If You Wanna Train Someone, Get a Puppy with Katie Morton

Dean and Jared are together again and for the first time since Paradise, we’re with Katie Morton!

Dean tells us about the headlines claiming that Caelynn ISN’T “the one” and he shares a HUGE milestone in their relationship!

 

John Kim “The Angry Therapist” helps us understand the stigma around therapy and he has some incredible advice for anyone who is waiting for their partner to propose.

 

Plus we hear from expert Simone Milasas about “National Dump Day” and how to be in a relationship that you actually LIKE

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hell, I Suck at Dating with Katie and I Heart
Radio podcast. Hello everyone, welcome back to my podcast, Dean
Glert's podcast. It's great to have you here. As always
Suck Army. You guys rock and I love you so
much from the bottom of my heart. That is the
new tone. Whenever we say the words suck Army, we
get the suck noise that Easton so graciously puts on

(00:24):
this podcast. I've got two great guests today in studio
with me, Jared Habn and Katie Morton as my guest.
Is a hard work can We got a round appaust
for our guests today. You guys, what's up my guest? Well,
I guess it could be just Katie and I co
hosting with Jared guesting on the podcasts to Run. I'll

(00:46):
go this is the KTE podcast. We've got a great
episode for you guys. I'm just kidding obviously, Katie and
Jared as great co host. I changed the Facebook what
is the It's not the Facebook profile picture, but it's
the thank you very much. I changed the cover photo
to help my second dating with Dean Aungler, and then
I put in little letters down below with Jared Haven
and a lot of people didn't get it, but it
was the play on what we did earlier, which is

(01:08):
the intro is now help by such a dating with
Dean Ungler and then it comes into me going and
Jared me. Anyways, we've got a great episode for you
guys today. We're gonna have some amazing guests, some authors
of some incredible books like John Kim, author of I
Used to be a miserable Uh, Simone Melissist, author of

(01:31):
Oh It's right here on my sheet and I can't
tell the top relationship, author of Relationship. Are you sure
you want one? Because at the end of day, are
any of us sure? But before we do that, obviously
we at the top of the episode, I had mentioned
that Katie Morton is in studio with us today. Thank
you so much for joining us. She is co host
to close out the year for us. You did such

(01:53):
a great job in Sonoma. Actually that was part of
my favorite episode of the entire year, just to listen
to as an audience as a suck Mar Army member. Um,
so it's gonna have you back in studio. That's that's
the sound of our stuck army right there. Thanks for
having me back guys. Yes, and we want to talk
with you a little bit about you and Chris and
what's going on in your life. But you're also going

(02:13):
to be hosting with us next week, so maybe we'll
save most of our thrilling questions for next week. Yeah,
we have a couple of cool guests coming in, so
I think we might not have time, but we're gonna
have plenty of time to go in depth with Katie
next episode and just talk about all things you are
you excited? I am so pumped. You can just open up,
tell us your deepest, darkest secrets. Oh great, your eyes

(02:36):
got really crazy right there. I like this, But there
was an article that I saw this morning that I
feel the need to talk about a little bit because
it involves a host not named Jared, and there's two hosts.
Surp Process of Elimination says it's about Dean Angler and
it's about dating. Actually, so how how how topical? Pretty topical?

(02:58):
Like two hours ago? Topical? Uh? I was reading US
Weekly like I do every day. I'm kidding, I don't,
but you know, it's a good publication, and I saw
a headline saying Dean Angler admits he and Calyn Miller keys,
it's a mouthful, it's a great name. May never get married,
Dean says, I quote, I'm super unconventional. Yeah, and then

(03:19):
it talks about all the quotes that you said when
somebody asked if you guys were gonna get married. He says,
that's never going to happen. It does. It does, say
the Bachelor at lum joke to us Weekly Exclusive at
jingle Ball, all that good stuff. Dean goes on to say,
she does joke around about us getting married all the time,
and I will always say, sorry, it's not going to happen.

(03:40):
I don't know. I'm super unconventional, and she obviously is
a little more conventional. We joke around about it. Just
try to keep expectations to a minimum, you know, like
I said on the show, under promise over deliver quote.
Uh yeah. Let's talk about that great article that was
written about this wonderful interview that I did. I heart

(04:00):
radio jingle Ball shout out, I heart radio. Uh, I
gotta say, I gotta point out, I'm gonna I'm gonna
paint the picture for you guys a little bit. Caitlin
and I had just gotten off a flight from Ireland.
Took a cab straight to I Heart Radio Festival at
the Forum I believe is where it was, and we
actually saw Jared and actually on the carpet. I'm gonna
go ahead say I don't think I'm ever gonna do
a red carpet interview ever again, because it never gets

(04:23):
put into a positive way and it never really turns
out how you wanted to. But I got called over
for an interview before we even introducing herself or even
saying anything. She goes, so, Dean, are you and Caitlin
getting married? And put the phone in my face and
Caitlin's like within earshot, and I go, That's never gonna happen.
And I'm like, I've got I'm like talking through my teeth,
i got the beating grin on my face, and it's
just like you can't really convey that when it comes
to the written word, obviously on the internet. Um, and

(04:46):
then yeah, I don't know. I just thought that's how
Caylin and I his relationship is. We just like I
joke around with her all the time about that stuff,
and she jokes around back with me. And obviously I
guess when one person is doing an interview because we
don't do joint interviews or anything like that, then it
can kind of come a cross in a very headline
grabby way. Yeah, you were joking. I saw you guys there.
It was very fun loving. Everybody's smiling you. You were

(05:07):
just having fun with the situation. But my question is,
have you guys actually talked about that about marriage, about
the future, because I know that you guys are very
happy right now, you're very much in love. Uh well, today,
I mean our our relationship. Our relationship is fantastic. Our
relationship is better today than it was yesterday, and it's
better today than it has been any day that we've

(05:27):
since we've been dating. It's getting it gets better and
better as we continue to go on. I don't think
either of us are necessarily really worried about it. Like
we can joke around about it, but we're not really
putting a lot of stress or emphasis on it. And
we both know that we're in a committed relationship with
each other. You know that's not really going to change
anytime soon. In fact, today another milestone in our relationship
that I bet you and actually can't even speak to.
This guy's got milestones up the wazoo. The girl. He's

(05:50):
not even gonna marry. The last mile stone in Kitlin
and I hit was that we got on a joint
cellphone plan together. Shout out verrizing wireless. If you're listening
to this and want to throw us a couple of
three months, we'll take it. At the point, didn't just
already happen. He's about to drop the second, I'm about
to drop the second. Min aren't listening. It's okay to
this morning. Kaitlin and I walked a couple of blocks

(06:12):
over to the bank and we opened up a joint
bank account together. Wow, they're basically married. They just don't
want any tax benefits. Why Dean said, screwed the tax benefits.
I don't want them. Stupid anyways, Why do we do
a joint bank account? It made sense because we just
went on a trip that we both made money on,
and we've got a couple of things coming in the

(06:32):
pipeline down the future that we're both going to get
paid for for working together on trips, and we don't
really feel comfortable doing anything other than a split on
that money that we make together. And then we got
to talking and we were like, well, let's just put
all of the money that we make as a couple
into one bank account and then use that money towards
more travel or more things that we want to do together. Yeah,
I think it adds fun to it. And then like

(06:52):
if let's say we go out to dinner together, we
don't have to worry about who's paying. We're just put
down the joint bank account and you're not. You're still
keeping your separate bank accounts and just doing that one
for a couple of stuffs. And we have all all
our income that's coming in separately, Like she's not going
to get an ounce or a single cent of help.
I suck a dating money. Let me let me mind
be mindful of that. Um. But you know, if we're
making money traveling together, we want to be able to

(07:13):
spend that money together and not have to worry about
arguing whoever gets more. I think because we're doing a
trip to Canada, hopefully in February. And it's like I
set it up through like my connections, and I felt
like I was obligated to more of the money than
she was, and we were like arguing about a little
bit exactly yeah, finders of course, And I was like
we were arguing for the back, back and forth a
little bit, and I was like, let's just create a

(07:34):
joint bank account and then we'll just put all the
money that we make together in there and not have
to worry about yeh. I like that idea. Yeah, it's
especially if you guys are being very mature about everything,
and you guys have a joint bank account. It's your
joint money, but your individual money is your individual money,
and the joint bank account, so God forbid, if you
guys ever broke up, you just take that bank account split,
if we ever broke up. I told her this. I said, well,

(07:54):
I said, when we can have everything, she can have
a vane. That's mine. It's gonna take leave mine. They
are signed a pre nuptial agreement on the van. Only
on the van. That's what matters most. So it's funny
because we agreed we did that this morning, and then
literally three hours after this morning, three hours after, three
hours after we opened our joint bank account together, the
headlines start coming out, Dean doesn't want to marry Kayla

(08:15):
miller Key canceled the bank account. And then there was
an US Weekly article that came out that she sent
me saying Kaylin Miller Keys doesn't think Dean Angler is
the one, just like it's all this funny stuff that
you see these headlines, and everything actually is really going
really well. It's just as I don't know, it's kind
of a weird dynamic. Yeah, And honestly, from the outside,
looking from my perspective, looking at you guys, I there's

(08:38):
people out there in relationships and in marriages that aren't
going well. It's like, why put the pressure of marriage
on you, guys. That's so silly to me. If it's
going really well and you say it's fantastic and you
both are happy, well then And there were some quotes
in that interview that I still do believe, Like the
older I get, I feel like, kind of the more
I'm moving away from the idea of even getting married

(08:58):
at any point. I've always I have kids my entire life,
But the older I get, the more I question about
whether I really want to have kids or not um
And so I don't know. It's at the end of
the day, this is all just an idea. It's not
like I'm firmly believing any of these things. That Obviously,
people can change their opinions as time goes on. Of course, Um,
I think marriage is beautiful. I think what you and
ashually have is beautiful. And obviously what Chris and Katie

(09:21):
will have once they get married and tie the not officially,
that will be beautiful. We'll find out the next episode.
Good little tease right there. Um, but we don't. I'm
personal only putting the pressure on it. There's uh there.
Alan Wats is one of my favorite philosophers from the
midnighteteen hundreds. Well, he has this quote that says, I
can't remember exactly what it was, but it's something about, uh,
when you go dancing, you don't dance to like to

(09:43):
be done dancing because the doing of it itself is
what's important. And so dating, what I'm looking at dating
is we're not dating to get to it anywhere. We're
not dating for an end goal of getting married. We're
just dating to date and having fun doing it at
least to something great. But we're not necessarily gonna put
like uh uh, I don't know, like we're not working
towards marriage, you know what I mean, We're just having
fun doing the dating. Yeah, that makes sense, It makes

(10:06):
perfect sense. I love Alan Watts. Sorry, I just went
on you're basically telling us you're living in the present, right,
That's that's ultimately as opposed to planning for this like future.
One thing, I guess what really comes down to is
as long as Kalen's on the same page as you,
that's the most important thing. Yes, and she is. And
she's incredibly smart, and she can she's like incredibly receptive

(10:26):
to everything, and um, she obviously has a big influence
on the relationship. It's, um, it's going well. It's going
well I expected it to honestly, So it's I mean,
I can't really complain too much at all under promise overdelivery.
Do you ever get weirded about weirded out about talking
about your relationship so publicly? Um, I do, and I

(10:47):
don't like it. Kind of sucks that we owe it
to people to let them in on our relationship when
you just kind of want to keep something something's private.
Do you think you owe it to people? Oh? Yeah,
I I sort of think we do. I mean, at
the end of the day, like if you choose if
you don't want to share something, you obviously don't have
to share it, but you know, you kind of go
on a very public television show and find a partner,
then you kind of I guess maybe you don't know
what to people. But having the platform of a podcast, like,

(11:09):
I'm not gonna just brush everything aside the entire time
and not really talk about my Relationshipcus, I would expect
you to want to talk about your relationship with actually
as well. I could see like if you don't have
a podcast, you like, you're not obligated to be posting
about your significant other every single day. But I think
Katie that Katie, yeah, which is great. But here's the thing.

(11:29):
You're on a dating podcast now, which means you have
like you're kind of more obligated to talk about your
relationship with what I understand and we want you to
like we and I think that it's it's only really
helped me in relationships. And uh, I think the reason
that you and I are able to do this in
our relationships is because after she already knows everything about
you anyways, and every thought and feeling and emotion that

(11:49):
you have. So it's like you just come here and
you're just basically a you're echoing everything that you're saying
to her. It's not like she's like listening to an
episode of Help by Second Dating and hearing you say
something like yeah, right, so that's I mean, that's kind
of really Do you think it adds pressure to the
relationship or makes it uh more of open relationship with

(12:09):
communication if that makes sense? Do you think it hurts
or helps her relationship being so public and then talking
about it so much. I think it's hurt my relationships
in the past, but this relationship it only it doesn't
really help or HRM basically a caricature. When I come
on this podcast, I feel like like I'm not really
actually like am I just joke around and around all
the time, you know what I mean? Having Yeah, I'm
just having fun And she understands that. And I don't know,
what do you think? Do you think I have no idea?

(12:31):
You can only speak from personally, because like, I don't
know how Calin would react to an article saying like
Dean Angler does not want to get married and not
sure if he wants to have kids. But as long
as you guys are having that conversations before anything, I
think like this comes out, then you're fine. She screenshot
at that, and then she sent me the article of
her headlines, saying that I wasn't the one for her. Yeah,
so she's she knows how people are. She has an

(12:51):
understanding clearly about how twisted these headlines can get. She's
in on the joke, which is Yeah, she's in on
the joke, which is nice. You're like the joker. I
used to think my life was a tragedy. I used
think my life as a tragedy, and I've realized it's
a comedy. I'm just a dog chasing car. That's Dan
right there. I used to think my life as a tragedy.
Back on b I p. Four and then I want
to be on p. Six and realize it's a comedy.

(13:12):
I'm just a dog chasing cars. I don't know what
I would do if I ever called one. Listen, brother,
we all are um. But we have John Kim, the
Angry Therapist, coming up next to make sure you're tuned
into that. But before he comes on, we're gonna take
a little break. Welcome back to help I suck at dating.

(13:34):
And we have a very special guest in studio right now,
joining Katie Dean and myself and of course Mark and Easton.
We have the Angry Therapist himself, the author of I
used to be a miserable and every Man's guide to
a meaningful life. John Kim in studio. Ladies and gentlemen, Wow, claps,
thank you, Thank you for having me, John, thank you

(13:56):
for coming in. Appreciate it. I wish you would call
me grizzly. I can't grow a facial hair, but it's
I've never been called that. That's really good. A little
bit on your chin there, I could grow one long
hair and just wrap that around well, John, thank you
so much for coming in, and you thank you for
having me. Of course you call yourself the angry therapist. Yes. Why.
I went through a divorce about a decade ago, and

(14:18):
UM started a blog on tumbler back when that was
the thing. UM, and I didn't think anyone would read it,
and I thought it was kind of funny that a
therapist was angry, pulled the curtain back, started talking about
my feelings and my journey, and it kind of cut on,
and I think people thought it was interesting that this
therapist was talking about his feelings and finding fitness and

(14:39):
Harley's and tattoos and stuff and kind of going through
his rebirth. Um. And then I later realized that it
was kind of my waves of humanizing the therapist. You
know that it's okay to be angry, it's okay to
have feelings, because I think in our world today, therapists
are kind of like portrayed as a cardboard cutout or
they're supposed to be neutral, and that's what we're taught
in school. Um so I kind of hopped fence and

(15:00):
went rogue. Yeah, but that's how you are trained as
a therapist, right, Like you said, you're supposed to kind
of uh not give your opinion. So if you were
to ask me personal things about my life, I would
kind of flip it and ask, you know, where that's
coming from or or why instead of just saying, you know,
just being transparent. But after you went through your divorce,
you kind of flipped that on its head and realized

(15:21):
that people were responding more to you actually vocalizing how
you feel. Yes, And I think it's just part of
what it was kind of the swell of what's happening today,
the explosion of wellness and people wanting to actually change
and grow in a way that's different. And therapy is
a world that's never really had a shake up until
you know the Internet and you know influencers and all

(15:44):
the stuff that's happening now. So I just kind of
came at a really interesting time where there was already
as well happening, and uh, I just started paddling. And
how are people responding to it now? Because they're taking
on clients? Most of your clients are online, correct, Uh,
they're actually so I don't have an office on purpose,
and so I'm people at coffee shops online using kind
of the internet as a therapy tool. Um in my

(16:05):
frustration with the whole therapy journey, which is very lonely
and expensive and and the whole system made me start
a company called Journey here and I Coaching, And so
now we have an online school where we're coaching other
people to become life coaches and relationship coaches and all
the other stuff that's happening. To become angry therapists. Yeah
we'll not angry, happy, happier than me, but but to

(16:27):
be catalysts in other people's lives. So when you're meeting
your clients one on one, do you kind of lean
into the whole I don't want to, uh put you
under an umbrella, but do you lean into being an
angry therapist? You're kind of because judging by your book
and your your website, you are very direct and very blunt.
Do people respond well to that? You find you mean
has like my quote unquote brand Eclipse like who I

(16:50):
am in a way, Well, when you sit down, so
you meet someone, say if I if I contacted contacted
you online. We met up at a coffee shop and
I started kind of explaining to you my situation. Would
you be as direct and blunt as you come across
or would you kind of revert back to your therapist
ways and be more of a listener. I would be
somewhere in the middle. I would do whatever I felt

(17:10):
was appropriate and honest. Um, I kind of wear two hats,
so the head of a coach and also with the
clinical background as a therapist. UM, I just work in
conventional ways. Yeah, Dean has been very open about going
to therapy on this podcast. I've kind of gone away
from it a little bit. I'm a little down to
myself actually for having gotten away from it. But while
I do think that you can always be continuously working

(17:31):
on yourself and growing, I feel like I got what
I needed to get from it in that moment, and
then I can readdress my problems later on. Well, I
just love that as a man. Uh that because you
know the thing with men and therapy in the stigma
and feeling like if they see a therapist then that
means that they're brokend wrong with them. Um. Hopefully all
that is changing now where people are kind of open

(17:52):
to therapy and not not hiding it. Well, that's exactly
how I started to I remember my ex girlfriend from
a while ago said that she started going to therapy,
and I really admired that she was so open and
honest about it because I had that same approach to her.
I was like, yeah, only like weak people go to therapy,
and people that are like broken or whatever need to
be fixed. And then when she started telling me that
and and being so open about her experience the therapy,
I was like, you know what, I'm just gonna give

(18:12):
it a try too. And then when I was doing
I was like, this is great, And then I was
kind of felt the same way. It was like, I
don't care people know I'm going to therapy. I think
it's good to preach the benefits of it. So, yeah,
it affects everything, including obviously dating relationship. Yeah. Yeah, and
just your your mental space. I remember I was like
in a pretty dark place when I started going to therapy,
and it helped kind of pull me out of it too,
which is really helpful. Um. But so you got your

(18:32):
start on Tumbler, you said, but now you wrote a
full book. Yeah, I wrote a full book. I m
a full book, not a children's books right, Um, yeah,
I I wrote a I worked a nonprofit for about
five years working with addicted teens, and I learned that
the common threat was there was no dad, So dad

(18:52):
was either emotionally gone or physically gone. And so I
saw the product of that, which was you know, girls
standing to those guys. They're wanting to fight me or
be me. And I realized we lived in father's nation.
So that created a fire in my belly and I
started to write about my own journey from boy to man,
post divorce, fighting myself. Um. So that whole book is

(19:14):
kind of like a guide for men to to challenge
their own definitions, not not not take what you know
I think a man looks like, but create your own. Yeah.
Do you think a lot of people should go to therapy?
I think everyone should. Um, I think you know it's
tough because it's expensive because of stigma, and especially for men,
I think because of locker rooms and media and stuff

(19:35):
that we're supposed to quote unquote man up or not
talk about our feelings. Um, so I think there's a
lot of barriers. But uh, I don't know how you
can process by yourself. You can't. It's like impossible. So
to have a space where you're not only talking about
your feelings, because I think a lot of guys think that, oh,
it's just you're just going there talking about your feelings. No,
you're actually processing your patterns and and all of the

(19:58):
stuff that comes up that you can't you by yourself
with a neutral party, and then you take that learning
and you apply that to your relationships and that's how
you grow. You know. Have you ever done a couple
of therapy? Yeah? I do it all the time, both
as a patient and also as a therapist. Ashley and
I have talked about possibly going a couple of therapy,

(20:19):
not because we have issues in our relationship, but there
are issues both individually, Like we have an issue. We're
very compatible, but we're obviously not perfect for each other.
So there are things within the relationship that I have
difficulty with and she has difficulty handling, and then vice versa.
And so we've talked about going to a couple of
therapy to try to get ahead of that and not

(20:42):
have its snowball into something bigger. And I a plaed,
I applaud that. I think that's the its prevention. Yeah,
that's exactly what people do it with fitness, right, People
work out for fitness because they don't want to be unhealthy.
But when it comes to mental state and therapy, people
wait until something is wrong, the relationship is too late
where it's broken, and then it's like, why didn't you

(21:03):
just go in the first in the first place? Right, yeah, right, Yeah.
It makes it a lot easier to try to maintain
a problem than fix it if it's already become this
huge thing within your relationship. I agree with you there,
and I also agree that a lot of people should
go to see you know, like you said, everybody should
do therapy, because I think I also come from I'm
from the East Coast. A lot of the people that

(21:25):
I look up that are men in my life are
very similar to the guys you were talking about old school.
You don't talk about your feelings. I'm fine, I'm fine.
I'm fine. And I've realized specifically being in a relationship
with with my wife, who's the complete antithesis of that
if I said that word properly, not even because it
could be opposite of that, um, and where she's very emotional,

(21:49):
very raw, very open and honest about things. I've realized
in my own life that I have to even though
I feel like I can communicate well, I have a
lot of difficulty talking about the way I feel so
and an oh sorry, John. I think for women too.
I know women are more prone to going to therapy,
but I do know a lot of girls who think

(22:09):
that they're just overly complaining about their problems and that
will prevent some women from going to therapy, when um,
they should know there's just like an extra air to
listen to them. Um. I know that when I've posted
about therapy on my social channels, that's usually for women,
that's what they come to me with. They feel like, oh,
I think I'm just gonna be complaining about my problems.

(22:30):
I'm like, well, then who better to complain to than
a neutral party? Um. So, even I know some women
are afraid to go to therapy too. I think we
have a responsibility to um not emotionally litter, you know.
And I think part of therapy is taking care of
your own by processing what's coming up instead of putting

(22:50):
that on your partner or your friends or your family
and all that. Remember I was in a relationship once
that wasn't going too well, and uh, my solution for
it I recommended to the girl. I was like, Hey,
let's go to a couple of therapy and try and
figure this stuff out, because it's a relationship that I
wanted to work. I wanted to figure it out. I
wanted to be in a relationship with her. And she
shot the idea down. I think I about it up
a couple of times every time she said no, And
then about a month later, as the relationship continued to deteriorate,

(23:14):
then she was like, let's go to a couple of
therapy now problem. And I was like, well, I think
it's kind of too late, Like the cows kind of
left the pasture that this is that a thing. We're
both on the mark today, aren't we deeping? Um? So, So, John,
you have your your website, the Angry Therapist dot com,
which every everybody should go look at you have a

(23:35):
couple of audio courses that are pretty interesting because, like
we said, you kind of lean into the Angry Therapist,
which I I enjoy, uh because the first audio audio
course I see is no more freaking Excuses. That's great.
I love it also attract versus Chase, which is something
I'm excited to listen to because I think a lot
of people are going after the chase and once they

(23:56):
get it, they realized they're not attracted to it anymore. Um.
And you also have a podcast, appropriately titled the Angry
Therapist Podcast, and then you also do text messages. Tell
us a little bit about that. Yeah, I just um
started texting people. It's not random. So every week there's
a different topic of codependency or you know, dating or whatever,

(24:17):
and then me and my small team we think of
what the text and at the end of the week
you get a private Google doc link, so the text
then becomes a six page format of reading something that
goes deeper. So yeah, just doing that it's been really cool.
It's a I'm always interested in new and different ways
to help people change, you know. It's really exciting. These days, No,

(24:38):
especially twenty nineteen, were so connected and like you said
you can text someone every day just as a reminder,
as as a little helpful note, uh, to start off
your day differently. And I like the idea of text
messages because there we had somebody on this podcast a
while ago. I was I was talking to you off
hair that they had an app that was similar to
this where they would give out motivational quotes each day,

(25:00):
but you actually had to go into the app in
order to retrieve it. Where yours is different, which I
very much like, is it's you automatically get on your phone.
It's a notification, so you don't have to constantly remind
yourself too. Are you into this app? You just get it?
Are you like manually texting? Yeah? But I mean it
goes out to thousands. But I every morning six thirty am,
I set the coffee shop and I manually um text

(25:23):
and hit post um. I think it's the space that's
going to um, that's open right now, that's gonna be
infiltrated like email was, you know, five years ago. So yeah,
I think everyone's sexty now. It's it's it's gonna be
the next way to be a conduit into people's pockets. Well,
if actually and I ever end up doing a couple
of therapy, we will attend the angry therapist. But my

(25:44):
question about that is I could see like Kalin wanted
to go to therapy because like I'm on my phone
too much or something like that. You know, So then
what if the solution for that is, let's text oart
therapist is putting on my phone even more right, it's
an endless cycle. Yeah, it sound like I'll be enabling
your problems and fixing at the same time. Um, like,
sign me up, uh, John? Before you go, we do

(26:09):
have a couple of user emails that we would like
to get your advice on, Mark, if you're so kind.
I don't like to call them users, to be honest,
maybe listeners or friends of ours that two in each week. John,
we have a couple of emails from our friends Suck
Army that on the Suck Army as the Army has
reached out to us looking for your help, John, and
we need you to help answer their prayers. Can I

(26:31):
just say, it's really easy to feel ugly in this room.
You guys are all like beautiful. It's amazing. Yeah, you're
speaking my language. Every day. I deal with this with
The Dean and Jared Show. When you're a very handsome man. Oh,
I mean room, I don't know, thank you. That's a
tangent I can never get sick of here and I
all right. This is from an anonymous UH listener, Sucker.

(26:52):
I was hoping for some perspective. My boyfriend and I
have been together seven years. We were best friends five
years before that. We're twenty four years old, so half
their lives. They've been very close. What I want more
than anything in the world to be married and start
a family, and I know I want it with him.
My issue is every time I bring up engagement of
the topic of his up, he gets annoyed. He's told
me countless times he wants to marry me. It's been

(27:13):
the rest of his life with me, but he's in
no rush. The other day we got into an argument
and he said, we're not there yet, and he doesn't
understand what we we can't just wait a year or two.
I questioned this because I don't understand how he can
say we aren't there yet. It's been seven years, we've
known each other half our lives. He gave me the
it's not you with me excuse. I'm established in my career.
He's still trying to figure it out, but he said

(27:33):
finances in his career are only part of it. The
best friends are getting married at the end of the year,
and I was hoping that would light a fire under
his you know what, but he just says not to
comparis to anyone else. I don't want to force him
to do something he's not ready to do, but it
weighs on me every day. I don't want to ask
how I can get him to propose? But how can
I get him to propose? Am I crazy for feeling
this way? Please let me know your thoughts. She's not crazy,

(27:55):
but I think due to just media in Disney movies
and and all the blueprints that we were raised with,
especially women, they feel like they have a tick o'clock
and they need that ring. The thing is, that's what's
going to be the crowbar that ruins the relationship. If
you have to convince someone or if that becomes like
that thing that you hang over someone's head, you know,

(28:17):
marry me an X amount of time? Um, what would
that look like? Because now you're going into the marriage
with someone that did something because of you, or feel
pressure to not because of his own wanting, you know
what I'm saying. Definitely, So I think it's important that
she expresses that. It sounds like she has and she
tells him why it's important and how important it is
to her, but then she has to let it go.

(28:38):
It's like forcing someone to kiss you. I also think
she needs to think about why it's important to her.
It sounds like she just wants to get married for
the sake of getting married, like her friends are getting married.
He's like, Okay, well I shouldrobably get married too, And
that's the only reason you want to get married. Maybe
not the best reason. It's not the best reason, absolutely not.
I mean, obviously you love the guy, you want to
spend the rest of your life with him, but it's
like the timeline is sped up because of the ends.

(29:00):
I don't know. I just need to be reassess the
priority and ultimately, marriage is just I mean, kudos to
thoseho have gotten married, but marriage is really expensive, and
if you know you're going to spend the rest of
your life with this guy, it's just going to be
more exciting the moment you let it go, and when
it happens, you'll be You'll be so relieved and so ecstatic,
But yeah, I just think letting it go would be

(29:22):
better and then also really figuring out why she wants
to get married right now. I think. I hate to
say it, but I'm team boyfriend in this situation too. Hey, hey,
you don't talk to suck army like that. Okay, I'm sorry.
It was in the news today that deans are the
dead end relationship, so that's kind of maybe he has
a respect. I can empathize with the boyfriend in this
in this scenario, Katie. Sorry, from her perspective, how long

(29:45):
does she wait around does she have any kind of
guarantee because she might be feeling like, I'm wasting my
twenties with a guy who's never going to commit to me,
and then what she hasn't committed to her by showing
her all of the commitment throughout all of these years,
as opposed to you know, I mean, I know that
he might say that finances are only part of it, um,
but that's a that's a big part of it, and

(30:06):
um established half of us, half of the millennials are
struggling keeping jobs right now at four people. Finances are
not right for millennials right now. I would say overall
as a whole, So that's a huge part of it.
And if they if he showed her solidarity, I guess
is the word. If he showed her a solid relationship

(30:28):
all these years, but she's not really waiting for anything
other than financially, something that solidifies it, some type of symbol.
You know, we're talking about couples therapy right before this,
and this is a great example of a great opportunity
for them to go see a therapist, angry therapist, So
go check out the angry therapist dot com here here
both sides and in them to come to a conclusion,

(30:49):
for the therapist to figure out why they want or
don't want these things instead of just kind of you know,
forcing those those on each other. A question for you
as a female, do you think a lot of women
out there plan their marriages and relationships around family planning?
For example, if she is she's in her head thinking, well,
I want to start having kids around two, you know,
late twenties, which means if this guy's right, I need

(31:12):
to move on. So do you think a lot of
women do that? I think a lot of women. Yes,
I think a lot of women do that. I think
they feel the pressure. It's also just huge. It's hard
to judge any of a lot of these situations because morally,
I don't know what she's obligated to. I don't know
what her religion is, and if she has to get
married in her mind in order to start a family.

(31:32):
Because for me, I'm like, if I know I'm going
to spend the rest of my life with this guy,
I don't care if we're married or not. I am
cool with still starting a family even though I'm a Christian,
because um, that's just it's however, it's going to flow
with my relationship and that's just how I've always been.
But to each their own. And if she has a
moral obligation to get married before starting a family, it's
absolutely the women timeline. So yeah, women think about that

(31:55):
all the time. Think about I'm twenty seven in a
I'm almost twenty eight. If say Chris and I were
to get married a year from now, then I would
want another year of a honeymoon stage, then another year
before a kid boom. I'm thirty one two, So it's
like that kind of goes through your mind as a woman,
But um, ultimately it's just her choice. It's pretty crazy.

(32:19):
My best friend's father just had two kids. He had
one kid at sixty one and another kid at sixty three.
But obviously there's a difference between guy, That's what I'm saying.
It's mind blowing, like the different the disparity between, without disparity,
but the gap between, like how late a man can
have a child and a woman can have a child.
So it's understandable why some women kind of get a
little bit on edge about that kind of stuff. Of course,

(32:40):
it's a factor. Yeah, do we want to answer one
more rapid fire email or do we want to let's
do one more rapid fire email. Let's do one more
rapifire email. Army has spoken army. Sometimes we got a
side with stuck armies significant others. Sometimes we always side
with stuck army. This is a let's see I got
all about stuck army. Hello, stuck army. I'm here on that.

(33:09):
They welcome you. My mind went to get in a
different direction. Welcome to help dating. We allude to everything.
This is from Aaron, so maybe you can help her
interpret this guy's maneuvering. She says that matched with the
guy in bumble familiar with Bumble. We exchange numbers. We've
been trying to meet up the past two weeks, but
both have been traveling for works. We haven't been able to.

(33:29):
So the other day I was on Bumble looking at
my matches and he was no longer in my messages
and was deleted from my matches. Did you delete me?
Is he trying to breadcrumb me and there's no intention
of meeting up? Or did you delete the app? Do
I bring this up? Don't let this go. We are
still texting, but it's strange. Let me know your thoughts.
So they're texting each other, but he deleted her from
the map as a match, and she feel like that's

(33:50):
that's mixed signals. My ad. Well, the overason I was
gonna say anything was because what I'm thinking is happening
is this is gonna sound bad. But maybe he already
matched with you and got your number, So maybe he's
like going through his matches and deleting all the people
that he has his numbers, like organizational purposes like spring cleaning.

(34:14):
My rule of thumb is if something is bothering you,
you talk about it, because what's gonna happen is we
all have cognitive distortions, and we're gonna jump to conclusions.
We're gonna make up stories and they could be completely false.
Just ask them and you just don't. You just don't
have to be a dick about it. But just hey,
I'm curious, pull from curiosity instead of judgment. I noticed,
you know, the blah blah blah. And then he'll have
a perfect, perfectly, a perfect explanation. Or if he doesn't,

(34:37):
then that's telling too, right, It's never too early to
ask those types of questions. Well, she's not asking him to,
you know, have children with her. She's just like, hey,
I would. It's about the way you do, and I
think you do kind of in passing because it's really
bother right, the moment she starts letting her brain go
to that making excuses or trying to make bigger than
it is, then asking is going to be completely different

(34:59):
than it would have in past. But also by asking,
she's gonna make it known to him that she's back
on them on the app right, I think I'm sure
she's afraid of him saying, oh, she asked me all
his questions. I think it's how you ask you she's
coming at him. Then that's different him. Yeah, perfect, I agree.
I agree. Well, John, thank you so much for coming in.

(35:20):
We really appreciate your time. You guys obviously check out
his John Kim's book I Used to Be a Miserable
fun in every Man's Guide to a Meaningful Life, The
Angry Therapist and John tell everybody else where they can
find you The Angry Therapist dot com. And then my
startup is j R and I dot co journey. If
you're interested in coaching. Thanks for coming John, John, Thanks
appreciate it. Welcome back to help buy suck a Dating, Dean, Katie,

(35:53):
myself all sitting here in studio. Dean is grabbing my arm.
It feels pretty good. But we have a very special
guest on the phone right now with our brand new
book Relationship. Are you sure you want one? Which is
available now? We have Simone Melissus. Simone, thank you so
much for coming on. Thank you for having me here.
Of course, we're always looking for more advice and relationships.

(36:14):
So Simone, tell us about your new book. Well, it's
called relationship, and you saw you what one and the
whole they do is to you know, ask a question,
because most people go to that they need a relationship
that if they don't have a relationship, you know that
they're not told and they're not complete or that Hollywood
you know, movies, et cetera, and that's not true. So
if you're gonna have a good relation, if you're gonna

(36:35):
have a relationship, my point of view is have a
great one. Do you think this is a hard hitting
question right off the bat. Do you think human beings
were meant to spend their life with one other person? No,
I don't. You know what I always prefer to we're
not penguins. It's like, I actually don't think we are.
It's like, I mean, I don't know about you, but

(36:55):
it's like I've had, you know, a lot of fun
with a lot of different people, and I, I don't
know looking at someone and looking at them saying Okay,
I want to be with you for the next fifty years.
I don't even know what I want to be doing
in the next fifty years. So no, I don't. Yeah,
I I agree, I don't think you're pretty. I'm somebody
that believes you're not predydestined, predestined to be with one
particular person. You have to choose that person every day,

(37:18):
which is what marriage is, um, so someone, what are
some questions that you uh wait wait wait wait can
back up? Can we talk about that for a second. Sure? Please,
So you don't think sorry, Simone, and I would love
for you to weigh on this moment because I think
I feel like Jared just kind of contradicted himself a
little bit. He said, you said that you agree that
you don't think you're supposed to spend the entire life

(37:38):
with someone, But then you said that you make the
decision to spend your life with Ashley every single day. No,
I said that you're I don't believe that you're predestined
to be with one person, so you're like inherently encoded
into your final You're like jeans, you're not supposed to Yeah,
I don't believe in one particular soul mate for every
person on this planet. But you also just said that
you're spending the rest of your life with Ashley, which
obviously you're married to her, so you expect to spend

(37:59):
the right to your life with her. Yeah, well he
means is that where what I think Jared means is
that he's choosing to spend the rest of his life
with her, but there might be others out there that
could be equally his quote unquote soul mate because he
could have more, but he found one already and he's
good with this one. Well, it's not just yes, But
I don't want to make it sound like I'm settling,
because I'm not. But more so, uh, I understand that

(38:22):
there are probably many people out there that I'm compatible
with it, just like there are many people out there
that Ashley is a little bit more than. What I
mean is that you have to Marriage is all about choice,
and sometimes I think a lot of people, Um, I
think that if you know, if you believe in a
soul mate, sometimes I think some people get caught up

(38:44):
in that and then if something goes bad in the relationship,
they think, well, this must not be the person I'm
meant to be with because it's not going that well.
When a lot of marriages, and I'm sure Eastern and
Markin speak to this better than I can, seeing I've
only been married for four months, they go through, uh
you know, you know, a lot of problems and they
go through bumpy roads and you have to work on
that together in order to have a successful and happy marriage.

(39:07):
I'm expecting someone what's your take on that. You know,
I actually I totally agree. Look at I'm not saying
that that marriage for life is not doable. It's like,
and you are correct, every single day should be a choice.
And when I was in relationship with Brendan Watt, who
is a guy that I wrote the book with for
eight years, every day it was like, Okay, is this
a person I choose to be with? Yes, I mean

(39:28):
we we never even spoke about, you know, monogamous relationship
or anything. But every day I woke up and it
was like, here's the one that I wanted to be with.
But when it got to the moment that it was like, Okay,
this doesn't seem to be as much fun anymore, then
maybe there's something else available. And I think that what
traps people is if they get married, and like you said,

(39:48):
when it turns a little stale, it's like you have
another choice. And some people have got great relationships and
had them fifty years excellent. And I do think that
there's a lot I mean the old saying is like
there's a or fish out there, etcetera. It's like there's
a lot of other possibilities available. So my point of
view is again It's like, if you're going to choose relationship,
make it good, then most people would prefer to be

(40:11):
in a bad relationship then no relationship. And you know,
being single or being in a relationship. Neither is right
and neither is wrong. And that's what I would really
like everyone to have the freedom to choose. And so
your biggest issue with relationships then comes from the fact
that sometimes people are willing to settle for a lesson.
They deserve to be in a relationship with someone absolutely absolutely.

(40:31):
I see people cut themselves off like they I mean,
it's funny when you meet someone, you know, at the
first initial meeting, you're like, you know, yeah, this this,
you know, I know, last whatever you want to call it,
and you have a great time. And then I see
so many people start to cut themselves off. It's like
they go, oh, well, this person might not like this,
so I won't do this anymore. Like if it's from
the point of like Brendan, the guy that I was with,

(40:53):
he loved surfing and the relationship he wasn't prior to me.
She would get so cranky at him for going curfain
because she wasn't involved, And I'm like, that's insane when
he goes surfing and gets out of the water and
his whole body is just so happy. I'm like, go surfing.
But people do that thing of going, well, I don't
do that, so you can't do that. Why not? It's like,
you know, a great relationship, you should let the other

(41:14):
person do whatever the hell they want, is basically my
point of view. I agree with that. It sounds like
Katie's over here shaking her head. You're going to say that, Katie,
do you have anything on your No. I was just
thinking like the freedom to choose, and it was just
it was just really speaking to me. But um, I
think also what you were talking about with the whole

(41:35):
surfing thing, I think that also goes into people's individual
issues with control. There's all I feel like there's a
lot control um problems going on out there that get
put into relationships that kind of um turn it into
that sale place. Yeah, well, I see people who like

(41:55):
to own the other person. And it's like, I mean,
one of the things I, you know, talk about in
the seminars we do relationship done Different is if you
want to train someone get a puppy. It's like, you know,
a woman shouldn't be out there trying to train a
man and imaginould be out there trying to train a woman.
It's like to be in a good relationship, you should
be creating more together, not trying to, you know, tell

(42:17):
the other one what they should be doing. It's like, God,
this person should be a contribution to you. You know,
it should be fun relationship. If that's not the title
off of this episode, if you want to train someone
to get a puppy, then I think we're missing out
because that's that you. I think that one, um, simone,

(42:39):
what do you think are the most common myths of
being in a relationship? Uh, that there is a perfect relationship.
I mean if you guys are obviously in relationship to
you know that there's stuff that you have to work at.
I think you know a lot of especially girls, I'm
going to say, and I can say this because I'm
a female, is you know we tend have this thing

(43:00):
of going, oh, this night in shining armor is going
to come along. And I think there's a difference of
I love being treated like a princess. I love having
doors open for me, I love you know, being treated
um well from a gentleman and yet I'm extremely independent
and have all of that, and it sort of it
adds to my life. But I think if you if

(43:21):
you come across thinking that this man is going to
pick you up and come and save you, it's like,
what do you need saving from? Like that whole you
know movie thing of like someone completes you. It's like, no,
you should wake up in the morning complete and then
have fun with somebody else. So I think the myths
are that there's a perfect relationship out there. There's a
perfect man, there's a perfect woman. I mean, perfection is

(43:41):
based on the judgment, so you know, and it doesn't
allow anyone to change. So that's you know, there's no
perfect there's no perfect relationship at all. Well, I think
a lot of what you're saying to uh and currect
me if I'm wrong. Obviously, it requires both people in
that relationship to have an identity of their own, like
Harvey's interests, whatever it might be. Because that way you're

(44:02):
able to kind of get out do your thing, allow
your partner to explore their interests in hobbies as well,
maybe come together to them every once in a while
as well, but not necessarily inhibit the other person from
doing what they're interested in doing, right, Yeah, absolutely. And
what I get is when you allow the other person
to go and do whatever you say want, it's like
they're happier. So then when they come and meet up
with you, it's like you have more fun. I mean,

(44:24):
I don't want to spend seven with somebody in relationship.
I like, you know, creating and doing what I do.
And then you meet up with someone like whether it's
at the end of the night or the weekend, like
whatever relationship you're choosing. But then it's more it's just like, oh, yeah,
I get to see them. You know. It's the enthusiasm
and excitement you get to share something with them, but
not everything that would drive me crazy personally. It's funny

(44:45):
because you keep talking about listen, they keep relating it.
I'm sure all of us are relating it back to
our own relationship as you continue to talk about it,
And I'm like, yeah, I told my girlfriend. I was like, yeah,
I'm gonna go skiing tomorrow. I'm going to stay up
on the mountain. And then they got start having the
next day and she goes, okay, cool, I'll see you
on Wednesday. Then I was like, oh yeah, it's great.
Like obviously, like you're saying, you want your person to
go out have fun and they come back, and when
they come back and see you, they're even happier than

(45:05):
you know they would be able to have they not
done what they wanted to do. Yeah, yeah, and I
see the main thing why people don't do that is trust.
And it's like, you know what, You've got to have
trust in relationship because your girlfriend, you know, it could go, oh,
he's going off and he's gonna, you know, meet someone,
blah blah blah. And it's like, if you have that
point of view, then that's what you're going to create.
Whereas if your girlfriend has this point of view like

(45:26):
I'm so happy he's going to go have fun and
I look forward to seeing him on Wednesday, that's a
completely different life and a different reality that you create.
That's right. I love that. Yeah, sorry, I was just thinking,
I was we I think you sent us all in
for a world into our own relationships in our own minds,
and we all kind of started on tangents in our brains. Yeah,

(45:48):
because I saw Jared start to get lost. I'm over
here giggling to myself. I was thinking Dean's gonna laugh
at me so much. I totally understand where you guys
coming from and completely agree, but the practice cality of
it becomes a little more difficult because I understand I'm
a paranoid human being, but we also live in a
scary world, and sometimes, like like you even said, when

(46:10):
you're skiing or going to these things, I'm sure there's
that little fear and Calin to be like, well, what
if something happened and I wasn't there. I don't know.
I know that sounds ridiculous, but a lot of times,
you know, if you know, if Ashley sounds really dumb,
but if she's on a different plane or she's going
somewhere else, it's like I want to be there just
to make sure she's okay. I think that's the feeling

(46:31):
of the control. Maybe it's not that you don't trust her.
You love her and that's why you care, but that's
that control part of you that's like, I want to
be able to control this situation. I don't want anything
that to happen, which is admirable, and Calin probably does
feel a little bit of that, like, oh, well, like
she doesn't hope she doesn't want to not be there
if anything were to happen, but she has to let
it go in her mind because there's nothing she can

(46:52):
do about it. Yeah, I get this feeling when Ashley
goes to the grocery store. I can only imagine how
Klin feels when you're jumping out of planes and skiing
multiple times. So I bought a parachute. It's like sixteen
years old, and she's like not very happy about but
down on the clip side, she's like talking about because
we're so we're traveling through Europe and we're gonna be
in Europe for a week together and then we're going
to meet in Japan and there's like a week in between,

(47:13):
and I'm like, I want you to go off in
Europe and explore on your own. And she's kind of
on that same note where she's like a bit concerned
about like safety and all that kind of stuff. She's like,
I don't know if I feel safe walking the streets
of London, etcetera. I'm like, well, you're you can't really
think of things that way, right, Like you don't want
to think of that bad things happening to Ashley, And
I'm sure she doesn't want to think of bad things happening.
You are Klin and me or Chris and Katie. So
I don't know. It's just like I think it's kind

(47:34):
of one of the things we have to push it
out of your head and be like, all right, well
you're just gonna go do your own thing and I'll
see you want to see you. You are Tom Cruise. Man.
I wish I could be like anyway, someone, I'm sorry
for us to go on that little tangent um you
talked about. So your book relationship, are you sure you
want one? Which is available now? Um? You talk about

(47:55):
December being dump month, which I did not know that.
I thought it was coughing season. I thought it was
too But dump month is great. I know we did.
We were on TV yesterday in Australia about this. It's like, well,
apparently it's not my statistic, but apparently it's a statistic
out there. And my guess is that. I mean, I
don't know about you guys, but coming up to Christmas

(48:17):
and the New Year, it's like all of those things
that are made so significant. I guess that's the time
of view that you start to go, M do I
really want to introduce them to all my friends and family.
Do I you know what gift do I have to
get them? And maybe it might be easier if this
is not fun to uh to quit this relationship. Now
that's my guest. Yeah, I was actually thinking from I

(48:38):
was thinking maybe it's coughing season, but right as the
season's ending, it's December eleventh, dump month. It's so crazy
to actually have a date. Sunday, December eleventh is the
date couples are most likely to break up. Well, this
year it's Wednesday, but what I say Sunday? I'm sorry?
So this Wednesday, December eleven is the date couples are
most likely to break up. Digital statistics looked at data

(49:01):
for Facebook, analyzing thousands of messages looking for signs of breakups.
That's insane, isn't that? I don't like that? Was that
not data mining from Facebook being able to analyze predate?
And that's that's not here. No, that's a whole another
conversation everything, But Sione, So why is that? It's because
people are concerned about introducing their significant other to their

(49:23):
family or what is it exactly? I think? So, I mean,
that's that's quite confronting too. And and also the gift
and all things like that. So I think it's a
bit confronting. So that's that's my gift probably just what
it is. So the gift. I think the gift is
a big, a big part of it too. I'm over
here thinking what am I supposed to get Kalin for Christmas?
I'm going to ask you that to worry about it.

(49:43):
I think that it's also partly like not even just
it's the family, because you're analyzing or evaluating what's important
in your life and if that person fits into that category. Yeah, yeah,
And can I just give a hint on gifts, yes? Please.
The first gift, the first gift at Brendan, who I
wrote the book with ever gave me was a barbecue

(50:04):
and I looked at him and it was like, that's
not what you get and a kind of mine actually
got he said we I said, what are you getting
your girlfriend? And he goes, or she wants a vacuum cleaner,
when I went, no, no, no, no, no no no,
she needs a vacuum cleaner, but that is not what
you buy her as a gift. I've got so far
as I've got so far picked out as a sweet
T shirt but I know I need to get more

(50:26):
that it's a cool T shirt. I think you should
get her vacuum cleaner, a T shirt and a vacuuminger
and laundry vacum the van um simone. A lot of
people who listen to the podcast have trouble moving on
from an X or figuring out how to move on
from the next army Um, So can you kind of

(50:46):
shed some light on that and maybe give some ways
how somebody may be able to move on from the
next or be able to read signs that next is
moving on from them. Yeah, and I'm not sure if
you guys know that, but like Friendon and I wrote
the book together, but we actually broke up as we
were releasing the book. We didn't do it intentionally, but
that's when we broke up. So it's been interesting because

(51:08):
we did it in the in the limelight like of
breaking up and one of the things that he broke
up with me and I definitely did that like, oh
my goodness, you know Trump and drama. I'm shocked, and
when I actually took a moment to have a look
at it, like it takes two people to create a
relationship and also takes two people to end it and
I and I started to look at the relationship and
when you know what, you're right, it's like, it hasn't

(51:30):
been that much fun in the past eight months, not
as fun as what it was like we were. It
was sort of slipped into this maintenance. And what I
noticed too is I didn't you know, when you when
you you're with someone and you haven't seen them in
a few days, when you get home and you're you're
just so excited to see them. That wasn't occurring as much.
I was actually desiring my own company more and I

(51:51):
still adoring, still like him, et cetera. But I noticed
that that started to change. So if that starts to change,
then maybe you might want to look at something different.
And it's quite it's quite a full on choice to
make to break up relationship, especially if it's been long term.
But can I tell you, it's like everything's going to
end up greater. Like right now, we're really good friends,
we work together. You know, he's um, he's got a

(52:13):
new girlfriend. It's like I started seeing someone else and
it's it's definitely our life are expanding, like life always
gets better. And the one piece that I want to
take here. If whoever, um you know, breaks up the relationship,
it's breaking up the relationship, not with you. It's not personal,
Like you are not less than And they see so
many people go to what did I do wrong? What

(52:34):
did I do this? And it's like, no, the relationship
is broken up. You are not less than and you're
not wrong. It's like, you know, and what else can
you do to move on? Like and you know what,
it's I guess not go to the wrongest of you
is the first thing. And then as a friend of mine,
you've got to get You've got to get under someone
to get over someone. No, it's not a good a

(52:57):
bad suggestion. Uh is that kind of a recipe for disaster? Though?
If you're writing a book with your boyfriend called relationship,
are you sure you want one the only one to No,
it's like, I mean, the thing was, we we had
a great relationship and a lot of people because we
travel around the world with Access Consciousness doing these seminars,

(53:18):
and a lot of people would ask us questions about,
you know, how we created this. So we ended up
doing some some telecalls on etcetera. And you know, being
getting really vulnerable and answering a whole lot of questions
and and talking about the tools that we use. So
that's what's in the book relationship Are You Sure you
Want One? And we looked at you know what do
we want to call it? And we wanted people to
be in question because we were in question every day.

(53:40):
So it did get to the pace, but it was like, Okay,
do we actually want this? No? All right, so what
else is possible? So so yeah, maybe we're actually working
on a second book called Breaking Up Is Easy Ish
Experiences exactly. Yeah, well I'm hoping you change the title

(54:00):
of the sequel to surprise we're getting back together. But
you know what, everybody else wants that joke? Wait? Sorry
what flat blacked out for a second, just stared and
I thought it was pretty funny. Apparently not. So No,
you're a romantic. Yeah, sometimes I would go with your

(54:24):
romantic Yeah, I agree, I agree, Yeah, I agree. Yeah, Jared,
you are like a living boy band member. It's amazing. Thanks, guys,
don't build me up too much. Similar. So, besides the
book Relationships, Are You Sure you Want One? Where else
can we find either your work, your literature, you on
social media? All that kind of stuff. I'm on every

(54:44):
social media thing and it's Simone Melissa's so it's s
I M O N E M I L A S
A s dot com is my website and that's on
Instagram as well, et cetera. And you can also go
to relationship Are you Sure you Want one? Dot com?
And it's the whole really sunny videos. Friend of the
Hand done too because quoting blog it's just like, you know,

(55:06):
let's get real kids, like what's what's actually going on
in sex and relationships? So that's out there. It's free
to end an access conscience dot com. Poll out the
places you can find me. We love it, suck army
if you want to get more of Simone and be
sure to check her out on any of those platforms. Simone,
thank you so much. You're awesome. Thank you, Thank you.
Hi guys, so jed. Now that we're off the phone

(55:27):
of Smone, I's got one question for you. I have
an answer, hopefully, relationships. Are you sure you want one?
Shouldn't we all ask that? Right now? We're all relationships people. Okay,
Katie's engaged. You're in a very high profiled relationship. You
don't want to get married, he's married. Why are you
deflecting this question? I very much. You want to be
in a relation. All right, That's all we needed to hear.

(55:47):
Let's take a break and want jump to some user emails.
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(01:00:13):
help us like a dating We're gonna wrap this episode up,
but before we do, Mark has told me that I
have a listener email. Well, Maria wants to know what
you're reading and the quizzes you're taking to prep for
this show. She thinks it's great that you do that.
All the background you do on the guests. You read
their books in advance, you homework on them, you google them,
you do all your to be fairly read Amanda's book.
But You've been commended for this in the past because

(01:00:34):
I do believe you prepare more than any of our
other hosts for these podcasts. Present Company included and what
you're prepared? What's your name again? Sorry? Who are you? So?
She wants listeners to be able to have backgrounds on
the guests like a book club, Like you could give
them the name of the guests in advance and that
they could go do their own thing. They can read
the book, they can ask their own questions. I would

(01:00:55):
DM the suggestion, she says, but I don't know social
media because I'm not cool enough. And also anonymous emails
are all from Easton, Right, that's what she said. That's
pretty funny, pretty funny. So tell us about your prep
for the show. How do you do it? I mean
your process. So I sit down on Monday morning about
eight thirty with a cup of coffee and Lois in

(01:01:15):
my lap, and I look at today's schedule and most
of its me recording ads for Ashley, but that usually
doesn't start to eleven because she likes to sleep until
about And then I'll google some of the names that
have been sent to me. For example, John Kim, the
anchor therapist. Just pop that in the old Google search,
do a couple of websites, watch a couple of interviews,
see how he interacts with people, See some of the

(01:01:37):
questions that people have asked before him. Uh. Then I
usually text Dean to wake him up, make sure he's
going to be here on time. And I'm kidding that
that part never happens. You want to think about that,
I know? Uh? And then uh no, it's just just
google the guys and write down some questions and make
sure I have some idea of what the hell I'm

(01:01:58):
talking about. That's really it. But I appreciate the listener
email the challenging thing about tell talking about our future
guests on the current podcast is sometimes we don't have
all our guests scheduled until a couple of days before
the podcast. But I could do it afterwards, maybe post
something on to help us, like a data Instagram and
say hey if you guys, especially on the story, or
something being like hey, John Kim, this is where you
can find his book Instagram, almost like this is the

(01:02:20):
teaser to what they can. Then I really do think
she's your venture. Maybe you should start running the Instagram
page just a little bit better. Just my take. Excuse me,
since I'm taken over, we've gained like four thousand followers. Okay,
I do want to give one big thank you too.
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I love to kaya Yeah. Anyways, beyond Takaya, beyond Jared,
beyond Katie Mark and Easton, we would love to extend
a big thank you to you Suck Army, the ones

(01:03:25):
that make this podcast possible. Big thank you to Suck Army.
You guys rock. I think we need a louder sound
effect for the Sucker Army. It's it's it's hard to hear.
I'm waiting for comes in. We're gonna be rolling full cylinders.
What does that actual sound of Those are section cups
from when cupping was a was a popular thing. It

(01:03:46):
still is pretty popular. I mean, but they were like
older rage the Olympics, like back, yeah, well that's that's
cupping all right, Well, Suck Army, you're now cuppings. Now
we're all sucking together. Anyways, thank you, I don't know,
thank you again for listening. This week's episode of Help
I Suck at Dating thanks to Katie. Be sure tuning
next week because Katie will be in studio with us

(01:04:08):
for the entire duration of that episode as well to
close out two nine. Be sure to tune in then,
when maybe we will suck a little bit less. Follow
Help I Suck At Dating with Dean Anglert on I
Heart Radio or subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts.