SOME OF THE ALAN COX SHOW 12/30

The Alan Cox Show

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:02):
The Federal Communications Commission just determined the following contest to
be emotionally harmful.

Speaker 2 (00:08):
Funny things that you thinks funny aren't funny?

Speaker 3 (00:11):
Do you have me Cox all the time?

Speaker 4 (00:12):
I do me a cockshow kicks ash Man, Welcome, welcome,
show me what's your job?

Speaker 1 (00:19):
Yeah? I can see a lot of cocks on TV.
Allen Cox from me, Allen toxo.

Speaker 5 (00:23):
I don't know what it's about you, but I can
faders think full line.

Speaker 6 (00:27):
It would be a pretty So let's take it cost
and you've got eight with a hafty group.

Speaker 1 (00:33):
Okay, one three kicks? Okay, damn put you one time,
Allen Cox.

Speaker 7 (00:43):
Here we go, he'll add fine, it's the Allen Cox
Show on one hundred point zeven double U M M.

Speaker 1 (00:49):
As I was thinking of Jeff, he is our bureau chief.
I knew the town sounded faariliar when I was talking
about the story the other day about the radioactive wasps
near where they used to make nukes. Aiken, South Carolina

(01:12):
is the town, and we have a bureau chief there.
Jeff is in Aiken, South Carolina. And wouldn't you know it?
Who could have ever seen this coming? It turns out
there's a lot of radiation down there. You know, when
the story first broke, they were like, oh, they found
radioactive wasp nests. Of course the pr people file in

(01:32):
and go, no, there's no threat to the public, blah blah.
But that Three Mile Island documentary is still freshen my brain.
And of course these people are always always lying when
they say that there's no threat to the public. You're
kidding with that town and they have Aiken, South Carolina. Yeah, why,
it's where my father in law lives. Really, yeah, I've
never been, but that's they bought a house there a

(01:54):
few years ago. Well, and make sure that they're taking
their contamination tests, because holy cow, workers at the Savannah
River site near Akin, South Carolina uncovered three more contaminated
WASP nests that were emitting radiation levels ten times higher

(02:14):
than federal safety limits. And of course, you know, the
nuclear power industry goes that's fine, everything's fine, because that's
what they're supposed to say. But they're always full of crap,
and it's like, how are you going to keep finding
radioactive wasp nests and telling people who live in the
town that everything's cool. Played to that video early if

(02:35):
you're watching the live stream of the mascot for the
Seattle Kraken that was shooting some video with one of
the hockey players there in a river in Alaska and
a bear started charging at them. Well, that Kraken mascot
not the only human in an animal costume making news

(02:57):
down there in Florida. Right around Tampa, a guy in
a Smoky the Bear outfit at one of the parks.
Not just a guy walking around dresses Smoky the Bear.
He's there in an official capacity, performed a citizen's arrest,
and a guy who was stealing Smokey the Bear signs.

(03:23):
Of course he's dressed as a bear. I don't know
if that's considered a citizen's arrest an er sign arrest.
I don't know what the nomenclature would be there. Smokey
the Bear has always had a nose for trouble. In
this case, he also had a thumbs up.

Speaker 8 (03:39):
Smokey is always around our four us and just let
you've got lucky today that he sold the bad guy.

Speaker 1 (03:44):
I love this guy's name. Agriculture Commissioner Wilton Simpson sounds
perfectly cast. Yes, Uncle baby Billy, and got him in
cove from Pensacola to Panama City to Orlando, four hundred
and fifty miles. The Commissioner of Agriculture says this suspect

(04:05):
was going to state parks finding Smoky the Bear signs
like this one and stealing them. What an idiot, What
an idiot. But it wasn't just for fun. Law enforcement
officers with the Department of Agricultures say the suspect was
posting the signs for sale on Facebook marketplace for nineteen.
He did call them an idiot, right sure? Taking the

(04:26):
You know, we've all seen these at parks where it's
got this old smoky sign says fire danger high today,
low today. Whatever. They're like heavy wooden signs. It's not
just some tin thing that's posted to a tree or something.
One hundred dollars apiece.

Speaker 8 (04:39):
He goes to schools, he's no Myer children, He's o
Meyer families. He's known throughout the United States who goes
and steals an image of Smoky Bear and then tries
to promfit all to that.

Speaker 1 (04:52):
By the way, is it Smoky Bear or Smoky the Bear?
I always thought it was the me too, But I
assume this guy's in the know. He's Agricultural Commissioner Wilton Simpson,
and if he calls him Smokey Bear, because you hear
that a lot. You hear it both ways. We always
said Smokey the Bear. I don't think I ever heard

(05:14):
Smokey bear. I like Porky the pig, right right, That's
how I always said it. I think that's how it sees. Sure,
of course, yep Snoopy the dog. Yep F shed a
spotlight on the state's effort to prevent forest fires, which
destroyed twenty four thousand acres in twenty twenty four. They've
done two hundred and seventy seven thousand acres of controlled

(05:35):
burns this year. This is where the lie is revealed,
rob because I thought only I could prevent forest fires.
According to Smokey Maybe the Bear. He made it quite
clear that the entirety of climate change management was in
my hands only I can prevent forest fires. And now

(05:58):
it turns out, oh, they've got helicopters and teams that
do it. So this is when kids learned from an
early age that adults and yes, adults stresses bears are
lying to you. Spent ninety three million un upgraded equipment,
and yes they dispatched Smokey to remind us that only

(06:20):
you can prevent forest fires. It's also why the department.
I'm really getting mixed messages here, bro really getting mixed messages.
I like where Smokey is giving the thumbs up, and
then they pan over to the guy in cuffs getting
into the culture has their own law enforce. They caught
this thief in the act.

Speaker 8 (06:37):
You're going to go and commit bronze in our forests,
you probably need to find a different place. Not only
will you find smoking in some of those forests, but
you'll find our Parlo officers.

Speaker 1 (06:45):
This time, Smokey got his revenge. He's not throwing this
criminal hap hazardly into the woods. He's bringing him to jail.
We're the most pro law enforcement state of the Union.
I'm Smoky Bears on the job. Also, criminal charges are
ahead for this sticky fingered smoky steeler Evan Axelbank Fox.
That sounds like a little freaky, a sticky fingered smoky steeler.

(07:09):
Not in my house. Did that guy say half hazard?
He sure did. Does he think the word is half hazard?
He also thinks the thing's name is Smokey Bear. Huh. Well,
the commissioner said, Smokey Bear. The reporter said half hazard.
Oh okay, I thought it was the same guy. He
is not putting it in a half hazard way. That

(07:30):
would imply that there's a whole hazard half. It's, of
course half hazard. Are you clear on that day? Them?

Speaker 9 (07:40):
Right?

Speaker 1 (07:41):
David Lee Roth of course, known far and wide to
be the most literate person in rock and roll. Alan
what if Rob's father in law now has radioactive wasp
related superpowers? That would be awesome. I don't think he does,
By the way, most people are telling me there's no
uh in Smoky Bear. Really, people are telling me that

(08:03):
I've always heard Smokey the Bear.

Speaker 6 (08:05):
Smokey the Bear says only you can prevent forest fighters.

Speaker 1 (08:10):
And my understanding was that the was his middle name
and it was short for Theodore. I thought it was
Smoky Theodore Bear. You know you could go, wouldn't that
be Smoky Theo Bear? All right? Smart guy or girl?
I thought it was Smoky the Bear. Wow, Yeah, me too.

(08:31):
Forever Rob, I mean imagine, I don't know what to
do with this info. I love that. Listen. I'm so
happy there were still learning things. You're never too old
to learn things. Smokey bear. It just sounds weird to
say it does it makes sense? Sounds weird to say

(08:56):
because you're used to those forces. Smokey the Bear, Smokey Bear.
I don't think that that's right. A lot of people
are telling me there's no the now. They could all
be wrong, but that seems that's a weird thing to
have passive consensus on. Here, the Wikipedia page says, Smoky

(09:17):
Bear is an American campaign, an advertising icon, the longest
running public service announcement campaign in US history to date.
Why did both of us think that then? I mean,
I know it's Yogi Bear, I know it's McGruff the
crime Dog. I know it's woods Owl remember woodz Owl? No,

(09:41):
that was another the Forest Service, would you know, try
to get kids to woods Owl? You know, give a hoot?
I was thinking that was the Totsy Pop Don't Pollute. No,
that was the one with the mortar board and the tassel, right.
They wanted to make them look smarty. Does it take

(10:02):
to get to the middle of a Tutsi Pop? Who cares?
They suck too?

Speaker 3 (10:08):
Free?

Speaker 1 (10:09):
Ah, free, give me a blow pop. At the nineteen
forties Totsi Roll Pop, I didn't hate them a break.

Speaker 6 (10:16):
Blow pop is the superior pop for sure. Yes, tot
pop has a place, all right.

Speaker 1 (10:23):
I guess for every alpha you need a beta. And
Smoky Bear. Why did we think that it was Smoky
the Bear? Because I that's what I've always known it
to be. I we must have just what is that
called when you recreate history? The Mandela effect? Yeah, that's
what I'm guessing happened here. But what else could it be?

(10:45):
There had to have been a time Smoky Bear. Smokey says,
only you can prevent forest fires? Right, you know what else?
Smokey says? Happy Chanoka.

Speaker 10 (11:02):
Then cock show on one hundred seven, A sore tooth
in the mouth of broadcasting.

Speaker 1 (11:11):
Oh, the Alan Cox Show on one hundred point seven. Domms,
baby girl, you love me? Oh no, we broke them
and it's been a while since we last woke. But
I needed the chant and you give me that because.

Speaker 10 (11:26):
There's something in my pants.

Speaker 1 (11:27):
I don't win you back. You want to beg man again,
but you got be like a bit of a rest
And and I know you said you never.

Speaker 11 (11:36):
Call the girl.

Speaker 1 (11:38):
You ain't see my ball?

Speaker 3 (11:42):
Balls, see my ball?

Speaker 1 (11:46):
How likely is it that you're trying to get a
girlfriend back, and she hasn't seen your balls, I believe
to see, I don't know, hasn't seen that guy who
had to get in front of a judge before he
dipped his nuts in the sausa video. He stood in
front of a judge and he got off light. This guy,
this is in Tennessee. Well, when this story first broke,

(12:07):
they were like, oh, that charge you know, of messing
with food to felony. I think you know you'd get
five years in prison whatever. Not only did this guy
stand there in front of the judge, he laughed, and
the judge still only gave him. What did he get, well,
he gave him thirty days in jail, but he's already

(12:28):
served twenty one, so he has another nine months in
nine days rather in jail, six months a suspension suspension
from one driving uber eats or whatever we like, I'm sorry,
six months suspended sentence or whatever. I've never been in
jail or arrested. These terms, I don't you know. You

(12:49):
hear them thrown around. I'm not quite sure what they are.
But he has to go to a drug and alcohol
counseling session.

Speaker 12 (12:56):
Was he drunk when he did it?

Speaker 1 (12:58):
He probably told them. He was smart, So he has
to go to ninety of those and a ten dollars fine.
Ten so they needed a new jar of salsa. Here's
what I'm saying. This is good news for you aspiring
testicular pranksters. Right, this is Tennessee. I can't imagine that

(13:19):
the laws vary that much when you're dipping your balls
in salsa. It's a very specific crime, to be sure.
But you know, yeah, he got a ten dollars fine.
So is that going to dissuade me from doing that?
Is an even No, not even a parking ticket. A
ten dollars fine, and he was riding shotgun with the
woman who filmed it, the woman who was actually the
delivery driver. She got fired, of course by that company.

(13:43):
But this is a slap on the wrist. He's also
prohibited from any contact with the customer who's food he
tea bag. Yeah, no, dull like one of st get
a slap on the balls too, just like one, just
one nice strong nut tat like you got to stand
there with your legs out and you kind of just
let him dangle and then people can flick them with.

Speaker 11 (14:06):
Right.

Speaker 1 (14:06):
Would that hurt real bad? It would sting. I think
I don't have balls. I don't know. Is it Casino
Royal The James Bond movie where Mad's Michelson is the
bad guy and he puts Daniel Craig in a chair
with the seat knocked out right, It's like a wicker
chair with a seat. He kicks out and he sits
him down and his pants are off and he takes
this huge leather strap. He's trying to get some information

(14:28):
from him, and he keeps hitting his nuts underneath the chair.
It's a crazy scene, man, Yeah, it's a scene every
guy in the theaters watching the moss like, no, come on,
if if anybody needs his balls, it's James Bond. That's

(14:50):
not something you're gonna come back from. Once word gets
around that James Bond has got a couple of shriveled
plums down there going to work against him, you think, well,
he's supposed to be like an international spy and he's
a man of mystery, and he's a cocksman and you
know this whole thing. And come on, man, I mean

(15:12):
you know the next girl that you get to, you're
doing the dow. You're doing what you would normally do
is James Bond and those pants come off and you've
got a couple of like just destroyed raisins.

Speaker 13 (15:22):
Or they're like all swollen and stuff. He's like, hey, listen,
you gotta be on top, and you gotta.

Speaker 1 (15:34):
Go real slow. Okay, real slow. I can't put my
legs together because then they get crushed. That's in the
editor's cut, and that's why we're send that to Bud.
He'll he'll watch it.

Speaker 14 (15:47):
It's never a good thing when guy or girl, if
you're with someone and you guys get ready to do
the thing and they just say you gotta go easy.
I'm sore, and they don't give any any more directions
other than that. It could be like they worked out
really hard and they you just you need it.

Speaker 1 (16:03):
I've never had any context to say take it easy.

Speaker 12 (16:07):
I'm sore.

Speaker 1 (16:08):
Yeah, I'm immediately I think, are you for hire? Like
why are you sore?

Speaker 15 (16:12):
I've said that to a guy after like we've hooked
up a couple of days in a row. But it's
the same gun, right, It's not like a brand new dude,
and I'm like, eh, take it you.

Speaker 1 (16:23):
Saddle walking in there, like, hey, take it easy. I've
been killing yep. Gunfight at the Okay Corral. Got a
new bicycle. I'm really sore. Just take it easy. So
the guy got ten dollars fine for grass.

Speaker 3 (16:50):
It's just some.

Speaker 1 (16:54):
Down and some kind of you'll find the balls.

Speaker 5 (17:02):
You know?

Speaker 12 (17:02):
Good for that?

Speaker 1 (17:02):
I would listen to that band. Yeah, those deadbeat Summers.

Speaker 5 (17:07):
Huh like it?

Speaker 1 (17:08):
Mm hmm it's pretty good.

Speaker 3 (17:14):
M Yeah.

Speaker 5 (17:24):
Who do they sound like?

Speaker 1 (17:25):
Nerf Herd, her No or a thousand other jokey bands.
I don't know. Perry Gripp Sure, I love her? She
loves you who more than me? Who is one of
my favorite songs? Courtney Love?

Speaker 12 (17:40):
Hey? Mike, how are you doing?

Speaker 13 (17:43):
Hey?

Speaker 12 (17:43):
How are you doing?

Speaker 1 (17:43):
Mike?

Speaker 2 (17:44):
I have some questions for the comedian?

Speaker 1 (17:47):
Which one?

Speaker 16 (17:48):
Oh?

Speaker 2 (17:49):
Anyone?

Speaker 1 (17:49):
The girl?

Speaker 17 (17:50):
I think?

Speaker 18 (17:50):
All right?

Speaker 1 (17:51):
I'm Mary all right.

Speaker 2 (17:53):
I was wondering you don't make any money being a comedian.

Speaker 1 (17:57):
You do, it's just not very much at all for
a long time.

Speaker 2 (18:01):
So how would you make some money?

Speaker 19 (18:03):
Like?

Speaker 2 (18:03):
You got to be in the business for like three years?

Speaker 1 (18:05):
Uh, it's a lot longer than that. I've been doing
at seven. Bill's been doing it fifteen. It's a long
time before you start consistently making good money. A long
long time, like twenty years or something.

Speaker 4 (18:19):
Yeah.

Speaker 15 (18:19):
I mean there's different outlets that you can get. Yeah,
there's different outlets that you can get known that you
can maybe make try to make a little bit of
a break, but really just grinded. I don't know any
of those as short cuts don't generally work. It's about
going out and doing it, improving yourself.

Speaker 1 (18:34):
Mike, were you starting from the premise that stand up
would be a money making enterprise? This might that called
in last week?

Speaker 2 (18:39):
I think, well, yeah, yeah, yeah, I did call him
last week about uh yeah.

Speaker 1 (18:44):
Drinking and drink on stage. Yeah, oh that Mike, Yeah, okay, yeah, yeah, okay,
I mean you know it's all right, yeah are you?
Are you going to get up on stage?

Speaker 18 (18:55):
Mike?

Speaker 2 (18:56):
Well, yeah, Like I kind of threw away some of
my jokes because I felt like, well, if I want
to stop drinking, I probably shouldn't. I shouldn't tell you.

Speaker 1 (19:06):
Okay, because you you couldn't do it without taking the
edge off. You mean, yeah, yeah, okay, Well yeah again,
anybody going into any area of the arts for the
money foolish, yes, to say, at the very very least, oh,
at least not when you're starting out. I mean, you
know who knows you can. There's no money of what
I do, but I've made a very good living.

Speaker 2 (19:29):
You guys, don't try to do anything else like right
stream plays or nothing like that.

Speaker 1 (19:33):
Oh sure, we all we all three of us have
competing with stream plays right now. The breaks we do.

Speaker 12 (19:40):
Well I do.

Speaker 1 (19:42):
I never put it on my head, but you're always
going to see it under my arm.

Speaker 2 (19:46):
That's right, I have a all right, all right, So
one more question, like, so, if you want to start
off the comedian, you have to start off bars or
something like.

Speaker 1 (19:54):
That, or yeah, open mics generally, bars, coffee shops, things
like that. If are you I just to the playhouse
square and be like when am I up? Can I
please book this two thousand seat theater?

Speaker 12 (20:04):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (20:07):
Yeah, and then just go up there and be hilarious.
It's easy, Okay, thank you, all good luck, Mike, Thanks Mike.
All right, there you go. There's Mike who is uh
seems desperate to perform, but also worried that he won't
be able to do it effectively sober. Yeah, he called
last week when I did that. We're talking about that.

Speaker 12 (20:24):
All right, No good for him.

Speaker 1 (20:26):
Yeah, there's no money in this My dad says that
all the time.

Speaker 15 (20:29):
What about George Lopez, Oh, you mean the guy who's
been doing comedy for fifty years.

Speaker 1 (20:34):
I've been stealing jokes? What about the jokes? What about
George Lopez.

Speaker 15 (20:40):
Who has a Vegas residency in TV shows, movies and.

Speaker 1 (20:43):
Every other thing in the world. Speaking of drinking, I
did see a story this morning. There's a town near
Pittsburgh called Lower Burrel, PA. A guy named Daniel Sober
was arrested for a d U. I nah, different than
the thing.

Speaker 13 (21:03):
Reason I.

Speaker 1 (21:08):
Like that song, Yeah, that's good. A lot of people
with very specific information on I assume personally from their
own personal experience on how bond payments work. By the way,
Lurid Laughlin and her husband had to put their home
up for the bond or collateral or something. Yeah, so,

(21:29):
I mean, I don't know what their money situated. Lists
going to throw that Massimo money. There's a reason these
people were going for the discount way to get their
kid in. Oh yeah, fifteen twenty grand, because you're not
writing a three million dollars the university. I thought that.

Speaker 13 (21:42):
I thought Felicy Huffin was the fifteen grand they gave
like half a million dollars, did they?

Speaker 16 (21:47):
Right?

Speaker 1 (21:47):
It's hard to keep it straight.

Speaker 15 (21:49):
Yeah, I mean at half a million dollars, why not
take poundcakes?

Speaker 20 (21:53):
You know?

Speaker 1 (21:54):
Why not make the poundcake?

Speaker 18 (21:56):
What was it?

Speaker 1 (21:56):
The arena at Akron University, the Cody A. Brown a
sports arena. That's the best, the sports arena. If you
have half a million to gift, is my point, why
wouldn't you want to put it on something where you
know everyone will see.

Speaker 14 (22:12):
Like when you drive into Akron, Like if you're going
down if you're going down Route eight, the first thing
you see when you even get close to downtown is
the Infocision building, Like, that's the our football stadium.

Speaker 1 (22:23):
Don't they have classes? Don't they have E. J. Thomas Hall?
Isn't that a thing down there? Performing arts theory? You
were a performer? You're not an athlete. I wasn't a
performer in that aspect. I wasn't doing plays. But are
you more of a performer or more of an athlete?
More of a perform right, So get your name on
the Performing Arts Hall. I don't get. I would get
the School of Communication. I don't know who, Please, it
would be Cody's School.

Speaker 13 (22:43):
Communication Cody's you would not get.

Speaker 1 (22:46):
Anything out of school of communication. About five hundred thousand
dollars that's what it would take. Yes, okay, well then
we're talking about money here. We're not like the Morebury guy. Yeah, yeah,
we'll take his money. We don't care absolutely. I don't
even know who E. J. Thomas is, but his name's
on a hall.

Speaker 12 (23:00):
I don't know.

Speaker 1 (23:00):
But these dumble kids that had rich parents, they got in.
So give me my building. I keep it.

Speaker 15 (23:06):
Every time he says that, I think of a Zoolander
when he's like the Derek Zulander Center for kids who
can't read.

Speaker 1 (23:14):
Well, there you go, the Cody A. Brown Sports Arena
University Big. I would go into step further if I
were that, I would write like a huge check. If
I were that wrapper Akon and I would have him
changed the name to the University of Acon. They just
cry out the r.

Speaker 14 (23:32):
Yeah he's gonna love you. I just want to go
on have people go on campus and just know that
like I was really important. Like it's a very maybe
a fountain too, oh yeah, like a nice majestic fountain
where you're peeing out of it. Or I'm just like
this and the water comes out of my mouth, so
it just seems like you're puking into the fountain, puking

(23:55):
up money, puke for the stars, puking up money. But yeah, no,
I just want my name on a big skyscraper in
big blue letters. And then when people get real close,
they'll just see my face like this and they'll know that,
you know, I had it popping near what happened.

Speaker 1 (24:07):
And then two years later the school's out of business.
You know, the skyscrapers and acron There are.

Speaker 14 (24:12):
The skyscrapers and acrons. Sky scraper class on the seventh
floor of the imposition.

Speaker 1 (24:17):
See seventh floor is a skyscraper.

Speaker 13 (24:19):
So are scraping the sky right now? On the fourth floor.
There's a very low sky, and Acron might be it
is very low. The glass ceilings are very high. The
sky is very low. You don't want to go up
too high worst.

Speaker 1 (24:32):
I mean, listen, technically, the sky starts when the ground
stops right in the sky. I mean, I'm you know,
the air on between what do you think sky is
made of clouds? There's air, So where does sky start?
I mean, if you starts above the clouds, if you're
if you jump from a standing position right, You're in

(24:53):
the sky. Now it's a visual thing I think is there.
I don't think there's a is there a minimum altitude
for I mean.

Speaker 15 (25:00):
I think there has to be a minimum altitude to
to for non pilot sky to be scott to be
considered in the sky.

Speaker 1 (25:06):
The star Air is not sky. Sky is like the atmosphere.
The sky is above the air. Where does air end
in sky beget like the sphere of the tropist sphere.
Let's make this simpler.

Speaker 13 (25:18):
What how many floors do does there have to be
before you're in the sky before it is a skyscrape?

Speaker 1 (25:24):
Twenty twenty say what's the tallest built? The key Bank
Tower is the tallest Buildingio, not in Ohio and Ohio
I think it is looking up twenty story how tall
is no more than it's like forty something because when
I went to when I went to the Tower City,
we went up to like the.

Speaker 15 (25:44):
Every time we have Google googleble, I leave my phone
in the office and I don't compure.

Speaker 1 (25:49):
But yeah, I'll make a donation to Cleveland that it'd
be called Cody key Banks creator. The ky Tower is
the tallest building in Ohio. I told you that. Why
did everybody question me you did no, I did, I
questioned you. I was build on my team. That skepticism
was coming out of my miss sky is up there
and air is down here? Gee, why wouldn't I question?

(26:10):
Fifty seven floors at Key to Wow, the one two
hundred and fifty two feet makes it a skyscraper? How
many floors is that? What's the floor to feet ratio?
The Key Tower is the tallest building between Philadelphia and Chicago.
Look at that, I thought building?

Speaker 12 (26:27):
Is that tall?

Speaker 1 (26:28):
Terminal tower number two and between? All right, two hundred
and fifty two feet? It's not that big? Is thirty
nine floors? About? So forty? I said fifty? Someone said
a high rise building? A high rise is twelve to
thirty nine. So anything over thirty so forty floors enough,

(26:51):
Anything over forty floors is a skyscraper. Okay, So my
guess was selo is skyscraper? That state? I mean, it's
really tall, but it's where we're going by definition.

Speaker 15 (27:02):
Here's kind of sky definition sown huh? How many feet
per four? If we can do this math, then that
would be where the sky starts. Understood, if the sky
starts at forty floors, I.

Speaker 1 (27:14):
See where you're going. Two hundred and sixty two. I
don't know through that sixty two times forty No, no,
two hundred and sixty two divided by forty ten feet.
The height of a story is feet four hundred feet? Yeah,
is it?

Speaker 15 (27:32):
That's it. That's where the sky starts. I guess yeah,
according to skyscrapers. But for my for my argument, there
is a difference between air and sky. For air sky
a sky round air sky.

Speaker 1 (27:44):
Yeah, but there might be different definitions between from architectural
definitions what these are and the definitions for climatologists.

Speaker 13 (27:54):
Or now, where does the sky start? We should have
started there. There's ice of bars and mill of bars,
and yeah.

Speaker 1 (28:03):
Skys start. That's a good one. Is anybody in this field?
Anybody call it snow? All right?

Speaker 13 (28:09):
Here we go where naked scientist dot com? It begins
at your feet and extends about three hundred miles up.

Speaker 15 (28:18):
As on a climatologist naked scientists point of view, From
an architectural point of view, I am correct.

Speaker 1 (28:25):
We can both be right, but I'm going with an
orientis not the engineer. I'm right, I'm right.

Speaker 13 (28:30):
I'm going to go with what Mary says because that
means Poundcake's less right. I don't let him think in
the seventh floor building is a skyscraper. That's an apartment
saw glass and you stand up there like wow, I'm
king of the world.

Speaker 1 (28:44):
That class up there. It was really cool. So what
you we both can't be right, Allen. The sky is
an extension of the Earth's atmosphere, which starts at the ground.

Speaker 12 (28:55):
Okay, slow clap beach.

Speaker 15 (29:00):
You're not in the sky on the ground. Otherwise cars
would be airplanes. That you're only right, I call cars
ground planes cars?

Speaker 1 (29:10):
Is that why it's called the car port? Good size? Nice?
This is the high da man. That's what I'm saying,
is that this is the ground. Can't be the sky.
It's not the same. No, the ground isn't the ground.
But as soon as the ground ends, the sky begins.
So one millimeter off the ground is the sky. Yes,

(29:31):
so ants can fly. No, this has nothing to do
with being able to fly. They're in the sky, but
they're on the ground. But they can jump.

Speaker 13 (29:38):
They can jump into into the sky. You can jump
into the sky. I can jump into the sky. It
doesn't mean we're flying. We are for momentary, momentarily flying.

Speaker 1 (29:49):
What means.

Speaker 12 (29:54):
Airborne.

Speaker 15 (29:54):
I love running because for a moment you're flying, you're
off the ground or whatever.

Speaker 1 (30:00):
They're all over. But that's a great way to think
of it. Anytime you jump, you're temporarily flying. You're flying
because you're a Yes, you've acquired the ability to fly.
The Allen Cocks on one point seven w mmas you
know that part of your brain that regulates good decision making.

Speaker 5 (30:20):
Thanks for turning that one off and turning on the
Alan Cox Show.

Speaker 1 (30:24):
Sorry about all the cock, Sorry about all the cocks.

Speaker 3 (30:28):
W mms.

Speaker 1 (30:30):
The bees, I don't mean the apple bee's. I mean
the bees that are out there and.

Speaker 9 (30:36):
Be their.

Speaker 3 (30:41):
Job.

Speaker 1 (30:44):
Bees.

Speaker 5 (30:45):
P peace.

Speaker 1 (30:46):
Right on the American Canadian border, this is the Pacific Northwest.
There was a giant semi truck that crashed and a
massive and it was carrying bees. No do you see
any of this footage. No, this was last week, I
believe fourteen million bees the original acount they said two

(31:10):
hundred and fifty million bees. Fourteen million bees were being
carried and the commercial truck carrying about seventy thousand pounds
of honeybee hives lost part of its load and the
guy driving the truck had to be driving with a
bee keeping suit in tow and they had to get

(31:36):
This is Wockham County, Washington. They had to get the
Sheriff's department out there. It's not like you can just
go and hand scoop fourteen million bees out of the air.
Truck overturned about four in the morning in a rural
area and all of the bees were lost. Hundreds of

(31:56):
hives crushed leaning on each other, and a guy explains here,
a bee keeper explains how you save the bees. So
we're literally.

Speaker 21 (32:06):
Grabbing a bee box and they're grabbing the frames that
contain the honey, the bees and the brood, putting them
back in the box and restacking them on pallets.

Speaker 1 (32:15):
To hopefully have some survival rate, you know, work with
here now.

Speaker 21 (32:19):
But there's so many hives over there that most of
them are collapsed with the frames of honey and brood
already out, So then we're having to quick those back
in the boxes. Yeah, and there's a millions of bees
over there right now.

Speaker 1 (32:31):
You know, you hear a lot of things about unsustainable systems.
Right People who are vegan are constantly imploring people stop
eating meat because the way that meat is processed in
this country is not sustainable, right, Well, it's a lot
of things with the bees too. This is like a
big people go, why are they carrying bees? Because you

(32:53):
have to import bees. That's the weird thing, right, coming
from the Pacific Northwest. It was headed down to California,
I think. But if this one wasn't, there are plenty
of other trucks that are. So these trucks take these
bees to other cities that need bees, like almonds, right,

(33:14):
they have to they take them to California to pollinate
for almonds, which if you know anything about almonds, they
take they use a ton of water that they don't
really have there in California, and so it ends up
being like a loss for the farmers, and then insurance
companies get involved, and so then the farmers in California

(33:37):
that we're going to get these bees, they need to
find bees or they don't get their crops pollinated. And
then the bees and then the bee farmers, right, they
need to replace the bees that they sent and they lost.
So then you have these communities that were you have

(33:58):
a bunch of stressed out honeybees that have nowhere to go. Right,
So over the past ten years or so, all of
these horror stories about the collapse of the ecology and
all that and climate change or whatever. Bees have been
very much at the forefront of that. They've been like, hey, FYI,
if the bees all go, we all die, yeah, and

(34:20):
which is oversimplification, but not by much, not really by much.
So what it comes down to is you have this
weird system where all of this the way that a
lot of farming, which is unsustainable, they got to import
bees because a lot of you know, it's like they
grow alfalfa in the Arizona Desert right. That takes a

(34:44):
lot of water too, because there's a lot of farms
around the country that are foreign owned, and so they
ship the produce back home. So they don't care about
the effects of water heavy crops here because it's all
going overseas. Very very strange. So they ran this bee
story as like a kicker story, almost unlike the local news.

(35:08):
If you saw add a truck crash, well fork to
you million bees and I'm sitting there watching it like
I'm pucker you know, my bee hole's puckering watching this thing,
like okay, well, but that guy seemed almost uh, you know,
he was very very calm about it, guying the bee. Yeah,
well we just grab as muddy as we can and

(35:29):
stack them back up.

Speaker 6 (35:30):
Well, they're all going to hang by the queen, right,
So that's that's got to be the whole plan. I
would assume it's gonna let him come back, because they're
not going to like go far from that area, would they.

Speaker 1 (35:40):
No, That's what I'm saying, Like, you got all these
honey bees, We've got nowhere to go, and so they're
just I don't know how they clean that up.

Speaker 6 (35:48):
Well, I mean there's there. You see all the hives
all the time at farms and stuff. You would have
to assume they can probably get something like that. Some
rigs set up quick, I hope. So I assume those
people know those people, Yes, people who have their own hives. Oh, yes,
be keeping Americans.

Speaker 1 (36:08):
Some of those Canadian bees down here. Yeah, sound like Canadians.
Different buzzp syrup rather than honey, much more friendly buzz.
It's a whole thing. Oh, the terrible, terrible work of

(36:34):
Nicholas Cage there with the you know, he's so good
in so many other things and just so utterly terrible.
Of course, how do you act with cgi bes that
can't be easy that rebooted The wicker Man that he
had the misfortune to star in. Hey, speaking of bees,
how about the bee G's? Would you go see? Because

(36:54):
I got this press release this morning about a beg
tribute band. They're called Staying Alive. They're gonna play MGM
Northfield Park in October, like the week before Halloween, and
I got the press release to go. Hey, if anybody
wants to know, these tickets go on and sale this Friday.

(37:16):
Stay in a lot. Now, I'm not familiar with them
at all, but they are obviously a tribute to the Beg's.
But the Beg's had a big, long catalog. You know,
he started as a folk band. He had a big
long catalog before disco hit, right, and then they became
the face of that. So I'm wondering if the tribute band,
you can't just do the disco stuff because that's not

(37:39):
represented their entire catalog. We only do seventies Begs like
eighties Joel, Yeah, I mean they got to do New
York Mining Disaster nineteen forty two, or what right they
got to do Nights on Broadway? They got to do
I mean, everybody thinks jive talking was part of the
whole disco thing or the whole Saturday night jo I'm

(38:00):
talking like pre dated. That's how they got on everybody's
radar with the UH with the disco stuff. That kind
of ushered that in though, like that's sound. People will
always associate with it because that sort of is what
got everybody going. Yeah, would you You probably wouldn't go
see a You probably wouldn't go see a Beg's tribute band.

(38:24):
I would. I would want I would want to see
the set list, Like if they're literally just doing all
of the disco stuff. No, I would not go. I see,
but I do. I agree with you. I think they're
a very talented band, and I probably if I were
free and needed something to do, I would go Love
the Beg's a documentary fe years ago on HBO, I
was trends Fixed, Allan. You were talking about the Beg's

(38:47):
tribute band and you wish they were doing metal covers.
There is a band that does that. They're called Tragedy,
the All Metal Tribute. Of course they're now see you

(39:07):
know that's wink wink wink, like I got it's a
novelty thing. I wouldn't want two hours of that ill
laias a it's a novelty. Something tells me they're not
going two hours dude. Well I don't know sure, but yeah,
that's a touring band.

Speaker 10 (39:24):
Good for them. Thanks for the heads up, Allan. I
finally caught your metal show on Saturday. I'm looking real
cool in my wife's minivan. Uh, you know, listening to
Dirty Deed's Done Dirt Cheap. Anyways, I'm wondering if maybe
you would play my new metal band. No, it's not

(39:45):
what you're thinking. It's g n U metal. We only
sing songs about the mighty Wildebeest. I would greatly appreciate that.

Speaker 1 (39:55):
Listen. We got another episode of two Hours at midnight
this Saturday. I'm not above on on some new You
ever heard a new? You ever heard a wildebeast? A
canw hairy ganum? That's what it sounds like. So I'm
gonna play that guy's new band on Saturday night. I

(40:19):
mean what it lacks and lyrics.

Speaker 3 (40:20):
To probably make up the lyric?

Speaker 22 (40:24):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (40:25):
Or is that a camel the camel the camel? Yeah,
you can do what you went with him? A Koala
metal that's good too. That's a mating call right there. Yes,
what does a koala know that we don't? I always

(40:47):
assumed they were so cute. Sound the sounds like corpse grinder. No,
you're thinking of how they look, but how they sound
is just downright disgraceful. Yeah, scre You know Pete Diddy
did Godzilla. No, he didn't do the song Godzilla. No,
he did that terrible led Zeppelin thing with Jimmy Page

(41:09):
for the nineties Godzilla movie. Unless you're just being cheeky
speaking of things that didn't need to happen pe Diddy
and Jimmy Page, Yeah, is that at all? Because obviously
it's just a guy, you know, trying to stay relevant
with the person of the moment and then the nineties
zero is Diddy? Does that at all? Is that a

(41:31):
blemish on Jimmy Page's record?

Speaker 4 (41:33):
No?

Speaker 1 (41:34):
Or is it just just an artist, right collaborating with
other artists.

Speaker 6 (41:36):
I mean, if that were the case, I'd hold Robert
Plant in lower regard for the honey Drippers.

Speaker 1 (41:41):
So oh, you didn't like the honey Drippers? I mean,
come on, okay, no, no, when coming off of led Zeppelin,
his wings all right, Yeah, I know what he was doing.
He's doing bluegrass now or whatever, which is but again
that that's sort of like his voice has changed so
much he can't sing the zeptunes.

Speaker 6 (41:58):
He said he was never going to play without John
gotcha right? So yeah, I mean like when I saw him,
he did versions of all the Zeppelin songs, but they
were the way that he could sing him.

Speaker 1 (42:08):
Now, Alan, Eric Blum, and Buck Dharma are the only
original Bloyster Cult members. I'm in Atlantic City about a
year ago. Wasn't flashy, but a great performance. All right,
that's all you want, That is all you want. Alan.
I took my son to see Metallica in Charlotte on Saturday,
and during Pantera, some boomer asked me to sit down

(42:29):
so he could see. I just looked at him and
kept standing, wtf this person I was talking about. We
went to see Eddie Money years ago in Pittsburgh and
I was doing an appearance at Seven Springs Ski Resort
and Eddie Money was in the show Place room that night,
and a couple of friends and I went in. We
had a couple of pops, of course, but still excited
to see Eddie Money in a venue like that, and

(42:52):
we didn't realize we turned around we were the only
ones standing. We're in like second and third row, and
everyone behind us was pissed because we were standing down
in front. Hey, listen, you gotta think though. I always
think of it in terms of your audience age is
with you, and it seems counterintuitive. Listen, people who go

(43:13):
to a pan Terra show, they're not necessarily they're not
in the pit.

Speaker 8 (43:18):
Right.

Speaker 1 (43:19):
There are people who got into Pantera when they were
in high school and so they're in their mid fifties
now and a lot of them got bad knees. They
still want to see the band, but no one's going
to be sitting in a pan Terra show. This guy
was apparently this guy was he wanted to sit down
and watch Pantera. Well, or he was. It was strategic

(43:40):
because Pantera was opening for Metallica, and he's like, I'll
sit during Pantera so I can stand and pump my
fist and kick my foot for Metallica, which is ultimately
why I'm here pacing himself. I say, yes, that's good thought.
I'm giving that guy the benefit of the doubt. Obviously,
if you're there with your kid, right, you want to

(44:01):
give them the full experience. You want to go full
till boogie the whole show. But there's gonna be somebody
behind you who's gonna go sit down. I guess it's
the I guess it's the being crusty about other people
standing that I would take issue with, Like this person.
I'm sure you know if somebody's giving you a hard
time for standing up, you'd be like, bro, you can sit,

(44:25):
but I'm not gonna what am I supposed to do
to me. That's no different than when you're everyone's standing
at a show and the guy in front of me
is six seven My god, damn it. Inevitably, I'm not short,
but I'm not tall. I'm like five eleven, right, I'm
not some short king. But when you got a really
tall dude in front of you're like, oh, come on man.
We went and saw the Charlie Daniels band in a small,

(44:49):
little idy bit venue just because something to do. They
were in our town.

Speaker 6 (44:54):
See, when I was in Rhode Island, the guy in
front of me had on the world's largest fedora you
ever could possibly imagine.

Speaker 1 (45:03):
Charlie. Charlie Daniels show again should have been a cowboy hat.
I wouldn't have had maybe as much of a problem.
But this gigantic abe Lincoln sized fedora, well that's like
a stove. No, I know, yeah, but it was directly
in front of me, and I'm like, and I'm like,
come on, just take the hat, Dora Fedora. Yeah huge,
I don't know. That wasn't for the show. That's a

(45:24):
guy who that's the guy who is wearing that's his thing.
It's fordorable, right, Okay, yeah sir, that is so.

Speaker 6 (45:32):
I was just like, I kept kind of going around,
and as I kept drinking beer, I was getting louder
and I was like, dude, is the hat necessary?

Speaker 1 (45:40):
And he kept it on. He never even turned He said,
is the hat necessary?

Speaker 12 (45:44):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (45:44):
Wow, you never even turned around. Yeah, ignored me. Huh.
It was fine. I mean it's Charlie Daniels. Not like
I missed a loss. I understand. I wish I looked
good in hats. You know, there are some people who
look good in a lot of times its bald guy's
putting hats on. I mean bass, I mean like hats,
some guys look good in them. Oh I look like

(46:05):
a douchebag anything other than a ball cap. This is
what I'm saying. And I don't wear that many ball caps.
But if I'm gonna wear something, it's gonna be a
ball cap. But I was in this Haaberdasher. I was
in this store in Toronto years ago and they had
a rack of hats. I go home it hair reshort.
I mean, you know, you know, WAN look like a
crazy person. I was like, I wonder if I could
pull off a hat. Nope, And I don't know what

(46:27):
it is. Maybe I could, but I'm just so not
used to seeing myself like that. I would have been
too self conscious. But some people you just put a
hat on them and it goes ding and you're like, man,
you were rocking that chapeau.

Speaker 6 (46:40):
That was my grandfather moa me. He coudn't have worn
any hat and looked great at it. I look like
a dope. At one point, I was like, I wonder
if I should get one of those like Cabby hats,
you know, like cab driver anywhere forward you can wear.

Speaker 1 (46:51):
Camo shanter right, yeah, lumpy newsboy cap. I looked like
such a dumb ass. I didn't ever even bought it,
like I tried it out. I'm like, what do you think?
And even my wife was like, I think you look
better at a ball cap. So I'm like, yeah, okay,
good answer.

Speaker 20 (47:09):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (47:11):
Actually, somebody says that they usually sit because they're six
six and they have very broad shoulders. Oh well, thank
you so much for sitting. That's just yeah, oh good
right now, listen, I'm sure that people sitting behind you
or thank you for your sacrifice. But yeah, if you're

(47:34):
standing at a show. So I always like at a show,
I always buy my tickets a couple of rows off
the floor. I want to see the whole thing, you know,
if we're not up in a box Rob MMS Presents show,
which is usually the only way I go to concerts
sound and if I don't have box seats or i know,

(47:57):
sweet tickets, I'm like, do I really want to do this?
That's how you anyone who let's say you're imagining a
situation where like I'd love to get Rob out of
the house and really have him be part of our organization.
This is what it is. Yeah, he only comes out
of the house for special occasions and under very opulent

(48:18):
circumstance and over at the Rocket Arena.

Speaker 6 (48:20):
I just usually when I get my specific suite, I
will call and I'll say Hi, it's Rob the usual place,
and they know they know what wine, they know what
cavi are, they know what crackers, they know everything and
what to have because you can't order this stuff that
I appreciate and like off of their menu.

Speaker 1 (48:36):
I mean, first off, just think of how many Robs
there are, and they already know who it is. Yeah,
when he goes, hey, it's Rob. Before he even gets
to the writer, they know who it is.

Speaker 6 (48:45):
Oh don't They don't need the writer and they know
they know it's And I'm not as picky because it's
now they they have to go out and do special
shopping for me because they don't have that stuff on
their menus, you know what I mean, Like you go,
you can get all kinds of stuff like picky foods
and good things for your sweet, but the things I
require just aren't there.

Speaker 1 (49:03):
So they do special things for me and it's appreciated.
I mean, I don't want to pull the curtain back
too far, but part of that truck that overturned, that
was part of Rob's honey, that was the honey that
was being imported for the last show that we went to.

Speaker 6 (49:17):
Yeah, and I show and sometimes I don't even use it.
I just like to know it's there.

Speaker 1 (49:22):
You know the honey, and I do only like my
honey from Northwestern bees or Canadian bees.

Speaker 12 (49:28):
Yeah, that's it.

Speaker 1 (49:30):
There's a noticeable difference in taste. Listen when we were
at that Disturbed show. And not to put too fun
a point on it, it might sound silly and ridiculous
for Rob to describe these things, but he is also
nothing if not generous. Yeah, with his time and his resources.
So we had all those. We had a box with listeners.
You go with the show thing with me and Rob
are Disturbed a few weeks back and everybody's in there.

(49:54):
Rob's very very generous with his with his jams, with
his crackers, he's very generous with his meats and cheeses. Yes,
And I mean the listeners could not have been. They
were like, wow, I've never been to a show with
so much charcutery. Can you just get us a hot dog?
And I'm like that.

Speaker 6 (50:15):
If you'd like a hot dog, Yeah, you can leave
this week, have a hot dog and come back.

Speaker 1 (50:20):
He goes, I'd have to order it from an exotic
meats shop. Yeah, and that probably wouldn't be very it
wouldn't be a good use of our time.

Speaker 10 (50:28):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (50:29):
So now the people who enjoyed it, they enjoyed it
a lot, they really did. They walked away not just
smelling of beer, but also of apricot jam. That's right,
and that's not a bad way to spend a night.

Speaker 9 (50:42):
Hello. Well, it's me Jane Simmons. Kiss and also of myself.
You were talking a few days ago about rock and
roll outtrows and Rob had mentioned a long way to
the top by a CDC. Now I was a bassist.

Speaker 3 (50:57):
I've got to throw my head into.

Speaker 1 (50:59):
The rings for a chain.

Speaker 9 (51:00):
But look, Map as one of the greatest out troops,
give us this audio quality up in my Honda pilot
twenty twelve lunch.

Speaker 1 (51:11):
The Jeans have checked in so frequently ever since he
did the show a few weeks back, getting some lunch.
I'm getting some lunch in his twenty twelve Honda pilot. Yeah,
this is why the guy knows a dollar. He's not pretentious.
He got a lot of attention. Gives you selling those
thirteen thousand dollars vip roady packages. But for all we know,
that could be going to charity.

Speaker 12 (51:29):
The ellen Cock Show.

Speaker 1 (51:31):
On one hundred.

Speaker 23 (51:33):
Ms Best Way to Resist the Machines dumb down your
smartphone by listening to this craft.

Speaker 1 (51:44):
He won't even remember how to tell time. The Ellen
Cock Show on one hundred point seven WMMS. I have
things to do.

Speaker 24 (52:00):
It's very important in life to have things to do.
That's why we make lists all the time, things to do.
I want to feel like that's why you get out
of bed in the morning. What are getting up so early?

Speaker 1 (52:08):
I have things to do? Okay? What kind of things
at six o'clock? I have a lot of things. I
have a list and everything. I have things to do.

Speaker 24 (52:17):
Some people even have stationary that says comes printing on
things to do.

Speaker 1 (52:21):
I don't need that.

Speaker 18 (52:22):
You know what I mean?

Speaker 24 (52:22):
If if I see a piece of paper on my
desk that says call the plumber, I know it's something
I have to do.

Speaker 1 (52:27):
You know I'm not gonna write down something I don't
want to do.

Speaker 24 (52:30):
There are many things I don't want to do. I
don't have to write it down. I don't write down.
Don't slam your knee against the dresser drew up.

Speaker 1 (52:35):
I remember that.

Speaker 24 (52:36):
Don't eat a piece of melow that's so soft you don't.

Speaker 1 (52:39):
Enjoy I won't.

Speaker 25 (52:41):
I know that.

Speaker 1 (52:42):
Paul Riser, how old. Is that?

Speaker 12 (52:44):
Oh my goodness, that's gotta be. I'm gonna say late
late eighty.

Speaker 1 (52:51):
I will tell you how old it is.

Speaker 12 (52:53):
Which one I did two specials? Which one is that.

Speaker 1 (52:56):
Comic Relief two and three? I haven't had on cassette
since college on cassette on cassette. So I know you're
coming in and I go, you know what, I'm going
to pull these old Riser clips from Comic Relief eighty
eight and eighty nine. And you I thought were always
I thought you were always the silent killer on those things.

(53:17):
You were the guy that who did you come up with?
Was it? And Bill Martinolds? Yeah?

Speaker 12 (53:22):
Bill Roseanne was more La. So I grew in New York.
It was Bill Maher and Jerry Seinfeld and Larry Miller
and yeah.

Speaker 1 (53:31):
You were part of that first wave of guys, that generation,
the first wave.

Speaker 12 (53:34):
It was our wave. There were waves before us and
waves after us.

Speaker 16 (53:38):
You know, it wasn't really you know, it wasn't delineated
as such, but we overlapped, so we were there.

Speaker 1 (53:44):
You know.

Speaker 16 (53:45):
The class before us was Larry David and Leno and yeah,
Leno was a bit before us, you know, and it
usually was gauged by who moved out to la you know,
and uh you know, uh Leno moved out there, and
then Jerry moved out first, and then Larry and then
I was the next year, and Carol Leifer was in

(54:05):
that group. So you know, it's funny because it's sort
of like going through boot camp together because you're always
sort of bonded with those people because you were you
were all freshmen together.

Speaker 1 (54:14):
When Bill Maher wrote True Story, his novel some years ago,
I think he said one of the characters was you
really he had a Roseanne character, maybe an Olame Butusler character.
They were all under other names, but they were all
people that he did go And I think he said
when he was on here one time that one of
the I remember, I remember some of it.

Speaker 12 (54:30):
I recognized some of the other people in there.

Speaker 1 (54:32):
I did.

Speaker 12 (54:32):
Maybe he was so flattering or so unflattering I didn't
recognize it. But yeah, that was a good book. He's great.
It's funny. We were talking about him this morning. That's
another show.

Speaker 1 (54:40):
How long have you been back out doing dates?

Speaker 12 (54:43):
It's really just been propably like two years now. Okay,
here's that.

Speaker 16 (54:47):
I've been out on the road working and and for
a year before that, just you know, at staying in
LA and working it out. But I had taken before that,
I had not performed for twenty years, which is you know,
it literally a lifetime.

Speaker 12 (55:02):
I got there. There were twenty year old comics I
never heard.

Speaker 1 (55:04):
Of, but there weren't even you know, like Leno does
hermosa every Sunday, so you weren't going out on weekends.

Speaker 12 (55:10):
No, No, I didn't do anything.

Speaker 16 (55:12):
You know what happened when Matt about You started, I
just got you know, inundated and up to my eyeballs,
and then I didn't get to do it. And then
when it was when it was over, I was kind
of happy to just lay low. And then it sort
of gets pushed back and you know, kicking the can
down the road.

Speaker 12 (55:28):
I'll get to it.

Speaker 16 (55:28):
I want it because I want it, always meant to
get back. And then the only times that I would perform,
like once a year or something, I was, you know,
if I was hosting some charity thing. But those are
always easy because you do you know, you do a
minute of something funny and introduce the mayor and you
go home and.

Speaker 1 (55:45):
Please bid on this.

Speaker 12 (55:46):
Yeah, it was great to see you, I don't have
to be funny because you didn't pay.

Speaker 1 (55:49):
Yeah.

Speaker 16 (55:50):
So but one night I did some thing that there
was a great crowd and everybody was drinking a little bit,
and I was loose and it was really funny and
I was getting laughs that I wasn't planning on and
I got off stage with it.

Speaker 12 (56:02):
Oh my gosh, I like I forgot how I forgot? Yeah?

Speaker 16 (56:05):
I love doing this and there was you know, I've
been really lucky and all the success and all the
movies and TVs and stuff have always were always gravy
for me.

Speaker 12 (56:14):
You know, you were talking about the comics and we started.

Speaker 16 (56:16):
None of us had an idea anything past maybe someday
we'll get on the Tonight.

Speaker 1 (56:20):
Show, yeah, or Vegas or something.

Speaker 16 (56:22):
Yeah, but like you know, Johnny Carson, the Tonight Show,
if you get on there, that was the pinnacle. And yeah,
then those other things follow, like the people that we
would watch, but none of us thought, well that will
be equals to it then the sitcom and it certainly
was never something I wanted to abandon. You know, there
are a lot of comics who just that's their calling
card and that's how they get attention.

Speaker 12 (56:42):
Hoping to become an actor.

Speaker 1 (56:44):
Well, that does seem to be the delineation though too.
Is that back when you guys were kind of coming up,
there was no comedy scene, There was no comedy club
boom you guys. As you guys were all coming up,
that's kind of when it all exploded. Yeah, But now
you have guys who go to LA specifically to get
a tight seven and then get a sitcom.

Speaker 20 (57:00):
Yeah.

Speaker 16 (57:00):
But I think that's been happening for you know, even
in for as long as I've been doing I think
they were always there was there were guys, and and
they could be perfectly funny and they're perfectly talented people,
but their commitment wasn't necessarily to stand up.

Speaker 1 (57:12):
Yeah.

Speaker 16 (57:12):
And you know, and not to sound preachy a on it,
because I certainly you know, like I said, I hadn't
done it for twenty years. But it's funny because it
really brought me back to exactly where I was mentally,
you know when I started.

Speaker 1 (57:25):
It's like that's where you need to be, isn't it.

Speaker 20 (57:27):
Yeah.

Speaker 16 (57:27):
H And because no matter what you've accomplished or how
much you've learned, it's still just as hard and it's
still h it's still as clear cut. There's no other shortcut.
You just got to get on stage every night. Yeah,
and build that muscle back. You can't there's no app.
You can't download it, you can't digitize it. It's just
it's gonna it's it happens, right, And people ask you
all the time, what's the secret of stand up coming?

(57:48):
It's just getting on stage really yeah, and there are
guys who you know, Yes, it's funny. Some kid came
over to me a to a show recently and he's like,
twenty two twenty three, Well, how do I do it?
And what if it's not good? I said, well, of
course it's not going to be Why would you think
it's going to be good? You know, you kind of
you know, it's like, uh, you have a protective shell
when you start. You don't quite know how bad you are,

(58:10):
which is good because otherwise you shatter, because you fill
the room with your family and people from work, and
you kill and yes, compared to not having gone up,
this is fantastic.

Speaker 11 (58:19):
Right.

Speaker 16 (58:19):
Then you do it ten times, you go wow. But
the truth is I found and I know a lot
of comics feel this way. It's a never ending horizon,
you know, you get further down the road and you think, oh,
there's the end, and nope, the road's curving.

Speaker 12 (58:31):
And you you're always learning.

Speaker 16 (58:33):
You're always learning, uh, sharpening and fine tuning it the
material and your skills.

Speaker 12 (58:39):
So I love it.

Speaker 16 (58:39):
I mean, I love being out in front of the
crowd and uh. And this particular club, I was here
about a year and a half ago, and it's a
beautiful room. It really feels like a theater, but it's
really intimate like a club and they're drinking, and which
is nice.

Speaker 1 (58:52):
It helps next to the last great club owner, he
is great.

Speaker 16 (58:55):
Yeah, I love Nick and I and I and I
and he runs a great room and it really is
a beautiful room in great way to see comedy. And
I haven't wasn't anticipating this, but one of the things
that I love when discovering when I came back was
the immediacy of common stand up. Not just that you're
getting the laughs right away, but you think it's something

(59:15):
at four o'clock. You write it down. Yeah, you tell
people at eight o'clock. There's no where as opposed to
a TV show. You have a thought in January, you
pitch it in June. They get back to in December,
and maybe you make it the next year and then
you know what, I don't remember what I don't even
remember what's funny about this anymore? Right, So you have
a million people and steps and stand up is eliminates
all that, just you them, and Funny was mad about you.

(59:39):
The Paul Riiser project, I mean, was it mostly you
or was it?

Speaker 1 (59:42):
How did that come about? Yeah?

Speaker 16 (59:44):
That was some studio had seen my act and it said,
you know, would you like to develop a show for yourself?

Speaker 1 (59:51):
And I had and you had a bit, I mean,
you had done Diner and Aliens. I mean, you were't
a guy that was just like, hey, let's give this
comedian a TV show.

Speaker 16 (59:57):
Yeah, and they're always looking for commis and I had
and I wasn't really looking to do a show. I
had done My Two Dads, which was fine, but it
wasn't really my cup of tea, you know. And but
what it did, I mean, you know, there were many
people who enjoyed it, and which is great and you know,
younger crowd, but it helped me focus on what I
don't want to do and what I would want to do.
So and so I started and I actually just pitched

(01:00:19):
it and I said, well, you know, if I did
do a show, I'd wanted to be a show that
my friends would want to see. It's not I don't.
It wasn't as glad of find to make a show
that younger, you know, kids are watching. And I said
it would be small. And it was really exactly what
I was doing in my act at the time. This
was like ninety so my we had just been you know,
we were newly married, and my act was stuff like

(01:00:40):
that about how hard it is for two people to
be locked into a house. Yeah, And I said, I'd
wanted to be really small, and I said, in the
original pitch, I went and I said, you know when
you with your wife, you're with your girlfriend, you go
to a party and you're talking and every there's a
sort of social buzz. Then you say good night, you
get into the car, is sort of that car door

(01:01:00):
slam shut. Then the real life happened, and one of
you says, I can't believe you said it, And I said,
that's what the show is.

Speaker 12 (01:01:08):
I said, it's as soon as you close the door,
that's our show.

Speaker 16 (01:01:11):
And they got it, you know, because everybody who we
pitched said yeah, yeah, then they woul start telling me story, right.

Speaker 13 (01:01:15):
Not the moments in the movie where you're falling in love,
but the moments in between, right, right exactly.

Speaker 1 (01:01:21):
But that was the beauty of that show too, was
that it was it was a break from the old
trope of you know my wife, Yeah, you know the
moon and all that. You know, it was more like
you guys were in it, and yeah.

Speaker 18 (01:01:32):
It was it was.

Speaker 16 (01:01:32):
It was romanticized, but at the same time, we always
wanted to be realistic. And I think a big part
of its success, I mean we you know, big part
of its success we had, you know, Helen Hunt was
was magical and John Pancos, Johnny Pano, and we had
great guest stars, and we had great casts and great writers.
So it all happened. But the I think from the

(01:01:54):
audience's perspective, they were laughing, but they were also rooting
for them and they would see themselves.

Speaker 1 (01:01:59):
I hear it.

Speaker 16 (01:01:59):
Now, this is the other fun part of doing stand up,
you know, going live and meeting people after your show
and they'll tell me, oh, my favorite episode of Mad
About You, this scene my wife and I always do
that joke or geeo. And sometimes it's a very touching thing,
you know, and like when you guys had that breakup scene,
and we always wanted to honor that because like people
don't have ideal lives in real life, and like it's

(01:02:22):
it's tough and it's you have to slug it out.
So I think that's what people responded was not only
they related to it, but they were rooting for them too,
because they kept the one thing we always did was,
you know, this couple would get off the.

Speaker 12 (01:02:35):
Canvas and live to fight another day.

Speaker 1 (01:02:37):
You know.

Speaker 16 (01:02:37):
I was like, Okay, you could walk away and we
could certainly say boy, this is hard, or you could
stick it out.

Speaker 1 (01:02:43):
I was talking to my wife last night. She's ten
years younger than I am, and she goes, I said,
Paul Reiser's coming on tomorrow. And I'm a huge fan
of yours. You're kind of in my comedian bingo. You
might be the last one that I have yet to
meet until today. So everybody else have either met or
had on or whatever. And I said, Paul Riiser's coming
on tomorrow. And she literally goes, Paul Riser.

Speaker 5 (01:03:03):
She sighed, and she.

Speaker 1 (01:03:04):
Said she was on a train. She was She started
telling the story she was on a train. She's from
Detroit and she was on a train years ago and
she was reading Couplehood or whatever the first book was.
She goes and I'm laughing out loud on this train.
She goes and she's not a laugh out loud. She
goes these two guys trying what do you want? She
goes wait at a plane, Uker or whatever. She goes
by my friends, but she's like, Paul Riiser, there you go.

(01:03:27):
Because this morning I was here early because I do
I do a morning show in Detroit here in the morning,
so I'm walking in the hall and all of the
sales ladies to meet Paul Riser when he comes off
Rover's show this morning. They got their phones in hand
for the photos. It's crazy. That's still got it.

Speaker 16 (01:03:44):
No matter what happens with the shows tonight and tomorrow.
The fact that your wife sighed upon my name, that's my.

Speaker 1 (01:03:50):
Tree for the week side when she said my name.
She has, but it's a different kind of side. It's
an exasperated side. Yours was it?

Speaker 12 (01:04:00):
Yeah? Well I'm on it.

Speaker 1 (01:04:01):
Yeah. So Paul Reiser is at Hilarities two shows tonight,
two shows tomorrow, two one five or Pickwick infrolic dot com.
Uh for the info there, and Paul Riiser on Twitter.
Do you tweet a lot? I mean, we can't avoid
it these days.

Speaker 4 (01:04:17):
You know.

Speaker 16 (01:04:18):
I started in the last year reluctantly. You have to
yea so and uh, it's like I have to. It's
all like taking out the trash. I have to be reminded,
you know, you have to tweet it, right, right.

Speaker 1 (01:04:28):
I have to.

Speaker 12 (01:04:28):
I never think sometimes I do.

Speaker 1 (01:04:30):
Some people have the auto tweets, yeah, you know.

Speaker 16 (01:04:32):
Something if something funny happens, and I will sometimes remember,
but it's it's, uh, it doesn't come naturally to me
to go, oh, you know something, I'm going to share
this with strange.

Speaker 1 (01:04:42):
Right, but it is, but it is for somebody like you.
It is an interesting way to try to be funny
if you use it for them. Yeah, you know craft
in two liners. Yeah, and I've actually enjoyed that challenge.
And you know, a lot of times it'll just be
I'll be here tonight at seven thirty and ten. Yes,
well that's not funny, but you have to do it,
had to do absolutely, and that's how people know. And

(01:05:02):
the trick is that when you read the tweets or
like you you have to have that filter on because
you're like, it's nice to hear nice things, but then
you have you know, one out of twenty, it's like,
that guy.

Speaker 9 (01:05:11):
Is no good.

Speaker 12 (01:05:12):
I liked it.

Speaker 1 (01:05:13):
What it's hard to pick up on sarcasm too? Via Twitter? Yes, yes,
it has to be.

Speaker 12 (01:05:19):
Asked me, who invented sarcasm?

Speaker 1 (01:05:21):
Who invented sarcasm? I did? That's why the me. That's
why mute is so great on Twitter. Now you don't
have to let people know that you block them. You
just mute them and then you don't see any of
their nonsense. You got a mute?

Speaker 12 (01:05:36):
Yeah, goodbye.

Speaker 1 (01:05:37):
So you started out as a comic, not an actor
who fell into Okay, so I've.

Speaker 12 (01:05:43):
Never heard of that. I've never heard of actors falling
into comedy.

Speaker 1 (01:05:46):
Well, Ricky Gervais, I mean he was a radio guy.
He came up with the office and then said, hey,
may I'll try this. He's only been doing sent up
for a few years, you know, but people.

Speaker 13 (01:05:52):
Assume that he, you know, kind of went comedic. Actors
like John Lovitz was in a couple of weeks ago,
and he but he started as a performer. He's a
performed but then he started doing stand up as well. Right, yeah, okay,
so how did dine? Was Diner your first job?

Speaker 9 (01:06:05):
Yeah?

Speaker 12 (01:06:05):
My first job?

Speaker 1 (01:06:06):
So how Barry Levinson?

Speaker 16 (01:06:08):
How does he find you? They they literally would do
like you were saying they would do. Casting directors would
come into clubs and look for, you know, fresh faces,
and and ironically I still didn't get chosen that way.
They came in, they didn't see me, and they saw
a buddy of mine. And the next morning he was
going to an audition, to the audition for Diner, and

(01:06:29):
he and I happened to have plans to go do
something later in the afternoon. He said, well, come with
me to the casting offers and then we'll, you know,
we'll head uptown. I went, all right, and this is still.

Speaker 1 (01:06:38):
In New York.

Speaker 16 (01:06:39):
Yeah, and this was this is my buddy Michael Kane,
who he has since passed on, but he was one
of the fifth group that he's the guy that I
recognized in Bill Maher's book. And so the casting director,
you know, he went in and and then the casting
director said do you have a picture? And I said no,
I'm I'm just waiting for my friend. She said, what
do you have a picture. I said, ye know, please listen,
I'm not pleased. No, I'm not here. I'm just waiting

(01:07:01):
for my friends. You why don't you come back tomorrow
and bring a picture?

Speaker 12 (01:07:05):
Okay?

Speaker 1 (01:07:05):
Why are you so resistant to it?

Speaker 16 (01:07:06):
Well, because I didn't want something my buddiest Yeah, yeah,
you know, I didn't.

Speaker 12 (01:07:10):
Want to be a jerk.

Speaker 1 (01:07:11):
Hey, you know that role you wanted? I just got
it sitting in the office boom.

Speaker 12 (01:07:16):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:07:17):
But so yeah.

Speaker 12 (01:07:18):
So it was one of those things.

Speaker 16 (01:07:19):
It's really sort of a great lesson in life because
you know, you plan and you have all these things,
and that was absolutely accidental serendipity and opened up everything
for me. I mean, that movie got me, you know,
seen and got me when I went out to La Oh,
it's the guy from Diana that we never have seen
out here.

Speaker 1 (01:07:37):
Well, and you can never you know, you'll hear people go.
Did you have any sense that it was going to
be huge? You can probably never tell if a movie
is going to be huge, and at the time it wasn't.
But it wasn't put such a stamp on you know.

Speaker 16 (01:07:48):
I certainly didn't know it was going to be you
know anything, I was just so happy that Wow, someone
wants me for anything. Yeah, with the cameras and trucks
and everything and and and you know lights.

Speaker 1 (01:07:58):
So I'll tell you.

Speaker 12 (01:07:59):
When I read the script for Aliens, I did know
that was going to be huge. That one.

Speaker 26 (01:08:02):
You just go, Okay, how could it not be? Yeah,
James Cameron doesn't. Well he had Small, he had done
Terminator and uh and uh what was the other one
before that? But so I knew he was great. And
the script was unbelieva and Alien the first one was fantastic.
And you you read the script, You reading the script
of Aliens, you just it was you'd be out of
breath just reading.

Speaker 16 (01:08:22):
I mean like I would have to put it down
on walk away from the table, going oh boy, I'm
out of breath.

Speaker 12 (01:08:27):
It was it was that you go, this is just
just going to be a huge hit. I just my
job will be not to screw up my part.

Speaker 1 (01:08:33):
But I always love seeing comedians in non comedy roles,
you know. I mean, you were a little quirky in that,
but like it was definitely not a funny role. It
wasn't a funny role. No, Yeah, I don't know what
that is.

Speaker 16 (01:08:44):
Like, I was just thrilled, and I think at the time,
he was looking for as much of a mislead, you know,
like if I was known at all, that was eighty five.
So to whatever extent I was known, it was as
a comic. So maybe he thought that would be a
good uh what's the word, distracting from the distracting from.

Speaker 1 (01:09:00):
The red herring that was.

Speaker 16 (01:09:02):
But in fact it was sort of like the guest
star on Star Trek. You know, he's gonna die. That
guy's the guy in the red jersey. Yeah, say, this
guy's no good?

Speaker 12 (01:09:09):
What's wrong? Why is this guy in space?

Speaker 23 (01:09:11):
Right?

Speaker 1 (01:09:12):
Yeah? But it was a good I mean it was
a good exposure obviously, I tell you we.

Speaker 12 (01:09:18):
Had earlier this year.

Speaker 16 (01:09:19):
Abou a few months ago we were they had a
reunion of All Aliens cast and at a comic con
in Calgary. And I had never been to anything in
that world. It was unbelievable. In Sigourney, we've been pretty much,
you know, ninety eight percent of the two or three
people didn't make it over there, but it was and

(01:09:40):
it was huge and people were lining up, and then
we had like there was a hockey stadium filled with
you know, we did a Q and A that evening
and the appeal and the the fondness that people have
for that movie is unbelievable. I mean there's a you know,
someone came over and said, I watch it every Saturday
morning for the last twenty thirty years because every Saturday morning.

Speaker 1 (01:10:00):
Also because it's that rare sequel that everybody considers better
than the original ones.

Speaker 12 (01:10:03):
Yeah, it was a very different movie, though it was fantastic,
but it was a different.

Speaker 1 (01:10:07):
It was different and it holds up too, it does.

Speaker 13 (01:10:10):
The younger audiences can watch that movie, yes, and still
enjoy it, and you could not reliant completely on special
effects or anything.

Speaker 12 (01:10:17):
It's tension.

Speaker 16 (01:10:17):
And see how many movies afterwards were influenced by that movie,
just even in the look and the cutting, the in
the technology that that Cameron you know, envisions and just creates.

Speaker 1 (01:10:29):
Plus a comic con Sigourney Weaver probably has a lot
of Galaxy Quest nerds coming up.

Speaker 16 (01:10:35):
Yeah, but that was great, That was great fun. But yes,
that's one of those things that you don't realize at
the time. I knew the movie was going to be good,
but I certainly wouldn't have guessed that thirty years later,
people are still walking around collecting you know, people flying
in from France to sign a post on really was
worth flying from France to get a.

Speaker 13 (01:10:53):
That movie going Game Over Man and you know, yeah,
they said, could you write such a line?

Speaker 12 (01:10:57):
I go, what's that?

Speaker 1 (01:10:58):
That was your line when you were coming out of
the thing. I go, okay, I don't remember. That movie
kept me from sleeping for a good uh six week.

Speaker 18 (01:11:06):
So I wasn't allowed to see it until I was
I was allowed to see it either, but it does
stand up because I wasn't allowed to see it as
a kid, and then I and then I watched it.

Speaker 1 (01:11:14):
I don't know, probably I was sixteen or seventeen or
something like.

Speaker 12 (01:11:17):
Were you scared?

Speaker 18 (01:11:19):
Oh yeah, oh yeah, all those alien movies freaked me out.
In general, anything extraterrestrial, I can't She's.

Speaker 1 (01:11:26):
Generally a little jittery for the most part.

Speaker 18 (01:11:28):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:11:29):
Yeah.

Speaker 16 (01:11:30):
My kids didn't see it for a long time because
I knew what they would be scared and it wasn't appropriate.
And then they kind of was old enough and a
friend of mine was having like a party where he
was screening it and they invited. I said, okay, well,
now it's time, and so we went over in the
middle and they weren't. They were they were into it.

Speaker 12 (01:11:46):
They weren't.

Speaker 16 (01:11:46):
They weren't over frightened. But in the middle of it,
my son was probably around eleventh the time, just went, oh, Dad,
you're such a dick, sweet darling. The script didn't even
say that I put that in.

Speaker 1 (01:12:00):
It was all Man, all year, old Man, old Riser Stamp, Yeah,
Ellen car Show on one seven.

Speaker 5 (01:12:10):
Allen Cardio, Allan.

Speaker 1 (01:12:13):
It says here that you call yourself one of the
few gay goat farmers in the Great State of Tennessee.
On one hundred point seven mms. Even Brian was calling
in about baseball. This guy never talks about sports. Brian
is on third.

Speaker 27 (01:12:31):
Third base, tops the Pope and Loisel see that he
needs a brief I remember third base.

Speaker 1 (01:12:42):
Yeah, oh Pacossels. The whole song is built on a
sample of Sledgehammer by Peter Gabriel. That song was only
a couple of years old when this came out, so
that was a little bit of a misdirect. I don't
know if Brian was actually calling about baseball or about
Pop Goes the Weasel. I don't know. Normally he would
sing the song he was thinking of Ell miss a

(01:13:06):
ball player with the last named Canyon Arrow. Canyon Arrow
No Junior Camon Narrow is the guy that the then
Indians I think I think they were still the Indians
grabbed him and traded him a waves in Tampa. He's
hitting homers off of the team that he should have
been playing for. Obviously, hindsight is twenty twenty. But what

(01:13:28):
are you gonna do when you aren't scoring any runs
at all? Everything's up for grabs. Yeah, there's a lot
of finger pointing. Unfortunately, that finger pointing is not pointing
to where they're going to hit the home run. There's
no Bay Bruce situation going on out there. I think
I think we're maybe downplaying the gambling situation a bit

(01:13:52):
much too well, I because there's a lot to be
said for the morale of a team when like two
of your guys are dicking around like that and really
screwing you. Absolutely correct, but they are outnumbered by a
whole bunch of other guys who weren't doing that for sure,
and so listen, those are two big losses, and yeah,
that sucks me.

Speaker 6 (01:14:10):
One of the best closers in baseball can't play because
he was gambling a lleged like like I don't know.

Speaker 1 (01:14:16):
Man, it's not a good place to be. It doesn't
do much for the a spree to corps as it were.
So what's that now? The ape to corps, Rob, the
the morale, the spirit, thank you, thank you?

Speaker 10 (01:14:35):
Uh huh, yes, I start thank you.

Speaker 1 (01:14:44):
All. I thought Rob's breaking news was going to be
that your mom was engaged your Why would that be
Rob's breaking news? Would be kind of funny if she
told me first, Oh my god, hi, Rob, could you
forward a message talent for me? Yeah, of course he's
sitting right across from me. Okay, well I don't want

(01:15:05):
him to know. Could you tell him that he's about
to have a ten foot tall half brother, not even half?
Oh my god, if he was ten feet tall, if
he was a foot I tell you crazy. Oh, it's
like when Costanza found the titleist. That kid was gonna

(01:15:26):
toss me like a cork. Maybe Brian was referencing the
old Who's on first bit? You think? You think from
the the one from the nineteen twenties. The Abbott and Costello.

Speaker 28 (01:15:39):
Is a third.

Speaker 1 (01:15:42):
Third listen man. His comic timing is unparalleled. That's why
I went with Pop goes the Weasel, because maybe he
was referring to who's on first? Is that a bit
you can still do? I mean, forget the fact that
it's super corny, it's very old. It did represent the
height of comedic timing at the time. Yep, I'm saying

(01:16:05):
in the context of because it did have racial not racist.
It had racial undertones, right, well. The jokes were all
made to sound like Asian day, who was on first?
What's on second? Maybe not? Maybe just those third? Yeah,
I could, I think I could. Probably I've seen that
a lot. Like my grandfather, we would watch that abbit

(01:16:27):
Neil Abbitt Costillo's all the time. Okay, So in answer
to Brian's question, I don't know is on third? I
don't know. I still don't know, because he didn't. I
kind of git it there a little bit. Costello thinks
that the first basement is named Naturally. You throw the

(01:16:49):
ball the first base, and who gets it naturally? Naturally?
Now you've got it, I throw the ball to Naturally again.
This is It's in the National Recording Registry at the
Library of Congress. That means that it's considered of high
cultural value. I'm not saying the wrong. It's considered one
of the best comedy Sketches of all Time. I think
They're right is part of the Baseball Hall of Fame

(01:17:12):
in Cooperstown. There's a gold record of it.

Speaker 6 (01:17:16):
And when you think about the time for something to
be written like that, I mean, it would be funny
if it was done now.

Speaker 1 (01:17:24):
You think, I think so, okay, I mean it's wordplay.
And listen, we you know you're talking to the wrong
people if you're going to piss out wordplay. But yeah,
the nineteen thirties is pretty much. It came from an
older routine called Who's the Boss? You know, because a
lot of these guys would come from burlesque, and so
it had to be very broad. It had to be

(01:17:45):
very common. Ah, so why are you saying that, Well,
I'll tell you what I said. No, it pants jacked
up to your niche. I don't know who's on third, Well,
who's on first?

Speaker 12 (01:17:56):
Exactly?

Speaker 1 (01:17:57):
Exactly? Suddenly, Oh, I'm watching Alien Earth over on FX
and all of the synthetic humans. The premise of the
first part of the show is that they have transferred
the consciousness of termally ill children into these synthetic humans
that are super powered and blah blah blah and they're

(01:18:19):
going to be used by this young man who owns
this company. He's the world's first trillionaire. Whatever. It's the
shape of things to come. It's what I'm trying to say.
This is only partly fiction, but the conceit is all
of these kids are named after characters from Peter Pan.
But it does if you forget that or don't realize
it because you never read Peter Pan, or maybe you

(01:18:41):
only know the main characters the Darling family, maybe you
only know you know Wendy, but there are a lot
of weird names in that book and in that play,
and so if you forget that, it's hard to follow
this show when the characters are named Lake suddenly or
the lost Boy. Right, there's Nibs and Slightly and Curly

(01:19:03):
and the twins and Sourly. Oh yeah, yeah, they change
his h they change his name in the in the
Disney movie. But oh jesus, what is that my new
freaking computer? Dah oh, I hate bitch. I hate this
so much. I'm trying to make me please. I crashed

(01:19:26):
my flying machine. Crash this flying machine. What the new
computer you have in here? Just starts playing stuff? I
just yeah, out of nowhere. I'm trying to like log
back into everything because everything is gone, of course, and
and there's no change your pin. Okay, what's the current pin.
That's why I'm asking to change it. You can't change

(01:19:47):
it without knowing I just all of it. I just
wish there was some sort of magic button you could
just push and everything works. And I don't know why
in twenty twenty five, when I carry a supercomputer, I'm
my god, damn po it can't be as easy as
just restore old computer. I felt good. Wow, uh huh

(01:20:10):
all day long, I've been dealing with this nonsense guy
was supposed to call me at one point thirty to
back up program the it guy. Yeah, I'll tell you
who needs I shouldn't say needs it help. We had
this thing earlier in the day down in one of
our we had this dunkin Donuts lounge or whatever they
will use for live performances, and iHeart stuff, and we

(01:20:30):
had our I don't know if they're biannual or what,
but ever so often we'll get a lot of our
advertising clients together and some people make a presentation and
they'll ask some of the talent to be there. So
it's me and Rover and Rob and Bill Wills and
Jeremiah from Kiss FM me you know, all the heavies,
Rob the Heavy, all the heavies. And I'm standing up
against the back wall next to Dougie and so we're

(01:20:51):
kind of chatting as someone's giving some presentation I don't know,
and I look over and she's texting, and I don't
know what she's texting, because it's none of my business.
What I do know is her text is like twenty
four point font. I go, what are you ninety? Oh? Yeah, wow?
She goes, not like at yours. I'm like, look at mine.
It's like normal size font. That's what I have. She

(01:21:12):
was like a lady. A few years ago, I was
up in the Nosebleeds for the Bob Seeger Farewell show
at the Old Romo Fijo and there's a woman standing
next to me who's probably in her late sixties, you know,
like in that og Seeger Demo and em she went ninety.
And this woman was texting somebody and I really didn't
mean to snoop, but I couldn't help it. I like

(01:21:36):
looked because the light's coming off her phone, and she's
got massive font in her text. I'm like, Jesus, what
are you playing Wheel of Fortune over there? Hi takes
up two lines. Ye yeah, I'm like, wow, are you
playing a hangman? Or what's happening over there? Yeah? Wow? Crazy?
I'm still using regular whatever the default font is. Be honest,

(01:22:00):
I am. I am getting to the point where I
may up it a little. Really, Yeah, we've upped our standards.
I just I just feel like, who am I? Who
am I trying to impress? Well, not impressed. You know,
if you need it, do it. I just I didn't
realize that she needed it.

Speaker 6 (01:22:16):
I'm getting there. I'm not fully there, but I wear
reading glasses every day when I'm on the air, so I.

Speaker 1 (01:22:21):
Know that because you have to read the script that
I painstakingly write every night. Yeah, what page are you on?

Speaker 5 (01:22:28):
Four?

Speaker 1 (01:22:29):
Okay, I just get ahead. I'm six. Why are you
on six?

Speaker 24 (01:22:34):
I don't know?

Speaker 29 (01:22:35):
Five?

Speaker 1 (01:22:35):
Completely painstakingly write these well into the night, Well I
well into the night. I send them over to your assistant.
I had Dougie on page one. We went off on
the on the Taylor Swift thing. I'm all messed up.
Did you hear she got engaged? She did to who Rob?
Would you.

Speaker 20 (01:22:58):
Turns?

Speaker 1 (01:22:58):
She stole that dude that aria you're on here on
it mm, that's on page four. She stole that dude
that Ariana Grande stole in the first place. Which one's that?
I don't know the guy from the player, No Pete Davis, No,
not him, No Ellen. On the boat on Captain Funds

(01:23:20):
floating Fandango, there was a guy using a magnifying glass
to read his flip phone up on the top deck.
See that's funny. That's like an affectation. You know, you
carry it around your neck and then you just hold
it up when you're gonna read your flip phone monicle
to read your texts. Yeah, wall, I might do that.
That might be better. Just hold that thing up every

(01:23:41):
time I get get yourself some opera glasses. Oh that
see that's even that's even more of a flex than
a monocle. Actually, be a break it so you can
to take out this huge case every day. What are
you doing that I'm gonna read a text? Oh, I've
got some texts coming in. Where are my opera glasses?

Speaker 18 (01:24:01):
Oh?

Speaker 1 (01:24:02):
Valet, oh, valet, where are my opera glasses? I need
to read some texts?

Speaker 3 (01:24:08):
Oh?

Speaker 1 (01:24:09):
Another one damn its hold.

Speaker 29 (01:24:11):
On, m bring home bread and milk. Up, there's one
more and eggs. Bring home flour and milk and eggs.
Mamma's making a cake. Yeah, the reading glasses and the

(01:24:32):
giant font I don't know. Maybe get listen. Make no mistake,
my lasik is hanging on for dear life. I've had
it for all most fifteen years. They told me it
would take a crap in under ten probably when I
had it done. So it's still working just fine. So
were you near or far sighted? I was near sighted? Okay,
I had a stigmatism, so I was near sighted, but

(01:24:54):
I never had glasses. I think out of vanity.

Speaker 1 (01:24:57):
But when I first came to Cleveland, one of the
first indoor I got was for a Lasik joint down
the street, and independence I said absolutely yes, and so
it was awesome, and they were They were like, you know,
it's forty at the time. They were like, yeah, you
kind of get in it later and some other people.

Speaker 11 (01:25:12):
So just the.

Speaker 1 (01:25:12):
Natural degradation of your eyes. This might not last just
super long. I'm still rocking. Was it a noticeable difference
as souls?

Speaker 12 (01:25:22):
Yes?

Speaker 1 (01:25:22):
Yeah, yeah. Now what you don't want to do is
watch the lasik being done to you because the place
you know, they're thrown up on the monitor and they're like, well,
this is when we cut off the top layer of
your eye. Okay, cool, no, thank you, no, thank you.
And so yeah, but yeah, I was like, wow, dude,
looking at her phone. My doctor want it's like your

(01:25:43):
phone is screaming at you.

Speaker 6 (01:25:44):
The optometrist wants me to get bifocals because I need
a little bit of help seeing things at a distance,
like especially if I'm reading something or looking up close,
and that I look up, I can't see crap for
a minute.

Speaker 12 (01:25:55):
Wow.

Speaker 6 (01:25:55):
So he's like, if you, if you get bifocals, but
they're like such tiny prescriptions. I'm like, I'm gonna hold
off on this as long as i can because that's
going to mess me all up looking in the wrong spot.

Speaker 1 (01:26:24):
I can't see so good.

Speaker 25 (01:26:27):
Damn it.

Speaker 1 (01:26:27):
Oh my eyes is killing me. Yeah right, fine, understood. Yeah,
well listen it. You know, time makes fools of us,
all right, eventually, and sometimes other people make fools of
us every day in my life, yes, and so what

(01:26:51):
are you gonna do? But yeah, it was wild. I
was kind of stand there next tour and I certainly
want to make her feel bad. I was like, wow,
you have giant font on your I didn't want to
make her feel bad, so I brought it up on
the show. Yes, well, we all talk about things, you know.
I spent the first three years at W have a
mess with that show making fun of me every day.
So but yeah, I was like, wow, dude, for you, Yeah,

(01:27:15):
it does suck. Man, eyes just start going, I guess.
So I can't wait for the hearing when that selective
hearing thing gets go. I can't wait. Well, I'm working
in radio for you know, Rob and I thirty years.
I mean I worked with people they would take their
headphones off and you could hear them down the hall.
They just had them cranked all the way up and
you from like the early days. I was like, I'm

(01:27:36):
not doing that. If I'm going to have headphones on
my head every day for hours, I'm not doing that.
I'm not going to be deaf by the time I'm forty.
I always have had them on loud. I don't even
now they're pretty loud.

Speaker 6 (01:27:49):
No, but I don't like I can't listen to loud
things outside of work, you know what I mean?

Speaker 1 (01:27:54):
Like if the radio is on.

Speaker 7 (01:27:55):
I never.

Speaker 1 (01:27:57):
I never cranked the radio anymore. I just kind of
I like things quiet. Well, yeah, because these the sounds,
even though it's mostly talking. We're not playing music that much,
but it's like, you know, they go right into our head. Yeah,
four hours and hours a day, So imagine having to
listen to this voice twenty four to seven. No matter

(01:28:18):
what I do, I hear this.

Speaker 3 (01:28:21):
Hey, could you.

Speaker 1 (01:28:22):
Turn that down?

Speaker 3 (01:28:22):
Please?

Speaker 1 (01:28:23):
I'm trying to Hey, Hey, did you turn it down?

Speaker 19 (01:28:30):
Hello?

Speaker 27 (01:28:30):
Hey?

Speaker 1 (01:28:31):
Play whoa? You don't have anything else you can be
playing in there? You don't have anything? Mellow ears are bleeding?
Please blow thing? You got any what about what's his name?
Dave kase You got Dave Kasey, Kenny g anything like that? Oops? Oops?

Speaker 7 (01:28:52):
Kay?

Speaker 11 (01:28:58):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (01:29:01):
Are you doing a fantasy football thing? I am? I
thought we talked about it briefly, but I couldn't remember because.

Speaker 6 (01:29:06):
Yeah, I kind of got that thrown to the wolves
with the company league. So now I'm out commissioner of
that league. Dietter ran it, wait, you're.

Speaker 1 (01:29:15):
The commissioner of the iHeart Fantasy Football League? I sure am? Wow?

Speaker 6 (01:29:19):
Yeah, Hotchkiss was like, hey, what do you think there's
really not a whole lot to it. So I said, well,
then why don't you do it?

Speaker 1 (01:29:28):
Wait? He came to you? Was thisn't an email or
he came to you in person?

Speaker 24 (01:29:31):
No?

Speaker 1 (01:29:31):
He see they sent me a text. Did you attacked?

Speaker 18 (01:29:33):
Hey?

Speaker 1 (01:29:34):
Could you do?

Speaker 18 (01:29:34):
Why?

Speaker 19 (01:29:34):
You?

Speaker 1 (01:29:35):
I don't know. It's a great question.

Speaker 12 (01:29:36):
Wow.

Speaker 1 (01:29:37):
So I had to kind of have to figure out
as I was going, like how to do everything? Mm hmmm.
I play. I've played every year since I've been here,
and you can go ahead and get that good for
you thing ready. I'm always going to be a bridesmaid.
I finished third the first year and I think second
last year, So hopefully I can win the thing this year.
But Pat Butler won last year. Your co on two

(01:30:00):
Hours to Midnight. Yeah, we're back this week, are you?

Speaker 13 (01:30:04):
Oh?

Speaker 3 (01:30:05):
God for you?

Speaker 1 (01:30:07):
Yeah we are ten o'clock, ten pm, rob nothing but
two hours of heavy metal, Me and pet Ball. So
he won last year, he won last year. It was
the pot. I don't know it was, uh thank so
it's bucks oh wow? Okay, so the buy in is like, yeah,
I think it's I think it's one hundred of guy. Okay,
I have to look at it and I think people

(01:30:29):
ask me to go, I go no, because it's because
I'm just throwing darts at a board and that's usually
how someone wins. But it ain't gonna be me. It's
always you know, somebody, And well we had the vacancies.
I was going to ask you, and I remember you
being like, yeah, I don't want to do that. Well
that's why I didn't ask you. I mean, yeah, I'm
all for fantasy football. I think it's cool. I mean
I pulled a couple of people. I have Ibraheimaconate at

(01:30:50):
center back. I have Alexis McAllister midfield. I'vevann Twins menu
at wing. Yep. I got Bruno Fernandez is my attacking midfielder,
Alison Becker in the net. I got Omar Marouche for
my foreword. Yep. So I mean it sounds like you're
well on your way. Yeah, Rob, I'm all about football

(01:31:11):
and so my fantasy Oh damn it, that's this has.

Speaker 20 (01:31:15):
Been self pandering to soccer fans.

Speaker 1 (01:31:20):
Yeah, I congratulate this wrong as the so you in there,
yeah football, Yeah, okay, No, I don't. Uh, I don't
take part of that. Maybe one of these years I will,
but uh, I think I did it maybe the first
couple of years I was here and I pretty much
have my ass handed to me. Well, if you would
like to play again, Uh, I gotta talk to the commission.

(01:31:42):
I know a guy. Yeah yeah, dog texted me in
the break. She goes, I got Lasik when you did?
I go, yeah, but you're like ten years old on me.
I can hit her twice, I know. Wow. Yeah, No,
I think she did because somebody told me. Last year
I went to a place called LVC it it's Lasag
Vision Centers in Cleveland. It's hashtag not an ad but

(01:32:03):
Jim Principy, my buddy down there independence he's the one
that runs the whole thing. I ran into him not
long ago. It was like I was doing an appearance
in the flats towards the front of the summer and
I just happened to run into him, and I'm like, yeah,
this is still going strong. But somebody went in there
like last year and said that my picture is still
on the wall. So I'm like, oh, I bet that's fun.

Speaker 18 (01:32:22):
You got.

Speaker 1 (01:32:22):
I think me and Erica, I think our pictures are
on the wall. Oh you guys probably take that down.
You want I'm sure there's equally prominent people who've been
in there. They like hevin' you up there. I guess listen,
what do you want from me? It's uh, you can't
really tell by looking at someone if their eyes have
gotten better. You did you sign it? Sign the picture?

(01:32:45):
I said, there's nothing finer than being in your diner,
is what I signed. And they said, this isn't a diner.
Take him back again and shave off the next layer
of cornea.

Speaker 12 (01:32:55):
The Ling Car Show on one of.

Speaker 1 (01:33:02):
The jokes aren't clever, but he at least the delivery sucks.

Speaker 30 (01:33:06):
The Ellen Cox Show on.

Speaker 1 (01:33:20):
Hey Logan, what's going on? Logan? How you doing good?
How are you good? Guess what?

Speaker 18 (01:33:28):
M hm?

Speaker 1 (01:33:29):
I just recently started listening again. Okay, you know what
what took you away?

Speaker 9 (01:33:35):
Oh?

Speaker 28 (01:33:36):
Just the Hillary Clinton hogwash?

Speaker 1 (01:33:39):
What do you mean hogwash? Hogwash? What about it? No,
I really wanted.

Speaker 3 (01:33:43):
What I wanted to say is a gentleman tip.

Speaker 1 (01:33:46):
Yeah, you know what it is. You keep asking me questions, Just.

Speaker 3 (01:33:50):
Tell me you might just have the answer.

Speaker 1 (01:33:52):
Alan, You're smart. I don't know what the question is.
You said you might already have the answer to the question.
I haven't asked you, what's your gentleman.

Speaker 5 (01:33:59):
Tip that you must wash your hands before you urinate?

Speaker 25 (01:34:04):
Right?

Speaker 1 (01:34:05):
Any chance you could go away again? Logan? Yes, all right,
welcome back, logan all right, all right, good hey, Harlan
Williams is here. And when you've got a sexy little ringtail,
lemur like this guy, you grab him with both arms
and you let go. How are you doing, man? Great man?
How are you good? Long time?

Speaker 12 (01:34:23):
No see buddy?

Speaker 1 (01:34:24):
How you bet you good? To see you again? Happy holidays,
same to you. What's the triple one?

Speaker 10 (01:34:30):
Oh?

Speaker 9 (01:34:30):
My hat?

Speaker 1 (01:34:30):
Yeah, it's like from that video game Fallout? Oh right,
are you into that?

Speaker 5 (01:34:35):
No?

Speaker 12 (01:34:35):
I just I was in a store.

Speaker 1 (01:34:36):
I saw a hat with three ones on it gotcha
and I was like, cool hat. I bought it. And
then you got dopes like me asking Everyone asked me
about this.

Speaker 18 (01:34:44):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:34:44):
Yeah, I bet your thirteen year old boys don't ask
you the Fallout. Yeah, they all know all about it. Yeah,
that's true. Old dudes like me got to ask you.
It was almost kismet because I knew you were coming
in for some reason. They showed dumb and dumber a
lot over Thanksgiving, holl really, and so I rewatched it
for the first time in a long time. Oh cool. Yeah,

(01:35:05):
TBS had it on a loop or something nice, and
it was fine to watch again. And Harlan Williams, of
course a classic scene in the film. Yeah, man, yeah,
the peed drinking cop and dumb and Dumber. Yeah, it was.
It's a classic. Like it still holds up.

Speaker 31 (01:35:19):
Yeah, some comedy movies, a lot of movies just fade away,
but say it was something about Mary.

Speaker 1 (01:35:25):
I watched that recently and another movie I was lucky
to be in. And it holds up too, like Xelligan
these movies, like these movies everybody loves. You're the guy
that popped up for a few minutes. Yeah, yeah, man,
it's better than being in a bunch of movies nobody's seen.

Speaker 12 (01:35:40):
That's right.

Speaker 31 (01:35:40):
Yeah, I don't remember. I don't remember. So yeah, no,
I'm glad you still like it. That's great.

Speaker 1 (01:35:46):
Twenty years old, dude. Well that's what I like too,
is like that. I hadn't seen it for a long time,
and so I was like, oh, it's on, I'll watch
it because it is funny and it was great. There's
some movies like you ever come home late from like
a night out. I guess Saturday night or something, and
you're like, Okay, it's two in the morning, I'm gonna
eat this bag of chips and go to bed. Yeah,

(01:36:07):
and you turn on the TV just so there's some
noise and a movie comes on and you're just like,
oh no.

Speaker 31 (01:36:13):
And for me it's Forrest Gump. You have to watch
it because every scene in Forrest Gump is great. So
the minute you see you're just like, oh damn it,
now I'm up for another hour, and right you get
zoned it.

Speaker 13 (01:36:25):
You gotta watch them, like two and a half hours
of Gump. For me, it's a Good Fellows. It all
depends when. Yeah, yeah, Good Fella's is the one for me.
Forrest Gump's one for me. If I see a fight
club that fight dialed in Cheapers Creepers, I love that one. Yeah,
I love them both, but the second one is great. Yeah,
Cheapers Creepers. Bro, you like Cheepers Creepers.

Speaker 1 (01:36:47):
I've seen that one.

Speaker 18 (01:36:48):
I'm trying to think I was just watching something just
came on the other day and end up staying up
till like three thirty.

Speaker 1 (01:36:53):
In the morning. Well, was it Gump?

Speaker 19 (01:36:56):
Rain Man?

Speaker 1 (01:36:57):
No, it's a good one. Philadelphia, Oha World Dirt.

Speaker 18 (01:37:00):
Oh Wayne's World was on, and it's like it's two
AM when the movie starts, and I'm like, oh.

Speaker 1 (01:37:08):
Sh do I stay up to watch this?

Speaker 18 (01:37:10):
And then I'm like, okay, I'll just watch a little
bit until I finish my bag of chips or whatever
the hellow is eating.

Speaker 1 (01:37:16):
And then the next thing I know, I'm like sitting
there at it's three thirty am.

Speaker 31 (01:37:19):
I'm still watching it, and they're like, I'll watch it
till the next commercial.

Speaker 1 (01:37:23):
But then they leave you hanging. Oh I got it. Yeah,
you want to see that one scene. You want to
hear that one line that's so crazy. Well, and that
was the next thing I was gonna say is it
depends on what channel you get it on. Because if
I get Good Fellows on HBO, I go, okay, two
hours and I'm in bed. You get a two and
a half hour movie on like TNT, oh ye four
hours long, it's all the commercials and crabs.

Speaker 31 (01:37:42):
Sit through the piasis commercial you catch, yeah, the Yeast
commercials if.

Speaker 13 (01:37:47):
You catch on like FAX where they do like the
behind the scenes stuff where they're like, oh watch it
like inside the movie. Yeah, I like that stuff. But Yeah,
it adds to the runtime. You're like, wow, so now
home alone is a three and a half hour Yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:38:01):
God, I've been watching a lot of The Walking Dead.
You guys watch that love. I can't figure out how
they've how they've managed to make this one of the
most boring seasons, though one of the most exciting characters
in Megan this season killing me. It's so boring.

Speaker 31 (01:38:19):
Yeah, it's it's kind of it's jumping all over the place. Yeah,
but it's weird. It's a weird it's a weird world.
Like I get perplexed by a lot of it because
when you think about the zombie Apocalypse, the way they created,
it's like it seems like everyone died almost within twenty
four hours, you know, most of the people that everyone
just dropped in place and got and became a zombie.

Speaker 1 (01:38:40):
And I watched the show and I go, was it
brown pants Day? In America? On the virus?

Speaker 31 (01:38:46):
Said, was it gap shirt Day? Where's the zombie? And
the C three po pajamas? Wait, where's the zombie?

Speaker 3 (01:38:55):
Yeah?

Speaker 31 (01:38:55):
Or the victorious secret like undergarments? Like where is that zombie?
And why is everybody so scared?

Speaker 1 (01:39:02):
I never understood why people are so scared of zombies
because they're shuffling towards you very slow. It's the food
that makes it scary. But even if there's one, they'll
go just step to the side. Yeah, little matrix action.

Speaker 31 (01:39:16):
And they're so hungry for people that are that are
so skinny and dead, you know, dead all that they're
always eating.

Speaker 1 (01:39:22):
Like, here's how you stop the zombies.

Speaker 31 (01:39:24):
Point them towards a golden corral, all right, just open
the doors and let them feast at the non stuffed
shrimp popper.

Speaker 1 (01:39:31):
Both, right, they got no digestive system anymore. Put them
to use, have them enter the Nathan's Hat dog getting contest.

Speaker 31 (01:39:41):
I always think there's gotta be like, you know, and
every you know, there's always a silver lining and everything, right, Yeah,
And I thought there's gotta be one guy that loves this, right,
And I'm thinking, what if there's some like guy named
Melvin who's like up in a second story window looking
out there's four hundred zombies walking down the street, the

(01:40:02):
walking dead, and he's up there just wringing his hands together,
and he's a necrophiliac.

Speaker 1 (01:40:08):
He's like, oh, yeah, I'm getting some action. You talk
about a popper buffet. He's looking for you.

Speaker 12 (01:40:15):
He's excited.

Speaker 1 (01:40:16):
So how have you been What have you been up to?
Do you get home to Canada anymore?

Speaker 31 (01:40:20):
No, I've been working down in La I sold a
cartoon to Disney called Puppy Dog Pal.

Speaker 1 (01:40:28):
I heard about that.

Speaker 31 (01:40:28):
It's a little Yeah, it's a little cartoon of these
two little puppies. And we've just been working like crazy
doing all the design work, writing the episodes. And it's
going to premiere I think either June July or August
in twenty seventeen.

Speaker 1 (01:40:42):
This is a Disney Channel thing, Disney Junior, Disney June.

Speaker 12 (01:40:46):
Yes, it's a.

Speaker 13 (01:40:47):
Really Alan's got a little baby and I have a
niece that's about fifteen months so this they're going to
grow up on this show. We'll make sure that they're planting.
Get that book out your hand.

Speaker 1 (01:41:00):
Washing ARLT show. You know.

Speaker 12 (01:41:03):
I'm like it.

Speaker 1 (01:41:04):
I think they're gonna like it.

Speaker 31 (01:41:05):
It's about two little pugs, little puppies and they go
on all these nutty adventures, and I think the kids
are gonna dig it.

Speaker 1 (01:41:12):
Are you you're writing it and voicing it or what's
your in producing it? You're fully involved in the shit.

Speaker 31 (01:41:18):
Fully involved I write some of the episodes, and then
I'm involved in breaking all the episodes in the writer's room,
and then I work with all the artists on the designs,
and I'm doing the voice some of the voices, and
I just oversee the whole thing, and.

Speaker 1 (01:41:34):
Is the animation kind of more pixary or more two
dimensional cartoony? Look?

Speaker 31 (01:41:40):
It looks like a full blown like grill g Yeah, yeah,
it looks beautiful.

Speaker 1 (01:41:45):
So how did you arrive at this?

Speaker 5 (01:41:46):
Then?

Speaker 1 (01:41:47):
I mean, were you You know, a lot of guys
are like, I want to do a I don't know
what a lot of people want to do now, but
I mean, if you were like, I want to do
a kid show, well, it.

Speaker 31 (01:41:56):
Wasn't so much a kid show, but it's just look,
I went into Disney and I had some ideas for
different animation shows. Oh I see and and so I'd
been pitching it all over town and Disney Junior was
the one that responded to it. And I just wanted
to make this fun, comedic show about puppies. And you know,
gratefully and thankfully they they just took to it and

(01:42:17):
liked it. And we we've spent the last three almost
four years working on it.

Speaker 1 (01:42:22):
Because the beauty of cartoons, I mean, at least in
most of my favorite ones, is that there was always
little winks to the adults. So if you're watching with
your kid, you're not going crazy.

Speaker 31 (01:42:31):
Yeah, we definitely have that, yeah, because you got to
keep the parents engaged just as much as the kids.

Speaker 13 (01:42:37):
So that is one of the things that makes those
shows latch on. When it's a show that, like an
Adventure Time is one that my kids liked and then
I watched it be like, do you guys get that joke?
And they're like, that wasn't a joking, Like, yes, it.

Speaker 1 (01:42:50):
Was, oh yeah, Adventure Times a trip Manah. I think
they're done though, Yeah, yeah, I think so. I think
that was really made for adults.

Speaker 13 (01:42:58):
Like First Elis Yeah, Yeah, that's one that is a
little more out there out there, but there are plenty
of shows like that that have those little yeahs.

Speaker 1 (01:43:08):
Pixar movies always have them, Oh yeah, you got you
gotta keep the adults happy. So when you're walking around
in you're pitching, because the pitching process can just be
the repetitive and frustrating or whatever, and you finally get
and they go, yes, we're gonna green like this, we
want to do this, and you walk out and then
you go, do you already have fifty ideas in your head?
Do you go, holy crap, now I got to write
this thing.

Speaker 27 (01:43:28):
No.

Speaker 31 (01:43:28):
I usually when I go in, I have, you know,
because usually once you come up with an idea, you
just can't help but fill in ssh it out all
these ideas for episodes. So I had a lot of
ideas in my head. So we went in and we
hired a crew of writers and we just boom, boom boom.

Speaker 1 (01:43:44):
Did you hire other comics or people that worked in
kind of kids television? Actually I did hire.

Speaker 31 (01:43:51):
Three of my stand up comedy friends to write some episodes,
and then we hired like some more like writer type
folks that that's what they do for a living. Yeah,
so we have a good cross section of funny, good
talented people in there.

Speaker 1 (01:44:05):
Was there a learning curve where Disney had to be
like this is too much this way or did you
have a good sense they liked it because they liked
your sensibility already about it.

Speaker 18 (01:44:14):
Yeah.

Speaker 31 (01:44:14):
No, they pretty much really liked it. And you know
there's tweaks. Tweaks we've had to make you know, sometimes
you have to pull back here or go even further here.
So but overall, there's been a real good symmetry between
you know, our crew and the Disney executives, and it's
really coming out.

Speaker 1 (01:44:31):
I'm really happy with it. So I would think something
animated it would be a lot of fun because you know,
if you watch those TV shows where there's like a
live host and they're talking and I don't mean sesame stream,
I mean there's a million shows like this now where
there's like a live host. Yeah, and there's puppets there,
but they're just talking to the kids. There's no sense
whatsoever that there's a little bit for the adults, like hey,

(01:44:52):
kids like Blues Clues and crap like that. It's like,
you look at the eyes of these hosts and they're
young and they want a gig, but they just look
like the Jack Daniels close host. So I got into
some kind of trouble.

Speaker 13 (01:45:04):
Now it was like an urban legend or something. Yeah, Yeah,
he was going bald, and he's like, I don't look
right for this role anymore. So yeah, I stepped away.
I look fifteen. When I have mail pattern baldness.

Speaker 18 (01:45:17):
Work, when is it different than another show, like do
they do? Does Disney buy a certain number of episodes?

Speaker 1 (01:45:23):
Yeah? They ordered, They ordered like fifty episodes. Oh yeah,
So how has that that? I would imagine, at least
for some amount of time, made going on the road
difficult or impossible to work on the act or to
just do stand up at all.

Speaker 12 (01:45:39):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:45:39):
Well, I had to cut back last year. I cut
back a tone. I was mostly you know, working on
the show in our studio in Burbank. You were underground man,
kind of underground alone. I mean I was going out
here and there, but not as much. I purposely, you know,
dialed everything back. And then we just finished our last
episode about two weeks ago. So so now I'm kind

(01:46:01):
of out and I can, you know, do a little
more touring now. But yeah, I definitely dialed it back.
Money good on something like that. When Disney goes, yeah,
let's do it.

Speaker 31 (01:46:10):
I guess it depends if it does well, everyone else
does well, you know, you get to cut but if
it if it doesn't do well, it's it's I mean,
it pays good just to work on it. But you know,
when any TV show does well, everybody's salary goes up.
You know, everything just kind of climbs the ladders.

Speaker 1 (01:46:28):
So especially with something like that with there is like
endless merchandising, and that's that's true. Yeah, so it'll be nice.
We'll see what happens.

Speaker 31 (01:46:36):
We'll see we'll see if But I just really I
just want to see a fun show get made and
get on the air and and kids love it.

Speaker 1 (01:46:44):
So are you going to be doing uh? Are you
going to have an hour on Netflix in the near
future or in the far future or.

Speaker 31 (01:46:51):
Yes, I'm working I'm working on my next special okay,
which is going to be kind of unlike any special
I think has ever been. I'm gonna be doing my
next special as a dog.

Speaker 12 (01:47:04):
Okay.

Speaker 1 (01:47:04):
So is this for horizontal marketing purposes? This is you're
obsessed with canines? This is this is I've been I've
been practicing. I've been working out at clubs.

Speaker 31 (01:47:15):
I have this crazy dog mask that looks like a
pug in the mouth, articulates and everything. Okay, So I've
been going on stage is Larry the Pug and I'm
gonna do it to look like Chewbacca mom kind of yeah, exactly.
And I'm gonna do like an hour hour stand up
special as a dog.

Speaker 1 (01:47:33):
In twenty special Larry the Pug. Yeah, okay, so now
just looking at me like what But it would be
like you're you would be a normal Harlan Williams act,
you just have the mask on, or it would be
more like in character, I'm the dog doing Okay, it's both.

Speaker 31 (01:47:52):
It's gonna be the dog has kind of I've I've
given the dog just because I've I've done it on
stage a number of time in a little like five
ten minute bits just to start to feel it out.
And the dog is a little bit more like the
dude from Big Lebowski. He's kind of like, what's up, bros? Yeah,
hey Larry the Pug here bro.

Speaker 12 (01:48:12):
You know, he's kind of more like that.

Speaker 1 (01:48:14):
Where did you go to work this out?

Speaker 31 (01:48:15):
The very first time I did it at the San
Jose Improv about I guess about just over a month ago.

Speaker 13 (01:48:23):
Oh recently? Was the research time you did it? Okay,
the first time I did it?

Speaker 31 (01:48:26):
And then I just did it this last weekend in Irvine,
California at the Improv.

Speaker 1 (01:48:32):
Now do you want? Do you get on stage? They go, Hey, everybody,
Harlan Wims do you get on stage?

Speaker 11 (01:48:36):
You like?

Speaker 1 (01:48:37):
And then you go here's what I'm gonna do, or
do you put it on and walk up?

Speaker 31 (01:48:40):
I have the MC just so I the way my
shows work, it's like an MC, a middle act, and
then I come out into hour. So what I do
is I have the MC before the middle act. So
your first comedian, he's a real funny guy. Please welcome
Larry the Pog.

Speaker 12 (01:48:55):
Okay, so there's no hoop.

Speaker 31 (01:48:57):
It's just like a regular command. And then I walk
out and do like ten minutes is Larry the Pog.
And the crowd's really loving it so far.

Speaker 1 (01:49:04):
They don't know it's you.

Speaker 31 (01:49:05):
They don't know they most of them figure it out
miss bac Well. But and I don't care that. Obviously
I'm telling that it's me. I want people to know
it's me. But but once I'm on stage, I really
do kind of become this other because my whole head
is I'm a dog.

Speaker 1 (01:49:19):
You know, I wear a blue turtle next winter. And
you're not trying to be Tony Clifton or anything like that.

Speaker 13 (01:49:23):
Yeah, I was on the road years ago, this is
probably ten years ago, and I was doing like a
run of Comedy Zone gigs and I was working with
this guy, Johnny Millwater and each night, like I didn't
pick up on it until the last night. This guy
would go on before me and do a guest set
and he was just like this older like it was

(01:49:43):
like a vet and he it was real stiff and
dry and like wrote these really really funny one liners.

Speaker 1 (01:49:49):
But I'm like, we're doing guess that's how are you
following us?

Speaker 13 (01:49:52):
You know, each of these gigs like three four hours apart,
and then the last night is I'm on stage, I
see him like skipping and hopping in the back of
the room and I go, I'm so dumb. It was
him the whole time, and I didn't even pick up
on it. Yeah, because he the character was I mean
he he had makeup and everything, like it's like an
old guy. He looked like a completely different person and

(01:50:14):
he sold it real hard, like Spike Jones and Jackass
or something. Yeah, And he would talk to me before
his set and everything, like he had like a whole backstory.

Speaker 4 (01:50:21):
It was.

Speaker 1 (01:50:22):
It's kind of hard to keep people kind of back
on their heels a little bit, and I know what
to expect.

Speaker 31 (01:50:26):
Well, you know, it's your thing anyway, my career where
it's like, you know how many more specials. Do you
want to see of me standing on stage with the
red curtain and blue You know, I've done like twenty specials,
have done HBO, I've done Showtime, I've done Comedy Central.
I've done tons of them. And so now I'm at
a point where I want to push the envelope. I

(01:50:47):
want to push push the art form. And my last
special two years ago was in I filmed it in
the middle of the desert on a on a hill
with no audience in broad daylight.

Speaker 13 (01:50:58):
You know.

Speaker 31 (01:50:58):
I did an hour called a Force of Nature. That's
on Netflix if you want to see it. So I've
been waiting to be inspired for like two years. I'm like,
what can I do next That's gonna get me excited
and offer the audience something fresh and new.

Speaker 1 (01:51:13):
I still don't think you get I think you should
get credit for starting the whole crowd work wave by
the way, too. Oh, I think you were like the
first guy to do that a while ago, and then
everybody started doing just CrowdWork CDs like a talent Todd
Berry and all very funny people. Oh they're doing it you.
Oh yeah, you were the first guy. I remember that
just did an entire album of crowd Work. Oh well, yeah,

(01:51:34):
you know it's funny you said.

Speaker 31 (01:51:35):
I just released Crowd Control Volume three on iTunes, so
you go take a look at I just put it
up last week.

Speaker 18 (01:51:42):
So yeah, it's on iTunes. That's my favorite kind of
stand up. I like the off the cuff, I like
the work with what you're given type of comedy. I
think that takes more skill than preparing jokes because you
have to you don't know what is going to be
presented in front of you that night in the audience.

Speaker 1 (01:51:58):
It's right that constantly, Oh well, I'm glad you said that.

Speaker 12 (01:52:02):
Maneah, well, I.

Speaker 1 (01:52:03):
Guess some guys, but his in particular, There are a
lot of guys that are good riffing off an audience member. Harlan, however,
will get up there and irrespective of what they say,
he'll be able to go off into some weirdo tangent.
Just go to the next place.

Speaker 13 (01:52:17):
I'm like, oh, what's your job? Oh that's a dumb job,
and you just kind of rip on that. It's a
different you.

Speaker 1 (01:52:23):
You. You have a very unique process. Oh thank you.

Speaker 31 (01:52:26):
I had a guy I did a show not too
long ago, Like I always love it when I find
really unique, you know, unique careers, and and I asked
the guy in the the audiences, what do you do
for a living?

Speaker 11 (01:52:38):
Dude?

Speaker 31 (01:52:39):
He goes, I work in a blast furnace and I
was like, I was like, well, hey, how are you
even alive? And then second I'm like, this is gonna
be the only guy in the world if he goes
to Hell, he'll be walking around going Yeah.

Speaker 9 (01:52:52):
So.

Speaker 1 (01:52:54):
Getting hotter Puppy dog Pals conceived written voice creative Harlan Williams. Yes,
good for you.

Speaker 31 (01:53:01):
And if I could mention real quick, and you want
my podcast, The Harland Highway, we do it Monday's Thursdays.
There's an app in your app store. Just type in
the Harland Highway and you get my podcast for free.
So it's a ton of fun, beautiful. Now just watch
Larry the Pug is going to be more popular than
you ever were in your entire career. He's going to
take off.

Speaker 18 (01:53:21):
Imagine, he's going to be the biggest celebrity in the world,
and you will.

Speaker 1 (01:53:25):
Never have to go yourself, Larry. They're going to go
back and digitally insert him into all your movies. Rug
Drink you like Jack Olin High Jacquelin Pug. It's always
good to see you man. Thank you to Alan. Great
to see you man.

Speaker 31 (01:53:40):
We go back a long way, yes, we do. Great
to see it. Thanks for having me in. Happy holidays,
carln Gosh Show.

Speaker 29 (01:53:52):
Of course, he says, calm when someone steals his stuff from.

Speaker 1 (01:53:56):
The company fridge. He needs that energy for when the
books in their guest tank.

Speaker 4 (01:54:03):
Ellen Cox on.

Speaker 1 (01:54:07):
WMMS. Of course we've played this on the air before.
How to make an ac DC song in thirty seconds?
Song is called Dog in the Road and I love it.
How to make an ac DC track in thirty seconds fast?

Speaker 25 (01:54:20):
You need drums, and you need bass, then you need guitar,
or you need to know three chords, A, D and G.

Speaker 1 (01:54:32):
Put them together in any order and do your best
impression of Marge Simpsons. You can't sleep on Dog on
the Road boy.

Speaker 12 (01:54:52):
That is uh.

Speaker 1 (01:54:54):
The two guys from c fourth did that. That's really funny.
Four or five years ago never heard. That's great. That's
all you need to make an ac DC song, you know, though.

Speaker 6 (01:55:06):
Making fun of it as much as he's trying to
do there, he still used a click track to do it.

Speaker 1 (01:55:11):
And that's a banger.

Speaker 4 (01:55:14):
Of course, it is.

Speaker 1 (01:55:15):
He's like, here's all you need.

Speaker 18 (01:55:17):
Ah.

Speaker 1 (01:55:18):
They mock because they love. I have to think, Hey,
hell and is Eric and Pennells Pennsylvania again. You were
talking about gas stations yesterday, and I have an etiquette
question for you in the audience. Do you think it's
polite to, after you're done pumping your gas, to remove
your car and park it in a parking spot when
you go in to buy your Mountain do an at

(01:55:38):
I think it's really rude to leave your car at
sheets or get gay just indefinitely when people are waiting
to pump their gas. What do you think? Yeah, I
think it's rude too. I used to be that guy though.
I would go in as my gas was pumping, and
then I was finally like, that's really bad idea, Like
why would I do that? I'm sure I was thinking

(01:56:00):
that I was trying to make the most of my time,
but I was like, I shouldn't leave my car and
attended while it's filling up with gas. So I stopped
doing that. But yeah, you put the pump back in,
you pull into a spot. If you're gonna go in,
I couldn't care less. Oh you would go you would
let your car, sit there and go in and get something.
What do you in the store for thirty seconds a minute? Well,
it depends on when you go. I mean when I

(01:56:21):
used to do that when my car was filling up
and I would go in. If I saw a line
of people, obviously i'd walk back. I'm not going to
stand there for twelve minutes because there's other people waiting
get their gas.

Speaker 6 (01:56:30):
Totally different. If there's a line, if it's a busy
time of day, great, move the car. But if you
just stop it off and you're gonna go in and
grab a soda, you know who cares.

Speaker 1 (01:56:39):
I'll tell you what drives me nuts are the people
when when there are clearly a lot of people looking
for parking spots. Let's say you're at a Target or
a Walmart or something like that and it's busy. We'll
use this time of year as an example. What drives
me nuts are the people who get in their car
and then lollygag oh. When they get out, right, you
can tell they're checking their phone, usually an older lady.

(01:57:01):
You can tell they're checking their phone, they're their makeup.
I'm like, lady, I'm right, you can see I'm waiting
to get in now again, it's not it's first world problems.
You Yeah, that to me, man, I'm like, that is
that's either your being willfully ignorant or it's just a
lack of self awareness. There's other When I get in
my car and a parking lot I want to get out,

(01:57:22):
there's like other people looking to get you know, that's
a big thing with me. I'm trying to not get
in other people's way. I mean, I'm trying to accommodates
as politely as I can. People do that on purpose.
I am convinced of it. I think they get probably right.
And I'm sitting there in the car. Do you're not
gonna tell me when to pull out? I'll do it
when I I'll tell what I'm glady. The kids are like, dude,

(01:57:46):
just parking a difference. But no, it's a thing now.
My blaker's honest, she could say it. That's right, ma'am.
I'm I'm bad here, all right, Jesus Christ. Oh boy,
Uh yeah, totally true. So yeah, if the question is

(01:58:09):
about etiquette, I think it is better to pump your gas,
pull in, go get your snack, because you know what happens.
You think you might want to run in there, and
then you get in there and you go, WHOA, I
didn't know they had this spread. I might want a
waiter off the roller. I might want to I don't
know what they got a new kind of cheeto. Well,

(01:58:32):
let me look at this for a second. If you
know you're going to be in there for a minute, okay.

Speaker 6 (01:58:36):
But if you're just running in to grab like a
pack of gum, an item a pack, if you know
what you're going to go, get it and come back
and stop it near your car, it's nonsense.

Speaker 1 (01:58:46):
Yep. If I'm going in and I know all I
need is a pack of camel crushes for my dog,
hopefully they'll have them, you leave the car there, all right?
Do you shut it off every time? Do I shut
it all off while I'm filling it up? Yeah? Yes,
all right. I see people all the time not do that.
Cars just running. I'm dumb when it comes to cars.

(01:59:07):
You know, when people talk about gas fumes making things,
it's more about like your cell phone and things like that.
I think you're not supposed to use your cell phone
around gas fumes. Uh. I don't even know that's true.
I just I, yeah, I shut my car off. I
fought my gas, I pulled the car off. I don't
want to mess with anything. I don't want anything getting
in the way of anything.

Speaker 5 (01:59:26):
I'm just trying.

Speaker 1 (01:59:27):
I'm trying to pump my gas. Hey drunk Sue, Hey baby, Hi,
how are you?

Speaker 5 (01:59:33):
I'm doing good?

Speaker 18 (01:59:34):
How are you?

Speaker 1 (01:59:35):
I feel like I haven't heard from you in a minute.

Speaker 5 (01:59:38):
Oh, come on, it's only been a couple of weeks.

Speaker 1 (01:59:41):
That's fine that that feels like a long time. I
thought maybe that you had given up this. I thought maybe. Well,
I'm just saying I noticed when people who call frequently
haven't called a much, you know. I mean, I don't
want to manifest anything, but like, we haven't heard from
Gaylord in a while either. And I'm sure there aren't
a lot of people weird about that, but I'm just
saying that here in my broadcast bubble. These are things

(02:00:01):
I tend to notice. Okay, And then you know what,
because you know, why Sue with somebody like you or
gay Lord, Then my brain goes to I hope they're
okay because we've lost people over the years. We've lost
somehow Dick still lives, but we've lost Rick. We've lost
drunk Mike Junior, you know, but we lost aka Becky.

(02:00:22):
So my brain goes to, you know, given your lifestyle,
my brain goes to, I hope Sue's okay.

Speaker 5 (02:00:29):
No, I'm fine, Honey.

Speaker 1 (02:00:31):
You're gonna outlive us all, aren't you?

Speaker 5 (02:00:34):
You bet your ass? I am, I'm I'm you know
what the deal is?

Speaker 1 (02:00:44):
What's the deal't have.

Speaker 5 (02:00:45):
Me in Hell's afraid of takeover?

Speaker 12 (02:00:48):
I'll tell you what.

Speaker 1 (02:00:48):
Drunk Sue. She's got those T shirts memorized. Boy, are
you into novelty T shirts? Sue? Do you have a
lot of stuff like if you can read this, the
Bitch fell Off and that kind of stuff? You had
those kinds of shirts?

Speaker 3 (02:00:59):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (02:01:00):
Yeah, Do you have one that says Hell Heaven doesn't
want me in Hell's Afraid I'll take over?

Speaker 20 (02:01:05):
No?

Speaker 1 (02:01:05):
I don't have that one. Well, Christmas is coming up,
I know. Are those shirts that you purchased for yourself
or they're gifted to you?

Speaker 5 (02:01:15):
I thought you were talking about Dougie there for a minute.

Speaker 1 (02:01:19):
With what but with Parking?

Speaker 5 (02:01:22):
Yeah?

Speaker 12 (02:01:23):
Why is that?

Speaker 5 (02:01:24):
Because she's such a rotten Parker?

Speaker 9 (02:01:27):
Oh?

Speaker 1 (02:01:27):
I don't know that about her. I don't understand why
anybody would be bad at parking. They've drawn the lines.

Speaker 5 (02:01:35):
For you, I know, but she can't seem to find
the middle part.

Speaker 1 (02:01:41):
I see, I didn't. I'd never heard that about her.

Speaker 6 (02:01:43):
In her defense, the way that the garage is set up,
she leaves, she parks in the same spot all the time,
so she does leave a little bit of additional room
for the person getting out on either side. Oh, that's
here at works, that she's here at work, KLR would
always take pictures. And oh I did about the way
that she parks.

Speaker 1 (02:01:59):
Okay, I didn't know that. I don't even know what
what her car is, so I wouldn't be able to
point it out. But okay, well, no, no, you got
big plans for Christmas. You got big plans for Christmas.

Speaker 5 (02:02:15):
You know what? Actually, this here, I do have the
ability to get some things good.

Speaker 1 (02:02:25):
Okay, good for people that has me. You're saying that
has not been the case in years past. Correct, Okay,
well then I'm very happy to hear that.

Speaker 5 (02:02:36):
Yeah, me too.

Speaker 17 (02:02:37):
All right, I can't wait to see their faces. That's
the best part, isn't it.

Speaker 19 (02:02:42):
I know?

Speaker 9 (02:02:43):
Right?

Speaker 5 (02:02:43):
All right, Okay, they never cared before, But.

Speaker 32 (02:02:48):
It's the thought that counts, right, well, yeah, but I
know people that need like a certain thing, and like
if I say it right now because I know, well yeah, no, no.

Speaker 1 (02:03:00):
Don't you know, don't don't give anything away. Yeah I can't.

Speaker 5 (02:03:03):
Yeah, I can't divulge.

Speaker 1 (02:03:05):
Right, which days the big celebration, Sue? Is it Christmas
Eve or Christmas Day?

Speaker 11 (02:03:12):
Both?

Speaker 1 (02:03:12):
Both?

Speaker 5 (02:03:13):
Actually?

Speaker 18 (02:03:15):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (02:03:16):
Awesome.

Speaker 32 (02:03:17):
The only thing I can't figure out is every New
Year's Eve, right at midnight, I.

Speaker 5 (02:03:24):
Always call my dad?

Speaker 12 (02:03:26):
What do you call him?

Speaker 5 (02:03:27):
Hell?

Speaker 32 (02:03:30):
Well, my dad got used to keeping the phone right
beside him on the bed because he knew i'd call
him at midnight.

Speaker 1 (02:03:36):
Yeah. So the implication here is your daddy is still around.

Speaker 3 (02:03:44):
No he's not.

Speaker 1 (02:03:45):
Okay, So what you're saying is good will, right, remember right?
I forgot about that? Sorry, Yeah, so many things going
on here with Yeah, sorry about that. So yeah, you're
saying that you still you still forget that you aren't
calling him? I know. Yeah.

Speaker 5 (02:04:04):
But then I was like, who am I going to
call it New Year's Eve?

Speaker 19 (02:04:09):
You know?

Speaker 16 (02:04:10):
Right?

Speaker 17 (02:04:10):
And my and my sister says, well not me. She
was clearly looking for somebody to talk to.

Speaker 1 (02:04:17):
When the clock strikes twelve into twenty twenty five, or says,
he goes, don't call me. I want nothing to do.

Speaker 32 (02:04:22):
I know, right, yeah, no, my one brother, he says,
I will keep the phone right beside my head.

Speaker 1 (02:04:30):
Right, okay, all right, Well don't be a stranger, Sue,
I won't. All right, thank you, Sume, thank you, babe.
You're drunk suits. So usually I have a better rhythm
with drunk suit, but I was having a hard time
figure out what was going on there, Sue. You caught

(02:04:51):
your bike that corection. Einstein's say, Jorge, is it Jorge
and Ashtabula.

Speaker 2 (02:04:59):
Orla as going?

Speaker 4 (02:05:01):
Alan and Rob?

Speaker 2 (02:05:02):
How are you doing?

Speaker 1 (02:05:02):
Hey Moor? Hey, how are you? How is it an Ashtabuli?

Speaker 10 (02:05:05):
Are you?

Speaker 1 (02:05:05):
Are you neck deep in snow? Oh?

Speaker 3 (02:05:08):
It's like Dickey four inches Like that's a lock for her.

Speaker 8 (02:05:11):
But yeah, we're.

Speaker 1 (02:05:11):
Covered, all right?

Speaker 23 (02:05:14):
Are you?

Speaker 1 (02:05:14):
Are you gonna be able to get out? Jorge?

Speaker 5 (02:05:16):
Oh no, I'm actually suffering from pink eye.

Speaker 2 (02:05:18):
I can't really go out anywhere else going down to
my girls.

Speaker 1 (02:05:20):
Boo boy. I should have known in Ashtabulah was probably
not very light.

Speaker 12 (02:05:31):
I don't know.

Speaker 1 (02:05:32):
I can't imagine someone doing a speedy Gonzalez esque impression.
Isn't actually a whoorgey. Hey, I got pink eye because
I was doing something I shouldn't be doing any thing.
It's like Day's not here. I was waiting for a
Sister Mary elephant to start screaming there. All right, thank you,

(02:05:56):
hoor hey, son of a bitch, Ashtabula here. I am
concerned about the fine Ashtabulans I don't know. And Jorgey
comes swinging in. We got sixty four inches and I
got the pank guy. That's what he was doing. Yes, exactly, Wow, okay,

(02:06:20):
senior gott though. I don't care for that at all.
It's unreal. Yeah, Jorge, I hope his name is really George.
I was gonna say, or whatever your name is. Do
you hear me calling to the Ellen Cook shield today?
I hope somebody did, because your friend's gonna slap you.

Speaker 9 (02:06:40):
Of course.

Speaker 1 (02:06:40):
Now his friend's probably like, no, you didn't put enough
onto it. It's gonna call back in next time, as George.
Uh huh, hello hello Alan. All right, anyway, George and Bula.
I hope that the Ashtabulan's doing fine. Thank you, Jorge. Alan,
you clearly don't know much about Ashtabula. There are many

(02:07:02):
Mexican American families there and so many great talk. Yeah, no,
you're right, I know Dick about Ashtabula. So there's so
many great taco places. They call it the Taco Trail.
So that was actually a pretty smart impersonation, is what
this person says. All right, I know Lorrain and Painesville
have pretty heavy Latino communities, but yeah, I don't know

(02:07:24):
anything about Ashtabula.

Speaker 6 (02:07:25):
And don't get us wrong, I don't think either one
of us was saying that there weren't Mexicans in Ashtabula,
just saying that that guy was not one of them.

Speaker 1 (02:07:34):
That's right. Yes, even this person texting me said it
was a smart impersonation. Now listen, if a Mexican American
Ashtabulan wants to call me and co sign for Jorge,
that's totally fine. Maybe listen, you're right, I don't know,
maybe there's a rash of booty whole pinkey going on
out there in Ashtabula when people can finally dig themselves

(02:07:58):
out of their seven feet snowbanks. M Nick and Oleria
texted me too. I've been listening to Christmas music and
hearing rocking around the Christmas Tree. Please thank Rob for
enhancing that song. For me because now I can't hear

(02:08:19):
it without Brenda Lee dropping F bombs instead of pumpkin pie.
Of course you have enhanced that song for a lot
of people. Now it's just facts, as the company included
just facts. Yep, yeah, well AnyWho a gas station etiquette?

(02:08:48):
A lot of people have different thoughts on that. Alan
people used to have to go in to pay. Nobody
moved their car, right, But that was then. I know
you're saying, but if you can, why wouldn't you Some
people do go in and pay. I understand I'm talking
or we're talking about people who like leave their car

(02:09:10):
there while they're shopping inside. You know, I don't know
speaking of gas etiquette. Taco Bell, if you live out
here in Northeast Ohio, you got the shot to be
in a Super Bowl commercial. You sent me this. I
didn't see this. Taco Bell launching their Live Moss Drive. Boy,

(02:09:32):
they're really hanging on to Live Moss, aren't they.

Speaker 27 (02:09:34):
Boy.

Speaker 1 (02:09:35):
Live Moss drive through cams and in Northeast Ohio in
Middleburg Heights, the Taco Bell on East Bagley Road, I
guess is one of the locations that they're using in
this campaign. People can have a chance to record something
that could be used in the Taco Bell Super Bowl commercial.

(02:09:57):
I assume it's just what like ringcam footage or whatever.
People going, yeah, let me get a chloopa.

Speaker 12 (02:10:03):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (02:10:03):
Hey, could be you between was it till ten o'clock tonight? Today?
And tomorrow? Between two and ten? Yeah? Just see like
me getting driven up there, hammered in the passenger seat.
So Mexican visa of it?

Speaker 13 (02:10:22):
What and why?

Speaker 1 (02:10:25):
Guy's name? Would you guy? Rid of the double decker taco?
I'm sorry, sir, could you repeat your order please? I said,
what here taco? It'll make those any double decker tacos,
mexicue double decker taco And I'm sorry, sure, we're all
out of the double decker tacos. I put this in here, Honey.

(02:10:47):
How do you go? Let's go? I don't want to
If they don't have my Mexican visa. Why no, I
can offer you some Cinnabon poppers, got it? Drive just trive? Okay,
that would be me in the commercial. Uh huh, all right, can.

Speaker 13 (02:11:08):
Hear me your Mountain two Baja regular? Well, get over
to Middleburg Heights.

Speaker 1 (02:11:19):
I'm gonna do it. I'm just gonna get drunk first.
By the way, that's how you know that they want
to use this for like a mainstream legit commercial, because
it's between two and ten. If they wanted legit Taco
Bell footage, it would be from eleven to four am.
Just flip it ten to two.

Speaker 9 (02:11:36):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (02:11:36):
Any there you go, everybody leaving the bars. Yep, I
haven't had, and I love Taco Bell. I just have
not gotten over there in forever. I can't tie you
the last time I Taco Bell. I was having it
once a week for a while, really well, because we
used to have the cantina down here on euclid Oh,
and then it closed down when we lived out at

(02:11:57):
Oak Tree. That was my little Friday treat. Every Friday,
go have Taco Bell. But I haven't had. I couldn't
tell you the last time I had Taco Bell.

Speaker 13 (02:12:06):
And I like it.

Speaker 1 (02:12:08):
But anyway, commercial, So there you should get over there
East Bagley Road in Middleburg Heights today and tomorrow between
two p and ten p. You can record something that
might show up in the Taco Bell super Bowl commercial.
I gotta get something to the advice stomach. I'm feeling

(02:12:30):
I gotta get something in my stomach. Well, you've come
to the right place. We've definitely got something that will
go in your stomach. So do you have a go
to order?

Speaker 9 (02:12:38):
I do.

Speaker 6 (02:12:39):
It's been again like you, it's something and I don't
eat very often. I like the bean burrito, the straight
up burrito, I am a fan. And the double deck
or taco that's not a joke. That's that's something I
was into. They don't make them anymore. Apparently I just
cut that. They do they So that was the soft
shell with the beans and the hard shell in the
middle and then normal. Now I guess they do it

(02:12:59):
with cheese or something. They call it something different, so
instead of that brief fried beans on the outside, they do.

Speaker 1 (02:13:06):
It with cheese, which I think is just stupid.

Speaker 6 (02:13:08):
Why would you take away the goodness that is the
soft into the herd? Understood? I don't know anyway, I
don't need it very often, but that if I were
to go right now, I would ask.

Speaker 1 (02:13:19):
Them to like special, make that, and then because there
are some things that they will do, they'll do special.
Yeah what about you? Oh God, what do I get?
I will get two of the dorrito locos tacos. I
love those, and then I'll get like a cheesy Gordiita crunch,
or I'll get like a chicken Chilloupa supreme, and then

(02:13:41):
I'll get a Baja blast and if I die, you
dive in.

Speaker 7 (02:13:44):
Well.

Speaker 1 (02:13:45):
Yeah, I mean I guess I can eat three tacos.
I mean they're not massive, right. If I'm at there
late night, I go give me swell Facos centabuns, a
whole dozen of cent of buns, and then you know
what I do. I have a couple of them because
they bring them right out of the friar, a couple
of them, but then I leave the rest of them
in the counter on the counter overnight and then next

(02:14:06):
morning when they're kind of stale. Oh, I just beat
the rest of the taco bell that I fell asleep
with in the morning, so I got a bag of it,
and then I just decide, well, this is gonna hurt
for the rest of the day, so I'll have another
bite of this taco I didn't finish. You shake it
off your chest and then you have the rest of it. Yeah.

Speaker 6 (02:14:26):
I really don't remember the last time. Uh, I ate it,
but ate it sober. It was my go to if
I was drunk.

Speaker 1 (02:14:35):
I have mostly eaten it sober. Really yeah, I love
those bean burritos though. Oh yeah.

Speaker 20 (02:14:46):
Show on one.

Speaker 1 (02:14:51):
He was placed in an escape pod moments.

Speaker 10 (02:14:54):
Before his home planet was destroyed by the Devourer of Work.

Speaker 1 (02:15:00):
He is a god among them with superhuman powers, at
least that's what his will says. Why one seven mms
Hey Larry, speak of the devil and he appears. What's
going on?

Speaker 8 (02:15:17):
Larry?

Speaker 11 (02:15:17):
Hey?

Speaker 5 (02:15:18):
Ellen?

Speaker 1 (02:15:18):
How are you? I'm good man. How's it been living
with Larry? Uh?

Speaker 24 (02:15:21):
You know what?

Speaker 2 (02:15:22):
It's a secret my family?

Speaker 19 (02:15:24):
Now?

Speaker 1 (02:15:24):
Why is that?

Speaker 2 (02:15:26):
My mom hated the name.

Speaker 28 (02:15:27):
I'm actually a junior, so everybody goes by my middle name.

Speaker 9 (02:15:31):
And what is that?

Speaker 28 (02:15:33):
She just cannot stand the name Larry for some odd reason.

Speaker 12 (02:15:37):
No, what I'm what is the middle name?

Speaker 2 (02:15:41):
It's actually Robert, Robert.

Speaker 1 (02:15:42):
Everybody calls you Robbie and not Larry. That's it man,
Congratulations Robert.

Speaker 28 (02:15:50):
Yeah, that's great. Growing up, go by Larry Robin. People
actually thought I.

Speaker 2 (02:15:54):
Was a twin, so it was actually pretty funny.

Speaker 1 (02:15:56):
But by both do you ever go by Robley?

Speaker 2 (02:16:00):
Might be a new one.

Speaker 1 (02:16:00):
Might have to try out, all right, try it and
report back. Thank you, Larry. He's out and Copley Hey, Damon, Yes,
what's up.

Speaker 19 (02:16:11):
Hey, I'm just calling to let you know that the
Nora virus actually started in Norwalk, Ohio. It's actually called
the Norwalks of Pride.

Speaker 1 (02:16:21):
You know, every town in America needs something to be
proud of. You know, French Lick, Indiana's got Larry Bird.
The Norwalk, Ohio has got a rhinovirus.

Speaker 19 (02:16:31):
Yeah, yet a food born honus, I believe at a
state fair.

Speaker 1 (02:16:35):
Yeah, oh, a state fair.

Speaker 33 (02:16:37):
See.

Speaker 1 (02:16:38):
I can never figure out why. Rather than setting up
these expensive taxpayer funded labs, they should just take a
mobile unit to set down in the middle of any
state fair and you will probably be exposed to more
foreign cultures that you could study than anything. Stuff crawling
on the elephant ears and the cotton candy.

Speaker 33 (02:16:58):
Well, I think it's ironic that they for flu shots
at marks, which it's the most likely place you're going
to catch.

Speaker 1 (02:17:04):
The flu, or any public place. Well. The thing is, though,
is that they offer flu shots now everywhere, which makes
me think twice about the efficacy of the generic flu shot.
If I can go to Walgreens and get a flu
shot by the guy working the photo booth, yeah, there's
sticking in there. Great when you get it back a

(02:17:26):
gum or anything.

Speaker 34 (02:17:27):
No, when you go to a doctor's office too, they
have stacks of magazines.

Speaker 1 (02:17:31):
I'm like, why would I want to touch that?

Speaker 18 (02:17:33):
Why on earth would I pick up something that sick
people have all touched.

Speaker 1 (02:17:37):
The waiting room would probably be the worst place, right
it is.

Speaker 17 (02:17:39):
It's got to be Hey, Kristin, Hey guys, what's up?

Speaker 1 (02:17:43):
Kristin.

Speaker 22 (02:17:44):
So I'm a nurse practitioner in internal medicine. So anything
that you would associate a general practitioner for, that's what
I do. I treat flues, cold, diabetes, heart failure or whatever.
And I just wanted to let Erica know that.

Speaker 1 (02:17:59):
Wait, just I'm sorry, Christened to interrupt. Flu and colds
are in the same strata as heart failure.

Speaker 22 (02:18:08):
Well, you know, I specialize in chronic disease management. Okay,
so the majority of patients ICY come in for you know,
routine maintenance of their chronic diseases.

Speaker 1 (02:18:18):
But Christen sits down looking over the guy's chart. Well,
seems to be the problem, mister Randolph. Well, I've got
a bit of a sniffle and I'm having.

Speaker 13 (02:18:26):
A heart attack. Oh boy, could you get the d
FIB and maybe some airborne yeah.

Speaker 1 (02:18:34):
Whatever, you know.

Speaker 22 (02:18:36):
And I definitely would not touch the magazines in the
waiting room.

Speaker 3 (02:18:38):
Either, but.

Speaker 1 (02:18:41):
Flintstone vitamin out here, I don't touch them in mind
because they're all in Spanish and I can't read that anyway,
So Windstone. Yeah, Well, people who are yeah, medical pharmaceutical sales. Yeah,
they're sitting there dragging a dopey overhead compartment bag with
them sitting there all day long. I remember when I

(02:19:01):
was coming out of college. That was the hot thing.
It was the hot job that everybody with half a
brain was going to do because all they heard were
dollar signs. It's like, okay, if you want to spend
your life having doctors blow you off all day long,
right walking around hospitals waiting for somebody to see you,
it's money to be made, obviously.

Speaker 33 (02:19:18):
But a lot of people I got broken up with
for a pharmacy pharmaceutical salesman, like what did you?

Speaker 23 (02:19:23):
What does you?

Speaker 1 (02:19:23):
What does this guy do? Oh he's a pharmaceutical salesman.
I was like, ooh, Cloud, all right, I was yeah.

Speaker 33 (02:19:30):
I was like wow, all right, then okay, could he
get me some fun stuff entertaining thousands of people?

Speaker 12 (02:19:37):
Right?

Speaker 1 (02:19:38):
Could you, at least as a parting gift, sweetheart, hook
me up with a gross of sealis. It is the weekender, Hey,
rick yees Sir. Rick is number one fifteen on the
Alankos Show Blacklist.

Speaker 28 (02:19:52):
But Shack is one fifty.

Speaker 1 (02:19:54):
I want sixteen one sixteen. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, Rick. See,
I just read what tea Bag put and I just
I wasn't thinking. I was just reading. I apologize. Mono
is a.

Speaker 34 (02:20:08):
Kissing disease and you can't get off the grass if
somebody have.

Speaker 1 (02:20:13):
Honey, know it's a kissing disease because I read, mister Derek,
sure you haven't been kissing.

Speaker 12 (02:20:20):
I cared, but I'll be careful.

Speaker 1 (02:20:21):
What I kire? Oh yeah, anyway, see what had happened was.

Speaker 12 (02:20:30):
You gotta be careful who you kissing.

Speaker 3 (02:20:33):
That's right.

Speaker 34 (02:20:35):
People don't have good my origin hydiene, you.

Speaker 1 (02:20:41):
Go out, you go. People don't have good rock right,
wrectly you know what I gotta do the finish line,
bring it on right, okay, thank you. Wreck Commedian Mike
Farrell is hanging out today. You'll find him on the

(02:21:02):
tweeter at Farrell Michael J F A R E L
L two rs two l's, well three l's, because there's
an Llen Michael, right, So there's three l's in a
row one. You know what, I'm gonna change it. I
think I'm gonna change are you. It's kind of complicated,
it is, yeah, you know. And I yeah, Well twenty
twelve was Cleveland's warmest on record. Really take that for

(02:21:27):
whatever you want. But yeah, we barely got snow last year.
That is true. See I was, I was okay, yeah,
because last was really warm. Yeah, yeah, super mild. I
remember digging the car out last winter one or two times.

Speaker 9 (02:21:38):
That was it.

Speaker 1 (02:21:39):
I don't think we're gonna get that lucky this year.

Speaker 33 (02:21:42):
You gotta read the Farmer's Almanac. I swear by the
Farmer's Almanac. They still make the Farmer's Almanac, and it's
on target.

Speaker 32 (02:21:49):
Man.

Speaker 1 (02:21:49):
I remember my dad had one in the flat drawer
of his roll top desk, you know, the Farmer's Almanac.
My father sat me down at that one time. He's like,
look at it, look at it. It's right, what is it?
They predict the seasons. It's using history as a guide
for the future, and.

Speaker 33 (02:22:06):
The farming history and how the crops grow and everything
like that they say. They say it's all just in
some kind of weird balance that it works.

Speaker 1 (02:22:13):
Man, it's it's just.

Speaker 33 (02:22:14):
As good as weather predicting regular scientifically high. They tche wow, except.

Speaker 1 (02:22:23):
Except Jeff Farmer's Almond access He's using the Doppler three
thousand took the place of the Farmer's Almanac some time ago.
It'd be great if there was a local all the
local news stations that are trying to one up each other,
who would have because listen, basically, uh news is news.

(02:22:46):
So all the local stations are going to be reporting
the same stories pretty much. We'll have an exclusive here
or there, but the same stories. You would think the
weather is going to be even more the same. But boy,
that's where they plant their flag. We've got the most
accurate weather. It's the Midwest. Like we know what's coming,

(02:23:06):
you know. Doppler nine thousand, Well, what are they?

Speaker 33 (02:23:10):
I'm just interested each year what new twists the news
are gonna, you know, just start reporting false things.

Speaker 1 (02:23:15):
Yeah it's gonna be a tornado. Maybe we're gonna have
a snow hurricane and frogs. Yeah here's sports.

Speaker 12 (02:23:22):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (02:23:23):
But I think it would be cool if in lieu
of Doppler eighteen thousand.

Speaker 12 (02:23:27):
Or whatever they do.

Speaker 1 (02:23:27):
They got the big globe on the graphic with the glow,
you know, the dome on the up is that they
just have a guy come out in front of a
green skin reading the farmers on the neck. We're gonna
get a couple of for.

Speaker 5 (02:23:38):
The year, Lena.

Speaker 1 (02:23:39):
Get a couple of inches tomorrow and we'll be fine.
I'll tell you what. I'll tell you what. Hose off
the tractor. I'm oll tell you what. It's gonna be
a tough one.

Speaker 33 (02:23:49):
Do you ever knows there's two different I'll tell you
what's is there. I'll tell you what. Yeah, And I'll
tell you what.

Speaker 12 (02:23:56):
I'll tell you what.

Speaker 33 (02:23:57):
I only know that because my uncle Dave table all
about it. He was he was the master of I'll
tell you what. Yeah, yeah, there was, there was several
different I'll tell you what.

Speaker 1 (02:24:04):
I'll tell you what.

Speaker 33 (02:24:05):
It's going to be a hot Christmas. If he really
liked the beer he was drinking, it was o'kay, you what.
And if he was like if you had to take
a quick level, like, I'll tell you what, so you're
able to gauge his moods. Yeah, yeah, just by the right, statement,
that's all he said. It was like a verbal farmer's almond. Right, yeah,
you're able to solid. Okay, Hey Josh, what's going on?

Speaker 1 (02:24:31):
Happy New Year? I'm so glad you guys are back.
Hey ditt oh, Happy new Year, and Erica, you are beautiful.
Look at that.

Speaker 28 (02:24:39):
Going to take a couple of cents.

Speaker 1 (02:24:40):
Bag.

Speaker 19 (02:24:40):
You're talking about doctor's offices in the waiting room and
how gross they are.

Speaker 22 (02:24:44):
The kid you'd go.

Speaker 19 (02:24:46):
Into the waiting room and they had a chest time
divider and one side was for sick people and the
other side were for people just getting checkouts.

Speaker 1 (02:24:55):
Like that's going to do anything. Well, it's like the
smoking section in a restaurant exactly.

Speaker 12 (02:25:00):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (02:25:01):
Or on airplanes. It's unbelievable that they used to have
smoking sections on an airplane.

Speaker 5 (02:25:05):
Every was like, ah, this is.

Speaker 1 (02:25:05):
Great, this will be just fine.

Speaker 5 (02:25:07):
This is my smoking section, right all right, thank you, Josh,
take care.

Speaker 1 (02:25:18):
This is my whole high school. This is oh yeah,
like two AM and a little Magna Fox TV. Yeah,
Robin went out to market post oh yeah, or Marshall Warfield.
Depends on how you wanted to go. It's fine however
you wanted to do it. It's fine. Hey, you were
paying rent at that time.

Speaker 12 (02:25:35):
No, whatever it right?

Speaker 11 (02:25:38):
Uh huh, look on the woodblocks, wait for the woodblocks.
Just grab a socket, tune in, right, let's do it
one more time.

Speaker 1 (02:25:50):
Went away? Yeah, okay, classic. Uh you guys want some
prison mail? Yeah all right.

Speaker 7 (02:26:00):
Mama shouldn't have did what a dune dere Papa didn't
call it a gun sitting here running now later a
home I just don't up here.

Speaker 1 (02:26:13):
All all right, go through what we got here, and uh,
some one comes to us from innate number five seven
four zero five to one. John over at Laurci. Where's
that Lorraine Correctional Institution in Grafton, Ohio? He said, a

(02:26:37):
photo of himself. I gotta see that picture. Mentioned this
uh earlier scene as an aside.

Speaker 34 (02:26:45):
You say, okay, yes, he looks tough, he's uh.

Speaker 1 (02:26:48):
He's clear. He's got a couple of under eyed tats
that make him look like he's a dangerous winebacker for
the San Diego Chargers. Right, but one of them is
clearly looks like a pistol. Unless this is just a
mark on the photo. Maybe he added those in, maybe
he cheer it on. Maybe he old school photoshop to

(02:27:09):
the picture anyway, and he included in his correspondence the
prison menu. This is the first one of these we've got.
I'm hoping that his letter nice refers to this. You
can get elcas eeltzer and tells you how much eighty
five cents sixty five point per week limit. You can

(02:27:33):
only buy twelve cans of soda at a time. You
can so you know you're in America. You can only
have twenty four cans of soda in your cell at
one time. You can only drink a case of beer
in this bar tonight. You can only Yeah.

Speaker 34 (02:27:50):
Does it say like menu for days of the week
or something.

Speaker 1 (02:27:53):
Nope. You can order. You can order earbuds. You can
order a clip on fan, orange gatorade, mellon gum, not
just three hots in the cap. You think they're putting
an aluminum tray full of gruel in these guys. That's
not the case. I know a lot of people that
that's what's sound appealing to. Right. You can order frozen food.

(02:28:15):
You get kill basa. They're out of berry crunch cereal.
So sorry, people who are currently committing crimes. And we'll
eventually get in here Friday. We'll be having fistatas group
limit four boxes of cookies per week. Just FYI, Hey, Allen,

(02:28:36):
hate the show feeling like an effing dog in a cage.
My name is John. I listened to the show daily.
I'm currently serving thirteen years for rape and felonious assault.
The assault part did take place, there was no rape
to it. If you want to know how I was played,

(02:28:58):
what's getting good? This guy didn't go to Steubenville High
by any chance, did he? Oh God, I want to
feel worse about the world. Google that Steubenville High School
video video. That kid better find his way to the
Philippines and find a jungle to hide in for the
rest of his life. Anyway, I want to know how

(02:29:19):
it is played and given a forced plea deal in court.
Let me know on air and my next letter will explain. Yes, John,
I'd like to know we would Jesus, this guy wrote
him like eight point font Why couldn't we just explain
it here? That's what you call it? Teaser. He's learning
just from listening to this segment. He's learning if you

(02:29:40):
want to. If you are wondering what the tattoo says
on my face? Him writing, yeah, it says oh man,
this guy does not mess around. It says fun under
his right eye, says f under his left eye. It
says you. That's a good way to, you know, get

(02:30:04):
a job, to get out of a crime when you're
trying to defend yourself against a rape case. Good way
to do it, anyway. It's a message for people that
don't like me, and for the one who played me.
Couldn't you just have cards made up? Do what you

(02:30:26):
want with a picture. It's yours now. I was raised
in Ohio City, oh right, in my neck of the woods.
Shout out some questions about prison and I will answer them,
all right. He included the commissary sheet.

Speaker 12 (02:30:39):
Thank you for that.

Speaker 1 (02:30:42):
Why did you get those tattoos? There you go, that's
me shouting out them. Here is my take on gun control.
I'm a felon. I know I can't walk into a
gun shop and buy a gun, so I'll keep buying
them from a buddy down the street. All strict gun
laws mean is that honest, upstanding people have a harder
time getting guns, people like me. It has no effect

(02:31:03):
on It's all a waste of time.

Speaker 12 (02:31:07):
W ai st.

Speaker 1 (02:31:09):
I had two stolen guns that I traded for an
SKS with thirty round clip. This guy is a baller.
Usually we got these guys. Hey, I'm in here for
check fraud this. I don't even know what that guns.

Speaker 13 (02:31:25):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (02:31:27):
All I'm saying is if you want it, you can
get it. Some buddies in here say hi, Okay, hello
frank who's known as Frankie the Foot because he buried
a homeless guy in his backyard. Oh my god, this
is like an extreme prisonail. This is extreme prison mail.
He's a good guy. We talk every day in exchange

(02:31:48):
thoughts and ideas. He got caught because his neighbors saw
a foot sticking up out of the ground. Now that's hilarious.
So he's Frankie the Foot.

Speaker 34 (02:31:57):
Okay, and clearly no empathy whatsoever.

Speaker 1 (02:32:00):
Not only empathy, but a really really bad sense of
depth perception. You're going to bury a body and you
leave the foot sticking out. Take that, fargo. I'm also
looking for some people to write me, so you can
tell people to write me. I accept all mail, even
hate mail. Oh I forgot to tell you. I grew

(02:32:20):
up with the guy. I don't know what that says.
I don't know he's a French anyway, Okay, if you
want to write John over at Laurci, you might have
far more questions than I have for him.

Speaker 12 (02:32:31):
You can do that.

Speaker 1 (02:32:32):
He's inmate number five seven four five to one, and
he's hanging out with some hardcore cats.

Speaker 18 (02:32:39):
Wow.

Speaker 1 (02:32:40):
Daily cost per inmates seventy five bucks daily?

Speaker 33 (02:32:43):
What cost per inmate seventy five dollars per inmate?

Speaker 1 (02:32:50):
Pretty even black to white ratio for the inmates over at, Well,
you'd like to see that, don't sure?

Speaker 9 (02:32:56):
Sure?

Speaker 1 (02:32:56):
That makes you feel good?

Speaker 13 (02:32:57):
Huh?

Speaker 1 (02:32:58):
Like a little equality in jail?

Speaker 7 (02:33:00):
I do?

Speaker 1 (02:33:01):
I do. Gotta have it everywhere. You gotta start somewhere.
He listen to you, hear all these stories about inequality
behind bars. He's got evidence to the contrary. All right,
there you go for some guys and drugs for some,
it's a knife doll for back his wife and dear
Alan read my message. All right, Well, that guy's gonna

(02:33:26):
be a hard act to follow. But if you are
in the can and would like to correspond with us, uh,
please feel free to do so to the Allen Cox Show,
care of WMMS sixty two hundred Oak Tree Boulevard, fourth floor,
Independence oh four four one three to one.

Speaker 18 (02:33:45):
I hope that thirteen years give him a little time
to straighten himself out.

Speaker 1 (02:33:50):
My god, he didn't look too old. Yeah, he looked young,
very young. He looked like a young guy.

Speaker 18 (02:33:55):
M hm.

Speaker 1 (02:33:57):
You know though, that's one of those dudes where you
kind of get the vibe that he's not counting on
any kind of second act in life.

Speaker 26 (02:34:06):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (02:34:07):
Yeah, Hey, Jim, Hey, y, what's going on?

Speaker 28 (02:34:12):
Jim? Hey, I want to talk to Fiastadas?

Speaker 1 (02:34:16):
Okay, Carol brought him up.

Speaker 28 (02:34:18):
Yeah, that was a nice traps down memory lane.

Speaker 1 (02:34:23):
Now, what is a fiestata?

Speaker 28 (02:34:25):
Fiestadas were Mexican pizzas that they served at lunch back
in the day that were shaped like a stop sign.

Speaker 1 (02:34:30):
Oh okay, octagon vomit I used to call it.

Speaker 28 (02:34:36):
The subject came up at work the other day and
we came back from lunch and I googled it just
to get a picture of one to come up, and
within fifteen minutes I had found that GFS Food Service
still sells them, Yeah, Gordon Food Service, And you can
order a gross of them, ninety two of them for
thirty three bucks. And so we bought a case for

(02:34:58):
the office.

Speaker 3 (02:34:59):
And duel uh.

Speaker 28 (02:35:03):
Dual ovens going at lunch and man, we stunk up
the office something nasty and those are nothing what you
remember for some reason back in the day. You have
a fond memory of them, but they taste horrible.

Speaker 34 (02:35:14):
I remember these there. You look like pizzas.

Speaker 33 (02:35:17):
Almost their miniature if you want to miniature Octagon's orange.
If you want a miniature orange stop sign, That's what
they were, Just like a little mini like choriso sauce
is on there. We get three or four of them
on a Friday. They're like a buck and a quarter.

Speaker 1 (02:35:31):
We didn't get these in Catholic school. Jim I feel
retroactively uh denied.

Speaker 22 (02:35:38):
Yeah, you missed out.

Speaker 28 (02:35:39):
You can what you want to go to GFF.

Speaker 1 (02:35:41):
I'm gonna go to GFS. That's already where I get
my gummy bears and trail mix. You know, when I
want a gallon of trail mix, I'll go over to GFS. Jimmy,
So I'll okay. Thanks for the heads up. Allen Cock
Show on one seven w MMS.

Speaker 21 (02:35:57):
Radio's WMMS Cleveland.

Speaker 1 (02:36:01):
An iHeartRadio station.

Speaker 23 (02:36:04):
They say, no man's an island, but at iHeart Cleveland,
you sure get your chance to try.

Speaker 1 (02:36:12):
Hello everybody, Alan got.

Speaker 21 (02:36:16):
Where did everybody go on one hundred point seven WMMS.

Speaker 1 (02:36:21):
One of our listeners who is a police officer, said,
if jess pled to reasonable control, it doesn't count as
an OVII conviction. I love all these different things. I've
never gotten a dy or been arrested or anything like that.
I love all of these nuanced law enforcement things that
you got to deal with. You didn't plead to reasonable control,

(02:36:44):
did you. I don't know what that is. I don't
even know what constitutes reasonable I don't know. It's kind
of a joke. Well, this person said, they're police officer
who will Texas occasionally. If jess pled to reasonable control,
it doesn't count as an OVI conviction. Oh yeah, in
Ohio they call it ov I. Right, Like you can
get one on a lawnmower. You can get a duy
and a lawnmower. Anything with a motor or a bike,

(02:37:05):
a bike, a bicycle built for two? Could you get
a dui on a tandem bike? If only one of
you is drunk? Are you the front person is a
back person? Well, let's say you'd have Let's say the
front person is sober, the person in back who's really
not doing much work, they are drunk now you have
to suspend this belief that this person could stay upright

(02:37:26):
on a bicycle built for two. But as a thought experiment,
I'm curious if legally, because what do they say if
you're in a car with someone who's drunk, even if
you're not drunk, you can get pinched for something. It
doesn't have to be a motor vehicle. I know, I
think you can get one on a bike. Yeah, how
can I possibly give you a dui on a bike?

Speaker 35 (02:37:46):
Guy years and years and years ago, he was we
were underage at a bar and he was like, you
can't get a dui and a bike? And he had
his bicycle. I'm not even kidding. Like a half hour
later there he goes down the street, got popped for
a d.

Speaker 1 (02:37:59):
U How is that? Most places, most places I've lived,
it's a dui. It's driving under the influence. Here it's
o v I, which is operating a vehicle under the influence.
That's not a vehicle. A bicycle is considered a vehicle.
It's it's a conveyance that gets you from point A
to point B. What damage are you going to do
on a pedal bicycle? Then you should be arrested and

(02:38:20):
ruined your life for. I don't know what damage you're
going to do on a lawnmower going two miles an
hour either, but people.

Speaker 6 (02:38:27):
The blades, you can come up with anything for that, right, Yeah,
I mean you're driving something that's motorized. I don't know,
but it seems like it should have some sort of
power to it. If you're riding a freaking houffy, you
shouldn't have to get a duy for that if you
driveing responsible.

Speaker 1 (02:38:42):
Every kid in my neighborhood now they're not drunk or
of driving age, but every goddamn kid in my neighborhood
now is on an e bike, which is basically they're
just zipping around. It's it's basically like you're on a
motorcycle or a moped. Anyway, It's illegal to operate any
vehicle in Ohio, including bicycles, under the infl ruins of
alcohol or drugs. That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard.

(02:39:03):
You can't because well because listen, they're they're trying to
make money right end of the day, you're trying to
make money, and you're trying to offer it as a deterrent.
I guess that's a response. If you're riding a bicycle
instead of driving a car because you've been drinking, that's
a responsible move. Yeah, can you get an OUI for that?

Speaker 4 (02:39:22):
What you call it?

Speaker 1 (02:39:23):
And does your bicycle have party plates on it? That's
the question. Can you imagine that? Oh?

Speaker 12 (02:39:29):
Yeah, I can't.

Speaker 1 (02:39:30):
I can't. I gotta lose my job. I gotta not
do anything. Yeah, I got it, I got an o
V I what are you doing? I was riding my
ten speed home from the bar and they decided I
was too drunk to do so. So now I've ruined
my life. Well, fundamentally, I get where you're coming from.
But if you're really worried about your job, get a
goddamn uber all right, But again't handle your high. Take

(02:39:52):
these one of your keys. Huh. That is handling your
high if you're in a state where you can get
one on a bus. True, that's true that they broadly
defined vehicle in the state of Ohio. Now, skateboard anything.
If that guy skating up, that grown ass man on
a skateboard skating at the Sandy Dick riding Hollywood trying

(02:40:14):
to help him out there, that guy was drunk. That's
California don't know. How about a unicycle. You can get
an ov oh and I lives in Ohio City. You
want to talk, you could count on two hands a
douchebags riding around on unicycles or Penny Farthings, bro Giant
twisty must I just wish one of those guys had
fallen off drunk.

Speaker 6 (02:40:33):
I'm in a super duper hurry. I gotta go someplace.
Let me get on my unicycle.

Speaker 1 (02:40:38):
See you later. Leave me alone. I'm putting in my
mustache oil. It applies to scooters, boats, and other conveyances,
not just cars. In the state of Ohio, boats I
can see. Yes, you do not want people drunk on boats.
You're not supposed to drink. Well, and that's funny too,

(02:40:59):
because every on a boat is drinking usually, right. I
mean you know most states, or every state, you can't
be drunk on a boat, So I wouldn't consider that
like a broad interpretation of the term vehicle. But not
every state. You get a dui and a bike. They
were no joke.

Speaker 6 (02:41:17):
In Rhode Island, boy, they would board they would just
fly to the post guard. I mean they would they
bored you. They I mean they would search every nook
and cranny. Yeah, man, they're no joke.

Speaker 1 (02:41:29):
Now, as long as the person operating the boat is sober, yeah,
people can party, yep. But if they have any suspicion
whatsoever I'm saying of like the operator, they'll search everything. Yeah. Yeah,
Well they got this thing in you know, my wife's
from Michigan and they got this thing called a Jobbi Nooner,

(02:41:54):
which is this boat party on Lake Saint Clair where
like everybody's boat is all together and everybody's drinking and whatever.
And I think when you get into a huge group
like that, even people to go out to Kelly's Island
and put In Bay, I think when you're in a
massive group like that, they're not taking a blind eye.
But they're like, look, we're not searching every boat. We
know what people are doing. They're like, just be smart

(02:42:15):
about it. So results may vary. I think it really did.

Speaker 6 (02:42:20):
It depends on the type of person too, right, Like
if you're the loud, obnoxious group in there, you're gonna
have a problem.

Speaker 1 (02:42:26):
Yeah, a lot of MAGA flags. Oh yeah, hey Rob, Hey,
Hey I know the other Rob. Rob on the phone,
Hi Rob on the phone.

Speaker 30 (02:42:37):
Well, hell on, mister Cox, how you doing man good.
All right, now here, I'm gonna tell.

Speaker 1 (02:42:42):
You get you bone heads something.

Speaker 30 (02:42:44):
Okay, it's not it's not the fact that you're driving
a lawnmower or a bicycle and what kind of damage
you're gonna cause. No, no, no, no, it's what happens
when you swerve in the traffic and they got to
avoid you, and what they can potentially hit.

Speaker 1 (02:43:04):
See wait, wait, so I mean a bicycle, I get,
But is a you're gonna see a lawnmower move into traffic?
I mean those things are going very slow. I mean
obviously they're not going to make They're not going to
give special dispensation for a lawnmower because that is a
motor vehicle. But I take your point. Okay, yeah, So
it's the damage that you could potentially do to other people.

Speaker 30 (02:43:26):
That is absolutely correct, or what damaged other people can
cause avoiding your drunk.

Speaker 1 (02:43:32):
Oh my goodness, they could swerve, you know, like people
would swerve to avoid higging an animal and then they
hit a person. Rob Oh good grief. Have you ever
gotten a dui on a bike? Thank god?

Speaker 19 (02:43:45):
No?

Speaker 1 (02:43:45):
Okay, oh no, I got lucky. I got lucky.

Speaker 30 (02:43:49):
I was driving a boss's car when a cop pulled
me over being drunk, and luckily it was his best
friend's car, the CoP's best friend.

Speaker 5 (02:43:57):
Cops.

Speaker 30 (02:43:57):
Yeah, the cops best friend's car.

Speaker 1 (02:43:59):
So we gave you a break. Wait, you were drunk
or you weren't drunk? I was drunk. Oh yeah, so
you were drunk.

Speaker 19 (02:44:06):
You know.

Speaker 1 (02:44:06):
He pucked up his chest when he thought it was
the height. He thought it was the height of hilarity
when I said, have you ever got a d on
a bike?

Speaker 9 (02:44:12):
No?

Speaker 1 (02:44:13):
No, no, I got one like a real man behind
the wheel of a car. I don't understand why anybody's
getting dus anymore. I don't understand it. Back in the
day when there was no uber like I understood, people
weren't going to ready to take the bus, you know,
But now like I don't get it. People are like
the ninety you wuys, what are you a child? I
don't get Okay, thank you, Rob.

Speaker 30 (02:44:34):
I got a suggestion for people who are completely unable
to avoid the car when they're drunk.

Speaker 1 (02:44:41):
Yeah, to drive the car.

Speaker 30 (02:44:42):
What you do is get one of the pizza delivery signs,
put it on top of your car, and tusso will.

Speaker 1 (02:44:47):
Pull that guy over or don't drink and then get
behind the wheel of your car.

Speaker 3 (02:44:53):
Probably don't want to get technical about it.

Speaker 1 (02:44:55):
Car Rob's like, look, we're living in the real world.
Them is giving you work rounds all right, engaging in
acts of thank you, Rob. Rob's out there trying to
engage in acts of subterfuge. And what you do is, uh,
you get a delivery. Yeah, because there's never any drunk
delivery drivers. They'd never pull you over with that. They
just assume you're getting high behind the wheel. Looks like

(02:45:18):
you get out to deliver your pizza. It's like a
Cheech and Chong movie. Hey Terry, Hey, how are you doing?
What's up?

Speaker 5 (02:45:28):
So?

Speaker 3 (02:45:29):
I know of a guy that got an O b
I on a horse in Colorado?

Speaker 1 (02:45:35):
Yeah, well it is a conveyance, right, I mean yeah, yeah,
so I have I have one O b I and
two du wi. That's it. So he got it. He
got a DUI on a horse. Is it considered the
same as if he was behind the wheel of a car.

Speaker 4 (02:45:56):
Yeah, it is, wow, And that that can with me
because horse it's it's not gonna run into a car.

Speaker 1 (02:46:04):
It's not gonna run over somebody.

Speaker 3 (02:46:06):
You know what I'm saying so I I just I
don't understand that or.

Speaker 1 (02:46:10):
Agree with the horsepower. Yeah, the horse of the horse.
But yeah, the horse is really in control. You don't
have to be in control of a horse. I mean
you're still steering it, aren't you? Actually not really? I
mean to Terry's point, man, the horse knows where it's going.
If you've ridden a horse, it's gonna take you somewhere
unless you are really and if you're drunk, you're probably
not pointing it in the direction you might want. All right,

(02:46:32):
Thank you, Terry, I appreciate it. If you go to
Jess's Instagram page at w MMS just Jess, you're gonna
see her riding the mechanical bull there in Green Bay, Wisconsin. Hey, silver.

Speaker 20 (02:46:45):
Home that silver Hey you know where I live? Here
are my I mean my not my horse, my house.
You know where my horse house is.

Speaker 1 (02:46:57):
I'm the little ranger guy. Damn it, take me home
in Colorado? No, lesson? Oh is your video still up?
Or was that one of your stories?

Speaker 27 (02:47:11):
No?

Speaker 36 (02:47:11):
Is a video that?

Speaker 33 (02:47:12):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (02:47:13):
Well still there still there, very slowly riding a bull.
But she was trying to sing at the same time.
There was purpose there now You're not going to get
a dui on a mechanical bull. So that's true. Let
that be a lesson to you. Unless it's on wheels,
correct and you're driving it down, driving it, then you

(02:47:34):
got a problem. If you listen to us on the
iHeartRadio app, tell me where you do it. If you're
on a state I heard from Brian in Lorraine. He said, Hey,
could I be a temporary bureau chief for Melbourne, Florida.
My son is graduating from Florida Tech. Isn't that down
the road from your mom? It is Melbourne. She's at
Cocoa Beach down north here you go. What's that strip

(02:47:56):
thing called in Florida? It's like the Jersey Shore?

Speaker 11 (02:47:58):
What is that?

Speaker 1 (02:47:59):
Is it call something? Shop by Cape canaveral right, the
Cocoa Beach. Yeah, they have a boardwalk area. But is
that is that strip called something off the coast there?
You know, like the Jersey Shores that stripped off the
coast there and I don't know, Oh, the Space coast
is what they call all that area? Yeah? Right, cotton
Balls wants to know what if you're drunk on a buffalo.

Speaker 31 (02:48:22):
One day the gap it's riding around?

Speaker 1 (02:48:26):
Oh, I think this guy was so brett. He didn't
see that in the crauded it down and he bomped
off a shot.

Speaker 17 (02:48:33):
Bang went off, the.

Speaker 1 (02:48:36):
Running, the stil the moon come on.

Speaker 20 (02:48:41):
It was pissed off.

Speaker 1 (02:48:41):
Hey, you got to watch what you doing. Damn break
the sum, break a gun and the stumb. Anyway, Brian, Yes, Melbourne, Florida.
I will mark you down temporarily as a bureau chief
there Allan. This is Richdin Jackson, Florida. Listened to back

(02:49:03):
podcast yesterday. Everybody.

Speaker 36 (02:49:04):
You're talking about your Kevin Gage experience and how you
ended up in the background of a bunch of people's
videos as they were lipsticking to the tracks. You said
you didn't want to make a scene. That it's their
videos and you don't want to ruin it. If they're
recording you and you're in the background, that is your
job to make the biggest scene that you can. They
need to share that video with all their friends, like
look at this crazy dude we saw at the concert

(02:49:25):
just getting it.

Speaker 1 (02:49:26):
You need to be the focal point of that video
at that point. Anyways, say the showy, I gotta be
the star of their video.

Speaker 12 (02:49:33):
Run I'm getting it.

Speaker 1 (02:49:34):
What's that kind of I already have a job. What
does that do for me? Go viral? Other people were like, Oh,
their friend's probably all asking who the grandmother was in
the background, Like you the son of a whore? I
just I just figured it was. Hey, look at this
video of a white guy and a Kevin vide show it.
Oh no, there are a lot of white people there.
White people love hip hop. But it was a great job,

(02:49:57):
and I was in the back of a lot of
young girl's tiktoks. Oh, it's not my job. I'm not
going to thank you rich. I'm not going to be like, hey,
check me out or whatever. I'm not going to be
that guy. I already have a platform, rob I already
get plenty of attention, right, I'm not there to steal
someone else's thunder. And what if they did go crazy
violin and monetize it. What do I get out of that? Nothing?

(02:50:17):
I did get twenty dollars off the ground though. At
the Kevin Gates show, they were shooting money into the crowd.
Somehow I grabbed I got two tens. Hey, Rick, Yes,
what up? Rick?

Speaker 3 (02:50:31):
Nothing I was You're still.

Speaker 4 (02:50:32):
Talking about the drunk guy's driving vehicles.

Speaker 3 (02:50:36):
I got a good one with an Amish guy.

Speaker 1 (02:50:39):
Okay.

Speaker 4 (02:50:39):
My my daughter was at that Jog County fair and
one of her friends, her dad was a sheriff, you know,
out there in Jioga County, and he tells me a
story where.

Speaker 3 (02:50:55):
I don't know how he got on it, but he.

Speaker 1 (02:50:57):
Was driving down the road and.

Speaker 3 (02:51:00):
He's following a horse and buggy.

Speaker 4 (02:51:03):
And he drives by and nobody nobody's driving the buggy,
so he follows it.

Speaker 3 (02:51:10):
Stop.

Speaker 4 (02:51:11):
The buggy stops at the stop light, and then when
the light turns green.

Speaker 3 (02:51:16):
The buggy goes, so follows.

Speaker 16 (02:51:20):
A little bit more.

Speaker 1 (02:51:21):
He pulls the buggy over here.

Speaker 3 (02:51:23):
The guy, Thomas guy was drunk in the backseat, and
the cop wakes him up and he goes, what are
you doing? He goes, well, the horse knows where I live.
I don't get to drive. I go, wow, that's pretty wise.

Speaker 1 (02:51:40):
I mean, if you have a horse and buggy, it's
like an autonomous vehicle. It's like haring away.

Speaker 3 (02:51:47):
Yeah, yeah, right, except I had to give him a
ticket for something.

Speaker 1 (02:51:55):
Rob is called nay social media accounts. Thank you, Rick,
I appreciate the call there. I was gonna say, hey,
mo camo is perfect too. No, no as well and
eigh you see.

Speaker 5 (02:52:11):
And what's up?

Speaker 1 (02:52:12):
This is lou construction worker.

Speaker 10 (02:52:15):
I'm not sure because I'm driving, but I'm pretty sure
in the state of South Carolina you could be hammered, pissed,
drunk on horseback and you cannot get a dui.

Speaker 1 (02:52:25):
And I'm pretty sure that is just the state of
South Carolina. But might want to double jack my hammered
pissed rare. Yeah, what is South Carolina? The Paul Meadow State?
What's it called the nickname for South Carolina? You cannot
And our South Carolinians who listen to this show are
bureau chieves in the great state of South Carolina. They

(02:52:45):
know this to be true. You cannot get a DUI
on a horse because, as opposed to here in Ohio,
where they have a very broad definition of vehicle, in
South Carolina, duy targets motor vehicles, So you can't get
a DUI for riding a horse. I'm sure they get
you for something else, right, They get your Republican talks,

(02:53:06):
so they get you for something like that. But see,
that's where I get confused too, though, is if you
don't have to register a motorcite or a bicycle.

Speaker 6 (02:53:14):
Yeah right, How does that at that point? How is
that okay to tell you you can't drive that drunk
then too?

Speaker 1 (02:53:26):
I don't know, man, I register my bike rod because
I like the government to know where I am. I
like them to know where I'm riding around, and uh,
it just doesn't make any sense to me. I don't
know either. Bureau of Motor Vehicles, Yeah, it is what
they call it here, the BMV.

Speaker 6 (02:53:42):
Right, and that's gonna be where you're gonna have to
go if you get a dui and go through all
that crap, right or an ov I know, So, how
do they have jurisdiction.

Speaker 1 (02:53:51):
If you do it on a bicycle? It's dumb, Rob,
I'm not a lawyer. We want to consult one Timothy
Misney Esquire, get him on those kinds of things. Alan,
What if you're sober, but the horse is hammered. Oh,
that's a whole other thing, like it's had too many
fermented apples, you know, like when horses will get drunk. Right,
Like you could technically get a horse drunk, but it

(02:54:13):
would take a long time because they like process alcohol
so fast because they're so big. But you'll have horses
get drunk if they eat like rotten fruit because they
fermented apples, and so it's the same effect. What if
the horse is drunk, you'd have that's a pretty high
confront boy, if you have to. Let's say you get

(02:54:34):
pulled over and that you're clip clopping along and you
have to convince uh uh the horse or the cop
that the horse is drunk. They officer. I'm I'm as
sober as a judge. But sugar Tea's here. She has
had too many rotten fermented apples. And I told her,

(02:54:54):
I told her, I told her to stop. She don't listen.
She wouldn't do it, would not do it. Hey, Carl, Hello, Alan,
how are you? How are you, sir?

Speaker 23 (02:55:10):
Good?

Speaker 3 (02:55:10):
Hey?

Speaker 8 (02:55:11):
I just wanted to thank you real quick for ruining
van Halen for me.

Speaker 1 (02:55:17):
All right, I'll bite. How can I possibly ruin van
Halen for anybody?

Speaker 5 (02:55:22):
Well, I've been a.

Speaker 1 (02:55:26):
Little bit of a fan of it for many years.

Speaker 3 (02:55:28):
And I listened to a song last night and I heard.

Speaker 1 (02:55:31):
The noises and and I can't anymore.

Speaker 37 (02:55:36):
Yep, I couldn't tell you it was yeah, but yes,
that's that's all I hear now in any van Halen. Right, well,
it's right, yeah, right, So what what would Dave think of?

Speaker 19 (02:55:53):
That?

Speaker 1 (02:55:54):
Is Dave against people driving drunk robs? Oh good, well,
it's what happens when you're too drunk Dave to drive. See,
he's smart. He ain't out there, he's not getting on
his bicycles. He's taking care of business and being a
smart guy. Or his horse, David Lee raw thre you

(02:56:17):
a fan of horseback riding? All right, how do you
call that horse when it gets away? All right, there
you go. Well, Carl, I'm sorry to have ruined that
van Halen song for you, but better luck next time.
All right, thank you, thank you. There's Carl out Oberlin way,

(02:56:39):
and I've ruined that song for him. Rob, that's why
I yeah, Yes, so good one song. Yeah, and only

(02:57:11):
got a horse drunk on Beeferino once. It just kept farting,
Speaking of which I think Rob outed himself. Somebody out
in the city was listening to the top of the
show where he said and he was gonna smoke everybody
out because he had kim Chie for breakfast and kim
Chie for lunch, and we're gonna pre party a little
bit in here. Yeah, and really loaded up and somebody

(02:57:33):
called you out out there. Yeah.

Speaker 6 (02:57:34):
She's like, oh, we were listening in the car and
heard heard you talking about what you planning on doing
at the party.

Speaker 1 (02:57:41):
And I was like, I didn't say that. That was
some other guy. You must have heard in correct, Know
what the hell you're talking about. I wouldn't do that
to someone. That's right now, I'm like, oh God, what
am I gonna do? I was gonna be blow myself
out of the car. Hey, listen, Uh, they can't pinpoint
it to you. They don't know your brand. Well, I mean,

(02:58:01):
I think the guy that jumped on the air and
said he had kim Chief for two dinners or two
meals and the rose probably the gun that was doing
it through process of elimination. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'll just
skip it now.

Speaker 29 (02:58:11):
Uh huh.

Speaker 1 (02:58:12):
Now, now it's just not gonna be as fun. I
heard from a listener who grew up in Melbourne, Florida.
That strip of land where Cape Canaveral this is called
Merritt Island. Yes, okay, yep, and it's actually I was
corrected in the chat. It's south of Cocoa Beach. No,
Melbourne is Yeah, that's why I said it's just down
the road from your mom. But I said, I said
it's a town north Oh. I missed this. I was wrong, Rob.

(02:58:33):
How do I know the Florida Coast better than you?
I don't know. How could that possibly be. It's not
like I was looking at a map on the screen
or anything. I don't I don't pay attention ever. I
tell you that like I go where I need to go,
and that's it. M Hey, Eric, Yes, what's up?

Speaker 9 (02:58:56):
Hey?

Speaker 1 (02:58:57):
I got one?

Speaker 5 (02:58:57):
Say you're talking about the d rise. I think there's one.
I don't think anybody's mentioned.

Speaker 3 (02:59:01):
This yet, but I think I got one piece of
equipment that I don't think you can.

Speaker 5 (02:59:06):
Get a dry on, and that's the unicycle.

Speaker 1 (02:59:11):
But I bet you can. If you can on a bike,
then you could on a unicycle, if it's considered, I mean,
if you can on two wheels, then you can on
one wheel. I would think that the logic would be consistent.
I don't know. I would like you your mission, should
you choose to accept it, Eric, is to a learn

(02:59:32):
to ride a unicycle and then learn to operate one
while drunk.

Speaker 5 (02:59:38):
Yeah that'd be a nice trick.

Speaker 7 (02:59:40):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (02:59:41):
I love that you instantly went to him not knowing
how to ride a unicycle. How do you know he's
not already a professional unicycle rider, because then he wouldn't
be so equivocal on whether or not you could get
a dui. He would know. Eric sounds like a guy
who knows every vehicle on which you can get pinched
for being drunk. He's like, Okay, let's say, let's say

(03:00:04):
you're in a big wheel. You can't get that speed
away from unicycle? All right, Eric, thank you, there's Eric
out and wakeman. Learn to ride that unicycle, Eric, and
then catch me up.

Speaker 16 (03:00:15):
And now I must leave you as the Brady bunch
is on and I find four of those children incredibly arousing.

Speaker 2 (03:00:22):
Get at it.

Speaker 23 (03:00:23):
Be careful of what you say, Be careful in every way,
Be careful of what you do. Big Brother is watching you.
Be circumspect and discreet, Stay light on your mental feet.

(03:00:44):
One slip and you know who you're through. Big Brother
is watching you. And with all narities remember ovidians, Paige.

Speaker 3 (03:00:57):
And when you.

Speaker 23 (03:00:58):
Watch that TV screens, remember it works both ways. You'll
disappear in a wink. Unless you can double think, you'll
vanish into the blue. Big Brother is watching you.