Darkest Just Before the Dawn

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hell I Suck at Dating with Dean, Vanessa and Jared
and I Heart Radio Podcast. Hello, Hello, thank you so
much for joining us on another episode of Help I
Suck at Dating. My name is Dean Anglert and I
am alone without my co host today in studio, of course,
joined in studio by the producers Mark Easton are Lovely Tory.

(00:23):
Danielle is over there without a microphone. I don't know
she's gonna be tuning in at all. But we've got
a very special episode for you guys this week. Obviously,
we have Bachelor in Paradise airing. Obviously I am on
that show, so we might as well talk a little
bit about that, uh, Tory who always has the most
interesting dating dilemmas. I don't know exactly why, but we're
gonna dive into your dating life a little bit. Not

(00:45):
not why we're going to dive into, but why you
always have the most interesting dating dilemmas. I don't think
it's very interesting. I think you make them interesting because
you always think you're not on a date, and you're
you suck at dating. I think you just overthink everything. Anyway,
I'm excited to that dive into that a little bit
with you later on. Um, we might call Jared, who's
on his honeymoon somewhere in Greece, but we probably won't

(01:08):
be able to. It may not be happening because it's
not a plane right now. Oh, I see, okay, so
he's land in time. Where's Vanessa? Where is Vanessa Robo?
I'm not sure I did see that they a wedding,
so maybe they're looking amazing at that wedding too. Anyway,
don't looking amazing. I just have to say Dean that
I'm critical of your appearance sometimes all the time. I

(01:30):
didn't like to be honest. It's working today, it's really working.
Dean's got a what kind of ad is that? What
would you call that? It's a bucket hat? I would suppose, right, Yeah,
kind of like an out bad hat. Yeah, it's got
the rim all the way around. I need something like
that for hiking. Anyway. He's got longer hair that looks good.
He's got a tan going on, he's clean shaven. It's
working for me, and I think the viewers of the
Bachelor in Paradise reunion are in for a real treat. Yes,

(01:51):
So I just got back from Croatia, so I'm sporting
a nice bronze tan and uh clean shaven. We actually
have our we're filming our Bachelor in Paradise reunion showed,
and so I wanted to go in with a clean
shaven look. I'm pretty fortunate to just be gott have
gotten back from Croatian might be nice and tan I
am now. I have not bought an outfit yet. My
car picks me up in about three hours and uh sorry,

(02:12):
Jojo just attracted me over there. Car picks me up
about three hours after I get off this podcast. I
haven't even gone to the store to buy anything. So
I don't own dress clothes, which is what you're supposed
to be wearing at these reunions. Right, what have you
warned to previous your reunions like suits and dressures? You
don't know to suit anymore? No, I threw them all
away when I moved into it. So this is my plan,
and let me actually let me question the ethics on this,

(02:34):
because this is what I'm gonna do with whether it's
ethical or unethical, I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna go
to Nordstrom, buy a nice suits, by a nice shirt,
by a nice bow tie, maybe wear a bolo tie
I don't know exactly yet, keep the tags on where,
and then just return it the next day. I don't
think that is ethical. Is that really unethical? I think
that's bad. I think that's borderline theft. The first person

(02:56):
to have ever done that, though I've done it before. Yeah,
maybe we haven't talked about it publicly on podcast, but
I don't know. I don't love it. I feel like, plus,
you're using it on television, that's an actual level of theft.
I think. So I've done it before on for the
tel for reunion show like that. I think for the
Winter Games reunion, I die police suit jacket. What the
do I need a nine suit jacket for? So? I

(03:17):
wore it looked amazing. I brought it back to the
same Nord show and I was so scared that they
were going to recognize me and be like, wait a second,
we know what you're doing right now, but a jacket.
How did they police that? Because yeah, Jack is not
going to get all sweating necessary, You've got a shirt
on in between, and possibly even an undershirt, right, So
what's why does that become unethical? Then to wear the
jacket when it's just gonna be dry clean and put

(03:38):
right back up on. That's the one door just pulled
it up. That's oh sure, that's a red huh. The
American TI it was yeah, because we were it was
like the Olympics theme, Got it, got it? When you
were doing the was his mentel all from Rachel Lindsay season.
That's that's a Ran Secret Distinction jacket. Is for the
Mental Olive War Ryan Secret Distinction Jacket. And that was

(04:00):
a hit. I remember he gave me two jackets, well
Amy threw him. Gave me two jackets, right. One of
them was like this like pretty plain gray with like
a black lapel, and then there was this camera one
which she was not going to wear the like obviously
the camera is a little bit more out there. And
I took a poll on my Twitter. I was like,
which one of these jackets should I wear? And by
a landslide the gray one one. It was like not
even to five percent the gray jacket one, and I

(04:22):
was like, Okay, obviously I'm going to wear the one
that didn't win the pole. And I really appreciate the look.
I thought it looks good. Um, what are we talking about? Well,
to be honest, when you said that you're going to
record for Bachelor in Paradise the reunion. My stomach turned.
I'm stressed. Okay, so we are three weeks into Paradise.
I think we're four maybe four four weeks. We're Oh, yeah,

(04:45):
you're right for this is the week week four Paradise.
Why are you stressed? Oh my gosh, Dean tell me
the birthday cake, the reassuring Kalin we're together, and then
you pull her aside after the rose ceremony, and now
I'm just left on a cliff hanger. What did you do?
Because you haven't seen Tuesday's episode yet? Well, we can't.
It's not to say yet. You're right, and so you're

(05:06):
going to see what happens tomorrow. But you're saying you're
not confident in what's gonna unfold. Is that what you're saying.
I'm like stressed that you may have to see Klin tomorrow.
What do you mean, oh, at the reunion show? Yes,
because I don't know how this is going to end,
but I'm guessing from your track record it's not going
to end the best. And I'm sick. I'm sorry, but
my stomach is turning. I will say it was funny
that you texted me when you were watching this episode,

(05:27):
because like you obviously know how everything's gonna turn out,
and so you're like, Dn, I'm stressed out right now.
I don't know what's going on. And I was like, well,
just wait, because it's probably gonna get a little bit worse.
It's like you did so that. He said, Oh, that's
a bummer because it's probably gonna get worse for you something,
and I was like, oh, my heart can't handle this
on a Saturday. It's like that Batman quote, it's always

(05:47):
darkest just before the dawn. But let me assure you,
the dawn is coming and things are gonna get a up, well,
maybe get a lot brighter. We'll see. Anyways, there's a
lot more going on in Paradise besides me and my
stupid antick. Right, yeah, but we'll get back to that,
back to my antick. Yeah, I still need to know more, Okay, sure,
I mean, I'm happy to fill you in as much
as they can. Okay. By the way, that quote is
from Thomas Fuller from Batman. I'm just saying it goes

(06:13):
back a long way. Okay, Well, thank you for the
you know, when they do um, like around the horn
or something like that. At the very end, they do
all the things that they got wrong. That's basically what
you're fact checking as you go. That's that's great. Thank
you so much, um Tory. What other storylines from Bachelor
Paradise are you most interested in right now? Well? Do
you know what? I'm so confused and I would love
to know more of Why don't we see any of

(06:35):
Mike and Sydney's love story? Like they keep doing like
cartwheels on the beach and that's all we get. We
see no dialogue between the two, no dialogue, and then
they get the rose and it's like solidified. Everyone knows
that maybe they're just not that much like drama developing
between them? Are they actually in love? Like I wish
I could be more attached to them, but I'm not,
um knowing both of them personally, they have like conflicting personalities,

(06:58):
not a bad way, but you know, to trap sometime. Yeah,
And I think that they were just like a slow
moving couple of Sydney I know in past relationships has
moved really slowly, and Mike is like kind of a
guy that like, you know, he's I don't know, he
like reads like erotic novels, and he's like into that
kind of stuff, say, erotic novels. You saw him read
an erotic novel on the beach. He brought an erotic

(07:19):
novel to the beach, which is fine, Like that's that's
perfectly fine. Wait a minute, what are we talking about here,
like fifty Shades or like one of those Harlequin romances
with the shirtless guy on the front. Let me ask
you this. If you went to a bookstore, would you
find fifty Shades of Gray and the erotic novel section?
Would you find it in the romance section? Because I
think fifty Shades more romance than erotic. Couldn't like Twilight

(07:40):
almost be It could be, of course, but that's a
book that you'd also find like drama or sci fi
or romance. So would young adult be kind of associated
with that thing that's separate. I'm saying there is a
section in every bookstore that goes by erotic novel and
none of those are going to be bestsellers quote unquote
like uh, fifty Shades or like a Twilight. These are

(08:01):
more graphic than those other ones. Again, I didn't read
the book. I saw the cover do you have an author?
I wish I had the photographic. I'm ready to pull
it back. It was just it wasn't erotic novel. I
don't I don't want to make a bigger deal out
of it because I feel bad. But were the nude
people on the cover of the book. It was like
a hot and sensual like still of I will say
I had recently got one of these about a cowboy,

(08:22):
and they look like just like kind of normal, like
sexy book on the cover, but if you read them,
those things get very graphic. Oh my god, I'm giving
a target. I will say I read this book once
when I was like nineteen years old. It's like the
first novel I ever read, like willingly not like not
a was was signed by school. I was not much of
a reader when I was a kid, mind you, And
it was it was a stupid book. It was called

(08:42):
The Game by Neil Strauss, which is just like, yeah,
don't you guys know who Neil Strouss is. It's basically
a book, like a fictional book about how to go
and pick up women and heard of this and like
how these guys go out and like these magic tricks
and peacock and Negan all these things to get women
to cook up with them. Horrible book. This is I
was meaning so much about teen years old. I get it,
and I get it. It was referred to me by

(09:03):
a friend. Um. Anyways, the point is I was reading
it one day when I was at work as a
bellman out of hotels. I'm standing moving around, but I
had some downtime, so I was reading it and they
got graphic with one of the scenes, like one of
the physical scenes that they had, and I was like
reading and I was like, holy cow, this is getting
hot and heavy, Like I started to feel parts on
me tangle that I didn't want to have tingling while
I was working. And I can only imagine if there

(09:25):
was a book dedicated to eroticism, I would be just
losing my absolute mind the entire time. You know what
I mean, because I've got a very vivid imagination. And
this is what Mike redlect through it on the beach.
Oh yeah, back to the original point. Yes he was.
He was, And again no disrespect like obviously you know
you do. You get tre kicks however you can. But
I'm just saying the the dichotomy between him and Sydney

(09:45):
is like he was this guy that that read those books,
and Sydney is like a very reserve conservative woman who
like dates very slowly, take some time to even kiss someone.
And so I'm wondering, like if maybe the relationship blossoms
later on in the series. And I'm sorry in the
season because it just like hasn't necessarily got to that
point yet. But so yes and tweach their own and
good for him. But if you're a woman and you'd

(10:06):
find this out about a new guy you're seeing, is
that a red flag that he reads erotic novels? Well,
I was going to ask that about you. Would it
be weird if somebody who's reading like A Fifty Shades
of Gray, because that's very no because everybody read that,
but that's still very like explicit points. Yeah, but it's
different because guys like women who are into that sort
of thing, that would be a plus. I think for
a man wouldn't. Really, I don't know, I think that

(10:29):
I think it goes both ways. I actually have dated
a girl in the past where she was like kind
of into that stuff a lot, and person I was like,
that's pretty cool with them. By like a little later on,
I was like well, is that cool? I don't know anymore.
I'm kind of second guessing it. Wait, she was into
the like the stuff that they talk about in fifty
Shades or just she was into books like that, into
the books like that. Okay, yeah all right, now yeah
yeah no, because that that's that's a red flag girl

(10:50):
takes you home and shows you her leather strap collection.
That can be intimidating. It would be fun for like
a short amount of time, and you'd be like, Okay,
actually turning out to be a personality trade, not just
like a off sort of thing. You know. It's better
than if he has like a subscription to Hustler magazine,
isn't it wouldn't it be a step above that? I
do agree with that Hustler Magazine is like a hardcore playboy.
I'm glad I don't know what that is. Then you know,

(11:11):
we're a porn collection, Like I feel like erotic novels
are a step up from those things. You're still getting
like your literature, and that's only positive, I guess, But
your vocabulary is expanding in a very different Enuni you're
saying they're all kind of in the same bubble. I
gotta think that. I bet you dirty talk is off
the charts, though, no, he would be very well versed in.
If you look at his Twitter, he says that he

(11:32):
has some funny tweets to Mike where he goes. He goes, Man,
I want to pull someth I'm gonna pull some tweets
up real quick. Let's take a Let's take a before
we do that, Let's take a quick break and I'll
get back to that. When was the last time you
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a or nearest to you at sleep number dot com
slash dean. What's that website again? Sleep number dot com
slash Dean. Okay, So during that break I was able
to find one tweet. I thought there were more. There
might be some buried down there, but he said, he
tweets I want to text someone freaky things every now

(13:21):
and then shruggy emoji. It isn't bad, but it's like
that's is that something you should be tweeting? Do you
think that hurts his chances at all? The fact that
we don't have really a storyline with him or he's
like tweeting these things. Do you think that means he's
probably not gonna be the Bachelor because we're not really
attached to his storyline. People were excited about him as

(13:43):
a popular bat and Nick, we were like attached to
their storyline. We were feeling every motion they were, and
we don't. We don't really have that with Mike. He
just kind of moving behind the scenes this season, and
I wonder, I mean, you're right, you don't really see
it bachelor get plucked out of Paradise unless they're like
a polarizing figure from that season, and doesn't seem like
Mike really is that figure. This doesn't. Do you think
Derek could be the Bachelor? I personally don't think he

(14:06):
could be, but I see a lot of people pulling
for him to be the Bachelor. I don't think he
has the ability to like command a room as a
bachelor should like. I don't think he's gonna like walk
into a room full of thirty women, and all those
thirty women are gonna be like, damn, I want to
date this guy, you know what I mean. Although, to
to rebuttal my own point, I have gotten a few
texts over the past like four days alone from like

(14:28):
three different my girlfriends, and they all have been asking
me to set them up with Derek. What do you
say when they say that? I say, he is trying
to date someone on television right now, so let's give
the guy a little bit of space. And I also
say that, uh, I don't know, like I don't necessarily
I'm not good enough friends with Derek to be like, okay, cool, Like,
let me let me connect you too. Do you like

(14:48):
setting your friends up? No? Why? Actually, so, I just
spent like I said earlier, I just spent a week
in Croatia. Yeah, Dose boys were cute. Yeah, Ludo and
Law are very cute. What are you guy talking about
over there? I was just trying to figure out who
that one is. You're talking about the Derek Wolf today,
because I know he went out with Steph has now
expressed interest in Derek and so, And I'll be honest,
down on that beach, I thought that Tasha and Derek

(15:09):
were a good match because Derek is like a mature,
well put together gentleman. Tassia is I feel like she's
looking for someone like that, And so like the Tastia
JPJ dynamic was a little different, and then the Tastia
Derek dynamic just made a lot more sense to me.
People like, there are you on the Derek train, Tory,
I do like Derek. I don't think you might be
wrong about Derek. I think he might be commanding. I'm
not I don't think he commands around. I'm not saying

(15:31):
I dislike Derek but you like him. I'm not saying
I just like Derek by any means. He's a nice guy. Um.
I think that he when he eventually finds his person,
he's going to be a great match that person. I
just don't think that, Like I said earlier, there's gonna
be thirty women like salivating standing at a at a
rose ceremony, like damn, please give me a rose, Please
give me a rose. I like, I want to end
up with you like they would with like a Tyler
C or like a Peter the Pilot, or even like

(15:53):
to an extent, you think Pilot Pete commands a room
I think he's like he has the presence where he's
like good looking, successful in his own right. He's like
confident and kind of quirky. And I think that women
like see him, Tori. I would imagined you would probably
see him in person and like kind of like gush
and be like, oh my god, pilot Pete. Yes, judging
by what you've told me about the things that you

(16:13):
like in guys and how you fall for I think
we're probably about the same height. He's tall. He looks
about five. Everyone always comes up to me in person
and they say, oh my gosh, you're so much tallerant person.
I guarantee he's at least six ft tall. Okay, you cheat, Okay,
but we take an inch off whatever it says online. Well,
the online biography says he's five eleven. Sure, what is

(16:35):
my online biography say? Okay, stand by, how tall are you? Tori?
I'm five ten and three quarters. Wow, so you've got
a quarter of a high standard. I would have to
shrink three fourths down so that's six one, But in
reality I'm six one and a half. You always take
an inch to one and a half of my license
six ladies, anytime a guy has a high on bumble

(16:57):
or their dating profile, always take an inch off if
they're putting it in a bubble. I put thing like
three happy to no. I think he should like under
six ft because when we were at all a nap
but together, I'm pretty sure he was taller. And Mike's
six five six three for Derek. Oh, that is not
true at all, someone at Google or something, because that

(17:20):
is a falsified number. Okay, did you just admit that
you falsified your number two by a half an inch?
You round up still counts He's not six two and
a half. I tower over and whenever I stand next
to him, a white line, a lie, or all the
same things. So you're telling me right now you want
Derek to be the next Bachelor. I would actually be
maybe more intrigued with his storyline than Pilot Pete. Why.
I just feel like we've seen kind of all of

(17:44):
Pilot Pete that we've needed a scene. You want to
see more of Derek because like we met the parents,
we saw their sex life, Like there's really nothing hidden
about him where I'm kind of like I've seen it
all with Derek. I'm like I could definitely need layers
peeled back for you. I guess I could see Derek

(18:05):
having like better conversations with the women. Again, I just
think that a bachelor's season is more about the caddy
female drama between them, like trying to like pine over
each other to get to the guy. And I think
that women would be like fighting tooth and nail harder
to get to Peter than they would to Derek. Well,
I was going to ask you this because you said
you think that pilot Pete is attractive and would command

(18:26):
the room and girls would be, you know, wanting to
talk and get to know him more. Do you think
Derek's attractive? Um, he's not my type. He has blue eyes,
just like you. He's not my type. I don't know
if I like the scruff very much. Okay, so's the mustache.
That's not that's not scruff, that's a mustache. It's is

(18:46):
he your type? Well, he looks like John Krasinski? Is
that how you say that's a good every woman loves.
Maybe it's just because I know darre Can. I hung
out with the multiple times, and like once you start
to hang out with people you like, and that's another
thing too. Probably why I have a lot more for
Peters because there's like a mystery or like an allure

(19:07):
of someone that you don't know on a personal level.
I've never met Pete in person. I've hung out with
Derek many many times, and so I just like I
know him too well to be like, okay, like you
should do this. But with Peter, like I don't know
much about him, so I'm just like projecting how I
think he would do as a bachelor into my like
into existence, you know what I mean. But I will say, no,
he's not my type. If I were to like get
super drunk and just uh, what's the word. If I

(19:30):
were just like, you know, go all out one night
and I was like, you know what, I'm just gonna
go for it. I'm gonna find a dude and I'm
just gonna dig in make out with him. See where
we go? Who knows, like the night is our oyster?
It wouldn't be Derek. Who would it be Tyler see
Ready to Go? Or Pete? I don't know, pilot Pete
I would be into it too, or Peter for my

(19:50):
season or Alex b from my season. There are a
lot of dudes that I'd be willing to get down
in dirty way. Peter from your season has like major
scruff and blue eyes, right, he's got green ice. What
is going on? Is there something going on between you
and Derek that you just need to maybe let out? No,
I mean there's not. We Actually what's funny is when
I walked down to the beach the first time I
saw him, because there was like, I don't know what,
I don't want to call it beef, but like Taylor

(20:12):
Nolan and I are like friends, you know. I didn't
know that. And it's like whenever you see here, one side,
like there's always three sides of the stories after breakups,
Like obviously exes are never gonna really speak very highly
of each other. I'm not saying that she ever spoke
negatively of him, but um, I don't know, It's just
it was like a tricky situation. You and Kaylin are
shown a lot with p d A and always being
off together and doing your own thing. But who was

(20:33):
like the guy you would confide in most when you're
at Bachelor Paradise Besides wells um, like, who is your
guy friend? I mean they're all my friends. Who did
you spend time with outside of Klin? I didn't really
like confide in any I didn't need to confide in anyone.
I was like struggling down Yeah, I guess like my
producer friend Bill was down there. I guess I can

(20:53):
find I want to know who you hung out with,
because it was really just you and Klin the whole time. Dylan.
I hung out Dylan a lot. How is Dylan is?
He has great? As everyone said, you like Dylan, because
I think that a lot of people kind of think
he's like kind of naggy and complaining, But he's great.
I love him. Our producer Daniel is obsessed with Dylan,
So you got to take that up with her. You
don't like him, No, I'm sorry. I think you ms

(21:15):
heard I said I love him. I'm obsessed with him.
I am rooting so hardcore for Dylan. Dylan in the
Hand of You love story, Yes, I live for it.
It's my favorite thing. I'm watching Paradise this year or
the season. Um, there's something so sweet about him. Yes,
he's very pure. Yeah, he's so pure and his intentions
are there and Hannah just needs to just go with it,

(21:35):
which looks like she's finally starting to totally focus. Was
also biased because everyone thinks that her husband looks like
they have the same hair. That's about it. And the
short of my sides, it's great hair. And he is
hilarious to like he you don't really get to see
a lot of his humor because he's constantly like kind
of being upset about the whole handed in Blake situation
or whatever it was. But he's like a hilarious dude,

(21:57):
and like his humor is very like it's very similar
to mind, like self deprecating, very like I don't want
I don't know how to say this. He was like
he's like openly like, oh yeah, I'd make out with
that dude for sure, or like Mike's so hot, I'd
make out with him, you know, And I always respects
respect a guy who's humor is like he's comfortable enough
with himself to be like, oh yeah, like I totally
make out that dude, like jokingly, but like still like

(22:18):
you it takes a lot to you guys think about that,
like that guy is pretty attractive. If I were to
maybe hook about the guy, I would hook up with him. No,
he had a list of five people. Clearly he thought
about this. I made out with a couple of dudes
in creation people holds on Tyler c Peter, Alex Peter.
What you made out with guys in croati like closed mouth,
extended time kisses like a joking thing or like a

(22:41):
cultural thing, like a joking fun like we're all party in.
So you've never kissed a guy in a non joking manner? Now?
Is that bad? No? Not at all. I just clarifying
because I I agree it's funny to talk about for
whatever reason. There's never any tongue. It's always just like,
you know, like nice little cute pecks. Yeah, yeah, good.
Did you feel a little tingly thing down side when

(23:02):
I was reading that book? Now? I didn't, but maybe
I should try a little harder. Wait, they were all
sitting around the campfire talking about their worst first kiss,
and they all said it was Colton. I'm not going
to ask you if you kiss Colton, but I didn't
want to know who. Do you have a worst kiss? Like?
Does everyone? Do you think everybody has a bad kiss?
I'm probably a lot of people's worst kiss get out

(23:24):
of here, probably? Yeah. So did you say that was
such confidence? Well? I know my first kiss was very
embarrassing because I've never done it before fifteen, which is
a little old for a first kiss. And I was
I kept going like I was making a noise, like
the whole room could hear it. It was there are
other couples and wait, where were you friends? Basement? We're
watching a movie, like three couples watching a movie and

(23:45):
everybody was making out and then the noise happened and
that was from me. Nice And it sounds like you
have a complex about it. Yeah, what about a bad kiss? Yeah,
for sure. That's a lot of tongue. It was like overwhelming.
Sometimes I still like cringe about it. Why it's just

(24:05):
too much tongue. It was just one of those things
where he was already such like a presence where you
could just be more delicate and your kiss, and he
definitely was not. It was just like so much tongue.
And I think they think they try to do something
to like stimulate the girl, and you're like, now, yeah,
actually I just remember my worst kiss and it was
very similar to that. It was like a tongue being

(24:26):
like uses like a torpedo or like a spear, Like
you have like so many muscles in your tongue you
don't need to use every single one of them. When
you're making out with someone, you know what I mean.
I just remembered one from high school. Actually she was
I don't think she kiss a lot of guys before me,
and so when we kissed, she literally just opened her mouth.
Is why does she poss I wasn't sure what to
do with that. Also that hitting the teeth has a

(24:47):
pret good story. Well, I mean, I feel like I'm
a lot of people's bad too. But but I think
he told us on scrubbing in or some other podcasts.
But I'm this one woman I read make out with
She did this thing where she kept her face far
away from mine and she would trace my lips with
her tongue and she never like made contact. It was

(25:09):
always tongue to lip. Yeah, I felt like she was
like trying to come in for a landing or something
like clearing it's clearing space. But so in that instance,
she was a bad kiss. She was a bad kid.
This is my worst kiss experience. Uh. And my first
kiss ever was it the Scott's Valley roller rink when
I was like twelve, and uh, we kissed once and
then she whispered in my ear, I'm on probation, I'm

(25:33):
not she was, and I said I'm sorry, and she said,
I got busted for having marijuana. Twelve year old a
thing around like, but she was on probation. She was
worried about I think she saw like a police officer
or something, and I'm like, you know a lot to

(25:53):
be out in public, like no, I'm just worried Eastern
like a bad girl. So is that why she kissed
you to kind of hide from the police officer, like
hid her face. I don't. I don't know. Because we
we went and saw a plan of the apes, the
Tim Burton one, and then we kissed and then she
then I never saw her again. I think that explains
the tattoo is a lot. Yeah. Yeah, she like instilled
like a bad boy mentality into you. You know, well, yes,
I mean I'm signing of a bad boy. But yeah,

(26:15):
you know, you don't know what it's like to kiss
the fugitive. Let me tell you. You think that would
be alluring to you know? I I they had jobs
and I was like, should we stop? And she's like no,
and then we kissed. Yeah, And then after it was done,
I was like, I mean it should I be like
concerned and she's like, no, and I just wanted to
let you know, and uh, let's considerate. My dad's a

(26:35):
police officer, asked her contracts. Are you kidding? I'm not. Yeah,
you know we knew some of the same people. How
long did you guys date? For? Like? Three days? I
was twelve, you know, the most riveting, but I was.
It was funny to hear Colton being everyone's first worst
kiss I will say though I didn't watch his season,
but when I would watch the certain parts from it

(26:56):
or the highlights, I always noticed he looked like a
really rough kisser. Yeah. I just think it's lack of
experience maybe, which is kind of endearing in a weird way.
Would you would you agree? You want to who looks
like a bad kisser on Paradise? You well? In addition
to me, yes, John Paul Jones, have you seen what
he kisses? He like goes full on fish mode, like
like pucks the cheap, the lips out a lot. Do

(27:17):
you like that? Tho? Yes, let's talk about third date.
But before we talk about third date, let's take a
quick break. Okay, great, and I'm gradual. I'm glad you
bring that up. Toward because I do want to talk

(27:38):
about the JPJ and the Tajuan and the Haley from
this episode because what's your because here's my thing. It's
funny because Nick nick It texted me right after this
episode are He texted me good friends whatever, and he's
got his bachelor podcast via files. Don't listen to that one.
Listen Almost Famous. It's way better plugging people to listen

(28:02):
to Almost Famous instead of which you did plug on
this week's episode. You said when your conversation with Kalen,
but I do suck at dating. I plugged help by
second Dating, not Almost Fam on the TV show Thank You.
That's awesome. I can't they aired that. To be firstly honest,
that was one of my texts to you too. But
I'm mad at you. But way to plug um and

(28:23):
Nick text me and he goes, hey, what's up with
this JPJ guy? And it's funny watching this episode back
because look, I love John Paul Jones, Like he's hilarious.
He's like kind of hard to have like a real
in depth conversation with it because he's just kind of
like whoa like bro cool, you know what I mean?
But then watching these dates with Juan and Haley. He
like can't form full sentences. He's like laughing. His ass

(28:44):
off of the time is laugh Yeah, is wild. When
he said this is my first ever taj one on one,
I didn't get that because her name is Tajuan and
they're on a one on one, so just rhymes. It
was like a it was a punt one. I don't
know why, you guys. I literally wrote this in the

(29:05):
notes and I sat there and I was like, wrote
in my notes and I said, I didn't really get
why this was so witty. Yeah, it was just beyond me.
She really funny that you said that, because so when
she came down, I'm sure you don't remember what her
date card read, but it said find the taj Wan
you want to go on a date with. And it
makes sense because her name is Tajwan, so like, find
the Tajwan you want to take on a date. And

(29:25):
I didn't know who it was when she walked down.
I had no idea what her name was, Tajuan, and
so she read that and I looked around and I go,
that was the weirdest daate card I've ever heard. Like
that doesn't make any I was like, what the hell
is the taj Wan? Later like it took me a
second realized upon as well, Yeah, because I Google actually
googled what taj means because I's like, maybe that means
something one on one and then it was actually it said,

(29:47):
did you mean taz, which is t a z? And
then that's a drug? So I really didn't get her name.
Is her father's name is wan. I don't hold the
whole day, it was just weird to me. J p J.
The food on a date, that's not that weird. That
was made to like, yeah, because is that has anybody
done that before? Though? I don't know, but that's not

(30:09):
the weirdest thing on that time. The whole day was
just weird to me. Was it not like she's just
so herself and JPJ so himself that it's two very independent,
eccentric people together. But I think kind of worked because
it was like, you're kind of quirky, I'm kind of quirky,
and we just accept each other for where we're at.

(30:30):
And Tajuan was immediately like obsessed with him, and I
think it was tricky. She had a panic attack because
of it when Haley came down. I don't really talk
Tajwan very much when we were on the beach, but
I didn't realize how into JPJ she actually was. But yeah,
she really liked him. But then he goes on a
date with Haley twin from Ben season, right, who is Haley?
Haley is Emily's twin from Ben season. And the day

(30:54):
with Haley. Aesthetically speaking, they look like they could be
not like brother and sister, but they like they're both
like a blonde, like really good looking people, and so
just on paper, they made a lot of sense to me.
They're both like quirky and fun and whatever, and I
don't know, it was just funny to watch their date,
and so he came back and he was like super
smitten about it. But I think in tonight's episode on Tuesday,

(31:16):
we're gonna see like maybe a different side of JPJ,
just judging by what we saw in the teaser for
tomorrow's episode, Well we saw JPJ get a little hands
e with Haley with the sunscreen black box Taylors. But
all the time, yeah, I was going to ask what
bathing suit requires you to get? I think I think
there was just like a satire, like they were just

(31:36):
kind of being funny of the show, you know, because
it's not the first time they've done that. But I
was gonna say, he kept saying, oh my gosh, Lord
help me, oh my gosh, my parents going to kill me,
while he's like literally rubbing his hands underneath her bathing suit. Mom,
I'm a really beautiful woman right now, I know literally,
But I was thinking, I wonder how many, like do

(31:57):
you have any scenes you regret that or happened where
you're like, oh my gosh, if my friends see this,
I mean, we so embarrassed because you've been on But
never like the sexual scenes like that, like the crying scenes.
I would like cry on TV and I'd be like,
my friends are gonna be so much for that, but
crying now, there's gonna be something better. Is there someone
where You're like, I really hope this doesn't air um

(32:22):
in this season? An Yeah, I mean, I'm sure there's
plenty of things I want this. I know there's one there.
Do you know? You just know that I'm struggling right
now now. I just want you to tell me there
was a scene from Bachelor Winter Games that I'm really
happy didn't get it. Okay, I would love to know
more about it. Was there a girl involved? Yes, okay,

(32:44):
we were hooking up in a place that we shouldn't
have been hooking up. I'm not going to get into
much detailed closet. It was, it was dark. There might
have been people around, indoor outdoor. It was indoor. And
that's as far as I'm going to say. Were you
at the top of a mountain skiing? That's not endorsedes it.
But wait, what was it about? If that was so embarrassing,

(33:05):
I don't care if it was. It's not that it
was embarrassing. It she's like, you know, you don't want
to see yourself like getting super hot, like when you're
kissing on a date or something. You're kind of like
contained and you're like, oh, we're just gonna make out.
But this one was like getting a little bit more
like past first base in a sense, not like super
not like hitting a home run or anything that, but
got things. We're progressing more than just a small little makeout. Okay,
you're okay, God, I think I could think I understand

(33:26):
what you're saying. Right. It is maybe some groping involved
both of your yes, but it's mutual growth, posensual. It's
very very constentual mutual groping, and they didn't. They like
tease a part of it in one of the in
the season premiere preview, but they never actually aired any
part of it in the show, which I'm pretty grateful for,
and I think she was grateful for it as well.
Just you know, we were like it was like a
couple of days in and we had been drinking a

(33:47):
little bit and we were like just exploring. I would
hate to watch myself make out game time footage. It's
good to kind of watch maybe learn some new but
that's what technique. That's what was so great about Bachelor
parodies this time around, because I talked about this before.
I stayed sober the whole time, and so there's there
hasn't been much on this season where I'm like, oh, man,
like I'm kind of hopefully they don't air that because
I didn't really. Yes, I did dumb things, but I

(34:09):
didn't do like things out of my own I guess,
like will or like control. You know, like when you
get drunk, you make a lot of bad decisions. You
wake up in the morning and you're like, oh, Aquid courage, right,
But I'm saying, like you make those mistakes privately, like
on a Friday night at Bungalow, you wake up Saturday morning,
you're like a little stressed out. You make those on
national television and then you wait three months for something
to air and you're like, holy cow, I really hope

(34:31):
they don't air this for the entire nation to see.
It's just a little bit different. So how many girls
do you think are going to go to Bungalow this
weekend now? Just hoping to see you there? I have
been to Bungalow in years and I have no intention
to go back. Sorry about that? Oh my god? Um?
What else is it going on? There? Is Kalin and me?
We talked about that a little bit. Okay, okay, okay.
She pulls you aside because she had just spoken to

(34:52):
Demian Wells, who said, hey, nobody's being able to tie
him down. Are you sure everything is going as great
as you think it is? And she says yes, confidently. Yes.
Wells actually does chime in saying nobody's tied down dean unwranglable. Yes,
that's correct, he did use that word. And then she

(35:13):
brings you over to the bed. Were you expecting this
conversation to happen. I'm going to tell you exactly what
I was expecting, but before that, we're gonna take a
quick break. Okay. So Tori's question was, was I expecting

(35:34):
to have a conversation with Calin when she pulled me
down to the day bed, And to answer it honestly
and truthfully, no, I did not expect that because the
entire time I'm down on the beach shocking and Klin,
I'm like, look, I don't know if I'm ready for
a relationship. I don't really. I was like considering not
even coming here because I'm kind of like anti bachelor
relationship to begin with. We're hitting it off, we have

(35:56):
a lot of chemistry, we're having a lot of fun,
but like, I think it's totally acceptable and responsible of
you to be guarding your heart from this. I would die.
And the entire time she's like, yeah, like I get it,
I get it. Whatever will move slow, We'll figure this out,
blah blah blah blah blah. And then all of a
sudden she was like, hey, come on, we needn't have
the serious talk. And I was like, this is so
out of left fields here, Like I figured we were

(36:16):
on the same page, like every chance I get to
remind you, like how hesitant and apprehensive I am to
jump into a relationship here. And then she pulls me
down and she goes, well, what are your intentions? And
I go, what do you mean one of my intentions?
I've been telling you, like literally every hour on the
hour since the first time you met, what my attentions are.
It's basically just to come down, have fun. If something happens, great,
But at the end of all of this, this Bachelor
Paradise season, I'm probably not going to leave in a relationship.

(36:37):
And I told her that multiple times, Like, look, if
we get to the end of the show, I'm probably
gonna want to leave single. In some weird way. I
kind of don't believe you, I'm telling you, because how
is she so adamant saying we are going to walk away? Possibly,
like I can see it's walking away in a relationship,
because she, just like every other girl that I've ever
dated in my entire life, thinks that they can change
my mind. But I wouldn't been very confident it going.

(37:01):
Everything's going great between me and Dean, like you know,
like she she really doesn't mention once that you're hesitant
on your end from the editing we see and of course,
like I said before, there's so much going on at
all times, they can't air everything. But and I was
very clear and direct, and she understood it, and she
still felt like she needs some clarity, and obviously, like

(37:22):
I did my best to give it to her, it
was still kind of an awkward conversation, like I'm still
not telling her the things that she wants to hear,
but I'm not gonna sit down there on that day
but and be like, yeah, I could totally see us
like having a future together. I could totally see us
doing this, this and this, because that's not necessarily how
I felt. So why would I sit there and be like, yeah,
I totally believe all this stuff, you know what I mean?
So the entire like, and again I think I've been
vocal about this on the podcast, where I don't know
if it was necessarily right for me to go down

(37:43):
on that beach having that mindset where I didn't really
want to date anyone. I just wanted to go and
have fun, and then trying off like someone started a
fault for me. We'll see this all come to a
dramatic climax on Tuesday's episode, So I think, like maybe
everything will be answered. But here's where I'm bothered, because
says like every guy and Daniellee Chiamon if you think
I'm wrong or right, Guys leave out major details and conversations. Girls,

(38:12):
we're we do assume, but we're not really quick to assume.
Like we definitely have conversations, we talk about things, and
we take it all in. So I don't doubt that
you said that, but I think also all your actions
are speaking way louder than your words. So she's like,
we're obviously doing really great, and then you go and
give her a birthday surprise with champagne a cake. You

(38:33):
bring that in. She's telling you, Hey, I just need
you to tell me, like why are you down on
this beach And you're telling her, I'm I'm here taking
it day by day with you. Let's just be present,
Like you're feeding her so many things that I think
you aren't owning up to what you were doing with me.
I don't think it's a messed up of you, but

(38:54):
I think your actions are speaking way louder than your words.
So either you need to own your actions and accept
that up being like this doesn't feel comfortable to me
because I'm I'm somebody who's a free bird and I
live in a van and I'm happy. But like, you
got to own up to your actions because obviously your
brain is way more than like where your heart is, Daniel,
what do you think? I see where you're coming from, Tori.

(39:18):
But I'm okay with Dean showing some affection even though
he's really not sure exactly what's happening. But for real,
like I I totally feel that way, like no as
a as a girl, as a check, like I'm like,
why is Dean doing that? But I understand dean side
of it, but like this is the classic where Kalin
can quote unquote look kind of crazy because she's saying

(39:41):
all these things and now Dean saying he never really
said anything opposite of that, but his actions were speaking
so much louder than his words that it's like, now
she's going to be panned out to be this kind
of crazy girl who's just obsessed with Dean, and that's
not the case, Like you were into her, you liked her,
or like I don't know what's going to happen, but
like that's so annoying that you're the guy that now

(40:02):
is like, I'm cool, I'm chill, and I got this
crazy chick because things I'm into her. And it's like
that's so annoying, Like you're such the guy that everyone
is so frustrated by. Dean can't handle how the show's
edited as long as he is. You can't edit a
hug and a makeout such that we aren't saying the
conversations where you're saying, Oh, your intentions and how you're feeling,

(40:23):
we haven't seen that. But if you're true, if you
truly did have those conversations with her, I'm okay with it. No,
it's kind of infuriating to me. See what Daniel is saying,
and I kind of agree with what Tori saying where
I actually speak louder than words. Edit out where he
says I agree, we'll take out the coin. And if
I'm saying these things, regardless of whether I'm saying them

(40:45):
and being honest and direct and clear about that, I
see your point because I'm still acting like I'm interested
in keeping things going after Paradise. You're saying one thing,
You're tongue is saying another thing. WHOA But like, yeah,
is and maybe that's why all of this is coming
to a head on Tuesday's episode, where maybe we'll have

(41:08):
it all figured out after this and you give her
your rose? Like everything about this makes me so frustrated.
I think you need to be patient and just see
how it plays. You know, I need to be patient,
But I'm assuming the situations that happened in the past
a Bachelor and Paradise. I really don't you could have
been pulling her aside, just been like, hey, I really
am all in and I really can't jump to that.
But that first conversation makes me very wary some of

(41:30):
what this new conversation is going to be. But it's like,
of course Dean would do this after he gives her
the freaking rose. Have I given another rose in this episode? Yes?
What is your take on Bachelor in Paradise. There's a
lot of couples forming. I'm starting to make myself look
like an ale. Are you on my side? Are you
on Kaylin's side? Do you love John Paul Jones? Do
you hate Derek? I don't know. Let us hear your thoughts.

(41:52):
Email us at I suck at Dating at i heeart
Media dot Com Bachelor in Paradise is only halfway over,
and I want to hear what you guys, so email us.
I suck at dating at i heeart media dot com.
I'm where Kaylin's at. You're like, hey, I needed, I
need to talk to you, and literally the whole room
like kind of stops and just like stares as you
and Klin walked down, and she's like, Dean, don't do this. Dean,

(42:13):
are you serious? Do you really want to have a
conversation right now? Dan just telling what's going on? And
You're like, let's just go sit back up the you know,
let's just go chill. And I'm like, I can't tell
if I trust Dean's actions right now. For I'm trusting
Kaylyn's emotional state right now, Like I don't know what
side to be on, but I'm just I'm annoyed. I
can see that. I'm annoyed. I can really see that,
and you're making her out to look a little crazy. Um.

(42:35):
I think that you will gain some clarity on the
situation on tomorrow's episode. On Tuesday's night episode after or
before christ and Crystal's wedding. Um, I don't even seen
it yet, but I think that will help, and it
does look like there's a lot of drama at the wedding,
but generally speaking, taking it out of the Bachelor Paradise world,
it's not great when a guy is like, you know,

(42:55):
I'm just playing a cool and putting it that by
day and then he comes over and mix out with
you and takes about all the time, it sleeps over
and whatever. Do you feel cheap? That's the that's the
tough thing is is you shouldn't go to Bachelor in
Paradise not trying to leave in a relationship. He's taking
it outside of the Bachelor realm. I was, but I
see your point too. I was taking it away from Bache.
They're just saying there are a lot of guys like

(43:16):
that that are just going to take as much as
they can get from you, as long as you're willing
to give it, because they can always cover themselves saying
like hey, I said from the beginning, I don't want
a relationship. Yeah, we were sleeping together for six months up. Sorry,
I told you you know. And it's just kind of
a dick move, uh, I agree, A big dick move.
Not saying you're doing that exactly. We'll find out tomorrow
night more more of a little dick move. I guess
it really depends on your interpretation of what the dick

(43:37):
move is. Um, but yes, I agree with everything as
you're saying. I think that it's probably the reason that
this podcast even exists. I suck at dating. I don't
know what I'm doing ever, honestly, Like I can't explain
to you when I was watching that show. It's hard
to it's hard to in this instance, specifically, it's hard

(44:00):
to firmly believe something. In this case, me firmly believing
I'm better off alone. But then you meet someone that
you have like an instant chemistry with, and you're like
fighting your original belief that you want to be alone,
you want to be single, And then you meet someone
and like things are going well, there isn't really any
reason for you to end anything Like That's kind of
I think where all these tricky situations come from. Where

(44:21):
you get caught up on this mindset like I'm gonna
stay single, but then you meet someone, things go well,
they go well, they go well. Eventually gets to a
point where nothing really has ever gone wrong, but you
still don't want to have a relationship and so like
you don't really have a reason to be like okay, like,
obviously we should stop this, you know what I mean?
Do you like the attention you get from being self deprecating?

(44:43):
I don't know if I can say that I like it.
What do you mean, Well, you really own that title
with pride, which is fine. You're like, yeah, Dylan and
I were both very self deprecating people. Do you enjoy
the pension that brings where the girl is going to
have to be like, no, I want to fix you

(45:03):
and you're like I can't be fixed. And then she's
like okay, but I want to fight for you, and
you're like, I'm not worth fighting over. Like do you
enjoy that attention to somewhat level? And I need Honestly,
there's a lot of psychological issues that I have. I'm
not saying no, I need it, yes or no. I
don't know. I don't think you do. I don't enjoy
the attention. No, I don't think you do. That's not
the purpose of being self deprecating, but I think that

(45:25):
you get a little bit of like I love that
somebody really wants to help fill that void or that
that feeling that I have where I do long for someone,
but no one can fix that. No one can be
that ultimate void or fill that void. So you almost
like the fact that somebody really cares about you that
much to be like, I'm still here next to you.

(45:47):
I think that I need someone to not care about
me at all in order for me to be really
interested in that. From this, when you say I'm not
worth fighting for, I do think you believe that. Sadly,
I do think you believe that. I don't think you're
just saying that to be self deprecating or to get
sympathy or attention. I think you actually believe that, which
makes me sad. Yeah, I mean, I look. But on

(46:10):
the other hand, what's Camele's supposed to think like this
is this is the path that people go on. They
have a chemistry, they kiss, they spend time together, they laugh,
they have a great time. That is that usually is
a road to a certain destination, and you're removing that destination.
It's hard, It's never it's never black and white, right,
There's not ever one path that gets you to a
specific destination, as you're saying, But with you, you're not.

(46:31):
I think most people in America are either on the
path or consider themselves on the path that I am
single and then I will meet someone and I will
date them, and then when will get married, and then
we'll have babies, and that's kind of the path, and
you're not on that path. My path is I don't
want to date anyone. I don't want to get married.
I don't want to have babies, And so that way,
when I do date someone, I do get married, I
do have babies, I'll know that it was like against
my will, which makes it probably more perfect. So you're

(46:53):
not even the guy who's like I could have kids
before marriage or what. Like. You know how some people
are like, oh, I really want to get married, but
they could see themselves having kids there like I would
love to be a dad someday, but don't really see
marriage I was in my picture. I would have to
be in like a committed relationship. I don't have to
be married. I see what you're saying, But if I
were to have kids, I would prefer to be married.
I think I don't know, is that what you're asking

(47:14):
kind of I'm just saying. I mean, there's a lot
of people at a meeting now where they're like, I
don't really want the whole commitment of husband and wife
to determine whether I need to be a dad or not.
So I like, I love kids, I would love to
have kids. I think I'm gonna make a great dad,
But then I don't need marriage for that. I don't
think it's a commitment thing. It's just more of like
a government. It's always one layer deeper. So you're saying, well,

(47:35):
you just said a minute ago is interesting to me.
So you're saying that if you do get married one day,
it will be against your will. But therefore that means
she meant that much to you, that she was powerful
enough to conquer all of your previous plans of not
getting married to having babies. I've been vocal about this before,
especially as it pertains to bachelor relationships. People go on

(47:56):
a bachelor in paradise, specifically where they go regardless of
what happens, I'm coming out of this. In a relationship,
if you go down onto the beach thinking that thing,
or if you go to the bar thinking I'm gonna
beet my boyfriend tonight, you're not gonna You're gonna see
it through those rose clud lenses. You're not gonna look
at it as I'm going to find the person that's
right for me. You're looking at us. I'm going to
find the relationship that I want. You know what I mean? Yes,
you're you're casting a role exactly, and so because of that,

(48:19):
like you're limiting yourself and pursuing something rather than pursuing someone,
I think in a situation like that, And it's actually
something very romantic about what he's saying right now, Thanks Mark,
He's saying he's I'm not getting married period. So if
there's a woman that comes along and blows his mind
to the degree that he wants to marry her, wow,
like she is really something special. I hope we all
like her. That's kind of sweet. I mean the same

(48:41):
it could be or who knows? Story for us? Right? Yeah,
I need I need help. Okay, we're gonna get into
the issues of your dating life, but before we do that,
we're gonna take one quick break and I want to
hear all about it. Okay, perfect, Do you wish you

(49:04):
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(50:31):
your life. Okay, Tori, you are an active dat or
you're single. You're beautiful, you're catch, You're a catch, You're smart,
you're funny, sometimes you are interesting. I think Tori is
a catch. I think that's true. Oh my gosh, all

(50:52):
of these things are true. You're going on dates and
you have fun stories to share with us. Let's hear
the story. Let's hear the limit that your and right now.
So I kind of mentioned it on last week's podcast
that I'm dating somebody long distance. I don't know if
I could really do say we were dating. I don't know.
Do you guys say dating just happens when you're just

(51:13):
talking to someone that's dating? I think, yeah, can I
say that sting not exclusive? It's not boyfriend girlfriend dating? Okay,
So I guess I'm dating this guy, I'm just gonna
stay talking what was the issue last week, because I
don't think Dean was here for that. So basically I
was saying how we are way more having to be
invested in our phones to date each other, and that

(51:34):
stresses me out because he's not the best texter, which
I usually would find attractive if we lived in the
same city, because and I'd be like, oh, that's fine,
just come hang out with me. I don't really like
texting either, huge facetimer, so that does work in this favor. Um,
But now the texting I have to read into every
freaking text message and it is so confusing, just like

(51:58):
why the period or why did you take two hours
to respond? If he sends something two hours? Should I?
Should I? This isn't actually a great question for guys
when you send a text to a girl, let's say
an hour after and then doesn't make a difference if
a girl holds out on responding a little while after two. Um.

(52:19):
I did this when I was nineteen. I was really
interested in the girl. We started talking texting. I went
back for winter break, she went back to her hometown
for winter break, and she would text me like three
hours after, and so I would set an alarm for
three hours from that text then text your back. You're kidding.
I was nineteen, Tori. Okay. The point is we are
all adults now and we shouldn't be doing this anymore.
The fact that you set an alarm is so petty.

(52:42):
I will say this, it worked. We dated for a
year and a half your boyfriend girlfriend, so I'm not
but they had actually come to find out maybe like
three months into our relationship. She would say things like, dude,
I was so piste off at you, like when we
first started talking to each other. You would text me
back like seven hours later, and I hated it. And
I had to fight every instinct to out talking to
you because I didn't want to talk to you anymore,

(53:03):
you know. But I was doing it as a because
I was over analyzing these texts and I was saying, oh,
she hasn't texted me in four hours. I'm not gonna
text her back for four hours. Or she sent two
lines of text, I'm going to send two lines of text.
She had ellipses at the end of her statement. I'm
going to have three exclamation points in the end of
my statement. That's what I'm saying I was nineteen. We're not.
We're not nineteen anymore. We're past these games, but we're

(53:23):
not that this over analysis still goes on on a
daily basis. But it shouldn't. But it shouldn't. I I
do think it's a bad sign, Like I don't look.
Some people are more attached to their phones than others,
but um, you know, I consider myself a busy guy.
I got two kids, wife, job. I get back to
you pretty quickly when you text me, don't you actually

(53:43):
really do? So he saw the text when it came in.
That's what bothers me about it. I'm quite confident he
saw it. He could be so I'm when I was
at U c l A. Playing sports, you would be
in like game film time or whatever, watching film and
you'd be secretly texting. But like you how to really
be like quiet about it? Like I do? Get Okay. So, basically,
he's an athlete, so I have to bide by his

(54:06):
schedule way more than he has to bide by mine,
which I'm fine with. So basically he's out of practice
around like let's say eight, so that'd be six my time,
and then he goes to bed by tent so we
have like two hours to talk, so I don't know
what he's doing in those two hours. I don't know
if he's really that done. I don't know if he's
just watching film. I don't really know the status. So
I give I really extend grace on texting people back

(54:28):
slowly because I do know life's crazy. I just do
I need this is part one. Do I need to
respond when he responds? Or do I actually give it
time to kind of create more of a chase or
more of a what's happening? Or should ignore some of
his text don't play games, don't wait intentionally to like
do the same thing he's doing. Definitely don't do this.

(54:51):
Never ever call him out for taking so long to
text you back. Never do that. So that's what I
said on the last podcast. I was like, it's hard
that I can't express like, hey, it sucks that like
you respond so slowly when we only have two hours
to talk. It's not going to improve anything. No, it's
not gonna make anything better. If you call him out
and say, hey, I don't like that you don't text
me back right away, it's, if anything, it's only gonna

(55:12):
make it worse. It's going to push him further away,
at least in my case, like if someone people do
say that to me, Like I have close friends who
sometimes say, like, why don't you text me back quicker?
Why don't you do this? And all it does is
like aggravate me to the point where I'm like, I'm
doing the best I can here. I'm texting you back
when I can text you back, when I like find
time to text you back, either mentally, physically, whatever it is,
like saying preoccupied, whatever you like, kind of nagging me

(55:32):
and like like scaring me into texting you back faster.
It's not gonna make it's not gonna make anything better.
But is that a sign that maybe it's just not
the person you want to respond if you consider it
as nagging, kind of give him the benefit a little
bit if he's an athlete, because that that does change things.
Obviously he's on the field, he can't respond to you,
and he probably isn't seeing it. So I mean, I
think it might take back what I said about him
seeing in the text when it came in. It would
be nice if you did something like sorry, just got

(55:55):
out of the shower or something like that would be great.
I agree, and that's kind of the happy medium I
think we're looking for. It would be the happy medium.
And I he's the first to text me all the time,
not all the time, but like enough where we're still
keeping conversation going. I've very rarely ever shoot a text first.
Let me ask you this, Do you need him to
text you back faster? Do I need a man? No,

(56:17):
like you want a man. That's my point is you
don't need him to text you back faster, So why
are you putting such an emphasis on wanting him to
text you back faster? I think kind of resting in
the unknown for because I've been realizing we've talked for
almost like two months now, and being in the unknown
for two months is kind of brutal. You're not like, okay,
we don't he has a game out here in November,

(56:38):
like I'll see him then. But it's really hard to
not feel special during those times avoiding. I think it
would be a mistake for you to put all your
eggs in this basket. Personally, I don't oppose that either.
I think that you shouldn't um This goes back to
kind of what we're talking about earlier. You shouldn't like
try to force something to come of this. If something
comes of it, awesome, but if nothing does, that's perfectly

(57:00):
fun because you're just gonna be able to move on anyways. Like,
don't try and for something that isn't there. Well, I'm
still dating other people, so I'm not like you want
someone who makes you feel like you are their number
one priority and a professional athlete. They may not even
be possible. And I do accept that. I am fine
being you're like number three, your number four, your number five.
I actually don't mind that because I understand that lifestyle

(57:22):
where you're like my coach death like technically kind of
goes first. You have to report to the coach first,
and then you know, like your family depending on where
you are and your two I think behind, well, if
she's like his wife or something, maybe, but maybe that's true. Yeah,
I gotta be for wife status for that, like your
family should go before you might be seeing other people
as well. I don't think so. I'm okay. I just

(57:47):
think like this kid literally has no time as of
right now certain camp, But I wouldn't mind if he's
dating other people. I really wouldn't. That doesn't make me.
What is it about this guy that you like so
much more than the other people that you're dating. I
like that is like confidence, like he can command a room.
If we were going back to the beginning, you probably
like that he's less available than the other guys that
you're dating. Maybe, and I do agree with that, But

(58:08):
my work's not super I don't really have a lot
of time in my day either to be like, let's
go do this, or we can take a weekend off,
like I have to send work on Sundays. But you're
taking the one that's hard to reach and get a
hold of, and now someone is more difficult than you
are in that sense, and you find it attractive definitely. Yeah,
well okay, but here's my main question. Okay, so going

(58:30):
back to texting, So again I don't really text him
first ever. But he had a game, so I said,
I'll be sweet. Then I realized I sent it in
there three hours ahead for this game, so he was
on the field by the time you got this. The
loss could be in my bad luck for him not
seeing this. So I said, good luck on your game.

(58:51):
A heart emoji. Good luck on your game is kind
of a cute, girly co heart is not how people
talk right, Um, it was a purple heart emoji. Hey,
that's my favorite color. Well, I always go purple heart too,
it's my favorite color. Do you think that there's different
interpretations between the yellow, the blue, the purple, the red?

(59:12):
I do? I think that a red heart is pretty
like pretty lazy, just like a friendly like heart. Here's
a heart. You know you think red is friendly. I
think it's just like the squinted, like this most commonly
accepted heart color, and so I think it's like love, passion, overstepping.
It's just it's the color that you associate with hearts,
and because of that, it has not as much meaning
as the others. A personalized heart. You went out of

(59:34):
your way to choose a different color heart besides the
red one, like I always send purple hearts because purple
is my color. You know what I mean? If you
send a color heart that's different than the red one,
that means that you're going the extra mile to share
a little bit more about yourself than just a red heart. See,
I think of like flowers when I think of of U.
The emojis like yellow's friendly, reds passionate, like you bring

(59:56):
yellow flowers to your grandmother sure you'd bring red to
your girlfriend, so you chose purple to kind of de
romanticize it a bit, yes, but apparently in a more
romantic I think I didn't send this to you. Okay.
So then Friday at twelve am, so to his time,
twelve my time. I haven't heard from him many hours
because thanks, we lost, I didn't play. We just landed

(01:00:19):
and got cell service again. Okay, lots of periods. Thanks
we lost. Period. We didn't play period, We just landed
and got cell service again. I panicked. I didn't respond.
Was that rong? Do you think he's mad? I just
felt like I didn't really know. Well, first of all,
it is hard when somebody doesn't say like thanks for

(01:00:39):
reaching out or something at the end to make you
feel like, Okay, you want to engage in this conversation.
I don't like this. I think that you're an athlete. Obviously,
he played at u C l A. He is trying
to make an NFL roster. He didn't play in the
game in a game that's pretty like crucial for him
to be able to make that roster season. It's actually
really not He's not guaranteed. No one's ever guaranteed a
roster spot in the NFL, and especially this guy, Like

(01:01:01):
I'm sure he's definitely on the roster. I don't. I
would not say definitely. No, he definitely is not playing
in the third preseason game of the NFL season. It's
the most important game of the season, is right now,
I get these grumpy that he didn't play in the
third game of the preseason. He's upset, like he I'm
not saying, like it's your responsibility to console him, but
you also shouldn't expect him to like have all these
lovey dovey like open mind, like not open minded, but
like these long drawn out responses because he lost the game.

(01:01:23):
He didn't play in the game. That's kind of important
for him to be able to make that roster like definitively,
and he's just upset, Like I don't. I don't think
it's your starters playing in the third game. So what
should I have responded? Or am I reading into the
text wrong? Like I think that was something of like
here's your facts. I do think it was nice that
he's like, sorry, just got service back from the plane,
Like I get that, but it wasn't thanks for wishing

(01:01:46):
me good luck. He's just grumpy. It wasn't you. He's
just grumpy. He's I don't think he's gonna go out
of his way to carry on a conversation when he's
in a headspace where he's disappointed and thinking how tired
he is after a game. Well, he didn't play in
the game. That's time. I really think that's what it is.
He's like, he's really disappointed in the fact that he

(01:02:06):
didn't get to play, that they lost the game, and
it's like, maybe he doesn't want to talk, like you
get in those modes where you dont want to talk
to anyone. That's honestly what I interpreted it as. So
we all interpreted the same way, saying that he was grumby,
and I really shouldn't have responded. You definitely should have responded.
I definitely should have responded. I thought about maybe like
liking it as a message you don't want to You
don't want to fight his shortness with your own shortness.
You also don't want to fight the more openness. Just

(01:02:28):
be like, like that sucks. I'm sorry you guys lost.
I hope you gotta get some more playing time next week.
Like you guys are gonna kill it. Like something like that.
I don't know why that seems so bad to me.
Like when I hear that, I'm like, I don't know
why it does either, because it sounds perfect to me,
because I think maybe I've I've been in this scenario
where you know you got it, next time you'll get it,
and you're like no, Like the reality is like I'm

(01:02:49):
not playing well and I don't need you to blow
air up my bum to make me feel better. So
then asking me like, what's the deal? Why didn't you play?
Why did you guys lose? Like asking those questions that
seems more gnarly. I don't know what my happy medium is,
but I'm really I'm struggling with this whole because also

(01:03:09):
that's like his career. So I can't just be like, oh,
you're fine, because I know he's not. Maybe but I
do know he's fine, but I asked him to open
up about it, maybe be like why didn't why do
you think you didn't get a play today or something
like that. I don't know. I think that. So it's
been like forty eight hours, so I don't think I
can respond, right. I think that you made the mistake
by not responding I'm going to go out on a
limb and say that you messed up. I messed up, okay,

(01:03:30):
but you can still recover. Of course, how can I recover?
I was just gonna wait until he responds back, even
text him now and be like, hey, look, I'm hey,
I'm talking about you in a podcast even that, but
just be like, I hope they I hope things. I
hope you're feeling better since the last time we spoke, Like,
how are things going now? Like something like that, like simple,
just oh I actually kind of like that. Thanks, Wow,

(01:03:50):
that was actually really good. I'm lukewarm on it. Okay, wait, okay,
this is good. This is a good kicking. Tell me, no,
I just I don't love I don't think you refer
back to that night at all. I don't want to
with so sharn't anything with that night. If it's new,
it's just gonna be how's your day going? Have you
seen this? Oh my gosh, I'm watching disagree. If they're
gonna brush over it, what is that going to be
indicative of their forever relationship? Oh? Hey, I'm gonna be

(01:04:13):
disappointed a couple of times. But just so you know,
ignore everything that I do and say during those times,
no like ask him to open up about your mr
chance to ask him to open up about it. He's
not even thinking about that anymore. That's three days later.
You don't want to take him back to that dark place.
There's gonna be a call to action in this next
text that you sent to him, right, there's gonna because
you want a response, You want to invoke a response.
The response isn't going to be about that last interaction
about the game, about his lack of playing time. Just say, hey,

(01:04:34):
I hope things have gotten better. By the way, how
are you like? What are you doing this week? Is
The response is going to be about what he's doing
now and how he's doing now, not about how disappointed
he was twenty hours ago. Just acknowledge the fact that
he was disappointed. You don't know that for sure. We're
you're reading into his text, which is going to annoy him.
Acknowledge the fact that he maybe wasn't the happiest person

(01:04:56):
in the world by just saying something like hopefully team
rallis higher, I don't know, something lies. There needs to
be some sort of you wouldn't like somebody reading into
your tech. There needs to be some sort of address
to that. We don't know that he was, assuming he
didn't he was grumpy. It might have been fine, you're
building a bridge. You can't stop building a bridge here

(01:05:18):
and then just go onto the next pillar without building
a road across at first. We got to get from
here to there somehow. Okay, fine, but I don't think
you acknowledge his grumpyiness, which is a ledge. Don't say hey,
I know you're grumpy. How are you now? But you
can't say hey, I hope you're feeling better. That's a
good point because then I'm assuming did you watch the game?
I couldn't because it's preseason, right and they don't air it.

(01:05:39):
They don't air. Maybe look at pilots and be like, damn,
number ninety four sucks. You would have done a way
better than By the way, what's going on? I feel
way less great about this because I don't. Also, it
is an ego thing on my behalf. I don't really
want to be the person who's texted you twice, but
he texted you back last you didn't responded to it.

(01:06:00):
You left him now, he's not going to tex he
didn't engage in. Hopefully your and I went better or
waiting for him to detect you. No, No, I just
wanted to get somebody who's on my side. But there's nothing.
There's nothing urgent happening here. Do you want to talk
to him? Like? Do you want to know how he's doing?
Are you interested in? What? Like what his days looking like?

(01:06:22):
I don't know why I'm getting so stressed out about
like talking to him. So sometimes I'm like, yeah, that's fine.
I could see myself just like moving on. But then
I also think that's just like my ego and then
like the pride thing of letting down walls actually admitting
to having like somewhat feelings attached to that. I don't
want to be a jerk and repeat myself, but I'm
going to be a jerking repeat myself. Do you want
to know how his days are going? Yeah? Are you interested?

(01:06:43):
So then text him and say how's your day going?
But I've gone two days without knowing how his days going,
So I'm kind of like I get team Mark where
he says Monday, be like, hey, I hope you had
a great weekend, but he didn't have great. Well, I
don't know if that was Friday night, right, Yeah, yeah,
he might have had a great weekend. I hope you
had a good weekend in Cleveland. Want to watch barcelon

(01:07:05):
Paradise together on Fairtime tonight. What do you guys think
of this situation? If you guys want to weigh in,
give us an email. I suck at Dating at i
heeart media dot com. Are you team Dean? Are you
team Tory? Team Mark Easton hasn't said much? Are you
his side? You just want to sit back, relax and
not say anything. You want to hear your thoughts? Email
us I suck it Dating at ihart media dot com.

(01:07:25):
Do we want to do one listening email? I do
have one from Madison here. I've been dating a guy
for three months and we hadn't yet defined it, but
knew we were taking it slow and headed toward a relationship.
This is very actually, it is exactly what we've been
talking about. Last week, however, we talked and he said
that he feels something might be missing for us to
take that step to DTR to find the relationship, and
he wants to take a break. I was devastated. His

(01:07:47):
reasoning is sometimes he doesn't appreciate something until it's gone.
What are your opinions on taking a break. Uh, probably
not a good sign. No, I think this is this
is he's not into this. I'm sorry, Madison, he's not
feeling this. He can't say when you try to find
the relationship and he says, yeah, let's define it as

(01:08:08):
us not being together because I don't appreciate things until
they're gone. That's a cop out in a big way.
He's probably he's talking to someone else. He wants to
feel no guilt about that. He wants to see if
that can progress and escalate faster than what they're doing.
He yeah, that's appreciative thing to be doing. You don't
take a break after three months. I rarely relate to
this guy. I kind of get it. I mean, I

(01:08:30):
think it's selfish to say, hey, I only miss something
when it's gone. But sometimes you really need to be like,
I need to take a step away from this and
see if this is something that I do. I still
think about you. Do I still want to hear about
your day and text you about that. Do I still
want to be engaged? Sometimes you take a step back.
I don't know. I agree with Mark. I don't think
it's necessarily a good sign for Madison. Here. You might

(01:08:51):
as well take the step back now before you're a
year in and he needs a break, I think you
move on. If this guy comes a call in a
month from now, It's like, if you still a bunch,
you can evaluate at that point. But I think mentally
you need to be done with this. Yeah, how long
would you, guys say a break can last up until
before expiring? Two weeks I'll go with that. No more
than a month, I'd say a month. Max Easton has

(01:09:14):
been quiet all episode. The two weeks. Yeah, sure, so
it's two weeks. Are you a lot of date people
in between breaks? Well, so that's what I was gonna
say from Madison, take the take. Obviously, you're not gonna
fight for this. If he wants to take a break,
don't like be like no, no, no, Like let's say together,
take the break. Don't focus on him and his in
your relationship with him, date other people, because he's going

(01:09:35):
to use this time to actually like decide for yourself
even if he's worth staying around date and continuing the date.
In my opinion, um, it sucks, she said she was devastated.
But yeah, like three months is a long time if
you have gotten to the three month market ninety days
and you still are like uncertain and do you want
to take a break? It's because you want to explore
other options. I mean three months a good time to

(01:09:57):
evaluate things. It's a good little you know, three once
at the time right where you're saying either we're gonna
not continue dating or we're gonna become boyfriend girlfriend. Yeah,
I agree with that, But what does it break mean?
I think a break is thinking I've spent a lot
of time with you. Do I want to keep spending
time with you? And if he's not sure, that's not
a good sign. Advice for Madison, take the break, don't

(01:10:19):
fight it, go on dates with other people. If you
continue to think about him, maybe let him know that,
maybe he'll continue to think about you too, and maybe
guys can come back together. I would not put I
would not bet on that happening, um, but I would
encourage you to do other people. Hey, how would you
like to meet Dean at a baseball game in San Francisco? Whoever?
Want to do that? Better dream of yours since you
were a little girl. Well, the Giants are playing the

(01:10:40):
pod Rays on August twenty nine. That's this Wednesday, Thay
th that's this Thursday, everybody. He's gonna be there along
with Vanessa Hey and Becca Antonio scrubbing in with Becca Antonio,
my favorite girls. That's right. The meet and greets happening
at Oracle Park in San Franciso, Go. But you need

(01:11:00):
to ticket to the game in order to get to
the where the meet and greet is happening at the
Alaska Airlines Club level and the flight deck and it's
in left field. Anyway, it's five thirty on Thursday. This
is not an official Giants events, so game tickets don't
include a giveaway item or food beverage. I don't know
that's a disclaimer. I guess. Okay, your tickets at Group
Maddics dot Events slash Scrubbing. H Okay, this isn't Group

(01:11:29):
Maddics dot Events slash scrubbing, and you can get the
baseball ticket and meet Dean Antonia. You spell Group Maddics
Fair listeners g R O U P as a group
right there and then M A T I C S
Group Maddics Dot Events slash Scrubbing, watch baseball, enjoy Becca, Tania,
Dean and Vanessa. I'll probably put a swipe up on

(01:11:50):
my Instagram story to make it a little a little
bit easier. Group maddics is a weird website, but but
I've been to it and it's fantastic. It'll get you
exactly what you're looking for. What are gonna Are you
gonna wear your Angel's jersey with ungler down the back
of it? I don't think I'm allowed to. What are
they playing? They're playing the Potteries, but they're nationally gaged
with the American League. You're fine. Probably were like a
Broncos jersey or something that's even weirder. I think, actually,

(01:12:13):
I do have a Giant jersey, so yeah, because we're there,
I'll probably wear the Giants jersey. That's a good best
friend as a Giants fan, so he's like giving ungler
on the back of it. It does not I think
it's actually playerless. It's just as one of those generic
like it'll stand the test of time. I respect it. Yeah, good,
are you on? Mark? I'm not going a couple of reasons.
The main reason is I was not invited. Also, uh,

(01:12:34):
this weekend, Labor Day weekend, going out of time with
my family, no one asked me to go to San Francisco. Nice. Well,
you're gonna be missed. Your president will be missed. I
would love to go. It sounds awesome. Actually you're going, yes, great.
So if you're listening to this and you see Tori
there on Thursday, please give your advice on what she
should do with her NFL player boyfriends. But actually, anyways,

(01:12:58):
enjoy Bachelor Paradise tomorrow night, which will be Chris and
Crystal's wedding. We're gonna see some new arrivals, and I
feel like I've done pretty well for myself in Paradise
up until this point. Not to toot my own horn,
Tori shaking her head over here. If I self deprecate,
she hates it. If I build myself, I too my
own horn, she hates it. Well, there's no winning over
here anyways. Uh. For the first time this season, at

(01:13:18):
least from my perspective, I believe I will receive a
lot of scrutiny on the internet. And if you feel
like I'm being an idiot, please feel free to tweet
me and let me know how much of an idiot
I'm being, because I just I need to know, and
I think that would be good content, good, a good
ability for me to learn and grow from and good
content for the podcast at Giants Stadium. Um. Anyways, big

(01:13:39):
thank you to our sponsors of course, Big thank you
to Sleep Number and Legacy Box. Big thank you of
course to Tori for sharing her dating story with a
sports player on a team that is unknown, on a
position that is unknown because she prefers to keep it anonymous.
Big thank you to Mark Easton and of course Danielle.
So we're gonna talk to you in next week, but

(01:14:00):
we will be talking to you from San Francisco, so
be sure to tune in then where maybe we will
suck a little bit less. Follow help by Suck at
Dating with Dean, Vanessa and Jared on I Heart Radio
or wherever you listen to podcast

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