The Show Presents: P1 Podcast 9.19.23 Emily Gets Outed As One Of "Those" Pet Owners

On today's P1 Podcast we hear about the extreme behaviors of some pet owners...including one of our very own...

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
There are certain people out there thatI like to call extreme pet owners,
where they just don't care and they'reshare everything with their pets. They just
love them so much. So we'retalking kissing on the lips like their dogs.
I don't know what you think.I'm watching make out with the dog.

(00:26):
It's a little much. Will Inow know that Emily is an extreme
pet owner. We ain't done yet. It's time for the completely uncensored and
unacting filtered Except for that part.The show's after show starts now. Now.

(00:52):
I love my dog very much,and I like to kiss my dog
on the head and stuff like that. But every once in a while,
as I'm giving her what I liketo call key s's, my dog,
Coco will turn its head quickly andtry to lick my face. Oh yeah,
and sometimes it'll get you on thelips, and I go, oh

(01:12):
god, what are you doing?You guys are acting like these dogs don't
lick their own assholes. They cleantheir assholes with their tongue. So I'm
sorry, I don't want that onmy lips. Oh wow. And I
love my dog, but licking assholesis a little too much for me.

(01:34):
I'm sorry, and I'm not Iguess I'm not an extreme pet owner.
Oh okay, okay, apparently Skyloves that. No, No, I
don't love licking assholes. I've neveractually licked an asshole. But when your
dog licks you on the lips,I don't intentionally go for it, but
I don't react like you. Solet me get this straight. Yeah,
you can't remember the last time you'vekissed your husband on the lips, right,

(01:57):
but you let your dog lick yourlips. I don't let him.
When it accidentally happens, I gonugget. He still give me kisses.
I'm sorry, guys going for thekisses. Mama must be looking good today.
You and you make it, makeit sexual, make it I don't.

(02:22):
I'll do jokes like that, likeif Watson's kissing me, Yeah,
he'll lick my face and I'll go, whoa, Watson, buy me drinks
first, bud. That's a goodone. I gotta do that one.
That's a great one. Of thiskind of things does this kind of shit,
You're right, Cat Marshall, we'lldo that from time to time.

(02:46):
But I'll like pick him up andcradle him, and I'll kiss his nose
and put his paw on my faceand I'll go oscar. So listen,
there are certain things I'm just notokay with. There are you're, you're
It's still an animal, Okay.This is where we sort of blur lines,

(03:07):
you know, where people forget andthey start to treat them like human
beings. And I don't blur thatline, like it's still part of my
family, love him, my dogmore than anything, but it's still an
animal. That's where I go.Okay, would you say about this as
Watson sleeps in bed with us,it's my fault, thank you. Watson

(03:28):
sleeps in bed with us. Andlast night he got up and went into
the living room and me and mywife had a long conversation about how since
he's six years old now he thinkshe's cooler than us, he doesn't want
to be around us like he's ateenager. So I had to go get
him and bring him back in.Why I don't trust about there? And
I was like, what do youthink you're too cool? Watson? And

(03:50):
he like walked away like he wasso like he didn't want to be bothered
by me. He lit a cigarette, put his shades on. They don't
tell me, Dad, Can Ihave my own room. Cool now,
So I know you don't. Cocodoesn't sleep in bed with you, guys.
But if you're laying on the couch, because it occasionally you'll like take

(04:10):
a little couch nap, what ifCoco comes up and tries to like curl
up right here by your face,the top of the shoulder, right by
the face. Are sleep you sleep? Are you are? Or like you're
just watching TV? Are you allthe time? But can she get that
close like to your face cuddling?Confused by the question because I said,
I kiss it, so I meanit's okay, So I it's I'm fine

(04:30):
with them. I don't want herlicking my own where I consume food,
because her tongue has been in abutthole. It's been sniffing other dogs,
assholes, It's been licking probably itsown poop. I mean, this is
what it's an animal. Again,we get confused. And so I've heard
of certain people doing this. I'mnot sure Thor does this. I don't

(04:53):
think he does. I'm not sure. I don't know if Haley does this.
I'm not sure. But I getso violently sick when I hear somebody
like say they put their dinner platedown on the floor and let their dog
eat off their own plate and likelick it or whatever. And I go,
I get it, you're gonna washit. But that's still fucking disgusting

(05:14):
to me. Yeah. I doa lot of things. I let my
dog licks my face, it's sleepin bed with us. But when it
comes to certain things like dinner plates, I get my wife will do this,
and I go. She goes,well, they're gonna get washed.
I go, yeah, but Idon't want that to happen. So I'm
not okay with that. So whynot let's like, if you're gonna do
that, let's set up the dinnertable and have the dog eat at the

(05:36):
dinner table. Why not? Whatwould be so different, like get her
own play setting and let the fuckit's so crazy. I agree with that
there is a separation of humans andanimals. Okay, stop saying that.
Yeah, I'll be in the husbandkind of have a back and forth because
Nugget likes to help me when Iload the dishwasher. Do you hear yourself?

(05:58):
Akaw, fucking gross dude. Yeah, yeah, And that's how my
husband feels. So anytime my husband, so he's saying he doesn't like it,
but you still continue to do it. Well, gets help me?
I can't. I can't tell nuggethe's in all out to help. I
mean, he's trying to be poor. He's trying to help me out,
you know. Yeah. Yeah,And so why can't you respect your husband?

(06:19):
Why can't you you know what,You're right, I shoul probably shouldn't
let the dog. Can he respectthe fact that the dishwasher gets heated to
a point where it sanitizes all ourdishes? Can he respect that he's eating
off that fork at some point?He doesn't want to think that the dog
has been eating off the same You'rejust setting a bad press, Like,
it's fucking crazy to me. Yeah, I don't understand. He did watch

(06:42):
him do that the other day,and I'm like, oh, it's probably
a bad idea because now when likenow, when like there's something left out
and the dog gets it, youcan't be mad. You're the one that
get it. Yeah, You're theone that you know, showed that dog
that terrible behavior, right that shedoesn't care. So I didn't think this
was my girl, Emily. OhI didn't think you were like this,

(07:04):
But it turns out she is whatdepends on the antim Oh, well,
she doesn't love. She treats thecat. Don't treat my cat like shit.
I just said once that that Titowas a little bit smidge above Frankie.
In the backing hall of the house. Robert and the cat sleep outside.

(07:30):
The cat does sometimes, but no, Tito slips in bed with us
every night. So apparently Emily hasbeen doing something. Is this every morning?
Yeah? Every morning? Every morningthis happens. And I can't tell
you how grossed out I am bythis. What is it? I didn't
see this coming. I didn't thinkthat you'd be grossed out by this.

(07:50):
I thought this is completely fine andnormal. So that's why I'm like surprised
now. But yeah, so thisall of a sudden a pattern started,
and I don't don't know really,like I did something for my dog Tito
once, and now it's like somethingthat has to happen every single morning.
So what happens is Tito sleeps withus in the bed and then I wake

(08:11):
up normally around four twenty, andthen get fucking lit. Yeah, quick
ball load, and then I'm backto bit works twenty. By the way,
Sky and I are already here atwork. Yeah, that is true.
Your waking up. Yeah, justthink of that when you're waking I
mean, I mean I get hereon I get here on time five o'clock.

(08:31):
That's your time, ye typical,Emily. Yeah, do you need
me here earlier? Okay, bustmy exact same exact time. And so
what I do is I get upand I go brush my teeth. And

(08:52):
what would happen. All of asudden, out of the blue, I
would come back into the bedroom andI'd see Tito. He'd get up and
he'd go like reaching for me togo give him head pets and stuff.
And then he looks at me,and then he looks at the cup of
water that I have on the nightstandthat I drink overnight. And he looked
at me and I said, doyou want some? And I kind of

(09:13):
like tip the water cup over andhe started drinking, like drinking out of
the cup. And that happened acouple of different, like nights in a
row. Now you should have totip it for him to be able to
reach the water, because he's alittle guy. I did. Yeah,
okay, so he did. That'show he reaches the water. That's how
he reaches the water. You magicallyinstinctually spoke with your dog and you could

(09:39):
tell he was looking at the waterglass. Oh I'm a little thirsty.
Yes, I have a little bitof this time was doing it and she
said, get the funk out ofhere. I didn't kick. I didn't
do that. You just knew hewanted to that water. Yes, Oh

(10:01):
really, here's what. Here's why. I think because they're at water sometimes
sits in there for all day long, and Tito sits on the bed most
of the day when we're not there, and I think he's figured out on
his own that there's water in there, and he's he drinks out of it,
like he figured out that's his littlewater cup, but it's your cup.
But when I'm not there, hecan access the water, doesn't have

(10:22):
to jump all the way down offthe bed, and he's got his own
little water station right there, righton the bed, right on the bed.
And so it's become our morning routine. Over the last few months,
this has been going on where Idon't have to tip the cup anymore.
I wake up, I give himlike our little cuddles and kisses in the
morning, then I go fill upthe water cup with tap water all the

(10:43):
way to the brim, so thathe doesn't he can reach over, lean
over to those nightstand and just drinkhis pantomime a dog drinking water. I
know what it looks like, confused, reaches a little head over that works
and drink out of the water.Cut out of your human water, my
human water cup that you used todrink out him. Yes, can I

(11:05):
ask? Is Robert sleeping right there? This whole scene, he's outside,
okay, a few nights, sheallows him in the bed, doesn't sleep
sleeping right there next, so he'sright there as a newspapers is a blanket.
It's whole thing, all this drinkingof water, because you know what
a dog drinks water. It's likelapping, yeah, lapping, yeah,

(11:28):
yeah, yeah yeah. He's sittingright there, he's he's laying their sleeping,
doesn't he doesn't care. He actuallyopens his eyes before and says,
it's sometimes I break his breathing machine, and Tito laughs, I don't break
Robert's sea pat machine. Fine forthe dog to drink out of a water
cup that you use, absolutely,because I don't come home and drink that

(11:50):
water cup anymore. I come homenotice it's just sitting right there. I
come out of my grab it andI put it in the kitchen to clear
it to be loaded into the dishwasher. Any point, any at any point
do you go. I'll give Robertno. But if he asked for water
when I was moving the cup,I could see myself just dumping it out
and filling it up. Listens.I find this behavior completely disgusting and wrong.

(12:15):
That being said, as foul asyou are, which you are,
I don't think I am. You'restill not as foul as sky? Did
you think I was not going tobring this up? Did you think I
was going to bring this motherfucker over? When she used to have cats,
love them so much, would letthem drink out of her water cup,

(12:39):
her husband's water cup that you weredrinking. She wouldn't. She wouldn't tell
him by the way, she wouldnot let me. He doesn't need to
know that, And there would beno washing. She just share, and
then let's let the husband they're intheir litter box. It would happen a
lot of let their paws after they'rein their own ship. Yeah, and
then use that tongue to the colddrink your water. They would like to

(13:03):
hang out with me as I wouldtake a bath every day. They would
sit on the edge of the bathtub. We would chat, catch up on
our days. Uh. There wasone time that I got scratched the fuck
up. Yeah, yeah, thatwas that was really fucking bath at one
time when I wish it would havebeen a hair dryer. Okay, can
you shut up? So we wouldwe would chat about our day, and

(13:28):
I'd always I'd always have a niceglass of water right there, and occasionally
one of them would get a littleparched and walk by and do an old
and then keep on walking, andyou're drinking, and then I need a
sip, and the sip, sip, sip. And sometimes when the boo
wasn't watching, Kat would walk bya little and would I tell the boo,
no, just leave it there,little your husband, yes you are.

(13:52):
If it's something I do to myself, I think you know you know
what you're doing him? Then hedoesn't want it. We don't know has
anyone asked him if he told well, we haven't asked about this specific issue.
I'm gonna tell him. There yougo. I'm gonna tell him,
Okay, it's so fucked up,and what you're doing is so gross.
It's a cute little thing in themorning. It makes you smile because he

(14:18):
has he's a dog, thirsty mamafree his little head over. Robert wants
water, the dog wants water atthe same time. Who's getting water first?
You know, come on, whodo you think if Robert were on
fire, she wouldn't piss on.That's a fact. That's a fact.
And if this poor cat wants water,