The Woody Show September 25th 2023 Podcast

The Woody Show September 25th 2023 Podcast

Episode Transcript

(00:02):
Let's due to the graphic nature ofthis program, listener discretion. Is it
flies the Woody Show, I'll playit's The Woody Show Insensitivity training or the

(00:37):
class is now in session. Hey, good morning everybody. It is Monday
morning, September the twenty five,twenty twenty three. Hello, welcome.
We are the Woody Showing, WoodyRaby, Rag, Dennis Sammy. Hello,

(00:58):
there's Sea Bass. We got bored, we got Caroline Morgan is here.
We got von our video producer.Phones are open. Eight seven seven
forty four. That's eight seven sevenforty four Woody. Yeah, coming up
for you on the show this morning. If you want to be a part
of if you can use those numbersin the text to be a part of
it. But today on the showthis hour, Morgan's gonna give a guy

(01:19):
a chance. Oh that's nice.It's so generous of her, are you?
Yeah? What a hero. Plus, we're talking lamest excuses to get
out of work. Okay, I'veheard some real doozies over the years.
Some people have absolutely no shame whatsoever, and they use an excuse, and
you're like, you expect that towork? And inevitably, I think maybe

(01:41):
because managers now are not allowed tosay anything. Yeahs O cool. All
right, we have a co workerI'm telling you we have a co worker
right now that has the lamest excuses. Work great, Grey's ad babe or
eye roll and some guests who's funfact, oh fun coming up on the
show to day Now as as faras right now, first out of the

(02:02):
gate, do you want to gogood or gross? Let's do gross?
And then starts yeah, okay,I thought this is very gross. A
couple in South America. They haveearned a Guinness World Record for their body
modifications. Together, they have overninety eight modifications now piercings, microdermals,

(02:24):
body implants, dental implants, earexpanders, ear bolts, swe one has
a four tongue greg okay. Theyalso have the whites of their eyes tattooed.
So scary. This couple has alreadybeen holding the title since twenty fourteen,
but that was when they only hadeighty four modifications. Now they have

(02:47):
ninety eight. Did they also havea wow? Holy yeah? They are?
They definitely. I mean they're toowhite, but they look like they'd
be in black panther. At leastthey don't tell each other that's yeah the
sweetest. Yeah. I've seen peoplethat have the forked tongue. Yes,
I don't know, like what makesyou decide to go do that? I

(03:07):
know? And then uh, likeI wonder if they can move each part
of their tongue, and I meana lot of people one another. Do
you have that can do that reallywell? If you can, I would
imagine if you're someone who can curltheir tongue, then you can. Then
you could probably figure that out.You can you curl like roll your tongue,
uh like this like that, likemake it almost like a straw.

(03:29):
Yeah, I can. I thinkeverybody I get maybe everybody thought that.
I thought them not everybody could.I thought that was like a I don't
know that. I used to knowsomebody that could do their tongue like a
wave like make it ripple. Thatweird. Yeah, yeah it is.
They always had a date huh yeah. Yeah. Dermals are growing, the

(03:52):
subdermals when they put like like ballbearings under their skin. How about this
one. There's a new world recordfor longest beard chain beard chain? Yeah,
what is all all these people withbeards? They gathered at this bar
in Wyoming and they formed a beardchain that was measured to be one hundred

(04:14):
and fifty feet long, more thantwice the world record of sixty two feet
six inches. Tie them all togetheror something. Yeah, So like they
would all kind of be a likestanding side by side and they would clip
their beards together. He creates thisbeard chain. Yeah, and so to
participate, you just had to havelike a beard that was least eight inches
long, and then you can standnext to somebody connect it. Yeah,

(04:38):
not a lot to do with wyoming. It's not getting these world records that
people do, Like who has thiskind? And of course it's a world
record because who else did it?Somebody else did it? Was the previous
record was sixty two feet six incheslong. Losers, I'll tell you my
wife cannot wait. I can't wait. So this is the longest my beard's
ever been. It's I hate itso much. I can't imagine. Like

(05:00):
they say, at least eight incheslong, This is not even This is
nowhere close to eight inches long.It's long as it's ever been. I
would say it's probably probably like threeinch two or three inches like, like,
look at that. It's definitely likeon my chin. I can bring
it up I can put it inmy mouth. Disgusting. I hate it.
I can't wait about three. Butyeah, I can't imagine this is

(05:23):
This is disgusting, like basically bearddocking with other dude. That's so disgusting.
It's a brotherhood. It's an unfortunatefacial hair. This Indian teenager has
this rare condition known as werewolf syndrome. Oh yeah, he's seeing a lot
of that online as well, excessivehair growth just anywhere on his body.

(05:44):
It's extremely rare, out fearer thanone hundred cases since the Middle Ages.
But there's families that have it.Yeah, so this is crazy. He
says. People are scared when theysee him, but he's had to learn
just to accept that. He startedblogging and creating video and he wants to
be a famous YouTuber. He probablywill be. His name is lalat uh

(06:05):
Patadar l A l I T pA t I d A R. But
match, dude, Greg. Looklook, I mean look at the nose.
This guy's nose is huge. It'scovered in hair, Like the entire
nose is covered in hair, sohe would have to shave. Basically,
Yeah, I saw the man yearsago. I saw these uh, these

(06:28):
two sisters, and I think theywere Indian two. But anyway, these
chicks were covered. They looked likelittle baby like bigfoots. Yeah, I
mean just covered in this dark blackhair, like you couldn't even see.
You could barely see their eyes.You had to like, you know,
cut the hair around the eyes sothey can like see. It was yeah,

(06:49):
I'm sure if you. I don'tthink there's a laser powerful enough.
Werewolf twins or something like that,but yeah, that was like, oh
my god. Well sometimes that becomestheir thing. They become very popular.
I was watching this on Netflix wherea woman in England had a beard and
she was like, I'm just gonnacape it. I'm yeah, I'm gonna

(07:11):
cape that. I thought, oh, come on, just save it.
So that's the that's the gross partthat I got for you. Now,
the good part this is the frozenpizza rankings. According to a new study,
in nearly sixty percent of people beforeeating frozen pizza at least once a
week. Yeah. Yeah, majorityof people say they eat frozen pizza because
of the price and the convenience anduh and so these people, these experts,

(07:35):
they ranked the five best frozen pizzasgive it to me. Number five
Red Baron okay okay, loved bymany due to their simplicity combined with an
overwhelming flavor. Owe. Well,okay, I don't know if you sell
it like, yeah, I'm overwhelmingsounds very negative. They've got Tony's at

(07:58):
number four. Okay, it's mostaffordable option. People say it's consistently good.
Yeah, it kind of has likea butter crust to it. Number
three is the Screaming Sicilian. Sicilianpacks some serious flavor and cheese. Reviewers,
Oh yeah, it's good. Numbertwo on the list is Newman's Own
pizza. I have never been impressedby any Newman's Own. The dressings like

(08:20):
remember the salad dresses a big dealback in the day and tomato sauces.
Every time I try Newman's Own anything, I always find it very underwhelming.
It's mid yeah, it's claimed.The fame is that uncured thin crust and
the pepperoni. Nah, you gottacure me. Give me all the preservatives.
I want all that, yeah,like extra MSG or something whatever on

(08:43):
the sprinkle it. Yeah, andnumber one on their list of the frozen
pizza rankings, De Jorno if thecroissant crust is really good. Yeah,
it's not delivery. It's the Jornaand a lot of frozen pizzas. It
can be a thousand degrees when youbuy it into it well, because it's

(09:05):
fresh out of the oven. Ifyou get the pizza directly from if you
go to pick it up from thepizza place, it's not right out of
the Yeah, and you go toeat that, like as soon as you
get in the car, menace,it's gonna be For some reason, the
desorno sauce stays hot for quite along time. I think you're just impatient.
You just don't let it rest.I let it rest, you know,
let it know. You know.My my maneuver is I put it

(09:31):
in the freezer to cool it down. You don't let it rest, I
know. But like if you justput in the freezer, the outside is
gonna get pretty cold, it's stillgonna be warmer. That sauce is going
to maintain something somehow. By thecheese is magical and stays a thousand degrees
because it's if you would take thede jorno out of the oven and you
would wait, let's just call itsit there five minutes, fifteen twenty minutes

(09:52):
as much as it would take froma pizza place to your house. Then
go to eat it and tell meit's five minutes five. You can't wait
that long. But that Croissan crustis really good from the joint of they
say is the quintessential grocery store frozenpizza, and when you eat it hot
out of the oven, it reallyis better than the typical delivery option.
I don't know about that one.I think it's frozen pizzas go. It's

(10:16):
frozen pizza go. Yeah, it'sdefinitely the best good I think personally delivery
though. All right, we gotto take a break. We got some
more woody show coming up for yournext hang up show. Well, welcome
back, everybody, and please welcomeinto the studio. It's it's Morgan everybody

(10:41):
anymore. They're still not touching food, right, I'm still not touching right.
He's always got to check it's stillretired. They good, it's still
retired. It's called growth, people, it is. Now. We've done
this once before where Morgan went onto her dating app and instead of you
know, just to knowing somebody thatfor whatever reason, he's like maybe not,

(11:03):
she decided to give a guy achance and a lot of people thought
this was very nice. This isMorgan expanding her horizons growth and uh yeah,
growth is he back to growth?Back to growth? And she was
somewhat surprised last time because a guywho she otherwise would have, you know,
swiped no on. She went outand actually had a good time with

(11:24):
the guy. Just turns out theend of it, the whole thing,
is that he was really more interestedin getting married and having kids and stuff
like that, and Morgan, wellnot And your exact words at his photo
were, well, those were yourwords, Greg, Yeah, kind of
didn't disagree. Wow, Greg kindof egged that one along. He's Greg
vain. Yeah, so she's givenanother guy a chance, maybe this time

(11:48):
with better luck as far as likemaybe something goes into another date or maybe
not. But so, who isthis guy? Where'd you meet him?
So? I met this guy ontender and you guys were just saying like,
you're not in the dating world andyou're really happy about that. This
story might change your mind. Okay, So I met this guy and we
had talked a little bit. Ihate the small talk. I don't like
chatting on the app. I'd ratherjust meet up see if we get along

(12:11):
and then we'll go from there.So we meet up, we chat for
a couple of days. So thisis very quick and instead of going with
a guy, even though last timehe had a very nice personality, his
looks were not so great, Idecided this time, I want to go
with someone that has better looks.But maybe you know personality traits that I
don't agree with. So okay,do you have a picture? What a

(12:31):
stretch? I decided to go withthe hot guy, right, So I
did. But here's the thing.He's really annoying. Like we matched because
he's lit. And then the fewdays of chatting that we had like chats

(12:52):
examples as well, Yeah, it'sannoying, so chat examples. We go.
We're chatting, right, small talk, small talk, and one of
the first things he says is hesays, are you a Sagittarius or whatever?
Oh boy, here we go.He says, you have this guy
exactly? Are you Gemini? Well, yes, I am good job minus.
But no, that's the first thinghe says. And he's like,

(13:15):
oh, you seem like a sagittarius, right, he looks rich. Every
dude in the club wanting a change, bitch looks oh, he's rich.
Okay, so he's leaning up againstsomething. I can't quite tell what it

(13:35):
is. He's got like a blackpants, black t shirt. He's got
a couple of chains. He's bald, and he's but he's got like a
like a like a nice maintained beardmustache. Things. Well, now he's
got he's got some tats. Hecan tell he works out. He's definitely
wanting you to see his his watchthat's on this play. He's also got

(13:56):
a wedding ring on. Did younotice that he does? Wait, wait,
that's in the picture. Yeah,it's right there in the picture.
Look at that. We'll get tothat and then, I mean it's real.
He's got like a little tumbler oflike whiskey or something that's a little
cocktail glass in his hand. Ishe's looking at there, it's right in
the photo. Id anywhere profile sayanything married. And this this picture that

(14:24):
we're looking at here is from Facebookbecause I had to creep on him on
Facebook to find this. Yeah,right, and I was at like an
idiot, I'm saying, maybe that'sbig because some chicks like that. No
comment, I will say, Idid not notice that in the picture,
and that there's a lot about mereal quick, no comment. How many
married guys have you dated? Onlyone that I was aware of. But

(14:45):
I also try not to get intopeople's business, so there could have been
asking questions if my business to getout. I'm here for coffee and will
spoiler alert. Okay, so Igo out and quick coffee date with this
guy that I think is fairly attractive, but his personality was not doing it
for me in the chat. Sothat's where give a guy chance comes in,

(15:07):
right. Okay, So we're chattingthere, it's all going really good.
He works for a really big company, he's really well, he's an
engineer, so I think he's reallysmart. He's in his thirties, he's
really guys life going together, hetravels, blah blah blah, blah blah.
We start talking about bowling. Helikes bowling too, so we actually
have something in common there. Thingsare good. We spent I don't know
thirty minutes chatting with coffee, andthen we went on our way, right,

(15:30):
and then he texts me out,yeah, what was the plan?
Oh you went on your way andmeeting that separate Yeah, this is strictly
for content. Yes, So wego our separate ways. He texts me
later that day, so I'm like, okay, cool, He's not gonna
ghost me like the other really hotguy that I was out with. Not
even two days later, I wakeup to this text. This is a

(15:52):
text that I got while I wasin studio prepping for a show one morning.
It starts with hello Megan. Greatstart. And I had gotten this
text in like midnight ish, soI was asleep, so I woke up
to it, and it's from anumber that I don't know, Slow Megan.

(16:12):
So I think it makes sense notto continue entertaining Blank anymore. I'm
not sure if you know that I'mnot just his baby mama, but we
live together and i'm his fiance.I've read all your messages and it's clear
that you haven't him. Have beentalking for a while. Me and Blank
have discussed what you are to him, and he says nothing. But I'm
not stupid, and I just wantto let you know what type of guy

(16:33):
you're dealing with. Oh okay,yeah, yeah. She says, Blank
is a mess, and I onlypray he gets better. I'm not sure
where we are, but he swearsyou guys are nothing. He'll be reaching
out to you later today, probablyto say I'm crazy, but I'm not.
I'm just tired of all of this. I found out too much tonight

(16:56):
again. I just thought you neededto know. Okay, So he didn't
get your wrong, I don't,I don't know. It makes me think
that he saved my number as Megan. Yeah, so did he ever know
what matters? Right? Right?Hide? Yeah? And also she's just
going through your You're just having allthese texts open. Whatever he's done it.

(17:17):
It sounds like she's got reason too, right. So I wake up
to this very nice text. Ithink she was really nice about it,
considering yeah, she had gone,and so I responded, hey, this
is not Megan. And then shesends me screenshots like she took a picture
of his phone, of our conversationon his phone. Yea, And she

(17:38):
sent me all these screenshots and she'slike, well, were you texting him
all these things? I'm like,oh, okay, yeah, that's me.
My name's Morgan. What's up?I know? And so I'm like,
I really throw her you were adude, next time, next time,
next time, save that for nexttime, right next time? I

(17:59):
give a guy a chance. SoI respond I said, oh, this
is Morgan. By the way,You're right, we are nothing. Shot
to the heart, and I'm like, you deserve better than this. I
wouldn't marry him if you if Iwere you, but I promise you know
we're done. Mentioned that you meton an app or no whatever. Okay,
no, no, no, no, yeah, doesn't need that much
context yet. Well she could figurethat out of reach out to you.

(18:22):
He never did. Oh and thenso you might have got a message from
my fiance Ryan. She's crazy.Yeah, right, don't listen to her.
Which I'm glad that he didn't reachout because shout out to him.
I guess he took the loss orwhatever. Yeah, shout out to him.
Yeah, what's gonna do. Soso after I get this text one
morning, that's when I creeped onFacebook to see you know, and that's

(18:45):
where I got that picture from thatI just showed you guys. Okay,
which everything's coming full circle now becausethe wedding ring that you guys, So
that's not his profile picture from that'snot what you saw. No, no,
no, that was not the samepicture on his turn Do you still
have is that still open it up? Give you a little bit more.
I'll give you a little bit morecredit because it wasn't until afterwards you started

(19:07):
looking for other pictures or other butice book. If that was his profile
picture on the dating app, andhe's got his wedding ring on in there,
respect, he's just all yeah,shot up to him. He's opening
on it. Shot vulnerability. UhNo, but I should have noticed that
in the picture. No less.Yeah, let me see if I can
pull up the tender. I stillcan't believe you think he looks rich,

(19:27):
like those are chains and glass ofwhiskey in front of great own. But
I don't know, No, Greg, I'm saying, define why that's rich?
He looks he's in good shape,well dressed, that's well manicured.
Yet many Yeah, I'm I'm baffled. I just think disagree, Greg,

(19:48):
give your reasoning, and I justdid good shape, he's well manicured,
he's well quafft, and he's gota nice watch. Hes put together,
you know, like Musk and BillGates. Yeah, exactly when I was
out with him, he did giveoff like rich, I've got my life
together vibes of course, but laidstandards or something. Yeah, just don't

(20:10):
follow him back to his little gardenapartment. Yeah, with this sounds like
a great guy. I agree withthe three two three's texting over. Yeah
yeah, yeah he has a greatguy. Shout out to him your loss.
Yeah all right, so it wasjust that one meet up and then
all this other drama. Say,all right, so this one's definitely a
swing in the miss there was hYeah, I think maybe I will go

(20:30):
with less hot guys next. Yes, that's the thing. Because the guys
who are presenting themselves as you know, rich and working out and everything else,
they are and Bill Gates those greatexamples of people who look rich because
they look rich, they're they're gonnabe getting chances more often than very true

(20:51):
than guys who are, you know, looking like me or do you know
I'm saying dumpy looking dudes or justlike average looking dudes. Somebody dumpy?
Yeah I did. She did nice, and he just wanted to have a
family and settle down and was lookingfor you know, we rejected. And
that guy was legit rich too,because that did Caesar's yeah, the real

(21:15):
rich guy. Yeah, not theguy who's I might text him after this.
That guy's pawn shop rich. Now, I like how you guys know
this guy intimately. If that guyit's really interesting, well, easily tell
Greg it's your first impression. That'sfair. Yet I don't think it's stupid.
I don't. I don't. Idon't agree with it. Just well

(21:37):
is the heat they do? Ijust like, I don't know. I
go on waves on how naive Gregis sometimes right, Like that guy is
dressed no more richly than let's say, like a von right now, he's
clean, cut, in shape,got nice jeans. On. Don't drag
v on like this is not Noone's dragging v but I'm saying, like
that looking good, resenting, Well, that's could be that could be t
J massing above that. There's noyeah, anything could be anything of Yeah,

(22:00):
apparently Johannu Reeves looks like a homelessguy. He's got like half a
billion dollars. Yeah, through allright, Well, sorry didn't work out
for you, Morgan. That's okay, we'll try again next time. Good
luck. But yeah, go withthe less hot men because they're probably not
married and they'll try harder, andthey will try harder, thank you very
much. You know he's rich.Did he at least pay for the Yeah,

(22:22):
the four dollar coffee I really shouldhave splurging falling. All right,
more Woody Shows next, hang up, say show. Yeah, we are
into another new hour. Good morningto you. I'm Woody. That's Raby.
Hello. That's great. Gory tohis right, going right to left

(22:44):
on your radio. That's a menace. What is up everybody? Sammy?
Hi? See you man in theother room. Over there, there's a
board. I see Caroline there herein the Woody Show production department, Morgan
is here, our video producer Vaughanis here. And you can be a
part of the show this morning,as you know, by calling in the
eight seven seven forty four wood that'seight seven seven forty four Wood. You

(23:06):
can also hit us up of thetext if you prefer to do things that
way. Text over to two twonine eight seven Sea Bass going to introduce
us to the girlfriend whisper Ladies,if you need inspiration, love to find
some some way in your life.This man girl help you. He has

(23:27):
directions such a creep. See she'salready closing her ear, does she?
He he's been a dick. Yeah, I still haven't. He's a creep.
And you'll see like, okay,what are you saying? It's cringey
enough, you know, and thenyou see his face and you're like,
oh god, this guy. Ithink I may have found a fellow feminist

(23:48):
and then a fellow feminist. Yes, you meet another one like you.
I mean he might be better thanme. That's how I'm trying to understand
my angles here. Understand it's socringey and like, hey, fellas,
if you want to know how totalk to the ladies, Oh yes,
yeah, they'll for everybody. Yeah, okay. It's like how you see

(24:11):
those well we were talking about thosethose people who just gently guide the shark
away, you know what I mean? They just eat now the palm your
hand kind of thing, like,I mean, what do you way?
Do you? Hear? Rave,You're not gonna be able to contain yourself.
I'm looking forward. You're gonna belike Jason Momoa, who let me
see this guy? Really? Right? Yeah, there's a guy in New

(24:32):
York. He's been on over sixhundred first dates but can't find the one.
Forty three years old, he sayshe has over one thousand phone numbers
in his phone, but just tokeep striking out in love. His name's
Joey. Joey. Yeah, hesays, I don't want to say I'm
picky, but I'm just honest aboutwanting to feel a certain way. Always

(24:52):
follow your gut, and you cantell that on a first day. Yeah,
well, I mean I guess it'sthe first impression thing. Maybe they
can tell that about him. Yeah, maybe maybe you're not wrong. Man.
Yeah, They've been occasions where I'vebeen more interested than the girls.
But I've had very few bad firstdates. I just like to meet new
people. Joey's maybe try going onone of those dates as joe Yeah,

(25:17):
yeah, switch it up, switchit up some other dating stuff. A
new Paul has revealed that forty eightpercent of single people have received unsolicited nude
photos from a date or from amatch on a dating app. Four thousand
people. That seems low. Well, that seems about half of people,
which is women. Yeah, thereyou got every woman. I know,

(25:40):
he's got an unsolicited everyone. That'strue. Women on the majority and minorities
in the world, right unsolicited.Yeah, I mean that's bold. Literally
every woman. Yeah, ever getsdeep under sixty years who's been around since
the Internet's been around? And howdoes that work? Let me ask you.

(26:00):
I mean, I know how womenfeel about it for the most part.
I mean you're gonna find the unicornevery once in a while with some
chick who likes it or whatever.Like in the gay community, how does
that work, Greg, Like,is it like like almost required, I'm
solicited you know, d pick fineby me? Yeah, yeah, fine,
just another day. Yeah, andas and in the when you're first

(26:22):
dating, it's usually one of thequestions. Yeah. Now, if I
was on these dating apps and Igot an unsolicited you know, nudy pick
from some chick, I'd dig it, like, yeah, most likely you're
getting scammed, but still awesome.Really gonna get like rolled or whatever.
It's a giant yeah. Yeah.So you know, just going back to
Sea Bass's math, I think weknow who's guilty here. It's dude sending

(26:44):
unsolicited picks to women. Yeah,yeah, because gay guys don't care.
I don't think straight guys care gettingunsolicited you know nude picks. Love it,
but yeah they're fine. Doesn't happen. But yeah, you never get
that before you meet someone unless theyare trying to scam you. Yeah.
Yeah. Uh. The survey alsofound that forty three percent of daters have
been ghosted before forty percent have beenstood up on their dates. But yeah,

(27:10):
no, no unsolicited nudes to theladies please, fellas. But if
gate, well I do believe this. Gay dudes and straight women like the
same thing. But why are womenalways like well, yeah, it was
a question for the ladies, itwas. I mean, I don't go
ooh, but all of a suddenI become menace and just start laughing,

(27:30):
really looking out stupid wang. Yeah, because you probably find that guy unattractive.
If it was an attractive guy,you wouldn't be Yeah, what if
it's all right to somebody think goingback to Jason Momo? What if what
if what if Jason hypothetically sep JasonMomoa is wang pick Yeah. Yeah,

(27:51):
see so it's the guy, Butwould you be laughing at it, like
you said, like, oh,this is ridiculous, I guess if it's
tiny, but otherwise yeah, anothergood point. Yeah, it's selective.
Okay, Well it's also it's asign of stupidity, Like, right,
this is a stupid It may bethe most delightful looking one in the world,
but like, like, you don'thave to do that, you're an

(28:11):
idiot, right, Well, maybesome chi chick's still do on Pinterest,
Like maybe they want to pin it, you know, like, oh check
it out? What if you evensearch for that? Let me look available
on Pinterest. I don't know,I don't interest. I'm just saying like,
oh my god, this is likethe ideal one. Look at this.
Maybe a wreath around it or likehe dazzled it like festive would be

(28:33):
on Interest. Yeah, possibly likean art project like ring toss. Yeah.
Like I was watching one of thosehouse hunting shows and uh, this
woman had this rabbit that her grandmotherhad given her because every holiday they would
dress it up in different outfits andstuff like that, and so it was
very important that you know, shehad that as part of her you know,
new home or whatever. She wouldbring that. So like, you

(28:56):
know, maybe like if the womanfinds the right penis, you know,
the right pinis picture, like,you can dress it up for all the
different holidays I've been looking for.Yeah, you can put it like some
Easter bunny ears on it or something. Yeah, a couple instead of nuts,
you have a couple like Easter eggsat the bottom therese lipstick to like
patriotic, like like a rocket.I probably would not be friends with that
person, yeah, Uh, therabbit thing reminded me there was this other

(29:23):
So we're talking about this girlfriend whispererdude who by the way, that's a
decent amount of Oh he's millions.Yeah, like we talked about like our
YouTube just trying to get to onehundred thousand. Yeah, this loser.
Wow, Like, damn you guysso hard. I'm the only one beside

(29:45):
Sea Bass here who's heard the cage. But you're not letting us wait to
hear the clips. No, I'mpoisoning the well. Yeah, now,
this guy would operate. We wantto invite you in gently, yes,
yes, sweep you off your feet. But yeah, this guy's got a
on yeah millions, multiple platforms,Yeah yeah, millions or his students.

(30:07):
Has anybody like fall for that?Sure the time? Anybody into this all
the time? Yeah, this iswhat I want to hear and see more
of. Sure, there's a problemfor the Woody Show. I know,
that's what was about to say here, we got left that place eight seven
seven. That's good point Toche textover to two two ninety seven. Will

(30:27):
be right back. Coming up nexton The Woody Show, Gary, we'll
face one of his biggest beers.Oh hell, that picture then put it
on there the Woody Show. We'llbe right back. So I can't believe
there are suckers out there who willinglysigned up for the show. Yeah,

(30:47):
but here we are. This isthe Woody Show. All right, welcome
back. He was ready to megirlfriend whisperers, all right here Sea Bass
found this guy and you started witha checked this out. Yeah, a
friend of a friend of a friendjust kind of sent this and showed this
to me and he couldn't believe it. This guy's name is she can follow
along is Ivan Niccolo on Instagram andTikTok. Full name Ivan Niccolo, Menis's

(31:14):
or mensis is what you're about tohear menses but it looks like mensis.
So what he does is he atsome point, I don't know, a
year or two ago, he starteddoing that. We've talked about this,
like, especially on the social media. These idiots who know nothing will try
to be like inspirational and motivational speakersall of a sudden they're Yoda right exactly.

(31:34):
But his quote Lane, his specificangle is he's speaking to women.
In fact, his tagline his women'slifestyle, love and self discovery. And
he does videos a straight guy.Okay, so he has punchable face,
gay face, it's right. ButI go back. I went back as

(31:55):
far as I could on his Instagram, and there's pictures of him in like
a six year old boy little kidthat apparently he's married with a kid at
least one above and so that washis and it's like the original pictures of
him next to cars and kind ofdoing that. He was trying, I
think, that lifestyle success fluencer untilhe stumbled and then he, I guess
one day tried this like dumb aspirationalquotation stuff, especially for women. This

(32:17):
is kind of like what you know, I've seen a lot of stuff about
like isn't that what Dylan mulvaney,who has been caught up in that whole
bud Light thing like was like onThe Ellen Show doing something it was on
like some other TV shows, Likehe's been trying to be famous for a
number of year, Broadway stuff andall kinds of stuff anyway, and then
finally stumbled upon something that really kindof stuck and and he got them out
there. Yeah. So a lotof this stuff is talking to women about

(32:42):
men in their life and how tofind that one man and it sounds like
he's trying to get himself out ofthe friend zone and a lot of these
clips to start with this one.All right, can we be more than
friends? I mean, if Itold you the music alone, these are
long clips, you might have totap out of these. Yeah, I'm
already tapped out. But it wouldbe one thing if he was just like,

(33:07):
all right, guys, here's whatyou need to know, or hey,
ladies, here's what need to know. And he just gives like a
quick like in fifteen seconds. He'ssort of playing a role in a lot
of these, but he's got toget the music in there. It's got
to be this big, like melodramatic. Can we be more than friends?
I mean if I told you,would it change anything? Would just see
me differently? Would you still bemy best friend? Oh? My god?

(33:30):
Did you even care? If Itold you you broke my art?
How would you reply? Because you'reripped out my heart? Oh no,
I only have myself to blame forthinking we could ever be more than friends.
But like, what was he talkingabout? So that sound the clip
starts, or that that's the entireclip? Okay, so he just throws

(33:52):
out there, yeah, oh yeah, it's a lot of these hypotheticals like
like I'm the one you and theone that got away, or you're the
one that got away, or orhe's talking two women about how he likes
certain things, like in this clip, he he talks about how you know
it ladies. A lot of timesguys will tell you your girlfriends will tell
you don't be too clingy. WellI've a niccolo. Oh no, oh

(34:14):
he liked that. Yeah. Right. And the thing is it's video too,
so it's not just like an audioclip or it's him like staring off
off is he's like saying that thisis what you should be telling women,
or these are just random clips andhe's like yeah, like I said,
he's the girlfriend whispers. So he'slike he's just talking to women. I
think he's just telling them what theywant to hear, right, Okay,
yeah, so here we go.He likes clingy. I like clingy.

(34:36):
Yeah. I like when someone purposefullygrabs my hand to show other people embrace.
I like that when something exciting happensin your day that I'm the first
person you want to tell. Ilike coming back to when I miss you,
text message when I'm in class ortaking a napp. I like that
random call at one in the morning. I just don't want to hear my

(34:59):
voice, asked wife. No youdon't. No, he's just you better
want to hear more than my voice. If you're calling me, I want
to hand. I'm just saying,girl, I kind of speak to Greg
Glory a little bit. I meanI get that part. I like all
those things too. Yeah, butI wouldn't watch his video. I don't.
I'm with menas like I understand thathe's teaching us. No, he's

(35:22):
I think he's just telling women whatthey want to hear or a certain type
of woman. Yeah, basic bitches. But he's using us trying to get
women. I don't think so.If he's married, I think I believe
he is. Like I mean thatlast clip it did speak to me like
I can get it. I totallyget it. I want to be welcome
because o'clock in the morning, justto hold hand. Here about your dead

(35:42):
part. No, I'm looking athis bio and he says, I'm not
a writer. I like to bethe performer. So it's like he's yeah,
this is a character. Yeah,it's a character that's funny. Well
yeah, but it's not like notintentionally comedic by any means, Like he's
he's doing no again. This iscontent for basic bitches. Want to hear
this type of stuff, like theHallmark type chick, maybe a chick who

(36:05):
says, Hey, I don't haveto be a perfect body or have a
perfect body to that one soul listeningto this, stop falling in love with
someone's body and stop looking at aperson's height, skin color, hairstyle or
body type instead, but fall inlove with someone's soul. Damn it,

(36:29):
the body becomes beautiful. Okay,so that's actually advice. Guess it is
like people he's talking about all thosefilters that people put on from the dating
apps, like stop doing that.I just can't take the delivery seriously,
man, Yeah, you know,but fall in love with the soul and

(36:50):
I get the music too, becausehe's using the algorithm for the music so
people can so he gets more viewson his videos. You know, Greg,
how you can't go one day withouttalking to Mario? Right, I
have a Nicola feels you're pain Okay. I used to think I couldn't go
a day without your smile, withouttelling you things and hearing your voice back.
But then that day arrived and itwas so tim hard, but it

(37:14):
ruled. That day arrived and itwas awesome. I had the house to
myself, it was completely quiet.I watched what I wanted. I eight
when I wanted what I wanted.It was rule. I watched dumb porn.
Yeah, and Joe and You're onWhat's sad is? This is also
for like lonely people, what's evenhard? And I knew with a sinking

(37:37):
feeling was going to get worse andI wasn't going to be okay for a
very long time, because losing someoneisn't an ocasion or an event. No,
it doesn't just happen once. Ithappens over and over again. I
lose you every time I pick upyour favorite coffee mug, whenever that one

(37:58):
song plays on the radio, orwhen I discover your old T shirt at
the bottom of my lauentrypie. There'sonly one million you say anything like this
to anybody, and that's when you'rewriting it inside of a card, right,
Greig, like it's a good anniverseven then, Yeah, this is
because it's so so you know,it's so high school love ter Truly,

(38:19):
that's so gross. And now allof a sudden, a weird accent,
like, yeah, he's like,I don't know where he's from. I
was even I'm looking at up Russianyou're skinning caller. So he's got advice
from again for basically so you knowhow, Like he's making money doing this.
Over a million on Instagram, overtwo million on TikTok. So you

(38:42):
know how, ladies, how youfinally break up with that one guy who
you love but you just know he'sbad for you. And then suddenly you've
been there, you know, lateron, maybe even a few months later,
the phone rings, Yeah, wellI haven't had some advice for you.
Don't answer, because it will happensix months from now, when you
finally feel like you can breathe withoutthinking of him. He will call and

(39:05):
suddenly all the air will be suckedout of you, and your fingers will
shake, and you will have toremind yourself that you've already let go.
You will have to drop your phonebecause if you hold onto it for a
second too long, you will answerI found it. I just threw up
in my mouth. I hate it. You know. My thought up again

(39:27):
and again is your wife would heshe would hate this guy so much?
Oh yeah, she's get out ofhere. Yeah. Oh god, Sammy,
I mean you're pretty basic, bitch. Yeah, no offense, I
mean, but I mean, Imean facts of facts. No, he's
the worst. I see what he'strying to do in the sense of just
making girls feel like they're not crazyor like their feelings are validated, like,

(39:52):
oh, somebody gets me. Butit is the worst. Have you
had any so far on these Haveyou had any like ah bab reactions?
Not one? I can't like yousaid, the delivery, all of it.
Yeah, I think we've had agood idea on the text. Is
there any way we can contact himfor an interview? Rette? Oh,
I did find his because I'm tryingto his emails right there, he'll find

(40:15):
we should interview reletous to that onesoul listening is his email address? That
one? You just you can justkeep rolling through these clips until we can't
stand anymore, which I'm already there, dear Love. When you look at
all the years that we've been through, I do so with a smile on
my face, through all the ups. And you know what's funny, like

(40:38):
this reminds me of being at thestore, like shopping for cards. Yeah,
like you get through like the firstlike line of the card like nope,
or you get like maybe to likeOkay, you made it past the
front of it and you open itup and you go, oh, this
doesn't work. Boom, put itright back. This is like every Valentine's
Day card you see. Yeah,this doesn't you know, Yeah, you're
like god like doesn't sound like meat all, Like dear love, when

(41:02):
you look at all the years thatwe've been through, I do so with
a smile on my face. Nope, that goes right back onto the shelf.
Who writes that It talks that way. It's like rock lyrics, Like
I mean, like you know,like see their songs river Deep in my
Soul, in my deepest darkest thatwere like it's it's always there's always a

(41:23):
river, there's always something about asoul. Always. It's like this over
the top romantic garbage. This guy'sjust spew and through all the ups and
downs that we've been through, theone thing that's for me constant and this
is my love for you. Thelove that I feel for you has gone
from wild and free to me justenjoying the little fence. Aboukey. Nope,

(41:43):
right back on the shelf again.It's gone from wild and free.
I like, stop Beauty and theBeast music. Yeah, like going for
a walk, nope, seeing yourface across the breakfast table, even paying
the bills with you we have yearssaid. Yeah, it's also crazy,
damn it. There's also delusional chicksthat are watching this thinking like he's talking

(42:08):
to them. Yea, so Ifigured his audience is. Yeah, it's
like weirdo alone ladies who never beenkissed types. But also I think like
teenage girl, like twelve thirteen,fourteen year old girls would see this and
be like, oh yeah, heonly has twenty thousand YouTube following his YouTube's
way low. Again, That's whyI think TikTok is so high. Instagram

(42:30):
posts have like seventy thousand likes.Oh read the comments. They're not like
oh you suck. It's like,oh my god, I've been wanted to
hear this. Finally, somebody yearset us past. My heart grows with
such love for you that it achesif I were to leave this earth tomorrow,
which will be with no regrets,only with a certainty that you are

(42:53):
the person I were meant to be. With nothing besides death will ever tearris
appart. Oh my god, noice. Okay, make it stop. I
just want to know who he's talkingto. The whole thing is just so

(43:14):
he's talking to you. Yeah,that's the thing, Greg, because it
could be anyone, to be possiblefor someone to have a punchable voice.
Oh my god, he's coming upnext show Rayby. We'll tell you her
deepest, darkest secret. I'll tellyou what it's not. It's nothing sexual.
Officially coming out. Waiting for thatannouncement for five years. We'll be

(43:42):
right back. Welcome back to theshow. Marry your best friend. Seriously,
find the strongest, happiest friendship inthe person you fall in love with,
someone who speaks highly of you,someone you could laugh with, the
ky that makes your belly ache.Yeah, life is too short not to

(44:05):
fall in love with someone who letsyou be a fool with them. How
about this, how about you justsettle for someone you can tolerate, you
know what I mean, Like youcould talk, They could tolerate your nonsense
and your level of crazy. Youcan tolerate them and their level of crazy.
And then just let's just call ita life. Best friend. That
was my favorite one, dude,So this was This is from years ago.

(44:29):
But you know, like every everycity has the station in town.
I think Delilah's the woman, thewoman who's on a lot of the stations,
and it's like love dedications and stuff. Some some cities have their own
person who hosts their version of thelove song stuff. And I heard this

(44:50):
one in person and I was like, you gotta be kidding me because it
was like so over the top anduh this this is like, this is
something this guy would have wrote inthe Girlfriend whispered. He would have been
making this dedication listen and love songs, our love thought. This hour comes
to us from Teddy Bear. Well, Teddy Bear is thinking about Cupcake tonight

(45:14):
are He writes, Dear Cupcake,We've been together a little over two years
now, and I love you somuch and I can't believe that you are
finally here with me. You've shownme what true love really is. And
we've waited for this night for monthsnow that he's probably holding out, like
not giving it up until they gotmarried or whatever it was. She got

(45:37):
the shout out and love phones orwhatever it's called. Countdown is over and
I can finally say good morning toyou. Every day and good night when
we fall asleep in each other's arms. I loved you from the first day
I saw you, and I can'tbelieve that just a few short years later
we'd be starting our lives together.We can't miss the look in our eyes,

(45:59):
and we gaze at each other witha look that says so much without
saying anything at all. And thisis, by the way. This is
the guy that buys the the roseat the gas station that has like a
little Teddy Bear hanging on it acupcake. Yeah, he also buys giant
cards, like the big, huge, oversized cards. I love you baby,

(46:20):
you really are my whole world,and it signed love you Always Teddy
Bear. Well, thank you somuch for writing in and cupcake. Here's
your Daniels Tutler's love song, DiamondSong, O nice it is? Why
do you hate love? Yeah,you really are in my whole world.

(46:42):
You can like love somebody and notbe disgusting about it. What kind of
bumper stick bear he's got that Iheart my wife bumper sticker for or all
right? He's got a poster inhis man cave quote. I don't think
Teddy Bear has a made Oh,he's got a man cave, but like
she gets to decide how it's decorated. It's got a picture of the solar

(47:04):
system instead of the sun. It'sher face. Question, Wood, what
is the most romantic thing you thinkyou do for your wife? I don't
know, take care of her wholelife? Yeah, provide everything, Provide
everything, I mean some yeah,to show some love. I mean I
do very I do very thoughtful things, but they're not like this kind of

(47:28):
like I'm not buying the Teddy Bearwith the rose or you know what I
mean. Yeah, Like I gother a card for Mother's Day. Did
you write more than love face cookie? Yeah? Actually, yeah, I
did write a message. And theone thing I wrote in there, I
know for a fact that I said, I said, not only are you
a great mother, you're also afantastic a fantastic actress. Uh. I

(47:52):
love the fact that you pretend tolike me in front of the kids.
And then I put it I alwaysbecause our running thing is I put a
dollar in the card because menace.You can't have a card that opens up
and falls out. So it's notthat it's not the best effort, but

(48:12):
is yeah, right, alright,I like that that's in your own way.
That's it, all right, MoreWoody Shows next, hang up,
I think about a period. It'sThe Woody Show right into another new hour
of being, sensitivity training, trade, politically correct world. I'm Woody.
That's raving. Hello. Greg Goryis here. We got menace. What
is up? Woody is our socialmedia director. You can find us.

(48:36):
You can follow us at the WoodyShow on Instagram and Twitter or on Facebook,
Facebook dot com slash the Woody Show. That right there is Sea Bass.
Yeah, we've got Sammy Bort andCarolina here. Morgan is here,
Von our video producer on the jobthis morning, and we're leaving room for
you at the table to be partof the show. Phones are open eight
seven seven forty four, Woody.That's eight seven seven forty four Woody.

(49:00):
But right now, guys, it'stime for auebabe or iroll good all right?
So Greg Goory loves the good news, and there's so many things he
sees and he goes babe, andthere's other things that aren't good news.
But still listen, it's an eyeroll response from Greg. For whatever reason,
we're just trying to see how wellwe know Greg and what he will
go with will it be a GregGory aubabe or a Greg Gory I roll?

(49:22):
Okay, And this first story,this is last year. Two Ukrainian
refugees. They came to the USwith their two year old daughter, who
was born deaf. They'd gotten settledin North Carolina and they were able to
bring their kid to a hearing specialistwhere she got fitted for one of those
cocular implants. And so now shecan hear great. And here's a little

(49:47):
clipbo Yeah yeah, oh wow ababy or I roll? How I'm going

(50:08):
to kids, babe, but alittle I roll because Greg hates technology,
and you know they had to usetechnology. Yeah, he would at the
tech that has a little girl hearingyep. And also kids, yeah and
kids, Oh she is a girl, that's true. Greg said he would
be so bummed out of thee Well, let's say hypothetically he was gonna be

(50:30):
a dad and found out I wasgonna be a girl. He'd be bummed
maybe for optics. Still a baby. He's honest with these. I think
as a Russian he does hate Ukrainianangles. Yeah, but it's still all
babing it it still I'll say,uh, I'll see a babe. That

(50:58):
is a hardcore baby to think aboutit like that. Well, we discussed
many angles rayby, so you werebeing swayed. Yeah, initially I was
going to go I put when Iwhen I saw the story, I'm like
this, I thought this is gonnabe maybe an I roll. Yeah,
those videos to me are what likesoldiers coming home videos are to you the

(51:21):
first time? Yeah, right,you know it's weird to me and I
can't really, I guess thoroughly understandbecause I've never been deef. But in
the deaf community, they are verymuch against. There's a large section that
are yeah, yeah, like youknow, well, what's wrong, Like,
you know, you're saying there's somethingwrong, there's nothing wrong with you.
This is but yeah, wouldn't youwant to hear? But I think

(51:42):
if you can do this for achild who's two, you know, before
they've lived their lives hearing impaired.That show that we like accused was the
woman, the deaf woman who tookthe baby because the parents were going to
have this done. That's right,this implant done and they thought so hardcore
against it. Yeah, exactly.Yeah, we like that show on Fox

(52:05):
all right, Awe babe or Iroll over in the UK. You've got
this ninety two year old woman namedBetty Richardson. Of course, her name
is Betty. She's always had alove for the theatrog Ray, but still
had one thing left on her bucketlist, which was to see a strip
show. So her retirement home sentBetty, who was described to someone who
appreciates the male physique. Of courseyou and Betty have that in common,

(52:30):
sent Betty and her friends to amale strip t show by the Dream Boys
for the Fool VP Experience. Theygot the best seats in the house,
a private meet and greet with allof the strippers. The visit was a
complete success, and the retirement homesaid her face was lit up the entire
performance. She's ninety two, BettyRichardson, got a babe or I roll.

(52:58):
Let's go to our official scene,your correspondent Raby. First, Well,
look, this is the ultimate allbabe old lady at the strip club
loving it. Greg loves old people, and I mean all the people having
a great experience. All babe menacegoing ababe all day old people. Yeah,
Sammy a babe, Yeah, Ithink this one's definitely got to be

(53:20):
a babe, right, Greig.You know it, of course, old
lady getting all turned on by hottiegetting all horned up and happy and hot,
of course. Yeah, megababe,all right, and that was nice
of the home to do that.Yeah, for sure, A babe or
eye roll. The Houston Zoo hasthis ninety year old tortoise named mister Pickles
Nice, who became a father forthe first time. His species is critically

(53:47):
endangered, so they all joked thatit's a really big dill pick His wife,
Missus Pickles, is fifty three,so it's a it's a real oh
May December thing. On May DecemberRomance, they welcomed three hatchlings named dil
Gherkin and Hallipenia. Yeah, all, babe, or I roll menace babe,

(54:14):
turtle love all right, sammy ababe? All right, Rave,
I don't see any I roll angleto this. You know what I thought
about it too, although it's it'syou know, it's kind of cute,
see and whatever. Yeah, I'mgonna go all babe, great gory a
babe or I roll. You allnailed it, babe. I mean,

(54:35):
it's gross to be a dad atthat age. But those turtles, don't
they lived like one hundred and fifty. Yeah. I saw one the other
day, the oldest land animal everjust turned like one hundred and eighty something
to congratulations. Well thank you.That's an I roll. Awe babe or
I roll. A woman in Canadahad the drop out of college in twenty

(54:57):
thirteen to focus on her sobriety.But he or she is a decade later.
She's twenty nine. She's been soberfor nine years, and she went
back to school and is ready tograduate as a valedictorian over class. All
bab or I roll, We'll startwith you see bass. Yeah, I
think he again. I think themenace call optics here. Internally, Greg's

(55:20):
like, get over at bitch,Twitter, Twitter. That's what you go
to college for, to get hammered, to have a good time. So
I think he's gonna say all babe, but he deep down inside you're giving
us. You're not giving us opticanswers, right, I mean, have
I ever He's never done that.Very sweet stories. I've I rolled old
people getting remarried stories. Greg's nota big fan of like confrontation necessarily,

(55:43):
Like he's you know, he's nota confrontational guy. But he has said
a number of things on this showthat would not be you know, without
controversy or that you know, unpopularopinion. And then and then I just
don't want anything afterwards. I'll sayit and then leave me alone. Because
we had that book. I'm soworried about this Canadian woman, not about

(56:04):
her, about the about alcoholism.I'm saying, go ahead. We had
this book alcohol Lied to Me,which I mean, do enjoy Craig Back,
the author. But I'll show itto Greg. He'd be like,
oh, yeah, it's like aloser, what a quitter? Right,
of course, you know I've gota billion percent alcohol lied to me.
It didn't tell me how much itrolled. I say, I'm saying,
I roll great, Yeah, leaningI roll too. I think we already

(56:25):
know the answer. If I'm goingI roll say great, gory. This
is a total awebabe, although witha caveat, I mean, you have
to drop out just to focus onyour sobriety. I know it's difficult in
class, right, I mean you'rein for a rude awakening and you realize
that, yeah, the world doesn'tstop. In nine years away from college,

(56:50):
a lot of starting and stopping sobrietyjourney. I get it's tough.
I mean for me to not havea glass of wine for two days in
a row is noteworthy. That's myword that I use. But met,
I mean good for her. Myaunt got her degree when she was in
her I think late fifties. Ithink it's cool when people do that.
So this is an ad babe,all right, Well there's a babe or
eye roll like you got that bigsaid, yeah, don't quit. Don't

(57:16):
quit unless you have to exactly.The doctor's telling you got a quart order
and like alcohol lied to me,Yeah, it never told me you rather
gonna love me so much? Doesravel like to gamble? Yes? Does
she have a gambling problem? Yeah? What is your gambling problem? Not
gambling? Right, She's not gamblingright now currently, not gambling. More

(57:37):
what he shoves next? Hang onnext. So we like fun facts around
here definitely because they're fun, youknow right there in the d Yeah.
Fun facts now typically are about differentthings. These are fun facts about people

(57:59):
on this show. And I've beeninvited to Morgan and because actually Morgan shared
something with me and I thought itwas pretty funny, and I'm like,
wow, I said, I wonderif people in the room would be able
to guess between the because we allknow each other, we know, you
know, what we're all capable ofor whatever. I wonder I wonder if

(58:20):
anybody would guess correctly who that was? Who did that? So what we
did? And Sammy has a betteridea, So you know, her guesses
aren't really allowed, right, Iknow she has to. She's powerful because
she's been collecting everybody's fun facts.I guess we've all submitted different fun facts
to Sammy, and so she's gonnaread one and then we're gonna try to

(58:40):
guess and find out whose fun factthat is. All right, Okay,
So just because somebody has been guessedalready doesn't mean they can be guessed for
the next one. So we're doingguesses one at a time. Yeah,
yeah, yeah, So that thatway we can get the story, because
I think sometimes we get into theseand then before you know, but you
finally get to the story. Yeah, like you forget what it was all

(59:00):
about to begin with. Give usthe first one here, Sammy. Okay,
so we recently did a story abouta girl who was cheated on and
then to get revenge on her boyfriend, she had like shrimp and other stuff
inside the shower curtain and just hidnasty food all over the place. Somebody
in this room did the exact samething, but not because somebody cheated on
them. It was to get backat the landlord, so it was getting

(59:23):
revenge. But it was the sameidea. Somebody here did that to get
back at the landlord. So likestinky foods, right, huh. I
have two people. I think I'mlocked all right, you're locked in already,
Yeah, all right, I meanI guess we could all be swayed
metis what you guess between three peoplemore again, Greg or Raby. And

(59:43):
I'm gonna say I can't see Rabybeing ballsy enough to do that, but
she would want to. She'd likerun her mouth about it, and then
when it came to actually doing it, I don't think Baby has raged she
would do it, but I don'tthink she would go through with it.
Like breaking her own stuff is onething. I don't think she would.
Definitely thinks she would, But Isay, early early Greg, early days,

(01:00:05):
he would do it. Yeah,my guess is Morgan. Yeah,
come on, it does seem kindof cranky. Yeah, I'm gonna go
early Greg. All right, Soyoung Greg is menace. Guess Greg,
My guess is you. You're thebiggest fan of revenge. I love Revenge.
Yeah yeah, Uh, Morgan,I think, Wait, Sammy's not

(01:00:31):
part of this. It can't beSaming. It could be me. She
just can't guess for us because sheknows, right, I know everybody's story.
Yeah, everybody's story. Uh yeah, actually I don't either. A.
Sorry Greg, I'm gonna have togo young Greg, Young Greg,
Raby, I'm gonna go with MorganMorgan, all right, well, yes,

(01:00:51):
let's uh, let's find out whogot back of their landlord by hiding
stinky food around the apartment. Itwas Greg, It wasn't. When this
story came up, I thought,no way I did. It wasn't my
landlord. It was my friend's landlord. And it was one of these situations

(01:01:12):
where she was renting the I guessyou'd call it a guesthouse. It was
more like a shed in the backyard, and the landlord lived in the main
house. And she was wronged anddid all this crazy stuff. And we
had that brilliant idea too. Wewould crack raw eggs and leave them in
the highest cubobs behind plates. Wedid do the shrimp thing where we hid

(01:01:34):
that in little random areas around thehouse, inside the toilet paper roll where
you can take off that springy thing. We would put like anchovies in that
eggs everywhere while we're doing it.I knew it was wrong, but I
thought it was so funny. Isaid, I'll help I'll help you out
with this because you got wrong byyour landlord. So what what was the

(01:01:59):
wrong egg? Again? I thinkshe got in trouble for she was supposed
to house or something, and thenshe left, and then the yeah she
did something, Yeah, I thinkso, because somebody got me at her
not doing something right, and Istill glommed onto the revenge. I think
she was supposed to be house sittingat the time, and we all went
out, and then she happened tocome home and realize nobody's home when she

(01:02:21):
was supposed to be home, andso then when when she left, we
did the eggs the shramp. Andthe funniest is because we're trying to help
each other get up as high aswe can and put them on top of
cupboards, but we'd cracked them first. They were slightly leaking, destructive against
property. I was just so Istill feel guilty about about that. He's

(01:02:45):
also the one who threw the chairsoff their guilty about that. I love
such a Yeah, what's the next? What do you show a fun fact?
Somebody here got a personal gift fromkid Rock. Oh okay, I'm
locked on. Here's your guests.I'm gonna go with Sammy Sammy. Yeah,
Sam, you like kid rock iscountry? Right? Yeah, I've

(01:03:07):
started Yeah, Yeah, but Sambecause no, I didn't even think about
Sammy, but because of her backgroundwhere she used to work. She used
to work at like a rocker station, right, I don't even know what
they play, a rock station.Yeah, I like a rock station,
like hard rock. Yes, there'syour guest, Sammy. Uh No,
my guess was either going to beyou or Morgan for some random reason.

(01:03:28):
But I'm gonna say Woody, uhGreg Gory. My initial guess guess was
Menas because he shouts out that barand he likes and he has front Yeah,
but now I'm gonna go Sammy.All right, Raby, I'll go
Woody because you know, you werea jock at that type of station in

(01:03:49):
the heyday of kid rock. Yeah, and he was very nice, you
know, he would come in andbe like, hey, I'm Bob.
Yeah you know, yeah that's hisname. Yeah, yeah, oh wow.
He was very kind every interaction Ihad with him. Yeah, in
fact, that is my story.And he was supposed to be at my
first wedding. Like he and I. He and I were like actually really

(01:04:14):
like pretty good friends. Like Isaid, he was easy to talk to,
a very easy going gun. Nineteenninety eight. This is when a
Devil without to Cause his first albumwith like Bob with a Bad Cowboy.
He's bigger radio hits when those cameout, and we were like the first
station, what I was working,like the first station to really play him
outside of Detroit where he's from.And yeah, he came in and I

(01:04:38):
remember I had this interview and healmost jumped over the counter and one of
the fight because yeah, like Iwas asking him some questions because I'm like,
oh my god, who the hellis this guy? You know,
I kind of thought he seemed ridiculous, you know. And I heard a
story about how he had gone toLA to sign his record deal, end
up getting in a bar fight andthen arrested and thrown in jail while he's
in town to sign his his recorddeal. That he's been working so hard

(01:05:00):
to get him, Like what anidiot, you know, And so I
asked him if he took it upthe button jail, you know, and
I was I was just like,dude, what a dumb ass like this
guy and he was actually very cooland rolled with everything. But when when
I got when uh, but thatwas after that that kind of like it
was kind of tense in the beginningand then that broke the ice and uh.
And then after everything kind of mailedout. It's like anything else,

(01:05:23):
like two guys who getting almost getinto a fighter gett into a fight,
it becoming like really cool and you'relike, let's just kiss. Yeah,
and it was super fun. Iwas like, you know, twenty twenty
one, twenty two years old atthe time or whatever it was. And
uh. And so like, youknow, go to the shows and hang
out and everything else. So hewas supposed to go to my first wedding
like with my ex wife and thenright because he's on tour, so he's

(01:05:47):
like, oh, dude, I'lldefinitely go. He goes I'll be a
party, right and then uh,and then so the invites went out anyway,
so long story longer, we gota gift from him in the mail,
handwritten note out of Booze and hehad got us our towels off our
registry. Yeah, so like ourlike shower towels and stuff like them from

(01:06:08):
kid Rock, from kid Rock.Yeah, yeah, it was. It
was pretty funny. Hey man,sorry I can't be there. Blah blah
blah blah. I'm on this too, you know the thing. You know,
it's pretty funny. And then andthen lost touch with them big time.
And I God, I haven't seenhim or talk to him in a
billion years. Reach back out Facebookhim, yeah, pokem Yeah, Facebook's
on Facebook daily. Al right.Next one, all right, somebody on

(01:06:32):
The Woody Show had a stranger seetheir bare ass because they forgot to lock
the bathroom door on an airplane.Okay, Greg, I'm going back to
Greg. Okay, I mean thatis a great type thing, yeah,
pooping, but he was in there. Do you think Greg's one of those
guys that when he you know,not at work because it's a open but

(01:06:55):
give he's like a plane bathroom orat home, you think he's like a
dr of his past to his anklesto pee kind of guy. D No,
No, I don't know, becausehe does the same move. Greg
and I agree on on going pe. The easiest one is over the over
the boxers go in bathroom. Yeahall right. Uh, I'm Greg.

(01:07:21):
When somebody opened the plane door,I'm like, this could be Ravy because
you know, maybe he's going tothe bathroom constantly. He does fly on
PE on every flight. Yeah,that's true. That's a good guess.
And she was maybe all right,Morgan, while he's deciding, I'm guessing
menace even though maybe he's throwing usoff trying to he always flying. And

(01:07:44):
we heard a story recently about howyou had to open the door to get
a delivery and you had no pantson, or like your little nightgown on
or something. My beard bibb withhis night dress. Yes, that sleep
dress. Yeah, it seems likea menace thing to me. I'm going
back to Raby all right, Greg, Yeah, I think I think Ray

(01:08:06):
all right Rave because she's probably done. I can't picture menace in a brass
situation on an airplane bathroom. SoI'll go Morgan, all right, whose
story is that it was me?That was me? I was in probably

(01:08:27):
my early twenties, and I wasgoing to the bathroom and I forgot to
lock the door, and for somereason, after I go to the bathroom,
I kind of pulled my pants upas I'm going to flush. So
I had turned around while I wasstill going to pull my pants up so
I could flush the toilet for efficiency, and like a middle a dad,
it just like opened the bathroom door. It was so mortified. He's like,

(01:08:49):
oh my god, I'm so sorry, and I was like, no,
I'm so sorry. Are you Areyou standing there saying that with your
pants still down? Right? Sorry? So are you're watching the sorry team
very quickly? Right? Did youhave an opportunity to actually get your drawers
up before? Don't know? Aundmy sy I said sorry, but I

(01:09:09):
really apologized when I walked out.Okay, but he said sorry and the
door kind of closed and I feltso bad. Always was your butt so
he didn't like spin around, It'slike, okay, then accidentally lift up
your shirt. Sorry. I thinklike copper tone, like right where it's
like the pants down, you seethe butt, and I like turn around,

(01:09:30):
like how much longer did you haveon that flight with him? Oh?
It was at the start of theflight. Yeah, So the first
husband I p a ton on flightsI'm never dumb enough not to lock.
I don't know how it happened.Yeah, well latch broke kind of track.
Allright, we got some more showfun facts coming up for your next

(01:09:51):
hang on. The show will beright back, I mean this, welcome
back, everybody. Yeah, allright, so we were doing some Woody

(01:10:11):
Show fun facts. What's the nextfun fact? All right? Somebody on
the Woody Show went to the gym. They got on the treadmill, started
running, and then thirty seconds laterthey just decided they didn't want to work
out anymore. But they didn't wantthe people running next to them to think
that they were a pussy, sothey faked an injury and then left.
It's smart faked an injury. Okay, Okay, Jim and treadmill running.

(01:10:35):
Menace is out. All the Menacehas spurts in his life for a while.
Yeah, I Jim on and off. I mean this was a thirty
period. That sounds like that he'sbeen in a two decade off period.
But there, I'm gonna say thatGreg is out because you know, Greg

(01:10:56):
doesn't work out at all. Yeah, that's we've heard them out. I'm
I'm gonna say that Menace could bein because like the remember when the Peloton
thing first hit, right, andhe's like, I'm peloton every day.
Yeah, well he was sharing withall this, so our one of our
bosses was like following along with Menaceand saw like his output was basically zero.

(01:11:17):
I could also see Morgan doing somethinglike I see Morgan because because it
is Morgan would go to a publicgym. Yeah, she gyms, but
that is a great place to pickup men ladies. But I also don't
think she would care if somebody sawher. Just thing Andyby doesn't public gem?
Yeah what do you ever has tobe? Yeah? Yeah, public
gem, but I don't run.I told you I don't run. Well,

(01:11:38):
thirty seconds that could have been herecould be a bear chase me,
like, yeah, I'm just dead. I love this story. Yeah I'm
locked Who are you locking in on? Menace? Menace? Yeahbe who you
locking in a I think Morgan wouldcare. She showed up does thirty seconds
and then but it's like, nah, this is I'm making it menace kind
of protesting too much. I'm gonnago with menace me, I'm gonna go

(01:12:00):
with I'll do see me again.It could have been again year ago great,
all right, whose story is it? It's Morgan's more story. Really
brilliant idea, if I do sayso myself. It's funny. I just
didn't think you would care. UsuallyI don't think Menace would care and fake

(01:12:20):
an injury. No way. Ijust stop. Stop. In that period
where he was being all work workingout, I don't care about anybody around
me, you know, worky out, all working out in public spaces,
I'm like, not paying attention toany bro. I usually don't either,
but at the gym, I payattention to everyone. So I think they're
paying attention to me, or theyprobably aren't, so right, Yeah,

(01:12:42):
no one's paying attention. I canget it. I don't think anyone noticed.
Show us your ad. You walkout the studio here, show us,
so show us what you did.So I was like on the treadmill
right and I'm like, I feelmyself slowing down, and he just stops
and I just pretended like I hada previous injury with like an angle thing
anovated something like didn't fall off,and I was like, oh you know
what, I like, okay,you know, I grab yeah, limping,

(01:13:04):
and then I did like the littleankle roll thing like, oh,
like here, let me see ifI can move it. Yeah, and
then then leave leave yeah, likeleft left out the door. Yeah here
show. Yeah, as you walkout the door, let's let's wow.
Yeah, because you gotta leave anyway, all right, Oh wow, look
at that. She's really weird.Screaming, screaming show. We'll be right

(01:13:30):
back. This is the little show. It was, uh right in the
middle of the day yesterday, Iwas thinking to myself, it would be
nice to just like call out tomorrow. How would that work? A man,
you know, there's just there's toomany moving parts, yea with with
this job, which I've also thoughtabout him, Like, man, what

(01:13:54):
if I was legitimately sick? Likereally, yeah, I mean I guess
you could figure it out, butlike, yeah, it just it's not
fair to anybody involved if we justlike called out last second like that.
That's true. Not that we haven'tthought about it, unless you have to
go to the hospital. Because yourappendix is about spurs, right, like
something something like that. While wehave our weekend homework topic, we got

(01:14:15):
a lot of feedback from you guys. We're gonna be taking your phone calls
and your text messages. What's thelamest excuse that you have used or tried
to use to get out of work. It'll be coming up for you this
hours to get into another new hourof insensitivity training for a politically correct world.
It's Monday morning, it's forty.That's raving. There's Greg Gored Menace
is here. What is Upody,We've got Sea Bass, We've got Sammy,

(01:14:38):
Good morning, Bart and Caroline doingtheir thinking the Woody Show production apartment.
That's it would be, I thinkthe most difficult for if we just
called out last second and Caroline,yeah, and then Sammy and Morgan.
Sure, Morgans here, Good morning, Morgan mor vaughn. He's our video
producer. Phones are open at eightseven seven forty four Woody. You can

(01:15:00):
hit us up with a text overto two two nine eight seven. I'm
not one of those people, bythe way, who takes great pride like
I've never used a sick day.I've never it's it's it's nothing like that.
I've never taken my vacation time.Right, Yeah, I'm not.
I'm not one of those people.I just I mean a knock on wood
I can't remember the last time Ihad to call out. It's very rare.

(01:15:20):
Yeah, Like I'm not coming inhere with a fever, you know,
like if I'm head cold or somethinglike that. I mean, what
are you gonna do? Although wedo work that's a thing. We do
work with people who if they havethe slightest cold, there's such hypochondriac like
they will not come to work it'scold, colder and not even like they'll

(01:15:42):
work from home and they'll just dotheir show from home, which is very
possible these days, very crazy,you know, if you have to do
like a little one off thing orthese times when I'm out of town,
you know, for different things likemy mom or whatever, and I've done
the show from my mom's house.Yeah, I don't even live there,
but like my my home setup iseven better than that. It's if I
was just worried about not getting otherpeople sick, I can still do my

(01:16:02):
job so easy. Yeah. Now, if you're like laid out in bed
fever, can barely move without barfingor exactly whatever, that's that's different.
But man, there are some otherpeople who are the opposite of that.
Nope, hangnail. Yeah, there'sanother part. There's another person that we
work with who if somebody else isnot feeling well. They will like freak

(01:16:25):
out that this guy's falling in andmake sure they go home. Oh yeah,
I'll go to the bosses. YeahI won't be there. Yeah that's
true. Do you need to go, You need get out of here.
You don't get everybody sick. Ohmy god, the thing you just described
and you're laid out fever, can'tmove. That always happens to me basically
on the first day when we havevacation, and then I'll spend five of

(01:16:46):
six days mega sick. Well,I wonder what that's about. I was
trying to I don't know what it'sabout, because we always have a party
right before vacation where we're in asmall room with a thousand people, right,
yeah, we're shaking hands, yeahyeah, and then we get sick.

(01:17:09):
It's easy answer. Heard a theorythat where people say the body that's
where I was going. Body andthe mind aren't really connected. So the
body knows, Oh, like you'reletting go, you have some downtime.
Now you're gonna get sick. Yeah, like your body just kind of like
time to rest. It's like theburnoun factor. Yeah, you know,
it's just finally Oh cool, right, now we can attack you and make

(01:17:30):
you ill. Yeah, we'll takeyour calls. Lamu's excuse you've used to
get out of work? Oh man, we had we I don't think we
played the voicemail. I have avoicemail which I'm not going to play,
but I don't want it. Iplayed it for you guys in the room.
I think it was one of theother employees calling in like over the

(01:17:51):
top with like the dramatics like ohmy god, I'm so shick. Miss's
left for their manager. The managershared it with me, right, I'm
like, boys, this for theair or not? Right? And then
maybe go away for the weekend.Yes, of course, Oh my god,
what about our old phone screen.She's notorious for that. Nobody that

(01:18:11):
we worked with currently, this islike years ago where many many many sick
days, so many sick days andlike or excuses for whatever. But man,
once the weekend hitting and there waslike a festival of some kind of
some kind of weekend plan to goout of town that Monday through Thursday sick
sick, sick sick, and thenFriday off. What is that like d

(01:18:35):
thing you healed? Yeah? Now, somebody who has been fired a number
of times in my career for alot a lot of like really dumb stuff
like stuff it's like, really yougot fired. Uh, it's amazing to
me this stuff that people don't getfired. I know where it's so obvious
that this is just excuse. Youknow, you're just gaming the system,

(01:18:57):
you're being lazy, and yet nothingever happens. Dude, these people I
know they worked with a girl Edwardwould always call in sick every time she
had her period and everyone knew,and then she would be off for like
four days. Oh wow, everymonth. How do you get away with
that stuff? And what? See? I don't really understand, Like I

(01:19:18):
would think like after the first coupleof periods would be used to whatever whatever
happens to you. I'm asking theladies. She wasn't legitimately sick. I
mean, no period, it canbe really bad. I'm wonder if she
had some sort of doctors or something, she had a condition. My friends
were friends with her. She wouldjust use it as an excuse not to

(01:19:41):
go to work. Yeah, andnever got fired. But like once you
okay, so once you know likeokay, this is how my body,
You're never used to it, especiallyif it's crippling. But isn't there something
There's got to be something that youcan do for it. That's the worst
part. Really. Have you evercalled out with one or because of one?
No, but there were times whereit was really bad. Luckily I

(01:20:04):
didn't have work or anything that day. Had I had something to do,
no chance? Oh wow, theycan't you just roll up a heating pad,
stuff it up there and then allthe day and then go to work
and you're heating pad tampon. Idon't, That's what I'm telling you.
Sometimes you just can't cure your symptoms. Now you're talking about legit stuff,

(01:20:26):
but I'm talking about it. I'lljust use it as an excuse experience.
Yeah, let's say hi to Matt. Hey, good morning, Matt,
Matt, good morning. How arewe doing good? So what do you
got for it? Layman's excuse orwhatever you used to try to get out
of work. So I actually don'tuse this excuse. I hate hearing lame
excuses. So I have a policywith my employees where if they need a

(01:20:46):
personal day, they just text methat they put their pants and they're good
to go. So this is likeexcuse. Yeah, I give them the
lame excuse, so I don't haveto hear any lame excuses, you know.
All right? All right, that'sgood. That's kind of like the
wink, like you know, you'relike, oh yeah, I'm totally gonna
be there, win right, I'mnot coming all right, all right,

(01:21:09):
Matt Man, appreciate it. Allright. So for you, what's the
lamest excuse that you have used?Or you know what I would love to
hear if you are a manager ofpeople, Oh what have you heard?
What are the lamest excuses that you'veheard? I'm eight seven seven forty four.
Woody is the number you can callin with eight seven seven forty four

(01:21:30):
Woody. You can also text usover to two to nine eight seven.
Like I wasn't this person's manager.It was just another person that I worked
with and this guy and talk aboutsomebody like how this person ended up not
getting fired. They took their stationissued laptop and pond it. Oh my
god. We take other stuff fromaround the station and sell it to get

(01:21:53):
like drugs and stuff, you know, And everybody was very much aware of
like the issue or whatever, butnever like you know, oh well let's
get you into or something like that. Never got fired and then this person
used an excuse. It was winter, and so you know there was there
was like an ice, an iceevent. Okay, it was really cold,
but like you live in a coldweather climate, you know, some

(01:22:14):
people are used to dealing with thatstuff. It's not like all of a
sudden, Hawaii froze over and nobodyknows how to deal with it. Huh.
You know. So this guy inthe front of his house had like
a gate, you know, likea little fence and then a gate that
would open to the street in thesidewalk on in front of the house.
Well, he called out of worksaying that his gate was frozen and he
couldn't get out. He was essentiallytrashed. Now, the fence on either

(01:22:39):
side of the gate was maybe threefeet Yeah, so like if you had
to get out there, you couldjust like hop over it or like even
just kick the gate a couple timesto break the ice up, and I'm
sure you could have gotten out ofthere. There was also a backdoor to
his house that led out into analley and then behind that detached garage.
You could have just gone out theother door. But no, he uh,

(01:23:02):
he was frozen in Oh damn.And then nobody said anything. I'm
like, you're gonna let that slide. Like his actual manager, I'm like,
you don't let that slide. He'slike, well, you know it's
him. I'm like, this isunbelievable. You're still going to give him
a paycheck? Yes, right,well he's no longer with those r I
pour hot water on the gate.I gave this guy much crap. That

(01:23:30):
wasn't the boat guy, right,No, that was different. That was
we had a sales guy. Hewas working with, like a water sports
dealer, like for boats and jetskis and stuff like that. That this
business had given the radio station ajet ski to give away his summer promotion.
And he kept it. Yeah,and he told he told the client

(01:23:51):
that they had given it away becausethey put it in like all the hey,
this summer, you have a chanceto win blah blah blah from whatever
the name of the place was.And so they got all their on air
mentions or whatever, just never didthe actual giveaway to a listener. But
he kept it because you're always supposedto do a recap and show. Yeah,
well here's a picture with the winner, and you know it's a picture
of him. Yeah, he keptit. It was in his grunt and

(01:24:14):
all kinds of stuff, dumb mass, all kinds of stuff that he just
kept. Oh my god, sodumb. Eight seven seven forty four.
Woody again, if you've tried touse a lame excuse to get out of
work, or you are a managerhaving a deal with lame excuses that people
are trying to use on you,give us a call eight seven seven forty
four, Woody, hit us someof that text over to two two nine
eight seven. Your calls, yourtext next on the Woody Show. Heck,

(01:24:40):
all right, so we get homeworktopic. We're getting some of the
feedback here. What is the lamestexcuse for live? You told to get
out of work? Now, ifyou're a manager of people of liars,
we're also interested and some of themore interesting ones that you have heard from
people trying to get out work?Eight seven seven forty four. What is

(01:25:01):
the phone number if you want tocall in? Eight seven seven forty four?
Whatdy? Or hit us up ofthe text over to two two nine
eight seven. Let's go to Andrew. Hey, good morning, Andrew,
Good morning, guys, good morning. All right, So Lamy's excuse her
lie told to get out of work. You know, individually, each of
these points wouldn't amount too much.It's just a combination of them. So

(01:25:24):
the young ladies said, I can'tmake it in today because I'm too tired
from trying to get my cat tocome inside. And I wasn't successful until
two am. Oh wow, andI was pretty speechless. Point number two,
she wasn't scheduled to work until tenam. And you know, I
happen to know this individual only tolive twenty minutes of work, and she

(01:25:45):
didn't call until ten thirty. Foolthat already. Anybody ever tell you sound
just like Mike Rowe? Yes,all the time he does. He sounds
a lot like Mike the Dirty jobsguy. Yeah, yeahs, which is
a good yeah. All right,Andrew, thanks for calling show. Thanks
guys, right, all right,maybe it's micro calling in his Andrew right,

(01:26:13):
let's go to Carlin. Hey,Good morning, Carlin, Hey,
good morning guys. All right,lame's excuse her. Lie told to get
out of work. So, uh, I've kind of disabled my truck like
halfway to work, and I justcalled my boss said, oh hey,
you know, my truck's broke down. I'm not gonna be able to make
it in, and I knew thatall my coworkers are going to be driving

(01:26:34):
by and stuff, and I wasa mechanic at the time, and so
I went and I like pulled theor pulled the rotor out of my distributor
and just kind of sat there,thinking, well, maybe if somebody one
of my friends or river polls over, they're gonna help me try to fix
it. And I just did notwant to do what works bs that day.
I waited for like an hour,popped it back in, went and

(01:26:56):
got it donut, and went homeall that. Wow, I know,
I mean, you know, yougotta really follow through and the whole thing.
You know, you can't just trythe excuses things. Yeah, you
got to commit a lot of work. Absolutely. That sounded way better than
actually going and dealing with everybody's crappedthat day. It's just like all that
effort might as well just work,all right, Carlo, Let it simply

(01:27:17):
like a minute, yeah, yeah, a minute, and then and then
also like, uh, what anhour of sitting there we're waiting for the
people to go buy off st Yeah. Yeah, oh yeah, I dunnut
yeah, eight seven seven forty four. That's eight seven seven forty four.
What does it say, Hi tocarlos Hey, good morning, Carlos,
carlos Hey, good morning. Goeslamest excuse her lie told to get out

(01:27:40):
of work. Yeah. So Iused to work as a campus security at
a high school and we had afield trip. We already going to take
the seniors onto a college, andto get out of that, I ended
up googling an ivy. So Ifound a picture of a hand with an
ivy stuck inside of it, andI sent it to my boss saying that
I was in the hospital for dehydration. Yeah, menaces used that. That

(01:28:06):
was one of menaces better excuses thathe came out with his generator. Somebody
get called up and asked for anidea and message. Just go on Google
Google image. Don't take the onefrom the first page or the second page.
Go like the six pages seven.He was just Google crutches, leaning
against wall, find the picture andto send that on the text to whoever

(01:28:30):
hurt myself. Yeah done, thankyou, thank you. Next, But
I mean I v in hand isgood, that's hydration is not serious.
Won't keep you out more than oneday, but I will keep you out
field trip day. You need geta hand twin to make sure it looks
the same. No, not onlythat, my boss had made me carry
a bottle of water every time everyday, so that you're prone to it,

(01:28:53):
you're prone to dehydration. Had thathappen again? Yeah? All right,
Colors, thanks for to call me. I appreciate you. Listen to
the Woody Show. Let's go toCorey. Hey, good morning, Cory,
Cory, Hey, id doing thismorning? What show? What's up
this excuse for Lye? I usedto get out of work. I was
dating this girl who was married andwe had ended up having a party and
was up drinking all night long.Her husband found out where we live.

(01:29:15):
The next morning, my boss mannever comes and picks us up. Well,
I told him her husband had foundout about us, and he came
and slashed my tires, and myboss man was like, well, I'll
be there in thirty minutes to pickyou off. So I literally had to
go outside and slash my older tire. So yeah, nice. He's like

(01:29:38):
when your buff gets called all rightright yeah yeah, he had never ever
done that before, so damn allright, Corey, thank you for the
cob for now. That guy soundedlike Stevo. Oh yeah, kind of
have. We've had micro and Stevoboth calling this sweet. Let's go to

(01:29:59):
Jennifer. Jennifer. Jennifer Hi.I had an employee one day, Colleen,
and she said her kids got akidnaped. And of course I as
a leader on because I'm like,oh my gosh, how are you doing?
Come to find out she didn't evenhave kids? Oh damn. So
she was fine. That's a prettybrutal liary, right, kids got so
you would think that'd be bad karma, right, But if you don't have

(01:30:23):
kids is a bad karma. Youdon't even have kids? Oh my god,
I mean it's dumb. That's prettySee that's the thing in menace from
the excuse generator standpoint, like,that's why you need something that is really
hard. I mean, it's reallyeasy to prove that someone wasn't kidnapped.
Yeah, did you're gonna call thecops? You go, Oh my god.
My employed just called me said thattheir kid was you know, taken,

(01:30:43):
and they're gonna be on it.Yeah, it might make the news.
I mean yeah. Kind of adjacentto that. One of my other
excuses was, you know, youjust google local shooting and find something.
I to die. Yeah, andthen you send the article to your boss
and say, hey, that wasmy cousin. I had to be in
the hospital. Yeah. The otherone you had, I thought it was

(01:31:04):
pretty good. Was, you know, to fake pink eye, you go
into the bathroom and you take someof the liquid hands up from your you
know, like right in the middleof the day of work, and you
rub it in your eye because youreye will get really red temporarily, and
you go like, man like,I think I got pink I, oh
my god. And then you gohome and everything's fine, right, oh

(01:31:26):
my god, Yeah, thank you. One's good. Let's go Tube Chazz.
Take a morning, Chazz, Jazz. Morning. You guys, use
your lie. Told to get outof work, didn't get me out of
work. But I had stayed uplate the night before, and I drive
a dump shop, so I didn'twant to go in. So I telling
my boss that my girlfriend had bustedthe rim on the car and I had

(01:31:48):
to get it fixed. And hewas really adamant about how long it was
going to take the rim shop toopen to get it fixed. I had
a rim that was cracked in mygarage, so I went and got that.
We did to prove to him.So I had a receipt to send
me to show that I was atthe tire shop. He still wasn't buying
it. He was really at aboutadamant about me getting to work, So

(01:32:11):
it constantly sixty bucks. I stillhad to go to work and I actually
had to work over time that day. So much week. Meanwhile, what
do you know, that's what Idid? Write a Trump dump truck.
Yeah so much. And first ofall, rim so much, just ram
after rim after m. Yeah.All right, so we're gonna get to

(01:32:32):
more of these stories, calls,text messages, some of the other stuff
that was shared over the weekend onour Facebook, Facebook dot com slash the
Woody Show. That's right after thebreak hang up, great, the costs
are here. Okay, sit tightfor a few of The Woody Show.
Will be right back as soon ashe dies down. Okay, comics,
fucking get down show. This isthe Woody Show, all right. So

(01:32:59):
what's the lamist excuse or lie thatyou told to get out of work?
Or if you're a manager of somekind and someone tried to use this excuse
on you phones open eight seven sevenforty four, Woody hit us up with
a text over to two two nineeight seven lot of feedback to share.
I got one for you, guys. The premise of mine was real,
but the severity was fake. WhenI was in my early to mid teens,

(01:33:19):
I think, menis you had thisproblem too. I would get nosebleeds
in the summer. Yeah, I'llget almost hot daily. So I was
a day camp counselor and I wasjust really tired, and I'd like,
I don't want to deal with kidstoday. So I called and said I
had a nosebleeds so bad that itwouldn't stop, and that I might have
to go to the hospital to getit. Caughter ez. It did stop,

(01:33:43):
but like maybe two minutes later,I easily could have gone to work.
I was not feeling it. Ithink that was like I got them
all the time. It stopped forlike five minutes and then just started to
start it up again. Bad eightseven seven forty four Woody after hours had
at ten am is the after hoursvoicemail. Here's one of those we got
over the weekend on the topic.Hey, my name's Ashley. This is

(01:34:06):
in response to the lamest excuse toever get out of work. I don't
want to necessarily call it lame,but it was pretty damn funny. I
used to work at Applebee's and Ihad to work a double one day.
Mind you, I was like nineteenyears old, and on my lunch break,
I decided to call my boss andtell them that I had the bubble

(01:34:30):
guts from lunch and I could notreturn to work because I wanted to go
out and get drunk with my friends. So yeah, I probably lame,
but pretty funny. My boss waslike, who doesn't process that quickly?
And I'm like, well, gotthe bubble guts. Sorry, can't come
back anyway. Bye. Yeah instant, Yeah, pretty true. Yeah.

(01:34:57):
MICHAELA had hit us up on Facebookthat I had stomachache because I ate too
many crab legs. The night before. I even went to Urgent Care to
get a doctor's note, and theylistened to my stomach with a stethoscope and
then gave me the note. Yougot crab legs. Herman says. My
little brother got his arm caught inthe microwave? Was the excuse? Had
to get your arm caught in?Uh? The excuse from rain on Facebook.

(01:35:20):
My husband once called in because agame he was watching was in overtime
and depending on how late that gamestarted. I can go pretty late.
Get away from this. Josh says, I was trapped by a flooded river
was my excuse. There was aflood at the time, but I was
in town only a few blocks away, So there is a flood, just

(01:35:44):
not here. Yeah, Terry,it's up on Facebook. I was in
my early twenties, said I sprainedmy ankle, but my dumbass I forgot
that I had to go in topick up my check. So I wrapped
my ankle on bandages and I limpedin. All right. Another one called
in because her dog's nails needed tobe cut. Well, yeah, that's
an entire day bill. In Indianapolis, as a union iron worker foreman,

(01:36:09):
I had a guy call in fora day off. His excuse was he
forgot to pay the power bill.Electricity was cut off and he wouldn't be
able to get to work because histruck was in the garage. And they
have an electric garage door opener.Like, dude, pull the emergency hanything.
Yeah, the ropey things right there? Hey what he shows a manager.
At my last job, I hadan employee who was awful. She

(01:36:29):
called out a minimum one or twotimes a week. We know those people,
and then cried about never having anymoney anyway. Her excuses were ridiculous.
My favorite was the she said thenight before she had burned her mouth
on soup. That is definitely areason to not go to work. Three
one six says one of my drivershad to use an old van one day.
She came back that evening and saidthat she couldn't drive it anymore because

(01:36:51):
it didn't have crews and she hadweak ankles as take a shatter and very
weak. Well, thank you foryour feedback, everybody. It's pretty funny.
And the thing is like people,I think the dumbest ones, the
people who use it the most,like that woman who one or two times

(01:37:12):
a week, they think that peopleactually believe them. I yes they do.
Yeah, no shame. The onethat sounds the lamest to me is
anybody that goes to the hospital toget a doctor's note. There. You
just wasted your whole day, Iknow, and you're gonna get it.
You're gonna get charged for that.Yeah, that would work at very at
least a cope rather go to workthan go to the hospital. All right,

(01:37:34):
we're gonna get a quick break.More Woody Shows, Next hang up.
Coming up next on The Woody Show, it'll be something like eat sushi
from my backside, dontnuts off myding Dong, chicken soup from my belly
button, or something much darker.Got a frozen quarrel in my freezer at
very moment. The Woody Show backin a bit