July 13, 2025 • 14 mins
Original Air Date: July 13, 2025
Candace Bushnell’s “Sex and the City” columns for “The New York Observer” inspired the iconic tv series “Sex And The City”. Candace is now tackling the dating world for women and men in their 60’s. Her most recent column is in “New York Magazine”.
Candace Bushnell’s “Sex and the City” columns for “The New York Observer” inspired the iconic tv series “Sex And The City”. Candace is now tackling the dating world for women and men in their 60’s. Her most recent column is in “New York Magazine”.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to Sunstein Sessions on iHeartRadio, conversations about issues that matter.
Here's your host, three time Grasie Award winner, Shelley Sunstein.
Speaker 2 (00:10):
I want to introduce you to someone who is well
she created. She's the inspiration for a TV show that
is so iconic, particularly for women, particularly for women in
New York. I have to tell you my daughter turned
me on to Sex in the City. Candice Muschnell is
(00:33):
an American author, journalist, TV producer. She wrote a column
for The New York Observer which was adapted into the
best selling Sex in the City anthology, and that book
became the basis for the HBO hit Sex and the
City and of course still going on to this day.
So I mean, beyond iconic. So welcome, well, thank you.
(00:57):
It was the strangest thing when my daughter turned me
on to Sex and the City, and then of course
we had to watch it together, so it was, you know,
and I had to keep telling her, you know, this
really isn't realistic for most women. It really is in Deana,
So I had to just kind of, you know, phrase
(01:18):
it in a way that her expectations weren't, you know,
all the glam stuff that she expected growing up.
Speaker 3 (01:26):
Well, then you should have told her to read the book.
Speaker 2 (01:28):
Ah, I could tell her to read the book because
the book.
Speaker 4 (01:33):
Is absolutely real, and you know, the book is less romantic,
and you know, it's harsher than the TV series because
it's real. I mean, those were real interviews that I
conducted with people about mating and dating. And what's interesting
(01:58):
is that so many people have told me that the
book is still so relevant to dating today.
Speaker 5 (02:08):
You know what.
Speaker 4 (02:08):
I think the book was actually a predictor of, in
a sense, like how difficult dating has.
Speaker 3 (02:18):
Become for young people.
Speaker 4 (02:20):
We see all of the beginnings of you know, the
attitudes of you know, men and women, and men being insecure,
about women making their own money and having.
Speaker 3 (02:34):
Their own you know, their own.
Speaker 4 (02:36):
Lives and their own jobs, and in a sense becoming
their own mister Big, which is what I always tell
women to do. I always say, it's really about becoming
your own mister Big, not being with mister Big.
Speaker 2 (02:51):
And you know what, now that's going to be on
my summer reading list. So thank you, so much so.
Candice Buschnel has a fantastic article in New York Magazine
about dating after sixty and you basically, and they.
Speaker 4 (03:07):
Said, you know, they said boomer dating, which I was like, ah,
of course I am a baby boomer, but I.
Speaker 3 (03:17):
Feel much more gen x I think.
Speaker 4 (03:20):
But whatever, Yes, it's it's and and somebody said like,
oh it's it's it's you know, they're saying, oh, it's grim,
but you know, I think it's much worse.
Speaker 3 (03:31):
For young people.
Speaker 4 (03:33):
You know, if you are a boomer, a boomer, chances
aren't you know, you've already had those great relationships, You've
had those really romantic experiences, you know in some ways
like sex in the city where you know, you've had
those great walks in the park or the carriage ride
(03:55):
in the park, and and you've had all of that
good stuff when you could go into a bar, or
you could meet somebody at a grocery store and start
up a relationship. And you know, for young people, they
don't have that. The romance is gone from dating for them.
Speaker 2 (04:15):
And basically, you paint a picture where you're okay if
you don't find another love of your life at this
age in your life. Yet there's a part of you
that wants to keep the door open and keep looking.
Speaker 5 (04:34):
But it it does seem a little bleak.
Speaker 4 (04:38):
Well, I think it's bleak for everybody, no matter what
your age. And again, I think it's worse for young
people in their twenties and thirties, because you know, young
women in their twenties and thirties, they're looking for that
great love of their life. You know, it's like I've
already been married. You know, I don't happen to have kids.
(05:00):
But you know, for a lot of women in my age,
they've been married, they have kids. You know, they've kind
of done it, they've done the relationship thing.
Speaker 3 (05:11):
But I see so many young women.
Speaker 4 (05:14):
I mean the stories that I hear, like young guys,
guys in their twenties and thirties, they can't even complete.
Speaker 3 (05:23):
The sex act.
Speaker 5 (05:26):
Well, that's pretty bleak.
Speaker 2 (05:27):
I am speaking with Candas Buchanel, of course, an American author, journalist,
TV producer. She wrote a column for The New York
Observer that was adapted into the best selling Sex in
the City anthology, and the book was the basis for
the HBO hit series Sex and the City and two
subsequent movies. And she is out with an article in
(05:50):
New York Magazine, and it talks about basically the possibility
of finding love or something After sixty, Cantas points out
the situation is even bleaker for young people. I remember
reading I forget who wrote it, but somebody said that
we're so buried in our phones walking the streets of Manhattan,
(06:14):
for example, that you could miss that opportunity to glance
at somebody, catch their eyes, smile, and that could be,
you know, a potential partner that you're just gonna miss
because everyone's just buried in their phones.
Speaker 4 (06:32):
Well, you know, the interesting thing is when I talked
to my friends who were in New York City in
let's say the early eighties, the realities, you know, I think,
I mean, I can think of probably at least a
couple of guys who I met in exactly that those
circumstances walking down the street. And you know, I remember
(06:59):
there was one guy, he was really, really cute, he
looked really interesting. I followed him into a record store.
We started up a conversation, and we dated for a year,
and and you know, he was actually a terrific guy.
And you know that those were the kinds of things
(07:20):
that could happen.
Speaker 3 (07:21):
I mean, now.
Speaker 4 (07:24):
You know, it's all the dating apps, and it's one
of the men in my stories said. You know, he
said that women who are on dating apps who are
looking for a relationship, a serious relationship, are really at
a disadvantage because these apps are filled with I called
(07:46):
him Buckley, but they're filled with men like Buckley. He's
actually he's been married once, he has grown kids, and
he's just.
Speaker 3 (07:56):
Loving dating and you know, having.
Speaker 4 (08:00):
Access to a huge variety of women, and he's not
ready to settle down anytime soon. So you know, that's
the kind of guys who you will see on dating apps.
And as he says, you know, the women are there
at a disadvantage if you're looking for a serious relationship.
Speaker 2 (08:22):
Well, what advice would you give women after sixty who
are still looking or open.
Speaker 4 (08:31):
Well I think that actually I wouldn't give them any advice.
But I mean I always want to say, don't bother.
But the relationships that I've seen that seem to work
(08:54):
out and people have a connection are ones where they
dated before they dated thirty years ago, forty years ago,
it didn't work out. I mean, maybe it was somebody
that they just went on a couple of dates with
and kissed. And people find each other on you know,
(09:16):
social media, on Facebook, and they connect again. And those
are really the only relationships I know that have kind of,
you know, worked out for a variety of reasons. Number one,
it's very hard to look at somebody, and this is
true for women and men. It's very hard to look
(09:40):
at somebody who's your age and find them like, oh
my god, this you know, sixty eight seventy year old
man with a long gray beard is sexually attractive to me.
Speaker 3 (09:58):
And you know, I think that a lot of men
have the same issue.
Speaker 4 (10:02):
It's like you see your father or you see your mother,
and if you have known somebody years ago, you still
see the hotness underneath the mask of age, which really,
you know, age is a mask. It changes, it changes
your face, it changes a lot of things, and you know,
(10:24):
you still need to be able to see that that
thing that really attracted you to them. So I mean, honestly,
that's kind of I would maybe be my advice. And
you know, but there are also a lot of women
who they're very, very happy not to be dating. They
(10:47):
feel absolutely free. And in fact, when I got divorced
ten years ago, that's how I was.
Speaker 3 (10:55):
I mean, you could not have set me up. I
was so happy to be free.
Speaker 4 (11:03):
From you know, dating and everything that that implies, and
you know, pleasing a man and you know, worrying about
like what does a guy think. I was thrilled to
be free of all that and and I actually still am.
Speaker 3 (11:22):
So it's what absolutely fine.
Speaker 4 (11:25):
I mean, this is you know, this is why I
say to women, be your own mister big because the
reality is that very few people are.
Speaker 3 (11:35):
Going to go to their grave with a partner. That's
the reality.
Speaker 2 (11:39):
So what about young people, Because more and more I'm
hearing about young people who do meet their who becomes
their husband or wives online on dating app.
Speaker 4 (11:52):
Those those percentages are so much smaller than you think.
Speaker 5 (11:58):
Huh.
Speaker 3 (11:58):
Yes, it is.
Speaker 4 (12:00):
Like maybe fifty percent of people meet on a dating app,
but out of those fifty percent, less than ten percent
start to have a relationship, any kind of relationship. And
I once did a little, my own little study of
(12:20):
reality shows like The Bachelor, et cetera, and the odds
are about the same. Go on a reality show, your
chance of meeting somebody and having a relationship with them
is probably a little bit under ten percent.
Speaker 3 (12:37):
So my advice is, go on a reality show.
Speaker 5 (12:43):
Would you do it?
Speaker 3 (12:45):
Do you have about the.
Speaker 4 (12:46):
Same odds and you know, the people are somewhat vetted.
Speaker 3 (12:51):
They are vetted.
Speaker 2 (12:52):
Kind of sort of because I happen to be addicted
to the Bachelor and The Bachelorette.
Speaker 5 (12:57):
I have no idea why.
Speaker 3 (13:00):
Addicted to all these reality shows.
Speaker 5 (13:01):
I'm married.
Speaker 4 (13:02):
At first, I like, what am I doing? I'm rooting
for them. I am rooting for them to be couples.
Speaker 5 (13:10):
But cantas, would you join a reality dating show yourself?
Speaker 4 (13:15):
Well, I've been wanting to do a reality dating show
for women over fifty for about two years, and I
have not been able to sell it. So I've pitched
it nobody. You know, everybody people in TV, they're you're
(13:36):
lucky if there's somebody in the room who's over forty.
TV is really it's a very young person's business. And
they're just like, you know, I mean, there's a huge
amount of agism out there, and that still really exists.
(13:59):
I mean, these you know, it's very hard. You know,
if they have one show about people over fifty, they're like,
we're done, we don't need anymore, even though people over
fifty are the biggest watchers of TV.
Speaker 5 (14:13):
Yeah, duh.
Speaker 2 (14:15):
Anyway, I love the article in New York Magazine I
love your stories and we're a part of the reason
that you still are open to going out on dates
is that you are such a good writer about the experiences,
and so you kind of have to engage in order
to do what you do best, although really there could
(14:36):
be something else you do best. But we're totally out
of time. Candice Boschnell, thank you so much, and you
got to get the latest copy of New York Magazine,
a fantastic article dating after sixty
Speaker 1 (14:48):
You've been listening to Sunstein sessions on iHeartRadio, a production
of New York's classic rock Q one O four point
three
Welcome to Sunstein Sessions on iHeartRadio, conversations about issues that matter.
Here's your host, three time Grasie Award winner, Shelley Sunstein.
Speaker 2 (00:10):
I want to introduce you to someone who is well
she created. She's the inspiration for a TV show that
is so iconic, particularly for women, particularly for women in
New York. I have to tell you my daughter turned
me on to Sex in the City. Candice Muschnell is
(00:33):
an American author, journalist, TV producer. She wrote a column
for The New York Observer which was adapted into the
best selling Sex in the City anthology, and that book
became the basis for the HBO hit Sex and the
City and of course still going on to this day.
So I mean, beyond iconic. So welcome, well, thank you.
(00:57):
It was the strangest thing when my daughter turned me
on to Sex and the City, and then of course
we had to watch it together, so it was, you know,
and I had to keep telling her, you know, this
really isn't realistic for most women. It really is in Deana,
So I had to just kind of, you know, phrase
(01:18):
it in a way that her expectations weren't, you know,
all the glam stuff that she expected growing up.
Speaker 3 (01:26):
Well, then you should have told her to read the book.
Speaker 2 (01:28):
Ah, I could tell her to read the book because
the book.
Speaker 4 (01:33):
Is absolutely real, and you know, the book is less romantic,
and you know, it's harsher than the TV series because
it's real. I mean, those were real interviews that I
conducted with people about mating and dating. And what's interesting
(01:58):
is that so many people have told me that the
book is still so relevant to dating today.
Speaker 5 (02:08):
You know what.
Speaker 4 (02:08):
I think the book was actually a predictor of, in
a sense, like how difficult dating has.
Speaker 3 (02:18):
Become for young people.
Speaker 4 (02:20):
We see all of the beginnings of you know, the
attitudes of you know, men and women, and men being insecure,
about women making their own money and having.
Speaker 3 (02:34):
Their own you know, their own.
Speaker 4 (02:36):
Lives and their own jobs, and in a sense becoming
their own mister Big, which is what I always tell
women to do. I always say, it's really about becoming
your own mister Big, not being with mister Big.
Speaker 2 (02:51):
And you know what, now that's going to be on
my summer reading list. So thank you, so much so.
Candice Buschnel has a fantastic article in New York Magazine
about dating after sixty and you basically, and they.
Speaker 4 (03:07):
Said, you know, they said boomer dating, which I was like, ah,
of course I am a baby boomer, but I.
Speaker 3 (03:17):
Feel much more gen x I think.
Speaker 4 (03:20):
But whatever, Yes, it's it's and and somebody said like,
oh it's it's it's you know, they're saying, oh, it's grim,
but you know, I think it's much worse.
Speaker 3 (03:31):
For young people.
Speaker 4 (03:33):
You know, if you are a boomer, a boomer, chances
aren't you know, you've already had those great relationships, You've
had those really romantic experiences, you know in some ways
like sex in the city where you know, you've had
those great walks in the park or the carriage ride
(03:55):
in the park, and and you've had all of that
good stuff when you could go into a bar, or
you could meet somebody at a grocery store and start
up a relationship. And you know, for young people, they
don't have that. The romance is gone from dating for them.
Speaker 2 (04:15):
And basically, you paint a picture where you're okay if
you don't find another love of your life at this
age in your life. Yet there's a part of you
that wants to keep the door open and keep looking.
Speaker 5 (04:34):
But it it does seem a little bleak.
Speaker 4 (04:38):
Well, I think it's bleak for everybody, no matter what
your age. And again, I think it's worse for young
people in their twenties and thirties, because you know, young
women in their twenties and thirties, they're looking for that
great love of their life. You know, it's like I've
already been married. You know, I don't happen to have kids.
(05:00):
But you know, for a lot of women in my age,
they've been married, they have kids. You know, they've kind
of done it, they've done the relationship thing.
Speaker 3 (05:11):
But I see so many young women.
Speaker 4 (05:14):
I mean the stories that I hear, like young guys,
guys in their twenties and thirties, they can't even complete.
Speaker 3 (05:23):
The sex act.
Speaker 5 (05:26):
Well, that's pretty bleak.
Speaker 2 (05:27):
I am speaking with Candas Buchanel, of course, an American author, journalist,
TV producer. She wrote a column for The New York
Observer that was adapted into the best selling Sex in
the City anthology, and the book was the basis for
the HBO hit series Sex and the City and two
subsequent movies. And she is out with an article in
(05:50):
New York Magazine, and it talks about basically the possibility
of finding love or something After sixty, Cantas points out
the situation is even bleaker for young people. I remember
reading I forget who wrote it, but somebody said that
we're so buried in our phones walking the streets of Manhattan,
(06:14):
for example, that you could miss that opportunity to glance
at somebody, catch their eyes, smile, and that could be,
you know, a potential partner that you're just gonna miss
because everyone's just buried in their phones.
Speaker 4 (06:32):
Well, you know, the interesting thing is when I talked
to my friends who were in New York City in
let's say the early eighties, the realities, you know, I think,
I mean, I can think of probably at least a
couple of guys who I met in exactly that those
circumstances walking down the street. And you know, I remember
(06:59):
there was one guy, he was really, really cute, he
looked really interesting. I followed him into a record store.
We started up a conversation, and we dated for a year,
and and you know, he was actually a terrific guy.
And you know that those were the kinds of things
(07:20):
that could happen.
Speaker 3 (07:21):
I mean, now.
Speaker 4 (07:24):
You know, it's all the dating apps, and it's one
of the men in my stories said. You know, he
said that women who are on dating apps who are
looking for a relationship, a serious relationship, are really at
a disadvantage because these apps are filled with I called
(07:46):
him Buckley, but they're filled with men like Buckley. He's
actually he's been married once, he has grown kids, and
he's just.
Speaker 3 (07:56):
Loving dating and you know, having.
Speaker 4 (08:00):
Access to a huge variety of women, and he's not
ready to settle down anytime soon. So you know, that's
the kind of guys who you will see on dating apps.
And as he says, you know, the women are there
at a disadvantage if you're looking for a serious relationship.
Speaker 2 (08:22):
Well, what advice would you give women after sixty who
are still looking or open.
Speaker 4 (08:31):
Well I think that actually I wouldn't give them any advice.
But I mean I always want to say, don't bother.
But the relationships that I've seen that seem to work
(08:54):
out and people have a connection are ones where they
dated before they dated thirty years ago, forty years ago,
it didn't work out. I mean, maybe it was somebody
that they just went on a couple of dates with
and kissed. And people find each other on you know,
(09:16):
social media, on Facebook, and they connect again. And those
are really the only relationships I know that have kind of,
you know, worked out for a variety of reasons. Number one,
it's very hard to look at somebody, and this is
true for women and men. It's very hard to look
(09:40):
at somebody who's your age and find them like, oh
my god, this you know, sixty eight seventy year old
man with a long gray beard is sexually attractive to me.
Speaker 3 (09:58):
And you know, I think that a lot of men
have the same issue.
Speaker 4 (10:02):
It's like you see your father or you see your mother,
and if you have known somebody years ago, you still
see the hotness underneath the mask of age, which really,
you know, age is a mask. It changes, it changes
your face, it changes a lot of things, and you know,
(10:24):
you still need to be able to see that that
thing that really attracted you to them. So I mean, honestly,
that's kind of I would maybe be my advice. And
you know, but there are also a lot of women
who they're very, very happy not to be dating. They
(10:47):
feel absolutely free. And in fact, when I got divorced
ten years ago, that's how I was.
Speaker 3 (10:55):
I mean, you could not have set me up. I
was so happy to be free.
Speaker 4 (11:03):
From you know, dating and everything that that implies, and
you know, pleasing a man and you know, worrying about
like what does a guy think. I was thrilled to
be free of all that and and I actually still am.
Speaker 3 (11:22):
So it's what absolutely fine.
Speaker 4 (11:25):
I mean, this is you know, this is why I
say to women, be your own mister big because the
reality is that very few people are.
Speaker 3 (11:35):
Going to go to their grave with a partner. That's
the reality.
Speaker 2 (11:39):
So what about young people, Because more and more I'm
hearing about young people who do meet their who becomes
their husband or wives online on dating app.
Speaker 4 (11:52):
Those those percentages are so much smaller than you think.
Speaker 5 (11:58):
Huh.
Speaker 3 (11:58):
Yes, it is.
Speaker 4 (12:00):
Like maybe fifty percent of people meet on a dating app,
but out of those fifty percent, less than ten percent
start to have a relationship, any kind of relationship. And
I once did a little, my own little study of
(12:20):
reality shows like The Bachelor, et cetera, and the odds
are about the same. Go on a reality show, your
chance of meeting somebody and having a relationship with them
is probably a little bit under ten percent.
Speaker 3 (12:37):
So my advice is, go on a reality show.
Speaker 5 (12:43):
Would you do it?
Speaker 3 (12:45):
Do you have about the.
Speaker 4 (12:46):
Same odds and you know, the people are somewhat vetted.
Speaker 3 (12:51):
They are vetted.
Speaker 2 (12:52):
Kind of sort of because I happen to be addicted
to the Bachelor and The Bachelorette.
Speaker 5 (12:57):
I have no idea why.
Speaker 3 (13:00):
Addicted to all these reality shows.
Speaker 5 (13:01):
I'm married.
Speaker 4 (13:02):
At first, I like, what am I doing? I'm rooting
for them. I am rooting for them to be couples.
Speaker 5 (13:10):
But cantas, would you join a reality dating show yourself?
Speaker 4 (13:15):
Well, I've been wanting to do a reality dating show
for women over fifty for about two years, and I
have not been able to sell it. So I've pitched
it nobody. You know, everybody people in TV, they're you're
(13:36):
lucky if there's somebody in the room who's over forty.
TV is really it's a very young person's business. And
they're just like, you know, I mean, there's a huge
amount of agism out there, and that still really exists.
(13:59):
I mean, these you know, it's very hard. You know,
if they have one show about people over fifty, they're like,
we're done, we don't need anymore, even though people over
fifty are the biggest watchers of TV.
Speaker 5 (14:13):
Yeah, duh.
Speaker 2 (14:15):
Anyway, I love the article in New York Magazine I
love your stories and we're a part of the reason
that you still are open to going out on dates
is that you are such a good writer about the experiences,
and so you kind of have to engage in order
to do what you do best, although really there could
(14:36):
be something else you do best. But we're totally out
of time. Candice Boschnell, thank you so much, and you
got to get the latest copy of New York Magazine,
a fantastic article dating after sixty
Speaker 1 (14:48):
You've been listening to Sunstein sessions on iHeartRadio, a production
of New York's classic rock Q one O four point
three
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