Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
With school holiday breaks approaching and extra time on their hands,
many kids will be defaulting to hanging out with not
their friends but their screens, and this can leave parents
exasperated and wondering how to reel in all this screen
time for their family. Joining me now is doctor Larry Mittnall.
He is the member of the Focus on the Family
Physicians Resource Council. Doctor Mittnall, Welcome to the show.
Speaker 2 (00:23):
Thank you for having me, John, I appreciate you having
me on.
Speaker 1 (00:25):
Well, the reason I wanted to get you on, doctor Mitnall,
is because this is an issue that affects a lot
of families, because you can't avoid the screens anymore. Kids
have so many of them, and it is so easy
just to park them in front of it to oh,
thank goodness, I can actually focus on shopping, wrapping presents,
doing by, you know, the laundry, whatever it is. But
it's not always the best thing for the kids. And
(00:47):
at the same time you want them to be engaged
with the world, but somehow these screens, I think they
take them away from it.
Speaker 2 (00:54):
That's right. I think you're absolutely right. And so I
think most parents walk into the holidays thinking that, hey,
they just because they're going to be home more that
we necessarily need to plug them into two more screens.
But I really am encouraging families both in the clinic
and what I see and as I do social media.
But I want families to see something completely different, which
(01:15):
is the holidays really are a reset button. They don't
have to be a retreat into screens. And so I
think this is actually because of the amount of time
we get with our kids over this extended break, that
this is the one season we could actually reclaim some
of our kids' attention. And that's one of the primary
things we're fighting against when it comes to screen time
(01:35):
and family life.
Speaker 1 (01:37):
So the big questions, because I agree with you, the
big question is the how how do you How are
you more entertaining than that, you know, bouncy ball or
scrolling through TikTok or whatever, is how do you make
yourself as interesting? And because it seems like kids, I
could be wrong, they have a shorter and shorter attention span.
I remember, you know, back in my Daddy in the
eighties when they would say MTV would be the death
(01:59):
of us because look at those those music videos and then
they switch shots every you know, two three seconds. Well,
now people are flipping through those things. You know, in
like less than a tenth of a second.
Speaker 2 (02:08):
You're absolutely right, And so I think part of it
is is to flip the deck. Right now, things are
kind of stacked against us, and so what we recognize
is exactly what you say that screens quiet our kids.
But really it's the it's the rituals that we do
at home that is our best chance at reconnecting them
and so and I think that's actually what their hearts
are starving for, even though the easy feed is the
(02:31):
you know, is the doom scrolling that happens on on TikTok.
But really connections still can win. And here's my encouragement, Like,
we don't even have to be stricter parents. We just
need stronger family rituals. So here's some idea. So one
of the things that I kind of coach parents on is,
you know, the reset doesn't have to begin with rules,
because I think that often feels like hard to do
(02:51):
and to set something new, But it becomes with like
being intentional, making one moment where everyone is present, and
so that that might be the kind of law of
the land. So at breakfast or a walk or a
board game. You mentioned, like you know, I too grew
up in the eighties. Like those are intentional times that
we might you know, we didn't have the invasion of
(03:12):
a phone or a ringtone or something like that to
kind of distract us in the moment. But setting aside
those times, maybe even just evening coco together. But the
intention is beginning with going into the season with the
screens off, faces on, type of anchor for each day
as we move through the.
Speaker 1 (03:29):
Holidays, I feel like the same the go ahead, so
please now, I feel like one of the things is
the screen. We have to look at the We have
to focus on the things that the screen that the
phone can't do, because okay, they can be entertained by
the pride and flickering away, but one thing is they
can't actually feel that interaction, that one on one being
(03:49):
in the same room and having a conversation around the
fire or those kind of family activities, because those are
the memories you get to you know, I mean I
spent some time on the phone flipping through things like
everyone does. I never I can't say like if I
spent like a half hour on that, I look back
on that fond memory of that thirty minutes I spent
flipping through the phone last Thursday and go, man, I
remember those days of looking at the phone. Nobody's going
(04:11):
to remember that, but they might. They might remember gathering
around the fireplace and you know, roasting marshmallows or playing
a game of Monopoly or hungry hungry hippos or whatever
it is, because those are the kind of things, those memories.
And I guess the problem is convincing. It's almost like
convincing people to put money in a bank account saying,
don't worry, it will bear interest down the road. Well,
(04:32):
what about right now. It's the same thing with that.
It's like almost like you're putting memories in like a
memory account and knowing this will bear interest down the road,
as opposed to what you're doing right now, which is
just just basically entertaining your brain, and really you're turning
off your brain.
Speaker 2 (04:49):
That's exactly right. And I think it'll feel like it
might feel like a fight initially, right, But we know
as parents that our children are better to us and
we are more present as parents when we are taking
that kind of screen doll faces on approach, and we
do have to build it through memory. So I think
a memory through really deep, kind of connected activities like
the ones that you're describing. The other thing. I think
(05:10):
that when we're doing this well together, we continue to
emphasize for our kids that like screen are really a
tool that can be used in our service towards like
real connection, real eyeball to eyeball, face to face, sitting
on the couch next to one another. So if we're
going to use the technology during the screen time, our
first priority around its you should be towards really good
(05:32):
connection and support. So that might be like video calls
with the grandparent, or maybe we are making the playlist
that is going to you know, be playing behind us
while we're annoying each other playing monopoly, you know later
on tonight. Or maybe we're watching the cooking video together,
so that then that activity can translate to a real
world memory where we're sitting side by side, getting dirty,
(05:56):
throwing flour on each other and making the memories that
will outlast this time. And I think the risk is
if we don't take those moments seriously, we'll go through
the holidays feeling like we all kind of slept walk
through it right where we wake up the next morning,
and in the same way that when we wake up
from kind of doom scrolling that Wow that was you know,
that was three hours of empty calories where I didn't
(06:18):
really get anything out of it. And I think to
your example that it builds on another point which I
really like, which is if we can build out one
new ritual that outlives the holidays, we also are kind
of setting ourselves up for success. I mean, then we
all know, like I have seven kids, you know, my
oldest is a senior, my youngest and one year old.
Kids don't really remember the toys like we remember the toys,
(06:38):
especially if they had a really steep price tag, but
they actually remember those rituals that we repeat. So if
during you know, if during this season we really are
doubling down on the extra moving night, the baking day,
the service project, maybe that we're doing outside of the home,
or even like the tech free Sunday, you know, reset
when we don't necessarily have to. We are doing it
(07:01):
to make intentional bonds, and some of these memories that
we're talking about, then those are the ways that we
really get to strengthening the bonds. And I think both
parents and kids will be happier for the holidays having
kind of invested that time.
Speaker 1 (07:14):
Doctor Larry Mittnall, those are all great ideas. I like
the one, especially about the building a playlist. My daughter,
she's sixteen, and she's really into music, and she loves
to talk about music. She loves to create lists of
songs and ask me about what do you think about
this or that. That is a great way to use
the technology. So they're still using their technology, but you're
using the technology with them, so that way you're actually
(07:35):
having an extra technological moment still while they're using their
technology that you're not going to be able to pry
away from them. So that is a good point. I
like that. I might put that one into practice, Doctor
Larry Mittnall. He's the member of the Focus on the
Family's Physicians Research Council, and we love Focus on the
Family document Noall because you guys have some great resources
for everyone. Thank you so much for joining us.
Speaker 2 (07:57):
Thank you, John, I appreciate your time.
With school holiday breaks approaching and extra time on their hands,
many kids will be defaulting to hanging out with not
their friends but their screens, and this can leave parents
exasperated and wondering how to reel in all this screen
time for their family. Joining me now is doctor Larry Mittnall.
He is the member of the Focus on the Family
Physicians Resource Council. Doctor Mittnall, Welcome to the show.
Speaker 2 (00:23):
Thank you for having me, John, I appreciate you having
me on.
Speaker 1 (00:25):
Well, the reason I wanted to get you on, doctor Mitnall,
is because this is an issue that affects a lot
of families, because you can't avoid the screens anymore. Kids
have so many of them, and it is so easy
just to park them in front of it to oh,
thank goodness, I can actually focus on shopping, wrapping presents,
doing by, you know, the laundry, whatever it is. But
it's not always the best thing for the kids. And
(00:47):
at the same time you want them to be engaged
with the world, but somehow these screens, I think they
take them away from it.
Speaker 2 (00:54):
That's right. I think you're absolutely right. And so I
think most parents walk into the holidays thinking that, hey,
they just because they're going to be home more that
we necessarily need to plug them into two more screens.
But I really am encouraging families both in the clinic
and what I see and as I do social media.
But I want families to see something completely different, which
(01:15):
is the holidays really are a reset button. They don't
have to be a retreat into screens. And so I
think this is actually because of the amount of time
we get with our kids over this extended break, that
this is the one season we could actually reclaim some
of our kids' attention. And that's one of the primary
things we're fighting against when it comes to screen time
(01:35):
and family life.
Speaker 1 (01:37):
So the big questions, because I agree with you, the
big question is the how how do you How are
you more entertaining than that, you know, bouncy ball or
scrolling through TikTok or whatever, is how do you make
yourself as interesting? And because it seems like kids, I
could be wrong, they have a shorter and shorter attention span.
I remember, you know, back in my Daddy in the
eighties when they would say MTV would be the death
(01:59):
of us because look at those those music videos and then
they switch shots every you know, two three seconds. Well,
now people are flipping through those things. You know, in
like less than a tenth of a second.
Speaker 2 (02:08):
You're absolutely right, And so I think part of it
is is to flip the deck. Right now, things are
kind of stacked against us, and so what we recognize
is exactly what you say that screens quiet our kids.
But really it's the it's the rituals that we do
at home that is our best chance at reconnecting them
and so and I think that's actually what their hearts
are starving for, even though the easy feed is the
(02:31):
you know, is the doom scrolling that happens on on TikTok.
But really connections still can win. And here's my encouragement, Like,
we don't even have to be stricter parents. We just
need stronger family rituals. So here's some idea. So one
of the things that I kind of coach parents on is,
you know, the reset doesn't have to begin with rules,
because I think that often feels like hard to do
(02:51):
and to set something new, But it becomes with like
being intentional, making one moment where everyone is present, and
so that that might be the kind of law of
the land. So at breakfast or a walk or a
board game. You mentioned, like you know, I too grew
up in the eighties. Like those are intentional times that
we might you know, we didn't have the invasion of
(03:12):
a phone or a ringtone or something like that to
kind of distract us in the moment. But setting aside
those times, maybe even just evening coco together. But the
intention is beginning with going into the season with the
screens off, faces on, type of anchor for each day
as we move through the.
Speaker 1 (03:29):
Holidays, I feel like the same the go ahead, so
please now, I feel like one of the things is
the screen. We have to look at the We have
to focus on the things that the screen that the
phone can't do, because okay, they can be entertained by
the pride and flickering away, but one thing is they
can't actually feel that interaction, that one on one being
(03:49):
in the same room and having a conversation around the
fire or those kind of family activities, because those are
the memories you get to you know, I mean I
spent some time on the phone flipping through things like
everyone does. I never I can't say like if I
spent like a half hour on that, I look back
on that fond memory of that thirty minutes I spent
flipping through the phone last Thursday and go, man, I
remember those days of looking at the phone. Nobody's going
(04:11):
to remember that, but they might. They might remember gathering
around the fireplace and you know, roasting marshmallows or playing
a game of Monopoly or hungry hungry hippos or whatever
it is, because those are the kind of things, those memories.
And I guess the problem is convincing. It's almost like
convincing people to put money in a bank account saying,
don't worry, it will bear interest down the road. Well,
(04:32):
what about right now. It's the same thing with that.
It's like almost like you're putting memories in like a
memory account and knowing this will bear interest down the road,
as opposed to what you're doing right now, which is
just just basically entertaining your brain, and really you're turning
off your brain.
Speaker 2 (04:49):
That's exactly right. And I think it'll feel like it
might feel like a fight initially, right, But we know
as parents that our children are better to us and
we are more present as parents when we are taking
that kind of screen doll faces on approach, and we
do have to build it through memory. So I think
a memory through really deep, kind of connected activities like
the ones that you're describing. The other thing. I think
(05:10):
that when we're doing this well together, we continue to
emphasize for our kids that like screen are really a
tool that can be used in our service towards like
real connection, real eyeball to eyeball, face to face, sitting
on the couch next to one another. So if we're
going to use the technology during the screen time, our
first priority around its you should be towards really good
(05:32):
connection and support. So that might be like video calls
with the grandparent, or maybe we are making the playlist
that is going to you know, be playing behind us
while we're annoying each other playing monopoly, you know later
on tonight. Or maybe we're watching the cooking video together,
so that then that activity can translate to a real
world memory where we're sitting side by side, getting dirty,
(05:56):
throwing flour on each other and making the memories that
will outlast this time. And I think the risk is
if we don't take those moments seriously, we'll go through
the holidays feeling like we all kind of slept walk
through it right where we wake up the next morning,
and in the same way that when we wake up
from kind of doom scrolling that Wow that was you know,
that was three hours of empty calories where I didn't
(06:18):
really get anything out of it. And I think to
your example that it builds on another point which I
really like, which is if we can build out one
new ritual that outlives the holidays, we also are kind
of setting ourselves up for success. I mean, then we
all know, like I have seven kids, you know, my
oldest is a senior, my youngest and one year old.
Kids don't really remember the toys like we remember the toys,
(06:38):
especially if they had a really steep price tag, but
they actually remember those rituals that we repeat. So if
during you know, if during this season we really are
doubling down on the extra moving night, the baking day,
the service project, maybe that we're doing outside of the home,
or even like the tech free Sunday, you know, reset
when we don't necessarily have to. We are doing it
(07:01):
to make intentional bonds, and some of these memories that
we're talking about, then those are the ways that we
really get to strengthening the bonds. And I think both
parents and kids will be happier for the holidays having
kind of invested that time.
Speaker 1 (07:14):
Doctor Larry Mittnall, those are all great ideas. I like
the one, especially about the building a playlist. My daughter,
she's sixteen, and she's really into music, and she loves
to talk about music. She loves to create lists of
songs and ask me about what do you think about
this or that. That is a great way to use
the technology. So they're still using their technology, but you're
using the technology with them, so that way you're actually
(07:35):
having an extra technological moment still while they're using their
technology that you're not going to be able to pry
away from them. So that is a good point. I
like that. I might put that one into practice, Doctor
Larry Mittnall. He's the member of the Focus on the
Family's Physicians Research Council, and we love Focus on the
Family document Noall because you guys have some great resources
for everyone. Thank you so much for joining us.
Speaker 2 (07:57):
Thank you, John, I appreciate your time.
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