How To Catch An Alien - TUE 7.2

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
They came back to work yesterday and in order to
leave the chamber, they all had to sign an affidavit
a document.

Speaker 2 (00:09):
One of them did not sign it.

Speaker 1 (00:11):
There's a Democrat Texas state representative named Nicole Collier.

Speaker 2 (00:15):
She spent the night caller call your co l I
E R. Is that how you say that? I just
some people say Collier and some people say Callier. It's
inciarially up to you. It's a speaker's privilege. What do
you think she would prefer? We call her? Probably your
real name? What's that? Call you? All right? I'm gonna
call her Collier?

Speaker 1 (00:33):
And she spent the night on the Texas House floor
in protest after refusing to be placed under a watch
of the state Department of Public Staty.

Speaker 2 (00:41):
She was supposed to sign a document. Yeah, she wouldn't
do it.

Speaker 1 (00:45):
So because of that, this black lady now has to
sleep inside.

Speaker 2 (00:49):
You say she spent the night on the floor, I'll
say you no way to treat a woman. Get that
girl a sleeping bag, put up on a table or something.
Get up off the flow. Well, I think they got
her something. That's why she was weighing on the floor.
I caught the floor of the house, you know, not
the floor floor like you're walking around on.

Speaker 1 (01:06):
It's the floor where never mind. Well, technically I think
you're both right. I mean, because they don't have a
bed in there which you're gonna sleep on. But also
it's the floor of the house, so you're right about that,
mister Kenneth. To your point, stay Representative Gene Wi Jeans,
ccp WU and Vince Perez planned to stay on the
house floor with her. Apparently they did a little Devil's
triangle last night, hung out ate dried peaches. Why there's

(01:30):
so much detail in this story for CNN They spent
the night eating dried peaches, dried grapes, popcorn, and ramen.
Is there another word for dried grapes?

Speaker 2 (01:39):
CNN? No? There, they're victims, you understand. They they don't
have anything nice, nothing good. They're sacrificing for you. Why
can't you, voter, Why can't you call them raisins? Why
are you calling them dried grapes? That's damn good question,
isn't that?

Speaker 3 (01:56):
Like?

Speaker 1 (01:56):
CNN? Are you are you guys even human beings? Are
you just aliens occupying human bodies?

Speaker 2 (02:01):
And when they're that weird, you gotta think has a
lizard skiin underneath there.

Speaker 1 (02:04):
I'm saying, it's not free dried grape. Nobody calls them
dried grapes. They're affing raisins. What's wrong with.

Speaker 2 (02:09):
You wade off in the middle of that bunch and
start slapping a bunch of people.

Speaker 1 (02:13):
It's just sometimes I read so many news stories that
sometimes you find these stupid little things buried in the article,
and then you point it out to people, and people
think you're crazy because you noticed it. But nobody dried
grapes and popcorn. By the way, do I need to
point out that the state capital is right in the
middle of Austin. There's like a thousand pizzerias any time.

Speaker 2 (02:32):
They could never do any of that fun. It wouldn't
like they look like they were sacrificing rahmen Us the
great citizens taxmas.

Speaker 1 (02:41):
You know how Dori dash and Huber eats works. Do
you think they can't eat anything they want?

Speaker 2 (02:45):
Do you remember that guy up in New York that
was eating with his hands because Zorhan Mam Donnie was
eating rice with his bare hands. He would have you
believe that that's just how they do things where he
was from. When you're really extremely poor, and you can't
afford a fork or a spoon or anything. You're even

(03:06):
a flat stick? Isn't that the weirdest thing? And dude,
you're a rich kid. It's all for show.

Speaker 1 (03:10):
I know, damn well, you didn't grow up eating rice
with your bare hands. How desperately do you need to
pander to people from third world countries?

Speaker 2 (03:17):
Ain't that's the truth? And embarrassing? Desperate? I guess you know,
damn well, you don't come on the hell out of here.
People make me sick. I don't know if you guys
noticed or saw the news, but I don't know if
it directly affects us, but it probably affects us in
some way. A giant ship, a coal freighter exploded in

(03:40):
the Baltimore Harbor. That's like like right where that bridge
is supposed to be. They got knocked down a couple
of years ago, right, and now they got this huge
the boats like seven hundred and fifty feet long loaded
with coal. I guess, yeah, that's the Francis Scott Bridge.
It used to be.

Speaker 1 (03:57):
It's not there anymore now, if I'm not mistaken, that's
the Scott key guy. Why wasn't he uh mister O,
back me up here, isn't doesn't he have some differences
with people in your community?

Speaker 2 (04:06):
Well, yeah, there's a thing or two that he wrote
or said and did that not everybody to appreciate, that's all.

Speaker 1 (04:12):
Now everybody thinks it was some guy from Singapore that
knocked that bridge over.

Speaker 2 (04:16):
But black people don't like bridges. No, well no, I
don't think that's exactly the reason. It's not the bridge
they're mad about. But bridge Okay, the bridge builder. Okay,
he wrote, he wrote this song. He didn't build it.
He wrote a song called the Star Spangled Banner Billy.
You've heard of it? Have you ever heard the third verse?

Speaker 4 (04:34):
No?

Speaker 2 (04:35):
Okay, that we just hear the part where they, you know,
play it at football games and stuff. This is going
to confuse the people. But there's another verse to that song.
Nobody's ever heard before, and nobody seemed to be bothered
by it. And some people think it's racist. Now apparently
it's not. They're just because they're ignorant to They have
a very limited vocabulary if they think that.

Speaker 1 (04:55):
But if you're trying to decide between the truth and
the thing that infuriates people, go with the infurior. Absolutely.
Did you know I took them five years to build
that bridge. They started in August to seventy two and
they didn't finish itun till seventy seven. Oh you think
building a bridge is easy? Oh yeah, I could have
knocked that out and like that out. Get a three
D printer.

Speaker 2 (05:13):
Yeah, get some of your buddies to come over, bring
to some of their tools and their truck and slap
it up on a weekend.

Speaker 1 (05:18):
Tools. No, I would just hire Mexicans. What are you
talking about? They got tools. I don't mean you might
want to help them with it.

Speaker 2 (05:24):
You know. It's kind of like that the that little
gal you hired to clean your house and then you
thought she was going to bring her own pledge. No,
they don't do that. No, you have to supply the
m I pledge. Yeah, I'm lucky if your yard crew
does bring their own weed eater.

Speaker 1 (05:39):
What I like to get them is that what's that
stuff called fabuloso? Because my my cleaning lady's more she's
more comfortable with the branding.

Speaker 2 (05:47):
I think, of course, that's what she tells me. That's
such a unique scent that it just lingers. Mister, Oh,
are you ready always Bridge. Oh yeah, do your job.
I would probably do that too. Today's sports report brought
to you by this guy. He'll tell you they brought
to you by meat. I don't think it is you.
Me and Mike Lindell, Michae Lindale.

Speaker 5 (06:07):
These pillows are machine Worshipley.

Speaker 2 (06:11):
Did he grow his mustache back?

Speaker 5 (06:12):
Mike pattined formula is designed to keep you comfortable every
night without ever diminishing in quality. These pillows are machine
Worshiple sounds just like him, doesn't it. I thought he
was in the room. I kept looking around. This is
coming from.

Speaker 2 (06:25):
Promo coach w J. Don't use other promo coaches there,
Hitler promo code WJ. That's the one you want at
my pillow dot com. All right, this is I'm just
gonna hit you with it, straight up, hard slap, upside
to face truth, Oops, upside you had oops upside thank you?
You can't resist Kenny. No. Cleveland Browns have named their
daughter and his nots should do with Sanders? What I

(06:49):
guess he's injured, isn't he? Yeah? But he ain't gonna
start the game. You got a little bit of injury.
They still got another preseason game to go, but they
gotta get that broster down to fifty three.

Speaker 1 (06:58):
They said he hurt his grind hanging out alone in
the locker room doing something nobody knows what.

Speaker 2 (07:03):
Now. They named Joe flack Old the daughter, you know,
because he's the seasoned old veteran who's gonna lead these
younger guys to victory. Obviously until he gets hurt. You know,
he'll break something pretty soon. But the question is when
they have to cut the roster down to meet the requirements,
is should do us enders even gonna be among the

(07:26):
quarterbacks because besides Joe Flacco, Cleveland currently has I think
fifteen fourteen or fifteen other quarterbacks on the roster, and
they said, at the most they would keep four counting
flac Old. And I don't know if you notice or not,
but they got some other good ones in there. For example,

(07:48):
this Kenny Pickett dude. I don't know if you heard
of him. Hey, that's no way to talk to me.
My name's Kenny Webster. It's a Kenny, you know, And
he's supposed to be all right. But then they also
got this Gabriel dude that they just picked him up
in the truck they drift for him before they draft.
Should do it? What that's racist? I know, I know,
and that's what's happening over there now. Should do a

(08:09):
suffering on the sideline with an oblique strain. What that
means is his side hurts.

Speaker 1 (08:16):
Ah.

Speaker 2 (08:18):
Yeah, So we'll see when they do the final cut down.
Maybe he'll still have a job. Uh maybe not. That's
to hold up right there.

Speaker 3 (08:26):
Uh.

Speaker 2 (08:26):
Other news from the NFL, it seems like it's getting
to be a regular thing for these high profile athletes
to avoid signing autographs for the kids. They invite the
kids to come out to training camp at pre season. Yeah,
bring bring the kids on out, let him meet the players.
And then Travis Kelsey will walk by and they're like, huh,
could have get it, could have get an autograph? No,

(08:48):
should do a Sanders? No what Joe Burrow? No, not
even Joe what what? Not? Even not even timu mn
l oh. They always act like they got a good reason,
you know, uh, should do a acts Right before the
game started and he walking out on the field, you know,
he's like, could have get a could have get an autograph,
and he's like, well, uh it might We got a

(09:08):
game to play right now, and it's not a good
look to be over here, sign and things. He wasn't
even gonna play boy, got aside heard I don't know
if you mentioned that to you. Yeah, what is he doing? Then?

Speaker 1 (09:17):
He's so busy over there game boy when Aaron Rodgers
also extremely rude to his fans. Aaron Rodgers out doing
some kind of a golf celebrity golf thing last week,
and he hits one go off towards the crowd a
little bit. So he's walking up there to where the
ball is and some little kid said, you almost hit me,

(09:39):
And Aaron didn't.

Speaker 2 (09:40):
Even stop walking. He just looked over his shoulder. He say,
almost don't count. He's right about that, though technically he
is right. Yeah, you gotta teach these kids how it is.

Speaker 1 (09:47):
You got to.

Speaker 2 (09:48):
You gotta straighten them out. You can't be soft with him.

Speaker 1 (09:50):
That story actually makes me think Aaron Rodgers is cooler now.
You can't make me not like Aaron Rodgers.

Speaker 2 (09:55):
Dude. All right, the Strolls lost. It was a squeaker.
It was with them up until the fifth inning and
it got to be five to nothing, but it ended
up being ten to nothing. Strove's loss range is also lost. Atlanta.
You know, I mean they ain't the worst team in baseball.
That would still be Colorado.

Speaker 1 (10:15):
Yeah, but they did lose to one of the worst teams,
the White Sox, thirteen to nine. I guess at the
very least you got to see a lot of people score.
That was probably fun.

Speaker 2 (10:23):
Sounds exciting and even though it's not your team.

Speaker 1 (10:26):
Well, more sports after this. But before we go to break,
can I squeeze a little baseball thing in here?

Speaker 2 (10:30):
Real quick? Squeeze your thing in?

Speaker 1 (10:32):
Yesterday, the Phillies announcer John Cruck, he had a very
philosophical question during the game.

Speaker 2 (10:39):
See if you could take a shot at the answer.
I'm gonna play a SoundBite for you. The person who
had been at the clock?

Speaker 4 (10:45):
Yeah, which one?

Speaker 2 (10:45):
The digital or the hell the first clock? Ever, how
did that person know what time it was? There? Is
that sun dial they might have used? Is that accurate though? Oh?
I guess it's as accurate as it can be.

Speaker 4 (10:57):
So when you were contemplating the clock things, did you
come up.

Speaker 2 (10:59):
With, he answers yourself. No, I thought i'd ask you.
I would think sundial. All right, here's where this gets
a little tricky. Iry the same thing about tape measures.
How do we know the first guy that came up
with an inch, everybody agreed that's that's the right amount
of of of whatever space to be an inch.

Speaker 1 (11:16):
How do we know he didn't just choose an inch
because it's what specifically made him seem girthier.

Speaker 2 (11:21):
And what if the tape measures on one, you know,
construction crew were slightly off, and then the other crew
comes in for second shift and their tape measures are different.
Ain't nothing tona line up? Right?

Speaker 1 (11:32):
I'm told the guy responsible for all this was that
Archimedes guy.

Speaker 2 (11:35):
Oh, oh, that guy. He said he was just trouble
from the word go.

Speaker 1 (11:40):
Yeah, I heard that when he was alone with those
cuckoo clockbirds, he did some pretty disgusting things with them.

Speaker 2 (11:45):
Attitude. Yeah, it wasn't good like Richard Gear disgusting. Really yeah, respectfully.

Speaker 3 (11:51):
Who gives a shit about Mexican food? Sure it tastes good,
but every dish is the exact same thing. Everything is
a top go, but they call it different things.

Speaker 2 (12:03):
It's it's bullshit.

Speaker 3 (12:05):
If I served a burger to you upside down, it's
still a burger, okay, it's it doesn't become a salad.
I feel like I'm taking crazy pills. Someone else has
had to have picked up on this as well.

Speaker 2 (12:21):
Right, this is the Walton and Johnson Show. We don't
care where Joe's going. We just want him to go. No,
it's true.

Speaker 1 (12:27):
We don't like him coming up in a little bit
baby Mama drama for the richest man on Earth.

Speaker 2 (12:32):
And you said a Florida man's story, I'm expecting it.
We have a good one. Actually it's very good. But first,
Matthew Perry is in the news this morning. Of course
he's long did, but turns out today's his birthday. And
that's not why he's in the news, mainly because the
Kenymy and Queen has decided to plead guilty. You know,
she's the one that you know, set him up with

(12:52):
all that Kennymy, which some people think might be the
reason he is not alive. Boy, mixed feelings about that,
because you don't know anything about Matthew Perry or who
he is, because we never watched Friends.

Speaker 1 (13:03):
I remember when he died he was on the TV
show Friends. And I agree that kenamine is a dangerous drug,
kind of like what happened to Michael Jackson.

Speaker 2 (13:10):
It sounds like it was a.

Speaker 1 (13:11):
Bad It was prope a fall right, Well, it was
a bad medical professional who gave him an overprescription. But
on the other hand, sounds an awful like he was
asking for it. Well sure, And just to connect him
to the story I'm going to tell you about coming up,
Elon Musk enjoys doing ketamine. That you know the mixed
feelings about that because if someone's rich and powerful and
they want to do something to themselves, you mean, like.

Speaker 2 (13:33):
Elvis, we just had the anniversary of his death over
the weekend.

Speaker 1 (13:37):
I don't know, do you blame the doctor for something
that a wealthy, powerful person was, Well.

Speaker 2 (13:42):
The doctor's thing to do supposed to refuse, But then
the doctor knows that he'll just move to the next one.
Give him a bunch of money, and he'll still get
what he wants. So I guess I might as well
take the money. All right, let's go to fo you
here comes a foot him some of the big celebrity
birthday today too, But i'll tell you about Old Billy later. First,

(14:03):
this Florida Man Report brought to you by Well, of
course Dragos. Don't you want to eat at Dragos? Everybody does?
I want all go at the same time. Okay, we can't.
We don't even you know, space it out a little bit.
I'm gonna be in Louisiana later tonight. I can go
to Dragos for dinner. Yes you can.

Speaker 1 (14:18):
You can't have it. You're gonna be here, all right,
this Florida. Go to Dragos restaurant dot com. Get the
chargrilled oyster butter sauce.

Speaker 2 (14:25):
That is some good scarlet butter sauce. Oh my god,
it's so good. The garlic's the best part. You like that?
All right?

Speaker 1 (14:30):
Today we tell you the story of a Florida man
who had his home invaded by eight.

Speaker 2 (14:35):
Individuals that weren't supposed to be there.

Speaker 1 (14:39):
You might as well technically, yeah, they were. We take
you now to Merritt Island, the story of the Clerner
household on Merritt Island.

Speaker 2 (14:48):
Oh, the Clerners, Noah.

Speaker 1 (14:50):
It all went down early Sunday morning. They were mining
their own business, and a gentleman came in that wasn't
supposed to be there, and then seven other gentlemen, and
then and then came some more gentlemen. And what was
really interesting about these gentlemen is they were very short
and hairy and not men, No, not men at all.
They were raccoons. As a matter of fact, coons. Yep,

(15:11):
coons is cracked. Oh boy, they started looking at the well,
here I have.

Speaker 2 (15:15):
A sound bite. Why don't I just play the sound
bite for you.

Speaker 1 (15:17):
Here is the owner of the home, Richard Klerner, talking
about the chaos honest property. When eight raccoons came in
and started having a party.

Speaker 2 (15:24):
I think the raccoon did that two or three days ago.
And then they came back with all their buddies.

Speaker 4 (15:30):
They were having a party. There was several of them
on the step right there. There were several of them
in the jacuzzie just splashing around. The three of them
in the dracuzy splashing around. And then looking at the
other videos from the other camera on the side covered porch,
we saw them all coming in and out of the house.

Speaker 1 (15:50):
And apparently when they came in the house, the kiddies
ran out. There's a kiddy door. That's how they got
in and out. Probably smart. They had to get the
cats back in, and the cats and the raccoons didn't
get along with each other. Yeah, no, they don't fight.
That's just natural. That's that's nature. They don't fight. But
once in a while, don't you see a cat living
with raccoons like he doesn't know if.

Speaker 2 (16:10):
They were, you know, like brought up together since they
were babies. Yeah, you could do that.

Speaker 1 (16:14):
I feel like I could have been raised by raccoons
or coyotes.

Speaker 2 (16:17):
Pretty sure you were. I could have fit in with that.
And you know, I come against your sweet mother, Donna,
But somewhere along the way, it looks like she lost
control of you. How dare you I had dar Indeed,
this justin A recent study has proven that one percent
of me doesn't give a fight. Wolton M. Johnson