This Dirty Little Secret takes being prepared to a whole new level!

'Asparagus' calls into The Jubal Show and tells them an odd collection... that might be helpful one day!


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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Jubils dirty little secret. Today's dirty little secret will make
your piece mouth funny. Oh yeah, yes, yes, asparagus is
on the phone. Remember, we give everybody a fake anonymous nicknames.
You want to tellus a dirty little secret, all I
have to do is text in four one six one.
You can tell us anything. We keep everybody anonymous. We
don't even ask what your name is. That's why you
get a fake name when you call in. And Alex

(00:22):
knew exactly where I was going with that. Asparagus is
on the phone. Hello, asparagus. Hey, this is asparagus. All right.
You're delicious, by the way. Yeah, i'd like to point
that out. Thanks, Except if I forget that I eat
you and I wake up in the morning to go
to the bathroom, I'm like, oh my god, what's wrong
with me? He made a good problem. And I'm like,
oh wait, oh good, I just ad asparagus last nime.

(00:44):
All right, So you have a dirty little secret you'd
like to tell us about asparagus? Yeah, So my dirty
little secret is that I have an odd kind of collection.
So when I was in high school, we had health
class and they gave out free condoms to all the students. Nice,

(01:06):
and I held on to that one. Yeah, it was
like great, I might have to use this, and so
I like put it in a box. And then I
kept collecting different kinds of condoms everywhere I went, Like
if I went to the drug store, I'd be like, well,
maybe I'll just pick up theeves. So yeah, and you

(01:28):
go through the condom aisle in the grocery store or wherever,
and you're just like, oh that and you have a
collection all. I got to think about that one yet.
Remember like when your teens you can go to the
walking clinic and you get free condoms, like on the
counter there's all of them. Yeah, did you steal all those? Yeah?
Basically like anyone that I hadn't had before I took.
Or like you know, in a like a bar, if

(01:49):
you go into the bathroom and there's like maybe weird
ones you know, rabbed Her Her Pleasure or for those
weird brands that you've never heard of. Yeah, yeah, where
you're like knocker brand condoms and I've never heard of them.
What's your best one, the one that you're most proud
of in your collection? Um, the one that's my favorite

(02:12):
Actually when you unroll it, it says your name here
on it. Wow, that's incredible. So you have a big
collection of really random condoms. Uh, yeah, that's true. It's
a pretty big collection. But that's uh, that's not actually
my dirtiest little secret even want to know. Yeah, what

(02:36):
did you do with these? Gods? Well, the problem is
that I didn't do anything with it. My collection is
so big because I actually still a virgin. You've never
even used one at all before, other than maybe probably
blown them up in pop Yeah, yeah, I've they've I'm

(02:57):
half of them have expired at this point. Oh my god,
keep collecting. I think that's an amazing collection. Yeah, I mean,
as a conversation starter, it's a weird one. But maybe
it'll work one day. Maybe. I'd hate to say this too, asparagus,
But you sound like, you know, relatively mature in terms
of age. How has it just not never happened or

(03:17):
you know what's been the problem? Yeah, I don't. I
don't know. I can never seem to like get over
the friendship hump, and I like what you did there
and when that does happen. Um, you know a lot
about protection, right, because you've been collecting it since you
were very young. And have all kinds of different ones.
Have you heard of the Trojan extended pleasure ones? Who? Yes,

(03:43):
I have like a numbing thing in it. So that,
oh so you can, you can last last so a
little bit longer, longer, longer than second. Yeah, they make
a spray too, so spray so that oh my god,
yeah so that you yeah, so that you don't see
the last longer. But it's not good though. I bet

(04:03):
that's not good for you. No, I mean it's not
good as far as how it makes you feel. Because
it sounds like a good idea, like, oh, this could
help out, you know, I could maybe last a little
bit longer than a TV commercial maybe, right, But then
you use it and then nothing works, because it's like
if you know, if you go to the dentist, right
and you shot a novacane. Oh yeah, it feels like
that party you went to the dentist and it just
will not work. Oh okay, don't get the spray. Just kidding.

(04:27):
Yeah then all right, Well, thank you for your dirty
little secret. Yeah, thanks guys, what's your dirty little secret,