Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Sorry, a little behind the scenes stuff here.
Speaker 2 (00:02):
We are getting behind.
Speaker 1 (00:05):
No, we're not. No, I planed.
Speaker 2 (00:07):
On catching up now because I'm gonna go through the
birthdays real quick.
Speaker 1 (00:09):
When you say it like that, it sounds weird. It
sounds like we're doing something nefarious, or like, oh my bad,
Like a forty two year old man walking around Disney
World alone because he's single and he doesn't have any kids.
It's just weird. Yeah, very weird. They do it though. Okay,
so real quick.
Speaker 2 (00:24):
You probably won't want to get in the way and
slow me down by making comments about any of these people. Okay,
Little nas X is having a birthday today. He's twenty
six years old.
Speaker 1 (00:35):
There we go.
Speaker 2 (00:37):
El Fanning, remember little little el Fanny. She's Dakota Fanning's
younger sister, and she's now twenty seven.
Speaker 1 (00:45):
Elf Fanas el l E. That's not a name, this
means a woman. Really. Uh boy, she's weird looking.
Speaker 2 (00:52):
Kristen Stewart, who loves her some vampires. She's thirty five.
Speaker 1 (00:56):
Boy, she's weird looking.
Speaker 2 (00:58):
Little Rudy Huxtable remember little bitty cute little Rudy Hucksble.
She's forty six years old.
Speaker 1 (01:05):
Obviously, we think she's beautiful. There's nothing weird to say
about here. And I Pulliam's her name.
Speaker 2 (01:10):
Jenna Jamison is now fifty one.
Speaker 1 (01:13):
She's also a MAGA supporting Republican conservative Jew. Now it's
not all what you'd expect. A mother and a wife. Yeah,
and Ostilla, famous porn star, whether she likes her in
a bit.
Speaker 2 (01:23):
Of a checkered past. Cynthia Nixon, I know you don't
care for her. That was Miranda from Sex and the City.
She ran for governor, by the way, for New York,
didn't win. Dennis Quaid is seventy one years old today
and no longer with us. Hugh Hefner Carl Perkins both
(01:45):
born on this day, different times and today in history.
Now we'll be brought to us by the Walton Johnson Store.
You know we got merch.
Speaker 1 (01:55):
You wouldn't believe how much merch we've got. If you
go to www. I love WJ dot com, you're gonna
get slapped in the face with some of the coolest
radio merch you've ever seen. Stuff from the Gulf of America,
the Doge Father, all kinds of great things. You're gonna
want to get those beach towels coming up for summertime.
We got bikinis with Maga on them. Yet you can
(02:17):
get Donald Trump's face on your nipples at I love
WJ dot com. Today you can get a Ron Paul
coffee mug. And also, of course Helen Keller's fake We
don't believe in that conspiracy, so get some Helen Kellery's
fake T shirts as well.
Speaker 2 (02:29):
It's like that shooting shooting right the Helen Keller.
Speaker 1 (02:33):
Oh yeah, the Helen Kellery memorial gun range T shirts. Yeah,
I love WJ dot com. Check it out today.
Speaker 2 (02:38):
Big day in history, the Civil War ended. Everybody loved
the Civil War because it was so civil. But you know,
you can't keep that going on forever.
Speaker 1 (02:48):
Huh.
Speaker 2 (02:48):
And it was over one hundred and sixty years ago
nowe people still talk about it. It's America's favorite, second
favorite war.
Speaker 1 (02:58):
Today. In eighteen sixty five, Robert E. Lee surrenders at
the courthouse in Apotomics, Virginia, Alematic. If you say something no,
they can be pronounced multiple ways. What part of the
country you're from. I think you're right about that. Today,
in seventeen seventy, Captain James Cook discovers Australia's Botany Bay.
So that's the thing. What were they doing over there? Nothing?
He just waiting to get discovered again. Today. In eighteen
(03:20):
eighty one, Billy the Kid convicted of murder. Hey, yeah,
he probably did kill some people. Today. In nineteen forty,
those damn Germans invaded Norway and Denmark. The Norwegian woman
that owns the deli across the hall was talking to
me about this very thing yesterday. Did you know it
was the anniversary they come out. They do not like
Nazis in Norway. Weirdly enough, though their next door neighbors
(03:40):
who they're very friendly with. Normally, this is a topic
they don't agree with them on. Huh. Yeah, those those
Swedish guys actually welcomed the Nazis. I didn't know that. Yeah,
not cool. Today, in nineteen to fifty, Bob Hope makes
his first TV appearance. Now that worked out well. Before that,
he just did movies.
Speaker 2 (03:57):
Yeah, welly, he got more TV appearances after that, so
I guess it worked out okay.
Speaker 1 (04:01):
Today, in nineteen fifty nine, NASA introduced the first astronauts
to America in the world. How about that, You're welcome. Today.
In nineteen sixty three, Winston Churchill becomes the first honorary
US citizen. I get the next one. Oh yeah, go ahead.
Speaker 2 (04:13):
Nineteen sixty five, a little something called the Astrodome opened up.
They started everything with an exhibition game between the Astros
and them damn yankeesom Mickey Mantle hit the Astrodome's first
home run. First fully enclosed, covered domed sports stadium. Air
(04:34):
conditioned is pretty big place to air condition.
Speaker 1 (04:37):
By the way.
Speaker 2 (04:39):
It also had an indoor chapel like a church, you know,
and a bowling alley in it too.
Speaker 1 (04:44):
Well. I've never got the bowl at the Dome. They
had a church in a baseball stadium and today a
football stadium. It's a home two thousands of rats, yes,
wild feral cats. How I get to nineteen seventy Paul
mc already announced the breakup of some band I never
listened to today. In two thousand and three, three weeks
(05:04):
into the invasion of Iraq, Bagdad Falls. By the way,
we spent trillions of dollars there and they hate us
now we spent we spent all that money on Iraq,
and now they're aligning themselves with Iran today. Those guys
used to be enemies years ago. Now they're friends because
they both hate us.
Speaker 2 (05:21):
Well, like Trump about to just open up the whole
can on Iran. Dude, that's so cool. I'm here and
how you rhymed it like that? Yeah, I bro, that
was sick. Dude, Jessin Jackson ain't got no normal man.
That was really impressive. Mister, I got opened a can
on Iran.
Speaker 1 (05:35):
I got to hang on. I'm gonna write that down.
I'm gonna use that later on the whole can, the
whole cad whole can. Yeah. Today, in two thousand and five,
Prince now King Charles Mary's Camilla Parker bowls.
Speaker 2 (05:45):
Oh god, I remember it like it was just twenty
years ago.
Speaker 1 (05:49):
How on earth did he prefer her to sweet, sexy,
pretty little Princess Diana? You would have rather hooked up
with the older, married woman who already had kids.
Speaker 2 (06:00):
Gonna make you wonder just what kind of mouth did
Princess Die have on her?
Speaker 1 (06:06):
Who She.
Speaker 2 (06:08):
Must have had some kind of attitude.
Speaker 1 (06:11):
You think it was her talking. Maybe she just was
kind of like boring in the sack. I always assumed
it was that. I always assumed that Kamella had just
a little bit of experience, having already been a married woman,
and so that she could do things for Charles. The
Princess Diana didn't know how to do because she was
sort of an innocent young woman. She was doing things
with her toes. If I'm not mistaken. You know they
had movies and stuff. You could have shown Princess Diana
(06:34):
back then so she could learn. You know, I'm just saying.
They had this whole movie about this woman in Dallas
named Deborah, Is that right? Yeah? And apparently she knew
how to do stuff. Why didn't they just show that
to Lady Diana?
Speaker 2 (06:46):
You know, hindsight, Being twenty twenty old, I know they.
Speaker 1 (06:49):
Wish they would have. Yeah, well it's too late now.
Isn't there a thing today? I wouldn't normally care about this?
But since it came up. Isn't Prince Harry in some
kind of lawsuit right now because he's mad at the
Royal family for taking away his bodyguards? But you're the
one that quit the Royal family. Why would we pay
for your security if you're not going to do your job?
Speaker 2 (07:10):
Well, remember, they want to have their cake and eat
it too.
Speaker 1 (07:13):
Imagine quitting this radio station. But then as a job here,
but then still being mad that they're not giving you
free baseball and concert ticket.
Speaker 2 (07:20):
Yeah, and get my free ticket age, And where's all
my albums? You know, used to get free albums? What's
what's oh like a physical?
Speaker 1 (07:28):
Like I know that that name. That word now confuses youngsters.
I've been in radio so long, Hollo. When I first
got into radio, we had the prize closet back then, Yeah,
those were good. This was in the early two thousands.
But even then the prize closet filled with DVDs and
compact discs was starting to become obsolete. Like you could
tell the people at the radio station who had an
(07:50):
MP three player, who had an iPod, they weren't interested
in it. So it just sat there.
Speaker 2 (07:55):
Even then that there was a point at some I
remember seeing it not that they would start putting stacks
of CDs yeah, on the counter in the kitchen, and
you go in and get you know, get your cup
of coffee or whatever, and then there's like, oh, look,
there's like fifty CDs just stacked out here, and nobody
took them. That's pretty unusual if you leave something out,
(08:18):
you know, for free at a radio station.
Speaker 1 (08:20):
Yesterday's gualk them all in. Oh yeah, yesterday.
Speaker 2 (08:22):
You just bust through that dark brown shell of a
covering and you get down to the good, soft green
mush underneath, in that brown part where the flavors at there.
Speaker 1 (08:33):
Walton and Johnson Radio Network Today is National as m
R Day. It is autonomous sensory meridian response. So not
ass mister, No, I don't know. I don't know that that.
Speaker 2 (08:51):
No, I don't think there is one hey for your athea.
And mister didn't have a period after it. It's it's
it's all one thing.
Speaker 1 (09:00):
Ninth is International asm R Day. It is a celebration
of all things soothing. Whispering gently tapping.
Speaker 2 (09:07):
Ocean waves, rolling onto the beach.
Speaker 1 (09:11):
It's a very strange genre of videos on the internet,
usually a very attractive woman well whispering to a microphone
and then they'll go like this, Oh, don't do that. No,
people like it. Oh, I don't like that. It's like
it's supposed to give you the feeling of having your
back scratched, or something more like fingernails on a chalkboard.
I mean, I have mixed feelings about it too. ASMR
(09:33):
includes whispering, tapping, crinkling mic brushing. No, oh, I disagree
with it? Or how about this? No talking, just sounds
no speech. There you go. Imagine listening to an audio
recording of someone not talking. That's a thing.
Speaker 2 (09:50):
There is also listening to it now listen, Oh oh,
that's beautiful.
Speaker 1 (09:54):
And then there's these POV style videos where the creator
plays a calming role like a doctor, a makeup artist,
or a caretaker. It's called roleplay ASMR. And then there's
eating ASMR. This, to me, of all the different things
we just described is indisputably the most difficult to listen to.
Who wants to listen to someone chewing food and.
Speaker 2 (10:14):
It's supposed to be relaxing. Now they're soothing or whatever
they want to say.
Speaker 1 (10:19):
Here's a sample of a woman named Maria doing ASMR
and then talking about it a little bit.
Speaker 3 (10:24):
Hello, my name is Maria, and I'm here to tell
you about ASMR Autonomous sensory.
Speaker 2 (10:34):
You're eating response, where'd you go?
Speaker 1 (10:36):
She's fading away?
Speaker 3 (10:37):
It's a pleasant tingling feeling. Did you experience when you hear.
Speaker 1 (10:46):
Your face? Yeah, take that ASMR and shove it down
your ass, lady. Nobody wants to hear that.
Speaker 2 (10:52):
Yeah, I will see you that soothing girl and raise
you a Hawk to a girl?
Speaker 1 (10:58):
Hock two is back? What she just back in the
news after her crypto scandal several months ago? Now what
is she doing selling NFTs or something. Luckily it's not
anything like that.
Speaker 2 (11:08):
I'm not familiar with a show on Hulu called Chad Powers,
or are you familiar n starring a guy named Glenn Powell.
Speaker 1 (11:18):
He definitely looks like a guy named Chad for sure.
Oh he does.
Speaker 2 (11:21):
He's quite handsome.
Speaker 1 (11:23):
He's like a blonde guy with a mustache, smile. He's
in good shape, but he looks like he needs a haircut.
He's that kind of guy.
Speaker 2 (11:29):
Well, there's a show called Chad Powers. If you've heard
of it, good for you, and it starts with this
guy and he's quite popular. He's they say, he's one
of the biggest movie stars of the world. And he's
a I don't know if if that's a character he's
playing or if he really is, but they're they're shooting
a scene where his character, who is a Oregon Duck quarterback,
(11:53):
goes undercover and bumps into hawk to a girl. She's
playing herself, of course, Haley Welch, and I guess you know,
entertainment and hilarity ensues the.
Speaker 1 (12:09):
Appeal of the hawkta girl. It still eludes me a
little bit because she's cute, but she's not that cute.
She's funny, but she's not that funny. She's sexual, but
not like so sexual that you're infatuated, Like, oh yeah, well,
I think she's obviously secondal with a hawk to a thing.
But at the same time, she sounds so beautiful and
so glamorous that she scares men. Is that a really
(12:31):
pretty girls intimidate men? Guys want a girl who's mid
Actually that raises an interesting point. All men really want.
All men just want a beautiful mid to call their own,
and some women might get offended by that, but actually
all that means is they want a beautiful girl next door.
Speaker 3 (12:46):
You know.
Speaker 1 (12:46):
Yeah, yeah, not me, though, I want to bomb. Actually
that brings me to an experience I had this week.
Oh I am no longer indifferent about the Ukraine Russian War?
Is that right? You finally picked aside? Did you? Yeah?
I have decided. I am team putin, I have I want.
This couldn't go good either way. I'm team's a list
(13:08):
no team, but no. For a long time, I've made
the point. You don't have to pick a side. Zelenski's
not a great guy. Putin obviously bad.
Speaker 2 (13:14):
Two bad guys can be having a war against each other.
But this weekend of this past week here, I had
a revelation. I Uh, I realized I want Russia to
win after I had an experience.
Speaker 1 (13:25):
Is that right? What was your experience exactly? I uh
went on a date with a Russian plates instructor, and
now I'm all about Putin. Dude, this guy Putin is cool.
Have you seen this?
Speaker 3 (13:36):
Dude?
Speaker 1 (13:36):
You just want to bone comedies all the time. Is
that your deal? Dude? Bro? Putin rides a bear. He
banged Pamela Anderson. This guy's a badass, dude. He rides
around shirtless on a horse. And now you're dating Pamela
and No, I'm dating a Russian plates instructor sort of.
Is her name Natasha? No? Oh no, but it is
like I got a bunch of letters in it that
look like they don't belong there, like backwards ours and stuff.
(13:59):
Oh that's the worst, she asked. She told me her
last name, and then I tried to repeat the noise
she was making. Did you know they make noises in
the Russian language that we don't use in the English language.
It got no letters to go with it. It's just
a noise. Isn't that the weirdest thing you're telling me?
There's noises you can make in a language that we
don't even use in English. Well, yeah, that obviously.
Speaker 2 (14:20):
But there is an is an African right drive somewhere
in Africa that just clicks and.
Speaker 1 (14:27):
And that's their language. See. I think that's fascinating and
I love it. And I've been told over and over
again by Steve, I'm not supposed to do that on
the radio.
Speaker 2 (14:36):
You do it with more of a Africanized accent.
Speaker 1 (14:39):
No, I want to hear that now, I want to
hear it. Yeah, that's not good at all. Yeah, I
guess you're right.
Speaker 3 (14:46):
I have.
Speaker 1 (14:47):
I wasn't prepared. I didn't have time to warm up,
to be fair. All right, So you're dating the Russian girls,
that what you're saying. Well, yeah, but she doesn't know
she's dating me, that's the only thing.
Speaker 2 (14:54):
Well, yeah, I could see how that might help your
longevity with this relationship. Did I tell her you're into it?
Speaker 1 (15:00):
Did I ever tell the story on the air about
how I went to the Russian Consulate with her. Did
I tell that on the air?
Speaker 2 (15:05):
I don't think you know. Who can remember I went
to the Russian Consulate on Friday trying to get her
to break out or what. I followed her there. Yeah,
we went for coffee and then she was like, I
gotta go to the Russian Consulate. Would you think this
was a trap? Like she was trying to lure you
in and then they would capture you.
Speaker 1 (15:22):
Do I look like I'm worried about that. No. So
she tells me where you're having coffee, and she says,
this is great, but I've got to go. I have
to go to the consulate. And I was like, where's that?
And she's like, I don't know if it's near or
far from here. She was planning on going, but she
didn't know where the hell it was. Guess where it is.
I don't know. It's in this building, get out of
the Russian Consulate is in the building. Our radio station is.
Speaker 2 (15:42):
I can't believe I hadn't sniffed them out our radio.
Speaker 1 (15:44):
So I'm like, oh, no, prob Hey, I'll give you
a tour at the radio station. Then you give me
a tour of the Russian Consulate. So taking her here
was fascinating because it was a bunch of guys here
from the sports station and some of the sales guys
were here. I know what that.
Speaker 2 (15:57):
Yeah, they've talked about. Now, I know who you talk about.
They've been talking about for like a week.
Speaker 1 (16:01):
So I show up with this young woman and she's
wearing like a mini skirt, no no brod, low cut tops.
Speaker 2 (16:06):
Sports dudes all wanted to know if I knew how
much she charged for a date with Kenny.
Speaker 1 (16:11):
I could see why they would think that, because it
was She's very attractive, but apparently there's this whole like
getting a green card thing that makes us regular guys
appealing to these Russians. Okay, So I take her out
of tour at the radio station and then I was like,
all right, everybody here. I was like, oh, Kenny's with
the ht Russian girl. She doesn't speaking English, hilarias. We
leave and we go to the Russian Consulate, which is
a building. This is building that we're in for just
(16:33):
the purpose of story. Here it's two buildings connected together.
So we go to the other building that's across the
bridge exactly. It's like you go through the parking garage whatever.
We get over there, we go up to the Russian Consulate.
It was like going to meet the Wizard. You ring
the doorbell and then you wait and this because the
door is locked. It says Russian Consulate. There's Russian letters
(16:55):
and everything.
Speaker 2 (16:55):
You have to put your eye up to a little
thing just so they can look at you ocularly.
Speaker 1 (17:01):
No, but I was prepared to do that. So I
ring the doorbell. And as you know, I'm an American.
So after ninety seconds of nobody coming to the door,
I like, nobody's home, right, ding dong dingnong ding Dong
ding dong ding dong ding noo ding. I look at her,
and she's getting very nervous. Yeah, because this doesn't affect
me the way it might affect her. Suddenly, a small
Russian man walks out speaks to her in no voice,
(17:21):
speaking the Russian and he's doing the whole, the whole
language thing. Did you talk like that to her? Later? No,
I'm should weirdly enough, kind of like Nigerians. Russians don't
like when I do their accent for them. Oh, it's
so weird. So she and he go talk to each
other in Russian for a second, and then they both
look at me, and then they look at each other,
and then he looks at me. He's like, hello, you
coming in. I go Hi, I'm Kenny, I'm howdy. I'm
(17:42):
from Texas.
Speaker 2 (17:43):
You know.
Speaker 1 (17:43):
They don't know. They don't, and so they bring me inside.
We walk through a metal detector. I don't know that
until I walk through it. It goes off, of course
it does, and I jump or whatever because I'm alarmed.
There's two guys there with guns.
Speaker 2 (17:55):
When I throw you down and strip you naked and
search you, no, they.
Speaker 1 (17:58):
Just look at me because I'm alarmed. They don't even
care that the alarm went off. We go inside. I
start the fact that my probably I at all, like
some weed pens in my pocket like Britney Grinder did.
What about phone? Yeah, iPhone, yeah, my gun, all that machete,
all this stuff I normally carry. Yeah, weed pens, machety, handgun,
all of it, iPhone, all the whole. She bank. So
(18:19):
we're sitting there and I start I'm taking photos of everything.
Hilarious boy, and then she points to a sign on
the wall. I don't know what it says, but there's
a picture of a camera with a line through it. Oh,
I wonder what that's about. So it occurs to me,
I'm not supposed to be snapping photos here, But then
that just makes me want to do it more. And remember,
this is a Russian woman and she's not wearing underwear.
So I'm sitting across from her. How did that come
(18:41):
up in the story. Well, I explained that earlier she
had the low cut blouse on the little Yeah, I
don't know if I breeze past that.
Speaker 2 (18:48):
It's not the only thing that came up. I'm betting
you know what, You're not wrong about it. Yeah, And
so I'm taking pole photos. I'm taking the pictures and
you know this and that. And then suddenly it occurs
to me, I am not welcome in this room. No,
And you are on camera the whole time, you know that, right?
And you know what else is interesting about this? Do
you remember when they closed the Chinese Russian consulate here
in our city during the pandemic? Donald Trump realized they
(19:10):
were using it as a spy hub to steal COVID
nineteen data from the Texas Medical Center. Right, So, as
all this is happening, I suddenly I remember that because
I you know that's the kind of stuff. My brain
can't remember your birthday, but it can watch you there.
Speaker 1 (19:24):
And I realized, wait a second, they don't want me
to take photos because they're spies everywhere. Now I have
photos of Russian spies and also they also think eurospy
and a handful of pictures of whatever's going on under
this young woman's skirt, and I realize I have achieved
what I came to get. I didn't even know it
until it happened. I won the game. I defeated the
Russian consulate. And as I'm playing the short game, I'm
(19:47):
sure the Russians are playing the long game. Well, they're
probably working on doing something to you. Now, you know.
That brings me to another point. People have been following
me around all week, everywhere I drive, But that's probably fine, right.
That's one of D E. D's don't er Day. Walton
and Johnson Radio Network
Sorry, a little behind the scenes stuff here.
Speaker 2 (00:02):
We are getting behind.
Speaker 1 (00:05):
No, we're not. No, I planed.
Speaker 2 (00:07):
On catching up now because I'm gonna go through the
birthdays real quick.
Speaker 1 (00:09):
When you say it like that, it sounds weird. It
sounds like we're doing something nefarious, or like, oh my bad,
Like a forty two year old man walking around Disney
World alone because he's single and he doesn't have any kids.
It's just weird. Yeah, very weird. They do it though. Okay,
so real quick.
Speaker 2 (00:24):
You probably won't want to get in the way and
slow me down by making comments about any of these people. Okay,
Little nas X is having a birthday today. He's twenty
six years old.
Speaker 1 (00:35):
There we go.
Speaker 2 (00:37):
El Fanning, remember little little el Fanny. She's Dakota Fanning's
younger sister, and she's now twenty seven.
Speaker 1 (00:45):
Elf Fanas el l E. That's not a name, this
means a woman. Really. Uh boy, she's weird looking.
Speaker 2 (00:52):
Kristen Stewart, who loves her some vampires. She's thirty five.
Speaker 1 (00:56):
Boy, she's weird looking.
Speaker 2 (00:58):
Little Rudy Huxtable remember little bitty cute little Rudy Hucksble.
She's forty six years old.
Speaker 1 (01:05):
Obviously, we think she's beautiful. There's nothing weird to say
about here. And I Pulliam's her name.
Speaker 2 (01:10):
Jenna Jamison is now fifty one.
Speaker 1 (01:13):
She's also a MAGA supporting Republican conservative Jew. Now it's
not all what you'd expect. A mother and a wife. Yeah,
and Ostilla, famous porn star, whether she likes her in
a bit.
Speaker 2 (01:23):
Of a checkered past. Cynthia Nixon, I know you don't
care for her. That was Miranda from Sex and the City.
She ran for governor, by the way, for New York,
didn't win. Dennis Quaid is seventy one years old today
and no longer with us. Hugh Hefner Carl Perkins both
(01:45):
born on this day, different times and today in history.
Now we'll be brought to us by the Walton Johnson Store.
You know we got merch.
Speaker 1 (01:55):
You wouldn't believe how much merch we've got. If you
go to www. I love WJ dot com, you're gonna
get slapped in the face with some of the coolest
radio merch you've ever seen. Stuff from the Gulf of America,
the Doge Father, all kinds of great things. You're gonna
want to get those beach towels coming up for summertime.
We got bikinis with Maga on them. Yet you can
(02:17):
get Donald Trump's face on your nipples at I love
WJ dot com. Today you can get a Ron Paul
coffee mug. And also, of course Helen Keller's fake We
don't believe in that conspiracy, so get some Helen Kellery's
fake T shirts as well.
Speaker 2 (02:29):
It's like that shooting shooting right the Helen Keller.
Speaker 1 (02:33):
Oh yeah, the Helen Kellery memorial gun range T shirts. Yeah,
I love WJ dot com. Check it out today.
Speaker 2 (02:38):
Big day in history, the Civil War ended. Everybody loved
the Civil War because it was so civil. But you know,
you can't keep that going on forever.
Speaker 1 (02:48):
Huh.
Speaker 2 (02:48):
And it was over one hundred and sixty years ago
nowe people still talk about it. It's America's favorite, second
favorite war.
Speaker 1 (02:58):
Today. In eighteen sixty five, Robert E. Lee surrenders at
the courthouse in Apotomics, Virginia, Alematic. If you say something no,
they can be pronounced multiple ways. What part of the
country you're from. I think you're right about that. Today,
in seventeen seventy, Captain James Cook discovers Australia's Botany Bay.
So that's the thing. What were they doing over there? Nothing?
He just waiting to get discovered again. Today. In eighteen
(03:20):
eighty one, Billy the Kid convicted of murder. Hey, yeah,
he probably did kill some people. Today. In nineteen forty,
those damn Germans invaded Norway and Denmark. The Norwegian woman
that owns the deli across the hall was talking to
me about this very thing yesterday. Did you know it
was the anniversary they come out. They do not like
Nazis in Norway. Weirdly enough, though their next door neighbors
(03:40):
who they're very friendly with. Normally, this is a topic
they don't agree with them on. Huh. Yeah, those those
Swedish guys actually welcomed the Nazis. I didn't know that. Yeah,
not cool. Today, in nineteen to fifty, Bob Hope makes
his first TV appearance. Now that worked out well. Before that,
he just did movies.
Speaker 2 (03:57):
Yeah, welly, he got more TV appearances after that, so
I guess it worked out okay.
Speaker 1 (04:01):
Today, in nineteen fifty nine, NASA introduced the first astronauts
to America in the world. How about that, You're welcome. Today.
In nineteen sixty three, Winston Churchill becomes the first honorary
US citizen. I get the next one. Oh yeah, go ahead.
Speaker 2 (04:13):
Nineteen sixty five, a little something called the Astrodome opened up.
They started everything with an exhibition game between the Astros
and them damn yankeesom Mickey Mantle hit the Astrodome's first
home run. First fully enclosed, covered domed sports stadium. Air
(04:34):
conditioned is pretty big place to air condition.
Speaker 1 (04:37):
By the way.
Speaker 2 (04:39):
It also had an indoor chapel like a church, you know,
and a bowling alley in it too.
Speaker 1 (04:44):
Well. I've never got the bowl at the Dome. They
had a church in a baseball stadium and today a
football stadium. It's a home two thousands of rats, yes,
wild feral cats. How I get to nineteen seventy Paul
mc already announced the breakup of some band I never
listened to today. In two thousand and three, three weeks
(05:04):
into the invasion of Iraq, Bagdad Falls. By the way,
we spent trillions of dollars there and they hate us
now we spent we spent all that money on Iraq,
and now they're aligning themselves with Iran today. Those guys
used to be enemies years ago. Now they're friends because
they both hate us.
Speaker 2 (05:21):
Well, like Trump about to just open up the whole
can on Iran. Dude, that's so cool. I'm here and
how you rhymed it like that? Yeah, I bro, that
was sick. Dude, Jessin Jackson ain't got no normal man.
That was really impressive. Mister, I got opened a can
on Iran.
Speaker 1 (05:35):
I got to hang on. I'm gonna write that down.
I'm gonna use that later on the whole can, the
whole cad whole can. Yeah. Today, in two thousand and five,
Prince now King Charles Mary's Camilla Parker bowls.
Speaker 2 (05:45):
Oh god, I remember it like it was just twenty
years ago.
Speaker 1 (05:49):
How on earth did he prefer her to sweet, sexy,
pretty little Princess Diana? You would have rather hooked up
with the older, married woman who already had kids.
Speaker 2 (06:00):
Gonna make you wonder just what kind of mouth did
Princess Die have on her?
Speaker 1 (06:06):
Who She.
Speaker 2 (06:08):
Must have had some kind of attitude.
Speaker 1 (06:11):
You think it was her talking. Maybe she just was
kind of like boring in the sack. I always assumed
it was that. I always assumed that Kamella had just
a little bit of experience, having already been a married woman,
and so that she could do things for Charles. The
Princess Diana didn't know how to do because she was
sort of an innocent young woman. She was doing things
with her toes. If I'm not mistaken. You know they
had movies and stuff. You could have shown Princess Diana
(06:34):
back then so she could learn. You know, I'm just saying.
They had this whole movie about this woman in Dallas
named Deborah, Is that right? Yeah? And apparently she knew
how to do stuff. Why didn't they just show that
to Lady Diana?
Speaker 2 (06:46):
You know, hindsight, Being twenty twenty old, I know they.
Speaker 1 (06:49):
Wish they would have. Yeah, well it's too late now.
Isn't there a thing today? I wouldn't normally care about this?
But since it came up. Isn't Prince Harry in some
kind of lawsuit right now because he's mad at the
Royal family for taking away his bodyguards? But you're the
one that quit the Royal family. Why would we pay
for your security if you're not going to do your job?
Speaker 2 (07:10):
Well, remember, they want to have their cake and eat
it too.
Speaker 1 (07:13):
Imagine quitting this radio station. But then as a job here,
but then still being mad that they're not giving you
free baseball and concert ticket.
Speaker 2 (07:20):
Yeah, and get my free ticket age, And where's all
my albums? You know, used to get free albums? What's
what's oh like a physical?
Speaker 1 (07:28):
Like I know that that name. That word now confuses youngsters.
I've been in radio so long, Hollo. When I first
got into radio, we had the prize closet back then, Yeah,
those were good. This was in the early two thousands.
But even then the prize closet filled with DVDs and
compact discs was starting to become obsolete. Like you could
tell the people at the radio station who had an
(07:50):
MP three player, who had an iPod, they weren't interested
in it. So it just sat there.
Speaker 2 (07:55):
Even then that there was a point at some I
remember seeing it not that they would start putting stacks
of CDs yeah, on the counter in the kitchen, and
you go in and get you know, get your cup
of coffee or whatever, and then there's like, oh, look,
there's like fifty CDs just stacked out here, and nobody
took them. That's pretty unusual if you leave something out,
(08:18):
you know, for free at a radio station.
Speaker 1 (08:20):
Yesterday's gualk them all in. Oh yeah, yesterday.
Speaker 2 (08:22):
You just bust through that dark brown shell of a
covering and you get down to the good, soft green
mush underneath, in that brown part where the flavors at there.
Speaker 1 (08:33):
Walton and Johnson Radio Network Today is National as m
R Day. It is autonomous sensory meridian response. So not
ass mister, No, I don't know. I don't know that that.
Speaker 2 (08:51):
No, I don't think there is one hey for your athea.
And mister didn't have a period after it. It's it's
it's all one thing.
Speaker 1 (09:00):
Ninth is International asm R Day. It is a celebration
of all things soothing. Whispering gently tapping.
Speaker 2 (09:07):
Ocean waves, rolling onto the beach.
Speaker 1 (09:11):
It's a very strange genre of videos on the internet,
usually a very attractive woman well whispering to a microphone
and then they'll go like this, Oh, don't do that. No,
people like it. Oh, I don't like that. It's like
it's supposed to give you the feeling of having your
back scratched, or something more like fingernails on a chalkboard.
I mean, I have mixed feelings about it too. ASMR
(09:33):
includes whispering, tapping, crinkling mic brushing. No, oh, I disagree
with it? Or how about this? No talking, just sounds
no speech. There you go. Imagine listening to an audio
recording of someone not talking. That's a thing.
Speaker 2 (09:50):
There is also listening to it now listen, Oh oh,
that's beautiful.
Speaker 1 (09:54):
And then there's these POV style videos where the creator
plays a calming role like a doctor, a makeup artist,
or a caretaker. It's called roleplay ASMR. And then there's
eating ASMR. This, to me, of all the different things
we just described is indisputably the most difficult to listen to.
Who wants to listen to someone chewing food and.
Speaker 2 (10:14):
It's supposed to be relaxing. Now they're soothing or whatever
they want to say.
Speaker 1 (10:19):
Here's a sample of a woman named Maria doing ASMR
and then talking about it a little bit.
Speaker 3 (10:24):
Hello, my name is Maria, and I'm here to tell
you about ASMR Autonomous sensory.
Speaker 2 (10:34):
You're eating response, where'd you go?
Speaker 1 (10:36):
She's fading away?
Speaker 3 (10:37):
It's a pleasant tingling feeling. Did you experience when you hear.
Speaker 1 (10:46):
Your face? Yeah, take that ASMR and shove it down
your ass, lady. Nobody wants to hear that.
Speaker 2 (10:52):
Yeah, I will see you that soothing girl and raise
you a Hawk to a girl?
Speaker 1 (10:58):
Hock two is back? What she just back in the
news after her crypto scandal several months ago? Now what
is she doing selling NFTs or something. Luckily it's not
anything like that.
Speaker 2 (11:08):
I'm not familiar with a show on Hulu called Chad Powers,
or are you familiar n starring a guy named Glenn Powell.
Speaker 1 (11:18):
He definitely looks like a guy named Chad for sure.
Oh he does.
Speaker 2 (11:21):
He's quite handsome.
Speaker 1 (11:23):
He's like a blonde guy with a mustache, smile. He's
in good shape, but he looks like he needs a haircut.
He's that kind of guy.
Speaker 2 (11:29):
Well, there's a show called Chad Powers. If you've heard
of it, good for you, and it starts with this
guy and he's quite popular. He's they say, he's one
of the biggest movie stars of the world. And he's
a I don't know if if that's a character he's
playing or if he really is, but they're they're shooting
a scene where his character, who is a Oregon Duck quarterback,
(11:53):
goes undercover and bumps into hawk to a girl. She's
playing herself, of course, Haley Welch, and I guess you know,
entertainment and hilarity ensues the.
Speaker 1 (12:09):
Appeal of the hawkta girl. It still eludes me a
little bit because she's cute, but she's not that cute.
She's funny, but she's not that funny. She's sexual, but
not like so sexual that you're infatuated, Like, oh yeah, well,
I think she's obviously secondal with a hawk to a thing.
But at the same time, she sounds so beautiful and
so glamorous that she scares men. Is that a really
(12:31):
pretty girls intimidate men? Guys want a girl who's mid
Actually that raises an interesting point. All men really want.
All men just want a beautiful mid to call their own,
and some women might get offended by that, but actually
all that means is they want a beautiful girl next door.
Speaker 3 (12:46):
You know.
Speaker 1 (12:46):
Yeah, yeah, not me, though, I want to bomb. Actually
that brings me to an experience I had this week.
Oh I am no longer indifferent about the Ukraine Russian War?
Is that right? You finally picked aside? Did you? Yeah?
I have decided. I am team putin, I have I want.
This couldn't go good either way. I'm team's a list
(13:08):
no team, but no. For a long time, I've made
the point. You don't have to pick a side. Zelenski's
not a great guy. Putin obviously bad.
Speaker 2 (13:14):
Two bad guys can be having a war against each other.
But this weekend of this past week here, I had
a revelation. I Uh, I realized I want Russia to
win after I had an experience.
Speaker 1 (13:25):
Is that right? What was your experience exactly? I uh
went on a date with a Russian plates instructor, and
now I'm all about Putin. Dude, this guy Putin is cool.
Have you seen this?
Speaker 3 (13:36):
Dude?
Speaker 1 (13:36):
You just want to bone comedies all the time. Is
that your deal? Dude? Bro? Putin rides a bear. He
banged Pamela Anderson. This guy's a badass, dude. He rides
around shirtless on a horse. And now you're dating Pamela
and No, I'm dating a Russian plates instructor sort of.
Is her name Natasha? No? Oh no, but it is
like I got a bunch of letters in it that
look like they don't belong there, like backwards ours and stuff.
(13:59):
Oh that's the worst, she asked. She told me her
last name, and then I tried to repeat the noise
she was making. Did you know they make noises in
the Russian language that we don't use in the English language.
It got no letters to go with it. It's just
a noise. Isn't that the weirdest thing you're telling me?
There's noises you can make in a language that we
don't even use in English. Well, yeah, that obviously.
Speaker 2 (14:20):
But there is an is an African right drive somewhere
in Africa that just clicks and.
Speaker 1 (14:27):
And that's their language. See. I think that's fascinating and
I love it. And I've been told over and over
again by Steve, I'm not supposed to do that on
the radio.
Speaker 2 (14:36):
You do it with more of a Africanized accent.
Speaker 1 (14:39):
No, I want to hear that now, I want to
hear it. Yeah, that's not good at all. Yeah, I
guess you're right.
Speaker 3 (14:46):
I have.
Speaker 1 (14:47):
I wasn't prepared. I didn't have time to warm up,
to be fair. All right, So you're dating the Russian girls,
that what you're saying. Well, yeah, but she doesn't know
she's dating me, that's the only thing.
Speaker 2 (14:54):
Well, yeah, I could see how that might help your
longevity with this relationship. Did I tell her you're into it?
Speaker 1 (15:00):
Did I ever tell the story on the air about
how I went to the Russian Consulate with her. Did
I tell that on the air?
Speaker 2 (15:05):
I don't think you know. Who can remember I went
to the Russian Consulate on Friday trying to get her
to break out or what. I followed her there. Yeah,
we went for coffee and then she was like, I
gotta go to the Russian Consulate. Would you think this
was a trap? Like she was trying to lure you
in and then they would capture you.
Speaker 1 (15:22):
Do I look like I'm worried about that. No. So
she tells me where you're having coffee, and she says,
this is great, but I've got to go. I have
to go to the consulate. And I was like, where's that?
And she's like, I don't know if it's near or
far from here. She was planning on going, but she
didn't know where the hell it was. Guess where it is.
I don't know. It's in this building, get out of
the Russian Consulate is in the building. Our radio station is.
Speaker 2 (15:42):
I can't believe I hadn't sniffed them out our radio.
Speaker 1 (15:44):
So I'm like, oh, no, prob Hey, I'll give you
a tour at the radio station. Then you give me
a tour of the Russian Consulate. So taking her here
was fascinating because it was a bunch of guys here
from the sports station and some of the sales guys
were here. I know what that.
Speaker 2 (15:57):
Yeah, they've talked about. Now, I know who you talk about.
They've been talking about for like a week.
Speaker 1 (16:01):
So I show up with this young woman and she's
wearing like a mini skirt, no no brod, low cut tops.
Speaker 2 (16:06):
Sports dudes all wanted to know if I knew how
much she charged for a date with Kenny.
Speaker 1 (16:11):
I could see why they would think that, because it
was She's very attractive, but apparently there's this whole like
getting a green card thing that makes us regular guys
appealing to these Russians. Okay, So I take her out
of tour at the radio station and then I was like,
all right, everybody here. I was like, oh, Kenny's with
the ht Russian girl. She doesn't speaking English, hilarias. We
leave and we go to the Russian Consulate, which is
a building. This is building that we're in for just
(16:33):
the purpose of story. Here it's two buildings connected together.
So we go to the other building that's across the
bridge exactly. It's like you go through the parking garage whatever.
We get over there, we go up to the Russian Consulate.
It was like going to meet the Wizard. You ring
the doorbell and then you wait and this because the
door is locked. It says Russian Consulate. There's Russian letters
(16:55):
and everything.
Speaker 2 (16:55):
You have to put your eye up to a little
thing just so they can look at you ocularly.
Speaker 1 (17:01):
No, but I was prepared to do that. So I
ring the doorbell. And as you know, I'm an American.
So after ninety seconds of nobody coming to the door,
I like, nobody's home, right, ding dong dingnong ding Dong
ding dong ding dong ding noo ding. I look at her,
and she's getting very nervous. Yeah, because this doesn't affect
me the way it might affect her. Suddenly, a small
Russian man walks out speaks to her in no voice,
(17:21):
speaking the Russian and he's doing the whole, the whole
language thing. Did you talk like that to her? Later? No,
I'm should weirdly enough, kind of like Nigerians. Russians don't
like when I do their accent for them. Oh, it's
so weird. So she and he go talk to each
other in Russian for a second, and then they both
look at me, and then they look at each other,
and then he looks at me. He's like, hello, you
coming in. I go Hi, I'm Kenny, I'm howdy. I'm
(17:42):
from Texas.
Speaker 2 (17:43):
You know.
Speaker 1 (17:43):
They don't know. They don't, and so they bring me inside.
We walk through a metal detector. I don't know that
until I walk through it. It goes off, of course
it does, and I jump or whatever because I'm alarmed.
There's two guys there with guns.
Speaker 2 (17:55):
When I throw you down and strip you naked and
search you, no, they.
Speaker 1 (17:58):
Just look at me because I'm alarmed. They don't even
care that the alarm went off. We go inside. I
start the fact that my probably I at all, like
some weed pens in my pocket like Britney Grinder did.
What about phone? Yeah, iPhone, yeah, my gun, all that machete,
all this stuff I normally carry. Yeah, weed pens, machety, handgun,
all of it, iPhone, all the whole. She bank. So
(18:19):
we're sitting there and I start I'm taking photos of everything.
Hilarious boy, and then she points to a sign on
the wall. I don't know what it says, but there's
a picture of a camera with a line through it. Oh,
I wonder what that's about. So it occurs to me,
I'm not supposed to be snapping photos here, But then
that just makes me want to do it more. And remember,
this is a Russian woman and she's not wearing underwear.
So I'm sitting across from her. How did that come
(18:41):
up in the story. Well, I explained that earlier she
had the low cut blouse on the little Yeah, I
don't know if I breeze past that.
Speaker 2 (18:48):
It's not the only thing that came up. I'm betting
you know what, You're not wrong about it. Yeah, And
so I'm taking pole photos. I'm taking the pictures and
you know this and that. And then suddenly it occurs
to me, I am not welcome in this room. No,
And you are on camera the whole time, you know that, right?
And you know what else is interesting about this? Do
you remember when they closed the Chinese Russian consulate here
in our city during the pandemic? Donald Trump realized they
(19:10):
were using it as a spy hub to steal COVID
nineteen data from the Texas Medical Center. Right, So, as
all this is happening, I suddenly I remember that because
I you know that's the kind of stuff. My brain
can't remember your birthday, but it can watch you there.
Speaker 1 (19:24):
And I realized, wait a second, they don't want me
to take photos because they're spies everywhere. Now I have
photos of Russian spies and also they also think eurospy
and a handful of pictures of whatever's going on under
this young woman's skirt, and I realize I have achieved
what I came to get. I didn't even know it
until it happened. I won the game. I defeated the
Russian consulate. And as I'm playing the short game, I'm
(19:47):
sure the Russians are playing the long game. Well, they're
probably working on doing something to you. Now, you know.
That brings me to another point. People have been following
me around all week, everywhere I drive, But that's probably fine, right.
That's one of D E. D's don't er Day. Walton
and Johnson Radio Network
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