January 29, 2026 • 48 mins
Josh Radnor joins Chelsea to talk about the highs and lows of playing one character for a decade, the delights of NYC, and his sober-curious lifestyle.
Then: A newlywed discovers an attempt at cheating while snooping on her husband’s phone. A sister wonders if she’s third-wheeling with her brother and his girlfriend. And an employee wants to do her job and make out with her boss. Just a little bit.
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Need some advice from Chelsea? Email us at DearChelseaPodcast@gmail.com
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Executive Producer Catherine Law
Edited & Engineered by Brad Dickert
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Hi, Catherine, Hi Chelsea.
Speaker 2 (00:03):
Hi, I'm in recovery mode.
Speaker 1 (00:05):
Oh did you You didn't have a spill, did you?
Speaker 2 (00:07):
Oh no, no, no, not that old recovery. I had
a lot of people at my house for the last
week and they and a lot of action, a lot
of people, a lot of things, and I am really
I just slept probably sixteen hours on Monday and another
twelve hours yesterday, so I'm starting to feel back to myself.
I have Vegas this weekend.
Speaker 1 (00:27):
Oh good, you got to prepare.
Speaker 2 (00:29):
Yes, I have some new material that I have to
test out for my new tour, the High and Mighty Tour,
which starts on February thirteenth, which we've actually made some
additions to. We've added some shows. We added Los Angeles,
I will be performing at the Netflix is a Joke
Festival that's on May sixth. We added Ronert Park, California.
(00:50):
The pre sale is live now April third. I'll be
in Rohnert Park. And also we added Atlantic City, which
is on Balantine's Day February fourteenth. So those new shows
have just been added to my High and Mighty tour,
and my first two shows out of the gate will
be in Washington, d C. Atlantic City and then Norfolk, Virginia,
(01:11):
February thirteenth, fourteenth, fifteenth. I will see you there.
Speaker 1 (01:16):
Excellent. Well, I'm excited about our guest today.
Speaker 2 (01:19):
Yes, our guest today has a new album called Eulogy
Volume two and he is the host of the podcast
How We Made Your Mother. So please welcome Josh Radner.
Speaker 3 (01:30):
Hi, Josh Radner, Hi, Chelsea, how are you?
Speaker 4 (01:33):
I'm good? How are you doing?
Speaker 2 (01:34):
You look so professorial with all of those but I
like the like the salt and pepper hair and then
the books behind you.
Speaker 4 (01:42):
It's painting quite a picture.
Speaker 3 (01:44):
You got just the vibe I'm going for.
Speaker 2 (01:46):
You know what I was thinking on my way over
to record this podcast today. I was thinking, Oh, I'm
interviewing Josh Radner. And then I was like, how do
I know Josh? And then I was like, did Josh
and I ever sleep together?
Speaker 3 (01:55):
We didn't sleep together, but we made out. I'm happy
to talk about it on the podcast.
Speaker 2 (01:58):
If you want great well recording, so let's go.
Speaker 3 (02:01):
Oh okay, yeah, you know how we met is Matt
Bouren and Jessica Golden.
Speaker 2 (02:05):
I think, oh, Jessica Golden, I remember Jessica. Do you
know where she is today? Jessica Golden?
Speaker 3 (02:10):
She she wrote me a couple months ago. But remind me, no,
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (02:14):
I'm curious. I haven't seen her in years.
Speaker 3 (02:16):
I haven't either, I'll have to check my texts. But
they took me to an evening that you were mceing
somewhere Melrose. What's the comedy club there?
Speaker 4 (02:26):
Improv?
Speaker 3 (02:27):
Yeah, the Improv?
Speaker 2 (02:27):
Maybe you were?
Speaker 5 (02:28):
You were?
Speaker 3 (02:29):
And I think it was my first season hiatus of
how I met your mother? And I had a big
long like hiatus.
Speaker 2 (02:34):
Beard and yes, it's coming back to me now.
Speaker 3 (02:37):
You came up to the bar and I said, great job,
and your first words to me you said you look
like a terrorist, and then you walked away. But then
later that night we ended up making out.
Speaker 2 (02:49):
Oh I knew something happened.
Speaker 4 (02:50):
I'm so glad. My memory isn't just shot, you.
Speaker 5 (02:53):
Know what I mean.
Speaker 3 (02:54):
But it was twenty years ago, and we didn't sleep together.
I do remember that.
Speaker 4 (02:56):
Okay, great, well that's great information to have.
Speaker 2 (02:59):
I'm glad.
Speaker 4 (02:59):
And did we make out at the improverty?
Speaker 3 (03:01):
No? No, no, no. You came to my little apartment
for a little while and then didn't you have a roommate?
Speaker 2 (03:06):
No, Oh, I'm okay, that I might be confusing with
with someone else. Now anyway, it's great to see you again,
Serio Ages and you're now you're married.
Speaker 4 (03:15):
Well, first of all, you're a musician and an actor.
Speaker 2 (03:18):
I mean, forgive me for not knowing this, but I
didn't even know you were a musician. Now this is
great information to have and to spread the word.
Speaker 4 (03:25):
He has a new.
Speaker 2 (03:26):
Album called Eulogy Volume two. So there's a Eulogy Volume
one I'm assuming which I'm going to listen to as
soon as possible. Correct, Yeah, Okay, here's a serious question.
Who is the more annoying group of artists as a
successful actor and musician? Now that I know you're both,
who is more? Who is more annoying as a group
(03:47):
of artists musicians or actors?
Speaker 3 (03:51):
I don't know. I don't I don't think of I
don't classify people by their of annoyance. But I will
say that the musicians I've met, especially in Los Angeles
where I now live in Brooklyn, but the musicians I
met in LA and in Nashville, where I've spent a
lot of time have been incredibly generous cool, collaborative people.
Acting is maybe a little more like mercenary like kind
(04:14):
of I don't know, but I've been doing it longer,
the acting, so I'm a little more like delighted by
the newness of the music. Do you know what I'm saying?
Speaker 2 (04:22):
Absolutely understand what you're saying. And I have to say
I have a couple of friends who are not they're
not out as musicians yet.
Speaker 4 (04:28):
They're working on music, but they are actors.
Speaker 2 (04:31):
Two of them specifically that I'm thinking of, and they
have the same exact sentiment. They're going to be coming
out with music and they're both pretty big stars, so like,
and I had no idea. I was like, wait, what
you guys and the like with that's way because we
have to get it right, you know, because yeah, so
you know, well known in these other arenas, I would
imagine the pressure is intense to get it right. But
they said the same thing about Nashville.
Speaker 4 (04:51):
And they also.
Speaker 2 (04:52):
Surprisingly told me that the music scene in Los Angeles
is far more not adaptable, Like it's just there's just
more go going on musically in LA than New York,
which surprised me. Would you agree with that that is true?
Speaker 3 (05:04):
I have found New York. I think it's a matter
of like the venues are just a little more like
active in La so like I started playing music at
the hotel cafe, which is like an incredibly intimate you know,
there's two stages that people were so nice. I kept
getting invited to these like songwriter evenings, and I get
up and do two or three songs and meet people
who ended up becoming collaborators. It was great.
Speaker 2 (05:26):
Yeah, that is fun. It's first of all, it's so
nice to not to have to do one thing. Not
that you have to do acting, but you know what
I mean, it's what you were saying earlier.
Speaker 4 (05:35):
I feel very aligned with that.
Speaker 2 (05:37):
I like to get to do a lot of different
things because otherwise I'll get too bored.
Speaker 4 (05:41):
And what I've noticed by doing a lot.
Speaker 2 (05:43):
Of things, I mean, it could be add or however
you want to frame it, or it could just be
like artistic behavior, you know, like the life of an
artist is like you kind of have to spread yourself
around a little. It's not always one thing. I guess
unless your van go it was one thing. Yeah, but
I'm sure he had other tricks up his sleeve too
that you probably don't know about, but I would say that,
and then the artistry kind of bleeds into each other.
(06:04):
Ye would you say that that's for me?
Speaker 3 (06:05):
For me, it's kind of like I think about there's
just like different ideas need a different form. Like sometimes
I have an idea and I'm like, well, that's a
ninety minute story, like that's a movie. I have another
idea and I'm like, that's a four minute song. I'm
not going to get anything more. It's actually better as
a song than it would be in a larger kind
of you know what I'm saying, I.
Speaker 2 (06:24):
Get a different Well, you've written, and you've written movies too,
and you wrote the Fleischmann's Fleischmann is in Trouble.
Speaker 3 (06:31):
No, I didn't write that. Taffy Brotus or actinga wrote it.
I acted in that.
Speaker 2 (06:35):
Oh you acted in that. Sorry, I thought you'd created that.
Speaker 3 (06:37):
That's very nice of you to think that. I'll tell
Taffy you thought that.
Speaker 4 (06:40):
Yeah, let's just keep pretending. Let you start that room anything.
I mentioned Jaws, he also wrote and directed.
Speaker 3 (06:45):
I did write Jaws. Yeah, I didn't direct Jaws. I
directed Close Encounters.
Speaker 4 (06:51):
Can you imagine?
Speaker 2 (06:52):
I was just I grew up on Martha's vineyard, like
in the summertime. So they actually shot that movie when
my brothers and sisters were in there, like, you know,
kids hundred ten years old. So they watched that shark
Bruce go up and down in the water in the
bay on Katama Bay, and they would not go in
the water for ten years after that.
Speaker 3 (07:08):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (07:09):
So what's your story, Josh? You're married, you have children?
Speaker 6 (07:11):
Now?
Speaker 3 (07:11):
No, we have a dog named Nelson who's somewhere around here.
Speaker 2 (07:15):
That's a good that's a good dog's name. Yeah, I
approve of that. Yeah, and are you are you planning
on having children? Are you anti children? What's your stance
on I'm not anti? Are you open minded about it?
You are? Okay? Good to know, great, just getting to
reno you.
Speaker 3 (07:28):
Yeah, we didn't cover everything the night we met.
Speaker 4 (07:30):
We do, I mean, yes, how could we have?
Speaker 2 (07:32):
We were obviously we were busy. Yeah, we were busy.
I was. I'm sure I was had a serious buzz going.
Are you sober now?
Speaker 3 (07:40):
I'm so. I'm like California.
Speaker 2 (07:42):
Sober, meaning only weed, Is that right?
Speaker 3 (07:45):
I like weed, I like psychedelics. I don't I don't drink.
I haven't had a drink in about seven or eight years.
But I like, I still like altering the consciousness. I
just don't do it with cruise anymore, you know.
Speaker 4 (07:55):
Yeah, that seems to be the trend, you know.
Speaker 2 (07:57):
I mean I still drink because I have a real
affinity for alcohol, but I definitely drink a lot less
because of all of the other good stuff available now,
like the healthier stuff. Like if you're microdosing, whether it's
psilocybin or LSD or whatever you're into, you definitely don't
drink as much as I used to do for sure.
Speaker 3 (08:16):
Yeah, for me, alcohol was just it just unleashed some
part of me that was not great. I also, I
don't know, I have it in my family. It just
felt like a good move to make. But I still
like I didn't have an off switch with alcohol. I
have it with everything else.
Speaker 2 (08:31):
Yeah that's interesting.
Speaker 4 (08:32):
Yeah, yeah, there's a lot of people.
Speaker 2 (08:34):
That don't have an off switch with alcohol.
Speaker 3 (08:37):
I was like, one is good, four is better, you know.
Speaker 2 (08:40):
Yeah, four is better. And then you get that look
in your eye, that empty, vacant look in your eye,
and you're like, it's time to take you home, sweetie. Yeah,
sometimes you're talking to yourself. You do this podcast, I'll
watch podcasts with How I Met Your Mother, you rewatch
episodes together and discuss Well.
Speaker 3 (08:55):
Yeah, it's with one of the co creators of the show,
Craig Thomas.
Speaker 2 (08:57):
I already told you you've created everything that we're going to
talk about today. Yeah, I've created cute if you want
to shout out names to other people, Yeah, going to
edit that from the podcast.
Speaker 3 (09:06):
It's called How We Made Your Mother. It started because
my wife Jordana had never seen the show and she
really wanted to watch it, and I kind of felt
like ready to watch it again. I hadn't seen it
in so many years. So I called Craig, who's a
really dear friend and I love talking to him, and
I was like, do you want to do something a
little more formal and just like go through the show
and talk about it. And you know, it's a rewatch
(09:26):
and we don't cover it in like granular detail every episode,
but we really do talk about like the major kind
of themes of what was up. We talk about what
worked still, what didn't work, what no longer kind of works.
It's kind of like this meta thing because the whole
series was structured as this older guy looking back on
his younger years and now we're like older looking back
on this thing we made.
Speaker 2 (09:46):
I know that show was that was like nine seasons. Ye. Correct,
So and you were the very first person cast in
that show. Is that accurate?
Speaker 3 (09:53):
That is true? Yeah, me and Kobe Smolders were the first. Yeah,
but I was the very first person who auditioned on
the very first day. That is that is true?
Speaker 2 (10:02):
Okay, Yeah, that is wild. I mean nine years of
your life is such a big chunk of your life,
so big.
Speaker 3 (10:08):
Yeah. I always thought about it. I was like, it's
high school plus college plus one.
Speaker 4 (10:13):
Year plus like a mini PhD.
Speaker 3 (10:15):
Yeah, a gap year or whatever. I mean, it was
so long, and also it flies by. I mean it's
so weird. Like the thing you're describing of like wanting
to go from thing to thing. That's like a little
thing probably we share is like a little bit of
a mercurial personality, like we want to go from thing
to thing. And you never think when you get into
this industry, I'm going to be doing something for nine years.
Like that's insane, right right.
Speaker 2 (10:35):
And also, in like the regular world, if you were
to go into any job, I wonder if people want
to go into a job thinking I want to be
here for nine years. You know, usually if you're really
kind of like my professional friends go to a company
and they'll be like, oh, I'll stay here for five
to six years and then I'll move on to something else.
Speaker 3 (10:53):
Right.
Speaker 2 (10:53):
But I don't know if that's like a different level
of employment, you know, or if some people are just
looking for any stability whatsoever. But if you were to
go into something knowing it would last that long, I
wonder if our decisions would be the same.
Speaker 3 (11:04):
Well, you have to, I mean when you test for
the pilot, I think it's still like this. You have
to sign a seven year contract, you know, so, but
statistically that never happens, you.
Speaker 2 (11:14):
Know, right, But in your case, it exceeded the seven years.
But you're so grateful in that moment when you're signing
that fucking You're like, please give me seven years of
a salary. Please. You never could imagine that you would
either grow bored, and I'm not saying you did. I
just speak from my own experience that you would grow
bored or experience any sort of on Wii or you know,
like get tired of something. You think.
Speaker 3 (11:36):
Well, I was like, please give me my health insurance.
Like I was, like, really wanted something to go. And
if you look at nine years of your life, any
nine year chunk, you're going to be bored, frustrated and
elate it like it's everything, you know what I mean. Like,
no one wants to hear that you had a bad
day on your hit TV show, but like, of course
you do. You know, you also have really fun days.
Speaker 2 (11:58):
Yeah, and you had such a great cast all. I mean,
everybody in that cast is a solid, normal, mostly normal person.
Speaker 3 (12:05):
I don't know them, depends on the day, but yeah,
mostly yeah.
Speaker 2 (12:07):
Well, of course, I mean, we are dealing with actors,
but as far as actors go, you got a good
batch to work with, that's for sure.
Speaker 3 (12:14):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (12:14):
I love Kobe Smoulders, I love Jason Siegel, I love Kaylee.
Now it says here that you struggle to separate yourself
from the role that you played, and that you struggled
with fame. Talk to me about that.
Speaker 3 (12:25):
I wouldn't say I struggled with separating myself from the role.
I felt like I struggled with other people not willing
or wanting to separate me from the role. You know
what I mean? I knew who I was all the time.
I knew who I you know, I knew I was
playing a role. It's like, you know, it's such a
head trip, like so many people and people watch the
show over and over. There's these people that are I
(12:47):
love them, but they're obsessed with the show and they
watch it over so they've spent so much time with
me as this one person. I filmed this thing, I
banked it. I've moved on with my life and I've
I don't think about that. I don't know the show
the way they know the show. I don't. I'm not
saturated in it the way they are. So when they
meet me, it's almost like I offend them by having
another life and another name and another you know what
(13:09):
I mean.
Speaker 1 (13:10):
And it will say, of anyone we've ever had on
the show, I think you have the most thriving, like
reddit life, like you know what I mean. Like people
are out there like still having conversations about the show.
Speaker 3 (13:19):
Oh yeah, yeah, no, it's crazy. It's wild. I was
just on Jesse Tyler Ferguson's podcast. We were just talking about,
you know, because he was on Modern Family for so long,
and we were talking about like the weirdness of people
wanting you to be that character and wanting and interpreting
everything you say and do through the lens of the character.
So it was strange. I mean I think there was
(13:40):
there was one level it was that, and the other
level it was just you know, the erosion of ananymity
and you know, it's it was weird. I just found
it very destabilizing. I'm used to it now, like I
know how to walk through an airport and take a
few photos of people and move on with my day.
It's not like it's not a huge deal, but like
at the time, I was really unsettled by it.
Speaker 2 (14:00):
I would imagine that's true for a lot of actors.
For me, I'm like, you know, I am kind of
what I am on TV, so it's a different I'm
not playing a character, right, you know, my persona is
who I am pretty much.
Speaker 6 (14:10):
You know.
Speaker 2 (14:11):
Luckily it's even better, I mean, hopefully it's even better
a person. But I don't struggle with that. So I'm
always curious to hear actors talk about that, because it
would be really fucking annoying for people to expect you
to be a character in the middle of the day
on a street in Los Angeles. That's really annoying.
Speaker 3 (14:26):
Yeah. Yeah, I had a girlfriend years ago who said, man,
you're a lot nicer when people come up and say
your real name and want to talk to about one
of the movies you directed. You know, Like I just
had this weird but I've really I've made peace so
much with it, and part of it, the rewatching of
the show has brought me some peace where I remember
(14:46):
watching these episodes, you know, twenty years ago, and I
was so hard on myself. But now I watch it
and I'm like, you were young, you were also doing
a really good job and a really hard role. Like
I have a lot more compassion for myself at this
age looking back on it. I also have a lot
more understanding of why people love the show in some
weird way, Like I couldn't understand why people are so
(15:08):
obsessed with it. I Mean I was like, it's good,
but why have you dedicated your life to it? Like
why is it a religion? But now I get that,
Like it really teaches people something about those years, like
those twenty five to thirty five, which are really pivotal
interesting times in people's lives, you know.
Speaker 2 (15:24):
Right, we're talking about the show how I Met your Mother,
and then we're talking about Josh's podcast, which is How
We Made Your Mother. It sounds like you've also done
a lot of self reflection and like probably therapy, I'm
assuming correct.
Speaker 3 (15:35):
Sure. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (15:36):
From everything I'm you know, was reading about you in
preparation for this interview, it sounds like you have a
a lot of like stuff you want to get out,
you know, especially with the music. It's nice to have
the freedom to be able to direct, to be able
to act, to be able to sing, like these guitar
ballads that are on your album that I was reading
some of the lyrics of, and it's really just a
(15:57):
testament to the creative spirit. I think, when you really
could do all of these things aptly and want and
have the desire to keep doing it and keep producing things.
Speaker 3 (16:07):
Yeah, yeah, thanks. I mean, I you know, when I
was in drama school, like I just wanted to do
an episode of Law and Order, and then you do
that and you're like, oh, wait, maybe I could actually
be on one of these shows for a while, or
maybe I could be on Broadway or and the you know,
it's hard because the carrot keeps moving. But at the
same time, when you do one thing, it kind of
like unquirks this thing of like, oh, what if I
(16:29):
tried that, or what if I tried that? And I
started writing songs with my friend Ben Lee, who's a
great Australian songwriter. So I kind of apprenticed with this
great songwriter. Like I took it very seriously as a craft,
you know. I was. I didn't like go in with
the producer and be like, here's three lines make a song.
Like I really tried to get under the hood of
how songs are made. And it's just been it's been
so satisfying.
Speaker 2 (16:51):
Oh that's so nice to hear. Where do you think
you find your like happiest version of yourself.
Speaker 3 (16:57):
I feel like when I have my hooks and a
song or like a script, and there's like just like
a good writing day is like truly the most satisfying
thing for me. When you catch the wave, you know.
And it's not like I mean I don't mind like
chiseling away at something, but like when you catch a wave.
There's kind of a thing of like the afternoon walk
with my dog and then writing a song and my
(17:20):
wife is a psychologist, like waiting for her to come
down from the office and get dinner in our sweet
little neighborhood. Like like like pleasures are like small these days,
but I mean like cosmically big, but small in the
grand scheme of things. And I really liked the last
you know, year and a half we've been married. Is
just felt very sweet.
Speaker 4 (17:39):
That's sweet.
Speaker 2 (17:40):
I love to hear a straight man talk like this. Now,
what is your So your wife's a psychologist, How does
that play out in your marriage?
Speaker 3 (17:48):
It's good because I'm pretty psychologically minded, you know, and
I can speak that language. And she really loves stories
and television and movies, and she has no desire to
be in front. But her story instincts are unbelievably good.
Like she always knows what's about to happen in something.
She's like always a little bit ahead of things. And
when she reads things, I really trust her eye in
(18:11):
her ear like she's she's she's a great shadow collaborator
in certain ways.
Speaker 4 (18:15):
I just read this term called proleptic irony.
Speaker 2 (18:19):
Do you know what that is? When the audience knows
it's just what you're describing about your wife, When the
audience knows something's going to happen in a movie or
a book before the characters do oh, So as the
reader or as the viewer, it's called proleptic irony. And
then there's another part of there's another form of irony
which is not as relevant to this conversation. But I
thought that was such a good thing that there was
(18:39):
a term for that. I like knowing that, yeah, yeah,
exactly does she psychoanalyze you ever? Or is she just
too tired from working that she doesn't have time for that?
Speaker 3 (18:48):
Legitimately she is too tired. She doesn't. We don't. We
don't really do that. I mean it's more of like,
do you want to Like what was that? I heard
a great thing? That was like when when someone comes
to you and they're all worked up, you say, do
you want a toolbox, a tissue box, or a soapbox?
So it's like the soapbox is like you just want
to vent? The toolboxes do you want some help working
(19:12):
through this? And the tissue boxes like do you just
want to release it and let it go? And uh,
I think we're pretty good. Like I've had enough relationships
where I'm like, I don't do the fucking thing. I mean,
sometimes you fall into it, but like I don't get
in there and try to fix it, you know, but
a lot of times she's so she's seen you know,
six or seven patients in a day, and she's like
(19:33):
and on zoom right, and she is that is closed
for business, right. So then we're just figuring out where
to go to dinner.
Speaker 7 (19:40):
You know.
Speaker 2 (19:40):
Yeah, that's nice. It's nice to figure out where to
go to dinner in New York City.
Speaker 3 (19:44):
I love that we're in Fort Green, which has some
of the best restaurants in New York. And we went
to Italy on our honeymoon and we were like, I
mean it's good, but like it genuinely you get spoiled
in New York.
Speaker 2 (19:55):
As good as New York.
Speaker 3 (19:56):
I mean some of it is. Yeah, you sorry, Italy.
We had a great time though.
Speaker 7 (20:01):
I know.
Speaker 2 (20:01):
I think you're right though, Like it's kind of like Mexico.
Speaker 4 (20:04):
You go to it like I was in like I
go when I was in.
Speaker 2 (20:07):
Mexico City, I was so excited about all the food
and I was like, this is not what I envisioned
at all. And I'm like, I feel like we might
have better Mexican food in Los Angeles.
Speaker 3 (20:17):
Yeah, it's almost like, uh, do you remember that movie
John Carter. It was like it was basically like a
novel that George Lucas plundered for all this inspiration for
Star Wars, and then they made a John Carter movie
and then everyone's like it's like a Star Wars rip off,
and it's like, no, that was the original thing that
George Lucas loved. And I feel like Italian food or
Mexican food is probably like that, where it's like that's
(20:38):
the og thing, but we like took it and made
it something else.
Speaker 2 (20:42):
Yeah, exactly, so now that's right. We've acclimated too, and
we're like, we think that's right, exactly exactly. Same thing
with pizza. You know there's that famous pizzeria in Rome.
Did you go to Rome on your honeymoon?
Speaker 3 (20:52):
Well, we flew through. We were up in the north.
Speaker 2 (20:55):
It's like called the Cemetery or something. It's everyone goes there,
and I went there and I was like, this is
really disappointing. Meanwhile, you know, you can't say anything because
you're like, fuck, I don't even want to sound like
an idiot, but I do not like this. If I
lived in New York, I would just be twice the
size of myself every night before I go to bed
in New York City, I have to have a piece
of pizza. Yeah, I hope if I lived there, I
wouldn't act like that, because I do want to live
(21:16):
in New York City one day. I just have to
wait for my hell that is Los Angeles house to
be done being built, which I bitch about on this
podcast all the time, So there's no reason you shouldn't
be privy to it as well, Josh.
Speaker 3 (21:28):
Fine, but also in New York you end up eating
it like ten o'clock, like a full dinner at ten o'clock,
and La, you're just it's a whole difference.
Speaker 2 (21:35):
I would like to be up at ten o'clock, you
know what I mean? Yea, And that New York would
even provide me that LA is Sleepyville.
Speaker 3 (21:41):
Now, LA makes you very elderly, very quickly. You're like
five point thirty dinner, You're asleep at eight, you know
what I mean.
Speaker 2 (21:47):
Like I said, I have to move to New York soon,
because otherwise I will be too Like at least it's motivating.
You're always going out and there's too much happening around
to not participate in some of the action In New
York She's just telling my friend. I'm like, I'm gonna
have to move to New York otherwise I'll die in
like five or ten years because all I do when
I'm in LA is sleep. I honestly went to bed
(22:08):
last night at like eight forty five. I was like,
I took it edible, and I was like, oh, fuck it. Yeah,
you know, like what am I watching? Nothing important? Right now?
Speaker 3 (22:15):
I just sold my house in La Like I'm fully
living in New York, Like I just closed on it
like three weeks ago.
Speaker 4 (22:21):
Could you have sold my house?
Speaker 2 (22:22):
With your house as like a little couplet.
Speaker 3 (22:24):
Where are you staying In the meantime.
Speaker 4 (22:26):
I'm staying currently with my friend Kat. Thank you Cat.
Speaker 2 (22:29):
She's put up with me. We're like basically turning into
a lesbian couple. She cooks, she's a busy career woman.
She takes such good care of me. I bring nothing
to the table, And in terms of domesticity, I am
as useless or as useful I should say, as an
Astrana motorcycle when it comes to domesticity. But I provide
personality and I like to finance things. So that's what
(22:52):
I'm good for. You know, you have to find your
strengths in this world, and those are mine, Josh, those
are mine. On that note, we're going to take a
break and we'll be right back with Josh Rodner. And
we're back.
Speaker 4 (23:06):
With Josh Radner.
Speaker 2 (23:07):
He has a new album out called Eulogy Volume two,
and everything's just under your name.
Speaker 4 (23:12):
You don't have a band's name, no, just my name.
Speaker 2 (23:14):
Yeah, Josh, are you ready to take some questions from
some callers?
Speaker 4 (23:17):
We dole out advice here like professionals.
Speaker 3 (23:20):
Oh wow, I didn't know this. Okay, Yeah, I'm surprised.
Speaker 2 (23:23):
You're gonna love it. Everyone loves it. Yes.
Speaker 1 (23:25):
Well, our first question is just an email. This comes
from Nicky. She says, Dear Chelsea, I'm writing because I'm
struggling with a situation in my marriage and could really
use some outside perspective.
Speaker 2 (23:35):
Oh perfect. We have a married man here, right exactly,
and a married woman, Yeah, exactly.
Speaker 1 (23:39):
My husband and I have been married for ten months.
Eight months ago, we moved across the country for his job,
which meant I had to leave all my friends and
family behind. We're still adjusting to the new city and
he now travels frequently for work. A few weeks ago,
I went to visit friends, and while I was gone,
my husband went out to a bar. I had this
nagging feeling and knew something was off and I got back,
(24:00):
so I ended up going through his phone. I know,
I know, not proud of this. What I found was
that he had texted a girl he met at the
bar around two am. He had apparently left, and he
was asking her to come back out to the bar,
offering to pay for her uber. It didn't seem to
go beyond texting, but the fact that he was actively
pursuing another woman while I was visiting friends, the friends
(24:21):
I had to leave behind because of his career, feels
like such a betrayal totally. When I confronted him, he
apologized and seemed genuinely sorry, But I can't shake the
feeling that he's getting more comfortable seeking attention from other women.
The combination of frequent travel, us being apart often, and
now this incident has my trust at an all time low.
Here's what I'm struggling with. I hate that I felt
(24:41):
compelled to go through his phone, but my gut instinct
was right.
Speaker 3 (24:45):
Now.
Speaker 1 (24:45):
I'm worried he'll just get better at hiding things. I
also feel especially vulnerable because I'm isolated in this new
city without my support system, and it feels like he
took advantage of the moment I left town. We're planning
to have a serious conversation about this, and I'm considering
couple's therapy, but I'm not sure if I'm we're reacting
or if this is as big of a red flag
as it feels. How do I know if this is
something we can work through or if I'm just setting
(25:06):
myself up to be a detective in my own marriage?
And how do I deal with the fact that I
moved my entire life for someone who might not be
as committed to our marriage as I thought. Thanks, Nikki,
it's a lot.
Speaker 2 (25:18):
I would say that's a big, big.
Speaker 4 (25:20):
Red flag and really unfortunate.
Speaker 2 (25:22):
First of all, I'm so sorry, Nikki that you're dealing
with that, But I'm of the belief that, like when
something like that happens, it has to become such a
big deal to make the first time the last time.
You have to get into counseling right away with somebody
with a therapist to understand why he would even allow
himself to get to that place to be drunkenly texting
somebody at two o'clock in the morning is so disrespectful,
(25:44):
so unacceptable. You're ten months into your marriage. That is
a huge red flag that he's doing that. And while
I wouldn't say, like, oh god, you got to divorce him,
you have to immediately draw attention to the matter. There
have to be consequences to those kinds of actions. I
don't care about anyone going through anyone's phone. I mean,
it's not ideal, but if somebody does and they find something,
it's usually because if a female instinct and you want
(26:05):
to like, you're not pouring through your husband's phone all
day long, but now that she saw that, she's going
to do it again.
Speaker 1 (26:10):
It's woman's intuition, Like we cannot always know. And I
do agree with you. I think that this is something
that they can work through. But like, get into therapy immediately,
and this is not going to be two sessions. He's
obviously having some Peter Pan stuff about like, oh god,
I'm married now, I still want to sell my wild oats.
But like, I do think if he's committed to getting
past that, you guys can get past it.
Speaker 2 (26:30):
Right. What do you think, Josh From the male perspective, well,
I think first of all, it's like a pretty insightful letter,
like she has some real self awareness, and I think
that that is terrific.
Speaker 3 (26:42):
I hope her husband has similar kind of self awareness.
He might be in a fog of like you said,
like Peter Pan, like, I understand all that. It's like
women have their own version of this, but I think
men sometimes marriage can feel like the end of like
hanging up some aspect of yourself that was like that
very energizing and fun and exciting. But in a good
relationship all that stuff can come out to play and
(27:03):
still be active. But I think you're right, it's like
it's no good. I mean it's almost like live your
life in such a way that no one needs to
go through your phone, Like that's a good way to be,
you know, like you want to feel like your public
face and your private face are the same, especially in
your marriage. I mean, if I was like keeping massive
(27:24):
secrets from my wife, I would find this marriage really
hard to be in. So yes, I feel like you
got to establish guidelines where it's like we're transparent with
each other, where the behavior doesn't you don't have these
side behaviors because you're obviously trying to escape something that's
a bigger issue, which is why couple's therapy is inevitable
for the.
Speaker 2 (27:43):
Right couple's therapy and then individual therapy for him too,
because it's also really so unfair to put your partner
through that. To know that she has a job that
takes her out of town, and now every time she
goes out of town, this is what's going to be
on her mind instead of her being able to focus
on her job and be, you know, the best in
her career that she could be, and all of the
goals that she wants to attain.
Speaker 4 (28:03):
Or reach or aspire to whatever.
Speaker 2 (28:05):
Like you're putting an onus on her now to actually
have to be preoccupied with your childish behavior and because
you're drunk at two o'clock in the.
Speaker 3 (28:13):
Morning's l in like the mother role and him and
the child role, which is very unsexy. I would say
that her larger question, am I overreacting?
Speaker 2 (28:23):
I would say no, yes, correct, we all agree that
you're not overreacting.
Speaker 1 (28:28):
And you know, I think people don't talk enough about
how hard that first year of marriage can be. I
know in my life, like we went through probably like
two years of therapy about a year and we started
going to therapy and like, I just didn't know what
I didn't know. You know, it really helped me. It's
why I'm still married twenty years later, fifteen years later.
Speaker 2 (28:48):
What like and what were some of the like the
challenges of being married in your first year.
Speaker 1 (28:53):
Well, it's a big adjustment. Like even people I found
friends of mine who are like, well, we've been living
together forever, so it's not going to change anything. But
I think it's an expectation shift where people are like, oh,
they're going to come home at a certain time, or
we're gonna like, you know, no one's gonna stay up
watching TV, We're gonna go to bed together whatever.
Speaker 2 (29:08):
Like little annoying. There's a lot, honestly, I mean having
to go to bed together every night. I mean opt
out of that. I think any healthy couple doesn't do
that every single night. Yeah, correct, obviously you can't.
Speaker 3 (29:20):
I mean that I had some friends who've been married
a long time and they maintain that is their secret
is they go to bed.
Speaker 2 (29:26):
They go to bed together every single night at the
same time. Yeah, oh wow, wow interesting. I have to
think about that on my drive home. I'm not so
sure about that.
Speaker 1 (29:35):
I will also say I think one of the big
keys for us was, like, you know, they say never
go to bed angry. For us, it was like, go
to bed angry because you like maybe have had a
couple of drinks, and even if not, you're tired, you're grumpy,
You're circling the same drain over and over and over,
like go to bed. You wake up and you're like,
what were.
Speaker 4 (29:50):
We faced, like holding off on sending that email at night? Yeah,
and an angry email.
Speaker 2 (29:54):
That's like the.
Speaker 3 (29:54):
Most like common, somewhat dumbest marital advice. Everyone says it,
and you're like, think about that, go to bed angry
sometimes and wake up and be in a better place.
Speaker 4 (30:06):
Yeah, But also who fucking came up with that? That
we have these like it's one.
Speaker 2 (30:09):
Of those axioms of life, like don't go to bed angry.
Speaker 4 (30:12):
It's like almost like something that you know, any idiot.
Speaker 2 (30:15):
Could have said. And then everyone's like, yeah, let me
just repeat that rent cycle and repeat.
Speaker 1 (30:19):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (30:21):
Do you have any rules that you and your wife
follow about maintaining I mean you obviously see them very
well balanced, Josh, and that.
Speaker 3 (30:27):
You know, well, it's been a hard one. It hasn't
always been that way. My wife had she said, I
only have two rules, which I thought were incredibly sensible.
One was be kind, which I think is great, and
the other one when she said, don't read my journals.
She's kept journals like for years and years and years,
and she's you know, and she has a friend that
in the event of her untimely death, her one job
(30:49):
is to come to the apartment and get all the
journals and burn them. Like she's very sincere about, like,
no one is to see these. These are just for me.
Speaker 4 (30:58):
Which only would pique my interesting.
Speaker 2 (31:01):
Yeah, I know it hasn't I honor it, but yeah, yeah,
I mean that talk about a betrayal reading somebody's journals.
Speaker 4 (31:10):
I can't even believe people still write with their hands.
Speaker 2 (31:13):
I had this, I had this. I got that new
Gratitude journal, and I was like, okay, I want to
do it in the morning and at night every night.
And then my friends like, oh, you could do it
on your you know, you could download the app and
do it on your phone.
Speaker 4 (31:22):
I'm like I could type. I'm like I could only
get through.
Speaker 2 (31:25):
You know, when you're writing now, it's like so hard
to write for some reason what I know and I
can't fit all the words. It's like my handwriting sucks now,
and I'm like, if I type it, I get so
much more in then I want to list ten things
instead of three things you know that made today great,
et cetera.
Speaker 4 (31:41):
So yeah, I'm all about the phone. Now I've given up.
Speaker 2 (31:44):
We're living through the technology age and now we're living
through the artificial insemination and intelligency. Two things I don't
want anything to do is I don't want to deal
with AI.
Speaker 1 (31:55):
Well, our next email comes from Ali. She is calling
in so she says, my name is Ali. I'm thirty two,
and my brother thirty one, is my best friend. Don't worry.
I have other friends, like a healthy number, but for
a lot of reasons, including complex family dynamics, our shared
dark sense of humor, and the bond we formed caring
for our grandma during her dementia years, He's been the
most important relationship in my life for a long time.
(32:17):
Here's where it gets tricky. In the past year, he's
entered a serious relationship. I've known this girlfriend for years
and I think she's lovely. This isn't one of those
I hate my brother's girlfriend situations.
Speaker 2 (32:28):
Sounds like it's going.
Speaker 1 (32:29):
To be, though, but something about it just isn't fully
clicking for me emotionally. It's not jealousy and it's not drama.
It's just change, and apparently I'm not thriving in it.
We live next door to each other, because of course
we do, and I'm realizing I've built a little too
much of my identity around this brother bestie dynamic. Most
of my other close friends are getting married, having babies,
(32:49):
or moving on to new life phases. And while I'm
good with my own path, I think I need more
tools to invest in me again. So how do I
begin to lovingly create space between me and my brother,
who is again still my favorite person, without feeling like
I'm pushing him away. I don't want to be weird
or dramatic. I just want some practical, emotionally intelligent action
items for carving out a little independence without breaking the bond. Ali.
Speaker 2 (33:12):
Hi, Ali, this is our special guest today, Josh Radner. Hi,
nice to meet you.
Speaker 4 (33:17):
And that's so sweet that you're best friends with your brother.
Speaker 2 (33:19):
I love that.
Speaker 4 (33:20):
That's really nice.
Speaker 2 (33:21):
I understand that you're dealing with change, but you know what,
Listen This is not like everyone has problems with change.
I mean not everybody, but so many people have problems
with change. I have problems with making adjustments. And actually,
you know, having somebody else come in, even if your
best friend wasn't your brother, you would it would probably
be hard for you for your best friend to have
a relationship and being introduced to them. So give yourself
(33:43):
a little bit of grace and I would just whatever
you're into, just like exercise more of those activities. Like literally,
like if you're into pilates, make sure that you're allotting
time for that. Make sure you're allotting time for your friends.
You have friends, I'm assuming I have a.
Speaker 7 (33:57):
Lot of friends. I go to prelatis every day. I
do pottery.
Speaker 2 (34:01):
You created that, yeah, and you have hobbies you like pottery.
Speaker 6 (34:06):
It's more like, like I said, I like love his girlfriend.
Speaker 7 (34:10):
I think she's fantastic.
Speaker 6 (34:12):
I just realized, like when he got into the relationship
that my identity was like more closely tied, and like
right now it's fantastic and amazing. Everybody's out here. There's
like a lot going on, but in the off season,
there's not a lot to going on, you know.
Speaker 7 (34:30):
It's like small town.
Speaker 6 (34:32):
You know everyone, it's very condensed and like everyone's in
each other's business.
Speaker 2 (34:38):
And do you feel like during those winter months when
it is a collieter that you are encroaching on their
private life, like because I don't think your identity is
tied to your brother unless you actively like your brother
and sister, that's not going to change.
Speaker 6 (34:51):
Yeah, we're very much in the same like social circle too,
And I just like I felt like, oh my god,
like I don't need to be like i'd be lying
with his.
Speaker 7 (35:00):
Girlfriends all the time. Like it was just like I
just want to be like chill and cool and like
I don't know, I don't know.
Speaker 6 (35:10):
It's it's like I don't I don't know if there's
like a correct answer or like even like a piece
of advice.
Speaker 3 (35:15):
Can I offer something Ali perhaps, Like my wife has
this theory that like if we're a solar system, like
and you're this son, your brother was like Mercury, but
he might have to be Venus, like he might have
to like go like one planet away, you know, where
it's like you're still in relationship, you're still in the
same solar system. And I think when people partner off
(35:37):
dynamics have to change because the primary relationship is like
the relationship.
Speaker 7 (35:41):
Yeah, you know, I love her analogies.
Speaker 3 (35:44):
Isn't that cool? I do? There's like a really cool
opportunity for you to, like what Chelsea said, like lean
into other stuff, grow other parts of yourself, also grow
other friendships, and you know, just follow the seeds. And
then I think your relationship with your brother will like
take its new place the solar system, and it'll start
to feel right. But you're just in the like adjustment
change period, which is yeah.
Speaker 7 (36:05):
Itunds like a meteor like yeah around.
Speaker 4 (36:08):
Yeah, you're like in the liminal phase.
Speaker 2 (36:11):
That's what that is, right where you're kind of in
between two things. But also just you know, like in
thinking about it in thoughts like towards your brother, towards
his girlfriend.
Speaker 4 (36:19):
How long have they been together?
Speaker 7 (36:21):
Like over a year?
Speaker 2 (36:22):
Okay? Just I would say, like lead with your heart
and lead with love, like don't overthink things too much.
Don't think, oh my god, am I spending too much
time here? Like you can have those thoughts, but don't
overanalyze your relationship because it is your brother. You do
have a relationship. It sounds like you have a pretty
healthy relationship with his girlfriend. You know that you're gonna
like try and grow these other parts, that's Josh said,
(36:45):
very eloquently, grow these other parts of yourself, but also
just lead with love, like don't punish anyone for these circumstances,
and don't make it like you know, oh I'm gonna
I'm not gonna be available to them, because I don't
want them to think I'm too available, like I have.
Speaker 4 (36:57):
My own life, Like, don't play games like that.
Speaker 2 (37:00):
Just lead with your heart and really try and be
as present as possible when you're with both of them,
because like what Josh said, I want to echo like
there is a new version of this coming around, and
it's in these in between stages that get so sticky,
I think for all of us when we don't know
where you know, what we knew is not exactly right anymore,
and what's to come isn't exactly happening yet, so we
(37:22):
kind of get stuck. And it's actually a really nice
phase for you to really get in touch with yourself
and really be present in the relationship and show up
like heart forward, love first and totally with no judgment
towards yourself or them. Yeah, okay to practice that. Yeah, okay, well,
thanks for calling in. I love that question and I
(37:42):
love Josh's answer, and I feel like, yeah, good, good,
good luck with everything.
Speaker 7 (37:47):
Thank you, and good luck with whatever you're promoting. Josh
can't wait to listen to the episode.
Speaker 2 (37:52):
And he got a new album out.
Speaker 4 (37:54):
And he's got a new album out.
Speaker 2 (37:55):
You can download yes, yeah on.
Speaker 7 (37:57):
Spotify right now or download on iTunes.
Speaker 3 (38:00):
Yeah, but it's called.
Speaker 2 (38:00):
Eulogy Eulogy Volume two by Josh Radner. You could download
it anywhere.
Speaker 7 (38:06):
Yeah, okay, amazing, Well, thanks great, Thanks Sally.
Speaker 2 (38:11):
Your new album is going to get her into her
Venus dynamic with her brother. She's gonna end up sleeping
with her brother. Watch what this podcast leads to. Oh well.
Speaker 1 (38:21):
Our last question today comes from Stephanie and she is
forty eight. She says, Dear Chelsea, I recently started working
for a smallish local business. My friend connected me with
the owner and we instantly had a connection even before
we met in person. Once we met in person, it
was even more intoxicating. Nothing inappropriate has happened, but over
(38:41):
the last five months I have just crushed so hard
it goes in waves where he I think flirts with
me and then stops. We really get along and just mesh.
I think constantly that I just want to make out
with him. It's to the point where we're passing friendly,
work appropriate touches. We text each other randomly, almost just
to let the other know the other one. No, we're
thinking about each other without actually saying it. I've never
(39:03):
in my life been this drawn to someone so magnetically.
He even gave me a plant. If that wasn't a sign,
I don't know what is. I mean, a love fern?
Who does that? I don't want to get fired. I
don't think he would, but I also don't want to
quit because I love my job. How can I just
make out with him?
Speaker 2 (39:18):
Just do it already?
Speaker 5 (39:19):
What?
Speaker 2 (39:20):
Hello, Hi, Stephanie, this is our special guest today, Josh Radnor.
Say hello to him.
Speaker 3 (39:25):
Hi, Hi, gosh, Hi.
Speaker 2 (39:28):
Look you look like you're like having an affair sitting
there like you act like you're doing something terribly wrong.
Speaker 4 (39:34):
What kind of work do you do?
Speaker 7 (39:36):
That?
Speaker 2 (39:36):
This is so? I mean, honestly, I feel like work
romances are just you know, unless there's some huge power dynamic,
there's really nothing wrong with them.
Speaker 5 (39:44):
So I am an operations director for a small ish company.
But I work very closely with the own.
Speaker 3 (39:54):
And can I ask though the owner he's not married,
he's single, Yeah, he is single.
Speaker 2 (39:59):
He's divorced. Okay, so he's still single. Yes, okay, So
I think you need to make your move, sister, Like
five months, what do you do?
Speaker 1 (40:09):
You can't make the move, right, he.
Speaker 2 (40:10):
Can't make the move, He's right, So you're gonna have
to let him know how you feel and also give
him an exit in case he doesn't have the same feelings.
Speaker 4 (40:20):
But you got to do it.
Speaker 2 (40:21):
You're a woman. You have to be brave and be
a woman. What if this is the love of your life?
Speaker 5 (40:26):
I know, and honestly so, I had told Catherine that
I am divorced. I've been divorced for eight years and
never during this eight years have I found interest in
not one person. And so my friends are just like,
oh my god, like of all people, of course, you're
like in love with your boss, like why is this happening?
But I'm just not brave, and I guess I need
(40:48):
like more reassurance. I'm worried that our dynamic will change
if for some reason it didn't work out or I
also don't want to be rejected.
Speaker 4 (41:00):
I don't know, but yes, you got to get rid
of the rejection part.
Speaker 2 (41:03):
That's part of life. And if you don't want to
be rejected, then then then you almost don't deserve to
be in love because you have to experience rejection. That's
just the way it goes. You can't be afraid of it.
It doesn't make you less of a woman, It doesn't
make you less of a person, It doesn't make you
less valuable. It just means that that person and you
aren't a perfect match. That's okay. You're not going to
be a perfect match with most.
Speaker 4 (41:22):
People that you meet.
Speaker 2 (41:24):
Yeah, no, that's true. Can you do something cute like
slip him an email or slip a little note on
his desk ask him to meet for a drink?
Speaker 4 (41:31):
Like is there something that you feel.
Speaker 2 (41:33):
More comfortable doing in order to just get the message across, Like, Hey,
do you want to meet for a drink later tonight?
I think there you'll get an answer to that real quick.
That'll give you an indication.
Speaker 5 (41:43):
Also, so he stopped drinking, and so that was one
thing that we would we would go do we would
go out for drinks or like one time I was
telling him how I love a martini, but I wanted
to try the specific martini. Well, then all of a
sudden he brought all this stuff to make that. But
like now he's not drinking, which is fine, but that
(42:05):
kind of just changes the dynamics a little bit, and
so that makes it harder because I'm always like, let's
just have a drink. But then also I'm like, Okay,
you're on your sober journey, so.
Speaker 1 (42:15):
Can I ask Josh here? So you've been on the
sober journey for a long time, Like what's the dynamic
of like asking somebody to.
Speaker 2 (42:21):
Go for a drink?
Speaker 1 (42:22):
Can you go somewhere that has five mocktails to choose from?
Speaker 3 (42:25):
Yeah, I just get a bitters and soda or a
club soda. Like I like being in bars. I don't
mind being in bars at all, you know, I think
like in terms of being bold, something like, hey, I
really like our dynamic. I really like the notes and
the you know, whatever you guys are doing, and say
I don't want that to change. I was just wondering,
like if we could maybe work in like a little
(42:46):
bit of making out and just see what that's like.
Speaker 5 (42:49):
That's all I want to do I just want to
make out with him, Yeah, and then we'll go from there,
just like, let me just make out with you one time,
and then maybe he hates it, maybe I hate and
then problem solved.
Speaker 3 (43:01):
Right. But I think also there's a there's a trick
in creative writing where they're like, I don't know how
to start this story, and they're like, well, tell me
the story, and then you tell them the story, and
you're like, that's it. That's that's how you tell the story. Like,
that's how you write the story. So everything you said
in the letter is like I really like this guy,
really like our dynamic. I just would really like to
make out with him, but I don't know how to
broach it. I think that's what you say.
Speaker 5 (43:22):
I love it, yeah, because all my guy friends are like,
he's giving you so much and you're not responding to
like the thing like if he says something to like
today he was like, I'm wearing my favorite jeans that
they're Vengeance Levis that I loved finding, and he's like,
I like your I like your jeans, and I'm just
(43:43):
like it's like it's clear he's flirting with me, but
I'm like, oh, thank you, like I don't I'm.
Speaker 4 (43:50):
Just but just you just need to go for it.
Speaker 2 (43:53):
Go for it. What's the worst thing that could happen.
He could say he's not interested. It sounds like he
is interested, and he's it sounds like he's not in
a position to make a move on you because he
is the owner of the business. So think about those
two things and send him a cute note. Send him
what Josh said, Send him something like, I know you
stop drinking. Any chance you want to come and watch
me have a drink, So you could say anything cute.
(44:14):
That's going to be that even if it's gets rejected,
which is also a step towards getting closer to your goals.
I believe even if this guy rejects you, I know
you haven't been attracted to anyone in eight years, you
will be again. You will be hopefully this is the guy.
But in case it, you know, like you have to
be you got it.
Speaker 4 (44:32):
You're stronger than that. That's silly, you know what I mean?
Speaker 2 (44:34):
Like rejection is whatever, And there's a lot of flirting
going on, so there's like proof in the pudding, and
you need to capitalize on this moment because what if
someone else comes along and is willing to capitalize on
the moment, like you.
Speaker 4 (44:46):
Got to jump in there.
Speaker 3 (44:48):
But also like rejection is good information because you can
move on with your life, like it's good to know,
and also it's it's win win the rejection. I think.
I think what Chelsea's saying is right.
Speaker 7 (44:58):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (44:59):
Yeah, So we're gonna need you to do something and
report back to us.
Speaker 4 (45:02):
Okay, I will for sure.
Speaker 2 (45:04):
Okay, we're going to give you one week and then
you have to call Catherine and let her know what happens.
Now I'm serious.
Speaker 5 (45:09):
Linging for Germany tomorrow, so he'll be gone for twelve days.
Speaker 2 (45:14):
Perfect.
Speaker 1 (45:14):
Then today it seems like a perfect time to do that.
Speaker 2 (45:17):
Actually, today does sound like a good day because I
did ask me how late can you stay at work?
And I was like, oh, oh my.
Speaker 6 (45:29):
Love.
Speaker 2 (45:30):
Yeah, Stephanie, wake up and smell the cappuccino.
Speaker 4 (45:33):
Go be body.
Speaker 2 (45:34):
It's very exciting that he's leaving for Germany. You could
leave him with a nice makeout session right before he
goes to Germany, and he's going to be thinking about
you the whole time.
Speaker 4 (45:43):
This is your moment, Okay.
Speaker 2 (45:45):
You got this, Okay, you and go, Stephanie, go go,
Stephanie go, Hi. Thanks bye. Okay, we're going to take
a break and we're going to come back and wrap
up with Josh Radner. And we're back with Josh Radner,
who has a new album called Uluji Volume Two.
Speaker 4 (46:06):
Where can you download it, Josh?
Speaker 3 (46:08):
Anywhere you can download any music music.
Speaker 2 (46:11):
It's like a podcast, guys. You can download it anywhere
you get your music. He also has a podcast. He's
the host of the podcast How We Made Your Mother,
And he's as charming as possible. So now I know
why we made out and didn't have sex. Josh, Actually,
because you are charming and yeah, and.
Speaker 4 (46:26):
You that was the right move.
Speaker 3 (46:28):
I don't think if we got sex, i'd be on
your podcast twenty years later. I think I you'd be surprised.
I see, oh really, yeah you would be.
Speaker 2 (46:35):
I feel like we've had somebody that I didn't clock
that I had sex with on and then after I
was like, wait a second.
Speaker 4 (46:40):
But anyway, Josh, thank you so much for being here today.
Speaker 3 (46:43):
It was great to be with you, guys. Yeah. Always
nice to see you and thanks for having me.
Speaker 6 (46:46):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (46:47):
Absolutely have a great day.
Speaker 3 (46:48):
Okay, bye bye bye byeanks.
Speaker 2 (46:51):
Okay, guys, the high and Mighty tour is about to begin.
I'm in DC February thirteenth. February fourteenth Atlantic city which
I just added. Fifteenth is Northfolk, Virginia. February nineteenth Madison, Wisconsin.
February twentieth is Milwaukee, Wisconsin. February twenty first Detroit, Michigan.
February twenty second, Rama, Ontario. That's Canada for those of
(47:12):
you who don't speak Canadia. March thirteenth, Cleveland, Ohio. March
fourteenth Columbus, Ohio. March fifteenth, Cincinnati, Ohio. And then March
twentieth is Denver, Colorado. March twenty seventh Portland, Maine. March
twenty eighth, Providence, Rhode Island. March twenty ninth, Springfield, Massachusetts.
(47:32):
April tenth is Chicago. I'll be at the Chicago Theater.
April eleventh Indianapolis, Indiana. April twelfth Louisville, Kentucky. April sixteenth
is Albuquerque, New Mexico. April seventeenth is Mesa, Arizona. April
twenty third is Kansas City, Missouri. April twenty fourth is
Saint Louis, Missouri. April twenty fifth is Minneapolis, Minnesota. April thirtieth, Nashville, Tennessee.
(47:57):
May first is Charlotte, North Carolina. May second, Durham, North Carolina.
May sixth I'm doing Netflix as a joke festival. I
will be in Los Angeles. That is a new announcement.
And May fifteenth Saratoga, California. May sixteenth, Monterey, California. May seventeenth, Modesto, California.
And then June fourth, Portchester, New York. June fifth is Boston,
(48:20):
mass And June twelfth is Portland, Oregon. And then Seattle
is June thirteenth, So suck on that, everybody. Go to
Chelseahandler dot com for tickets.
Speaker 1 (48:32):
Do you want advice from Chelsea? Right into Dear Chelsea
Podcast at gmail dot com. Find full video episodes of
Dear Chelsea on YouTube by searching at Dear Chelsea Pod.
Dear Chelsea is edited and engineered by Brad Dickert executive
producer Catherine Law And be sure to check out our
merch at Chelseahandler dot com
Hi, Catherine, Hi Chelsea.
Speaker 2 (00:03):
Hi, I'm in recovery mode.
Speaker 1 (00:05):
Oh did you You didn't have a spill, did you?
Speaker 2 (00:07):
Oh no, no, no, not that old recovery. I had
a lot of people at my house for the last
week and they and a lot of action, a lot
of people, a lot of things, and I am really
I just slept probably sixteen hours on Monday and another
twelve hours yesterday, so I'm starting to feel back to myself.
I have Vegas this weekend.
Speaker 1 (00:27):
Oh good, you got to prepare.
Speaker 2 (00:29):
Yes, I have some new material that I have to
test out for my new tour, the High and Mighty Tour,
which starts on February thirteenth, which we've actually made some
additions to. We've added some shows. We added Los Angeles,
I will be performing at the Netflix is a Joke
Festival that's on May sixth. We added Ronert Park, California.
(00:50):
The pre sale is live now April third. I'll be
in Rohnert Park. And also we added Atlantic City, which
is on Balantine's Day February fourteenth. So those new shows
have just been added to my High and Mighty tour,
and my first two shows out of the gate will
be in Washington, d C. Atlantic City and then Norfolk, Virginia,
(01:11):
February thirteenth, fourteenth, fifteenth. I will see you there.
Speaker 1 (01:16):
Excellent. Well, I'm excited about our guest today.
Speaker 2 (01:19):
Yes, our guest today has a new album called Eulogy
Volume two and he is the host of the podcast
How We Made Your Mother. So please welcome Josh Radner.
Speaker 3 (01:30):
Hi, Josh Radner, Hi, Chelsea, how are you?
Speaker 4 (01:33):
I'm good? How are you doing?
Speaker 2 (01:34):
You look so professorial with all of those but I
like the like the salt and pepper hair and then
the books behind you.
Speaker 4 (01:42):
It's painting quite a picture.
Speaker 3 (01:44):
You got just the vibe I'm going for.
Speaker 2 (01:46):
You know what I was thinking on my way over
to record this podcast today. I was thinking, Oh, I'm
interviewing Josh Radner. And then I was like, how do
I know Josh? And then I was like, did Josh
and I ever sleep together?
Speaker 3 (01:55):
We didn't sleep together, but we made out. I'm happy
to talk about it on the podcast.
Speaker 2 (01:58):
If you want great well recording, so let's go.
Speaker 3 (02:01):
Oh okay, yeah, you know how we met is Matt
Bouren and Jessica Golden.
Speaker 2 (02:05):
I think, oh, Jessica Golden, I remember Jessica. Do you
know where she is today? Jessica Golden?
Speaker 3 (02:10):
She she wrote me a couple months ago. But remind me, no,
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (02:14):
I'm curious. I haven't seen her in years.
Speaker 3 (02:16):
I haven't either, I'll have to check my texts. But
they took me to an evening that you were mceing
somewhere Melrose. What's the comedy club there?
Speaker 4 (02:26):
Improv?
Speaker 3 (02:27):
Yeah, the Improv?
Speaker 2 (02:27):
Maybe you were?
Speaker 5 (02:28):
You were?
Speaker 3 (02:29):
And I think it was my first season hiatus of
how I met your mother? And I had a big
long like hiatus.
Speaker 2 (02:34):
Beard and yes, it's coming back to me now.
Speaker 3 (02:37):
You came up to the bar and I said, great job,
and your first words to me you said you look
like a terrorist, and then you walked away. But then
later that night we ended up making out.
Speaker 2 (02:49):
Oh I knew something happened.
Speaker 4 (02:50):
I'm so glad. My memory isn't just shot, you.
Speaker 5 (02:53):
Know what I mean.
Speaker 3 (02:54):
But it was twenty years ago, and we didn't sleep together.
I do remember that.
Speaker 4 (02:56):
Okay, great, well that's great information to have.
Speaker 2 (02:59):
I'm glad.
Speaker 4 (02:59):
And did we make out at the improverty?
Speaker 3 (03:01):
No? No, no, no. You came to my little apartment
for a little while and then didn't you have a roommate?
Speaker 2 (03:06):
No, Oh, I'm okay, that I might be confusing with
with someone else. Now anyway, it's great to see you again,
Serio Ages and you're now you're married.
Speaker 4 (03:15):
Well, first of all, you're a musician and an actor.
Speaker 2 (03:18):
I mean, forgive me for not knowing this, but I
didn't even know you were a musician. Now this is
great information to have and to spread the word.
Speaker 4 (03:25):
He has a new.
Speaker 2 (03:26):
Album called Eulogy Volume two. So there's a Eulogy Volume
one I'm assuming which I'm going to listen to as
soon as possible. Correct, Yeah, Okay, here's a serious question.
Who is the more annoying group of artists as a
successful actor and musician? Now that I know you're both,
who is more? Who is more annoying as a group
(03:47):
of artists musicians or actors?
Speaker 3 (03:51):
I don't know. I don't I don't think of I
don't classify people by their of annoyance. But I will
say that the musicians I've met, especially in Los Angeles
where I now live in Brooklyn, but the musicians I
met in LA and in Nashville, where I've spent a
lot of time have been incredibly generous cool, collaborative people.
Acting is maybe a little more like mercenary like kind
(04:14):
of I don't know, but I've been doing it longer,
the acting, so I'm a little more like delighted by
the newness of the music. Do you know what I'm saying?
Speaker 2 (04:22):
Absolutely understand what you're saying. And I have to say
I have a couple of friends who are not they're
not out as musicians yet.
Speaker 4 (04:28):
They're working on music, but they are actors.
Speaker 2 (04:31):
Two of them specifically that I'm thinking of, and they
have the same exact sentiment. They're going to be coming
out with music and they're both pretty big stars, so like,
and I had no idea. I was like, wait, what
you guys and the like with that's way because we
have to get it right, you know, because yeah, so
you know, well known in these other arenas, I would
imagine the pressure is intense to get it right. But
they said the same thing about Nashville.
Speaker 4 (04:51):
And they also.
Speaker 2 (04:52):
Surprisingly told me that the music scene in Los Angeles
is far more not adaptable, Like it's just there's just
more go going on musically in LA than New York,
which surprised me. Would you agree with that that is true?
Speaker 3 (05:04):
I have found New York. I think it's a matter
of like the venues are just a little more like
active in La so like I started playing music at
the hotel cafe, which is like an incredibly intimate you know,
there's two stages that people were so nice. I kept
getting invited to these like songwriter evenings, and I get
up and do two or three songs and meet people
who ended up becoming collaborators. It was great.
Speaker 2 (05:26):
Yeah, that is fun. It's first of all, it's so
nice to not to have to do one thing. Not
that you have to do acting, but you know what
I mean, it's what you were saying earlier.
Speaker 4 (05:35):
I feel very aligned with that.
Speaker 2 (05:37):
I like to get to do a lot of different
things because otherwise I'll get too bored.
Speaker 4 (05:41):
And what I've noticed by doing a lot.
Speaker 2 (05:43):
Of things, I mean, it could be add or however
you want to frame it, or it could just be
like artistic behavior, you know, like the life of an
artist is like you kind of have to spread yourself
around a little. It's not always one thing. I guess
unless your van go it was one thing. Yeah, but
I'm sure he had other tricks up his sleeve too
that you probably don't know about, but I would say that,
and then the artistry kind of bleeds into each other.
(06:04):
Ye would you say that that's for me?
Speaker 3 (06:05):
For me, it's kind of like I think about there's
just like different ideas need a different form. Like sometimes
I have an idea and I'm like, well, that's a
ninety minute story, like that's a movie. I have another
idea and I'm like, that's a four minute song. I'm
not going to get anything more. It's actually better as
a song than it would be in a larger kind
of you know what I'm saying, I.
Speaker 2 (06:24):
Get a different Well, you've written, and you've written movies too,
and you wrote the Fleischmann's Fleischmann is in Trouble.
Speaker 3 (06:31):
No, I didn't write that. Taffy Brotus or actinga wrote it.
I acted in that.
Speaker 2 (06:35):
Oh you acted in that. Sorry, I thought you'd created that.
Speaker 3 (06:37):
That's very nice of you to think that. I'll tell
Taffy you thought that.
Speaker 4 (06:40):
Yeah, let's just keep pretending. Let you start that room anything.
I mentioned Jaws, he also wrote and directed.
Speaker 3 (06:45):
I did write Jaws. Yeah, I didn't direct Jaws. I
directed Close Encounters.
Speaker 4 (06:51):
Can you imagine?
Speaker 2 (06:52):
I was just I grew up on Martha's vineyard, like
in the summertime. So they actually shot that movie when
my brothers and sisters were in there, like, you know,
kids hundred ten years old. So they watched that shark
Bruce go up and down in the water in the
bay on Katama Bay, and they would not go in
the water for ten years after that.
Speaker 3 (07:08):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (07:09):
So what's your story, Josh? You're married, you have children?
Speaker 6 (07:11):
Now?
Speaker 3 (07:11):
No, we have a dog named Nelson who's somewhere around here.
Speaker 2 (07:15):
That's a good that's a good dog's name. Yeah, I
approve of that. Yeah, and are you are you planning
on having children? Are you anti children? What's your stance
on I'm not anti? Are you open minded about it?
You are? Okay? Good to know, great, just getting to
reno you.
Speaker 3 (07:28):
Yeah, we didn't cover everything the night we met.
Speaker 4 (07:30):
We do, I mean, yes, how could we have?
Speaker 2 (07:32):
We were obviously we were busy. Yeah, we were busy.
I was. I'm sure I was had a serious buzz going.
Are you sober now?
Speaker 3 (07:40):
I'm so. I'm like California.
Speaker 2 (07:42):
Sober, meaning only weed, Is that right?
Speaker 3 (07:45):
I like weed, I like psychedelics. I don't I don't drink.
I haven't had a drink in about seven or eight years.
But I like, I still like altering the consciousness. I
just don't do it with cruise anymore, you know.
Speaker 4 (07:55):
Yeah, that seems to be the trend, you know.
Speaker 2 (07:57):
I mean I still drink because I have a real
affinity for alcohol, but I definitely drink a lot less
because of all of the other good stuff available now,
like the healthier stuff. Like if you're microdosing, whether it's
psilocybin or LSD or whatever you're into, you definitely don't
drink as much as I used to do for sure.
Speaker 3 (08:16):
Yeah, for me, alcohol was just it just unleashed some
part of me that was not great. I also, I
don't know, I have it in my family. It just
felt like a good move to make. But I still
like I didn't have an off switch with alcohol. I
have it with everything else.
Speaker 2 (08:31):
Yeah that's interesting.
Speaker 4 (08:32):
Yeah, yeah, there's a lot of people.
Speaker 2 (08:34):
That don't have an off switch with alcohol.
Speaker 3 (08:37):
I was like, one is good, four is better, you know.
Speaker 2 (08:40):
Yeah, four is better. And then you get that look
in your eye, that empty, vacant look in your eye,
and you're like, it's time to take you home, sweetie. Yeah,
sometimes you're talking to yourself. You do this podcast, I'll
watch podcasts with How I Met Your Mother, you rewatch
episodes together and discuss Well.
Speaker 3 (08:55):
Yeah, it's with one of the co creators of the show,
Craig Thomas.
Speaker 2 (08:57):
I already told you you've created everything that we're going to
talk about today. Yeah, I've created cute if you want
to shout out names to other people, Yeah, going to
edit that from the podcast.
Speaker 3 (09:06):
It's called How We Made Your Mother. It started because
my wife Jordana had never seen the show and she
really wanted to watch it, and I kind of felt
like ready to watch it again. I hadn't seen it
in so many years. So I called Craig, who's a
really dear friend and I love talking to him, and
I was like, do you want to do something a
little more formal and just like go through the show
and talk about it. And you know, it's a rewatch
(09:26):
and we don't cover it in like granular detail every episode,
but we really do talk about like the major kind
of themes of what was up. We talk about what
worked still, what didn't work, what no longer kind of works.
It's kind of like this meta thing because the whole
series was structured as this older guy looking back on
his younger years and now we're like older looking back
on this thing we made.
Speaker 2 (09:46):
I know that show was that was like nine seasons. Ye. Correct,
So and you were the very first person cast in
that show. Is that accurate?
Speaker 3 (09:53):
That is true? Yeah, me and Kobe Smolders were the first. Yeah,
but I was the very first person who auditioned on
the very first day. That is that is true?
Speaker 2 (10:02):
Okay, Yeah, that is wild. I mean nine years of
your life is such a big chunk of your life,
so big.
Speaker 3 (10:08):
Yeah. I always thought about it. I was like, it's
high school plus college plus one.
Speaker 4 (10:13):
Year plus like a mini PhD.
Speaker 3 (10:15):
Yeah, a gap year or whatever. I mean, it was
so long, and also it flies by. I mean it's
so weird. Like the thing you're describing of like wanting
to go from thing to thing. That's like a little
thing probably we share is like a little bit of
a mercurial personality, like we want to go from thing
to thing. And you never think when you get into
this industry, I'm going to be doing something for nine years.
Like that's insane, right right.
Speaker 2 (10:35):
And also, in like the regular world, if you were
to go into any job, I wonder if people want
to go into a job thinking I want to be
here for nine years. You know, usually if you're really
kind of like my professional friends go to a company
and they'll be like, oh, I'll stay here for five
to six years and then I'll move on to something else.
Speaker 3 (10:53):
Right.
Speaker 2 (10:53):
But I don't know if that's like a different level
of employment, you know, or if some people are just
looking for any stability whatsoever. But if you were to
go into something knowing it would last that long, I
wonder if our decisions would be the same.
Speaker 3 (11:04):
Well, you have to, I mean when you test for
the pilot, I think it's still like this. You have
to sign a seven year contract, you know, so, but
statistically that never happens, you.
Speaker 2 (11:14):
Know, right, But in your case, it exceeded the seven years.
But you're so grateful in that moment when you're signing
that fucking You're like, please give me seven years of
a salary. Please. You never could imagine that you would
either grow bored, and I'm not saying you did. I
just speak from my own experience that you would grow
bored or experience any sort of on Wii or you know,
like get tired of something. You think.
Speaker 3 (11:36):
Well, I was like, please give me my health insurance.
Like I was, like, really wanted something to go. And
if you look at nine years of your life, any
nine year chunk, you're going to be bored, frustrated and
elate it like it's everything, you know what I mean. Like,
no one wants to hear that you had a bad
day on your hit TV show, but like, of course
you do. You know, you also have really fun days.
Speaker 2 (11:58):
Yeah, and you had such a great cast all. I mean,
everybody in that cast is a solid, normal, mostly normal person.
Speaker 3 (12:05):
I don't know them, depends on the day, but yeah,
mostly yeah.
Speaker 2 (12:07):
Well, of course, I mean, we are dealing with actors,
but as far as actors go, you got a good
batch to work with, that's for sure.
Speaker 3 (12:14):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (12:14):
I love Kobe Smoulders, I love Jason Siegel, I love Kaylee.
Now it says here that you struggle to separate yourself
from the role that you played, and that you struggled
with fame. Talk to me about that.
Speaker 3 (12:25):
I wouldn't say I struggled with separating myself from the role.
I felt like I struggled with other people not willing
or wanting to separate me from the role. You know
what I mean? I knew who I was all the time.
I knew who I you know, I knew I was
playing a role. It's like, you know, it's such a
head trip, like so many people and people watch the
show over and over. There's these people that are I
(12:47):
love them, but they're obsessed with the show and they
watch it over so they've spent so much time with
me as this one person. I filmed this thing, I
banked it. I've moved on with my life and I've
I don't think about that. I don't know the show
the way they know the show. I don't. I'm not
saturated in it the way they are. So when they
meet me, it's almost like I offend them by having
another life and another name and another you know what
(13:09):
I mean.
Speaker 1 (13:10):
And it will say, of anyone we've ever had on
the show, I think you have the most thriving, like
reddit life, like you know what I mean. Like people
are out there like still having conversations about the show.
Speaker 3 (13:19):
Oh yeah, yeah, no, it's crazy. It's wild. I was
just on Jesse Tyler Ferguson's podcast. We were just talking about,
you know, because he was on Modern Family for so long,
and we were talking about like the weirdness of people
wanting you to be that character and wanting and interpreting
everything you say and do through the lens of the character.
So it was strange. I mean I think there was
(13:40):
there was one level it was that, and the other
level it was just you know, the erosion of ananymity
and you know, it's it was weird. I just found
it very destabilizing. I'm used to it now, like I
know how to walk through an airport and take a
few photos of people and move on with my day.
It's not like it's not a huge deal, but like
at the time, I was really unsettled by it.
Speaker 2 (14:00):
I would imagine that's true for a lot of actors.
For me, I'm like, you know, I am kind of
what I am on TV, so it's a different I'm
not playing a character, right, you know, my persona is
who I am pretty much.
Speaker 6 (14:10):
You know.
Speaker 2 (14:11):
Luckily it's even better, I mean, hopefully it's even better
a person. But I don't struggle with that. So I'm
always curious to hear actors talk about that, because it
would be really fucking annoying for people to expect you
to be a character in the middle of the day
on a street in Los Angeles. That's really annoying.
Speaker 3 (14:26):
Yeah. Yeah, I had a girlfriend years ago who said, man,
you're a lot nicer when people come up and say
your real name and want to talk to about one
of the movies you directed. You know, Like I just
had this weird but I've really I've made peace so
much with it, and part of it, the rewatching of
the show has brought me some peace where I remember
(14:46):
watching these episodes, you know, twenty years ago, and I
was so hard on myself. But now I watch it
and I'm like, you were young, you were also doing
a really good job and a really hard role. Like
I have a lot more compassion for myself at this
age looking back on it. I also have a lot
more understanding of why people love the show in some
weird way, Like I couldn't understand why people are so
(15:08):
obsessed with it. I Mean I was like, it's good,
but why have you dedicated your life to it? Like
why is it a religion? But now I get that,
Like it really teaches people something about those years, like
those twenty five to thirty five, which are really pivotal
interesting times in people's lives, you know.
Speaker 2 (15:24):
Right, we're talking about the show how I Met your Mother,
and then we're talking about Josh's podcast, which is How
We Made Your Mother. It sounds like you've also done
a lot of self reflection and like probably therapy, I'm
assuming correct.
Speaker 3 (15:35):
Sure. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (15:36):
From everything I'm you know, was reading about you in
preparation for this interview, it sounds like you have a
a lot of like stuff you want to get out,
you know, especially with the music. It's nice to have
the freedom to be able to direct, to be able
to act, to be able to sing, like these guitar
ballads that are on your album that I was reading
some of the lyrics of, and it's really just a
(15:57):
testament to the creative spirit. I think, when you really
could do all of these things aptly and want and
have the desire to keep doing it and keep producing things.
Speaker 3 (16:07):
Yeah, yeah, thanks. I mean, I you know, when I
was in drama school, like I just wanted to do
an episode of Law and Order, and then you do
that and you're like, oh, wait, maybe I could actually
be on one of these shows for a while, or
maybe I could be on Broadway or and the you know,
it's hard because the carrot keeps moving. But at the
same time, when you do one thing, it kind of
like unquirks this thing of like, oh, what if I
(16:29):
tried that, or what if I tried that? And I
started writing songs with my friend Ben Lee, who's a
great Australian songwriter. So I kind of apprenticed with this
great songwriter. Like I took it very seriously as a craft,
you know. I was. I didn't like go in with
the producer and be like, here's three lines make a song.
Like I really tried to get under the hood of
how songs are made. And it's just been it's been
so satisfying.
Speaker 2 (16:51):
Oh that's so nice to hear. Where do you think
you find your like happiest version of yourself.
Speaker 3 (16:57):
I feel like when I have my hooks and a
song or like a script, and there's like just like
a good writing day is like truly the most satisfying
thing for me. When you catch the wave, you know.
And it's not like I mean I don't mind like
chiseling away at something, but like when you catch a wave.
There's kind of a thing of like the afternoon walk
with my dog and then writing a song and my
(17:20):
wife is a psychologist, like waiting for her to come
down from the office and get dinner in our sweet
little neighborhood. Like like like pleasures are like small these days,
but I mean like cosmically big, but small in the
grand scheme of things. And I really liked the last
you know, year and a half we've been married. Is
just felt very sweet.
Speaker 4 (17:39):
That's sweet.
Speaker 2 (17:40):
I love to hear a straight man talk like this. Now,
what is your So your wife's a psychologist, How does
that play out in your marriage?
Speaker 3 (17:48):
It's good because I'm pretty psychologically minded, you know, and
I can speak that language. And she really loves stories
and television and movies, and she has no desire to
be in front. But her story instincts are unbelievably good.
Like she always knows what's about to happen in something.
She's like always a little bit ahead of things. And
when she reads things, I really trust her eye in
(18:11):
her ear like she's she's she's a great shadow collaborator
in certain ways.
Speaker 4 (18:15):
I just read this term called proleptic irony.
Speaker 2 (18:19):
Do you know what that is? When the audience knows
it's just what you're describing about your wife, When the
audience knows something's going to happen in a movie or
a book before the characters do oh, So as the
reader or as the viewer, it's called proleptic irony. And
then there's another part of there's another form of irony
which is not as relevant to this conversation. But I
thought that was such a good thing that there was
(18:39):
a term for that. I like knowing that, yeah, yeah,
exactly does she psychoanalyze you ever? Or is she just
too tired from working that she doesn't have time for that?
Speaker 3 (18:48):
Legitimately she is too tired. She doesn't. We don't. We
don't really do that. I mean it's more of like,
do you want to Like what was that? I heard
a great thing? That was like when when someone comes
to you and they're all worked up, you say, do
you want a toolbox, a tissue box, or a soapbox?
So it's like the soapbox is like you just want
to vent? The toolboxes do you want some help working
(19:12):
through this? And the tissue boxes like do you just
want to release it and let it go? And uh,
I think we're pretty good. Like I've had enough relationships
where I'm like, I don't do the fucking thing. I mean,
sometimes you fall into it, but like I don't get
in there and try to fix it, you know, but
a lot of times she's so she's seen you know,
six or seven patients in a day, and she's like
(19:33):
and on zoom right, and she is that is closed
for business, right. So then we're just figuring out where
to go to dinner.
Speaker 7 (19:40):
You know.
Speaker 2 (19:40):
Yeah, that's nice. It's nice to figure out where to
go to dinner in New York City.
Speaker 3 (19:44):
I love that we're in Fort Green, which has some
of the best restaurants in New York. And we went
to Italy on our honeymoon and we were like, I
mean it's good, but like it genuinely you get spoiled
in New York.
Speaker 2 (19:55):
As good as New York.
Speaker 3 (19:56):
I mean some of it is. Yeah, you sorry, Italy.
We had a great time though.
Speaker 7 (20:01):
I know.
Speaker 2 (20:01):
I think you're right though, Like it's kind of like Mexico.
Speaker 4 (20:04):
You go to it like I was in like I
go when I was in.
Speaker 2 (20:07):
Mexico City, I was so excited about all the food
and I was like, this is not what I envisioned
at all. And I'm like, I feel like we might
have better Mexican food in Los Angeles.
Speaker 3 (20:17):
Yeah, it's almost like, uh, do you remember that movie
John Carter. It was like it was basically like a
novel that George Lucas plundered for all this inspiration for
Star Wars, and then they made a John Carter movie
and then everyone's like it's like a Star Wars rip off,
and it's like, no, that was the original thing that
George Lucas loved. And I feel like Italian food or
Mexican food is probably like that, where it's like that's
(20:38):
the og thing, but we like took it and made
it something else.
Speaker 2 (20:42):
Yeah, exactly, so now that's right. We've acclimated too, and
we're like, we think that's right, exactly exactly. Same thing
with pizza. You know there's that famous pizzeria in Rome.
Did you go to Rome on your honeymoon?
Speaker 3 (20:52):
Well, we flew through. We were up in the north.
Speaker 2 (20:55):
It's like called the Cemetery or something. It's everyone goes there,
and I went there and I was like, this is
really disappointing. Meanwhile, you know, you can't say anything because
you're like, fuck, I don't even want to sound like
an idiot, but I do not like this. If I
lived in New York, I would just be twice the
size of myself every night before I go to bed
in New York City, I have to have a piece
of pizza. Yeah, I hope if I lived there, I
wouldn't act like that, because I do want to live
(21:16):
in New York City one day. I just have to
wait for my hell that is Los Angeles house to
be done being built, which I bitch about on this
podcast all the time, So there's no reason you shouldn't
be privy to it as well, Josh.
Speaker 3 (21:28):
Fine, but also in New York you end up eating
it like ten o'clock, like a full dinner at ten o'clock,
and La, you're just it's a whole difference.
Speaker 2 (21:35):
I would like to be up at ten o'clock, you
know what I mean? Yea, And that New York would
even provide me that LA is Sleepyville.
Speaker 3 (21:41):
Now, LA makes you very elderly, very quickly. You're like
five point thirty dinner, You're asleep at eight, you know
what I mean.
Speaker 2 (21:47):
Like I said, I have to move to New York soon,
because otherwise I will be too Like at least it's motivating.
You're always going out and there's too much happening around
to not participate in some of the action In New
York She's just telling my friend. I'm like, I'm gonna
have to move to New York otherwise I'll die in
like five or ten years because all I do when
I'm in LA is sleep. I honestly went to bed
(22:08):
last night at like eight forty five. I was like,
I took it edible, and I was like, oh, fuck it. Yeah,
you know, like what am I watching? Nothing important? Right now?
Speaker 3 (22:15):
I just sold my house in La Like I'm fully
living in New York, Like I just closed on it
like three weeks ago.
Speaker 4 (22:21):
Could you have sold my house?
Speaker 2 (22:22):
With your house as like a little couplet.
Speaker 3 (22:24):
Where are you staying In the meantime.
Speaker 4 (22:26):
I'm staying currently with my friend Kat. Thank you Cat.
Speaker 2 (22:29):
She's put up with me. We're like basically turning into
a lesbian couple. She cooks, she's a busy career woman.
She takes such good care of me. I bring nothing
to the table, And in terms of domesticity, I am
as useless or as useful I should say, as an
Astrana motorcycle when it comes to domesticity. But I provide
personality and I like to finance things. So that's what
(22:52):
I'm good for. You know, you have to find your
strengths in this world, and those are mine, Josh, those
are mine. On that note, we're going to take a
break and we'll be right back with Josh Rodner. And
we're back.
Speaker 4 (23:06):
With Josh Radner.
Speaker 2 (23:07):
He has a new album out called Eulogy Volume two,
and everything's just under your name.
Speaker 4 (23:12):
You don't have a band's name, no, just my name.
Speaker 2 (23:14):
Yeah, Josh, are you ready to take some questions from
some callers?
Speaker 4 (23:17):
We dole out advice here like professionals.
Speaker 3 (23:20):
Oh wow, I didn't know this. Okay, Yeah, I'm surprised.
Speaker 2 (23:23):
You're gonna love it. Everyone loves it. Yes.
Speaker 1 (23:25):
Well, our first question is just an email. This comes
from Nicky. She says, Dear Chelsea, I'm writing because I'm
struggling with a situation in my marriage and could really
use some outside perspective.
Speaker 2 (23:35):
Oh perfect. We have a married man here, right exactly,
and a married woman, Yeah, exactly.
Speaker 1 (23:39):
My husband and I have been married for ten months.
Eight months ago, we moved across the country for his job,
which meant I had to leave all my friends and
family behind. We're still adjusting to the new city and
he now travels frequently for work. A few weeks ago,
I went to visit friends, and while I was gone,
my husband went out to a bar. I had this
nagging feeling and knew something was off and I got back,
(24:00):
so I ended up going through his phone. I know,
I know, not proud of this. What I found was
that he had texted a girl he met at the
bar around two am. He had apparently left, and he
was asking her to come back out to the bar,
offering to pay for her uber. It didn't seem to
go beyond texting, but the fact that he was actively
pursuing another woman while I was visiting friends, the friends
(24:21):
I had to leave behind because of his career, feels
like such a betrayal totally. When I confronted him, he
apologized and seemed genuinely sorry, But I can't shake the
feeling that he's getting more comfortable seeking attention from other women.
The combination of frequent travel, us being apart often, and
now this incident has my trust at an all time low.
Here's what I'm struggling with. I hate that I felt
(24:41):
compelled to go through his phone, but my gut instinct
was right.
Speaker 3 (24:45):
Now.
Speaker 1 (24:45):
I'm worried he'll just get better at hiding things. I
also feel especially vulnerable because I'm isolated in this new
city without my support system, and it feels like he
took advantage of the moment I left town. We're planning
to have a serious conversation about this, and I'm considering
couple's therapy, but I'm not sure if I'm we're reacting
or if this is as big of a red flag
as it feels. How do I know if this is
something we can work through or if I'm just setting
(25:06):
myself up to be a detective in my own marriage?
And how do I deal with the fact that I
moved my entire life for someone who might not be
as committed to our marriage as I thought. Thanks, Nikki,
it's a lot.
Speaker 2 (25:18):
I would say that's a big, big.
Speaker 4 (25:20):
Red flag and really unfortunate.
Speaker 2 (25:22):
First of all, I'm so sorry, Nikki that you're dealing
with that, But I'm of the belief that, like when
something like that happens, it has to become such a
big deal to make the first time the last time.
You have to get into counseling right away with somebody
with a therapist to understand why he would even allow
himself to get to that place to be drunkenly texting
somebody at two o'clock in the morning is so disrespectful,
(25:44):
so unacceptable. You're ten months into your marriage. That is
a huge red flag that he's doing that. And while
I wouldn't say, like, oh god, you got to divorce him,
you have to immediately draw attention to the matter. There
have to be consequences to those kinds of actions. I
don't care about anyone going through anyone's phone. I mean,
it's not ideal, but if somebody does and they find something,
it's usually because if a female instinct and you want
(26:05):
to like, you're not pouring through your husband's phone all
day long, but now that she saw that, she's going
to do it again.
Speaker 1 (26:10):
It's woman's intuition, Like we cannot always know. And I
do agree with you. I think that this is something
that they can work through. But like, get into therapy immediately,
and this is not going to be two sessions. He's
obviously having some Peter Pan stuff about like, oh god,
I'm married now, I still want to sell my wild oats.
But like, I do think if he's committed to getting
past that, you guys can get past it.
Speaker 2 (26:30):
Right. What do you think, Josh From the male perspective, well,
I think first of all, it's like a pretty insightful letter,
like she has some real self awareness, and I think
that that is terrific.
Speaker 3 (26:42):
I hope her husband has similar kind of self awareness.
He might be in a fog of like you said,
like Peter Pan, like, I understand all that. It's like
women have their own version of this, but I think
men sometimes marriage can feel like the end of like
hanging up some aspect of yourself that was like that
very energizing and fun and exciting. But in a good
relationship all that stuff can come out to play and
(27:03):
still be active. But I think you're right, it's like
it's no good. I mean it's almost like live your
life in such a way that no one needs to
go through your phone, Like that's a good way to be,
you know, like you want to feel like your public
face and your private face are the same, especially in
your marriage. I mean, if I was like keeping massive
(27:24):
secrets from my wife, I would find this marriage really
hard to be in. So yes, I feel like you
got to establish guidelines where it's like we're transparent with
each other, where the behavior doesn't you don't have these
side behaviors because you're obviously trying to escape something that's
a bigger issue, which is why couple's therapy is inevitable
for the.
Speaker 2 (27:43):
Right couple's therapy and then individual therapy for him too,
because it's also really so unfair to put your partner
through that. To know that she has a job that
takes her out of town, and now every time she
goes out of town, this is what's going to be
on her mind instead of her being able to focus
on her job and be, you know, the best in
her career that she could be, and all of the
goals that she wants to attain.
Speaker 4 (28:03):
Or reach or aspire to whatever.
Speaker 2 (28:05):
Like you're putting an onus on her now to actually
have to be preoccupied with your childish behavior and because
you're drunk at two o'clock in the.
Speaker 3 (28:13):
Morning's l in like the mother role and him and
the child role, which is very unsexy. I would say
that her larger question, am I overreacting?
Speaker 2 (28:23):
I would say no, yes, correct, we all agree that
you're not overreacting.
Speaker 1 (28:28):
And you know, I think people don't talk enough about
how hard that first year of marriage can be. I
know in my life, like we went through probably like
two years of therapy about a year and we started
going to therapy and like, I just didn't know what
I didn't know. You know, it really helped me. It's
why I'm still married twenty years later, fifteen years later.
Speaker 2 (28:48):
What like and what were some of the like the
challenges of being married in your first year.
Speaker 1 (28:53):
Well, it's a big adjustment. Like even people I found
friends of mine who are like, well, we've been living
together forever, so it's not going to change anything. But
I think it's an expectation shift where people are like, oh,
they're going to come home at a certain time, or
we're gonna like, you know, no one's gonna stay up
watching TV, We're gonna go to bed together whatever.
Speaker 2 (29:08):
Like little annoying. There's a lot, honestly, I mean having
to go to bed together every night. I mean opt
out of that. I think any healthy couple doesn't do
that every single night. Yeah, correct, obviously you can't.
Speaker 3 (29:20):
I mean that I had some friends who've been married
a long time and they maintain that is their secret
is they go to bed.
Speaker 2 (29:26):
They go to bed together every single night at the
same time. Yeah, oh wow, wow interesting. I have to
think about that on my drive home. I'm not so
sure about that.
Speaker 1 (29:35):
I will also say I think one of the big
keys for us was, like, you know, they say never
go to bed angry. For us, it was like, go
to bed angry because you like maybe have had a
couple of drinks, and even if not, you're tired, you're grumpy,
You're circling the same drain over and over and over,
like go to bed. You wake up and you're like,
what were.
Speaker 4 (29:50):
We faced, like holding off on sending that email at night? Yeah,
and an angry email.
Speaker 2 (29:54):
That's like the.
Speaker 3 (29:54):
Most like common, somewhat dumbest marital advice. Everyone says it,
and you're like, think about that, go to bed angry
sometimes and wake up and be in a better place.
Speaker 4 (30:06):
Yeah, But also who fucking came up with that? That
we have these like it's one.
Speaker 2 (30:09):
Of those axioms of life, like don't go to bed angry.
Speaker 4 (30:12):
It's like almost like something that you know, any idiot.
Speaker 2 (30:15):
Could have said. And then everyone's like, yeah, let me
just repeat that rent cycle and repeat.
Speaker 1 (30:19):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (30:21):
Do you have any rules that you and your wife
follow about maintaining I mean you obviously see them very
well balanced, Josh, and that.
Speaker 3 (30:27):
You know, well, it's been a hard one. It hasn't
always been that way. My wife had she said, I
only have two rules, which I thought were incredibly sensible.
One was be kind, which I think is great, and
the other one when she said, don't read my journals.
She's kept journals like for years and years and years,
and she's you know, and she has a friend that
in the event of her untimely death, her one job
(30:49):
is to come to the apartment and get all the
journals and burn them. Like she's very sincere about, like,
no one is to see these. These are just for me.
Speaker 4 (30:58):
Which only would pique my interesting.
Speaker 2 (31:01):
Yeah, I know it hasn't I honor it, but yeah, yeah,
I mean that talk about a betrayal reading somebody's journals.
Speaker 4 (31:10):
I can't even believe people still write with their hands.
Speaker 2 (31:13):
I had this, I had this. I got that new
Gratitude journal, and I was like, okay, I want to
do it in the morning and at night every night.
And then my friends like, oh, you could do it
on your you know, you could download the app and
do it on your phone.
Speaker 4 (31:22):
I'm like I could type. I'm like I could only
get through.
Speaker 2 (31:25):
You know, when you're writing now, it's like so hard
to write for some reason what I know and I
can't fit all the words. It's like my handwriting sucks now,
and I'm like, if I type it, I get so
much more in then I want to list ten things
instead of three things you know that made today great,
et cetera.
Speaker 4 (31:41):
So yeah, I'm all about the phone. Now I've given up.
Speaker 2 (31:44):
We're living through the technology age and now we're living
through the artificial insemination and intelligency. Two things I don't
want anything to do is I don't want to deal
with AI.
Speaker 1 (31:55):
Well, our next email comes from Ali. She is calling
in so she says, my name is Ali. I'm thirty two,
and my brother thirty one, is my best friend. Don't worry.
I have other friends, like a healthy number, but for
a lot of reasons, including complex family dynamics, our shared
dark sense of humor, and the bond we formed caring
for our grandma during her dementia years, He's been the
most important relationship in my life for a long time.
(32:17):
Here's where it gets tricky. In the past year, he's
entered a serious relationship. I've known this girlfriend for years
and I think she's lovely. This isn't one of those
I hate my brother's girlfriend situations.
Speaker 2 (32:28):
Sounds like it's going.
Speaker 1 (32:29):
To be, though, but something about it just isn't fully
clicking for me emotionally. It's not jealousy and it's not drama.
It's just change, and apparently I'm not thriving in it.
We live next door to each other, because of course
we do, and I'm realizing I've built a little too
much of my identity around this brother bestie dynamic. Most
of my other close friends are getting married, having babies,
(32:49):
or moving on to new life phases. And while I'm
good with my own path, I think I need more
tools to invest in me again. So how do I
begin to lovingly create space between me and my brother,
who is again still my favorite person, without feeling like
I'm pushing him away. I don't want to be weird
or dramatic. I just want some practical, emotionally intelligent action
items for carving out a little independence without breaking the bond. Ali.
Speaker 2 (33:12):
Hi, Ali, this is our special guest today, Josh Radner. Hi,
nice to meet you.
Speaker 4 (33:17):
And that's so sweet that you're best friends with your brother.
Speaker 2 (33:19):
I love that.
Speaker 4 (33:20):
That's really nice.
Speaker 2 (33:21):
I understand that you're dealing with change, but you know what,
Listen This is not like everyone has problems with change.
I mean not everybody, but so many people have problems
with change. I have problems with making adjustments. And actually,
you know, having somebody else come in, even if your
best friend wasn't your brother, you would it would probably
be hard for you for your best friend to have
a relationship and being introduced to them. So give yourself
(33:43):
a little bit of grace and I would just whatever
you're into, just like exercise more of those activities. Like literally,
like if you're into pilates, make sure that you're allotting
time for that. Make sure you're allotting time for your friends.
You have friends, I'm assuming I have a.
Speaker 7 (33:57):
Lot of friends. I go to prelatis every day. I
do pottery.
Speaker 2 (34:01):
You created that, yeah, and you have hobbies you like pottery.
Speaker 6 (34:06):
It's more like, like I said, I like love his girlfriend.
Speaker 7 (34:10):
I think she's fantastic.
Speaker 6 (34:12):
I just realized, like when he got into the relationship
that my identity was like more closely tied, and like
right now it's fantastic and amazing. Everybody's out here. There's
like a lot going on, but in the off season,
there's not a lot to going on, you know.
Speaker 7 (34:30):
It's like small town.
Speaker 6 (34:32):
You know everyone, it's very condensed and like everyone's in
each other's business.
Speaker 2 (34:38):
And do you feel like during those winter months when
it is a collieter that you are encroaching on their
private life, like because I don't think your identity is
tied to your brother unless you actively like your brother
and sister, that's not going to change.
Speaker 6 (34:51):
Yeah, we're very much in the same like social circle too,
And I just like I felt like, oh my god,
like I don't need to be like i'd be lying
with his.
Speaker 7 (35:00):
Girlfriends all the time. Like it was just like I
just want to be like chill and cool and like
I don't know, I don't know.
Speaker 6 (35:10):
It's it's like I don't I don't know if there's
like a correct answer or like even like a piece
of advice.
Speaker 3 (35:15):
Can I offer something Ali perhaps, Like my wife has
this theory that like if we're a solar system, like
and you're this son, your brother was like Mercury, but
he might have to be Venus, like he might have
to like go like one planet away, you know, where
it's like you're still in relationship, you're still in the
same solar system. And I think when people partner off
(35:37):
dynamics have to change because the primary relationship is like
the relationship.
Speaker 7 (35:41):
Yeah, you know, I love her analogies.
Speaker 3 (35:44):
Isn't that cool? I do? There's like a really cool
opportunity for you to, like what Chelsea said, like lean
into other stuff, grow other parts of yourself, also grow
other friendships, and you know, just follow the seeds. And
then I think your relationship with your brother will like
take its new place the solar system, and it'll start
to feel right. But you're just in the like adjustment
change period, which is yeah.
Speaker 7 (36:05):
Itunds like a meteor like yeah around.
Speaker 4 (36:08):
Yeah, you're like in the liminal phase.
Speaker 2 (36:11):
That's what that is, right where you're kind of in
between two things. But also just you know, like in
thinking about it in thoughts like towards your brother, towards
his girlfriend.
Speaker 4 (36:19):
How long have they been together?
Speaker 7 (36:21):
Like over a year?
Speaker 2 (36:22):
Okay? Just I would say, like lead with your heart
and lead with love, like don't overthink things too much.
Don't think, oh my god, am I spending too much
time here? Like you can have those thoughts, but don't
overanalyze your relationship because it is your brother. You do
have a relationship. It sounds like you have a pretty
healthy relationship with his girlfriend. You know that you're gonna
like try and grow these other parts, that's Josh said,
(36:45):
very eloquently, grow these other parts of yourself, but also
just lead with love, like don't punish anyone for these circumstances,
and don't make it like you know, oh I'm gonna
I'm not gonna be available to them, because I don't
want them to think I'm too available, like I have.
Speaker 4 (36:57):
My own life, Like, don't play games like that.
Speaker 2 (37:00):
Just lead with your heart and really try and be
as present as possible when you're with both of them,
because like what Josh said, I want to echo like
there is a new version of this coming around, and
it's in these in between stages that get so sticky,
I think for all of us when we don't know
where you know, what we knew is not exactly right anymore,
and what's to come isn't exactly happening yet, so we
(37:22):
kind of get stuck. And it's actually a really nice
phase for you to really get in touch with yourself
and really be present in the relationship and show up
like heart forward, love first and totally with no judgment
towards yourself or them. Yeah, okay to practice that. Yeah, okay, well,
thanks for calling in. I love that question and I
(37:42):
love Josh's answer, and I feel like, yeah, good, good,
good luck with everything.
Speaker 7 (37:47):
Thank you, and good luck with whatever you're promoting. Josh
can't wait to listen to the episode.
Speaker 2 (37:52):
And he got a new album out.
Speaker 4 (37:54):
And he's got a new album out.
Speaker 2 (37:55):
You can download yes, yeah on.
Speaker 7 (37:57):
Spotify right now or download on iTunes.
Speaker 3 (38:00):
Yeah, but it's called.
Speaker 2 (38:00):
Eulogy Eulogy Volume two by Josh Radner. You could download
it anywhere.
Speaker 7 (38:06):
Yeah, okay, amazing, Well, thanks great, Thanks Sally.
Speaker 2 (38:11):
Your new album is going to get her into her
Venus dynamic with her brother. She's gonna end up sleeping
with her brother. Watch what this podcast leads to. Oh well.
Speaker 1 (38:21):
Our last question today comes from Stephanie and she is
forty eight. She says, Dear Chelsea, I recently started working
for a smallish local business. My friend connected me with
the owner and we instantly had a connection even before
we met in person. Once we met in person, it
was even more intoxicating. Nothing inappropriate has happened, but over
(38:41):
the last five months I have just crushed so hard
it goes in waves where he I think flirts with
me and then stops. We really get along and just mesh.
I think constantly that I just want to make out
with him. It's to the point where we're passing friendly,
work appropriate touches. We text each other randomly, almost just
to let the other know the other one. No, we're
thinking about each other without actually saying it. I've never
(39:03):
in my life been this drawn to someone so magnetically.
He even gave me a plant. If that wasn't a sign,
I don't know what is. I mean, a love fern?
Who does that? I don't want to get fired. I
don't think he would, but I also don't want to
quit because I love my job. How can I just
make out with him?
Speaker 2 (39:18):
Just do it already?
Speaker 5 (39:19):
What?
Speaker 2 (39:20):
Hello, Hi, Stephanie, this is our special guest today, Josh Radnor.
Say hello to him.
Speaker 3 (39:25):
Hi, Hi, gosh, Hi.
Speaker 2 (39:28):
Look you look like you're like having an affair sitting
there like you act like you're doing something terribly wrong.
Speaker 4 (39:34):
What kind of work do you do?
Speaker 7 (39:36):
That?
Speaker 2 (39:36):
This is so? I mean, honestly, I feel like work
romances are just you know, unless there's some huge power dynamic,
there's really nothing wrong with them.
Speaker 5 (39:44):
So I am an operations director for a small ish company.
But I work very closely with the own.
Speaker 3 (39:54):
And can I ask though the owner he's not married,
he's single, Yeah, he is single.
Speaker 2 (39:59):
He's divorced. Okay, so he's still single. Yes, okay, So
I think you need to make your move, sister, Like
five months, what do you do?
Speaker 1 (40:09):
You can't make the move, right, he.
Speaker 2 (40:10):
Can't make the move, He's right, So you're gonna have
to let him know how you feel and also give
him an exit in case he doesn't have the same feelings.
Speaker 4 (40:20):
But you got to do it.
Speaker 2 (40:21):
You're a woman. You have to be brave and be
a woman. What if this is the love of your life?
Speaker 5 (40:26):
I know, and honestly so, I had told Catherine that
I am divorced. I've been divorced for eight years and
never during this eight years have I found interest in
not one person. And so my friends are just like,
oh my god, like of all people, of course, you're
like in love with your boss, like why is this happening?
But I'm just not brave, and I guess I need
(40:48):
like more reassurance. I'm worried that our dynamic will change
if for some reason it didn't work out or I
also don't want to be rejected.
Speaker 4 (41:00):
I don't know, but yes, you got to get rid
of the rejection part.
Speaker 2 (41:03):
That's part of life. And if you don't want to
be rejected, then then then you almost don't deserve to
be in love because you have to experience rejection. That's
just the way it goes. You can't be afraid of it.
It doesn't make you less of a woman, It doesn't
make you less of a person, It doesn't make you
less valuable. It just means that that person and you
aren't a perfect match. That's okay. You're not going to
be a perfect match with most.
Speaker 4 (41:22):
People that you meet.
Speaker 2 (41:24):
Yeah, no, that's true. Can you do something cute like
slip him an email or slip a little note on
his desk ask him to meet for a drink?
Speaker 4 (41:31):
Like is there something that you feel.
Speaker 2 (41:33):
More comfortable doing in order to just get the message across, Like, Hey,
do you want to meet for a drink later tonight?
I think there you'll get an answer to that real quick.
That'll give you an indication.
Speaker 5 (41:43):
Also, so he stopped drinking, and so that was one
thing that we would we would go do we would
go out for drinks or like one time I was
telling him how I love a martini, but I wanted
to try the specific martini. Well, then all of a
sudden he brought all this stuff to make that. But
like now he's not drinking, which is fine, but that
(42:05):
kind of just changes the dynamics a little bit, and
so that makes it harder because I'm always like, let's
just have a drink. But then also I'm like, Okay,
you're on your sober journey, so.
Speaker 1 (42:15):
Can I ask Josh here? So you've been on the
sober journey for a long time, Like what's the dynamic
of like asking somebody to.
Speaker 2 (42:21):
Go for a drink?
Speaker 1 (42:22):
Can you go somewhere that has five mocktails to choose from?
Speaker 3 (42:25):
Yeah, I just get a bitters and soda or a
club soda. Like I like being in bars. I don't
mind being in bars at all, you know, I think
like in terms of being bold, something like, hey, I
really like our dynamic. I really like the notes and
the you know, whatever you guys are doing, and say
I don't want that to change. I was just wondering,
like if we could maybe work in like a little
(42:46):
bit of making out and just see what that's like.
Speaker 5 (42:49):
That's all I want to do I just want to
make out with him, Yeah, and then we'll go from there,
just like, let me just make out with you one time,
and then maybe he hates it, maybe I hate and
then problem solved.
Speaker 3 (43:01):
Right. But I think also there's a there's a trick
in creative writing where they're like, I don't know how
to start this story, and they're like, well, tell me
the story, and then you tell them the story, and
you're like, that's it. That's that's how you tell the story. Like,
that's how you write the story. So everything you said
in the letter is like I really like this guy,
really like our dynamic. I just would really like to
make out with him, but I don't know how to
broach it. I think that's what you say.
Speaker 5 (43:22):
I love it, yeah, because all my guy friends are like,
he's giving you so much and you're not responding to
like the thing like if he says something to like
today he was like, I'm wearing my favorite jeans that
they're Vengeance Levis that I loved finding, and he's like,
I like your I like your jeans, and I'm just
(43:43):
like it's like it's clear he's flirting with me, but
I'm like, oh, thank you, like I don't I'm.
Speaker 4 (43:50):
Just but just you just need to go for it.
Speaker 2 (43:53):
Go for it. What's the worst thing that could happen.
He could say he's not interested. It sounds like he
is interested, and he's it sounds like he's not in
a position to make a move on you because he
is the owner of the business. So think about those
two things and send him a cute note. Send him
what Josh said, Send him something like, I know you
stop drinking. Any chance you want to come and watch
me have a drink, So you could say anything cute.
(44:14):
That's going to be that even if it's gets rejected,
which is also a step towards getting closer to your goals.
I believe even if this guy rejects you, I know
you haven't been attracted to anyone in eight years, you
will be again. You will be hopefully this is the guy.
But in case it, you know, like you have to
be you got it.
Speaker 4 (44:32):
You're stronger than that. That's silly, you know what I mean?
Speaker 2 (44:34):
Like rejection is whatever, And there's a lot of flirting
going on, so there's like proof in the pudding, and
you need to capitalize on this moment because what if
someone else comes along and is willing to capitalize on
the moment, like you.
Speaker 4 (44:46):
Got to jump in there.
Speaker 3 (44:48):
But also like rejection is good information because you can
move on with your life, like it's good to know,
and also it's it's win win the rejection. I think.
I think what Chelsea's saying is right.
Speaker 7 (44:58):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (44:59):
Yeah, So we're gonna need you to do something and
report back to us.
Speaker 4 (45:02):
Okay, I will for sure.
Speaker 2 (45:04):
Okay, we're going to give you one week and then
you have to call Catherine and let her know what happens.
Now I'm serious.
Speaker 5 (45:09):
Linging for Germany tomorrow, so he'll be gone for twelve days.
Speaker 2 (45:14):
Perfect.
Speaker 1 (45:14):
Then today it seems like a perfect time to do that.
Speaker 2 (45:17):
Actually, today does sound like a good day because I
did ask me how late can you stay at work?
And I was like, oh, oh my.
Speaker 6 (45:29):
Love.
Speaker 2 (45:30):
Yeah, Stephanie, wake up and smell the cappuccino.
Speaker 4 (45:33):
Go be body.
Speaker 2 (45:34):
It's very exciting that he's leaving for Germany. You could
leave him with a nice makeout session right before he
goes to Germany, and he's going to be thinking about
you the whole time.
Speaker 4 (45:43):
This is your moment, Okay.
Speaker 2 (45:45):
You got this, Okay, you and go, Stephanie, go go,
Stephanie go, Hi. Thanks bye. Okay, we're going to take
a break and we're going to come back and wrap
up with Josh Radner. And we're back with Josh Radner,
who has a new album called Uluji Volume Two.
Speaker 4 (46:06):
Where can you download it, Josh?
Speaker 3 (46:08):
Anywhere you can download any music music.
Speaker 2 (46:11):
It's like a podcast, guys. You can download it anywhere
you get your music. He also has a podcast. He's
the host of the podcast How We Made Your Mother,
And he's as charming as possible. So now I know
why we made out and didn't have sex. Josh, Actually,
because you are charming and yeah, and.
Speaker 4 (46:26):
You that was the right move.
Speaker 3 (46:28):
I don't think if we got sex, i'd be on
your podcast twenty years later. I think I you'd be surprised.
I see, oh really, yeah you would be.
Speaker 2 (46:35):
I feel like we've had somebody that I didn't clock
that I had sex with on and then after I
was like, wait a second.
Speaker 4 (46:40):
But anyway, Josh, thank you so much for being here today.
Speaker 3 (46:43):
It was great to be with you, guys. Yeah. Always
nice to see you and thanks for having me.
Speaker 6 (46:46):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (46:47):
Absolutely have a great day.
Speaker 3 (46:48):
Okay, bye bye bye byeanks.
Speaker 2 (46:51):
Okay, guys, the high and Mighty tour is about to begin.
I'm in DC February thirteenth. February fourteenth Atlantic city which
I just added. Fifteenth is Northfolk, Virginia. February nineteenth Madison, Wisconsin.
February twentieth is Milwaukee, Wisconsin. February twenty first Detroit, Michigan.
February twenty second, Rama, Ontario. That's Canada for those of
(47:12):
you who don't speak Canadia. March thirteenth, Cleveland, Ohio. March
fourteenth Columbus, Ohio. March fifteenth, Cincinnati, Ohio. And then March
twentieth is Denver, Colorado. March twenty seventh Portland, Maine. March
twenty eighth, Providence, Rhode Island. March twenty ninth, Springfield, Massachusetts.
(47:32):
April tenth is Chicago. I'll be at the Chicago Theater.
April eleventh Indianapolis, Indiana. April twelfth Louisville, Kentucky. April sixteenth
is Albuquerque, New Mexico. April seventeenth is Mesa, Arizona. April
twenty third is Kansas City, Missouri. April twenty fourth is
Saint Louis, Missouri. April twenty fifth is Minneapolis, Minnesota. April thirtieth, Nashville, Tennessee.
(47:57):
May first is Charlotte, North Carolina. May second, Durham, North Carolina.
May sixth I'm doing Netflix as a joke festival. I
will be in Los Angeles. That is a new announcement.
And May fifteenth Saratoga, California. May sixteenth, Monterey, California. May seventeenth, Modesto, California.
And then June fourth, Portchester, New York. June fifth is Boston,
(48:20):
mass And June twelfth is Portland, Oregon. And then Seattle
is June thirteenth, So suck on that, everybody. Go to
Chelseahandler dot com for tickets.
Speaker 1 (48:32):
Do you want advice from Chelsea? Right into Dear Chelsea
Podcast at gmail dot com. Find full video episodes of
Dear Chelsea on YouTube by searching at Dear Chelsea Pod.
Dear Chelsea is edited and engineered by Brad Dickert executive
producer Catherine Law And be sure to check out our
merch at Chelseahandler dot com
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