November 24, 2024 • 15 mins
Original Air Date: November 24, 2024
Lindsey & Leslie Glass are daughter/mom co-authors of “The Mother Daughter Relationship Makeover”.
Lindsey & Leslie Glass are daughter/mom co-authors of “The Mother Daughter Relationship Makeover”.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to Sunstein Sessions on iHeartRadio, Conversations about issues that matter.
Here's your host, three time Grasie Award winner, Shelley Sunstein.
Speaker 2 (00:10):
Good morning. We are coming up on the holiday season,
and while most of us love the holidays, there are
a number of us who dread the holidays and the
holiday get togethers because of rather fraud relationships, shall we say,
(00:33):
In this case, we are going to talk about the
fraught family relationships between daughters and mom, something I know
about all too well, and that's why I have invited
to come on to our show this morning, Lindsey and
Leslie Glass. They are the co authors of The Mother
Daughter Relationship Makeover. It's a book, and unfortunately for me,
(00:59):
Ladies came too late. As I said, I had not
a good relationship with my mom. Although now that she
and she has passed and so I cannot remedy the situation.
Had you written the book years ago, perhaps I would
have had a shot. But the funny thing is, Ladies,
(01:22):
that now that she's gone, I refer to her so fondly,
and it's well, I do this because that's Lilah's law,
and this is Lilah's chicken and everything is. You know,
I kind of as time goes on, I'm remembering the
good where we could get along and really putting in
(01:46):
the past the bad stuff. So that's kind of Is
that weird to you?
Speaker 3 (01:52):
No, not at all.
Speaker 4 (01:54):
I'll actually say, since we have made up and really
regrouped and followed our own advice, we have a pretty
solid relationship now. And I do the same thing when
we were writing the book. It's not like you forget
about what happened, but I really remember the good times now.
(02:14):
The summer's on Martha's vineyard, and I think when you're
a healthy person and you're doing things right, that's what happens.
You remember the good stuff and you kind of let
go of some of the bad stuff.
Speaker 5 (02:26):
So Leslie, Yeah, I was just going to say, Lindsay
and I broke up for four years. So in that
four year period where we just were not speaking to
each other and it was as if there was a
death for both of us, I think that was the
time that allowed us to start remembering the good times.
Speaker 2 (02:49):
Why did you two break up? What was the thing
that made you just say, no, we need to take
a break from each other. We can't handle each other.
Anymore more.
Speaker 4 (03:01):
Well, what happened when we actually broke up, it was
that we couldn't stop fighting. We had created a culture
of fighting in our family, and it started in high
school and.
Speaker 6 (03:13):
It got unpleasant.
Speaker 4 (03:15):
And when you come from a family whose communication style
is blaming and shaming, that is something that some people
really have to unlearn. So I really call it the
fighting habit. We had a fighting habit. We didn't know
each other's triggers. We didn't know that we were kind
of traumatizing each other over and over with these fights.
(03:36):
And we also didn't realize that, like so many other
mothers and daughters, what was happening to us was very common.
Certain issues were coming between us. Differences in personality and
communication styles were pulling us apart. And you know, we
really split at the advice of a mental health professional
who said, because sobriety is a part of my issue,
(04:00):
who said, you may struggle with your sobriety because if
you can remember those terrible fights and you both walk
away just feeling, oh my god, you know, just terrible
about yourself, terrible about the other person. That's not a
way to live in recovery. What would you say, mom.
Speaker 5 (04:19):
Well, I would also add the fact that Lindsay and
I were relationship experts at the time and could not
manage our own relationship. So Lindsay went into recovery from addiction,
and for ten years we struggled with that in our relationship,
and then we launched a website. We produced two documentaries
(04:44):
about recovery, and we had this website where we were
literally writing articles about recovery and about family dysfunction and relationships.
And the irony was we couldn't get along at all.
So it was the counting rage of being business partners
that basically ended our relationship. I mean it ended it
(05:07):
because we just couldn't fix it.
Speaker 2 (05:09):
Oh wait a minute, were you still business partners?
Speaker 6 (05:11):
Then?
Speaker 3 (05:12):
Yes, we were business partners.
Speaker 5 (05:15):
So, and I think this is what's interesting about this
is that many, many, many, many family businesses have conflicts
of the kind that we had. So we were not
only mother and daughter with the usual mother and daughter issues,
but we were also business partners, partners and writers. So
Lindsey was a screenwriter and I was a novelist. I
(05:39):
was a best selling novelist, and we were trying to
blend our areas of expertise into recovery and so, and
we were very good at it and we had a
very very big following, but we just couldn't manage our
own relationship when it came to money and who credit
(06:00):
and all of that kind of thing.
Speaker 3 (06:01):
So that was what ended. That was what broke us up,
and that happens in families too.
Speaker 2 (06:08):
I am speaking with Lindsay and Leslie Glass. They are
the founders of reach Out Recovery and nonprofit Addiction Recovery Organization.
We'll get to that in a minute, but they the
reason I brought them on this morning is they are
the co authors of The Mother Daughter Relationship Makeover. It
is a book. What brought you back together? Who was it?
Speaker 5 (06:32):
I think the simplest question, the simplest answer was we
missed each other.
Speaker 3 (06:37):
What would you say, lindsay.
Speaker 4 (06:39):
Yeah, if I was the one after four years? And
you know, I talk about this in the book, when
you really do all the work, you get rid of
your anger. And that's why we really believe in self help.
We pitch self help. So after four years, I'd been
in therapy, I'd been in recovery groups, I'd done a
lot of work on my and I really realized I
(07:02):
missed my mom. I was not angry at her anymore.
These terrible feelings I had had gone away, and what
was left was a very large hole inside. And you know,
we talk about what kind of families shouldn't reconcile, because
certainly there are situations where it's you know, too dangerous
(07:22):
or too grave to reconcile. But in our situation, which
we think is probably more common in this country, we
were able to reconcile. We were able to look past
the things that had bothered us. We had done some
work on ourselves, and I wanted to make up first.
It took her a few minutes to get ready for that,
you know, and to be ready to feel safe in
(07:45):
my presence. You know when when somebody when you can't
stop fighting with somebody, you and you don't want to
fight anymore. You know, I left, I didn't want to
fight anymore. She got calm, she didn't.
Speaker 6 (07:56):
Want to fight anymore. When it was time to regroup.
Speaker 2 (07:59):
Do you fight? And if so, how have the fights changed?
Speaker 5 (08:05):
We don't really fight anymore, I think we have. We
have moments where I'm annoyed at her tone of voice,
or she's annoyed at my impatience.
Speaker 3 (08:15):
But we we.
Speaker 5 (08:17):
We have great tools for when we feel annoyed with
each other. And it I have such respect for Lindsay,
and I think she has respect for me and and
I think it's really important when you have love and compassion,
you can get past those moments of irritation.
Speaker 2 (08:35):
Talk about the book because you actually, you know guide people.
People have to do work. But reading this book to
work on their relationships. It's not just a read it
and okay, I got a few tips type of book,
No homes.
Speaker 6 (08:54):
Nope, that's you know.
Speaker 4 (08:56):
We had to do it, and things don't get better
because you just sit there and you wish for it.
Speaker 6 (09:02):
I wish that was the way, but it does it.
Speaker 4 (09:04):
So I pulled out the book because this happens and
people ask and sometimes we don't have the book and
we get confused. So here's the process we want to
take the reader through because this is the process that
changed our lives. Step one is self discovery. So you
may feel very differently when you find out that your
mom was raised in a certain way, that her mom
(09:27):
was raised in a certain way, that maybe there's a
history in your family of a certain kind of behavior
or mental illness. Has your family been through a war?
All of these things can influence the women in your
family and the generation. So one, we want you to
understand who you come from and what your communication and
personality style. Mom, do you remember what Step two is?
Speaker 3 (09:52):
Isn't oh oh no, I'm not doing it.
Speaker 4 (09:54):
The areas of conflict. So step two I was going
to let her speak.
Speaker 5 (10:00):
I just wanted to say, lindsay, I was once in
a conference with like thousands of people and somebody in
the audience asked about a moment in one of my
books that I had written ten years before and wanted
to know what I was thinking when I wrote it.
(10:20):
And I had no memory of what was happening when
I wrote it. So lindsay, Okay, the book is in
your hands.
Speaker 6 (10:28):
I got it.
Speaker 4 (10:30):
So step two and the process works a certain way.
So step one you begin to understand who you are
and who your mom is, and the hope is there's
a little bit of compassion and understanding around that. Step
two are the biggest areas of mother daughter conflict. So
we didn't realize most mothers fight about food and weat
(10:53):
most I mean most mothers and daughters, and it's everything
families mothers and sons, fathers and sons.
Speaker 6 (10:59):
But these issues are a.
Speaker 3 (11:00):
Really big deal.
Speaker 4 (11:02):
The friends, the boyfriends, the romantic partners, the boundaries, and
then of course the two biggest issues that affected our
family were alcohol and drugs and mental illness, because we
have some history in our family with those things.
Speaker 6 (11:17):
So then you.
Speaker 4 (11:18):
Begin to understand, Okay, well, these are our biggest issues.
And every time I see her, we're fighting about money,
or every time I see her she's yelling at me
about how I take care of the dog. But really
isolating out what those issues are. Step three we help
you figure out triggers, trauma and conflict resolution. Another thing
(11:39):
we learned writing the book, just being a woman is
a little bit traumatic. The things that happen to our bodies,
some of the things that we go through in life.
You know, we're not walking around thinking about ourselves like that.
So we want to give a little room and a
little bit of grace to the fact that getting pregnant
is traumatic. Not being able to get pregnant is dramatic.
(12:01):
You know, there are a lot of things that happen
to women that really influence how they think about themselves
and how they feel. So step and We do get
into conflict resolution in that chapter and tips. You know,
it's everything from when you feel tension rise and go
saying things like hey, let's take a step back here,
(12:23):
or hey, you may be right, let me think about that,
but some very basic tools to stop.
Speaker 6 (12:30):
The escalation when it's happening.
Speaker 4 (12:32):
And then step four is healing and reconciliation. So we
take people through this little process in chapter eighteen that
helps you see what your part is in things, how
you can be accountable. You know, I thought my mom
was awful at certain times, but I wasn't remembering that
every time she walked in the room, I scowled at her.
(12:54):
Sometimes she'd walk in the room and I'd walk out
of the room. So there are also body languages things
we do to people, and it's really becoming clear. So
we do forgiveness and healing, how to reconnect with purpose,
because you don't just call somebody who haven't spoken to
in four years, you know, I had a sponsor and
a therapist telling me how to do that. And then
(13:17):
the final chapter, which is one of our favorite things
because we are a family in recovery. We created something
called the recovery lifestyle, which means.
Speaker 2 (13:26):
I wanted you to talk about because we only have
like two minutes left, I ARII talk a little bit
about that, about being founders of reach Out Recovery, what
that's all about, and how people can contact you.
Speaker 6 (13:39):
Oh, okay, mom, do you want to share?
Speaker 5 (13:43):
I just want to say the moment in the book
is that it's every aspect of the book gives you
writing prompts and allows you to think about what is
your AHA moment in this area and this book, So
there are writing prompts for absolutely everything that we go through,
so you're basically writing the story of your own life.
Reach Out Recovery is something that we started literally fifteen
(14:08):
years ago, and we wanted to be able to create
a platform where people could learn everything about recovery, about addiction,
about parenting, about recovery from addiction, about recovery from family dysfunction.
So it was normal for us after we reconciled, to
actually create the book that helps people understand in one
(14:32):
place what it takes to recover, and this is basically
about whatever you're recovering from. You can find it on
reach out Recovery dot com, where we've also Lindsey wrote
one hundred tips for growing up, and I wrote The
Teen Guide to Health.
Speaker 3 (14:48):
So there are other books.
Speaker 2 (14:49):
As well, and again the book for healing, at least
getting on the path before it's too late. Where it
is in my case, the book is is The Mother
Daughter Relationship Makeover. Thank you so much, Lindsey and Leslie Glass.
Speaker 1 (15:06):
You've been listening to Sunsteen sessions on iHeartRadio, a production
of New York's classic rock Q one O four point
three
Welcome to Sunstein Sessions on iHeartRadio, Conversations about issues that matter.
Here's your host, three time Grasie Award winner, Shelley Sunstein.
Speaker 2 (00:10):
Good morning. We are coming up on the holiday season,
and while most of us love the holidays, there are
a number of us who dread the holidays and the
holiday get togethers because of rather fraud relationships, shall we say,
(00:33):
In this case, we are going to talk about the
fraught family relationships between daughters and mom, something I know
about all too well, and that's why I have invited
to come on to our show this morning, Lindsey and
Leslie Glass. They are the co authors of The Mother
Daughter Relationship Makeover. It's a book, and unfortunately for me,
(00:59):
Ladies came too late. As I said, I had not
a good relationship with my mom. Although now that she
and she has passed and so I cannot remedy the situation.
Had you written the book years ago, perhaps I would
have had a shot. But the funny thing is, Ladies,
(01:22):
that now that she's gone, I refer to her so fondly,
and it's well, I do this because that's Lilah's law,
and this is Lilah's chicken and everything is. You know,
I kind of as time goes on, I'm remembering the
good where we could get along and really putting in
(01:46):
the past the bad stuff. So that's kind of Is
that weird to you?
Speaker 3 (01:52):
No, not at all.
Speaker 4 (01:54):
I'll actually say, since we have made up and really
regrouped and followed our own advice, we have a pretty
solid relationship now. And I do the same thing when
we were writing the book. It's not like you forget
about what happened, but I really remember the good times now.
(02:14):
The summer's on Martha's vineyard, and I think when you're
a healthy person and you're doing things right, that's what happens.
You remember the good stuff and you kind of let
go of some of the bad stuff.
Speaker 5 (02:26):
So Leslie, Yeah, I was just going to say, Lindsay
and I broke up for four years. So in that
four year period where we just were not speaking to
each other and it was as if there was a
death for both of us, I think that was the
time that allowed us to start remembering the good times.
Speaker 2 (02:49):
Why did you two break up? What was the thing
that made you just say, no, we need to take
a break from each other. We can't handle each other.
Anymore more.
Speaker 4 (03:01):
Well, what happened when we actually broke up, it was
that we couldn't stop fighting. We had created a culture
of fighting in our family, and it started in high
school and.
Speaker 6 (03:13):
It got unpleasant.
Speaker 4 (03:15):
And when you come from a family whose communication style
is blaming and shaming, that is something that some people
really have to unlearn. So I really call it the
fighting habit. We had a fighting habit. We didn't know
each other's triggers. We didn't know that we were kind
of traumatizing each other over and over with these fights.
(03:36):
And we also didn't realize that, like so many other
mothers and daughters, what was happening to us was very common.
Certain issues were coming between us. Differences in personality and
communication styles were pulling us apart. And you know, we
really split at the advice of a mental health professional
who said, because sobriety is a part of my issue,
(04:00):
who said, you may struggle with your sobriety because if
you can remember those terrible fights and you both walk
away just feeling, oh my god, you know, just terrible
about yourself, terrible about the other person. That's not a
way to live in recovery. What would you say, mom.
Speaker 5 (04:19):
Well, I would also add the fact that Lindsay and
I were relationship experts at the time and could not
manage our own relationship. So Lindsay went into recovery from addiction,
and for ten years we struggled with that in our relationship,
and then we launched a website. We produced two documentaries
(04:44):
about recovery, and we had this website where we were
literally writing articles about recovery and about family dysfunction and relationships.
And the irony was we couldn't get along at all.
So it was the counting rage of being business partners
that basically ended our relationship. I mean it ended it
(05:07):
because we just couldn't fix it.
Speaker 2 (05:09):
Oh wait a minute, were you still business partners?
Speaker 6 (05:11):
Then?
Speaker 3 (05:12):
Yes, we were business partners.
Speaker 5 (05:15):
So, and I think this is what's interesting about this
is that many, many, many, many family businesses have conflicts
of the kind that we had. So we were not
only mother and daughter with the usual mother and daughter issues,
but we were also business partners, partners and writers. So
Lindsey was a screenwriter and I was a novelist. I
(05:39):
was a best selling novelist, and we were trying to
blend our areas of expertise into recovery and so, and
we were very good at it and we had a
very very big following, but we just couldn't manage our
own relationship when it came to money and who credit
(06:00):
and all of that kind of thing.
Speaker 3 (06:01):
So that was what ended. That was what broke us up,
and that happens in families too.
Speaker 2 (06:08):
I am speaking with Lindsay and Leslie Glass. They are
the founders of reach Out Recovery and nonprofit Addiction Recovery Organization.
We'll get to that in a minute, but they the
reason I brought them on this morning is they are
the co authors of The Mother Daughter Relationship Makeover. It
is a book. What brought you back together? Who was it?
Speaker 5 (06:32):
I think the simplest question, the simplest answer was we
missed each other.
Speaker 3 (06:37):
What would you say, lindsay.
Speaker 4 (06:39):
Yeah, if I was the one after four years? And
you know, I talk about this in the book, when
you really do all the work, you get rid of
your anger. And that's why we really believe in self help.
We pitch self help. So after four years, I'd been
in therapy, I'd been in recovery groups, I'd done a
lot of work on my and I really realized I
(07:02):
missed my mom. I was not angry at her anymore.
These terrible feelings I had had gone away, and what
was left was a very large hole inside. And you know,
we talk about what kind of families shouldn't reconcile, because
certainly there are situations where it's you know, too dangerous
(07:22):
or too grave to reconcile. But in our situation, which
we think is probably more common in this country, we
were able to reconcile. We were able to look past
the things that had bothered us. We had done some
work on ourselves, and I wanted to make up first.
It took her a few minutes to get ready for that,
you know, and to be ready to feel safe in
(07:45):
my presence. You know when when somebody when you can't
stop fighting with somebody, you and you don't want to
fight anymore. You know, I left, I didn't want to
fight anymore. She got calm, she didn't.
Speaker 6 (07:56):
Want to fight anymore. When it was time to regroup.
Speaker 2 (07:59):
Do you fight? And if so, how have the fights changed?
Speaker 5 (08:05):
We don't really fight anymore, I think we have. We
have moments where I'm annoyed at her tone of voice,
or she's annoyed at my impatience.
Speaker 3 (08:15):
But we we.
Speaker 5 (08:17):
We have great tools for when we feel annoyed with
each other. And it I have such respect for Lindsay,
and I think she has respect for me and and
I think it's really important when you have love and compassion,
you can get past those moments of irritation.
Speaker 2 (08:35):
Talk about the book because you actually, you know guide people.
People have to do work. But reading this book to
work on their relationships. It's not just a read it
and okay, I got a few tips type of book,
No homes.
Speaker 6 (08:54):
Nope, that's you know.
Speaker 4 (08:56):
We had to do it, and things don't get better
because you just sit there and you wish for it.
Speaker 6 (09:02):
I wish that was the way, but it does it.
Speaker 4 (09:04):
So I pulled out the book because this happens and
people ask and sometimes we don't have the book and
we get confused. So here's the process we want to
take the reader through because this is the process that
changed our lives. Step one is self discovery. So you
may feel very differently when you find out that your
mom was raised in a certain way, that her mom
(09:27):
was raised in a certain way, that maybe there's a
history in your family of a certain kind of behavior
or mental illness. Has your family been through a war?
All of these things can influence the women in your
family and the generation. So one, we want you to
understand who you come from and what your communication and
personality style. Mom, do you remember what Step two is?
Speaker 3 (09:52):
Isn't oh oh no, I'm not doing it.
Speaker 4 (09:54):
The areas of conflict. So step two I was going
to let her speak.
Speaker 5 (10:00):
I just wanted to say, lindsay, I was once in
a conference with like thousands of people and somebody in
the audience asked about a moment in one of my
books that I had written ten years before and wanted
to know what I was thinking when I wrote it.
(10:20):
And I had no memory of what was happening when
I wrote it. So lindsay, Okay, the book is in
your hands.
Speaker 6 (10:28):
I got it.
Speaker 4 (10:30):
So step two and the process works a certain way.
So step one you begin to understand who you are
and who your mom is, and the hope is there's
a little bit of compassion and understanding around that. Step
two are the biggest areas of mother daughter conflict. So
we didn't realize most mothers fight about food and weat
(10:53):
most I mean most mothers and daughters, and it's everything
families mothers and sons, fathers and sons.
Speaker 6 (10:59):
But these issues are a.
Speaker 3 (11:00):
Really big deal.
Speaker 4 (11:02):
The friends, the boyfriends, the romantic partners, the boundaries, and
then of course the two biggest issues that affected our
family were alcohol and drugs and mental illness, because we
have some history in our family with those things.
Speaker 6 (11:17):
So then you.
Speaker 4 (11:18):
Begin to understand, Okay, well, these are our biggest issues.
And every time I see her, we're fighting about money,
or every time I see her she's yelling at me
about how I take care of the dog. But really
isolating out what those issues are. Step three we help
you figure out triggers, trauma and conflict resolution. Another thing
(11:39):
we learned writing the book, just being a woman is
a little bit traumatic. The things that happen to our bodies,
some of the things that we go through in life.
You know, we're not walking around thinking about ourselves like that.
So we want to give a little room and a
little bit of grace to the fact that getting pregnant
is traumatic. Not being able to get pregnant is dramatic.
(12:01):
You know, there are a lot of things that happen
to women that really influence how they think about themselves
and how they feel. So step and We do get
into conflict resolution in that chapter and tips. You know,
it's everything from when you feel tension rise and go
saying things like hey, let's take a step back here,
(12:23):
or hey, you may be right, let me think about that,
but some very basic tools to stop.
Speaker 6 (12:30):
The escalation when it's happening.
Speaker 4 (12:32):
And then step four is healing and reconciliation. So we
take people through this little process in chapter eighteen that
helps you see what your part is in things, how
you can be accountable. You know, I thought my mom
was awful at certain times, but I wasn't remembering that
every time she walked in the room, I scowled at her.
(12:54):
Sometimes she'd walk in the room and I'd walk out
of the room. So there are also body languages things
we do to people, and it's really becoming clear. So
we do forgiveness and healing, how to reconnect with purpose,
because you don't just call somebody who haven't spoken to
in four years, you know, I had a sponsor and
a therapist telling me how to do that. And then
(13:17):
the final chapter, which is one of our favorite things
because we are a family in recovery. We created something
called the recovery lifestyle, which means.
Speaker 2 (13:26):
I wanted you to talk about because we only have
like two minutes left, I ARII talk a little bit
about that, about being founders of reach Out Recovery, what
that's all about, and how people can contact you.
Speaker 6 (13:39):
Oh, okay, mom, do you want to share?
Speaker 5 (13:43):
I just want to say the moment in the book
is that it's every aspect of the book gives you
writing prompts and allows you to think about what is
your AHA moment in this area and this book, So
there are writing prompts for absolutely everything that we go through,
so you're basically writing the story of your own life.
Reach Out Recovery is something that we started literally fifteen
(14:08):
years ago, and we wanted to be able to create
a platform where people could learn everything about recovery, about addiction,
about parenting, about recovery from addiction, about recovery from family dysfunction.
So it was normal for us after we reconciled, to
actually create the book that helps people understand in one
(14:32):
place what it takes to recover, and this is basically
about whatever you're recovering from. You can find it on
reach out Recovery dot com, where we've also Lindsey wrote
one hundred tips for growing up, and I wrote The
Teen Guide to Health.
Speaker 3 (14:48):
So there are other books.
Speaker 2 (14:49):
As well, and again the book for healing, at least
getting on the path before it's too late. Where it
is in my case, the book is is The Mother
Daughter Relationship Makeover. Thank you so much, Lindsey and Leslie Glass.
Speaker 1 (15:06):
You've been listening to Sunsteen sessions on iHeartRadio, a production
of New York's classic rock Q one O four point
three
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Law & Order: Criminal Justice System - Season 1 & Season 2
Season Two Out Now! Law & Order: Criminal Justice System tells the real stories behind the landmark cases that have shaped how the most dangerous and influential criminals in America are prosecuted. In its second season, the series tackles the threat of terrorism in the United States. From the rise of extremist political groups in the 60s to domestic lone wolves in the modern day, we explore how organizations like the FBI and Joint Terrorism Take Force have evolved to fight back against a multitude of terrorist threats.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com