March 19, 2024 • 18 mins
Kat asks Amy what she learned this last year of her life since she's now 43 years old (as of this week) and she also asks about a fun memory from the year (since it was a rough year around the sun with the divorce and all!) Have you ever rubbed your eyelids?? Because that's a thing you'll learn about in this episode...and it's something Amy enjoys very much!
Quote:
“Some people talk to you in ‘their free time’... and some people ‘free their time’ to talk to you. Make sure you know the difference.” -Someone’s Grandpa
They also talk about 4 gut instincts we should not ignore:
1) A Sense That You Are Not Well:
For example, Amy felt "off" so she got blood work and turns out she has very low testosterone (like very, very low!!) and that is causing her to feel very spacey. She's getting some cream to run on the back of her leg, so we shall see if that helps.
2) Excitement About An Opportunity:
Excitement is your intuition’s way of saying that something about that opportunity is resonating with your soul (so don't let your logical mind talk you out of something you feel is aligned for you!!)
3) A Feeling Of Danger:
When you feel an immense sense of nervousness, take it seriously (better to be safe than sorry!)
4) Being Drawn To Someone:
People are in our life for a reason, a season or a lifetime! (IYKYK: Amy is going to frame this for Kat's office because Kat doesn't think it's that deep, but Amy does haha)
HOSTS:
Amy Brown // RadioAmy.com // @RadioAmy
Kat Defatta // @Kat.Defatta // @YouNeedTherapyPodcast // YouNeedTherapyPodcast.com
Call us: 877-207-2077
Email: 4ThingsWithAmyBrown@gmail.com
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:04):
Happy Tuesday. Welcome to the Fifth Thing. I'm Amy and
I'm Kat And today's quote is from someone's grandpa. Ooh,
some people talk to you in their free time and
some people free their time to talk to you. Make
sure you know the difference.
Speaker 2 (00:19):
Yikes.
Speaker 1 (00:20):
Yeah, I felt that for myself, of like making sure
that I'm intentional about freeing time being present. Yeah, and
not just with kids, or I guess in my brain
I was thinking not just with friends. I really need
to do it more with my kids. This is probably
the busiest I've been with them as a mom, or
they've been, if that makes sense, you know what I mean.
(00:40):
And man, I'm clawing for that free time, especially because
I only have them every other week and I just
got them back. And Stevenson laid on the couch with
me last night, probably had about fifteen minutes to just
watch a little something before it was bedtime for him.
And he laid his head in my lap and I
got to rub my fingers across, say, his eyeballs and forehead.
Speaker 2 (01:03):
The eyeballs.
Speaker 1 (01:04):
Wait, that feels good.
Speaker 2 (01:06):
I've never had somebody rub my eyeball. You should try it.
Speaker 1 (01:09):
No, with your eyes closed, your eyelids I guess I still.
Speaker 2 (01:14):
Never heard of that.
Speaker 3 (01:15):
Like I've heard of something like scratching my back or
playing with my hair, but nobody's ever been like, let
me rub your eyeballs.
Speaker 1 (01:20):
Oh I would love to lay there and someone rub
my eyelid balls.
Speaker 2 (01:27):
Okay, so I'm not let you guys got to do that.
Speaker 1 (01:30):
I am too. I cannot think of the last time
he let me.
Speaker 2 (01:34):
Do that, So the other times you forced him.
Speaker 1 (01:37):
No, it's just not an option because he won't lay
on my lap.
Speaker 2 (01:41):
It'd be like mom.
Speaker 1 (01:43):
And then we went through a season where yeah, he
didn't want anything to do with that for sure. So
it has been a long, long, long, long, long, long
long long time, and so that was really special and
it made me want to crave it more. And then
I'm like, well, now I want to go rub Stashira's eyeballs.
And she's so busy, like she got soft fall every
single night. So my point is, I am going to
(02:04):
make free time for them, but I need them to
also free up the time.
Speaker 3 (02:08):
You want for them to free their time up. Yeah,
I mean it takes two to tango. I will say,
I don't know that I was that interested in fraying
time up for my mom when I was like fifteen, Yeah,
no offense to you.
Speaker 1 (02:20):
I know, well she's on with seventeen and then he's yeah,
gonna be fourteen oh younger.
Speaker 3 (02:24):
When I was seventeen, I was not saying mom, let's yeah.
Speaker 2 (02:28):
I wasn't doing that.
Speaker 1 (02:28):
No. After this, I'm gonna rub your eyeballs just you
can even do it. Close your eyes. Everybody listening unless
you're driving, close your eyes and just gently take your finger.
Doesn't feel the saucier eyelids shof, gentle, gentle softer.
Speaker 3 (02:44):
It does not feel the same when you do something
then when somebody else does.
Speaker 1 (02:47):
No, that stuff feel pretty good to me.
Speaker 3 (02:49):
I feel like when you get a facial it doesn't
feel as good when you put your own skincare on right, No, it.
Speaker 1 (02:55):
Makes sen I don't like a massage. You're not feeling it. Yeah, okay,
Well owe to your friend or loved one or someone
and have them rub your eyelids. Okay, gentle Patrick to
rub my eyelids tonight. Report back. I turn forty three
years old today.
Speaker 2 (03:11):
How do you feel?
Speaker 1 (03:12):
This is Monday, and this is going to load up
tomorrow on Tuesday.
Speaker 2 (03:16):
I feel good.
Speaker 1 (03:16):
So I was going to sit here and chair. Forty
three things that I learned this last year.
Speaker 2 (03:21):
Okay, we'll be here all day. I'm just kidding.
Speaker 1 (03:23):
I don't have anything.
Speaker 2 (03:27):
Well, okay, what about one thing.
Speaker 1 (03:29):
I think one thing that I learned from my forty
second year is that I'm capable.
Speaker 3 (03:37):
That was actually your forty third year, because now you're
forty three, So that was your forty third trip around.
Speaker 1 (03:43):
Oh yeah, because zero to one, gotcha. So in my
forty third year that is making me forty three today.
There's two words come to mind, resilience and capable. Even
I'm still working on the capable part because I think
there's so many parts of me deep inside that I'm
working through that still have such negativity surrounding that. Like
(04:07):
I've thought I had built certain neuropathways, which I do
think I have come a long way, but they still
pop up, so I'm still shooting them down. It's like
whack a mole.
Speaker 3 (04:16):
Is there anything that felt really different in your forty
third year than in your forty second year?
Speaker 1 (04:22):
Yeah, I took responsibility for my own life. That's what
I'm capable of because it's my first year as a
single person. Yeah, not the whole forty third year, but
I guess I'd got divorced last summer, and so the
resilient part is I survived the divorce part, which was
really it's just exhausting emotionally, there's so much that comes
(04:45):
out that you're not expecting, Like even though we knew
it was happening, Like I knew the divorce is coming
for months and months and months, like a year, it
had been decided. But by the time we went there
and we were finally signing the dotted line, which we
didn't go signed together. I don't know why I thought
we would.
Speaker 3 (05:01):
That's weird maybe, but I feel like most people don't
do that, right.
Speaker 1 (05:05):
I don't know. We just got along so well. I
just didn't picture myself going to his lawyer's office by myself.
But it was so emotional. And then even when I
left there, I called my sister and she was like,
what are you going to do? I'm like, well, I
don't know. So I stayed on the phone with her,
and I stopped at the grocery store and I got cheese,
crackers and wine.
Speaker 3 (05:24):
I remember that day you were at my house recording
and I was like, this is a big deal. That
you're going to do this, And your response was something like,
I mean, no, I've known this as coming.
Speaker 2 (05:35):
I'll be fine. Like I think that you were either
not wanting.
Speaker 3 (05:39):
To realize how big of a deal it really was,
or you just didn't know.
Speaker 2 (05:44):
To expect that.
Speaker 3 (05:45):
Yeah, because you were just acting like it was like
another Tuesday.
Speaker 1 (05:48):
Yeah, I don't know, well that this is my warning
for anything. It's like, you can think that and it
may not be divorced. Maybe it's something else. I mean,
grief happens that way. It comes in waves. You never
know what's going to strike you. And that was a
moment where I thought, why am I so sad? I
have been grieving this for a while, So what is
so well about this? But it's the finality of it all.
(06:10):
And yeah, now I remember being at your house. It's
just funny looking back on that. I drove there by
myself and went into the office, his lawyer's office. It
wasn't even my lawyer. Looking back on it now, I'm like,
should we have done it together? She did say. When
I sat down, she said, hey, I got to tell
you because I didn't really know this person because they
worked with them, and said I got to tell you,
y'all should teach a class on how to get divorced.
(06:31):
We've never seen anything like this, like this amicable. So see,
it's probably not that far fetched that we would have
gone together, but probably a little far fetched. So resilience
got through that. I'm capable taking over my finances, learning
things around the house, believing in myself. Still a work
in progress.
Speaker 2 (06:50):
Do you know what the most fun part of your
forty third year was?
Speaker 1 (06:54):
Let me think, no, oh, oh, I took the kids
to Hawaii. Yeah, Thanksgiving? Okay, I obviously have special moments.
The thing was just, yeah, popping to my mind because
I just I'm more excited about this year, my forty
fourth year. I'm excited about the future. And Hawaii was
a very very very special trip because we went with
(07:15):
my sister and all her kids were there.
Speaker 2 (07:17):
Me and my kids.
Speaker 1 (07:18):
It was my first trip as a single mom. I
rented a car all by myself. I am capable, you know.
I got a hotel room all by myself. And for
some people it's like, what, But when you're married for
seventeen years and your husband was the person that liked
to do that sort of stuff, like he liked planning
and booking and making sure everything's all buttoned up, and
(07:39):
I just like to show up, you know. So then
I was like, oh, I got a book, that's I
gotta plan those. I mean, when I went and rented
that car, cat, I kid you not. I felt like,
this is the most adult thing I've ever done in
my life. I'm a forty two year old mama too,
and I'm renting a jeep in Hawaii. It's nothing to
rite home about. But I was very proud of myself.
(08:00):
And so I think that whatever it is that you're
doing for the first time, celebrate it because it was cool,
like high five yourself in the mirror, or have someone
high five you, or close your eyes and have someone
rub your eyelids. You deserve it, and so that's a highlight.
That was for sure something special. Because also we stayed
at a hotel that was two hotels down from the
(08:22):
hotel that my parents took me and my sister to
on Waikiki Beach when we were kids. And my sister
and I by ourselves left everybody else behind and walked
over to that hotel one morning with our coffee and
went and sat in these rocking chairs and you just
talked about mom and dad and how you know, we
wish they were there with us now, but it's cool.
We have the memory from we were kids and we
were looking around at the esthetic and the vibe of
(08:44):
the hotel. And I don't know if I told you
about this when we got back, but our parents renovated
our house shortly after we got back from Honolulu, and
they definitely modeled it after this hotel. There was forest
greens and like this peachy coral color.
Speaker 3 (09:01):
I mean everywhere did you have a Hawaii themed No,
it's not Hawaiian themed.
Speaker 1 (09:05):
It was just the colors and the banana trees. There
was banana trees everywhere. And guess what we had in
our backyard. And there was this huge window in our
entry way that went into our backyard banana tree.
Speaker 2 (09:15):
That sounds Hawaiian themed.
Speaker 1 (09:16):
Well, the banana tree was probably the only Hawaiian thing.
But it wasn't like palm trees and you know, birds
and stuff, but it just was forest green. Like we
had forest green countertops, we had forest green carpet. Oh wow,
we had forest green walls, we had peach walls. I
mean everything was just very maybe Hawaiian but not it's
not like a Hawaiian shirt. Yea sharing of paint a
(09:37):
picture that it wasn't like a Hawaiian shirt.
Speaker 2 (09:38):
Like flowers and threw up on our laving room.
Speaker 1 (09:41):
Yeah, it was really pretty.
Speaker 2 (09:42):
It's tasteful.
Speaker 1 (09:43):
It was tasteful, but that was a special moment where
you as an adult, we had no idea, but it's
so obvious, like we were like, oh my gosh, this
is so crazy they took And so I think that
that's something fun to know that that was such a
special place for my parents that they wanted to break
that vibe and that energy into our home. So any hoosie,
(10:04):
I have just quickly four not forty three, four gut
instincts that we should not ignore. I have four gut
(10:25):
instincts that we should not ignore. And this is something
that I saw and I thought, I want to share
this everybody because four is fitting four Things podcast, and
if you have one to add in kat it can
be like the bonus one since this is a fit thing.
But a sense that you are not well. Your body
always knows when something isn't quite right, and you will
always receive signs when something is off. Trust your body.
(10:48):
It is intelligent and I've remember that we're always going
to receive signs, but I do think that we should
pay attention more times than not. And I'm definitely one
that's like, eh, it'll be fine. Ignore it to be fine,
it'll ignore. But what this is doing for me is
I have this spot on my leg and I'm going
to go to the dermatologists and have.
Speaker 2 (11:07):
It checked out. A spot like a mole.
Speaker 1 (11:09):
It's like this weird scabby bump thing that keeps popping
up and I need to go. Listen to my instinct.
It could be nothing, but the other night, I just
had this feeling. I went down and felt it, and
I'm like, you know, I need to go to the dermatologist.
So that's what I'm gonna do. So I don't know
anybody else that needs that little nudge to go get
it done. I went and have my blood work done
(11:30):
not too long ago for my hormone stuff, and I
don't understand exactly how testosterone works, like the different levels,
like what women are supposed to have, So I'm just
making up numbers for the sake of you understanding the
results I got. Let's say this particular type of tea,
you know, I got low tea. Let's say ideally women
would want something between like four and nine. Again, I'm
(11:52):
making these numbers up. Well, I have like zero point five.
Oh it's it's like very very low. And she was
throwing a lot of information at me. That's why I'm
having to make up numbers for you right now, because
I don't have the piece of paper in front of
me and I don't remember all the details. But she
did say she could call in a prescription for this
testosterone cream that I pick up and then I put
(12:14):
a dab hopefully it measures it out for you because
I want the appropriate amount. You put it behind your
knee because if you overdo testosterone, your voice will change
and you could grow body hair.
Speaker 2 (12:24):
So I'm like, okay, I.
Speaker 3 (12:25):
Don't think they're piking on that level of I don't
know that testosterone cream.
Speaker 2 (12:29):
I thought I would assume that it was like a
pill or something.
Speaker 1 (12:32):
I think there are pellets you can take or something.
But this is a cream and you put it behind
your knee. Interesting, So I'll keep you posted on that.
But that was another thing where I just listen to myself.
Something has been off and low T causes a lot
of spaciness. Oh, and you know I'm in spacey. I
just thought that's just me, but it's been worse.
Speaker 2 (12:53):
You're low te it's.
Speaker 1 (12:54):
My low te it's not everything that happens. I'm like, sorry,
low tee, it's not my fault. It's my fault. Sorry,
I'm light lo Ti. Sorry, I'm tired Lo Ti. Excitement
about an opportunity, This is an instinct you should not ignore.
Excitement is your intuition's way of saying that something about
that opportunity is resonating with your soul. Don't allow your
(13:16):
logical mind to talk you out of something you deeply
feel is.
Speaker 2 (13:19):
Aligned for you.
Speaker 1 (13:20):
I like that one, Like kat book that next trip.
Speaker 2 (13:24):
I've already have.
Speaker 3 (13:26):
I was gonna say, I think a lot of times
we don't want to get excited about things because I
don't know, we don't want to jinx them, or we
think that maybe other people won't think they're that big
of a deal, so we kind of like dim the
sparkle of it. So that's why I like that one,
Like allow yourself, if you're excited about something, to be
excited about it.
Speaker 1 (13:43):
Yeah, a feeling of danger when you get a feeling
something is off and you feel an immense sense of nervousness.
Take it seriously. It's better to be safe than sorry.
Speaker 2 (13:53):
Yeah, one hundred percent. I don't have a problem with
that one.
Speaker 1 (13:56):
So I was in bed, falling asleep almost there, you know,
like you don't want to get back out of bed.
But then I had this sudden feeling of that I
didn't lock the back door. Oh yeah, and I turned
the alarm on, but still something about the door being
not locked, and I was like, what are the odds
something's gonna happen? But I got up and I went
(14:17):
and I locked it, and I just was able to sleep.
Speaker 2 (14:19):
It was unlocked.
Speaker 1 (14:20):
It was unlocked, and I slept better not knowing because
if I kept putting that, who knows, it would in
five ten minutes and eventually I was gonna have to
get up anyway because it would keep me up. So
the minute you decide you need to get up to
go lock some doors, go lock them. But who knows
what could have happened if I hadn't locked it. Did
you know that in Canada, Toronto specifically, they're having so
many car thefts, like people breaking into homes to get
(14:42):
keys to steal their cars, that they are saying, hey, look,
just go ahead and put your keys by the front
door or wherever they may break in, not that you
could know exactly, because that way they won't have to
beat you up to get your keys, and that way
you won't get hurt. Like they'll break in. They'll be like, oh,
the keys, and then.
Speaker 2 (14:58):
That's the solution. Though, Well they just let them take
the car. Yeah, that's why put them in the car.
Speaker 1 (15:05):
No, because in insurance they'll be like.
Speaker 2 (15:07):
You left your keys in your car? Yeah, I don't know.
Speaker 3 (15:10):
Well I don't know. I'm just well, you know that
how what was it? What brand car that like they
were all getting stolen? Was that Hyundai or something? There
was a parking garage in Nashville that every single one
of the whether it was a Kia or Hunt whatever,
it was like all of them got.
Speaker 2 (15:24):
Stolen one weekend.
Speaker 3 (15:25):
Yeah, that's so weird. They didn't have to break into
anybody's house. They just I guess rigged it up. Yeah,
I don't really know that. I'm gonna like I could
picture me now, like leaving all of my stuff, like
here's my wallet, just hey, leave a little note some
snacks and be like, hey, I'm sleeping I'd rather not
have the trauma of be waking me up to steal
(15:47):
all my things, So just like take it thanks. I
don't know something to consider a basket or something. The
final thing being drawn to someone. We are always drawn
to people for a reason. It means their presence serves
a divine purpose. Even if it's only a brief encounter
or temporary relationship, there is a reason that you have
(16:08):
collided with this person.
Speaker 1 (16:09):
Amazing. Think of that, saying people come into your life
for a reason, a season or a lifetime.
Speaker 2 (16:15):
I wanted it to.
Speaker 3 (16:15):
Rhyme yeah sorry or nothing rymes with that, but I do.
I do like that because it helps.
Speaker 2 (16:22):
Like even that's like the no offense.
Speaker 3 (16:25):
But that's well duh, it's either a reason, a season,
or a lifetime, because if it's not a season, then
it would be forever.
Speaker 2 (16:32):
Yeah, it just that's not like life. It just it
feels like pretty like the it's helpful.
Speaker 3 (16:39):
It might help because it could be like three reason
or three ways people in your life.
Speaker 2 (16:43):
But it's just I have no commentary. Just as like yep, so.
Speaker 1 (16:47):
As a therapist, you would not say that to your
client because I feel like this is pretty deep.
Speaker 2 (16:53):
I don't. I think it's very cerficing.
Speaker 1 (16:55):
If my therapist said it to me, I'd be like,
this is why I'm paying you.
Speaker 3 (16:58):
I probably wouldn't say people are in your huge say
can I tip you?
Speaker 2 (17:03):
That was really deep?
Speaker 1 (17:04):
No, I said, this is why I'm paying you. This
is why they pay you the big bucks.
Speaker 2 (17:07):
Yeah, you would want to give me extra money because
it was so deep and so profound.
Speaker 1 (17:10):
You know what, I'm getting you a picture for your office,
a frame because I know you like to put up
these frames, like these cool sayings in your office, and
I'm getting you one that says people come into your
life for a season, a reason for their lifetime. Amy Brown, No,
it's not me. I don't know who said it. Someone's grandpa.
Speaker 2 (17:28):
I guess if you want something deep, come to the
thiit thing.
Speaker 3 (17:34):
Kat.
Speaker 1 (17:35):
Where can people find you?
Speaker 3 (17:36):
On Instagram, at cat dot defauda and at UNIU Therapy podcast.
Speaker 1 (17:40):
And I am at Radio Amy. You can also call us.
I haven't had time to check the voicemails. I wanted
to pull some for this episode, but here's the problem.
I want to listen to every single one. You can
read them, but I like hearing people's voice and so
then I'm wanting to listen to them, and then that's
one of the things where I have to make the
time for it. But I also am trying to make
(18:01):
time for my kids and my friends. There's enough additional
and if my eyeballs are wanting to be a massages,
they need to be closed.
Speaker 2 (18:08):
But I guess I could listen while you massage eyeballs.
Speaker 1 (18:10):
Okay, well, there we go eight seven seven two o
seven two o seven seven, Bye bye.
Happy Tuesday. Welcome to the Fifth Thing. I'm Amy and
I'm Kat And today's quote is from someone's grandpa. Ooh,
some people talk to you in their free time and
some people free their time to talk to you. Make
sure you know the difference.
Speaker 2 (00:19):
Yikes.
Speaker 1 (00:20):
Yeah, I felt that for myself, of like making sure
that I'm intentional about freeing time being present. Yeah, and
not just with kids, or I guess in my brain
I was thinking not just with friends. I really need
to do it more with my kids. This is probably
the busiest I've been with them as a mom, or
they've been, if that makes sense, you know what I mean.
(00:40):
And man, I'm clawing for that free time, especially because
I only have them every other week and I just
got them back. And Stevenson laid on the couch with
me last night, probably had about fifteen minutes to just
watch a little something before it was bedtime for him.
And he laid his head in my lap and I
got to rub my fingers across, say, his eyeballs and forehead.
Speaker 2 (01:03):
The eyeballs.
Speaker 1 (01:04):
Wait, that feels good.
Speaker 2 (01:06):
I've never had somebody rub my eyeball. You should try it.
Speaker 1 (01:09):
No, with your eyes closed, your eyelids I guess I still.
Speaker 2 (01:14):
Never heard of that.
Speaker 3 (01:15):
Like I've heard of something like scratching my back or
playing with my hair, but nobody's ever been like, let
me rub your eyeballs.
Speaker 1 (01:20):
Oh I would love to lay there and someone rub
my eyelid balls.
Speaker 2 (01:27):
Okay, so I'm not let you guys got to do that.
Speaker 1 (01:30):
I am too. I cannot think of the last time
he let me.
Speaker 2 (01:34):
Do that, So the other times you forced him.
Speaker 1 (01:37):
No, it's just not an option because he won't lay
on my lap.
Speaker 2 (01:41):
It'd be like mom.
Speaker 1 (01:43):
And then we went through a season where yeah, he
didn't want anything to do with that for sure. So
it has been a long, long, long, long, long, long
long long time, and so that was really special and
it made me want to crave it more. And then
I'm like, well, now I want to go rub Stashira's eyeballs.
And she's so busy, like she got soft fall every
single night. So my point is, I am going to
(02:04):
make free time for them, but I need them to
also free up the time.
Speaker 3 (02:08):
You want for them to free their time up. Yeah,
I mean it takes two to tango. I will say,
I don't know that I was that interested in fraying
time up for my mom when I was like fifteen, Yeah,
no offense to you.
Speaker 1 (02:20):
I know, well she's on with seventeen and then he's yeah,
gonna be fourteen oh younger.
Speaker 3 (02:24):
When I was seventeen, I was not saying mom, let's yeah.
Speaker 2 (02:28):
I wasn't doing that.
Speaker 1 (02:28):
No. After this, I'm gonna rub your eyeballs just you
can even do it. Close your eyes. Everybody listening unless
you're driving, close your eyes and just gently take your finger.
Doesn't feel the saucier eyelids shof, gentle, gentle softer.
Speaker 3 (02:44):
It does not feel the same when you do something
then when somebody else does.
Speaker 1 (02:47):
No, that stuff feel pretty good to me.
Speaker 3 (02:49):
I feel like when you get a facial it doesn't
feel as good when you put your own skincare on right, No, it.
Speaker 1 (02:55):
Makes sen I don't like a massage. You're not feeling it. Yeah, okay,
Well owe to your friend or loved one or someone
and have them rub your eyelids. Okay, gentle Patrick to
rub my eyelids tonight. Report back. I turn forty three
years old today.
Speaker 2 (03:11):
How do you feel?
Speaker 1 (03:12):
This is Monday, and this is going to load up
tomorrow on Tuesday.
Speaker 2 (03:16):
I feel good.
Speaker 1 (03:16):
So I was going to sit here and chair. Forty
three things that I learned this last year.
Speaker 2 (03:21):
Okay, we'll be here all day. I'm just kidding.
Speaker 1 (03:23):
I don't have anything.
Speaker 2 (03:27):
Well, okay, what about one thing.
Speaker 1 (03:29):
I think one thing that I learned from my forty
second year is that I'm capable.
Speaker 3 (03:37):
That was actually your forty third year, because now you're
forty three, So that was your forty third trip around.
Speaker 1 (03:43):
Oh yeah, because zero to one, gotcha. So in my
forty third year that is making me forty three today.
There's two words come to mind, resilience and capable. Even
I'm still working on the capable part because I think
there's so many parts of me deep inside that I'm
working through that still have such negativity surrounding that. Like
(04:07):
I've thought I had built certain neuropathways, which I do
think I have come a long way, but they still
pop up, so I'm still shooting them down. It's like
whack a mole.
Speaker 3 (04:16):
Is there anything that felt really different in your forty
third year than in your forty second year?
Speaker 1 (04:22):
Yeah, I took responsibility for my own life. That's what
I'm capable of because it's my first year as a
single person. Yeah, not the whole forty third year, but
I guess I'd got divorced last summer, and so the
resilient part is I survived the divorce part, which was
really it's just exhausting emotionally, there's so much that comes
(04:45):
out that you're not expecting, Like even though we knew
it was happening, Like I knew the divorce is coming
for months and months and months, like a year, it
had been decided. But by the time we went there
and we were finally signing the dotted line, which we
didn't go signed together. I don't know why I thought
we would.
Speaker 3 (05:01):
That's weird maybe, but I feel like most people don't
do that, right.
Speaker 1 (05:05):
I don't know. We just got along so well. I
just didn't picture myself going to his lawyer's office by myself.
But it was so emotional. And then even when I
left there, I called my sister and she was like,
what are you going to do? I'm like, well, I
don't know. So I stayed on the phone with her,
and I stopped at the grocery store and I got cheese,
crackers and wine.
Speaker 3 (05:24):
I remember that day you were at my house recording
and I was like, this is a big deal. That
you're going to do this, And your response was something like,
I mean, no, I've known this as coming.
Speaker 2 (05:35):
I'll be fine. Like I think that you were either
not wanting.
Speaker 3 (05:39):
To realize how big of a deal it really was,
or you just didn't know.
Speaker 2 (05:44):
To expect that.
Speaker 3 (05:45):
Yeah, because you were just acting like it was like
another Tuesday.
Speaker 1 (05:48):
Yeah, I don't know, well that this is my warning
for anything. It's like, you can think that and it
may not be divorced. Maybe it's something else. I mean,
grief happens that way. It comes in waves. You never
know what's going to strike you. And that was a
moment where I thought, why am I so sad? I
have been grieving this for a while, So what is
so well about this? But it's the finality of it all.
(06:10):
And yeah, now I remember being at your house. It's
just funny looking back on that. I drove there by
myself and went into the office, his lawyer's office. It
wasn't even my lawyer. Looking back on it now, I'm like,
should we have done it together? She did say. When
I sat down, she said, hey, I got to tell
you because I didn't really know this person because they
worked with them, and said I got to tell you,
y'all should teach a class on how to get divorced.
(06:31):
We've never seen anything like this, like this amicable. So see,
it's probably not that far fetched that we would have
gone together, but probably a little far fetched. So resilience
got through that. I'm capable taking over my finances, learning
things around the house, believing in myself. Still a work
in progress.
Speaker 2 (06:50):
Do you know what the most fun part of your
forty third year was?
Speaker 1 (06:54):
Let me think, no, oh, oh, I took the kids
to Hawaii. Yeah, Thanksgiving? Okay, I obviously have special moments.
The thing was just, yeah, popping to my mind because
I just I'm more excited about this year, my forty
fourth year. I'm excited about the future. And Hawaii was
a very very very special trip because we went with
(07:15):
my sister and all her kids were there.
Speaker 2 (07:17):
Me and my kids.
Speaker 1 (07:18):
It was my first trip as a single mom. I
rented a car all by myself. I am capable, you know.
I got a hotel room all by myself. And for
some people it's like, what, But when you're married for
seventeen years and your husband was the person that liked
to do that sort of stuff, like he liked planning
and booking and making sure everything's all buttoned up, and
(07:39):
I just like to show up, you know. So then
I was like, oh, I got a book, that's I
gotta plan those. I mean, when I went and rented
that car, cat, I kid you not. I felt like,
this is the most adult thing I've ever done in
my life. I'm a forty two year old mama too,
and I'm renting a jeep in Hawaii. It's nothing to
rite home about. But I was very proud of myself.
(08:00):
And so I think that whatever it is that you're
doing for the first time, celebrate it because it was cool,
like high five yourself in the mirror, or have someone
high five you, or close your eyes and have someone
rub your eyelids. You deserve it, and so that's a highlight.
That was for sure something special. Because also we stayed
at a hotel that was two hotels down from the
(08:22):
hotel that my parents took me and my sister to
on Waikiki Beach when we were kids. And my sister
and I by ourselves left everybody else behind and walked
over to that hotel one morning with our coffee and
went and sat in these rocking chairs and you just
talked about mom and dad and how you know, we
wish they were there with us now, but it's cool.
We have the memory from we were kids and we
were looking around at the esthetic and the vibe of
(08:44):
the hotel. And I don't know if I told you
about this when we got back, but our parents renovated
our house shortly after we got back from Honolulu, and
they definitely modeled it after this hotel. There was forest
greens and like this peachy coral color.
Speaker 3 (09:01):
I mean everywhere did you have a Hawaii themed No,
it's not Hawaiian themed.
Speaker 1 (09:05):
It was just the colors and the banana trees. There
was banana trees everywhere. And guess what we had in
our backyard. And there was this huge window in our
entry way that went into our backyard banana tree.
Speaker 2 (09:15):
That sounds Hawaiian themed.
Speaker 1 (09:16):
Well, the banana tree was probably the only Hawaiian thing.
But it wasn't like palm trees and you know, birds
and stuff, but it just was forest green. Like we
had forest green countertops, we had forest green carpet. Oh wow,
we had forest green walls, we had peach walls. I
mean everything was just very maybe Hawaiian but not it's
not like a Hawaiian shirt. Yea sharing of paint a
(09:37):
picture that it wasn't like a Hawaiian shirt.
Speaker 2 (09:38):
Like flowers and threw up on our laving room.
Speaker 1 (09:41):
Yeah, it was really pretty.
Speaker 2 (09:42):
It's tasteful.
Speaker 1 (09:43):
It was tasteful, but that was a special moment where
you as an adult, we had no idea, but it's
so obvious, like we were like, oh my gosh, this
is so crazy they took And so I think that
that's something fun to know that that was such a
special place for my parents that they wanted to break
that vibe and that energy into our home. So any hoosie,
(10:04):
I have just quickly four not forty three, four gut
instincts that we should not ignore. I have four gut
(10:25):
instincts that we should not ignore. And this is something
that I saw and I thought, I want to share
this everybody because four is fitting four Things podcast, and
if you have one to add in kat it can
be like the bonus one since this is a fit thing.
But a sense that you are not well. Your body
always knows when something isn't quite right, and you will
always receive signs when something is off. Trust your body.
(10:48):
It is intelligent and I've remember that we're always going
to receive signs, but I do think that we should
pay attention more times than not. And I'm definitely one
that's like, eh, it'll be fine. Ignore it to be fine,
it'll ignore. But what this is doing for me is
I have this spot on my leg and I'm going
to go to the dermatologists and have.
Speaker 2 (11:07):
It checked out. A spot like a mole.
Speaker 1 (11:09):
It's like this weird scabby bump thing that keeps popping
up and I need to go. Listen to my instinct.
It could be nothing, but the other night, I just
had this feeling. I went down and felt it, and
I'm like, you know, I need to go to the dermatologist.
So that's what I'm gonna do. So I don't know
anybody else that needs that little nudge to go get
it done. I went and have my blood work done
(11:30):
not too long ago for my hormone stuff, and I
don't understand exactly how testosterone works, like the different levels,
like what women are supposed to have, So I'm just
making up numbers for the sake of you understanding the
results I got. Let's say this particular type of tea,
you know, I got low tea. Let's say ideally women
would want something between like four and nine. Again, I'm
(11:52):
making these numbers up. Well, I have like zero point five.
Oh it's it's like very very low. And she was
throwing a lot of information at me. That's why I'm
having to make up numbers for you right now, because
I don't have the piece of paper in front of
me and I don't remember all the details. But she
did say she could call in a prescription for this
testosterone cream that I pick up and then I put
(12:14):
a dab hopefully it measures it out for you because
I want the appropriate amount. You put it behind your
knee because if you overdo testosterone, your voice will change
and you could grow body hair.
Speaker 2 (12:24):
So I'm like, okay, I.
Speaker 3 (12:25):
Don't think they're piking on that level of I don't
know that testosterone cream.
Speaker 2 (12:29):
I thought I would assume that it was like a
pill or something.
Speaker 1 (12:32):
I think there are pellets you can take or something.
But this is a cream and you put it behind
your knee. Interesting, So I'll keep you posted on that.
But that was another thing where I just listen to myself.
Something has been off and low T causes a lot
of spaciness. Oh, and you know I'm in spacey. I
just thought that's just me, but it's been worse.
Speaker 2 (12:53):
You're low te it's.
Speaker 1 (12:54):
My low te it's not everything that happens. I'm like, sorry,
low tee, it's not my fault. It's my fault. Sorry,
I'm light lo Ti. Sorry, I'm tired Lo Ti. Excitement
about an opportunity, This is an instinct you should not ignore.
Excitement is your intuition's way of saying that something about
that opportunity is resonating with your soul. Don't allow your
(13:16):
logical mind to talk you out of something you deeply
feel is.
Speaker 2 (13:19):
Aligned for you.
Speaker 1 (13:20):
I like that one, Like kat book that next trip.
Speaker 2 (13:24):
I've already have.
Speaker 3 (13:26):
I was gonna say, I think a lot of times
we don't want to get excited about things because I
don't know, we don't want to jinx them, or we
think that maybe other people won't think they're that big
of a deal, so we kind of like dim the
sparkle of it. So that's why I like that one,
Like allow yourself, if you're excited about something, to be
excited about it.
Speaker 1 (13:43):
Yeah, a feeling of danger when you get a feeling
something is off and you feel an immense sense of nervousness.
Take it seriously. It's better to be safe than sorry.
Speaker 2 (13:53):
Yeah, one hundred percent. I don't have a problem with
that one.
Speaker 1 (13:56):
So I was in bed, falling asleep almost there, you know,
like you don't want to get back out of bed.
But then I had this sudden feeling of that I
didn't lock the back door. Oh yeah, and I turned
the alarm on, but still something about the door being
not locked, and I was like, what are the odds
something's gonna happen? But I got up and I went
(14:17):
and I locked it, and I just was able to sleep.
Speaker 2 (14:19):
It was unlocked.
Speaker 1 (14:20):
It was unlocked, and I slept better not knowing because
if I kept putting that, who knows, it would in
five ten minutes and eventually I was gonna have to
get up anyway because it would keep me up. So
the minute you decide you need to get up to
go lock some doors, go lock them. But who knows
what could have happened if I hadn't locked it. Did
you know that in Canada, Toronto specifically, they're having so
many car thefts, like people breaking into homes to get
(14:42):
keys to steal their cars, that they are saying, hey, look,
just go ahead and put your keys by the front
door or wherever they may break in, not that you
could know exactly, because that way they won't have to
beat you up to get your keys, and that way
you won't get hurt. Like they'll break in. They'll be like, oh,
the keys, and then.
Speaker 2 (14:58):
That's the solution. Though, Well they just let them take
the car. Yeah, that's why put them in the car.
Speaker 1 (15:05):
No, because in insurance they'll be like.
Speaker 2 (15:07):
You left your keys in your car? Yeah, I don't know.
Speaker 3 (15:10):
Well I don't know. I'm just well, you know that
how what was it? What brand car that like they
were all getting stolen? Was that Hyundai or something? There
was a parking garage in Nashville that every single one
of the whether it was a Kia or Hunt whatever,
it was like all of them got.
Speaker 2 (15:24):
Stolen one weekend.
Speaker 3 (15:25):
Yeah, that's so weird. They didn't have to break into
anybody's house. They just I guess rigged it up. Yeah,
I don't really know that. I'm gonna like I could
picture me now, like leaving all of my stuff, like
here's my wallet, just hey, leave a little note some
snacks and be like, hey, I'm sleeping I'd rather not
have the trauma of be waking me up to steal
(15:47):
all my things, So just like take it thanks. I
don't know something to consider a basket or something. The
final thing being drawn to someone. We are always drawn
to people for a reason. It means their presence serves
a divine purpose. Even if it's only a brief encounter
or temporary relationship, there is a reason that you have
(16:08):
collided with this person.
Speaker 1 (16:09):
Amazing. Think of that, saying people come into your life
for a reason, a season or a lifetime.
Speaker 2 (16:15):
I wanted it to.
Speaker 3 (16:15):
Rhyme yeah sorry or nothing rymes with that, but I do.
I do like that because it helps.
Speaker 2 (16:22):
Like even that's like the no offense.
Speaker 3 (16:25):
But that's well duh, it's either a reason, a season,
or a lifetime, because if it's not a season, then
it would be forever.
Speaker 2 (16:32):
Yeah, it just that's not like life. It just it
feels like pretty like the it's helpful.
Speaker 3 (16:39):
It might help because it could be like three reason
or three ways people in your life.
Speaker 2 (16:43):
But it's just I have no commentary. Just as like yep, so.
Speaker 1 (16:47):
As a therapist, you would not say that to your
client because I feel like this is pretty deep.
Speaker 2 (16:53):
I don't. I think it's very cerficing.
Speaker 1 (16:55):
If my therapist said it to me, I'd be like,
this is why I'm paying you.
Speaker 3 (16:58):
I probably wouldn't say people are in your huge say
can I tip you?
Speaker 2 (17:03):
That was really deep?
Speaker 1 (17:04):
No, I said, this is why I'm paying you. This
is why they pay you the big bucks.
Speaker 2 (17:07):
Yeah, you would want to give me extra money because
it was so deep and so profound.
Speaker 1 (17:10):
You know what, I'm getting you a picture for your office,
a frame because I know you like to put up
these frames, like these cool sayings in your office, and
I'm getting you one that says people come into your
life for a season, a reason for their lifetime. Amy Brown, No,
it's not me. I don't know who said it. Someone's grandpa.
Speaker 2 (17:28):
I guess if you want something deep, come to the
thiit thing.
Speaker 3 (17:34):
Kat.
Speaker 1 (17:35):
Where can people find you?
Speaker 3 (17:36):
On Instagram, at cat dot defauda and at UNIU Therapy podcast.
Speaker 1 (17:40):
And I am at Radio Amy. You can also call us.
I haven't had time to check the voicemails. I wanted
to pull some for this episode, but here's the problem.
I want to listen to every single one. You can
read them, but I like hearing people's voice and so
then I'm wanting to listen to them, and then that's
one of the things where I have to make the
time for it. But I also am trying to make
(18:01):
time for my kids and my friends. There's enough additional
and if my eyeballs are wanting to be a massages,
they need to be closed.
Speaker 2 (18:08):
But I guess I could listen while you massage eyeballs.
Speaker 1 (18:10):
Okay, well, there we go eight seven seven two o
seven two o seven seven, Bye bye.
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