A lot of people go into marriage with a 50/50 mindset. Everything in the relationship — from tangible things like childcare and chores to intangible things like the effort and energy needed to keep the partnership going — is supposed to be divided equally.
The 50/50 approach to relationships is all about fairness. And that seems sensible and rational.
But, my guest says, it actually sabotages relational happiness.
Nate Klemp is a former philosophy professor and the co-author, along with his wife, of The 80/80 Marriage: A New Model for a Happier, Stronger Relationship. Today on the show, Nate shares how cognitive biases skew our perception of our contributions to a relationship, what happens when couples get stuck in the 50/50 mindset of domestic scorekeeping, and how shifting to an 80/80 model of “radical generosity” can create an upward spiral of connection and appreciation. And we discuss practical ways to divide household responsibilities, decide how much time to spend with each spouse’s respective parents, and establish values that will guide your partnership as you navigate life changes and work towards a spirit of shared success.
Resources Related to the Podcast
- AoM article and podcast on how to hold a weekly marriage meeting
- AoM Article: Towards a Philosophy of Household Management
- AoM Article: Beware the Tit for Tat Trap
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