17:19):
Well, what if I were to give you a hundred dollars?
Speaker 2 (17:23):
Dude?
Speaker 15 (17:23):
What what kind of woman you think I am?
Speaker 1 (17:27):
We established that we had no price. I know you
have food just scrimping by it. One hundred dollars could
probably help you out out with you.
Speaker 15 (17:37):
Well, you're probably.
Speaker 9 (17:39):
Right, and you'll be doing me a big favor by
easing the pain of my loneliness.
Speaker 15 (17:45):
Well, you do look like you could use some excitement
there you go?
Speaker 9 (17:49):
Ain't getting a peek at them? Twin with shutting off?
Put the excite right out of me.
Speaker 15 (17:54):
You sure you ain't gonna try to do nothing funny?
Speaker 1 (17:56):
I promise one peak I'd be on my way.
Speaker 15 (17:59):
Well, okay, here goes.
Speaker 3 (18:17):
Lay.
Speaker 1 (18:18):
I mean no, thank you, very good, sham. I feel
much more better now. Here's that one hundred.
Speaker 15 (18:23):
Dollars juice, dyn. If you ever told anybody about this,
I guarantee.
Speaker 9 (18:30):
You don't worry about Elizabeth. I'm gonna took this one
to my grave. In fact, I'm gonna took both of them. Listen,
get my best of yr Who's man? I'll caught up
with him tomorrow.
Speaker 4 (18:39):
About an hour later, Oh.
Speaker 15 (18:41):
Elizabeth, I'm home finally. What does Sam have took you
so long?
Speaker 1 (18:47):
That chivulet man ain't had my traubt fiction?
Speaker 2 (18:49):
I get there like he say, I think I'm gonna
tell my business that other Chevrolet man cross down. Juice
don said that another man do better work anyway.
Speaker 15 (18:57):
Oh that reminds me your mother, Juice down, come are
here looking for you? Bout an hourrow goal? Yeah?
Speaker 1 (19:02):
What did he bring out?
Speaker 2 (19:03):
One hundred dollars? He owed me from the poker game
last night.
Speaker 4 (19:06):
Say we hope you've enjoyed John Boy and Billy playhouse
and you real too?
Speaker 1 (19:20):
Chill?
Speaker 4 (19:20):
Then again, next time we're here. The crusty old service
guy at the Chevrolet place say, hey, big man, let
me hold a dollar.
Speaker 1 (19:28):
Getting the head I.
Speaker 3 (19:29):
Gonna hogha, Oh, good morning, dollars, it's your old granny clump.
Speaker 1 (19:38):
You know the best way to start your day.
Speaker 3 (19:41):
I don't buy that crap, but a balanced breakfast listening
to John Boy Billy on the Big Show is low
in fact and high and fun.
Speaker 1 (19:50):
And who the hell can't get behind that old Patrick?
If time for my spongebat.
Speaker 12 (19:57):
Whoa good morning.
Speaker 2 (20:31):
The Big Show's on your radio coming up in minutes,
John Boy Jepany will be played, another winner will be made.
All right, let's see some self here. Here's an email
came in Randy to us here at hey, John Mobility, rested,
Big Show Gang, faithful, incarcerated Big Show listener one of
our captive audience, Douglas Crouch. I got your letter, Doug.
He wants to apply for and our two John Boys entourage.
(20:54):
Please forward me a copy of the application form and
any rules that I will need to follow for applying
for the position.
Speaker 1 (21:00):
Minute.
Speaker 4 (21:00):
He's in jail.
Speaker 2 (21:01):
Yeah, he's in the Uh. Let's see the BIB Correctional
facility in Print, Alabama.
Speaker 4 (21:07):
This is not good see because you know if he's parole,
one of his conditions of parole is he won't be
able to associate with no an idiots. Let's save a
lot of time that way.
Speaker 2 (21:16):
Please relate to the Big Show Gang that I love
the show keeper to good to work, Jackie. If you
need any assistance with any of the Big Show Gang,
please call me albeit your service. I love you all,
mean it all right? Uh, still have an audience here
d D. D H says, like a million incarcerated people
(21:37):
in America right now.
Speaker 6 (21:39):
Cool, we're number one.
Speaker 2 (21:43):
That's a bigger than any like corporation.
Speaker 13 (21:46):
So I don't know, I don't know, a lot of
them probably are from America.
Speaker 6 (21:50):
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (21:53):
You think about all the great business minds and stuff
and labors and people in jail. Why don't we like
get them all together. I mean, you know, get the
ones that we can trust, you al to get them
in with the.
Speaker 6 (22:03):
Let's get the line prison we can trust.
Speaker 4 (22:05):
Yeah, yeah, the guy from on Ron and Alex Luthor.
Speaker 2 (22:08):
You get them all together.
Speaker 1 (22:10):
Why don't we just bust up the joker in the river.
Speaker 2 (22:12):
That's just what we need. Yeah, sure you're on something,
you're John, and we'll get them all capes.
Speaker 14 (22:20):
All right, get ready, we're gonna have a giant ray
gun here in a couple of weeks.
Speaker 9 (22:24):
All right, because you know when they say to change
my ways, war.
Speaker 1 (22:30):
None, you can trust them.
Speaker 6 (22:35):
Let's get kill.
Speaker 1 (22:36):
Yeah, it's time you harden in or out.
Speaker 4 (22:42):
She's out right now as far as we know. Yeah,
I haven't heard anything this morning.
Speaker 1 (22:46):
You don't want her anymore, do you?
Speaker 7 (22:47):
She's not in jail, but she still could be in jail,
so that makes her man.
Speaker 1 (22:54):
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (22:54):
We all just don't dismiss this idea. It might be
something in there. I know it's wrong, but I'm an idea, man,
I'm with you.
Speaker 4 (22:59):
Oh yeah, why we could get one million dollars?
Speaker 2 (23:10):
All right, y'all finish mocking me?
Speaker 4 (23:13):
That defends Are you finished talking?
Speaker 2 (23:26):
Good morning, A Big Show is right here on the radio,
coming up and by fifteen twenty minutes a brand new
edition of dumb crooked News. Right now it is John
Boy Jeparday. Time. Here we go, y'all. Eighty percent of
all of the life on earth has this in common.
Speaker 4 (23:48):
It has at some point been married.
Speaker 2 (23:51):
It just seems like that. But what'd y'all think? One
eight hundred Big show your toll free line. We'll start
a color nine go to get a winner. Let's do it.
Speaker 12 (24:22):
Good morning, A.
Speaker 1 (24:23):
Big Show is on your radio. We're run about any hour.
Speaker 2 (24:28):
That's time, Yes, live across Americ hearts humor, Hon Boy, jempar.
Speaker 4 (24:35):
Day, and now your hosts currently leading the Big Show's
version of the Chase for the Cup. His has black
coffee in it.
Speaker 2 (24:45):
He is Sean Moore. Say hello to Nancy had a
new born, North Carolina. Good morning, Nancy.
Speaker 12 (24:54):
How are you doing?
Speaker 2 (24:55):
Good? Baby? You are right this morning?
Speaker 9 (24:57):
Oh excellent, thank you the girl.
Speaker 2 (25:00):
Oh well, Nancy. Eighty percent of all of the life
on earth has this in common. I guess we're warm blood.
Show us warm blooded ratports, but rats are one blood.
(25:21):
Thanks for playing, Nancy. Have a good day.
Speaker 1 (25:23):
Thank you?
Speaker 2 (25:24):
Alright? Did bae ba? Brian out of Evansville, Indiana, Good morning, Brian,
had had to do? God do you I'm doing? Okay, okay,
good good man? Oh Brian, yeah, I call for your
answer here. Eighty percent of all of the life will
nerve the thing coming.
Speaker 4 (25:43):
You're embarrassing me.
Speaker 13 (25:45):
How about roll related by genetics?
Speaker 2 (25:49):
Role related?
Speaker 4 (25:50):
We're all related by genetics.
Speaker 2 (25:52):
We're eighty percent of related by genetics in because we
were all there will be.
Speaker 1 (25:59):
All right, let's see.
Speaker 2 (26:06):
Right. But I said, you're a deep thinker. What are
you thinking right now?
Speaker 4 (26:12):
I was thinking of my once more than.
Speaker 2 (26:17):
All right, think about it, Brian, get back to me, buddy,
All right, thank you, have a good day. Richard out
of Belmont, North Carolina.
Speaker 11 (26:25):
Good morning, John boy.
Speaker 2 (26:27):
Good morning Richard. How are you doing.
Speaker 11 (26:30):
I'm gonna get that they live in the water, live in.
Speaker 1 (26:34):
The wah wah.
Speaker 2 (26:37):
I'll tell you how out we'll take that, Richard. Actually
is even more specific than that. Eighty percent of all
of the life on Earth lives in the ocean. Lives
in the ocean. All right, So uh, beach goers, when
you call the police department and want to report that
there are sharks in the ocean, they know that, ma'am.
Speaker 4 (27:00):
Would they be.
Speaker 2 (27:02):
Thank John, You're very welcome, Richard. Do you hang on?
Jackie will get you information, all right? Yeah, add coming
out a brand new edition of Dumb Crooked News.
Speaker 11 (27:14):
You know, I haven't made a movie in years. I
don't miss it. Hollywood is a toilet and they've run
out of paper. You want entertainment, do what I do.
Download the iHeart app and listen to John Boy and
Billy on the Big Show.
Speaker 12 (28:05):
Good morning.
Speaker 2 (28:06):
It's a big show on the radio, all right. Coming
up next is something I think you could listen to again,
Randy is my speech on relationships. Joe, Yeah, remember, rewind
and do it over.
Speaker 14 (28:17):
Attention sales professionals. Business Max is coming to town this weekend.
Business Max is an intensive, three day seminar featuring noted
business consultant John Boy from The Big Show come on
out this weekend and here John Boy's insight on quality control.
Speaker 2 (28:32):
Doing something halfway is always an option. It takes a
lot less time, and most people won't notice until it's
too late.
Speaker 4 (28:43):
Responsibility.
Speaker 2 (28:44):
It hurts to admit you've made mistakes, but when they're
big enough, the pain only lasts a second.
Speaker 12 (28:52):
Finding your niche.
Speaker 2 (28:53):
If you can't learn to enjoy doing something, well, learn
how to enjoy doing it. Bad problem solving. Sometimes the
best solution to morale problems is just to fire all
the unhappy people. Commitment. Hard work pays off eventually, but
laziness pays off.
Speaker 14 (29:15):
Now give your business the business. Attend John Boys Business
Max two thousand and four this Thursday through Saturday in
the Family Life Activity Center at the sort of Joshua
Independent Full Gospel Pentecostal Assembly, just off State Road twenty
three on the Frontage Road.
Speaker 2 (29:31):
And remember, the harder you try, the dumber you look.
Back there, business mach take your business.
Speaker 1 (29:39):
Come up back.
Speaker 2 (30:05):
Good morning, A big show is on the radio. That's
time for dumb crooked news. I'm Crooked News sending by
you Big Show. Listen y'all send a bunch yo many,
and we appreciate you. The address will follow this report.
Two Chattanooga, Tennessee pot farmers. We're riding around recently. This
(30:27):
will end badly with the two large sacks of newly
harvested pot that needed to be dried out so it
could be sold. Apparently liking the apparatus to do the
job themselves, the men pulled into a local convenience store
and one of them took a bag of pot inside
and loaded it into the store's microwave.
Speaker 4 (30:47):
They don't have a pot button on this lene.
Speaker 2 (30:51):
In no time, the store was filled with the aroma
of reefers, which called the attention of a uniformed police
officer inside the store. Well, the officer whose marked patrol
car had been parked right out front when the men arrived,
who took the guy to cuss it inside. They said,
tell my friend that I'm being arrested. So he woke
(31:12):
him up and found arrested a pot in a car.
Wrested both of them. I'll tell you that stuff makeey stupid. Man.
Two teens in Adrian, Michigan outfit of the nineteen ninety
seven Dodge Intrepid to look like an unmarked police cruiser. Well,
the youths flashed the cars newly installed blue and white
strobe lights that unsuspecting motorists and pulled him over, then
(31:33):
laughed and drove away.
Speaker 1 (31:34):
Well.
Speaker 2 (31:35):
The wacky annex came to an end earlier this month
when the pair pulled over a white mini van driven
by Mike Martin, the local chief of police. Martin, dressing
his full uniform, got out of the van, confiscated the
fake cops driver's license, ordered them to follow him to
the police station, where he charged them with impersonating a
police officer.
Speaker 4 (31:55):
Yes, being stupid, still not against the law.
Speaker 2 (31:58):
A man strolled into a banking Tehran, the capital city
of Iran, and began brazenly snatching money from the hands
of customers. The thief was quickly grabbed and subdued by
his victims, which came as quite a surprise since.
Speaker 1 (32:11):
He thought they couldn't see him.
Speaker 2 (32:13):
We'll see. The man told police he had paid a
sorcerer five million rials about six hundred and twenty five
American bucks for a collection of magic spells that would
make him invisible that were not too good. Police are
now searching for the phony sorcerer as an accessory to
the crime. A man facing drug charges in Wassatch County, Utah,
(32:38):
hoped to get a lighter sentence by writing a letter
of apology to the judge in the case, insisting that
he realized his mistake and was sincerely sorry for the crimes.
The man also jotted down a note to his girlfriend,
boasting to her that the apology letter was completely insincere
and just deployed to get him a lighter sentence. Well, well,
what could go wrong? Yep, the defendant put the two
(33:01):
letters in the wrong envelopes. The girlfriend got the apology
and the judge got the one spelling out. The scam
got six years in federal prisons. Dumb government news or
an anniversary tribute to September eleventh victims, The city of
Jersey City, New Jersey, planned to release a flock of
doves at a solemn downtown ceremony. City officials apparently waited
(33:24):
until the last minute to order the doves and found
local suppliers completely sold out. They wound up having to
replace the doves with a group of pigeons, which had
been caged for almost all of their lives. Well witnesses
at the memorial ceremony watched helpless, liasy, awkward birds careened
into the crowd, smashed into nearby office windows, and plunged
(33:45):
headfirst into the Hudson River.
Speaker 1 (33:47):
Ow this thing as easy as it looked.
Speaker 4 (33:50):
It's like the WKRP turkey drop.
Speaker 2 (33:54):
Dumb Berkeley News. In December of two thousand and one,
the City of Berkeley, California, launched an experimental pre program
to improve pedestrian safety at four local intersections using bens
of orange flags on the street corners. Now, pedestrians were
supposed to pick up a flag, hold it or wave
it while crossing the street, and then drop it off
in the bend of the opposite corner e Well. Ten
(34:15):
months later, all three thousand of the flags have been
stolen or otherwise disappeared. The city has spent thirty seven
hundred dollars on replacement flags that are yellow instead of orange.
The wide that might make them less likely to disappear
is not clear, and in true Berkeley fashion, the unsuccessful
program is being expanded to three new intersection. Good Ideas
(34:40):
Dumb Union News. Teamsters Local nine eighty eight open this
new meeting hall in Houston, Texas to a firestorm of
unfavorable reviews by local construction workers, plumbers, electricians, and other
trades the problem well. According to the Houston Chronicle, the
teamsters had their new haul built with non union lay
because they decided union work was too expensive. Scud heer
(35:07):
and finally, James F. Wells, a sixty one year old
writer from Lantana, Florida, was arrested after he contacted an
underage girl on the Internet and arranged to meet her
at a local restaurant. Instead of a fifteen year old girl,
he was greeted at the eatery by an adult male
undercover detective. Mister Wells literally wrote the book on making
(35:28):
dumb moves among his published works, as one entitled The
Story of Stupidity, A History of Western idiocy from the
days of Greece to the present. If you got dumb
crook news, maillet to dumb crook News John Boy Miller
Fielbox one nine one one one, Charlotte, NC two eight
(35:49):
two one nine Email anybodyman me at the Big Show
dot com.
Speaker 3 (35:56):
You who part time receptionist Babs and still a side
six Bill McCracken here telling you that no matter which
way you swing, there's something for everyone. Right here on
the Big Show with John Boy and Billy. I mean,
as long as your expectations aren't too high and you
don't mind that it's coated in grillin sauce to.
Speaker 1 (36:17):
The Mini Cooper. Carry on, straight, people,
What go now, go now, okay, good morning Stan Higgins.
Speaker 2 (00:05):
Here.
Speaker 3 (00:06):
Nothing makes my day like a chance to pipe in
on John Boy and Billy here in the big show.
Speaker 1 (00:11):
But I don't come here just to see them. I'm
not a gay.
Speaker 3 (00:15):
I come here for the eye Candy, Babs, Jackie and
Fader and Fanny's got a sweet to How is that.
Speaker 2 (00:55):
More usday?
Speaker 1 (00:59):
I kid?
Speaker 4 (01:01):
I say, how long was I sleep?
Speaker 2 (01:03):
Wake up?
Speaker 1 (01:04):
It is?
Speaker 5 (01:06):
It will happen that way. Billy will wake up and
find out that you know, years have lapsed. The closest
man I know to Rip Van Winkle. Billy can sleep
anywhere anytime.
Speaker 2 (01:17):
That is everybody's got to run superpower superhero tally.
Speaker 1 (01:21):
I admire it.
Speaker 6 (01:23):
I still say the most impressive thing I ever say.
Speaker 7 (01:25):
I don't know if folks lest we have heard me
say this, but I saw Billy go to sleep on
a wooden park bench at Disney World in the rain
in the winter beat.
Speaker 2 (01:38):
That's awesome, man, Thank you.
Speaker 1 (01:40):
All the other dwarfs standing around him going what's with you?
Speaker 2 (01:46):
A midget had him over his head in Newburn Saturday night.
Speaker 1 (01:50):
Be ready to do him on the.
Speaker 6 (01:51):
Turnbox pillers did one? Johnny one? Can I do one.
Speaker 4 (01:58):
You started to hold deal, started.
Speaker 2 (02:00):
To say nothing, Say bailly, they'll pick out your super
talent and then beat you with it. You're right, you're right.
Speaker 4 (02:08):
In my world they should be admiring you, and yet
somehow they're trying to throw you down.
Speaker 1 (02:12):
Oh yeah.
Speaker 8 (02:14):
On Johnny's super Stupidity, Johnny says that the two words
that I never want to hear him say, I'm rested in.
Speaker 4 (02:24):
The three ways. Of course, I've been thinking.
Speaker 5 (02:26):
Oh yeah, I taste metal when I hear it.
Speaker 2 (02:33):
To get down there, dude, alright, fine, I'm tired of talking, y'all.
We'll give you legs out, put another name and had
a good bet you in minutes. Good Monday morning, ever
body of the Big Show is on the radio. Here
we go, giving you legs up at this Southbirst game.
We're gona play for the aforementioned prize package. It is Monday,
November the eighteenth. On this date, Public Opinion nextperk Doctor
(02:55):
George Gallop would have been one hundred and one. He
conducted his first Gallop pole in nineteen thirty five, when
he asked three thousand Americans, do you think expenditures by
the government are too little? Too great? Are just right.
Speaker 4 (03:09):
Gee, what did they say?
Speaker 2 (03:10):
Well, let's see, the majority said too great, sixty percent. Well.
Gallup died July twenty eighth, nineteen eighty four, at age
of eighty three. When he died, fifty two percent felt bad,
thirty percent cents didn't care, and uh, eleven mode is
a joke? Son?
Speaker 4 (03:28):
Is that we're completely confused by the question.
Speaker 2 (03:30):
Apparently that would have been a good one. Randyer just
shouldn't pull it off.
Speaker 9 (03:35):
Air Buryea, thanks for laying down on him on that, Georgie,
let me finish up.
Speaker 2 (03:41):
Eleven percent were undecided and one percent were glad he
was gone because their dinner was getting cold.
Speaker 1 (03:49):
Nah, it's funnier the way you did.
Speaker 2 (03:50):
The first sees you're the master song er writer Johnny Mercer.
Speaker 6 (03:56):
No, that's the way it's written. Yes, sorry, that's singer.
Speaker 2 (04:02):
Say right. If you wouldn't concentrate on writing those jokes
like that.
Speaker 1 (04:05):
You know what. I was giggling too hard at the joke.
Speaker 2 (04:13):
Anyway, So.
Speaker 6 (04:16):
He's laughing at my pain.
Speaker 2 (04:21):
Uh anyway, Johnny Mercer. Some of his more famous lyrics
included hooray for Hollywood River, that old black man get me, Yeah, man,
you got it. Go big Daddy and jeep birds, creep
birds words, get those peeper jeep birds.
Speaker 1 (04:42):
Creep birds.
Speaker 2 (04:43):
Where'd you get those thighs? Those thighs whatever?
Speaker 1 (04:50):
He's a leg man, stupid he said he was the King.
You understand he was a song or writer.
Speaker 2 (04:57):
Yeah, Johnny.
Speaker 6 (04:58):
The most painful thing happened is we were into the
dealership on Saturday. We put Pillars in charge of the
satellite radio in the car.
Speaker 2 (05:04):
Oh boy, he dialed up the Broadway.
Speaker 1 (05:06):
Channel talk look at your white eyed fee right.
Speaker 2 (05:13):
For the whole hour.
Speaker 1 (05:14):
Billy he sold.
Speaker 4 (05:17):
Channel, let's hear some p funk come on.
Speaker 1 (05:19):
Put it on the channel Billy wanted, and the candy
Man came.
Speaker 4 (05:22):
Oble, ain't there any black people working at that radio station?
Speaker 8 (05:26):
And the most embarrassing part was is Randy and I
did a duet the candy Man.
Speaker 2 (05:33):
I'm so sorry I didn't ride with y'all.
Speaker 4 (05:36):
Me too, I'm so sorry I did.
Speaker 2 (05:41):
And finally on the State nineteen ninety two, Superman died
when issued number seventy five of the Superman comics was
released to the public. Superman was killed by a monster
named Doomsday, but the Man of Steel was brought back
to life a year later.
Speaker 4 (05:55):
And Doomsday was forced to change his name to I
Hate Monday.
Speaker 2 (06:02):
He doomed me. Yeah, okay, well there you go, boys
and girls. That's our legs up. If you want to
play doll one eight hundred Billy big Goal, I wouldn't you.
Speaker 10 (06:11):
Know what you'll get.
Speaker 2 (06:15):
I mean, no, Billy big, I mean I'll be another
show going on.
Speaker 1 (06:19):
Yeah, not one eight hundred big show ball gall.
Speaker 10 (06:24):
There you go, come on to make show.
Speaker 1 (06:54):
What's already I'm moving around the bottom of the hour
and let's go. We're all, we're all. It's time Outburst.
Let's play Outburst.
Speaker 4 (07:03):
It's the game that anyone can win.
Speaker 1 (07:06):
John Boys, Bully. We gave the prizes from the big
Prize being.
Speaker 2 (07:12):
Let's go contested number one.
Speaker 1 (07:15):
This should really be a lot of funs win. You're
playing Outburst.
Speaker 4 (07:21):
Have a hurry up and guest, time you love the
best time you love a big Shots.
Speaker 2 (07:30):
Clarksburg, West Virginia.
Speaker 11 (07:32):
We got a dog, all right, shots, we're going on
the forty.
Speaker 1 (07:42):
All right, Dougy, Okay, Buddy.
Speaker 4 (07:43):
Oh Man, first time, cal alright.
Speaker 2 (07:46):
Welcome in here. All right, Doug, let's clear thehead.
Speaker 12 (07:52):
Let's get cleared.
Speaker 2 (07:53):
Okay, I'm talking about all right, here we go, I
got I read it now, all right, here you go, Doug.
Three places where you might take a survey, Ready go
a polling place, work and them all yeah, there you go,
very good place, is there? Doug? All right?
Speaker 1 (08:14):
Moving along?
Speaker 6 (08:15):
I hear a voice helping him out.
Speaker 4 (08:18):
Maybe it's that still small voice inside him.
Speaker 6 (08:22):
Not unless there's a woman trapped.
Speaker 2 (08:23):
Never know, Maybe a woman's trapped Doug's body, all right,
maybe she's trapped underdogs.
Speaker 4 (08:33):
He's let her out, Doug, let her out, Doug.
Speaker 2 (08:36):
All right, all right, there we go, Doug. Three songs ready.
Speaker 12 (08:40):
Go across my heart straight to uh, Happy birthday to you,
Good morning America.
Speaker 4 (08:50):
You got it, of course to follow up, stick a needle.
Speaker 2 (08:55):
In my eyes?
Speaker 4 (08:58):
I got that right.
Speaker 2 (09:00):
That was close.
Speaker 6 (09:02):
That woman you got with it. She's going to give
you all the answers.
Speaker 2 (09:06):
All right, Doug for the wind. Three Superman superpowers, ready
to go, X.
Speaker 4 (09:12):
Trade vision, jump over a tall building and he can fly.
Speaker 2 (09:20):
You know, I guess wan't take that, but I never
understood that. In the opening of Superman, they say he
could leap tall buildings, but they never mentioned anything about
him flying that.
Speaker 4 (09:31):
Which is the much cooler superpower, right.
Speaker 5 (09:34):
Name a guy that wouldn't take X ray vision over
any of that.
Speaker 4 (09:38):
I well know you're super Originally couldn't fly, he was like,
you know he could, he could leap long distances, but yay,
he got more. His powers got bigger and bigger as
the nineteen thirties and forties went on.
Speaker 6 (09:50):
Kay, I gotta tell you this from Radioactive Fraul.
Speaker 13 (09:53):
The last long car trip, Pillars and Billy in the
back of the Lord and they got to talking about
some game that Billy's kids got where superheroes fight each
other and Billy got baited didn't play. They got into
an involved conversation about which superhero could kick which superheroes
butt but seriously, no really, I turned to both of them,
(10:14):
I said, I have never felt so normal.
Speaker 8 (10:16):
And Billy's kids took him to the cleaners on.
Speaker 14 (10:19):
This game there were your kids sit down and say,
I don't worry, I'll explain the rules as we go along,
and all of a sudden, like the scarlet Witch is
getting her butt kicked.
Speaker 4 (10:29):
Wait a minute, she's a witch.
Speaker 2 (10:30):
There is no way, all right, jone, look, look, I'll
take Doug's information and the get me out of this cover.
Speaker 1 (10:39):
He started going on about spider Man.
Speaker 3 (10:46):
Yo morning, rednecks, this is your pompa diss of love.
I turn enjoying the hell out of my retirement.
Speaker 1 (10:54):
Drinking liquor, eating vinies.
Speaker 3 (10:57):
And when I get to Jones in for a crack
and a go with it, I tune in to John
Boy and Billy on the Big Show. If why I
done lost my appetite for crackers?
Speaker 2 (11:39):
Good morning the Big Shows on your radio. From Daycarehan
kids say the darnedest things. The people who followed the
Lord were called the twelve opossums. The spinal column is
a long bunch of bones. The head sets on the
top and you set on bottom. We do not raise
(12:03):
silkworms in the United States because we get our silk
from Rayon. He is a larger worm and gives more silk.
One of the main causes of dust is janitors. A
scalp obeys all to whom obedience is due, and respects
all duly constipated authorities. One byproduct of raising cattle is calves.
(12:30):
To prevent head calls, use an agonizer to spray into
the nose until it drips into the throat. The four
seasons are salt, pepper, mustard.
Speaker 1 (12:40):
And vinegar.
Speaker 10 (12:43):
The Johnvoys bakers.
Speaker 2 (12:46):
The climate is hot as next to the creator. Oliver
Cromwell had a large red nose, but under it were
deeply religious feelings. The word trousers is an uncommon noun
because it is singular at the top and pearl at
the bottom. Syntax is all the money collected at the
(13:08):
church from centers. The blood circulates through the body by
flowing down one leg and up the other. In spring,
the salmon swim upstream to spoon. Iron was discovered because
someone smelt it, And finally, in the middle of the
(13:35):
eighteenth century, all the Morons moved to Utah. Good morning
(14:04):
to make shows on the radio with s and Billy.
Speaker 12 (14:10):
It's hih.
Speaker 4 (14:13):
Welcome to John, Boy and Billy Playhouse. Today's episode Me
and Missus Boudreaux. As our story opens, Justin LeBlanc approaches
the home of his friend Woodrow Boudreau in Thibodeaux, Louisiana.
Speaker 1 (14:29):
And Woodrow you in that.
Speaker 15 (14:32):
Hello, ded Justin.
Speaker 1 (14:36):
Howdy Elizabeth? Where Woodrow he.
Speaker 15 (14:38):
Already there shi Ballet Place getting the truck fixed. Seemed
like he been gone some more, well, you know, been
going the longer than he said he gonna be what
you say, he's been gone some more like?
Speaker 9 (14:52):
Okay, now looking I pulled you out of the bathtub,
did I?
Speaker 15 (14:56):
Oh no, no, I already don't finished. I was just
fixing to drive my hair. Listen justin. I hear your
wife done run off and left you well.
Speaker 9 (15:05):
About three or two weeks ago, put a dead juicetarn
letter up on the fridge of that.
Speaker 1 (15:10):
Since that time, ain't seen hot and O hat.
Speaker 15 (15:12):
I can't tell you how so I am to heard that.
How you holding up?
Speaker 12 (15:16):
Ah?
Speaker 1 (15:17):
You know, I reckon, I'm doing about the best I can.
Speaker 15 (15:20):
Well look here if you need anything from me or
WOODO anything, all Joe say the wood. All you got
to do is ask, oh, thank you very good? Hey,
how do you like to cam over and eat one?
Not next week?
Speaker 1 (15:33):
Oh? You fix up some of that world famous boot
rug dumbo.
Speaker 15 (15:36):
I think I could have ranged that.
Speaker 9 (15:38):
Then you got yourself a deal share. Sure would be
nice to have some good home cooking again, especially fixed
up by the beauty most famous female girl like yourself.
Speaker 15 (15:49):
There, beauty musk with my hair waiting me wrapped up
in this old bat rob. I must look like a mess,
for sure.
Speaker 1 (15:56):
I know you are many finding looking sack of woman.
Speaker 15 (16:00):
Well tank you stan that's nice to hear. Lord knows
my husband don't never said it to me.
Speaker 1 (16:07):
Then your hseband is a lot dumber than he look.
And that ain't easy to this.
Speaker 9 (16:13):
What I mean is I sure wish I had a
woman as fine as you around that house.
Speaker 15 (16:17):
That wife done tore out your heart and stump that
suckle flat, ain't.
Speaker 1 (16:21):
She we You know you kindly remind me of her.
Speaker 9 (16:26):
You and her about the same size, but y'all got
that peaches of nerve complexion. She didn't have nowhere near
what you got in the bazoom department.
Speaker 15 (16:34):
Though, Now Juice stand you're gonna embarrass.
Speaker 9 (16:38):
Me the truth, then bazoom you god look like too
cute little puppet dog get a sack. I try not
to notice, but every time I seen you, there they is,
and they usually get here about.
Speaker 1 (16:52):
For five minutes. For you, dude, I don't recognize you
could let me see them.
Speaker 2 (16:58):
Good get.
Speaker 15 (17:00):
Forgetting that, says Junior High.
Speaker 1 (17:04):
I ain't trying to get none of that what you
call freak on. I just want to take a little.
Speaker 15 (17:08):
Peak juice style of blank you and my husband is
best friend.
Speaker 9 (17:12):
I know that, but if he don't never knew about
it and who they're gonna hurt.
Speaker 15 (17:17):
I don't think that's such a good idea.
Speaker 1 (17:19):
Well, what if I were to give you a hundred dollars?
Speaker 2 (17:23):
Dude?
Speaker 15 (17:23):
What what kind of woman you think I am?
Speaker 1 (17:27):
We established that we had no price. I know you
have food just scrimping by it. One hundred dollars could
probably help you out out with you.
Speaker 15 (17:37):
Well, you're probably.
Speaker 9 (17:39):
Right, and you'll be doing me a big favor by
easing the pain of my loneliness.
Speaker 15 (17:45):
Well, you do look like you could use some excitement
there you go?
Speaker 9 (17:49):
Ain't getting a peek at them? Twin with shutting off?
Put the excite right out of me.
Speaker 15 (17:54):
You sure you ain't gonna try to do nothing funny?
Speaker 1 (17:56):
I promise one peak I'd be on my way.
Speaker 15 (17:59):
Well, okay, here goes.
Speaker 3 (18:17):
Lay.
Speaker 1 (18:18):
I mean no, thank you, very good, sham. I feel
much more better now. Here's that one hundred.
Speaker 15 (18:23):
Dollars juice, dyn. If you ever told anybody about this,
I guarantee.
Speaker 9 (18:30):
You don't worry about Elizabeth. I'm gonna took this one
to my grave. In fact, I'm gonna took both of them. Listen,
get my best of yr Who's man? I'll caught up
with him tomorrow.
Speaker 4 (18:39):
About an hour later, Oh.
Speaker 15 (18:41):
Elizabeth, I'm home finally. What does Sam have took you
so long?
Speaker 1 (18:47):
That chivulet man ain't had my traubt fiction?
Speaker 2 (18:49):
I get there like he say, I think I'm gonna
tell my business that other Chevrolet man cross down. Juice
don said that another man do better work anyway.
Speaker 15 (18:57):
Oh that reminds me your mother, Juice down, come are
here looking for you? Bout an hourrow goal? Yeah?
Speaker 1 (19:02):
What did he bring out?
Speaker 2 (19:03):
One hundred dollars? He owed me from the poker game
last night.
Speaker 4 (19:06):
Say we hope you've enjoyed John Boy and Billy playhouse
and you real too?
Speaker 1 (19:20):
Chill?
Speaker 4 (19:20):
Then again, next time we're here. The crusty old service
guy at the Chevrolet place say, hey, big man, let
me hold a dollar.
Speaker 1 (19:28):
Getting the head I.
Speaker 3 (19:29):
Gonna hogha, Oh, good morning, dollars, it's your old granny clump.
Speaker 1 (19:38):
You know the best way to start your day.
Speaker 3 (19:41):
I don't buy that crap, but a balanced breakfast listening
to John Boy Billy on the Big Show is low
in fact and high and fun.
Speaker 1 (19:50):
And who the hell can't get behind that old Patrick?
If time for my spongebat.
Speaker 12 (19:57):
Whoa good morning.
Speaker 2 (20:31):
The Big Show's on your radio coming up in minutes,
John Boy Jepany will be played, another winner will be made.
All right, let's see some self here. Here's an email
came in Randy to us here at hey, John Mobility, rested,
Big Show Gang, faithful, incarcerated Big Show listener one of
our captive audience, Douglas Crouch. I got your letter, Doug.
He wants to apply for and our two John Boys entourage.
(20:54):
Please forward me a copy of the application form and
any rules that I will need to follow for applying
for the position.
Speaker 1 (21:00):
Minute.
Speaker 4 (21:00):
He's in jail.
Speaker 2 (21:01):
Yeah, he's in the Uh. Let's see the BIB Correctional
facility in Print, Alabama.
Speaker 4 (21:07):
This is not good see because you know if he's parole,
one of his conditions of parole is he won't be
able to associate with no an idiots. Let's save a
lot of time that way.
Speaker 2 (21:16):
Please relate to the Big Show Gang that I love
the show keeper to good to work, Jackie. If you
need any assistance with any of the Big Show Gang,
please call me albeit your service. I love you all,
mean it all right? Uh, still have an audience here
d D. D H says, like a million incarcerated people
(21:37):
in America right now.
Speaker 6 (21:39):
Cool, we're number one.
Speaker 2 (21:43):
That's a bigger than any like corporation.
Speaker 13 (21:46):
So I don't know, I don't know, a lot of
them probably are from America.
Speaker 6 (21:50):
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (21:53):
You think about all the great business minds and stuff
and labors and people in jail. Why don't we like
get them all together. I mean, you know, get the
ones that we can trust, you al to get them
in with the.
Speaker 6 (22:03):
Let's get the line prison we can trust.
Speaker 4 (22:05):
Yeah, yeah, the guy from on Ron and Alex Luthor.
Speaker 2 (22:08):
You get them all together.
Speaker 1 (22:10):
Why don't we just bust up the joker in the river.
Speaker 2 (22:12):
That's just what we need. Yeah, sure you're on something,
you're John, and we'll get them all capes.
Speaker 14 (22:20):
All right, get ready, we're gonna have a giant ray
gun here in a couple of weeks.
Speaker 9 (22:24):
All right, because you know when they say to change
my ways, war.
Speaker 1 (22:30):
None, you can trust them.
Speaker 6 (22:35):
Let's get kill.
Speaker 1 (22:36):
Yeah, it's time you harden in or out.
Speaker 4 (22:42):
She's out right now as far as we know. Yeah,
I haven't heard anything this morning.
Speaker 1 (22:46):
You don't want her anymore, do you?
Speaker 7 (22:47):
She's not in jail, but she still could be in jail,
so that makes her man.
Speaker 1 (22:54):
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (22:54):
We all just don't dismiss this idea. It might be
something in there. I know it's wrong, but I'm an idea, man,
I'm with you.
Speaker 4 (22:59):
Oh yeah, why we could get one million dollars?
Speaker 2 (23:10):
All right, y'all finish mocking me?
Speaker 4 (23:13):
That defends Are you finished talking?
Speaker 2 (23:26):
Good morning, A Big Show is right here on the radio,
coming up and by fifteen twenty minutes a brand new
edition of dumb crooked News. Right now it is John
Boy Jeparday. Time. Here we go, y'all. Eighty percent of
all of the life on earth has this in common.
Speaker 4 (23:48):
It has at some point been married.
Speaker 2 (23:51):
It just seems like that. But what'd y'all think? One
eight hundred Big show your toll free line. We'll start
a color nine go to get a winner. Let's do it.
Speaker 12 (24:22):
Good morning, A.
Speaker 1 (24:23):
Big Show is on your radio. We're run about any hour.
Speaker 2 (24:28):
That's time, Yes, live across Americ hearts humor, Hon Boy, jempar.
Speaker 4 (24:35):
Day, and now your hosts currently leading the Big Show's
version of the Chase for the Cup. His has black
coffee in it.
Speaker 2 (24:45):
He is Sean Moore. Say hello to Nancy had a
new born, North Carolina. Good morning, Nancy.
Speaker 12 (24:54):
How are you doing?
Speaker 2 (24:55):
Good? Baby? You are right this morning?
Speaker 9 (24:57):
Oh excellent, thank you the girl.
Speaker 2 (25:00):
Oh well, Nancy. Eighty percent of all of the life
on earth has this in common. I guess we're warm blood.
Show us warm blooded ratports, but rats are one blood.
(25:21):
Thanks for playing, Nancy. Have a good day.
Speaker 1 (25:23):
Thank you?
Speaker 2 (25:24):
Alright? Did bae ba? Brian out of Evansville, Indiana, Good morning, Brian,
had had to do? God do you I'm doing? Okay, okay,
good good man? Oh Brian, yeah, I call for your
answer here. Eighty percent of all of the life will
nerve the thing coming.
Speaker 4 (25:43):
You're embarrassing me.
Speaker 13 (25:45):
How about roll related by genetics?
Speaker 2 (25:49):
Role related?
Speaker 4 (25:50):
We're all related by genetics.
Speaker 2 (25:52):
We're eighty percent of related by genetics in because we
were all there will be.
Speaker 1 (25:59):
All right, let's see.
Speaker 2 (26:06):
Right. But I said, you're a deep thinker. What are
you thinking right now?
Speaker 4 (26:12):
I was thinking of my once more than.
Speaker 2 (26:17):
All right, think about it, Brian, get back to me, buddy,
All right, thank you, have a good day. Richard out
of Belmont, North Carolina.
Speaker 11 (26:25):
Good morning, John boy.
Speaker 2 (26:27):
Good morning Richard. How are you doing.
Speaker 11 (26:30):
I'm gonna get that they live in the water, live in.
Speaker 1 (26:34):
The wah wah.
Speaker 2 (26:37):
I'll tell you how out we'll take that, Richard. Actually
is even more specific than that. Eighty percent of all
of the life on Earth lives in the ocean. Lives
in the ocean. All right, So uh, beach goers, when
you call the police department and want to report that
there are sharks in the ocean, they know that, ma'am.
Speaker 4 (27:00):
Would they be.
Speaker 2 (27:02):
Thank John, You're very welcome, Richard. Do you hang on?
Jackie will get you information, all right? Yeah, add coming
out a brand new edition of Dumb Crooked News.
Speaker 11 (27:14):
You know, I haven't made a movie in years. I
don't miss it. Hollywood is a toilet and they've run
out of paper. You want entertainment, do what I do.
Download the iHeart app and listen to John Boy and
Billy on the Big Show.
Speaker 12 (28:05):
Good morning.
Speaker 2 (28:06):
It's a big show on the radio, all right. Coming
up next is something I think you could listen to again,
Randy is my speech on relationships. Joe, Yeah, remember, rewind
and do it over.
Speaker 14 (28:17):
Attention sales professionals. Business Max is coming to town this weekend.
Business Max is an intensive, three day seminar featuring noted
business consultant John Boy from The Big Show come on
out this weekend and here John Boy's insight on quality control.
Speaker 2 (28:32):
Doing something halfway is always an option. It takes a
lot less time, and most people won't notice until it's
too late.
Speaker 4 (28:43):
Responsibility.
Speaker 2 (28:44):
It hurts to admit you've made mistakes, but when they're
big enough, the pain only lasts a second.
Speaker 12 (28:52):
Finding your niche.
Speaker 2 (28:53):
If you can't learn to enjoy doing something, well, learn
how to enjoy doing it. Bad problem solving. Sometimes the
best solution to morale problems is just to fire all
the unhappy people. Commitment. Hard work pays off eventually, but
laziness pays off.
Speaker 14 (29:15):
Now give your business the business. Attend John Boys Business
Max two thousand and four this Thursday through Saturday in
the Family Life Activity Center at the sort of Joshua
Independent Full Gospel Pentecostal Assembly, just off State Road twenty
three on the Frontage Road.
Speaker 2 (29:31):
And remember, the harder you try, the dumber you look.
Back there, business mach take your business.
Speaker 1 (29:39):
Come up back.
Speaker 2 (30:05):
Good morning, A big show is on the radio. That's
time for dumb crooked news. I'm Crooked News sending by
you Big Show. Listen y'all send a bunch yo many,
and we appreciate you. The address will follow this report.
Two Chattanooga, Tennessee pot farmers. We're riding around recently. This
(30:27):
will end badly with the two large sacks of newly
harvested pot that needed to be dried out so it
could be sold. Apparently liking the apparatus to do the
job themselves, the men pulled into a local convenience store
and one of them took a bag of pot inside
and loaded it into the store's microwave.
Speaker 4 (30:47):
They don't have a pot button on this lene.
Speaker 2 (30:51):
In no time, the store was filled with the aroma
of reefers, which called the attention of a uniformed police
officer inside the store. Well, the officer whose marked patrol
car had been parked right out front when the men arrived,
who took the guy to cuss it inside. They said,
tell my friend that I'm being arrested. So he woke
(31:12):
him up and found arrested a pot in a car.
Wrested both of them. I'll tell you that stuff makeey stupid. Man.
Two teens in Adrian, Michigan outfit of the nineteen ninety
seven Dodge Intrepid to look like an unmarked police cruiser. Well,
the youths flashed the cars newly installed blue and white
strobe lights that unsuspecting motorists and pulled him over, then
(31:33):
laughed and drove away.
Speaker 1 (31:34):
Well.
Speaker 2 (31:35):
The wacky annex came to an end earlier this month
when the pair pulled over a white mini van driven
by Mike Martin, the local chief of police. Martin, dressing
his full uniform, got out of the van, confiscated the
fake cops driver's license, ordered them to follow him to
the police station, where he charged them with impersonating a
police officer.
Speaker 4 (31:55):
Yes, being stupid, still not against the law.
Speaker 2 (31:58):
A man strolled into a banking Tehran, the capital city
of Iran, and began brazenly snatching money from the hands
of customers. The thief was quickly grabbed and subdued by
his victims, which came as quite a surprise since.
Speaker 1 (32:11):
He thought they couldn't see him.
Speaker 2 (32:13):
We'll see. The man told police he had paid a
sorcerer five million rials about six hundred and twenty five
American bucks for a collection of magic spells that would
make him invisible that were not too good. Police are
now searching for the phony sorcerer as an accessory to
the crime. A man facing drug charges in Wassatch County, Utah,
(32:38):
hoped to get a lighter sentence by writing a letter
of apology to the judge in the case, insisting that
he realized his mistake and was sincerely sorry for the crimes.
The man also jotted down a note to his girlfriend,
boasting to her that the apology letter was completely insincere
and just deployed to get him a lighter sentence. Well, well,
what could go wrong? Yep, the defendant put the two
(33:01):
letters in the wrong envelopes. The girlfriend got the apology
and the judge got the one spelling out. The scam
got six years in federal prisons. Dumb government news or
an anniversary tribute to September eleventh victims, The city of
Jersey City, New Jersey, planned to release a flock of
doves at a solemn downtown ceremony. City officials apparently waited
(33:24):
until the last minute to order the doves and found
local suppliers completely sold out. They wound up having to
replace the doves with a group of pigeons, which had
been caged for almost all of their lives. Well witnesses
at the memorial ceremony watched helpless, liasy, awkward birds careened
into the crowd, smashed into nearby office windows, and plunged
(33:45):
headfirst into the Hudson River.
Speaker 1 (33:47):
Ow this thing as easy as it looked.
Speaker 4 (33:50):
It's like the WKRP turkey drop.
Speaker 2 (33:54):
Dumb Berkeley News. In December of two thousand and one,
the City of Berkeley, California, launched an experimental pre program
to improve pedestrian safety at four local intersections using bens
of orange flags on the street corners. Now, pedestrians were
supposed to pick up a flag, hold it or wave
it while crossing the street, and then drop it off
in the bend of the opposite corner e Well. Ten
(34:15):
months later, all three thousand of the flags have been
stolen or otherwise disappeared. The city has spent thirty seven
hundred dollars on replacement flags that are yellow instead of orange.
The wide that might make them less likely to disappear
is not clear, and in true Berkeley fashion, the unsuccessful
program is being expanded to three new intersection. Good Ideas
(34:40):
Dumb Union News. Teamsters Local nine eighty eight open this
new meeting hall in Houston, Texas to a firestorm of
unfavorable reviews by local construction workers, plumbers, electricians, and other
trades the problem well. According to the Houston Chronicle, the
teamsters had their new haul built with non union lay
because they decided union work was too expensive. Scud heer
(35:07):
and finally, James F. Wells, a sixty one year old
writer from Lantana, Florida, was arrested after he contacted an
underage girl on the Internet and arranged to meet her
at a local restaurant. Instead of a fifteen year old girl,
he was greeted at the eatery by an adult male
undercover detective. Mister Wells literally wrote the book on making
(35:28):
dumb moves among his published works, as one entitled The
Story of Stupidity, A History of Western idiocy from the
days of Greece to the present. If you got dumb
crook news, maillet to dumb crook News John Boy Miller
Fielbox one nine one one one, Charlotte, NC two eight
(35:49):
two one nine Email anybodyman me at the Big Show
dot com.
Speaker 3 (35:56):
You who part time receptionist Babs and still a side
six Bill McCracken here telling you that no matter which
way you swing, there's something for everyone. Right here on
the Big Show with John Boy and Billy. I mean,
as long as your expectations aren't too high and you
don't mind that it's coated in grillin sauce to.
Speaker 1 (36:17):
The Mini Cooper. Carry on, straight, people,
Hosts And Creators
Billy James
Johnny "John Boy" Isley
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