Whatever Happened to Pizza at McDonald's

I wish a fond farewell to Pope Francis, a.k.a. The Pope, and ruminate on the notion that his passing away might have something to do with my placing U.S. President Donald Trump under citizens' arrest.

After careful consideration of various crimes committed by the United States presidential administration, and with my role as a citizen as well as an award-pending investigative journalist in mind, I make a special announcement / notice re: a citizen's arrest.

I solicit help from above in my quest to be accidentally added to a group chat discussing top secret McDonald's secrets.

I show support for McDonald's adult-oriented menu items (like pizza) by donning a costume to purchase the new Minecraft adult Happy Meal.

I attempt to trick McDonald's new artificial intelligence facial recognition technology by wearing a rubber fright mask of comedian/talent judge Howard Mandel's face.

In my pursuit to join the College of Cardinals so that I might cast a vote for a pizza-friendly pope, I chat online with a friendly priest from PriestChat.com.

With the current pope in ill health, I pursue the possibility of joining the College of Cardinals so that I might cast a vote for the next pope: Pope Pizzaballa I.

In an attempt to gain better access to government records regard McDonald's Pizza matters (whatever happened to it, etc.), I seek to join the Department of Government Efficiency.

Research on Reddit.com leads me to question whether McDonald's stopped serving pizza because too many people were eating the plastic tray on which is was served.

On the conclusion of an epic 3-part saga concerning the horrific Altoona-style pizza, I share the results of my accidental plastic consumption with the Kraft corporation and am rewarded handsomely for the effort.

On the advice of the Kraft corporation, I contact the reference desk at my local public library to determine whether I am in bodily danger from having consumed a Kraft Single with the plastic wrapper still on.

I detail the shocking horror of Altoona-style pizza and suffer my own intestinal mishap in the process.

I contact a professional psychic to answer some questions regarding what to expect in the new year vis-à-vis the potential return of certain fast food items, etc.

I lament the largely negative impact on my life of sharing a name with a health insurance CEO who was forced to pass away in an act of vigilante justice. Plus, I replay the results of my investigation into the story of the birth of Jesus "Christ" Christmas Ben-David.

I explore the many disturbing coincidences between my investigative journalism program (or IJP) and the assassination of a lesser-known and, frankly, lesser-beloved Brian Thompson.

In light of the assassination of another Brian Thompson very near my home, I go into hiding in one of New York City's most central parks and update my listeners via a live "proof of life" broadcast.

To celebrate American Thanksgiving, I plan to generously give away turkeys with cavities full of educational literature.

In an effort to broaden my outreach, I appear as a special guest on a popular conservative radio show to discuss my concerns about the deep state's conduct re: the McDonald's Pizza matter.

After a political realignment, I explore the possibility of accepting advertising dollars from a nootropics company. But a brain enhancement pill accident involving my dog has me concerned about a "Flowers for Algernon" type situation.