October 21, 2025 • 11 mins
On the Tuesday October 21, 2025 edition of The Armstrong & Getty One More Thing podcast...
- Jack brings us an article about the dating scene and men in the modern world!
Stupid Should Hurt: https://www.armstrongandgetty.com/
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Men, Where have you Gone? It's one more thing. I'm
strong Andy, one more thing. This is an article about
an article that was in the New York Times not
long ago called men, Where have You Gone? And this
is in some publication. Well it's not a publication. It's
(00:20):
a website called Medium with a woman who studies this
sort of stuff, writing about that article and other things
she's found and her observations about men in the modern
world and dating and that sort of thing. The article
in the New York Times called men, Where have You Gone?
Started with someone noticing that when they went to restaurants
there'd be a couple of Now this is New York City,
(00:42):
so this is not, you know, everybody's life, but they
would go to hip restaurants in New York City there'd
be a couple of couples. Then every other table was
all women hanging out with each other, which I have
seen a lot of. Yes, women are continuing to go
out with each other. Dudes are just staying home by themselves.
Mostly seems to be what's going on there? And why
(01:04):
have men disappeared from the dating scene? They go through
a couple of different things. I think all of them
are interesting. First, one obs technology. The Internet, social media
and online dating for starters, has brought us closer, we
find each other faster, but what happens after seems to
undo all of the good that technology could have promised.
Instead of connecting us, we're using it to further distance
(01:26):
and divide, using yes, the modern marvels of dating apps
apps anonymity. Illusion of choice, which I brought up a
couple of weeks ago that I had read somewhere that
is a good one. I can see how that really
kills things, The illusion of endless choices.
Speaker 2 (01:41):
Right, which is, it hadn't occurred to me that that
would be a thing. Why would you settle with somebody
and take on the challenges of making life with them?
If it looked like there were not only many many
fish in the sea, but they were all swimming in
your direction? So how do you settle on one?
Speaker 1 (02:00):
Right? I mean, how overwhelmed would you have to be
by a connection with somebody to stop checking out the
other merchandise? Whereas in real life dating, obviously you didn't
have like ten other options unless you're like incredibly attractive
or something. You didn't have like ten other options lined
up for this weekend?
Speaker 2 (02:22):
Yeah, I mean never if you get with somebody that
does have ten other options all the time.
Speaker 1 (02:27):
Be careful expectations. There's plenty of blame to go around
when it comes to expectations. But women, if you're complaining
about men retreating from dating, maybe it's time to time
to take a hard look at your part. This is
the part I like. This is written by the New
York Times, And this is a woman writing about the
article in the New York and she's a woman, an
actual one. Uh. Women, it's time to take a hard
(02:48):
look at your part. Are you blowing guys off for
the slightest issue. I know that that's happening. Are you
being too quick to judge? Do you have unreasonable expectations,
requirements or ridiculous states most men can't meet? Are you ghosting,
canceling last minute, waiting for the bigger, better deal, or
insulted that a guy doesn't treat you to a five
(03:09):
course meal on a first date. Are you a I
hadn't heard this term before, but I guess it's a
term six figures, six packs, six feet kind of girl.
If so, no wonder men are checking out these days.
Six figures, six packs, six feet not everybody can live with.
Very few people can live up to that.
Speaker 2 (03:28):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (03:28):
I got a better shot at a couple of them
then the other one. I'll tell you that if your
search for love is convinced you you're just one swipe
away from someone more perfect, I have news for you.
You're going to be single forever. She writes.
Speaker 2 (03:44):
Wow, that's some tough talks. Sisters speaking plainly to each other.
That's good.
Speaker 1 (03:48):
Yeah, expectations along with mixed messages are dispiriting. Be masculine
and a feminist at the same time. Be vulnerable, but
not overly sensitive. We've talked about this before. Be emotionally available,
but not a simp. It's a lot of hoops to
jump through. If men can't measure up, guess who checks
out next. You know what's.
Speaker 2 (04:07):
Interesting is the guy version of that, and we have
called this out and mocked it for years. Is the
you know, some lovely woman is being discussed or walks
by or is on the TV or whatever. The guy says,
no way, I wouldn't go there. She's not hot, and
(04:28):
you're like, dude, you're with no one, You're not gonna
be with anyone, and you're acting like you have some
sort of right to only be with supermodels like Victoria's
Secret supermodels. That's a dodge. That's not you coming off
as cool and and and you know, having high standards.
(04:49):
It's pathetic, but you get that from guys a fair amount.
It's a common thing.
Speaker 1 (04:54):
Yeah, having stood around a lot of bars with a
lot of dudes, that is a common thing among a
certain kind of guy. I always thought, you know, who's
the most attractive girls in this bar? The one that's
attracted to me. That's the most attracted girl in this
bar to me, the one that's attracted to me, because
all the other ones don't make any different. It doesn't
matter whether here or not. And here's a little hint
for him. And I'm sure anybody in the room can
(05:16):
attest to this. Once you're together a minute, you don't
stand around looking at each other and you know, well, no,
I'm trying to absorb how good looking the person is
or isn't you have a life together. Well, on another
truth bomb, you ain't gonna look the same forever, neither
one of you, all right, and base it on that
(05:37):
that's gonna go away really fast. Anyway, Getting back to
these lists, this is.
Speaker 2 (05:40):
Just a millionth example of bad ideas that died in
real life but flourish on the Internet like they're being
fed miracle grow.
Speaker 1 (05:52):
Well, and I can tell you from personal experience how
that plays out in the real world. If you're standing
around with other dudes who constantly you know, no, she's
to this or she's to that, and you're all alone,
I mean, you're all going home alone and judging the
other crowd. The person in the crowd who thinks I
(06:14):
kind of think she's attractive is not gonna say it
out loud.
Speaker 2 (06:17):
Yeah, because they're gonna hold back for fear of mockery.
Speaker 1 (06:20):
Yeah, Katie.
Speaker 3 (06:21):
And well, and if you're the dude that's going to
ask she's she's not this or she's not that, well
you are you perfect?
Speaker 1 (06:27):
Yeah? I've heard that from some dudes before, saying that
sort of thing. Look at you. You're standing here. You're
a fat guy and cargo shorts and a dirty T
shirt and you're missing a tooth. Shut up are you
talking about?
Speaker 2 (06:37):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (06:37):
Get a tooth? Uh.
Speaker 2 (06:41):
I just it makes me sad though, Oh my god.
Speaker 3 (06:47):
Well, the other day I was sitting with one of
my girlfriends and her guy was sitting you know, a
few seats down and we were talking about this one
girl that came and she was beautiful actually, and she
works She obviously worked out, and I went up to hen.
Speaker 1 (07:00):
I high fived her. I was like, that's why I
go to the gym. Show tell me what you do.
Speaker 3 (07:04):
And the guy was like, ash, she's all right, no knockout.
Speaker 1 (07:10):
I don't know, very strong. Does that make you feel cool?
Saying that I have never said that in my life,
it doesn't come across as cool. Maybe it as an
entire high school career of being, you know alone, I've
never felt in the position of just being that that
person anyway. The other one, I won't go through all
(07:31):
them because we're we've already used it quite a bit
of time. But the other one, she points out, is
hashtag me too. Me too is another reason why men
might be opting out. I've said it before and I'll
say it again. She writes. The me too movement was
necessary and needed. There's no place for creeps, perves, harassment,
or oppressure of any kind. Women called out the abuse
took a stand, and I'm glad they did. No woman
should have to fear for her life while dating. However,
(07:53):
the pendulum seems to have swung way too far the
other way, and now both sexes are in a standoff.
Men are afraid to approach women at all, to talk
to them, to even look their way, because of the
legal peril they could put them in. I know that
this is true. No guy is going to put himself
out there with the kind of risk, with that kind
of risk, and no guy is going to risk rejection
when women just want to be left alone, which also
(08:14):
makes me sad. She says here.
Speaker 2 (08:16):
Yeah, I call it the French Revolution syndrome. Yeah, they
had plenty of gripes against the monarchy, plenty of good,
legit gripes. Then it went too far, it went too
crazy and ended up being something horrifically ugly.
Speaker 1 (08:32):
Where does this? Does this ever get straightened out? I
don't see how it would. I don't think this is
like a blip in history or something like that. How
would how would it? How would it ever?
Speaker 2 (08:43):
Plug? The Internet?
Speaker 1 (08:45):
Yeah? I don't see this ever getting better. I really don't.
I can't imagine the forces that would cause this to
get better.
Speaker 2 (08:52):
All right, here's what I predict, and and millions of
people will not have the benefit of this. They will
reject it, and they will be miserable and I hitting them.
Something like twenty first century amishness will arise.
Speaker 1 (09:07):
It will be.
Speaker 2 (09:10):
A cultural norm in these subcultures that form that you
are unplugged except through necessity. And I don't know how
big it will be, but I guarantee it will arise.
Because the toxicity of the Internet is unmistakable to anybody
with eyes and ears. It's also a wonderful resource in
(09:32):
a lot of ways. Blah blah blah.
Speaker 1 (09:33):
We know.
Speaker 2 (09:35):
There will be a subculture that will arise that will
reject all of this stuff.
Speaker 1 (09:39):
Yeah, she doesn't just beat up on women in this article.
She goes on to talk about porn and how it's
so easy for men to you know, oh satisfy at
the very base, like the lowest bar level, that that
kind of keeps you from getting dressed and showering, going
out on the town on Friday.
Speaker 2 (09:56):
Night, taking the resk.
Speaker 1 (09:57):
Yeah, taking the resk. Yeah, I don't know. My son will.
I'll end with this slightly different but somewhat similar, is
that I got him a new computer over the weekend
than he needed for a variety of reasons. It's just,
you know how computers get outdated after like a few years,
you just can't You literally can't use him anymore. I
took it in to get it fixed it best Buy,
and they told me last year, they said, you realized
(10:18):
by September of next year, this will be this will
no longer support Microsoft's blah blah blah, So you have
to get a new computer anyway. So I got him
a new computer. He spent a lot of time playing
video games over the weekend, and then and then last
night he was feeling kind of depressed, and he said,
you know, I was happier last week when I was
just doing homework, playing my guitar and doing other things.
I was happier last week than I want that I
(10:40):
am now when I was playing my new computer. That's
a good observation, man. Okay, so I think that makes
me less happy. I thought that made me happy and
made me less happy. But I'm not sure everyone can
come to that conclusion on their own.
Speaker 2 (10:58):
You know, the idea of joining the Imish community sounds
kind of good.
Speaker 1 (11:01):
Sometimes, throw myself a beard, sure, char raisin churn some
barn raisin churn somebody. Well, I guess that's it. H
Men, Where have you Gone? It's one more thing. I'm
strong Andy, one more thing. This is an article about
an article that was in the New York Times not
long ago called men, Where have You Gone? And this
is in some publication. Well it's not a publication. It's
(00:20):
a website called Medium with a woman who studies this
sort of stuff, writing about that article and other things
she's found and her observations about men in the modern
world and dating and that sort of thing. The article
in the New York Times called men, Where have You Gone?
Started with someone noticing that when they went to restaurants
there'd be a couple of Now this is New York City,
(00:42):
so this is not, you know, everybody's life, but they
would go to hip restaurants in New York City there'd
be a couple of couples. Then every other table was
all women hanging out with each other, which I have
seen a lot of. Yes, women are continuing to go
out with each other. Dudes are just staying home by themselves.
Mostly seems to be what's going on there? And why
(01:04):
have men disappeared from the dating scene? They go through
a couple of different things. I think all of them
are interesting. First, one obs technology. The Internet, social media
and online dating for starters, has brought us closer, we
find each other faster, but what happens after seems to
undo all of the good that technology could have promised.
Instead of connecting us, we're using it to further distance
(01:26):
and divide, using yes, the modern marvels of dating apps
apps anonymity. Illusion of choice, which I brought up a
couple of weeks ago that I had read somewhere that
is a good one. I can see how that really
kills things, The illusion of endless choices.
Speaker 2 (01:41):
Right, which is, it hadn't occurred to me that that
would be a thing. Why would you settle with somebody
and take on the challenges of making life with them?
If it looked like there were not only many many
fish in the sea, but they were all swimming in
your direction? So how do you settle on one?
Speaker 1 (02:00):
Right? I mean, how overwhelmed would you have to be
by a connection with somebody to stop checking out the
other merchandise? Whereas in real life dating, obviously you didn't
have like ten other options unless you're like incredibly attractive
or something. You didn't have like ten other options lined
up for this weekend?
Speaker 2 (02:22):
Yeah, I mean never if you get with somebody that
does have ten other options all the time.
Speaker 1 (02:27):
Be careful expectations. There's plenty of blame to go around
when it comes to expectations. But women, if you're complaining
about men retreating from dating, maybe it's time to time
to take a hard look at your part. This is
the part I like. This is written by the New
York Times, And this is a woman writing about the
article in the New York and she's a woman, an
actual one. Uh. Women, it's time to take a hard
(02:48):
look at your part. Are you blowing guys off for
the slightest issue. I know that that's happening. Are you
being too quick to judge? Do you have unreasonable expectations,
requirements or ridiculous states most men can't meet? Are you ghosting,
canceling last minute, waiting for the bigger, better deal, or
insulted that a guy doesn't treat you to a five
(03:09):
course meal on a first date. Are you a I
hadn't heard this term before, but I guess it's a
term six figures, six packs, six feet kind of girl.
If so, no wonder men are checking out these days.
Six figures, six packs, six feet not everybody can live with.
Very few people can live up to that.
Speaker 2 (03:28):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (03:28):
I got a better shot at a couple of them
then the other one. I'll tell you that if your
search for love is convinced you you're just one swipe
away from someone more perfect, I have news for you.
You're going to be single forever. She writes.
Speaker 2 (03:44):
Wow, that's some tough talks. Sisters speaking plainly to each other.
That's good.
Speaker 1 (03:48):
Yeah, expectations along with mixed messages are dispiriting. Be masculine
and a feminist at the same time. Be vulnerable, but
not overly sensitive. We've talked about this before. Be emotionally available,
but not a simp. It's a lot of hoops to
jump through. If men can't measure up, guess who checks
out next. You know what's.
Speaker 2 (04:07):
Interesting is the guy version of that, and we have
called this out and mocked it for years. Is the
you know, some lovely woman is being discussed or walks
by or is on the TV or whatever. The guy says,
no way, I wouldn't go there. She's not hot, and
(04:28):
you're like, dude, you're with no one, You're not gonna
be with anyone, and you're acting like you have some
sort of right to only be with supermodels like Victoria's
Secret supermodels. That's a dodge. That's not you coming off
as cool and and and you know, having high standards.
(04:49):
It's pathetic, but you get that from guys a fair amount.
It's a common thing.
Speaker 1 (04:54):
Yeah, having stood around a lot of bars with a
lot of dudes, that is a common thing among a
certain kind of guy. I always thought, you know, who's
the most attractive girls in this bar? The one that's
attracted to me. That's the most attracted girl in this
bar to me, the one that's attracted to me, because
all the other ones don't make any different. It doesn't
matter whether here or not. And here's a little hint
for him. And I'm sure anybody in the room can
(05:16):
attest to this. Once you're together a minute, you don't
stand around looking at each other and you know, well, no,
I'm trying to absorb how good looking the person is
or isn't you have a life together. Well, on another
truth bomb, you ain't gonna look the same forever, neither
one of you, all right, and base it on that
(05:37):
that's gonna go away really fast. Anyway, Getting back to
these lists, this is.
Speaker 2 (05:40):
Just a millionth example of bad ideas that died in
real life but flourish on the Internet like they're being
fed miracle grow.
Speaker 1 (05:52):
Well, and I can tell you from personal experience how
that plays out in the real world. If you're standing
around with other dudes who constantly you know, no, she's
to this or she's to that, and you're all alone,
I mean, you're all going home alone and judging the
other crowd. The person in the crowd who thinks I
(06:14):
kind of think she's attractive is not gonna say it
out loud.
Speaker 2 (06:17):
Yeah, because they're gonna hold back for fear of mockery.
Speaker 1 (06:20):
Yeah, Katie.
Speaker 3 (06:21):
And well, and if you're the dude that's going to
ask she's she's not this or she's not that, well
you are you perfect?
Speaker 1 (06:27):
Yeah? I've heard that from some dudes before, saying that
sort of thing. Look at you. You're standing here. You're
a fat guy and cargo shorts and a dirty T
shirt and you're missing a tooth. Shut up are you
talking about?
Speaker 2 (06:37):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (06:37):
Get a tooth? Uh.
Speaker 2 (06:41):
I just it makes me sad though, Oh my god.
Speaker 3 (06:47):
Well, the other day I was sitting with one of
my girlfriends and her guy was sitting you know, a
few seats down and we were talking about this one
girl that came and she was beautiful actually, and she
works She obviously worked out, and I went up to hen.
Speaker 1 (07:00):
I high fived her. I was like, that's why I
go to the gym. Show tell me what you do.
Speaker 3 (07:04):
And the guy was like, ash, she's all right, no knockout.
Speaker 1 (07:10):
I don't know, very strong. Does that make you feel cool?
Saying that I have never said that in my life,
it doesn't come across as cool. Maybe it as an
entire high school career of being, you know alone, I've
never felt in the position of just being that that
person anyway. The other one, I won't go through all
(07:31):
them because we're we've already used it quite a bit
of time. But the other one, she points out, is
hashtag me too. Me too is another reason why men
might be opting out. I've said it before and I'll
say it again. She writes. The me too movement was
necessary and needed. There's no place for creeps, perves, harassment,
or oppressure of any kind. Women called out the abuse
took a stand, and I'm glad they did. No woman
should have to fear for her life while dating. However,
(07:53):
the pendulum seems to have swung way too far the
other way, and now both sexes are in a standoff.
Men are afraid to approach women at all, to talk
to them, to even look their way, because of the
legal peril they could put them in. I know that
this is true. No guy is going to put himself
out there with the kind of risk, with that kind
of risk, and no guy is going to risk rejection
when women just want to be left alone, which also
(08:14):
makes me sad. She says here.
Speaker 2 (08:16):
Yeah, I call it the French Revolution syndrome. Yeah, they
had plenty of gripes against the monarchy, plenty of good,
legit gripes. Then it went too far, it went too
crazy and ended up being something horrifically ugly.
Speaker 1 (08:32):
Where does this? Does this ever get straightened out? I
don't see how it would. I don't think this is
like a blip in history or something like that. How
would how would it? How would it ever?
Speaker 2 (08:43):
Plug? The Internet?
Speaker 1 (08:45):
Yeah? I don't see this ever getting better. I really don't.
I can't imagine the forces that would cause this to
get better.
Speaker 2 (08:52):
All right, here's what I predict, and and millions of
people will not have the benefit of this. They will
reject it, and they will be miserable and I hitting them.
Something like twenty first century amishness will arise.
Speaker 1 (09:07):
It will be.
Speaker 2 (09:10):
A cultural norm in these subcultures that form that you
are unplugged except through necessity. And I don't know how
big it will be, but I guarantee it will arise.
Because the toxicity of the Internet is unmistakable to anybody
with eyes and ears. It's also a wonderful resource in
(09:32):
a lot of ways. Blah blah blah.
Speaker 1 (09:33):
We know.
Speaker 2 (09:35):
There will be a subculture that will arise that will
reject all of this stuff.
Speaker 1 (09:39):
Yeah, she doesn't just beat up on women in this article.
She goes on to talk about porn and how it's
so easy for men to you know, oh satisfy at
the very base, like the lowest bar level, that that
kind of keeps you from getting dressed and showering, going
out on the town on Friday.
Speaker 2 (09:56):
Night, taking the resk.
Speaker 1 (09:57):
Yeah, taking the resk. Yeah, I don't know. My son will.
I'll end with this slightly different but somewhat similar, is
that I got him a new computer over the weekend
than he needed for a variety of reasons. It's just,
you know how computers get outdated after like a few years,
you just can't You literally can't use him anymore. I
took it in to get it fixed it best Buy,
and they told me last year, they said, you realized
(10:18):
by September of next year, this will be this will
no longer support Microsoft's blah blah blah, So you have
to get a new computer anyway. So I got him
a new computer. He spent a lot of time playing
video games over the weekend, and then and then last
night he was feeling kind of depressed, and he said,
you know, I was happier last week when I was
just doing homework, playing my guitar and doing other things.
I was happier last week than I want that I
(10:40):
am now when I was playing my new computer. That's
a good observation, man. Okay, so I think that makes
me less happy. I thought that made me happy and
made me less happy. But I'm not sure everyone can
come to that conclusion on their own.
Speaker 2 (10:58):
You know, the idea of joining the Imish community sounds
kind of good.
Speaker 1 (11:01):
Sometimes, throw myself a beard, sure, char raisin churn some
barn raisin churn somebody. Well, I guess that's it. H
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