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May 22, 2026 10 mins

The fellas are on leave for the week, so enjoy a mixed bag of bits hand-plucked by Producer Pugs. We'll see you backbones on full on Monday, May 25th!

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Featuring Jason Hoyte, Mike Minogue, and Keyzie, "The Big Show" drive you home weekdays from 4pm on Radio Hauraki.

Providing a hilarious escape from reality for those ‘backbone’ New Zealanders with plenty of laughs and out-the-gate yarns.

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Episode Transcript

Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
For all your mad Bastards Loving the Big Show podcast,
Get Up Even Closer on Instagram, YouTube, and tik tok
for Raw Dogget four to seven every weekday on radio.

Speaker 2 (00:15):
The first nude woman I ever saw, oh God, was
a Penthouse that my mate Colin showed me. And I
was too young to see it because there was like
quite a full on image.

Speaker 3 (00:25):
Yeah, and I was like ten or something.

Speaker 4 (00:27):
I think you're probably right, they're quite scarring those lay
boy you hang on, Jason before you went up my story.

Speaker 2 (00:34):
Playboy's tasteful. It's like them lying. They're looking all hard.
But whatever it is, it's not explicit y explicit. It's
a soft court it is. And then Penthouse is like, yo,
here is a big old member doing some ship.

Speaker 4 (00:46):
Yeah, and my mate was checked this out man. Peenhouse
was more of the league spread. But then there was
another one, which was Larry Flint. What was his one?

Speaker 3 (00:54):
Ah, wasn't that was the Woody House and movie.

Speaker 4 (00:59):
Yeah, And that was the one where they had That
was the one where they had the six scenes.

Speaker 3 (01:03):
You're right, okay, Yeah, can I just hang on?

Speaker 2 (01:06):
I was just going to say homing because at the
time I was reading mostly like Kzone magazine and yeah,
famous five and no that's quite old now, but yeah,
and then all of a sudden, it's just like boom check.

Speaker 5 (01:21):
I had exactly the same experience with one of my
and I was about ten to two.

Speaker 3 (01:25):
It would have been like a scroll or something.

Speaker 4 (01:27):
Yeah.

Speaker 5 (01:27):
Well, and we had at our school, at our boarding school,
we had what we called boot rooms yep, where you'd
keep all your boots.

Speaker 6 (01:35):
Anyway, said go and check this out, man, and it
was a penthouse.

Speaker 5 (01:39):
And he showed me these pictures and I still remember
to this day just burning up with heat.

Speaker 4 (01:47):
Yeah.

Speaker 6 (01:48):
And I didn't know what I was feeling.

Speaker 5 (01:50):
I just felt really hot.

Speaker 7 (01:53):
I don't even know.

Speaker 6 (01:54):
I just send it as horny.

Speaker 5 (01:56):
No, just that I felt really flushed and hot. What
you do with the boot on there? And then he
read the leaders of the editor and then yeah, yeah,
and then beed off.

Speaker 3 (02:07):
I don't create new your special, but.

Speaker 5 (02:09):
I don't think I don't think I was beating off.
Oh my god on a Friday, Friday's.

Speaker 3 (02:19):
Uber Night, takeaway night.

Speaker 4 (02:20):
Yeah, it's a it's a takeaway night special time.

Speaker 6 (02:23):
Yeah, And I and I just feel like at the moment,
I need some treats in my.

Speaker 4 (02:27):
Life, do you?

Speaker 1 (02:28):
Yeah?

Speaker 4 (02:28):
Well, used today it was a sugar free day, wasn't it.

Speaker 7 (02:30):
Here?

Speaker 6 (02:31):
We fucking go.

Speaker 4 (02:34):
Oh yeah, smashed the red ball, that's true. Actually burons
of sugar in that bastard.

Speaker 6 (02:40):
Yeah, well that was actually my only sugar. I think,
well done. Yeah, but I didn't even think about that.

Speaker 4 (02:47):
Congrats me.

Speaker 3 (02:48):
What is the rule? Is it one of those things
where it says my wife's not around, I can do it.

Speaker 6 (02:53):
Well, she was there actually, but she wasn't when you
had your read book?

Speaker 3 (02:57):
Is that the way your diets going?

Speaker 6 (03:00):
He actually got home and had a kom butcher.

Speaker 3 (03:02):
Yeah, that's fine.

Speaker 6 (03:03):
Is that all right? And I said that all right, Danny?

Speaker 5 (03:06):
But you know what was difficult apart from the coffee,
and I usually have a feed of week books at
the end of the night as well as my treat.

Speaker 6 (03:13):
Yeah, but a pile of fucking brown sugar, so I
couldn't have that.

Speaker 5 (03:17):
But what made matters worse was that we had three
kit kats in the in the old fridge there and.

Speaker 6 (03:24):
Couldn't eat those as well. And I was having a
real for sugar.

Speaker 4 (03:29):
I'm amazed that you have one day a week where
you don't eat sugar. Yeah, like that's and that's that
it's tough for you, tough for me, really tough.

Speaker 6 (03:38):
It's just tough. It was it wasn't great coffee.

Speaker 3 (03:41):
But when you say no sugar, what does that mean?

Speaker 5 (03:44):
Well, we try like there's going to be no treats. Basically,
there's going to be stuff that has sugar in it, probably.

Speaker 4 (03:52):
But you're not having sugar in your coffee, you're not
having red balls, you're not having you should be doing
that five days a week. Oh fuck off, you should.
You should not be eating treats seven days a week.
And it's hard for you to go one day without
haven't gone without you had a red.

Speaker 5 (04:11):
Bull sometimes sometimes as I say, my treat as wheatbacks,
which I don't think is too excessive.

Speaker 6 (04:16):
I mean, I mean amount of sugar on it.

Speaker 2 (04:21):
Yeah, But like let's say we had dinner and the
dinner has like a sauce that you put on the
whatever that's sugar.

Speaker 3 (04:28):
Are you allowed that?

Speaker 1 (04:28):
Yeah?

Speaker 6 (04:28):
I think so?

Speaker 3 (04:29):
Yeah, right, So it's just treats.

Speaker 4 (04:30):
Well, treat if the if you've got a what dinner
is a sugar sauce on it, that's dosser.

Speaker 2 (04:36):
No, like you know, any most of the sauces that
you like a hellow fresher of food box type situation.
The sauce is usually quite sweet and sugar sugar.

Speaker 6 (04:44):
Yeah.

Speaker 5 (04:45):
I like, for example, when I take you Fellers out
for dinner, j won't be having any pudding.

Speaker 2 (04:51):
No, no, because you're paying for it, so you'll, yeah,
you'll be trying to scrimp. We won't have we won't
have sugar sugar free. We'll go now, well you can
go home, man, but we'll order.

Speaker 5 (05:02):
Up and let me just put let me just put
it on the record right now.

Speaker 6 (05:05):
There will be no pest drinking either.

Speaker 4 (05:06):
We'll be drinking. Person I'm going to get I'm going
to fall off the wagon, just just for that, just
for that some wines, Jase.

Speaker 3 (05:14):
What do you wean yourself off of sugar in your coffee? Right? Yeah?
Like an adult? It tastes so good without sugar in it.

Speaker 2 (05:23):
So you wean yourself off there and then you can
have a cat you know what I mean?

Speaker 3 (05:26):
You're not like tripling down on heavy.

Speaker 4 (05:29):
Yeah, because how many how many coffee is you having
to day?

Speaker 6 (05:31):
I have three?

Speaker 4 (05:32):
So you have six teaspoons of sugar in your coffee?

Speaker 5 (05:35):
No, because one of them is a long black and
I don't have sugar in that, okay.

Speaker 3 (05:38):
So the one in the morning, well, you're gonna win yourself, like.

Speaker 6 (05:41):
Just put I wean myself of sugar.

Speaker 5 (05:46):
I'll tell you why. Here's the deal. I'll do that
if you give up the Beersies.

Speaker 3 (05:51):
No, that's a ship deal.

Speaker 7 (05:55):
The Hikey Big Show week days from four on Radio Hdarkey.
The Hidarchy Big Show was J and tune in four
on radio.

Speaker 5 (06:06):
We were pretending to fight, and as our character from
D and D there.

Speaker 4 (06:12):
Can I just into to ask you what your name was?

Speaker 6 (06:18):
I can't.

Speaker 3 (06:19):
You'd be a little druid.

Speaker 6 (06:21):
Yeah, but yeah, I think I was a druid.

Speaker 3 (06:23):
Were you hole a druid?

Speaker 5 (06:27):
And he would have been some sort of muscular No,
not the drewid. My mate was the you know, the
the warrior type. And we were seriously pretending to fight
with all the sound effects. I don't know what what
was with?

Speaker 3 (06:45):
What were you?

Speaker 6 (06:46):
I think I was armed with like.

Speaker 2 (06:47):
Bolts, drud, like a crossbow, no, like lightning bolts, yeah,
magical power.

Speaker 6 (06:55):
Yeah, yeah, because I was a druid.

Speaker 5 (06:59):
And he and he had your knife, your bow and
all that sort of stuff.

Speaker 6 (07:03):
So then it was di doo with the knife into
the old gut.

Speaker 4 (07:06):
So anybody, Yeah, but talk us through that, that whole thing,
the realization, Ah, like, what's happened there?

Speaker 5 (07:12):
So he's he's parried forward at me in a stabbing motion.

Speaker 3 (07:18):
Carried forward, Yes.

Speaker 4 (07:20):
And I describe that knife.

Speaker 6 (07:22):
It was like a hunter's knife.

Speaker 4 (07:25):
So you and I, I think we had about this on
their other highly successful podcast, All Talk with Jason Might
and my description to you, I asked if it was
like those old rambow knives that came out, yes, which
had a smooth side on one side and then on
the other side of the blade the straightage it was
actually so they were designed to stab in and out
to pull out the intestine.

Speaker 3 (07:47):
As he came back out.

Speaker 6 (07:48):
It was like that from recollection.

Speaker 5 (07:50):
But he didn't pull Oh well, so he go he parries,
did douge, and I felt what I can only describe
as a searing, burning pain in my stomach and I went,
ah fuck.

Speaker 4 (08:07):
To me that I was six inch.

Speaker 6 (08:11):
No, maybe a year maybe longer. And I went ah fuck.

Speaker 5 (08:18):
And then I looked down at my school shirt and
there was a beautiful clean cut on my.

Speaker 6 (08:24):
School He was in and out with it. It was
in and out. It wasn't stay in there. It was
like a parry.

Speaker 5 (08:30):
Parry is not there, I know, but I trusting out
a jabs.

Speaker 6 (08:38):
And so I looked down at my school shirt. There's
a beautiful clean cut on my shirt.

Speaker 4 (08:46):
That's good.

Speaker 5 (08:46):
And I thought to myself, how the fuck did that
happen without actually cutting me? And then my mate who
was holding said knife, saw the blood all over it
and went oh fuck and freaked out and dropped the knife.

Speaker 4 (09:05):
And you you knew it was him.

Speaker 6 (09:08):
And I went, oh fuck.

Speaker 5 (09:11):
And then I lifted up my school shirt and my
testine was bulging out. That's yeah, And I went, ah fuck.
And that was that was the closest I got to fainting. Yes,
I got a woozy woozy, a bit woozy. Did you
do one of your one of your healing potions? I

(09:32):
should have that, I should have got one of my
potions out. And then we wanted up to the old
death surgery there school surgery, and we had our old
matron there with the purple here, and she was sitting
in the surgery. And I walked into the surgery and
lifted up my shirt and went pickyboo.

Speaker 6 (09:49):
I went pickypoo, and.

Speaker 5 (09:51):
She went white and then went, oh my god, lie down,
and then the pain kicked.

Speaker 3 (09:57):
In right so, because it was fucking painful.

Speaker 2 (10:02):
I love how I've heard about you being stabbed, and
for some reason, I thought it happened at hard Tack,
But it was because you were live action role playing
G and D at high school.

Speaker 4 (10:12):
Funny a how old you were you because you might
have been younger that you were boarding school

Speaker 5 (10:16):
Thirteen thirteen, I think that's a forem almost yeah, yeah,
and then yeah, that was the end of it after
hospital
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