December 3, 2024 • 41 mins
Tuesday (pt 2 of 2): On today’s Late Riser’s Podcast, we’ll start trotting out some of our Christmas favorites! - starting with “Rudolph the Redneck Reindeer” - and “Merry Christmas from the Family” from Robert Earl Keen.. - AstroNerd makes a reservation for the dog house - after he tries out some comedy roasts about his own wife.. - We’ll talk with Robert Earl Keen as he hits the road for his “Lights, Camera, Christmas!” tour.. - Terry Hanson’s Sports Briefs looks at his time with the PGA.. - Comedian Amy Borkowski checks her answering machine.. - and we’ll wrap up with “The Shatner Before Christmas”…
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:24):
Good morning, and this will big showing the radio. Oh man,
just looking at this tater. You know if you put
anything in front of me already you had this Tuesday,
Robert Earl's playing Spartanburg on the dorum is Partburg's out Carolina. Wow,
look it happens to me tonight. Oh I was on
tomorrow night and the whole thing. Man, why don't you
gonna tell me I was an idiot? Oh, We've told you.
Speaker 2 (00:49):
So tonight.
Speaker 1 (00:50):
If you want to see Robert Earl in Spartanburg, that
might help it. It would be the time. Okay, tonight
in Spartanburg. Tomorrow night Jacksonville, Flow Arnold, then Saturday Sunday
Mobile Alabama, Atlanta, the cat Alabama, Nashville, that takes you
through next Thursday.
Speaker 2 (01:08):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (01:08):
Maybe just go to Robert Earl keem dot com and
you get there. Said that a lot and say okay,
good all right, then well let's see what we can
do now feed the blonde time. All right, let's meet
a contesting We got Adam out of Knoxville, Tennessee. Good morning, Adam,
(01:31):
Good morning, Hey Marty, welcome all right, Adam. You know
to go to this game, you to get two bails
before two buzzers, no hook hell with a happy herd
prize pack. All right, all depending on our blonde, right,
damn miss Tater. Yeah, Marseille's help out him out now.
All right, Okay, let's go to the Bible. You being
(01:55):
a good Catholic, girls still want to say that little
Catholic countfit So in the Bible, Joseph interpreted the Pharaoh's
dream saying there would be seven years of plenty followed
by seven years of what seven years of senate hearings.
Speaker 3 (02:13):
I don't know.
Speaker 4 (02:14):
I didn't get.
Speaker 1 (02:16):
Too far into they had lays a politics back seven
years of plagues, the plagues, it would be seven years
of plagues, Adam, all right, agree or disagree.
Speaker 2 (02:30):
Adam, I'm going to agree.
Speaker 1 (02:33):
Agree with plague? Famine? It was famine, is what it was.
And I'm sure Taylor, as you remember, Joseph's brothers who
sold him into captivity, showed up that Joseph didn't recognize him,
and he who treated him well during the famine.
Speaker 5 (02:51):
All right, give me the cliff except the first time
she's ever heard.
Speaker 1 (02:59):
Okay, all right, so you know, like Andy told Ope,
Opie's Bible knowledge is a wonderful thing, but don't flawn it. No, Yeah,
that's right, Adam, there was one buzz are you paying
attention to? All right, let's go to some psychologists. All right?
Even better? According to psychologists, if you don't have one,
(03:25):
you should find ways to keep yourself occupied with hobbies
and chores until you get one. Get what you get?
A ride home.
Speaker 6 (03:37):
Home?
Speaker 7 (03:39):
Get a love interest.
Speaker 1 (03:41):
Get a love interest? Yeah, with hobbies and chors, do
you get a love interest? Adam? Agree or disagree? I'm
gonna go out on a limb, and uh, I'm going
to disagree. Okay, on the limb. Disagree, and that is
(04:01):
the thing to do. Guys, a job, Get a job,
not a love interest. A job? Well, here we go
one to win it or lose it, all right, Marcia.
According to university research, can a couple of drinks actually
improve your ability to solve a problem?
Speaker 7 (04:24):
I would say not if your problem is drinking.
Speaker 1 (04:27):
We didn't say which problem. No, no, no, A couple
of drinks will not help solve the problem. Adam, agree
or disagree. I'm going to disagree, disagree. I don't know
(04:48):
he was right on that one. It can make you
feel sharper, but you won't be I'm slurped. Well that
if we're gonna get you a nice consolation, guys, Uh,
headed your way in Knoxville.
Speaker 2 (05:02):
Buddy, we appreciate you, Thank you all so much.
Speaker 8 (05:06):
All right, my.
Speaker 1 (05:06):
Boy, hang on, why the money? I wear a top
of your news right on the on the side. Think
of a Tuesday Morning time, Captain Boy, Tuesday Morning. Laugh
that what's happening?
Speaker 9 (05:52):
This is the award winning John Boy and Billy Big Show,
the South's number one Want export.
Speaker 6 (06:08):
It morning?
Speaker 1 (06:08):
Have been show us on your radio.
Speaker 10 (06:10):
Rayford wonders if we know that this is no name
calling week.
Speaker 3 (06:18):
Here?
Speaker 5 (06:18):
It is right on right on the prep sheet. That's
right eight line New.
Speaker 4 (06:22):
York Associated Press. Middle schools across America are observing no
name calling week.
Speaker 5 (06:29):
The program now.
Speaker 4 (06:30):
That second year takes saying that insults of all kinds.
Speaker 1 (06:34):
Oh, well, you should know this is not middle school.
Speaker 5 (06:36):
This is grammar.
Speaker 4 (06:38):
No, that's a robber room. Whether they're based on the
child's appearance, background on behavior. The initiative has the backing
of the Girls Scouts on Amnesty International.
Speaker 5 (06:50):
But guess who came up with the idea?
Speaker 8 (06:52):
Let me guess developed by the game has been a
straight Education Network about that which seeks to ens sure
that school safety accommodate students of all sexual.
Speaker 1 (07:03):
Arias and gay people come up with some of the
best names.
Speaker 5 (07:05):
That's right, and not getting back to their subject of
the day, write that down for a quote.
Speaker 1 (07:11):
Yeah, it's a parliamentary procedure.
Speaker 11 (07:14):
Is cheapskates, skin flinting, freelod or name to me?
Speaker 1 (07:18):
Yeah?
Speaker 5 (07:18):
All right, I'm sorry, Bob, that's all right.
Speaker 4 (07:22):
I thought I could keep my baby without getting trashed
by my cohort. What are they going to do when
they don't have rape for to kick around anymore? We
got to make up stuff about and tell on the radio.
Now about that movie idea I suggested yesterday morning. You know,
at the end of the show, I said, I had
an idea to revive a project that was talked about
(07:43):
and talked about on this show several years ago. Man,
didn't they talk about it? Who the making of a
I just.
Speaker 1 (07:50):
Talked about the same banker and over.
Speaker 4 (07:54):
That's right, And the project never got off the ground.
The people still wonder, They still asked on the street
what happened to the movie they were gonna make? Well,
it was just like the desert men who folded their
tents and is quietly faded away.
Speaker 5 (08:08):
In fact, that was the plot. Yeah, that's part of problem.
Speaker 4 (08:11):
So after visiting a big new movie production facility in
Ashville over the weekend, I got the idea, not the
movie production man, as Pillars has already assumed it was,
and is my idea if I get a commission office, y'all,
not loading man, and you can nip that in the
(08:32):
bud by get in touch with mister Merwin Gross, the
executive producer. Fact is, I didn't even mention that to him,
and I was up there Friday. It's just the light
bulb went off in my head yesterday morning right here.
That's all right, as my mother used to say, that's
all right. Look how much they're talking about such a project.
(08:52):
And thanks to Tim for recognizing that I'm more active
and all the.
Speaker 12 (08:56):
Rest of this bunch put together, well nothing, it would
take a hold of it.
Speaker 4 (09:02):
I have only seventy seven, not eighty nine. And as
my mother used to say that I saw all right.
The rest of them won't make it to my age anyway,
only brats. I'm not gonna be around to see it
when they drop off a long time before.
Speaker 5 (09:14):
So this is what I got to look forward to
take me.
Speaker 13 (09:16):
Now, mister d Yeah, he started to say, like Nixon
and sixty four, they're not going to have duck Nuxon
to cut around anymore.
Speaker 4 (09:25):
And Randy, dear Randy, I didn't do it. Dear Randy.
For once, he kept his smart ass putting.
Speaker 5 (09:31):
Down the knox to himself, I knew you were bringing
me a sweater.
Speaker 4 (09:38):
I wonder if he knew I was bringing him a
nice new yellow cashmere sweater this morning and it only
had one month holding it.
Speaker 12 (09:45):
Well too, but provided courtesy of the enclose out racket
Men's warehouse, that's men's wearhouse.
Speaker 5 (09:53):
And to love you all. But I say again, what
will you do when you don't have over it? Ki?
Speaker 1 (09:58):
I am not a crook?
Speaker 13 (10:01):
Goodness, don't you don't have Bob Brayford to kick around anymore?
Speaker 1 (10:05):
Right?
Speaker 5 (10:06):
All right, I ain't got no plans to retire. I
work at the pleasure. Mister boy.
Speaker 1 (10:12):
As long as you live, long as you can get
in here, you got a job, buddy. I told you that.
Speaker 5 (10:15):
See, that's an inspiration all the other old folks. I'm
budget you know, Cecil's retired.
Speaker 4 (10:20):
John Gone Belly show is gonna get going, got recognized
as being kind old folks.
Speaker 13 (10:25):
Cecy's retire and every time we ever bring general on,
it's always uh Air Force General retired.
Speaker 1 (10:32):
Cecy's retired Generals of Sissy all right this morning than.
Speaker 9 (10:40):
John Boy and Dilly Yay, Good morning radio, dumb.
Speaker 1 (10:45):
Right, it is a Magshona radio Tuesday and deceimber the fern.
(11:16):
Heading toward the holidays. When we're all happy, or are we,
it's time for the grumpy old man.
Speaker 11 (11:28):
Our jinglely janglely doopy doo. I'm old and I hate
the holidays. In my day, we didn't have any hormone.
Plump turkey with high fiber stuffing, frozen green bean cast
a roll with phony fuions, pre packed pre ten puree
potatoes smothered in fat free gravy, and sugar free dingleberry pie.
Speaker 1 (11:51):
For Thanksgiving.
Speaker 11 (11:53):
We were so poor we draw straws to get to
see who was the lucky one who got to lick
the kitchen floor for dinner, and seeing how it was
a dirt floor and we kept the hogs indoors, it
was a real smorgas board. Then you'd wipe your mouth
with the baby and go outside and find something to
feed the rest of the family. Generations of inbreeding had
(12:15):
left us dumber than the pea brain credits. We were
trying to hunt, so it was pert near a fair fight.
That is until we met bloodhound Bobby Joe bergen Yarn.
He had those big mud flap jowls like Nixon, and
then big droopy eyes and floppy juggiares of his made
him look like that dog on the Beverly Hillbillies.
Speaker 1 (12:38):
He could sniff out a.
Speaker 11 (12:39):
Bogger on a baby's bib two counties over. He was
in big demand, but he didn't work for money because
he was so but ugly. He couldn't get abroad, so
he'd hold your hunger hostage till your hand over. What
are your womenfolk? That was a good thing, and a
(12:59):
good thing for you that he wasn't picky. That was
also good for our sister Homily Henrietta. She had snaggly
teeth and a club foot and a big pointy nose.
She cut her own hair and it was missing in
big chunks even when you dressed her up. She looked
like some sort of prehistoric bird. March to go into
the prom after a night a noisy Connell hijinks old
(13:21):
bloodhound would get out in the front yard on all
fours and start sniffing out your next meal. In twenty minutes,
you had more possum muskrat sniping skunk than you could
eat in twenty years.
Speaker 1 (13:31):
Whoopy, poopy pooh, Look at us.
Speaker 11 (13:33):
We're a bunch of floor licking cousin humpers pipping out
our sister the bird girl for a little note pants
dance with a village man dog, for a big holiday platter.
Speaker 1 (13:44):
Full of skunk.
Speaker 11 (13:45):
God blessed the pilgrims for bringing us this. We were fightful,
we were grateful, and I weren't no holly jolly Eggnaggi
sugarplum fairy and teddy bury and very merry and Christmas mornings.
The only thing dancing in our heads were the nightmarees
about another day of being alive. We'd wake up Christmas
morning in tears, realizing we'd all survive the night, All
(14:09):
thirty seven of us would crawl out of bed, which
was just a big box on the floor of the outthrouse.
We had to stack ourselves like sardines, and you never
got any sleep because someone on the bottom always had
to pee and you had to keep stacking and.
Speaker 1 (14:23):
Unstacking all night long.
Speaker 11 (14:26):
In the morning, we'd all run into the living room
and there weren't no tree neither, just a big viner
kudzu that growed through the window during the year. And
we didn't have no stockings neither. We'd use that old
hollow human leg we found down by the railroad tracks.
We'd prop it up in the corner, and since we
didn't have no fancy gifts or exotic fruit to put
in it, we'd fill it up with little slips of
(14:47):
paper with words of hope and encouragement on them, like
kill me now, or why Lord, why then the cap
off our glorious Christmas Day, We go out in the barnyard,
stripped naked and make poop angels.
Speaker 1 (15:06):
Wing dangley doo.
Speaker 11 (15:07):
Look at me, I'm a poop coming net with dancing
around the loogi tree. And we loved it, and you
could forget all about that old langzhine and dick cluck drooling,
cheap pooch guzzling or dirv Horden ball dropping nonsense. When
it was time for another year to come around, you'd
set around and figure out how much farther ahead in life.
(15:28):
You'd be if you weren't such a knuckle dragon idiot,
and you'd write down all the mistakes you'd made that
year so you'd never.
Speaker 1 (15:34):
Make them again.
Speaker 11 (15:35):
But you couldn't read or write, so it just looked
like a bunch of squeakles, and you'd make all the
exact same mistakes.
Speaker 1 (15:40):
Again the coming year. It was like a great big
loser to do list.
Speaker 11 (15:44):
Then at the stroke of midnight, you and all your
dumbest dirt kin would stand in a big circle. Then
you turn to your left and start kicking the ass
directly in front of you. Then you'd go outside and
stand in the middle of the road and pray that
someone would invent the car so they could mow you
down and put an end to this. What that X
cycle of them is a re known as your life. Hey,
look at me, whoopie do. Let's hear it for baby
(16:05):
new year, here comes another three hundred and sixty five
days a living life in the stupid lane.
Speaker 5 (16:11):
And we liked it.
Speaker 11 (16:13):
We loved Itfinity, binnity tooty toot toot.
Speaker 2 (16:18):
I hate the holidays.
Speaker 1 (16:26):
Still another pass bag for you. Less than thirty minutes
from right now it's a big sell.
Speaker 10 (16:34):
Oh, let somebody better damn it than me, tell you
than me?
Speaker 11 (16:39):
All right? Time might be the big show that stuff
picking him up for you? Whoop, it's you, Marcel. What
am I doing well? When I'm not hanging up on
racing fat boying trying to cure Babs of her terminal blondness.
I'm listening to him. I tell favorite straight white Southern
points John Boynt Billy on the Big Show. Oh, Marcel,
just stop, No, I won't tell Randy that.
Speaker 1 (17:01):
Hello, Hello morning. It's a big show on the radio.
(17:40):
Mind you you miss any of the Big Show, you
can catch it all the John Boyn Billy Late Risers
podcast every Monday through Friday. And he usual us enough
airwn Wall dropping before lunchtime. So when you eat you
lunch got a big show, all right? Good deal? Who
(18:01):
sports briefs, Li Man hands and in minutes, Oh, I
want to tell you about my wonderful thing. Number one
hundred and twenty six We let it ride. Last week
says a short week for Thanksgiving at US Air Force
Officers Challenge coin from Langley Air Force Base. Till time
you get your name and the hat, we give it
away Friday. It's right there at the Big Show dot com.
(18:24):
Good morning, got the Big Show on the radio coming up.
We play worthy word for in a summer of the
small batch hand cooked peanuts from bird t County Peanuts,
a Southern tradition for over one hundred years and before
I thought the hands would hang on a second. So Terry,
thanks to Patty for her recipe on the checks mix.
My wife still can't get it right, but anyway, I'm
(18:47):
gonna send you some Birtee County peanuts man to thank
you for the many years of Patty your wife lovely
checks mix. Yes, man, that's great anyway, y'all. Y'all can
enter code JBB when you go to Bertie County Peanuts
at the Big Show dot com and get twenty five
percent off, plus it's free shipping the shop oldline Bertie
(19:08):
County Peanuts dot net. Just hit the link at the
Big Show dot Com at the rivals Patty Hanson's checks mix.
I'm good. This is we got some good eating here
around the holidays. Well get more, old Terry. Let's make
it official here, Buddy's hold it up there, Oh boy,
(19:30):
Toby Hanson's all the world of fortunate. Here's how you
never want to see you short. He's got Scoops.
Speaker 11 (19:37):
On Spook the contract the dude that's who might be
on Crush the show present sorceryes.
Speaker 1 (19:44):
Well, then here's our man once again, mister Hanson. Thanks
for joining us, buddy. So uh today told us you
got a golf store from your days at the PGA
Tour where you work there from nineteen eighty four through
ninety one. Now you say so, even non goll are
going to like this story from the PGA HU Terrence.
Speaker 2 (20:03):
Yeah, everybody likes to hear boyday car crash.
Speaker 6 (20:05):
Right.
Speaker 2 (20:06):
So I had no background in golf. Obviously.
Speaker 3 (20:08):
I was a baseball guy, and golfers have a lot
of reverence to golf, and you know me, there is
no reverence in me. I came from the TBS culture
to the PGA Tour and it was kind of a stringent.
Speaker 2 (20:23):
To say the least.
Speaker 3 (20:24):
So Golf Digest, the magazine of Golf, came to me
because they said they can only come to me, and
they wanted to have the worst Avid Golfer contest at
the TPC and Stawgrass, which is a very very high
hard course. I had to convince Dean Beeman that talk
about reverence. He really didn't want to do it. I
(20:46):
promised him there'd be national media, so I hoped I
would get it. Anyway, So Golf Digest went out for
six months and they even observed people six hundred and
twenty seven nominations for the Worst Golfer in America. On
June eighteenth, nineteen eighty five, they showed up and no sandbagging,
(21:10):
an attorney and a restaurant owner, a stockbroker, and a
guy from a grocer.
Speaker 2 (21:15):
Big crowd, I mean a big crowd.
Speaker 3 (21:17):
National media were there, A great Brian Gumbel was there,
and a guy named Jimmy Roberts from the ESPN who
I knew had a live shot right before the thing started.
We had sixteen cameras there and it was terrific. So
Jimmy says to me, so, Terry, this is gonna be
kind of dangerous for the fans. Where do you think,
they said sit?
Speaker 2 (21:40):
I said, right in the middle of the fairway.
Speaker 3 (21:42):
I know that's where they would be completely be the
staatest of all. So anyway, the four guys played. Angelo Spagnolo,
remember that name. He shot two hundred and fifty seven
on seventeen the island green, you know, with the water.
He shot sixty six on that Wow, and he couldn't
(22:08):
fly the ball to the green, so like putt putt,
he putted the ball along the cart path to get
up there. I mean, one guy's wife's ex wife showed up.
She said, I want to see him make a fool
of himself. It wasn't Angelo, but anyway, it was a
fun day. And Angelo we had a news conference afterwards
(22:30):
and he said, Angelo, so where did you get out
of today's round?
Speaker 2 (22:33):
Angelo? He said, take lessons. That was a fun day.
Golf guy just really got a great kick out of it.
Speaker 3 (22:44):
So did I, and quite frankly, the golf road for
maybe one day kind of laughed at themselves.
Speaker 1 (22:49):
Man, that's berdy gool. You know these days you'd never
get by with that stuff that you got by.
Speaker 3 (22:59):
Well, there's a lot of stuff I couldn't get away
to day that I did back in the day.
Speaker 1 (23:02):
Right, that's the truth, buddy, Ah, good deal, tares man.
Looking at it, I can't believe we only got two
more sports briefs be with you before Christmas. Yep, I
know you already got you helly, you gonna take us
out of the year.
Speaker 3 (23:16):
Yeah, I do a little pre planning, you know, my
coaching days broadus. So next week I'm gonna talk about
name dropping, okay, and then the last one of the year,
we'll do a little bit review of all forty four
of these things, and we'll have a nice time talking
about it.
Speaker 1 (23:30):
Okay, as I may have lease, Sat Louis, mister Hanson,
thank you, Terry. We'll talk to you next week.
Speaker 2 (23:36):
Buddy, okay, man, don't go overboard.
Speaker 1 (23:38):
On my Christmas present. All right, Well, let's play our
game a wordy word. Let's have a little reverence here
one eight hundred big shill you're told, free line. Okay, No,
We'll get a couple of coggestance team up and play
next Your Morning. It's a Big Show on the radio
(24:20):
Worlded to your Tuesday in December. The third our feature
track for the Big Show bed Box the Shotting Ever
before Christmas. I if you want that for you, John
won't Bitter Christmas South and right now, Oh, by the way,
the on air contest one at the Bigshow dot com.
That's where's going on our website. Clicking that you can't
(24:42):
get through, we'll call you somebody you want to play with.
Make that happen to like right now?
Speaker 5 (24:46):
I want to have everybody's head.
Speaker 1 (24:48):
I bite the bad Okay.
Speaker 5 (24:49):
No wordy word, not no word you.
Speaker 1 (24:51):
Word with a husband and a wife playing this morning.
But we love it when we have our big show couples.
We got Bobby and Stole out of Pikeville, Kentucky. Come
on a Bobby, Come on a Crystal. Hey, y'all, you
are right here. We're gonna play on some worthy word.
(25:12):
Two rounds, thirty seconds each. It'll be the boys against
the girls. All right, All right, well Crystal, you relax less.
See what me and Bobby can put on the board.
Give me on the shoot for you ready, Bobby, Yeah,
let's do it all right, start the clock. Now you
(25:33):
hunt these venison deer? Yes, uh huh. You have two
of these and your toes are on them. You're you're one?
Okay one? Say one? Yes? Alright? This is what turns
into a frog in the pond. Little little teeny little yes,
(25:56):
I'm in blank, I broke my arm, I'm in what huh?
Speaker 2 (26:02):
All right?
Speaker 1 (26:02):
A kick blank on your motorcycle? All right, well we
do a four on the board. Good work on you
and Bobby, let's see what Crystal and Tainter can put
up a round one? Okay, you ready, Crystal, I'm ready,
okay and go uh.
Speaker 7 (26:21):
The opposite of sit down is blank stay yep uh.
In basketball, this is how they start the game with
a blank blank. They jump up and it's called something.
Speaker 5 (26:34):
All right, all right here.
Speaker 7 (26:36):
The first part of the word is you leave this
to a server after a good service. You leave a
what yes, And the second part of the word is
the opposite of on. Oh, so say the two together, barrel.
You can't hear you are? What there?
Speaker 11 (26:52):
Yes?
Speaker 1 (26:53):
Oh right, good worry. Way to work for that. Mar
said that was very good on your end. You kept
your poise.
Speaker 7 (26:58):
You gotta I went back to by Sesame Street days.
Speaker 1 (27:03):
Good work on you in side, Crystal. So it is
four to three, husband leading by one. Here we go
in the round two. Are you ready, Bobby? Yeah, starting
to clock now, drink a cup of this in the morning. Yeah,
all right. These are like not wolves, but they're like
mean dogs and they're running packs and we got to
(27:25):
kill them. What the road runner and the what?
Speaker 5 (27:30):
Yes?
Speaker 1 (27:31):
Uh? Huh?
Speaker 2 (27:31):
All right?
Speaker 1 (27:31):
Not a lime but a a yellow fruit, yellow fruit,
yellow yes, uh huh, where's my big blank? It's in
the blank. Well, got I put a three on the
(27:53):
forest seven for Bobby, So tater in Crystal four will
tie force over all right, Crystal is ready? Okay, bigging
up on that last one.
Speaker 5 (28:06):
Go all right?
Speaker 7 (28:06):
A brown blank you put your sandwich in a brown
blank bag. Yes, you get your hair blank. It's with scissors,
you blank with scissors. Yes, this is another word for
your your hind end. You got a big blank.
Speaker 1 (28:20):
I cannot lie.
Speaker 6 (28:21):
Yep.
Speaker 7 (28:22):
Rhymes with it. Your stomach, yes, she said it, Yes,
rhymes with it. A grass top blank out on a beach,
A pizza blank, pizza blank, pizza blank skirt no pizza.
Speaker 1 (28:37):
Cut, yes, yes, cut for the wind the bottle of
my right out, well, crystal winds, the bottle of a
couple's eight to seven. Alright, Bobby, you got to live
with it. That's your punishment, she said.
Speaker 7 (28:58):
The word was when I said you're heiney. You got
a big blink and I cannot lie.
Speaker 1 (29:02):
You said big runt hump but no hump. But yeah,
I was sitting there somewhere it was. But so all right, Bobby,
I'll give you something to argue about that.
Speaker 2 (29:13):
Yeah, wait for the replay.
Speaker 1 (29:15):
Press y'all, Pike Belle Kentucky, y'all, hang on, we gonna
hook you up with them bird Tea County Peanuts. Enough
to share there, Crystal, you be sure you do. I'd
like to do a shout out to my old man,
even though he knows it, but I don't happy twenty
nine anniversaries as of yesterday.
Speaker 5 (29:32):
So I with twenty nine years guys.
Speaker 1 (29:35):
Oh so well have the anniversary, y'all. All right, Bobby,
thank you, no nuts. Good morning, got the Big Show
on the radio, and it is bit request time. We
got Johnny Lewis out of Autreyville, North Carolina. Johnnah says,
I love the answering machine. One talk about Ted. Do
(29:57):
you think Amy? I think it's Amy.
Speaker 7 (29:59):
Yeah, I think it's Amy Borkowski's Mom's.
Speaker 1 (30:01):
All right, good deal ie, Johnny, we got you and
it's coming up next. Good morning. That's a big shoe
(30:31):
on the radio. It's our master guitarist Gary ho ho
ho En. Then we get to Redsher for that autograph
fender guitar Gary gives away every Christmas day of the
Garyhoy dot Com. The Big Joe dot Com will hit
us in the mailbag, you'll bit request. Johnny Lewis out
of Autreville, North Carolina, got his right here.
Speaker 10 (30:52):
Comedian Amy Borkowski send us some more of the goofy messages.
Her mom, who's a typical Jewish mother, leaves on her
answering machine. All right, the real message would have told
Amy about these, But first up, Amy says, no detail
of her life is too small for mom to offer advice.
Speaker 6 (31:11):
Amla, I just want to make sure you're aware that
starting tomorrow, the postage is going up to thirty four cents.
If you still have any of the old thirty three
cent stamps to make thirty four, you would just be
at one cent. I think the new stamps has self adhesive,
(31:34):
so when you peel up the backing, make sure not
to lick them. Okay, I gotta go meet Barbara, so
give me a quote tomorrow by Tine.
Speaker 1 (31:45):
I guess that's just in case that wasn't clear.
Speaker 10 (31:49):
Mom's always reminding Amy to keep an eye on her
bag when she's in a public place, and sometimes that's
easier said than done.
Speaker 6 (31:58):
Hi, Amla, I hope you made it to the airport
with everything intact. You know, I'm not thrilled with you
carrying your keys and wallets and your plane tickets behind
you in a backpack where anyone can reach in and
take it. If women were meant to carry valuables behind them,
(32:19):
then how come no woman ever spent nine months carrying
a baby in a toughness. All right, hoping you'll come
to your senses and at least buy a coat. Bit okay,
mam ma chhane, so let me hear from.
Speaker 1 (32:34):
You, paseable.
Speaker 10 (32:39):
Amy's mom makes no secret of the fact that she'd
like Amy to find a nice Jewish boy to settle
down with. Amy wondered what would have it if Mom
thought her daughter was dating someone who's well, not Jewish,
So she put this on her answering machine for mom.
Speaker 7 (32:54):
Hi, this is Amy, and this is your mom. We
haven't come to the phone right now after Hello bag.
Speaker 6 (33:04):
Hello, Hello Amy? Are you there? Hello? Amy? I think
you have a crosswire because your message is playing over
the outgoing message from some other line. There's a male
(33:25):
voice that's overlapping, and it sounds like you're doing a duet.
If you can hear me, call six one one repair
and have them straighten it out asap.
Speaker 1 (33:42):
Okay, No, big surprise. Mom called right back.
Speaker 6 (33:48):
Yeah, this message is for Jamal. If you can hear this,
please call your repair service asap because your outgoing message
just coming over my daughter's machine, so anyone calling you them. Also,
(34:09):
he had the message from someone named Amy. Thank you.
Speaker 5 (34:16):
I didn't get it.
Speaker 10 (34:18):
Yeah, Amy's mom's a pretty good cook.
Speaker 1 (34:22):
If you don't believe it, just listen.
Speaker 6 (34:26):
Oh I'm stuffed to the gills. I broiled a beautiful
filet of soul, and I had some of my yellow
mold that was so yummy. Just made a tasty turkey
roast sandwich. I steamed up some broccoli that was so tender,
(34:46):
and I made a delicious squash casserole.
Speaker 10 (34:50):
Okay, Meanwhile, here's how Mom describes other people's cooko.
Speaker 6 (34:58):
They served corn beefs that were so fatty. They served
turkey that was too pink and raw. They served carrots
that were drowning in butter, and one on the car
back up stuck. In my venture, the mushroom soup was uugh.
(35:19):
The liver tasted more like a pancreas me. Ball could
choke a horse. The mots of ball could choke two horses,
and the goat. They gave the string beans that were
hard as a rock, the most revaulting candid damn and
locks that were so salty. I started the gag too.
(35:43):
The muffin made me nauseous. The chawmine made me nauseous.
The rice pudding made me naughtous. The layer cake made
me naughtous. I got the pumpkin pie and I thought
I would throw up. I said broccoli was so gissy.
I was all stunken.
Speaker 5 (36:08):
Amy's mother.
Speaker 1 (36:35):
Yeah, morning, that's a big shown the radio. Let's hear
me ho, holy rocket, and it's more a good man.
So the Shattener before Christmas our featured tracking the bit
box keyword is Shatner? You like this for your John
Boy Bell? That Christmas album we're helping you build. That's done.
Speaker 11 (37:12):
It was the star night before Christmas, and all through
the ship I looked for Uhura, but she gave me
the slip. The try corners were recharging a waiting repair,
hoping that Scottie soon would be there. Sulu was resting
asleep in his bunk, dreaming of Nurse Chapel and that
junk in her trunk. Spot was all woozy, and I
(37:34):
had turned pale after getting a bad match of romulin air.
When up on the bridge there came such a noise
I was sure it was check off and some of
the boys. I jumped out of bed and put on
my tupee. My head was still pounding. There'll be hell
to pay. The twin moons of Bragon lit up the night,
and I was still hammered and ready to find when
(37:58):
what on the viewing screen had appeared A strange little
man with a big, fuzzy beard. He circled the ship
in a tiny great craft, pulled by strange creatures. They
swung fore and aft. I'm coming aboard, he did boldly announce,
and we'd be there waiting, ready to pounce. With me
(38:19):
and my boxers and Spock and his Jammy's, we ran
to the bridge to lay down the whammies with phases
on stun and a gut full of booze. I knew
this intruder was going to lose. We got there in
time as he beamed himself in and he smiled at
us all with a green, slimy grin. He smiled like
old socks and was homely as hell, and the front
(38:44):
of his head looked like a turtle shell. Hold your fire,
I said, and my crew took a pause. It's old
Chris kling on the space Sena Claus with a bundle
of gifts he had slung on his back, and when
he bent over we can all see his cry. Here
(39:05):
Kirk here, spot here, Sulu here, Scotty and Uha and
Nurse Chapel, the Enterprise hotties. He handed out presents to
all the ship's crew, even Ensign Goldberg, who's really a jew.
When his bag was empty, he didn't think twice he
said Merry Christmas, which I thought was nice. We asked
(39:30):
him to dinner. He said, no time to stop. He
flipped open his communicator and said, want to beam up.
He was gone in a twinkle and then flew away.
It was over so fast, there was nothing to say.
We opened our gifts. Everyone was excited, and I hate
to say it, but I really felt slighted. Chekhov got poetry,
Scotty got whiskey. Uhura got undies, which I think made
(39:52):
her frisky. But I wasn't so lucky. With my Christmas surprise.
He gave me a girdle with a note just it's
your signs. Everyone laughed as I sucked in my gut.
I think kling On Claus needs a kick in the butt,
so I manned the helm, ready to photon torpedo, and
fired around up the crack of his speedo. As the
(40:17):
bits of a ship burned away in the night.
Speaker 1 (40:20):
I was mesmerized by the glorious sight, and.
Speaker 11 (40:25):
With my buzz still on, the crew heard me shout,
Merry Christmas, Enterprise, This is Clark out.
Speaker 12 (40:37):
Bit Box is here all your favorites from four decades
and Big Show ninety nine says each fifteenth for nine
ninety nine by him once play. Many were shopping Mitbox
online at the Big Show dot Com.
Speaker 1 (40:46):
Order Big Show Stuff, I followed.
Speaker 12 (40:47):
The number is eight hundred and four seven to one
stuff online services by animate dot com.
Speaker 1 (40:52):
This any Big show today, don't let that happen. Judging
up John o'bill and Late Rossers podcast man, wherever you
get your podcasting, make an easy subscribe to us with
a free ighearted radio app. How are y'all they rest
of your days, see you on tomorrow. Love you mana
Good morning, and this will big showing the radio. Oh man,
just looking at this tater. You know if you put
anything in front of me already you had this Tuesday,
Robert Earl's playing Spartanburg on the dorum is Partburg's out Carolina. Wow,
look it happens to me tonight. Oh I was on
tomorrow night and the whole thing. Man, why don't you
gonna tell me I was an idiot? Oh, We've told you.
Speaker 2 (00:49):
So tonight.
Speaker 1 (00:50):
If you want to see Robert Earl in Spartanburg, that
might help it. It would be the time. Okay, tonight
in Spartanburg. Tomorrow night Jacksonville, Flow Arnold, then Saturday Sunday
Mobile Alabama, Atlanta, the cat Alabama, Nashville, that takes you
through next Thursday.
Speaker 2 (01:08):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (01:08):
Maybe just go to Robert Earl keem dot com and
you get there. Said that a lot and say okay,
good all right, then well let's see what we can
do now feed the blonde time. All right, let's meet
a contesting We got Adam out of Knoxville, Tennessee. Good morning, Adam,
(01:31):
Good morning, Hey Marty, welcome all right, Adam. You know
to go to this game, you to get two bails
before two buzzers, no hook hell with a happy herd
prize pack. All right, all depending on our blonde, right,
damn miss Tater. Yeah, Marseille's help out him out now.
All right, Okay, let's go to the Bible. You being
(01:55):
a good Catholic, girls still want to say that little
Catholic countfit So in the Bible, Joseph interpreted the Pharaoh's
dream saying there would be seven years of plenty followed
by seven years of what seven years of senate hearings.
Speaker 3 (02:13):
I don't know.
Speaker 4 (02:14):
I didn't get.
Speaker 1 (02:16):
Too far into they had lays a politics back seven
years of plagues, the plagues, it would be seven years
of plagues, Adam, all right, agree or disagree.
Speaker 2 (02:30):
Adam, I'm going to agree.
Speaker 1 (02:33):
Agree with plague? Famine? It was famine, is what it was.
And I'm sure Taylor, as you remember, Joseph's brothers who
sold him into captivity, showed up that Joseph didn't recognize him,
and he who treated him well during the famine.
Speaker 5 (02:51):
All right, give me the cliff except the first time
she's ever heard.
Speaker 1 (02:59):
Okay, all right, so you know, like Andy told Ope,
Opie's Bible knowledge is a wonderful thing, but don't flawn it. No, Yeah,
that's right, Adam, there was one buzz are you paying
attention to? All right, let's go to some psychologists. All right?
Even better? According to psychologists, if you don't have one,
(03:25):
you should find ways to keep yourself occupied with hobbies
and chores until you get one. Get what you get?
A ride home.
Speaker 6 (03:37):
Home?
Speaker 7 (03:39):
Get a love interest.
Speaker 1 (03:41):
Get a love interest? Yeah, with hobbies and chors, do
you get a love interest? Adam? Agree or disagree? I'm
gonna go out on a limb, and uh, I'm going
to disagree. Okay, on the limb. Disagree, and that is
(04:01):
the thing to do. Guys, a job, Get a job,
not a love interest. A job? Well, here we go
one to win it or lose it, all right, Marcia.
According to university research, can a couple of drinks actually
improve your ability to solve a problem?
Speaker 7 (04:24):
I would say not if your problem is drinking.
Speaker 1 (04:27):
We didn't say which problem. No, no, no, A couple
of drinks will not help solve the problem. Adam, agree
or disagree. I'm going to disagree, disagree. I don't know
(04:48):
he was right on that one. It can make you
feel sharper, but you won't be I'm slurped. Well that
if we're gonna get you a nice consolation, guys, Uh,
headed your way in Knoxville.
Speaker 2 (05:02):
Buddy, we appreciate you, Thank you all so much.
Speaker 8 (05:06):
All right, my.
Speaker 1 (05:06):
Boy, hang on, why the money? I wear a top
of your news right on the on the side. Think
of a Tuesday Morning time, Captain Boy, Tuesday Morning. Laugh
that what's happening?
Speaker 9 (05:52):
This is the award winning John Boy and Billy Big Show,
the South's number one Want export.
Speaker 6 (06:08):
It morning?
Speaker 1 (06:08):
Have been show us on your radio.
Speaker 10 (06:10):
Rayford wonders if we know that this is no name
calling week.
Speaker 3 (06:18):
Here?
Speaker 5 (06:18):
It is right on right on the prep sheet. That's
right eight line New.
Speaker 4 (06:22):
York Associated Press. Middle schools across America are observing no
name calling week.
Speaker 5 (06:29):
The program now.
Speaker 4 (06:30):
That second year takes saying that insults of all kinds.
Speaker 1 (06:34):
Oh, well, you should know this is not middle school.
Speaker 5 (06:36):
This is grammar.
Speaker 4 (06:38):
No, that's a robber room. Whether they're based on the
child's appearance, background on behavior. The initiative has the backing
of the Girls Scouts on Amnesty International.
Speaker 5 (06:50):
But guess who came up with the idea?
Speaker 8 (06:52):
Let me guess developed by the game has been a
straight Education Network about that which seeks to ens sure
that school safety accommodate students of all sexual.
Speaker 1 (07:03):
Arias and gay people come up with some of the
best names.
Speaker 5 (07:05):
That's right, and not getting back to their subject of
the day, write that down for a quote.
Speaker 1 (07:11):
Yeah, it's a parliamentary procedure.
Speaker 11 (07:14):
Is cheapskates, skin flinting, freelod or name to me?
Speaker 1 (07:18):
Yeah?
Speaker 5 (07:18):
All right, I'm sorry, Bob, that's all right.
Speaker 4 (07:22):
I thought I could keep my baby without getting trashed
by my cohort. What are they going to do when
they don't have rape for to kick around anymore? We
got to make up stuff about and tell on the radio.
Now about that movie idea I suggested yesterday morning. You know,
at the end of the show, I said, I had
an idea to revive a project that was talked about
(07:43):
and talked about on this show several years ago. Man,
didn't they talk about it? Who the making of a
I just.
Speaker 1 (07:50):
Talked about the same banker and over.
Speaker 4 (07:54):
That's right, And the project never got off the ground.
The people still wonder, They still asked on the street
what happened to the movie they were gonna make? Well,
it was just like the desert men who folded their
tents and is quietly faded away.
Speaker 5 (08:08):
In fact, that was the plot. Yeah, that's part of problem.
Speaker 4 (08:11):
So after visiting a big new movie production facility in
Ashville over the weekend, I got the idea, not the
movie production man, as Pillars has already assumed it was,
and is my idea if I get a commission office, y'all,
not loading man, and you can nip that in the
(08:32):
bud by get in touch with mister Merwin Gross, the
executive producer. Fact is, I didn't even mention that to him,
and I was up there Friday. It's just the light
bulb went off in my head yesterday morning right here.
That's all right, as my mother used to say, that's
all right. Look how much they're talking about such a project.
(08:52):
And thanks to Tim for recognizing that I'm more active
and all the.
Speaker 12 (08:56):
Rest of this bunch put together, well nothing, it would
take a hold of it.
Speaker 4 (09:02):
I have only seventy seven, not eighty nine. And as
my mother used to say that I saw all right.
The rest of them won't make it to my age anyway,
only brats. I'm not gonna be around to see it
when they drop off a long time before.
Speaker 5 (09:14):
So this is what I got to look forward to
take me.
Speaker 13 (09:16):
Now, mister d Yeah, he started to say, like Nixon
and sixty four, they're not going to have duck Nuxon
to cut around anymore.
Speaker 4 (09:25):
And Randy, dear Randy, I didn't do it. Dear Randy.
For once, he kept his smart ass putting.
Speaker 5 (09:31):
Down the knox to himself, I knew you were bringing
me a sweater.
Speaker 4 (09:38):
I wonder if he knew I was bringing him a
nice new yellow cashmere sweater this morning and it only
had one month holding it.
Speaker 12 (09:45):
Well too, but provided courtesy of the enclose out racket
Men's warehouse, that's men's wearhouse.
Speaker 5 (09:53):
And to love you all. But I say again, what
will you do when you don't have over it? Ki?
Speaker 1 (09:58):
I am not a crook?
Speaker 13 (10:01):
Goodness, don't you don't have Bob Brayford to kick around anymore?
Speaker 1 (10:05):
Right?
Speaker 5 (10:06):
All right, I ain't got no plans to retire. I
work at the pleasure. Mister boy.
Speaker 1 (10:12):
As long as you live, long as you can get
in here, you got a job, buddy. I told you that.
Speaker 5 (10:15):
See, that's an inspiration all the other old folks. I'm
budget you know, Cecil's retired.
Speaker 4 (10:20):
John Gone Belly show is gonna get going, got recognized
as being kind old folks.
Speaker 13 (10:25):
Cecy's retire and every time we ever bring general on,
it's always uh Air Force General retired.
Speaker 1 (10:32):
Cecy's retired Generals of Sissy all right this morning than.
Speaker 9 (10:40):
John Boy and Dilly Yay, Good morning radio, dumb.
Speaker 1 (10:45):
Right, it is a Magshona radio Tuesday and deceimber the fern.
(11:16):
Heading toward the holidays. When we're all happy, or are we,
it's time for the grumpy old man.
Speaker 11 (11:28):
Our jinglely janglely doopy doo. I'm old and I hate
the holidays. In my day, we didn't have any hormone.
Plump turkey with high fiber stuffing, frozen green bean cast
a roll with phony fuions, pre packed pre ten puree
potatoes smothered in fat free gravy, and sugar free dingleberry pie.
Speaker 1 (11:51):
For Thanksgiving.
Speaker 11 (11:53):
We were so poor we draw straws to get to
see who was the lucky one who got to lick
the kitchen floor for dinner, and seeing how it was
a dirt floor and we kept the hogs indoors, it
was a real smorgas board. Then you'd wipe your mouth
with the baby and go outside and find something to
feed the rest of the family. Generations of inbreeding had
(12:15):
left us dumber than the pea brain credits. We were
trying to hunt, so it was pert near a fair fight.
That is until we met bloodhound Bobby Joe bergen Yarn.
He had those big mud flap jowls like Nixon, and
then big droopy eyes and floppy juggiares of his made
him look like that dog on the Beverly Hillbillies.
Speaker 1 (12:38):
He could sniff out a.
Speaker 11 (12:39):
Bogger on a baby's bib two counties over. He was
in big demand, but he didn't work for money because
he was so but ugly. He couldn't get abroad, so
he'd hold your hunger hostage till your hand over. What
are your womenfolk? That was a good thing, and a
(12:59):
good thing for you that he wasn't picky. That was
also good for our sister Homily Henrietta. She had snaggly
teeth and a club foot and a big pointy nose.
She cut her own hair and it was missing in
big chunks even when you dressed her up. She looked
like some sort of prehistoric bird. March to go into
the prom after a night a noisy Connell hijinks old
(13:21):
bloodhound would get out in the front yard on all
fours and start sniffing out your next meal. In twenty minutes,
you had more possum muskrat sniping skunk than you could
eat in twenty years.
Speaker 1 (13:31):
Whoopy, poopy pooh, Look at us.
Speaker 11 (13:33):
We're a bunch of floor licking cousin humpers pipping out
our sister the bird girl for a little note pants
dance with a village man dog, for a big holiday platter.
Speaker 1 (13:44):
Full of skunk.
Speaker 11 (13:45):
God blessed the pilgrims for bringing us this. We were fightful,
we were grateful, and I weren't no holly jolly Eggnaggi
sugarplum fairy and teddy bury and very merry and Christmas mornings.
The only thing dancing in our heads were the nightmarees
about another day of being alive. We'd wake up Christmas
morning in tears, realizing we'd all survive the night, All
(14:09):
thirty seven of us would crawl out of bed, which
was just a big box on the floor of the outthrouse.
We had to stack ourselves like sardines, and you never
got any sleep because someone on the bottom always had
to pee and you had to keep stacking and.
Speaker 1 (14:23):
Unstacking all night long.
Speaker 11 (14:26):
In the morning, we'd all run into the living room
and there weren't no tree neither, just a big viner
kudzu that growed through the window during the year. And
we didn't have no stockings neither. We'd use that old
hollow human leg we found down by the railroad tracks.
We'd prop it up in the corner, and since we
didn't have no fancy gifts or exotic fruit to put
in it, we'd fill it up with little slips of
(14:47):
paper with words of hope and encouragement on them, like
kill me now, or why Lord, why then the cap
off our glorious Christmas Day, We go out in the barnyard,
stripped naked and make poop angels.
Speaker 1 (15:06):
Wing dangley doo.
Speaker 11 (15:07):
Look at me, I'm a poop coming net with dancing
around the loogi tree. And we loved it, and you
could forget all about that old langzhine and dick cluck drooling,
cheap pooch guzzling or dirv Horden ball dropping nonsense. When
it was time for another year to come around, you'd
set around and figure out how much farther ahead in life.
(15:28):
You'd be if you weren't such a knuckle dragon idiot,
and you'd write down all the mistakes you'd made that
year so you'd never.
Speaker 1 (15:34):
Make them again.
Speaker 11 (15:35):
But you couldn't read or write, so it just looked
like a bunch of squeakles, and you'd make all the
exact same mistakes.
Speaker 1 (15:40):
Again the coming year. It was like a great big
loser to do list.
Speaker 11 (15:44):
Then at the stroke of midnight, you and all your
dumbest dirt kin would stand in a big circle. Then
you turn to your left and start kicking the ass
directly in front of you. Then you'd go outside and
stand in the middle of the road and pray that
someone would invent the car so they could mow you
down and put an end to this. What that X
cycle of them is a re known as your life. Hey,
look at me, whoopie do. Let's hear it for baby
(16:05):
new year, here comes another three hundred and sixty five
days a living life in the stupid lane.
Speaker 5 (16:11):
And we liked it.
Speaker 11 (16:13):
We loved Itfinity, binnity tooty toot toot.
Speaker 2 (16:18):
I hate the holidays.
Speaker 1 (16:26):
Still another pass bag for you. Less than thirty minutes
from right now it's a big sell.
Speaker 10 (16:34):
Oh, let somebody better damn it than me, tell you
than me?
Speaker 11 (16:39):
All right? Time might be the big show that stuff
picking him up for you? Whoop, it's you, Marcel. What
am I doing well? When I'm not hanging up on
racing fat boying trying to cure Babs of her terminal blondness.
I'm listening to him. I tell favorite straight white Southern
points John Boynt Billy on the Big Show. Oh, Marcel,
just stop, No, I won't tell Randy that.
Speaker 1 (17:01):
Hello, Hello morning. It's a big show on the radio.
(17:40):
Mind you you miss any of the Big Show, you
can catch it all the John Boyn Billy Late Risers
podcast every Monday through Friday. And he usual us enough
airwn Wall dropping before lunchtime. So when you eat you
lunch got a big show, all right? Good deal? Who
(18:01):
sports briefs, Li Man hands and in minutes, Oh, I
want to tell you about my wonderful thing. Number one
hundred and twenty six We let it ride. Last week
says a short week for Thanksgiving at US Air Force
Officers Challenge coin from Langley Air Force Base. Till time
you get your name and the hat, we give it
away Friday. It's right there at the Big Show dot com.
(18:24):
Good morning, got the Big Show on the radio coming up.
We play worthy word for in a summer of the
small batch hand cooked peanuts from bird t County Peanuts,
a Southern tradition for over one hundred years and before
I thought the hands would hang on a second. So Terry,
thanks to Patty for her recipe on the checks mix.
My wife still can't get it right, but anyway, I'm
(18:47):
gonna send you some Birtee County peanuts man to thank
you for the many years of Patty your wife lovely
checks mix. Yes, man, that's great anyway, y'all. Y'all can
enter code JBB when you go to Bertie County Peanuts
at the Big Show dot com and get twenty five
percent off, plus it's free shipping the shop oldline Bertie
(19:08):
County Peanuts dot net. Just hit the link at the
Big Show dot Com at the rivals Patty Hanson's checks mix.
I'm good. This is we got some good eating here
around the holidays. Well get more, old Terry. Let's make
it official here, Buddy's hold it up there, Oh boy,
(19:30):
Toby Hanson's all the world of fortunate. Here's how you
never want to see you short. He's got Scoops.
Speaker 11 (19:37):
On Spook the contract the dude that's who might be
on Crush the show present sorceryes.
Speaker 1 (19:44):
Well, then here's our man once again, mister Hanson. Thanks
for joining us, buddy. So uh today told us you
got a golf store from your days at the PGA
Tour where you work there from nineteen eighty four through
ninety one. Now you say so, even non goll are
going to like this story from the PGA HU Terrence.
Speaker 2 (20:03):
Yeah, everybody likes to hear boyday car crash.
Speaker 6 (20:05):
Right.
Speaker 2 (20:06):
So I had no background in golf. Obviously.
Speaker 3 (20:08):
I was a baseball guy, and golfers have a lot
of reverence to golf, and you know me, there is
no reverence in me. I came from the TBS culture
to the PGA Tour and it was kind of a stringent.
Speaker 2 (20:23):
To say the least.
Speaker 3 (20:24):
So Golf Digest, the magazine of Golf, came to me
because they said they can only come to me, and
they wanted to have the worst Avid Golfer contest at
the TPC and Stawgrass, which is a very very high
hard course. I had to convince Dean Beeman that talk
about reverence. He really didn't want to do it. I
(20:46):
promised him there'd be national media, so I hoped I
would get it. Anyway, So Golf Digest went out for
six months and they even observed people six hundred and
twenty seven nominations for the Worst Golfer in America. On
June eighteenth, nineteen eighty five, they showed up and no sandbagging,
(21:10):
an attorney and a restaurant owner, a stockbroker, and a
guy from a grocer.
Speaker 2 (21:15):
Big crowd, I mean a big crowd.
Speaker 3 (21:17):
National media were there, A great Brian Gumbel was there,
and a guy named Jimmy Roberts from the ESPN who
I knew had a live shot right before the thing started.
We had sixteen cameras there and it was terrific. So
Jimmy says to me, so, Terry, this is gonna be
kind of dangerous for the fans. Where do you think,
they said sit?
Speaker 2 (21:40):
I said, right in the middle of the fairway.
Speaker 3 (21:42):
I know that's where they would be completely be the
staatest of all. So anyway, the four guys played. Angelo Spagnolo,
remember that name. He shot two hundred and fifty seven
on seventeen the island green, you know, with the water.
He shot sixty six on that Wow, and he couldn't
(22:08):
fly the ball to the green, so like putt putt,
he putted the ball along the cart path to get
up there. I mean, one guy's wife's ex wife showed up.
She said, I want to see him make a fool
of himself. It wasn't Angelo, but anyway, it was a
fun day. And Angelo we had a news conference afterwards
(22:30):
and he said, Angelo, so where did you get out
of today's round?
Speaker 2 (22:33):
Angelo? He said, take lessons. That was a fun day.
Golf guy just really got a great kick out of it.
Speaker 3 (22:44):
So did I, and quite frankly, the golf road for
maybe one day kind of laughed at themselves.
Speaker 1 (22:49):
Man, that's berdy gool. You know these days you'd never
get by with that stuff that you got by.
Speaker 3 (22:59):
Well, there's a lot of stuff I couldn't get away
to day that I did back in the day.
Speaker 1 (23:02):
Right, that's the truth, buddy, Ah, good deal, tares man.
Looking at it, I can't believe we only got two
more sports briefs be with you before Christmas. Yep, I
know you already got you helly, you gonna take us
out of the year.
Speaker 3 (23:16):
Yeah, I do a little pre planning, you know, my
coaching days broadus. So next week I'm gonna talk about
name dropping, okay, and then the last one of the year,
we'll do a little bit review of all forty four
of these things, and we'll have a nice time talking
about it.
Speaker 1 (23:30):
Okay, as I may have lease, Sat Louis, mister Hanson,
thank you, Terry. We'll talk to you next week.
Speaker 2 (23:36):
Buddy, okay, man, don't go overboard.
Speaker 1 (23:38):
On my Christmas present. All right, Well, let's play our
game a wordy word. Let's have a little reverence here
one eight hundred big shill you're told, free line. Okay, No,
We'll get a couple of coggestance team up and play
next Your Morning. It's a Big Show on the radio
(24:20):
Worlded to your Tuesday in December. The third our feature
track for the Big Show bed Box the Shotting Ever
before Christmas. I if you want that for you, John
won't Bitter Christmas South and right now, Oh, by the way,
the on air contest one at the Bigshow dot com.
That's where's going on our website. Clicking that you can't
(24:42):
get through, we'll call you somebody you want to play with.
Make that happen to like right now?
Speaker 5 (24:46):
I want to have everybody's head.
Speaker 1 (24:48):
I bite the bad Okay.
Speaker 5 (24:49):
No wordy word, not no word you.
Speaker 1 (24:51):
Word with a husband and a wife playing this morning.
But we love it when we have our big show couples.
We got Bobby and Stole out of Pikeville, Kentucky. Come
on a Bobby, Come on a Crystal. Hey, y'all, you
are right here. We're gonna play on some worthy word.
(25:12):
Two rounds, thirty seconds each. It'll be the boys against
the girls. All right, All right, well Crystal, you relax less.
See what me and Bobby can put on the board.
Give me on the shoot for you ready, Bobby, Yeah,
let's do it all right, start the clock. Now you
(25:33):
hunt these venison deer? Yes, uh huh. You have two
of these and your toes are on them. You're you're one?
Okay one? Say one? Yes? Alright? This is what turns
into a frog in the pond. Little little teeny little yes,
(25:56):
I'm in blank, I broke my arm, I'm in what huh?
Speaker 2 (26:02):
All right?
Speaker 1 (26:02):
A kick blank on your motorcycle? All right, well we
do a four on the board. Good work on you
and Bobby, let's see what Crystal and Tainter can put
up a round one? Okay, you ready, Crystal, I'm ready,
okay and go uh.
Speaker 7 (26:21):
The opposite of sit down is blank stay yep uh.
In basketball, this is how they start the game with
a blank blank. They jump up and it's called something.
Speaker 5 (26:34):
All right, all right here.
Speaker 7 (26:36):
The first part of the word is you leave this
to a server after a good service. You leave a
what yes, And the second part of the word is
the opposite of on. Oh, so say the two together, barrel.
You can't hear you are? What there?
Speaker 11 (26:52):
Yes?
Speaker 1 (26:53):
Oh right, good worry. Way to work for that. Mar
said that was very good on your end. You kept
your poise.
Speaker 7 (26:58):
You gotta I went back to by Sesame Street days.
Speaker 1 (27:03):
Good work on you in side, Crystal. So it is
four to three, husband leading by one. Here we go
in the round two. Are you ready, Bobby? Yeah, starting
to clock now, drink a cup of this in the morning. Yeah,
all right. These are like not wolves, but they're like
mean dogs and they're running packs and we got to
(27:25):
kill them. What the road runner and the what?
Speaker 5 (27:30):
Yes?
Speaker 1 (27:31):
Uh? Huh?
Speaker 2 (27:31):
All right?
Speaker 1 (27:31):
Not a lime but a a yellow fruit, yellow fruit,
yellow yes, uh huh, where's my big blank? It's in
the blank. Well, got I put a three on the
(27:53):
forest seven for Bobby, So tater in Crystal four will
tie force over all right, Crystal is ready? Okay, bigging
up on that last one.
Speaker 5 (28:06):
Go all right?
Speaker 7 (28:06):
A brown blank you put your sandwich in a brown
blank bag. Yes, you get your hair blank. It's with scissors,
you blank with scissors. Yes, this is another word for
your your hind end. You got a big blank.
Speaker 1 (28:20):
I cannot lie.
Speaker 6 (28:21):
Yep.
Speaker 7 (28:22):
Rhymes with it. Your stomach, yes, she said it, Yes,
rhymes with it. A grass top blank out on a beach,
A pizza blank, pizza blank, pizza blank skirt no pizza.
Speaker 1 (28:37):
Cut, yes, yes, cut for the wind the bottle of
my right out, well, crystal winds, the bottle of a
couple's eight to seven. Alright, Bobby, you got to live
with it. That's your punishment, she said.
Speaker 7 (28:58):
The word was when I said you're heiney. You got
a big blink and I cannot lie.
Speaker 1 (29:02):
You said big runt hump but no hump. But yeah,
I was sitting there somewhere it was. But so all right, Bobby,
I'll give you something to argue about that.
Speaker 2 (29:13):
Yeah, wait for the replay.
Speaker 1 (29:15):
Press y'all, Pike Belle Kentucky, y'all, hang on, we gonna
hook you up with them bird Tea County Peanuts. Enough
to share there, Crystal, you be sure you do. I'd
like to do a shout out to my old man,
even though he knows it, but I don't happy twenty
nine anniversaries as of yesterday.
Speaker 5 (29:32):
So I with twenty nine years guys.
Speaker 1 (29:35):
Oh so well have the anniversary, y'all. All right, Bobby,
thank you, no nuts. Good morning, got the Big Show
on the radio, and it is bit request time. We
got Johnny Lewis out of Autreyville, North Carolina. Johnnah says,
I love the answering machine. One talk about Ted. Do
(29:57):
you think Amy? I think it's Amy.
Speaker 7 (29:59):
Yeah, I think it's Amy Borkowski's Mom's.
Speaker 1 (30:01):
All right, good deal ie, Johnny, we got you and
it's coming up next. Good morning. That's a big shoe
(30:31):
on the radio. It's our master guitarist Gary ho ho
ho En. Then we get to Redsher for that autograph
fender guitar Gary gives away every Christmas day of the
Garyhoy dot Com. The Big Joe dot Com will hit
us in the mailbag, you'll bit request. Johnny Lewis out
of Autreville, North Carolina, got his right here.
Speaker 10 (30:52):
Comedian Amy Borkowski send us some more of the goofy messages.
Her mom, who's a typical Jewish mother, leaves on her
answering machine. All right, the real message would have told
Amy about these, But first up, Amy says, no detail
of her life is too small for mom to offer advice.
Speaker 6 (31:11):
Amla, I just want to make sure you're aware that
starting tomorrow, the postage is going up to thirty four cents.
If you still have any of the old thirty three
cent stamps to make thirty four, you would just be
at one cent. I think the new stamps has self adhesive,
(31:34):
so when you peel up the backing, make sure not
to lick them. Okay, I gotta go meet Barbara, so
give me a quote tomorrow by Tine.
Speaker 1 (31:45):
I guess that's just in case that wasn't clear.
Speaker 10 (31:49):
Mom's always reminding Amy to keep an eye on her
bag when she's in a public place, and sometimes that's
easier said than done.
Speaker 6 (31:58):
Hi, Amla, I hope you made it to the airport
with everything intact. You know, I'm not thrilled with you
carrying your keys and wallets and your plane tickets behind
you in a backpack where anyone can reach in and
take it. If women were meant to carry valuables behind them,
(32:19):
then how come no woman ever spent nine months carrying
a baby in a toughness. All right, hoping you'll come
to your senses and at least buy a coat. Bit okay,
mam ma chhane, so let me hear from.
Speaker 1 (32:34):
You, paseable.
Speaker 10 (32:39):
Amy's mom makes no secret of the fact that she'd
like Amy to find a nice Jewish boy to settle
down with. Amy wondered what would have it if Mom
thought her daughter was dating someone who's well, not Jewish,
So she put this on her answering machine for mom.
Speaker 7 (32:54):
Hi, this is Amy, and this is your mom. We
haven't come to the phone right now after Hello bag.
Speaker 6 (33:04):
Hello, Hello Amy? Are you there? Hello? Amy? I think
you have a crosswire because your message is playing over
the outgoing message from some other line. There's a male
(33:25):
voice that's overlapping, and it sounds like you're doing a duet.
If you can hear me, call six one one repair
and have them straighten it out asap.
Speaker 1 (33:42):
Okay, No, big surprise. Mom called right back.
Speaker 6 (33:48):
Yeah, this message is for Jamal. If you can hear this,
please call your repair service asap because your outgoing message
just coming over my daughter's machine, so anyone calling you them. Also,
(34:09):
he had the message from someone named Amy. Thank you.
Speaker 5 (34:16):
I didn't get it.
Speaker 10 (34:18):
Yeah, Amy's mom's a pretty good cook.
Speaker 1 (34:22):
If you don't believe it, just listen.
Speaker 6 (34:26):
Oh I'm stuffed to the gills. I broiled a beautiful
filet of soul, and I had some of my yellow
mold that was so yummy. Just made a tasty turkey
roast sandwich. I steamed up some broccoli that was so tender,
(34:46):
and I made a delicious squash casserole.
Speaker 10 (34:50):
Okay, Meanwhile, here's how Mom describes other people's cooko.
Speaker 6 (34:58):
They served corn beefs that were so fatty. They served
turkey that was too pink and raw. They served carrots
that were drowning in butter, and one on the car
back up stuck. In my venture, the mushroom soup was uugh.
(35:19):
The liver tasted more like a pancreas me. Ball could
choke a horse. The mots of ball could choke two horses,
and the goat. They gave the string beans that were
hard as a rock, the most revaulting candid damn and
locks that were so salty. I started the gag too.
(35:43):
The muffin made me nauseous. The chawmine made me nauseous.
The rice pudding made me naughtous. The layer cake made
me naughtous. I got the pumpkin pie and I thought
I would throw up. I said broccoli was so gissy.
I was all stunken.
Speaker 5 (36:08):
Amy's mother.
Speaker 1 (36:35):
Yeah, morning, that's a big shown the radio. Let's hear
me ho, holy rocket, and it's more a good man.
So the Shattener before Christmas our featured tracking the bit
box keyword is Shatner? You like this for your John
Boy Bell? That Christmas album we're helping you build. That's done.
Speaker 11 (37:12):
It was the star night before Christmas, and all through
the ship I looked for Uhura, but she gave me
the slip. The try corners were recharging a waiting repair,
hoping that Scottie soon would be there. Sulu was resting
asleep in his bunk, dreaming of Nurse Chapel and that
junk in her trunk. Spot was all woozy, and I
(37:34):
had turned pale after getting a bad match of romulin air.
When up on the bridge there came such a noise
I was sure it was check off and some of
the boys. I jumped out of bed and put on
my tupee. My head was still pounding. There'll be hell
to pay. The twin moons of Bragon lit up the night,
and I was still hammered and ready to find when
(37:58):
what on the viewing screen had appeared A strange little
man with a big, fuzzy beard. He circled the ship
in a tiny great craft, pulled by strange creatures. They
swung fore and aft. I'm coming aboard, he did boldly announce,
and we'd be there waiting, ready to pounce. With me
(38:19):
and my boxers and Spock and his Jammy's, we ran
to the bridge to lay down the whammies with phases
on stun and a gut full of booze. I knew
this intruder was going to lose. We got there in
time as he beamed himself in and he smiled at
us all with a green, slimy grin. He smiled like
old socks and was homely as hell, and the front
(38:44):
of his head looked like a turtle shell. Hold your fire,
I said, and my crew took a pause. It's old
Chris kling on the space Sena Claus with a bundle
of gifts he had slung on his back, and when
he bent over we can all see his cry. Here
(39:05):
Kirk here, spot here, Sulu here, Scotty and Uha and
Nurse Chapel, the Enterprise hotties. He handed out presents to
all the ship's crew, even Ensign Goldberg, who's really a jew.
When his bag was empty, he didn't think twice he
said Merry Christmas, which I thought was nice. We asked
(39:30):
him to dinner. He said, no time to stop. He
flipped open his communicator and said, want to beam up.
He was gone in a twinkle and then flew away.
It was over so fast, there was nothing to say.
We opened our gifts. Everyone was excited, and I hate
to say it, but I really felt slighted. Chekhov got poetry,
Scotty got whiskey. Uhura got undies, which I think made
(39:52):
her frisky. But I wasn't so lucky. With my Christmas surprise.
He gave me a girdle with a note just it's
your signs. Everyone laughed as I sucked in my gut.
I think kling On Claus needs a kick in the butt,
so I manned the helm, ready to photon torpedo, and
fired around up the crack of his speedo. As the
(40:17):
bits of a ship burned away in the night.
Speaker 1 (40:20):
I was mesmerized by the glorious sight, and.
Speaker 11 (40:25):
With my buzz still on, the crew heard me shout,
Merry Christmas, Enterprise, This is Clark out.
Speaker 12 (40:37):
Bit Box is here all your favorites from four decades
and Big Show ninety nine says each fifteenth for nine
ninety nine by him once play. Many were shopping Mitbox
online at the Big Show dot Com.
Speaker 1 (40:46):
Order Big Show Stuff, I followed.
Speaker 12 (40:47):
The number is eight hundred and four seven to one
stuff online services by animate dot com.
Speaker 1 (40:52):
This any Big show today, don't let that happen. Judging
up John o'bill and Late Rossers podcast man, wherever you
get your podcasting, make an easy subscribe to us with
a free ighearted radio app. How are y'all they rest
of your days, see you on tomorrow. Love you mana
Hosts And Creators
Billy James
Johnny "John Boy" Isley
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