One Long Muscle with Mary Elizabeth Ellis

Mary Elizabeth Ellis (It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia) chats with Chelsea about the importance of teenage haircuts, softening her parenting instincts, her 20-year marriage to Charlie Day. Then: A friend just wants to see her bestie’s baby. A small-town barista wonders if she should shelve dating for a while.  And a business badass struggles with timing for building her family.

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Catch Mary Elizabeth on Netflix’s Man on the Inside - season 2 is out now!

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Need some advice from Chelsea? Email us at [e-mail]

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Executive Producer Catherine Law

Edited & Engineered by Brad Dickert

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The views and opinions expressed are solely those of the Podcast author, or individuals participating in the Podcast, and do not represent the opinions of iHeartMedia or its employees.  This Podcast should not be used as medical advice, mental health advice, mental health counseling or therapy, or as imparting any health care recommendations at all.  Individuals are advised to seek independent medical, counseling advice and/or therapy from a competent health care professional with respect to any medical condition, mental health issues, health inquiry or matter, including matters discussed on this Podcast. Guests and listeners should not rely on matters discussed in the Podcast and shall not act or shall refrain from acting based on information contained in the Podcast without first seeking independent medical advice. 

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Okay for the high and mighty tour people. We are
rocket and rolling. These are the shows we have coming up.
April sixteenth is Albuquerque. April seventeenth is Mesa, Arizona. April
twenty third is Kansas City, Missouri. April twenty fourth is
Saint Louis, Missouri. April twenty fifth is Minneapolis. April thirtieth Nashville.
May first, Charlotte, North Carolina. May second is Durham, North Carolina.

(00:24):
May sixth in Los Angeles at the Sabae Theater for
Netflix as a joke. April fifteenth, I will be in Saratoga.
April sixteenth Monterey, April seventeenth Modesto. I will be in
port Chester on June fourth. June fifth, I will be
in Boston, Massachusetts. June twelfth, I will be in Portland, Oregon.
And June thirteenth, I will be in Seattle, Washington. June

(00:46):
twenty seventh is going to be Hyanna's, Massachusetts. August sixth
is red Bank, New Jersey. August seventh, I'm coming home
to Montclair, New Jersey. August fifteenth is Calgary, Alberta, Canada.
September eighteenth Santa Barbra September nineteenth, San Diego September twenty fifth.
I will be at the Beacon in New York City
September twenty sixth. I will be in Philadelphia September twenty seventh,

(01:10):
New Haven, Connecticut. October second, Atlanta, Georgia, October third, Baltimore, Maryland,
October fourth, Saginaw, Michigan, October ninth, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, October tenth, Toronto, Canada,
October sixteenth. I'm coming to Boise, Idaho, October seventeenth, Spokane, Washington,
November seventh. I will be in San Francisco and November thirteenth,

(01:34):
Salt Lake City November twentieth, Austin November twenty first, Houston, Texas,
November twenty second, Irving, Texas.

Speaker 2 (01:42):
December fifth.

Speaker 1 (01:43):
I am adding a second show in Denver for those
of you who can't get tickets to the first one.
And on December sixth, I will be coming to Vancouver, Canada. Okay,
those are all my dates for the High Mighty Door.
Go to Chelseahandler dot com for tickets. Hi Catherine, Hi, Chelsea.

Speaker 3 (02:00):
Hi.

Speaker 1 (02:00):
I was just reading on my phone that there is
a new island in Finland that is designated for women only,
women only because they don't want to be looked at
or glocked up by men, and that men are I
just was in Finland and I have to say that
it was very you could feel the equality.

Speaker 2 (02:13):
I don't know what that means, but more like everyone
looked exactly the same.

Speaker 1 (02:17):
But on the other side of that, there's always this
backlash that men think, oh, you're discriminating against us. It's like, hello,
there have been men's clubs and golf club sure since
the beginning of time that do not allow women like
women are allowed to do that. Men are allowed to
do it too. By the way, you're not. It's not
a problem. Yeah, So go ahead and make your own islands. Anyway,

(02:40):
what happened last time? That happens a man having his
own island?

Speaker 2 (02:44):
Oh yeah, no islands for today.

Speaker 1 (02:47):
Okay, our guests today, you know from Netflix's Man on
the Inside and as the waitress from It's Always Sunny
in Philadelphia, please welcome Mary Elizabeth Ellis. Okay, we're here
with Mary Elizabeth Ellis. And I know that I can
only call you Mary Elizabeth. You go by Mary Elizabeth.

Speaker 3 (03:03):
I go by no Mary, go by Emmy, Emmy. Yeah,
because people get concerned about how long the day is
going to be if they have to say my name
a bunch of times?

Speaker 2 (03:13):
Did you grow up going by Mary Elizabeth?

Speaker 3 (03:15):
I got called Mary E. I grew up in Mississippi,
so I got called mary E a lot.

Speaker 2 (03:20):
What was Mississippi? What was going on in Mississippi when you.

Speaker 3 (03:22):
Were growing I was well, I wasn't aware of it
because I was just in it, you know what I mean?

Speaker 2 (03:27):
Now, what's going on in Mississippi?

Speaker 3 (03:28):
I don't want to know.

Speaker 2 (03:29):
Do you have family there still?

Speaker 3 (03:31):
Yeah? My family still? So there's a we were just
talking about property brothers and there's a HGTV show hometown
up there at my house that I grew up in
all that sight. Oh really, yeah, Laurel Mississippi.

Speaker 2 (03:47):
Wow. Yeah, you're Mary Elizabeth and this is Catherine.

Speaker 3 (03:50):
I am Catherine Elizabeth. Hey, Catherine Elizabeth. But you don't
have a middle name, do you? I mean technically my
middle name, Like I just go by both of them.

Speaker 2 (03:59):
What does your husband called emmy and all your friends
call you emmy emmy?

Speaker 3 (04:03):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (04:03):
Oh yeah, because you've been on set this whole time
with each other.

Speaker 3 (04:05):
I only I'm only ever on set.

Speaker 1 (04:08):
I like the fact that everyone and it's Always Sonny
in Philadelphia is married.

Speaker 3 (04:13):
I know. I saw Caitlin on here.

Speaker 2 (04:15):
Yeah, she was on here recently too. Yeah, I love her.
She was great.

Speaker 1 (04:19):
But you guys are all married but playing roles where
well I mean maybe that, but you were married before
the show, right.

Speaker 3 (04:25):
Well, Charlie and I were together before the show. We
got married between season one and season two, like we
put our honeymoon off so we could go shoot season
two of Always Sonny.

Speaker 2 (04:35):
That's romantic.

Speaker 3 (04:36):
Yeah, and was like just a crazy time because we
shot season one and then FX was like, we really,
this isn't our demographic because at the time it was
like the Shield. It was like old white dudes that
were watching FX. So they were like, you guys need
like an old white dude basically to be on your show.
And John Langraff had been running Jersey Films with Danny DeVito,
so he was like, how about Danny DeVito? And we

(04:57):
were like, oh, okay, does Danny DeVito want to be
on our show? Like we were one season Basic Cable.

Speaker 1 (05:03):
It's so funny that they needed to get an old
white guy in there, Like that's we can't do a
show unless we have an old white guy.

Speaker 2 (05:10):
There's I know, there's such a hot.

Speaker 3 (05:12):
Dimand yeah, well we just weren't there demographic. So yeah,
they were like, how about Danny DeVito And we were like,
I'm sure Danny DeVito wants to do our show, and
then he was like, yeah, I'll do it, and we
were like, great, get naked and crawl out of this couch.

Speaker 2 (05:26):
Think he's probably fine with that. I've seen him out
out in the wild.

Speaker 4 (05:29):
Yeah, and he seems like a fun guy to hang
out with.

Speaker 3 (05:31):
He's a party.

Speaker 2 (05:32):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (05:32):
What's it like to be on the show for that
many years? Is it just so crazyzy and comfy?

Speaker 3 (05:38):
Yes, I mean it's like going home and seeing family,
you know what I mean? Yeah, And I only do
like two or three episodes a season, and we shoot
so fast that usually. I mean I already shot two
season two episodes for this season and I'm done.

Speaker 2 (05:53):
Great.

Speaker 3 (05:53):
Yeah, And Carol Caine is on this. Have you gotten
to work with her?

Speaker 2 (05:58):
No?

Speaker 3 (05:59):
I just like she's like another one that I just
I'm also getting to work with Mary Steinbergin on my
other shows.

Speaker 1 (06:04):
So like, yeah, yeah, because you're in the new show
with Ted Danson, not new show, it's not new, new new,
but man on the inside, man on the inside of
But Mary and.

Speaker 2 (06:13):
Ted together I think are one of the cutest couples.

Speaker 3 (06:16):
Cutest things, cute things of all time. It's also cute
how he's kind of like and she's like, stop, Yeah.

Speaker 2 (06:22):
I did his podcast.

Speaker 1 (06:23):
I did his podcast a few months ago, and wood
he wasn't there. Woody Harrelson wasn't there. I think they
co hosted. But what he shows up with whatever there. Yeah,
he like shows up when he can, which is not often,
and I Ted was.

Speaker 2 (06:34):
I could just see Ted's trepidation about being like alone
and having a conversation with her alone with it. It
was just like this, and I was like, it's okay, Ted,
I'm okay, Like I'm not, It's gonna be okay. Like
I'm not going to attack you or emasculate you in
any way. He's like, I know, I know, but you're
just a lot. I'm like, I.

Speaker 1 (06:52):
Understand, I understand this for everyone. But Mary is Mary
puts him in his place.

Speaker 2 (06:57):
Yes, and she's not She's not a lot like I'm
a lot, but she's all woman.

Speaker 3 (07:01):
She also is like every time she tells a story,
she's like, well, I woke up in the Lincoln bedroom
and you're like, I'm sorry, what, Like, you know, every
story is just like incredible. She's been like for a scump,
like in the most amazing places her entire life.

Speaker 2 (07:16):
Yeah. And so you guys have a kid together, you
and Charlie.

Speaker 3 (07:19):
Charlie I have a kid together and married. I would
love to have a kid with Mary. Yeah.

Speaker 1 (07:24):
Yeah, to all women want to have children together. It
just makes sense.

Speaker 3 (07:29):
There aren't many men that I'm like, oh, I'd love
to have a kid.

Speaker 2 (07:33):
Yeah, And how old is your son?

Speaker 3 (07:35):
Our son is fourteen and he I'm sure he'll be
back by the time this airs, but he's in d
C this week on the like you know, requisite eighth grade.
Oh really field trip to d C.

Speaker 1 (07:47):
Oh yeah, it's a weird time to go to d C.

Speaker 2 (07:50):
Yeah, yeah, I know.

Speaker 3 (07:51):
It's like is it safe? And they were like, it's
going to school staying.

Speaker 1 (07:57):
Nothing's really safe. It is funny because DC is a
really cool city. Like generally speaking, do you mean like
historically or like to hang out at both when there's
and I don't just mean when there's a democratic office,
when there's a resident in office, you know, a respectable one.

Speaker 2 (08:11):
It's just a it's a cool city.

Speaker 1 (08:12):
It has this history, it has a nightlife, it has
a vibe.

Speaker 2 (08:16):
There's politics. I love politics. I love being around like
that kind of energy and hearing and talking to people
that are like in the political world.

Speaker 1 (08:23):
So it is a really cool city to go to.
But right now I started I'm on tour. I started
my tour in DC. That was my first show, and
they were like we you know, like things are dyeting
and there was definitely like this odiousness in the air.
You know, you go there because it's like you look
at the White House and it just represents something completely different.

Speaker 3 (08:41):
Yeah, and it's being down halfway yeah exactly.

Speaker 2 (08:45):
So anyway, I.

Speaker 3 (08:46):
Know it is. It's a strange time. But it's been
interesting because they send like pictures and just seeing like
your kid in front of the Capitol Building or like
the Washington Monument. You're like, Okay, good, I'm glad he's
at least like learning. I don't know about how our
country was founded.

Speaker 2 (09:03):
I know I wonder how children will be.

Speaker 1 (09:06):
Yeah, I haven't even gotten that far in my thinking,
you know, like to be circumspect about it, like to
think about how this will affect the children that are
growing up in this time.

Speaker 2 (09:15):
I'm just thinking about how it affects the world in
an immediate way.

Speaker 1 (09:18):
But yeah, that's kind of like a whole other reason
never to have children.

Speaker 3 (09:22):
I mean, no, I know, I think it would be
really hard right now to make that decision. But also
there's always the argument of like, well, if people who
are forward thinking aren't having children, then like we're going
to be screwed in the future. So I think it
is important also to you know, be having kids and
teaching them like the right thing, the right things for us.

(09:44):
You know. My goddaughter is almost sixteen, and we were
having a conversation and I was like, yeah, it was
during that protest, you know, and she was like, which
one the Women's March or Stop Asian Hate or the
No Kings one or the And I was like, oh
my god, this kid has been protesting her entire life. Wow.

Speaker 2 (10:03):
You know, yeah, that is interesting to think about.

Speaker 1 (10:07):
Yeah, I read that when I was reading your packet,
our research packet, that you are able to cry on cue.

Speaker 2 (10:12):
Because of your sister's abuse. Yes, we're talking to you.
Tell us a little bit about.

Speaker 3 (10:22):
That, like, please don't make me do it right, now though,
I feel like.

Speaker 1 (10:24):
No, no, no, no, we don't want anyone crying.

Speaker 3 (10:27):
Did you see a caper Lance show that she did.
She made herself cry every night. No, you have to
like cry like with a camera on her in the
giant auditorium. It was like pretty and a pretty amazing
thing to make yourself have to do.

Speaker 2 (10:42):
Yeah, yeah, I mean are you able to do that
in a second?

Speaker 3 (10:46):
I don't know. I think probably probably. Still there's enough
to cry about there that I feel connected to.

Speaker 2 (10:54):
Yeah, that's true. I guess you don't need a lot
to do.

Speaker 3 (10:59):
Yeah, but I have to like get there. I mean,
I think even if I'm like I don't know, like
even Golden, that song Golden from like K Pop Demon
Hunters make me cry.

Speaker 2 (11:13):
Yes, people love that song.

Speaker 3 (11:15):
I love it. It's so I think also because I
don't have a kid, that makes me listen to it
all the time when it comes on that and like
the Mowana song of like oh I love Mawana.

Speaker 1 (11:27):
Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah you sound like Kara Swisher.
Do you ever listen to Kara Swisher?

Speaker 5 (11:31):
No?

Speaker 1 (11:31):
She talks about K Pop, Demon Hunters and Milana all
the time, but she's really kids Okay, yeah, yeah, so
is I don't know anything about everyone loves it adulchildren
are adults though.

Speaker 3 (11:42):
I mean, maybe you can answer that.

Speaker 6 (11:44):
But Sony and my adult friends have been like, no, no, no,
but you would love it.

Speaker 3 (11:47):
You have to watch it. I'm like, okay, I haven't
watched it yet. I'm like, was raised on Disney, so
you know, like in my therapy sessions, my therapist will
be like, what does that make you think of? And
I'm like, I'm the witch. I'm like the evil witch
with the apple, but I'm also snow white, and I'm
like we're you know, yeah, because that's the point of them, right,
is to be like super big and dramatic and also
like hold these themes that are so big.

Speaker 1 (12:10):
I remember, I'm not that into like animated, because I
mistakenly associate animated films with children's films. I think that's
how they kind of came on the scene, right, Yeah,
animation came on the scene, and so and then when
I once I watched Finding Nemo, I think was my
first animated film that I watched like several years after
it was out with my friend's kids, and I was.

Speaker 2 (12:29):
Like, these are pretty serious themes.

Speaker 1 (12:32):
Yeah, like these are themes for adults, like this is
an adult movie, but it's just in cartoon.

Speaker 2 (12:37):
Yes, so I found that quite interesting.

Speaker 6 (12:39):
Yeah, especially these days you have like insight out that's
all about like having big emotions, Like there's not a villain,
it's like your villain is anxiety or you know, these
dead thoughts and feelings right learning how to process them.

Speaker 2 (12:52):
So, okay, back to you and your husband.

Speaker 1 (12:54):
You've been married for twenty years and I heard I've
heard you say that it's like, you know, it's a
full on going one night stand, that's how.

Speaker 2 (13:01):
You refer to it.

Speaker 3 (13:03):
Yeah, they just asked me. He is doing a press
tour right now because he plays the voice of Luigi
in the Super Mario movie. Oh really, and that's about
to come out in the second game.

Speaker 1 (13:12):
Yeah, Super Mario, I spent hours and hours of my childhood.

Speaker 3 (13:15):
Oh so good. Did you play Jaws too? Do you
remember that Jaws?

Speaker 2 (13:19):
Jaws?

Speaker 1 (13:19):
I grew up on Martha's vineyard in the summertime, and
they filmed the very first Jaws in front of our house.
So the town I grew up in, Amityville is Edgar Town,
Martha's Vineyard.

Speaker 2 (13:28):
Oh wow, it's the backdrop of Jaws.

Speaker 1 (13:30):
Yeah, so I wasn't alive when they filmed the first one.
I was the year I was born, nineteen seventy five.
But they filmed it in front of our house in
the bay. It's called Katama Bay. And so Bruce, the
shark that Steven Spielberg used and named, would go back.
My brothers and sisters would watch the movie being shot,
and they would watch the cranes and they didn't go
in the water for fucking decades after that, because like

(13:51):
parts of Bruce are still there.

Speaker 2 (13:52):
But I didn't know Jaws was a game.

Speaker 3 (13:54):
It was like a Nintendo game, yeah, where you like
have to collect those sills and then at the end
you get to like try to stab Jaws, and it
never like does what you're trying to fucking good at
to do. It never does what you want.

Speaker 2 (14:05):
It would be hard to maneuver as a shark, though,
like to pretend you're playing No.

Speaker 3 (14:09):
No, you're killing the sharks. Oh you're killing You're the
good guy who's killing the shah.

Speaker 2 (14:13):
Yeah. What do you think about sharks? Are you scared
of sharks?

Speaker 3 (14:16):
I'm scared of sharks in a healthy way, But I'm
with you yeah, I'm not crazy about it. No, Like
I'm not going to dive with them. But if everyone
was going to dive with them and they were like,
we're all going, I might do it. I don't want
to be the one who's like, come on, we're all
going to do this and then someone dies. But Ena
was my faunt right.

Speaker 2 (14:35):
Well, But most of the time when people dive from sharks,
it's not because they're going shark diving in those cages.
It's because they are just like surfing or they're out
in the water and then they get bitten. Yes, and
then and I love the.

Speaker 1 (14:46):
Excuse that people say, like they don't really like humans,
but they just bite you, and then they just said
they don't like you.

Speaker 2 (14:51):
I'm like, that doesn't have any impact on what the
impact is.

Speaker 1 (14:55):
Yes, we're still dying because they're attacking us, Like they
really don't want to be attacking humans, but they are.

Speaker 2 (15:02):
So I'm sorry that doesn't go well together.

Speaker 1 (15:05):
I feel like people are either really definitely afraid of
spiders or snakes, and then sharks come in somewhere in
the middle.

Speaker 2 (15:11):
I have a phobia. Mine is more than a fear
of snakes.

Speaker 3 (15:14):
Oh of snakes.

Speaker 1 (15:15):
I get into like I could shake or like shock
and I can't move if there's a snake around me,
I have a huge reaction.

Speaker 3 (15:23):
I'm a huge snake fan. I love like like if
someone's like your brother had snakes, Yeah, I'll hould a snake.
Not afraid. Yeah you're not afraid. I'm afraid of spiders though,
so you're not afraid I can kill.

Speaker 2 (15:38):
What do you like about snakes?

Speaker 3 (15:41):
Well, my mom is crazy afraid of snakes, so maybe
mine's a reaction to be like the soul things I
don't care, you.

Speaker 2 (15:49):
Know, and you can handle them and pick them up.

Speaker 3 (15:51):
Yeah. Love. They feel so amazing, Like you think they're
going to be slimy, but they're not. And they're all
just like one long muscle. It's just really cool.

Speaker 4 (16:00):
Unlong muscle is not the motion.

Speaker 1 (16:03):
The motion within which they move and slither is like
especially those sidewinder snakes, Yeah you know the ones that Yeah,
they had.

Speaker 2 (16:11):
A picture once and this is probably AI, but who knows.
I believe it's real. It was like a golf course
in Florida with just tons of those like whatever those
snakes are that are down there the Florida have rattlesnakes
I don't know. Yeah, oh, I know, I know.

Speaker 1 (16:26):
I can't wait for Florida to dislodge into the ocean.
I'm dating a guy who lives.

Speaker 2 (16:31):
In Florida, and I was like, I don't know when
you're expecting me to come there, because he's like, when
do you think. I'm like, it's not gonna do.

Speaker 3 (16:38):
Would you go there on tour?

Speaker 2 (16:39):
I don't, wow. I don't really like the politics of
the state.

Speaker 1 (16:42):
I like Floridians, yeah, you know, and I'm sad that
they live there, but I can't support that kind of economy.

Speaker 2 (16:48):
I just can't. For some reason Texas.

Speaker 1 (16:50):
There are other states that are much worse, but like Texas,
to me feels like there's hope in Texas. Like at
some point Texas could flip. There's always people trying to
flip Texas. There are pockets of Texas that are very democratic,
just like there are in Florida. There are pockets. And
every time I go to Florida, I have a great
time and I go I should come back here, But
I just really hate what that state represents. It's another

(17:11):
open carry state, burning books. I just find that all
to be so ick.

Speaker 3 (17:15):
Yeah, it is hard. I grew up going to Florida.
That's like where we vacationed because Mississippi, Alabama, Florida. Yeah,
and so we still go there to dustin every summer
and it's the red neck riviera. It's so beautiful. Get
our airbrush t shirts.

Speaker 1 (17:30):
And I feel like I've been to dustin Florida. But
I can't imagine for what because that's a specific area.

Speaker 2 (17:36):
Is that on the east coast of Florida.

Speaker 3 (17:38):
It's on the Gulf of America.

Speaker 6 (17:42):
It's on the maps now, we were flying I hear
the other day and it's on Google.

Speaker 4 (17:46):
I just wanted to cry. It's on the map.

Speaker 3 (17:49):
Yeah, so it's on the golf we'll call it side.

Speaker 2 (17:54):
Well, you can enjoy that and you can enjoy your
snakes down there too.

Speaker 3 (17:57):
Well you said no, thank you, no, thank you Florida.

Speaker 1 (18:04):
I mean, while watch, I'll add like four cities in
Florida next week. No, I won't, though, I mean I'll
try not to. I'll try to stick to my word
sometimes whenever I publicly. But do you ever find this
happening when you make it like a declaration or a proclamation,
you end up doing the exact opposite, Like anytime you
publicly declare something. That's why I'm so scared that one
day I'll get married, because I've spoken so much about
refusing to get married.

Speaker 3 (18:25):
Yeah, it might be coming for you.

Speaker 2 (18:26):
Do you ever do that? Do you ever make like
declarations and then it happens or you do the opposite.

Speaker 3 (18:32):
I feel like you make a declaration and then yeah,
the universe is like, but are you sure? Yeah?

Speaker 2 (18:37):
Right right, But it's testing you.

Speaker 3 (18:39):
I don't know. I know people like hate flip flopping
and stuff, but sometimes we like grow and get a
different perspective. Or you're like, well, actually, let me maybe
try this and then yay, or that wasn't for me.
I tried it.

Speaker 1 (18:51):
Yeah, yeah, tell me what you are surprised about in
your role as mother?

Speaker 2 (19:00):
What surprises you about you as a mother.

Speaker 3 (19:03):
Oh, that's a really good question. I think it has
to do more maybe with my relationship, like with Charlie
as a parent as well. And he sort of is
like the one where like our son recently got everyone
has big, like crazy curly hair right now, but our
son is really into jiu jitsu. So our son got
his head shaved and it can like it was getting

(19:23):
pinned when he was trying to spar whatever they do,
and he got it buzzed, and he got it buzzed
way too short, and he was like, I'm like bald,
Like this isn't a buzz this is like I'm bald.
And he was like, please don't make me, Please don't
make me go to school tomorrow. And my take is like, and.

Speaker 2 (19:42):
Boys haircuts are so important right now. Like they have
that thing where they all were like when was it
they're getting like perms? Yeah, yeah, and then.

Speaker 1 (19:53):
They all have this thing where they throw their hair
up like like shake it. No, it just looks crazy,
but they all have to have that haircut. And then yeah,
all my friends who have teenage boys, it's a serious situation.

Speaker 2 (20:05):
Yeah, but really the first time I've heard a story
like this.

Speaker 3 (20:07):
Yeah. So Russell was like, I'm going to do something
different because I want it for like myself, which is great.
I'm like I love that autonomy doing what works for you.
And then it got just like like skin head shaved,
you know, and he was like, I cannot go to
school today like this, and I was like, I don't know,
like suck it up. Like if it's fucking hard to
be a person, sometimes you know, and Charlie was like,

(20:30):
please don't make him go to school, and then I
was like, oh, I need to soften, Like I am
a little bit more of the like no buck up, like,
but that's how I am with myself, you know, and
Charlie's better. I think it sometimes just being like it's okay,
okay to miss a day of school.

Speaker 2 (20:48):
And so did you end up letting him stay home? Yeah, yeah,
which is fine.

Speaker 3 (20:53):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (20:53):
I think it's interesting the way that every like people parent.
And now I don't mean just people who have kids,
because obviously there's plenty of people out there who are
a parenting role in other people's lives. But like, the
things you would do for yourself are different than the
things that the Sanders you set for others, you know,
just like you would tolerate certain behaviors and say relationships
romantic relationships that you would never tolerate for like your

(21:13):
sister or your cousin or your best friend.

Speaker 2 (21:16):
You know, Like sometimes we treat ourselves so harshly. It's
not equal to the way that we want other people
to go through the world.

Speaker 3 (21:22):
Yes, I mean I do let him speak to me
in ways that like if anyone else spoke to me
in that way. And sometimes he will say something to
me and I will look at Charlie like and he's like,
let it go, let it go.

Speaker 6 (21:35):
And I'm like, especially growing up in the South, it's like,
you respect your elders, you don't talk to adults in
a certain way.

Speaker 3 (21:41):
Smacked, you know. And I'm like, I don't smack him,
So like, I don't know how to parent this right now.
And Charlie's just really good at being like it's just
like fucking raging hormones. Just let it go. He'll move
through it. And I'm like, but well, I because guess
who else has raging hormones right now?

Speaker 2 (21:59):
So being a woman right now, it's in of itself
a raging hormone.

Speaker 3 (22:04):
It is.

Speaker 2 (22:05):
It doesn't matter what age you are.

Speaker 1 (22:06):
It is a raging hormone to be a woman in
this world watching everything go by. It just like it
feels like we should be doing something, but nobody receives
to know exactly what we should be doing.

Speaker 3 (22:15):
I know, but I do like how I feel like
I came up in a time, Like I moved out
to la in two thousand and.

Speaker 2 (22:21):
One from New York, so.

Speaker 3 (22:24):
I went to Mississippi to school in Texas because my
parents told me I how to stay below the Mason
Dixon loon and I'll let you stat of Texas if
I wanted help with college. So I wanted to study acting.
So I went to Southern Methodist University, which had like
a good acting program, and then I got cast in
a play right out of college. So I moved to
Santa Maria, California and did plays there and insolving.

Speaker 2 (22:45):
Oh you know the Swedish town Yeah.

Speaker 3 (22:50):
So I was doing yeah, or Danish because they had
Danishes or whatever clogs.

Speaker 2 (22:55):
Oh yeah, Oh okay, I thought it was Swedish.

Speaker 3 (22:57):
Good to know. I mean, I don't know who knows.

Speaker 2 (22:59):
They could have huge rivalry, the Suite's and the.

Speaker 3 (23:01):
Danes of their like teeny tiny towns in California and
like central California. Yeah, And I was talking about coming
up as a woman though, like in that time and
the way that like we loved watching like Paris Hilton
and Nicole Richie like burn their lives to the ground
on reality television and Anna Nicole Smith and like this

(23:22):
is what we were watching, and we just like loved
watching these women like destroy themselves for us. You know,
and it was very not like we're pulling each other
up and we're supporting each other, like there's only one
place at the table, bitch, so get the fuck out
of my way. Yes, and I do feel that there's
been a shift in that. And I don't think it's
just because we're getting older and we realize that there's

(23:43):
more space. I think women now, young women too, and
girls are like, there's as much space for us as
anyone else, and if there's not, we'll build our own table.

Speaker 1 (23:53):
As they say, it's been like this for so long,
But why are we all finding out about it at
the It feels like it's there's like a cascade of
not like you know what I mean that we're all
finding out about it at the same time. But this
has been happening for eons and hundreds of years, yet
this feels like a turning point. It's like a dump

(24:13):
of information where women can't look away, and women have
finally looked at each other and been like, we're safe together.

Speaker 2 (24:20):
We're safer together than we are apart.

Speaker 1 (24:22):
And this whole divisiveness what you're talking about, there's only
room for one person at the table.

Speaker 2 (24:26):
I could totally relate to that as a.

Speaker 1 (24:28):
Stand up comedian coming up like twenty five years ago
in comedy, it was like, there was never two girls.
There's always one girl, you know, And I was just
like what you know, and women were out to get
other women. And there's definitely has been a shift because
there's been an understanding now that like men are not trustworthy.
Obviously not all men. I have to say this all
the time because they're so sensitive, but you know, women

(24:49):
are now understanding that the tide rises together, like it's
better for us to stick together. So I wonder what
that timing is, you know, like, what was the event
that kind of like broke the damn of this knowledge?
Or is this every generation? And is it you get
to a certain age and you realize, oh god, we've
been fed all this garbage.

Speaker 2 (25:09):
You know. Is it an age thing or is it
something that's actually happening right now?

Speaker 3 (25:13):
Right? Yeah? I mean the Me Too movement was such
a big like cultural.

Speaker 2 (25:18):
Yeah, and then the repercussion of that was overturning Roe v.

Speaker 1 (25:21):
Wade, Right, that was their answer to that, Like you
want to bitch and moan about being sexually assaulted, then
we're going to take away your rights yep, so I
guess we're seeing it in real time.

Speaker 2 (25:30):
I feel like our generator, how old are you.

Speaker 3 (25:32):
I'm forty six, if you don't mind my ask, Now.

Speaker 2 (25:34):
I'm fifty one. So I just feel like in our generation,
we've been through so much and it's not like, you know,
I don't have a wonderful life and you have a
wonderful life, and you have a wonderful life. But it's
just been so much of like, oh, it was very
idyllic being young and unknowledgeable. It was kind of nice
to not know about all of this.

Speaker 1 (25:54):
And then with the technology age, you know, we went
from like you know, we were there when there was
no compute and they're a no cell phone, right, I
have my cell phone number from when I was nineteen
years old.

Speaker 2 (26:04):
I have the same number. That's why I'm cell phone. Yeah, happened.
And then now we're dealing with we're at the outset
of AI and you're like, we have to deal with
another whole major shift. So it's a lot for us.

Speaker 1 (26:16):
And I wonder if every generation feels this way, because
certainly women in the fifties and sixties, if they were
as frustrated, well, the fifties, more forties and fifties. If
they were as frustrated as we are, they surely didn't
tell anybody about it or get organized yeah about it?

Speaker 3 (26:31):
Yeah, I mean yeah, I guess there's a question of
like safety and also like how it like the patriarchal
ideas like infuse themselves into your own brains, so you
can't even see what's going on when you're so inside
of the system, you know. But my grandmother is ninety
nine years old. She lives in Louisianah. And when I

(26:51):
do get overwhelmed with like no one's ever had it
as bad as me, I'm like, oh, right, the depression
that was bad. That was bad, you know, going to
war and when people were like actually having to go
to war. And it's ue to like pull back and
get a little bit of perspective and be like, there
have always been issues, but maybe we just know about

(27:12):
them more now because everyone has their own little news
broadcasting system in their pocket telling you the worst things
that are happening at every moment all the time.

Speaker 2 (27:22):
Although so there's also so much more history and knowledge
available to right because of the technology, and we have
the context, and it's not like.

Speaker 1 (27:29):
No, I don't want to imply that there weren't women
doing things. Of course there were. I mean there was
Glorious cynom and before her, obviously the list can go
on and on. So I'm there was obviously activists. But
I guess now we're just we have so much information
about all the things that weren't told being told, and
people are communicating, and I think that's actually going to
end up, in the long run being such a great thing,

(27:51):
being able to have that kind of level of communication,
you know what I mean, Because it's even though there's
so much false information, it's it's hard to be lied
to when you have access to the truth.

Speaker 2 (28:01):
I know how to get to the truth.

Speaker 6 (28:03):
And media literacy to like not to check for the
truth when you see.

Speaker 1 (28:06):
Something, to know that when a whale is jumping onto
a sailboat that that's not real.

Speaker 3 (28:13):
Like is it not real? Whales are eating people and
then spitting them out, Like I don't know what whales
are doing. They're like sam whales.

Speaker 2 (28:21):
Did you ever read Moby Dick.

Speaker 3 (28:23):
I don't think I actually ever read.

Speaker 2 (28:25):
Okay, when I read Moby Dick, I was very young.
When I read it. My dad forced me to read it,
and I the whole time, I was like, if whales
are so smart, why aren't they fucking getting pissed off?
And all these people a harpooning them. These guys are
in this little bar.

Speaker 1 (28:38):
Yes, well I was going to get to them in
these little narrow boats, okay, And like the turn of
the century or the late eighteen hundreds, they're in these
little narrow boats and they're going out with harpoons literally
to get the oil from the whales, harpooning them.

Speaker 2 (28:51):
And I'm like, all.

Speaker 1 (28:52):
The whales have to do is pop up, you know
what I mean and tip them all over, and then
they're fucked and they don't do that.

Speaker 2 (28:57):
They don't do that.

Speaker 1 (28:58):
They do, but now one hundred years later, now they're
getting pissed off and now they're like acting, So what's
that do you think?

Speaker 6 (29:05):
I mean, there is a lot of evidence that animals
can communicate with their young and even like tell them.

Speaker 3 (29:11):
Stories, Like crows will do this.

Speaker 6 (29:13):
I believe that, yeah, someone will, like there's this documentary work.
I puts on like a weird mask and he's like
mean to the crows and then goes back several generations
later and like the baby crows that were you know,
born after this knew that this person in this mask
was a bad person, like they communicate, like they described
this person to their young and like they knew that

(29:34):
this was a bad person.

Speaker 3 (29:35):
They'll hold a grudge. Yeah, myles are even smarter. My
dog barks that crows in our backyard and I'm like,
you don't want to do that, buddy. You don't want
to piss off a crow.

Speaker 6 (29:43):
You could be training them to bring you money or
so I'm screaming at them.

Speaker 1 (29:51):
I'm glad you're in therapy because we're therapists. Yeah, people
call in and there's real people.

Speaker 6 (29:57):
Okay, you're ready for advice, advice We need our headphones yet,
not quite yet, because we're going to do a quick
a first. So Marcia says, my best friend is.

Speaker 4 (30:06):
Overly cautious with her new baby.

Speaker 6 (30:08):
The baby's eight months old, and they held her constantly
for the first seven months of her life, afraid if
they didn't, she'd need a helmet. Like other than naps,
they hold her. Once she called me, this is the friend.
She once called me to hold the baby for fifteen
minutes while she took a work call, so she didn't
put the baby down. They're also not taking her out
of the house and have made plans with us multiple

(30:28):
times and canceled at the last minute because they're afraid
of her getting a cold.

Speaker 3 (30:31):
Can I tell them they're being too extra? Marcia Marcia,
mar Marcia, you just have to every time, right, I mean,
I'm happy to Yeah.

Speaker 2 (30:40):
I think as a parent, you should go first.

Speaker 3 (30:41):
I so I had like pretty gnarly postpartum depression, and
I didn't realize that that's what it was while it
was happening. Actually, I guess as far as postpartum goes,
mine wasn't that narly. But I I didn't want to
leave the I didn't want anyone to look at my baby.
I didn't want anyone to touch my baby. I didn't
want to leave the house. I felt like every time
I stood up, I was going to like slip in

(31:03):
breast milk and drop them and his head was going
to explode like a watermelon. Like these were the things.
So I understand how the friend is feeling, and also
having a fourteen year old. Now there comes a certain
point where like you have to realize that you've got
to just let go a little and let this person
become their own person, right, that, like, you can't be

(31:25):
in control of whether they're going to get a cold
or not for the rest of their lives, and and
you won't be able to make their decisions for them forever.
So I mean, I think I think it's maybe a
little extra.

Speaker 1 (31:39):
But do you what's your Like, Yes, it's definitely extra,
but what's your opinion on telling another parent about that?

Speaker 6 (31:46):
I feel like, especially now, it's like so taboo to
say anything to anyone about.

Speaker 2 (31:50):
Well is it taboo?

Speaker 3 (31:51):
Though?

Speaker 4 (31:52):
I mean, it's just frowned upon I should say, is it?

Speaker 5 (31:55):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (31:55):
I mean, because it's kind of individual, like if you're
willing to give somebody advice or if you think you're
just gonna give out unsolicited advice, it's kind of like
what's your vibe in the friendship? Like, yeah, it's definitely extra,
it sounds ridiculous, but is it your place?

Speaker 3 (32:10):
Right?

Speaker 1 (32:11):
And also with all the post part of stuff, Like
I was gonna say postpartum shit, I'm like, don't say that.
With all the postpartum me like everyone, I mean, it's
so much more common than anybody ever knew about, because
once again, it's a woman's issue that nobody was discussing
freely because there was shame around it and people felt
like they were failing at doing something, which is being
a mother, and nobody wants to talk about that because

(32:31):
it has nothing to do with failing. It has to
do with a hormonal imbalance and all the other things
that come with that. So like, what's the point. You
know they're gonna figure it out at some point that
that that's too much, yeah, or not necessary, or they
won't figure it out, and you're just gonna have to tolerate it.
But I think also, I think being a really good
friend is kind of tolerating people when they're at their lowest.

Speaker 3 (32:54):
But maybe also just being like, hey, I couldn't help,
but notice that, like you seem it seems scary to
you to leave the house with the baby if I
went with you somewhere, Like can I go with you
to like a place? Because that's what I had a
doula who came after to help and a post part
of doula, and she was like, we're going to a

(33:14):
restaurant today and I was like, but what if somebody
wants to look at my baby? She's like, they can
look at your baby. I'm like, but then what if
they want to touch him. She's like, you're allowed to
say no, you can't. You can't touch my baby. It's
your he's your baby, you know. So maybe the friend
could offer, like if I just am noticing that it's
hard for you to get out, if I went with you,
is that something that you would be interested in. I

(33:36):
like that. I'm noticing language like that.

Speaker 2 (33:37):
Feels like very like that. I think it feels very gentle.
By the way, look how nice your legs look in
the camera saying this is a little off topic, but
you went from postpart I'm fourteen years later. Look at
you now?

Speaker 3 (33:48):
She can't stop.

Speaker 6 (33:49):
Well, because you're kickboxing right at doing that all the time?

Speaker 2 (33:52):
Yeah, are you really? Are you into kickboxing? It really?

Speaker 3 (33:55):
Yeah, with a lot of coordination. Who were like, actually
gonna hit me in the face?

Speaker 2 (33:59):
Yeah?

Speaker 3 (34:00):
No, thank you?

Speaker 2 (34:00):
Do you get a lot? I know, I don't want
to get in in the face.

Speaker 1 (34:03):
I didn't even want I was just in Istanbul and
they were there, was they want The guy I was
with wanted to go to her mom, and I was like,
once I found out they splashed water on you. He
came back from the first one. He goes I don't
think you're gonna like it. And I was like why,
and he said, because they splash water on your face.

Speaker 2 (34:17):
I'm like, no, I don't like. No, No, I want
to splash my water on my face.

Speaker 3 (34:20):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (34:20):
And I even want to splash my own water touch
my face.

Speaker 2 (34:23):
I don't want to be splashed at all.

Speaker 1 (34:26):
So I've been noticing that's a good that's a good advice.
That's a good segue into advice all the time.

Speaker 3 (34:31):
Yeah, and to be like, here's the suggestion, and if
you don't want to take it, be like okay, yeah
I tried. Yeah, especially now it's getting warmer.

Speaker 6 (34:39):
Maybe guys the hangout outdoors together and like you know,
in the backyard so it's open air, all that good stuff. Well,
we have some women who are just making some big
life decisions.

Speaker 2 (34:48):
Oh great, I love life decisions.

Speaker 6 (34:49):
This is this is really good. So our first caller
is Kevin, and Kevin is she her? She says, Dear Chelsea,
I'm a thirty two year old single woman from the
Pacific Northwest. I've been boy crazy since I was five,
and I was always in.

Speaker 4 (35:04):
A relationship five I hear you.

Speaker 6 (35:06):
I was always in a relationship throughout high school, college,
and my twenties. I ended my last serious relationship, a
five year partnership.

Speaker 3 (35:13):
In twenty twenty two. I moved back into my.

Speaker 6 (35:14):
Hometown and spent a long, messy period grieving, with a
few half hearted flings along the way. Almost a year later,
I'm finally feeling more like myself. I'm motivated to date
with intention, but I also know I get infatuated easily,
so I'm easing back in by getting on hinge and
going out more. I'm in a very unfulfilling phase of
my life right now.

Speaker 3 (35:32):
I'm living at home.

Speaker 6 (35:33):
With my parents, working part time as a barista, and
trying to figure out where I belong career wise as
an ADHD millennial. I know I'm still young, but I'm
scared of ending up in a job I hate, and
I'm equally scared of getting stuck in my hometown where
I have zero desire to settle. So right now, I
just feel stuck. I want to get back into dating
and being social, but it feels hard to do that
authentically from where I'm currently at. So my question for

(35:55):
Chelsea is, how do you tell the difference between fear
and intuition when you're crazy being a big life change,
and more specifically, am I avoiding dating in my hometown
because I'm afraid it will root me here? Or is
my intuition telling me that this isn't the right environment
or the right version of myself to build a relationship
from Kevin?

Speaker 7 (36:13):
Hi?

Speaker 2 (36:14):
Hi, Kevin, Hi?

Speaker 7 (36:15):
How's it going good?

Speaker 2 (36:16):
How are you? This is our special guest, Mary Elizabeth
Ellis is here today.

Speaker 3 (36:19):
Hi Kevin.

Speaker 7 (36:20):
Hi, Nice to meet any Nice.

Speaker 3 (36:21):
To meet you.

Speaker 1 (36:23):
Fear, that's an interesting fear and intuition. Like I those
two words don't correlate for me. But I get what
you're saying, but it's.

Speaker 7 (36:30):
Hard for me to figure out the word.

Speaker 1 (36:32):
Yeah, yeah, okay, So well, I mean it sounds like
you're in a transitional phase in your life.

Speaker 7 (36:37):
Yes. Absolutely.

Speaker 8 (36:38):
I feel like I'm always in a transitional phase of
my life, and so I'm just trying to figure out,
like how do I get out of this cycle? And
I've just I've already done so many different things before.
So I's just like, do I want to go back
to do what I know, go with what I know,
or do I need to really like put myself out
there and do something drastically different.

Speaker 7 (36:56):
I don't know.

Speaker 1 (36:57):
Okay, Well, first things first, Ay, I'm glad you're how
be in safe and you live with your parents because
everything's fine. Like now you have that's a great sound,
like jumping off board. You know, like that's good, that's
a good thing exactly. Yeah, from what you said about
being infatuated with boys since you were five years old,
I understand what you mean by infatuation, and I think
if you recognize that about yourself, this is a perfect

(37:18):
moment for you to take a break from boys when
you are in a transitional phase. It's like kind of
like putting like a gasoline on a fire, even though
you're not in a fire. It's like you're adding something
to the mix that doesn't need to be in the
mix right now.

Speaker 2 (37:30):
You know what I mean.

Speaker 1 (37:31):
You should take this time, reclaim this time, use it
to focus on yourself. Use this time where you're not
paying rent and you're figuring out what you're gonna do
career wise and professionally, and just take that all in
and like you're so lucky you get to live with
your parents during this time. That can help you financially.
You don't have to pay rent. You can say, you know,
you're in, You're safe again. Like these are all good

(37:51):
things to like form a foundation for the next step
that you do take. So I think you should figure
out what makes you feel excited about the future, Like
what are the job options for you?

Speaker 2 (38:03):
What have you done that you've loved, not just like
to get by, what actually like inspires you.

Speaker 7 (38:10):
Yeah, it's so hard.

Speaker 8 (38:12):
I feel like there's so many different things that inspire me,
and I love to do I like to do different things.

Speaker 7 (38:17):
I like to keep it interesting. I get very sick.

Speaker 8 (38:20):
And tired of doing the same thing all over and
over again. So like right now, I'm a part time barista,
and I love doing that.

Speaker 7 (38:26):
But only part time.

Speaker 8 (38:27):
If after like yesterday was my Friday and I was
already like at my wits ends with everyone, My social battery.

Speaker 7 (38:33):
Is so low, and so I'm like, this is great.

Speaker 8 (38:35):
I love that it's a job that I can enjoy,
but I like being able to do something else to
kind of refuel my I guess my desires and inspirations,
and so that's what that was. Always event planning, and
so I've jumped around different event planning jobs with like catering,
but that's also kind of an industry I kind of
want to get away from, but there's still so many

(38:57):
aspects from it that I want to still do, creating
and planning. I'm up for a position at the dealership
that I work at. Work inside a dealership where there's
a cafe. It's a weird set up, like a car dealership.
What kind of dealership, Yeah, like a toy dealership. Yeah, okay, yeah.

Speaker 7 (39:13):
So it's like it's right off the freeway.

Speaker 8 (39:15):
We have like tons of people coming in, and there's
no breakfast places in our town either, so a lot
of regulars.

Speaker 7 (39:20):
Come in and so that's always really fun.

Speaker 8 (39:23):
And then there's a position available where I could be
kind of like an executive admin and be also like
their like employee relations manager and plan like their holiday parties,
or plan like other like social and like employee engagements,
and also get involved with like marketing and other like
community events. So I've always been interested in like event
planning in some sort of or like production managing in

(39:46):
some way or form to like bring people together. So
that's always what's inspired me is I've always kind of
considered myself like I want to be like the soccer
mom of a company, but I feel like that's a
very very specific, very hard position to find. It's kind
of like I feel like those type of positions are
created for someone that is already like in you know,
the place that they work at, or they like have

(40:07):
someone that they know they can fill that role, so
that one is kind of up in the air. But
also I'm also scared of if I take that position,
am I going to get stuck at my hometown?

Speaker 3 (40:16):
Now?

Speaker 6 (40:16):
Is there a position that is available to you that
already has those things or that doesn't exist yet in
your hometown.

Speaker 8 (40:22):
Not really, That's like this is like the only position
that's closest to what I'm kind of what I'm interested
in doing.

Speaker 6 (40:29):
I mean to me, that sounds like a position that's
something that you create for yourself, like starting the word
I'm starting an event planning company sort of thing, and
then also focus on the parts of it you like
that are creative, that are moving the project forward, that
are organizational. And then when you run into things that
are not in your wheelhouse or you find very draining,
that's when you bring in somebody else, even on a

(40:50):
really part time basis, to help.

Speaker 3 (40:52):
You with those projects. And it can be like a
project to project basis as well.

Speaker 6 (40:56):
And this is a good place for you to like
feel out if you really love it, because you are
living at home and you do have some flexibility.

Speaker 3 (41:02):
And then if you do want.

Speaker 6 (41:03):
To continue doing that, you can, you know, take that
to the town that you actually want to be living in.
And you've already established a company, a rapport, that sort
of thing, your systems all that.

Speaker 8 (41:12):
Yeah, I have a couple of friends I have said
I should start my own business, and so that's kind
of like I've always thought I'm doing that. I always
thought i'd do that way later in life after I
have family and kids. But I don't have a boyfriend,
I don't have kids yet, so it's like, wellhy not
just do it right now? I do have this opportunity
of living at home for free, But I guess that's
kind of like, am I holding myself back? Am I

(41:34):
kind of scared to do it because I want to
fall out of love with it? Or is it something
that I should just go for and what's the worst.

Speaker 7 (41:40):
That could happen?

Speaker 3 (41:40):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (41:41):
I think if you have the ability to take a
big leap in like what you're passionate about, and you
don't have any financial constraints in the moment.

Speaker 2 (41:49):
Because you have the situation, you should take it.

Speaker 1 (41:51):
Like I can see your ADHD at work, Like you
need a lot of things to keep you occupied, and
that's a good thing. That's not a negative. That means
you can pay it to a lot of different things
at the same time. That's why you have a lot
of different interests, and that's why you can go work
as a barista like that and also want to event coordinate,
but you could also there's also options like if you
like event coordinating or like you say, you want to

(42:13):
be like you know, the soccer mom of a company,
Like if you're a wedding planner, you're dealing with different
clients all the time, so like that's kind of even
more fun for somebody with a brain like yours, you
know what I mean, because you're not dealing with the
same people over and over again. Or if you're planning
events like I don't know whatever about Mitzvah, Sweet sixteens whatever,
kind of like you know, event planning company that you

(42:34):
get in bed with, you can then you kind of
keep the ball rolling, you know what I mean. Being
at one company and planning events for one company, I
feel like might get boring for you.

Speaker 8 (42:43):
And that's what I thought I wanted, But now that
you're the way you're describing as like, maybe I will
get bored of it.

Speaker 7 (42:48):
So I don't know.

Speaker 8 (42:49):
And like I have done weddings, have helped with weddings
for years, and I have a very love hate relationship
with weddings. But something like of that nature, like maybe
working for like multiple different companies and doing like different
projects for them.

Speaker 7 (43:01):
I guess yeah, So I mean, yeah, I want.

Speaker 6 (43:03):
To circle back to to the dating question, like does
it feel like dating something that you should put.

Speaker 2 (43:09):
I think you should focus on your career.

Speaker 1 (43:12):
I really think the most important thing for young women
to do is to stop worrying about who you're gonna
end up with.

Speaker 2 (43:17):
You're going to find that person.

Speaker 1 (43:19):
There's a million people in this world you're I mean,
there's there's nine billion people actually in this world. You're
going to find somebody, and there's plenty of them to
go around. You're gonna have several different loves in your
life that will happen.

Speaker 3 (43:30):
You'll probably have several different careers in your life. Yeah,
I just want to name the since you're talking about
naming things that the idea of being stuck. Life is
nothing but change, So you probably won't get stuck somewhere.
If you're the type of person who doesn't want to
get stuck somewhere, you'll you'll be able to get yourself
into a new thing that makes you excited no matter

(43:51):
where you land. And most people change jobs and a
lot of people change relationships throughout their life.

Speaker 7 (43:58):
Yeah, that's good advice.

Speaker 3 (43:59):
So you don't have to land there now and like
feel like you're in cement, you know.

Speaker 2 (44:03):
But you know, like take steps in like one direction.

Speaker 1 (44:07):
Use like the energy and like the motivation that you
have right now, harness that and move in the direction
of either starting your own company or you know, reaching
doing some outreach to the people that you do know,
saying hey, I'm starting this thing where I'm going to
put events together. It could be for company, it could
be for a bridle shower, it could be for whatever.
You know, like create, start taking steps to create that

(44:29):
for yourself and see if that's something that fulfills you
and that you can get off on its feet while
you live with your parents, and in the meantime, keep
your barrista job so you have some sort of income.
You know and then like you're going to learn so
much so quickly with whatever choice you make about what
you like and what you don't like. So just have
faith in yourself, you know, like that that you're capable

(44:50):
and that you can do this, and what your interests are.
The most important thing is to know what you're interested in.
And you have a lot of interests. You just said
them all.

Speaker 8 (44:58):
Yeah, yeah, de yeah. I think that's that's a great
way to put it.

Speaker 7 (45:02):
Thank you so much.

Speaker 1 (45:02):
So don't look at everything as like a negative, like
just flip the switch on it and literally like flip
the script. Like you're like, oh, I could do anything
I want. Yeah, the world is my oyster. I'm living
with my parents. I don't this is my opportunity of
a lifetime to go after what you want.

Speaker 7 (45:17):
Thank you so much, Chelsea, appreciate.

Speaker 2 (45:19):
It all right, Okay, it definitely makes.

Speaker 7 (45:21):
Me feel a lot better about my position. Thank you guys.
Nice to meet too, Nice to meet you too. Bye bye.

Speaker 1 (45:27):
I remember growing up and like when I moved to
la and thinking, I was like, oh, I just wanted
to live with my parents again, and I didn't want
to live with them the entire eighteen years that I did.
I didn't want anything to do with my parents, and
as soon as I got to LA, I'm like.

Speaker 2 (45:40):
It would really be nice to live with my parents.
It's so funny how that happens, you know.

Speaker 3 (45:44):
It's greener.

Speaker 6 (45:45):
I also think that like twenty seven to thirty five,
even like early thirties, it's such a you can put
so much pressure on yourself to like get to the thing,
and it's like okay to.

Speaker 3 (45:57):
Just be like it is a transitional.

Speaker 6 (46:00):
You always say this, like things never stay the same,
they never say the way they don't.

Speaker 1 (46:04):
And so yeah, even the good things and the bad things,
they don't stay the same. And once you realize that,
you're like you just said that has to be like
a mantra. I think that people tell themselves because people
get so worried about being stuck or like what if
I'm I remember when I was waiting tables, before like
I became successful, I would just think, what if I'm
a waitress forever? What if I'm a waitress forever? What
if I'm a waitress when I'm forty? What if I'm

(46:25):
a waitress when I'm you know, like I was like,
what do I do then? What's going to happen then,
and it's like that narrative it becomes kind of like
like pathological, and then you're telling yourself this like negative
story for no reason. There's no proof that you're going
to be doing this forever, just like there's no proof
that you're not going to be doing this forever.

Speaker 2 (46:42):
It could go anyway.

Speaker 6 (46:43):
Yeah, it's like, yeah, well, our next color is dominique.
And she says, Dear Chelsea, I'm twenty nine and I'm
writing from a big moment of transition, and this next
line is just like sort of weird coincidence. But she says,
I've spent the last nine years building a career in events.
I'm good at it, I've worked hard, and on paper
it all makes sense. But lately I feel stalled, like

(47:04):
I've reached the edge of what this version of my
life can offer unless I either expand it radically or
walk away. At the same time, I'm newly married and
staring down a parallel question that feels just as existential.
Do I double down on an ambition or do I step
into motherhood knowing that either choice reshapes everything. How do
you know when it's time to outgrow a life you
built with care instead of clinging to it because it's familiar.

(47:27):
And how do you make big life decisions when there's
no obvious right order to do things?

Speaker 1 (47:31):
Dominique, OOHI complex, Hi Dominique. Can you expand a little
bit on your career? Like what do you do and
what we where are you were that?

Speaker 3 (47:44):
So?

Speaker 5 (47:44):
I work in event marketing and I started, you know,
doing tours for like bands in like the Christian music world,
and then do like philanthropic stuff and now I'm in
like the corporate kind of event marketing space where I
do you know, events for people who use certain products
or digital products. I get to travel a lot and
built something really cool from like I don't have a

(48:05):
college degree, which is awesome, and so that's where I matter.
I'm just trying to figure out whether like I'm like, okay,
I'm in the constitute of like grow or die like
if I'm not, you know, keep if I'm not like
you know, growing constantly and like okay, something next, something
new is up.

Speaker 7 (48:19):
So that's kind of where I'm at.

Speaker 2 (48:21):
And do you feel maybe we should put her in
contact with our last collar because she could just take
over your business if you're not interested in our last.

Speaker 6 (48:27):
Color was like trying to start an event's planning business,
and we were like, yeah, go for it.

Speaker 4 (48:31):
So it might be to chat with her.

Speaker 1 (48:34):
It's all, yeah, we might want to Mcatherine may want
to connect you afterwards, just in case you need some help.
But I mean, first of all, like that, I like
your growth mindset, but like, not every period is a
period of growth. Sometimes you are just kind of like
hunkering down with what you have, Like there's a planting
and there's a harvest, and sometimes you're planting and then

(48:55):
sometimes you're harvesting. And that's like you don't always have
to feel like we live in the society that makes
us feel like we have to run around in circles
to get shit done or to be productive. But there
is a lot of strength in just enjoying what you've built.
It sounds like you've built a pretty great business for yourself.
So and I guess my next question is why would
becoming a mother? Why is there a choice between the two?

(49:18):
Do you think that you can't do both?

Speaker 5 (49:20):
I think it's definitely harder, and I definitely you know,
when I choose to become a mother, it's like I
want to be all into that. So I feel like
what I'm building in my career will definitely take the
back seat to like, you know, you know, growing a
person and being involved in their lives and every aspect
of that. So maybe not it's one of the other,
but one will definitely take a back seat, you know
what I'm saying.

Speaker 2 (49:40):
So, well, then we should definitely introduce her to the
woman we were just talking to, because she can run
your she can help run your business. I don't want you,
as a woman, and as a black woman, to build
a business and then just give up on it.

Speaker 1 (49:52):
I just don't want that for you. I want you
to be able to do all of this, and you can.
You can do all of this, and you can start
a family and do that too.

Speaker 3 (50:00):
Yeah, and you're right, like one thing takes a back
seat for a little while. Like when you're pregnant, you
can do both things pretty easily, but then when the
baby comes out, you normally want like some time to
like nest and be home. But then also when I
had a newborn, I was like, oh my god, is
this who I am? A mother? I don't only want
to be a mother. I still want to be an actor.
I still want to be a professional, you know, and

(50:22):
then I got a chance to do that again. So yeah,
I think it's true. There's seasons to things, but there's
space for everything.

Speaker 2 (50:30):
Yeah, there is space for everything.

Speaker 1 (50:31):
And I think I would hate for you to have
a child go one hundred percent into that and then go,
I can't believe I don't have.

Speaker 2 (50:37):
My business anymore, you know.

Speaker 1 (50:39):
But when you do need some time to yourself, when
you do need some different identity other than just mom
or wife, you're going to look back and be like, what,
my god, you had a robust business, Like, please don't
give up on that aspect, Like I think that is
really like the paramount issue here. You build something that
you're proud of, and we are going to put you
in touch with this other woman we just spoke to.

(51:00):
Whether it's a match or not, you're going to find
somebody to help you run your business so that you
can get ready for the next phase of your life,
which is motherhood whenever you feel that's ready.

Speaker 2 (51:09):
But you have to find like kind of a business partner,
and they.

Speaker 1 (51:12):
Don't have to be like fifty to fifty partner, because
you did build this business so it's yours. But somebody
that you can hire that can help manage things is
not an unreasonable thing to do, So I I, yeah,
I really just want to get you away from that
thinking it's not one or the other, it's how do
I do it all? Because we can do more than
one thing at the same time.

Speaker 3 (51:30):
And remembering that you don't have to make the decision
for the endpoint, Like as you go down the path,
you'll get new information. And as new information comes in,
then you get to make a different decision based on
Oh I didn't even see that part. Now here's this
new part, you know.

Speaker 6 (51:45):
Yeah, And how long have you been married, Dominique.

Speaker 5 (51:48):
I've been married a year in May is May.

Speaker 6 (51:50):
So okay, So you've got the time. You've got time
to just enjoy being married.

Speaker 1 (51:57):
But enjoy your success, like that's really important, like independent
women and business like creators, like people who are business owners,
like that is very viable and valuable. So I just like,
don't just be ready to toss that aside, you know
what I mean, It's important what you've done, and so
take your time, enjoy it, and then just like look
for options. I get you want to grow your business.

(52:18):
That doesn't have to happen every six months. It has
happens over a long period of time, so it sounds
like you already know what you're doing and that your
life is pretty good. So just figure out ways to
make it even better and do all the things that
you want do.

Speaker 5 (52:33):
All the things.

Speaker 7 (52:34):
I got it.

Speaker 5 (52:34):
That's all. That's great advice, actually, and it's good to
just maybe sit back or to hang hang tiy be like, Okay,
I've done this, just maybe chill for a minute, just
you know, rubble in for a second. So thank you.

Speaker 7 (52:45):
I appreciate that.

Speaker 1 (52:46):
The best periods of my professional and personal life are
when I've come back from breaks, when I've come back
from running on a hamster wheel, when I've said this
is enough, I'm going out of here, I have to
stop it, I have to take a time out. When
I come back from that are the best, biggest growth
spurts and like successes. So keep that in mind. You know,

(53:11):
you don't always have to be running like this. Totally okay,
great advice, right, Great glad you called Dan Dominic.

Speaker 5 (53:18):
Yes, thank you guys so much.

Speaker 3 (53:20):
I was saying this even just yesterday to Charlie, like
or if we'd been this morning, like it's so nice
to get like a little bit older and not feel
like I have to have that hustle that I had
when I was in my twenties and my thirties, you know.

Speaker 1 (53:34):
Yeah, And I like what you said about you're always
getting new information and not setting an endpoint, because I
think as a young person, we're so attached to the
outcome of things. That's why defeats or failures or what
we categorize as such feel so much bigger than they
actually are.

Speaker 2 (53:52):
Is because we are we are so tied to the
outcome of success, Like that's the definition like this, if
I get this, this will then that will mean that,
or if I'm with this guy, you know, like or
even like a breakup can feel like such a big failure.

Speaker 1 (54:06):
And it's like as you get older, you realize like
it's really all depends on how you handle those failures.
It really has nothing to do with the failure itself.
It's like what do you do after the failure?

Speaker 3 (54:16):
And it's not like pullback too right of like you
think you're like in a low point, but actually you've
climbed this high on the mountain and you're just in
a little dip before you keep going up, right, Yeah,
you go back a little.

Speaker 1 (54:27):
Yeah, okay, do we have a closing?

Speaker 6 (54:35):
It is a little whipsie, it's it's a little bit
of a heavier one, a little bit of a heavier one.
But because you're on this show where which tackles so
much of the Sandwich generation stuff with like moms and
you know, dads, to parents who have their kids, their kids' lives,
their own lives, work, and then also taking care of

(54:56):
an aging parent, I thought this would be a good question,
So Jody says, Dear Chelsea, my husband is one of
three sons, all of whom are married and live somewhat
far from their parents. We're the closest, two hours away.
We see each other fairly frequently, but with kids and
activities and lives, it's tough. It became clear years ago
that my mother in law's health was declining. Specifically, we

(55:18):
were noticing signs of what we were concerned could be
a dementia forgetting things, using the wrong names, for people,
walking into the wrong house. She began having issues driving,
hitting mailboxes and curbs, and then about two years ago,
she totalled her car by hitting a guardrail. Luckily, no
one was hurt, while we all knew something was happening.
My father in law has been in denial. He constantly

(55:38):
downplays her symptoms and even refused to stop her from
driving for almost a year following the accident. Thankfully she's
now stopped. Things have gotten much worse this past year,
to the point where he can't deny something is wrong.
She falls regularly, she can't really walk on her own
without help. Every time we see her, she's got a
bruiser a scrape from a fall, and she can never
tell us how it happened, and he only sometimes can.

(55:59):
We've all come to terms the fact that she has
somewhat some advanced neurologic diagnosis, but we don't know what
because he hasn't taken her to the doctor. This has
been sad to acknowledged, but our biggest concern is both
their safety. Any advice on how to push for acceptance
and help with a boomer who's very unwilling to acknowledge
or accept help.

Speaker 2 (56:15):
Jody, Yeah, you have to take her to the doctor yourself.

Speaker 1 (56:18):
Yeah, you got to get in there and take her
to the doctor and intervene. He's not going to do it.
He's in denial, and man are useless. So you have
to go in and do that. You have to get
your brothers together in solidarity or do it yourself. But
take her to the doctor for a diagnosis.

Speaker 2 (56:31):
That's it.

Speaker 1 (56:32):
And like, sorry, Dad, you're not acting responsibly right now
and you're in denial and this is dangerous now where
I'm concerned about my mother's safety and I'm concerned about
your safety.

Speaker 6 (56:40):
Yeah, And I would also potentially reach out to either
an elder law attorney or someone who works in like
health care for the aging, because they would be able
to give you some tools and stuff. In your state,
it may be time for like a guardianship or conservatorship
something like that.

Speaker 3 (56:54):
Maybe time for them to move to like.

Speaker 6 (56:55):
An assisted living where you know he can have some
help with activities of daily living, can have a lot
more help whatever they need. But definitely start reaching out
to someone in your community who is able to give
you some answers about laws and regulations and things in
your state.

Speaker 1 (57:09):
Yeah, but get the ball rolling on getting a diagnosis also,
Like that's first and foremost.

Speaker 2 (57:14):
Find out what the diagnosis is.

Speaker 1 (57:16):
And then you have proof of a reason why they
need to move into an assisted living facility or a
retirement community. But yeah, that's very common that people are
in denial about their spouses.

Speaker 3 (57:25):
Like decline, Yes, agreed, And if it's you, it's your
husband's mother and their three sons. I agree. Make the
sons get together and tell them it's it's what they're
meant to do. They have to do it. It's their job.

Speaker 2 (57:38):
Yeah yeah, yeah, okay, Well, on that upbeat note, we
are wrapping it up. Thank you so much for being here.
It was wonderful to meet you.

Speaker 3 (57:46):
Yeah, so fun.

Speaker 2 (57:48):
Thanks so what a pleasure, and thanks for showing off
your sporty spice legs.

Speaker 3 (57:51):
Than that makes me what I hear short, I feel
like people are like, oh, you look good, and I'm like,
I'm strong, Yeah, I could kick you.

Speaker 2 (58:00):
Well, you're a kickboxer, so you are strong.

Speaker 1 (58:02):
You can catch Mary Elizabeth Ellis on her show Man
on the Inside. You can catch her in It's always
Sonny in Philadelphia. And of course New Girl if you're
watching that show has.

Speaker 3 (58:11):
Been Yeah that's an old that's you could be watching.

Speaker 2 (58:16):
Reruns of the Maybe she's watching reruns across the street.
Who knows. Okay, thank you, thank.

Speaker 3 (58:23):
You, thank you, thank you.

Speaker 6 (58:25):
If you want advice from Chelsea, right, into Dear Chelsea
podcast at gmail dot com.

Speaker 3 (58:30):
Dear Chelsea is a production of iHeartMedia.

Speaker 6 (58:33):
Follow Chelsea on all socials at Chelsea Handler, and find
Katherine on TikTok at flash Cadabra. Dear Chelsea is edited
and engineered by Brandon Dickert executive producer Katherine Law. Find
full video episodes and minisodes now on Netflix, and get
tickets to see Chelsea live at Chelseahandler dot com