Hole Out, But Classy with Tana Mongeau

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Okay, guys, here are my dates for the High and
Mighty Tour. In June, I will be in Hyannas, Massachusetts,
and then two shows in Nantucket. In August, you can
find me in Red Bank, New Jersey, Montclair, New Jersey,
and Calgary.

Speaker 2 (00:14):
That's Canada.

Speaker 1 (00:15):
And September I will be in Santa Barbara, San Diego,
New York City, Philly, and New Haven, Connecticut. October is Atlanta, Baltimore, Saginaw, Michigan, Pittsburgh, Toronto, Boise, Idaho,
and Spokane. And then in November I'll be in San Francisco.
I'm coming to Salt Lake City, Austin, Houston, Dallas Babies,

(00:36):
I'll be there. And then in December I am closing
out my tour in Denver and Vancouver. So get your
tickets at Chelseahandler dot com for the High and Mighty Tour.

Speaker 2 (00:47):
Hello Hi, Chelsea, hiy Hi, what's happening? What is happening?

Speaker 1 (00:54):
You have a different makeup on today?

Speaker 2 (00:56):
I do.

Speaker 3 (00:57):
I never do lip gloss, but I did and I
will like I found myself in the car even though
my hair is too short for it to blow into
my lip gloss.

Speaker 2 (01:03):
I was like leaning away from the window.

Speaker 3 (01:05):
I'm like, this is not I don't know.

Speaker 2 (01:07):
I'm not usually lop class. You know how I feel
about lip gloss.

Speaker 1 (01:09):
I feel the same way, but I always feel on
I put yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 (01:14):
Yes, but gloss is like a little.

Speaker 1 (01:16):
Yeah, lip gloss ends up getting a lot of too,
a lot of other places.

Speaker 2 (01:19):
Other than your lips.

Speaker 1 (01:21):
Yes, unfortunately, yes it tends to I like a map finish.

Speaker 2 (01:24):
Is how I feel. That's how I feel about esthetics
in general. I like a map finish.

Speaker 3 (01:29):
You like to be glammed up, Like when you're at
like a show, an awards show, are you kind of like.

Speaker 2 (01:34):
You could take it or leave it.

Speaker 1 (01:35):
I could take it or leave it. But I do
appreciate when I look like at the Roast, Like I
loved the way that I.

Speaker 2 (01:39):
Looked when I sit and when I saw videos.

Speaker 1 (01:41):
Of that, like I was like, wow, you look really good.
So when I say myself or like critics' choice, when
I get really glad, remember once in a while, I'm
like wow, yeah, you know, like with the hair, they'll
do something and they add pieces and you look like
a completely different person or ten years younger. I'm like,
I think the volume of hair can really take off age. Oh,
for sure, sakes, you look pressure more vibrant.

Speaker 2 (02:03):
So I like that.

Speaker 1 (02:04):
But I mean, yeah, I'm not really one for sitting
around getting my hair and makeup done.

Speaker 3 (02:08):
You're not like a Chris Jenner is like every morning.

Speaker 2 (02:10):
No, I could never do that.

Speaker 1 (02:12):
But then I look at what I create on my
own and it's a hot mess.

Speaker 2 (02:15):
So you know, I don't know what.

Speaker 4 (02:16):
I don't know.

Speaker 1 (02:17):
I'd like to be on vacation with a little tan
and then I don't have to worry about anything.

Speaker 2 (02:20):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (02:21):
Well you know who did arrive looking on point with
our guests this week?

Speaker 2 (02:25):
I listen.

Speaker 3 (02:26):
I have to tell you I was so pleased because
she pulled up in a Bentley And I have a
little bit of a thing of like, if you're driving
your own Bentley, that's like not how it's supposed to work. Like,
if you have a Bentley, someone should be driving.

Speaker 1 (02:38):
And somebody was driving her Bentley.

Speaker 3 (02:40):
She got out of the passenger side and I had
to say, good job, girl.

Speaker 2 (02:44):
Yeah, good job.

Speaker 1 (02:44):
Yeah, she's a hot mess. Great and her name, well,
she's an influencer. She's a former MTV mischief maker, and
her new podcast is called brand Safe, which is out now,
Please welcome Tana Monge. Are we rolling because.

Speaker 3 (02:59):
I want to?

Speaker 2 (03:01):
Is the question? Here's a question question.

Speaker 1 (03:04):
I have been mispronouncing this woman's name ever since I
met her, and we're gonna tell her og story because
it's ridiculous. And I've been calling her Tala Mangano, which
is close to calling her MONGOLOI mang Chelsea.

Speaker 2 (03:20):
Can I tell you something?

Speaker 5 (03:21):
I feel like if one day you called me and
you were like, well, you wouldn't call me, You'd send
me a video and you'd be like high in bed.
If you called me and you were like, hey, Tana,
I would be like, what did I do?

Speaker 4 (03:31):
Like I.

Speaker 5 (03:33):
Feel in trouble almost right, Well, you would be in
trouble if I called you?

Speaker 2 (03:36):
Well yeah, I mean I would I leave you video
which I live. By the way, I've logged to you,
and it's funny because sometimes you'll send me one and I'm.

Speaker 1 (03:44):
Like, you get that microphone a little bit farther away
from your mouth.

Speaker 2 (03:46):
You don't. I'm eat it. I'm a star, are you always?

Speaker 1 (03:51):
I have a banana on the way Bana allowed to
have one banana per day.

Speaker 2 (03:57):
Well, yeah, that's kind of what my conservator tells me.
You know I should.

Speaker 1 (04:01):
Okay, let's get your name. It's Tauna.

Speaker 2 (04:04):
It's Tanna. It's Tanna.

Speaker 1 (04:05):
But you what I'm saying?

Speaker 5 (04:08):
I again, I think that if you really hit me
with a Tana, I would be in trouble.

Speaker 1 (04:12):
Okay, Why do I think it's Tauna because I just.

Speaker 2 (04:14):
Chelsea, I don't know it's Tana, but she thought it
was just my pronunciation. You know what actually it is, though?

Speaker 5 (04:21):
Is that phonetically it is Tauna like Lana l A
n A h A n a would be like right,
right right, you know what I mean? So I my
parents kind of but I you know, they weren't really
phonetic people.

Speaker 1 (04:32):
Okay, Well you don't even talk to your parents at all?

Speaker 5 (04:35):
No, Okay, and if I did, I guess I wouldn't
really lead with phonics.

Speaker 2 (04:37):
I have a few more issues to kind of.

Speaker 1 (04:40):
You know that?

Speaker 4 (04:41):
Good?

Speaker 1 (04:42):
Okay, So it's Mojo Monjo, Mojo, mojo jo.

Speaker 2 (04:48):
Yes, it's French.

Speaker 5 (04:49):
It's giving face smashed on keyboard for sure.

Speaker 2 (04:52):
It's giving a little New Orleans that so deeply French
quarter New Orleans.

Speaker 5 (04:59):
Okay, you know take that. I used to really hate
New Orleans, but I've been I don't know. I was
roofed there a lot, like you know.

Speaker 2 (05:06):
That'll do it for Yeah, I had I only have fondness.

Speaker 1 (05:08):
I mean, well not only, but one of my fond
memories of New Orleans is that was when fifty cent
and I accidentally debuted our relationship.

Speaker 2 (05:15):
And they're gonna say accidentally dated. I left saying accident.

Speaker 1 (05:18):
Well that was an accident too, So I mean all
dating is pretty much an accident.

Speaker 2 (05:21):
It really is, honest, until you.

Speaker 1 (05:23):
Get into like the sixth, sixth or seventh week of it,
and then it becomes intentional. Like when you're meeting someone
and getting to know them, that is kind of accidental
in the beginning initially.

Speaker 5 (05:33):
So were you in the accidental stage with fifty in
New Orleans?

Speaker 1 (05:36):
Yeah, because he was like, I I'll come wherever you are.
Where are you going to be? And I was like,
I'm going to be in New Orleans. I have a
show this weekend and you're welcome to come, but like
you know, I don't I'm not guaranteeing anything. And so
he got a room and he came with his security guard,
and I said, let's go for a walk on the street.
And he was like, I can't do that. And I

(05:59):
was like, let's go for a walk in the street,
like you can do it, and he couldn't do that
because we walked outside and it was a fucking shit show.

Speaker 5 (06:06):
It's so fucked up when you tell me a story
because I have to sit and smile like I don't
know it, like I'm not a fucking murderer, and I'm like,
oh my god, that's so funny. I totally haven't consumed that,
like seventy thousand times.

Speaker 1 (06:18):
Let's get to our art, let's get to me, let's
get to our og story so people understand our dynamic
because it's abusive. And I just want to say that
I'm abusive to her because she's ridiculous and it's out
of love. I wouldn't abuse you if I didn't love you.
I don't know that. I know you know that, but
just explaining to anyone who might be a new listener, Yes.

Speaker 5 (06:36):
But I love Like even the other day, I was
talking about that in the car and I was like,
I find it so sweet obviously that you even take
the time. And then I know that when you love someone,
you'll like give them a little bit of shit.

Speaker 2 (06:46):
That means you're on the.

Speaker 5 (06:47):
Good side with you. So it's just I don't know,
it's beautiful. But it did start with me stalking you down.

Speaker 2 (06:52):
Yeah, well kind of we were on the same but
you weren't stalking me. Yeah.

Speaker 5 (06:55):
We I like, actually, I did just book a ticket
on a flight that you were on. But then I
got to the airport and I went into psychosis.

Speaker 2 (07:03):
And I think that's important.

Speaker 1 (07:04):
We were at Jet Suite in Vegas because I was
coming from my show in Vegas and you were in
We were in the little lounge of Jet Suite. Have
you flown Jet Sweet No, but the most way to fly. Unfortunately,
they don't fly everywhere. It's more regional right now, but
they do kind of have some flights across country. But
you can bring your dog and you can I'm supposed anyway,

(07:26):
I saw out of the corner of my eye, like
the age range of a girl that and I saw
her reaction that. I was like, she was like, I
can tell she is a fan, and I was like, okay,
you know, and I'm right right, and I saw it,
but I was also, it's Vegas. It's the morning, I'm hungover,
I'm trying to get out of there.

Speaker 2 (07:45):
You're also not going to go up to someone and say,
do you know me? Are you a fan?

Speaker 1 (07:50):
So I just saw it, but I and then she
got up and removed herself from.

Speaker 5 (07:54):
Because I had to, like one. I was like, I
have to remove myself from this airport right now, or
I'm going to at this woman who actually just does
not know me, you know what I mean. I don't
know her, she doesn't know me. I was like assaulting
my boyfriend. I'm grabbing his arm. I was like, let
me just walk outside, let me take a breath, because
you just when you're leaving Vegas, you're already in a
mentality where it's like, get me the fuck out of here.
I feel dirty, I feel gross, like I don't want

(08:16):
to be here. And then I walk into the airport
and I just look a mess and I'm like, oh
my god, that's my idol, like just sitting over there,
and I was like, I don't know, just freaking the
fuck out.

Speaker 2 (08:24):
Well, that's really sweet and cute.

Speaker 1 (08:28):
I don't know what you're doing with your leg, but
you need to get comfortable because this is like up
here and you community, Okay, I apologize to the scoliosis community.

Speaker 2 (08:39):
It's good to just apologize in the moment I've been learning. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
absolutely ahead of it.

Speaker 1 (08:42):
I mean, I don't know if that explains you're sitting,
but okay, we'll go with that. I mean, I don't
even know if I believe you. Quite frankly, well.

Speaker 2 (08:49):
I'm speedbawling right now.

Speaker 5 (08:50):
Also because whenever I see Chelsea, there is like I
have to consume a certain amount of things before I
see you.

Speaker 2 (08:57):
What did you take today? I started with a red Bull.
I was like, let mena wake up, let me. I
was watching.

Speaker 5 (09:02):
Someone like eleven am too. It's just like Jesus, you.

Speaker 1 (09:06):
Know, that's the only time you would need a red
Bull to be honest, like, I'm not having a red
Bull at five o'clock at night.

Speaker 5 (09:11):
And also I should be awake by eleven am. I'm
just not a morning part right, okay, you know. And
then the x an x the quarterbar before I see
you every time, and honestly, to be real with you,
I could use another one, but it's still not enough.

Speaker 1 (09:22):
I love that you take xanax and are out and about.
Like if I take a xanx I go to bed, it.

Speaker 5 (09:26):
Gives me energy, weirdly, which I think says so much
about your Like, what do you mean that I take
ax and I'm like cleaning the house.

Speaker 1 (09:34):
It's like if someone takes an adderall and it doesn't
impact them, it's because.

Speaker 2 (09:38):
Wait, what is the reason I have ADHD?

Speaker 1 (09:40):
If you know, Yeah, if you don't feel anything, you
have ADHD. But if you do feel something, you yeah,
if you feel up from it, yeah, And that.

Speaker 2 (09:49):
Means you're just partying on directly. Yes, do you like adderall?
I don't really I like adderall.

Speaker 5 (09:54):
But then sometimes I'm like counting my pores and I'm like, okay.

Speaker 1 (09:58):
Yeah, yeah, like it's it's meth. I don't like to
be amped. But I've been taking a Celsius. I've taken
to Celia. I love taking Celsius. I've been taking I
wanted to say I've taken too Celsius recently. I have
these little brain energy drinks that I drink that are healthy,
and but I've started taking like, instead of one, I've
been taking two or three because my engine is.

Speaker 2 (10:17):
Like really running low right now in this moment.

Speaker 1 (10:20):
And so I this morning I had a Celsius and
then I had natural plant based caffeine and so I'm
wide awake but also asleep.

Speaker 2 (10:29):
I call those the sad zoomies.

Speaker 5 (10:31):
Uh huh, like where it's like the coffee is coursing
through your veins but you're still sad about it and
it like still kind of hurts.

Speaker 2 (10:38):
My eyes hurt. Yeah, I do. My eyes hurt. My
eyes always hurt.

Speaker 4 (10:41):
I don't.

Speaker 5 (10:42):
I don't think I like being awake, but you just
point blank myrious, like my favorite pastime is sleeping.

Speaker 1 (10:49):
Let me give you some background on Tana.

Speaker 2 (10:51):
This is what I know.

Speaker 1 (10:52):
She is a She is the definition of an influencer.
You're the ultimate influencer.

Speaker 5 (10:58):
I was gonna say that's really nice, but the come
from you and also my feeling.

Speaker 1 (11:01):
Well, no, I mean, I'm just saying it plainly because
that's true. You have built a career on being an influencer,
and you've also had like a whole journey. I've given
up on not using the word journey because I can't
find a replacement word.

Speaker 2 (11:14):
I think journey is pretty accurate.

Speaker 1 (11:16):
I know, I just find it to be a little
bit corny.

Speaker 5 (11:18):
Yeah, journey, And like my journey in question is like
getting arrested at Coachella. Tell yourself, yeah, journey does insinuate
something yeah, Rander.

Speaker 1 (11:31):
So one of the things you're you stopped drinking, and
that was and this is something we have in common.
So I understand why you feel a kindred spirit with
me because I also am a professional drinker.

Speaker 2 (11:42):
I thought you're about to say you stopped drinking. No,
I was like, I'm relapsing. No, I'm not drink something's wrong.
I'm not giving up on alcohol.

Speaker 1 (11:49):
We have an understanding, and please don't we get each
other like the people need it. But I understand when
when I met you, You're like, oh, I stopped drinking,
and this is kind of like my idea, not not
your whole identity, but a big part of who you are.
And you share a lot of information about your personal life,
as I have done my entire life, and I like that.
I think that that's very genuine, and I think that
that's important because so many people are putting out this

(12:12):
kind of like persona of themselves. And that's fine if
you're an actor and you want your privacy, or if
you're I don't know, I don't know what other fields
of interest where you're not, you don't necessarily want to
be transparent about who you are. But I really relate
to people who are themselves and who can be in
a who can be a hot mess on camera and off,
you know what I mean, because it's not an act.

Speaker 2 (12:34):
I mean, you're a hot mess with or without drinking.

Speaker 5 (12:35):
So I made the drinking because I was just thinking
about that too, Like I mean, first of all, I'm
so happy that I met you in a time of
my life that I'm not drinking, because I think that
my drunk brain would have been like I could keep
up with Chelsea and like jaw swinging, and I would
have been trying to keep up with you, and I
would have just like I would have had to kill myself.
It would have been so embarrassing what I would have done.

(12:56):
So I definitely am like grateful for that in that regard,
but still a hot mess for sure. I think for
a long time, I tied my identity so much to
like alcohol, and I almost had this thought process that
if I wasn't partying and having those type of stories,
that no one would be interested. And it like my
identity was so tied to it, I guess, And yes,
I'm happy to know that I can still bring the

(13:17):
hot mess and it's just who I am and I
was thinking about that today because in Vegas when I
was with you last I packed and I didn't try
on my outfit and I brought this skirt and my
asshole was just out the entire in your asshole out
a long, yes, like you've seen my asshole more than
you haven't. And I was like, you know what, Yeah,
it's not the alcohol, like, that's just it's me.

Speaker 1 (13:36):
And you're in love now too, Yes, you're you're I
mean your Instagram is filled with naked pictures, like your
skirt comes up to hear and not that I'm you
know who am I to tought? Obviously I'm naked all
the time too, So it's not a judgment, it's just
a clarification, yest.

Speaker 5 (13:50):
Yeah, I think I think people have gathered that for sure.
I'm definitely naked.

Speaker 1 (13:53):
Yeah, you're naked and you like it and I too,
and then and that's fine. Why why wouldn't you?

Speaker 2 (13:57):
Why don't like duality these days?

Speaker 5 (13:59):
You know, sometimes it's a turtleneck and sometimes it's whole out.

Speaker 2 (14:02):
Yeah, and we don't always know what we're gonna do.

Speaker 3 (14:03):
Well, like recently you posted a picture you were like
lying on a table at a party, but like you
had a napkin covering your behind, so.

Speaker 2 (14:09):
It was like hold out to keep it classic, right.

Speaker 1 (14:12):
Was it a panteliner?

Speaker 5 (14:14):
No? I think it was like a dirty napkin that
I wiped the taffalo sauce on like thirty seconds prior.

Speaker 2 (14:19):
And some things just do. Yeah, they never change. But
what does your boyfriend think about you and your behavior?

Speaker 5 (14:25):
He is truly the most patient person I have ever met,
and I definitely have these moments where I'm like radicalized.
I'm like you should leave me, Like I put him
through and he loves it and I don't know how
or why, and I think that's where I feel very lucky.

Speaker 2 (14:39):
But he is.

Speaker 5 (14:40):
He's the sound, responsible guy who like loves the entertainment
of me. And it's even right now, I'm like I
was fostering a dog. I failed. I adopted him. The
dog's pissing everywhere. He's like, was this really the best idea? Like,
and I'm just but I'm like, I.

Speaker 2 (14:56):
Bring the whimsy. Yeah, yeah, you bring the care. That's
what I tell myself to sleep at night.

Speaker 1 (15:00):
Well, yeah, the guy I'm dating, so it calls me
a sexy tornado.

Speaker 2 (15:03):
I am. So that's honestly an amazing compliment. It is.

Speaker 1 (15:07):
I like to be a sexy tornado. That's exactly what
I was aiming to do in life.

Speaker 2 (15:11):
Yes, one hundred yeah.

Speaker 1 (15:12):
So I feel like you might be in a similar
situation because you're a boyfriend's Hawaiian, so it takes you
to Hawaii quite often.

Speaker 2 (15:17):
Did you just buy a place there?

Speaker 3 (15:18):
Yes?

Speaker 2 (15:18):
I did, yeah, so.

Speaker 5 (15:19):
Yeah, and that's it's so nice to just go there
and remember that LA is kind of just this fake
bubble and like this and love LA for what it is,
but like meet people with values and meet people who
are just they're calmer, they're just I've never had chill
a day in my life. I'm from Las Vegas. I
moved to LA. Like I'm going one hundred miles a minute,

(15:41):
I'm screaming, my hole is out, like, you know, just
it's nice to have the calm mixed in.

Speaker 1 (15:48):
I saw something Mini Driver posted just talking about how
everyone should go to Hawaii at some point in their
life because how peaceful and magical the land is, which
is true, like when you go there, you do have
a feeling that you don't feel elsewhere, Like you can't
compare Hawaii to another place really that I visited, Like,
I agree, even though like the topography or like climate
would be the same or similar in like Bali, it's

(16:08):
totally different, yeah, than Hawaii Hawaii, you know, like all
of the stuff is different, and Hawaii is singular in
that I think, like, and there's a very healing vibe
that you get when you get off the plane in
a Hawaii and they hand you a lay and you're like,
am I on the fucking love boat?

Speaker 3 (16:22):
Right?

Speaker 4 (16:22):
Yes?

Speaker 2 (16:22):
You know I don't deserve this.

Speaker 5 (16:24):
Take the lay off me, you know what I mean, like,
give it to someone exactly.

Speaker 1 (16:26):
You're like, this must have taken a lot of time
and how did you?

Speaker 2 (16:29):
And I'm where?

Speaker 3 (16:30):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (16:30):
And then I'm like and it smells so fresh and
it really sets the tone for your trip.

Speaker 5 (16:35):
Yeah, and I'm wearing like a buffalo sauce stained allo
hoodie and it's like someone else deserves What do you.

Speaker 2 (16:40):
Do with all your lays when you get off the plane?

Speaker 5 (16:43):
They stopped doing it at the airport, and they mainly
will do it at like resorts and stuff like that.

Speaker 2 (16:47):
But people put them in the fridge.

Speaker 5 (16:49):
They preserve them, like I preserved a feel I didn't
know I was a preserver until I met him, Like
you met him.

Speaker 2 (16:54):
That's another good one, and it is just great.

Speaker 5 (16:57):
I mean, I think that the thing I love the
most about him is how responsible he is. And I
think that when you are at least when I was
writing out a list of things that I wanted in
a partner or would find sexy and find attractive my
whole life.

Speaker 2 (17:10):
I was never really I want a responsible.

Speaker 5 (17:12):
Man, like I think he was everything that I didn't
know I needed, which is beautiful in that way. You know,
you think you know exactly what you want in a partner,
and it's almost like we are opposites in a lot
of ways, but it like works. Yeah, there's there's a
yin and a yang that balance out.

Speaker 1 (17:28):
Yeah, because two hot message don't work together at all.

Speaker 5 (17:30):
And I think for so long I wanted that and
then it's like, wait, yeah I did too. My boyfriend's
like TikTok dancing and cheating on me on Snapchat And
where how did I get here?

Speaker 3 (17:38):
You know, do you have fitness and wellness questions? Well,
Chelsea's personal trainer Ben Bruno is about to guess on
an episode, So right into Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail
dot com with all your fitness and wellness questions.

Speaker 1 (17:53):
I want to talk about your new podcast, which is
called brand Safe.

Speaker 5 (17:56):
This is actually the first time I'm talking it.

Speaker 1 (18:00):
Okay, this is very exciting. So I'm gonna throw up
because you've been talking about this a lot to me personally,
but talking about launching this podcast. It's called brand Safe,
and you've had, You've come from two other successful podcasts,
one of which you ended, one of which you're still
doing right, yes, yes, okay, So do you want to
talk a little bit about those two podcasts at all,
why you ended one, why you decided to start one

(18:21):
on your own.

Speaker 2 (18:22):
Yeah, yeah, let's go.

Speaker 5 (18:24):
I mean, so Canceled is the one that ended, and
it was like such a magical time. I look at
it as this like really fucked up scrap book that
I get to show my kids one day. And we
were just young and party. I was partying a lot,
at least in Los Angeles and kind of coming on
and just airing people out. Like I was definitely a

(18:45):
lot crazier in that regard. I was going out and
I would always say I was collecting more, you know.

Speaker 2 (18:49):
I was kind of like my Chelsea lately. Yeah, you
were canceled.

Speaker 5 (18:52):
That's funny because today when we shoot Brand Safe, that
was one thing I wanted to talk to you a
lot about, is just all of the different reinventions and
rebirths you've had and how you and if you hold
hands with all of these different eras that you've had
and stuff, because I find that very interesting and that's
how I feel now that I'm in this reworth. But
I could have never gotten here without that girl. And

(19:12):
she was very messy, and she did a lot of
things that I need to make reparations for probably until
the day I die, right yea, yeah, But it was
very entertaining and it was an amazing time. And then
just towards the end of it, I did I got sober,
I fell in love. I was talking about green juice
and like my ibs and like I didn't have the
interesting chaotic things to bring to the table as much,

(19:35):
you know, and broke my co host same things.

Speaker 2 (19:37):
She got married, and it just it.

Speaker 5 (19:39):
Became this like beautiful ending where we ran off into
the sunset and it was time to end it, you
know what I mean. And it was just it was
also in La every week, it was a different lifestyle
like now I'm kind of shooting everywhere and stuff, just
doing something more I guess on brand with my lifestyle now,
you know, I was holding on to like a version
of myself that I needed to.

Speaker 1 (20:00):
Hmmm, you know part ways with Well, I think that's
the natural evolution of somebody who's actually, like, you know,
thinking about life instead of just like having life happen.

Speaker 2 (20:08):
Yeah, oh wow, that was really sweet.

Speaker 1 (20:10):
Yeah, it's true, like we grow up, and like, if
you're not growing up at some point, it's not interesting.

Speaker 2 (20:16):
I agree, I think.

Speaker 5 (20:17):
And for so long again, I was tied to this
idea where if I grew or if I was doing
anything with substance or intelligence that I was, no one
would be interested. And it got to this point where
I was like, that's just not true, and my fans
are amazing for that, for showing up for me.

Speaker 2 (20:31):
No matter what it did.

Speaker 5 (20:32):
It started to feel kind of regressive and repetitive, and
like just the drama centric stuff also can be very
taxing on your mental health if you're not wanting to
stand in the line of fire, if you're not wanting
to deal with all the discourse and the clips and
the commentary and stuff, and yeah, it came to this
like very poetic end, and it's great.

Speaker 2 (20:52):
I still can't shut the fuck up. Yeah, So here
I am continuing to.

Speaker 1 (20:56):
So what's the story with your parents?

Speaker 4 (20:59):
God?

Speaker 2 (20:59):
Do you have a a week?

Speaker 1 (21:00):
I mean, just give us the sound bites, like I know,
I just read.

Speaker 2 (21:04):
I don't know, Like, just give me a clip.

Speaker 1 (21:06):
I didn't know this well, I just I didn't know
this about you. And I was reading your notes and
it said you haven't spoken to them since you were thirteen,
And I was like, oh, are you moved.

Speaker 2 (21:14):
Out when you were thirteen? Right?

Speaker 3 (21:15):
Yes?

Speaker 1 (21:16):
And I wish I could have fucking moved out when
I was two, street I wanted to move out when
I was six.

Speaker 5 (21:19):
That is why I resonate with you so hard. I
think that when you speak even about like your thoughts
as a child, especially in this last book, you did
a lot of.

Speaker 2 (21:27):
That, you know what I mean. You talk about how
you knew.

Speaker 5 (21:30):
You were destined for a first class you were destined
for a different life, that they weren't gonna necessarily do
it for you. And you knew that from a very
young age, which I feel like a lot of people
don't necessarily grow up like that. There is they have
much more naivity to their childhood, you know. And I
feel like I was very similar to you in that
regard where I woke up in this world. I was
born into it, and I was like, oh, you people.

Speaker 1 (21:51):
Are Yeah, I would feel like the idea that your
parents are like, I've definitely never felt unsafe in my home.

Speaker 3 (21:56):
You know.

Speaker 1 (21:56):
It wasn't like that. But the idea that my parents
were the ones that we're going to take care of
me was ludicrous. Like I was like, this is not
a possibility, exactly, Chelsea.

Speaker 5 (22:07):
And I think that is the difference. I think my
home was also a very unsafe home. It was very
turbulent in a lot of ways. I mean, my dad
was in the Vietnam War, he had a lot of PTSD.
They were both older, born in the fifties, just very
out of touch and with everything. And my mom was
very depressed and just the I hate to call her
the common case of a victim of lots of failed
abusive relationships, but that's.

Speaker 2 (22:29):
What it was, you know.

Speaker 5 (22:30):
And yeah, from a very young age, I knew like,
this is just not gonna fit, you know. And my
best friend's family was very kind to start taking me
in from thirteen on and just giving me the good
meal on the table, showing me that a holiday is
something you should celebrate, showing me that there can be
happy moments and that love is unconditional.

Speaker 2 (22:49):
My parents were also.

Speaker 5 (22:49):
Extreme narcissists, and narcissistic abuse is also just very hard
to go through because you're never going to get the
accountability or the apology or the glution.

Speaker 2 (22:59):
Yes, exactly.

Speaker 5 (23:00):
And it eventually got to a point, I think where
it just continued to snowball, and I realized I was
because I spent a lot of my childhood, I guess,
trying to make them into something better, like hoping, living
on this edge of hope that they would wake up
one day and grow. And eventually it was just like,
this isn't going to happen, and I have to go
no contact for my mental health. That was right after

(23:21):
they sued me. That was kind of like a big catalyst.
What slander and defamation itau?

Speaker 1 (23:28):
You were talking about them publicly, yes, and.

Speaker 5 (23:30):
I had had an MTV show and on the reality show,
I was kind of detailing what my childhood was like.
And that was super hard for me because I was like,
not only was I telling the truth. I was telling
one one thousandth of the truth, you know. So it
was it was a cash grab, and it was one
of those things where it was like and that was
just the thousandth time where that was all I felt like,
you know what I mean, was a check to them,
and you know, they wanted to take credit for all

(23:50):
of my success and we made you and if anything,
everything I was was to fight them for so long
and was to be nothing like them, I guess, you know.
And yeah, eventually it had to be no contact just
for my mental well for you and thank you. I
think so many people, you know, they want to argue that,
right because they don't understand.

Speaker 2 (24:09):
They want to be like, but it's your blood and
it's your parents.

Speaker 5 (24:11):
And I always just try to tell people it's like
if someone is no contact with their family, it means
they have tried everything. Like that's never it's not option one,
you know what I mean. You try and you try
and you try and you fail.

Speaker 2 (24:23):
And I don't know.

Speaker 5 (24:24):
Now I've finally made a lot of peace with that.
I think for a while I was drinking about that.
I think for a while I was angry, and I
think I got to a full point of just empathy
that they weren't that generation too, like mental health was
not a thing for their generation, and just so many
different things.

Speaker 1 (24:42):
It's just also a nice lesson to talk about and
to think about, because you've got me thinking about all
the different ways in which you can find parents in life.
It's so true and like mother's parents, like I feel
like I mother a lot of young people in my
life happily, Like I love it. I want to, you know,
like I want to be a big sister or however
these girls in my life see me, it's like I

(25:03):
want to be there and like fill in the gaps
because I know so many people who have parented me
that are not my parents, and my siblings very much
so parented me growing up. And it's like it can
come from anywhere, and it's very nice to be able
to because it's such a struggle to let go of
the expectation of your parents treating you the way that

(25:24):
you see other parents treat their children in happy homes.

Speaker 2 (25:28):
Speak that truth, Chelsea, It's very true.

Speaker 5 (25:30):
I mean I think that I always describe it as
a void that I eventually had to make friends with, right,
Like I think for so long it was this void
that I was trying to fill, and I was just
trying to fill it and fill it and fill it,
but it was endless, you know, And eventually it was like, yes,
if right now I walked outside and I saw a
dad teaching his little girl on a bike, I'm going
to be like I was robbed of that.

Speaker 2 (25:49):
I never got that.

Speaker 5 (25:50):
There's still going to be moments where I'm aware of
that and the void. But I think that the peace
came from stopping trying to fill it, and you know,
being grateful for the things that I had in other
avae news and the people who did step in. Even
when you text me and you call me ooopsie or
you call me Poopsie, and I know what that means
to you. Like, I'm so grateful for all of the

(26:10):
people in my life who have stepped up and shown
me love and someone I can look up to, and
just family and just all the different things. You know,
I feel so blessed, and I always try to be
the poster child for that to like, you know, for
the girls out there who are like I'm going no contact.

Speaker 2 (26:23):
I'm like, you will find a new normal that fulfills you.

Speaker 1 (26:27):
Yeah, what is one of the things that you've learned
about yourself that you're really proud of through getting sober, Like,
I'm sure you're really proud of that, right, Yeah.

Speaker 5 (26:37):
And for so long I think I couldn't even I
was so self deprecating, and I think that a lot
of times to the world wanted to be deprecating me.
The world wanted to be kind of saying these awful
things about me. So I almost was living in this
mindset where it's like, I'm going to get to it
before them, you know what I mean, I'm going to
get to the self deprecating punchline before them. And it
was it ended up obviously, and then with the drugs

(26:58):
and alcohol, all that's spiraling into a lot of self hatred.
And this is kind of the first time in my
life where I'm like, I might still be a little messy,
but I can be a role model and I am
proud of myself and I am resilient as fuck. And
I did like build all of this for myself with
no fucking help. I made it out of Yeah, I
was dealt the shittiest fucking hand ever.

Speaker 2 (27:18):
And you lived in Vegas growing up.

Speaker 5 (27:20):
I knew the Texas old de Mans before I knew
the ABC's Like, come on, growing.

Speaker 1 (27:24):
Up in Vegas is something that I find unfathomable. I
read Andre Agassi's book. I don't know, have you read
ever read that book? No, but I will now he
grew up in Vegas, and I just I found that
book to be so depressing, well on so many levels,
because his father forced him to be a tennis player
when he didn't want to, and like bought a house
and build a tennis court in the back. But Vegas

(27:45):
just is like to me. And I guess, you know,
I don't live there, so I don't know, and I
can't speak from experience, but it just seems dire.

Speaker 2 (27:55):
No, you hit the nail on the head, Chelsea.

Speaker 5 (27:57):
I think by six years old, I was like, why
the fuck are we raising kids here?

Speaker 2 (28:02):
You know what I mean.

Speaker 5 (28:02):
As a child, I was well aware because obviously there
are nice enclaves, right. There are the children who were
born in Summerland and they played tennis their whole life,
and they'd go out to the desert and they went
on family trips to California.

Speaker 2 (28:17):
I'm sure they had a great fucking life.

Speaker 5 (28:18):
Okay, But the rest of us who were living in
poverty in Las Vegas.

Speaker 2 (28:23):
It is dark. I think it's a city that.

Speaker 5 (28:25):
Runs on like sex and money and alcohol and all
of the dark things in the world. I think I
really a lot of Even in writing my book right now,
I'm almost writing about how my morals were this reverse thing,
like I was taught horrible morals and I was taught
that like you get what you want by lying and
manipulating and scamming and like just all of these things,

(28:45):
you know what I mean, and that addiction and substances
and that was all normal to cope and it was
almost My life has been this big thing of unlearning
what being brought up in that environment taught me.

Speaker 1 (28:56):
I guess, did you have siblings?

Speaker 2 (28:58):
No? No, only child? More depressing, so depressing.

Speaker 5 (29:02):
And that was That's why I'm so grateful for I'm Aarry,
my best friend, because you know, they he taught me
what a sibling is, and they taught me what sibling
love is. And yeah, I imagine that my life would
be entirely different if I had a sibling, you know,
if I had someone to be like, are you fucking
seeing the shit?

Speaker 2 (29:15):
Yeah, that's what the thing is about siblings.

Speaker 1 (29:17):
I think and I still heard Gabor Matte or he's
this Canadian psychologist and he talks about like no two
siblings have the same experience, and I would argue against that,
like my brothers and sisters commiserate all the time about
what it was like. They're they're the only other people
that know exactly what it was like growing up in
my household, which was like we we all had a
different set of parents because we were different ages, but

(29:39):
we all had the same set of circumstances. Yes, and
it was ridiculous, like you know, they didn't pick us
up they like they you know, there was never going
to be like breakfast on the table, yes, like you know,
there was just like everyone fend for yourself. And it's
a nice like it's a nice bond to know, you know,
because and also as we age, you kind of become

(30:00):
the opposite or the same of what you grew up with.
Mine was immediately like I am, first of all, I
need a housekeeper, like you guys are we need a
cleaning lady. We need a housekeeper, and I need her
to live with me, and you know what I mean,
Like that was the first thing that I needed. I
needed a brand new car because my dad was a
used car dealer. I'm like, I'll never driving a used
car once I have enough money. And it was just

(30:22):
all the things that I found to be an ick
were it.

Speaker 5 (30:24):
Do you feel like some of your siblings ended up
being more similar my.

Speaker 1 (30:28):
Sisters a little bit. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (30:29):
I have two.

Speaker 1 (30:30):
I have a brother and a sister who are a
little bit more like scrappy. You know, they're just kind
of like hustlers. I mean, we're all hustlers. I'm a
hustler for sure, but they hustle in a way that
is just kind of like smacking things together and like
you know, on the move, kind of fast and loose.
And I'm just like, I have that too, but I

(30:51):
it's mine is a little bit more like I have
standards of operation, and they're up here, you know what
I mean. There's got to be a level of standard
of operation for me. Like I don't like anything below
that standard. But I love that, especially as I get older.
I'm like, I don't have time for that, you know
what I mean. I'm too fucking busy.

Speaker 2 (31:07):
I don't have time for it.

Speaker 5 (31:07):
And I have no problem saying I have no time
for it, but I think that if a man did it,
no one would blink. And you have been the person
that has spearheaded that. You've always been that way, you
know what I mean? You know what you want and
you're going to go get it and you're not going
to fucking apologize for it, which.

Speaker 2 (31:21):
Right is so inspiring. It really is.

Speaker 1 (31:23):
So what do you like when you think about this
new podcast and like, you know, like what what do
you have in mind?

Speaker 2 (31:29):
Like what do you want to do? What do you
want to accomplish?

Speaker 5 (31:32):
I think that calling it brand safe obviously there's some
irony there, like you're not safe, Yes, at all, no
one's safe. But at the same time, I am in
this new era where I care and sometimes I understand
that maybe I don't need to say the crazy thing
that's going to get me in a bunch of trouble.
And I'm you know what I mean, I'm working with
companies because they're less disgusted with associating with me, and

(31:56):
I think that what I want to do with brand Safe,
it really is I want to have a lot of
conversations that I've never gotten to have online. I want
people to almost feel like they're in my phone and
they're in my group chat. And while you are a
powerhouse and a celebrity and amazing and you are coming
on today as my first guest, I'm not just trying
to have a bunch of back to back big names
and stuff I think I want to talk to almost

(32:18):
similar to life will be the Death of Me, the
way that you really dove into talking to like psychologists
and therapists and all those things.

Speaker 2 (32:24):
I want to do that.

Speaker 5 (32:25):
I want of my best friends on and I want
to just have the conversations that we have in bed
and just like bring people almost even closer into my life.
I've been filming a lot of them in Hawaii where
I'm just talking about childhood, talking about dating. It's almost
like I spent so much time gathering this lore and
falling down and now I finally have stood up, and
I want to use what I've learned to help the

(32:46):
girlies know that they two can wake up one day
and say I'm brand safe now, and they can wake
up one day and reinvent in any way they want,
even if people perceive them differently, like that, you can
carve out your own path and I'm so brand safe now.

Speaker 1 (33:01):
Yeah, Yeah, that's so true. We have so many similarities
in our like, you know, direction trajectory, that's the word.
That's the word that could replace journey. Trajectory is yeah,
that's better. That's better because we are we have like
it's very analogous, like the partying da da DA, realizing
how you're coming across, feeling a little bit harsh about
how you come across, feeling a little bit like, Okay,

(33:23):
maybe I need to like pump the brakes on this.
Like I totally relate to all of that, and I
think that's a very natural thing for anybody in their
twenties and thirties to be thinking about, you know, and
to see people on the other side of it, and
to see people like going through the pain of it's
not a breakup with yourself, because it's a different version
of yourself, but in a sense, you are kind of
breaking with your past. And some people will get uncomfortable

(33:46):
with that, you know, some fans get uncomfortable with that.
I was just at this dinner the other night and
as this woman who's pretty famous producer, she came up
to me at this dinner and I've known her over
the years. We've always been cordial and whatever. But I
don't know her well, and she came up to me
and she sat down next to me, and she's like,
I just want to let you know that, like I

(34:07):
have seen so many changes in you over the course
of like the last five ten years.

Speaker 2 (34:11):
She goes, it's really beautiful, Like.

Speaker 1 (34:12):
You've really come into your own and you're just like
a total solid, like sister woman. I know we have
a ton of mutual friends, and I just know, like
I used to be scared of you. This is a
woman who like runs Hollywood, by the way. So the
fact that she's telling me she used to be scared
of me, I'm like, what are you fucking talking about it?
How She's like, she's like, but I used to be
just you were just not you know, like not not
easy to be around. Or it's like I was scared

(34:34):
to be around you. Not scared of you, but like
scared to be around you.

Speaker 2 (34:38):
Unsafe.

Speaker 1 (34:39):
Maybe I have heard that before. People are like I
feel unsafe around Chelsey. Yes, I'm like, what do you
think I'm gonna do? And they're like, we don't know
why you're gonna do that's what that's what's so scary.

Speaker 2 (34:49):
I couldn't relate more. And it is Yeah, it's really nice.

Speaker 5 (34:52):
I feel like I've been getting a lot of that
lately too, And you're right, it's not it's not a breakup,
but it is. It is a rebirth, and I was
I was equating it, this is so whole for me,
but like I felt like I was like a crab
who like lost this shell. It doesn't fit anymore, and
I'm like kind of looking for my new one that fits,
you know.

Speaker 1 (35:08):
And then that transitional period in between those two it
can be really naked. Yeah, it's quite uncomfortable because you're
kind of trying on your different versions of yourself. As
I've said before that and you're like does anyone do
I like me?

Speaker 3 (35:21):
Yes?

Speaker 1 (35:21):
And and then there's a period also of self consciousness
that I had never experienced before therapy. I became super
self conscious for about four three to four years, and
I didn't like that feeling at all relate and I
was like is this how I am now? And it's

(35:41):
it finally subsided, it went away. I am all longer
self conscious because I was like, shit, I don't like this.
And this is how most people, I think feel, you know,
when people always say like why are you so confident?
I'm like, I don't know, I'm just this way. I
don't have like an elixir, but I mean I can
try and help you. But when I felt that way
for a few years, I was like, oh, this isn't

(36:03):
this is an uncomfortable feeling.

Speaker 2 (36:04):
Yeah, that's what it was.

Speaker 1 (36:05):
Second guessing your interactions and thinking overthinking about what you said, yes,
how you said it, Whereas before I would just say
something and fucking forget about it for two years and
then find out five years later I totally offended somebody.

Speaker 2 (36:16):
Chelsey.

Speaker 5 (36:17):
I literally I couldn't agree with something more because I
was like, I think I lived my life up until
the past three years not even knowing what the word
anxiety meant, and like sometimes I will look back and
almost romanticize that. You know, it's like it's awful and
you are making reparations forever and you're saying all the
crazy things and stuff. But anxiety and I had never met,
you know what I mean. I was just living no

(36:39):
holds barred, going one hundred miles per hour. It didn't
fucking matter who I pissed off. It didn't fucking matter
what I said, Like either I'd drink it away or
I would just keep doing it. It didn't matter. And then
it was like almost across this transitional phase, I did
start to be like, oh my god, I need to
think before I speak, and then almost overcorrecting. I think
there was a second where I swung the pendulum so

(36:59):
far and I'm like, Okay, I'm acting like fucking mother Mary,
Like I don't.

Speaker 2 (37:02):
It doesn't need to be that, you know what I mean.

Speaker 5 (37:04):
You you are opinionated and you are loud, and it's
like it's finding this this middle ground and there is
a lot of anxiety and perception and thinking about all
of your past selves and like I guess almost regret
as well, Like it's it's balancing all these things out,
you know, and it's it is an anxious period.

Speaker 2 (37:21):
But yeah, yeah, I love that. I love that.

Speaker 1 (37:24):
Okay, we're gonna take a break and we'll be right back.

Speaker 2 (37:26):
With Tana manjur.

Speaker 1 (37:33):
And we're back, you guys, with Tana Manzo perfect.

Speaker 5 (37:38):
It honestly makes me so uncomfortable, like because I'm so
even in Vegas.

Speaker 2 (37:41):
You're like, Tana, get over here, and I just I
can't wait to unpack that trip on my pod.

Speaker 1 (37:47):
That was when I met Cowboy, so That's what I
wanted to know, is if it was that trip or
the trip after. It was the trip you were you
because you we stayed the night after, remember Mike Karen,
my assistant, was with us, and that whole group of
girls and we went yeah, and then we went to Alana.
And then after Alanis, I went back to the casino

(38:07):
because all those girls had lost my money.

Speaker 2 (38:09):
I lost like three.

Speaker 1 (38:10):
Grand I lost your money. That's okay, but I that's
what it's for. And then I came back the next night.
I was like, let me go win that money back.
I know I can win. And so I went back
with my friend Terrence from New York. And you met
Terrence too, right, Yeah?

Speaker 5 (38:23):
And was Terrence the guy you were absolutely hazing. You
kept telling him to get up because he was bad luck.
Oh no, that was someone else, like this moor Man
just trying to gamble on.

Speaker 2 (38:35):
Chelsea's like, get the fuck out of my face. Someone
else needed to be in your fucking seat.

Speaker 5 (38:39):
But also you have this like cunty power where when
you're not the person being hazed by her, you're like, oh.

Speaker 2 (38:45):
My god, you feel like her little teacup jama. You're like, yeah,
I get him.

Speaker 1 (38:49):
He was throwing the table off. It wasn't Terrence. I
don't think it was some other guy, but I can't
remember who it was. But he was throwing the table
off because he didn't know how to gamble, and I
was like, just get out of here.

Speaker 2 (38:57):
So funny.

Speaker 1 (38:58):
But the next night when I did that was the
night I met cowboys. So you were there, So you
were there with me, so your energy helped me.

Speaker 5 (39:04):
That made my cowboys so fucking happy. I want to
hear all about this. Do you guys are very cute,
by the way, Thank you. Like just such an attractive
couple together.

Speaker 1 (39:12):
I should have seen us an issemble together everyone.

Speaker 2 (39:14):
We would walk down the street and people would be.

Speaker 1 (39:16):
Like, Hollywood, Hollywood. They don't they don't have that accent,
but they were screaming Hollywood, and I was like, god,
we really stand out like two sort of thumbs. And
it's like, well, because no one is blonde there, you
know what I mean?

Speaker 2 (39:27):
Is here to stay?

Speaker 1 (39:29):
No, I don't think anyone is here to stay.

Speaker 5 (39:31):
But I assume that he is a man who kind
of owns that and like knows.

Speaker 2 (39:36):
Knows how you operate, and is.

Speaker 1 (39:38):
Yeah, he's definitely seeing how I operate, and he knows
it could be over in a second.

Speaker 5 (39:42):
But I think I think that's hot too, when someone
can kind of be like I know that, but I'm
here for the ride exactly, and I'm down. And I mean,
I always ask you about this, like we know that
you I don't know. I don't want to say you
don't love not monogamy, but like you're not looking for
like long term, forever partner.

Speaker 1 (39:59):
I mean, I'm to post a monogamy, like if I'm
in a relationship, it's not like I'm having If I'm
in a relationship that's defined as a relationship, like we're
seeing each other. Yeah, it's not like I have to
go fuck a bunch of other guys. But if I'm
casually sauntering throughout the world and meeting people in different places,
those aren't relationships. Those are casual encounters. And where if
I see somebody a couple, cowboy, cowboy, I'm seeing cowboy

(40:21):
right now.

Speaker 2 (40:22):
That's exclusive.

Speaker 1 (40:23):
But but I mean that's about all I can really
fucking handle. And it's long distance, which is my favorite.
I like long distance. Yeah you need distance, Yeah I
need distance, and everyone needs distance from me as well.
When I'm working, and when I'm here in town, I don't.
I don't have time for any fucking distraction.

Speaker 2 (40:40):
Yeah, like, I really don't.

Speaker 1 (40:40):
I just want to hit the ground running, get all
my ship in a row so that I can go.

Speaker 2 (40:44):
And relax where at some point he lives in Florida.
No shit, A big problem? And why have you gone
to Florida?

Speaker 5 (40:51):
No do you think across the duration of this relationship
you will.

Speaker 2 (40:54):
Even ever set foot in his parts? It's unlikely, but possible.
Is it like a Tampa like sad Sad? Or I
don't want to say.

Speaker 1 (41:03):
I don't even want to say where it is.

Speaker 2 (41:05):
I don't love Florida.

Speaker 1 (41:07):
My feelings about Florida have nothing to do with Floridians.
They have to do with the politics of the state.
And for some reason, even though there are states that
are commensurate or worse than Florida, Florida sticks out to
be like a sore thumb or of just dysfunction. They're
burning books. I hate all that shit. I hate the politics.
I hate DeSantis, Texas. I feel like is a hopeful

(41:28):
place like Texas. I feel like we can flip at
some point, and that's why I still fuck with Texas.

Speaker 2 (41:35):
Now Florida's staying the same.

Speaker 1 (41:36):
Florida is just not open carry. I don't like that.

Speaker 2 (41:39):
I don't like.

Speaker 5 (41:40):
Yeah, I just even the Miami of it all, like
those people, those men especially like it is just it's
lawless in the worst way.

Speaker 2 (41:49):
What about your guy?

Speaker 1 (41:50):
Is he permanent?

Speaker 2 (41:51):
Is it what permanent?

Speaker 4 (41:52):
Like?

Speaker 1 (41:52):
Aren't you engaged?

Speaker 2 (41:53):
I'm not engaged.

Speaker 1 (41:54):
Would you get engaged?

Speaker 2 (41:55):
I would get engaged. He's pretty permanent to me, Yes,
he is.

Speaker 5 (41:59):
Honestly, I think that I used to very much so
be a grass as always greener type of girl, one
foot in the door, one foot out the door with
a lot of people. And when I really look at him,
when I really put it all out on paper, and
lord knows, I have like I'm making a vent diagram.
I'm trying to convince myself and like whatever, when I
really put it all out there, I don't think I
would ever find anyone better. And I think that that's like,

(42:21):
that's what it is for me, you know what I mean.
I'm like, you're the best, and I fucking love you.

Speaker 1 (42:25):
And so do you think you'll get married?

Speaker 2 (42:27):
Honestly, yes, I think that it'll be Tanna style. It'll
be like a Vegas and I have to be the wedding.
I would be so excited.

Speaker 5 (42:35):
I think I'll invite you to the Hawaii one because
I think the Vegas one would just gross you out. Yeah,
I think so, it would make you really sad.

Speaker 1 (42:41):
Yeah, my actions across all it's like, Okay, we just.

Speaker 2 (42:44):
Got married, can we go gamble? Like that's going to
be my energy for that one.

Speaker 1 (42:48):
Well, that's fine, I'm come for the gambling party. Yeah, okay,
Well that's really sweet.

Speaker 2 (42:52):
I'm happy for you. I'm happy for you, and we'll
thank you.

Speaker 5 (42:54):
And I feel like, even just see you've been sending
me so many cute photos of you guys and stuff,
you're very like proud of this relationship, which I love
to see.

Speaker 1 (43:01):
Well, I like to be representative of what I like
to be honest about what's happening in my life. So like,
I didn't hard launch a relationship. I just was throwing
in pictures of him in my carousels because that's somebody
I was spending a lot of time with. So I
also find it weird when like you, you know, like
to go on a trip with somebody for two weeks
and then post twenty pictures of yourself alone without the

(43:22):
person as kind of a big fuck you. Yeah, you
know what I mean, And so like I don't. I'm
not trying to. Like people are like, we didn't you
learn your lesson with Joe Koit? No, I didn't learn
my lesson because I'm gonna be honest about my life.

Speaker 2 (43:33):
I love that as well.

Speaker 1 (43:35):
I think care if we break up, that's then we
break up.

Speaker 2 (43:38):
Yeah, it doesn't matter about you know what I mean.

Speaker 5 (43:41):
I really like that energy. I feel like I see
a lot in this space. People have one bad public
or not even bad just public breakup and they write
it all off forever, and it's like, I don't know,
I could never do that. So I guess I resonate
more with your side, Like I'm I suck at keeping
things to myself.

Speaker 2 (43:55):
Yeah, and I'm not.

Speaker 1 (43:56):
I don't take things so seriously that I can't share them. Yeah,
it's a relationship. It's like it may last, it may not,
who knows, we'll find out.

Speaker 2 (44:03):
What do you like the most about him? It's like,
what is He has a great voice and I love that.

Speaker 1 (44:11):
I like a real strong haven't you met him?

Speaker 2 (44:15):
No? No, not yet?

Speaker 1 (44:15):
Okay to know each other too off the internet Chocolate
Singles dot Com.

Speaker 2 (44:20):
I love that. Yeah, we were both looking for a
black man. I'm going to tell people that's where we met. Honestly. Yeah,
they probably believe you.

Speaker 1 (44:27):
Yeah what we're saying. Oh what I like about it?
I mean, you know, I don't know. There's a lot
of alike about him. He's very gentle, He's a gentleman,
and I was like, I was pretty grossed out by men.
I have to say straight men general have been pretty
disappointing of late, and this whole political backdrop is just
representative of where men have fallen short by not protecting

(44:50):
our rights, not protecting the people's like, you know, rights
that don't impact them directly, LGBTQ, trans, black, you know,
people of color, like white guys just seem to not
know how to like organize on behalf of other people. Yes,
because their rights are never really infringed to and you're
like hello. So it was very refreshing for me to

(45:11):
meet a man that saw me and I was a
hot mess the night he saw me too. I was
stoned and drunk and gambling and running that table like there.
When we left there, there was a line waiting at
that blackjack table because we had turned it into a
fucking gold mine and I was betting. I was splitting
twos against the king and winning.

Speaker 2 (45:28):
I was like, watch this.

Speaker 5 (45:29):
And the attitude you get, it's a birthday attitude Kimmel.

Speaker 1 (45:33):
And he was saying I was telling him the story
because he didn't know I, you know, I was seeing someone.
And then it came up about the trouples. He's like,
could you go away with And I told him the
story about how I met him, and he was, you
honestly sound like James Bond. He's like, you sound like
a female James Bond. And I was like, that's you
are fucking funny. But yeah, I like that. He can
take it because it's a lot.

Speaker 2 (45:54):
I'm a lot.

Speaker 1 (45:55):
I'm not. I'm like, you like, good good luck. If
I agree with that, good fucking luck.

Speaker 5 (46:00):
And I think I don't know if you ever, I
don't know if you relate to this one. Like a
lot of times in relationships, I was trying to be
a little bit different or just like maybe dial it
back a little bit. And then it was like, this
person is not falling in love with me. And then
it's like I'm presenting them for that, But I caused.

Speaker 1 (46:14):
That, And I hate being fraudulent, like I when I'm
not real, I'm like, you're gross. Like I hate the
fake voice, I hate fake enthusiasm. I hate I just
want to be real and like, so it's nice to
be with someone and be real, Like, yeah, I'm a
bitch too.

Speaker 2 (46:31):
Yes, Also I know that they they're in it for
all of that, you know, Moody.

Speaker 1 (46:35):
Sometimes it's gonna be good and sometimes it's gonna not
be great. So that's important to cow boy. Yeah, kidding up,
all right, So let's get to the advice.

Speaker 2 (46:45):
Yes, I'm dope.

Speaker 3 (46:47):
Our first question comes from Naomi, and she says, Zomy Campbell,
it is in fact asking for advice.

Speaker 2 (46:54):
She always needs some help.

Speaker 3 (46:56):
So she is thirty two and says, dear Chelsea. Late
last year, I underwent full nasal reconstruction to correct poor
technique from my previous nose job. Leading up to the surgery,
I was very sexually active, driven by a place of
scarcity and a fear of being alone. As a trans woman,
I've grown accustomed to the mindset that I'm only valued
for sex and that love is scarce due to the
discrimination women like myself often experience.

Speaker 2 (47:19):
I can't recall the last time.

Speaker 3 (47:20):
I chose a period of abstinence to focus on myself,
but I feel that this healing period is the right time.
I found myself falling into promiscuity as part of my
identity due to a deep need for intimacy in the past.
This has also led me to endure toxic men, yet
I continued.

Speaker 2 (47:35):
To pursue them. My question for you is this, how.

Speaker 3 (47:38):
Do you cope with loneliness when you choose abstinence to
focus on self healing? What benefits can come from taking
a break from men to heal one's broken parts. It
feels like it will take forever to heal, and I
don't want to be alone. Please feel free to be
direct and honest. Your insights mean a lot to me.
With lots of love and a bandaged nose. Naomi, Hi, Naomi, Hi,
how are you guys?

Speaker 2 (47:58):
We're great.

Speaker 1 (47:58):
This is Tantamajo.

Speaker 4 (48:00):
She's our special guest, Hianna.

Speaker 2 (48:04):
First of all, I just want to say that you're fine.
Normally I'm barking, so I'm coughing. That was also just
so profound, so well written.

Speaker 1 (48:14):
It was. I mean, first of all, I love that
you're thinking about all of these things because you have
such a huge opportunity right now by taking a break
and being abstinate and actually like looking into yourself for
self love, Like that is exactly what every woman should
be doing at a certain point in her life. And
this is your point. This is a huge growth opportunity.

(48:34):
You're gonna have like a really good time by yourself.
Being alone doesn't mean that you're lonely. You can start
all these new like habits and patterns that are going
to set you up for success for the rest of
your life. You know, you can wake up every day
and first of all, you should be writing down what
you're experiencing through this and writing down your commitment to yourself,
reminding yourself each day, I am committed to being alone

(48:58):
and providing myself with the love I need to be
a loving individual in a relationship in the future. That's
what you're doing. You're investing in yourself during this period
of time, and that's it is a completely winning situation
for you. Nobody's going to come in and fuck your
shit up. You're there to like restore and like sanctify
the person that you are so that you become a

(49:20):
tree that no one is able to push around or
push over.

Speaker 2 (49:23):
That's the goal.

Speaker 5 (49:25):
You're also going to enter whatever does eventually happen next,
you're going to say, as rising no, I'm not to enter.
This is a psychic grading.

Speaker 2 (49:33):
I'm not to enter, never will I ever.

Speaker 5 (49:38):
But you know, whatever you do eventually enter, you'll enter
as a completely different person, therefore attracting completely different people,
therefore garnering new experiences, hopefully more positive ones because of
all of the self work and the level of toleration
that you will now have. You know, you're not going
to be so tolerant of people's bullshit or just wanting
a sexual identity from you and stuff. I think that

(50:00):
the tree analogy is Chelsea really hit the nail on
the head there. You know you're going to be someone
that no one can fuck with because of this period
of time.

Speaker 4 (50:08):
Thank you. I really appreciate that. It's really hard to
cope with being lonely when you're like I said, when
you're trans and you want affection and love and then
I don't know's it's difficult, you know what I mean?

Speaker 1 (50:22):
I don't know what you mean because I'm not trans,
but I understand the concept of loneliness. And I don't
want to pretend that I can experience what you've experienced,
but I will say to you, like, you're not the
only person that feels lonely.

Speaker 2 (50:35):
You're not alone, and I think that.

Speaker 1 (50:37):
You should a like what practices do you have set
in place today? Like what do you journal? Do you
have a gratitude journal? Like do you meditate?

Speaker 2 (50:45):
What do you do?

Speaker 4 (50:46):
I actually do stand up comedy to help I laugh
at myself all the time. I say, having a noose
job is a Jewish rite of passage. And you know,
I'm able to find Catharsis in that. That's great whenever
I'm joking about like you know what I mean?

Speaker 1 (51:01):
Yeah, and I think you can add some things that's awesome.
First of all, that's fucking hard to do stand up.
It takes a lot of balls, I know. And Tanna,
don't you do stand up too?

Speaker 2 (51:10):
I'm trying. I'm trying.

Speaker 5 (51:11):
And even that's She's right, Like, you are doing something
that is so hard to do that so many people
can't do. And I hope that you start to find
community in that as well. And the amount of people
in the audience and stuff that just make you feel
seen and are grateful that you're there because hearing you
say I'm lonely, I also just want.

Speaker 2 (51:29):
To be like we are our words right.

Speaker 5 (51:32):
And the more that you are driving home I'm lonely,
I'm lonely, I'm lonely, of course you are believing that
you know what I mean, Whereas Chelsea has such a
good point where it's like, this might be a period
of your life that you are navigating more alone than
you've ever navigated any other period of your life, but
you're also filling your time in such a good way.
You're also filling your time with the passion that you have,

(51:54):
and you're also like maybe trying to make friends in
that community, and you know, putting forth actions to build
a future for yourself where you feel less alone.

Speaker 2 (52:03):
And I think the second you stop saying I'm.

Speaker 5 (52:05):
Lonely, I'm lonely, I'm lonely, and you start saying like,
I'm a fucking powerhouse. I don't need anybody, but I'm
going out to do my own thing and I'm building
a less lonely life for myself, You'll start to believe
that more and more, Like unfortunately, some periods of our
life are kind of lying to ourselves.

Speaker 1 (52:19):
I think that's it.

Speaker 2 (52:20):
I think that's great.

Speaker 1 (52:21):
What she just said is so beautiful. You are building
a reservoir. Do you know the analogy that Brene Brown
talks about with the marble jar. She talks about friendships
and like when you have a relationship with someone, like say,
you know, me and my sister, we have so many
marbles in the marble jar that it would take something
really crazy to take any marbles out. There's so many

(52:42):
there that even if something terrible happened, only a couple
marbles would be taken out, and I would it would
still be forgivable, you know what I mean, Like we
would still be together because we've we've invested so much
into each other. There's been so many exchange of marbles.
I want you to like think of that about yourself,
Like every day that you spend alone, first of all,
you should wake up and write down, I love myself.

(53:04):
I am incredible, I am capable, I am building a
better life for myself. I am going to be grateful
for this time that I have alone, or I am grateful.
Just start saying it, like in the present, everything that
you're grateful for. And I have a gratitude journal in
my phone that pops up every morning and night. And
sometimes I don't do it, but I usually do and

(53:24):
it is a nice reset. It takes five minutes, but
it's a nice thing to write down three or four
things that you're grateful for each day. To look outside
and be like, I'm grateful for the weather. I'm grateful
for that tree that I get to look out out.
You know that's behind you. I don't know if that
is a tree or maybe that's your hair. I can't tell,
but it's my hair. Oh, be grateful for your hair,
you know. Be grateful for all of the little things

(53:46):
that we don't kind of take into account. This is
the part of like a human experience, is to really
really focus on the stuff that you have the time
to focus on the stuff that we don't pay attention
to every day. So huge opportunity for you, Like this
is beautiful and this can be transcendent for you. So
I do want you to develop and like get into

(54:08):
patterns that you aren't in yet. You know, I think
you should try to meditate. I think you should download
the comapp and just do five to ten minutes a morning.
Whether you like it or not just commit to it
and do that for like at least thirty days and
just see how you feel. Journal about it after. You
don't have to sit there journaling for two hours every day,

(54:29):
but just say, Okay, I just meditated, I didn't feel anything.
I'm going to try again tomorrow. I just meditated. I
still don't feel anything. I'm gonna try again whatever it is.
Or I just meditated, I felt something. I'm not sure
what I felt, but I'm gonna try again tomorrow. Start
to set patterns up for yourself. They may seem stupid
or trivial or like it's not gonna have an impact,

(54:50):
or if you try it a couple times and you
don't feel something significant, you're gonna get like, oh no,
you need to commit to yourself right now, you know,
Like I want you to do all of these new hows, rabbits,
whatever three you choose, whether it's journaling, like do a
gratitude thing in the morning, a meditation, and something at
night where you're like, thank you so much for this day,

(55:10):
this is what I learned, this is something I want
to remember about today. That's one of the prompts in
my gratitude journal says what is something you want to
remember for today. And I always make think, oh, yeah,
show up you know whatever it is, like, yeah, I
showed up for this when I wasn't in the mood,
or I removed myself from the situation when I wasn't
in the move, like something I learned that helped me today.
Reading for me is always a good resetter. If I

(55:32):
could sit down and read for an hour, you know,
get some books and fucking read some books to get
yourself out of your own head and into someone else's story.

Speaker 5 (55:42):
Also, I will just say, looking at you, you are
absolutely beautiful. Okay, you're already a new bitch with the
new nose, okay, but you are You are genuinely about
to be in so many ways. And like Chelsea said,
I can't relate to your scenario specifically, but what I
will say is my best friend in the world, she's
trans and I watched her go through something really really
similar to you, where she was kind of leaning into

(56:03):
the promiscuous nature and then therefore she was attracting people
who were only attracted to that, and she it felt
very transactional, and she was leaving these situations feeling either
unsafe or.

Speaker 2 (56:13):
Just lower about herself, et cetera.

Speaker 5 (56:15):
And then I watched her do the same thing where
she was like, I'm cutting off anyone on this low
vibration who just wants me for this. I'm going to
be lonely until I have to be lonely. She worked
on her business. That's where the stand up comes in.
She worked on thinks she was passionate about, and she
met this man that I would die for. He is
so incredibly just kind, accepting, funny, smart, He's proud of

(56:36):
her in every room.

Speaker 2 (56:37):
And she never thought she would, you know.

Speaker 5 (56:38):
And it was the second she became this person where
she believed she deserved that, and she set these boundaries
in these standards there. It was all along, but she
was never going to attract that person on that low vibration,
you know. So I just want to say I've seen
it personally and I believe in you to do it.

Speaker 2 (56:54):
I really do.

Speaker 4 (56:55):
Thank you.

Speaker 1 (56:56):
Yeah yeah, Okay, Naomi.

Speaker 4 (56:58):
So that doesn't mean I'm not going to have anything
like in the future, right, What do you mean.

Speaker 3 (57:04):
Like like hookups and getting together with guys and girl,
you're about you're about.

Speaker 2 (57:09):
To levitate in ways you never know? Are you kidding me? That,
I think, and you'll see how much more fulfilling it is.

Speaker 5 (57:15):
I think I had a lot of transactional sex in
my life as well. When I was finally like making
love to someone and like knew that they cared about
me more as more than just a set of holes,
I was like, Wow, this is this is amazing.

Speaker 1 (57:27):
I think that is the difference you go from fucking
to making love, which is a kind of corny thing
to say, but it's true.

Speaker 5 (57:33):
It's the worst thing ever to say. But also like
you're levitating, like I promise.

Speaker 1 (57:37):
Yeah, yeah, you are, Like you are investing in this
time that you're spending right now, You are investing in
your future self.

Speaker 5 (57:43):
And you start to look back at all the times
where you were just giving your energy away to these lizards,
and you're like, oh my god, I'm so happy that
I'm this energy exchange now is mutual and valid and
I'm not going to look back one day with like
disdain and disgust at it, you know.

Speaker 2 (57:59):
Yeah, Naomi.

Speaker 3 (58:00):
I also want to say you have value for who
you are, regardless of them placing value on you. You have
value because of who you are. So I want you
to be telling yourself that as well.

Speaker 4 (58:11):
Thank you guys so much. And Chelsea, I'll see you
in Chicago and April. I'm so excited.

Speaker 1 (58:16):
Oh awesome, I love that.

Speaker 2 (58:18):
Okay, great, I'll see you then You're gonna die. She's
the best. Keep us posting. Okay, Naomi, thank you.

Speaker 4 (58:24):
I will thank you guys so much again.

Speaker 1 (58:26):
Okay, love you, Naomi, Bye, gorgeous, Love you too, Tana,
bye you. Okay, we're going to take a break and
we'll be right back. Okay, and we're back with Dana.

Speaker 2 (58:41):
Okay.

Speaker 3 (58:42):
We have a question about putting your job to become
an astrologer or threesomes.

Speaker 2 (58:50):
I also pick all right this one.

Speaker 3 (58:53):
This one's just an email, But Natasha says, Dear Chelsea,
I'm struggling a little with my desire for sex. My
boyfriend and I have been together for almost three years,
and while our relationship is amazing and that sex is great,
I find myself wanting it more often than he does. Recently,
after kissing a few girls, I've been in the mood
for a threesome. I know my boyfriend is open to
the idea, but I'm unsure the best approach regarding the

(59:15):
person and setting. Should we consider someone unknown, like meeting
someone on vacation, or is it better to choose someone
we know, perhaps a neighbor or someone we meet at
a bar in the city. I'm particularly concerned about finding
a situation that won't jeopardize our relationship.

Speaker 1 (59:29):
Not a neighbor.

Speaker 2 (59:30):
I literally, you're gonna hate getting the mail. Any advice
you could offer would be great, Natasha.

Speaker 1 (59:37):
I like threesomes too, and I think you should go
and find someone at a bar and have it be
like an anonymous person and just see if you're up
for that, or like if they're up for that, you know,
and you guys have to like do that together so
that there's trust and like understand what the situation is
before you go into it. Make sure that you guys
are like spelling out the boundaries for each other.

Speaker 5 (59:58):
I also think the anonymity of the person kind of
does create a more secure foundation. You always hear the
stories of it being the neighbor and the coworker, and
then there's problems and I'm not sitting here, I.

Speaker 2 (01:00:09):
Don't know your man. He might be amazing, you know
what I.

Speaker 5 (01:00:10):
Mean, But just still, I think that the safest route
is the anonymity, right YEA yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 (01:00:16):
Someone you never have to see again if you don't
want to, Yes, exactly.

Speaker 1 (01:00:19):
And then you says, decide how you like that experience
and what you learned from it together and if it
was fulfilling or if it was just like a fantasy.
But like, there's nothing wrong with the threesome, Like I
don't have any judgment towards.

Speaker 2 (01:00:29):
That, Like I get it, all right, go for it, Natasha.
And it's also sexy, you know, it's kind of sexy. Yeah,
and like that kind of it.

Speaker 5 (01:00:36):
There's no harm in trying something and then deciding that
you don't like it. But the spelling out of the
boundaries is also so important, you know.

Speaker 1 (01:00:42):
All right, Tana, I love you. Her new solo podcast
is called Brand Safe. It'll be out when this is on.
Please go listen to it. Where do people listen to it?

Speaker 5 (01:00:51):
YouTube, Spotify, Apple Music. It's going to be everywhere. And
I'm so excited to have you on today. You were
my first guests.

Speaker 2 (01:00:56):
Yeah, so here and we're going where are we going?
I don't fucking know her?

Speaker 1 (01:01:01):
Yeah, maybe to be honest with you, Okay, look great.
I love you and I'm so happy you're here and
you were happy I met you in Burbanks even though
I didn't meet Oh the best part about this story
is I so we didn't even meet them, Yes, because
we didn't even meet then because I got home. I
have a publicity team, a PR team, my favorite people

(01:01:22):
in the fucking world. And Paul and Alec are two
gay guys who work on my PR team. Gay is
on a PR team, of course, and they're young, so
they are always with it. They understand what's going on.
And they were like, oh my god, this woman. You
were posting stories about seeing me at the airport, and
they're like, this girl Tanna, she's like a huge influencer, Chelsea.
You would love her. She like loves you, and she's

(01:01:43):
posting about you. She's crying, she's got hysterical. Because I made.

Speaker 2 (01:01:48):
The biggest missa.

Speaker 5 (01:01:49):
I ultimately decided because also I felt like it was
so interesting just karmically universally. Our seats weren't like next
to each other, like just we both booked them. And
then like Chelsea's in the seat, I'm in the seat.
It's a jet, sweet plane. We are like this Starbucks
cup is what fits in between us, Like we are
so close in proximity, and then ultimately I decided I
feel like I parasocially know Chelsea Handler pretty well. I

(01:02:11):
know I don't think that she would live for this
that she was then she is like, yes, it's nighttime,
we're on this plane, like please bother me, Like I
know that, and I was like, if it's meant to be,
it will be. And then I went home and obviously
I can't shut my trap. So I made fifty tiktoks
about it because I thought that.

Speaker 2 (01:02:26):
Would be the end of it.

Speaker 5 (01:02:27):
My best friend even texted me on the way here
and he was just like, how cool is it that,
like go tell you on that plane that like you
would get to have a day like today. And I
appreciate you're a busy woman, You're a powerhouse. You don't
have to do the things you do. And I think
that's what makes it so special, is like knowing you
don't have to text me at three a I'm a
hilarious video.

Speaker 2 (01:02:45):
About your day.

Speaker 5 (01:02:46):
You don't have to, you know what I mean, give
me all this advice walking through life. You don't have
to have a whole podcast day with me, but you
do it anyways, and that's who you are.

Speaker 1 (01:02:54):
So thank thank you, baby, thank you. Okay, that's enough.
That's enough about me.

Speaker 3 (01:03:01):
If you want advice from Chelsea, write into Dear Chelsea
podcast at gmail dot com.

Speaker 2 (01:03:06):
Dear Chelsea is a production of iHeartMedia.

Speaker 3 (01:03:09):
Follow Chelsea on all socials at Chelsea Handler, and find
Katherine on TikTok at Flashcadabra. Dear Chelsea is edited and
engineered by Brandon Dickert executive producer Katherine Law. Find full
video episodes and minisodes now on Netflix, and get tickets
to see Chelsea live at Chelseahandler dot com

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