October 23, 2025 • 9 mins
Apparently, grilled cheese sandwiches are very popular this time of year which caused us to relive the time that Emily claimed to have the best grilled cheese sandwiches... spoiler alert... she doesn't
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
One of the worst moments of our lives is when.
Speaker 2 (00:05):
Of our lives? Are you insane?
Speaker 3 (00:07):
It was pretty bad, too bad, I ate, I've been
in a psych word before.
Speaker 1 (00:13):
I had that food may eat and was grilled cheese
sandwich that she made for.
Speaker 2 (00:18):
Us, And yeah, when I was cooking with didn't heat
up Emily.
Speaker 1 (00:22):
Emily claims she makes the best grilled cheese on the planet.
And when you said that you're.
Speaker 3 (00:29):
Going to make a great grilled cheese, my family, your
family is raves about it. Yes, Eddie, do you remember
how stressed out she was?
Speaker 2 (00:36):
It wasn't getting hot, and it was this would happened?
Speaker 3 (00:39):
It was I will never forget it because I knew
I would have to deal with this.
Speaker 1 (00:42):
What would happen?
Speaker 3 (00:43):
It was a wild I'll never forget.
Speaker 2 (00:45):
I would never live it down from you guys.
Speaker 1 (00:47):
Well, when you make bold claims, you got to back
them up. You got to back them up.
Speaker 3 (00:50):
No one makes bold claims like all el over here.
Speaker 1 (00:53):
Well then you find you find a colorad and say, hey,
you know, let's let's do it. I'd like it.
Speaker 3 (00:58):
I love Then here come the excuse, and then the.
Speaker 1 (01:00):
Grilled cheese happened, and it was uh, you think the.
Speaker 3 (01:04):
Girl cheese should try her turkey mettle. I did.
Speaker 1 (01:09):
It was or was that possible that it was working?
Speaker 3 (01:13):
And then the bard.
Speaker 2 (01:15):
Okay, you better stop it with that because I don't.
Speaker 3 (01:19):
Want to play pep god.
Speaker 1 (01:26):
That grilled cheest. The grilled cheese was, Yeah.
Speaker 2 (01:29):
It was awful. It was god awful because it didn't
eat up.
Speaker 4 (01:31):
Oh god, awful.
Speaker 2 (01:32):
You can't melt something. I was discussed.
Speaker 3 (01:35):
The next thing that she has to make us is
the smash Burke never that we're quote just as good
as in and out. I've heard the direct quote direct.
Speaker 2 (01:45):
Quote from my son. The Sun says, so my son says.
Speaker 3 (01:50):
Well, he's he's got a palette.
Speaker 1 (01:53):
Poor kid would have been having to.
Speaker 3 (01:57):
He likes years and every time she makes, every time
she makes them their quote big hit.
Speaker 2 (02:03):
They were I'm going to take calls when I'm gonna
have my friends and family calling.
Speaker 1 (02:06):
You're gonna take how does any fish make sense?
Speaker 2 (02:10):
And I'm not going to the fourth of July when
I met.
Speaker 1 (02:16):
Thankfully you didn't make grilled cheese sandwiches, because.
Speaker 3 (02:19):
Well then she would have. She would have blamed the
Blackstone anything.
Speaker 2 (02:23):
They would turn out phenomenal in the Blackstone.
Speaker 1 (02:24):
Okay, Well, this was a sad day for all of us,
damn it, including you.
Speaker 2 (02:30):
Today is a Saturday having to go through this. Oh,
brutal attack.
Speaker 1 (02:35):
I don't think it's a brutal attack.
Speaker 2 (02:37):
You're sitting here in my food.
Speaker 1 (02:39):
Well, I mean I had it. What do you want
me to do? Li and say it was like you
know everybody does to you and tell you.
Speaker 2 (02:44):
It was great.
Speaker 1 (02:45):
Am I supposed to tell you it was great?
Speaker 2 (02:46):
Nobody?
Speaker 1 (02:47):
It wasn't great.
Speaker 3 (02:48):
This is what you do. I was told by her mom.
Speaker 2 (02:50):
You were not told by my mom.
Speaker 3 (02:52):
Rob your belly and you give a thumbs up, and
you go, oh, I were so.
Speaker 2 (02:59):
Regret having you into my family's Thanksgiving.
Speaker 3 (03:02):
You're welcome.
Speaker 2 (03:03):
I mean that's so rude.
Speaker 3 (03:07):
God.
Speaker 1 (03:08):
Well, we're knee deep in grilled cheese season, right, are
you making grilled cheeses at home?
Speaker 2 (03:16):
No?
Speaker 1 (03:17):
What you're scarred from? No?
Speaker 2 (03:19):
I just haven't made one in a long time.
Speaker 1 (03:21):
Really, but your family loves them. Why would you make Oh?
Speaker 2 (03:24):
I just haven't made them. I don't know.
Speaker 1 (03:27):
I don't know to tell you we made grilled cheeses
often grilled cheese soup.
Speaker 5 (03:33):
Well, that's not going to say you love you love soup,
so I figured grilled cheese would.
Speaker 1 (03:39):
I'm not the grilled cheese maker in the house. Does
Old Debbie's.
Speaker 3 (03:41):
Job shocking because I've heard her sandwiches.
Speaker 1 (03:47):
These are afair A conversation story which probably shouldn't top fair.
Speaker 2 (03:50):
We talked about it.
Speaker 3 (03:50):
I remember, Yeah, I think it was a podcast.
Speaker 1 (03:53):
I don't think it was more than can you shut up?
Speaker 3 (03:57):
No, I won't.
Speaker 1 (03:59):
She's great cheeser, great girl cheeses, really good, really good
girl cheeses.
Speaker 2 (04:04):
American or cheddar I am.
Speaker 3 (04:06):
And I feel like he's overdoing your damn right American.
Speaker 2 (04:10):
And then if you were American cheese, do you do.
Speaker 1 (04:13):
It's mixed blend?
Speaker 2 (04:15):
Oh you do?
Speaker 1 (04:17):
Yeah? You udge? You're judging Debbie. I mean, after what
you've done, you what do you use?
Speaker 6 (04:26):
Like every time I see I cook, I do it,
and I see it like made on TV and stuff
they do slices, I do.
Speaker 1 (04:33):
So the shred it is what bothers you.
Speaker 2 (04:34):
Yeah, it just gets messy.
Speaker 7 (04:35):
It's great melting. It's a great melt. Shut up wow
for me? Yeah, it just depends.
Speaker 2 (04:44):
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (04:45):
Here we go.
Speaker 2 (04:45):
Sometimes I'll do an all American American cheese.
Speaker 3 (04:50):
Not American cheese, all American, American, it's the whole code.
Speaker 1 (04:55):
That's real.
Speaker 3 (04:57):
Ca Okay, sometime.
Speaker 4 (04:59):
This guy depends on It depends on your moods.
Speaker 3 (05:04):
Cheese, yeah, craft.
Speaker 6 (05:09):
If I'm doing an American cheese, grilled cheese, that Craft
singles or but it's.
Speaker 7 (05:13):
So gross, brora, No, I usually do chatters other stuff.
Speaker 2 (05:21):
Graft singles is not a crazy thing.
Speaker 3 (05:23):
It's gross, like no offense to anyway lifecraft singles. I'm
I go like, you gotta go like Boar's heads.
Speaker 7 (05:30):
That's what I prefer cheddar cheese. But you're doing but American,
all American, that's not you realize that's how most people
make grilled cheeses. The Craft single, Right, do you even
take the plastic off?
Speaker 3 (05:43):
Well, we're in grilled don't don't We're in grilled cheese.
Speaker 1 (05:48):
Okay now is uh is? Grilled cheese is a big
deal here in America? Yeah? All Americans?
Speaker 4 (05:55):
All American. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (05:57):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (05:58):
They did a new study because stop it, it's full time.
And I guess it turns out that fall is like
grilled cheese season. You know, I said, I guess in
summer it's a little too hot. But now we're all
about soups and grilled.
Speaker 3 (06:11):
Ches're making a lot of grilled cheeses and soups very easy.
I don't eat. I'm not the biggest grilled cheese fan.
Speaker 1 (06:17):
Really, you don't like to dunk them in the soup.
Speaker 3 (06:20):
I don't like tomato soup.
Speaker 1 (06:21):
You don't have to really blew your mind.
Speaker 3 (06:27):
I just didn't know that.
Speaker 4 (06:29):
Do you think the police were going to show up?
Tomato can change it up?
Speaker 3 (06:34):
I personally, I do like estroni and have a grilled cheese.
Speaker 2 (06:44):
That's crazy.
Speaker 3 (06:44):
Personally, I feel like if you're putting chicken like in
the soup, it's a it's a meal in itself. I
don't need the sandwich.
Speaker 1 (06:51):
That's a bullfaced.
Speaker 3 (06:53):
You have not do crackers. Of course I'll crumble crackers.
Speaker 1 (06:56):
But you've said that you would like to get your
soups out before you eat your meal.
Speaker 3 (07:02):
A very but at home, I go pick your bowl.
It's a tiny cup.
Speaker 1 (07:08):
It's a tiny so I can't have a normal bowl
and it's side of grilled cheese.
Speaker 3 (07:11):
I just would rather not.
Speaker 7 (07:14):
Okay, because you're watching your figure, this guy talking about I.
Speaker 2 (07:19):
Just got my invitation for my soup swap that I
do every year.
Speaker 6 (07:21):
Yesterday, very excited about that.
Speaker 2 (07:25):
Thank you.
Speaker 1 (07:26):
Is it difficult to see like your soup's the one
that's left sitting there?
Speaker 6 (07:30):
No, it's actually left. He likes my soup. We all
like each other's soups. I mean we just sample soups.
Speaker 1 (07:37):
You do get invited back.
Speaker 2 (07:38):
I mean the best friends I've known since? Is that why?
That's why?
Speaker 4 (07:43):
Why do you know what soup? You're going with this here?
Speaker 5 (07:45):
No?
Speaker 1 (07:46):
Why did you bring it up?
Speaker 3 (07:49):
I don't think that was a crazy question that Sky
just askout right now, Guys about it on the air before.
Speaker 1 (07:56):
Like you brought it up.
Speaker 3 (07:57):
Why is it so Sky asking what kind of soup?
Speaker 2 (08:00):
I mean, I don't think I was rude. I just
said no, I haven't decided yet. She almost let me
corn chowder.
Speaker 6 (08:06):
No, I don't like corn chowderland. I've never made a
cleam chowder soup. Like that's tough to make. Really, I
don't know it's go turned out.
Speaker 2 (08:16):
Oh you've made it?
Speaker 7 (08:17):
Oh mate, Yes, really, it's not hard to I've never
I've never attempted it.
Speaker 1 (08:21):
I'm sorry, sorry I have This is about girled cheese.
Why are you staring the conversation to soup?
Speaker 2 (08:27):
Because we just guy just said it was soup season.
I mean, I don't really she brought it up.
Speaker 3 (08:31):
We're talking about girl cheese, then go ahead, sky.
Speaker 5 (08:34):
So grilled cheese is our favorite sandwich this type time
of year. But with that said, seventy five percent of
people say, I can't. I'm not confident am I grilled
cheese making skills?
Speaker 1 (08:47):
Are you serious? Yeah?
Speaker 2 (08:48):
Yeah, it's literally like you don't have a thing that works.
Speaker 5 (08:51):
Oh so they asked what makes the perfect grilled cheese.
Speaker 4 (08:56):
Most sakes cheese, white bread, sour nose. Number two. The cheeses.
They say, you have to do a cheese blend.
Speaker 5 (09:04):
Oh really, but if you're going to go just one cheese,
it should be cheddar.
Speaker 1 (09:08):
Not all American.
Speaker 4 (09:09):
Nope, And how do you crisp it?
Speaker 1 (09:12):
Well?
Speaker 4 (09:12):
Twelve percent swear by may that's.
Speaker 1 (09:15):
What secret was. That was your big secret.
Speaker 2 (09:18):
That was my big secret weapon.
Speaker 4 (09:19):
But seventy one.
Speaker 1 (09:22):
The grilled cheese. The grilled cheese, yeah, gull that. Butter up.
A grill, butter sad, a grill of sound, but a soup,
Come on, butter.
Speaker 3 (09:33):
Man, come on it all right?
Speaker 1 (09:39):
Well, that was uncomfortable
One of the worst moments of our lives is when.
Speaker 2 (00:05):
Of our lives? Are you insane?
Speaker 3 (00:07):
It was pretty bad, too bad, I ate, I've been
in a psych word before.
Speaker 1 (00:13):
I had that food may eat and was grilled cheese
sandwich that she made for.
Speaker 2 (00:18):
Us, And yeah, when I was cooking with didn't heat
up Emily.
Speaker 1 (00:22):
Emily claims she makes the best grilled cheese on the planet.
And when you said that you're.
Speaker 3 (00:29):
Going to make a great grilled cheese, my family, your
family is raves about it. Yes, Eddie, do you remember
how stressed out she was?
Speaker 2 (00:36):
It wasn't getting hot, and it was this would happened?
Speaker 3 (00:39):
It was I will never forget it because I knew
I would have to deal with this.
Speaker 1 (00:42):
What would happen?
Speaker 3 (00:43):
It was a wild I'll never forget.
Speaker 2 (00:45):
I would never live it down from you guys.
Speaker 1 (00:47):
Well, when you make bold claims, you got to back
them up. You got to back them up.
Speaker 3 (00:50):
No one makes bold claims like all el over here.
Speaker 1 (00:53):
Well then you find you find a colorad and say, hey,
you know, let's let's do it. I'd like it.
Speaker 3 (00:58):
I love Then here come the excuse, and then the.
Speaker 1 (01:00):
Grilled cheese happened, and it was uh, you think the.
Speaker 3 (01:04):
Girl cheese should try her turkey mettle. I did.
Speaker 1 (01:09):
It was or was that possible that it was working?
Speaker 3 (01:13):
And then the bard.
Speaker 2 (01:15):
Okay, you better stop it with that because I don't.
Speaker 3 (01:19):
Want to play pep god.
Speaker 1 (01:26):
That grilled cheest. The grilled cheese was, Yeah.
Speaker 2 (01:29):
It was awful. It was god awful because it didn't
eat up.
Speaker 4 (01:31):
Oh god, awful.
Speaker 2 (01:32):
You can't melt something. I was discussed.
Speaker 3 (01:35):
The next thing that she has to make us is
the smash Burke never that we're quote just as good
as in and out. I've heard the direct quote direct.
Speaker 2 (01:45):
Quote from my son. The Sun says, so my son says.
Speaker 3 (01:50):
Well, he's he's got a palette.
Speaker 1 (01:53):
Poor kid would have been having to.
Speaker 3 (01:57):
He likes years and every time she makes, every time
she makes them their quote big hit.
Speaker 2 (02:03):
They were I'm going to take calls when I'm gonna
have my friends and family calling.
Speaker 1 (02:06):
You're gonna take how does any fish make sense?
Speaker 2 (02:10):
And I'm not going to the fourth of July when
I met.
Speaker 1 (02:16):
Thankfully you didn't make grilled cheese sandwiches, because.
Speaker 3 (02:19):
Well then she would have. She would have blamed the
Blackstone anything.
Speaker 2 (02:23):
They would turn out phenomenal in the Blackstone.
Speaker 1 (02:24):
Okay, Well, this was a sad day for all of us,
damn it, including you.
Speaker 2 (02:30):
Today is a Saturday having to go through this. Oh,
brutal attack.
Speaker 1 (02:35):
I don't think it's a brutal attack.
Speaker 2 (02:37):
You're sitting here in my food.
Speaker 1 (02:39):
Well, I mean I had it. What do you want
me to do? Li and say it was like you
know everybody does to you and tell you.
Speaker 2 (02:44):
It was great.
Speaker 1 (02:45):
Am I supposed to tell you it was great?
Speaker 2 (02:46):
Nobody?
Speaker 1 (02:47):
It wasn't great.
Speaker 3 (02:48):
This is what you do. I was told by her mom.
Speaker 2 (02:50):
You were not told by my mom.
Speaker 3 (02:52):
Rob your belly and you give a thumbs up, and
you go, oh, I were so.
Speaker 2 (02:59):
Regret having you into my family's Thanksgiving.
Speaker 3 (03:02):
You're welcome.
Speaker 2 (03:03):
I mean that's so rude.
Speaker 3 (03:07):
God.
Speaker 1 (03:08):
Well, we're knee deep in grilled cheese season, right, are
you making grilled cheeses at home?
Speaker 2 (03:16):
No?
Speaker 1 (03:17):
What you're scarred from? No?
Speaker 2 (03:19):
I just haven't made one in a long time.
Speaker 1 (03:21):
Really, but your family loves them. Why would you make Oh?
Speaker 2 (03:24):
I just haven't made them. I don't know.
Speaker 1 (03:27):
I don't know to tell you we made grilled cheeses
often grilled cheese soup.
Speaker 5 (03:33):
Well, that's not going to say you love you love soup,
so I figured grilled cheese would.
Speaker 1 (03:39):
I'm not the grilled cheese maker in the house. Does
Old Debbie's.
Speaker 3 (03:41):
Job shocking because I've heard her sandwiches.
Speaker 1 (03:47):
These are afair A conversation story which probably shouldn't top fair.
Speaker 2 (03:50):
We talked about it.
Speaker 3 (03:50):
I remember, Yeah, I think it was a podcast.
Speaker 1 (03:53):
I don't think it was more than can you shut up?
Speaker 3 (03:57):
No, I won't.
Speaker 1 (03:59):
She's great cheeser, great girl cheeses, really good, really good
girl cheeses.
Speaker 2 (04:04):
American or cheddar I am.
Speaker 3 (04:06):
And I feel like he's overdoing your damn right American.
Speaker 2 (04:10):
And then if you were American cheese, do you do.
Speaker 1 (04:13):
It's mixed blend?
Speaker 2 (04:15):
Oh you do?
Speaker 1 (04:17):
Yeah? You udge? You're judging Debbie. I mean, after what
you've done, you what do you use?
Speaker 6 (04:26):
Like every time I see I cook, I do it,
and I see it like made on TV and stuff
they do slices, I do.
Speaker 1 (04:33):
So the shred it is what bothers you.
Speaker 2 (04:34):
Yeah, it just gets messy.
Speaker 7 (04:35):
It's great melting. It's a great melt. Shut up wow
for me? Yeah, it just depends.
Speaker 2 (04:44):
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (04:45):
Here we go.
Speaker 2 (04:45):
Sometimes I'll do an all American American cheese.
Speaker 3 (04:50):
Not American cheese, all American, American, it's the whole code.
Speaker 1 (04:55):
That's real.
Speaker 3 (04:57):
Ca Okay, sometime.
Speaker 4 (04:59):
This guy depends on It depends on your moods.
Speaker 3 (05:04):
Cheese, yeah, craft.
Speaker 6 (05:09):
If I'm doing an American cheese, grilled cheese, that Craft
singles or but it's.
Speaker 7 (05:13):
So gross, brora, No, I usually do chatters other stuff.
Speaker 2 (05:21):
Graft singles is not a crazy thing.
Speaker 3 (05:23):
It's gross, like no offense to anyway lifecraft singles. I'm
I go like, you gotta go like Boar's heads.
Speaker 7 (05:30):
That's what I prefer cheddar cheese. But you're doing but American,
all American, that's not you realize that's how most people
make grilled cheeses. The Craft single, Right, do you even
take the plastic off?
Speaker 3 (05:43):
Well, we're in grilled don't don't We're in grilled cheese.
Speaker 1 (05:48):
Okay now is uh is? Grilled cheese is a big
deal here in America? Yeah? All Americans?
Speaker 4 (05:55):
All American. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (05:57):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (05:58):
They did a new study because stop it, it's full time.
And I guess it turns out that fall is like
grilled cheese season. You know, I said, I guess in
summer it's a little too hot. But now we're all
about soups and grilled.
Speaker 3 (06:11):
Ches're making a lot of grilled cheeses and soups very easy.
I don't eat. I'm not the biggest grilled cheese fan.
Speaker 1 (06:17):
Really, you don't like to dunk them in the soup.
Speaker 3 (06:20):
I don't like tomato soup.
Speaker 1 (06:21):
You don't have to really blew your mind.
Speaker 3 (06:27):
I just didn't know that.
Speaker 4 (06:29):
Do you think the police were going to show up?
Tomato can change it up?
Speaker 3 (06:34):
I personally, I do like estroni and have a grilled cheese.
Speaker 2 (06:44):
That's crazy.
Speaker 3 (06:44):
Personally, I feel like if you're putting chicken like in
the soup, it's a it's a meal in itself. I
don't need the sandwich.
Speaker 1 (06:51):
That's a bullfaced.
Speaker 3 (06:53):
You have not do crackers. Of course I'll crumble crackers.
Speaker 1 (06:56):
But you've said that you would like to get your
soups out before you eat your meal.
Speaker 3 (07:02):
A very but at home, I go pick your bowl.
It's a tiny cup.
Speaker 1 (07:08):
It's a tiny so I can't have a normal bowl
and it's side of grilled cheese.
Speaker 3 (07:11):
I just would rather not.
Speaker 7 (07:14):
Okay, because you're watching your figure, this guy talking about I.
Speaker 2 (07:19):
Just got my invitation for my soup swap that I
do every year.
Speaker 6 (07:21):
Yesterday, very excited about that.
Speaker 2 (07:25):
Thank you.
Speaker 1 (07:26):
Is it difficult to see like your soup's the one
that's left sitting there?
Speaker 6 (07:30):
No, it's actually left. He likes my soup. We all
like each other's soups. I mean we just sample soups.
Speaker 1 (07:37):
You do get invited back.
Speaker 2 (07:38):
I mean the best friends I've known since? Is that why?
That's why?
Speaker 4 (07:43):
Why do you know what soup? You're going with this here?
Speaker 5 (07:45):
No?
Speaker 1 (07:46):
Why did you bring it up?
Speaker 3 (07:49):
I don't think that was a crazy question that Sky
just askout right now, Guys about it on the air before.
Speaker 1 (07:56):
Like you brought it up.
Speaker 3 (07:57):
Why is it so Sky asking what kind of soup?
Speaker 2 (08:00):
I mean, I don't think I was rude. I just
said no, I haven't decided yet. She almost let me
corn chowder.
Speaker 6 (08:06):
No, I don't like corn chowderland. I've never made a
cleam chowder soup. Like that's tough to make. Really, I
don't know it's go turned out.
Speaker 2 (08:16):
Oh you've made it?
Speaker 7 (08:17):
Oh mate, Yes, really, it's not hard to I've never
I've never attempted it.
Speaker 1 (08:21):
I'm sorry, sorry I have This is about girled cheese.
Why are you staring the conversation to soup?
Speaker 2 (08:27):
Because we just guy just said it was soup season.
I mean, I don't really she brought it up.
Speaker 3 (08:31):
We're talking about girl cheese, then go ahead, sky.
Speaker 5 (08:34):
So grilled cheese is our favorite sandwich this type time
of year. But with that said, seventy five percent of
people say, I can't. I'm not confident am I grilled
cheese making skills?
Speaker 1 (08:47):
Are you serious? Yeah?
Speaker 2 (08:48):
Yeah, it's literally like you don't have a thing that works.
Speaker 5 (08:51):
Oh so they asked what makes the perfect grilled cheese.
Speaker 4 (08:56):
Most sakes cheese, white bread, sour nose. Number two. The cheeses.
They say, you have to do a cheese blend.
Speaker 5 (09:04):
Oh really, but if you're going to go just one cheese,
it should be cheddar.
Speaker 1 (09:08):
Not all American.
Speaker 4 (09:09):
Nope, And how do you crisp it?
Speaker 1 (09:12):
Well?
Speaker 4 (09:12):
Twelve percent swear by may that's.
Speaker 1 (09:15):
What secret was. That was your big secret.
Speaker 2 (09:18):
That was my big secret weapon.
Speaker 4 (09:19):
But seventy one.
Speaker 1 (09:22):
The grilled cheese. The grilled cheese, yeah, gull that. Butter up.
A grill, butter sad, a grill of sound, but a soup,
Come on, butter.
Speaker 3 (09:33):
Man, come on it all right?
Speaker 1 (09:39):
Well, that was uncomfortable
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Dateline NBC
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CrimeLess: Hillbilly Heist
It’s 1996 in rural North Carolina, and an oddball crew makes history when they pull off America’s third largest cash heist. But it’s all downhill from there. Join host Johnny Knoxville as he unspools a wild and woolly tale about a group of regular ‘ol folks who risked it all for a chance at a better life. CrimeLess: Hillbilly Heist answers the question: what would you do with 17.3 million dollars? The answer includes diamond rings, mansions, velvet Elvis paintings, plus a run for the border, murder-for-hire-plots, and FBI busts.