July 28, 2025 • 40 mins
Monday (pt 1 of 2): On Today’s Late Riser’s Podcast, in honor of the 23rd Annual Capt. Eddy Haneman Sailfish Tournament, that took place over the weekend, we’re replaying episodes of our own high-seas adventure - a Big Show Mini Movie, “Morons of the Mid Atlantic”.. - Jeff Pillars is in with another Top 10 List - this time he’s listing the 10 other things that he hates about getting old.. - There’s a new car company vying for your attention - and your wallet - it’s Gooberu.. - and we’ll wrap up with a visit from Lipless for his jokes about Summertime…
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Good morning everybody.
Speaker 2 (00:01):
The Big Show is on the radio. Hangout, we're gonna
show our.
Speaker 1 (00:04):
Acting jobs coming up.
Speaker 3 (00:06):
I'm not an actor, damn you. I'm a movie star.
I did one play in Summer stuff. I have one line,
the clocket. Thank god I can write down all my bits.
I'm the dumb boy and Billy Big Show.
Speaker 2 (01:01):
Got a doodle doo ming out of them.
Speaker 4 (01:03):
It is Monday, July of twenty eighth. Here we are
in summertime. I don't know where you are or where
we all bottle on here another one hundred degrees crazy,
crazy hot. All right, it's uh hey, good morning everybody.
Speaker 2 (01:23):
That you're gonna do on the complaining side of things.
Speaker 4 (01:25):
Well, let's find out because it's nature a water park
day and you're being so hot and people and I
don't want to, you know, cause alarm. But do you
want your kid's brain to be eaten worms by an amba?
Speaker 2 (01:41):
Oh no, yeah, well by anything really?
Speaker 4 (01:45):
Rightly?
Speaker 2 (01:45):
Would worms be better than a maybe? Not slower? So yeah,
so it is an alert going out.
Speaker 4 (01:53):
It's like this deal is in like the warm water
of I mean it can be ponds of hers, you know,
lakes of course, water parks. Uh, there was one recently
close to uh our World headquarters in Charlotte, North Carolina,
to where the Whitewater Center. Remember it was a couple
(02:15):
of years ago. I think one of those amiba's got
it actually took a girl's life. Like they called it
a brain eating amba because that's you know, kenned.
Speaker 2 (02:24):
It gets in your.
Speaker 4 (02:24):
Ear, nose or whatever like that. So wow, man, So
you're gonna go in some warm water. I don't know
how warm it has to be. Take us the moment.
Speaker 2 (02:33):
Along with and get you some nose plugs, ear plugs,
goggles in the sand.
Speaker 5 (02:40):
Thank you.
Speaker 4 (02:41):
Oh we could just stay right here in the air. Okay,
all right, well y'all be careful out there. Good morning,
big shows on the radio.
Speaker 6 (02:50):
I'm glad you didn't want to worry us about the
meba eating her kids' brains.
Speaker 2 (02:53):
Thank you. That was close. I lived with that. I
was this close to being worried. But now I'm not.
Speaker 4 (03:00):
Now me all right, look at the good stuff, like
an assortment of small batch handcook peanuts from bird T
County Peanuts, a Southern tradition for over one hundred years.
If you enter code JBB at check out, you'll get
twenty five percent off unless you get free shipping when
you shop online. We got to set up look for
the link at the Big Show dot com. Listen to
(03:21):
us right now. It don't set you up for three
dates in history where you can win it, or you
can get out of the house, leave out air condition.
This morning, July twenty eight, there was nineteen seventy seven
at eleven oh two pm Alaska time, the first drops
of oil squirted out of the newly constructed Trans Alaska pipeline.
(03:44):
The oil made a seven hundred and ninety nine mile
trip from prude Ho Bay to Valdez, and the actual
pumping started more than a month earlier.
Speaker 2 (03:53):
On June twenty squirt it huh squirted out move.
Speaker 4 (03:58):
Up to two in Channel, Arizona. Four witnesses lifted a
twenty four hundred pound car high enough for a thirteen
year old boy trapped under it to crawl clear. Abraham
Villa suffered severe cuts and bruises when the automobile hit
his bicycle and dragged him for several feet. It's four witnesses.
(04:20):
I don't know whether their Jehovah's witnesses were.
Speaker 2 (04:23):
They had superpowers.
Speaker 7 (04:24):
Whoever they are, they had it going on, And finally,
on the same date, an Indian dairy firm began marketing
instant holy cow dung to help urban Hindus perform their
rituals properly.
Speaker 4 (04:39):
Hindus sanctified places of worship by sprinkling them with a
mixture of cow dung and water before conducting their rituals.
Speaker 2 (04:46):
Doesn't that sound like that? Might see how to make
some money.
Speaker 6 (04:51):
I thought a light bulb just went off over your head.
Speaker 4 (04:56):
Wow, the package cow dung is sold in cities where
cattle are scared.
Speaker 2 (05:00):
So that's the that's.
Speaker 4 (05:01):
The way you're making money off the suburban Hindus.
Speaker 6 (05:05):
Normally just catch them walking by, so.
Speaker 4 (05:08):
Probably should wait till they have to be spring cooled
with them. Okay, so you actually do him. We'll have
to do some research on that, Taylor before we before
we kick it in there.
Speaker 2 (05:19):
So there you go.
Speaker 4 (05:20):
One eight hundred big shows. You told free Line we're
ready to play out birds. We play next. Good morning.
(05:54):
It's a big show on the radio for your Monday morning.
It's our feature track. When a big show, bit box,
I'm more lipless with jokes about summertime. There's a key
words summertime. Here the big Box at the Big Show
dot Com.
Speaker 8 (06:10):
Haven't got a week work Upburst. Let's play Upburst. It's
the game that anyone can win. John Boy and Billy,
we give the prizes from the big prize being. Let's
go contested number one. This should be a lot of
fun when you're playing Upburst. Have a hurry up and
(06:34):
guest time you have the best time.
Speaker 2 (06:36):
You have a big shot.
Speaker 4 (06:39):
Let's say hi, a town from Chattanooga, Temo.
Speaker 5 (06:44):
Say we have a shots everybody.
Speaker 4 (06:54):
Yeah, morning Tom, welcome in here, Barnie. Let's get you
through these three categories and get you at pride, spag
of bird Tee County Peanuts.
Speaker 2 (07:02):
What you say, oh I say, I s great? All right, let's.
Speaker 4 (07:08):
Get the work part none in five seconds. I need
three kinds of oil ready go.
Speaker 9 (07:15):
Uh motorole, holleyball and vegetable and a board damn.
Speaker 2 (07:21):
Now give us three states that start with the letter A. Ready, go.
Speaker 9 (07:28):
Alaska, it's the Arizona Palifella.
Speaker 2 (07:34):
All right for the wind. Three things made from a cow,
ready go.
Speaker 9 (07:41):
Stk h, hamburger and milk.
Speaker 4 (07:46):
And there is Tim Chattooga knowing his way around the
cow states and ore. That's good for the birn Tee
County peanuts. Tim, We'll get them to you.
Speaker 9 (07:56):
Buddy, I appreciate you. I'm most time caller too.
Speaker 2 (08:01):
Had a bud.
Speaker 9 (08:03):
Uh can I can I tell you a story about
that cow?
Speaker 4 (08:06):
Well?
Speaker 10 (08:06):
You sure?
Speaker 2 (08:07):
Hand?
Speaker 5 (08:08):
Uh?
Speaker 9 (08:09):
Back when I early seventies, I was in the military
and I used to come in a little bit uh
gipsy we should say, you know, take an indulgent in
the bug averages.
Speaker 2 (08:19):
Uh huh.
Speaker 9 (08:20):
And one morning I woke up in that cow. My
sister had one in Fisher Price range and you opened
the door and it made that cow DoD. Yeah, And
that's all I heard that morning. So every time you
do that, I get pts things.
Speaker 2 (08:39):
What you think about us opening the door there? Thank
you Fisher Price.
Speaker 4 (08:44):
The cow says the stories they go. My buddy in
dem said he had a story about the cow. He
was talking about our cow. He was talking about a
cow that it was the cow.
Speaker 2 (09:02):
But it didn't give me a good idea another invention.
I'll make a cow affected door open.
Speaker 1 (09:09):
I'll work on the name.
Speaker 2 (09:10):
You work on that now while we'll get you up
on your news.
Speaker 4 (09:14):
We'll get back to it Monday morning.
Speaker 2 (09:48):
Good morning.
Speaker 4 (09:49):
It's a bike show on the radio Good Eye Monday morning.
Robert Earl knees ready to go a little sing along.
It reminds you the Robert Earl on the commun Unity
Foundation of the Texas Hill Country.
Speaker 2 (10:03):
They're gonna do well.
Speaker 4 (10:05):
Actually, they established the Kerr County Flood Relief Fund there
support local response, relief and recovery efforts, of course, following
the devastating July fourth flood through Currville where Robert hur
was gonna play. Now I'm putting together applause for the
calls to raise money.
Speaker 2 (10:22):
It was a very special friend. You can see who
is gonna be.
Speaker 4 (10:25):
At the show August twenty eighth the Whitewater Amphitheater. There
new Brownfels, Texas. So they're in Robert Durrow's website. We've
gotta we gotta set up. We can click on the
link at the Big Show dot com.
Speaker 2 (10:40):
You know, thank you for your support.
Speaker 4 (10:41):
Your hell right now, as done by Robert Earl.
Speaker 11 (10:47):
Keane is being liveing a.
Speaker 12 (10:50):
Sometimes I don't know what I'm doing.
Speaker 5 (10:55):
Come on, Jackie, get ready.
Speaker 10 (10:57):
Sometimes on my days filled with and rid as I travel,
I left so bad things.
Speaker 13 (11:09):
Ain't going my way because there's always someone swarming in
my life, to keep swerving in my life, and it's
causing lots of thanger.
Speaker 2 (11:26):
I'm a honking on my horror.
Speaker 12 (11:30):
I'm shooting you the flame, keep switching on my bride lights.
Speaker 2 (11:38):
Just too dim to.
Speaker 14 (11:41):
When you're swerving.
Speaker 12 (11:42):
All lives pie by, you're running someone off the road.
Speaker 10 (11:50):
The day jove way, I thought I never.
Speaker 12 (11:56):
Never could love another house else could I feed?
Speaker 2 (12:05):
But now when you.
Speaker 12 (12:06):
Run into me, I can't believe I could not see her.
Speaker 2 (12:12):
I'll take up the ones at the waiting.
Speaker 12 (12:18):
You keep swimming in my life, just causing lots of bang.
Speaker 2 (12:26):
I'm cussing out your name. I'm shooting in the fine.
Speaker 12 (12:34):
I keep switching on my bride lights.
Speaker 10 (12:38):
But you're just too dimpty.
Speaker 12 (12:39):
Now when you're swerving all lights how way, you're running
someone off the road.
Speaker 4 (12:56):
Big show, Good morning, it's a big show on the radio.
(13:24):
That ywater Center, New brownsfold Texas Texas born byer told
me heada that new Brown's foot Okay, I got it.
Speaker 2 (13:32):
Okay, Well here red eye, okay, action, Hello.
Speaker 15 (13:40):
Friends, your old pal bird Fern. Here with another gut
gurgling edition of John Boy and Billy Playhouse. Today's episode
The Artist As our story opens, and artist enters a
gallery that's showcasing his work.
Speaker 2 (13:54):
Knock knock, it is I your favorite artist? Hello?
Speaker 16 (13:58):
Are you Lawrence Pitture?
Speaker 2 (14:00):
No, well, he's our favorite artist.
Speaker 11 (14:03):
Who are you who?
Speaker 15 (14:04):
I'm Frisby van Peltenham. The other girl knew me, Francesca.
I'd like to see her.
Speaker 6 (14:09):
Oh we had to fire her. Why well, she was
a bit of an a hole. Oh but mister van Peltehm,
I was just about to call you. We've had a
gentleman inquire about your work.
Speaker 2 (14:21):
Oh, goodie, dish, dish, dish.
Speaker 6 (14:23):
Well, it seems he's interested in all your paintings on display.
Speaker 2 (14:27):
Oh even Ham and Roses one and two.
Speaker 6 (14:29):
Regarding those paintings, they look identical, Yet the second painting
is listed at twice the price.
Speaker 15 (14:36):
I can tell you're a novice. Ham and Roses too
has more Ham. So now you know, so tell me
more about any benefactor.
Speaker 6 (14:43):
Well, after looking at all of them, he asked if
I thought that they would increase in value after your death,
and I told him that they would. He then purchased
every single painting at the listed price.
Speaker 15 (14:54):
Oh joy, oh rapture, popular, I gotta be popular.
Speaker 6 (15:00):
Oh there's just one thing.
Speaker 2 (15:02):
What's that?
Speaker 16 (15:02):
The guy was your doctor son.
Speaker 2 (15:15):
We hope you enjoyed John Boy and Billy playhouse. Probably
all that ham.
Speaker 15 (15:21):
In next time when we'll hear the crusty old ham overslicer.
Speaker 2 (15:24):
Saying, hey, big man, let me hold a dollar. Good morning,
you got the Big Show on the radio.
Speaker 4 (15:32):
More chances for you to win coming up after your news,
weather and sports.
Speaker 15 (15:35):
Home, I have no home, hunted, despised, leaping like an animal.
Speaker 1 (15:45):
The youngle is my home.
Speaker 2 (15:49):
Oh.
Speaker 11 (15:50):
I will show them all that I am its master.
Speaker 14 (15:54):
I will create my own race or people, a race
tomic superman that will conquer the world. And here are
the first two ton Boy and Billy from the Big Show.
Speaker 2 (16:44):
Good morning, it's a big show on the radio.
Speaker 4 (16:46):
Make sure you check out my wonderful thing number one
hundred and fifty being given it away this Friday.
Speaker 2 (16:52):
We does cap.
Speaker 4 (16:54):
Many Hannaman's selfish tournament follow shirt. Just got through another
one over the weekend Atlantic Ocean. Share the excitement. I
think it might be a grilling saft spot on it.
Good we are.
Speaker 2 (17:09):
That's sorry.
Speaker 4 (17:09):
I'm gonna have the wife for c Thank you by
I'll get your name in the hat at the Big
Show dot Com. All wait kick off our Big Show
Morning Mini Movie Morons or the mid Atlantic ten minutes
Big Show rolls on Good Morning Big Shows on the radio.
Stand by for episode one of Morons of the mid Atlantic. Today,
(17:32):
were getting ready to play John Boy Jeopardy four Big
Old bullsnot prize pack, so hang on for your chance
to win.
Speaker 2 (17:40):
Right now, that's not good.
Speaker 15 (17:42):
Morning Higiens, junkies, It's time for the Big Show Morning
Movie special mini series event. And now join Captain John
Boy and first mate Spanky as they climb aboard the
good Ship for a thrilling owned adventure on the high seas.
Speaker 2 (17:56):
It's time for part one of it.
Speaker 11 (18:03):
I can't believe it. I just can't believe it. How
can anyone man be so stupid? I manage, And you
shouldn't have come out here without Captain.
Speaker 4 (18:12):
Kit for your information, I'm just as smart as Captain Kit.
Speaker 11 (18:16):
Then why didn't you bring us all the way out
in the middle of the ocean without the one thing
we need?
Speaker 2 (18:22):
I brought the pickled pig's lips.
Speaker 4 (18:24):
Brought them.
Speaker 11 (18:25):
You're talking through them. I'm talking about a compass, you moron.
I brought a compass.
Speaker 4 (18:31):
Is right there on the refrigerator on a magnet, so
no matter how the boat rocks, the magnet stays put.
Speaker 2 (18:38):
Who ain't a thinker?
Speaker 11 (18:39):
Do you know what magnets do to a compass?
Speaker 2 (18:42):
Keep it stuck to the fridge?
Speaker 11 (18:44):
No, you burnt brain. It makes the compass go all
caddywopp us. It's worthless now and we're out in the
middle of the ocean and we don't know which way
is home.
Speaker 2 (18:53):
Is that what you're so upset about?
Speaker 4 (18:55):
Oh, brother spanky, let me teach you an old sailor's.
Speaker 11 (19:00):
You're not gonna start crying again?
Speaker 4 (19:02):
Are you very funny? You don't need accompass. Your map
is right over your head. You steer by the stars.
Speaker 11 (19:10):
At eleven in the morning.
Speaker 2 (19:11):
You're not very patient? Are you any more?
Speaker 17 (19:14):
Bright?
Speaker 11 (19:14):
Ideas?
Speaker 2 (19:15):
We could go that way?
Speaker 11 (19:17):
That way? That's all you got is to point to
the back of the boat and say that way.
Speaker 4 (19:22):
Well, I figure since the boat is pointed this way
and no one has touched the wheel, then home must
be that way.
Speaker 11 (19:29):
Say have you seen that fish bat that was laying
around here?
Speaker 2 (19:33):
This one?
Speaker 11 (19:34):
Yeah, that's the one.
Speaker 2 (19:35):
What are you gonna do with that?
Speaker 11 (19:37):
Give you some stars to steer by?
Speaker 2 (19:41):
I can't see the stars. The birds keep getting in
the way. Maybe another crack on the skull will scare
them off.
Speaker 11 (19:49):
Come back here, you see far and Simpleta look at
it this way. If I kill you, you won't starve
to death.
Speaker 1 (20:00):
Wait a second, Wait a second.
Speaker 11 (20:02):
May it snappy? I'm trying to cave your skull in.
Speaker 2 (20:05):
Is that what you're worried about?
Speaker 1 (20:07):
Starving?
Speaker 11 (20:08):
Among other things?
Speaker 4 (20:09):
Well, if it comes down to it and all is lost,
I want you to eat me.
Speaker 11 (20:16):
Wow, John boy, that's a pretty big sacrifice. Do you
mean it?
Speaker 2 (20:20):
Of course you're my friend. I do anything for you.
Speaker 11 (20:23):
Well, then holds still and let me kill you so
I can make a sandwich.
Speaker 1 (20:28):
Damp Damn, he's nassing my skull.
Speaker 11 (20:31):
You know this is kind of fun? All right?
Speaker 1 (20:33):
All right, stop it, stop it. That's enough.
Speaker 2 (20:35):
You're hitting me so hard. I'm starting to ellucinate.
Speaker 11 (20:38):
Let me know if you start seeing a compass.
Speaker 4 (20:40):
Remember that movie where the big wave tips the boat
over and Gene Hackman has to save everybody.
Speaker 11 (20:46):
The Poseidon Adventure. What's your point?
Speaker 2 (20:48):
My hallucination looks just like that big wave.
Speaker 11 (20:53):
You check ass, that's the hallucination. It's a rogue wave.
Speaker 5 (20:56):
Holy crap.
Speaker 2 (20:57):
What do we do?
Speaker 11 (20:58):
I can only think of one thing?
Speaker 1 (21:00):
What's that?
Speaker 15 (21:07):
Sirps up? Will our hero survive the barreling, barbaric barrier
of bridy Blue bearing down on them?
Speaker 1 (21:12):
What to do?
Speaker 2 (21:13):
What to do? To find out?
Speaker 15 (21:15):
Tune in next time for part two of The Big
Show Morning Movie starring John Boy as John Boy, Spanky
is Spanky, and a special appearance by Jackie.
Speaker 2 (21:22):
Elam junr has Wally the Wall Eyed Wall of Water.
Speaker 15 (21:24):
In a minute, there's illumin Nations, feel so all.
Speaker 2 (21:37):
Episode two less than an hour.
Speaker 4 (21:41):
All right, y'all, let's jump right in here with John
Boy Jebberly. According to a spokesman for Tyson Foods, breasts
are clearly the most popular part of a chicken in America,
but in China this part of the chicken is in
highest demand.
Speaker 6 (21:56):
Haven't you heard? What are the giblets?
Speaker 2 (21:58):
Giblet? Ghiblet even sound Chinese?
Speaker 11 (22:01):
Wat?
Speaker 8 (22:02):
Y'all?
Speaker 7 (22:02):
God?
Speaker 2 (22:02):
One ain't a hundred big show? You told? Free line.
Speaker 4 (22:05):
We go to we get a winner, we play John
Board Jeopardy next good Monday morning. It's a big show
(22:36):
on the radio that none would youly?
Speaker 5 (22:39):
Here we are on.
Speaker 4 (22:39):
Twenty eighth, got our future track from The Big Show,
Big Box. Lipless says he got jokes about summertime. Dorcial
keywords summertime where the Big Box at the Big Show
dot com there right.
Speaker 2 (22:53):
Now, let's play.
Speaker 18 (22:57):
Whine across America, Micron, It's John Boy, Jeffany and now
your host. When I told him that hies this summer
could get up to one hundred and twenty, he didn't
take it very well.
Speaker 4 (23:09):
Certainly ten in the summer, and if it gets one
degree hotter, I'm gonna kick your hat man.
Speaker 2 (23:16):
He's shumbling like you.
Speaker 4 (23:20):
As I hated David out of a Tumwa, Iowa. Good morning, David, Well,
good morning.
Speaker 5 (23:26):
How are you doing this morning?
Speaker 2 (23:27):
May we all right?
Speaker 4 (23:29):
What's your temperatures like? Being so far in Iowa? Are
y'all cooler there? We are in North Carolina?
Speaker 9 (23:35):
Oh we've been ninety eight ninety nine here?
Speaker 2 (23:38):
No, ye ain't rekay wood there together?
Speaker 4 (23:43):
David, Well, you got first shot at John Boy Jebary
this morning. According to a spokesman for Tyson Foods, breasts
are clearly the most popular part of a chicken in America,
but in China this part of the chicken is in
highest demand.
Speaker 9 (23:58):
What you got I've been in China, so I think it's.
Speaker 4 (24:02):
The foot all right show us chicken feet got it right,
so David, their spokesman said, if they could create a
chicken with four feet, they still wouldn't be able to
meet the demand.
Speaker 2 (24:20):
You know why why because they wouldn't be able to
catch him.
Speaker 4 (24:23):
All right, we'll good work on you in David. De
Bertie kind of peanuts prize back headed you away.
Speaker 2 (24:33):
Well, thank you very much, sir.
Speaker 9 (24:35):
You got no I'm a first time caller, all right.
Speaker 4 (24:38):
You know the Dave World Traveler went on The Big Show.
Bantimny Hour. Tommy you knew right on the other side,
got a time capsule at July's when they ate on it.
That's the one ain't on my life.
Speaker 19 (25:27):
This is the award winning John Boy and Billy Big Show,
the South's number one export.
Speaker 20 (25:43):
Welcome to The Big Show's Guide for the Modern Man,
the segment that helps men understand their place in a
confusing and increasingly screwed up world. Today's topic a quick
trip to the home depot. You wake up on Saturday
morning and decide to tackle that home improvement project you've
been planning. After a leisurely breakfast, you change into your
(26:06):
official modern man handyman uniform, a tattered T shirt with
years of spots and stains, a ratty pair of Jim
shorts with a hole in the crotch, and your favorite
old pair of sneakers. Midway through the project, you realize
you're missing an essential tool or piece of equipment you
need to finish the job. It's time for a quick
trip to the modern man's favorite destination, your friendly neighborhood
(26:27):
home depot. If you're a man in your twenties, that
quick trip starts out something like this. Shave, shower, blow
dry your hair, brush your teeth, put on fresh clothes
and clean shoes. Check yourself out in the mirror looking good.
Gee before leaving, splash on your favorite cologne you never
know right, lo and behold when you get to the store,
(26:49):
the girl at the checkout is somebody you went to
school with and she's kind of hot. In your thirties,
a quick trip to the home depot goes something like this.
Wash your hand, comb your hair, give yourself a quick
shot of deodorant to cover any possible snalls. Put on
a relatively clean shirt and any pair of shorts without holes.
Check yourself in the mirror. Man, you need to get
(27:12):
back in shave. The girl at the checkout turns out
to be the kid's sister of somebody who went to
school with, and she grew up to be kind of hot.
You wish you'd done an extra shot of deodorant. In
your forties, a home depot trip goes like this. Check
the mirror, Try to rearrange your hair to cover up
your bald spot. Give up and make a selection from
your growing collection of ball caps. For some reason, all
(27:35):
of your shorts seem to have at least one hole
in them. Check the mirror again. Wow, who's the old guy.
The girl at the checkout is younger than your daughter.
You feel a little weird thinking she's kind of hot.
In your fifties, here's your home depot run. Wipe the
dirt off your hands, onto your shirt, Put on some
underwear so nothing hangs out of that hole in your shorts.
(27:57):
Check yourself in the mirror. Eh, whatever. The girl of
the counter smiles when you walk in. At first you think, hey,
I've still got it. Then you remember the ball cap
you have on. It's from Buddy's Bait and Tackle and says,
I got worms in your sixties, your trip goes like this,
Use a quick shot from the garden hose to remove
any obvious dog pool from your sneakers. The ball cap
(28:20):
thing doesn't really work anymore. Nobody will notice the hole
in your shorts. No need to check the mirror. Who
are you trying to impress? The girl at the checkout
is probably cute, but you don't have your glasses on,
so you're not really sure. Here's a home depot trip
when you're in your seventies. Call the drug store next
to home depot to see if your prescriptions are ready.
(28:42):
No sense making two trips right outfit changes at this point.
You don't even notice the dog pool on your shoes.
When you walk in. The girl at the counter gives
you a big smile and says, you look just like
my grandfather he died last week. On your way home,
stop at the Texaco station to take a quick pee.
And if you make it to your eighties, your home
(29:04):
depot trip goes something like this. Stop what you're doing,
take a thirty minute nap, then start your project again.
Keep working until you remember you needed to go to
the home depot to buy side. Spend a few minutes
looking for your car keys, get in your car and
drive to Walmart. The greeter at the front door says
he went to school with you, but you have no
(29:24):
idea who he is. Walk around for a few minutes
trying to remember what you came in here for us,
then give up, head home and spend the rest of
the day watching the Matlock marathon on TV one. Oh well,
there's always next one. And that's it for this edition
of the Big Show Guide for the Modern Man, brought
to you by a grant from America's Pharmaceutical Research Companies,
(29:46):
makers of fifty different drugs for a rectile dysfunction. We'll
get back to you on that cure for cancer there,
John William.
Speaker 2 (29:56):
Dilly, I become everything I've ever hated.
Speaker 19 (30:02):
Good Morning Radio, dumb right.
Speaker 2 (30:30):
Good mor Man, that's a big show on the radio.
Speaker 4 (30:32):
I want to think I buzz lords So Tavern in
the South Hender Charlotte for feeding the crew this morning.
Speaker 2 (30:39):
Good stuff, and that's the best place to watch football.
Speaker 4 (30:44):
Man, And football's back preseason this week.
Speaker 2 (30:48):
How about that? You're going, boy, Louis was.
Speaker 4 (30:53):
A uh huh Lordso Tavern of South Held Charlotte, North Carolina.
Speaker 2 (30:58):
Right now, all right, Jeff take it body. Hey, I
turned sixty seven this past Sunday. Let me just say,
with all sincerity.
Speaker 1 (31:07):
Whooping he do?
Speaker 2 (31:12):
This whole getting old thing just sucks from the neck up.
Speaker 15 (31:18):
I'm still in my thirties, torso, late forties maybe fifty
waist down one hundred.
Speaker 2 (31:24):
And seven team in thousand.
Speaker 15 (31:31):
I'm gonna tell you right now, if I'd have known
it was gonna be like this, I'd have checked.
Speaker 2 (31:35):
Out twenty years ago.
Speaker 15 (31:37):
But no, you gotta think about other people, so many responsibilities.
This is proof, ah man, idiot. I've done a couple
other top tens on getting older. Guess what, here's another one,
so shut up and take it from the home office
in Costa de Geezer in the mismatch sock drawer next
(31:59):
to the store brand that doesn't work. The Top ten
new things I hate about getting older. Number ten, I
spend twenty minutes looking for a meowing kitten and finally
realize it's me, wheezing.
Speaker 1 (32:18):
Dumb ass.
Speaker 15 (32:21):
Number nine I got the old man's smell combination of mothballs,
pee and regret. Number eight one drink and drunk. Number seven.
My kid has finally had enough of my crap. You
(32:42):
know pickle when I was stage acting in Kalamazoo.
Speaker 1 (32:44):
Shut up, old mare.
Speaker 2 (32:50):
Number six skid.
Speaker 15 (32:52):
Marks everywhere, car seats, recliner, the wall.
Speaker 2 (33:00):
This guy notes what I'm talking about.
Speaker 15 (33:05):
Number five on a related note, can't hold it anymore?
Ah well, I gotta drop aduce, but I can wait
till I get home.
Speaker 2 (33:13):
No, you can't.
Speaker 15 (33:18):
Number four gotta stop making fun of Joe Biden because
I don't know what the hell is going on either.
Number three the volume knob goes to eleven. The TV
sounds like a damn Walmart speaker. Number two This is
maybe the most difficult one to accept. The slutty waitress,
(33:40):
the busty bank teller, the cashier that has that open
for business tattoo on the small of her back. Nope,
you don't have a shot. And the number one thing
I hate about getting older my friends don't call anymore
because they're all dead.
Speaker 1 (34:02):
I got a lot of problems with.
Speaker 2 (34:06):
Good Morning.
Speaker 4 (34:07):
The Big Show's on the radio, More Big Show right
around the corner.
Speaker 17 (34:12):
I'm working with mister Bill Cox over his outfit. And
I like to listen to John Boy and Billy and
that they're Big Show. I like the way they talk.
They're funny ah, not funny queers, that's what they say. Anyhow,
I figured out why John Boy has a hard time
getting started in the morning.
Speaker 11 (34:32):
They ain't gotten the gaze.
Speaker 4 (35:06):
Good morning, there's a big shawl the radio. Good of
episodes two and three of More Wrong. Well, let's get
an amazone two.
Speaker 15 (35:17):
Good morning, drama lovers, and welcome to the Big Show
Morning movie Miniseries special. When we last left our heroes,
they were miles from dry land, lost at sea, and
being swept away by an enormous rogue wave. How will
they ever survive? Join us now as we learn the
fate of Captain John Boy and first made Spanky in
part two of Moron am Ldger.
Speaker 11 (35:41):
Lost miles from civilization, washed the shore on some uncharted island,
a castaway, just like that Tom Hanks movie. I should
count myself lucky. He didn't have anything but a volleyball
to talk to.
Speaker 1 (35:56):
Hay Spanky.
Speaker 2 (35:57):
Look at the shelves I found.
Speaker 16 (35:59):
Ooh, prety.
Speaker 11 (36:01):
Come to think of it, there's really not much difference.
Speaker 2 (36:04):
Are you gonna eat the rest of your coconut?
Speaker 6 (36:06):
Ow?
Speaker 2 (36:07):
I say you manage to hold on to that fish bat?
Speaker 11 (36:10):
I plan on getting a lot of use out of
it too.
Speaker 4 (36:13):
You're still blaming me for this mess. It wasn't like
I invited at John Wave to stop by for a visit.
If you hadn't been trying to kill me, we could
have gotten out.
Speaker 2 (36:22):
Of the way.
Speaker 11 (36:22):
We hadn't had to get out of the way. If
you hadn't stuck our only compass on a refrigerator magnet,
we'd have been out of harms way long before that
wave ever came. You're a real nit picker, you know that,
and I'll pick your knit, you dixie dimwit. Now we're
stranded who knows where, on some island at sea. At
least there was a chance a ship might find us.
(36:43):
Now we're really doomed. So if you'll excuse me, I'm
gonna go look for a nice shady spot to die doom.
Speaker 4 (36:51):
I don't think so. Didn't you ever watch Gilligan's Island? Oh,
for the love of leave it to me, I've seen
those shows a million times. I'll build I'll make a
radio out of some shells and seawater. I'll even make
us a car at a bamboo. I'll make it a
convertible so you don't have to worry about getting your
head inside and just wait till you try my banana
(37:12):
cream pie.
Speaker 2 (37:13):
I'm no Marianne, but I do pretty good.
Speaker 1 (37:16):
How now, what.
Speaker 11 (37:18):
You know that was a TV show?
Speaker 9 (37:20):
Right?
Speaker 2 (37:20):
Huh?
Speaker 11 (37:21):
Why couldn't I get stranded with Teter? At least they
have a couple of pillows at night, so sue me.
Speaker 4 (37:28):
I know we're in trouble. I'm just trying to be optimistic.
It's better talking about crawling off to die. Well, I'll
just wander off to the other side of the island
where I won't bother you anymore.
Speaker 11 (37:41):
Come back, you mean it? No, but you got a point.
We're alive. That's what counts.
Speaker 2 (37:48):
That's the spirit.
Speaker 14 (37:49):
You know.
Speaker 2 (37:49):
We ought to make the best of this.
Speaker 4 (37:51):
People out there pay top dollar for these kinds of getaways.
Speaker 2 (37:55):
Look at this place for a second.
Speaker 11 (37:58):
Well, I hate to admit it, but right there, Bigfoot,
this is about as beautiful as place as you'll ever see.
Speaker 2 (38:04):
And listen, he's some quiet.
Speaker 17 (38:07):
And since we really don't have a choice, let's just
enjoy it while we concentrate on finding the way out
of here. Well, I see you've already been busy.
Speaker 11 (38:15):
Yeah, while you were out looking for party shells, I
managed to make a fire and boil some water in
this giant clamshell so we'll have something to drink. Fire,
I'll keep us warm when the sun sets.
Speaker 2 (38:26):
How do you build a fire?
Speaker 11 (38:27):
Ooh, old boy, scout. T took a long time, but
it was worth it.
Speaker 4 (38:32):
What a show off. You should have just barred my lighter.
You know, I'm kind of getting used to it.
Speaker 11 (38:40):
Out must be a delayed reaction. No, I stuffed my
toe on this rock. Hey, that's no rock. It's a crab.
There's hundreds of them.
Speaker 1 (38:49):
Hot dog things are looking up.
Speaker 2 (38:52):
Start catching them and throwing them into water.
Speaker 11 (38:54):
I don't know, john boy.
Speaker 17 (38:55):
I've been in the restaurant business for twenty five years,
and I've never seen a crab like that.
Speaker 2 (38:59):
Hey, crab is crab? Remember your place on the food chain.
We're gonna eat like King.
Speaker 11 (39:05):
Yeah, King Neptune.
Speaker 1 (39:08):
Kay, the page is moving.
Speaker 11 (39:10):
Earthquake, Earth, It's not an earthquake. There's something under the sand.
Holy crap.
Speaker 1 (39:18):
So much for a paci and quiet.
Speaker 2 (39:21):
That crab as big as a house.
Speaker 17 (39:23):
I think our spot of the food chain is got
knocked down a few pages. I don't think Mama Crab
likes ys eating her kids. Oh, we better make a
run for the jungle.
Speaker 1 (39:35):
I can't.
Speaker 11 (39:36):
Why not?
Speaker 1 (39:36):
Mama Crab won't let me. They put me down.
Speaker 11 (39:43):
You're an idiot, not you her?
Speaker 10 (39:46):
Save me?
Speaker 1 (39:49):
What are you waiting for?
Speaker 11 (39:50):
I'm thinking about it.
Speaker 15 (39:51):
I'm thinking about it like a colossal, cantankerous crustacean has
our cohorts by the Colonis?
Speaker 11 (40:00):
What to do to find out?
Speaker 15 (40:02):
Tune in next time to part three of The Big
Show Morning Movie starring John Boy as John Boy Spaky
is Spaky and Robert D.
Speaker 2 (40:08):
Rayford as Lawrence the dyspeptic Giant Crab.
Speaker 1 (40:11):
In part three of the Morrows.
Speaker 4 (40:21):
Good Morning Big Shows on the Radio Coming up, we
played beat the Blonde for a hat, T shirt, tumbler
and a twenty five dollars gas card.
Speaker 2 (40:29):
My buds at law Tigers want.
Speaker 4 (40:31):
You to be sure to register for this year's ultimate
Styling and Sturgis Trip of a lifetime with over eighty
five thousand dollars in prizes. See details and registration at
Stylingansturgis dot com. Oh, we gotta set up for the
low Tigers link. When you go to the Big Show
dot com. Just click on it, take you right there.
Hang on you when you weigh in in minutes
Good morning everybody.
Speaker 2 (00:01):
The Big Show is on the radio. Hangout, we're gonna
show our.
Speaker 1 (00:04):
Acting jobs coming up.
Speaker 3 (00:06):
I'm not an actor, damn you. I'm a movie star.
I did one play in Summer stuff. I have one line,
the clocket. Thank god I can write down all my bits.
I'm the dumb boy and Billy Big Show.
Speaker 2 (01:01):
Got a doodle doo ming out of them.
Speaker 4 (01:03):
It is Monday, July of twenty eighth. Here we are
in summertime. I don't know where you are or where
we all bottle on here another one hundred degrees crazy,
crazy hot. All right, it's uh hey, good morning everybody.
Speaker 2 (01:23):
That you're gonna do on the complaining side of things.
Speaker 4 (01:25):
Well, let's find out because it's nature a water park
day and you're being so hot and people and I
don't want to, you know, cause alarm. But do you
want your kid's brain to be eaten worms by an amba?
Speaker 2 (01:41):
Oh no, yeah, well by anything really?
Speaker 4 (01:45):
Rightly?
Speaker 2 (01:45):
Would worms be better than a maybe? Not slower? So yeah,
so it is an alert going out.
Speaker 4 (01:53):
It's like this deal is in like the warm water
of I mean it can be ponds of hers, you know,
lakes of course, water parks. Uh, there was one recently
close to uh our World headquarters in Charlotte, North Carolina,
to where the Whitewater Center. Remember it was a couple
(02:15):
of years ago. I think one of those amiba's got
it actually took a girl's life. Like they called it
a brain eating amba because that's you know, kenned.
Speaker 2 (02:24):
It gets in your.
Speaker 4 (02:24):
Ear, nose or whatever like that. So wow, man, So
you're gonna go in some warm water. I don't know
how warm it has to be. Take us the moment.
Speaker 2 (02:33):
Along with and get you some nose plugs, ear plugs,
goggles in the sand.
Speaker 5 (02:40):
Thank you.
Speaker 4 (02:41):
Oh we could just stay right here in the air. Okay,
all right, well y'all be careful out there. Good morning,
big shows on the radio.
Speaker 6 (02:50):
I'm glad you didn't want to worry us about the
meba eating her kids' brains.
Speaker 2 (02:53):
Thank you. That was close. I lived with that. I
was this close to being worried. But now I'm not.
Speaker 4 (03:00):
Now me all right, look at the good stuff, like
an assortment of small batch handcook peanuts from bird T
County Peanuts, a Southern tradition for over one hundred years.
If you enter code JBB at check out, you'll get
twenty five percent off unless you get free shipping when
you shop online. We got to set up look for
the link at the Big Show dot com. Listen to
(03:21):
us right now. It don't set you up for three
dates in history where you can win it, or you
can get out of the house, leave out air condition.
This morning, July twenty eight, there was nineteen seventy seven
at eleven oh two pm Alaska time, the first drops
of oil squirted out of the newly constructed Trans Alaska pipeline.
(03:44):
The oil made a seven hundred and ninety nine mile
trip from prude Ho Bay to Valdez, and the actual
pumping started more than a month earlier.
Speaker 2 (03:53):
On June twenty squirt it huh squirted out move.
Speaker 4 (03:58):
Up to two in Channel, Arizona. Four witnesses lifted a
twenty four hundred pound car high enough for a thirteen
year old boy trapped under it to crawl clear. Abraham
Villa suffered severe cuts and bruises when the automobile hit
his bicycle and dragged him for several feet. It's four witnesses.
(04:20):
I don't know whether their Jehovah's witnesses were.
Speaker 2 (04:23):
They had superpowers.
Speaker 7 (04:24):
Whoever they are, they had it going on, And finally,
on the same date, an Indian dairy firm began marketing
instant holy cow dung to help urban Hindus perform their
rituals properly.
Speaker 4 (04:39):
Hindus sanctified places of worship by sprinkling them with a
mixture of cow dung and water before conducting their rituals.
Speaker 2 (04:46):
Doesn't that sound like that? Might see how to make
some money.
Speaker 6 (04:51):
I thought a light bulb just went off over your head.
Speaker 4 (04:56):
Wow, the package cow dung is sold in cities where
cattle are scared.
Speaker 2 (05:00):
So that's the that's.
Speaker 4 (05:01):
The way you're making money off the suburban Hindus.
Speaker 6 (05:05):
Normally just catch them walking by, so.
Speaker 4 (05:08):
Probably should wait till they have to be spring cooled
with them. Okay, so you actually do him. We'll have
to do some research on that, Taylor before we before
we kick it in there.
Speaker 2 (05:19):
So there you go.
Speaker 4 (05:20):
One eight hundred big shows. You told free Line we're
ready to play out birds. We play next. Good morning.
(05:54):
It's a big show on the radio for your Monday morning.
It's our feature track. When a big show, bit box,
I'm more lipless with jokes about summertime. There's a key
words summertime. Here the big Box at the Big Show
dot Com.
Speaker 8 (06:10):
Haven't got a week work Upburst. Let's play Upburst. It's
the game that anyone can win. John Boy and Billy,
we give the prizes from the big prize being. Let's
go contested number one. This should be a lot of
fun when you're playing Upburst. Have a hurry up and
(06:34):
guest time you have the best time.
Speaker 2 (06:36):
You have a big shot.
Speaker 4 (06:39):
Let's say hi, a town from Chattanooga, Temo.
Speaker 5 (06:44):
Say we have a shots everybody.
Speaker 4 (06:54):
Yeah, morning Tom, welcome in here, Barnie. Let's get you
through these three categories and get you at pride, spag
of bird Tee County Peanuts.
Speaker 2 (07:02):
What you say, oh I say, I s great? All right, let's.
Speaker 4 (07:08):
Get the work part none in five seconds. I need
three kinds of oil ready go.
Speaker 9 (07:15):
Uh motorole, holleyball and vegetable and a board damn.
Speaker 2 (07:21):
Now give us three states that start with the letter A. Ready, go.
Speaker 9 (07:28):
Alaska, it's the Arizona Palifella.
Speaker 2 (07:34):
All right for the wind. Three things made from a cow,
ready go.
Speaker 9 (07:41):
Stk h, hamburger and milk.
Speaker 4 (07:46):
And there is Tim Chattooga knowing his way around the
cow states and ore. That's good for the birn Tee
County peanuts. Tim, We'll get them to you.
Speaker 9 (07:56):
Buddy, I appreciate you. I'm most time caller too.
Speaker 2 (08:01):
Had a bud.
Speaker 9 (08:03):
Uh can I can I tell you a story about
that cow?
Speaker 4 (08:06):
Well?
Speaker 10 (08:06):
You sure?
Speaker 2 (08:07):
Hand?
Speaker 5 (08:08):
Uh?
Speaker 9 (08:09):
Back when I early seventies, I was in the military
and I used to come in a little bit uh
gipsy we should say, you know, take an indulgent in
the bug averages.
Speaker 2 (08:19):
Uh huh.
Speaker 9 (08:20):
And one morning I woke up in that cow. My
sister had one in Fisher Price range and you opened
the door and it made that cow DoD. Yeah, And
that's all I heard that morning. So every time you
do that, I get pts things.
Speaker 2 (08:39):
What you think about us opening the door there? Thank
you Fisher Price.
Speaker 4 (08:44):
The cow says the stories they go. My buddy in
dem said he had a story about the cow. He
was talking about our cow. He was talking about a
cow that it was the cow.
Speaker 2 (09:02):
But it didn't give me a good idea another invention.
I'll make a cow affected door open.
Speaker 1 (09:09):
I'll work on the name.
Speaker 2 (09:10):
You work on that now while we'll get you up
on your news.
Speaker 4 (09:14):
We'll get back to it Monday morning.
Speaker 2 (09:48):
Good morning.
Speaker 4 (09:49):
It's a bike show on the radio Good Eye Monday morning.
Robert Earl knees ready to go a little sing along.
It reminds you the Robert Earl on the commun Unity
Foundation of the Texas Hill Country.
Speaker 2 (10:03):
They're gonna do well.
Speaker 4 (10:05):
Actually, they established the Kerr County Flood Relief Fund there
support local response, relief and recovery efforts, of course, following
the devastating July fourth flood through Currville where Robert hur
was gonna play. Now I'm putting together applause for the
calls to raise money.
Speaker 2 (10:22):
It was a very special friend. You can see who
is gonna be.
Speaker 4 (10:25):
At the show August twenty eighth the Whitewater Amphitheater. There
new Brownfels, Texas. So they're in Robert Durrow's website. We've
gotta we gotta set up. We can click on the
link at the Big Show dot com.
Speaker 2 (10:40):
You know, thank you for your support.
Speaker 4 (10:41):
Your hell right now, as done by Robert Earl.
Speaker 11 (10:47):
Keane is being liveing a.
Speaker 12 (10:50):
Sometimes I don't know what I'm doing.
Speaker 5 (10:55):
Come on, Jackie, get ready.
Speaker 10 (10:57):
Sometimes on my days filled with and rid as I travel,
I left so bad things.
Speaker 13 (11:09):
Ain't going my way because there's always someone swarming in
my life, to keep swerving in my life, and it's
causing lots of thanger.
Speaker 2 (11:26):
I'm a honking on my horror.
Speaker 12 (11:30):
I'm shooting you the flame, keep switching on my bride lights.
Speaker 2 (11:38):
Just too dim to.
Speaker 14 (11:41):
When you're swerving.
Speaker 12 (11:42):
All lives pie by, you're running someone off the road.
Speaker 10 (11:50):
The day jove way, I thought I never.
Speaker 12 (11:56):
Never could love another house else could I feed?
Speaker 2 (12:05):
But now when you.
Speaker 12 (12:06):
Run into me, I can't believe I could not see her.
Speaker 2 (12:12):
I'll take up the ones at the waiting.
Speaker 12 (12:18):
You keep swimming in my life, just causing lots of bang.
Speaker 2 (12:26):
I'm cussing out your name. I'm shooting in the fine.
Speaker 12 (12:34):
I keep switching on my bride lights.
Speaker 10 (12:38):
But you're just too dimpty.
Speaker 12 (12:39):
Now when you're swerving all lights how way, you're running
someone off the road.
Speaker 4 (12:56):
Big show, Good morning, it's a big show on the radio.
(13:24):
That ywater Center, New brownsfold Texas Texas born byer told
me heada that new Brown's foot Okay, I got it.
Speaker 2 (13:32):
Okay, Well here red eye, okay, action, Hello.
Speaker 15 (13:40):
Friends, your old pal bird Fern. Here with another gut
gurgling edition of John Boy and Billy Playhouse. Today's episode
The Artist As our story opens, and artist enters a
gallery that's showcasing his work.
Speaker 2 (13:54):
Knock knock, it is I your favorite artist? Hello?
Speaker 16 (13:58):
Are you Lawrence Pitture?
Speaker 2 (14:00):
No, well, he's our favorite artist.
Speaker 11 (14:03):
Who are you who?
Speaker 15 (14:04):
I'm Frisby van Peltenham. The other girl knew me, Francesca.
I'd like to see her.
Speaker 6 (14:09):
Oh we had to fire her. Why well, she was
a bit of an a hole. Oh but mister van Peltehm,
I was just about to call you. We've had a
gentleman inquire about your work.
Speaker 2 (14:21):
Oh, goodie, dish, dish, dish.
Speaker 6 (14:23):
Well, it seems he's interested in all your paintings on display.
Speaker 2 (14:27):
Oh even Ham and Roses one and two.
Speaker 6 (14:29):
Regarding those paintings, they look identical, Yet the second painting
is listed at twice the price.
Speaker 15 (14:36):
I can tell you're a novice. Ham and Roses too
has more Ham. So now you know, so tell me
more about any benefactor.
Speaker 6 (14:43):
Well, after looking at all of them, he asked if
I thought that they would increase in value after your death,
and I told him that they would. He then purchased
every single painting at the listed price.
Speaker 15 (14:54):
Oh joy, oh rapture, popular, I gotta be popular.
Speaker 6 (15:00):
Oh there's just one thing.
Speaker 2 (15:02):
What's that?
Speaker 16 (15:02):
The guy was your doctor son.
Speaker 2 (15:15):
We hope you enjoyed John Boy and Billy playhouse. Probably
all that ham.
Speaker 15 (15:21):
In next time when we'll hear the crusty old ham overslicer.
Speaker 2 (15:24):
Saying, hey, big man, let me hold a dollar. Good morning,
you got the Big Show on the radio.
Speaker 4 (15:32):
More chances for you to win coming up after your news,
weather and sports.
Speaker 15 (15:35):
Home, I have no home, hunted, despised, leaping like an animal.
Speaker 1 (15:45):
The youngle is my home.
Speaker 2 (15:49):
Oh.
Speaker 11 (15:50):
I will show them all that I am its master.
Speaker 14 (15:54):
I will create my own race or people, a race
tomic superman that will conquer the world. And here are
the first two ton Boy and Billy from the Big Show.
Speaker 2 (16:44):
Good morning, it's a big show on the radio.
Speaker 4 (16:46):
Make sure you check out my wonderful thing number one
hundred and fifty being given it away this Friday.
Speaker 2 (16:52):
We does cap.
Speaker 4 (16:54):
Many Hannaman's selfish tournament follow shirt. Just got through another
one over the weekend Atlantic Ocean. Share the excitement. I
think it might be a grilling saft spot on it.
Good we are.
Speaker 2 (17:09):
That's sorry.
Speaker 4 (17:09):
I'm gonna have the wife for c Thank you by
I'll get your name in the hat at the Big
Show dot Com. All wait kick off our Big Show
Morning Mini Movie Morons or the mid Atlantic ten minutes
Big Show rolls on Good Morning Big Shows on the radio.
Stand by for episode one of Morons of the mid Atlantic. Today,
(17:32):
were getting ready to play John Boy Jeopardy four Big
Old bullsnot prize pack, so hang on for your chance
to win.
Speaker 2 (17:40):
Right now, that's not good.
Speaker 15 (17:42):
Morning Higiens, junkies, It's time for the Big Show Morning
Movie special mini series event. And now join Captain John
Boy and first mate Spanky as they climb aboard the
good Ship for a thrilling owned adventure on the high seas.
Speaker 2 (17:56):
It's time for part one of it.
Speaker 11 (18:03):
I can't believe it. I just can't believe it. How
can anyone man be so stupid? I manage, And you
shouldn't have come out here without Captain.
Speaker 4 (18:12):
Kit for your information, I'm just as smart as Captain Kit.
Speaker 11 (18:16):
Then why didn't you bring us all the way out
in the middle of the ocean without the one thing
we need?
Speaker 2 (18:22):
I brought the pickled pig's lips.
Speaker 4 (18:24):
Brought them.
Speaker 11 (18:25):
You're talking through them. I'm talking about a compass, you moron.
I brought a compass.
Speaker 4 (18:31):
Is right there on the refrigerator on a magnet, so
no matter how the boat rocks, the magnet stays put.
Speaker 2 (18:38):
Who ain't a thinker?
Speaker 11 (18:39):
Do you know what magnets do to a compass?
Speaker 2 (18:42):
Keep it stuck to the fridge?
Speaker 11 (18:44):
No, you burnt brain. It makes the compass go all
caddywopp us. It's worthless now and we're out in the
middle of the ocean and we don't know which way
is home.
Speaker 2 (18:53):
Is that what you're so upset about?
Speaker 4 (18:55):
Oh, brother spanky, let me teach you an old sailor's.
Speaker 11 (19:00):
You're not gonna start crying again?
Speaker 4 (19:02):
Are you very funny? You don't need accompass. Your map
is right over your head. You steer by the stars.
Speaker 11 (19:10):
At eleven in the morning.
Speaker 2 (19:11):
You're not very patient? Are you any more?
Speaker 17 (19:14):
Bright?
Speaker 11 (19:14):
Ideas?
Speaker 2 (19:15):
We could go that way?
Speaker 11 (19:17):
That way? That's all you got is to point to
the back of the boat and say that way.
Speaker 4 (19:22):
Well, I figure since the boat is pointed this way
and no one has touched the wheel, then home must
be that way.
Speaker 11 (19:29):
Say have you seen that fish bat that was laying
around here?
Speaker 2 (19:33):
This one?
Speaker 11 (19:34):
Yeah, that's the one.
Speaker 2 (19:35):
What are you gonna do with that?
Speaker 11 (19:37):
Give you some stars to steer by?
Speaker 2 (19:41):
I can't see the stars. The birds keep getting in
the way. Maybe another crack on the skull will scare
them off.
Speaker 11 (19:49):
Come back here, you see far and Simpleta look at
it this way. If I kill you, you won't starve
to death.
Speaker 1 (20:00):
Wait a second, Wait a second.
Speaker 11 (20:02):
May it snappy? I'm trying to cave your skull in.
Speaker 2 (20:05):
Is that what you're worried about?
Speaker 1 (20:07):
Starving?
Speaker 11 (20:08):
Among other things?
Speaker 4 (20:09):
Well, if it comes down to it and all is lost,
I want you to eat me.
Speaker 11 (20:16):
Wow, John boy, that's a pretty big sacrifice. Do you
mean it?
Speaker 2 (20:20):
Of course you're my friend. I do anything for you.
Speaker 11 (20:23):
Well, then holds still and let me kill you so
I can make a sandwich.
Speaker 1 (20:28):
Damp Damn, he's nassing my skull.
Speaker 11 (20:31):
You know this is kind of fun? All right?
Speaker 1 (20:33):
All right, stop it, stop it. That's enough.
Speaker 2 (20:35):
You're hitting me so hard. I'm starting to ellucinate.
Speaker 11 (20:38):
Let me know if you start seeing a compass.
Speaker 4 (20:40):
Remember that movie where the big wave tips the boat
over and Gene Hackman has to save everybody.
Speaker 11 (20:46):
The Poseidon Adventure. What's your point?
Speaker 2 (20:48):
My hallucination looks just like that big wave.
Speaker 11 (20:53):
You check ass, that's the hallucination. It's a rogue wave.
Speaker 5 (20:56):
Holy crap.
Speaker 2 (20:57):
What do we do?
Speaker 11 (20:58):
I can only think of one thing?
Speaker 1 (21:00):
What's that?
Speaker 15 (21:07):
Sirps up? Will our hero survive the barreling, barbaric barrier
of bridy Blue bearing down on them?
Speaker 1 (21:12):
What to do?
Speaker 2 (21:13):
What to do? To find out?
Speaker 15 (21:15):
Tune in next time for part two of The Big
Show Morning Movie starring John Boy as John Boy, Spanky
is Spanky, and a special appearance by Jackie.
Speaker 2 (21:22):
Elam junr has Wally the Wall Eyed Wall of Water.
Speaker 15 (21:24):
In a minute, there's illumin Nations, feel so all.
Speaker 2 (21:37):
Episode two less than an hour.
Speaker 4 (21:41):
All right, y'all, let's jump right in here with John
Boy Jebberly. According to a spokesman for Tyson Foods, breasts
are clearly the most popular part of a chicken in America,
but in China this part of the chicken is in
highest demand.
Speaker 6 (21:56):
Haven't you heard? What are the giblets?
Speaker 2 (21:58):
Giblet? Ghiblet even sound Chinese?
Speaker 11 (22:01):
Wat?
Speaker 8 (22:02):
Y'all?
Speaker 7 (22:02):
God?
Speaker 2 (22:02):
One ain't a hundred big show? You told? Free line.
Speaker 4 (22:05):
We go to we get a winner, we play John
Board Jeopardy next good Monday morning. It's a big show
(22:36):
on the radio that none would youly?
Speaker 5 (22:39):
Here we are on.
Speaker 4 (22:39):
Twenty eighth, got our future track from The Big Show,
Big Box. Lipless says he got jokes about summertime. Dorcial
keywords summertime where the Big Box at the Big Show
dot com there right.
Speaker 2 (22:53):
Now, let's play.
Speaker 18 (22:57):
Whine across America, Micron, It's John Boy, Jeffany and now
your host. When I told him that hies this summer
could get up to one hundred and twenty, he didn't
take it very well.
Speaker 4 (23:09):
Certainly ten in the summer, and if it gets one
degree hotter, I'm gonna kick your hat man.
Speaker 2 (23:16):
He's shumbling like you.
Speaker 4 (23:20):
As I hated David out of a Tumwa, Iowa. Good morning, David, Well,
good morning.
Speaker 5 (23:26):
How are you doing this morning?
Speaker 2 (23:27):
May we all right?
Speaker 4 (23:29):
What's your temperatures like? Being so far in Iowa? Are
y'all cooler there? We are in North Carolina?
Speaker 9 (23:35):
Oh we've been ninety eight ninety nine here?
Speaker 2 (23:38):
No, ye ain't rekay wood there together?
Speaker 4 (23:43):
David, Well, you got first shot at John Boy Jebary
this morning. According to a spokesman for Tyson Foods, breasts
are clearly the most popular part of a chicken in America,
but in China this part of the chicken is in
highest demand.
Speaker 9 (23:58):
What you got I've been in China, so I think it's.
Speaker 4 (24:02):
The foot all right show us chicken feet got it right,
so David, their spokesman said, if they could create a
chicken with four feet, they still wouldn't be able to
meet the demand.
Speaker 2 (24:20):
You know why why because they wouldn't be able to
catch him.
Speaker 4 (24:23):
All right, we'll good work on you in David. De
Bertie kind of peanuts prize back headed you away.
Speaker 2 (24:33):
Well, thank you very much, sir.
Speaker 9 (24:35):
You got no I'm a first time caller, all right.
Speaker 4 (24:38):
You know the Dave World Traveler went on The Big Show.
Bantimny Hour. Tommy you knew right on the other side,
got a time capsule at July's when they ate on it.
That's the one ain't on my life.
Speaker 19 (25:27):
This is the award winning John Boy and Billy Big Show,
the South's number one export.
Speaker 20 (25:43):
Welcome to The Big Show's Guide for the Modern Man,
the segment that helps men understand their place in a
confusing and increasingly screwed up world. Today's topic a quick
trip to the home depot. You wake up on Saturday
morning and decide to tackle that home improvement project you've
been planning. After a leisurely breakfast, you change into your
(26:06):
official modern man handyman uniform, a tattered T shirt with
years of spots and stains, a ratty pair of Jim
shorts with a hole in the crotch, and your favorite
old pair of sneakers. Midway through the project, you realize
you're missing an essential tool or piece of equipment you
need to finish the job. It's time for a quick
trip to the modern man's favorite destination, your friendly neighborhood
(26:27):
home depot. If you're a man in your twenties, that
quick trip starts out something like this. Shave, shower, blow
dry your hair, brush your teeth, put on fresh clothes
and clean shoes. Check yourself out in the mirror looking good.
Gee before leaving, splash on your favorite cologne you never
know right, lo and behold when you get to the store,
(26:49):
the girl at the checkout is somebody you went to
school with and she's kind of hot. In your thirties,
a quick trip to the home depot goes something like this.
Wash your hand, comb your hair, give yourself a quick
shot of deodorant to cover any possible snalls. Put on
a relatively clean shirt and any pair of shorts without holes.
Check yourself in the mirror. Man, you need to get
(27:12):
back in shave. The girl at the checkout turns out
to be the kid's sister of somebody who went to
school with, and she grew up to be kind of hot.
You wish you'd done an extra shot of deodorant. In
your forties, a home depot trip goes like this. Check
the mirror, Try to rearrange your hair to cover up
your bald spot. Give up and make a selection from
your growing collection of ball caps. For some reason, all
(27:35):
of your shorts seem to have at least one hole
in them. Check the mirror again. Wow, who's the old guy.
The girl at the checkout is younger than your daughter.
You feel a little weird thinking she's kind of hot.
In your fifties, here's your home depot run. Wipe the
dirt off your hands, onto your shirt, Put on some
underwear so nothing hangs out of that hole in your shorts.
(27:57):
Check yourself in the mirror. Eh, whatever. The girl of
the counter smiles when you walk in. At first you think, hey,
I've still got it. Then you remember the ball cap
you have on. It's from Buddy's Bait and Tackle and says,
I got worms in your sixties, your trip goes like this,
Use a quick shot from the garden hose to remove
any obvious dog pool from your sneakers. The ball cap
(28:20):
thing doesn't really work anymore. Nobody will notice the hole
in your shorts. No need to check the mirror. Who
are you trying to impress? The girl at the checkout
is probably cute, but you don't have your glasses on,
so you're not really sure. Here's a home depot trip
when you're in your seventies. Call the drug store next
to home depot to see if your prescriptions are ready.
(28:42):
No sense making two trips right outfit changes at this point.
You don't even notice the dog pool on your shoes.
When you walk in. The girl at the counter gives
you a big smile and says, you look just like
my grandfather he died last week. On your way home,
stop at the Texaco station to take a quick pee.
And if you make it to your eighties, your home
(29:04):
depot trip goes something like this. Stop what you're doing,
take a thirty minute nap, then start your project again.
Keep working until you remember you needed to go to
the home depot to buy side. Spend a few minutes
looking for your car keys, get in your car and
drive to Walmart. The greeter at the front door says
he went to school with you, but you have no
(29:24):
idea who he is. Walk around for a few minutes
trying to remember what you came in here for us,
then give up, head home and spend the rest of
the day watching the Matlock marathon on TV one. Oh well,
there's always next one. And that's it for this edition
of the Big Show Guide for the Modern Man, brought
to you by a grant from America's Pharmaceutical Research Companies,
(29:46):
makers of fifty different drugs for a rectile dysfunction. We'll
get back to you on that cure for cancer there,
John William.
Speaker 2 (29:56):
Dilly, I become everything I've ever hated.
Speaker 19 (30:02):
Good Morning Radio, dumb right.
Speaker 2 (30:30):
Good mor Man, that's a big show on the radio.
Speaker 4 (30:32):
I want to think I buzz lords So Tavern in
the South Hender Charlotte for feeding the crew this morning.
Speaker 2 (30:39):
Good stuff, and that's the best place to watch football.
Speaker 4 (30:44):
Man, And football's back preseason this week.
Speaker 2 (30:48):
How about that? You're going, boy, Louis was.
Speaker 4 (30:53):
A uh huh Lordso Tavern of South Held Charlotte, North Carolina.
Speaker 2 (30:58):
Right now, all right, Jeff take it body. Hey, I
turned sixty seven this past Sunday. Let me just say,
with all sincerity.
Speaker 1 (31:07):
Whooping he do?
Speaker 2 (31:12):
This whole getting old thing just sucks from the neck up.
Speaker 15 (31:18):
I'm still in my thirties, torso, late forties maybe fifty
waist down one hundred.
Speaker 2 (31:24):
And seven team in thousand.
Speaker 15 (31:31):
I'm gonna tell you right now, if I'd have known
it was gonna be like this, I'd have checked.
Speaker 2 (31:35):
Out twenty years ago.
Speaker 15 (31:37):
But no, you gotta think about other people, so many responsibilities.
This is proof, ah man, idiot. I've done a couple
other top tens on getting older. Guess what, here's another one,
so shut up and take it from the home office
in Costa de Geezer in the mismatch sock drawer next
(31:59):
to the store brand that doesn't work. The Top ten
new things I hate about getting older. Number ten, I
spend twenty minutes looking for a meowing kitten and finally
realize it's me, wheezing.
Speaker 1 (32:18):
Dumb ass.
Speaker 15 (32:21):
Number nine I got the old man's smell combination of mothballs,
pee and regret. Number eight one drink and drunk. Number seven.
My kid has finally had enough of my crap. You
(32:42):
know pickle when I was stage acting in Kalamazoo.
Speaker 1 (32:44):
Shut up, old mare.
Speaker 2 (32:50):
Number six skid.
Speaker 15 (32:52):
Marks everywhere, car seats, recliner, the wall.
Speaker 2 (33:00):
This guy notes what I'm talking about.
Speaker 15 (33:05):
Number five on a related note, can't hold it anymore?
Ah well, I gotta drop aduce, but I can wait
till I get home.
Speaker 2 (33:13):
No, you can't.
Speaker 15 (33:18):
Number four gotta stop making fun of Joe Biden because
I don't know what the hell is going on either.
Number three the volume knob goes to eleven. The TV
sounds like a damn Walmart speaker. Number two This is
maybe the most difficult one to accept. The slutty waitress,
(33:40):
the busty bank teller, the cashier that has that open
for business tattoo on the small of her back. Nope,
you don't have a shot. And the number one thing
I hate about getting older my friends don't call anymore
because they're all dead.
Speaker 1 (34:02):
I got a lot of problems with.
Speaker 2 (34:06):
Good Morning.
Speaker 4 (34:07):
The Big Show's on the radio, More Big Show right
around the corner.
Speaker 17 (34:12):
I'm working with mister Bill Cox over his outfit. And
I like to listen to John Boy and Billy and
that they're Big Show. I like the way they talk.
They're funny ah, not funny queers, that's what they say. Anyhow,
I figured out why John Boy has a hard time
getting started in the morning.
Speaker 11 (34:32):
They ain't gotten the gaze.
Speaker 4 (35:06):
Good morning, there's a big shawl the radio. Good of
episodes two and three of More Wrong. Well, let's get
an amazone two.
Speaker 15 (35:17):
Good morning, drama lovers, and welcome to the Big Show
Morning movie Miniseries special. When we last left our heroes,
they were miles from dry land, lost at sea, and
being swept away by an enormous rogue wave. How will
they ever survive? Join us now as we learn the
fate of Captain John Boy and first made Spanky in
part two of Moron am Ldger.
Speaker 11 (35:41):
Lost miles from civilization, washed the shore on some uncharted island,
a castaway, just like that Tom Hanks movie. I should
count myself lucky. He didn't have anything but a volleyball
to talk to.
Speaker 1 (35:56):
Hay Spanky.
Speaker 2 (35:57):
Look at the shelves I found.
Speaker 16 (35:59):
Ooh, prety.
Speaker 11 (36:01):
Come to think of it, there's really not much difference.
Speaker 2 (36:04):
Are you gonna eat the rest of your coconut?
Speaker 6 (36:06):
Ow?
Speaker 2 (36:07):
I say you manage to hold on to that fish bat?
Speaker 11 (36:10):
I plan on getting a lot of use out of
it too.
Speaker 4 (36:13):
You're still blaming me for this mess. It wasn't like
I invited at John Wave to stop by for a visit.
If you hadn't been trying to kill me, we could
have gotten out.
Speaker 2 (36:22):
Of the way.
Speaker 11 (36:22):
We hadn't had to get out of the way. If
you hadn't stuck our only compass on a refrigerator magnet,
we'd have been out of harms way long before that
wave ever came. You're a real nit picker, you know that,
and I'll pick your knit, you dixie dimwit. Now we're
stranded who knows where, on some island at sea. At
least there was a chance a ship might find us.
(36:43):
Now we're really doomed. So if you'll excuse me, I'm
gonna go look for a nice shady spot to die doom.
Speaker 4 (36:51):
I don't think so. Didn't you ever watch Gilligan's Island? Oh,
for the love of leave it to me, I've seen
those shows a million times. I'll build I'll make a
radio out of some shells and seawater. I'll even make
us a car at a bamboo. I'll make it a
convertible so you don't have to worry about getting your
head inside and just wait till you try my banana
(37:12):
cream pie.
Speaker 2 (37:13):
I'm no Marianne, but I do pretty good.
Speaker 1 (37:16):
How now, what.
Speaker 11 (37:18):
You know that was a TV show?
Speaker 9 (37:20):
Right?
Speaker 2 (37:20):
Huh?
Speaker 11 (37:21):
Why couldn't I get stranded with Teter? At least they
have a couple of pillows at night, so sue me.
Speaker 4 (37:28):
I know we're in trouble. I'm just trying to be optimistic.
It's better talking about crawling off to die. Well, I'll
just wander off to the other side of the island
where I won't bother you anymore.
Speaker 11 (37:41):
Come back, you mean it? No, but you got a point.
We're alive. That's what counts.
Speaker 2 (37:48):
That's the spirit.
Speaker 14 (37:49):
You know.
Speaker 2 (37:49):
We ought to make the best of this.
Speaker 4 (37:51):
People out there pay top dollar for these kinds of getaways.
Speaker 2 (37:55):
Look at this place for a second.
Speaker 11 (37:58):
Well, I hate to admit it, but right there, Bigfoot,
this is about as beautiful as place as you'll ever see.
Speaker 2 (38:04):
And listen, he's some quiet.
Speaker 17 (38:07):
And since we really don't have a choice, let's just
enjoy it while we concentrate on finding the way out
of here. Well, I see you've already been busy.
Speaker 11 (38:15):
Yeah, while you were out looking for party shells, I
managed to make a fire and boil some water in
this giant clamshell so we'll have something to drink. Fire,
I'll keep us warm when the sun sets.
Speaker 2 (38:26):
How do you build a fire?
Speaker 11 (38:27):
Ooh, old boy, scout. T took a long time, but
it was worth it.
Speaker 4 (38:32):
What a show off. You should have just barred my lighter.
You know, I'm kind of getting used to it.
Speaker 11 (38:40):
Out must be a delayed reaction. No, I stuffed my
toe on this rock. Hey, that's no rock. It's a crab.
There's hundreds of them.
Speaker 1 (38:49):
Hot dog things are looking up.
Speaker 2 (38:52):
Start catching them and throwing them into water.
Speaker 11 (38:54):
I don't know, john boy.
Speaker 17 (38:55):
I've been in the restaurant business for twenty five years,
and I've never seen a crab like that.
Speaker 2 (38:59):
Hey, crab is crab? Remember your place on the food chain.
We're gonna eat like King.
Speaker 11 (39:05):
Yeah, King Neptune.
Speaker 1 (39:08):
Kay, the page is moving.
Speaker 11 (39:10):
Earthquake, Earth, It's not an earthquake. There's something under the sand.
Holy crap.
Speaker 1 (39:18):
So much for a paci and quiet.
Speaker 2 (39:21):
That crab as big as a house.
Speaker 17 (39:23):
I think our spot of the food chain is got
knocked down a few pages. I don't think Mama Crab
likes ys eating her kids. Oh, we better make a
run for the jungle.
Speaker 1 (39:35):
I can't.
Speaker 11 (39:36):
Why not?
Speaker 1 (39:36):
Mama Crab won't let me. They put me down.
Speaker 11 (39:43):
You're an idiot, not you her?
Speaker 10 (39:46):
Save me?
Speaker 1 (39:49):
What are you waiting for?
Speaker 11 (39:50):
I'm thinking about it.
Speaker 15 (39:51):
I'm thinking about it like a colossal, cantankerous crustacean has
our cohorts by the Colonis?
Speaker 11 (40:00):
What to do to find out?
Speaker 15 (40:02):
Tune in next time to part three of The Big
Show Morning Movie starring John Boy as John Boy Spaky
is Spaky and Robert D.
Speaker 2 (40:08):
Rayford as Lawrence the dyspeptic Giant Crab.
Speaker 1 (40:11):
In part three of the Morrows.
Speaker 4 (40:21):
Good Morning Big Shows on the Radio Coming up, we
played beat the Blonde for a hat, T shirt, tumbler
and a twenty five dollars gas card.
Speaker 2 (40:29):
My buds at law Tigers want.
Speaker 4 (40:31):
You to be sure to register for this year's ultimate
Styling and Sturgis Trip of a lifetime with over eighty
five thousand dollars in prizes. See details and registration at
Stylingansturgis dot com. Oh, we gotta set up for the
low Tigers link. When you go to the Big Show
dot com. Just click on it, take you right there.
Hang on you when you weigh in in minutes
Hosts And Creators
Billy James
Johnny "John Boy" Isley
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