Are you going through hard things...feeling confused by it all and like you've just been thrown out in the middle of the ocean all alone wondering if you'll ever find your way back to shore? Well, this podcast is a community that is here for each other with all kinds of reminders that you're not alone. Amy especially feels this when she gets to meet y'all face to face and when she reads your emails. Today's episode is from our community!!!! All 4 things are emails from listeners that are currently in hard times or have made it to the otherside - so yep - these stories are from someone just like you that listens to the podcast and I just know it will be. Hope you enjoy this special episode!!!
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:01):
Okay, little food for yourself life. Oh it's pretty much.
It's pretty beautiful, thank you. Laughs, A little moth kicking
(00:30):
with four Happy Thursday four things. Maam Amy here, and
I'm gonna throw a question out there for you all,
because I went to the Write Your Story workshop last
weekend that Ali fallon and Donald Miller put on and
a few listeners were there. There was probably about forty
people total, and this room was full of laughter, joy, courage,
(00:55):
strength that saw it all. But then as people's stories
started to come out, you realize, Wow, there's some unimaginable
stories here, and people are carrying these heavy burdens and
I just wasn't in awe of them and the journey
that they've been on. And so my question for you is,
are you going through something hard right now? Like are
(01:17):
you feeling confused by it all? Like you've just been
thrown out into the middle of the ocean all alone,
wondering if you're ever going to find your way back
to shore. Because I did some processing this weekend, and
that's what it has felt like for me the last
couple of years. I have had to call in the
coast Guard, and that's what I've been doing with all
the work and the therapy and all the things like
(01:38):
those were my people that came to me in the
middle of the ocean and have been slowly helping me
find my way back. And this podcast is a community
that is here for each other. And meeting listeners of
the podcast at the Right Your Story Workshop helped show
me that that we're together in this We're not alone.
(02:00):
I again, I especially feel this when I get to
meet all face to face and when I read your
emails that you send in. So today's episode is from
our community. All four things are emails from listeners that
are currently in hard times or have made it to
the other side. So yeah, these are stories from someone
just like you that listens to this podcast, and I
(02:20):
just know that it will be an encouragement to all
of you in some way, shape or form. But before
I get into the four emails, I want to share
something from any f Downs. She's a friend of the podcast.
She's come on multiple times, and she put up a sermon.
I don't even know when it's from, but I only
recently heard it, so it might be old. But she
(02:42):
was talking about how feelings should ride, not drive, and
she was making the point that when we are grieving
or going through something hard, that we can allow our
grief to ride alongside our joy. So just because we
are grieving doesn't mean that there isn't any room for joy,
And just because we are joyful doesn't mean that all
of our grief is gone. They can ride side by side.
(03:03):
And I just love that so much because that's what
I was feeling in that room, those forty people, some
of those stories that I was hearing, some of the
stories I hear from you when I think about my
own life and things. Riding side by side, I just
I just love it so much. Feeling should ride, not drive.
And it's when we put them in the driver's seat
that they get control of the whole situation. And we
(03:26):
really need them to ride side by side. So thank
you Annie f Downs for that. And now we'll get
into the emails first. All right, We're starting off with
an email that's gonna offer hope, because I feel like
that's a good place to start. It is from Collecte
and here's what she had to say. Amy, thank you
(03:48):
for the fabulous interview with Jen Hatmaker. This episode really
spoke to me. In two thousand and sixteen, my children
went off to college, and after twenty five years of marriage,
I got divorced. Like Jen, I fell into the depths
of the ocean. It was so dark I couldn't tell
which way led to the surface. I had to sell
my home and move. I remember lying on the floor
with half packed boxes, sobbing. I didn't have any friends.
(04:10):
I was completely alone. It was the darkest time in
my life. It took me three years to grieve. In
this time, I rediscovered who I was. I am so
happy I went through all of that darkness. I packed
a house and drove a large U haul all by myself.
I learned how strong and capable I am in my healing.
I took a dance class. I remembered how I love
(04:30):
to dance. I discovered I love to travel. I made
friends and grew closer to my children. I am enjoying
the sunshine and the woman I am today. I thank
God for helping me along the dark path and for
leading me to the new path that I am on.
He was my lighthouse, Jin is now a lighthouse for
others going through a divorce. I hope anyone going through
a dark time knows that better days are ahead and
(04:53):
to look for the lighthouses around them. Let your light
shine so others can see their way out of the dark.
Timber Hawkeye, your friend Collette. So, Collette, thank you so
much for sharing this email. And like I said, this
first note, this first story is to be of encouragement
that Collette was out in the ocean. She said she
(05:15):
was in the depths of the ocean. It was so
dark she couldn't tell which way led to the surface,
but she eventually found her way out. And I love
that she's encouraging us to look for the lighthouses. Thanks
for sharing your story, Collette. This next story note email,
(05:38):
I feel like this is definitely a story because it
shares so much and I am so thankful for all
that Kristen put in here. And I replied back to
her and said, are you sure if I share all
of this with everybody? And she replied back, I am
okay with you reading as much or as little that
you think is helpful on the podcast, and you can
use my name, no problem with that. So thank you
(05:59):
Christon for sharing this story. And I'm just going to
go ahead and get into the note she sent me. Now, Hey, Amy,
longtime listener to both the Bobby Bones Show and the
Four Things podcast and second time writer into the show.
The first time My Message you was back in May
after my mom passed away from cancer. My story was
mentioned on your podcast with Robin Roberts about making your
(06:21):
mess your message. Through therapy and podcasts like yours, I
was able to learn from others. My grief made me
a stronger person, and I'm now helping others going through
similar stories. Fast forward two years later and I'm back
in therapy. Why you may ask, I haven't eating disorder.
My story started similar to many, adding in a little
(06:42):
more exercise here, a little more clean eating there, less
and less rest days, avoiding desserts. That's simple phrase. I
haven't eating disorder is something that I've skirted around for
eight years. I may have issues with food, but I
eat three meals per day and even snacks. I don't
bend or purge. I'm praised for my diligent exercise habits
and clean eating. In the past few years, with the
(07:03):
help of Outweigh and just more information generally, I've started
to acknowledge my disordered eating habits, even working with dietitians
here and there. Up until this week, though I had
not fully acknowledged that I have an eating disorder. What
happened to change this? Well, here we go, and sorry
in advance for rambling. I am a runner. I love running.
(07:24):
It's my daily therapy. This passion can be a dangerous habit,
especially when you're not fueling enough, especially when you consistently
cut out carbs from your meals. It can be a
dangerous habit when you start strength training, but in reality,
you add on a thirty minute strength to work out
to your already hour long run. In addition to the
focus on exercise, my brain is constantly thinking about what
(07:47):
I'm going to eat and win. If it's not ten am,
no snack, even if I'm lightheaded standing up. Everything I
eat is perfectly tracked in my calorie counter that was
downloaded on my phone in two thousand and ten, and
I probably haven't missed a day. Do I eat more
for the amount of activity, Absolutely not. Most of my
meals are carved free. I mean, who doesn't love a
good salad zucchini noodle, spaghetti squash contraption. It's healthy. Go me.
(08:11):
Knowing I needed to feel better, I started working with
a sports dietitian. Like I mentioned, I'd met with several
dietitians in the past, all of whom told me eat more.
Thank you, Captain obvious. However, you know they were just
doing their job and didn't know all the background noise
happening in my head. No one really knew about the
background noise. My sisters and a few friends knew that
(08:32):
I was struggling a little bit, but no one knew
the constant thoughts of exercise and food, yes, even marathon training.
I was worried about eating too much. Back to my dietitian,
she is amazing. Literally had me starting with adding three
dried apricots to my morning snack. Then I'd add something else.
She would phrase it like, you need this food to
(08:52):
fuel this activity or recover from this run. She asked
about adding in carbs to my dinners, and I laughed
a bit. I had spent eight years adapting recipes to
omit the carbs, but I followed her advice and slowly
started adding in things. Plus, I was running fifty to
sixty miles a week. I probably now definitely needed carbs.
(09:13):
My training for this marathon was going perfectly. I was
fueling better than I ever had been, which was still
very under fueled. Here's a shocker. When I started eating
more carbs, my runs felt less hard and I recovered better.
I was following my training plan perfectly. Things were going
great until two weeks before my marathon, Day one of
my taper, I had finished all of the long runs.
(09:34):
I felt a weird pain in my left leg. A
few hours later, I couldn't even walk. A few doctor's
visits and an m R. I later I have the injury.
Runners fear the stress fracture. I met with the sports
medicine doctor, who was also a good friend of mine.
We go over what the next few weeks will look like.
No running, no marathon. Yes you can cross train, He
asked me, Kristen, when was your last period? I just
(09:58):
stare at him. It's been seven years. He nods and
asks me if I'm still working with my dietitian and
if I have a therapist. Disclaimer I work in healthcare.
I'm a pediatrician. I work with athletes who have stress fractures,
who lose their periods. I know why it's harmful. I
give them fantastic advice about balance and fueling your body.
(10:19):
Have I listened to any of this advice? Insert laughing
emoji here. Fast forward to therapy. We talk for our hour,
catching up from the last time I saw her, the
sadness about my injury, how I can't run for eight weeks,
the sadness I feel At the end, she says, Kristen,
what do you want to do? Do you want help?
Try this on your own? I asked her what she
(10:41):
thought she thought I needed help? I agreed. She said,
I don't specialize in eating disorders, but here are a
few names. I stared at her me. I don't have
an eating disorder. I just have food issues and I
run a lot. Does everyone who runs a lot have
an eating disorder? Absolutely not? Does everyone who eats healthy
have an eating disorder? Absolutely not. Does someone who hasn't
(11:04):
taken a full day off of exercise in almost a
year haven't eating disorder despite injuries, illness, vacations. Maybe probably
I do eat. I love food. I love cooking, meal prepping,
fueling my body. I love to indulge in ice cream,
scones wine on occasion, but those things always fit into
my nice neat box of so many calories per day.
(11:25):
I also love movement, from running to biking to hiking
to tennis. But there's a balance. I can't go on
vacation without planning when and how I'm going to work out.
If I visit my sisters for a weekend, I'm thinking
of what time I'll be home so that I can
get my workout in. I have all the bad habits
that you've mentioned before, weighing myself daily, counting calories. But
two days ago I deleted my calorie counter. I think
(11:49):
about redownloading it several times a day, and I still
know just about what I'm putting in my body. But hey,
at least that's a step. I start eating disorder therapy
next week. I'm terrified. I'm a perfectionist, a people pleas
are a type triple A personality. I always have a
plan with this. I literally now have no plan. I
(12:09):
question constantly if I can do this, but I know
I can. How so many others have you, many of
the people you've had on your podcast. The list goes on.
Recovery is not linear, which will be the hardest thing
for me. But after eight years of disordered eating, I'm
ready for my brain space and my life back. I
am ready to go on vacation and move if I want.
(12:31):
But not to have to plan my day around it.
I will continue running whenever I'm clear to start doing so,
I'll continue moving. I'll continue to prioritize health. But I'm
so very ready to not have constant thoughts about food
and exercise. I'm ready to enjoy time with friends and family.
Most importantly, I'm ready to have me back in my period.
(12:51):
I guess that's a good thing too. I want to
say thanks for the Outweigh podcast and four things for
telling your story, for being transparent that recovery is not linear,
similar to when I worked through losing my mom, I
will work through this and then help others help other
runners go through the same thing. There's a book I
ordered called Running in Silence. This strive for perfection and
(13:13):
using eating as the control is not uncommon. Four things
I'm grateful for the support system I have in my life,
my sister and my friends, my dietitian, my therapist Sunshine.
It's a beautiful seventy degree day which never happens in October,
and Wisconsin coffee. And the fact that once Halloween is over,
I'll find it acceptable to start watching Christmas movies. Your
(13:36):
friend Kristen from Madison Wisconsin. PS. I saw a pretty
woman on Broadway this weekend. You would love it, Kristen.
That was quite the story. And you are entering into
a really exciting time in your life, and I know
that you're scared, but you're here. You've got your coast guard,
(13:58):
you've got your life rafts, you're building your team, and
you're gonna get to shore like you're You're just going
to get there and you will get yourself back. You'll
get to know yourself in a way you never knew.
And sometimes I still find myself on that journey in
regards to other things. I do feel secure in my
eating disorder recovery, um, but some things just never leave
(14:19):
you and you have to remind yourself of that. But
you'll get all the tools that you need, and you're
at the beginning of a beautiful thing. Like I can
see so much awesomeness ahead for your life and the
brain space you're going to get back, and the vacations
you're gonna get to enjoy with your friends and family, girls,
nights out, like all the different things that you're going
(14:42):
to get to do where your brain isn't constantly thinking
about how many calories are in the food and I
feel you. I remember the day that Lisa, Lisa Hayme,
who co founded Outweigh with me, and she has a
whole program for eating disorder recovery called fork the Noise
because it's the noise in your head. She told me, Amy,
you have to delete the calorie counting app, get rid
(15:03):
of it. And I thought, no, I'm in recovery. I'm good.
I just like to know what I'm putting in my body.
But really I was clinging onto that last final thing
and that of that control and that knowing, and it
was so painful. I remember not being able to sleep
the first night, and I would text Lisa and I'd say,
I don't know what to do. I can't stop thinking
about how I wasn't able to enter in that I
had this food that probably had an eighth of an egg,
(15:25):
and I can't calculate how many calories are in the
eighth of an egg without the app. So just no.
You know the theme of this episode here is you
are not alone, and it seems like you were out
in the ocean, but you were finding your way back
to shore and you've got your life rafts and you've
got your gratitude. Thank you for sharing four things that
(15:47):
you're thankful for. Your support system was one of them.
Your sisters, your friends, your dietitian, your therapist. Those are
your life raffs and you've got them, so use them
and know that it's not going to be totally easy.
Every day will not be it's going to be challenging.
But one day, just like I feel I felt like
out in the ocean, and certain things, I'm back at shore.
(16:10):
Other things I'm I'm still I'm still in the middle
of the ocean. But one day you're going to reach
the sand and you're gonna put your feet and feel it,
and you're gonna be like, oh, I'm here, I made it.
I did this, so you can do it. I know
you can do hard things, especially if you've trained for
a marathon, because a marathon is seventy five percent mental.
And I know that because I've done one. And you
(16:31):
know I did it for all the wrong reasons too.
I did it in college, and I thought I would
have told everybody at the time, Yeah, I'm just doing
it because I want to run a marathon and I
love to run. In fact is I wanted to do
it to lose weight and that didn't work. I ended
up gaining weight. That's a whole another story for a
whole another day. But you are mentally tough. I know it,
and I can't wait to hear an update from you soon.
(16:52):
Thanks again, Kristen for for sharing your story with us.
M H. Next note is from Sarah Hey Amy, I'm
in the midst of a difficult season. We've been dealing
(17:12):
with numerous medical issues in my family. Invasive surgery for
my husband, multiple viruses and illnesses for my oldest, including
being home with a fever, several trips to the e er,
and a week in the p I c U for
my newborn. Yes, I did just have a baby too,
all in less than three months. This is what we've
been dealing with. All of this also led to an
incredible amount of stress, sleeplessness, and anxiety. Everyone is or
(17:37):
is going to be okay. Very thankful, and we have
amazing insurance and we're in a place that we aren't
financially burdened by all of this. Again, very thankful, And
we live in an area with incredible medical facilities and specialists,
so we're receiving amazing care. Grateful and I know I'm
beyond blessed to have a husband and these tiny humans
to love and care for. However, I tired, frustrated, and defeated.
(18:02):
I've made it a point to look for things to
be grateful for, and it has helped me keep life
in perspective. But I'm tired of doctors and insurance and
hospitals and coughs in medicine. I'm just hurting. It feels
like we'll be in this season of illness and stress forever.
I know you like to say just keep swimming when
things are hard, but I'd love to hear your perspectives
(18:23):
on remaining grateful when you're tired. Also, how do you
balance acknowledging your struggles but not wallowing in them. Things
I'm thankful for today, work, besties, walks with my dog,
flannel shirts, and coffee. I'm always thankful for coffee. Your friend, Sarah. Okay, Sarah,
I want to refer back to what I shared from
(18:45):
Annie f Downs in the little intro, and that is
all about this stuff can ride side by side. You
have some heaviness going on right now, but you can
also have gratitude and joy and be thankful for things.
And I don't know how hard it was for you
to come up with the four things you were thankful
for their your work, besties, your dog, your flannel shirts,
(19:07):
and your coffee. But maybe some days you come up
with just one. And also, I want to eliminate the
word forever here you said, I feel like we'll be
in this season of illness and stress forever. And I
know what that feels like. It is definitely a word
I participated in, like I've used it. But we don't
(19:30):
need to do that. I think we need to eliminate
words like that because that will keep us in the
discomfort longer than is necessary. But you're allowed to feel
some really big feelings right now because you have a
lot of really big things going on. And like Cat
likes to say, there are days where you're going to
have the day that you need to have and it
might be one of those days where you're tired and
frustrated and defeated. Okay, have that. We don't want to
(19:54):
get stuck there, So what are some things that you
can do to get unstuck? And there is a Chinese
proverb it is it is better to light a candle
than to curse the darkness and I feel like if
you just you know, get mad at all these different
things that are happening to you, you'll get stuck in
that darkness and you'll just be You're on that hamster
wheel and it's spinning and you're not going anywhere. But
(20:16):
what are some little candles that you can light along
the way? And for me, some of the candles I
see is like light a candle to eliminate the word forever,
because this is a season will not last forever. I
speak from experience on that in multiple areas, from you know,
dealing with terminally ill parents to adopted children and other
(20:41):
very personal things that are going on in my life
right now, and I know that they are not going
to last forever. So we're gonna light that candle to
eliminate a word like that, And we're gonna light a
little candle with the gratitude that you're already doing. And
you have so much to be thankful for with your
insurance and the medical care that you have, So maybe
(21:04):
if you're really struggling for things, just concentrate on that,
because some people do not have access to that type
of care at all. Whatsoever? Are there times where you
can sneak away and put yourself first. Can you light
a little candle by taking a walk? I know with
a husband that had surgery and a newborn, that might
seem completely impossible, So ignore this one if if that
(21:27):
cannot happen, But hopefully you have maybe some of those
work besties that you could call upon to say, hey,
would you be able to help me out tonight? Or
you maybe have other family members or friends that could
could help. But you do get walks with your dog,
I see here, So maybe use that time when you're
with your dog to do some breathing exercise and knock
out two birds with one stone on something like that.
(21:48):
And just know that this difficult season is going to
grow you and stretch you in ways that you didn't
even know where possible, and you will heal from it
as long as you want to put in the work
to do so, and you're going to evolve, and you're
going to come out on the other side of stronger,
better person, and you're gonna be able to be there
(22:08):
for others that might be going through something super similar
one day. And then also sometimes like how can you
shift the perspective onto someone else like you did mention
you have your tiny humans to love on and care for.
Make sure you're doing your best to take care of
yourself for them, but the think of ways that you
can serve them and be there for them, and maybe
(22:29):
particularly step up and do something special for your kiddos
when you're having one of those really dark dark days.
A little candle you can light is try to create
a special moment with your kids or do something that
would be awesome for them, and it kind of can
take it off of that, you know what I mean. Okay,
I hope that helps. And I'm so sorry you're going
through all of this, Sarah, but thank you for sharing
(22:51):
this with our community, and I want you to know
that you are not alone and that just keep swimming comment.
I want to reference that real quick, because I feel
like when we say that in the fifth thing, like
just keep swimming, it's almost like we're just saying it
kind of jokingly, because some days it just feels impossible
(23:11):
to swim. And I love that we keep talking about
water and the ocean and being out at sea and
then the depths of it and just thrown out with
no way back to shore, and that swim you might
I'm not talking like, you know, start performing like Michael
Phelps or anything. I'm just talking about maybe even like
one little baby stroke to the direction towards shore. You know,
(23:33):
it just is a funny thing for us to say,
is to quote, you know, a fish from a movie.
Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming, a sort of a
way of just laughing about it too, like hey, we're
out here, what are we going to do? But again,
hugs to you and I hope that things get better
real soon. All right. Final notice from j C. Hey Amy,
(24:02):
I bought tickets for my sister in law and I
to attend your show in Wichita on November five, and
we couldn't be more excited. We are all about four things,
Pimp and Joy and the Bobby Bones Show. We are
both going through a season right now, and when you
announced your show and the topics that are going to
be discussed, we knew we had to attend and get
our wellness on. We were actually kicking around the idea
(24:22):
of wearing are It's fine, I'm fine, everything is fine pullovers,
but decided we needed to be a beat and positive
for this ha ha. Anyway, point of my email is
I got the v I p tickets, and it doesn't
say anywhere that it's a meet and greet, but I
heard you say in the podcast that there might be that,
so I wanted to double check. I appreciate you taking
the time to read this and responding. My sister in
(24:43):
law and I are really looking forward to meeting you
if in fact we do get to do it that
evening with these tickets. Thanks so much, ever, wonderful weekend,
j C. Which first of all, I want a reference
that here j C is with her sister in law
and they are going through a difficult season, and they
are I feel like getting tickets to the live podcast
taping is like them lighting them a little candle for themselves,
(25:06):
like they're going to show up. We're going to talk
about really living life. I've always been passionate about sharing
what I'm going through and some of the hard things
because it helps me hopefully give more meaning to life.
And so I'm gonna be sharing some stuff. We'll be
working through things, but it will also be a night
of laughter and fun as well. So I think if
(25:26):
you're going through something hard, it'll hopefully be therapeutic for
you to attend. So j C, I'm glad that you
and your sister in law made that decision to do
something like this for yourselves, and also you'll should totally
show up in your I'm fine, it's fine, everything is fine.
Pullover you must it would be amazing. I would love
to see it. I love those pullovers. Mary and I
definitely were worried sometimes that people might have a negative
(25:50):
vibe from it. I guess a negative I don't know
how to put it, but sometimes it can be seen
as like, oh, I want to be more positive, but
it's just ironic. I mean obviously from these emails and
you know everything, everyone in your life in different things,
like nobody's really fine, you know. I'm sure we have
some seasons where life is great, but there's always a
little bit something or something huge, and it's just kind
(26:10):
of it's a it's a lighthearted way to be like,
you know what, it's fine, I'm fine, everything is fine,
but really you're not fine. You're freaking out in the
middle of the ocean about to drown. So it's fine.
Where the pullovers. I would love to see you wearing them.
Um will be selling some there. If you're not coming
and you want one of these pullovers or you think
it would be a good gift for a friend that's
(26:30):
going through something really hard. It might put a little
smile on their face. And you can find those pullovers
at four things dot com. I think we launched those
pullovers after my I walked into the pool with all
my clothes on back in is right around that time
that we decided, yeah, we should we should put these
shirts out there. These are and I think it's one
of our number one four Things selling items. Ever, so
(26:53):
it is not not upbeat. I know you're saying you
wanted to be more upbeat than that. Are positive, but
you're good where it. It'll be awesome and thank you
for coming, Thanks for getting the v i P tickets.
It will be like friends hanging out back there. And
this Saturday, we're one week away from the event and
I can't wait to walk through some of this stuff
(27:14):
with y'all. It's going to be a really really special evening.
And there's a few tickets left, so you can hit
up Select a seat dot com slash Amy. I don't
know if there's any more v i P left at
this point, but if there is, maybe you can snaggle them.
And it's like an hour hang before the show. But
if you can't swing the V I P, I totally
get it. We were able to give away tickets that
one of our other listeners, Sarah, wasn't able to use anymore.
(27:37):
Gave those to a listener that's in a financial situation
and wasn't able to come. We've been doing some other
giveaways as well on some of the local stations in
the area. Uh So we've been trying to put out
opportunities for people to get free tickets, but obviously they're
not all going to be free, but we will be
loading up uh the evening. It'll be loaded on the podcast,
(27:59):
so if you can't make it in person, then you'll
be able to listen to it that way. But I'm
just so so excited to do this in person together
and have this type of evening. So thanks to everyone
that's already bought tickets, or thanks in advance if you're
thinking about buying them and you end up doing that.
But yeah, thanks for everyone that shared emails for this episode,
and you'll continue to email me for things with Amy
(28:21):
Brown at gmail dot com. Y'all are an amazing community
full of people and I love to see it
Okay, little food for yourself life. Oh it's pretty much.
It's pretty beautiful, thank you. Laughs, A little moth kicking
(00:30):
with four Happy Thursday four things. Maam Amy here, and
I'm gonna throw a question out there for you all,
because I went to the Write Your Story workshop last
weekend that Ali fallon and Donald Miller put on and
a few listeners were there. There was probably about forty
people total, and this room was full of laughter, joy, courage,
(00:55):
strength that saw it all. But then as people's stories
started to come out, you realize, Wow, there's some unimaginable
stories here, and people are carrying these heavy burdens and
I just wasn't in awe of them and the journey
that they've been on. And so my question for you is,
are you going through something hard right now? Like are
(01:17):
you feeling confused by it all? Like you've just been
thrown out into the middle of the ocean all alone,
wondering if you're ever going to find your way back
to shore. Because I did some processing this weekend, and
that's what it has felt like for me the last
couple of years. I have had to call in the
coast Guard, and that's what I've been doing with all
the work and the therapy and all the things like
(01:38):
those were my people that came to me in the
middle of the ocean and have been slowly helping me
find my way back. And this podcast is a community
that is here for each other. And meeting listeners of
the podcast at the Right Your Story Workshop helped show
me that that we're together in this We're not alone.
(02:00):
I again, I especially feel this when I get to
meet all face to face and when I read your
emails that you send in. So today's episode is from
our community. All four things are emails from listeners that
are currently in hard times or have made it to
the other side. So yeah, these are stories from someone
just like you that listens to this podcast, and I
(02:20):
just know that it will be an encouragement to all
of you in some way, shape or form. But before
I get into the four emails, I want to share
something from any f Downs. She's a friend of the podcast.
She's come on multiple times, and she put up a sermon.
I don't even know when it's from, but I only
recently heard it, so it might be old. But she
(02:42):
was talking about how feelings should ride, not drive, and
she was making the point that when we are grieving
or going through something hard, that we can allow our
grief to ride alongside our joy. So just because we
are grieving doesn't mean that there isn't any room for joy,
And just because we are joyful doesn't mean that all
of our grief is gone. They can ride side by side.
(03:03):
And I just love that so much because that's what
I was feeling in that room, those forty people, some
of those stories that I was hearing, some of the
stories I hear from you when I think about my
own life and things. Riding side by side, I just
I just love it so much. Feeling should ride, not drive.
And it's when we put them in the driver's seat
that they get control of the whole situation. And we
(03:26):
really need them to ride side by side. So thank
you Annie f Downs for that. And now we'll get
into the emails first. All right, We're starting off with
an email that's gonna offer hope, because I feel like
that's a good place to start. It is from Collecte
and here's what she had to say. Amy, thank you
(03:48):
for the fabulous interview with Jen Hatmaker. This episode really
spoke to me. In two thousand and sixteen, my children
went off to college, and after twenty five years of marriage,
I got divorced. Like Jen, I fell into the depths
of the ocean. It was so dark I couldn't tell
which way led to the surface. I had to sell
my home and move. I remember lying on the floor
with half packed boxes, sobbing. I didn't have any friends.
(04:10):
I was completely alone. It was the darkest time in
my life. It took me three years to grieve. In
this time, I rediscovered who I was. I am so
happy I went through all of that darkness. I packed
a house and drove a large U haul all by myself.
I learned how strong and capable I am in my healing.
I took a dance class. I remembered how I love
(04:30):
to dance. I discovered I love to travel. I made
friends and grew closer to my children. I am enjoying
the sunshine and the woman I am today. I thank
God for helping me along the dark path and for
leading me to the new path that I am on.
He was my lighthouse, Jin is now a lighthouse for
others going through a divorce. I hope anyone going through
a dark time knows that better days are ahead and
(04:53):
to look for the lighthouses around them. Let your light
shine so others can see their way out of the dark.
Timber Hawkeye, your friend Collette. So, Collette, thank you so
much for sharing this email. And like I said, this
first note, this first story is to be of encouragement
that Collette was out in the ocean. She said she
(05:15):
was in the depths of the ocean. It was so
dark she couldn't tell which way led to the surface,
but she eventually found her way out. And I love
that she's encouraging us to look for the lighthouses. Thanks
for sharing your story, Collette. This next story note email,
(05:38):
I feel like this is definitely a story because it
shares so much and I am so thankful for all
that Kristen put in here. And I replied back to
her and said, are you sure if I share all
of this with everybody? And she replied back, I am
okay with you reading as much or as little that
you think is helpful on the podcast, and you can
use my name, no problem with that. So thank you
(05:59):
Christon for sharing this story. And I'm just going to
go ahead and get into the note she sent me. Now, Hey, Amy,
longtime listener to both the Bobby Bones Show and the
Four Things podcast and second time writer into the show.
The first time My Message you was back in May
after my mom passed away from cancer. My story was
mentioned on your podcast with Robin Roberts about making your
(06:21):
mess your message. Through therapy and podcasts like yours, I
was able to learn from others. My grief made me
a stronger person, and I'm now helping others going through
similar stories. Fast forward two years later and I'm back
in therapy. Why you may ask, I haven't eating disorder.
My story started similar to many, adding in a little
(06:42):
more exercise here, a little more clean eating there, less
and less rest days, avoiding desserts. That's simple phrase. I
haven't eating disorder is something that I've skirted around for
eight years. I may have issues with food, but I
eat three meals per day and even snacks. I don't
bend or purge. I'm praised for my diligent exercise habits
and clean eating. In the past few years, with the
(07:03):
help of Outweigh and just more information generally, I've started
to acknowledge my disordered eating habits, even working with dietitians
here and there. Up until this week, though I had
not fully acknowledged that I have an eating disorder. What
happened to change this? Well, here we go, and sorry
in advance for rambling. I am a runner. I love running.
(07:24):
It's my daily therapy. This passion can be a dangerous habit,
especially when you're not fueling enough, especially when you consistently
cut out carbs from your meals. It can be a
dangerous habit when you start strength training, but in reality,
you add on a thirty minute strength to work out
to your already hour long run. In addition to the
focus on exercise, my brain is constantly thinking about what
(07:47):
I'm going to eat and win. If it's not ten am,
no snack, even if I'm lightheaded standing up. Everything I
eat is perfectly tracked in my calorie counter that was
downloaded on my phone in two thousand and ten, and
I probably haven't missed a day. Do I eat more
for the amount of activity, Absolutely not. Most of my
meals are carved free. I mean, who doesn't love a
good salad zucchini noodle, spaghetti squash contraption. It's healthy. Go me.
(08:11):
Knowing I needed to feel better, I started working with
a sports dietitian. Like I mentioned, I'd met with several
dietitians in the past, all of whom told me eat more.
Thank you, Captain obvious. However, you know they were just
doing their job and didn't know all the background noise
happening in my head. No one really knew about the
background noise. My sisters and a few friends knew that
(08:32):
I was struggling a little bit, but no one knew
the constant thoughts of exercise and food, yes, even marathon training.
I was worried about eating too much. Back to my dietitian,
she is amazing. Literally had me starting with adding three
dried apricots to my morning snack. Then I'd add something else.
She would phrase it like, you need this food to
(08:52):
fuel this activity or recover from this run. She asked
about adding in carbs to my dinners, and I laughed
a bit. I had spent eight years adapting recipes to
omit the carbs, but I followed her advice and slowly
started adding in things. Plus, I was running fifty to
sixty miles a week. I probably now definitely needed carbs.
(09:13):
My training for this marathon was going perfectly. I was
fueling better than I ever had been, which was still
very under fueled. Here's a shocker. When I started eating
more carbs, my runs felt less hard and I recovered better.
I was following my training plan perfectly. Things were going
great until two weeks before my marathon, Day one of
my taper, I had finished all of the long runs.
(09:34):
I felt a weird pain in my left leg. A
few hours later, I couldn't even walk. A few doctor's
visits and an m R. I later I have the injury.
Runners fear the stress fracture. I met with the sports
medicine doctor, who was also a good friend of mine.
We go over what the next few weeks will look like.
No running, no marathon. Yes you can cross train, He
asked me, Kristen, when was your last period? I just
(09:58):
stare at him. It's been seven years. He nods and
asks me if I'm still working with my dietitian and
if I have a therapist. Disclaimer I work in healthcare.
I'm a pediatrician. I work with athletes who have stress fractures,
who lose their periods. I know why it's harmful. I
give them fantastic advice about balance and fueling your body.
(10:19):
Have I listened to any of this advice? Insert laughing
emoji here. Fast forward to therapy. We talk for our hour,
catching up from the last time I saw her, the
sadness about my injury, how I can't run for eight weeks,
the sadness I feel At the end, she says, Kristen,
what do you want to do? Do you want help?
Try this on your own? I asked her what she
(10:41):
thought she thought I needed help? I agreed. She said,
I don't specialize in eating disorders, but here are a
few names. I stared at her me. I don't have
an eating disorder. I just have food issues and I
run a lot. Does everyone who runs a lot have
an eating disorder? Absolutely not? Does everyone who eats healthy
have an eating disorder? Absolutely not. Does someone who hasn't
(11:04):
taken a full day off of exercise in almost a
year haven't eating disorder despite injuries, illness, vacations. Maybe probably
I do eat. I love food. I love cooking, meal prepping,
fueling my body. I love to indulge in ice cream,
scones wine on occasion, but those things always fit into
my nice neat box of so many calories per day.
(11:25):
I also love movement, from running to biking to hiking
to tennis. But there's a balance. I can't go on
vacation without planning when and how I'm going to work out.
If I visit my sisters for a weekend, I'm thinking
of what time I'll be home so that I can
get my workout in. I have all the bad habits
that you've mentioned before, weighing myself daily, counting calories. But
two days ago I deleted my calorie counter. I think
(11:49):
about redownloading it several times a day, and I still
know just about what I'm putting in my body. But hey,
at least that's a step. I start eating disorder therapy
next week. I'm terrified. I'm a perfectionist, a people pleas
are a type triple A personality. I always have a
plan with this. I literally now have no plan. I
(12:09):
question constantly if I can do this, but I know
I can. How so many others have you, many of
the people you've had on your podcast. The list goes on.
Recovery is not linear, which will be the hardest thing
for me. But after eight years of disordered eating, I'm
ready for my brain space and my life back. I
am ready to go on vacation and move if I want.
(12:31):
But not to have to plan my day around it.
I will continue running whenever I'm clear to start doing so,
I'll continue moving. I'll continue to prioritize health. But I'm
so very ready to not have constant thoughts about food
and exercise. I'm ready to enjoy time with friends and family.
Most importantly, I'm ready to have me back in my period.
(12:51):
I guess that's a good thing too. I want to
say thanks for the Outweigh podcast and four things for
telling your story, for being transparent that recovery is not linear,
similar to when I worked through losing my mom, I
will work through this and then help others help other
runners go through the same thing. There's a book I
ordered called Running in Silence. This strive for perfection and
(13:13):
using eating as the control is not uncommon. Four things
I'm grateful for the support system I have in my life,
my sister and my friends, my dietitian, my therapist Sunshine.
It's a beautiful seventy degree day which never happens in October,
and Wisconsin coffee. And the fact that once Halloween is over,
I'll find it acceptable to start watching Christmas movies. Your
(13:36):
friend Kristen from Madison Wisconsin. PS. I saw a pretty
woman on Broadway this weekend. You would love it, Kristen.
That was quite the story. And you are entering into
a really exciting time in your life, and I know
that you're scared, but you're here. You've got your coast guard,
(13:58):
you've got your life rafts, you're building your team, and
you're gonna get to shore like you're You're just going
to get there and you will get yourself back. You'll
get to know yourself in a way you never knew.
And sometimes I still find myself on that journey in
regards to other things. I do feel secure in my
eating disorder recovery, um, but some things just never leave
(14:19):
you and you have to remind yourself of that. But
you'll get all the tools that you need, and you're
at the beginning of a beautiful thing. Like I can
see so much awesomeness ahead for your life and the
brain space you're going to get back, and the vacations
you're gonna get to enjoy with your friends and family, girls,
nights out, like all the different things that you're going
(14:42):
to get to do where your brain isn't constantly thinking
about how many calories are in the food and I
feel you. I remember the day that Lisa, Lisa Hayme,
who co founded Outweigh with me, and she has a
whole program for eating disorder recovery called fork the Noise
because it's the noise in your head. She told me, Amy,
you have to delete the calorie counting app, get rid
(15:03):
of it. And I thought, no, I'm in recovery. I'm good.
I just like to know what I'm putting in my body.
But really I was clinging onto that last final thing
and that of that control and that knowing, and it
was so painful. I remember not being able to sleep
the first night, and I would text Lisa and I'd say,
I don't know what to do. I can't stop thinking
about how I wasn't able to enter in that I
had this food that probably had an eighth of an egg,
(15:25):
and I can't calculate how many calories are in the
eighth of an egg without the app. So just no.
You know the theme of this episode here is you
are not alone, and it seems like you were out
in the ocean, but you were finding your way back
to shore and you've got your life rafts and you've
got your gratitude. Thank you for sharing four things that
(15:47):
you're thankful for. Your support system was one of them.
Your sisters, your friends, your dietitian, your therapist. Those are
your life raffs and you've got them, so use them
and know that it's not going to be totally easy.
Every day will not be it's going to be challenging.
But one day, just like I feel I felt like
out in the ocean, and certain things, I'm back at shore.
(16:10):
Other things I'm I'm still I'm still in the middle
of the ocean. But one day you're going to reach
the sand and you're gonna put your feet and feel it,
and you're gonna be like, oh, I'm here, I made it.
I did this, so you can do it. I know
you can do hard things, especially if you've trained for
a marathon, because a marathon is seventy five percent mental.
And I know that because I've done one. And you
(16:31):
know I did it for all the wrong reasons too.
I did it in college, and I thought I would
have told everybody at the time, Yeah, I'm just doing
it because I want to run a marathon and I
love to run. In fact is I wanted to do
it to lose weight and that didn't work. I ended
up gaining weight. That's a whole another story for a
whole another day. But you are mentally tough. I know it,
and I can't wait to hear an update from you soon.
(16:52):
Thanks again, Kristen for for sharing your story with us.
M H. Next note is from Sarah Hey Amy, I'm
in the midst of a difficult season. We've been dealing
(17:12):
with numerous medical issues in my family. Invasive surgery for
my husband, multiple viruses and illnesses for my oldest, including
being home with a fever, several trips to the e er,
and a week in the p I c U for
my newborn. Yes, I did just have a baby too,
all in less than three months. This is what we've
been dealing with. All of this also led to an
incredible amount of stress, sleeplessness, and anxiety. Everyone is or
(17:37):
is going to be okay. Very thankful, and we have
amazing insurance and we're in a place that we aren't
financially burdened by all of this. Again, very thankful, And
we live in an area with incredible medical facilities and specialists,
so we're receiving amazing care. Grateful and I know I'm
beyond blessed to have a husband and these tiny humans
to love and care for. However, I tired, frustrated, and defeated.
(18:02):
I've made it a point to look for things to
be grateful for, and it has helped me keep life
in perspective. But I'm tired of doctors and insurance and
hospitals and coughs in medicine. I'm just hurting. It feels
like we'll be in this season of illness and stress forever.
I know you like to say just keep swimming when
things are hard, but I'd love to hear your perspectives
(18:23):
on remaining grateful when you're tired. Also, how do you
balance acknowledging your struggles but not wallowing in them. Things
I'm thankful for today, work, besties, walks with my dog,
flannel shirts, and coffee. I'm always thankful for coffee. Your friend, Sarah. Okay, Sarah,
I want to refer back to what I shared from
(18:45):
Annie f Downs in the little intro, and that is
all about this stuff can ride side by side. You
have some heaviness going on right now, but you can
also have gratitude and joy and be thankful for things.
And I don't know how hard it was for you
to come up with the four things you were thankful
for their your work, besties, your dog, your flannel shirts,
(19:07):
and your coffee. But maybe some days you come up
with just one. And also, I want to eliminate the
word forever here you said, I feel like we'll be
in this season of illness and stress forever. And I
know what that feels like. It is definitely a word
I participated in, like I've used it. But we don't
(19:30):
need to do that. I think we need to eliminate
words like that because that will keep us in the
discomfort longer than is necessary. But you're allowed to feel
some really big feelings right now because you have a
lot of really big things going on. And like Cat
likes to say, there are days where you're going to
have the day that you need to have and it
might be one of those days where you're tired and
frustrated and defeated. Okay, have that. We don't want to
(19:54):
get stuck there, So what are some things that you
can do to get unstuck? And there is a Chinese
proverb it is it is better to light a candle
than to curse the darkness and I feel like if
you just you know, get mad at all these different
things that are happening to you, you'll get stuck in
that darkness and you'll just be You're on that hamster
wheel and it's spinning and you're not going anywhere. But
(20:16):
what are some little candles that you can light along
the way? And for me, some of the candles I
see is like light a candle to eliminate the word forever,
because this is a season will not last forever. I
speak from experience on that in multiple areas, from you know,
dealing with terminally ill parents to adopted children and other
(20:41):
very personal things that are going on in my life
right now, and I know that they are not going
to last forever. So we're gonna light that candle to
eliminate a word like that, And we're gonna light a
little candle with the gratitude that you're already doing. And
you have so much to be thankful for with your
insurance and the medical care that you have, So maybe
(21:04):
if you're really struggling for things, just concentrate on that,
because some people do not have access to that type
of care at all. Whatsoever? Are there times where you
can sneak away and put yourself first. Can you light
a little candle by taking a walk? I know with
a husband that had surgery and a newborn, that might
seem completely impossible, So ignore this one if if that
(21:27):
cannot happen, But hopefully you have maybe some of those
work besties that you could call upon to say, hey,
would you be able to help me out tonight? Or
you maybe have other family members or friends that could
could help. But you do get walks with your dog,
I see here, So maybe use that time when you're
with your dog to do some breathing exercise and knock
out two birds with one stone on something like that.
(21:48):
And just know that this difficult season is going to
grow you and stretch you in ways that you didn't
even know where possible, and you will heal from it
as long as you want to put in the work
to do so, and you're going to evolve, and you're
going to come out on the other side of stronger,
better person, and you're gonna be able to be there
(22:08):
for others that might be going through something super similar
one day. And then also sometimes like how can you
shift the perspective onto someone else like you did mention
you have your tiny humans to love on and care for.
Make sure you're doing your best to take care of
yourself for them, but the think of ways that you
can serve them and be there for them, and maybe
(22:29):
particularly step up and do something special for your kiddos
when you're having one of those really dark dark days.
A little candle you can light is try to create
a special moment with your kids or do something that
would be awesome for them, and it kind of can
take it off of that, you know what I mean. Okay,
I hope that helps. And I'm so sorry you're going
through all of this, Sarah, but thank you for sharing
(22:51):
this with our community, and I want you to know
that you are not alone and that just keep swimming comment.
I want to reference that real quick, because I feel
like when we say that in the fifth thing, like
just keep swimming, it's almost like we're just saying it
kind of jokingly, because some days it just feels impossible
(23:11):
to swim. And I love that we keep talking about
water and the ocean and being out at sea and
then the depths of it and just thrown out with
no way back to shore, and that swim you might
I'm not talking like, you know, start performing like Michael
Phelps or anything. I'm just talking about maybe even like
one little baby stroke to the direction towards shore. You know,
(23:33):
it just is a funny thing for us to say,
is to quote, you know, a fish from a movie.
Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming, a sort of a
way of just laughing about it too, like hey, we're
out here, what are we going to do? But again,
hugs to you and I hope that things get better
real soon. All right. Final notice from j C. Hey Amy,
(24:02):
I bought tickets for my sister in law and I
to attend your show in Wichita on November five, and
we couldn't be more excited. We are all about four things,
Pimp and Joy and the Bobby Bones Show. We are
both going through a season right now, and when you
announced your show and the topics that are going to
be discussed, we knew we had to attend and get
our wellness on. We were actually kicking around the idea
(24:22):
of wearing are It's fine, I'm fine, everything is fine pullovers,
but decided we needed to be a beat and positive
for this ha ha. Anyway, point of my email is
I got the v I p tickets, and it doesn't
say anywhere that it's a meet and greet, but I
heard you say in the podcast that there might be that,
so I wanted to double check. I appreciate you taking
the time to read this and responding. My sister in
(24:43):
law and I are really looking forward to meeting you
if in fact we do get to do it that
evening with these tickets. Thanks so much, ever, wonderful weekend,
j C. Which first of all, I want a reference
that here j C is with her sister in law
and they are going through a difficult season, and they
are I feel like getting tickets to the live podcast
taping is like them lighting them a little candle for themselves,
(25:06):
like they're going to show up. We're going to talk
about really living life. I've always been passionate about sharing
what I'm going through and some of the hard things
because it helps me hopefully give more meaning to life.
And so I'm gonna be sharing some stuff. We'll be
working through things, but it will also be a night
of laughter and fun as well. So I think if
(25:26):
you're going through something hard, it'll hopefully be therapeutic for
you to attend. So j C, I'm glad that you
and your sister in law made that decision to do
something like this for yourselves, and also you'll should totally
show up in your I'm fine, it's fine, everything is fine.
Pullover you must it would be amazing. I would love
to see it. I love those pullovers. Mary and I
definitely were worried sometimes that people might have a negative
(25:50):
vibe from it. I guess a negative I don't know
how to put it, but sometimes it can be seen
as like, oh, I want to be more positive, but
it's just ironic. I mean obviously from these emails and
you know everything, everyone in your life in different things,
like nobody's really fine, you know. I'm sure we have
some seasons where life is great, but there's always a
little bit something or something huge, and it's just kind
(26:10):
of it's a it's a lighthearted way to be like,
you know what, it's fine, I'm fine, everything is fine,
but really you're not fine. You're freaking out in the
middle of the ocean about to drown. So it's fine.
Where the pullovers. I would love to see you wearing them.
Um will be selling some there. If you're not coming
and you want one of these pullovers or you think
it would be a good gift for a friend that's
(26:30):
going through something really hard. It might put a little
smile on their face. And you can find those pullovers
at four things dot com. I think we launched those
pullovers after my I walked into the pool with all
my clothes on back in is right around that time
that we decided, yeah, we should we should put these
shirts out there. These are and I think it's one
of our number one four Things selling items. Ever, so
(26:53):
it is not not upbeat. I know you're saying you
wanted to be more upbeat than that. Are positive, but
you're good where it. It'll be awesome and thank you
for coming, Thanks for getting the v i P tickets.
It will be like friends hanging out back there. And
this Saturday, we're one week away from the event and
I can't wait to walk through some of this stuff
(27:14):
with y'all. It's going to be a really really special evening.
And there's a few tickets left, so you can hit
up Select a seat dot com slash Amy. I don't
know if there's any more v i P left at
this point, but if there is, maybe you can snaggle them.
And it's like an hour hang before the show. But
if you can't swing the V I P, I totally
get it. We were able to give away tickets that
one of our other listeners, Sarah, wasn't able to use anymore.
(27:37):
Gave those to a listener that's in a financial situation
and wasn't able to come. We've been doing some other
giveaways as well on some of the local stations in
the area. Uh So we've been trying to put out
opportunities for people to get free tickets, but obviously they're
not all going to be free, but we will be
loading up uh the evening. It'll be loaded on the podcast,
(27:59):
so if you can't make it in person, then you'll
be able to listen to it that way. But I'm
just so so excited to do this in person together
and have this type of evening. So thanks to everyone
that's already bought tickets, or thanks in advance if you're
thinking about buying them and you end up doing that.
But yeah, thanks for everyone that shared emails for this episode,
and you'll continue to email me for things with Amy
(28:21):
Brown at gmail dot com. Y'all are an amazing community
full of people and I love to see it
Feeling Things with Amy & Kat News
Host
Amy Brown
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