March 10, 2025 • 48 mins
Monday (pt 2 of 2): On today’s Late Riser’s Podcast, Ike Turner tells how tough Chuck Norris is.. - Mad Max is fed up with reserved parking spaces.. - The Grumpy Old Man tells why he hates Doctors.. - Marvin Webster is confused by the programming on the Cartoon Network.. - Marci reflects on the year she was John Boy’s pick for Employee of the Year.. - Gary Busey makes a diary entry about the time he was abducted by aliens.. - and Hoyt and Delbert walk into a bar…
℗®© 2025 John Boy & Billy, Inc.
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
Ye morning, I got the Bag Show on the radio.
Speaker 2 (00:04):
Coming up.
Speaker 1 (00:04):
We played Beating the Blonde for one hundred and twenty
dollars worth of Bull's not cleaning products made in the USA.
You know, our drug drivers keep America moving bulls, not
make sure they look good doing it. I can find
bulls not a truck stops across America. You click on
that banner at the Big Show dot Com. Find her
out there. Hang on when you some in minutes. First
(00:25):
looking at a date in history, it was five years
ago today the Russian Lower House of Parliament pass legislation
to allow Vladimir Putin to hold office of president for life.
Great decision, all right, have definitely in the news nowadays
(00:46):
that a Trump back in the house. All right, So
five years ago today that happened. Okay, time for a lesson,
y'all right.
Speaker 3 (00:57):
Now, time for our visiting professor mccarp University Summer School.
Professor Balls are frozen off Previet comrades.
Speaker 2 (01:08):
This is doctor Bolls are frozen off.
Speaker 4 (01:11):
Former professor of Wealth Redistribution at Karl Marks Technical College
in scratching at a crack rush. Now visiting professor for
Carpool University Summer School my job to help you pathetic
capitalists write that big socialist surfboard on the great red
(01:34):
tide of communism that is coming to your shores like
big glorious Marxist tsunami, whether you like it or not.
Speaker 2 (01:41):
So like it, Ah, I have to sort of come
to you.
Speaker 4 (01:47):
We'll head in hand today and disappointed to report that
this claim of coming communism is sadley now in question
why because of limp noodle in White House. To make
the great leap forward, it will take a strong, decisive leader,
(02:07):
a dedicated member of the elite ruling class with iron
glove of resolve to take the country in the right
direction for the true Stalinist utopia.
Speaker 2 (02:16):
What do we have Barack Obama? Pooe Oh, he talks.
Speaker 4 (02:22):
Too big, all that fundamentally changing America stuff. But when
it comes to actually doing it is how you say,
starting to woos out. To really understand what a stink
pickl Obama is, you have to compare him to a
truly great communist leader. So let's look at a man
that's really yanking his leash and spanking him like little
(02:45):
cissy schoolboy, Vladimir Putin.
Speaker 5 (02:49):
Ah.
Speaker 4 (02:52):
First off, Putin looks like great communist leader, chiseled features,
eastern block, good looks, deely eyes. Now look at Obama,
yesh like Morgan Freeman and Benson head baby and those
ears like walkswagon coming down street with both doors open,
(03:17):
and that walk of his He's not strong and commanding.
Obama swe shaloon like he's in a road company of
bird cage. Did you see windy of his workout, if
you can call that workout, struggling to lift to five
pound weights over his head. It's like that scene from
Pee Wee's Big Invention, fathectic. Who's going to be intimidated
(03:41):
by that? A great commonist ruler must be viewed with
awe and fear by those he rules. Pden does not
care what people say about him. He stinks of confidence. Obama,
he just stinks, and at time someone says something he
doesn't like, he finds closest camera starts with the love me,
(04:02):
Worship me, Vladimir Putinak like man out swimming through ice floor,
killing endangered species with bare hands, firing massive weapons from
his shoulder, riding burterback with his muscular shirtless torsoil and display.
Speaker 2 (04:23):
I'm getting a little fluster. But Obama what does he
get for photo ops?
Speaker 4 (04:30):
Riding his girly bike with big ninja turtle helmet on,
shooting pool with local yokles out in Pinktown, USA, mugging
for the camera at funerals of foreign dignitaries like frat boy.
It's about as gangster as he gets his drinking water
down American beer while the first lady eats off customer's
plates in background.
Speaker 2 (04:51):
At least she's doing something.
Speaker 4 (04:52):
She's a redistributed in chicken wings. And speaking of women,
let's look at choice of great leader women. How you
say Cucci mamas Putin was married to Mila Patina.
Speaker 2 (05:06):
Oh you're talking.
Speaker 4 (05:08):
She was good, commonest leader's wife. He gave her a
job in Kremlin. She keep her mouth shut, and when
he gets tired of her, he give her the old
oh heave. You can always tell who warpens in that family.
Man acted like man, No woman like woman? But the Obamas,
who knows. The first thing wrong is we see way
(05:30):
too much of her. Her face is everywhere, always sticking
big nose into people's business, jabbering her opinion to people
who don't really care, making nuisance of herself to everyone
she comes.
Speaker 2 (05:41):
In contact with That is the husband's job. The only
she thinks she.
Speaker 4 (05:46):
Does right is spent proletariats, money on vacations and expensive
clothes and apparently too many trips to Fat Burger. Great
Communist leader shines in the face of adversity, the Great Puddin.
He lives in office, He always working. He understands his
magnificent obligation to keep the gears turning on the big
(06:07):
red machine. His job is how you say twenty seven
to four ovalla, Oh, Americus crumbling before his eyes. He's
out going to fundraisers. The Great Putain does not need fundraisers.
If he wants money, he takes it. That's what Obama
has high arrests for. Why is he waiting time begging
Hollywood for fistful of rubles? And if not fundraising, he's
(06:31):
out a golf course shooting eighteen holes. How does that
solve problems? When Puttin shoots eighteen holes, it's in trouble.
Make so, America. If you're ever going to make that
greatly forward, you're going to have to be able to
survive the pitiful, half hearted attempts of Premiro Obama.
Speaker 2 (06:51):
Until he's gone.
Speaker 4 (06:52):
Your only hope is to track the rest of the
easily lead waters into putting new great red dope in
white house.
Speaker 2 (07:00):
You're going to have to do better than big Leg
Hillary or that old maid Warren smart Knop or else
until next time.
Speaker 4 (07:12):
This is professor Bulls are frozen off, saying Hasvidan deepsticks.
Speaker 1 (07:18):
There's a lot of therey all get on it, all right,
But meanwhile we'll play beat the Blonde for one dollars
worth of Bull's not cleaning products. One ain't hundred bigs?
Shall you toe free line. We'll get a contestant play next.
Speaker 2 (08:01):
Good morning.
Speaker 1 (08:02):
It is a Big Show own the radio role to
do your money. March ten, Today's feature Tracking the Big
Show bit Box golf hoy talk about the sea and
I dogs search for keyword ci dogs when he had
the big box out at the Big Show dot com.
Speaker 5 (08:17):
They're right out of that.
Speaker 1 (08:19):
It's time to play Beta blonde girl.
Speaker 2 (08:24):
Let's meet the contestant.
Speaker 1 (08:26):
Ethan out of King's Mountain, North Carolina. Good morning, Ethan,
Good morning, John boy money, how welcome man?
Speaker 5 (08:37):
All right?
Speaker 1 (08:37):
Even we'll ask Tata some questions. You agree or disagree
at two bells for two buzzers and you win. Big
Old Bulls not prize Pike. Alright, alrighty okay, But so
Marshalls go back to the early nineteen hundreds. Okay, the
United States Senate passed a resolution which required the Senate
(08:59):
dining room serve a particular kind of soup every day.
Speaker 2 (09:06):
What kind of soup is?
Speaker 6 (09:07):
It doesn't matter, no soup for.
Speaker 7 (09:09):
You nineteen hundred, that would be chicken noodle soup.
Speaker 1 (09:19):
John, I know you're combining to them.
Speaker 2 (09:22):
You're the bad man. You're the bad man.
Speaker 6 (09:24):
That's true.
Speaker 7 (09:25):
That was Indian, right, well, just because I did the Okay,
So anyway, Tayer distracted me with her finger. It was
talking to him. I said, chicken noodle souper.
Speaker 1 (09:39):
Chicken noodle soup is what Tater says they serve every day.
Speaker 2 (09:46):
Disagree, Oh you are going to disagree?
Speaker 1 (09:48):
Wow, like you knew what you were talking about?
Speaker 2 (09:52):
Yeah, do you happen to know.
Speaker 5 (09:54):
What it is?
Speaker 7 (09:55):
Oh?
Speaker 8 (09:56):
Man?
Speaker 3 (09:56):
Something that sounds older than that.
Speaker 2 (09:58):
They was some Brunswick No navy beans.
Speaker 1 (10:05):
Is that the recipe you got?
Speaker 4 (10:07):
Right?
Speaker 8 (10:07):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (10:07):
I gave it to you. My ingredients is mash potatoes.
Speaker 2 (10:14):
Navy bean soup.
Speaker 1 (10:16):
It's all over the internet if you just google up beans.
All right, So that was a buzzer right there. All right,
let's see what we got here. So Tater, take strong
black coffee with a dash of sugar, lace it with whiskey,
and top it with whipped cream.
Speaker 2 (10:37):
What is it that's breakfast?
Speaker 6 (10:38):
Next question?
Speaker 1 (10:41):
As a former bartender and waitress in formative views, Well,
I don't know what that is.
Speaker 2 (10:48):
Now, she's just a drinker.
Speaker 6 (10:52):
That would be an Irish coffee.
Speaker 1 (10:54):
An Irish coffee ethan agree or disagree?
Speaker 3 (11:00):
Well, yeah, I'm gonna have to agree with that.
Speaker 1 (11:02):
She's selling confidence. Yeah, all right, and that was the
main news. Sure enough, there's that mail. I hunt Irish coffee.
Speaker 6 (11:11):
That's one.
Speaker 2 (11:14):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (11:14):
Oh oh, did you get the finger?
Speaker 2 (11:20):
Messed me up?
Speaker 1 (11:21):
So alright, and then you got the bull snot then
we'll turn you over to Jackie and y'all make it happen.
Speaker 5 (11:35):
Thank you, y'all boy, Thank.
Speaker 1 (11:36):
You, Barny Bonding money hour and top of your news.
Right on the other side, I bro on. Calm Marvin Webster.
Speaker 9 (11:50):
It's a cartoon holiday.
Speaker 1 (12:27):
Good morning, It's a big show on the radio. March tenth.
It was on this day in nineteen ninety six the
International Museum of Cartoon Art open in Boca Raton, Florida,
spend a few minutes with Marvin Webster.
Speaker 5 (12:48):
Yoh, what's up all right?
Speaker 7 (12:50):
Mark?
Speaker 10 (12:50):
Hey man, just got a bunch of new channels on
my cable. One of them is the Cartoon Network. Y'all
seen Net? Oh yeah, I got all excited because you
know I love cartoons. But Network, it turns out it's
like the all Scooby Doo channel. The Cartoon Network runs
Scooby Doo about seven eight times a day, and they
run them all at Scooby Doo, Scrappy Doo, Snoop Dogg,
(13:12):
and Do from Dinner, SATs, Scooby Doo.
Speaker 5 (13:15):
Where are you hey, y'all could quit looking? I find him.
He's over on channel thirty eight.
Speaker 10 (13:20):
I mean, how many episodes of Scooby Dude do you
really need to see? Anyway, they all just alike at
the end. The big Monster always turns out to be
the mean old guy that they ran into at the
beginning of the cartoon. You know, one of them goes, hey,
the swamp monster, it's really mister Phoenix.
Speaker 5 (13:38):
Well, big surprise, y'all ain't running to nobody else.
Speaker 10 (13:42):
In the last half hour, of course, with mister Phoenix,
who do you think is gonna be Fred Flintstone?
Speaker 5 (13:47):
Yeah? And when they catch.
Speaker 10 (13:48):
Him, the bad guy always said the same thing. I'd
have got away with it if it weren't for you kids. Now,
let's be honest. Anybody in this group looked like they
could really solve a real live mischief. I don't think so. Scooby,
big dumb dog, he ain't nonna help.
Speaker 2 (14:05):
Yeah.
Speaker 10 (14:05):
And got that white guy with the bell bottoms and
the little scarf around his neck. Yeah, brother, that was
a good look for about fifteen minutes in nineteen sixty seven.
And his redheaded girl fan who Daphning she ain't into it,
looked like she rather to be making posters for the
Soca or something. And the Shaggy I don't know what
(14:26):
his deal is. Everybody else be running through her house
looking for the ghost. Shaggy looked like he'd been hanging
around on the back porch burning one do you know
what I mean? And Velma, it what's up with her?
Ellen DeGeneres told about being the first woman to come
out on TV. She gonna have to go something to
beat Velma. If you ask me, that's a strange looking
(14:46):
white woman right there.
Speaker 11 (14:48):
Now.
Speaker 10 (14:49):
My favorite cartoon was always the road Runner. You know,
well that's what they called it. I never could figure
out why. You know, in a seven minute cartoon, Roadrunner
show up for about thirty seconds. You know, let me
sell a word to my man while coyote. Okay, all
my life I've been watching you. You draw up these
little blueprints about what you're gonna do. You got giant
(15:10):
boulders and big old horseshoe magnets and that metal thing
that pops up out of the slot in the middle
of the road. None of this ever worked for you.
But you out there busting your mp day in and
day out. Now I respect that. Okay, you a hard
working dude, But can I make a suggestion the next
time you're getting ready to pick up the phone and
call actme to order something, won't you just order some food.
(15:35):
Goodness sakes, you're working way road Runner. Don't look like
I got a whole lot of meat on it. To me,
you working way too hard. Get you call, get a pizza.
Domino's will bring it right to the cliffs, or or
check the ACME catalog.
Speaker 5 (15:48):
I bet they sell food. They sell everything else.
Speaker 10 (15:51):
You got catapults and rocket launchers and giant rubber bands.
You just know they can hook you up with some
kind of food, some kind of gourmet run a fillet
or something. You call him right now, you have it
about ten o'clock in the morning, coming packed on dry ice.
I'm sure they'd be delicious. And it got to be
a whole lot cheaper than buying six miles of railroad
(16:12):
track and a rocket ship.
Speaker 5 (16:13):
You know what I mean.
Speaker 10 (16:15):
You got to slow down, brother, You're gonna kill yourself,
y'all think about it.
Speaker 5 (16:20):
I'm movin webbs a morning.
Speaker 1 (16:46):
That's a big show on the radio, all right. Bringing
in the Rabbi has stopped Bob and I don't think
he's got a review, dudes, let's find out.
Speaker 2 (16:57):
Welcome back, Rabbi Myron Bergston.
Speaker 4 (16:59):
Hey, I'm sorry, I gotta skip all the shallow me
homie stuff, but I gotta get something off my vest
you mean off your chest, off my vest. I spilled
some of that spicy brown mustard on the pascami sandwich.
Speaker 2 (17:10):
Thanks for the shot white potato.
Speaker 4 (17:13):
But you know what, since you brought it up, Yeah,
there's something that's eating that might took us.
Speaker 2 (17:17):
You ever seen that thing on the on the internet
that tick tack, tic toc tic tac, Who gives a crap?
Speaker 4 (17:25):
My great grandkids were showing me some stuff on there,
funny cat videos, dogs, van glasses, weird, those crying about
the election.
Speaker 2 (17:33):
Grow up your little bastards.
Speaker 4 (17:36):
But there are some things that I just don't understand,
won't understand, can't for the life of me understand. There
are a bunch of videos of these big girls eating,
and I mean big, big, big, the rap girl that
couldn't fit in the Corolla big. And that's all they do.
Speaker 2 (17:52):
You see them from the chins up, shoving food down
their gut. Shoot. And when I'm talking about a regular
meal here.
Speaker 4 (17:57):
You know, a steak, maybe a nice piece a fish,
a shy salad, maybe a slice of cake. We're talking
whole pizzas, twelve lobsters, a sac of graysie brakers, and
a whole pan of mac and cheese with extra mac.
Speaker 2 (18:11):
And double cheese. And that's just one meal.
Speaker 4 (18:15):
They could be a competitive eeder, but you can't get
them out of the house to compete.
Speaker 11 (18:18):
Look at that.
Speaker 4 (18:19):
Joey cheesenut guy. Man, he can pound it down, but
he's nice and slim. You know why he stops eating
once in a while, your bunch of beelt beefers. These
brons are stuff in their face and all the time
they're wheezing and Braton hat like a near death volvo
in the passing lane. They got so much grease on
their face. Opec sends them a membership. Whence she sweats
(18:41):
land the lake stock takes the noseedive. They all look
like they're in the fitness protection program. Oh, Rabbi, you're
being mean. Oh, shut your hole, your bastard, I'm not
being mean. If this was some Bahama to us struggling
with their weight problem, I'd be supportive.
Speaker 2 (18:59):
I'd try to find a way to help. But this
nobody is holding her hostage, making her do this.
Speaker 4 (19:05):
These names aren't thinking about that consequences, damn it there Well,
it's like, what are they gonna do if they fall down? Ha,
it's easier lifting up Thor's hammer, for God's sake. And
never mind the aftershocks could cause a tsunami. But that's
what happens when you're so big that when you get
on a digital scale, the readout looks like a phone number.
They aren't thinking about the medical repercussions the way they
(19:27):
shovel it in.
Speaker 2 (19:27):
At some point they're gonna choke. If she chokes, who's
gonna give it a Heimlich maneuver?
Speaker 4 (19:32):
Hell Lebron Jones ain't got limbs on long enough to
get around that da He need the whole team.
Speaker 2 (19:38):
And by the time you sift through all those chins
looking for her mouth, it's over. I'll tell you what.
Speaker 4 (19:42):
If Drack you'll ever bites your neck, he's gonna get diapetes. Hey, lady,
you wanna get married godlock. Any guy who marries you's
gonna get arrested for polygamy. He's gonna have ten miles
de feet And it's just a toya. And unless you
marry Hercules, there ain't no way you're getting carried across
the threshold. You ain't riding away in the limo neither
unless the limo's an eighteen whaler.
Speaker 2 (20:03):
And when they throw rice.
Speaker 4 (20:04):
At the vetting, you're gonna be the one jumping up
trying to catch it in your mouth. Out of all
these videos, you know what, They ain't eating vegetables unless
you countpries, And then they're knocking it out of the park.
Speaker 2 (20:19):
Ladies, how can you go through life like this?
Speaker 4 (20:22):
Not being able to look down because you got a
fleshy fanny pack around your neck. You don't they are
waving anyone because those big meat curtains hanging off your
arms and knock you out. Where's the people who love them?
Why aren't they hiding all the ding dongs and the
ranch dressing? Why aren't they using tough love? I'll tell
you why. They are a bunch of lousy bastards. All
(20:45):
you big girls, God bless go in peace. And I
don't mean a sixteen piece bucket. Dammit, I gotta get
out of here. All this talk about foods making me hungry?
Speaker 1 (20:56):
Stilln the pass back for you less than thirty minutes
from right now.
Speaker 2 (21:02):
It's a big sello.
Speaker 1 (21:03):
Let somebody better damn it than me, tell you than me?
Speaker 2 (21:08):
All right time by be the Big Show.
Speaker 5 (21:10):
Let's go picking me up.
Speaker 2 (21:12):
You it's you, Marcel. What am I doing well?
Speaker 4 (21:16):
When I'm not hanging up on racing fad boy and
trying to cure Beds of her terminal blondness?
Speaker 2 (21:21):
I'm listening to my two favorite straight white Southern boys,
John Boy and Billie on the Big Show. Oh, Marcel,
just stop, no, I won't tell Randy you said, hello,
(22:11):
good morning.
Speaker 1 (22:11):
It's a big show on the radio for you. Monday,
March tenth, Look at this stain't o three, the eighteenth
Annual Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Induction ceremony took place.
Were always looking for a way to celebrate that. What
his top ten list?
Speaker 12 (22:29):
Well, the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame has finally
opened in Cleveland after many long years of delay. But
it's finally there, and you're probably thinking, boy, that'd be
a great place to go and visit and see all
the great rock and roll memorabilia. Well, don't book those
tickets to Cleveland just yet. Apparently the Hard Rock Cafe
has been in the business of buying up the good
rock and roll souvenirs for the last a few years,
(22:52):
and you may be a little bit disappointed if you
make the trip to Cleveland. Today's top ten list Top
ten least popular exhibits at the Rock and Roll Hall
of Fame. Number ten David Crosby's Old Liver Number nine,
stuff pulled out of Jerry Garcia's beard. Number eight. The
(23:12):
Courtney Love Kissing Boot Rough number seven, a two hour
film retrospective on.
Speaker 5 (23:18):
The career of Downtown Julie Brown.
Speaker 12 (23:23):
Number six, The Bob Dylan Makeover Salon number five, The
sing Along with Yoko Karaoke Lounge number four, The Mama Cast,
Sandwich Shot number three, Michael Jackson's Kiddie Land number two,
Meat Loafs Big and Tall Shop, and the number one
(23:44):
least popular exhibit at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame,
the Kurt Cobain Shooting Range.
Speaker 1 (23:56):
Good Morning, got a big Shoulder Radio Well, been having
fun with employees Mad Max was on the Employee of
the Month parking only one ever winner of The Big
Show Employee of the Year, that's our own Marcy Taylor Morns.
Speaker 5 (24:15):
I'll take it.
Speaker 1 (24:16):
We will have that moment when it happened in minutes
because it's such a deal thing, such a huge honor,
thank you.
Speaker 6 (24:28):
Celebration was easy.
Speaker 1 (24:30):
That's that's Employee the Year kind of material right there.
I'll set up a wordy word all right. Oh but first,
Good Morning the Big Show is on the radio.
Speaker 3 (24:45):
Monday morning, March twelfth, twelve, All announce The Employee of
the Year was given out of the Jomobilly Comedy Classic.
Speaker 2 (24:53):
It was Tater Tayer one Employee of the Year.
Speaker 10 (24:58):
Thank you.
Speaker 2 (24:58):
May I just say, for some of the wasn't there.
How the hell did that happen?
Speaker 6 (25:03):
I don't know how it happened. Do you want to
know how that happened? We should I be the one
that tells you how it was.
Speaker 3 (25:10):
Right at the end of the show, and we're going
thanking everybody that, I mean, the last show Saturday night.
And it don't mean oh wow, I haven't have a named.
You know, it's between Jackie and Tator Employee of the Year.
So would you like to take it from there? Is
this your special moment?
Speaker 2 (25:25):
Yeah?
Speaker 7 (25:25):
Sure, John Boy's up there on stage after employer out
of the air.
Speaker 3 (25:29):
Oh, by the way, Marcy mocked me on stage, I
was doing an impersonation of me.
Speaker 12 (25:35):
I never did.
Speaker 1 (25:36):
I didn't know that until the next night when they
told me she's loving Get that idiot.
Speaker 2 (25:41):
She just constipated.
Speaker 6 (25:42):
May I say, your wife enjoyed it?
Speaker 2 (25:46):
That's all that matters anyway.
Speaker 13 (25:49):
Yes, And then John Boy's fishing around in his pocket
and he goes, well for a second place, Well, I
don't know because I don't think I heard it all.
Speaker 6 (25:55):
Jackie caiper help me, he said, very well, runner.
Speaker 2 (25:58):
Up, it's.
Speaker 3 (26:03):
No, of course, you know there is no, no, really,
prize for Employee of the Year. It's just a prestige
in the title that you have lord over your fellow employees.
Speaker 6 (26:11):
I didn't know there was a runner up.
Speaker 3 (26:14):
Yeah, so the runner out wherever comes a second gets
one hundred dollars bill Before.
Speaker 6 (26:18):
Before the sound could reach my seat, yeah, I could
even have any Before I could transmit what was just said,
I'd already heard.
Speaker 2 (26:35):
What happened to employer there?
Speaker 1 (26:42):
Wait what she won?
Speaker 6 (26:44):
Something she got, something she wanted, she wanted.
Speaker 3 (26:48):
The Tayler was trying to sell it to Jackie later
that night for fifty bucks.
Speaker 2 (26:54):
Keeps bringing me you want another beer?
Speaker 5 (26:56):
You want another beer?
Speaker 3 (26:57):
Thirty minutes later, fifty bucks I'll get I'll give your
Employee of the Year.
Speaker 2 (27:03):
Jay Wyner said, give her two hundred.
Speaker 6 (27:08):
Maybe I'm not maybe I could, you know, just put
her down and they number two?
Speaker 13 (27:11):
What do you did?
Speaker 11 (27:13):
You know?
Speaker 6 (27:13):
If you don't want to be number two, you can
sell tat.
Speaker 5 (27:16):
You can't sublet Employee of the Year apartment.
Speaker 6 (27:20):
You can buy number one.
Speaker 12 (27:21):
If you you don't see miss America putting her tiara
up on the email.
Speaker 6 (27:27):
A co signer, Really, I will step down, man, Let's.
Speaker 12 (27:37):
And she's already performed her first official duty, which is
taking your kid to the airport.
Speaker 2 (27:44):
Job employee of the year and burn up a gallon
of gas.
Speaker 6 (27:49):
And Chaffie's earning interest. See you were right prep that
went into that for me.
Speaker 13 (27:59):
I am so.
Speaker 1 (28:01):
Now let's gather ourselves for a couple of good rounds
of worthy word to set the tone for this wonderful
work week. Okay, one ain't undred Big Show you tone
free line. We'll get a couple of contestants in play next.
Speaker 5 (28:37):
Hey morning.
Speaker 1 (28:38):
That's to make sure on the radio running to your
Monday mon mature dragon, to make sure big Bob you
know hard to saying our dogs.
Speaker 2 (28:47):
In mind had to get hold on the line. Here,
we'll get out of here.
Speaker 1 (28:51):
Tom Boyds wonderful name give away and make sure you're
familiar with that. Just make your daily visit to the
Big Show dot com click out on their contest.
Speaker 4 (28:59):
But you can't get new we'll call you this nothing
I had everybody's head about the bed were.
Speaker 2 (29:06):
Not the word any word.
Speaker 1 (29:07):
Let's meet the contestants. We got Tim from Gay Thats
for Jimmy.
Speaker 5 (29:12):
Good morning, Tim, Good morning. Hey.
Speaker 1 (29:15):
We got Jimmy from McBee South Carolina. Good morning, Jimmy from.
Speaker 2 (29:21):
Morning Morning more Horn.
Speaker 1 (29:23):
Then Jimmy that's Tim from Gaylights, Virginia. And Tim that's
Jimmy from matt Bee, South Carolina. You don't know anybody
in places.
Speaker 5 (29:36):
John Boy and Billy and Charlie.
Speaker 1 (29:39):
Well, le's where we're meeting. Boys got some big show listeners. Otherwise, y'all, well,
never play a contest against each other.
Speaker 2 (29:47):
I'm really thinking you.
Speaker 6 (29:49):
Are how you're bringing every wee toay gether.
Speaker 5 (29:51):
Thank you.
Speaker 1 (29:54):
Put another mark down for Employee of the Year.
Speaker 7 (29:56):
I'm working for twenty twenty five Tayler.
Speaker 1 (29:59):
And Jimmie John I'm boing Tim. That's the team. So Jimmy,
y'all relax, Me and Tim will go for the first
thirty seconds. All right, Tim, are you ready?
Speaker 7 (30:10):
I get it?
Speaker 1 (30:11):
So the words right there. You just shout them out,
no wrong answers. You just keep going until we bailed
you again. Start the clock now, it's twenty twenty five.
Speaker 7 (30:28):
That is the.
Speaker 8 (30:31):
Uh huh.
Speaker 2 (30:32):
I have a gun in the woods. I looking for
a deer.
Speaker 13 (30:36):
I am a.
Speaker 10 (30:39):
Hunter.
Speaker 13 (30:39):
Uh huh.
Speaker 2 (30:40):
I take careful.
Speaker 1 (30:41):
Blank with my rifle. I blank and shoot, yes, rhymes
with it. You make a what to get money. You
make a it rhymes with it, yes, rhymes with it.
Speaker 10 (30:57):
I'm not too.
Speaker 1 (31:04):
Four on the board. Damn, good word?
Speaker 5 (31:06):
What I gave you? Buddy?
Speaker 2 (31:07):
Good work?
Speaker 1 (31:08):
All right, and now let's see what Tater and Jimmy
can do for their thirty Jimmy, are you ready?
Speaker 2 (31:15):
Yeah?
Speaker 4 (31:15):
I am?
Speaker 6 (31:16):
Okay, and go all right, Doug, don't blank me. I
didn't do it.
Speaker 5 (31:22):
Yep.
Speaker 7 (31:22):
Rhymes with it like a moth to a blank fire
or the part of a candle that's on fire. Is
the what? No, it rhymes it rhymes a blank thrower.
It rhymes with the other word, yay, boy?
Speaker 6 (31:37):
Did you go to the football?
Speaker 13 (31:38):
Blank?
Speaker 7 (31:39):
It rhymes the football yep, yep, hey rhymes what is
your blank? Oh it's Jimmy, What is your yep?
Speaker 2 (31:49):
Why did you ask him?
Speaker 5 (31:50):
If you knew?
Speaker 1 (31:51):
Because you need to put a four on the board
the tie the score four to four?
Speaker 5 (31:59):
All right?
Speaker 1 (32:00):
Anybody's game? Tim Are you ready?
Speaker 13 (32:04):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (32:05):
Okay? Start the clock.
Speaker 5 (32:08):
Now.
Speaker 2 (32:09):
You live on ELM blank where your address is?
Speaker 8 (32:13):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (32:14):
Uh huh ay blank blank top stuffing. This is what
you cook on yeah, uh huh. You have a lot
of v's in your mouth. Thirty two.
Speaker 2 (32:26):
Yeah, uh huh.
Speaker 1 (32:27):
The opposite of love is uh yeah, all right, the
blank pile. Put another log on the fire, go to
the blank pile. Yes, uh huh four Tim yeah, uh huh,
I heard myself there. Five on the flour a nine
(32:48):
score for Tim, Tata and Jimmy. Five will tie, six
will win, ready, Jimmy, Yeah.
Speaker 13 (32:58):
And go.
Speaker 6 (32:59):
The opposite it of the bottom is the.
Speaker 5 (33:02):
Huh.
Speaker 7 (33:03):
You might fill out one of these and send it
in the mail.
Speaker 6 (33:06):
A birthday is on birthday one?
Speaker 2 (33:09):
Uh you?
Speaker 6 (33:12):
This is a male cow, right, it's a male cow
has hort what.
Speaker 2 (33:18):
Okay?
Speaker 13 (33:19):
Uh oh uh is uh in the wild it's uh no,
it's bigger, bigger, aware aware where wolf?
Speaker 2 (33:32):
You got wolf?
Speaker 1 (33:33):
That was a four, one short. It's nine day, Tim over, Jimmy.
Jimmy came came up one short, bunny. But you can
try again. We'll give me another shot down the road.
All right, good game, all right, all right, Jimmy. We
(33:54):
appreciate you, buddy, and Tam looking at you up there
in gay relax, getting ready to get your bull snart
on gratulations by.
Speaker 2 (34:06):
No, no, no, really, y'all have a terrific show.
Speaker 11 (34:10):
Though, man, I love your ma.
Speaker 1 (34:12):
You was a part of today that Tim.
Speaker 8 (34:19):
You want, I like it.
Speaker 5 (34:21):
I like to start out of saying, oh oh.
Speaker 2 (34:28):
Well, that was your big This is.
Speaker 1 (34:31):
Why marijuana needs to be legalized everywhere. Good morning, got
the big showing the radio, Big request time, kindogram with
John Boy Ira Pace out of Boon, North Carolina. Alright, Irah,
one of my favorite spots up there they are, says,
would love to hear the diary of Gary Busey where
(34:53):
Gary is abducted by aliens.
Speaker 2 (34:59):
I found it, Ah, just coming up next. Good Morning.
Speaker 1 (35:30):
It's a big show on the radio, this big request
time I replace shadows. Excuse me bad I, excuse me had.
Speaker 2 (35:42):
I he's possessed.
Speaker 1 (35:47):
About Madison Monday. Almost there, I go uh where it was?
Oh yeah, I ra up in Bloom, North Carolina.
Speaker 2 (35:55):
Take a good work on finding the request. He rolled it.
It's time for the Diary of Garry Baucy Dear Diary.
Speaker 11 (36:07):
This is Gary.
Speaker 2 (36:10):
Ucy Well diary.
Speaker 11 (36:13):
I reckon. This entry is just gonna kindly be a
private one just betwixt the two of us. See this
is of an intensely private nature. I was abducted by aliens.
Speaker 2 (36:26):
Twice.
Speaker 11 (36:29):
First time diary. I pulled over an off ramp to
buy a bag of oranges from Senor Citrus. He commenced
to giving me the poor mouth about his truck being
broke down, so I told him I'd give him a
ride for two bags of oranges. I should have known
some of the was up on account of the way
old Senior jumped on the offer. He handed me a
(36:53):
bottle of Barberrand to kilan. Before I knew it, I
woke up beside the road in the middle of the desert,
wearing just my BVDS and a scorpion like a nipple rain.
My dad gum car was gone, but kudos to Senor Citrus,
he did leave me what was left to that bottle
of old buzzard puke and them two bag of oranges.
(37:15):
It's good for your heart, it makes your pee. Always
take your vitamin seat Juicy, Juicy, turn me Lucy squirt.
Speaker 2 (37:25):
So diary.
Speaker 11 (37:26):
There I sat on a big rock, sipping hooch, sucking
on an orange, and watching the sun go down. I
try to use my cellphone to call Crazy Frankie, but
I couldn't get a signal. Hard to believe, because I've
always had such good luck with t mobile. I was
stuck with waiting for the next car to come by.
(37:46):
Just as it got dark, I see two lights heading
down the road toward me, But the closer they got,
the higher off in the road they seem to be.
Before I know that, them lights is overhead and they're attached.
Speaker 2 (38:01):
To a thing.
Speaker 11 (38:02):
It looked like a big hover in French toilets, you
know them fancy ones that have the drinking found in
the middle. Before I knew it, a bright beam of
light hit me and I started floating up in the air.
I took the final pull off that bottle of tequila
just before I got sucked up into the mothership. Hey, mal,
(38:25):
look at me flying like a bubbly bee. Go to
leave the human race, fly around in otter space, hoping
they don't melt my face, you wes, I all of
a sudden like I'm standing in the belly of a
humongous space scooter. Now would weren't nothing like you see
in the movies. It looked kind of like the hotel
(38:46):
at the Orlando Airport. They even had an olive garden.
At least that's what it looked like. The sign above
the door was written right, and I did in the
Hobblag but it looked like it said y'all, but it
had a picture of a bowl of noodles under it,
So there you go. Before I could give my name
(39:09):
to the hostess, I got surrounded by a passle of
space chicks. I don't reckon they had ever seen such
a handsome, virile earthling before. All little female space gals
come over and they started to touch in me least
I think they was gals. I hope they was gown healthy.
(39:31):
I don't rightly know for sure. They all looked a
good bit like Margaret Show, with better skin and less uptime.
Not a best case scenario, but the fact is I've
been out of action for a while and not tequila
was a lower in my defenses. So I didn't squawk
about it, because you know who's ever gonna know? Homely
(39:53):
space gown, Please pardon me, Homely space gown? Is you
a here she space goal?
Speaker 2 (40:01):
You turned me on?
Speaker 11 (40:02):
And that's the truth. What do you think, come, my
big tooths you? About that time the menfolks showed up.
What a sorry bunch of goomers they were. Every last
one of them looked like a sadder, more pitiful version
of David Schwimmer. If that's even possible. Well, they took
(40:25):
me by the arms and led me to a room
with a big doctor's table on it. I've seen enough
specials on the Sci Fi channel to know what this
was about. They were fixing to look up my old address.
Unlucky for them, I was in a good mood, so
(40:46):
I dropped trial and jumped up on the table. I said, okay,
there are eight, let's get this over with. If there
was any probe and heading my way, I wasn't too
worried about it. Every one of them had these long,
pencil thin fingers, not like my regular doctor. So if
they were gonna give me the Jeff Dunham treatment, I
(41:08):
figured the booze that take the headge off. The one
that I figured was the main doctor had this big
old ring on his finger. I said, hey, there, bend Spacey,
why don't you lose that ring before you do your thing?
Speaker 8 (41:21):
Ha ha ha.
Speaker 11 (41:23):
I started laughing, But he didn't think it was funny.
They put this gimmick over my schnazz and I was
off to dreamland. Hey, Scotty, beat me up, space Critters,
get it up feet, get the stirrup ready for my
clothes up Mars venus and your rainus bent over like
Greg Lagatiness gold finger, cold finger, pleading pants told dance,
(41:43):
turned your head and coffee.
Speaker 2 (41:45):
Yeah.
Speaker 11 (41:51):
Well, I woke up in my own bed. I looked
at my phone and it was three dad gum days later.
That empty tequila bottle is right there on the floor.
I shook my pounds and head and blamed the whole
thing on the dts. But when I went in from
my morning constitutional, to my surprise, right there in the bowl,
(42:15):
wrapped around one of my butter Scotch cobras was that
doctor's ring hot liquor. Never took it off. Man, You
can't trust no one, no matter what planet they're from.
Speaker 2 (42:29):
Well, Diary, I got to ski downer.
Speaker 11 (42:34):
I'm going to play laser tag with Donnie Most and
Anson Williams against Dick Van Patten's hump kids. Until next time,
diarye X's and o's Gary.
Speaker 2 (42:47):
Muse all my y'all.
Speaker 1 (43:17):
Got mags your radio here, man, we are the ten
days in the march man time. Fine so that John
Mooe billycuse me home college around Easter here for you know,
send them back with laughs from home on a hood
called these Seeing Eye Dogs that's the keyword, sing iye
(43:38):
dolls at the big box, at the big show dot com.
Let's get it.
Speaker 13 (43:45):
Man?
Speaker 8 (43:45):
Hello, ma?
Speaker 2 (43:47):
Is this hoyt man? Heybody John boy Billy here her.
Speaker 8 (43:54):
Ball had no driving? He looking cetera.
Speaker 5 (44:00):
Not bad man?
Speaker 2 (44:01):
What's up? How's how's deb doing?
Speaker 7 (44:04):
No?
Speaker 8 (44:06):
Boy is in love again?
Speaker 1 (44:08):
Oh?
Speaker 7 (44:08):
No?
Speaker 8 (44:09):
Who is she? Girl named Sherry? Been married before. I
got a little younger named Henry, about four years old.
Nasty little bugger who still sticks everything in his mind.
Of course, so does Delba half out.
Speaker 2 (44:24):
So what's Sherry do for a living?
Speaker 8 (44:25):
She works at this animal hospital down from the house.
Speaker 2 (44:28):
Huh she's a veterinarian.
Speaker 8 (44:30):
No, she's a dog groomer. Oh not a real gooder
nith Oh yeah, no, she just turns on them clippers
and starts hacking away like Lorraine and Bobbit on eight
shops that they eat. Oh, forget this. Delbert is so
crazy in love with her he decided to let her
start cutting his hair.
Speaker 2 (44:49):
How's that look?
Speaker 8 (44:50):
No, he was going for the buzz cut like a
fella in the movie Speed. He ended up looking more
like when them make a wish Kids on a trip
to Disney work. Yeah, I think he could have done
a better job itself and won them slowby deals. Neil
you on the vacuum clean You know, man in love
(45:12):
if you can't tell him nothing when it's off work.
Last Friday I drove Debord over to see shore over
at the animal hospital. When we got there, she said
the daycare had called and her young n was sick.
Uh huh. She had to run him to the doctor,
and she asked if we'd cover for her while she
was gone. She said, just get them two dogs in
the back there and put them on the leash and
take them for a little walk. I'll be back in
(45:33):
about an hour. Well, there's a big german shepherd and
this wormy looking little chouaw off. So I took the
beggin and Delbord took the little one, and off we
went down the street. Now, Friday, being such a hot day,
we got the sweating pretty good as you can imagine.
Debord says, I sure wish we could duck in that
little bar across the street there and get us a
(45:54):
coal beer. I said, well, I say, I'm good to me.
Of course I pay these here dogs up outside. Yeah,
he says, oh no, we can't leave them dogs outside.
They might get a heat stroke. God, what if something's
to happen to him, Sherry might lose her jaw. I said, well,
what we're gonna do? He said, well, look here, we're
both wearing sunglasses. Why don't we just tell the bartender
(46:16):
we's blind and they's are seaing eye dogs. Okay, yeah,
I said, I just hot and thirsty enough right then
to go for that out there. So I walked in
the borrow this big old German shepherd, and the feller
behind the bar says, hold on there, buddy, you can
come in, but you dog's gotta wait outside. I says, well,
I'm blind and this is my sein eye dog. He says, well, okay,
(46:39):
come on in, and here comes Devn in the door
behind me with that scrawny little Chiawender says, now, hold
on there, buddy, you can't bring that dog in here.
Dever says, but he's my sin eye dog. Bartender says,
that wormy looking little chiwal that ain't no seaing eye dog.
Deviard says, you mean this stuck me with a show.
Speaker 5 (47:02):
Wall for delbord.
Speaker 2 (47:08):
That's pretty quick, faking.
Speaker 8 (47:10):
Hey for delbort anything, it's pretty quick, They're not gonna
look like they went together because they both had them
sorry looking gapped up. Hurrica, he gonna run here and
Stale Herman has gotta go to work. You gonna figure, Yeah,
well were you telling him? I said, you don't know
what you mean? Y'all came straight Acros.
Speaker 14 (47:35):
Big Boxes Here all your favorites from four decades of
The Big Show ninety nine since each fifteen for nine
ninety nine by them once, play them anywhere. You can
shop the Big Box online right now at the Big
Show dot Com or a Big Show stuff I phone.
The number is eight hundred and four to seven one
Stuff Online services by Anemic dot Com.
Speaker 2 (47:51):
Have you missed any of The Big Show this morning?
Speaker 1 (47:53):
You can hear it all the John Boremilly Late Risers
podcast up next wherever you get your pod ass make
it easy. Subscribe to us with the free I Heart
Radio app Love you Mean It
Ye morning, I got the Bag Show on the radio.
Speaker 2 (00:04):
Coming up.
Speaker 1 (00:04):
We played Beating the Blonde for one hundred and twenty
dollars worth of Bull's not cleaning products made in the USA.
You know, our drug drivers keep America moving bulls, not
make sure they look good doing it. I can find
bulls not a truck stops across America. You click on
that banner at the Big Show dot Com. Find her
out there. Hang on when you some in minutes. First
(00:25):
looking at a date in history, it was five years
ago today the Russian Lower House of Parliament pass legislation
to allow Vladimir Putin to hold office of president for life.
Great decision, all right, have definitely in the news nowadays
(00:46):
that a Trump back in the house. All right, So
five years ago today that happened. Okay, time for a lesson,
y'all right.
Speaker 3 (00:57):
Now, time for our visiting professor mccarp University Summer School.
Professor Balls are frozen off Previet comrades.
Speaker 2 (01:08):
This is doctor Bolls are frozen off.
Speaker 4 (01:11):
Former professor of Wealth Redistribution at Karl Marks Technical College
in scratching at a crack rush. Now visiting professor for
Carpool University Summer School my job to help you pathetic
capitalists write that big socialist surfboard on the great red
(01:34):
tide of communism that is coming to your shores like
big glorious Marxist tsunami, whether you like it or not.
Speaker 2 (01:41):
So like it, Ah, I have to sort of come
to you.
Speaker 4 (01:47):
We'll head in hand today and disappointed to report that
this claim of coming communism is sadley now in question
why because of limp noodle in White House. To make
the great leap forward, it will take a strong, decisive leader,
(02:07):
a dedicated member of the elite ruling class with iron
glove of resolve to take the country in the right
direction for the true Stalinist utopia.
Speaker 2 (02:16):
What do we have Barack Obama? Pooe Oh, he talks.
Speaker 4 (02:22):
Too big, all that fundamentally changing America stuff. But when
it comes to actually doing it is how you say,
starting to woos out. To really understand what a stink
pickl Obama is, you have to compare him to a
truly great communist leader. So let's look at a man
that's really yanking his leash and spanking him like little
(02:45):
cissy schoolboy, Vladimir Putin.
Speaker 5 (02:49):
Ah.
Speaker 4 (02:52):
First off, Putin looks like great communist leader, chiseled features,
eastern block, good looks, deely eyes. Now look at Obama,
yesh like Morgan Freeman and Benson head baby and those
ears like walkswagon coming down street with both doors open,
(03:17):
and that walk of his He's not strong and commanding.
Obama swe shaloon like he's in a road company of
bird cage. Did you see windy of his workout, if
you can call that workout, struggling to lift to five
pound weights over his head. It's like that scene from
Pee Wee's Big Invention, fathectic. Who's going to be intimidated
(03:41):
by that? A great commonist ruler must be viewed with
awe and fear by those he rules. Pden does not
care what people say about him. He stinks of confidence. Obama,
he just stinks, and at time someone says something he
doesn't like, he finds closest camera starts with the love me,
(04:02):
Worship me, Vladimir Putinak like man out swimming through ice floor,
killing endangered species with bare hands, firing massive weapons from
his shoulder, riding burterback with his muscular shirtless torsoil and display.
Speaker 2 (04:23):
I'm getting a little fluster. But Obama what does he
get for photo ops?
Speaker 4 (04:30):
Riding his girly bike with big ninja turtle helmet on,
shooting pool with local yokles out in Pinktown, USA, mugging
for the camera at funerals of foreign dignitaries like frat boy.
It's about as gangster as he gets his drinking water
down American beer while the first lady eats off customer's
plates in background.
Speaker 2 (04:51):
At least she's doing something.
Speaker 4 (04:52):
She's a redistributed in chicken wings. And speaking of women,
let's look at choice of great leader women. How you
say Cucci mamas Putin was married to Mila Patina.
Speaker 2 (05:06):
Oh you're talking.
Speaker 4 (05:08):
She was good, commonest leader's wife. He gave her a
job in Kremlin. She keep her mouth shut, and when
he gets tired of her, he give her the old
oh heave. You can always tell who warpens in that family.
Man acted like man, No woman like woman? But the Obamas,
who knows. The first thing wrong is we see way
(05:30):
too much of her. Her face is everywhere, always sticking
big nose into people's business, jabbering her opinion to people
who don't really care, making nuisance of herself to everyone
she comes.
Speaker 2 (05:41):
In contact with That is the husband's job. The only
she thinks she.
Speaker 4 (05:46):
Does right is spent proletariats, money on vacations and expensive
clothes and apparently too many trips to Fat Burger. Great
Communist leader shines in the face of adversity, the Great Puddin.
He lives in office, He always working. He understands his
magnificent obligation to keep the gears turning on the big
(06:07):
red machine. His job is how you say twenty seven
to four ovalla, Oh, Americus crumbling before his eyes. He's
out going to fundraisers. The Great Putain does not need fundraisers.
If he wants money, he takes it. That's what Obama
has high arrests for. Why is he waiting time begging
Hollywood for fistful of rubles? And if not fundraising, he's
(06:31):
out a golf course shooting eighteen holes. How does that
solve problems? When Puttin shoots eighteen holes, it's in trouble.
Make so, America. If you're ever going to make that
greatly forward, you're going to have to be able to
survive the pitiful, half hearted attempts of Premiro Obama.
Speaker 2 (06:51):
Until he's gone.
Speaker 4 (06:52):
Your only hope is to track the rest of the
easily lead waters into putting new great red dope in
white house.
Speaker 2 (07:00):
You're going to have to do better than big Leg
Hillary or that old maid Warren smart Knop or else
until next time.
Speaker 4 (07:12):
This is professor Bulls are frozen off, saying Hasvidan deepsticks.
Speaker 1 (07:18):
There's a lot of therey all get on it, all right,
But meanwhile we'll play beat the Blonde for one dollars
worth of Bull's not cleaning products. One ain't hundred bigs?
Shall you toe free line. We'll get a contestant play next.
Speaker 2 (08:01):
Good morning.
Speaker 1 (08:02):
It is a Big Show own the radio role to
do your money. March ten, Today's feature Tracking the Big
Show bit Box golf hoy talk about the sea and
I dogs search for keyword ci dogs when he had
the big box out at the Big Show dot com.
Speaker 5 (08:17):
They're right out of that.
Speaker 1 (08:19):
It's time to play Beta blonde girl.
Speaker 2 (08:24):
Let's meet the contestant.
Speaker 1 (08:26):
Ethan out of King's Mountain, North Carolina. Good morning, Ethan,
Good morning, John boy money, how welcome man?
Speaker 5 (08:37):
All right?
Speaker 1 (08:37):
Even we'll ask Tata some questions. You agree or disagree
at two bells for two buzzers and you win. Big
Old Bulls not prize Pike. Alright, alrighty okay, But so
Marshalls go back to the early nineteen hundreds. Okay, the
United States Senate passed a resolution which required the Senate
(08:59):
dining room serve a particular kind of soup every day.
Speaker 2 (09:06):
What kind of soup is?
Speaker 6 (09:07):
It doesn't matter, no soup for.
Speaker 7 (09:09):
You nineteen hundred, that would be chicken noodle soup.
Speaker 1 (09:19):
John, I know you're combining to them.
Speaker 2 (09:22):
You're the bad man. You're the bad man.
Speaker 6 (09:24):
That's true.
Speaker 7 (09:25):
That was Indian, right, well, just because I did the Okay,
So anyway, Tayer distracted me with her finger. It was
talking to him. I said, chicken noodle souper.
Speaker 1 (09:39):
Chicken noodle soup is what Tater says they serve every day.
Speaker 2 (09:46):
Disagree, Oh you are going to disagree?
Speaker 1 (09:48):
Wow, like you knew what you were talking about?
Speaker 2 (09:52):
Yeah, do you happen to know.
Speaker 5 (09:54):
What it is?
Speaker 7 (09:55):
Oh?
Speaker 8 (09:56):
Man?
Speaker 3 (09:56):
Something that sounds older than that.
Speaker 2 (09:58):
They was some Brunswick No navy beans.
Speaker 1 (10:05):
Is that the recipe you got?
Speaker 4 (10:07):
Right?
Speaker 8 (10:07):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (10:07):
I gave it to you. My ingredients is mash potatoes.
Speaker 2 (10:14):
Navy bean soup.
Speaker 1 (10:16):
It's all over the internet if you just google up beans.
All right, So that was a buzzer right there. All right,
let's see what we got here. So Tater, take strong
black coffee with a dash of sugar, lace it with whiskey,
and top it with whipped cream.
Speaker 2 (10:37):
What is it that's breakfast?
Speaker 6 (10:38):
Next question?
Speaker 1 (10:41):
As a former bartender and waitress in formative views, Well,
I don't know what that is.
Speaker 2 (10:48):
Now, she's just a drinker.
Speaker 6 (10:52):
That would be an Irish coffee.
Speaker 1 (10:54):
An Irish coffee ethan agree or disagree?
Speaker 3 (11:00):
Well, yeah, I'm gonna have to agree with that.
Speaker 1 (11:02):
She's selling confidence. Yeah, all right, and that was the
main news. Sure enough, there's that mail. I hunt Irish coffee.
Speaker 6 (11:11):
That's one.
Speaker 2 (11:14):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (11:14):
Oh oh, did you get the finger?
Speaker 2 (11:20):
Messed me up?
Speaker 1 (11:21):
So alright, and then you got the bull snot then
we'll turn you over to Jackie and y'all make it happen.
Speaker 5 (11:35):
Thank you, y'all boy, Thank.
Speaker 1 (11:36):
You, Barny Bonding money hour and top of your news.
Right on the other side, I bro on. Calm Marvin Webster.
Speaker 9 (11:50):
It's a cartoon holiday.
Speaker 1 (12:27):
Good morning, It's a big show on the radio. March tenth.
It was on this day in nineteen ninety six the
International Museum of Cartoon Art open in Boca Raton, Florida,
spend a few minutes with Marvin Webster.
Speaker 5 (12:48):
Yoh, what's up all right?
Speaker 7 (12:50):
Mark?
Speaker 10 (12:50):
Hey man, just got a bunch of new channels on
my cable. One of them is the Cartoon Network. Y'all
seen Net? Oh yeah, I got all excited because you
know I love cartoons. But Network, it turns out it's
like the all Scooby Doo channel. The Cartoon Network runs
Scooby Doo about seven eight times a day, and they
run them all at Scooby Doo, Scrappy Doo, Snoop Dogg,
(13:12):
and Do from Dinner, SATs, Scooby Doo.
Speaker 5 (13:15):
Where are you hey, y'all could quit looking? I find him.
He's over on channel thirty eight.
Speaker 10 (13:20):
I mean, how many episodes of Scooby Dude do you
really need to see? Anyway, they all just alike at
the end. The big Monster always turns out to be
the mean old guy that they ran into at the
beginning of the cartoon. You know, one of them goes, hey,
the swamp monster, it's really mister Phoenix.
Speaker 5 (13:38):
Well, big surprise, y'all ain't running to nobody else.
Speaker 10 (13:42):
In the last half hour, of course, with mister Phoenix,
who do you think is gonna be Fred Flintstone?
Speaker 5 (13:47):
Yeah? And when they catch.
Speaker 10 (13:48):
Him, the bad guy always said the same thing. I'd
have got away with it if it weren't for you kids. Now,
let's be honest. Anybody in this group looked like they
could really solve a real live mischief. I don't think so. Scooby,
big dumb dog, he ain't nonna help.
Speaker 2 (14:05):
Yeah.
Speaker 10 (14:05):
And got that white guy with the bell bottoms and
the little scarf around his neck. Yeah, brother, that was
a good look for about fifteen minutes in nineteen sixty seven.
And his redheaded girl fan who Daphning she ain't into it,
looked like she rather to be making posters for the
Soca or something. And the Shaggy I don't know what
(14:26):
his deal is. Everybody else be running through her house
looking for the ghost. Shaggy looked like he'd been hanging
around on the back porch burning one do you know
what I mean? And Velma, it what's up with her?
Ellen DeGeneres told about being the first woman to come
out on TV. She gonna have to go something to
beat Velma. If you ask me, that's a strange looking
(14:46):
white woman right there.
Speaker 11 (14:48):
Now.
Speaker 10 (14:49):
My favorite cartoon was always the road Runner. You know,
well that's what they called it. I never could figure
out why. You know, in a seven minute cartoon, Roadrunner
show up for about thirty seconds. You know, let me
sell a word to my man while coyote. Okay, all
my life I've been watching you. You draw up these
little blueprints about what you're gonna do. You got giant
(15:10):
boulders and big old horseshoe magnets and that metal thing
that pops up out of the slot in the middle
of the road. None of this ever worked for you.
But you out there busting your mp day in and
day out. Now I respect that. Okay, you a hard
working dude, But can I make a suggestion the next
time you're getting ready to pick up the phone and
call actme to order something, won't you just order some food.
(15:35):
Goodness sakes, you're working way road Runner. Don't look like
I got a whole lot of meat on it. To me,
you working way too hard. Get you call, get a pizza.
Domino's will bring it right to the cliffs, or or
check the ACME catalog.
Speaker 5 (15:48):
I bet they sell food. They sell everything else.
Speaker 10 (15:51):
You got catapults and rocket launchers and giant rubber bands.
You just know they can hook you up with some
kind of food, some kind of gourmet run a fillet
or something. You call him right now, you have it
about ten o'clock in the morning, coming packed on dry ice.
I'm sure they'd be delicious. And it got to be
a whole lot cheaper than buying six miles of railroad
(16:12):
track and a rocket ship.
Speaker 5 (16:13):
You know what I mean.
Speaker 10 (16:15):
You got to slow down, brother, You're gonna kill yourself,
y'all think about it.
Speaker 5 (16:20):
I'm movin webbs a morning.
Speaker 1 (16:46):
That's a big show on the radio, all right. Bringing
in the Rabbi has stopped Bob and I don't think
he's got a review, dudes, let's find out.
Speaker 2 (16:57):
Welcome back, Rabbi Myron Bergston.
Speaker 4 (16:59):
Hey, I'm sorry, I gotta skip all the shallow me
homie stuff, but I gotta get something off my vest
you mean off your chest, off my vest. I spilled
some of that spicy brown mustard on the pascami sandwich.
Speaker 2 (17:10):
Thanks for the shot white potato.
Speaker 4 (17:13):
But you know what, since you brought it up, Yeah,
there's something that's eating that might took us.
Speaker 2 (17:17):
You ever seen that thing on the on the internet
that tick tack, tic toc tic tac, Who gives a crap?
Speaker 4 (17:25):
My great grandkids were showing me some stuff on there,
funny cat videos, dogs, van glasses, weird, those crying about
the election.
Speaker 2 (17:33):
Grow up your little bastards.
Speaker 4 (17:36):
But there are some things that I just don't understand,
won't understand, can't for the life of me understand. There
are a bunch of videos of these big girls eating,
and I mean big, big, big, the rap girl that
couldn't fit in the Corolla big. And that's all they do.
Speaker 2 (17:52):
You see them from the chins up, shoving food down
their gut. Shoot. And when I'm talking about a regular
meal here.
Speaker 4 (17:57):
You know, a steak, maybe a nice piece a fish,
a shy salad, maybe a slice of cake. We're talking
whole pizzas, twelve lobsters, a sac of graysie brakers, and
a whole pan of mac and cheese with extra mac.
Speaker 2 (18:11):
And double cheese. And that's just one meal.
Speaker 4 (18:15):
They could be a competitive eeder, but you can't get
them out of the house to compete.
Speaker 11 (18:18):
Look at that.
Speaker 4 (18:19):
Joey cheesenut guy. Man, he can pound it down, but
he's nice and slim. You know why he stops eating
once in a while, your bunch of beelt beefers. These
brons are stuff in their face and all the time
they're wheezing and Braton hat like a near death volvo
in the passing lane. They got so much grease on
their face. Opec sends them a membership. Whence she sweats
(18:41):
land the lake stock takes the noseedive. They all look
like they're in the fitness protection program. Oh, Rabbi, you're
being mean. Oh, shut your hole, your bastard, I'm not
being mean. If this was some Bahama to us struggling
with their weight problem, I'd be supportive.
Speaker 2 (18:59):
I'd try to find a way to help. But this
nobody is holding her hostage, making her do this.
Speaker 4 (19:05):
These names aren't thinking about that consequences, damn it there Well,
it's like, what are they gonna do if they fall down? Ha,
it's easier lifting up Thor's hammer, for God's sake. And
never mind the aftershocks could cause a tsunami. But that's
what happens when you're so big that when you get
on a digital scale, the readout looks like a phone number.
They aren't thinking about the medical repercussions the way they
(19:27):
shovel it in.
Speaker 2 (19:27):
At some point they're gonna choke. If she chokes, who's
gonna give it a Heimlich maneuver?
Speaker 4 (19:32):
Hell Lebron Jones ain't got limbs on long enough to
get around that da He need the whole team.
Speaker 2 (19:38):
And by the time you sift through all those chins
looking for her mouth, it's over. I'll tell you what.
Speaker 4 (19:42):
If Drack you'll ever bites your neck, he's gonna get diapetes. Hey, lady,
you wanna get married godlock. Any guy who marries you's
gonna get arrested for polygamy. He's gonna have ten miles
de feet And it's just a toya. And unless you
marry Hercules, there ain't no way you're getting carried across
the threshold. You ain't riding away in the limo neither
unless the limo's an eighteen whaler.
Speaker 2 (20:03):
And when they throw rice.
Speaker 4 (20:04):
At the vetting, you're gonna be the one jumping up
trying to catch it in your mouth. Out of all
these videos, you know what, They ain't eating vegetables unless
you countpries, And then they're knocking it out of the park.
Speaker 2 (20:19):
Ladies, how can you go through life like this?
Speaker 4 (20:22):
Not being able to look down because you got a
fleshy fanny pack around your neck. You don't they are
waving anyone because those big meat curtains hanging off your
arms and knock you out. Where's the people who love them?
Why aren't they hiding all the ding dongs and the
ranch dressing? Why aren't they using tough love? I'll tell
you why. They are a bunch of lousy bastards. All
(20:45):
you big girls, God bless go in peace. And I
don't mean a sixteen piece bucket. Dammit, I gotta get
out of here. All this talk about foods making me hungry?
Speaker 1 (20:56):
Stilln the pass back for you less than thirty minutes
from right now.
Speaker 2 (21:02):
It's a big sello.
Speaker 1 (21:03):
Let somebody better damn it than me, tell you than me?
Speaker 2 (21:08):
All right time by be the Big Show.
Speaker 5 (21:10):
Let's go picking me up.
Speaker 2 (21:12):
You it's you, Marcel. What am I doing well?
Speaker 4 (21:16):
When I'm not hanging up on racing fad boy and
trying to cure Beds of her terminal blondness?
Speaker 2 (21:21):
I'm listening to my two favorite straight white Southern boys,
John Boy and Billie on the Big Show. Oh, Marcel,
just stop, no, I won't tell Randy you said, hello,
(22:11):
good morning.
Speaker 1 (22:11):
It's a big show on the radio for you. Monday,
March tenth, Look at this stain't o three, the eighteenth
Annual Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Induction ceremony took place.
Were always looking for a way to celebrate that. What
his top ten list?
Speaker 12 (22:29):
Well, the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame has finally
opened in Cleveland after many long years of delay. But
it's finally there, and you're probably thinking, boy, that'd be
a great place to go and visit and see all
the great rock and roll memorabilia. Well, don't book those
tickets to Cleveland just yet. Apparently the Hard Rock Cafe
has been in the business of buying up the good
rock and roll souvenirs for the last a few years,
(22:52):
and you may be a little bit disappointed if you
make the trip to Cleveland. Today's top ten list Top
ten least popular exhibits at the Rock and Roll Hall
of Fame. Number ten David Crosby's Old Liver Number nine,
stuff pulled out of Jerry Garcia's beard. Number eight. The
(23:12):
Courtney Love Kissing Boot Rough number seven, a two hour
film retrospective on.
Speaker 5 (23:18):
The career of Downtown Julie Brown.
Speaker 12 (23:23):
Number six, The Bob Dylan Makeover Salon number five, The
sing Along with Yoko Karaoke Lounge number four, The Mama Cast,
Sandwich Shot number three, Michael Jackson's Kiddie Land number two,
Meat Loafs Big and Tall Shop, and the number one
(23:44):
least popular exhibit at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame,
the Kurt Cobain Shooting Range.
Speaker 1 (23:56):
Good Morning, got a big Shoulder Radio Well, been having
fun with employees Mad Max was on the Employee of
the Month parking only one ever winner of The Big
Show Employee of the Year, that's our own Marcy Taylor Morns.
Speaker 5 (24:15):
I'll take it.
Speaker 1 (24:16):
We will have that moment when it happened in minutes
because it's such a deal thing, such a huge honor,
thank you.
Speaker 6 (24:28):
Celebration was easy.
Speaker 1 (24:30):
That's that's Employee the Year kind of material right there.
I'll set up a wordy word all right. Oh but first,
Good Morning the Big Show is on the radio.
Speaker 3 (24:45):
Monday morning, March twelfth, twelve, All announce The Employee of
the Year was given out of the Jomobilly Comedy Classic.
Speaker 2 (24:53):
It was Tater Tayer one Employee of the Year.
Speaker 10 (24:58):
Thank you.
Speaker 2 (24:58):
May I just say, for some of the wasn't there.
How the hell did that happen?
Speaker 6 (25:03):
I don't know how it happened. Do you want to
know how that happened? We should I be the one
that tells you how it was.
Speaker 3 (25:10):
Right at the end of the show, and we're going
thanking everybody that, I mean, the last show Saturday night.
And it don't mean oh wow, I haven't have a named.
You know, it's between Jackie and Tator Employee of the Year.
So would you like to take it from there? Is
this your special moment?
Speaker 2 (25:25):
Yeah?
Speaker 7 (25:25):
Sure, John Boy's up there on stage after employer out
of the air.
Speaker 3 (25:29):
Oh, by the way, Marcy mocked me on stage, I
was doing an impersonation of me.
Speaker 12 (25:35):
I never did.
Speaker 1 (25:36):
I didn't know that until the next night when they
told me she's loving Get that idiot.
Speaker 2 (25:41):
She just constipated.
Speaker 6 (25:42):
May I say, your wife enjoyed it?
Speaker 2 (25:46):
That's all that matters anyway.
Speaker 13 (25:49):
Yes, And then John Boy's fishing around in his pocket
and he goes, well for a second place, Well, I
don't know because I don't think I heard it all.
Speaker 6 (25:55):
Jackie caiper help me, he said, very well, runner.
Speaker 2 (25:58):
Up, it's.
Speaker 3 (26:03):
No, of course, you know there is no, no, really,
prize for Employee of the Year. It's just a prestige
in the title that you have lord over your fellow employees.
Speaker 6 (26:11):
I didn't know there was a runner up.
Speaker 3 (26:14):
Yeah, so the runner out wherever comes a second gets
one hundred dollars bill Before.
Speaker 6 (26:18):
Before the sound could reach my seat, yeah, I could
even have any Before I could transmit what was just said,
I'd already heard.
Speaker 2 (26:35):
What happened to employer there?
Speaker 1 (26:42):
Wait what she won?
Speaker 6 (26:44):
Something she got, something she wanted, she wanted.
Speaker 3 (26:48):
The Tayler was trying to sell it to Jackie later
that night for fifty bucks.
Speaker 2 (26:54):
Keeps bringing me you want another beer?
Speaker 5 (26:56):
You want another beer?
Speaker 3 (26:57):
Thirty minutes later, fifty bucks I'll get I'll give your
Employee of the Year.
Speaker 2 (27:03):
Jay Wyner said, give her two hundred.
Speaker 6 (27:08):
Maybe I'm not maybe I could, you know, just put
her down and they number two?
Speaker 13 (27:11):
What do you did?
Speaker 11 (27:13):
You know?
Speaker 6 (27:13):
If you don't want to be number two, you can
sell tat.
Speaker 5 (27:16):
You can't sublet Employee of the Year apartment.
Speaker 6 (27:20):
You can buy number one.
Speaker 12 (27:21):
If you you don't see miss America putting her tiara
up on the email.
Speaker 6 (27:27):
A co signer, Really, I will step down, man, Let's.
Speaker 12 (27:37):
And she's already performed her first official duty, which is
taking your kid to the airport.
Speaker 2 (27:44):
Job employee of the year and burn up a gallon
of gas.
Speaker 6 (27:49):
And Chaffie's earning interest. See you were right prep that
went into that for me.
Speaker 13 (27:59):
I am so.
Speaker 1 (28:01):
Now let's gather ourselves for a couple of good rounds
of worthy word to set the tone for this wonderful
work week. Okay, one ain't undred Big Show you tone
free line. We'll get a couple of contestants in play next.
Speaker 5 (28:37):
Hey morning.
Speaker 1 (28:38):
That's to make sure on the radio running to your
Monday mon mature dragon, to make sure big Bob you
know hard to saying our dogs.
Speaker 2 (28:47):
In mind had to get hold on the line. Here,
we'll get out of here.
Speaker 1 (28:51):
Tom Boyds wonderful name give away and make sure you're
familiar with that. Just make your daily visit to the
Big Show dot com click out on their contest.
Speaker 4 (28:59):
But you can't get new we'll call you this nothing
I had everybody's head about the bed were.
Speaker 2 (29:06):
Not the word any word.
Speaker 1 (29:07):
Let's meet the contestants. We got Tim from Gay Thats
for Jimmy.
Speaker 5 (29:12):
Good morning, Tim, Good morning. Hey.
Speaker 1 (29:15):
We got Jimmy from McBee South Carolina. Good morning, Jimmy from.
Speaker 2 (29:21):
Morning Morning more Horn.
Speaker 1 (29:23):
Then Jimmy that's Tim from Gaylights, Virginia. And Tim that's
Jimmy from matt Bee, South Carolina. You don't know anybody
in places.
Speaker 5 (29:36):
John Boy and Billy and Charlie.
Speaker 1 (29:39):
Well, le's where we're meeting. Boys got some big show listeners. Otherwise, y'all, well,
never play a contest against each other.
Speaker 2 (29:47):
I'm really thinking you.
Speaker 6 (29:49):
Are how you're bringing every wee toay gether.
Speaker 5 (29:51):
Thank you.
Speaker 1 (29:54):
Put another mark down for Employee of the Year.
Speaker 7 (29:56):
I'm working for twenty twenty five Tayler.
Speaker 1 (29:59):
And Jimmie John I'm boing Tim. That's the team. So Jimmy,
y'all relax, Me and Tim will go for the first
thirty seconds. All right, Tim, are you ready?
Speaker 7 (30:10):
I get it?
Speaker 1 (30:11):
So the words right there. You just shout them out,
no wrong answers. You just keep going until we bailed
you again. Start the clock now, it's twenty twenty five.
Speaker 7 (30:28):
That is the.
Speaker 8 (30:31):
Uh huh.
Speaker 2 (30:32):
I have a gun in the woods. I looking for
a deer.
Speaker 13 (30:36):
I am a.
Speaker 10 (30:39):
Hunter.
Speaker 13 (30:39):
Uh huh.
Speaker 2 (30:40):
I take careful.
Speaker 1 (30:41):
Blank with my rifle. I blank and shoot, yes, rhymes
with it. You make a what to get money. You
make a it rhymes with it, yes, rhymes with it.
Speaker 10 (30:57):
I'm not too.
Speaker 1 (31:04):
Four on the board. Damn, good word?
Speaker 5 (31:06):
What I gave you? Buddy?
Speaker 2 (31:07):
Good work?
Speaker 1 (31:08):
All right, and now let's see what Tater and Jimmy
can do for their thirty Jimmy, are you ready?
Speaker 2 (31:15):
Yeah?
Speaker 4 (31:15):
I am?
Speaker 6 (31:16):
Okay, and go all right, Doug, don't blank me. I
didn't do it.
Speaker 5 (31:22):
Yep.
Speaker 7 (31:22):
Rhymes with it like a moth to a blank fire
or the part of a candle that's on fire. Is
the what? No, it rhymes it rhymes a blank thrower.
It rhymes with the other word, yay, boy?
Speaker 6 (31:37):
Did you go to the football?
Speaker 13 (31:38):
Blank?
Speaker 7 (31:39):
It rhymes the football yep, yep, hey rhymes what is
your blank? Oh it's Jimmy, What is your yep?
Speaker 2 (31:49):
Why did you ask him?
Speaker 5 (31:50):
If you knew?
Speaker 1 (31:51):
Because you need to put a four on the board
the tie the score four to four?
Speaker 5 (31:59):
All right?
Speaker 1 (32:00):
Anybody's game? Tim Are you ready?
Speaker 13 (32:04):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (32:05):
Okay? Start the clock.
Speaker 5 (32:08):
Now.
Speaker 2 (32:09):
You live on ELM blank where your address is?
Speaker 8 (32:13):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (32:14):
Uh huh ay blank blank top stuffing. This is what
you cook on yeah, uh huh. You have a lot
of v's in your mouth. Thirty two.
Speaker 2 (32:26):
Yeah, uh huh.
Speaker 1 (32:27):
The opposite of love is uh yeah, all right, the
blank pile. Put another log on the fire, go to
the blank pile. Yes, uh huh four Tim yeah, uh huh,
I heard myself there. Five on the flour a nine
(32:48):
score for Tim, Tata and Jimmy. Five will tie, six
will win, ready, Jimmy, Yeah.
Speaker 13 (32:58):
And go.
Speaker 6 (32:59):
The opposite it of the bottom is the.
Speaker 5 (33:02):
Huh.
Speaker 7 (33:03):
You might fill out one of these and send it
in the mail.
Speaker 6 (33:06):
A birthday is on birthday one?
Speaker 2 (33:09):
Uh you?
Speaker 6 (33:12):
This is a male cow, right, it's a male cow
has hort what.
Speaker 2 (33:18):
Okay?
Speaker 13 (33:19):
Uh oh uh is uh in the wild it's uh no,
it's bigger, bigger, aware aware where wolf?
Speaker 2 (33:32):
You got wolf?
Speaker 1 (33:33):
That was a four, one short. It's nine day, Tim over, Jimmy.
Jimmy came came up one short, bunny. But you can
try again. We'll give me another shot down the road.
All right, good game, all right, all right, Jimmy. We
(33:54):
appreciate you, buddy, and Tam looking at you up there
in gay relax, getting ready to get your bull snart
on gratulations by.
Speaker 2 (34:06):
No, no, no, really, y'all have a terrific show.
Speaker 11 (34:10):
Though, man, I love your ma.
Speaker 1 (34:12):
You was a part of today that Tim.
Speaker 8 (34:19):
You want, I like it.
Speaker 5 (34:21):
I like to start out of saying, oh oh.
Speaker 2 (34:28):
Well, that was your big This is.
Speaker 1 (34:31):
Why marijuana needs to be legalized everywhere. Good morning, got
the big showing the radio, Big request time, kindogram with
John Boy Ira Pace out of Boon, North Carolina. Alright, Irah,
one of my favorite spots up there they are, says,
would love to hear the diary of Gary Busey where
(34:53):
Gary is abducted by aliens.
Speaker 2 (34:59):
I found it, Ah, just coming up next. Good Morning.
Speaker 1 (35:30):
It's a big show on the radio, this big request
time I replace shadows. Excuse me bad I, excuse me had.
Speaker 2 (35:42):
I he's possessed.
Speaker 1 (35:47):
About Madison Monday. Almost there, I go uh where it was?
Oh yeah, I ra up in Bloom, North Carolina.
Speaker 2 (35:55):
Take a good work on finding the request. He rolled it.
It's time for the Diary of Garry Baucy Dear Diary.
Speaker 11 (36:07):
This is Gary.
Speaker 2 (36:10):
Ucy Well diary.
Speaker 11 (36:13):
I reckon. This entry is just gonna kindly be a
private one just betwixt the two of us. See this
is of an intensely private nature. I was abducted by aliens.
Speaker 2 (36:26):
Twice.
Speaker 11 (36:29):
First time diary. I pulled over an off ramp to
buy a bag of oranges from Senor Citrus. He commenced
to giving me the poor mouth about his truck being
broke down, so I told him I'd give him a
ride for two bags of oranges. I should have known
some of the was up on account of the way
old Senior jumped on the offer. He handed me a
(36:53):
bottle of Barberrand to kilan. Before I knew it, I
woke up beside the road in the middle of the desert,
wearing just my BVDS and a scorpion like a nipple rain.
My dad gum car was gone, but kudos to Senor Citrus,
he did leave me what was left to that bottle
of old buzzard puke and them two bag of oranges.
(37:15):
It's good for your heart, it makes your pee. Always
take your vitamin seat Juicy, Juicy, turn me Lucy squirt.
Speaker 2 (37:25):
So diary.
Speaker 11 (37:26):
There I sat on a big rock, sipping hooch, sucking
on an orange, and watching the sun go down. I
try to use my cellphone to call Crazy Frankie, but
I couldn't get a signal. Hard to believe, because I've
always had such good luck with t mobile. I was
stuck with waiting for the next car to come by.
(37:46):
Just as it got dark, I see two lights heading
down the road toward me, But the closer they got,
the higher off in the road they seem to be.
Before I know that, them lights is overhead and they're attached.
Speaker 2 (38:01):
To a thing.
Speaker 11 (38:02):
It looked like a big hover in French toilets, you
know them fancy ones that have the drinking found in
the middle. Before I knew it, a bright beam of
light hit me and I started floating up in the air.
I took the final pull off that bottle of tequila
just before I got sucked up into the mothership. Hey, mal,
(38:25):
look at me flying like a bubbly bee. Go to
leave the human race, fly around in otter space, hoping
they don't melt my face, you wes, I all of
a sudden like I'm standing in the belly of a
humongous space scooter. Now would weren't nothing like you see
in the movies. It looked kind of like the hotel
(38:46):
at the Orlando Airport. They even had an olive garden.
At least that's what it looked like. The sign above
the door was written right, and I did in the
Hobblag but it looked like it said y'all, but it
had a picture of a bowl of noodles under it,
So there you go. Before I could give my name
(39:09):
to the hostess, I got surrounded by a passle of
space chicks. I don't reckon they had ever seen such
a handsome, virile earthling before. All little female space gals
come over and they started to touch in me least
I think they was gals. I hope they was gown healthy.
(39:31):
I don't rightly know for sure. They all looked a
good bit like Margaret Show, with better skin and less uptime.
Not a best case scenario, but the fact is I've
been out of action for a while and not tequila
was a lower in my defenses. So I didn't squawk
about it, because you know who's ever gonna know? Homely
(39:53):
space gown, Please pardon me, Homely space gown? Is you
a here she space goal?
Speaker 2 (40:01):
You turned me on?
Speaker 11 (40:02):
And that's the truth. What do you think, come, my
big tooths you? About that time the menfolks showed up.
What a sorry bunch of goomers they were. Every last
one of them looked like a sadder, more pitiful version
of David Schwimmer. If that's even possible. Well, they took
(40:25):
me by the arms and led me to a room
with a big doctor's table on it. I've seen enough
specials on the Sci Fi channel to know what this
was about. They were fixing to look up my old address.
Unlucky for them, I was in a good mood, so
(40:46):
I dropped trial and jumped up on the table. I said, okay,
there are eight, let's get this over with. If there
was any probe and heading my way, I wasn't too
worried about it. Every one of them had these long,
pencil thin fingers, not like my regular doctor. So if
they were gonna give me the Jeff Dunham treatment, I
(41:08):
figured the booze that take the headge off. The one
that I figured was the main doctor had this big
old ring on his finger. I said, hey, there, bend Spacey,
why don't you lose that ring before you do your thing?
Speaker 8 (41:21):
Ha ha ha.
Speaker 11 (41:23):
I started laughing, But he didn't think it was funny.
They put this gimmick over my schnazz and I was
off to dreamland. Hey, Scotty, beat me up, space Critters,
get it up feet, get the stirrup ready for my
clothes up Mars venus and your rainus bent over like
Greg Lagatiness gold finger, cold finger, pleading pants told dance,
(41:43):
turned your head and coffee.
Speaker 2 (41:45):
Yeah.
Speaker 11 (41:51):
Well, I woke up in my own bed. I looked
at my phone and it was three dad gum days later.
That empty tequila bottle is right there on the floor.
I shook my pounds and head and blamed the whole
thing on the dts. But when I went in from
my morning constitutional, to my surprise, right there in the bowl,
(42:15):
wrapped around one of my butter Scotch cobras was that
doctor's ring hot liquor. Never took it off. Man, You
can't trust no one, no matter what planet they're from.
Speaker 2 (42:29):
Well, Diary, I got to ski downer.
Speaker 11 (42:34):
I'm going to play laser tag with Donnie Most and
Anson Williams against Dick Van Patten's hump kids. Until next time,
diarye X's and o's Gary.
Speaker 2 (42:47):
Muse all my y'all.
Speaker 1 (43:17):
Got mags your radio here, man, we are the ten
days in the march man time. Fine so that John
Mooe billycuse me home college around Easter here for you know,
send them back with laughs from home on a hood
called these Seeing Eye Dogs that's the keyword, sing iye
(43:38):
dolls at the big box, at the big show dot com.
Let's get it.
Speaker 13 (43:45):
Man?
Speaker 8 (43:45):
Hello, ma?
Speaker 2 (43:47):
Is this hoyt man? Heybody John boy Billy here her.
Speaker 8 (43:54):
Ball had no driving? He looking cetera.
Speaker 5 (44:00):
Not bad man?
Speaker 2 (44:01):
What's up? How's how's deb doing?
Speaker 7 (44:04):
No?
Speaker 8 (44:06):
Boy is in love again?
Speaker 1 (44:08):
Oh?
Speaker 7 (44:08):
No?
Speaker 8 (44:09):
Who is she? Girl named Sherry? Been married before. I
got a little younger named Henry, about four years old.
Nasty little bugger who still sticks everything in his mind.
Of course, so does Delba half out.
Speaker 2 (44:24):
So what's Sherry do for a living?
Speaker 8 (44:25):
She works at this animal hospital down from the house.
Speaker 2 (44:28):
Huh she's a veterinarian.
Speaker 8 (44:30):
No, she's a dog groomer. Oh not a real gooder
nith Oh yeah, no, she just turns on them clippers
and starts hacking away like Lorraine and Bobbit on eight
shops that they eat. Oh, forget this. Delbert is so
crazy in love with her he decided to let her
start cutting his hair.
Speaker 2 (44:49):
How's that look?
Speaker 8 (44:50):
No, he was going for the buzz cut like a
fella in the movie Speed. He ended up looking more
like when them make a wish Kids on a trip
to Disney work. Yeah, I think he could have done
a better job itself and won them slowby deals. Neil
you on the vacuum clean You know, man in love
(45:12):
if you can't tell him nothing when it's off work.
Last Friday I drove Debord over to see shore over
at the animal hospital. When we got there, she said
the daycare had called and her young n was sick.
Uh huh. She had to run him to the doctor,
and she asked if we'd cover for her while she
was gone. She said, just get them two dogs in
the back there and put them on the leash and
take them for a little walk. I'll be back in
(45:33):
about an hour. Well, there's a big german shepherd and
this wormy looking little chouaw off. So I took the
beggin and Delbord took the little one, and off we
went down the street. Now, Friday, being such a hot day,
we got the sweating pretty good as you can imagine.
Debord says, I sure wish we could duck in that
little bar across the street there and get us a
(45:54):
coal beer. I said, well, I say, I'm good to me.
Of course I pay these here dogs up outside. Yeah,
he says, oh no, we can't leave them dogs outside.
They might get a heat stroke. God, what if something's
to happen to him, Sherry might lose her jaw. I said, well,
what we're gonna do? He said, well, look here, we're
both wearing sunglasses. Why don't we just tell the bartender
(46:16):
we's blind and they's are seaing eye dogs. Okay, yeah,
I said, I just hot and thirsty enough right then
to go for that out there. So I walked in
the borrow this big old German shepherd, and the feller
behind the bar says, hold on there, buddy, you can
come in, but you dog's gotta wait outside. I says, well,
I'm blind and this is my sein eye dog. He says, well, okay,
(46:39):
come on in, and here comes Devn in the door
behind me with that scrawny little Chiawender says, now, hold
on there, buddy, you can't bring that dog in here.
Dever says, but he's my sin eye dog. Bartender says,
that wormy looking little chiwal that ain't no seaing eye dog.
Deviard says, you mean this stuck me with a show.
Speaker 5 (47:02):
Wall for delbord.
Speaker 2 (47:08):
That's pretty quick, faking.
Speaker 8 (47:10):
Hey for delbort anything, it's pretty quick, They're not gonna
look like they went together because they both had them
sorry looking gapped up. Hurrica, he gonna run here and
Stale Herman has gotta go to work. You gonna figure, Yeah,
well were you telling him? I said, you don't know
what you mean? Y'all came straight Acros.
Speaker 14 (47:35):
Big Boxes Here all your favorites from four decades of
The Big Show ninety nine since each fifteen for nine
ninety nine by them once, play them anywhere. You can
shop the Big Box online right now at the Big
Show dot Com or a Big Show stuff I phone.
The number is eight hundred and four to seven one
Stuff Online services by Anemic dot Com.
Speaker 2 (47:51):
Have you missed any of The Big Show this morning?
Speaker 1 (47:53):
You can hear it all the John Boremilly Late Risers
podcast up next wherever you get your pod ass make
it easy. Subscribe to us with the free I Heart
Radio app Love you Mean It
Hosts And Creators
Billy James
Johnny "John Boy" Isley
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
24/7 News: The Latest
The latest news in 4 minutes updated every hour, every day.
Crime Junkie
Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.