May 11, 2025 • 15 mins
Original Air Date: May 11, 2025
Maureen Spataro of Freehold is a survivor of sexual abuse as a child and domestic abuse as an adult. She and the Stephanie Nicole Parze Foundation have teamed up to put rooms in NJ police stations, serving as sanctuaries for victims of sexual assault & domestic violence.
Maureen Spataro of Freehold is a survivor of sexual abuse as a child and domestic abuse as an adult. She and the Stephanie Nicole Parze Foundation have teamed up to put rooms in NJ police stations, serving as sanctuaries for victims of sexual assault & domestic violence.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to Sunstein Sessions on iHeartRadio, conversations about issues that matter.
Here's your host, three time Gracie Award winner, Shelley Sunstein.
Speaker 2 (00:10):
Happy Mother's Day to all, and I want to say
a very special Happy Mother's Day to a listener who
has she's an activist, but she has since become a
friend and I really value my relationship with Maureen Spataro.
And we're going to be talking about her latest mission,
(00:33):
But first she is having Maureene is having a kind
of poignant mother's day because her only child, Kayla, is
a JAG a military attorney, and tell us what's happening
with Cayla.
Speaker 3 (00:48):
So Kayla will be deploying for the first time at
the end of the month, and so it is it's
a little bittersweet. She's not really permitted to tell me
too much about where she's going and what she'll be doing,
which I respect. She is very excited though, to be
(01:08):
able to kind of take this next step in her career,
and I'm just really proud of her. But to know
that she's going to be gone and probably until the
end of the year is bit or sweet.
Speaker 2 (01:19):
Ooh hard, and you don't know where she's going, but
she told you as someplace safe.
Speaker 3 (01:24):
She said that she will be safe. Yes, she will
be safe. I understand that things can change and she
has to go where she's needed. But for the most part,
she's very excited to be experiencing this, So I'm excited
for her.
Speaker 2 (01:41):
Did she always want to become a JAG.
Speaker 3 (01:45):
No. Actually, originally she wanted to be an FBI agent,
and then she detoured her last semester in college to
wanting to become a lawyer and went to Rutgers Law
School and they kind of had an open day for
(02:05):
law firms to come in and talk to the students,
and she kind of walked into the army table and
learned what it was to be a judge advocate and
she was sold. She's an internship in Germany. Came back
and said, Yep, that's what I want to do.
Speaker 2 (02:21):
That's amazing. Now, for those who do not know Maureene Spataro,
she is an activist and she is a survivor of
both domestic abuse and sexual abuse when she was a child.
Does your activism do you think did that have any
(02:42):
impact on Kayla deciding to take this career choice.
Speaker 3 (02:49):
No, I don't think so, although she has told me
it has helped her to understand when she does have
cases that may kind of surround domestic violence. She kind
of has a little more insight in maybe how survivors
(03:12):
may react or act that other people may not understand.
There are always people who ask why did you stay
if it was me, and to try to tell people,
unless you're in it, you don't understand. And there's a
plethora of reasons why we stay, you know, usually while
we're trying to also escape. So I think that's helped
(03:35):
her in her mindset and how to maybe deal with
someone who's talking to her through with a trauma voice,
you know.
Speaker 2 (03:45):
Right right. So Marine Spataro is involved now her latest project.
It's called Stephanie's Sanctuaries, and these are rooms that are
being put in police stations throughout the state of New Jersey.
And these are rooms specifically for victims of domestic violence
(04:05):
and sexual assault. And you are doing this on behalf
of the Stephanie Nicole Parrs Foundation. So tell us about
that and everything that's going on. I mean, you're you're
always just doing such good work and such positive things.
Speaker 3 (04:23):
Thank you. So, as you said, Stephanie sanctuary is there
are rooms in police departments throughout New Jersey specifically designated
for sexual assault and domestic violence victims. If you've ever
had to go to a police station, either for help
or to make out a report, what happens is you
(04:44):
walk in, you go to a desk where you tell
someone why you're there, and you're usually told, okay, have
a seat. Someone will be out to help you when
they're available, and that weight can be anywhere from three minutes,
depending on what's going on behind the scenes and how
busy they are, to forty five minutes. And if you're
(05:07):
walking in there after being sexually assaulted, or you're walking
in there after being physically abused and trying to escape
your abuser. Sometimes you have your children with you to
sit in a public space while you're in the chaos
of coming out of this trauma. It just kind of
(05:29):
adds a little bit to the shame. It adds a
little bit to the humiliation, and it feels dehumanizing in
a way, and you've already endured that. Now you're enduring
that in a public space. So what we did was
I saw something very briefly online about a policewoman who
(05:50):
was doing this in the Midwest. She got new furniture
and decided to take her old furniture and put it
in an interrogation room and told them this is just
going to be for survive of domestic violence, a comfortable
place in a place where they feel like they're safe.
And so I told the foundation about it, and because
we're a nonprofit, we always have to have a place
(06:12):
where we're going to put our money, and Ed Parrs
and Charlene, Stephanie's parents jumped on it and they said, yes,
let's do it, and we have. We're up to seven
police departments in just three months. Freehold was the first.
That's where Stephanie was born and that's where she was raised.
(06:35):
Manalapin jumped in, and then I came to Sayerville and
Sayaville was like, yes, let's do it. And Oldbridge signed on.
Oldbridge is where unfortunately she was found. And today after this,
I'm going to Madawan and it's just it just keeps rolling.
I feel like the more they find out about it,
the more they want to be part of it, because
(06:56):
I think it's a bridge between survivor and victims and
the police departments, and it shows that their towns understand
they need help.
Speaker 2 (07:08):
Tell us the tragic story of Stephanie parrs So.
Speaker 3 (07:13):
Stephanie was a quite literally a beautiful twenty five year
old woman from Freehill, New Jersey, who in twenty nineteen
met the person she thought could be the one on
an online dating site. She did her due diligence. She
spoke with him for almost a month online and on
(07:35):
the phone before agreeing to meet with him, and once
they met, their relationship moved very quickly. What she didn't
know was that he had two restraining orders against him,
one in New York one in New Jersey for domestic violence.
And as he started to show that side of himself
to her, she did what a lot of a lot
(07:55):
of us do in that situation. We forgive them the
first time, we understand, and then as it started to
progress and get worse, she finally she was leaving him,
and she had already started to get herself out of
the relationship. And what he did was one night when
(08:16):
he couldn't get in touch with her, she was out
with her sisters and her mother. When she came home,
he got into the house and he strangled her to
death in her bed, and then he took her body
and he drove to Staten Island with it, and then
he came back to New Jersey on the side of
Route nine South and that's where he placed her body.
(08:38):
And as the police were closing in on him, he
killed himself. So nobody knew where she was and it
took them eighty seven days to find her. And Ed
and Charlene and their family have been very brave and
have decided that they wanted to create a foundation. They
decided then that would assist loved wife and finding missing people,
(09:02):
but also giving resources to victims to help them escape
their abuse.
Speaker 2 (09:10):
Imagine not knowing you know where your daughter's body is
eighty nine days, eighty nine days and Ed. I have
spoken with Ed on Sunsteen Sunday, and he just knew
immediately after meeting this guy that he was bad news.
He just had this and he carries such guilt. Although
(09:34):
as a parent, I mean, there is only so much
you can do, yees, because your daughter is an adult.
But I just cannot imagine the pain. Yes, but this
family feels. How did you get together with Ed, pars
and Charlene and start doing your work together?
Speaker 3 (09:57):
So I I wrote a book which started me embarking
on public speaking, because when you have something that you
can talk about, well, I have this book and this
is what it's about. It gave me the confidence to
start to talk about my own past. And I knew
about the Stephanie pars Foundation because I was from Freehold.
(10:22):
My daughter actually went to school with her. She was
a year ahead of her. They played, they had parallel lives.
They both played softball. So I decided that maybe he
could use a public speaker. I wasn't really sure, but
I reached out to him. I said, this is who
I am, this is what I do. If you ever
need someone to come and share their story, I'd be
(10:44):
more than happy to help. And within fifteen minutes he
called me back, and we have embarked on this wonderful
collaboration where we go to high schools and we go
to colleges and he talks about what happened to Stephanie,
and then I come in as a woman who has
(11:06):
survived it, and I really I tell the truth about everything.
I talk about a lot of the mistakes that young
men and women make in their lives. Now I admit
to things that most people won't admit to, like taking
sexy photos because you're with someone that you love and
trying to and telling them. You know, I did that.
(11:28):
I was in my forties. I thought I was in
a safe relationship, and instead he took those photos and
threatened to send them to everyone when I wanted to leave.
You know, I try to let them know, like the
choices that you make can can come back to haunt
you in ways that you're not even thinking about. So
I speak honestly with them. And it's ironic because Stephanie's
(11:53):
story my story are so alike. Our abusers had the
same name. They were both much bigger than we were.
Halloween was a significant holiday for me as well. That
was the first time he really abused me. And we
you know, we both met online, so there are a
(12:15):
lot of parallels that Ed and I just kept looking
at each other. He goes, I feel like you're the
Stephanie who survived and mine almost killed me as well.
I just was fortunate. So that's how the relationship started,
and it's just been growing and he has amazing support
with his angels, that's what he calls all his supporters.
(12:36):
And now that we have this, it's a tangible project
that when people donate their money and their time. They
can see this is where my money's going. You know,
especially in the same age, people want to know where
their money's going. This is where it's going. This is
what we're doing, and it also is a sense of
town pride for the towns who have them. We're noticing
(12:58):
that online people are really jumping on and going this
is amazing, And what we're hoping is that it will
encourage people who are in danger to come forward because
now they know there's this beautiful space. We put in
new furniture, new carpeting, whatever the room needs. We put
in a mini fridge with refreshment snacks, and we make
(13:18):
sure there's a chest of drawers that has a change
of clothing in every size, underwear, socks, so that if
they're coming and bloodied or worse, they can remove their
clothing if it's something that can be used as evidence,
and they can walk out feeling a little refreshed, like
(13:39):
someone cares about me. They don't want me walking out
looking like I've been attacked. So we're really really proud
of it, and we're hoping that this is something that
takes off and spreads throughout the country because we'll go anywhere.
Speaker 2 (13:55):
Maureen, we only have about a minute less. So so
many people meet online. Now what can they do to
make sure that the person they are conversing with doesn't
have a record. What are the safeguards? What should they
be doing?
Speaker 3 (14:11):
They should be asking a lot of questions. They should
be they should be looking these people up online. They
should be, you know, they should be making sure that
if they are going to meet someone, their location on
their phones is on someone knows the name, the license
plate number, what site they met on, what the name
(14:35):
was under. Because to be honest with you, Shelley, these
predators are they're really they know what they're doing. They
have to really protect themselves. I tell people always remember
you're the most important person in the room. Do whatever
you would for yourself that you would for someone else.
Speaker 2 (14:52):
I thank you so much, Maureen Spataro and the Stephanie
Nicole Parr's Foundation very quickly. How How can people reach
the foundation to help?
Speaker 3 (15:03):
Thank you? They can go to s npfoundation dot org.
Speaker 2 (15:08):
S Npfoundation dot org. And a Happy Mother's Day to you,
Maureene Spataro, you are absolutely an inspiration.
Speaker 1 (15:16):
You've been listening to Sunsteen sessions on iHeartRadio, a production
of New York's classic rock Q one O four point
three
Welcome to Sunstein Sessions on iHeartRadio, conversations about issues that matter.
Here's your host, three time Gracie Award winner, Shelley Sunstein.
Speaker 2 (00:10):
Happy Mother's Day to all, and I want to say
a very special Happy Mother's Day to a listener who
has she's an activist, but she has since become a
friend and I really value my relationship with Maureen Spataro.
And we're going to be talking about her latest mission,
(00:33):
But first she is having Maureene is having a kind
of poignant mother's day because her only child, Kayla, is
a JAG a military attorney, and tell us what's happening
with Cayla.
Speaker 3 (00:48):
So Kayla will be deploying for the first time at
the end of the month, and so it is it's
a little bittersweet. She's not really permitted to tell me
too much about where she's going and what she'll be doing,
which I respect. She is very excited though, to be
(01:08):
able to kind of take this next step in her career,
and I'm just really proud of her. But to know
that she's going to be gone and probably until the
end of the year is bit or sweet.
Speaker 2 (01:19):
Ooh hard, and you don't know where she's going, but
she told you as someplace safe.
Speaker 3 (01:24):
She said that she will be safe. Yes, she will
be safe. I understand that things can change and she
has to go where she's needed. But for the most part,
she's very excited to be experiencing this, So I'm excited
for her.
Speaker 2 (01:41):
Did she always want to become a JAG.
Speaker 3 (01:45):
No. Actually, originally she wanted to be an FBI agent,
and then she detoured her last semester in college to
wanting to become a lawyer and went to Rutgers Law
School and they kind of had an open day for
(02:05):
law firms to come in and talk to the students,
and she kind of walked into the army table and
learned what it was to be a judge advocate and
she was sold. She's an internship in Germany. Came back
and said, Yep, that's what I want to do.
Speaker 2 (02:21):
That's amazing. Now, for those who do not know Maureene Spataro,
she is an activist and she is a survivor of
both domestic abuse and sexual abuse when she was a child.
Does your activism do you think did that have any
(02:42):
impact on Kayla deciding to take this career choice.
Speaker 3 (02:49):
No, I don't think so, although she has told me
it has helped her to understand when she does have
cases that may kind of surround domestic violence. She kind
of has a little more insight in maybe how survivors
(03:12):
may react or act that other people may not understand.
There are always people who ask why did you stay
if it was me, and to try to tell people,
unless you're in it, you don't understand. And there's a
plethora of reasons why we stay, you know, usually while
we're trying to also escape. So I think that's helped
(03:35):
her in her mindset and how to maybe deal with
someone who's talking to her through with a trauma voice,
you know.
Speaker 2 (03:45):
Right right. So Marine Spataro is involved now her latest project.
It's called Stephanie's Sanctuaries, and these are rooms that are
being put in police stations throughout the state of New Jersey.
And these are rooms specifically for victims of domestic violence
(04:05):
and sexual assault. And you are doing this on behalf
of the Stephanie Nicole Parrs Foundation. So tell us about
that and everything that's going on. I mean, you're you're
always just doing such good work and such positive things.
Speaker 3 (04:23):
Thank you. So, as you said, Stephanie sanctuary is there
are rooms in police departments throughout New Jersey specifically designated
for sexual assault and domestic violence victims. If you've ever
had to go to a police station, either for help
or to make out a report, what happens is you
(04:44):
walk in, you go to a desk where you tell
someone why you're there, and you're usually told, okay, have
a seat. Someone will be out to help you when
they're available, and that weight can be anywhere from three minutes,
depending on what's going on behind the scenes and how
busy they are, to forty five minutes. And if you're
(05:07):
walking in there after being sexually assaulted, or you're walking
in there after being physically abused and trying to escape
your abuser. Sometimes you have your children with you to
sit in a public space while you're in the chaos
of coming out of this trauma. It just kind of
(05:29):
adds a little bit to the shame. It adds a
little bit to the humiliation, and it feels dehumanizing in
a way, and you've already endured that. Now you're enduring
that in a public space. So what we did was
I saw something very briefly online about a policewoman who
(05:50):
was doing this in the Midwest. She got new furniture
and decided to take her old furniture and put it
in an interrogation room and told them this is just
going to be for survive of domestic violence, a comfortable
place in a place where they feel like they're safe.
And so I told the foundation about it, and because
we're a nonprofit, we always have to have a place
(06:12):
where we're going to put our money, and Ed Parrs
and Charlene, Stephanie's parents jumped on it and they said, yes,
let's do it, and we have. We're up to seven
police departments in just three months. Freehold was the first.
That's where Stephanie was born and that's where she was raised.
(06:35):
Manalapin jumped in, and then I came to Sayerville and
Sayaville was like, yes, let's do it. And Oldbridge signed on.
Oldbridge is where unfortunately she was found. And today after this,
I'm going to Madawan and it's just it just keeps rolling.
I feel like the more they find out about it,
the more they want to be part of it, because
(06:56):
I think it's a bridge between survivor and victims and
the police departments, and it shows that their towns understand
they need help.
Speaker 2 (07:08):
Tell us the tragic story of Stephanie parrs So.
Speaker 3 (07:13):
Stephanie was a quite literally a beautiful twenty five year
old woman from Freehill, New Jersey, who in twenty nineteen
met the person she thought could be the one on
an online dating site. She did her due diligence. She
spoke with him for almost a month online and on
(07:35):
the phone before agreeing to meet with him, and once
they met, their relationship moved very quickly. What she didn't
know was that he had two restraining orders against him,
one in New York one in New Jersey for domestic violence.
And as he started to show that side of himself
to her, she did what a lot of a lot
(07:55):
of us do in that situation. We forgive them the
first time, we understand, and then as it started to
progress and get worse, she finally she was leaving him,
and she had already started to get herself out of
the relationship. And what he did was one night when
(08:16):
he couldn't get in touch with her, she was out
with her sisters and her mother. When she came home,
he got into the house and he strangled her to
death in her bed, and then he took her body
and he drove to Staten Island with it, and then
he came back to New Jersey on the side of
Route nine South and that's where he placed her body.
(08:38):
And as the police were closing in on him, he
killed himself. So nobody knew where she was and it
took them eighty seven days to find her. And Ed
and Charlene and their family have been very brave and
have decided that they wanted to create a foundation. They
decided then that would assist loved wife and finding missing people,
(09:02):
but also giving resources to victims to help them escape
their abuse.
Speaker 2 (09:10):
Imagine not knowing you know where your daughter's body is
eighty nine days, eighty nine days and Ed. I have
spoken with Ed on Sunsteen Sunday, and he just knew
immediately after meeting this guy that he was bad news.
He just had this and he carries such guilt. Although
(09:34):
as a parent, I mean, there is only so much
you can do, yees, because your daughter is an adult.
But I just cannot imagine the pain. Yes, but this
family feels. How did you get together with Ed, pars
and Charlene and start doing your work together?
Speaker 3 (09:57):
So I I wrote a book which started me embarking
on public speaking, because when you have something that you
can talk about, well, I have this book and this
is what it's about. It gave me the confidence to
start to talk about my own past. And I knew
about the Stephanie pars Foundation because I was from Freehold.
(10:22):
My daughter actually went to school with her. She was
a year ahead of her. They played, they had parallel lives.
They both played softball. So I decided that maybe he
could use a public speaker. I wasn't really sure, but
I reached out to him. I said, this is who
I am, this is what I do. If you ever
need someone to come and share their story, I'd be
(10:44):
more than happy to help. And within fifteen minutes he
called me back, and we have embarked on this wonderful
collaboration where we go to high schools and we go
to colleges and he talks about what happened to Stephanie,
and then I come in as a woman who has
(11:06):
survived it, and I really I tell the truth about everything.
I talk about a lot of the mistakes that young
men and women make in their lives. Now I admit
to things that most people won't admit to, like taking
sexy photos because you're with someone that you love and
trying to and telling them. You know, I did that.
(11:28):
I was in my forties. I thought I was in
a safe relationship, and instead he took those photos and
threatened to send them to everyone when I wanted to leave.
You know, I try to let them know, like the
choices that you make can can come back to haunt
you in ways that you're not even thinking about. So
I speak honestly with them. And it's ironic because Stephanie's
(11:53):
story my story are so alike. Our abusers had the
same name. They were both much bigger than we were.
Halloween was a significant holiday for me as well. That
was the first time he really abused me. And we
you know, we both met online, so there are a
(12:15):
lot of parallels that Ed and I just kept looking
at each other. He goes, I feel like you're the
Stephanie who survived and mine almost killed me as well.
I just was fortunate. So that's how the relationship started,
and it's just been growing and he has amazing support
with his angels, that's what he calls all his supporters.
(12:36):
And now that we have this, it's a tangible project
that when people donate their money and their time. They
can see this is where my money's going. You know,
especially in the same age, people want to know where
their money's going. This is where it's going. This is
what we're doing, and it also is a sense of
town pride for the towns who have them. We're noticing
(12:58):
that online people are really jumping on and going this
is amazing, And what we're hoping is that it will
encourage people who are in danger to come forward because
now they know there's this beautiful space. We put in
new furniture, new carpeting, whatever the room needs. We put
in a mini fridge with refreshment snacks, and we make
(13:18):
sure there's a chest of drawers that has a change
of clothing in every size, underwear, socks, so that if
they're coming and bloodied or worse, they can remove their
clothing if it's something that can be used as evidence,
and they can walk out feeling a little refreshed, like
(13:39):
someone cares about me. They don't want me walking out
looking like I've been attacked. So we're really really proud
of it, and we're hoping that this is something that
takes off and spreads throughout the country because we'll go anywhere.
Speaker 2 (13:55):
Maureen, we only have about a minute less. So so
many people meet online. Now what can they do to
make sure that the person they are conversing with doesn't
have a record. What are the safeguards? What should they
be doing?
Speaker 3 (14:11):
They should be asking a lot of questions. They should
be they should be looking these people up online. They
should be, you know, they should be making sure that
if they are going to meet someone, their location on
their phones is on someone knows the name, the license
plate number, what site they met on, what the name
(14:35):
was under. Because to be honest with you, Shelley, these
predators are they're really they know what they're doing. They
have to really protect themselves. I tell people always remember
you're the most important person in the room. Do whatever
you would for yourself that you would for someone else.
Speaker 2 (14:52):
I thank you so much, Maureen Spataro and the Stephanie
Nicole Parr's Foundation very quickly. How How can people reach
the foundation to help?
Speaker 3 (15:03):
Thank you? They can go to s npfoundation dot org.
Speaker 2 (15:08):
S Npfoundation dot org. And a Happy Mother's Day to you,
Maureene Spataro, you are absolutely an inspiration.
Speaker 1 (15:16):
You've been listening to Sunsteen sessions on iHeartRadio, a production
of New York's classic rock Q one O four point
three
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