Wombat kidnapping - FRI 9.1

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Boy, we just saw the craziest thing. It's a woman.
She's a very attractive woman with a podcast. But the
problem is, like she's objectively attractive. She's pretty and blonde
and very symmetrical faced, big eyes, nice lips, nice cheekbones.
If you like that sort of thing, you know. Problem is,
and I do neo Nazi. She's a neo no oh no,

(00:21):
and there's a lot of them. So if you sleep
with her, you might end up with a little Nazi
on you.

Speaker 2 (00:24):
You get caught. Is that contagious?

Speaker 3 (00:26):
Sir?

Speaker 2 (00:26):
Yeah, I think it's gonna you know, you get a
little onion, it starts growing onion and next thing you know,
you're Kanye with no. That's probably what happened to he.
Do you think there's an ointment he could have got
or like a thing? It's a prescription. A lot of
people just won't pay the price for big pharma.

Speaker 1 (00:43):
Well, you know, the HMO is too pricey?

Speaker 2 (00:46):
Oh is it that time already? Who knew?

Speaker 1 (00:49):
We'll tell you more about hot neo Nazi podcasters later
and why we don't approve of them.

Speaker 2 (00:53):
But first we celebrate some own biles. Oh yeah, it's well,
she is a very talented crack baby, isn't she? She
is an Olympic gold medal gymnast, the most decorated gymnast
in history, by the way. What they give her like
Christmas lights or what?

Speaker 4 (01:07):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (01:08):
They decorated her all up? That's great. Simone is all
of now twenty eight years old, still going by her
maiden name, even though she is married, has been married
for many years. Now.

Speaker 1 (01:19):
Can I get a rolling on that? Like how famous
she got to be to keep your last name? If
you're just kind of famous, do you have a hyphen.

Speaker 2 (01:26):
Simone Biles famous?

Speaker 1 (01:28):
I guess, well, Kim Kardashian West, you know, but she
doesn't really do that. What if you got married, What
if you had a bad last name, you know, like
your last name was like I don't know, Clytoris or something,
and you get married. Do you get her first name was
Dolores Dolores and then you get a divorce. Do you
go back to your bad last name or do you
keep your husband's name?

Speaker 2 (01:47):
You keep whatever you got? Yeah? I guess so. Steph
Curry of the NBA World I know who he is.
He's thirty seven. It's probably the only professional basketball player
I could name anymore. You know now that magic's right,
he's out right.

Speaker 1 (02:00):
Well, Larry Bird, I mean, but they're not playing I
currently playing Lebron.

Speaker 2 (02:06):
Okay, but I wouldn't have come up with that on
my own. What's another one? I don't know I could
think of one. Jamie Bell is thirty nine today. He
played the spy in the show called Turn Washington's Spies,
but he's done other things. Chris klein Oz from American
Pie Movies, he's forty six. Corey Stole, who played Peter

(02:29):
Russo on The House of Cards, is forty nine. Okay,
he's the one that ended up not committing suicide in
the passenger seat of his car because you know, he's
got a lot of work. He got a little help
and against his wishes to think, I got you. Billy
Crystal seventy seven. Michael Caine from Well Austin Powers another yeah,

(02:54):
ninety two years old. Now, good for him. He's still
hanging in there. It's like Gene Hackman. Wait, never mind,
well so far? Yeah, see if he makes ninety five.
Quincy Jones, the late great, I should say Quincy Jones
I won.

Speaker 1 (03:07):
Twenty eight Grammys and he did the Austin Powers theme song,
and there you go.

Speaker 2 (03:13):
Those guys share a birthday. Wow, that's so weird. Yeah,
he's no longer with us, but it would have been
his birthday. He just died last year. And Albert Einstein,
who's like famous for you know, being smart. Yeah, and
maybe he's the one who brought us pie. It's his
birthday and he was real smart, and it's Pie Day
because of math. You know how that works.

Speaker 1 (03:35):
No, No, No, that wasn't Albert Einstein. It been because
he was real smart, you buffoon. That wasn't Albert Einstein,
who discovered pie was discovered by the Babylonians.

Speaker 2 (03:44):
Yeah, you're taking away.

Speaker 1 (03:46):
The contributions to the Babylonian scientific community and you're giving
him to a German guy who just so happens to race.

Speaker 2 (03:52):
It be from a religion. We're not aware of what
is religion.

Speaker 1 (03:55):
I think Einstein's probably best, don't probably Muslim? I would
bet probably anyway, No need to go there on perm Day.

Speaker 2 (04:03):
Saturday birthdays include the very famous Young Buck. I believe
it was one of Kinney's favorites, member of Fiddy's crew
G Unit. You know. Oh yeah, hang on, I got
he ain't so young. Now he's forty four tomorrow. He's saying, sure,
do you want to ride?

Speaker 1 (04:19):
Oh, do you want to ride in the backseat of
a Dodge Viper with the windows down?

Speaker 2 (04:24):
I don't actually know how it goes. I'm just making
that up to sound like it was as good as
or better than what he was gonna do it. I
just made that up. Your friend Kobayashi, the hot dog
eating boy, is turning forty seven tomorrow. I know him.
Eva Longoria will be fifty. Will I Am of the
Black Eyed Peas will also be fifty tomorrow. Brett Michaels

(04:49):
of Poison fame and a big Walton Johnson fan. He'll
be sixty two on Saturday. Fabio turns sixty six. Oh
d Snyder twisted sister, not a fan. Same birthdays. Brett Michaels,
he'll be seventy. Kind of a liberal douche. Yeah, he
wasn't always that way, No, I know what's up with that.
Twenty years ago he shared a studio with us now

(05:11):
in the hall and we would pass him in the
hallways and things, and somebody once told him He's like, oh,
oh yeah, because you know, we were getting death threats
through emails and all that kind of stuff, and he's like, awesome,
Oh that's great, man. That means you're doing your job.
You know, you gotta either make him love you or
hateha that in between stuff that's no good. So I
guess we were doing our job. And then isn't there

(05:33):
didn't he have a cameo in the Pee Wee Herman movie?

Speaker 1 (05:35):
Remember I don't remember. They were doing a music video
for You're Gonna Burn in Hell. That was the name
of the song.

Speaker 2 (05:40):
Tomorrow, Jimmy Swaggert turns ninety years old. I guessing he
doesn't have all that trouble with hookers anymore like he
used to. Not at nighty you never know. Tomorrow's also
Andrew Jackson's birthday. The guy owned the twenty dollars bill.
Maybe you've seen him. What's he doing for his birthday
this year? No?

Speaker 1 (05:56):
Same as last year? Oh that's great. Well, well that's awesome.
Tradition continue fan.

Speaker 2 (06:01):
Est Gang van Halen Woofi has his birthday on Sunday.
He'll be thirty four. Have you ever heard him do
a show on satellite radio? Not really good like radio.
He's a good he just picked songs. You know, he's
a good guitarist.

Speaker 1 (06:15):
The thing I can never understand that is like, why
are you so much bigger than your daddy's You know
what I mean?

Speaker 2 (06:21):
Like why whether physically or bigger in the rock world?
The waste wine?

Speaker 1 (06:27):
Have you never seen him lately? Oh, he's a big boy. Really,
his dad never looked like that? Like what is I
get that?

Speaker 2 (06:32):
His dad didn't grow up with a bunch of money.
He ended up making a bunch. But I'm guessing the
kid did a lot of snacks in that cabinet grown up.
Sunday also Nancy Wilson from Hart, Steve Johnson from The
Walton Johnson Show, Eric Estrada, and Jerry Lewis all have
birthdays as well.

Speaker 1 (06:48):
That's right, Sunday's Steve's birthday. I told you not to
bring that up. We didn't plan anything.

Speaker 2 (06:53):
Well, it was on the list. I Hinny Youngman, king
of the comic one Liners, and James Madison we talked
about him earlier, the President, you know of the United States.
Back of the day. Steve is five foot four. Steve,
what do you want for your birthday? This year? Same
as last year? I have it in my calendar so
I never forget. But last year I went hog hunting,
which was great, So probably not gonna get that happening.

Speaker 1 (07:15):
I even have a reminder of the day before your
birthday to remind me that tomorrow is Steve's birthday in
my phone. But if your birthday falls on a Sunday
and I don't look at my phone on Saturday.

Speaker 2 (07:25):
And you probably won't, what hope do we have of
no hope? We have no hope. So what can we
get you this year? Like a hooker? We could just
kind of let it go.

Speaker 1 (07:32):
How about some Well, why don't we buy a bunch
of liquor before they put the tariffs on it?

Speaker 2 (07:37):
Yeah, okay, I'll go with that. All right, we'll do that. Well,
Happy birthday to Steve Johnson if people want to call him.

Speaker 1 (07:41):
If if anybody has any humiliating stories about Steve, I
will get you.

Speaker 2 (07:45):
On the air. No, that doesn't ever happen. Yeah, call
the show right now. Did we have enough time for
back in the day, this day in history, because it
is brought to you by Lawtigers, we could do it.

Speaker 1 (07:53):
Today's National Potato Chip Day? Who makes the best chip
and pie? I like Zaps, you like him? I lock
it and I don't get pay to say that I
just like them. Today's seventeen forty three. The first go
back further than that. That's how old Steve is, go
back forty four BC. What what happened? Oh, Jesus Christ

(08:14):
had a thing. No, he would have been dead by
forty four. He wouldn't have been born right now, you're right.

Speaker 2 (08:19):
On the night before they assassinated Julius Caesar, the IDEs
of March is tomorrow, theides of Marches and Cassius, the
two senators got together and decided they should let Mark
Anthony live, and and then they did. And then he
went off to Egypt and met like Cleopatron stuff and
they played with snakes. Oh, he had the best time.

Speaker 1 (08:41):
And then he wrote that song about picking up girls
in the recess playground of a local public school.

Speaker 2 (08:46):
Probably shouldn't have gone there. Yeah, I made the whole
thing weird from the streets.

Speaker 1 (08:52):
Sure that is a weird song, Yes it is, you
don't think. And then and then they called their band
the Eyes of March. It's almost like they just came
up with that. Hey what's your band called?

Speaker 2 (09:03):
I Maybe it was that day, Oh you know, they
looked at the calendar and went, hey, tied to March,
and we just made a band. Let's just call it that,
all right.

Speaker 1 (09:11):
Happy birthday to Julius Caesar and no and so to
us on this cloth on this day. In seventeen forty three,
the first America Town Hall meeting was held in Boston's
Fenwell Hall. Remember we went there, Yeah, we went there.
Remember today? In nineteen hundred, the US currency goes on
the gold standard.

Speaker 2 (09:28):
That was a good idea. It was a bad idea
to get off of it today.

Speaker 1 (09:31):
In nineteen oh three, President Roosevelt established the first bird
sanctuary Pelican Island, Florida.

Speaker 2 (09:36):
How about that?

Speaker 1 (09:36):
That was good Roosevelt, by the way, not bad Roosevelt.
And if you like the hardings today. In nineteen twenty three,
President Warren Jude is the first president to file a
tax return.

Speaker 2 (09:46):
Well, go ahead, How much did he did? He claim
that he made? I don't know. Oh, we don't have
the tax return in today.

Speaker 1 (09:52):
In nineteen forty seven, US signed a ninety nine year
lease on military basis in the Philippines. Uh, oh, what's
that run out? In twenty forty six, I guess would
be the end. Oh boy, it ain't that far away
now now, we're getting close. You know what what if
I jump on that? What if they don't remember to
renew the lease?

Speaker 2 (10:09):
And then I just kind of like getting you a
go pre order one of those websites when you find
out somebody's about to run for president or something and
then you go get their name dot com exactly. They
gotta pay you if they want to run for president.
It's genius.

Speaker 1 (10:22):
Today, in nineteen fifty eight, Perry Como gets the first
gold record for Catch a Falling Star.

Speaker 2 (10:27):
He didn't love that. You could probably take that one
off of you know, I mean, I think we could
live without that. That's the first time. Keep ahead to
nineteen seventy five. That's the important one.

Speaker 1 (10:36):
Today, in nineteen sixty four, Jack Ruby is sentenced to
death through the killing of Lee Harvey Oswald. Today, in
nineteen sixty seven, JFK's body is moved to a permanent
gravesite at the Arlington National Cemetery.

Speaker 2 (10:46):
They moved his body. Yeah, they do that sometimes. You know,
that's rude moving a guy's body. Seventy five do seventy five?

Speaker 1 (10:54):
Nineteen seventy five was the year that you want to
tell us about because it's not on my list.

Speaker 2 (10:58):
That Monty Pythe and the Holy Grail premiered fifty years
ago and it is still one of the funniest movies
you'll ever see. Yeah, you know what, I do.

Speaker 1 (11:10):
Enjoy it, And of course you know if you enjoy
money Python. It's the reason we have this brilliant song.
We we needed this, especially on a daylight today.

Speaker 3 (11:19):
Always look on the bright side of life. Always look
on the light side of life.

Speaker 5 (11:34):
If life seems Johnny rotten, there's something you've forgotten, and
that's the laugh and spawn and dance and say when
you're feeling in the damps, be silly chumps.

Speaker 1 (11:45):
All right, hang on, push you, hang on. I got
bad news. I got bad news, everybody. We've just received
this report. Looking on the bright side of life is
going to cost you two hundred percent tariff because apparently
the bright side of life is not on the American border.

Speaker 2 (11:58):
Oh isn't it always the little bit racist? It really is. Yeah,
you sure about that? You sure about that? That's why
Welton and Johnson Radio Network.

Speaker 1 (12:10):
All right, here's a little plot twist in the Diddy
controversy you are not expecting. You may recall that Shawn
Combs is a rap mogul who has been accused of
human trafficking and grooming minors.

Speaker 2 (12:20):
And did he been missing with him too?

Speaker 1 (12:23):
No, it's the same guy that didn't. Yeah, Shawn Combs
is his Ditty's not his Christian name?

Speaker 2 (12:29):
No? He kidding me?

Speaker 3 (12:31):
No?

Speaker 2 (12:31):
Yeah, that's oh well, that changes everything, all right.

Speaker 1 (12:34):
So this guy Puff Daddy also known as Diddy, also
known as p Diddy, also known as Shawn Combs. He's
got beef and the people he's got beef with CNN. CNN?
Did he claim CNN destroyed evidence? He claims, They claim
they didn't. Bombshell in the Diddy prosecution, CNN destroyed the
only known copy of the twenty sixteen video in which

(12:57):
Diddy has seen beating Cassie, the female pop star, in
the hallway of an La hotel. This this, according to
cord Documents. Now, Diddy's defense team of prosecutors filed a
joint letter about evidence in the case. According to the defense,
CNN purchased the video showing Diddy attacking Cassie. She's the
one that's sang that song me and You. I bet
you probably love that song. Don't mean you meant A

(13:19):
dog named Boo No.

Speaker 2 (13:20):
That's not it. No, that not a plug.

Speaker 1 (13:22):
That CNN purchased the video, and the letter claims CNN
purchased the only known copy, uploaded the footage into a
free editing program, altered the video, then destroyed the original,
even though it knew about it and repeatedly reported about
the federal investigation.

Speaker 2 (13:37):
The defense claims, bunch a crazy talk to me.

Speaker 3 (13:40):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (13:40):
They claim that CNN edited and altered the footage by
covering the time stamp and then changing the video sequence.

Speaker 2 (13:46):
Okay, but it's still a video of you beating a woman.
That's not good. However you look at I'm not really
sure how even if it was like midnight or two
thirty in the morning, I mean, if it was you know,
ten am. Yeah, I could see a problem with that.
They say the video is sped up.

Speaker 1 (14:01):
They sped up the video to make it falsely appear
of the actions the video are taking place faster than
they are.

Speaker 2 (14:06):
Okay, so he slowly beat her, Yeah? Do they just
took out the pauses, edited it down, make it quicker.

Speaker 1 (14:13):
This really is an argument of semantics here. They're trying
to say, well, you know, as the video is altered
so much, you're not really getting an honest look at
what happened. Yeah, but the thing we're all mad about
is still being explained and shown in the video.

Speaker 2 (14:26):
Something about physically attacking a woman in the means the problem.

Speaker 1 (14:30):
And this happened at the Inner Continental Hotel, which is
no longer in business, and they no longer have the video, so.

Speaker 2 (14:35):
It's go tell your story somewhere else.

Speaker 1 (14:38):
The defense will try and exclude the video from Diddy's
upcoming trials. So that was the big report yesterday. Since
then we have two updates as of last evening. CNN
never altered the video, says CNN Puffed Daddy is a weirdo.

Speaker 2 (14:51):
Don't listen to him.

Speaker 1 (14:52):
Diddy's legal team tells TMZ quote are written in oral
communication with CNN's council. We're clear they destroyed the original video,
So CNN denies that.

Speaker 2 (15:02):
Diddy says, that's a lie basically, and none of that's
gonna matter when the aliens come.

Speaker 1 (15:07):
Who do you trust us? Before we get to what
you just said, because it was crazy? Who do you
trust Leuss? He was crazy rap mogul accused of human
trafficking underage girls and boys, apparently, or CNN.

Speaker 2 (15:20):
Any part of the mainstream media. They're always last on
my list to trust. But also it's P Diddy like
you know this. I know it's a tough call.

Speaker 1 (15:29):
I mean, our own we know a guy named Tony
Busby that did a deep dive into this case and
talk to a lot of the victims.

Speaker 2 (15:34):
Impossible everybody's lying, Well, you know that's most likely the case.
It could be U does a guy's line that guy
who's lie? It could be both?

Speaker 1 (15:43):
All right, what if it's possible that both CNN and
puff Daddy are aliens from outer space?

Speaker 2 (15:50):
I don't doubt it a bit. And I got to
tell you what this news that I've just uncovered, it
looks like we're about to find out the folks in
h Wyoming are pretty upset about this whole situation. You
ever heard of Devil's Tower?

Speaker 3 (16:07):
Oh?

Speaker 1 (16:07):
Yeah, yeah, obviously, But why don't you explain it for
those who haven't.

Speaker 2 (16:10):
Well, if you if you never saw that movie where
they played the tones, dudey d D do you extraterrestrial?

Speaker 1 (16:17):
Or now what is it called the you know, the
movements encounters? Yeah, of the third kind, of the third kind,
not the second.

Speaker 2 (16:24):
That's regular kind. Yeah, Devil's Tower was the site where
the Aliens picked to land and they sent out, you know,
some telepathic alien waves to make people show up there
and stuff and build mashed potato towers and potatoes. Yeah,
so ash potatoes was a big part of that. Yeah.
So now Devil's Tower, after all this time, it's been

(16:47):
there forever, it's it's it's a national you know, monument.
You can go there and camp and just see it
and whatever. They've decided. Somebody at the tower decided they're
going to start closing overnight, just gonna close it up
pretty much effective immediately. They've never had to close before
because it's just a big chunk of rock sticking up
out of the ground and you can just go see it.

(17:08):
And now they're gonna put up barricades or gates or something,
and they're gonna put signs up and they're gonna close
from five in the evening until seven the next morning.
Were if you need mashed potatoes, that is obviously they're
preparing for the Aliens to lend and they don't want
a bunch of us over there in our RV's scoping
them out. You know, I believe you because right when

(17:30):
you said that that's when the music got real dramatic,
didn't they And that always happens for a reason. I've
seen movies before. Why would they need to close Devil's
Tower unless the aliens are coming back and they know
it all right? Does anything else happen at Devil's Tower?
A lot of crazy stuff happens there, Like now. The
Indians had a story about why it looked like it
did because, uh, tiger, lions or wolves or something was

(17:52):
chasing this Indian boy. He was out, you know, doing
his manly thing, hunting with buffaloes with bows and arrows
and stuff, and all of a sudden, wild animals came aftering.
And I think it was a giant wild animal too.
It's really big.

Speaker 6 (18:05):
Wow.

Speaker 2 (18:06):
So he luckily scrambled up to the top of the
Devil's Tower, sure, and he thought he was fine, but
the wild animal kept jumping up and clawing at the
sides of the tower trying to climb it. And that's
why it has that look that it has, because it's
got all the tall marks on.

Speaker 1 (18:21):
It, got claws on the side that looked like Rosie
O'Donnell was trying to get to and all you could
eat for fee dear God, No, I know it's really scary.

Speaker 2 (18:28):
Yep. So believe me when I tell you we let
that close from the aliens go ahead and just revealing
themselves to us.

Speaker 1 (18:36):
All right, So a lot of nefarious things happen on
Devil's Tower, probably at night. How about teenage drug hears?
Oh yeah, how about satanic ritualistic sex? Well duh, obviously, yeah,
that's like the main thing people are doing there.

Speaker 2 (18:49):
But they were fine with all that happening until yesterday apparently,
and then all of a sudden they think, oh, we
should close at night. I mean that means something. You
want to know? How I can tell? Do you hear
the music right now? It's obvious.

Speaker 1 (19:02):
It's obvious right that it got really intense when you
made that point.

Speaker 2 (19:06):
Yep. Wow.

Speaker 1 (19:07):
But we should play music like that all the time
during the radio show so people will know which parts
to pay most attention to.

Speaker 2 (19:13):
That's a good idea. Make a note because we'll forget
by Monday. All right.

Speaker 1 (19:16):
So it's Perham today, I don't know sure, And as
you know, Perham is a day for us to celebrate
our Jewish listeners, mostly Bubba Goldstein. We love him. He's
from the Boser area. And you know, but all is
not well in the world of Judaism. There are lots
of problems anti Semitism on college campuses. The far left
and the far right don't have much in common, but

(19:37):
there is one group of people they really seem to hate.

Speaker 2 (19:39):
Oh who's at the Jews? Oh yeah, yeah, I remember
hearing something about that.

Speaker 1 (19:43):
But we don't hate the Jews on this radio show,
we know, No, we love the Jews. We love everyone.
We love people regardless of their religious background. Or what
about pedophiles? You love a pedophile?

Speaker 3 (19:53):
No?

Speaker 1 (19:54):
No, no, no, so not everybody? Well no, not that.
What about a pedophile terrorist? Like some of the terrorizes pedophiles. No,
it is a pedophile and terrorizes people. I'd like it
more if they terrorize the pedophile. If I could turn
them in the proper direction for good, that would be nice.

Speaker 2 (20:11):
Anyway.

Speaker 1 (20:12):
In honor of perm and for Bubba Goldstein, this song
is dedicated to you because you're the one that told
us it was perm.

Speaker 6 (20:17):
Hey, Juice, don't look so sad when all the muslums
move to your gados. Don't let them come live inside
of your fence, because once they move in, they will start.

Speaker 4 (20:39):
Be head and hey juice, don't be afraid if the
irony is have an clear bad.

Speaker 6 (20:56):
The moment construction cost you. That's when it begs beom
a game. You need time that here aphrase, Hey jus,

(21:17):
that is the sound.

Speaker 2 (21:19):
Of a lie. Walton and Johnson