Episode Transcript
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(00:00):
Welcome to Sunstein Sessions on iHeartRadio,conversations about issues that matter. Here's your
host, three time Grasie Award winner, Shelley Sunstein. I want to tell
you about a new documentary that's onHBO. And as you know, I
see a lot of documentaries and Ialways say, if it's on HBO,
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it's good. You know that justgoing in because that's like, you know,
that's that's gold, that's that's entertainment. Gold is HBO. So I
want to introduce you to Cecilia alDorondo and also Sarah Hagey. They are
co directors of a documentary that's calledYou Were My First Boyfriend. Okay,
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So tell me how did you getthis on HBO and how did it all
come about? Well, this isCecilia. I it was, you know,
a long journey. If you knowdocumentary filmmaking, you know that,
especially if you're in the pennant filmlike her, it can take a while
to get something off the ground.So I started working on this film in
twenty sixteen and HBO came on boardin twenty twenty one. Wow. Five
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years of pitching unsuccessfully to try andget this film made, and honestly,
truly we were at our wits endand really think maybe this film would never
get made, and then HBO camethrough as like a miracle, and you
know, they really understood the film, they got it, they felt it,
they related to it, and yeah, it's been wonderful working with them.
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How did you Sarah come to workwith Cecilia, because it's really Cecilia's
story. Yeah, that's right.So once she actually had the money and
knew that she could do this thing, she was also very aware of the
fact that because it is so personal, because she is so close to it,
it's tricky. It's tricky to writeyour own story in that way,
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and it's tricky to know when you'rebeing too when you're looking to inward and
when you know, like is thisuniversal and all those types of questions,
and so she was looking for someoneto maybe co write this with her,
just to sort of help move itfrom the ultra personal out into the more
universal, and a mutual friend ofours introduced us. But also because she
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knew she wanted this really this teenmovie element, the pop culture references and
all that to be a part ofit, and so she was looking for
someone who was very well versed,shall we say, in those things,
and that's kind of one of myareas of specialty and also comedy, horror,
all those things. So we hadn'twe didn't know each other before,
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but when we met, there wassuch an instantaneous mind meld. I knew
exactly what she wanted to do,and it was like all of our references
were very similar, all of ourinfluences were very similar, and so it
just came like once we met andstarted writing the re enactments together, it
just we had a mind meld.That's the only way to really describe it.
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So this is basically, if youcould go back to your high school
years, if you could go backto your to those years of anks,
because they seem to be years ofanngs to all of us, particularly women.
I would say, not necessarily allthe guys out there, maybe the
nerds, but not the football playerscertainly, but for many, many women,
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there are just all these things thathappen in high school and you think
that it's only happening to you.You think you are the outcast, and
it's kind of like a universal thing. Now it's called the documentary is called
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You Were My First Boyfriend, Butthat's really a small part of your story,
Cecilia. I mean that kind ofreels you in. But there's mammoth
a surprise in this documentary, andthat's quite poignant and sad. And that
is your best friend who you hadin high school, the one person that
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you could relate to, the oneperson who knew you best, and you
lose touch with her and you tryto reconnect and you find out that she's
no longer with us. Yeah,yeah, well, I mean I think
part of what I want to speakto is this idea of universality, like
this is a very personal film,and that it is in the first person.
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It's an autobiographical film, and it'sabout me, you know, twenty
years out from high school, forcingmyself to relive the worst things that I
experienced. But you know, wereally were trying to make it feel universal.
And you know, the way thatI think about it is like I
made a film for anybody who everfelt like they didn't belong in high school,
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anybody who felt like high school wasthe worst time in my life.
And I think of us as akind of shadow tribe there. We're everywhere,
but we might have all run awayor fled the place we're from.
So this is a movie that alsotries to kind of, you know,
help build that kind of that communityand help us find one another. And
I want to say also that itis specific to girls and women in the
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sense that I think societally we havea way of really dismissing teen girls in
particular and our experiences often because thekinds of harm and pain that we experience
is maybe it's in words and notin fists. Maybe it seems it's very
insidious, it's very it kind ofit goes under the surface that can be
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very passive, aggressive, And soyou know, this is a film that
really tries to honor and reclaim thatpain. But I also want to say
to speak to the title and myfriendship. I mean, you know,
the film is a it is alittle bit of a red herring title.
It starts with, you know,me trying to understand this crush that I
had on this boy that was asort of obsessive, unrequited crush, very
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cliche, and I started the filmreally wondering what ever happened to him and
whether he still remembered me. Butyou know what the film taught me.
What making the film taught me wasthat, you know, very often those
questions aren't really ever about the boy, They're about who who you're trying to
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be. Very often it was itwas a it's a space of projection.
I mean, I barely knew thisguy, and so the film it's like
if I realized that he in alot of ways was kind of a dead
end. It's not really about thereal person, then what is it about?
And so the journey of the filmis very much the journey of my
life and realizing that, like somany nerds and outcasts, I have to
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redirect and realize that it was aboutthe people who were always there in my
corner, not not the popular people, not the people who didn't know I
existed. So, you know,it's a film that really tries to reclaim
these experiences and offer, you know, some adult perspective and some measure of
peace as well. I am speakingwith Cecilia al Dorondo and also Sarah Hagey.
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They are co directors of a documentarythat is now available on HBO.
You Were My First Boyfriend, basicallygoing back to the high school years and
trying to reconcile what happened as afemale from the female perspective. One of
the most interesting things about this documentaryis the way it was shot, because
they recreate through acting. You hiredan actor to actors to play the people
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who were in your life. Sowas that your idea, Sarah? Was
that your ideal idea, Cecilia,because that that kind of made it much
more real when you see the youtoday and the you of yesterday and the
people around you. Yeah. Imean, when I met Sarah, this
was something that I specifically, youknow, reached out to her about.
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I knew from the beginning that,you know, I wanted this kind of
hybrid approach. The film goes backin two different ways. I literally go
back in a more traditional documentary sense. I filmed my high school reunion,
I sit down with the boy Ihad the crush on. But I also
was really interested in how much ofthis is in the space of my memories,
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in a kind of virtual space ora fantasy space, a nightmare space,
the stuff that actually happened even morein my head than in reality.
So reenactments became a real opportunity,and you know, Sarah and I when
I first went to I said,you know, I want to do these
reenactments, and I want to playmyself as a teenager and Sarah. Sarah's
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been sharing with me about you know, Sarah had her own nightmare. I
don't know if you want to,you know, yeah, I want to
hear about Sarah's nightmare because we allhave our stories. Yeah. Yeah,
it's funny because she's only hearing aboutthis now, I think. But for
years, I mean I think probablysince maybe my thirties, I've been having
a recurring nightmare that I'm at theage I'm at that age and I find
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out that I haven't graduated high school. I for some reason, I haven't
you know, finished my core curriculumor something like that, and so I
have to go back for two moreyears at the age now. And every
time in the dream, I'm like, certainly I can do night class.
Can I do this online? Andthey're like, oh, no, absolutely
not. You have to like,you know, you can get your backpack
and you're going to go to classwith these mean teenagers. And it is
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it is a nightmare, like it'sridiculous and hilarious, but like when I
experience this dream, it's horrific.It's more stressful and like I'm an adult,
I've been in a lot more likeintense situations than high school one would
think, but that is what hauntsme. So it's like, obviously as
resident obvious, this idea that liketo have to go back, we're still
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that person, you know what Imean, that person is still is still
with us, and this idea thatyou grow out of it, it's not
completely accurate, you know, Andwe're also meant to just sort of like,
oh, you know, you werea kid like kids being kids,
Like it's not a big deal.So it's really hard to know where to
put all of those feelings that youstill have and those scars that never really
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they just kind of got put sandput over put over them. They didn't
really heal completely. You know.It's interesting. I've had a theory as
since adulthood, which is that thepeople who were most popular in high school
are not the people who succeed themost in life. The people I have
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seen who have been the most successfulin life, and that doesn't mean the
most money. That means, youknow, achieving your dream kind of thing
or having an impact those for theoutcasts. Do you both feel the same,
I mean, I'm glad that you'rementioning this because I think that we've
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become somewhat of I don't know anthropologistsor people who really have spent a lot
of time studying this kind of phenomenon, And having been to my twenti high
school reunion, I can say thatI think it's I think it's kind of
true. I think that there's somethingabout how privilege works. How if you
are somebody who kind of have everythinghanded to you and you don't actually suffer
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in the same way at this crucialstage, this stage, at this coming
up of age stage. I thinkof high school as a microcosm for adulthood.
There's a lot of ways in whichteenagers are actually, you know,
following the scripts that their parents havehanded to them, and they're learning how
to be adults in this microcosm.And I think that it's often true that
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the people who don't have to sufferdon't necessarily acquire the same ill set.
I think that I it took mea long time, but I'm really grateful
I was an outsider because it taughtme how to survive. It also taught
me empathy. It taught me howto kind of understand people differently, how
to how to how to adapt.It taught me to adventure. I mean,
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I had to go outside of mycomfort zone to find my home.
And so I think that, Yeah, I completely agree. I think that
there's a way in which if everybody, if everything's working out for you when
you're a teenager, why would youhave an incentive to grow or change?
So, yeah, you know,what's really sad to me when I hear
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someone who says that the best yearsof their life were in high school.
And it's even sadder if you hearthat all the best years is when I
was six or seven, that's evenworse. But maybe that's just me,
you know. I mean, Ithink it's I think it's true. I
think it's funny. When I waspitching this film and really trying to get
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it made, like I said,it was very hard to get made.
I often would be sitting across fromsomebody and if they said, oh,
best years of my life for highschool, I knew that they wouldn't get
the movie right right, they wouldnever fund it. And I have to
say it, it is people whorelate to that experience that are really the
fiercest advocates for this film because theysee themselves represented in that experience. Okay,
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we only have a couple minutes left, So Cecilia or Sarah, what
have we not touched on here?And one of the things is bullying that
you would like to impart to theaudience. And again we're talking about the
HBO documentary You Were My First Boyfriend, which you can view now. Yeah,
I mean I would just say pleasewatch the film from beginning to end.
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I would say please. You know, it takes you on quite a
ride, and it goes through alot of different chapters and it takes some
turns that you don't expect. Somaybe on the surface the film looks like
something that maybe it's not for you, but we think this film is for
everyone. And Cecilia I like tosay, I go home so you don't
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have to. So there's a kindof catharsis that comes with this movie.
It's like a high school reunion byproxy. So if you're somebody who are
like over my dead body, Iwould never go back there, don't worry.
I've done it. So you canwatch it and you know, live
vicariously and maybe learn something. Sowe just really made this film with a
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lot of love. There's also alot of laughter in it. So if
you're looking for something that's very music, yes music, it's very you'll laugh,
you'll cry, so you know,we were really really trying to get
a range of emotions in there.So yeah, and we just hope that
people watch it with your friends,hopefully you have some old high school friends,
or watch it with your teenagers.We really encourage parents to watch it
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with teenagers. So yeah, wejust hope that everybody sees it. Okay,
I thank you both, and thecongratulations to you both. Thank you,
thank you so much. Bye.You've been listening to Sunsteam Sessions on
iHeartRadio, a production of New York'sclassic rock Q one oh four point three