Elis James and John Robins

Elis needs a new car. But how can John advise him on his next whip when shackled by the understandable constraints of undue product prominence? Well John has been on a special course, the Balance BBc (Hons) at a local uni, in order to undertake this difficult task and be What Car?* for the impartial content generation. Can he navigate such tricky waters / roads without risking complaints from rival manufacturers?

But none of that ma...

Elis is back from Euros Trip No. 1 and he’s Dad of the Year. A far more prestigious award than the 2008 accolade of the same name won by Peter Andre and sponsored by “Daddies Sauce”. Yes, his daughter not only experienced an unforgettable time watching the Welsh women, but she also saw her two favourite artists in eight days. Could Elis now become the best dad of the 21st century?

John meanwhile has had a sweat overload and Producer...

After many moons of service the mobile terrarium / paint dump / dodgem, the VW Barrel of Eggs, is no more. And today’s show is in tribute to that trusty steed.

Currently lying in state, when it makes its final journey on the back of a low loader to the scrapheap make sure to line the streets of South London and doff your cap.

Yes this is the only podcast to pay tribute to two different cars coincidentally manufactured under the auspi...

John’s annoyed because Elis and Dave have used all their material before the mics came on. Chin wagging like old ladies at the salon. But as is often the case we are saved by delving into the depths of insignificance.

Some people think that the mines of inconsequentiality had run dry on this show. That the pick axes couldn’t uncover anything more minor than previously. But there's the richest of seams for John to sink his teeth into...

The time has come to pick a side: are you pro-riff or anti-riff? Do you think that caution kills the riff? Would you wilfully step into the riff matrix and do your damnedest to see it through to the bitter end? In short, do you back the riff? This is what Producer Dave must decide.

But he’s not the only one facing tough questions this week. Elis is confronted by his young son about a timing mishap that leaves him quoting Harold Wils...

It’s a strange old time for Elis James. On the one hand he’s being called a thirst trap on the carra (the Instagram carousel, for those not in the know); people can’t seem to get enough of his floppy hair, his jawline, and his interesting t-shirts. On the other hand, he’s getting hammered for slagging off Belgium, and having some harsh words directed at him by one of TV’s greatest quiz hosts. What the sigma can he do!?

But no worrie...

There’s something drifting in on the air today. A funk. Criminality. Yes it seems to be bifta o’clock as John spots a doob roller on the tube. That, and it being the relaxfest which is Glastonbury, combine to see the hazy funk of ‘da ‘erb’ and its ensuing uncoolness discussed at length. Because simply put this is not how Britain will build back better.

Elsewhere, Elis comes in today on a high. A cycling high. And that high isn’t fro...

There’s some good upstanding British gear flying around today. Bin chat. Which bins? What goes in what? What blooming colours have you got? Show us your bins on elisandjohn@bbc.co.uk or WhatsApp on 07974 293 022.

In less disposable content, there’s a right to reply from one of Colin’s holiday companions and he may have to be sent to prison for telling the truth.

Plus there’s an absolute anxiety dream as John is forced to sit through ...

Elis James has become the story, and not for the right reasons. No matter how much he talks about ‘Zoe on the train’, there’s no doubt that our Cymru Connecting prodigy has lost his way. He’s in the Bobby Gould years. Today we attempt to correct his woeful form with some expert help.

Colin makes a welcome return to proceedings as John shares more information about his holiday. Plus, there’s a belting taxi-based stag Shame, and every...

You can tell John’s been on holiday because he starts the show by giving a promotion to someone who doesn’t even work on the show. The mood is high.

And he’s come back a new man. He’s Colin now. An even more chill and organised version of Johnny JR. He’s the opposite of pura vida - i.e. not the same as his travel companions, who included someone who lost their bank card before they set off and a second bank card before they returned...

William Wordsworth, Carol Ann Duffy… Tim Key. Just a few of the great poets this fair nation has produced. But there are two more names to add to the pantheon, two new kids on the block: Elis James and John Robins. Our heroes have picked up their pens (opened their laptops), unfurled their manuscripts (opened Word), and trawled their creative depths to write some verses that Shakespeare himself would be proud of.

Why is poetry the ...

After a week when John offered apology texts to Elis, Dave and the production team for being in a bad mood, he’s back to his Billy best. There’s a bright ray of sunshine in his heart and nethers which clears the studio air. No black eps today and Elis can leave the studio without an impending sense of worry.

But there are challenges afoot for our hero, as he contends with holidaying with one whose administrative approach sits in ble...

Wagon wheels, mushy pea hummus and baked bean daal. Move over Rick Stein, there’s new gastronomic broadcasters in town. Yes, food is the order of the day as the delectable George Egg rides into the studio to serve up a delicious Made Up Game for Elis and John.

And the theme doesn’t stop there, for before you can say ‘Ready, Steady, Cook’ there's a longing for Great British puds and the question “why do chippies give you so many ch...

It’s the TFI Late Review on the show as a night-time recording has Elis at his energetic peak. He's ready to throw a chair at a wall and also discuss the latest avant-garde Spanish melodrama. It’s a different vibe altogether, the boys don’t even know what day it is. But in such a circular audio environment, what even are days?

We speak to the chattiest man in Wales - a pillar of the world accent community no less - and there is a re...

Every week on this show you think that the last vestige of John’s weird past is revealed. You think there cannot be any more layers peeled back. And then bam(!), another one, as yet another aspect of intense Robins c.1994-2004 hits you smack in the face. This is one such episode.

But don’t worry it’s not all too harrowing, for there’s a huge and extremely handsome surprise for Producer Dave, and a couple of absolutely top tier Mad D...

There’ve been contrasting weeks for our two heroes. It’s a non-stop all anecdote premiere for Elis. For he has as follows… met Hugh Grant, attended Ken Clarke’s curry house, been to film screenings and had his greatest ever stag - apart from the one organised by John he stresses. *And* Mo Salah thinks he matters.

John meanwhile has been asleep for half nine each night, talked about trauma and bought two sheds.

We also have a guest wh...

It’s official. Elis and John are the most listened to on demand radio programme amongst the Under 35s on BBC Sounds. This is huge. Finally the boys are appealing to a demographic that extends upwards to those could well be married with two children.

Bringing 5 Live’s average age down from 57 to 55 was the aim. But they’ve overshot so far that it’s likely now pushing down to the cyber bullied generation.

And to indicate just how willi...

He’s only gone and done it again. The serial winner himself, John Robins, the narrative bender, has won yet again. Despite not even really liking football, John just can’t help being John, and he's done something on the football pitch worthy of an end-of-tournament emotional BBC sports montage that makes Elis cry. If anything feels significant, this does.

John’s footballing escapades are recounted with the help of friends of the sho...

This show isn’t often one for big announcements. But today we park the trivialities. There’s not a mention of word games or credit scores in sight. For another obsession is about to take over the life of Johnny JR. It’s big. And it could complete his transformation from movement cynic to the Haile Gebrselassie of rural Bucks*.

And Producer Dave is simply rubbing his hands together at the prospect of 11 months of ready baked content.

...