January 16, 2026 • 15 mins
Chelsea and Catherine get a long-term update from a polygamist’s sister, and a couple calls in precisely because they have no problems.
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Need some advice from Chelsea? Email us at DearChelseaPodcast@gmail.com
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Executive Producer Catherine Law
Edited & Engineered by Brad Dickert
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
I just announced all my tour dates. It's called the
High and Mighty Tour. I'm coming to Washington, d c Norfolk, Virginia, Madison, Wisconsin, Milwaukee, Wisconsin, Detroit, Michigan, Cleveland, Columbus,
and Cincinnati, Ohio, Denver, Colorado, Portland, Maine, Providence, Rhode Island, Springfield, Massachusetts, Chicago,
of Course, Indianapolis, Indiana, Louisville, Kentucky, Albuquerque, Masa, Arizona, Kansas City, Missouri,
(00:27):
Saint Louis, Missouri, Minneapolis, Minnesota, Nashville, Tennessee, Charlotte, North Carolina, Durham,
North of Carolina, Saratoga, California, Monterey, California, Modeesto, California, and
port Chester, New York, Boston, Massachusetts, Portland, Oregon, and Seattle, Washington.
(00:48):
I will be touring from February through June, so go
get your tickets now. If you want to come see
me perform, I will be on the High and Mighty Tour.
Speaker 2 (00:57):
Hi Catherine, Hi, Chelsea h a whistler.
Speaker 1 (01:02):
There is whistling, whistling with snow and rain. It started
raining again. The temperatures dropped, but it's snowing at the top.
My friends just went skiing I have a bunch of
boys at my house, eighteen year old boys. There's a
little youth hostel thing, and one of them just got
into a bad ski He went to the er from
so hopefully his parents will deal with that.
Speaker 2 (01:22):
I don't know that I'm brave enough for skiing like skiing,
I don't think so.
Speaker 3 (01:26):
I think if you haven't tried it yet, don't try it.
Speaker 2 (01:28):
My knees are not for it. It's always a little
scary time.
Speaker 3 (01:30):
I will say I had the best ski day of
my life the other day.
Speaker 1 (01:32):
So it was so much powder and I was just
I was being able to ski the powder.
Speaker 3 (01:37):
It was so fun and I just I love it.
I love my life here.
Speaker 2 (01:41):
That's amazing. Now do you you drop in right?
Speaker 3 (01:44):
Drop in?
Speaker 2 (01:45):
Not from the helicopter?
Speaker 1 (01:46):
No, no, I don't drop in. I'm not dropping in
like that. I'm not going down cliffs and off of
like no cornices. That's not what I'm doing. I'm skiing well,
but I'm not dropping in. That's what Jack is probably doing.
The kid that just got hurt, he was dropping in. Okay,
all right, yeah, No, I'm not at that level and
I never will be.
Speaker 3 (02:04):
Okay, I'm skiing on resort.
Speaker 2 (02:06):
Okay, let's keep you safe. Let's just keep you safe.
Speaker 3 (02:08):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, we want to keep me safe. Yes.
Speaker 2 (02:10):
Well, I have an update from a caller who called
in two years ago. This is a real throwback.
Speaker 1 (02:18):
I know, how many years have we been on the
air or whatever, It's like five five years.
Speaker 2 (02:23):
We've been doing this podcast since twenty twenty one, so
we're going on five Wow.
Speaker 3 (02:27):
Okay, good.
Speaker 2 (02:29):
So Sammy wrote in on our Esther Parrel episode two
years ago, and of course we love a long term update,
so this is great. She was living with her sister
and brother in law who had a polyamorous situation with
a living nanny, and she was like worried about the kids.
So this is what she has to say. Dear Chelsea,
(02:50):
I'm writing to follow up about a discussion we had
regarding my polygamous sister and her life choices.
Speaker 3 (02:55):
I do love it.
Speaker 2 (02:56):
She says polygamus instead of polyamorous. Many things have changed,
so buckle up. I finally moved out and moved into
a studio apartment less than a mile from the beach,
and it's a perfect place for meditation, smoking weed, and
no children. I love my sister's kids. But as their teens,
I prefer to enjoy them at a distance. My sister
and brother in law ended up getting divorced after much
consideration regarding the polygamy situation. It turns out my brother
(03:19):
in law didn't know he was going to be excluded
from the other party's relationship. He moved out and is
now dating someone else. That's a whole different canniforms. My
sister and her girlfriend, on the other hand, are still together.
Though my sister's girlfriend and I don't always see eye
to eye, I do appreciate how much she has stood
up since my sister got divorced. She works full time
now and is quite the parent to the kids, and
(03:41):
though they also go head to head every once in
a while, they truly love her and appreciate the parental figure.
My sister and I are still working on our relationship
as both friends and sisters, as it took a hard
hit during the past few years. I wanted to thank
you ladies for talking some sense into me and making
me realize that other people's problems are not my own
and I don't need to take them on. Keep doing
what you're doing. Love always, Sammy PS. My sister found
(04:04):
the podcast and lost her shit when she heard it
was about her.
Speaker 3 (04:06):
She got over it. Welcome to my life.
Speaker 1 (04:09):
I constantly I constantly do interviews where I talk about
your boyfriends or family members and then just think I
won't get back to them, and even it doesn't matter
how many years of proof I have that it will.
Speaker 3 (04:20):
Yeah. I like when people hear the podcast and then
it's about them. Yeah, they're like, wait, what the fuck?
Wait a minute, wait a.
Speaker 2 (04:26):
Second, or it's like people will write in they're like,
I didn't think you were going to pick my question.
Speaker 3 (04:30):
I'm like, well, it's also that's like it is.
Speaker 1 (04:33):
I mean, there really is no tru or sentiment other
people's problems are not your own, Like we should all
be telling her. That should be something we wake up
and say to ourselves every single day because we can.
There are personality types that definitely get involved in other
people's problems. I have one of those personality types, and
it takes a long time to realize that A let
people do their thing. Like you can't control the outcome
(04:54):
of other people's lives. You can't even control the outcome
of your own life, so like or be too attached
to the outcome.
Speaker 3 (05:00):
You know what I mean, Like, you have to be
a little bit movable.
Speaker 1 (05:03):
You can't be so intransigent that you can't change and
pivot when you need to. And also to like let
other people do their thing, and if you don't like it,
then don't be around it.
Speaker 3 (05:13):
Right.
Speaker 2 (05:13):
It is a thing about boundaries where like you can't
actually set a boundary with someone else, you can only
change your own behavior, Like the boundary has to pertain
to you essentially. All right, Well, our callers today, we've
got a couples counseling with Chelsea, Question It, Love It,
(05:34):
and Elizabeth and Danny are calling in. So Elizabeth is
the one writing in, and she says, Dear Chelsea, I've
been a fan of yours for years and have learned
so much from your work. I'm forty four, a mom
of three teenagers, and I attribute a lot of my
growth to you. Last year, I left a toxic relationship
that brought me to the lowest point of my life.
(05:54):
The red flags were always there. I made excuses, He
made excuses until I no longer recognize myself. I learned
that he wasn't who he claimed to be. Still married,
unemployed with no plan to work, manipulative. He tried to
pull me and my kids down with him. I'm usually
the most positive person in the room, but for a
while I was completely drained. Your books and podcasts helped
me immensely and led me to letting Go, which was
(06:16):
truly life changing. I realized I had been attracting people
who need constant attention, and I was pouring from an
empty cup, giving and giving without receiving. I worked on
my energy, learned to love myself, and for the first time,
I felt genuinely content being alone. Because I'm a romantic
at heart, and because I took your advice seriously, I
wrote down everything I wanted in a partner and then
let it go. I promised myself I wouldn't settle. Not
(06:39):
even two weeks later, I met a man at a
bar who is everything on that list and more. His
name is Danny. He sat on the stool next to
me with a self help book I had letting Go.
From the start, He's been the opposite of every relationship
I've known. Patient, kind to everyone, smart, a little nerdy, funny,
and steady. He treats me like a queen and has
never given me a reason to question his character. Or
(07:00):
his feelings. The chemistry is incredible and we're intentional about
staying connected. We've been together six months, solely introducing our children.
He has two adult daughters. We laugh constantly and have
fun doing anything. It feels magical and I can't imagine
my life without him. I'm writing for two reasons. First
to say thank you the universe aligned because of the
tools you gave me, and you've helped Danny too. He's
(07:22):
read Letting Go and we recommend it to everyone. We
often listen to your podcasts together. Second, we'd love your advice.
We know we're in a honeymoon phase, but we both
want to protect what we're building beyond what we're already doing.
Honest communication, daily connection, mutual respect. What tools or practices
do you recommend to keep a relationship healthy and full
of passion over the long haul?
Speaker 1 (07:42):
Elizabeth, Hi, guys, that's such a beautiful letter. I'm so
happy for you too. Look at you two little love
birds sitting on the couch together like that, probably inside
each other. I what if I listen? I would first
of all, enjoy yourself, enjoy the time, and make sure
you're making like I just feel like when we're happy
(08:03):
and things are going well. We need to remind ourselves
that we're in a great flow state. And like, you know,
I think writing things to each other is really powerful,
Like even if it's you know, I don't know, putting
something into practice that is only between the two of you,
Like thinking of something to say to each other every day,
or something that you love about each other every day
is really sweet. Even writing that to each other at
(08:24):
the end of the day, even if you're together in
the room, but being like, oh, let's do our thing
that we like want to tell each other that we
appreciate about the other person, or something that turns us
on about the other person. I think like forming rituals
with each other that are new that you've never done
with anyone else makes something feel even more special and
makes you.
Speaker 3 (08:41):
Really appreciate it.
Speaker 1 (08:42):
Because yes, the honeymoon period, you guys, are you guys
living together now?
Speaker 4 (08:48):
When my kids aren't here, we usually are check up
staying together.
Speaker 3 (08:53):
But and he stayed over a couple of times.
Speaker 1 (08:55):
When you guys aren't having premarital sex, are you that's illegal, okay,
so just stop doing that right away. But you're not
living together, that's a good thing. I think, listen, it's
really good to miss each other, so don't ever be
scared about that. Don't be scared about separations. A couple
of days apart is always kind of a good thing
to keep you missing each other. I feel like sometimes
(09:15):
like I want the other person to go before I
want them to go, you know what I mean. And
when you really like someone, you kind of never want
them to go. So I think that's a mistake that
we could sometimes make. We want We're like, oh, we
want to spend you know, and yes you do. But
there is an art to being a part to like
missing each other for a couple of days here and there,
a couple that's nice. It's nice to miss someone and
(09:37):
then have them return. So like, just don't forget about
that and think of something that you guys can do
that's like, can you think of anything off the top
of your head that would be like a romantic gesture
that you guys kind of do each day to each other,
like writing something to each other, or.
Speaker 2 (09:51):
Or is there a lap time situation that is still happening.
Tell us about that.
Speaker 5 (09:56):
We just enjoy at the end of the day just
having time where Seda she sits on my lap. We
look at each other, We talk to each other about
our days and really just try to just be connected
and listen to each other and hear each other about
how their day was, because every day is different. Yeah,
we wants to communicate like that communication is really important.
Speaker 1 (10:14):
Yeah, yeah, that's well. That sounds like you guys already
have your ritual. I don't know if it should be
called lap time. It sounds like that's a little like
Santa Claus adjacent, but whatever, you know, like do your thing,
And I think that's sweet.
Speaker 3 (10:25):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (10:25):
I mean connecting and community and connecting and communication are key,
and it's like it's very nice to be intimate with
someone you know, to have like your little shorthand, and
to spend that time like really getting to know each
other and really being respectful of the other person. But
you know, don't be afraid of breaks, don't be afraid
of missing each other. I think that enhances things and
I think it prolongs that honeymoon phase. So that's the
(10:48):
only advice I would give you, guys, I would say
other than that, way to go.
Speaker 3 (10:52):
I'm glad you're in your good phase now.
Speaker 1 (10:54):
Yeah, and you got rid of the old shit and
now you're ready for some good shit.
Speaker 2 (10:58):
Yeah. The only thing I would add to that is,
you know when things do come up, because eventually they will,
whether they're small or large, things you disagree about, things
you're having trouble with, or just not connecting on. I
would say, if something's come up three or more times
and you're just like not connecting on it or you're
disagreeing about it, go like talk to a therapist together.
(11:19):
I think couples counseling is like not just when things
are going bad, but it's it's also just like maybe
we're not connecting on this, maybe we disagree about this,
and we just like need a third party to help
us navigate it. It doesn't have to be like end
of the world. So definitely utilize that when and if
it's necessary.
Speaker 1 (11:35):
Yeah, and preemptive therapy is always good too, you know,
just so you're all on the same page, like, you know,
maybe you won't have any fucking problems.
Speaker 3 (11:43):
Who knows.
Speaker 1 (11:44):
I mean, the way things are going for women, it
feels like, I mean, listen, there's a lot of bad
things happening for women, but this we've had a series
of calls and people calling in kind of similar stories
to yours, like they just found their person after so
many bad relationships. Like this is a recurring theme, and
so in many ways it feels to me like women
are kind of like learning the lesson of the like
(12:05):
the last time, Like you don't have to.
Speaker 3 (12:06):
Keep repeating bad relationships.
Speaker 1 (12:08):
You can kind of figure it out after the first
bad one and be like, Okay, I'm not doing that again.
And you know, and when you change the standards of
what you accept, then that changes who comes into your life.
Speaker 4 (12:20):
Absolutely absolutely on one thing we do, it's not couples counseling,
but we do constellations and that has been really good
for us for sure.
Speaker 3 (12:30):
What does that mean.
Speaker 5 (12:31):
It's like you represent a person that's having the therapy,
where the energy field kind of flows through that person
and kind of gives you a feeling about what you
think is going on, and many times you don't know.
It's a group thing where you're helping other people that
you represent, you representing their family members, and it's kind
of like a family therapy type.
Speaker 3 (12:53):
Oh wow, you just have a feeling.
Speaker 5 (12:56):
You have a feeling, and then the therapist tries to
interpret what that feeling for the individual with the therapy,
So you don't really have any idea what's going on.
You're just telling them how you feel in the moment physically, and.
Speaker 1 (13:05):
It's all based off of a feeling that you're not
even talking about.
Speaker 5 (13:08):
Yes, it's basically just in the moment, how do you feel?
Are you feeling or interpreting something in your body that
maybe someone in their life has influenced you through this
energy field?
Speaker 3 (13:21):
Okay, Okay, I understand what you're saying.
Speaker 5 (13:23):
Okay, Yeah, it's very it's very interesting, but it's helped
a lot of people out.
Speaker 3 (13:27):
And yeah, that sounds nice. I like that.
Speaker 4 (13:29):
There's an episode Gwyneth Paltrow Sex Love and Goop on Netflix.
Speaker 5 (13:33):
What episode is episode number five or something?
Speaker 3 (13:36):
Yeah, where she like explores it. It's very interesting.
Speaker 5 (13:39):
The therapist told me to watch that to get the
best explanation. But it was good.
Speaker 3 (13:44):
Thank God for Goop and thank god for thank God.
Speaker 1 (13:48):
Okay, guys, well enjoy each other, Happy, Happy New Year.
Speaker 5 (13:52):
We're going to see you in April.
Speaker 1 (13:54):
Fun which show are you coming to? Okay, well, I'll
see you there.
Speaker 3 (13:59):
I love it.
Speaker 5 (14:01):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (14:01):
Bye, Well that was very sweet. Yeah that was sweet. Nice.
Happy couples, Happy couples. Keeping families and couples together.
Speaker 2 (14:10):
Yeah, do you think the reason that we're seeing the
sort of influx of women who are actually in happy
relationships is just because they're not going to put up
with less like women putting up with less bullshit?
Speaker 3 (14:18):
I like that, you know that makes me happy.
Speaker 1 (14:21):
Younger girls are like that too, Like all these young
girls are like, I don't want a boyfriend.
Speaker 3 (14:24):
I don't want to.
Speaker 1 (14:24):
My friend's daughters are like, we don't want boyfriends. I mean,
you know, some of them have them, but some of
them don't. Like I think it, really. I also think
when you grow up in a really loving household, you
don't feel the need to have to pair up. I
feel like that need to pair up sometimes is derived
from a lack of love in your own household. I mean,
I'm not saying anything that's you know, that original obviously,
(14:48):
but you know, the desire always to partnership and like
that usually comes from feeling like not seen.
Speaker 2 (14:54):
Yeah, like you're not enough without a second person, and.
Speaker 1 (14:57):
You're, yeah, like you need to and you don't need
you need in an addition, not a subtraction.
Speaker 2 (15:01):
Yeah for sure. All right, Well there we go for
I Minisa for today okay great.
Speaker 1 (15:06):
I just announced all my tour dates. It's called the
High and Mighty Tour. I will be touring from February
through June, so.
Speaker 3 (15:14):
Go get your tickets now.
Speaker 1 (15:15):
If you want to come see me perform, I will
be on the High and Mighty Tour.
Speaker 2 (15:20):
Do you want advice from Chelsea? Right into Dear Chelsea
Podcast at gmail dot com. Find full video episodes of
Dear Chelsea on YouTube by searching at Dear Chelsea Pod.
Dear Chelsea is edited and engineered by Brad Dickert executive
producer Catherine law And be sure to check out our
merch at Chelseahandler dot com
I just announced all my tour dates. It's called the
High and Mighty Tour. I'm coming to Washington, d c Norfolk, Virginia, Madison, Wisconsin, Milwaukee, Wisconsin, Detroit, Michigan, Cleveland, Columbus,
and Cincinnati, Ohio, Denver, Colorado, Portland, Maine, Providence, Rhode Island, Springfield, Massachusetts, Chicago,
of Course, Indianapolis, Indiana, Louisville, Kentucky, Albuquerque, Masa, Arizona, Kansas City, Missouri,
(00:27):
Saint Louis, Missouri, Minneapolis, Minnesota, Nashville, Tennessee, Charlotte, North Carolina, Durham,
North of Carolina, Saratoga, California, Monterey, California, Modeesto, California, and
port Chester, New York, Boston, Massachusetts, Portland, Oregon, and Seattle, Washington.
(00:48):
I will be touring from February through June, so go
get your tickets now. If you want to come see
me perform, I will be on the High and Mighty Tour.
Speaker 2 (00:57):
Hi Catherine, Hi, Chelsea h a whistler.
Speaker 1 (01:02):
There is whistling, whistling with snow and rain. It started
raining again. The temperatures dropped, but it's snowing at the top.
My friends just went skiing I have a bunch of
boys at my house, eighteen year old boys. There's a
little youth hostel thing, and one of them just got
into a bad ski He went to the er from
so hopefully his parents will deal with that.
Speaker 2 (01:22):
I don't know that I'm brave enough for skiing like skiing,
I don't think so.
Speaker 3 (01:26):
I think if you haven't tried it yet, don't try it.
Speaker 2 (01:28):
My knees are not for it. It's always a little
scary time.
Speaker 3 (01:30):
I will say I had the best ski day of
my life the other day.
Speaker 1 (01:32):
So it was so much powder and I was just
I was being able to ski the powder.
Speaker 3 (01:37):
It was so fun and I just I love it.
I love my life here.
Speaker 2 (01:41):
That's amazing. Now do you you drop in right?
Speaker 3 (01:44):
Drop in?
Speaker 2 (01:45):
Not from the helicopter?
Speaker 1 (01:46):
No, no, I don't drop in. I'm not dropping in
like that. I'm not going down cliffs and off of
like no cornices. That's not what I'm doing. I'm skiing well,
but I'm not dropping in. That's what Jack is probably doing.
The kid that just got hurt, he was dropping in. Okay,
all right, yeah, No, I'm not at that level and
I never will be.
Speaker 3 (02:04):
Okay, I'm skiing on resort.
Speaker 2 (02:06):
Okay, let's keep you safe. Let's just keep you safe.
Speaker 3 (02:08):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, we want to keep me safe. Yes.
Speaker 2 (02:10):
Well, I have an update from a caller who called
in two years ago. This is a real throwback.
Speaker 1 (02:18):
I know, how many years have we been on the
air or whatever, It's like five five years.
Speaker 2 (02:23):
We've been doing this podcast since twenty twenty one, so
we're going on five Wow.
Speaker 3 (02:27):
Okay, good.
Speaker 2 (02:29):
So Sammy wrote in on our Esther Parrel episode two
years ago, and of course we love a long term update,
so this is great. She was living with her sister
and brother in law who had a polyamorous situation with
a living nanny, and she was like worried about the kids.
So this is what she has to say. Dear Chelsea,
(02:50):
I'm writing to follow up about a discussion we had
regarding my polygamous sister and her life choices.
Speaker 3 (02:55):
I do love it.
Speaker 2 (02:56):
She says polygamus instead of polyamorous. Many things have changed,
so buckle up. I finally moved out and moved into
a studio apartment less than a mile from the beach,
and it's a perfect place for meditation, smoking weed, and
no children. I love my sister's kids. But as their teens,
I prefer to enjoy them at a distance. My sister
and brother in law ended up getting divorced after much
consideration regarding the polygamy situation. It turns out my brother
(03:19):
in law didn't know he was going to be excluded
from the other party's relationship. He moved out and is
now dating someone else. That's a whole different canniforms. My
sister and her girlfriend, on the other hand, are still together.
Though my sister's girlfriend and I don't always see eye
to eye, I do appreciate how much she has stood
up since my sister got divorced. She works full time
now and is quite the parent to the kids, and
(03:41):
though they also go head to head every once in
a while, they truly love her and appreciate the parental figure.
My sister and I are still working on our relationship
as both friends and sisters, as it took a hard
hit during the past few years. I wanted to thank
you ladies for talking some sense into me and making
me realize that other people's problems are not my own
and I don't need to take them on. Keep doing
what you're doing. Love always, Sammy PS. My sister found
(04:04):
the podcast and lost her shit when she heard it
was about her.
Speaker 3 (04:06):
She got over it. Welcome to my life.
Speaker 1 (04:09):
I constantly I constantly do interviews where I talk about
your boyfriends or family members and then just think I
won't get back to them, and even it doesn't matter
how many years of proof I have that it will.
Speaker 3 (04:20):
Yeah. I like when people hear the podcast and then
it's about them. Yeah, they're like, wait, what the fuck?
Wait a minute, wait a.
Speaker 2 (04:26):
Second, or it's like people will write in they're like,
I didn't think you were going to pick my question.
Speaker 3 (04:30):
I'm like, well, it's also that's like it is.
Speaker 1 (04:33):
I mean, there really is no tru or sentiment other
people's problems are not your own, Like we should all
be telling her. That should be something we wake up
and say to ourselves every single day because we can.
There are personality types that definitely get involved in other
people's problems. I have one of those personality types, and
it takes a long time to realize that A let
people do their thing. Like you can't control the outcome
(04:54):
of other people's lives. You can't even control the outcome
of your own life, so like or be too attached
to the outcome.
Speaker 3 (05:00):
You know what I mean, Like, you have to be
a little bit movable.
Speaker 1 (05:03):
You can't be so intransigent that you can't change and
pivot when you need to. And also to like let
other people do their thing, and if you don't like it,
then don't be around it.
Speaker 3 (05:13):
Right.
Speaker 2 (05:13):
It is a thing about boundaries where like you can't
actually set a boundary with someone else, you can only
change your own behavior, Like the boundary has to pertain
to you essentially. All right, Well, our callers today, we've
got a couples counseling with Chelsea, Question It, Love It,
(05:34):
and Elizabeth and Danny are calling in. So Elizabeth is
the one writing in, and she says, Dear Chelsea, I've
been a fan of yours for years and have learned
so much from your work. I'm forty four, a mom
of three teenagers, and I attribute a lot of my
growth to you. Last year, I left a toxic relationship
that brought me to the lowest point of my life.
(05:54):
The red flags were always there. I made excuses, He
made excuses until I no longer recognize myself. I learned
that he wasn't who he claimed to be. Still married,
unemployed with no plan to work, manipulative. He tried to
pull me and my kids down with him. I'm usually
the most positive person in the room, but for a
while I was completely drained. Your books and podcasts helped
me immensely and led me to letting Go, which was
(06:16):
truly life changing. I realized I had been attracting people
who need constant attention, and I was pouring from an
empty cup, giving and giving without receiving. I worked on
my energy, learned to love myself, and for the first time,
I felt genuinely content being alone. Because I'm a romantic
at heart, and because I took your advice seriously, I
wrote down everything I wanted in a partner and then
let it go. I promised myself I wouldn't settle. Not
(06:39):
even two weeks later, I met a man at a
bar who is everything on that list and more. His
name is Danny. He sat on the stool next to
me with a self help book I had letting Go.
From the start, He's been the opposite of every relationship
I've known. Patient, kind to everyone, smart, a little nerdy, funny,
and steady. He treats me like a queen and has
never given me a reason to question his character. Or
(07:00):
his feelings. The chemistry is incredible and we're intentional about
staying connected. We've been together six months, solely introducing our children.
He has two adult daughters. We laugh constantly and have
fun doing anything. It feels magical and I can't imagine
my life without him. I'm writing for two reasons. First
to say thank you the universe aligned because of the
tools you gave me, and you've helped Danny too. He's
(07:22):
read Letting Go and we recommend it to everyone. We
often listen to your podcasts together. Second, we'd love your advice.
We know we're in a honeymoon phase, but we both
want to protect what we're building beyond what we're already doing.
Honest communication, daily connection, mutual respect. What tools or practices
do you recommend to keep a relationship healthy and full
of passion over the long haul?
Speaker 1 (07:42):
Elizabeth, Hi, guys, that's such a beautiful letter. I'm so
happy for you too. Look at you two little love
birds sitting on the couch together like that, probably inside
each other. I what if I listen? I would first
of all, enjoy yourself, enjoy the time, and make sure
you're making like I just feel like when we're happy
(08:03):
and things are going well. We need to remind ourselves
that we're in a great flow state. And like, you know,
I think writing things to each other is really powerful,
Like even if it's you know, I don't know, putting
something into practice that is only between the two of you,
Like thinking of something to say to each other every day,
or something that you love about each other every day
is really sweet. Even writing that to each other at
(08:24):
the end of the day, even if you're together in
the room, but being like, oh, let's do our thing
that we like want to tell each other that we
appreciate about the other person, or something that turns us
on about the other person. I think like forming rituals
with each other that are new that you've never done
with anyone else makes something feel even more special and
makes you.
Speaker 3 (08:41):
Really appreciate it.
Speaker 1 (08:42):
Because yes, the honeymoon period, you guys, are you guys
living together now?
Speaker 4 (08:48):
When my kids aren't here, we usually are check up
staying together.
Speaker 3 (08:53):
But and he stayed over a couple of times.
Speaker 1 (08:55):
When you guys aren't having premarital sex, are you that's illegal, okay,
so just stop doing that right away. But you're not
living together, that's a good thing. I think, listen, it's
really good to miss each other, so don't ever be
scared about that. Don't be scared about separations. A couple
of days apart is always kind of a good thing
to keep you missing each other. I feel like sometimes
(09:15):
like I want the other person to go before I
want them to go, you know what I mean. And
when you really like someone, you kind of never want
them to go. So I think that's a mistake that
we could sometimes make. We want We're like, oh, we
want to spend you know, and yes you do. But
there is an art to being a part to like
missing each other for a couple of days here and there,
a couple that's nice. It's nice to miss someone and
(09:37):
then have them return. So like, just don't forget about
that and think of something that you guys can do
that's like, can you think of anything off the top
of your head that would be like a romantic gesture
that you guys kind of do each day to each other,
like writing something to each other, or.
Speaker 2 (09:51):
Or is there a lap time situation that is still happening.
Tell us about that.
Speaker 5 (09:56):
We just enjoy at the end of the day just
having time where Seda she sits on my lap. We
look at each other, We talk to each other about
our days and really just try to just be connected
and listen to each other and hear each other about
how their day was, because every day is different. Yeah,
we wants to communicate like that communication is really important.
Speaker 1 (10:14):
Yeah, yeah, that's well. That sounds like you guys already
have your ritual. I don't know if it should be
called lap time. It sounds like that's a little like
Santa Claus adjacent, but whatever, you know, like do your thing,
And I think that's sweet.
Speaker 3 (10:25):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (10:25):
I mean connecting and community and connecting and communication are key,
and it's like it's very nice to be intimate with
someone you know, to have like your little shorthand, and
to spend that time like really getting to know each
other and really being respectful of the other person. But
you know, don't be afraid of breaks, don't be afraid
of missing each other. I think that enhances things and
I think it prolongs that honeymoon phase. So that's the
(10:48):
only advice I would give you, guys, I would say
other than that, way to go.
Speaker 3 (10:52):
I'm glad you're in your good phase now.
Speaker 1 (10:54):
Yeah, and you got rid of the old shit and
now you're ready for some good shit.
Speaker 2 (10:58):
Yeah. The only thing I would add to that is,
you know when things do come up, because eventually they will,
whether they're small or large, things you disagree about, things
you're having trouble with, or just not connecting on. I
would say, if something's come up three or more times
and you're just like not connecting on it or you're
disagreeing about it, go like talk to a therapist together.
(11:19):
I think couples counseling is like not just when things
are going bad, but it's it's also just like maybe
we're not connecting on this, maybe we disagree about this,
and we just like need a third party to help
us navigate it. It doesn't have to be like end
of the world. So definitely utilize that when and if
it's necessary.
Speaker 1 (11:35):
Yeah, and preemptive therapy is always good too, you know,
just so you're all on the same page, like, you know,
maybe you won't have any fucking problems.
Speaker 3 (11:43):
Who knows.
Speaker 1 (11:44):
I mean, the way things are going for women, it
feels like, I mean, listen, there's a lot of bad
things happening for women, but this we've had a series
of calls and people calling in kind of similar stories
to yours, like they just found their person after so
many bad relationships. Like this is a recurring theme, and
so in many ways it feels to me like women
are kind of like learning the lesson of the like
(12:05):
the last time, Like you don't have to.
Speaker 3 (12:06):
Keep repeating bad relationships.
Speaker 1 (12:08):
You can kind of figure it out after the first
bad one and be like, Okay, I'm not doing that again.
And you know, and when you change the standards of
what you accept, then that changes who comes into your life.
Speaker 4 (12:20):
Absolutely absolutely on one thing we do, it's not couples counseling,
but we do constellations and that has been really good
for us for sure.
Speaker 3 (12:30):
What does that mean.
Speaker 5 (12:31):
It's like you represent a person that's having the therapy,
where the energy field kind of flows through that person
and kind of gives you a feeling about what you
think is going on, and many times you don't know.
It's a group thing where you're helping other people that
you represent, you representing their family members, and it's kind
of like a family therapy type.
Speaker 3 (12:53):
Oh wow, you just have a feeling.
Speaker 5 (12:56):
You have a feeling, and then the therapist tries to
interpret what that feeling for the individual with the therapy,
So you don't really have any idea what's going on.
You're just telling them how you feel in the moment physically, and.
Speaker 1 (13:05):
It's all based off of a feeling that you're not
even talking about.
Speaker 5 (13:08):
Yes, it's basically just in the moment, how do you feel?
Are you feeling or interpreting something in your body that
maybe someone in their life has influenced you through this
energy field?
Speaker 3 (13:21):
Okay, Okay, I understand what you're saying.
Speaker 5 (13:23):
Okay, Yeah, it's very it's very interesting, but it's helped
a lot of people out.
Speaker 3 (13:27):
And yeah, that sounds nice. I like that.
Speaker 4 (13:29):
There's an episode Gwyneth Paltrow Sex Love and Goop on Netflix.
Speaker 5 (13:33):
What episode is episode number five or something?
Speaker 3 (13:36):
Yeah, where she like explores it. It's very interesting.
Speaker 5 (13:39):
The therapist told me to watch that to get the
best explanation. But it was good.
Speaker 3 (13:44):
Thank God for Goop and thank god for thank God.
Speaker 1 (13:48):
Okay, guys, well enjoy each other, Happy, Happy New Year.
Speaker 5 (13:52):
We're going to see you in April.
Speaker 1 (13:54):
Fun which show are you coming to? Okay, well, I'll
see you there.
Speaker 3 (13:59):
I love it.
Speaker 5 (14:01):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (14:01):
Bye, Well that was very sweet. Yeah that was sweet. Nice.
Happy couples, Happy couples. Keeping families and couples together.
Speaker 2 (14:10):
Yeah, do you think the reason that we're seeing the
sort of influx of women who are actually in happy
relationships is just because they're not going to put up
with less like women putting up with less bullshit?
Speaker 3 (14:18):
I like that, you know that makes me happy.
Speaker 1 (14:21):
Younger girls are like that too, Like all these young
girls are like, I don't want a boyfriend.
Speaker 3 (14:24):
I don't want to.
Speaker 1 (14:24):
My friend's daughters are like, we don't want boyfriends. I mean,
you know, some of them have them, but some of
them don't. Like I think it, really. I also think
when you grow up in a really loving household, you
don't feel the need to have to pair up. I
feel like that need to pair up sometimes is derived
from a lack of love in your own household. I mean,
I'm not saying anything that's you know, that original obviously,
(14:48):
but you know, the desire always to partnership and like
that usually comes from feeling like not seen.
Speaker 2 (14:54):
Yeah, like you're not enough without a second person, and.
Speaker 1 (14:57):
You're, yeah, like you need to and you don't need
you need in an addition, not a subtraction.
Speaker 2 (15:01):
Yeah for sure. All right, Well there we go for
I Minisa for today okay great.
Speaker 1 (15:06):
I just announced all my tour dates. It's called the
High and Mighty Tour. I will be touring from February
through June, so.
Speaker 3 (15:14):
Go get your tickets now.
Speaker 1 (15:15):
If you want to come see me perform, I will
be on the High and Mighty Tour.
Speaker 2 (15:20):
Do you want advice from Chelsea? Right into Dear Chelsea
Podcast at gmail dot com. Find full video episodes of
Dear Chelsea on YouTube by searching at Dear Chelsea Pod.
Dear Chelsea is edited and engineered by Brad Dickert executive
producer Catherine law And be sure to check out our
merch at Chelseahandler dot com
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