August 14, 2024 • 7 mins
Join us as we speak with Holly Jean from The Parenting Place about the risks teens face with cellphones and discover practical strategies parents can use to help keep their children safe.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:01):
With the John and Ben Podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:03):
Cheers to Dilma making the world a better tea.
Speaker 3 (00:06):
I think you nice to be here, Holly.
Speaker 1 (00:09):
Sexting big topic and Ben, just as we were about
to start talking to you, a jaw dropping statistic.
Speaker 3 (00:16):
Yeah, forty percent on your article I'm reading on the
parenting place, forty percent of young people in a survey
in last year said they'd done it.
Speaker 1 (00:25):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (00:25):
Yeah, so there was informal research. Just looking at research
today in Australia, there was some research down in twenty
twenty one that said fourteen to eighteen year olds have
found sexting ordinary practice. Eighty six percent have perceived sex
in seventy percent have sent them, eighty.
Speaker 1 (00:43):
Six have received.
Speaker 2 (00:44):
That is a wild figure, super high number.
Speaker 3 (00:48):
So what do we do? Sorry, just well to use
the term strip it back, which seems like a weird
term to use. But what do you when you say
sex thing? What do you exactly mean?
Speaker 1 (00:56):
Like?
Speaker 3 (00:56):
I know what some of them I'm not an idiot,
I know, but I mean, is it all time of?
Speaker 1 (01:00):
Like?
Speaker 2 (01:00):
The sex thing involves taking self made naked or partially
naked sexual photos, videos, or explicit text messages and send
them online or buy a text message, so they're often
referred to as nudes or a little bit more crudely
as dick picks. Yeah, as you know from the stats,
(01:21):
it is an increasing it's an increasing kind of more
normalized thing that is happening. And so I think as
parents it's really important that we are aware. I know
it's so cringey to think about our chilism and involved
with this, but we need to find foot it so
that we can help prepare them for it if they're
asked to send a nude or they send one, Because what.
Speaker 3 (01:41):
Are those conversations that you do need to have Because
I know that not necessarily even just with it when
it comes to rude messages, but I know that, and
this probably comes from years of me having embarrassing sketches
and skits online that you know, things that I've done.
But once you send something I can't say to the kids.
Once you send, even of it's to your friend or whatever,
you've kind of lost control of that image or whatever
(02:03):
it does you've seen that has now gone, even if
you trust them that way totally.
Speaker 2 (02:08):
And I think this is such a good point is
that we have, like our kids are growing up in
such a different era than we were when I was
growing up in the eighties, I didn't even know what.
Speaker 1 (02:16):
The until it was. If I wanted to see any
images of genitals, I don't have to go to a
toilet wall and draw them on there. It is crazy,
it really is.
Speaker 2 (02:26):
It is, and so you know, he Okay. What we're
finding is that a lot of parents find this such
an awkward, uncomfortable topic to talk about with their kids
because it is. It's really awkward, and we don't want
to imagine that our kids could be involved in this,
but we don't prepare them for it, and we don't
have the kind of the conversation as an open thing
that they can know that we know about it and
they can come to us. They could get themselves into
(02:47):
a risky situation. So here's an example I heard last
week from a counselor in New Zealand. It's a really
upsetting story. Is about a young girl under sixteen. Her
boyfriend asked you to send a note to want to
pressure her, told her that everyone's doing it, so eventually
she sent him a nude. He edited the nude and
(03:09):
sent it an assembly by ear drop to everybody. It
was really just school in the school in the assembly,
and for a year she didn't tell her parents, she
didn't tell any teachers, and he continued to after that event,
he started to pressure her to send more nudes, spun
threatening her, and it became this kind of escalating issue.
(03:31):
She kept it to herself. She was so embarrassed about it.
She ended up getting to a point where she was
self harming, really depressed, in suicidal and after he had
told him and then was able to see a counsel
and get some help. But this is such as not
a unique situation. I hear these stories regally, and this
is why we do have to have conversations with our
(03:53):
kids and we can be guided by them. You know,
it's not happening to every child, but what we want
is for you know, if our child was asked to
send a node, or they see one, or they're getting pressured,
we want them to know they can come to us.
We're not going to freak out, We're not going to
be angry at them. We're going to support them and
help them to know how to how to handle it.
Speaker 1 (04:12):
There's a heartbreaking story. And if there are kids listening
to this or parents listening to this, once you get
over that initial embarrassment. Once it's open and out there
and you're having a conversation, that disappears that embarrassment.
Speaker 2 (04:25):
Yeah, that's right, and I think what was awesome for
parents to be able to do for their kids. We've
got a great article on our website, but we love
the what would you do question? So it's just being
a little bit curious about what your kids know about
nudes and then ask, okay, so what would you do
if someone asks for a nude? This is a really
great way to help your kids think kind of critically
(04:46):
about what they would do in the situation before it
actually happens. And they've got some kind of tools in
their KTI so that they have the language, they know
how to respond. They might still kind of freeze and
you know, be a bit unsure, but they've had the
conversation and they know that they can come to you
and say, hey Mum, this thing happened, or hey dad.
Speaker 1 (05:04):
I've just always applied by the rule just don't put
my genitaals on the internet. You know, that's just I
want to see them.
Speaker 3 (05:09):
No, no, no, I don't even want to see my
own genitals. There'll on everyone else.
Speaker 2 (05:15):
That's a message for our boys too.
Speaker 1 (05:18):
You pat, No, they're horrendous looking things.
Speaker 3 (05:20):
Yeah, yeah, okay, so that's a worst case scenario. It
has happened. What can you and I know you deal
with this in the article as well. It's out there
in the world. There are some steps you can do
to try and absolutely get it removed in some ways.
Speaker 2 (05:34):
Yeah, yeah, absolutely, we want to contact the social media
platform immediately with it and shared. It might not have
been social media, It might have been ear dropped in assembly.
It could have been what several text message, So we're
going to fit social media. You want to report it,
contact net Safe and make a report. They operate the
Harmful Digital Communications at and they are able to help
(05:55):
help you navigate the process of getting access to that
image blocked. There's also a really great website called take
It Down, which basically puts like a hashing kind of
code onto the image and it will constantly fall the
Internet to find that image and take it down. It's
not feel proof, but yeah, net safe and take it
down and reporting it if it's on such reporting it
(06:15):
to that to that platform is really important.
Speaker 1 (06:18):
We might really run take it down over a couple
of our old bits of content and you know, you flip,
you flip the other side. You're just telling that story
of what that boyfriend was doing to that girl, and
he's clearly got a lot of learning to do in life.
But if you find one of your kids is sharing
the images like that, would that would be devastating. How
would you approach that?
Speaker 2 (06:39):
Oh, do you know, it's really important for our kids
to know it's actually illegal. You're you're officially sending your
distributing child's excuse material. So that's a really important message
that our kids need to know, our boys and our girls,
because there is a bit of a culture developing with
kids are sharing this type of content thinking it's funny,
it's entertaining, it's amusing, and it's illegal. So you could
have a policeman knock on your door. You could be
(07:01):
investigated at a crime and that's an important message we
need to tell our kids.
Speaker 1 (07:05):
Well, that's yeah, that's that's really good. Holly Jene, this
has been very interesting. Thank you so much, and we'll
helpe you catch up with you shortly.
Speaker 2 (07:11):
Yeah, you too.
With the John and Ben Podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:03):
Cheers to Dilma making the world a better tea.
Speaker 3 (00:06):
I think you nice to be here, Holly.
Speaker 1 (00:09):
Sexting big topic and Ben, just as we were about
to start talking to you, a jaw dropping statistic.
Speaker 3 (00:16):
Yeah, forty percent on your article I'm reading on the
parenting place, forty percent of young people in a survey
in last year said they'd done it.
Speaker 1 (00:25):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (00:25):
Yeah, so there was informal research. Just looking at research
today in Australia, there was some research down in twenty
twenty one that said fourteen to eighteen year olds have
found sexting ordinary practice. Eighty six percent have perceived sex
in seventy percent have sent them, eighty.
Speaker 1 (00:43):
Six have received.
Speaker 2 (00:44):
That is a wild figure, super high number.
Speaker 3 (00:48):
So what do we do? Sorry, just well to use
the term strip it back, which seems like a weird
term to use. But what do you when you say
sex thing? What do you exactly mean?
Speaker 1 (00:56):
Like?
Speaker 3 (00:56):
I know what some of them I'm not an idiot,
I know, but I mean, is it all time of?
Speaker 1 (01:00):
Like?
Speaker 2 (01:00):
The sex thing involves taking self made naked or partially
naked sexual photos, videos, or explicit text messages and send
them online or buy a text message, so they're often
referred to as nudes or a little bit more crudely
as dick picks. Yeah, as you know from the stats,
(01:21):
it is an increasing it's an increasing kind of more
normalized thing that is happening. And so I think as
parents it's really important that we are aware. I know
it's so cringey to think about our chilism and involved
with this, but we need to find foot it so
that we can help prepare them for it if they're
asked to send a nude or they send one, Because what.
Speaker 3 (01:41):
Are those conversations that you do need to have Because
I know that not necessarily even just with it when
it comes to rude messages, but I know that, and
this probably comes from years of me having embarrassing sketches
and skits online that you know, things that I've done.
But once you send something I can't say to the kids.
Once you send, even of it's to your friend or whatever,
you've kind of lost control of that image or whatever
(02:03):
it does you've seen that has now gone, even if
you trust them that way totally.
Speaker 2 (02:08):
And I think this is such a good point is
that we have, like our kids are growing up in
such a different era than we were when I was
growing up in the eighties, I didn't even know what.
Speaker 1 (02:16):
The until it was. If I wanted to see any
images of genitals, I don't have to go to a
toilet wall and draw them on there. It is crazy,
it really is.
Speaker 2 (02:26):
It is, and so you know, he Okay. What we're
finding is that a lot of parents find this such
an awkward, uncomfortable topic to talk about with their kids
because it is. It's really awkward, and we don't want
to imagine that our kids could be involved in this,
but we don't prepare them for it, and we don't
have the kind of the conversation as an open thing
that they can know that we know about it and
they can come to us. They could get themselves into
(02:47):
a risky situation. So here's an example I heard last
week from a counselor in New Zealand. It's a really
upsetting story. Is about a young girl under sixteen. Her
boyfriend asked you to send a note to want to
pressure her, told her that everyone's doing it, so eventually
she sent him a nude. He edited the nude and
(03:09):
sent it an assembly by ear drop to everybody. It
was really just school in the school in the assembly,
and for a year she didn't tell her parents, she
didn't tell any teachers, and he continued to after that event,
he started to pressure her to send more nudes, spun
threatening her, and it became this kind of escalating issue.
(03:31):
She kept it to herself. She was so embarrassed about it.
She ended up getting to a point where she was
self harming, really depressed, in suicidal and after he had
told him and then was able to see a counsel
and get some help. But this is such as not
a unique situation. I hear these stories regally, and this
is why we do have to have conversations with our
(03:53):
kids and we can be guided by them. You know,
it's not happening to every child, but what we want
is for you know, if our child was asked to
send a node, or they see one, or they're getting pressured,
we want them to know they can come to us.
We're not going to freak out, We're not going to
be angry at them. We're going to support them and
help them to know how to how to handle it.
Speaker 1 (04:12):
There's a heartbreaking story. And if there are kids listening
to this or parents listening to this, once you get
over that initial embarrassment. Once it's open and out there
and you're having a conversation, that disappears that embarrassment.
Speaker 2 (04:25):
Yeah, that's right, and I think what was awesome for
parents to be able to do for their kids. We've
got a great article on our website, but we love
the what would you do question? So it's just being
a little bit curious about what your kids know about
nudes and then ask, okay, so what would you do
if someone asks for a nude? This is a really
great way to help your kids think kind of critically
(04:46):
about what they would do in the situation before it
actually happens. And they've got some kind of tools in
their KTI so that they have the language, they know
how to respond. They might still kind of freeze and
you know, be a bit unsure, but they've had the
conversation and they know that they can come to you
and say, hey Mum, this thing happened, or hey dad.
Speaker 1 (05:04):
I've just always applied by the rule just don't put
my genitaals on the internet. You know, that's just I
want to see them.
Speaker 3 (05:09):
No, no, no, I don't even want to see my
own genitals. There'll on everyone else.
Speaker 2 (05:15):
That's a message for our boys too.
Speaker 1 (05:18):
You pat, No, they're horrendous looking things.
Speaker 3 (05:20):
Yeah, yeah, okay, so that's a worst case scenario. It
has happened. What can you and I know you deal
with this in the article as well. It's out there
in the world. There are some steps you can do
to try and absolutely get it removed in some ways.
Speaker 2 (05:34):
Yeah, yeah, absolutely, we want to contact the social media
platform immediately with it and shared. It might not have
been social media, It might have been ear dropped in assembly.
It could have been what several text message, So we're
going to fit social media. You want to report it,
contact net Safe and make a report. They operate the
Harmful Digital Communications at and they are able to help
(05:55):
help you navigate the process of getting access to that
image blocked. There's also a really great website called take
It Down, which basically puts like a hashing kind of
code onto the image and it will constantly fall the
Internet to find that image and take it down. It's
not feel proof, but yeah, net safe and take it
down and reporting it if it's on such reporting it
(06:15):
to that to that platform is really important.
Speaker 1 (06:18):
We might really run take it down over a couple
of our old bits of content and you know, you flip,
you flip the other side. You're just telling that story
of what that boyfriend was doing to that girl, and
he's clearly got a lot of learning to do in life.
But if you find one of your kids is sharing
the images like that, would that would be devastating. How
would you approach that?
Speaker 2 (06:39):
Oh, do you know, it's really important for our kids
to know it's actually illegal. You're you're officially sending your
distributing child's excuse material. So that's a really important message
that our kids need to know, our boys and our girls,
because there is a bit of a culture developing with
kids are sharing this type of content thinking it's funny,
it's entertaining, it's amusing, and it's illegal. So you could
have a policeman knock on your door. You could be
(07:01):
investigated at a crime and that's an important message we
need to tell our kids.
Speaker 1 (07:05):
Well, that's yeah, that's that's really good. Holly Jene, this
has been very interesting. Thank you so much, and we'll
helpe you catch up with you shortly.
Speaker 2 (07:11):
Yeah, you too.
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