Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
About to do this. In case they had the radio
(00:01):
turned up where they could hear it, they would you
reach over and crank at all.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
I just, honestly, I forgot that this music isn't normal
to most people. I just put it on because it's
what I mean. I go to sleep to that music.
What do you guys do when you're trying to fall asleep?
Speaker 1 (00:17):
Will bless his heart?
Speaker 2 (00:19):
Sometimes when I'm having trouble sleeping, I listen to a
recording of mister Kenneth doing celebrity birthday.
Speaker 1 (00:24):
And I think of your comedy shows.
Speaker 2 (00:28):
That's just the joke.
Speaker 1 (00:29):
I just told that joke and made it better. My son,
today it happens to be Carl Ray Jepson's birthday. You
remember that little girl saying call me maybe she's forty
years old?
Speaker 2 (00:45):
Wow, forty years old. That's way too old to be
in pop music.
Speaker 1 (00:48):
Yes it is. She'll have to retire soon and be
on the view. Oh God, Rain Phoenix. That's the sister
of Joaquin and River fifty three Today, Michael straight Hand
with the gap tooth Guy fifty four, Troy Aikman fifty nine,
b York Is sixty. I know you always like to
(01:08):
celebrate her big day.
Speaker 2 (01:09):
I like b York. She's because she's weird. She seems
like she'd be fun to me, you know.
Speaker 1 (01:13):
Nicolette Sheridan sixty two, Goldie Horn, probably better known as
Kate Hudson's Mom. Okay eighty Marlo Thomas is eighty eight
from that girl to friends and of course helping all
the kids at Saint Jude's Children's Hospital, which her dad
kind of you know, kicked in, kicked off, founded whatever,
(01:34):
kicked off a plan?
Speaker 2 (01:35):
Kay? Not that?
Speaker 1 (01:36):
Oh? Today would have been and is doctor John's birthday,
New Orleans original, right place, wrong time, you know, all
that kind of stuff. And the Popeyees Chicken.
Speaker 2 (01:48):
Oh bro, I love Popeyes Chicken.
Speaker 1 (01:50):
You know you do. Harold Ramus also born on this day,
a writer and director of Caddyshack and Groundhog Day, Animal
House Stripes, Back to School, Meet Balls, Ghostbusters, blah blah blah.
My goodness. So that's today. Now tomorrow is a big birthday. Now,
don't you have a comedy show Saturday night? Yeah?
Speaker 2 (02:13):
Tomorrow night, Well, we have a comedy show tonight and
tomorrow night. But tomorrow night there's more tickets available.
Speaker 1 (02:17):
That's in METTERI I'm suggesting is that you perhaps dedicate
your evening Tomorrow night to Rodney Dangerfield. It's his birthday tomorrow.
Speaker 2 (02:28):
You know, he's one of my heroes. I know, I love.
Speaker 1 (02:30):
Rosh'll probably bring that up on stage. Other celebrity birthdays
happening tomorrow Scarlett Johanson forty one, Mark Ruffalo fifty eight,
Hayley Bieber twenty nine, Oscar Pistorius remember here thirty nine
is a runner without legs. Mary el Hemingway will turn
(02:52):
sixty four, Jamie Lee Curtis sixty seven, Stevie van ZANDT
of the Sopranos seventy five, Billy Jean King will be
eighty two, and one of the guys from Maddy Python
the Animator, Terry Gilliam and he's also a writer eighty
five years old. On Saturday Sunday, we celebrate the birth
of one Miley Cyrus. It'll be thirty three years ago.
(03:15):
Also Snooky from the Jersey Shore. Miley Cyrus is thirty three.
Speaker 2 (03:20):
Yeah, huh, I know, I feel like I've known about
her for longer than thirty three years.
Speaker 1 (03:23):
Here's that way. Yeah. Sunday is Bruce Hornsby's birthday. I
don't know if he's still hanging with the Range or not.
He'll be seventy one. And also the late great Billy
the Kid born on whatever birth the twenty third. Yeah,
and Boris Karloff horror movie Legend Guy. He's the narrator
(03:46):
of the original The granch Stole Christmas. You know, the
guy you fell would misterch I didn't stand anything lock
him at all?
Speaker 2 (03:55):
Yeah, that was terrible, it was. That was the worst
personation I ever heard. I would change the channel right
now if I was listening to you do that.
Speaker 1 (04:03):
You do it thing. You're a mean one. Mister Green
was perfect? You perfect? Maybe I thought it was the
right guy.
Speaker 2 (04:10):
Yeah, it's the same thing, really, you know.
Speaker 1 (04:12):
It was the exact same thing. I sounded dislike that.
Speaker 2 (04:14):
No you didn't. You sounded gay when you did it.
Speaker 1 (04:17):
Today happens to be national, and I think some of
you are going to like this stuffing day. What are
we stuffing?
Speaker 2 (04:25):
Yeah, well, so you're eating it. Did you guys see
that Hines is now selling leftover gravy in a bottle?
Did you guys see that you can buy gravy now
in a bottle and pour it on your food? Who's
left over from don't know, don't care? Oh I care?
I mean I don't want to eat just anybody's left
over gravy. You know, when you're at Whatterburger and they
(04:46):
ask you if you want gravy with your chicken strips?
What of course you do? What did John always say?
He would look at that woman behind the counter and
he would look her right in her weave, and he
would say, hell, yeah, I want some gravy. Go get
me some damn gravy.
Speaker 1 (04:59):
This is still a yeah, what do we lose a war?
I want gravy. It's also besides Stuffing Day, and you
can follow that all the way till next week and
have some stuffing anytime you want. It's National Gingerbread Cookie Day,
which you're probably gonna path on.
Speaker 2 (05:13):
Isn't Ginger the one that's still alive? Or is at Marianne?
Speaker 1 (05:16):
I think it's Ginger.
Speaker 2 (05:17):
Do you think she's getting stuffing for thanksgiup?
Speaker 1 (05:19):
Bet? Not one hundred years old? So this day in history,
don't forget, we got a sponsor. This day in history
brought to you by your go to shopping destination for Christmas.
Speaker 2 (05:32):
This year, you must be talking about the Walton Johnson's
smartphone app.
Speaker 1 (05:35):
You know, I am. We got a store in there
and they got merch.
Speaker 2 (05:38):
If you download the Walton Johnson's smartphone app, you can
listen to this radio show anytime you want live pre recorded,
even if the local station manager in your city decides
to take us off the air after the New Year's
don't do that, Wayne Quinn can day. So download the
Walton Johnson's smartphone app, and while you're using the app,
you could shop for really great stuff in our store.
You should do that on this day. In his in
(06:00):
sixteen twenty, the Mayflower Compact is signed by most of
the men on board the ship. Those that don't want
to go swimming in the middle of the ocean.
Speaker 1 (06:08):
That is, yeah, sign it, or take a long walk
off a short plank.
Speaker 2 (06:12):
Today. In seventeen eighty three, men fly over Paris in
a hot air balloon.
Speaker 1 (06:16):
It was a first. Oh I'll bet they freaked out.
They probably thought it was an alien invasion.
Speaker 2 (06:20):
They did freak out, but I think it was mostly
because of all the Peyota they were doing.
Speaker 1 (06:24):
That helps today.
Speaker 2 (06:24):
In eighteen seventy seven, Scientific American magazine announced Edison's wonderful invention.
Speaker 1 (06:29):
He invented the CDs.
Speaker 2 (06:30):
None was the phonograph, but close it was an early
version of the CD well.
Speaker 1 (06:34):
Which then led to the CD after some cassette tapes
and eight tracks and all that other stuff. So yeah,
he invented all that stuff.
Speaker 2 (06:40):
Now, to our younger listeners, a CD is what we
used to use to listen to MP three's, and to
our really young listeners, MP three's are what we used
to listen to instead of streaming. So now you know today.
In eighteen oh six, President Teddy Roosevelt, while in San Juan,
pledged citizenship for all the Puerto Ricans. He looked around
and he said, everybody living on this giant isle of
(07:02):
garbage is now an American. And they all look they
were confused. They're like, why would you want.
Speaker 1 (07:07):
No, don't make us be America.
Speaker 2 (07:09):
There's too much garbage here.
Speaker 1 (07:11):
They don't want to be American, but they do want
to take our free stuff. They really happy to have that.
Speaker 2 (07:15):
Yeah, you know how Puerto Ricans are.
Speaker 1 (07:17):
Oh hey, it's tweety Bird's birthday. I really feel like
this should have been on birthdays instead of you. This
day in history, because eighty three years ago tweety Bird
was born. What day was that in the the It
was this day in what year? In nineteen forty two? Ooh,
you skipped a couple of good ones. I'm not saying
you can't do them. I'm just I just know I
got excited when I saw tweety bird.
Speaker 2 (07:38):
All right, I'm gonna go back and reverse. Then on
this day in nineteen thirty four, the National Biscuit Company
was announced what they changed the name to No Biscos,
and they introduced the Rich Cracker. And in nineteen thirty one,
the film Frankenstein starring Boris Karloff as the Monster was
released today. In nineteen forty nine, Bill Veeck sells the
(07:58):
Cleveland Indians for twenty two million dollars. He needed the
money to pay for his divorce.
Speaker 1 (08:04):
Ah, that's kay. I just mentioned a couple of minutes
ago it was Boris Karloff's birthday, and you didn't bring
up that during this day in history. Would have been
a nice tie in. Happy birthday, Boris Karloff. Did you
know he was in Frankenstein that was released today in
nineteen thirty one?
Speaker 2 (08:20):
No, what did you guys know? They released it on
his birthday?
Speaker 1 (08:22):
That is just a tremendous amount of information.
Speaker 2 (08:25):
You should have brought that up when you were doing
his birthday. That would have been good to know.
Speaker 1 (08:28):
Ooh, did y'all do the Dallas one yet?
Speaker 2 (08:30):
Uh? What year is that? I got a nineteen? Ken't
even like get out of order. Don't get out of order,
No you can. It's just that I'm autistic. People like
me like to do things in chronological order. But you
could screw it up and then I'll just freak out
for the rest of the morning.
Speaker 1 (08:42):
All right, good nineteen eighty Okay, that was forty five
years ago. Millions and millions tuned in eighty three million people,
which back then it was like all the people that
were in America. They tuned into Dallas to find out
who the hill shot they are? And who was it?
By the way, was it a big letdown? It turned
out to be a relatively minor character on the show.
(09:04):
It was mister Burns played by mister Burns. Yes, that
was mister Burns. Dump dun't bro.
Speaker 2 (09:12):
TV theme songs were so much cooler back then.
Speaker 1 (09:14):
Listen to that I just kicked that ask.
Speaker 2 (09:17):
That just makes you want to get in a car
and go punch a buffalo. Doesn't it really?
Speaker 1 (09:22):
What?
Speaker 2 (09:22):
What's the funniest I was being serious. Today in nineteen
fifty nine, Dick Nixon and Jack Benny play a duet.
That's something. I could play it for you, but I'd
rather play the Dallas team please. Today in nineteen sixty four,
the upper deck of the Verazon, the Verizonto Narrows Bridge open,
connecting Lower Manhattan and Staten Island.
Speaker 1 (09:41):
Yeah, they liked that bridge over there, Arizona.
Speaker 2 (09:45):
Yeah, they were really into that bridge.
Speaker 1 (09:47):
Does it collect connect Manhattan to Staten Island? Where does
it connect? One of the other burroughs?
Speaker 2 (09:54):
Well, mine, says Staten Island in Manhattan. But I always
thought that you had to take a ferry. They ride
a gay guy over there, that's right. Anyway, final bridge
goes to Brooklyn or whatever, the Brooklyn Heights or somebody
like that. The fact that you know this makes us
all suspicious.
Speaker 1 (10:11):
To you that they run across it to start the
bust of the New York Marathon. Billy, They don't run
directly to Manhattan. They run around all the way up
to the top, and then they run down from the north.
Speaker 2 (10:23):
Billyead, would you trust anyone that is a good understanding
of the bridges around New York City. They'll know me either.
I already didn't like you. Today, in nineteen seventy six,
Rocky opens in theaters across America. People started running up
the steps of the Philly Art Museum because today. In
nineteen eighty six, Oliver North and Fawn Hall started shredding
documents as the Iran Contra scandal heats up.
Speaker 1 (10:44):
Wow, I hadn't heard that name in a long time.
Speaker 2 (10:47):
Phone Hall, Faun Hall.
Speaker 1 (10:49):
Yeah, they were in a little mischief back in the day.
Speaker 2 (10:52):
She was a slut, right, Is that it was? She
like the Lisa Page and Peter Stroke at their time?
Speaker 1 (10:56):
Is it? Yeah? Pretty much?
Speaker 2 (10:57):
Today in twenty seventeen, CBS fires Charlie after eight women
alleged sexual harassment. I was on the phone last night
talking to someone about how the Epstein scandal is going
to clear house, kind of like the Me Too scandal did.
After these documents get published, the people that are gonna
lose power and prestige and stuff. It's not gonna be
the people you think. Kind of like when the Me
Too thing happened. Did anyone expect Charlie Rose to be
(11:20):
affected by it? Did you think that he was gonna
be Whozy the dirt. He was a CBS news personality,
Charlie Rose. Oh no, not Charlie Rose.
Speaker 1 (11:28):
Okay, here, the Verrenzano Bridge is a suspension bridge connecting
Staten Island to Brooklyn. Oh I was correct. Although I'll
never get credit but knowing things because the stuff I
know is gay.
Speaker 2 (11:42):
It is gay. Yeah, I know. I'll give it to you.
You know more about the city in America that's controlled
by communists than anyone else on this show. Good job,
you feel good?
Speaker 1 (11:51):
Yeah, now you've hurt my feelings and I want to
go to the restroom and cry.
Speaker 2 (11:54):
All right, I'll wash this out of your mouth. Go today.
In twenty twenty four artwork, I'm putting that in quote
to see my quote, Fingers of a banana duct tape
to a wall sells for six point two million dollars.
Speaker 1 (12:06):
You know that same artist as other offerings that are
also selling for millions of dollars. What the wow? I
thought you had to be really smart to have millions
of dollars.
Speaker 2 (12:18):
Well, it turns out that the modern art scene is
just a way for people to launder money. Like if
you had a bunch of stolen money, and you needed
to get it from here to there. Don't you think
selling someone a banana duck tape to a wall would
be a good way to move that money around.
Speaker 1 (12:32):
Or any kind of a painting that looks like a
piece of crap but it's worth half a million dollars. Well,
I'm just buying art, baby, That's all I'm doing.
Speaker 2 (12:39):
You're not talking about Hunter Biden and selling access to
the White House for the past four years, right.
Speaker 1 (12:42):
Well, no, it was first I've heard of that. Yeah, yeah,
Walton and Johnson Radio Network, can.
Speaker 2 (12:50):
I know a little customer service live on the air
real quick. This is only going to affect a portion
of our audience in the New Orleans area, But they've
been emailing us, and so I just got to address.
Speaker 1 (12:59):
Some of this. We can't help people get a little
fired up. You tell her you come in to town
doing a comedy show man, people are just gonna get
They're gonna get rowdy, they're gonna get crazy, they're gonna
get lit.
Speaker 2 (13:08):
Amy emailed us multiple times, and I didn't see it
till now.
Speaker 1 (13:11):
In the email. Amy's a big fan. She loves you,
and she loves your shows, your comedy.
Speaker 2 (13:18):
Well, we want Amy at the show. Amy's email said
she went to Cork to buy tickets and they said
just show up the night of because you can't buy
tickets online. That's not true.
Speaker 1 (13:28):
You just can't buy them online at Cork, but you
can get them on at Jesse Payton's website. That's online,
ain't it right.
Speaker 2 (13:35):
I'm sure the people at Cork Martini and Winebar are
nice people, but whoever she spoke to was confused. You
can buy tickets for the Saturday show online at Jessesfunny
dot com. But I'll make it easier for you. If
you send us an email to our to on our
website Walton and Johnson dot com. I'll reply with that
says Metterie and the subject line. I will reply with
(13:58):
the with a link to where you can buy tickets.
Speaker 1 (14:01):
Okay, if you put metari in the subject line, you
don't leave that empty. I hate that a subject.
Speaker 2 (14:05):
But remember if you use the smartphone app to message us, Yeah,
you've got to tell us your email because we won't.
Speaker 1 (14:11):
We don't keep up with that kind of stuff.
Speaker 2 (14:13):
So I was just searching our old emails for the
word metari to see if anybody else was having this problem.
And I stumbled on this one email. This is very funny.
This is an email from July from Troy. Troy writes it,
and he goes, Hey, guys, Shenanigan's of Metarie is now
Cork Wine and Martini Bar, but that's where you're going.
Kenny should do a comedy show there, Oh God, in
(14:33):
July and then you are. So I'm replying to him
right now with a link. Troy, you didn't ask for it.
You didn't want it. You might not even live in
New Orleans anymore. July was so long ago.
Speaker 1 (14:43):
Sounds like he did ask for it, though, Because.
Speaker 2 (14:45):
Tonight is all sold out, nobody can get into Bay
Saint Louis anymore.
Speaker 1 (14:48):
That show Sony is open, you can get into the scene.
You don't know that that's true. Yeah, they might be
closing streets because you're your arrival and they want to
make sure that you're able to get in on a
unmolested But.
Speaker 2 (15:01):
We were wondering why tomorrow's show did not sell out,
and now we're starting to understand it's because people at
the venue have been telling you you can't buy tickets online.
Speaker 1 (15:08):
Wells, a lot of people just remember it as Shenanigans. Okay,
there's a good one that place. Jesse Peyton is the headliner.
He's a professional comedian.
Speaker 2 (15:17):
I'm Jesse's buddy, that is the producer of this popular
radio You no, they're paying me, but.
Speaker 1 (15:22):
Then you all professional comedian too.
Speaker 2 (15:24):
But my point is he has as good at it,
you bastards. Point No, My point is he has a
website where they sell tickets to comedy shows.
Speaker 1 (15:32):
I hope everybody knows. I'm I'm We're just teasing.
Speaker 2 (15:35):
I only do this once in a while. My main thing,
believe it or not, is producing the most important morning
show in America. Yeah, so important in fact that as
producer I talk the whole show.
Speaker 1 (15:44):
You do this after we get off the air, that's.
Speaker 2 (15:48):
Yes, Billy.
Speaker 1 (15:49):
In the meantime, I had some very interesting factoids, and
you know how humans love interesting little factoids, shove them in.
We were talking about the Varrenzano Bridge, earlier world's longest
suspension when it opened in nineteen sixty four. It's a
very long, very tall bridge because it goes across the
narrows there. As a matter of fact, it's named for
the first European explorer to ever sail in to New
(16:12):
York Harbor in fifteen twenty four. Do you know what
his last name was.
Speaker 2 (16:17):
His last name was Cyrus Verrenzano Arenzano.
Speaker 1 (16:22):
His name was Giovanni. That's the name of that bridge,
Giovanni Devezano.
Speaker 2 (16:28):
They named They let an Italian guy name a bridge.
Speaker 1 (16:30):
They didn't build it, they just named after him. Anyway.
The towers I don't trust that bridge. Follow me here,
I'm gonna draw you a picture in your mind. He's
holding his arms up like the twin towers. Not the
twin towers. These are the towers that hold the bridge up.
And there's multiple towers because it's a long, long bridge.
It's like four thousand plus feet.
Speaker 2 (16:50):
Are you about to do some reverse homosexual jihad terror attack?
Speaker 1 (16:53):
Not at all. Okay, No, The towers that hold the
bridge up are nearly seven hundred feet tall. And here's
the interesting thing. I thought this was great. The towers
are one and five eighths inches further apart at the
top than they are at the bottom. They're not perfectly straight.
They flare just a an inch and a half at
(17:17):
the top. And do you know why, No, you don't,
so I'm gonna tell you why to compensate for the
curvature of the earth. That's how long this bridge is.
Speaker 2 (17:27):
Why would they need to compensate for something that's already flat.
Speaker 1 (17:31):
That's what I was wondering. The earth is flat.
Speaker 2 (17:33):
Yeah, I have to.
Speaker 1 (17:34):
That's just their way of continuing to tell that lie.
It's like the climate change lie.
Speaker 2 (17:38):
Can't shrink the curvature of the earth. Sure, nice try.
Well hey, while we're in New York, I got one
for you that's gonna piss you off. Oh god, Okay,
So there's this old guy walking around New York City
in the Queen's neighborhood. It's a neighborhood for gay people,
so they call queens absolutely and he shot a man
dead who was trying to rob him. Huh So now
(17:59):
he's going to go to prison for four years after
admitting to toting an unlicensed revolver.
Speaker 1 (18:03):
Well, yeah, it is New York. They got funny gun
laws there, Charles. Haha, just weird.
Speaker 2 (18:10):
Charles Foner is an elderly man who lives in a
dangerous part of a dangerous city and he didn't want
to get hurt, so he carried a gun around and
this guy tried to rob him and hurt him and
maim him. So he took the gun out. Yeah, and
he checked himself and he shot the guy. And they said, wow,
you're gonna have to go to prison now for four years.
You weren't supposed to have that gun. What was I
supposed to do?
Speaker 1 (18:29):
Die? Well? You know what would have kept him out
of prison?
Speaker 2 (18:31):
What's that?
Speaker 1 (18:32):
Burna? Oh? A burna? He's allowed to have that?
Speaker 2 (18:35):
B y r na dot com spells Berna.
Speaker 1 (18:39):
Well, does New York have a special burna rule on
the books yet?
Speaker 2 (18:43):
No, if they're going to No, burna's are legal everywhere.
You can even buy one if you're a felon, right, yeah, No,
no background checks on a. Speaking of felons, apparently, if
you're a child molester, you can run for mayor in
Rhode Island. Michael English is a Democrat and a convicted
child molester. He is currently running for mayor of Providence.
In nineteen ninety eight, he pleaded no contest to molesting
(19:04):
a thirteen year old girl, served fifteen months of a
twenty year sentence before being released. He then spent an
additional nineteen months in prison in two thousand and nine
after violating a no contact order with the victim. He
went out years later and started bothering her again. What
a creep. Anyway, now he wants to be mayor. He
does not appear on the Rhode Island Sex Offender Registry
due to his registry expiring after ten years.
Speaker 1 (19:26):
Because that's how stupid. Everything that is just so stupid
all the time, really stupid. I think you should not
make a child molester into your mayor. But then again,
I don't live in Providence, not my problem. I do
live in Texas, however, where we've.
Speaker 2 (19:39):
Just learned the state will seek excuse me, the state
will not seek the death penalty against a man charged
with beheading his coworker at a Dallas motel.
Speaker 1 (19:48):
Well, why the hell not? They just just didn't feel
like they want to bother. They don't have the energy
to pursue the death penalty.
Speaker 2 (19:55):
Here's my theory.
Speaker 1 (19:56):
Sound lazy to me.
Speaker 2 (19:57):
It was a beheading in the Metroplex area.
Speaker 1 (19:59):
And even it doesn't both of them Muslim, it doesn't
appear that way. But I think if both are Muslim,
that's kind of like Miller time. No it's a Muslim,
it's that's a Jesse Jackson thing.
Speaker 2 (20:10):
Yeah, it's true. Now the guy's name is Jordan As
Cabos Martinez done so.
Speaker 1 (20:15):
Well, you know, they can always change when they're in prison.
Speaker 2 (20:18):
And he beheaded his friend Chandra bob Naga Malaya. Sounds
like he uh is a is a Hispanic that didn't
like an Indian. And anyway, this is in the METROPLEXU,
so it's possible the judge just didn't want to offend
his local metroplex neighbors who happened to.
Speaker 1 (20:33):
Live in Epic City. Yeah, and that's just gonna keep
getting worse. Like the way one guy put it a
while back. He's talking about these Muslim mosques opening up
in Epic City, and what's that one around here? We
got that? Oh, that's for the Legal Aliens College Colony.
Reg all this mosques and epics and all these places
open up and Sharia'll all being introduced and bringing it
(20:54):
in now and all this kind of craps. And obviously
what we plan on doing here in America is way
to until the Muslim problem becomes much more difficult to
deal with before we decide to deal with it. Mm mmm,
that's how we do things.
Speaker 2 (21:08):
Yeah, I'm beginning to think the way we do things
kind of sucks, you know, yeah.
Speaker 1 (21:12):
Down like a cloud chatty, down like a cloud chotty,
But stay tuned for more. Waltman Johnson,
About to do this. In case they had the radio
(00:01):
turned up where they could hear it, they would you
reach over and crank at all.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
I just, honestly, I forgot that this music isn't normal
to most people. I just put it on because it's
what I mean. I go to sleep to that music.
What do you guys do when you're trying to fall asleep?
Speaker 1 (00:17):
Will bless his heart?
Speaker 2 (00:19):
Sometimes when I'm having trouble sleeping, I listen to a
recording of mister Kenneth doing celebrity birthday.
Speaker 1 (00:24):
And I think of your comedy shows.
Speaker 2 (00:28):
That's just the joke.
Speaker 1 (00:29):
I just told that joke and made it better. My son,
today it happens to be Carl Ray Jepson's birthday. You
remember that little girl saying call me maybe she's forty
years old?
Speaker 2 (00:45):
Wow, forty years old. That's way too old to be
in pop music.
Speaker 1 (00:48):
Yes it is. She'll have to retire soon and be
on the view. Oh God, Rain Phoenix. That's the sister
of Joaquin and River fifty three Today, Michael straight Hand
with the gap tooth Guy fifty four, Troy Aikman fifty nine,
b York Is sixty. I know you always like to
(01:08):
celebrate her big day.
Speaker 2 (01:09):
I like b York. She's because she's weird. She seems
like she'd be fun to me, you know.
Speaker 1 (01:13):
Nicolette Sheridan sixty two, Goldie Horn, probably better known as
Kate Hudson's Mom. Okay eighty Marlo Thomas is eighty eight
from that girl to friends and of course helping all
the kids at Saint Jude's Children's Hospital, which her dad
kind of you know, kicked in, kicked off, founded whatever,
(01:34):
kicked off a plan?
Speaker 2 (01:35):
Kay? Not that?
Speaker 1 (01:36):
Oh? Today would have been and is doctor John's birthday,
New Orleans original, right place, wrong time, you know, all
that kind of stuff. And the Popeyees Chicken.
Speaker 2 (01:48):
Oh bro, I love Popeyes Chicken.
Speaker 1 (01:50):
You know you do. Harold Ramus also born on this day,
a writer and director of Caddyshack and Groundhog Day, Animal
House Stripes, Back to School, Meet Balls, Ghostbusters, blah blah blah.
My goodness. So that's today. Now tomorrow is a big birthday. Now,
don't you have a comedy show Saturday night? Yeah?
Speaker 2 (02:13):
Tomorrow night, Well, we have a comedy show tonight and
tomorrow night. But tomorrow night there's more tickets available.
Speaker 1 (02:17):
That's in METTERI I'm suggesting is that you perhaps dedicate
your evening Tomorrow night to Rodney Dangerfield. It's his birthday tomorrow.
Speaker 2 (02:28):
You know, he's one of my heroes. I know, I love.
Speaker 1 (02:30):
Rosh'll probably bring that up on stage. Other celebrity birthdays
happening tomorrow Scarlett Johanson forty one, Mark Ruffalo fifty eight,
Hayley Bieber twenty nine, Oscar Pistorius remember here thirty nine
is a runner without legs. Mary el Hemingway will turn
(02:52):
sixty four, Jamie Lee Curtis sixty seven, Stevie van ZANDT
of the Sopranos seventy five, Billy Jean King will be
eighty two, and one of the guys from Maddy Python
the Animator, Terry Gilliam and he's also a writer eighty
five years old. On Saturday Sunday, we celebrate the birth
of one Miley Cyrus. It'll be thirty three years ago.
(03:15):
Also Snooky from the Jersey Shore. Miley Cyrus is thirty three.
Speaker 2 (03:20):
Yeah, huh, I know, I feel like I've known about
her for longer than thirty three years.
Speaker 1 (03:23):
Here's that way. Yeah. Sunday is Bruce Hornsby's birthday. I
don't know if he's still hanging with the Range or not.
He'll be seventy one. And also the late great Billy
the Kid born on whatever birth the twenty third. Yeah,
and Boris Karloff horror movie Legend Guy. He's the narrator
(03:46):
of the original The granch Stole Christmas. You know, the
guy you fell would misterch I didn't stand anything lock
him at all?
Speaker 2 (03:55):
Yeah, that was terrible, it was. That was the worst
personation I ever heard. I would change the channel right
now if I was listening to you do that.
Speaker 1 (04:03):
You do it thing. You're a mean one. Mister Green
was perfect? You perfect? Maybe I thought it was the
right guy.
Speaker 2 (04:10):
Yeah, it's the same thing, really, you know.
Speaker 1 (04:12):
It was the exact same thing. I sounded dislike that.
Speaker 2 (04:14):
No you didn't. You sounded gay when you did it.
Speaker 1 (04:17):
Today happens to be national, and I think some of
you are going to like this stuffing day. What are
we stuffing?
Speaker 2 (04:25):
Yeah, well, so you're eating it. Did you guys see
that Hines is now selling leftover gravy in a bottle?
Did you guys see that you can buy gravy now
in a bottle and pour it on your food? Who's
left over from don't know, don't care? Oh I care?
I mean I don't want to eat just anybody's left
over gravy. You know, when you're at Whatterburger and they
(04:46):
ask you if you want gravy with your chicken strips?
What of course you do? What did John always say?
He would look at that woman behind the counter and
he would look her right in her weave, and he
would say, hell, yeah, I want some gravy. Go get
me some damn gravy.
Speaker 1 (04:59):
This is still a yeah, what do we lose a war?
I want gravy. It's also besides Stuffing Day, and you
can follow that all the way till next week and
have some stuffing anytime you want. It's National Gingerbread Cookie Day,
which you're probably gonna path on.
Speaker 2 (05:13):
Isn't Ginger the one that's still alive? Or is at Marianne?
Speaker 1 (05:16):
I think it's Ginger.
Speaker 2 (05:17):
Do you think she's getting stuffing for thanksgiup?
Speaker 1 (05:19):
Bet? Not one hundred years old? So this day in history,
don't forget, we got a sponsor. This day in history
brought to you by your go to shopping destination for Christmas.
Speaker 2 (05:32):
This year, you must be talking about the Walton Johnson's
smartphone app.
Speaker 1 (05:35):
You know, I am. We got a store in there
and they got merch.
Speaker 2 (05:38):
If you download the Walton Johnson's smartphone app, you can
listen to this radio show anytime you want live pre recorded,
even if the local station manager in your city decides
to take us off the air after the New Year's
don't do that, Wayne Quinn can day. So download the
Walton Johnson's smartphone app, and while you're using the app,
you could shop for really great stuff in our store.
You should do that on this day. In his in
(06:00):
sixteen twenty, the Mayflower Compact is signed by most of
the men on board the ship. Those that don't want
to go swimming in the middle of the ocean.
Speaker 1 (06:08):
That is, yeah, sign it, or take a long walk
off a short plank.
Speaker 2 (06:12):
Today. In seventeen eighty three, men fly over Paris in
a hot air balloon.
Speaker 1 (06:16):
It was a first. Oh I'll bet they freaked out.
They probably thought it was an alien invasion.
Speaker 2 (06:20):
They did freak out, but I think it was mostly
because of all the Peyota they were doing.
Speaker 1 (06:24):
That helps today.
Speaker 2 (06:24):
In eighteen seventy seven, Scientific American magazine announced Edison's wonderful invention.
Speaker 1 (06:29):
He invented the CDs.
Speaker 2 (06:30):
None was the phonograph, but close it was an early
version of the CD well.
Speaker 1 (06:34):
Which then led to the CD after some cassette tapes
and eight tracks and all that other stuff. So yeah,
he invented all that stuff.
Speaker 2 (06:40):
Now, to our younger listeners, a CD is what we
used to use to listen to MP three's, and to
our really young listeners, MP three's are what we used
to listen to instead of streaming. So now you know today.
In eighteen oh six, President Teddy Roosevelt, while in San Juan,
pledged citizenship for all the Puerto Ricans. He looked around
and he said, everybody living on this giant isle of
(07:02):
garbage is now an American. And they all look they
were confused. They're like, why would you want.
Speaker 1 (07:07):
No, don't make us be America.
Speaker 2 (07:09):
There's too much garbage here.
Speaker 1 (07:11):
They don't want to be American, but they do want
to take our free stuff. They really happy to have that.
Speaker 2 (07:15):
Yeah, you know how Puerto Ricans are.
Speaker 1 (07:17):
Oh hey, it's tweety Bird's birthday. I really feel like
this should have been on birthdays instead of you. This
day in history, because eighty three years ago tweety Bird
was born. What day was that in the the It
was this day in what year? In nineteen forty two? Ooh,
you skipped a couple of good ones. I'm not saying
you can't do them. I'm just I just know I
got excited when I saw tweety bird.
Speaker 2 (07:38):
All right, I'm gonna go back and reverse. Then on
this day in nineteen thirty four, the National Biscuit Company
was announced what they changed the name to No Biscos,
and they introduced the Rich Cracker. And in nineteen thirty one,
the film Frankenstein starring Boris Karloff as the Monster was
released today. In nineteen forty nine, Bill Veeck sells the
(07:58):
Cleveland Indians for twenty two million dollars. He needed the
money to pay for his divorce.
Speaker 1 (08:04):
Ah, that's kay. I just mentioned a couple of minutes
ago it was Boris Karloff's birthday, and you didn't bring
up that during this day in history. Would have been
a nice tie in. Happy birthday, Boris Karloff. Did you
know he was in Frankenstein that was released today in
nineteen thirty one?
Speaker 2 (08:20):
No, what did you guys know? They released it on
his birthday?
Speaker 1 (08:22):
That is just a tremendous amount of information.
Speaker 2 (08:25):
You should have brought that up when you were doing
his birthday. That would have been good to know.
Speaker 1 (08:28):
Ooh, did y'all do the Dallas one yet?
Speaker 2 (08:30):
Uh? What year is that? I got a nineteen? Ken't
even like get out of order. Don't get out of order,
No you can. It's just that I'm autistic. People like
me like to do things in chronological order. But you
could screw it up and then I'll just freak out
for the rest of the morning.
Speaker 1 (08:42):
All right, good nineteen eighty Okay, that was forty five
years ago. Millions and millions tuned in eighty three million people,
which back then it was like all the people that
were in America. They tuned into Dallas to find out
who the hill shot they are? And who was it?
By the way, was it a big letdown? It turned
out to be a relatively minor character on the show.
(09:04):
It was mister Burns played by mister Burns. Yes, that
was mister Burns. Dump dun't bro.
Speaker 2 (09:12):
TV theme songs were so much cooler back then.
Speaker 1 (09:14):
Listen to that I just kicked that ask.
Speaker 2 (09:17):
That just makes you want to get in a car
and go punch a buffalo. Doesn't it really?
Speaker 1 (09:22):
What?
Speaker 2 (09:22):
What's the funniest I was being serious. Today in nineteen
fifty nine, Dick Nixon and Jack Benny play a duet.
That's something. I could play it for you, but I'd
rather play the Dallas team please. Today in nineteen sixty four,
the upper deck of the Verazon, the Verizonto Narrows Bridge open,
connecting Lower Manhattan and Staten Island.
Speaker 1 (09:41):
Yeah, they liked that bridge over there, Arizona.
Speaker 2 (09:45):
Yeah, they were really into that bridge.
Speaker 1 (09:47):
Does it collect connect Manhattan to Staten Island? Where does
it connect? One of the other burroughs?
Speaker 2 (09:54):
Well, mine, says Staten Island in Manhattan. But I always
thought that you had to take a ferry. They ride
a gay guy over there, that's right. Anyway, final bridge
goes to Brooklyn or whatever, the Brooklyn Heights or somebody
like that. The fact that you know this makes us
all suspicious.
Speaker 1 (10:11):
To you that they run across it to start the
bust of the New York Marathon. Billy, They don't run
directly to Manhattan. They run around all the way up
to the top, and then they run down from the north.
Speaker 2 (10:23):
Billyead, would you trust anyone that is a good understanding
of the bridges around New York City. They'll know me either.
I already didn't like you. Today, in nineteen seventy six,
Rocky opens in theaters across America. People started running up
the steps of the Philly Art Museum because today. In
nineteen eighty six, Oliver North and Fawn Hall started shredding
documents as the Iran Contra scandal heats up.
Speaker 1 (10:44):
Wow, I hadn't heard that name in a long time.
Speaker 2 (10:47):
Phone Hall, Faun Hall.
Speaker 1 (10:49):
Yeah, they were in a little mischief back in the day.
Speaker 2 (10:52):
She was a slut, right, Is that it was? She
like the Lisa Page and Peter Stroke at their time?
Speaker 1 (10:56):
Is it? Yeah? Pretty much?
Speaker 2 (10:57):
Today in twenty seventeen, CBS fires Charlie after eight women
alleged sexual harassment. I was on the phone last night
talking to someone about how the Epstein scandal is going
to clear house, kind of like the Me Too scandal did.
After these documents get published, the people that are gonna
lose power and prestige and stuff. It's not gonna be
the people you think. Kind of like when the Me
Too thing happened. Did anyone expect Charlie Rose to be
(11:20):
affected by it? Did you think that he was gonna
be Whozy the dirt. He was a CBS news personality,
Charlie Rose. Oh no, not Charlie Rose.
Speaker 1 (11:28):
Okay, here, the Verrenzano Bridge is a suspension bridge connecting
Staten Island to Brooklyn. Oh I was correct. Although I'll
never get credit but knowing things because the stuff I
know is gay.
Speaker 2 (11:42):
It is gay. Yeah, I know. I'll give it to you.
You know more about the city in America that's controlled
by communists than anyone else on this show. Good job,
you feel good?
Speaker 1 (11:51):
Yeah, now you've hurt my feelings and I want to
go to the restroom and cry.
Speaker 2 (11:54):
All right, I'll wash this out of your mouth. Go today.
In twenty twenty four artwork, I'm putting that in quote
to see my quote, Fingers of a banana duct tape
to a wall sells for six point two million dollars.
Speaker 1 (12:06):
You know that same artist as other offerings that are
also selling for millions of dollars. What the wow? I
thought you had to be really smart to have millions
of dollars.
Speaker 2 (12:18):
Well, it turns out that the modern art scene is
just a way for people to launder money. Like if
you had a bunch of stolen money, and you needed
to get it from here to there. Don't you think
selling someone a banana duck tape to a wall would
be a good way to move that money around.
Speaker 1 (12:32):
Or any kind of a painting that looks like a
piece of crap but it's worth half a million dollars. Well,
I'm just buying art, baby, That's all I'm doing.
Speaker 2 (12:39):
You're not talking about Hunter Biden and selling access to
the White House for the past four years, right.
Speaker 1 (12:42):
Well, no, it was first I've heard of that. Yeah, yeah,
Walton and Johnson Radio Network, can.
Speaker 2 (12:50):
I know a little customer service live on the air
real quick. This is only going to affect a portion
of our audience in the New Orleans area, But they've
been emailing us, and so I just got to address.
Speaker 1 (12:59):
Some of this. We can't help people get a little
fired up. You tell her you come in to town
doing a comedy show man, people are just gonna get
They're gonna get rowdy, they're gonna get crazy, they're gonna
get lit.
Speaker 2 (13:08):
Amy emailed us multiple times, and I didn't see it
till now.
Speaker 1 (13:11):
In the email. Amy's a big fan. She loves you,
and she loves your shows, your comedy.
Speaker 2 (13:18):
Well, we want Amy at the show. Amy's email said
she went to Cork to buy tickets and they said
just show up the night of because you can't buy
tickets online. That's not true.
Speaker 1 (13:28):
You just can't buy them online at Cork, but you
can get them on at Jesse Payton's website. That's online,
ain't it right.
Speaker 2 (13:35):
I'm sure the people at Cork Martini and Winebar are
nice people, but whoever she spoke to was confused. You
can buy tickets for the Saturday show online at Jessesfunny
dot com. But I'll make it easier for you. If
you send us an email to our to on our
website Walton and Johnson dot com. I'll reply with that
says Metterie and the subject line. I will reply with
(13:58):
the with a link to where you can buy tickets.
Speaker 1 (14:01):
Okay, if you put metari in the subject line, you
don't leave that empty. I hate that a subject.
Speaker 2 (14:05):
But remember if you use the smartphone app to message us, Yeah,
you've got to tell us your email because we won't.
Speaker 1 (14:11):
We don't keep up with that kind of stuff.
Speaker 2 (14:13):
So I was just searching our old emails for the
word metari to see if anybody else was having this problem.
And I stumbled on this one email. This is very funny.
This is an email from July from Troy. Troy writes it,
and he goes, Hey, guys, Shenanigan's of Metarie is now
Cork Wine and Martini Bar, but that's where you're going.
Kenny should do a comedy show there, Oh God, in
(14:33):
July and then you are. So I'm replying to him
right now with a link. Troy, you didn't ask for it.
You didn't want it. You might not even live in
New Orleans anymore. July was so long ago.
Speaker 1 (14:43):
Sounds like he did ask for it, though, Because.
Speaker 2 (14:45):
Tonight is all sold out, nobody can get into Bay
Saint Louis anymore.
Speaker 1 (14:48):
That show Sony is open, you can get into the scene.
You don't know that that's true. Yeah, they might be
closing streets because you're your arrival and they want to
make sure that you're able to get in on a
unmolested But.
Speaker 2 (15:01):
We were wondering why tomorrow's show did not sell out,
and now we're starting to understand it's because people at
the venue have been telling you you can't buy tickets online.
Speaker 1 (15:08):
Wells, a lot of people just remember it as Shenanigans. Okay,
there's a good one that place. Jesse Peyton is the headliner.
He's a professional comedian.
Speaker 2 (15:17):
I'm Jesse's buddy, that is the producer of this popular
radio You no, they're paying me, but.
Speaker 1 (15:22):
Then you all professional comedian too.
Speaker 2 (15:24):
But my point is he has as good at it,
you bastards. Point No, My point is he has a
website where they sell tickets to comedy shows.
Speaker 1 (15:32):
I hope everybody knows. I'm I'm We're just teasing.
Speaker 2 (15:35):
I only do this once in a while. My main thing,
believe it or not, is producing the most important morning
show in America. Yeah, so important in fact that as
producer I talk the whole show.
Speaker 1 (15:44):
You do this after we get off the air, that's.
Speaker 2 (15:48):
Yes, Billy.
Speaker 1 (15:49):
In the meantime, I had some very interesting factoids, and
you know how humans love interesting little factoids, shove them in.
We were talking about the Varrenzano Bridge, earlier world's longest
suspension when it opened in nineteen sixty four. It's a
very long, very tall bridge because it goes across the
narrows there. As a matter of fact, it's named for
the first European explorer to ever sail in to New
(16:12):
York Harbor in fifteen twenty four. Do you know what
his last name was.
Speaker 2 (16:17):
His last name was Cyrus Verrenzano Arenzano.
Speaker 1 (16:22):
His name was Giovanni. That's the name of that bridge,
Giovanni Devezano.
Speaker 2 (16:28):
They named They let an Italian guy name a bridge.
Speaker 1 (16:30):
They didn't build it, they just named after him. Anyway.
The towers I don't trust that bridge. Follow me here,
I'm gonna draw you a picture in your mind. He's
holding his arms up like the twin towers. Not the
twin towers. These are the towers that hold the bridge up.
And there's multiple towers because it's a long, long bridge.
It's like four thousand plus feet.
Speaker 2 (16:50):
Are you about to do some reverse homosexual jihad terror attack?
Speaker 1 (16:53):
Not at all. Okay, No, The towers that hold the
bridge up are nearly seven hundred feet tall. And here's
the interesting thing. I thought this was great. The towers
are one and five eighths inches further apart at the
top than they are at the bottom. They're not perfectly straight.
They flare just a an inch and a half at
(17:17):
the top. And do you know why, No, you don't,
so I'm gonna tell you why to compensate for the
curvature of the earth. That's how long this bridge is.
Speaker 2 (17:27):
Why would they need to compensate for something that's already flat.
Speaker 1 (17:31):
That's what I was wondering. The earth is flat.
Speaker 2 (17:33):
Yeah, I have to.
Speaker 1 (17:34):
That's just their way of continuing to tell that lie.
It's like the climate change lie.
Speaker 2 (17:38):
Can't shrink the curvature of the earth. Sure, nice try.
Well hey, while we're in New York, I got one
for you that's gonna piss you off. Oh god, Okay,
So there's this old guy walking around New York City
in the Queen's neighborhood. It's a neighborhood for gay people,
so they call queens absolutely and he shot a man
dead who was trying to rob him. Huh So now
(17:59):
he's going to go to prison for four years after
admitting to toting an unlicensed revolver.
Speaker 1 (18:03):
Well, yeah, it is New York. They got funny gun
laws there, Charles. Haha, just weird.
Speaker 2 (18:10):
Charles Foner is an elderly man who lives in a
dangerous part of a dangerous city and he didn't want
to get hurt, so he carried a gun around and
this guy tried to rob him and hurt him and
maim him. So he took the gun out. Yeah, and
he checked himself and he shot the guy. And they said, wow,
you're gonna have to go to prison now for four years.
You weren't supposed to have that gun. What was I
supposed to do?
Speaker 1 (18:29):
Die? Well? You know what would have kept him out
of prison?
Speaker 2 (18:31):
What's that?
Speaker 1 (18:32):
Burna? Oh? A burna? He's allowed to have that?
Speaker 2 (18:35):
B y r na dot com spells Berna.
Speaker 1 (18:39):
Well, does New York have a special burna rule on
the books yet?
Speaker 2 (18:43):
No, if they're going to No, burna's are legal everywhere.
You can even buy one if you're a felon, right, yeah, No,
no background checks on a. Speaking of felons, apparently, if
you're a child molester, you can run for mayor in
Rhode Island. Michael English is a Democrat and a convicted
child molester. He is currently running for mayor of Providence.
In nineteen ninety eight, he pleaded no contest to molesting
(19:04):
a thirteen year old girl, served fifteen months of a
twenty year sentence before being released. He then spent an
additional nineteen months in prison in two thousand and nine
after violating a no contact order with the victim. He
went out years later and started bothering her again. What
a creep. Anyway, now he wants to be mayor. He
does not appear on the Rhode Island Sex Offender Registry
due to his registry expiring after ten years.
Speaker 1 (19:26):
Because that's how stupid. Everything that is just so stupid
all the time, really stupid. I think you should not
make a child molester into your mayor. But then again,
I don't live in Providence, not my problem. I do
live in Texas, however, where we've.
Speaker 2 (19:39):
Just learned the state will seek excuse me, the state
will not seek the death penalty against a man charged
with beheading his coworker at a Dallas motel.
Speaker 1 (19:48):
Well, why the hell not? They just just didn't feel
like they want to bother. They don't have the energy
to pursue the death penalty.
Speaker 2 (19:55):
Here's my theory.
Speaker 1 (19:56):
Sound lazy to me.
Speaker 2 (19:57):
It was a beheading in the Metroplex area.
Speaker 1 (19:59):
And even it doesn't both of them Muslim, it doesn't
appear that way. But I think if both are Muslim,
that's kind of like Miller time. No it's a Muslim,
it's that's a Jesse Jackson thing.
Speaker 2 (20:10):
Yeah, it's true. Now the guy's name is Jordan As
Cabos Martinez done so.
Speaker 1 (20:15):
Well, you know, they can always change when they're in prison.
Speaker 2 (20:18):
And he beheaded his friend Chandra bob Naga Malaya. Sounds
like he uh is a is a Hispanic that didn't
like an Indian. And anyway, this is in the METROPLEXU,
so it's possible the judge just didn't want to offend
his local metroplex neighbors who happened to.
Speaker 1 (20:33):
Live in Epic City. Yeah, and that's just gonna keep
getting worse. Like the way one guy put it a
while back. He's talking about these Muslim mosques opening up
in Epic City, and what's that one around here? We
got that? Oh, that's for the Legal Aliens College Colony.
Reg all this mosques and epics and all these places
open up and Sharia'll all being introduced and bringing it
(20:54):
in now and all this kind of craps. And obviously
what we plan on doing here in America is way
to until the Muslim problem becomes much more difficult to
deal with before we decide to deal with it. Mm mmm,
that's how we do things.
Speaker 2 (21:08):
Yeah, I'm beginning to think the way we do things
kind of sucks, you know, yeah.
Speaker 1 (21:12):
Down like a cloud chatty, down like a cloud chotty,
But stay tuned for more. Waltman Johnson,
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