Did We Get New-Coked?

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Scott. I'm Scott Vorhees and I will be Scott Vorhees
for the next couple of hours, though I don't know
that I'll always be the best version of Scott Vorhees.
But historically it's not a real high bar. Lucy Chapman
is right there. Lucy, do you remember where you were
yesterday when you heard it was yesterday? You don't remember

(00:26):
where you were yesterday? No, when you heard the two
bits of the most earth shattering news that ever shattered earth?

Speaker 2 (00:34):
That must be why I forgot which was.

Speaker 1 (00:37):
The bigger news yesterday that Taylor and Travis were engaged,
or that Cracker Barrel had changed its logo back.

Speaker 2 (00:46):
Wow, you're gonna have to set the bar a little higher.

Speaker 1 (00:49):
I refuse to set the bar any higher. Like the
guy running from mayor in New York, I can't lift
the bar.

Speaker 2 (00:58):
I don't think either one was unexpected.

Speaker 1 (01:04):
I'm very happy for Taylor Swift and Travis Kelsey. Good
for them? Why because I don't know. I like seeing
people happy. They look like they're hand.

Speaker 2 (01:10):
So they're happy.

Speaker 1 (01:12):
They look why wouldn't they be?

Speaker 2 (01:14):
It'd be arranged? Yeah, does that happen a lot arranged marriages?

Speaker 1 (01:18):
I'm leaving you, well, what if we get married? Why
five you're asking that, I'll say, yes, why I'm asking? Wait?

Speaker 2 (01:24):
Were they going to split up?

Speaker 1 (01:26):
I don't know. I'm just saying I I I said
they got engaged. I said they seemed happy. You're like,
what makes you think they're happy?

Speaker 2 (01:33):
Well?

Speaker 1 (01:33):
What have they got engaged? And it's just been miserable
ever since? They're just minutes away from breaking up. I'm
sure that happens. Oh my my, I have an eighteen
year old daughter. In terms of earth shattering news, yesterday
was a big deal. Oh mg, o MG, Taylor's engaged. Yeah,

(01:56):
that's how. That's how I found out. I knew right
where I was. I was sitting right here. Actually I
think it was across the hall. But uh, that the cracker.

Speaker 2 (02:05):
Barrel thing is that where they're getting married.

Speaker 1 (02:08):
You know, wouldn't be terribly surprised. No, I I wish
them all the best? Why not? I don't care? I
mean it shows, I mean I'm good for them. Some
people have like a really extreme negative reaction to it,

(02:29):
like like, did they bothering you? Are they asking you
to host the wedding reception in your backyard? Is the rehearsal,
dinner in your in your dining room. Like some people
act like they're really put off by all this. I
tear that person that releases music getting married to that
person who catches footballs. This shouldn't be allowed to happen.

(02:52):
Can't Trump do something like what what's the matter with you?
I think I'm the cracker barrel thing? Though, yes, I
wonder if we didn't just get new Coked. I think
we got new Coked. In case you are not of
age to remember, circa nineteen eighty five, Coke said we've

(03:18):
got a new blend of Coca Cola and you're gonna
love it. And people drank it and said who urinated
into this can? It was just it would did not
go over well. No one liked it. They tried to
make it more like pepsi. Also, if you're not of
age to remember all of this, you might think, why

(03:39):
was Coke trying to be like pepsi? Coke is a
lot better than pepsi, and it seems like everyone drinks
coke rather than pepsi. Not in nineteen eighty five. It
was a different time. Everyone loved them some pepsi. There's
nothing wrong with pepsi. Coke's better. But I didn't know
that in nineteen eighty five because Michael Jackson wasn't drinking coke.

(03:59):
The tailor, In case you're not of age to remember,
Michael Jackson was the Taylor Swift of the eighties. Oh okay,
now we get it.

Speaker 2 (04:07):
No, no, no, yeah, they were no same thing. No,
I'm not talking about that. Taylor Swift is not. Yeah,
she is Michael Jackson of the twenty twenties.

Speaker 1 (04:18):
Who's the biggest music star in the world right now?

Speaker 2 (04:23):
Fine?

Speaker 1 (04:23):
Wait, I can wait until you come up with a
better answer. But whatever, Fine, I'm not talking about talent.

Speaker 2 (04:28):
Oh okay, I'm not.

Speaker 1 (04:29):
Talking about how great, how great all the songs are.
I'm just.

Speaker 2 (04:35):
I'm just mad because I've never gotten to go to
a concert.

Speaker 1 (04:39):
A Taylor Swift concert. Oh, I'm furious. My daughter wanted
nothing more in this world than to go to a
Taylor Swift concert. And I thought, well, I'll be super
awesome dad, and we'll get some tickets to the Taylor
Swift show and we'll go.

Speaker 2 (04:50):
How that go?

Speaker 1 (04:50):
How hard can that be? I've always been able to
like as soon as ticketmaster says all right, ten am
on Friday, tickets go on sale. I'm right there, I
get tickets. Never once have I been shout out for
tickets until Taylor, and apparently every based on social media,
every other teenage girl in the world got to go.
Some of their parents are like, We're gonna go see
Taylor in Paris. I'm thinking, what kind of unrealistic expectations

(05:15):
are you setting up for your kid? But you know
my rule on that, I'll ruin my kids' lives. You
ruin your kids' lives. There's just different levels of doing it.
You chose to spend a whole bunch of money. I
chose to spend zero money. Oh sure I could have.
There was actually an almost legitimate conversation in my house.

(05:38):
There are resale tickets available to see Taylor Swift and
I think it was New Orleans or Phoenix, I don't remember.
And they're a bazillion dollars apiece. Should we just do it?
Should we just bite the bullet and say, hey, hey,
this is kind of a family vacation. And then I
talked to my wife and said, you and our daughter

(05:58):
can go to the concert and me and boy, you'll
go find a basketball hoop and we'll just make it
our family vacation. And we discussed it almost realistically for
about thirty seconds. Still we said, wait, how much of
the ticke? I'm not spending this much money on a
concert ticket, the dumbest thing I've ever heard. No, we'll
see you gone down yet She's not on tour right now, Lucy,

(06:20):
please try to keep up.

Speaker 2 (06:23):
I will think at some point those ticket braces have
got to come down because people are starting age.

Speaker 1 (06:28):
They will, they will, and that's what That's how we
ended that conversations. I'll take my daughter to see Taylor Swift,
not anytime soon, in about ten to twelve years, when
she's all washed up. She's had like three or four
Kelsey babies, each of them born with a full beard,
even the girls, and she's like, I'm going back on tour,

(06:49):
and like, at that point you'll be Britney Spears, not
nineteen ninety nine, Britney Spears, twenty nineteen Britney Spears, and
Britney Spears is like I'm dancing around in the nude
with a snake and going on tour and people are
like hard pass. That's the Taylor Swift. I'll take my
kid to see I'll get free tickets from the radio

(07:09):
station for that one.

Speaker 2 (07:10):
You get free tickets from a gas station.

Speaker 1 (07:12):
She'll be up there going I stay up too late.
Got nothing in my brain. That's what people say, Like,
why is Travis Kelsey saying, oh wait, that is Taylor
I'm trying to talk about cracker barrel?

Speaker 2 (07:27):
Sorry?

Speaker 1 (07:29):
We got no, we got new coked. So Coke said
here's a new coke and people tried it and they said,
this is terrible. I would rather someone with a ut
I do I need to continue this one? They said, no,
we don't want it now. Coke was faced with sorry,

(07:51):
was that a little took? All right? I know where
I was using it. Coke's faced they were at the
cross roads. Should we double down on this and say, look,
you're gonna drink this. We spent a bunch of money.
There's research and development and marketing we got I don't

(08:12):
know whoever is the like a like a C grade
star in nineteen eighty five to tell people to drink coke.
Who would that have been? We got Richard Griico to
tell people to drink He probably wasn't even a thing
in eighty five. It's probably a couple years too early.
I couldn't think of anyone else. We got Rick D's

(08:35):
to tell people, wow, you know in that disco duck
voice and uh and we're like, we spent a bunch
of money on this, and you're gonna drink it. You know,
we're not gonna admit that we're wrong. Coke could have
gone down that road, or they could have said, you
know what, we heard your voices. We saw the people
chucking cases of new coke into the dumpster, and we thought,

(08:59):
you know, let's give the people what they want, original coke.
And I think they put that on the bottles and cans,
bottles and cans. Just clap your hands, just clap your hands. Sorry,
there's your nineties music reference for the segment of the
radio program. It's beck.

Speaker 2 (09:12):
Uhh.

Speaker 1 (09:13):
So they said original coke and people were like, this
is the most delicious thing I've ever had in my life,
even though a month ago, a month before that, you
couldn't pay them to drink it. But there was a
whole big thing with new coke. It it landed miserably.

(09:34):
Everyone was making fun of it. And then people tried
the original coke and said, I actually like this. I
wonder if Cracker Barrel used all of that as a
marketing strategy. Let's tell people that we're changing the logo.
We're taking the old timer off of the logo. We're changing.

(09:55):
Are they still changing the peg game? That's the thing
that got me more than anything. Don't change the peg game.
If you leave three pegs on the triangle, you are
an egg, no ray, moose. You need to be mocked.
It's just fun, you know. And you know if you
leave two on there, you're just playing stupid. That's what

(10:16):
the game told you. Game mocked you. It held a
mirror up to your stupid face and showed you how
stupid it was. And people were like, I don't feel
good about myself after playing this game, and Cracker Barrel said,
we'll change it. Hey, you're great just the way you are.
You keep trying. Even though you tried to put one

(10:37):
peg from where it was into an empty hole and
you accidentally stabbed yourself in the left eye, You're still
doing great. Nothing wrong with you. And that's kind of
where our society is going. We're telling everyone how great
they are all the time, and then they realize they're
not and they can't handle it, and they end up

(10:58):
getting all whacked out on drug hugs. Happens every time.
So Cracker Barrel says, let's tell people we're changing everything.
I'd like a chicken fried steak, Well, we don't have
that anymore, but we can serve you the rind of
an sie berry with a smoothie. Is the smoothie at

(11:22):
least fifty percent gravy? No, it's zero percent gravy. Welcome
to Cracker Barrel. And then they're like, we're also jacking
up prices eighteen thousand percent. And people are like, I
don't think I like this new Cracker Barrel. Do you
still have the rocking chairs there as you go in? No,
as soon as you come up in the parking lot,

(11:44):
we take those rocking chairs and we smash your windshield
with it and say get out, and we kick your
grandma right in the foot and say never come back.
And people are like, I don't know what Cracker Barrel's
problem is. They used to be a nice, welcoming place
with good food. Cracker Barrel said, well that's what we're doing.

(12:05):
And President Trump said, I don't know why you guys
are doing this. Why don't you admit a mistake based
on the customer response and go back to a Cracker
Barrel we all know and loved and occasionally ate at,
and Cracker Barrel yesterday finally said, you know what, it's
a different world now Taylor Swift and Travis Kelsey are
engaged and we're keeping the old logo. And everyone said,

(12:31):
oh thank god, I'd lost so much sleep over the
last four or five nights. Now I can go back
to the life I used to have where I only
once in a while ate at Cracker Barrel. But I
wonder are people like now they've been talking about Cracker

(12:53):
Barrel so much for the last almost week. It's only
been it feels like it's been three years. We've been
enveloped in this national nightmare about Cracker Barrel's logo. I
think this's popped up on Thursday afternoon, so not even
a week, and we've been talking about it so much.
Are people Have they been going into Cracker Barrel more often?

(13:14):
Will they go now that they're like, all right, well, hey,
I like a company that says, hey, we screwed up,
We're sorry about that, stop buying and get some biscuits
and gravy. Are people doing that? Because I want to
I've been talking about Cracker Barrel all week I want
some and it's been two weeks since. I Lord, it's
my confession, it's been two weeks since my last trip

(13:36):
to Cracker Barrel. I might go back in this weekend.
I want to see if it's busy or if there's
just like one ironic twenty three year old hipster in
there saying I don't know what to get on this menu.
I don't know orange juice. It's got a bunch of
pulp in there and bacon, but it's orange juice. Eh.
That's how we do it at Cracker Barrel. That's how

(13:56):
Uncle Herschel did it. They're like, can we put anything
healthy on this menu? And Uncle Herschel's Uncle Herschel said,
between slurring his own name. Uncle Herschel said, I haven't
seen any healthy food in my lifetime that couldn't be
improved with the addition of copious amounts of bacon. And

(14:16):
we're like, wow, Uncle Herschel, I didn't know you knew
the word copious. So are people going in there? Because
if they are, then this is the most brilliant marketing
strategy since New Coke. And maybe that's what they intended
to do in the first place. Maybe I didn't give
that woman with a Lisa Lobe glasses enough credit, making

(14:40):
fun of her and her two last names, saying she
didn't look like someone who eats a cracker barrel. She
might have just knew coked me. So let's let's look
at the toadboard. Cracker barrel just got everyone in the
world talking about cracker barrel. They got bazillions of dollars
in free marketing by announcing we're changing a logo, We're

(15:03):
changing all the signs. How many signs did they change? Zero?
How many advertisements did they buy? Zero? How many bazillions
of dollars in marketing did they get? All of it?
How much money did they spend? Nothing? Not a single

(15:24):
sign was changed. They didn't do anything. They didn't spend
a dime on any of this, And all they've gotten
was people on social media going, oh, I love cracker barrel.
Don't change a thing. Unbelievable. Did we just fall for
a new coke campaign? Good for them, I'm not even

(15:45):
gonna criticize us. We needed something to distract us.

Speaker 2 (15:49):
Well, if they didn't come up with this, they will
take credit for it.

Speaker 1 (15:52):
Yeah, Scott, Have you said everything there is to say
about cracker barrel? Not really one more thing to say
about the cracker barrel situation? What the deal with this
cracker barrel situation? Would say my old friend Jimmy JJ Walker. Well,

(16:18):
there was a bunch of people online. There were a
bunch of people online that said, there are snowflakes. There
are maga Trump loving snowflakes melting over cracker barrel changing
its logo. I wonder how many of them are paying
any attention to, you know, the the holier than now
while we we over here, the more enlightened, non Trump

(16:43):
loving maga snowflakes. We would never lose our minds over
something so trivial. Among the examples I could cite for
you is this one. Apparently, Vanity Fair magazine is kind
of sort of somewhat considering putting the first Lady of

(17:05):
the United States on their cover and doing a story
with her. Is it controversial for a magazine Vanity Fair
or Trump Today or whatever magazine that Boy's Life, you know,
whatever magazine you're thinking of. Is it controversial for a

(17:27):
magazine to do a cover story including a photo of
the First Lady of the United States of America. Well,
since the story leaked out that perhaps Vanity Fair was
doing this. Here is a sampling of what editors and
staffers at Vanity Fair have been posting online. And I

(17:49):
have to change a few words here. Stay with me quote.
I will walk out the flip and flap and door,
and half my staff will follow me. That's what one
editor posted online. Here's another staff member for the magazine quote,
we are not going to normalize this despot and his wife.

(18:12):
We're just not going to do it. We're going to
stand for what's right. If I have to work bagging
groceries at Trader Joe's, I'll do it. If the editorial
director puts Malania on the cover, half of the editorial
staff will walk out. I guarantee it.

Speaker 2 (18:35):
I bet there's a whole bunch of people that would
fill those jobs.

Speaker 1 (18:39):
Here's another one. It's all talk. If they put her
on the cover, people will protest and gripe about it.
But I don't see anyone quitting such a prestigious job
over that. Oh let's see, let's try it. I don't
care whether Malania Trump is on the cover of Vanity
Fair or Tiger be I don't. I'm not probably gonna

(19:02):
buy the magazine, but I do want to see the
flood of angry anti Trump employees walking out because their
magazine did a cover story on the First Lady. Wasn't
Michelle Obama on there every other month?

Speaker 2 (19:19):
I believe she was on there more than once.

Speaker 1 (19:22):
Well, she was a real first Lady. Oh, she's a
real person. She's really helping people. And uh, Milennia Trump
is supporting the worst person, says Hitler. Let's see, Hitler,
in this case, President Trump standing up for Israel and

(19:42):
trying to bring jobs back to downtrodden minority communities. Yeah,
just like Allay it Off would have done, right, I know, right? Soe, Yeah,
people are losing their minds at Vanity Fair magazine over
the thought that the First Lady might be on the magazine.

(20:03):
President Trump heard this and decided to send the National
Guard into Vanity Fairs offices. Scottvoyes Mornings nine to eleven,
Our News Radio eleven ten k F A B