July 23, 2025 • 18 mins
Narc Week, News Headlines, How much is that nerd crap? & More!
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
I go to go close out of a zoom app
and what do I see? I see my boss's still
on camera laying on the ground. Put the snows out,
and there was a stranger she was rubbing on them
in the Woody Show. Is anybody watching any of the
Shark week stuff? No, I've never been interested in that. Yeah.
(00:24):
I used to be, and it'd be addicted to me.
Speaker 2 (00:26):
Yeah, which is weird because when I was a kid,
I wanted to be an oceanographerstell and stuff like that,
Like I would know like all different types of whales
and dolphins and stuff, but I forgot all of it.
Speaker 1 (00:39):
I would like to do one of those swimming with
shark things, like not in the cage, in the cage,
not outside the cage, but like just in a in
the cage they drop it down like hoop right, like
putting the cagedrop them down, like watch the sharks swim around. Yeah,
that'd be that'd be cool. Yeah, Greg you hell, you
guys can hold even in the cage. No way. Don't
(01:03):
they like head butt those pretty hard? Yeah?
Speaker 3 (01:05):
I mean but you're in a big metal cage. No
one died of a shark head butt?
Speaker 1 (01:12):
Yeah, yeah, I think it, it'd be kind of cool.
I don't know. Do you have to survive a shark attack?
That's one of the new ones they have this year
for Shark Week. You can check that out with that.
Do you need to know how to do scuba diving stuff?
I don't think historical four feet underground. I understand why
did it because you can do like like a helmet diving.
Have you ever done helmet diving? No, but I want to. Yeah,
(01:33):
helmet diving is really cool. I did it once in
Hawaii where they It looks like one of those big
old timey scuba like dome helmet things, and it's really
heavy and it sits on your shoulders. And so have
you ever taken a cup, like an empty cup, turn
it upside down and pushed underwater? Yeah, that buckets and
(01:56):
the pool and then you would breathe under there, And
it's the same idea. So, because in the cup it
doesn't fill with water, the pressure keeps the water out right,
and so it's the same thing with helmet diving. So
you go down and it's not super deep, it's deep
enough where like you're pretty good. Yeah, I would say
like probably like twenty thirty feet oh damn. Maybe down
(02:17):
and you're standing on the on the floor. Yeah, and
you have in this case, we're just feeding fish and baby.
But you breathe inside the big dome helmet. Oh that's cool. Yeah,
so your head's completely dry, but you don't have like
a full scuba suit on. Yeah, it's the same idea
because when they lower you in the water, the pressure
(02:37):
of it keeps the water from filling the mask or
the helmet part up. It's like, yeah, it's called helmet diving.
Look on YouTube. It was a lot of fun. That
was actually really cool. And how do you go back up?
Speaker 4 (02:47):
Like it doesn't fill with water when you go back
up to the.
Speaker 1 (02:49):
Surface, they bring you back up. You know, they can
bring you back up. You can also get out of that.
It's not difficult. It wouldn't be difficult to get out
of it.
Speaker 4 (02:57):
But and then in a long time ago, we did
swing snooba, which is like a cross between snorkel and scuba,
and there's this like kayak thing that has oxygen in
it and you take the hose and put it in
your mouth and you kind of swim underneath to the kayaka.
Speaker 1 (03:11):
Yeah, I saw this apparatus that they use for different
things where it's like a big kind of tube and
it goes down and it clears out. It goes all
the way down to like the floor of the ocean, right,
and it clears it out so you can just walk
around there. It looks like they're inside of a space station.
Have you seen that.
Speaker 2 (03:30):
Yeah, they do like recovery missions.
Speaker 1 (03:32):
Yeah. Yeah, they find all this stuff and souse it
pulls all the water out of It's like you're walking
on the ocean floor. Yes, it's really cool. I would
like to see that too.
Speaker 3 (03:42):
I'm watching some some helmet diving and Cosmo and this
one lady is really fat and it's funny, but it
was a cool experience.
Speaker 1 (03:49):
Yeah, and that was a really cool way to feed
the fish. Snorkling I think is kind of boring, but yeah,
the helmet diving thing was pretty cool. I have done.
It's got a hot name, helmet diving.
Speaker 5 (03:58):
Yeah, I have done putting hoses in your mouth, that's right,
it's getting hot.
Speaker 2 (04:04):
The cirkly thing I've done before. And I found like
hundreds of dollars in the water.
Speaker 1 (04:09):
Yeah. They think it was like maybe a drug deal
thing snorkel.
Speaker 2 (04:13):
Yeah, No, I just saw like you just waving at me,
and I was like, it's money.
Speaker 1 (04:19):
Well, shark week on Discovery, it is narc Week here
on The Woody Show, Agent Sebastian or cart and arc
in each day this week.
Speaker 3 (04:27):
And who do we have here today? Well we have
Today's theme is vote for your favorite excuse. This was
inspired because just yesterday afternoon, I was running around doing
my patrols and I got a brand new to me excuse.
Even after thousands and thousands of cart narking encounters, this
guy hit me with this one right here.
Speaker 1 (04:44):
Oh that's not.
Speaker 6 (04:45):
Where the car goes, that's the walkway.
Speaker 1 (04:48):
Usually I do, but why not?
Speaker 2 (04:50):
Now?
Speaker 1 (04:52):
Oh eggs?
Speaker 3 (04:52):
So are they gonna go bad?
Speaker 6 (04:53):
With an extra fifteen seconds?
Speaker 1 (04:54):
He come on, all right, you get a magnet because
I had eggs, eggs because you've never bought perishables before.
And I'll give this guy credit.
Speaker 3 (05:04):
He just kind of he just he was nice and
he's kind of drove off, but he was really insistent
that his eggs had to get home by the way
from a warehouse club. So he spent all kinds of
time walking miles and miles coming out to his car,
which another half mile.
Speaker 1 (05:16):
And then your legs break. Okay, so let me ask
you a questions. So, if you get fresh eggs, those
don't have to be refrigerated. Well, no one sells fresh
eggs and no. But what I'm saying so is because
they're pasteurized or whatever, they got to refrigerate them. Right, sure, No,
I'm asking fresh. They don't have to be Yeah a
wick or basket on your cattle at basket yeah, right
(05:40):
next to that lit like butter dish shape like a
like a rooster or something.
Speaker 3 (05:45):
All right, So you vote number one or just vote
egg if you think egg was your favor is your
favorite excuse for a while you can't return your shopping cart.
Now I pulled some of my favorites from uh the
cart and arks get a great uh text here the
narchive the Narco, including this all time one, which was
this is the lady who had pelted me with several
drinks and then tried to pepper spray me.
Speaker 1 (06:03):
But this is why she couldn't return her card. Okay,
So we're trying to figure out which is the best
excuse for your faith. All right, So we have egg,
I have eggs, right, that's one. Now here's number two.
You dick I'm just.
Speaker 3 (06:13):
Pointing out what it.
Speaker 1 (06:14):
Don't hit me. I'm not gonna hit you and take
your glasses. I'm gonna throw them in the ground.
Speaker 6 (06:17):
Well that's left and uh but ye is that the
yeah taking my stuff and destroying his theft.
Speaker 1 (06:22):
Well and sitting here and being an asshole.
Speaker 3 (06:25):
And pointing out when you were being lazy, He's like lazy.
Speaker 1 (06:28):
I'm not being lazy. I'm hurting. I have an autistic
daughter I take care of and I have a disability.
Goes out there yourself, cart arc who's by the way,
not president at the time. Okay, we quick get home.
Speaker 3 (06:42):
I guess you can walk all around again, a big store,
climb in and out.
Speaker 1 (06:45):
And if it's that big of an emergency war, are
you just out shopped chase me for five or six minutes?
So we have I have eggs, and we also have
I have an autistic daughter. It's all about having something right.
Speaker 3 (06:55):
Right, right right well, and you know she pulls that
card out at her of course. Now this is when
the worst defender of all time, Doctor Phil.
Speaker 1 (07:03):
Got jerk. So at one point for newer to the show,
Doctor Phil, back when he had his regular TV show
on the Network Television where he went bankrupt before he
went loser, did an entire episode on Sea Bass and
the cart Arcs even had Sea Bass' mom on the
episode of the Most Shocking Hours of Television and he
actually read a letter from that lady you just heard from.
Speaker 3 (07:25):
And then Doctor Phil came at me with this very
original and very appropriate excuse.
Speaker 7 (07:30):
All right, I'm aware that there are other problems in
society that might be slightly more pressing, like Homelessnesssi.
Speaker 3 (07:38):
No no, no, no, no no no no no, no no, no,
you who are clapping for that went and fed people
at a homeless soup kitchen this morning.
Speaker 7 (07:45):
Zero, I thought, so wow, no, no, no, okay, So
you can text three for doctor Phil or homeless people
is his excuse, and.
Speaker 5 (07:57):
You can say that to him himself. You know, you
could be doing something better, or they're hosting the show.
Speaker 1 (08:01):
Why are you hosting a show talking to me? You're
wasting all this time? Yes, okay, I'm putting people out
of work. So we're going through some of the better
excuses that the Sea Bass has encountered in his time
doing all the cart knarking. I have eggs, I have
an autistic daughter, Doctor Phil, you could be doing something
there almost time, like feeding homeless people.
Speaker 3 (08:19):
And this next guy, by the way, so I put
a magnet on his car. He's not driving the car.
His wife, who's in the pas the driver's seat, could
have taken the car back, as could he have because
I saw him leave the car.
Speaker 1 (08:29):
This is his excuse. You ever heard of the disabled
person who's legally blind?
Speaker 3 (08:32):
Mother?
Speaker 1 (08:33):
Is that what you do? Certainly? Of course I have. Yeah,
that's me. How'd you see the magnet? How'd you see
the magnet? Legally blind? Oh? That means I'm legally blind
and I can see you.
Speaker 3 (08:46):
I can throw the magnet on the ground, but my
wife can't return the shop.
Speaker 1 (08:49):
But I can't leave cart corral. There's a lot I
can do. There's certain things I can't.
Speaker 3 (08:55):
This hit me from the passenger seat, yeah, which mean
worse here than the driver's seat.
Speaker 1 (08:59):
I guess. Still all right, all right, so legally.
Speaker 3 (09:01):
Blind, that's your option number four for excuses number five.
This lady right here who is again are yelling at me,
arguing me for three four, five minutes because there's something
else again, not with her, but somewhere else.
Speaker 1 (09:12):
Okay, make sure you put your card away because they're
from a loser hero named Cartnarks.
Speaker 3 (09:17):
And this lady put her cart right here where doesn't belong.
Speaker 1 (09:19):
So don't be like this lady. Take your card back,
Rip alongs winter in life. No, I have a newborn
baby on loan. I'm just waiting to go home too. Well,
so is your baby like on life support?
Speaker 6 (09:28):
You went out shopping you Well, I wouldn't use.
Speaker 1 (09:31):
That kind of language. Man, I'm number one, number two.
Speaker 6 (09:33):
Please call our hotline number and we can teach you
about responsibility so your baby doesn't grow up to be
lazy bones like yourself.
Speaker 3 (09:41):
So she's waiting to go home to her newborn baby. Again,
it was totally unattended, right, and apparently it can survive
for you to go to the store, but not long
enough to the store, plus.
Speaker 1 (09:50):
Left out a certain amount of water and food right
was gone.
Speaker 3 (09:55):
Now to the four Greg, she might have put a
piece of plywood over a Actually.
Speaker 1 (10:02):
Yeah, Greg, would baby said children if he was put
in charge? Okay, expaty at home? Okay.
Speaker 3 (10:11):
Number six excuse This is a guy with agent Gabriel
who's a cart Nark's monk. And his excuse was, when
I hear a lot these days right here?
Speaker 1 (10:21):
What does that have to do with anything? So so
I'm talking about the cops. You didn't have to.
Speaker 6 (10:27):
You could have gone to a full stace lane.
Speaker 1 (10:32):
I bet you does at least one. Okay, you're getting
a car a shame.
Speaker 3 (10:35):
So all right, So I had to ring up my
own groceries. So therefore what therefore I don't have to
return my shopping.
Speaker 1 (10:40):
So it doesn't make any sense if you would think
if you have to uh bring up your own groceries,
you should also have to put your own card away.
Speaker 3 (10:49):
Full like do it yourself. I have heard this. This
is this is the one that I've seen creep up
more and more over the years. For some reason, people
get pissed at that, or they're they're post pissed at that,
and they say, that's where I stop.
Speaker 1 (11:01):
Forget that.
Speaker 3 (11:01):
If you have a certain stores you they don't back
your groceries. You go to Costco, they don't.
Speaker 1 (11:05):
Even getting back. Yeah, you find an old box.
Speaker 3 (11:07):
But that that's there. That's their little thing. They got
the back of their head. And when you pump your
own gas at the gas station, you just throw the nozzle.
Speaker 1 (11:12):
On the ground because that's the amount of work I
will do. I did it myself. I've done plenty today.
Speaker 3 (11:18):
Right, that's it. I'm exhausted. Okay, so bag mound groceries
number six.
Speaker 1 (11:22):
Eggs atistic daughter, doctor Phil. I'm trying to keep track,
sort of sort of blind blind. I did the self checkout,
so therefore I can't put the car back. How about
one more? Give me one number seven.
Speaker 3 (11:36):
This is a man who has a I'll give him credit.
He brings up something that has absolutely nothing to do
with the grocery store experience whatsoever.
Speaker 1 (11:44):
All right, No, that's not what the car goes. That's
the curb. So that's the curb. That's not a cart return.
It's better than there. Well that's not also not good.
Speaker 6 (11:54):
But if if your kids told you, hey, they did
it too, you wouldn't listen to them, right, You'd say, oh,
that's a ridiculous excuse.
Speaker 2 (12:00):
If you could go to get the bikes to stop
at stop signs, I follow your.
Speaker 1 (12:05):
Structure, So.
Speaker 3 (12:10):
People are running stop signs on their bicycles, which I
agree sucks.
Speaker 1 (12:15):
I have the power to send you home, young lady. However,
first I need the broomstick. Would that be considered a
straw man theory?
Speaker 3 (12:23):
Well, it's it's the doctor Phil, excuse, it's the homeless thing.
It's sort of yeah, it's I mean, that's not straw man,
because it does exist, but it's fully irrelevant to talking
about Sure, all right, we'll get your voting.
Speaker 1 (12:36):
All right, texture texture vote over to two two ninety seven.
You have the guy said, but I have eggs, right, eggs?
The woman who said, but I have an autistic daughter
at home who wasn't there. Doctor Phil says, you could
be feeding the homeless like he's doing. Oh wait, the
guy who says he can't return his car because he's
legally blind, but not blind enough that he can't do
all the other stuff that he did in the store.
(12:56):
He couldn't push the car out, he could push the
car to the car, but on the way back, other
person using their own kid as an excuse, even though
it wasn't there a newborn baby at home. The guy said, well,
I already did enough work with the self checkout, therefore
I'm not going to return the cart. And now this guy,
if you can get people on the bikes to stop
and stop signs of which one is your favorite excuse
(13:19):
of all the different excuses the cart in our ears.
Another one is that you get a lot. Is the
one like, well, I'm not going to like just leave
my kid in the car and have a chance of
them being kidnapped.
Speaker 7 (13:29):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (13:30):
That well, but that's why I don't even I don't
even approach people when I see kids because I know
that that excuse because you are an instant martyr when
you're when you're a parent.
Speaker 1 (13:38):
Oh, because all the kidnappers are waiting around the corner,
waiting for that one parent who decides to return their
cart and get children, and they just see that opportunity
to think of the children.
Speaker 3 (13:48):
That's why I know, even though they should, I've never well,
I'll even say this.
Speaker 1 (13:52):
Later in the week. I typically never approach people with
kids because of that. All right, Well, go ahead and
text your vote. Which excuse you like? The aked over
to two two nine? What You're gonna do? This is
dark here on the show, Big Decision to make this morning.
It's an interactive voting edition. What You're gonna do? Why,
(14:13):
I'm just pointing out what it don't hit me. I'm
not gonna hit you on the take the glasses. I'm
gonna throw him on the ground.
Speaker 6 (14:17):
Well that's left and uh, but death, Yeah, is that
that y'are taking my stuff and destroying all.
Speaker 1 (14:22):
And sitting here and being.
Speaker 6 (14:24):
An assole and pointing out when you were being lazy.
Speaker 1 (14:27):
He's like, it's crazy. I'm not being lazy. I'm hurting.
Speaker 7 (14:29):
I have an autistic daughter I take care of and
I have a disability.
Speaker 1 (14:33):
Go yourself, I'm cartner. You better make her as ugly
as she was in real life. And you look like
a foot. She was so unattracted. She looks like Joe
Peshy the Woody Show, right the ring. But you were
hearing now now show. I can tell you from the
(14:58):
votes on the text, it seems to be autistic daughter,
doctor Phil and eggs a strong appearance, but the easiest one. Yeah,
those are like the three that are getting the most
votes on the text. As far as the lamist excuse
of the card narks have been given.
Speaker 3 (15:14):
And speaking of eggs menace as a reward for voting,
I'm gonna give you a spicy egg mcmuffins.
Speaker 1 (15:21):
I've been heard, I've been HEARDing about them. Get one.
There's your vote, menace, doctor Phil, Doctor Phil.
Speaker 3 (15:31):
If you can't stop bikes from going through stop signs, yeah,
Greg Gory.
Speaker 5 (15:38):
I think I'm gonna say eggs because I know for
a fact that nanoseconds make all the difference.
Speaker 1 (15:42):
Those eggs will go bad. J immediately lame mist excuse Sammy.
Speaker 3 (15:46):
I'm going with eggs as well, because he was so
calm and I think he actually believed it. I talked
to him a while for that. He's like, dude, I
don't know what to tell you, Like next time, I'll
do it. But these eggs, I mean, he was just.
Speaker 1 (15:59):
Very I mean, they're they're all lame. But the fact
that we have two in here that involved children who
aren't there, plus the whole idea that there are all
these other excuses that people use their kids for, I'm
gonna go with as a combo vote of autistic daughter
and newborn baby.
Speaker 3 (16:14):
It is. It is such a crappy badge that so
many people wear. It's an excuse to do it being
civil to other people.
Speaker 1 (16:19):
What do you think, Yeah, spicy egg McMuffin.
Speaker 2 (16:24):
I feel like I barely get any spice out of it,
and then I get because it's.
Speaker 1 (16:28):
Just a sauce, right, because the sausage itself is not spicy.
Speaker 3 (16:31):
You feel like there's barely bacon or Canadian bacon yeah,
and then I'll get like a large. The heat is present,
it's it's low, it's a two or a three, and
it's McDonald's. You don't expect it to blow your head up. Okay,
here's a better way to explain it. It's not consistent.
Speaker 1 (16:46):
It's probably just a big is it just like a
hot sauce like a tabasco or with a peppers and
it's like a Mayo base. Yeah, yeah, I see. I'd
rather that than just like a regular hots sauce. I'd
rather have like a one like you said, like a
male sauce like that, rather than I don't know, like tabasco,
(17:09):
like just too thin. Yeah, and to it's too pepper
like when I say pepper, I mean like a black
pepper almost Like I don't I agree, I really am leaning.
Speaker 3 (17:20):
I almost only get siracha at home because it's more
of a it's more of a consistent slow burn as
opposed to like that that vinegary tangy.
Speaker 1 (17:28):
All right, So between like, say, for let's talk about
wings gona chicken. Would you rather like a Franks kind
of wing or would you rather more of a you know,
like a more like a buffalo sauce sauce. Yeah, thick
orange Yeah, me too, almost too. I got into a
thing with Ant Chrissy about it, and Chrissy would much
(17:49):
rather than Franks really yeah, and it's like, I don't know,
tracks I think that makes sense, the thickness of it.
Speaker 4 (17:56):
What about like chilula or you know, something with like
the little Mexican flair those wave Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (18:01):
That's fine. Or we go to the place to have
like the little popcorn shrimp almost like a like a
dynamite shrimp. You might see it like at a bonefish
grill or uh, you know California fish grill or you
know those kind of played the the I think is
it called firecracker or the popcorn shrimp something like that. Yeah.
It's like it's like an orange, but it's it's gotta
it's got a heat to it, like a spice. That's good.
(18:22):
Give it to me, yeah eight, what are you giving it?
Minutes on a scale one into five, all right, so
non committal, right right in the middle. Take it or
leave it. I see it on the menu. I just
I just haven't drive it and no one will know. Yeah,
just like just like everything else,
I go to go close out of a zoom app
and what do I see? I see my boss's still
on camera laying on the ground. Put the snows out,
and there was a stranger she was rubbing on them
in the Woody Show. Is anybody watching any of the
Shark week stuff? No, I've never been interested in that. Yeah.
(00:24):
I used to be, and it'd be addicted to me.
Speaker 2 (00:26):
Yeah, which is weird because when I was a kid,
I wanted to be an oceanographerstell and stuff like that,
Like I would know like all different types of whales
and dolphins and stuff, but I forgot all of it.
Speaker 1 (00:39):
I would like to do one of those swimming with
shark things, like not in the cage, in the cage,
not outside the cage, but like just in a in
the cage they drop it down like hoop right, like
putting the cagedrop them down, like watch the sharks swim around. Yeah,
that'd be that'd be cool. Yeah, Greg you hell, you
guys can hold even in the cage. No way. Don't
(01:03):
they like head butt those pretty hard? Yeah?
Speaker 3 (01:05):
I mean but you're in a big metal cage. No
one died of a shark head butt?
Speaker 1 (01:12):
Yeah, yeah, I think it, it'd be kind of cool.
I don't know. Do you have to survive a shark attack?
That's one of the new ones they have this year
for Shark Week. You can check that out with that.
Do you need to know how to do scuba diving stuff?
I don't think historical four feet underground. I understand why
did it because you can do like like a helmet diving.
Have you ever done helmet diving? No, but I want to. Yeah,
(01:33):
helmet diving is really cool. I did it once in
Hawaii where they It looks like one of those big
old timey scuba like dome helmet things, and it's really
heavy and it sits on your shoulders. And so have
you ever taken a cup, like an empty cup, turn
it upside down and pushed underwater? Yeah, that buckets and
(01:56):
the pool and then you would breathe under there, And
it's the same idea. So, because in the cup it
doesn't fill with water, the pressure keeps the water out right,
and so it's the same thing with helmet diving. So
you go down and it's not super deep, it's deep
enough where like you're pretty good. Yeah, I would say
like probably like twenty thirty feet oh damn. Maybe down
(02:17):
and you're standing on the on the floor. Yeah, and
you have in this case, we're just feeding fish and baby.
But you breathe inside the big dome helmet. Oh that's cool. Yeah,
so your head's completely dry, but you don't have like
a full scuba suit on. Yeah, it's the same idea
because when they lower you in the water, the pressure
(02:37):
of it keeps the water from filling the mask or
the helmet part up. It's like, yeah, it's called helmet diving.
Look on YouTube. It was a lot of fun. That
was actually really cool. And how do you go back up?
Speaker 4 (02:47):
Like it doesn't fill with water when you go back
up to the.
Speaker 1 (02:49):
Surface, they bring you back up. You know, they can
bring you back up. You can also get out of that.
It's not difficult. It wouldn't be difficult to get out
of it.
Speaker 4 (02:57):
But and then in a long time ago, we did
swing snooba, which is like a cross between snorkel and scuba,
and there's this like kayak thing that has oxygen in
it and you take the hose and put it in
your mouth and you kind of swim underneath to the kayaka.
Speaker 1 (03:11):
Yeah, I saw this apparatus that they use for different
things where it's like a big kind of tube and
it goes down and it clears out. It goes all
the way down to like the floor of the ocean, right,
and it clears it out so you can just walk
around there. It looks like they're inside of a space station.
Have you seen that.
Speaker 2 (03:30):
Yeah, they do like recovery missions.
Speaker 1 (03:32):
Yeah. Yeah, they find all this stuff and souse it
pulls all the water out of It's like you're walking
on the ocean floor. Yes, it's really cool. I would
like to see that too.
Speaker 3 (03:42):
I'm watching some some helmet diving and Cosmo and this
one lady is really fat and it's funny, but it
was a cool experience.
Speaker 1 (03:49):
Yeah, and that was a really cool way to feed
the fish. Snorkling I think is kind of boring, but yeah,
the helmet diving thing was pretty cool. I have done.
It's got a hot name, helmet diving.
Speaker 5 (03:58):
Yeah, I have done putting hoses in your mouth, that's right,
it's getting hot.
Speaker 2 (04:04):
The cirkly thing I've done before. And I found like
hundreds of dollars in the water.
Speaker 1 (04:09):
Yeah. They think it was like maybe a drug deal
thing snorkel.
Speaker 2 (04:13):
Yeah, No, I just saw like you just waving at me,
and I was like, it's money.
Speaker 1 (04:19):
Well, shark week on Discovery, it is narc Week here
on The Woody Show, Agent Sebastian or cart and arc
in each day this week.
Speaker 3 (04:27):
And who do we have here today? Well we have
Today's theme is vote for your favorite excuse. This was
inspired because just yesterday afternoon, I was running around doing
my patrols and I got a brand new to me excuse.
Even after thousands and thousands of cart narking encounters, this
guy hit me with this one right here.
Speaker 1 (04:44):
Oh that's not.
Speaker 6 (04:45):
Where the car goes, that's the walkway.
Speaker 1 (04:48):
Usually I do, but why not?
Speaker 2 (04:50):
Now?
Speaker 1 (04:52):
Oh eggs?
Speaker 3 (04:52):
So are they gonna go bad?
Speaker 6 (04:53):
With an extra fifteen seconds?
Speaker 1 (04:54):
He come on, all right, you get a magnet because
I had eggs, eggs because you've never bought perishables before.
And I'll give this guy credit.
Speaker 3 (05:04):
He just kind of he just he was nice and
he's kind of drove off, but he was really insistent
that his eggs had to get home by the way
from a warehouse club. So he spent all kinds of
time walking miles and miles coming out to his car,
which another half mile.
Speaker 1 (05:16):
And then your legs break. Okay, so let me ask
you a questions. So, if you get fresh eggs, those
don't have to be refrigerated. Well, no one sells fresh
eggs and no. But what I'm saying so is because
they're pasteurized or whatever, they got to refrigerate them. Right, sure, No,
I'm asking fresh. They don't have to be Yeah a
wick or basket on your cattle at basket yeah, right
(05:40):
next to that lit like butter dish shape like a
like a rooster or something.
Speaker 3 (05:45):
All right, So you vote number one or just vote
egg if you think egg was your favor is your
favorite excuse for a while you can't return your shopping cart.
Now I pulled some of my favorites from uh the
cart and arks get a great uh text here the
narchive the Narco, including this all time one, which was
this is the lady who had pelted me with several
drinks and then tried to pepper spray me.
Speaker 1 (06:03):
But this is why she couldn't return her card. Okay,
So we're trying to figure out which is the best
excuse for your faith. All right, So we have egg,
I have eggs, right, that's one. Now here's number two.
You dick I'm just.
Speaker 3 (06:13):
Pointing out what it.
Speaker 1 (06:14):
Don't hit me. I'm not gonna hit you and take
your glasses. I'm gonna throw them in the ground.
Speaker 6 (06:17):
Well that's left and uh but ye is that the
yeah taking my stuff and destroying his theft.
Speaker 1 (06:22):
Well and sitting here and being an asshole.
Speaker 3 (06:25):
And pointing out when you were being lazy, He's like lazy.
Speaker 1 (06:28):
I'm not being lazy. I'm hurting. I have an autistic
daughter I take care of and I have a disability.
Goes out there yourself, cart arc who's by the way,
not president at the time. Okay, we quick get home.
Speaker 3 (06:42):
I guess you can walk all around again, a big store,
climb in and out.
Speaker 1 (06:45):
And if it's that big of an emergency war, are
you just out shopped chase me for five or six minutes?
So we have I have eggs, and we also have
I have an autistic daughter. It's all about having something right.
Speaker 3 (06:55):
Right, right right well, and you know she pulls that
card out at her of course. Now this is when
the worst defender of all time, Doctor Phil.
Speaker 1 (07:03):
Got jerk. So at one point for newer to the show,
Doctor Phil, back when he had his regular TV show
on the Network Television where he went bankrupt before he
went loser, did an entire episode on Sea Bass and
the cart Arcs even had Sea Bass' mom on the
episode of the Most Shocking Hours of Television and he
actually read a letter from that lady you just heard from.
Speaker 3 (07:25):
And then Doctor Phil came at me with this very
original and very appropriate excuse.
Speaker 7 (07:30):
All right, I'm aware that there are other problems in
society that might be slightly more pressing, like Homelessnesssi.
Speaker 3 (07:38):
No no, no, no, no no no no no, no no, no,
you who are clapping for that went and fed people
at a homeless soup kitchen this morning.
Speaker 7 (07:45):
Zero, I thought, so wow, no, no, no, okay, So
you can text three for doctor Phil or homeless people
is his excuse, and.
Speaker 5 (07:57):
You can say that to him himself. You know, you
could be doing something better, or they're hosting the show.
Speaker 1 (08:01):
Why are you hosting a show talking to me? You're
wasting all this time? Yes, okay, I'm putting people out
of work. So we're going through some of the better
excuses that the Sea Bass has encountered in his time
doing all the cart knarking. I have eggs, I have
an autistic daughter, Doctor Phil, you could be doing something
there almost time, like feeding homeless people.
Speaker 3 (08:19):
And this next guy, by the way, so I put
a magnet on his car. He's not driving the car.
His wife, who's in the pas the driver's seat, could
have taken the car back, as could he have because
I saw him leave the car.
Speaker 1 (08:29):
This is his excuse. You ever heard of the disabled
person who's legally blind?
Speaker 3 (08:32):
Mother?
Speaker 1 (08:33):
Is that what you do? Certainly? Of course I have. Yeah,
that's me. How'd you see the magnet? How'd you see
the magnet? Legally blind? Oh? That means I'm legally blind
and I can see you.
Speaker 3 (08:46):
I can throw the magnet on the ground, but my
wife can't return the shop.
Speaker 1 (08:49):
But I can't leave cart corral. There's a lot I
can do. There's certain things I can't.
Speaker 3 (08:55):
This hit me from the passenger seat, yeah, which mean
worse here than the driver's seat.
Speaker 1 (08:59):
I guess. Still all right, all right, so legally.
Speaker 3 (09:01):
Blind, that's your option number four for excuses number five.
This lady right here who is again are yelling at me,
arguing me for three four, five minutes because there's something
else again, not with her, but somewhere else.
Speaker 1 (09:12):
Okay, make sure you put your card away because they're
from a loser hero named Cartnarks.
Speaker 3 (09:17):
And this lady put her cart right here where doesn't belong.
Speaker 1 (09:19):
So don't be like this lady. Take your card back,
Rip alongs winter in life. No, I have a newborn
baby on loan. I'm just waiting to go home too. Well,
so is your baby like on life support?
Speaker 6 (09:28):
You went out shopping you Well, I wouldn't use.
Speaker 1 (09:31):
That kind of language. Man, I'm number one, number two.
Speaker 6 (09:33):
Please call our hotline number and we can teach you
about responsibility so your baby doesn't grow up to be
lazy bones like yourself.
Speaker 3 (09:41):
So she's waiting to go home to her newborn baby. Again,
it was totally unattended, right, and apparently it can survive
for you to go to the store, but not long
enough to the store, plus.
Speaker 1 (09:50):
Left out a certain amount of water and food right
was gone.
Speaker 3 (09:55):
Now to the four Greg, she might have put a
piece of plywood over a Actually.
Speaker 1 (10:02):
Yeah, Greg, would baby said children if he was put
in charge? Okay, expaty at home? Okay.
Speaker 3 (10:11):
Number six excuse This is a guy with agent Gabriel
who's a cart Nark's monk. And his excuse was, when
I hear a lot these days right here?
Speaker 1 (10:21):
What does that have to do with anything? So so
I'm talking about the cops. You didn't have to.
Speaker 6 (10:27):
You could have gone to a full stace lane.
Speaker 1 (10:32):
I bet you does at least one. Okay, you're getting
a car a shame.
Speaker 3 (10:35):
So all right, So I had to ring up my
own groceries. So therefore what therefore I don't have to
return my shopping.
Speaker 1 (10:40):
So it doesn't make any sense if you would think
if you have to uh bring up your own groceries,
you should also have to put your own card away.
Speaker 3 (10:49):
Full like do it yourself. I have heard this. This
is this is the one that I've seen creep up
more and more over the years. For some reason, people
get pissed at that, or they're they're post pissed at that,
and they say, that's where I stop.
Speaker 1 (11:01):
Forget that.
Speaker 3 (11:01):
If you have a certain stores you they don't back
your groceries. You go to Costco, they don't.
Speaker 1 (11:05):
Even getting back. Yeah, you find an old box.
Speaker 3 (11:07):
But that that's there. That's their little thing. They got
the back of their head. And when you pump your
own gas at the gas station, you just throw the nozzle.
Speaker 1 (11:12):
On the ground because that's the amount of work I
will do. I did it myself. I've done plenty today.
Speaker 3 (11:18):
Right, that's it. I'm exhausted. Okay, so bag mound groceries
number six.
Speaker 1 (11:22):
Eggs atistic daughter, doctor Phil. I'm trying to keep track,
sort of sort of blind blind. I did the self checkout,
so therefore I can't put the car back. How about
one more? Give me one number seven.
Speaker 3 (11:36):
This is a man who has a I'll give him credit.
He brings up something that has absolutely nothing to do
with the grocery store experience whatsoever.
Speaker 1 (11:44):
All right, No, that's not what the car goes. That's
the curb. So that's the curb. That's not a cart return.
It's better than there. Well that's not also not good.
Speaker 6 (11:54):
But if if your kids told you, hey, they did
it too, you wouldn't listen to them, right, You'd say, oh,
that's a ridiculous excuse.
Speaker 2 (12:00):
If you could go to get the bikes to stop
at stop signs, I follow your.
Speaker 1 (12:05):
Structure, So.
Speaker 3 (12:10):
People are running stop signs on their bicycles, which I
agree sucks.
Speaker 1 (12:15):
I have the power to send you home, young lady. However,
first I need the broomstick. Would that be considered a
straw man theory?
Speaker 3 (12:23):
Well, it's it's the doctor Phil, excuse, it's the homeless thing.
It's sort of yeah, it's I mean, that's not straw man,
because it does exist, but it's fully irrelevant to talking
about Sure, all right, we'll get your voting.
Speaker 1 (12:36):
All right, texture texture vote over to two two ninety seven.
You have the guy said, but I have eggs, right, eggs?
The woman who said, but I have an autistic daughter
at home who wasn't there. Doctor Phil says, you could
be feeding the homeless like he's doing. Oh wait, the
guy who says he can't return his car because he's
legally blind, but not blind enough that he can't do
all the other stuff that he did in the store.
(12:56):
He couldn't push the car out, he could push the
car to the car, but on the way back, other
person using their own kid as an excuse, even though
it wasn't there a newborn baby at home. The guy said, well,
I already did enough work with the self checkout, therefore
I'm not going to return the cart. And now this guy,
if you can get people on the bikes to stop
and stop signs of which one is your favorite excuse
(13:19):
of all the different excuses the cart in our ears.
Another one is that you get a lot. Is the
one like, well, I'm not going to like just leave
my kid in the car and have a chance of
them being kidnapped.
Speaker 7 (13:29):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (13:30):
That well, but that's why I don't even I don't
even approach people when I see kids because I know
that that excuse because you are an instant martyr when
you're when you're a parent.
Speaker 1 (13:38):
Oh, because all the kidnappers are waiting around the corner,
waiting for that one parent who decides to return their
cart and get children, and they just see that opportunity
to think of the children.
Speaker 3 (13:48):
That's why I know, even though they should, I've never well,
I'll even say this.
Speaker 1 (13:52):
Later in the week. I typically never approach people with
kids because of that. All right, Well, go ahead and
text your vote. Which excuse you like? The aked over
to two two nine? What You're gonna do? This is
dark here on the show, Big Decision to make this morning.
It's an interactive voting edition. What You're gonna do? Why,
(14:13):
I'm just pointing out what it don't hit me. I'm
not gonna hit you on the take the glasses. I'm
gonna throw him on the ground.
Speaker 6 (14:17):
Well that's left and uh, but death, Yeah, is that
that y'are taking my stuff and destroying all.
Speaker 1 (14:22):
And sitting here and being.
Speaker 6 (14:24):
An assole and pointing out when you were being lazy.
Speaker 1 (14:27):
He's like, it's crazy. I'm not being lazy. I'm hurting.
Speaker 7 (14:29):
I have an autistic daughter I take care of and
I have a disability.
Speaker 1 (14:33):
Go yourself, I'm cartner. You better make her as ugly
as she was in real life. And you look like
a foot. She was so unattracted. She looks like Joe
Peshy the Woody Show, right the ring. But you were
hearing now now show. I can tell you from the
(14:58):
votes on the text, it seems to be autistic daughter,
doctor Phil and eggs a strong appearance, but the easiest one. Yeah,
those are like the three that are getting the most
votes on the text. As far as the lamist excuse
of the card narks have been given.
Speaker 3 (15:14):
And speaking of eggs menace as a reward for voting,
I'm gonna give you a spicy egg mcmuffins.
Speaker 1 (15:21):
I've been heard, I've been HEARDing about them. Get one.
There's your vote, menace, doctor Phil, Doctor Phil.
Speaker 3 (15:31):
If you can't stop bikes from going through stop signs, yeah,
Greg Gory.
Speaker 5 (15:38):
I think I'm gonna say eggs because I know for
a fact that nanoseconds make all the difference.
Speaker 1 (15:42):
Those eggs will go bad. J immediately lame mist excuse Sammy.
Speaker 3 (15:46):
I'm going with eggs as well, because he was so
calm and I think he actually believed it. I talked
to him a while for that. He's like, dude, I
don't know what to tell you, Like next time, I'll
do it. But these eggs, I mean, he was just.
Speaker 1 (15:59):
Very I mean, they're they're all lame. But the fact
that we have two in here that involved children who
aren't there, plus the whole idea that there are all
these other excuses that people use their kids for, I'm
gonna go with as a combo vote of autistic daughter
and newborn baby.
Speaker 3 (16:14):
It is. It is such a crappy badge that so
many people wear. It's an excuse to do it being
civil to other people.
Speaker 1 (16:19):
What do you think, Yeah, spicy egg McMuffin.
Speaker 2 (16:24):
I feel like I barely get any spice out of it,
and then I get because it's.
Speaker 1 (16:28):
Just a sauce, right, because the sausage itself is not spicy.
Speaker 3 (16:31):
You feel like there's barely bacon or Canadian bacon yeah,
and then I'll get like a large. The heat is present,
it's it's low, it's a two or a three, and
it's McDonald's. You don't expect it to blow your head up. Okay,
here's a better way to explain it. It's not consistent.
Speaker 1 (16:46):
It's probably just a big is it just like a
hot sauce like a tabasco or with a peppers and
it's like a Mayo base. Yeah, yeah, I see. I'd
rather that than just like a regular hots sauce. I'd
rather have like a one like you said, like a
male sauce like that, rather than I don't know, like tabasco,
(17:09):
like just too thin. Yeah, and to it's too pepper
like when I say pepper, I mean like a black
pepper almost Like I don't I agree, I really am leaning.
Speaker 3 (17:20):
I almost only get siracha at home because it's more
of a it's more of a consistent slow burn as
opposed to like that that vinegary tangy.
Speaker 1 (17:28):
All right, So between like, say, for let's talk about
wings gona chicken. Would you rather like a Franks kind
of wing or would you rather more of a you know,
like a more like a buffalo sauce sauce. Yeah, thick
orange Yeah, me too, almost too. I got into a
thing with Ant Chrissy about it, and Chrissy would much
(17:49):
rather than Franks really yeah, and it's like, I don't know,
tracks I think that makes sense, the thickness of it.
Speaker 4 (17:56):
What about like chilula or you know, something with like
the little Mexican flair those wave Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (18:01):
That's fine. Or we go to the place to have
like the little popcorn shrimp almost like a like a
dynamite shrimp. You might see it like at a bonefish
grill or uh, you know California fish grill or you
know those kind of played the the I think is
it called firecracker or the popcorn shrimp something like that. Yeah.
It's like it's like an orange, but it's it's gotta
it's got a heat to it, like a spice. That's good.
(18:22):
Give it to me, yeah eight, what are you giving it?
Minutes on a scale one into five, all right, so
non committal, right right in the middle. Take it or
leave it. I see it on the menu. I just
I just haven't drive it and no one will know. Yeah,
just like just like everything else,
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