December 25, 2024 • 47 mins
Wednesday (pt 1 of 2): On today’s Late Riser’s Podcast, we’re going back to Christmas 2019 with another special Encore Edition of the Big Show!
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Well, Merry Christmas to you all of our big show fans.
Randy here and if I'm doing a show note at
the front of this podcast, then you can bet it's
an encore edition. This one originally aired December twenty third,
twenty nineteen.
Speaker 2 (00:21):
Enjoy the show, Good Bady, John Bonemillan gang, will you.
Speaker 3 (00:25):
I gotta have three dates in history when we get
our category. December twenty third, nineteen seventy eight Please Come
Home for Christmas by the Eagles peaked at number eighteen
on the Pop Singles Chart seventy eight. That's all came
out as it didn't all right? It was on a
state no Sex. Arnold Schwarzenegger broke his leg while skiing
(00:47):
with his family and son Valley, Idaho.
Speaker 4 (00:50):
He's not a break.
Speaker 3 (00:51):
The California governor was taken to a local hospital for
X rays, which revealed he had fractured his femur. It's
a fema an Austrian. Swarzenegger is an experienced skier. Well,
three days later, in Santa Monica, he underwent surgery to
repair the break. The terminator broke his leg on his
gee's load and then finally on his day No.
Speaker 2 (01:14):
Nine, the man who.
Speaker 3 (01:15):
Triggered a major alert by falsely claiming that his son
was adrift in a helium balloon, had been sentenced to
ninety days in jail and his wife to twenty. Richard
Heen and his wife Mayem said in October their son
had been carried off by the balloon, but the boy
was eventually found hiding at home.
Speaker 2 (01:33):
Oh I remember that, So he.
Speaker 3 (01:37):
Apologized the rescue workers and the community. In the Colorado courtroom,
the dad had did, and the judge ordered four years
of supervised probation for the couple, banned them from receiving
any form of financial benefit from the case.
Speaker 5 (01:51):
And no balloons at your birthday party for the rest
of your life.
Speaker 2 (01:55):
And the kid what I do?
Speaker 6 (01:56):
Tell me? Joe hide all right?
Speaker 2 (02:00):
Categories one eight hundred.
Speaker 3 (02:01):
Big show actually told free line we'll play out birds next.
(02:30):
Good morning, it's a big show on the radio. And
that video today brought you by Bucks, mount Olive Pickle Company,
mount Olive Munchies. That is why you pickle craving with Munchies,
A portable pickle and a pouch. When you own the
goat'll be grocery stores now. The video John Boy got
run over by a Reindeer sung by Yes the original
singer doctor Elmo Jim jabbed up with a Big Show crew.
(02:54):
Check it out the Big Show dot com.
Speaker 2 (02:57):
And right now Christmas when my game Upperst.
Speaker 6 (03:03):
Let's play upbers.
Speaker 7 (03:04):
It's the game that anyone can win. John boys Billy
give the prizes from the big prize being.
Speaker 6 (03:14):
Let's go we contest and number one. This should be
a lot of fun when you're playing Upberst.
Speaker 7 (03:23):
Have a hurry up and guest time you love the
best time.
Speaker 6 (03:26):
You love a big shots.
Speaker 3 (03:29):
Let's say, hey the Jenney from Macon, Georgia.
Speaker 6 (03:36):
We have a shot.
Speaker 2 (03:43):
Good morning Janey, Good morning y'all. Hey maybe welcome our Johnny.
We're pulling for you. Hope you listen to the legs ups.
Speaker 3 (03:52):
Get through the categories you ready, yes, sir?
Speaker 2 (03:56):
All right?
Speaker 3 (03:56):
In five seconds, we need three Christmas tunes.
Speaker 2 (04:01):
Ready go.
Speaker 8 (04:03):
Jingle Bells, White Christmas and coming home for Christmas.
Speaker 2 (04:09):
Guy, you go, Jenny.
Speaker 9 (04:12):
Now.
Speaker 3 (04:13):
Three famous skiing spots, ready.
Speaker 10 (04:17):
Go Aspen, Colorado, Sun Valley, Idaho in White Mountain.
Speaker 3 (04:25):
Verb maam all right, and for the wind. Three places
to hide in your home.
Speaker 5 (04:34):
Ready to go under your bed in a closet in
the attic.
Speaker 2 (04:42):
All right, we know we're looking for you now.
Speaker 3 (04:44):
Jall and you got you fifty dollars to spend on
an American Express gift card courtesy of Bolt Jangles.
Speaker 2 (04:54):
Awesome, you haven't merried Christmas baby?
Speaker 11 (04:58):
All right?
Speaker 12 (04:58):
Thank you, Darling yellowt best show to listen to you
on the way home from the hospital.
Speaker 2 (05:02):
Whow why here? You do you do that every day?
Speaker 13 (05:06):
I do?
Speaker 14 (05:07):
I work night shift?
Speaker 3 (05:08):
Oh yeah, good, I didn't help hoping you weren't you
weren't sickly? What do you think when are at the hospital?
Speaker 6 (05:12):
Listen to this show?
Speaker 2 (05:15):
We appreciate you, Jake, all.
Speaker 8 (05:17):
Right, No, no, I used to listen to you all
the way home the state of solemn.
Speaker 3 (05:21):
Here not more like right at home, didn't you?
Speaker 15 (05:26):
I did right at home with y'all.
Speaker 2 (05:30):
Way go Jane Jackie'll hook you up, all right, sir?
Speaker 4 (05:33):
Thank you?
Speaker 2 (05:39):
Bottomle a hour and time at the top of your news.
Speaker 3 (05:43):
And then a classic Christmas playhouse how though drunk stole
Christmas feature and ravor good morning this makes you on
(06:26):
the radio Monday morning, December to twenty third.
Speaker 2 (06:30):
Yeah, one of my favorites.
Speaker 3 (06:32):
Christmas classic playhouses, got a couple of them for you.
Today one featuring dub A little later right now, featuring
the one and only Robert d Rafer.
Speaker 2 (06:43):
All right, let's do it.
Speaker 5 (06:47):
Welcome to John Boy and Billy Playhouse. Today's episode How
the Grump Stole Christmas. All the cast of the Big
Show liked Christmas a lot, but the Grump, their curmudgeon
at large, he did not. The Grump had a tube
(07:08):
about the whole Christmas season. Now, please don't ask why.
No one quite knows the reason. Some say his head
wasn't screwed on just right.
Speaker 2 (07:17):
It could be.
Speaker 5 (07:18):
Perhaps that his shoes were too tight, but the most
likely reason that he wasn't tickled may have been that
his liver was totally pickled. But whatever his liver, his head,
or his shoes, he sat home on Christmas Eve, guzzling booze.
He grumbled and grumped to his long suffering honey.
Speaker 15 (07:40):
Christmas just a big scam to make money, wife, and
I on the seventy two years, I've put up with it.
Now I must stop this Christmas from coming.
Speaker 5 (07:51):
But how then he got an idea, an awful idea.
The Grump got a wonderful, awful idea.
Speaker 15 (08:00):
I will make a fake Santa Claus outfit with spots,
and I'll go to the mall.
Speaker 2 (08:05):
And irass all the brats.
Speaker 15 (08:08):
I'll make sure that every last shopper is dissed. Next
time they see Santa Claus, they'll be pissed.
Speaker 16 (08:16):
His wife said, you're crazy.
Speaker 15 (08:18):
He said, quit your benching, hush, now, get yourself back
in the cushion.
Speaker 5 (08:24):
So Grumpy Claws wore his disguise that was fake and
waited till Maul Santa went on his break. He went
to the fountain to mal Santa's castle, three sheets to
the wind and ready to hassle. He invited the kids
to come sit on his throne and said.
Speaker 6 (08:41):
Keep your list short and then leave me alone.
Speaker 5 (08:44):
Then Grumpy Claws started up quite a to do. He
dissed Ferby and Elmo and Pokemon too. Some kids were fooled,
but one kid was quicker.
Speaker 2 (08:54):
Hey, daddy, both Santa smells just like cheap Laquor.
Speaker 5 (09:00):
His dad knew the grump wasn't like Santa's passed.
Speaker 16 (09:03):
He said, you're right, Jeffrey, this Senna's guess. The mall
cop said.
Speaker 6 (09:09):
Wawser oh Sanna his face.
Speaker 5 (09:12):
And quick as a flash, sprayed him down with some mace.
The fake Santa Wobble then dropped into Dreamland. The cops
dragged him out past the gap and ice cream Land.
They got in their jeep and drove to his house
and handed him over to his loving spouse.
Speaker 16 (09:29):
His wife said, I'm just glad. They said they won't sue.
Speaker 5 (09:33):
And waited for him to dry out and come to
And what happened next well, eye witnesses say that the
Grump's liver grew by three sizes. That there, his holiday
brainstorm came out as a bust, and from that Christmas
on he held in his disgust. But the very next
Christmas he hatched a new scheme and he he himself
(09:56):
the Grump guzzled jim Bean. The moral. Most stories like
this have all got one, but in this particular case,
well there's not one. And that is the tale of
the Grump who got souced a Christmas time John Boy
and Billy play House tune in again next time and
hear Old Dub holler, hey, big man, let me.
Speaker 2 (10:19):
Hold a dollar. No Tom Christmas. Okay, I'm done looking
(10:55):
like that, sir. The story is closed. How did you
get in here? And please get off the sand us throne?
A Lad's Big Shoe Playhouse. Let's enjoy.
Speaker 5 (11:09):
Welcome to John Boy and Billy Playhouse. Today's episode the
Christmas Shift. As our story opens, bartender Mitzi Moran is
chatting on the phone with a friend while pulling a
very slow Christmas Eve shift at p J.
Speaker 2 (11:25):
Mcgillicuddy's sports Bar.
Speaker 17 (11:27):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (11:28):
Yeah, this place is a ghost town, totally empty.
Speaker 2 (11:31):
What's that?
Speaker 14 (11:33):
No, no, biggie, this is the easiest shift of the
year unless some horny drunk wanders in and.
Speaker 17 (11:40):
Baby for me, speak of the devil.
Speaker 4 (11:54):
Here he comes. Yeah, I'll talk to you later.
Speaker 6 (12:00):
And a happy hold to days to you.
Speaker 4 (12:05):
Merry Christmas? Well, what can I get you?
Speaker 6 (12:07):
Scotch and water? Pull the water?
Speaker 18 (12:11):
Ah?
Speaker 19 (12:13):
Hey, could you throw in a Christmas kiss?
Speaker 4 (12:17):
There it is the drink I can give you.
Speaker 2 (12:19):
This kiss.
Speaker 4 (12:20):
Ain't happenings.
Speaker 6 (12:24):
This Christmas Eve? And I'm all of the holiday spirit?
Speaker 17 (12:30):
Would that be?
Speaker 4 (12:31):
Would that spirit be Scotch?
Speaker 6 (12:33):
You got you?
Speaker 17 (12:33):
Yeah? Smell wow?
Speaker 6 (12:36):
How's about.
Speaker 17 (12:39):
Dude?
Speaker 4 (12:40):
So help me, I will smack you right upside your head.
Speaker 19 (12:43):
Oh God, let me make this a lexus December.
Speaker 6 (12:50):
Would you have to hear mefore? I didn't buy them off?
Speaker 17 (12:56):
Hey?
Speaker 4 (12:56):
Hey, hey, Buttercup, I warned you.
Speaker 6 (12:59):
I'm sorry, man, I.
Speaker 9 (13:01):
Don't know if you can tell, but I'm not to
drink because I'm all alone on Christmas Eve. But the
toughest thing right now is you look. You look exactly
like my ex wife.
Speaker 4 (13:16):
Oh please, you really you look just like her.
Speaker 9 (13:22):
And that perfume you're wearing makes you.
Speaker 20 (13:25):
Smell like.
Speaker 2 (13:27):
Oh coming here.
Speaker 14 (13:28):
No no, no, no, no, no no no. Look, you're
officially cut off. Now hit the road. You have pathetic, horny,
loud mouth drunk Wow.
Speaker 16 (13:49):
What do you hope you've enjoyed? John Boy and Billy Playhouse.
Speaker 6 (13:52):
Shouldn't do that top button? Let them.
Speaker 5 (13:56):
Tune again next time over the crusty old recently fired malls.
Speaker 2 (14:00):
Hey, big man, let me hold a dollar.
Speaker 3 (14:02):
Yeah, that morny y'all big show is on your radio.
Speaker 21 (14:08):
Hello, you perky early risers. Here's just the thing to
wake you up and get your blood pumpy, The John
Boy and Billy Big Show. Why, before you know it,
you'll be bouncing off the walls just like me. Ooh
(14:32):
whah uh uh oh.
Speaker 2 (14:37):
See what I mean?
Speaker 3 (15:15):
Good morning, that's a big show on the radio, all right.
Speaker 2 (15:19):
Hansome's last day with us in.
Speaker 3 (15:21):
The Big Show where it goes into retirement, went back
up to Saint Louis Man.
Speaker 2 (15:27):
We're talking about that.
Speaker 3 (15:28):
Hasn't you ain't lived above the Mason Dixon line?
Speaker 2 (15:31):
How many years since nineteen seventy six? Nineteen seventy six.
I gotta get ready for the cold.
Speaker 6 (15:36):
Don't I use your due?
Speaker 2 (15:38):
Buddy?
Speaker 3 (15:39):
All right, I'll get handsome some scarfs and mittens. Did
they make them that small?
Speaker 7 (15:44):
You can't?
Speaker 6 (15:46):
He just got like at the pet store, said those
little boot.
Speaker 2 (15:50):
Cyper dog, well, gulls leave.
Speaker 3 (15:54):
You can find Hanson in our video the day John
Boy got run over by reindeer. All of us are
there as it looks like nol Grandy with tight curlers.
Speaker 2 (16:03):
On his head.
Speaker 3 (16:03):
That's a great look for you to go out. Hey,
y'all check it out when you get a chance at
the Big Show dot Com. It'll be up there during
the holidays for your festive video viewing. Check it out
Big Show dot Com. One of my favorites take offs
(16:24):
on us A Wonderful Life, Our married Man. Christmas coming
up in minutes. That's a big show rolls on Good Morning,
Big Shows on the radio.
Speaker 2 (16:35):
Coming up.
Speaker 3 (16:35):
We'll play John boyd Jeopardy, you can win a Happy
Herd prize. Spect you know, happy herd makes the best
attracting some minerals and feed for deer. Baron Hoggs in
the hunting industry the perfect Christmas gift for your out doorsman,
same day shipping in time for Christmas. Go to the
Big Show dot com, click on the Happy Herd link
interer code JBB at check out and get ten percent off.
(16:57):
Right Now, here's well a promise you.
Speaker 6 (17:07):
Married man.
Speaker 7 (17:08):
Married man drives around in a minivan god a wife
and some kids. His whole life's on the skids. Hey,
there there goes the married man.
Speaker 6 (17:21):
How's he feel?
Speaker 7 (17:22):
Listen, dude, this poor guy's really screwed hanging on.
Speaker 10 (17:27):
Buy a bread cord of milk, loaf of bread. Hey,
there there goes a married man. Got a big gas gill,
buys his clothes at the gap, and he's just about.
Speaker 6 (17:41):
Hanging on for this crowd.
Speaker 10 (17:44):
Married man, My ried man, friendly neighborhood.
Speaker 6 (17:48):
Married man.
Speaker 7 (17:49):
Life for him has nothing.
Speaker 10 (17:51):
Wife or let him do what they she says. It's
about timing groove up. Wherever there's a screw up, you'll
find the married nine.
Speaker 5 (18:02):
A story opens on a cold cloudy Christmas Eve, the
win to wind whips around a small bridge over a
dock and icy river. Our harold married man sits atop
the guardrail with his poll College buddy, I can't.
Speaker 2 (18:14):
Believe your mini van ran out of gas.
Speaker 5 (18:18):
I told you the wife had some last minute errands
to run. She must have just forgotten to go by
the service station.
Speaker 3 (18:24):
Yeah, yeah, all I know is instead of laughing it
up at the office Christmas party at the country club,
we're sitting here waiting for somebody to bring us a
can of gas.
Speaker 2 (18:31):
Of course, it could be worse.
Speaker 3 (18:33):
At least this didn't turn out to be another parody
of It's a Wonderful life.
Speaker 2 (18:37):
I don't know what you mean.
Speaker 3 (18:38):
You know, it's a wonderful life. Jimmy Stewart's getting ready
to kill himself. Clarencey Angel comes by, shows him what
his life would.
Speaker 5 (18:45):
Be like if he never was born. Huh, Well that's
not me. I mean, let me tell you something, College buddy,
I already have a wonderful life.
Speaker 2 (18:55):
Oh well, excuse me, yes a.
Speaker 5 (18:57):
Minute, Hello, hi honey, what you need me to pick
up a can of cranberry sauce for Christmas dinner? And
you called the country club. They said I wasn't there,
and you were wondering where I was. Well, the mini
van kind of ran out of gas, and college buddy
called a friend of his. He's bringing us some What
(19:20):
why was the line busy when you called just a
moment ago? Well, probably because I let college buddy use
my phone to call his friend. Yes, I know, we
only get so many minutes a month. This was kind
of an emergency. Honey, how did it happen? Well, I
think you may have forgotten to fill up the tank
when you were out yesterday. No, I think you were
(19:42):
the last one to drive, don't you remember? But well,
well you may be right. Yes, it's probably my fault. Yeah,
he's on his way right now. I'm not really sure. Yeah,
I could ask you how long will it take your
friend to get here? About fifteen more minutes? Probably about
(20:02):
fifteen more minutes or so, honey, Yes, I'll call you
when he gets here. Okay, bye, Sorry. So what were
we talking about? It's a wonderful life.
Speaker 16 (20:13):
Oh yeah, so Jimmy Stewart was in that Huh.
Speaker 3 (20:16):
Yeah, he say he was ready to commit suicide because.
Speaker 2 (20:20):
Uh, excuse me again?
Speaker 5 (20:21):
Hello, yes, dear, No, dear, I won't forget the can
of cranberry sauce.
Speaker 2 (20:27):
Right. What's that?
Speaker 5 (20:29):
Mother Fletcher is in town and she's going to be
spending the whole week with us. Well, yes, that is
great news. Tell her I look forward to seeing her. Okay, goodbye.
So Jimmy Stewart was, Yeah, Jimmy Stewart was damn hello, Yes, honey,
what's that? Mother Fletcher wants to know if college buddy's
(20:53):
friend could stop by a convenience store and pick up what.
I don't know if Reese's makes peanut butter Christmas. She's
sure she saw them last year. Well, I guess I
could check into that. Okay, No, college buddy's friend. He
really hasn't had time to get here yet. Hunh Yes,
I'll call you soon. Gobar So suicide huh.
Speaker 3 (21:18):
Yeah, he got this idea that, Hey, married man, you're
not thinking of jumping off this bridge, are you?
Speaker 2 (21:24):
I don't know.
Speaker 5 (21:26):
Sometimes I feel like I'm just spinning my wheels here.
You know, every moment of my life is laid off
for me. She never stopped every hour of every day.
It's always something. Sometimes I feel like I'm gonna.
Speaker 2 (21:41):
Hey, guys, I got your gas right here.
Speaker 3 (21:44):
Hey, Randy boy, we're starting to wonder if you were
gonna show up married man's wife's worried sick.
Speaker 9 (21:49):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (21:49):
Sorry, it took so long.
Speaker 12 (21:50):
I had to finish up my annual two hour Merry
Christmas Darling tape for my wife, and all the way
over here I realized, I, well, I already had the
mystery gift lined up, but I didn't have anything in
case she picked the standard gift.
Speaker 2 (22:02):
Now, granted she never picks the standard gift. But what
am I gonna do if I get caught by surprise?
Speaker 16 (22:08):
You know, I remember Christmas in eighty seven.
Speaker 12 (22:10):
That's when I hey, hey guys, hey married man, Hey, Hey,
what are you guys doing?
Speaker 2 (22:14):
Put me down? Feel better?
Speaker 5 (22:31):
Well, you know that's the magic of the holiday season,
no matter how little you have, Some people have even less.
You know, college buddy, it may not be a wonderful life,
but it could always be worse.
Speaker 2 (22:43):
From all of.
Speaker 5 (22:44):
Us have till all of you there, best wishes for
a happy and blessed holiday season.
Speaker 2 (22:50):
Man, Look at this.
Speaker 3 (22:51):
Randy sure had a lot of stuff in this car. Hey,
racist peanut butter reads. I didn't know they still made these.
Speaker 16 (22:57):
Hey, I'll split theF with.
Speaker 3 (22:58):
You your own big man.
Speaker 2 (23:02):
You find a wonderful live.
Speaker 5 (23:08):
Ah.
Speaker 3 (23:09):
Let's play John Boyd Jeopardy. Let's just jump right in here.
The recipe for this popular product has remained pretty much
the same for thousands of years, and it's most basic.
You'll only need animal, fat, grease, and lie.
Speaker 5 (23:27):
What is a Congressman? I'll tell you that I won't
kind of lie.
Speaker 3 (23:32):
One ain't hundred bigs. So you told free line. We
played John Boyd Jeopardy. Next, Good Morning, It's Big Show
(24:03):
on the radio. The Christmas shown is December twenty third,
and our video today brought you by Mount Olive. Munchie's
a portable pickle then of pounds when you own to
go a featable to grocery stores now the Mount Island
Pickle Company. John Boy got run over by reindeers the
whole Big Show crew in the video of the day
(24:25):
in time of Christmas, sung by the original run over
by a reindeer guy, Doctor Elmo. Right there at the
Big Show dot com and right here, let's play Yes.
Speaker 5 (24:38):
Live Watta I Rick Hayas you know your host, Animal, Pat,
Grease and Live were his three best friends in high school.
Speaker 15 (24:53):
He's John mord He By the way, that's nickname is
not the actual stuff.
Speaker 3 (24:59):
Say hey, David out of Anderson, South Carolina.
Speaker 2 (25:02):
Good morning, David, Good morning, Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas to
you to day.
Speaker 3 (25:08):
Welcome buddy, Well am I talking about recipes over the
holiday season, David. The recipe for this popular product has
remained pretty much the same for thousands of years. That
it's most basic. You'll only need animal fat, grease and lie.
What could it be, David?
Speaker 22 (25:28):
Lord?
Speaker 2 (25:31):
You say, Lord, that's.
Speaker 3 (25:33):
Say that's good guess, but I don't know.
Speaker 20 (25:39):
Lie.
Speaker 16 (25:40):
No one recommend.
Speaker 6 (25:45):
What David.
Speaker 3 (25:46):
We appreciate you playing, buddy. You have a merry Christmas.
Speaker 13 (25:49):
Did I win?
Speaker 3 (25:50):
No, I was gonna pick. Yeah, we'll do that about
the hour you are eligible to play again, so I'll
give it another shout there, buddy.
Speaker 2 (26:05):
Okay, appreciate it.
Speaker 3 (26:06):
You guys have a great Christmas. Thank you so much, David,
You too, buddy. All right, then go to Sean in Olkboro,
North Carolina. Good morning, Sean. Hey, we're doing good. Shall
looking for that this popular product with a recipe of
animal fat, grease and lie.
Speaker 2 (26:25):
What do you think?
Speaker 3 (26:28):
You say?
Speaker 2 (26:30):
A certainty soap? You gotta.
Speaker 3 (26:37):
Remember Granny Clampitt making her own soap. Get a lot
of money, fell never mind. H So that's why I.
Speaker 16 (26:45):
Ran around with you guys in Animal Fat and Grease too.
Speaker 3 (26:49):
Sean, you got the prize pack. We'll get into you
over the oak Borough Bunny.
Speaker 2 (26:53):
Oh, thank you very much. Give a shout out, yes, sir.
Speaker 3 (26:56):
I got to shout up my wonderful wife An, my
beautiful daughter Sarah. Well, all right, y'all, argue you and
yours have a merry Christmas, me too. All right now,
it's your news right on the on the side our
time capsule, Christmas capsule.
Speaker 2 (27:17):
Dug up on. It was twenty third of December.
Speaker 13 (27:20):
Hang on, this is the award winning John Boy and
(27:52):
Billy Big Show, the South's number one exports.
Speaker 2 (28:04):
Oh what's up? How y'all doing?
Speaker 7 (28:06):
Man?
Speaker 8 (28:06):
You can tell when Christmas time is out here when
you start seeing all the old timey holiday classics on TV.
And by that I don't mean Charlie Brown or the Grinch.
I'm talking about a bunch of Hershey Kisses playing a
Christmas song, or Polar Bear drinking a coke, or Santa
Claus right down the hill on the electric razor.
Speaker 2 (28:22):
You know, the commercials. That's what I look forward to.
Speaker 8 (28:25):
Hey, you ever noticed about two weeks before Christmas is
the only time of year you ever see a commercial
for the chia pet?
Speaker 2 (28:32):
And you know why don't you?
Speaker 8 (28:33):
They have to wait till you're almost out of money
and ideas got new start tomorrow called as scene on TV.
I was in the They they carry all that TV
stuff they advertise, like Oxy Clean and Mighty Puddy and
all that, had a buttload of chia pets in there.
I never knew there was so many different ones. And
the box always has a picture of what it's supposed
(28:53):
to look like when it's done. Mine did never come
out like these. Have you seen the one the Chia Guy?
It looks like a dude's head, and water to season
it grows a big green afro. Now, if you do
it right, you get lying on Richie about nineteen seventy eight.
Of course, if you mess it up, you end up
with al Roker. They got one called the Chia Professor.
(29:15):
This must be new. He's got big eyebrows and a
bushy mustache. I think it's supposed to look like Albert Einstein.
But judge about the pitchure on the box. It comes
out kind of like a cross between Al Sharpton and
made a man God a bunch your cartoon chi your
heads too in the store like Homer Simpson who picked
that one? Now y'all ever seen Homer Simpson, dude got
(29:36):
two squiggly lines of hair on his whole head. And
judging from the pitcher, when you give Homer the chia fro,
he looked like Lamont from Sanford and Son. Theyven got
tweety Bird from Looney to him. Now what is up
with that? Homer Simpson is a tad thin on top,
But last time I seen him, tweety bird ain't got
(29:57):
no hair at all. And judge about the pitt you
on the box, This one starts out looking like doctor
Phil and it turns into Richard Simmons. And probably the
scariest looking one of all is Shrek. No little too
bad coming at the box. But when you grow his
big green afro out cheers, Shrek look like O. J.
Speaker 2 (30:15):
Simpson with horns on his head.
Speaker 8 (30:17):
Merry Christmas, kid and cheers made by some outfit called
Joseph Enterprises. It turns out this is the same Munson
makes the clapper you know, clap off clap off hantsyy.
They got a new one this year called the Clapper Plus.
And the plus is it's got get this a remote control?
Speaker 2 (30:37):
Now, what is up with that?
Speaker 8 (30:39):
You don't clap, you push a button. That ain't the clapper,
it's the pusher because I guess you couldn't sell that
during the holidays. But my new all time favorite is
this thing they call the Snugget. Have you seen the
commercial for that. It's a blanket. It's got built in
sleeves and so you can hold a remote when you
cover it up and watching TV. A blanket with arms
(31:02):
in it? Ain't that what they usould call a bath roller? Hey,
I think I saved myself nineteen ninety five.
Speaker 2 (31:10):
Just now y'all think about it. I'm marmous Sean Boyan, dilly,
Merry Christmas job Jo, Good night.
Speaker 3 (31:20):
Good morning radio, dumb right good Monday morning, December to
(31:49):
twenty third, Big show's on the radio.
Speaker 2 (31:53):
I ain't the malls, please not the bells.
Speaker 3 (31:55):
Oh, no more bells. It's perfect bumper music by watching
their pounds over the holidays. As we said, our man
pillars has comes to term, has come to terms.
Speaker 2 (32:11):
But the yeah, let's just listen.
Speaker 11 (32:32):
My shirt stained red bite, barbecue pants like sticky with
cheese fronto beard, smells like DM deed more beef stew,
ready to eat again, and from everye Chinese buffet Golden
co rapt chased me. You are way scared of just
(32:55):
how my giant could weigh. These scales are not my
friend because I'm a stuffed guy, not a very buff guy,
big marshmallow fluff guy. Cannot get enough guy. I'm a
fat type, not a stealthy cat type. Where's my pecker
rat type? You're gonna eat all that type.
Speaker 22 (33:15):
I'm the fat guy. I'm the fat guy.
Speaker 11 (33:32):
I eat my weight in sloppy Joe's been years since
I have seen my toes.
Speaker 2 (33:40):
Guess song.
Speaker 11 (33:41):
Just blame these oreos. Order more chicken wings, mashed pop
tato stuck in my hair, sweat pants the only thing
I wear a diet but I don't really care. And
let's go to burger king. Because I'm a round guy,
(34:02):
big old, fleshy bound guy, about three hundred pound. God
make a lot of sounds. Guy, I'm the fat type,
not a real jacks brab type, gravy by the fat type.
Speaker 2 (34:12):
Rather, I just sat type.
Speaker 11 (34:15):
I'm the fat.
Speaker 23 (34:17):
Guy, the guy.
Speaker 11 (34:39):
I'm only could that be a fat.
Speaker 18 (34:44):
Fat I never watched my weight.
Speaker 6 (35:02):
Let the haters hate.
Speaker 18 (35:03):
Me because I'm fat.
Speaker 2 (35:05):
Your kids are scared of me.
Speaker 11 (35:08):
I mean, I really don't see why that would be
except they saw me eat their cat.
Speaker 24 (35:16):
I'm the fat guy. I'm the fat guy.
Speaker 2 (35:29):
More French fries, please, I'm starting good. More than the
big shows on a radio and more big show. Right
around the corner.
Speaker 19 (35:39):
This is buzz Nut Lad with a bulletin Big Show
Knows reporter, live on the scene of a major disaster.
I've never seen such carnage, and may I remind you
that I was at the Great and Dana Pass Barbecue
eating the.
Speaker 6 (35:49):
Buckle of nineteen ninety nine. This is much much worse.
Speaker 19 (35:53):
It's a massacre of mammoth proportions. The tattered caucasses of
other morning shows lit in the battlefield are listening to
the victors in this morning radio war.
Speaker 2 (36:03):
John Boy and Billy on the Big Show. Now, can
I turn in my expense receipts?
Speaker 3 (36:42):
Good morning, this big show on the radio. Man, we
are about half over our Christmas show. As you know,
it's our man hands on this last show. Boy, he retires.
Missy there, buddy, were looking forward to well he had
how the grump stole Christmas? Earlier on Robert D.
Speaker 2 (37:01):
Rayford.
Speaker 3 (37:01):
We are missing some this holiday season. No man left
us way too early, Tim Wilson. I want to do
his Uncle b S right here on our Christmas show.
That's good stuff, all right, Uncle b S?
Speaker 20 (37:17):
Where were you? December twenty fourth, one hour b C.
December twenty fourth, one hour BC working as a part
time night desk clerk, Bethlehem, Israel. Please call the North
Star Motor Lodge bucked up out their ear in trying
to get my Caesar since his form filled out and
(37:38):
stuck a coke machine all the same time up to
my asce and caffeine freedt Doctor Pepper.
Speaker 2 (37:45):
Some cartenter strolls in with.
Speaker 20 (37:46):
A pregnant wife, a tired mule, and a bad attitude,
trying to strong arm me into throwing two Roman soldiers
out of rule one O seven. I told him Jesus
christ Man wearing the people playing.
Speaker 2 (38:05):
That's it.
Speaker 3 (38:11):
Good morning, Big shows on the radio coming up. The
easiest way for you to score prize package. It's the
current Events quiz Take Sea get a mount olive pickle
prize pack includes mount Olive hat, T shirt, Stainless Tumblr,
and Munchies. That's a portable pickle in a pouch available
at grocery stores near you. The mount Olive Pickled Company
making great products since nineteen twenty six. At the corner
(38:33):
of Cucumber and Vine, we were talking about those that
aren't with us this Christmas season. Dub one of the
best ever playhouses. Oh, he was the general's old buddy.
We got to got to know Dub. And for those
of you who listen, of course, hey big man, let
me hold a dollar. We end every playhouse with that.
(38:53):
This is from this playhouse. This was actually the last
playhouse that Dub was with us before Christmas a few
years ago, and Dub got sick over the holidays and
went and went pretty fast, So we had no idea
that this was going to be his last playhouse with us.
And actually the last words he ever said was, Hey,
(39:16):
big man, let me hold a dollar. And that's why
we end every playhouse with Dub doing that line. So
if you've wondered about the playhouse, this was it. This
is it right here, Dub starring and it's a wonderful life.
Speaker 5 (39:33):
Welcome to John Boynville Playhouse. Today's episode, It's a wonderful light.
As our story opens, John Wood, in the rip of
a deep depression, is standing at the edge of a
bridge on a lonely country road.
Speaker 2 (39:51):
My life is a mess. How did I end up
like this?
Speaker 6 (39:55):
Sure?
Speaker 5 (39:56):
In the host of a popular morning radio show, and
lots of people know me, but they don't respect me.
Speaker 2 (40:02):
To them, I'm just John Boy, the court.
Speaker 3 (40:04):
Jester, John Boy, stupid disc jockey, John Boy, big old Harry,
no talking, no driving, he hal looking sometimes I wish
I'd never been born.
Speaker 5 (40:17):
Oh on, just a second there.
Speaker 2 (40:20):
Who are you, man? You look familiar.
Speaker 24 (40:23):
I know you.
Speaker 2 (40:23):
You're George Bailey.
Speaker 5 (40:25):
Yeah, I'm your guardian.
Speaker 2 (40:26):
Angel.
Speaker 5 (40:27):
I heard you're talking about how nobody has any respect
for you. How yours to clown? A big fat clown,
A big fat, stupid looking redneck.
Speaker 2 (40:37):
Any oh ay, clown, I got it?
Speaker 5 (40:38):
I got it? Did I also hear you say you
wish you'd never been born? Yeah, well stop that, big
stupid You're an important guy. In fact, if it weren't
for you, things will be pretty screwed up around here,
and so of the people around you. Would Would you
like to see what it would have been.
Speaker 2 (40:57):
Like, do you want me to say yes, yes, you're
sure he is?
Speaker 5 (41:01):
Okay, Well, who would you like to check in on?
Speaker 2 (41:03):
First?
Speaker 8 (41:04):
Let me warn you start off slowly.
Speaker 2 (41:06):
How about we check in on dub dub?
Speaker 3 (41:09):
Okay, Gee, George? Sure is a rough part of town
you zapt us into. Look at his place? Trash everywhere.
There's a homeless guy over there.
Speaker 16 (41:22):
Look closer, you might recognize him.
Speaker 2 (41:25):
Is that dub Yep?
Speaker 5 (41:27):
Turns out being on the playhouse every week was see
the only thing keeping him from going down the tubes.
Speaker 2 (41:33):
Hey, boy, you'd better slow that car down. Don't come
through here all crazy like you're driving. I see he's
still blowing his punchlines.
Speaker 5 (41:41):
Well, some thing's never checked. Hey, you recognize the guy
he's pushing along in the shopping cart?
Speaker 9 (41:47):
Is that?
Speaker 10 (41:48):
No?
Speaker 2 (41:48):
Wait, it can't be.
Speaker 16 (41:53):
I can make a bog of top. Hey, that want
to change my diaper?
Speaker 2 (42:01):
General Sadler, So, man, this is a bummer.
Speaker 5 (42:06):
It's a parody of it's a wonderful life.
Speaker 8 (42:08):
What were you expecting here?
Speaker 2 (42:10):
I guess you're right?
Speaker 5 (42:10):
Okay, who would you like to look in on?
Speaker 2 (42:12):
Nuts? How about my partner Billy?
Speaker 8 (42:15):
Hold on?
Speaker 3 (42:15):
Here we go, Hey, I know this place is Billy
Bob's and Fort Worth. Man does Billy own this place?
Speaker 10 (42:26):
No?
Speaker 2 (42:27):
Does he work here?
Speaker 5 (42:28):
Well, you might say that he's a feature performer, real
successful too.
Speaker 3 (42:32):
Your kid, and man, Billy's a country western singer.
Speaker 5 (42:36):
No, no, no, no, that's him right over there under
that big banner, the.
Speaker 2 (42:40):
One that says bite sized Billy's all dwarf review. He's
the lead dwarf.
Speaker 3 (42:46):
You don't mean he's part of some degrading dwarf tossing contest,
of course not.
Speaker 5 (42:52):
He's part of a degrading dwarf bowling contest.
Speaker 2 (42:56):
Look there it goes.
Speaker 19 (42:58):
Okay, galboy, you think you can knock him down, Come on, goober,
row me down the Aulley.
Speaker 2 (43:11):
George, you talk of this coffin. Billy's the smart one.
Speaker 5 (43:14):
We'll see he's missing the one thing that made him
into the smart one.
Speaker 2 (43:18):
What's that you as a part of it? Okay, who's next?
Speaker 6 (43:22):
Step?
Speaker 4 (43:22):
Right up, Buffaloville, Let's see what you got.
Speaker 13 (43:24):
Come.
Speaker 2 (43:26):
I can't watch it anymore. Get us out of here.
Speaker 5 (43:28):
Let's chuck in and see what old Randy's up to.
Speaker 2 (43:34):
Wow, where are we now?
Speaker 5 (43:36):
This is the Roots Hotel in Atlanta. Nice place so
is Randy like the manager or something? No, no, no, hey,
let's pop on up to Room two twenty seven. You'll
get the picture.
Speaker 2 (43:49):
So what's the deal. I thought Randy was gonna be here?
Speaker 5 (43:51):
Well, yeah, just let me call up the spectro vision
menu on the in room TV spectory vision.
Speaker 2 (43:58):
You mean Randy's a movie star.
Speaker 5 (44:00):
Well, in a matter of speaking, let's see here adult selections.
Speaker 20 (44:04):
We want number oh.
Speaker 2 (44:05):
Four, Randy's making adult movie. Oh yeah, ah, here he
comes now Pervy Como's holiday hump fist. Yeah, as you
can see, he drew his go to you back too. Hey, baby, Randy,
the hound is home.
Speaker 6 (44:26):
I wrote you a nothing rooms. Where do you be doing?
Speaker 2 (44:31):
Ain't you got a face? This is Redrick. I don't
want to watch.
Speaker 5 (44:39):
Please at least tell me. Jackie's okay, Jackie? Oh yeah,
she's fine. She became quite a celebrity too. In fact,
we might catch her over here on the Fox Chip.
Oh yeah yeah, she's the host of the biggest new
hit show in the country.
Speaker 11 (44:55):
Yo.
Speaker 2 (44:55):
Yeah, yeah, what's up, y'all. I'm Jackie Ce.
Speaker 5 (44:57):
Welcome to another episode of America Stupid as White People.
Speaker 2 (45:03):
Gee, that that doesn't sound so bad. Well, it's not.
Speaker 5 (45:06):
Jackie's the only one who would actually be better off. Okay,
well I got to ask what happened to Rayford? Well,
hang on, I'll show you. Hey, man, what are we
doing in the mall? Don't you recognize that crusty red
face Sado sneaking a drink out of the paper bag
(45:27):
under the big Christmas tree?
Speaker 2 (45:28):
Rayford is a mall Santa, while only.
Speaker 8 (45:31):
During the holidays. The rest of the year, he's a
bag boy.
Speaker 2 (45:34):
Food said it. Wow, man, I can't believe everything ended
up so different. Hey, wait a minute. If I'm not
here and Billy and Randy and Jackie and Rayford are
doing other things, and who's hosting the big show? I'm
glad you asked.
Speaker 8 (45:47):
Let's stop in and take a look.
Speaker 2 (45:52):
There you go, there's your morning team.
Speaker 5 (45:55):
Oh no, it can't be the Salts number one horning
radio show Breakfast with the Bird Math.
Speaker 2 (46:03):
If it's your birthday today, I'm white and wimple.
Speaker 16 (46:06):
Where are you raised?
Speaker 6 (46:07):
Chirp happy birthday on this special occasion.
Speaker 2 (46:10):
No, you know, if you chant end up like this,
take me back, George, I was wrong. I want to live.
I want to live. It's a good thing. You don't
want to Bailly Randy Jackie. My glad to see you. Guys. Man,
I just had the weirdest dream. What was it about?
Speaker 3 (46:27):
Baby?
Speaker 2 (46:28):
You wouldn't believe me if I told you. I just
let me put it this way.
Speaker 3 (46:31):
You know, sometimes I think this is a stupid way
to make a living, but when you get right down
to it, it's a wonderful life.
Speaker 2 (46:39):
So what are we doing?
Speaker 5 (46:40):
That's time to announce the winner of the Christmas song
contest here, just just read what's on the card.
Speaker 3 (46:44):
Okay, good morning, it's the big show and now the
number one most requested Christmas song of the year.
Speaker 6 (46:50):
Granmall got run over by George.
Speaker 2 (46:53):
Could you come back for a moment. Maybe I was
a little hasty, George.
Speaker 5 (46:58):
We hope you'll enjoy John Boyndale Playhouse and then again
next time when we'll.
Speaker 6 (47:03):
Hear down and out.
Speaker 16 (47:05):
Dub Sae, Hey, big man, let me hold a dollar.
Speaker 2 (47:11):
That awesome. Yeah, that is some aw right good stuff.
Speaker 5 (47:15):
Man.
Speaker 2 (47:15):
We miss you, dub.
Speaker 5 (47:17):
Alright, let's play this current events quiz, Bailey, what are
we dealing with? Well, Disneyland is now treating kids the
same as grown ups in a very particular way. That
story next one eight hundred big show. You told free
Line across America take sea. You win right out of
the
Well, Merry Christmas to you all of our big show fans.
Randy here and if I'm doing a show note at
the front of this podcast, then you can bet it's
an encore edition. This one originally aired December twenty third,
twenty nineteen.
Speaker 2 (00:21):
Enjoy the show, Good Bady, John Bonemillan gang, will you.
Speaker 3 (00:25):
I gotta have three dates in history when we get
our category. December twenty third, nineteen seventy eight Please Come
Home for Christmas by the Eagles peaked at number eighteen
on the Pop Singles Chart seventy eight. That's all came
out as it didn't all right? It was on a
state no Sex. Arnold Schwarzenegger broke his leg while skiing
(00:47):
with his family and son Valley, Idaho.
Speaker 4 (00:50):
He's not a break.
Speaker 3 (00:51):
The California governor was taken to a local hospital for
X rays, which revealed he had fractured his femur. It's
a fema an Austrian. Swarzenegger is an experienced skier. Well,
three days later, in Santa Monica, he underwent surgery to
repair the break. The terminator broke his leg on his
gee's load and then finally on his day No.
Speaker 2 (01:14):
Nine, the man who.
Speaker 3 (01:15):
Triggered a major alert by falsely claiming that his son
was adrift in a helium balloon, had been sentenced to
ninety days in jail and his wife to twenty. Richard
Heen and his wife Mayem said in October their son
had been carried off by the balloon, but the boy
was eventually found hiding at home.
Speaker 2 (01:33):
Oh I remember that, So he.
Speaker 3 (01:37):
Apologized the rescue workers and the community. In the Colorado courtroom,
the dad had did, and the judge ordered four years
of supervised probation for the couple, banned them from receiving
any form of financial benefit from the case.
Speaker 5 (01:51):
And no balloons at your birthday party for the rest
of your life.
Speaker 2 (01:55):
And the kid what I do?
Speaker 6 (01:56):
Tell me? Joe hide all right?
Speaker 2 (02:00):
Categories one eight hundred.
Speaker 3 (02:01):
Big show actually told free line we'll play out birds next.
(02:30):
Good morning, it's a big show on the radio. And
that video today brought you by Bucks, mount Olive Pickle Company,
mount Olive Munchies. That is why you pickle craving with Munchies,
A portable pickle and a pouch. When you own the
goat'll be grocery stores now. The video John Boy got
run over by a Reindeer sung by Yes the original
singer doctor Elmo Jim jabbed up with a Big Show crew.
(02:54):
Check it out the Big Show dot com.
Speaker 2 (02:57):
And right now Christmas when my game Upperst.
Speaker 6 (03:03):
Let's play upbers.
Speaker 7 (03:04):
It's the game that anyone can win. John boys Billy
give the prizes from the big prize being.
Speaker 6 (03:14):
Let's go we contest and number one. This should be
a lot of fun when you're playing Upberst.
Speaker 7 (03:23):
Have a hurry up and guest time you love the
best time.
Speaker 6 (03:26):
You love a big shots.
Speaker 3 (03:29):
Let's say, hey the Jenney from Macon, Georgia.
Speaker 6 (03:36):
We have a shot.
Speaker 2 (03:43):
Good morning Janey, Good morning y'all. Hey maybe welcome our Johnny.
We're pulling for you. Hope you listen to the legs ups.
Speaker 3 (03:52):
Get through the categories you ready, yes, sir?
Speaker 2 (03:56):
All right?
Speaker 3 (03:56):
In five seconds, we need three Christmas tunes.
Speaker 2 (04:01):
Ready go.
Speaker 8 (04:03):
Jingle Bells, White Christmas and coming home for Christmas.
Speaker 2 (04:09):
Guy, you go, Jenny.
Speaker 9 (04:12):
Now.
Speaker 3 (04:13):
Three famous skiing spots, ready.
Speaker 10 (04:17):
Go Aspen, Colorado, Sun Valley, Idaho in White Mountain.
Speaker 3 (04:25):
Verb maam all right, and for the wind. Three places
to hide in your home.
Speaker 5 (04:34):
Ready to go under your bed in a closet in
the attic.
Speaker 2 (04:42):
All right, we know we're looking for you now.
Speaker 3 (04:44):
Jall and you got you fifty dollars to spend on
an American Express gift card courtesy of Bolt Jangles.
Speaker 2 (04:54):
Awesome, you haven't merried Christmas baby?
Speaker 11 (04:58):
All right?
Speaker 12 (04:58):
Thank you, Darling yellowt best show to listen to you
on the way home from the hospital.
Speaker 2 (05:02):
Whow why here? You do you do that every day?
Speaker 13 (05:06):
I do?
Speaker 14 (05:07):
I work night shift?
Speaker 3 (05:08):
Oh yeah, good, I didn't help hoping you weren't you
weren't sickly? What do you think when are at the hospital?
Speaker 6 (05:12):
Listen to this show?
Speaker 2 (05:15):
We appreciate you, Jake, all.
Speaker 8 (05:17):
Right, No, no, I used to listen to you all
the way home the state of solemn.
Speaker 3 (05:21):
Here not more like right at home, didn't you?
Speaker 15 (05:26):
I did right at home with y'all.
Speaker 2 (05:30):
Way go Jane Jackie'll hook you up, all right, sir?
Speaker 4 (05:33):
Thank you?
Speaker 2 (05:39):
Bottomle a hour and time at the top of your news.
Speaker 3 (05:43):
And then a classic Christmas playhouse how though drunk stole
Christmas feature and ravor good morning this makes you on
(06:26):
the radio Monday morning, December to twenty third.
Speaker 2 (06:30):
Yeah, one of my favorites.
Speaker 3 (06:32):
Christmas classic playhouses, got a couple of them for you.
Today one featuring dub A little later right now, featuring
the one and only Robert d Rafer.
Speaker 2 (06:43):
All right, let's do it.
Speaker 5 (06:47):
Welcome to John Boy and Billy Playhouse. Today's episode How
the Grump Stole Christmas. All the cast of the Big
Show liked Christmas a lot, but the Grump, their curmudgeon
at large, he did not. The Grump had a tube
(07:08):
about the whole Christmas season. Now, please don't ask why.
No one quite knows the reason. Some say his head
wasn't screwed on just right.
Speaker 2 (07:17):
It could be.
Speaker 5 (07:18):
Perhaps that his shoes were too tight, but the most
likely reason that he wasn't tickled may have been that
his liver was totally pickled. But whatever his liver, his head,
or his shoes, he sat home on Christmas Eve, guzzling booze.
He grumbled and grumped to his long suffering honey.
Speaker 15 (07:40):
Christmas just a big scam to make money, wife, and
I on the seventy two years, I've put up with it.
Now I must stop this Christmas from coming.
Speaker 5 (07:51):
But how then he got an idea, an awful idea.
The Grump got a wonderful, awful idea.
Speaker 15 (08:00):
I will make a fake Santa Claus outfit with spots,
and I'll go to the mall.
Speaker 2 (08:05):
And irass all the brats.
Speaker 15 (08:08):
I'll make sure that every last shopper is dissed. Next
time they see Santa Claus, they'll be pissed.
Speaker 16 (08:16):
His wife said, you're crazy.
Speaker 15 (08:18):
He said, quit your benching, hush, now, get yourself back
in the cushion.
Speaker 5 (08:24):
So Grumpy Claws wore his disguise that was fake and
waited till Maul Santa went on his break. He went
to the fountain to mal Santa's castle, three sheets to
the wind and ready to hassle. He invited the kids
to come sit on his throne and said.
Speaker 6 (08:41):
Keep your list short and then leave me alone.
Speaker 5 (08:44):
Then Grumpy Claws started up quite a to do. He
dissed Ferby and Elmo and Pokemon too. Some kids were fooled,
but one kid was quicker.
Speaker 2 (08:54):
Hey, daddy, both Santa smells just like cheap Laquor.
Speaker 5 (09:00):
His dad knew the grump wasn't like Santa's passed.
Speaker 16 (09:03):
He said, you're right, Jeffrey, this Senna's guess. The mall
cop said.
Speaker 6 (09:09):
Wawser oh Sanna his face.
Speaker 5 (09:12):
And quick as a flash, sprayed him down with some mace.
The fake Santa Wobble then dropped into Dreamland. The cops
dragged him out past the gap and ice cream Land.
They got in their jeep and drove to his house
and handed him over to his loving spouse.
Speaker 16 (09:29):
His wife said, I'm just glad. They said they won't sue.
Speaker 5 (09:33):
And waited for him to dry out and come to
And what happened next well, eye witnesses say that the
Grump's liver grew by three sizes. That there, his holiday
brainstorm came out as a bust, and from that Christmas
on he held in his disgust. But the very next
Christmas he hatched a new scheme and he he himself
(09:56):
the Grump guzzled jim Bean. The moral. Most stories like
this have all got one, but in this particular case,
well there's not one. And that is the tale of
the Grump who got souced a Christmas time John Boy
and Billy play House tune in again next time and
hear Old Dub holler, hey, big man, let me.
Speaker 2 (10:19):
Hold a dollar. No Tom Christmas. Okay, I'm done looking
(10:55):
like that, sir. The story is closed. How did you
get in here? And please get off the sand us throne?
A Lad's Big Shoe Playhouse. Let's enjoy.
Speaker 5 (11:09):
Welcome to John Boy and Billy Playhouse. Today's episode the
Christmas Shift. As our story opens, bartender Mitzi Moran is
chatting on the phone with a friend while pulling a
very slow Christmas Eve shift at p J.
Speaker 2 (11:25):
Mcgillicuddy's sports Bar.
Speaker 17 (11:27):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (11:28):
Yeah, this place is a ghost town, totally empty.
Speaker 2 (11:31):
What's that?
Speaker 14 (11:33):
No, no, biggie, this is the easiest shift of the
year unless some horny drunk wanders in and.
Speaker 17 (11:40):
Baby for me, speak of the devil.
Speaker 4 (11:54):
Here he comes. Yeah, I'll talk to you later.
Speaker 6 (12:00):
And a happy hold to days to you.
Speaker 4 (12:05):
Merry Christmas? Well, what can I get you?
Speaker 6 (12:07):
Scotch and water? Pull the water?
Speaker 18 (12:11):
Ah?
Speaker 19 (12:13):
Hey, could you throw in a Christmas kiss?
Speaker 4 (12:17):
There it is the drink I can give you.
Speaker 2 (12:19):
This kiss.
Speaker 4 (12:20):
Ain't happenings.
Speaker 6 (12:24):
This Christmas Eve? And I'm all of the holiday spirit?
Speaker 17 (12:30):
Would that be?
Speaker 4 (12:31):
Would that spirit be Scotch?
Speaker 6 (12:33):
You got you?
Speaker 17 (12:33):
Yeah? Smell wow?
Speaker 6 (12:36):
How's about.
Speaker 17 (12:39):
Dude?
Speaker 4 (12:40):
So help me, I will smack you right upside your head.
Speaker 19 (12:43):
Oh God, let me make this a lexus December.
Speaker 6 (12:50):
Would you have to hear mefore? I didn't buy them off?
Speaker 17 (12:56):
Hey?
Speaker 4 (12:56):
Hey, hey, Buttercup, I warned you.
Speaker 6 (12:59):
I'm sorry, man, I.
Speaker 9 (13:01):
Don't know if you can tell, but I'm not to
drink because I'm all alone on Christmas Eve. But the
toughest thing right now is you look. You look exactly
like my ex wife.
Speaker 4 (13:16):
Oh please, you really you look just like her.
Speaker 9 (13:22):
And that perfume you're wearing makes you.
Speaker 20 (13:25):
Smell like.
Speaker 2 (13:27):
Oh coming here.
Speaker 14 (13:28):
No no, no, no, no, no no no. Look, you're
officially cut off. Now hit the road. You have pathetic, horny,
loud mouth drunk Wow.
Speaker 16 (13:49):
What do you hope you've enjoyed? John Boy and Billy Playhouse.
Speaker 6 (13:52):
Shouldn't do that top button? Let them.
Speaker 5 (13:56):
Tune again next time over the crusty old recently fired malls.
Speaker 2 (14:00):
Hey, big man, let me hold a dollar.
Speaker 3 (14:02):
Yeah, that morny y'all big show is on your radio.
Speaker 21 (14:08):
Hello, you perky early risers. Here's just the thing to
wake you up and get your blood pumpy, The John
Boy and Billy Big Show. Why, before you know it,
you'll be bouncing off the walls just like me. Ooh
(14:32):
whah uh uh oh.
Speaker 2 (14:37):
See what I mean?
Speaker 3 (15:15):
Good morning, that's a big show on the radio, all right.
Speaker 2 (15:19):
Hansome's last day with us in.
Speaker 3 (15:21):
The Big Show where it goes into retirement, went back
up to Saint Louis Man.
Speaker 2 (15:27):
We're talking about that.
Speaker 3 (15:28):
Hasn't you ain't lived above the Mason Dixon line?
Speaker 2 (15:31):
How many years since nineteen seventy six? Nineteen seventy six.
I gotta get ready for the cold.
Speaker 6 (15:36):
Don't I use your due?
Speaker 2 (15:38):
Buddy?
Speaker 3 (15:39):
All right, I'll get handsome some scarfs and mittens. Did
they make them that small?
Speaker 7 (15:44):
You can't?
Speaker 6 (15:46):
He just got like at the pet store, said those
little boot.
Speaker 2 (15:50):
Cyper dog, well, gulls leave.
Speaker 3 (15:54):
You can find Hanson in our video the day John
Boy got run over by reindeer. All of us are
there as it looks like nol Grandy with tight curlers.
Speaker 2 (16:03):
On his head.
Speaker 3 (16:03):
That's a great look for you to go out. Hey,
y'all check it out when you get a chance at
the Big Show dot Com. It'll be up there during
the holidays for your festive video viewing. Check it out
Big Show dot Com. One of my favorites take offs
(16:24):
on us A Wonderful Life, Our married Man. Christmas coming
up in minutes. That's a big show rolls on Good Morning,
Big Shows on the radio.
Speaker 2 (16:35):
Coming up.
Speaker 3 (16:35):
We'll play John boyd Jeopardy, you can win a Happy
Herd prize. Spect you know, happy herd makes the best
attracting some minerals and feed for deer. Baron Hoggs in
the hunting industry the perfect Christmas gift for your out doorsman,
same day shipping in time for Christmas. Go to the
Big Show dot com, click on the Happy Herd link
interer code JBB at check out and get ten percent off.
(16:57):
Right Now, here's well a promise you.
Speaker 6 (17:07):
Married man.
Speaker 7 (17:08):
Married man drives around in a minivan god a wife
and some kids. His whole life's on the skids. Hey,
there there goes the married man.
Speaker 6 (17:21):
How's he feel?
Speaker 7 (17:22):
Listen, dude, this poor guy's really screwed hanging on.
Speaker 10 (17:27):
Buy a bread cord of milk, loaf of bread. Hey,
there there goes a married man. Got a big gas gill,
buys his clothes at the gap, and he's just about.
Speaker 6 (17:41):
Hanging on for this crowd.
Speaker 10 (17:44):
Married man, My ried man, friendly neighborhood.
Speaker 6 (17:48):
Married man.
Speaker 7 (17:49):
Life for him has nothing.
Speaker 10 (17:51):
Wife or let him do what they she says. It's
about timing groove up. Wherever there's a screw up, you'll
find the married nine.
Speaker 5 (18:02):
A story opens on a cold cloudy Christmas Eve, the
win to wind whips around a small bridge over a
dock and icy river. Our harold married man sits atop
the guardrail with his poll College buddy, I can't.
Speaker 2 (18:14):
Believe your mini van ran out of gas.
Speaker 5 (18:18):
I told you the wife had some last minute errands
to run. She must have just forgotten to go by
the service station.
Speaker 3 (18:24):
Yeah, yeah, all I know is instead of laughing it
up at the office Christmas party at the country club,
we're sitting here waiting for somebody to bring us a
can of gas.
Speaker 2 (18:31):
Of course, it could be worse.
Speaker 3 (18:33):
At least this didn't turn out to be another parody
of It's a Wonderful life.
Speaker 2 (18:37):
I don't know what you mean.
Speaker 3 (18:38):
You know, it's a wonderful life. Jimmy Stewart's getting ready
to kill himself. Clarencey Angel comes by, shows him what
his life would.
Speaker 5 (18:45):
Be like if he never was born. Huh, Well that's
not me. I mean, let me tell you something, College buddy,
I already have a wonderful life.
Speaker 2 (18:55):
Oh well, excuse me, yes a.
Speaker 5 (18:57):
Minute, Hello, hi honey, what you need me to pick
up a can of cranberry sauce for Christmas dinner? And
you called the country club. They said I wasn't there,
and you were wondering where I was. Well, the mini
van kind of ran out of gas, and college buddy
called a friend of his. He's bringing us some What
(19:20):
why was the line busy when you called just a
moment ago? Well, probably because I let college buddy use
my phone to call his friend. Yes, I know, we
only get so many minutes a month. This was kind
of an emergency. Honey, how did it happen? Well, I
think you may have forgotten to fill up the tank
when you were out yesterday. No, I think you were
(19:42):
the last one to drive, don't you remember? But well,
well you may be right. Yes, it's probably my fault. Yeah,
he's on his way right now. I'm not really sure. Yeah,
I could ask you how long will it take your
friend to get here? About fifteen more minutes? Probably about
(20:02):
fifteen more minutes or so, honey, Yes, I'll call you
when he gets here. Okay, bye, Sorry. So what were
we talking about? It's a wonderful life.
Speaker 16 (20:13):
Oh yeah, so Jimmy Stewart was in that Huh.
Speaker 3 (20:16):
Yeah, he say he was ready to commit suicide because.
Speaker 2 (20:20):
Uh, excuse me again?
Speaker 5 (20:21):
Hello, yes, dear, No, dear, I won't forget the can
of cranberry sauce.
Speaker 2 (20:27):
Right. What's that?
Speaker 5 (20:29):
Mother Fletcher is in town and she's going to be
spending the whole week with us. Well, yes, that is
great news. Tell her I look forward to seeing her. Okay, goodbye.
So Jimmy Stewart was, Yeah, Jimmy Stewart was damn hello, Yes, honey,
what's that? Mother Fletcher wants to know if college buddy's
(20:53):
friend could stop by a convenience store and pick up what.
I don't know if Reese's makes peanut butter Christmas. She's
sure she saw them last year. Well, I guess I
could check into that. Okay, No, college buddy's friend. He
really hasn't had time to get here yet. Hunh Yes,
I'll call you soon. Gobar So suicide huh.
Speaker 3 (21:18):
Yeah, he got this idea that, Hey, married man, you're
not thinking of jumping off this bridge, are you?
Speaker 2 (21:24):
I don't know.
Speaker 5 (21:26):
Sometimes I feel like I'm just spinning my wheels here.
You know, every moment of my life is laid off
for me. She never stopped every hour of every day.
It's always something. Sometimes I feel like I'm gonna.
Speaker 2 (21:41):
Hey, guys, I got your gas right here.
Speaker 3 (21:44):
Hey, Randy boy, we're starting to wonder if you were
gonna show up married man's wife's worried sick.
Speaker 9 (21:49):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (21:49):
Sorry, it took so long.
Speaker 12 (21:50):
I had to finish up my annual two hour Merry
Christmas Darling tape for my wife, and all the way
over here I realized, I, well, I already had the
mystery gift lined up, but I didn't have anything in
case she picked the standard gift.
Speaker 2 (22:02):
Now, granted she never picks the standard gift. But what
am I gonna do if I get caught by surprise?
Speaker 16 (22:08):
You know, I remember Christmas in eighty seven.
Speaker 12 (22:10):
That's when I hey, hey guys, hey married man, Hey, Hey,
what are you guys doing?
Speaker 2 (22:14):
Put me down? Feel better?
Speaker 5 (22:31):
Well, you know that's the magic of the holiday season,
no matter how little you have, Some people have even less.
You know, college buddy, it may not be a wonderful life,
but it could always be worse.
Speaker 2 (22:43):
From all of.
Speaker 5 (22:44):
Us have till all of you there, best wishes for
a happy and blessed holiday season.
Speaker 2 (22:50):
Man, Look at this.
Speaker 3 (22:51):
Randy sure had a lot of stuff in this car. Hey,
racist peanut butter reads. I didn't know they still made these.
Speaker 16 (22:57):
Hey, I'll split theF with.
Speaker 3 (22:58):
You your own big man.
Speaker 2 (23:02):
You find a wonderful live.
Speaker 5 (23:08):
Ah.
Speaker 3 (23:09):
Let's play John Boyd Jeopardy. Let's just jump right in here.
The recipe for this popular product has remained pretty much
the same for thousands of years, and it's most basic.
You'll only need animal, fat, grease, and lie.
Speaker 5 (23:27):
What is a Congressman? I'll tell you that I won't
kind of lie.
Speaker 3 (23:32):
One ain't hundred bigs. So you told free line. We
played John Boyd Jeopardy. Next, Good Morning, It's Big Show
(24:03):
on the radio. The Christmas shown is December twenty third,
and our video today brought you by Mount Olive. Munchie's
a portable pickle then of pounds when you own to
go a featable to grocery stores now the Mount Island
Pickle Company. John Boy got run over by reindeers the
whole Big Show crew in the video of the day
(24:25):
in time of Christmas, sung by the original run over
by a reindeer guy, Doctor Elmo. Right there at the
Big Show dot com and right here, let's play Yes.
Speaker 5 (24:38):
Live Watta I Rick Hayas you know your host, Animal, Pat,
Grease and Live were his three best friends in high school.
Speaker 15 (24:53):
He's John mord He By the way, that's nickname is
not the actual stuff.
Speaker 3 (24:59):
Say hey, David out of Anderson, South Carolina.
Speaker 2 (25:02):
Good morning, David, Good morning, Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas to
you to day.
Speaker 3 (25:08):
Welcome buddy, Well am I talking about recipes over the
holiday season, David. The recipe for this popular product has
remained pretty much the same for thousands of years. That
it's most basic. You'll only need animal fat, grease and lie.
What could it be, David?
Speaker 22 (25:28):
Lord?
Speaker 2 (25:31):
You say, Lord, that's.
Speaker 3 (25:33):
Say that's good guess, but I don't know.
Speaker 20 (25:39):
Lie.
Speaker 16 (25:40):
No one recommend.
Speaker 6 (25:45):
What David.
Speaker 3 (25:46):
We appreciate you playing, buddy. You have a merry Christmas.
Speaker 13 (25:49):
Did I win?
Speaker 3 (25:50):
No, I was gonna pick. Yeah, we'll do that about
the hour you are eligible to play again, so I'll
give it another shout there, buddy.
Speaker 2 (26:05):
Okay, appreciate it.
Speaker 3 (26:06):
You guys have a great Christmas. Thank you so much, David,
You too, buddy. All right, then go to Sean in Olkboro,
North Carolina. Good morning, Sean. Hey, we're doing good. Shall
looking for that this popular product with a recipe of
animal fat, grease and lie.
Speaker 2 (26:25):
What do you think?
Speaker 3 (26:28):
You say?
Speaker 2 (26:30):
A certainty soap? You gotta.
Speaker 3 (26:37):
Remember Granny Clampitt making her own soap. Get a lot
of money, fell never mind. H So that's why I.
Speaker 16 (26:45):
Ran around with you guys in Animal Fat and Grease too.
Speaker 3 (26:49):
Sean, you got the prize pack. We'll get into you
over the oak Borough Bunny.
Speaker 2 (26:53):
Oh, thank you very much. Give a shout out, yes, sir.
Speaker 3 (26:56):
I got to shout up my wonderful wife An, my
beautiful daughter Sarah. Well, all right, y'all, argue you and
yours have a merry Christmas, me too. All right now,
it's your news right on the on the side our
time capsule, Christmas capsule.
Speaker 2 (27:17):
Dug up on. It was twenty third of December.
Speaker 13 (27:20):
Hang on, this is the award winning John Boy and
(27:52):
Billy Big Show, the South's number one exports.
Speaker 2 (28:04):
Oh what's up? How y'all doing?
Speaker 7 (28:06):
Man?
Speaker 8 (28:06):
You can tell when Christmas time is out here when
you start seeing all the old timey holiday classics on TV.
And by that I don't mean Charlie Brown or the Grinch.
I'm talking about a bunch of Hershey Kisses playing a
Christmas song, or Polar Bear drinking a coke, or Santa
Claus right down the hill on the electric razor.
Speaker 2 (28:22):
You know, the commercials. That's what I look forward to.
Speaker 8 (28:25):
Hey, you ever noticed about two weeks before Christmas is
the only time of year you ever see a commercial
for the chia pet?
Speaker 2 (28:32):
And you know why don't you?
Speaker 8 (28:33):
They have to wait till you're almost out of money
and ideas got new start tomorrow called as scene on TV.
I was in the They they carry all that TV
stuff they advertise, like Oxy Clean and Mighty Puddy and
all that, had a buttload of chia pets in there.
I never knew there was so many different ones. And
the box always has a picture of what it's supposed
(28:53):
to look like when it's done. Mine did never come
out like these. Have you seen the one the Chia Guy?
It looks like a dude's head, and water to season
it grows a big green afro. Now, if you do
it right, you get lying on Richie about nineteen seventy eight.
Of course, if you mess it up, you end up
with al Roker. They got one called the Chia Professor.
(29:15):
This must be new. He's got big eyebrows and a
bushy mustache. I think it's supposed to look like Albert Einstein.
But judge about the pitchure on the box. It comes
out kind of like a cross between Al Sharpton and
made a man God a bunch your cartoon chi your
heads too in the store like Homer Simpson who picked
that one? Now y'all ever seen Homer Simpson, dude got
(29:36):
two squiggly lines of hair on his whole head. And
judging from the pitcher, when you give Homer the chia fro,
he looked like Lamont from Sanford and Son. Theyven got
tweety Bird from Looney to him. Now what is up
with that? Homer Simpson is a tad thin on top,
But last time I seen him, tweety bird ain't got
(29:57):
no hair at all. And judge about the pitt you
on the box, This one starts out looking like doctor
Phil and it turns into Richard Simmons. And probably the
scariest looking one of all is Shrek. No little too
bad coming at the box. But when you grow his
big green afro out cheers, Shrek look like O. J.
Speaker 2 (30:15):
Simpson with horns on his head.
Speaker 8 (30:17):
Merry Christmas, kid and cheers made by some outfit called
Joseph Enterprises. It turns out this is the same Munson
makes the clapper you know, clap off clap off hantsyy.
They got a new one this year called the Clapper Plus.
And the plus is it's got get this a remote control?
Speaker 2 (30:37):
Now, what is up with that?
Speaker 8 (30:39):
You don't clap, you push a button. That ain't the clapper,
it's the pusher because I guess you couldn't sell that
during the holidays. But my new all time favorite is
this thing they call the Snugget. Have you seen the
commercial for that. It's a blanket. It's got built in
sleeves and so you can hold a remote when you
cover it up and watching TV. A blanket with arms
(31:02):
in it? Ain't that what they usould call a bath roller? Hey,
I think I saved myself nineteen ninety five.
Speaker 2 (31:10):
Just now y'all think about it. I'm marmous Sean Boyan, dilly,
Merry Christmas job Jo, Good night.
Speaker 3 (31:20):
Good morning radio, dumb right good Monday morning, December to
(31:49):
twenty third, Big show's on the radio.
Speaker 2 (31:53):
I ain't the malls, please not the bells.
Speaker 3 (31:55):
Oh, no more bells. It's perfect bumper music by watching
their pounds over the holidays. As we said, our man
pillars has comes to term, has come to terms.
Speaker 2 (32:11):
But the yeah, let's just listen.
Speaker 11 (32:32):
My shirt stained red bite, barbecue pants like sticky with
cheese fronto beard, smells like DM deed more beef stew,
ready to eat again, and from everye Chinese buffet Golden
co rapt chased me. You are way scared of just
(32:55):
how my giant could weigh. These scales are not my
friend because I'm a stuffed guy, not a very buff guy,
big marshmallow fluff guy. Cannot get enough guy. I'm a
fat type, not a stealthy cat type. Where's my pecker
rat type? You're gonna eat all that type.
Speaker 22 (33:15):
I'm the fat guy. I'm the fat guy.
Speaker 11 (33:32):
I eat my weight in sloppy Joe's been years since
I have seen my toes.
Speaker 2 (33:40):
Guess song.
Speaker 11 (33:41):
Just blame these oreos. Order more chicken wings, mashed pop
tato stuck in my hair, sweat pants the only thing
I wear a diet but I don't really care. And
let's go to burger king. Because I'm a round guy,
(34:02):
big old, fleshy bound guy, about three hundred pound. God
make a lot of sounds. Guy, I'm the fat type,
not a real jacks brab type, gravy by the fat type.
Speaker 2 (34:12):
Rather, I just sat type.
Speaker 11 (34:15):
I'm the fat.
Speaker 23 (34:17):
Guy, the guy.
Speaker 11 (34:39):
I'm only could that be a fat.
Speaker 18 (34:44):
Fat I never watched my weight.
Speaker 6 (35:02):
Let the haters hate.
Speaker 18 (35:03):
Me because I'm fat.
Speaker 2 (35:05):
Your kids are scared of me.
Speaker 11 (35:08):
I mean, I really don't see why that would be
except they saw me eat their cat.
Speaker 24 (35:16):
I'm the fat guy. I'm the fat guy.
Speaker 2 (35:29):
More French fries, please, I'm starting good. More than the
big shows on a radio and more big show. Right
around the corner.
Speaker 19 (35:39):
This is buzz Nut Lad with a bulletin Big Show
Knows reporter, live on the scene of a major disaster.
I've never seen such carnage, and may I remind you
that I was at the Great and Dana Pass Barbecue
eating the.
Speaker 6 (35:49):
Buckle of nineteen ninety nine. This is much much worse.
Speaker 19 (35:53):
It's a massacre of mammoth proportions. The tattered caucasses of
other morning shows lit in the battlefield are listening to
the victors in this morning radio war.
Speaker 2 (36:03):
John Boy and Billy on the Big Show. Now, can
I turn in my expense receipts?
Speaker 3 (36:42):
Good morning, this big show on the radio. Man, we
are about half over our Christmas show. As you know,
it's our man hands on this last show. Boy, he retires.
Missy there, buddy, were looking forward to well he had
how the grump stole Christmas? Earlier on Robert D.
Speaker 2 (37:01):
Rayford.
Speaker 3 (37:01):
We are missing some this holiday season. No man left
us way too early, Tim Wilson. I want to do
his Uncle b S right here on our Christmas show.
That's good stuff, all right, Uncle b S?
Speaker 20 (37:17):
Where were you? December twenty fourth, one hour b C.
December twenty fourth, one hour BC working as a part
time night desk clerk, Bethlehem, Israel. Please call the North
Star Motor Lodge bucked up out their ear in trying
to get my Caesar since his form filled out and
(37:38):
stuck a coke machine all the same time up to
my asce and caffeine freedt Doctor Pepper.
Speaker 2 (37:45):
Some cartenter strolls in with.
Speaker 20 (37:46):
A pregnant wife, a tired mule, and a bad attitude,
trying to strong arm me into throwing two Roman soldiers
out of rule one O seven. I told him Jesus
christ Man wearing the people playing.
Speaker 2 (38:05):
That's it.
Speaker 3 (38:11):
Good morning, Big shows on the radio coming up. The
easiest way for you to score prize package. It's the
current Events quiz Take Sea get a mount olive pickle
prize pack includes mount Olive hat, T shirt, Stainless Tumblr,
and Munchies. That's a portable pickle in a pouch available
at grocery stores near you. The mount Olive Pickled Company
making great products since nineteen twenty six. At the corner
(38:33):
of Cucumber and Vine, we were talking about those that
aren't with us this Christmas season. Dub one of the
best ever playhouses. Oh, he was the general's old buddy.
We got to got to know Dub. And for those
of you who listen, of course, hey big man, let
me hold a dollar. We end every playhouse with that.
(38:53):
This is from this playhouse. This was actually the last
playhouse that Dub was with us before Christmas a few
years ago, and Dub got sick over the holidays and
went and went pretty fast, So we had no idea
that this was going to be his last playhouse with us.
And actually the last words he ever said was, Hey,
(39:16):
big man, let me hold a dollar. And that's why
we end every playhouse with Dub doing that line. So
if you've wondered about the playhouse, this was it. This
is it right here, Dub starring and it's a wonderful life.
Speaker 5 (39:33):
Welcome to John Boynville Playhouse. Today's episode, It's a wonderful light.
As our story opens, John Wood, in the rip of
a deep depression, is standing at the edge of a
bridge on a lonely country road.
Speaker 2 (39:51):
My life is a mess. How did I end up
like this?
Speaker 6 (39:55):
Sure?
Speaker 5 (39:56):
In the host of a popular morning radio show, and
lots of people know me, but they don't respect me.
Speaker 2 (40:02):
To them, I'm just John Boy, the court.
Speaker 3 (40:04):
Jester, John Boy, stupid disc jockey, John Boy, big old Harry,
no talking, no driving, he hal looking sometimes I wish
I'd never been born.
Speaker 5 (40:17):
Oh on, just a second there.
Speaker 2 (40:20):
Who are you, man? You look familiar.
Speaker 24 (40:23):
I know you.
Speaker 2 (40:23):
You're George Bailey.
Speaker 5 (40:25):
Yeah, I'm your guardian.
Speaker 2 (40:26):
Angel.
Speaker 5 (40:27):
I heard you're talking about how nobody has any respect
for you. How yours to clown? A big fat clown,
A big fat, stupid looking redneck.
Speaker 2 (40:37):
Any oh ay, clown, I got it?
Speaker 5 (40:38):
I got it? Did I also hear you say you
wish you'd never been born? Yeah, well stop that, big
stupid You're an important guy. In fact, if it weren't
for you, things will be pretty screwed up around here,
and so of the people around you. Would Would you
like to see what it would have been.
Speaker 2 (40:57):
Like, do you want me to say yes, yes, you're
sure he is?
Speaker 5 (41:01):
Okay, Well, who would you like to check in on?
Speaker 2 (41:03):
First?
Speaker 8 (41:04):
Let me warn you start off slowly.
Speaker 2 (41:06):
How about we check in on dub dub?
Speaker 3 (41:09):
Okay, Gee, George? Sure is a rough part of town
you zapt us into. Look at his place? Trash everywhere.
There's a homeless guy over there.
Speaker 16 (41:22):
Look closer, you might recognize him.
Speaker 2 (41:25):
Is that dub Yep?
Speaker 5 (41:27):
Turns out being on the playhouse every week was see
the only thing keeping him from going down the tubes.
Speaker 2 (41:33):
Hey, boy, you'd better slow that car down. Don't come
through here all crazy like you're driving. I see he's
still blowing his punchlines.
Speaker 5 (41:41):
Well, some thing's never checked. Hey, you recognize the guy
he's pushing along in the shopping cart?
Speaker 9 (41:47):
Is that?
Speaker 10 (41:48):
No?
Speaker 2 (41:48):
Wait, it can't be.
Speaker 16 (41:53):
I can make a bog of top. Hey, that want
to change my diaper?
Speaker 2 (42:01):
General Sadler, So, man, this is a bummer.
Speaker 5 (42:06):
It's a parody of it's a wonderful life.
Speaker 8 (42:08):
What were you expecting here?
Speaker 2 (42:10):
I guess you're right?
Speaker 5 (42:10):
Okay, who would you like to look in on?
Speaker 2 (42:12):
Nuts? How about my partner Billy?
Speaker 8 (42:15):
Hold on?
Speaker 3 (42:15):
Here we go, Hey, I know this place is Billy
Bob's and Fort Worth. Man does Billy own this place?
Speaker 10 (42:26):
No?
Speaker 2 (42:27):
Does he work here?
Speaker 5 (42:28):
Well, you might say that he's a feature performer, real
successful too.
Speaker 3 (42:32):
Your kid, and man, Billy's a country western singer.
Speaker 5 (42:36):
No, no, no, no, that's him right over there under
that big banner, the.
Speaker 2 (42:40):
One that says bite sized Billy's all dwarf review. He's
the lead dwarf.
Speaker 3 (42:46):
You don't mean he's part of some degrading dwarf tossing contest,
of course not.
Speaker 5 (42:52):
He's part of a degrading dwarf bowling contest.
Speaker 2 (42:56):
Look there it goes.
Speaker 19 (42:58):
Okay, galboy, you think you can knock him down, Come on, goober,
row me down the Aulley.
Speaker 2 (43:11):
George, you talk of this coffin. Billy's the smart one.
Speaker 5 (43:14):
We'll see he's missing the one thing that made him
into the smart one.
Speaker 2 (43:18):
What's that you as a part of it? Okay, who's next?
Speaker 6 (43:22):
Step?
Speaker 4 (43:22):
Right up, Buffaloville, Let's see what you got.
Speaker 13 (43:24):
Come.
Speaker 2 (43:26):
I can't watch it anymore. Get us out of here.
Speaker 5 (43:28):
Let's chuck in and see what old Randy's up to.
Speaker 2 (43:34):
Wow, where are we now?
Speaker 5 (43:36):
This is the Roots Hotel in Atlanta. Nice place so
is Randy like the manager or something? No, no, no, hey,
let's pop on up to Room two twenty seven. You'll
get the picture.
Speaker 2 (43:49):
So what's the deal. I thought Randy was gonna be here?
Speaker 5 (43:51):
Well, yeah, just let me call up the spectro vision
menu on the in room TV spectory vision.
Speaker 2 (43:58):
You mean Randy's a movie star.
Speaker 5 (44:00):
Well, in a matter of speaking, let's see here adult selections.
Speaker 20 (44:04):
We want number oh.
Speaker 2 (44:05):
Four, Randy's making adult movie. Oh yeah, ah, here he
comes now Pervy Como's holiday hump fist. Yeah, as you
can see, he drew his go to you back too. Hey, baby, Randy,
the hound is home.
Speaker 6 (44:26):
I wrote you a nothing rooms. Where do you be doing?
Speaker 2 (44:31):
Ain't you got a face? This is Redrick. I don't
want to watch.
Speaker 5 (44:39):
Please at least tell me. Jackie's okay, Jackie? Oh yeah,
she's fine. She became quite a celebrity too. In fact,
we might catch her over here on the Fox Chip.
Oh yeah yeah, she's the host of the biggest new
hit show in the country.
Speaker 11 (44:55):
Yo.
Speaker 2 (44:55):
Yeah, yeah, what's up, y'all. I'm Jackie Ce.
Speaker 5 (44:57):
Welcome to another episode of America Stupid as White People.
Speaker 2 (45:03):
Gee, that that doesn't sound so bad. Well, it's not.
Speaker 5 (45:06):
Jackie's the only one who would actually be better off. Okay,
well I got to ask what happened to Rayford? Well,
hang on, I'll show you. Hey, man, what are we
doing in the mall? Don't you recognize that crusty red
face Sado sneaking a drink out of the paper bag
(45:27):
under the big Christmas tree?
Speaker 2 (45:28):
Rayford is a mall Santa, while only.
Speaker 8 (45:31):
During the holidays. The rest of the year, he's a
bag boy.
Speaker 2 (45:34):
Food said it. Wow, man, I can't believe everything ended
up so different. Hey, wait a minute. If I'm not
here and Billy and Randy and Jackie and Rayford are
doing other things, and who's hosting the big show? I'm
glad you asked.
Speaker 8 (45:47):
Let's stop in and take a look.
Speaker 2 (45:52):
There you go, there's your morning team.
Speaker 5 (45:55):
Oh no, it can't be the Salts number one horning
radio show Breakfast with the Bird Math.
Speaker 2 (46:03):
If it's your birthday today, I'm white and wimple.
Speaker 16 (46:06):
Where are you raised?
Speaker 6 (46:07):
Chirp happy birthday on this special occasion.
Speaker 2 (46:10):
No, you know, if you chant end up like this,
take me back, George, I was wrong. I want to live.
I want to live. It's a good thing. You don't
want to Bailly Randy Jackie. My glad to see you. Guys. Man,
I just had the weirdest dream. What was it about?
Speaker 3 (46:27):
Baby?
Speaker 2 (46:28):
You wouldn't believe me if I told you. I just
let me put it this way.
Speaker 3 (46:31):
You know, sometimes I think this is a stupid way
to make a living, but when you get right down
to it, it's a wonderful life.
Speaker 2 (46:39):
So what are we doing?
Speaker 5 (46:40):
That's time to announce the winner of the Christmas song
contest here, just just read what's on the card.
Speaker 3 (46:44):
Okay, good morning, it's the big show and now the
number one most requested Christmas song of the year.
Speaker 6 (46:50):
Granmall got run over by George.
Speaker 2 (46:53):
Could you come back for a moment. Maybe I was
a little hasty, George.
Speaker 5 (46:58):
We hope you'll enjoy John Boyndale Playhouse and then again
next time when we'll.
Speaker 6 (47:03):
Hear down and out.
Speaker 16 (47:05):
Dub Sae, Hey, big man, let me hold a dollar.
Speaker 2 (47:11):
That awesome. Yeah, that is some aw right good stuff.
Speaker 5 (47:15):
Man.
Speaker 2 (47:15):
We miss you, dub.
Speaker 5 (47:17):
Alright, let's play this current events quiz, Bailey, what are
we dealing with? Well, Disneyland is now treating kids the
same as grown ups in a very particular way. That
story next one eight hundred big show. You told free
Line across America take sea. You win right out of
the
Hosts And Creators
Billy James
Johnny "John Boy" Isley
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