Inappropriate Questions

Inappropriate Questions

Have you ever been curious to know the answer to a question that might be intrusive or too personal for other people? On their biweekly podcast Inappropriate Questions, now in its third season, cohosts Elena Hudgins Lyle and Harvinder Wadhwa make a space for curiosity where guests can unpack the tricky questions they get asked and learn stories about them—whether they ask if polyamorous people cope with jealousy in relationships, if Indigenous people are full Native, or brave the dreaded “have you lost weight” assumption. Created by Hudgins Lyle alongside producers Sabrina Bertsch and Cindy Long, the podcast was built out of a school project while they were studying Media Production in Toronto, Ontario. Bertsch, who’s mixed-race, had been asked a lot of questions about her background and ethnicity after studying abroad for a semester. Long and Lyle, both LGBT, would also get frequently asked about their identity and sexuality. Even if these frustrations served as a jumping-off point for them, they quickly realized that they could also learn about a variety of topics from others too—especially from their parents and older generations. So they auditioned a “dad-like” figure to be a counterpart as co-host. Wadhwa, a project manager with an engineering degree, was the unanimous choice. “Harv was the very first interview we did,” Lyle says. “After the interview, he was like, ‘All right, how many more of these do you have to go?’ You know I'm it, right? You can stop now.’” In each episode, guests share stories about being asked the week’s specific inappropriate question. Though, occasionally, they'll have an expert or academic who can break down more of the historical and social aspect of the question. Both Hudgins Lyle and Wadhwa bridge together their different generational perspectives to challenge themselves and their guests, having casual, yet meaningful conversations that are engaging, unpredictable, and humorous. “Though I've been in Canada for over 20 years, I consider myself an immigrant coming from India,” Wadhwa says. “So, what the show is also trying to do is also bring the balance. Because if everybody's thinking the same way, then we lose out a lot.” Even if they sometimes step into difficult territory, what they both hope to provide with each episode is a starting point for listeners to ease into these topics. “It could be that we've left you with some new ideas and perspectives from the guests who have this lived experience,” Lyle says. “You don't need to change and develop overnight, but hopefully, we've given you a starting place where you can then do your own research or reflection.”

Episodes

November 26, 2024 17 mins

People don’t think Graham Isador is losing his sight. They think he’s an asshole.


Short Sighted is an attempt to explain what vision loss feels like by exploring how it sounds.


Written and hosted by master storyteller Graham Isador, the show’s mini episodes are an intimate and irreverent look at accessibility and its personal impacts.


Get lost in someone else’s life. From a mysterious childhood spent on the run, to a coura...

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It’s the end of Season 3! Elena and Harv look back at some of the highlights of the season and answer some of your listener questions. Together, they discuss the challenges of hosting, finding the right questions to tackle, and share their proudest moments from the season. Thank you to all of our listeners for joining us. We hope you enjoyed the season! Follow us! Twitter: @IQ_Podcast Instagram: @IQ_Podcast For transcripts of th...
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We often ask new people about what they do for work, and if they’re in a transition period, the question becomes “What are you going to do now?” Whether they’re graduating, starting a family, or about to retire, we are fascinated about career next steps. Is asking this a good way to get to know someone or does it come with certain expectations? Harv’s daughters Harbani and Rymn join in to talk about getting this question as they ...
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Autistic people are sometimes met with skepticism when they tell someone they’re autistic, especially when they don’t match others’ assumptions of what autism is. Harv and Elena speak to TikToker Jam about how they realized they’re autistic, some of the challenges they face, and how getting a diagnosis isn’t accessible to everyone. Disability studies scholar Sara Acevedo talks about some of the reasons people ask this and debunks c...
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We often look back on our favourite movies or shows and wonder where those actors are now. But how does it feel to see this question asked about you? Elena and Harv speak to author Lisa Jakub about her time as a child actor in Mrs. Doubtfire and how her measures of success changed when she left the industry. She also discusses how this question can stem from a lack of boundaries and a misplaced sense of intimacy with actors. Actor ...
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People are fascinated by the reasons people commit crime. But is “why” the right thing to ask a formerly incarcerated person? Kadeem Reid shares his story with incarceration, the impacts of the prison system, and what he wishes people would think about before asking this question. Advocate Sara Tessier explains why this question requires understanding of broader contexts and social systems, and how society can better help formerly ...
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People who are blind or have low vision sometimes get approached with offers of help—whether they need it or not. Is it useful to offer help, or is it overstepping? MasterChef Season 3 winner Christine Ha joins Harv and Elena to talk about building a culinary career while losing her vision, and when she finds this question to be helpful. Dr. Mahadeo Sukhai, Director of Research at the Canadian National Institute of the Blind, sugge...
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Especially in the past year and a half, lots of us have been trying new things to help manage our mental health. But can suggesting things like meditation and exercise actually help someone with anxiety and/or depression? Elena and Harv talk to comedian and mental health advocate Kelsey Darragh about what she does to cope, checking in with loved ones, and why this question can help open discussions about mental health. For another...
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Whether it’s by clients, friends or strangers, sex workers are frequently asked to share their bad experiences. Elena and Harv talk with author and sex worker Andrea Werhun about the misconceptions surrounding sex work and why people feel entitled to their stories. AK Saini discusses what people want to hear when they ask this question, and shares the positive aspects of their job. Connect with our guests below: Andrea Werhun IG: ...
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In a world of rom-coms and love songs, being single can be seen as a bad thing. It’s something our friends, relatives, and even potential partners ask about, but why do we assume we need a partner to be complete? Elena and Harv talk to comedian Salma Hindy about the parental pressure to get married and how to feel okay with being single. Asexual activist and model Yasmin Benoit breaks down myths about asexuality and aromanticism, a...
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Wanting to do better when it comes to fighting racism is great—but even with good intentions, asking the Black people in your life to tell you how isn’t the way to start. Elena and Harv talk to author and activist Frederick Joseph about what makes this question frustrating, where to find resources, and how to fill someone’s metaphorical cup. Professor Andrea Davis explains emotional labour, our responsibility to seek to know, and h...
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This week, we’re bringing back an episode from our first season. Harv doesn’t drink alcohol, and he doesn’t have a problem with people asking him why. He and Elena speak to numerous guests to find out whether or not they think “Why don’t you drink?” is an inappropriate question. Along the way, there’s a lot to unpack about alcohol’s role in our society and our personal lives. This episode was originally released February 18, 2019....
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Adoptees all have different experiences when it comes to family. We might assume some parents are “real” and others aren’t—and that anyone who doesn’t know their birth parents is searching for them. But no one term or story fits for everyone who’s adopted. Elena and Harv talk to podcaster Kristen Meinzer about what’s behind the word “real” and the myth that all adoptive parents are great parents. Adoption advocate Tony Hynes share...
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Words have the power to shape how we see the world and each other. In Telling Our Twisted Histories, host Kaniehti:io Horn guides listeners through over 70 conversations with people from 15 Indigenous communities sharing their truths about the impact of words on our perspectives, cultures, and lives. Together we will decolonize our histories – and ourselves – one word at a time. More episodes are available at smarturl.it/twistedhis...
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When every love song and romcom is about finding your one true love, the idea of having multiple romantic partners can raise a lot of questions. One thing polyamorous people get asked a lot is whether they get jealous. But what really is jealousy and where does it come from? And is it different for people who are non-monogamous? Elena and Harv put these questions to polyamorous therapist Laura Turnbull, who also shares the reward...
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Talking about money can be uncomfortable, especially when we grow up hearing that it’s a taboo topic. It can be really scary to ask a coworker how much they make. But does talking about our salaries more openly lead to more equal pay? Harv and Elena talk to Monica about what she learned from asking this question to her coworkers. YA author L.L. McKinney shares why she started #PublishingPaidMe and whether large-scale pay transpare...
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In the pandemic, answering “How are you?” isn’t as easy as saying “I’m fine.” Elena and Harv chat with linguistics professor Deborah Tannen and try to figure out if we should still ask “How are you?” when things just haven’t been great. Also featuring some of our favourite pandemic email greetings and signoffs. For more on this question, check out our Season 2 episode “How are you?” where we explore what this question means when y...
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It’s a staple of small talk, but should it be? People are genuinely curious to learn about each other’s backgrounds or cultures. While this question might start a good conversation, it can often make people feel othered and unwelcome. So where do we go from here? Harv and Elena speak with journalist Eternity Martis about getting this question as a Black woman both in big cities and smaller towns. Eva Jewell offers some insight in...
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Not every amputee has a shocking story behind their amputation, and those who do don’t always want to talk about. When your experience is a visible part of you, people often ask about it. Elena and Harv talk with musician Julianna Romanyk about her first day of school speech as a congenital amputee. Comedian Courtney Gilmour shares her thoughts on “inspiration porn” and how cab drivers inspire some of her comedy. Reporter Kerry Be...
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2020 was wild but 2021 is wilder with even more inappropriate questions. Harv and Elena are back to unpack more tricky conversations with our guests through personal stories, advice, and dad jokes. Season 3 is coming your way April 21st, with new episodes every other week.
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