October 29, 2024 • 20 mins
Do you trust people too quickly? That is something not to rush for sure. Amy & Kat go over 5 things in life you do NOT need to rush. Amy also shares 5 ways to co-regulate with an animal (sounds odd…but it can actually be very helpful if you’re dysregulated!) They also go over what you feel like when you’re regulated vs. what you feel like when dysregulated.
Today’s Quote:
“Just had to quit my job so I would have enough time to make sure I was eating enough protein.” - Simon C. Holland
Kat’s Protein Balls:
1 cup of old fashioned oats
1 cup of quick cooking oats
¾ cup of honey
1 cup of peanut butter
2-3 scoops of protein powder (chocolate or vanilla preferably)
Chocolate semi-sweet chips to your liking (measure with love….maybe ½ cup)
2 tbsp of ground flax seed
Mix everything in a bowl. Mash up with your hands until it’s all sticking together and roll into balls. Amy thinks sprinkling a little sea salt on top of each ball would be a yummy touch.
Call us: 877-207-2077
Email: 4ThingsWithAmyBrown@gmail.com
HOSTS:
Amy Brown // RadioAmy.com // @RadioAmy
Kat Vanburen // @KatVanburen // @YouNeedTherapyPodcast // YouNeedTherapyPodcast.com
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:04):
Happy Tuesday. Welcome to the Fifth Thing. I'm Amy and
I'm Kat and today's quote is just had to quit
my job so I would have enough time to make
sure that I was eating enough protein.
Speaker 2 (00:15):
Do you relate to that?
Speaker 1 (00:16):
That's from Simon Sea Holland on Twitter Instagram. I see
a lot of his stuff. He's funny, and yes, I
absolutely relate to that. I mean, I don't need to
quit my job, but that's the thing, I'm just not
getting enough protein. In order for me to get enough protein,
I might.
Speaker 3 (00:29):
Yeah, you need a part time job and getting enough protein, which,
by the way, I have a protein I'm not gonna
call it a hack, a little recipe that you might
want to well, you've had these, but people might want
to make well.
Speaker 1 (00:40):
I think we talked about them at one point, but
we never shared the recipe.
Speaker 3 (00:43):
They're so good, they're so easy to make. Literally takes
probably fifteen minutes, and you can take them anywhere. They
taste like grab the gold bars.
Speaker 1 (00:52):
Yeah, I mean they're really really yummy. And we'll drop
the whole recipe in the show notes. Make sure you
read the fine print where I add sea.
Speaker 2 (00:59):
Salt, because the recipe wasn't good enough.
Speaker 1 (01:01):
No, it is good. I just love salty sweet.
Speaker 3 (01:04):
I'm going to add something if you add the sea salt.
I think you should use dark chocolate and not semi
sweet chocolate.
Speaker 1 (01:11):
I think you don't need to overcomplicate it. But if
you want to do that, do it well.
Speaker 3 (01:15):
As the chef and creator. I'm not the chef and creator.
I found this on TikTok from multiple people. I put
recipes together.
Speaker 1 (01:21):
I'm so it is your own. That's what recipes are.
It is like taking some from this, Yeah, making your own.
So these are cats protein.
Speaker 2 (01:28):
Bolts, and I've made them three times to get to
this point. I should start a cookbook. That's all I
got so far. How many recipes do you need to
start a cookbook?
Speaker 1 (01:38):
We are very much into However, you can get your
protein these days because it's vital.
Speaker 2 (01:43):
I'm not sure if you knew. Yeah, you do need it.
Speaker 1 (01:45):
Your body needs it like it needs water, which I'm
not drinking much of that.
Speaker 3 (01:50):
I was gonna say you're not good at that either.
I know, but you are drinking out of a cup
and not a measuring cup because I.
Speaker 1 (01:56):
Cannot find my measuring cup. Oh no, yeah, so I
don't know. I used to have three, and they were
all the same, and now I have none. And so
there's a measuring cup bandit.
Speaker 3 (02:09):
What if like one of your kids just has all
of them on their nightstand because they've been also using them.
Speaker 1 (02:14):
No, because I go into their rooms and collect dishes
like the good mother that I am, and I don't
ever see a measuring cup.
Speaker 2 (02:23):
They're drinking out of real cups.
Speaker 1 (02:24):
Yes, yes, but don't sleep on drinking out of a
measuring cup. First of all, it measures it, not that
I'm counting. Second of all, it's got a handle. Third
of all, I like the thinness of the rim. You
know when a coffee mug is too the rim is
too thick, it's not enjoy drink it. Yeah, well this
is the perfect rim size.
Speaker 4 (02:46):
It just is it? Okay, I have five faces.
Speaker 2 (02:53):
Measuring cup.
Speaker 4 (02:54):
No, it's just a.
Speaker 1 (02:55):
Normal measuring cup. I don't know from like, I don't
know it's Target or something. It's like, you know, Xoxo
or whatever that brand is.
Speaker 3 (03:02):
Your birthday, I was gonna get you a bunch of
thin rimmed measure cops.
Speaker 1 (03:07):
All right, I have five things not to rush like.
These are things Kat and I went over a longer list,
and we condensed it down to where we think these
are the top five things that you need to be
patient on and some of these things we speak from
experience on. Learn from us.
Speaker 2 (03:26):
Don't be like us exactly.
Speaker 1 (03:28):
First one is falling in love because it will eventually
affect every part of your life. Do not rush it.
Do not rush it. If you're rushing it, then do
you really even know?
Speaker 3 (03:39):
Are you just excited about the prospect or the idea
of being in love or are you really in love?
Speaker 2 (03:45):
Right?
Speaker 3 (03:45):
You know what I would tell myself when I was dating,
because I'm a rusher, Like I would want to meet
somebody and then be like, I'm gonna marry you in
like six weeks, is to be excited about every single
part of a relationship because if this is your person,
we're going to be in this space again.
Speaker 2 (04:02):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (04:02):
Yeah, And I think you've been a huge encouragement to
me of like the actual get ready and go out
and date phase, because I just want to skip to
the we don't get ready and sit on the couch phase,
you know. Yeah, And you're gonna say no, no, no,
there's no way you're there yet.
Speaker 4 (04:19):
You're you're like.
Speaker 3 (04:20):
This guy asked me out to this really nice dinner.
But like I think, I want to tell him just
to come to my house and we can watch a
movie in all work sweatpants.
Speaker 4 (04:26):
I've never met him, sounds like fun.
Speaker 3 (04:32):
I'll let it give him the coat to my door
so I don't have to get up and let him in.
But also I think that my encouragement, and that was
one for safety, but also let somebody treat you well
and pursue you, because that's exciting, and once you get
really comfortable, somebody can still be pursuing you.
Speaker 2 (04:47):
But it doesn't. It's not the same.
Speaker 3 (04:49):
It's like a it feels nice to be taken out
and somebody to be planning something for you.
Speaker 1 (04:54):
And show their intentions.
Speaker 3 (04:56):
Yeah, let somebody care for you well versus make it
easy for them.
Speaker 1 (05:02):
I kind of want to add one into here real quick.
So it's not an additional one. This is still five,
but this one's like in the same thing.
Speaker 2 (05:08):
This is one point five.
Speaker 1 (05:09):
Maybe you don't rush falling out of love?
Speaker 2 (05:12):
Oh say more?
Speaker 1 (05:13):
Well, I just started to think, like, if we're not
rushing falling in, then we shouldn't rush falling out because
sometimes maybe if things have gotten sort of stale or
like you know, like you said, it's just not like
it was in the beginning, and you're not feeling intentional
or pursued or loved. Just taking the time to vocalize
it or do the work to see what your role
(05:34):
in it is in his or vice you, whatever kind
of relationship you're in.
Speaker 3 (05:40):
First like, jump ship. As soon as it doesn't feel
good all the time, that's really good.
Speaker 2 (05:44):
I like that.
Speaker 1 (05:45):
Trusting people comes in at number two. I say that
one like that because I trust people.
Speaker 3 (05:50):
Well. Last Yeah, you meet somebody and you're like, oh, okay,
here's my sister security card.
Speaker 2 (05:55):
Yeah they seemed cool.
Speaker 4 (05:56):
Yeah we're good.
Speaker 1 (05:58):
We can trust them, tell them everything, invite them into
my entire part of all the things in my life. Yes,
we're good. Yeah, I'm not even talking about it. It's
not just men like it's that's not what we're talking about.
Speaker 2 (06:07):
Actually, you're also just like an open person.
Speaker 3 (06:10):
So I think that that's part of that where you
sometimes might not even think like, oh, I'm putting my
trust in you.
Speaker 2 (06:16):
You're just open with people.
Speaker 1 (06:17):
Yeah, or I just trust that. It's not even that
I'm trusting the information about myself. I just trust that
they're able to do what they say they're able to do,
and that they're gonna do what they say they're going
to do.
Speaker 2 (06:26):
And you know, yeah, it's not.
Speaker 1 (06:28):
Just like with my personal information. Yeah, I just trust that.
Speaker 2 (06:30):
Like, oh, they'll show up, they'll do this, they'll be.
Speaker 3 (06:32):
This, they're the good fit, yeah, for whatever it is.
Speaker 2 (06:36):
And you're an actually you're a helper, you think so
you don't see yourself as a helper.
Speaker 1 (06:41):
I don't know. Someone else said that to me the
other day, and I'm like, you are They said, they
asked me if I was a two, and I was like,
I'm not a two.
Speaker 3 (06:48):
I can see somebody thinking that you're a two, because
if I had an idea in my head, you would
be like, come over, let's brainstorm how we can make
that happen. You want to help other people make all
of their dreams come true too, That's how I see you.
Speaker 1 (07:01):
I see you saying that about me, and I do
think we have that relationship. I wonder if we show
up differently for different people. Yeah, because maybe I don't
want to help you. I think I ultimately, I think
I want everybody to win and do better. But maybe
if it's that the other. If another personality or the
other person in the equation happens to be the bigger helper,
(07:25):
then I take the bag. I don't help because.
Speaker 2 (07:28):
They are helping. They're already the helper, they don't need help.
Speaker 1 (07:32):
Then they help me because I think that there's not
a help mix.
Speaker 4 (07:35):
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (07:36):
I guess I'm trying to think of it right now,
because there's times where I see your point, I feel
like the helper, and then I think we put ourselves
in this box of like, okay, then if I'm that,
but I know that there's definite relationships where I do
not show up as the helper.
Speaker 2 (07:48):
Oh yeah, I don't know, because somebody's helping.
Speaker 3 (07:50):
Okay, so what you're saying, yeah, yeah, yeah, well somebody's
helping you, then it might feel like I'm not right.
Speaker 1 (07:56):
They would never describe me. My point is they may
come in and be like, let she's not a helper.
I would never think that I had to do everything.
Speaker 2 (08:07):
I see what you're saying.
Speaker 3 (08:08):
Yeah, I think, yeah, you always. This is a compliment
to you. You want to pull people up.
Speaker 1 (08:14):
I think I just figured it out. Yeah, I think
it's sometimes when I feel anxious or intimidated or insecure
around whatever the person is. That part shuts down.
Speaker 2 (08:29):
Because how what would they do?
Speaker 1 (08:30):
I think I just had a breakthrough, Like what could
I They could do it better than me, So why
would I help?
Speaker 3 (08:34):
Oh?
Speaker 2 (08:35):
Or I would I even give my feedback or my
assistance or.
Speaker 1 (08:38):
Whatever I'm gonna do isn't going to be good enough.
So maybe I shouldn't, like I'm intimidated.
Speaker 2 (08:43):
Are you thinking of certain any Yes?
Speaker 1 (08:44):
Yes, and it just all clicked. It's never clicked for me.
And even the other day when I that person said
I asked if I was a two, I just immediately
shot it down because I think that those other experiences
with those relationships are those people they take up more
space in my brain because I think that that's when
I'm like.
Speaker 2 (09:03):
You're focusing on the net. How when you feel negative
and I.
Speaker 1 (09:05):
Feel negative, the negative always gets the attention. Yeah, that's interesting. Yeah,
I know that nobody else just had a breakthrough, But
maybe my breakthrough allowed for some sort of breakthrough in
your mind of where you're like, wait a second, some
people see me as this and others like what And
it's not just that I didn't know how to say
it because it's not just that someone else may not
see me as that. I also know I see myself
(09:26):
as not a helper in this X y Z situation.
Speaker 3 (09:29):
Yeah, and I guess I don't see all the situations,
so I get what you're saying where we're like, I
might be like that with you, but not these people.
I also will say I wouldn't see you as a
two because when you do help people, from my perspective,
it doesn't seem like you're doing that. So then I
like need you. It's because you really just want to
help people. You're not looking for it. When you help me,
(09:51):
you're not looking for anything.
Speaker 1 (09:53):
Oh like, I'm not like then, So part of that
is feeling a like I want, I need to feel
wanted and need Yeah, I don't need that. I'm good.
Speaker 2 (10:03):
I know you.
Speaker 1 (10:06):
Okay, Okay, this makes sense. Okay, so I'm not a two.
Speaker 4 (10:08):
Yeah, but I could be a helper.
Speaker 1 (10:20):
This is number three five things not to rush giving
up on yourself. I love that.
Speaker 3 (10:25):
That kind of reminds me of how you said, like
about falling out of love. I can be really quick
to like, oh this isn't working, I'm gonna be done.
But to allow yourself to keep with it for a
little bit.
Speaker 1 (10:35):
Yeah, if you're giving up on a dream that you've had,
or yeah, a relationship or a goal, or I think there.
Speaker 3 (10:42):
Could be a whole episode we do about understanding and
knowing when to quit something when you're quitting because you're
just frustrated, or.
Speaker 1 (10:49):
Does it even have to be the word quit? When
to pause?
Speaker 3 (10:52):
I love that because you can always come back to it.
Speaker 1 (10:56):
It could be called no when to pause.
Speaker 2 (10:59):
That's not very I don't know how to click on that.
Speaker 4 (11:03):
Oh Kara, my dog, she liked it.
Speaker 1 (11:06):
She was like, no, when to pause? Paws?
Speaker 2 (11:11):
Well, maybe I would click on that one.
Speaker 1 (11:14):
Which coming up. I do have ways to coregulate with
an animal.
Speaker 2 (11:18):
Okay, well I can't wait to get there.
Speaker 1 (11:20):
It's obviously not gonna be with my dog because she
is not regulated at all whatsoever.
Speaker 2 (11:26):
But I used to be regulated by you. She's not
going to regulate you.
Speaker 1 (11:29):
But when I saw this article, and it's from on Site,
which is a place here in Nashville that a lot
of people go to for some intensive therapy. It's really
great resource for sure, and they have a magazine. And
when I was reading about the coregular with an animal,
I was like, I already do some of this with
my cat and I didn't even know it.
Speaker 3 (11:46):
So you're so like advanced you didn't have to read
the article, and you just need to never give up
on yourself. This is the fourth one, making big decisions.
Five things not to rush making big decisions.
Speaker 1 (12:03):
That's a good one to slow down on. But when
it comes to the trusting people, that's where this kind
of goes together. Sometimes I'll trust someone so quick and
make a really big decision with them.
Speaker 3 (12:11):
With that person, yeah, we've all done that before because
it can be really exciting and you don't know until
you know, and it's hard to pause when you're really
excited about something. I'm guilty of that one of making
them making big decisions. Sometimes I need to make them fast, though,
because I don't get stuck in the analysis paralysis and
then I'll never make a decision.
Speaker 2 (12:30):
So I think that one could go both ways.
Speaker 1 (12:32):
That's true. Trust your gut at times and just go
with it and face the consequences later. Yikes, but they
could be good consequences. Yeah, and you can learn from that, right, Yeah,
there's anything that we know. It's like, yeah, I'm so
glad I've messed up royally because look how far I've
come from it.
Speaker 3 (12:51):
And look what I know now. Yeah, it takes some
time to be able to say that, though.
Speaker 1 (12:55):
Now I probably save my friends from doing it and
the listeners. Okay, the final one, and I love this
one so much because it's it's extending grace and if
you do that for others, they will do it for you.
But just judging someone's character before knowing why they did something.
Five things not to rush. Don't jump to conclusions about
(13:16):
someone's actions or behavior.
Speaker 3 (13:18):
Stay curious about it versus making assumptions. I'm interested about
what happened there, but I'm not going to make up
a story yet until I have all the pieces. Right.
Speaker 2 (13:28):
Yeah, I could work on that one too.
Speaker 1 (13:30):
All right, I know you're eagerly awaiting. Can't wait, So
regulate with your animal, which you don't have any animal,
So what would you do?
Speaker 4 (13:36):
Could you just use regulation?
Speaker 2 (13:38):
Patrick?
Speaker 1 (13:39):
Say, hey, big p can you lay here and act
like an animal?
Speaker 4 (13:42):
Whatever?
Speaker 3 (13:42):
When I did the thing where I went and blinked
in Patrick's eyes like a cat, Patrick was like, what
are you doing? I'm like, I'm soothing you with my
cat blinking. Yes, didn't work, but you can co regulate
with people.
Speaker 1 (13:56):
This is just another Yeah, that's just another tool and
the reason why I thought this was fun to share.
You can coregate with people. But some of the steps
are safe because an animal isn't going to have any judgment.
An animal isn't going to have any unwanted feedback. An
animal so far what we know.
Speaker 2 (14:14):
Yeah, so research on these animals.
Speaker 1 (14:18):
They're just there and they're taking it in. Of course
they're going to be there for you.
Speaker 2 (14:21):
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (14:21):
I was just thinking about some people that may not
be ready to talk to a human because some of
the steps, like you're saying things out loud, and it's
like if you say it to a pet and then
it's like okay, and then that your next step might
be saying it to another person.
Speaker 3 (14:35):
It's not going to get repeated when a pet hears you.
Speaker 1 (14:38):
Correct, okay. So five ways to coregulate with an animal.
First way, regulate your breathing. Place your hands on a
calm animal again, not my dog.
Speaker 3 (14:50):
You literally are placing your hand fire and she's her
breath is so fast right now because she keeps seeing
things outside.
Speaker 1 (14:58):
Place your hands on the calm part of an animal.
Match your breath to theirs and this will calm your
breath and regulate your nervous system. Way number two practice
grounding techniques in the presence of an animal. Meditation, stretching,
and breathing exercises can all be done while your companion
holds space. I like the idea of thinking, my cat
(15:20):
is holding.
Speaker 2 (15:21):
Space for me.
Speaker 3 (15:22):
Again, your dog is taking up space. Your cat holds space.
Speaker 2 (15:27):
That's right.
Speaker 3 (15:28):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (15:29):
Way three snuggle Physical contact with an animal while coregulating
does wonders for our mental, emotional, and even physical health.
Speaker 2 (15:37):
Does Maggie let you cuddle her?
Speaker 1 (15:39):
Yes? She does at night, okay, because she sleeps with me.
But during the day, I have no idea where she is.
Speaker 2 (15:45):
That is crazy.
Speaker 1 (15:47):
She's like, peace out, I want to be alone.
Speaker 4 (15:49):
But then at night she's like, where are you? I'm ready.
That sounded weird. It's not where are you?
Speaker 1 (16:00):
That's appropriate. Wait number four, Tell an animal about your day.
See this is the part where if you don't want
to talk to a human, share with them the highs
and the lows you've experienced, and name the feelings. When
we name our emotions out loud, we can lessen their
charge and better regulate their impact.
Speaker 3 (16:18):
And that's good practice for people who aren't good at
connecting their feelings that are going on that can't name them.
That's good practice that I'm gonna do this.
Speaker 2 (16:26):
With my cat every day, cat dog.
Speaker 3 (16:29):
And get used to saying that out loud. I'm feeling sad,
I'm feeling angry.
Speaker 1 (16:33):
Lizard bird, geared dragon. What my sister had a bearded dragon.
It died. She was flying squirrel, flying squirrel, ferret, hedgehog, hamster, goldfish.
Speaker 2 (16:46):
I'm getting I'm getting nervous. I can't think of any
more pets. Yeah, chameleon, peacock. Oh. I was thinking parrot.
Speaker 1 (16:55):
Oh, but now you've opened up when you said peacock.
Now I'm thinking a farm and I'm.
Speaker 2 (16:58):
Like, donkey, you can't do a pirro.
Speaker 1 (17:00):
It why they'll repeat it?
Speaker 3 (17:04):
Can you imagine sharing like some secret and then like
the guy your dating comes over and she's like, I
think Eric's hot.
Speaker 1 (17:13):
She doesn't really like you, she doesn't know how to
say it.
Speaker 4 (17:16):
Jake was a bad kisser. She doesn't love you. She's nervous.
Speaker 2 (17:26):
Weigh number five.
Speaker 1 (17:28):
This is the final one. Play Let your inner child
enjoy and experience with safe animals. So be playful I
need to do that with more. With Maggie.
Speaker 2 (17:37):
Yeah, I just heard her.
Speaker 1 (17:39):
Sometimes I get like a little oh so she's up there.
Speaker 2 (17:41):
Yeah, she's absurd Maggie.
Speaker 4 (17:43):
Oh there she's look, she's like, I want to play,
you want to play?
Speaker 1 (17:47):
She will swat like her little palls, and then she'll
sometimes bite me. But I googled that and they said
that's playful.
Speaker 2 (17:54):
And unless they break skin.
Speaker 1 (17:57):
Yeah, which I thought quickly. I'm gonna run through what
regulation looks like. So when you are regulated, this is
how you should feel okay, steady heart rate and breathing rates,
ability to manage stress in a healthy and productive manner,
stable decision making skills, calm, steady demeanor, and feelings of safety.
That is being regulated.
Speaker 2 (18:17):
Do you feel regulated now?
Speaker 1 (18:19):
I do right now, which feels nice. I mean, I
guess since we're talking about being regulated, I'll talk about
what's dysregulated, because maybe some people are like, what how
do I coregulate if I don't even know if I'm
regulated or disregulated? So that's what disregulation looks like. Impulsive
behavior check, so are you red?
Speaker 4 (18:40):
Racing thoughts?
Speaker 2 (18:41):
Check?
Speaker 4 (18:43):
Erratic, shallow rapid.
Speaker 1 (18:44):
Breathing, increased heart rate feeling dizzy or lightheaded, tightness in
the chest, lack of emotional awareness, inability to identify what
you were feeling, foggy or fuzzy brain, lack of focus
or inability to make decisions. Chick feeling reactive, snappy, or irritable.
(19:05):
Check chick, chick sometimes.
Speaker 3 (19:07):
Okay, Actually this is good because if you notice, like
if I'm like disregulated or you are, we can say
instead of being like, hey, you're in a mood, we
can be.
Speaker 2 (19:15):
Like, hey, do you want to snuggle? I was gonna say, hey,
are you feeling just regulated?
Speaker 3 (19:22):
That's like a I don't think I'd ever say, hey,
you feel like you have a lot of energy going on?
Speaker 2 (19:27):
Do you wanna snuggle?
Speaker 1 (19:29):
Okay, as long as we have permission to do that,
because I feel like this could become the equivalent of like,
are you about to start your period?
Speaker 2 (19:37):
Oh? And if the.
Speaker 1 (19:39):
Right person says that, it's okay. But if the wrong
person says it, it's like, what are you trying to say?
Speaker 2 (19:43):
It's so dysregulated?
Speaker 1 (19:44):
Don't listen to us talking right now, and then go
to your partner or roommate or best friend and be like,
are you just regulated? I could accept that from you,
or go ahead and establish this.
Speaker 3 (19:54):
If like somebody your dating is like are you disregulated?
It is like the like you must be on your
period because you're acting crazy and like that's not cool.
Speaker 1 (20:01):
Yeah, well acting crazy is different than actually being crazy.
So real lucky, That's what I would say.
Speaker 4 (20:10):
So you're lucky.
Speaker 2 (20:12):
Count yourself lucky.
Speaker 1 (20:14):
Imagine if I was actually crazy, just you wait, maybe
I am. This is temporary. What if you had to
live with me like this forever?
Speaker 2 (20:23):
They would probably say, I gotta go buye.
Speaker 1 (20:25):
Yeah, then I guess someone keep dating you? All right,
there you go. Don't take things too fast. I would
stuggle with your cat, coregulate with your animals. Take care
of yourself cat. Where can people find.
Speaker 2 (20:37):
You on Instagram? At kat van Buren and at Uni Therapy.
Speaker 1 (20:40):
Podcast and I am at Radio Amy and we hope
that you are having.
Speaker 2 (20:45):
The day you need to have. Bye,
Happy Tuesday. Welcome to the Fifth Thing. I'm Amy and
I'm Kat and today's quote is just had to quit
my job so I would have enough time to make
sure that I was eating enough protein.
Speaker 2 (00:15):
Do you relate to that?
Speaker 1 (00:16):
That's from Simon Sea Holland on Twitter Instagram. I see
a lot of his stuff. He's funny, and yes, I
absolutely relate to that. I mean, I don't need to
quit my job, but that's the thing, I'm just not
getting enough protein. In order for me to get enough protein,
I might.
Speaker 3 (00:29):
Yeah, you need a part time job and getting enough protein, which,
by the way, I have a protein I'm not gonna
call it a hack, a little recipe that you might
want to well, you've had these, but people might want
to make well.
Speaker 1 (00:40):
I think we talked about them at one point, but
we never shared the recipe.
Speaker 3 (00:43):
They're so good, they're so easy to make. Literally takes
probably fifteen minutes, and you can take them anywhere. They
taste like grab the gold bars.
Speaker 1 (00:52):
Yeah, I mean they're really really yummy. And we'll drop
the whole recipe in the show notes. Make sure you
read the fine print where I add sea.
Speaker 2 (00:59):
Salt, because the recipe wasn't good enough.
Speaker 1 (01:01):
No, it is good. I just love salty sweet.
Speaker 3 (01:04):
I'm going to add something if you add the sea salt.
I think you should use dark chocolate and not semi
sweet chocolate.
Speaker 1 (01:11):
I think you don't need to overcomplicate it. But if
you want to do that, do it well.
Speaker 3 (01:15):
As the chef and creator. I'm not the chef and creator.
I found this on TikTok from multiple people. I put
recipes together.
Speaker 1 (01:21):
I'm so it is your own. That's what recipes are.
It is like taking some from this, Yeah, making your own.
So these are cats protein.
Speaker 2 (01:28):
Bolts, and I've made them three times to get to
this point. I should start a cookbook. That's all I
got so far. How many recipes do you need to
start a cookbook?
Speaker 1 (01:38):
We are very much into However, you can get your
protein these days because it's vital.
Speaker 2 (01:43):
I'm not sure if you knew. Yeah, you do need it.
Speaker 1 (01:45):
Your body needs it like it needs water, which I'm
not drinking much of that.
Speaker 3 (01:50):
I was gonna say you're not good at that either.
I know, but you are drinking out of a cup
and not a measuring cup because I.
Speaker 1 (01:56):
Cannot find my measuring cup. Oh no, yeah, so I
don't know. I used to have three, and they were
all the same, and now I have none. And so
there's a measuring cup bandit.
Speaker 3 (02:09):
What if like one of your kids just has all
of them on their nightstand because they've been also using them.
Speaker 1 (02:14):
No, because I go into their rooms and collect dishes
like the good mother that I am, and I don't
ever see a measuring cup.
Speaker 2 (02:23):
They're drinking out of real cups.
Speaker 1 (02:24):
Yes, yes, but don't sleep on drinking out of a
measuring cup. First of all, it measures it, not that
I'm counting. Second of all, it's got a handle. Third
of all, I like the thinness of the rim. You
know when a coffee mug is too the rim is
too thick, it's not enjoy drink it. Yeah, well this
is the perfect rim size.
Speaker 4 (02:46):
It just is it? Okay, I have five faces.
Speaker 2 (02:53):
Measuring cup.
Speaker 4 (02:54):
No, it's just a.
Speaker 1 (02:55):
Normal measuring cup. I don't know from like, I don't
know it's Target or something. It's like, you know, Xoxo
or whatever that brand is.
Speaker 3 (03:02):
Your birthday, I was gonna get you a bunch of
thin rimmed measure cops.
Speaker 1 (03:07):
All right, I have five things not to rush like.
These are things Kat and I went over a longer list,
and we condensed it down to where we think these
are the top five things that you need to be
patient on and some of these things we speak from
experience on. Learn from us.
Speaker 2 (03:26):
Don't be like us exactly.
Speaker 1 (03:28):
First one is falling in love because it will eventually
affect every part of your life. Do not rush it.
Do not rush it. If you're rushing it, then do
you really even know?
Speaker 3 (03:39):
Are you just excited about the prospect or the idea
of being in love or are you really in love?
Speaker 2 (03:45):
Right?
Speaker 3 (03:45):
You know what I would tell myself when I was dating,
because I'm a rusher, Like I would want to meet
somebody and then be like, I'm gonna marry you in
like six weeks, is to be excited about every single
part of a relationship because if this is your person,
we're going to be in this space again.
Speaker 2 (04:02):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (04:02):
Yeah, And I think you've been a huge encouragement to
me of like the actual get ready and go out
and date phase, because I just want to skip to
the we don't get ready and sit on the couch phase,
you know. Yeah, And you're gonna say no, no, no,
there's no way you're there yet.
Speaker 4 (04:19):
You're you're like.
Speaker 3 (04:20):
This guy asked me out to this really nice dinner.
But like I think, I want to tell him just
to come to my house and we can watch a
movie in all work sweatpants.
Speaker 4 (04:26):
I've never met him, sounds like fun.
Speaker 3 (04:32):
I'll let it give him the coat to my door
so I don't have to get up and let him in.
But also I think that my encouragement, and that was
one for safety, but also let somebody treat you well
and pursue you, because that's exciting, and once you get
really comfortable, somebody can still be pursuing you.
Speaker 2 (04:47):
But it doesn't. It's not the same.
Speaker 3 (04:49):
It's like a it feels nice to be taken out
and somebody to be planning something for you.
Speaker 1 (04:54):
And show their intentions.
Speaker 3 (04:56):
Yeah, let somebody care for you well versus make it
easy for them.
Speaker 1 (05:02):
I kind of want to add one into here real quick.
So it's not an additional one. This is still five,
but this one's like in the same thing.
Speaker 2 (05:08):
This is one point five.
Speaker 1 (05:09):
Maybe you don't rush falling out of love?
Speaker 2 (05:12):
Oh say more?
Speaker 1 (05:13):
Well, I just started to think, like, if we're not
rushing falling in, then we shouldn't rush falling out because
sometimes maybe if things have gotten sort of stale or
like you know, like you said, it's just not like
it was in the beginning, and you're not feeling intentional
or pursued or loved. Just taking the time to vocalize
it or do the work to see what your role
(05:34):
in it is in his or vice you, whatever kind
of relationship you're in.
Speaker 3 (05:40):
First like, jump ship. As soon as it doesn't feel
good all the time, that's really good.
Speaker 2 (05:44):
I like that.
Speaker 1 (05:45):
Trusting people comes in at number two. I say that
one like that because I trust people.
Speaker 3 (05:50):
Well. Last Yeah, you meet somebody and you're like, oh, okay,
here's my sister security card.
Speaker 2 (05:55):
Yeah they seemed cool.
Speaker 4 (05:56):
Yeah we're good.
Speaker 1 (05:58):
We can trust them, tell them everything, invite them into
my entire part of all the things in my life. Yes,
we're good. Yeah, I'm not even talking about it. It's
not just men like it's that's not what we're talking about.
Speaker 2 (06:07):
Actually, you're also just like an open person.
Speaker 3 (06:10):
So I think that that's part of that where you
sometimes might not even think like, oh, I'm putting my
trust in you.
Speaker 2 (06:16):
You're just open with people.
Speaker 1 (06:17):
Yeah, or I just trust that. It's not even that
I'm trusting the information about myself. I just trust that
they're able to do what they say they're able to do,
and that they're gonna do what they say they're going
to do.
Speaker 2 (06:26):
And you know, yeah, it's not.
Speaker 1 (06:28):
Just like with my personal information. Yeah, I just trust that.
Speaker 2 (06:30):
Like, oh, they'll show up, they'll do this, they'll be.
Speaker 3 (06:32):
This, they're the good fit, yeah, for whatever it is.
Speaker 2 (06:36):
And you're an actually you're a helper, you think so
you don't see yourself as a helper.
Speaker 1 (06:41):
I don't know. Someone else said that to me the
other day, and I'm like, you are They said, they
asked me if I was a two, and I was like,
I'm not a two.
Speaker 3 (06:48):
I can see somebody thinking that you're a two, because
if I had an idea in my head, you would
be like, come over, let's brainstorm how we can make
that happen. You want to help other people make all
of their dreams come true too, That's how I see you.
Speaker 1 (07:01):
I see you saying that about me, and I do
think we have that relationship. I wonder if we show
up differently for different people. Yeah, because maybe I don't
want to help you. I think I ultimately, I think
I want everybody to win and do better. But maybe
if it's that the other. If another personality or the
other person in the equation happens to be the bigger helper,
(07:25):
then I take the bag. I don't help because.
Speaker 2 (07:28):
They are helping. They're already the helper, they don't need help.
Speaker 1 (07:32):
Then they help me because I think that there's not
a help mix.
Speaker 4 (07:35):
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (07:36):
I guess I'm trying to think of it right now,
because there's times where I see your point, I feel
like the helper, and then I think we put ourselves
in this box of like, okay, then if I'm that,
but I know that there's definite relationships where I do
not show up as the helper.
Speaker 2 (07:48):
Oh yeah, I don't know, because somebody's helping.
Speaker 3 (07:50):
Okay, so what you're saying, yeah, yeah, yeah, well somebody's
helping you, then it might feel like I'm not right.
Speaker 1 (07:56):
They would never describe me. My point is they may
come in and be like, let she's not a helper.
I would never think that I had to do everything.
Speaker 2 (08:07):
I see what you're saying.
Speaker 3 (08:08):
Yeah, I think, yeah, you always. This is a compliment
to you. You want to pull people up.
Speaker 1 (08:14):
I think I just figured it out. Yeah, I think
it's sometimes when I feel anxious or intimidated or insecure
around whatever the person is. That part shuts down.
Speaker 2 (08:29):
Because how what would they do?
Speaker 1 (08:30):
I think I just had a breakthrough, Like what could
I They could do it better than me, So why
would I help?
Speaker 3 (08:34):
Oh?
Speaker 2 (08:35):
Or I would I even give my feedback or my
assistance or.
Speaker 1 (08:38):
Whatever I'm gonna do isn't going to be good enough.
So maybe I shouldn't, like I'm intimidated.
Speaker 2 (08:43):
Are you thinking of certain any Yes?
Speaker 1 (08:44):
Yes, and it just all clicked. It's never clicked for me.
And even the other day when I that person said
I asked if I was a two, I just immediately
shot it down because I think that those other experiences
with those relationships are those people they take up more
space in my brain because I think that that's when
I'm like.
Speaker 2 (09:03):
You're focusing on the net. How when you feel negative
and I.
Speaker 1 (09:05):
Feel negative, the negative always gets the attention. Yeah, that's interesting. Yeah,
I know that nobody else just had a breakthrough, But
maybe my breakthrough allowed for some sort of breakthrough in
your mind of where you're like, wait a second, some
people see me as this and others like what And
it's not just that I didn't know how to say
it because it's not just that someone else may not
see me as that. I also know I see myself
(09:26):
as not a helper in this X y Z situation.
Speaker 3 (09:29):
Yeah, and I guess I don't see all the situations,
so I get what you're saying where we're like, I
might be like that with you, but not these people.
I also will say I wouldn't see you as a
two because when you do help people, from my perspective,
it doesn't seem like you're doing that. So then I
like need you. It's because you really just want to
help people. You're not looking for it. When you help me,
(09:51):
you're not looking for anything.
Speaker 1 (09:53):
Oh like, I'm not like then, So part of that
is feeling a like I want, I need to feel
wanted and need Yeah, I don't need that. I'm good.
Speaker 2 (10:03):
I know you.
Speaker 1 (10:06):
Okay, Okay, this makes sense. Okay, so I'm not a two.
Speaker 4 (10:08):
Yeah, but I could be a helper.
Speaker 1 (10:20):
This is number three five things not to rush giving
up on yourself. I love that.
Speaker 3 (10:25):
That kind of reminds me of how you said, like
about falling out of love. I can be really quick
to like, oh this isn't working, I'm gonna be done.
But to allow yourself to keep with it for a
little bit.
Speaker 1 (10:35):
Yeah, if you're giving up on a dream that you've had,
or yeah, a relationship or a goal, or I think there.
Speaker 3 (10:42):
Could be a whole episode we do about understanding and
knowing when to quit something when you're quitting because you're
just frustrated, or.
Speaker 1 (10:49):
Does it even have to be the word quit? When
to pause?
Speaker 3 (10:52):
I love that because you can always come back to it.
Speaker 1 (10:56):
It could be called no when to pause.
Speaker 2 (10:59):
That's not very I don't know how to click on that.
Speaker 4 (11:03):
Oh Kara, my dog, she liked it.
Speaker 1 (11:06):
She was like, no, when to pause? Paws?
Speaker 2 (11:11):
Well, maybe I would click on that one.
Speaker 1 (11:14):
Which coming up. I do have ways to coregulate with
an animal.
Speaker 2 (11:18):
Okay, well I can't wait to get there.
Speaker 1 (11:20):
It's obviously not gonna be with my dog because she
is not regulated at all whatsoever.
Speaker 2 (11:26):
But I used to be regulated by you. She's not
going to regulate you.
Speaker 1 (11:29):
But when I saw this article, and it's from on Site,
which is a place here in Nashville that a lot
of people go to for some intensive therapy. It's really
great resource for sure, and they have a magazine. And
when I was reading about the coregular with an animal,
I was like, I already do some of this with
my cat and I didn't even know it.
Speaker 3 (11:46):
So you're so like advanced you didn't have to read
the article, and you just need to never give up
on yourself. This is the fourth one, making big decisions.
Five things not to rush making big decisions.
Speaker 1 (12:03):
That's a good one to slow down on. But when
it comes to the trusting people, that's where this kind
of goes together. Sometimes I'll trust someone so quick and
make a really big decision with them.
Speaker 3 (12:11):
With that person, yeah, we've all done that before because
it can be really exciting and you don't know until
you know, and it's hard to pause when you're really
excited about something. I'm guilty of that one of making
them making big decisions. Sometimes I need to make them fast, though,
because I don't get stuck in the analysis paralysis and
then I'll never make a decision.
Speaker 2 (12:30):
So I think that one could go both ways.
Speaker 1 (12:32):
That's true. Trust your gut at times and just go
with it and face the consequences later. Yikes, but they
could be good consequences. Yeah, and you can learn from that, right, Yeah,
there's anything that we know. It's like, yeah, I'm so
glad I've messed up royally because look how far I've
come from it.
Speaker 3 (12:51):
And look what I know now. Yeah, it takes some
time to be able to say that, though.
Speaker 1 (12:55):
Now I probably save my friends from doing it and
the listeners. Okay, the final one, and I love this
one so much because it's it's extending grace and if
you do that for others, they will do it for you.
But just judging someone's character before knowing why they did something.
Five things not to rush. Don't jump to conclusions about
(13:16):
someone's actions or behavior.
Speaker 3 (13:18):
Stay curious about it versus making assumptions. I'm interested about
what happened there, but I'm not going to make up
a story yet until I have all the pieces. Right.
Speaker 2 (13:28):
Yeah, I could work on that one too.
Speaker 1 (13:30):
All right, I know you're eagerly awaiting. Can't wait, So
regulate with your animal, which you don't have any animal,
So what would you do?
Speaker 4 (13:36):
Could you just use regulation?
Speaker 2 (13:38):
Patrick?
Speaker 1 (13:39):
Say, hey, big p can you lay here and act
like an animal?
Speaker 4 (13:42):
Whatever?
Speaker 3 (13:42):
When I did the thing where I went and blinked
in Patrick's eyes like a cat, Patrick was like, what
are you doing? I'm like, I'm soothing you with my
cat blinking. Yes, didn't work, but you can co regulate
with people.
Speaker 1 (13:56):
This is just another Yeah, that's just another tool and
the reason why I thought this was fun to share.
You can coregate with people. But some of the steps
are safe because an animal isn't going to have any judgment.
An animal isn't going to have any unwanted feedback. An
animal so far what we know.
Speaker 2 (14:14):
Yeah, so research on these animals.
Speaker 1 (14:18):
They're just there and they're taking it in. Of course
they're going to be there for you.
Speaker 2 (14:21):
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (14:21):
I was just thinking about some people that may not
be ready to talk to a human because some of
the steps, like you're saying things out loud, and it's
like if you say it to a pet and then
it's like okay, and then that your next step might
be saying it to another person.
Speaker 3 (14:35):
It's not going to get repeated when a pet hears you.
Speaker 1 (14:38):
Correct, okay. So five ways to coregulate with an animal.
First way, regulate your breathing. Place your hands on a
calm animal again, not my dog.
Speaker 3 (14:50):
You literally are placing your hand fire and she's her
breath is so fast right now because she keeps seeing
things outside.
Speaker 1 (14:58):
Place your hands on the calm part of an animal.
Match your breath to theirs and this will calm your
breath and regulate your nervous system. Way number two practice
grounding techniques in the presence of an animal. Meditation, stretching,
and breathing exercises can all be done while your companion
holds space. I like the idea of thinking, my cat
(15:20):
is holding.
Speaker 2 (15:21):
Space for me.
Speaker 3 (15:22):
Again, your dog is taking up space. Your cat holds space.
Speaker 2 (15:27):
That's right.
Speaker 3 (15:28):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (15:29):
Way three snuggle Physical contact with an animal while coregulating
does wonders for our mental, emotional, and even physical health.
Speaker 2 (15:37):
Does Maggie let you cuddle her?
Speaker 1 (15:39):
Yes? She does at night, okay, because she sleeps with me.
But during the day, I have no idea where she is.
Speaker 2 (15:45):
That is crazy.
Speaker 1 (15:47):
She's like, peace out, I want to be alone.
Speaker 4 (15:49):
But then at night she's like, where are you? I'm ready.
That sounded weird. It's not where are you?
Speaker 1 (16:00):
That's appropriate. Wait number four, Tell an animal about your day.
See this is the part where if you don't want
to talk to a human, share with them the highs
and the lows you've experienced, and name the feelings. When
we name our emotions out loud, we can lessen their
charge and better regulate their impact.
Speaker 3 (16:18):
And that's good practice for people who aren't good at
connecting their feelings that are going on that can't name them.
That's good practice that I'm gonna do this.
Speaker 2 (16:26):
With my cat every day, cat dog.
Speaker 3 (16:29):
And get used to saying that out loud. I'm feeling sad,
I'm feeling angry.
Speaker 1 (16:33):
Lizard bird, geared dragon. What my sister had a bearded dragon.
It died. She was flying squirrel, flying squirrel, ferret, hedgehog, hamster, goldfish.
Speaker 2 (16:46):
I'm getting I'm getting nervous. I can't think of any
more pets. Yeah, chameleon, peacock. Oh. I was thinking parrot.
Speaker 1 (16:55):
Oh, but now you've opened up when you said peacock.
Now I'm thinking a farm and I'm.
Speaker 2 (16:58):
Like, donkey, you can't do a pirro.
Speaker 1 (17:00):
It why they'll repeat it?
Speaker 3 (17:04):
Can you imagine sharing like some secret and then like
the guy your dating comes over and she's like, I
think Eric's hot.
Speaker 1 (17:13):
She doesn't really like you, she doesn't know how to
say it.
Speaker 4 (17:16):
Jake was a bad kisser. She doesn't love you. She's nervous.
Speaker 2 (17:26):
Weigh number five.
Speaker 1 (17:28):
This is the final one. Play Let your inner child
enjoy and experience with safe animals. So be playful I
need to do that with more. With Maggie.
Speaker 2 (17:37):
Yeah, I just heard her.
Speaker 1 (17:39):
Sometimes I get like a little oh so she's up there.
Speaker 2 (17:41):
Yeah, she's absurd Maggie.
Speaker 4 (17:43):
Oh there she's look, she's like, I want to play,
you want to play?
Speaker 1 (17:47):
She will swat like her little palls, and then she'll
sometimes bite me. But I googled that and they said
that's playful.
Speaker 2 (17:54):
And unless they break skin.
Speaker 1 (17:57):
Yeah, which I thought quickly. I'm gonna run through what
regulation looks like. So when you are regulated, this is
how you should feel okay, steady heart rate and breathing rates,
ability to manage stress in a healthy and productive manner,
stable decision making skills, calm, steady demeanor, and feelings of safety.
That is being regulated.
Speaker 2 (18:17):
Do you feel regulated now?
Speaker 1 (18:19):
I do right now, which feels nice. I mean, I
guess since we're talking about being regulated, I'll talk about
what's dysregulated, because maybe some people are like, what how
do I coregulate if I don't even know if I'm
regulated or disregulated? So that's what disregulation looks like. Impulsive
behavior check, so are you red?
Speaker 4 (18:40):
Racing thoughts?
Speaker 2 (18:41):
Check?
Speaker 4 (18:43):
Erratic, shallow rapid.
Speaker 1 (18:44):
Breathing, increased heart rate feeling dizzy or lightheaded, tightness in
the chest, lack of emotional awareness, inability to identify what
you were feeling, foggy or fuzzy brain, lack of focus
or inability to make decisions. Chick feeling reactive, snappy, or irritable.
(19:05):
Check chick, chick sometimes.
Speaker 3 (19:07):
Okay, Actually this is good because if you notice, like
if I'm like disregulated or you are, we can say
instead of being like, hey, you're in a mood, we
can be.
Speaker 2 (19:15):
Like, hey, do you want to snuggle? I was gonna say, hey,
are you feeling just regulated?
Speaker 3 (19:22):
That's like a I don't think I'd ever say, hey,
you feel like you have a lot of energy going on?
Speaker 2 (19:27):
Do you wanna snuggle?
Speaker 1 (19:29):
Okay, as long as we have permission to do that,
because I feel like this could become the equivalent of like,
are you about to start your period?
Speaker 2 (19:37):
Oh? And if the.
Speaker 1 (19:39):
Right person says that, it's okay. But if the wrong
person says it, it's like, what are you trying to say?
Speaker 2 (19:43):
It's so dysregulated?
Speaker 1 (19:44):
Don't listen to us talking right now, and then go
to your partner or roommate or best friend and be like,
are you just regulated? I could accept that from you,
or go ahead and establish this.
Speaker 3 (19:54):
If like somebody your dating is like are you disregulated?
It is like the like you must be on your
period because you're acting crazy and like that's not cool.
Speaker 1 (20:01):
Yeah, well acting crazy is different than actually being crazy.
So real lucky, That's what I would say.
Speaker 4 (20:10):
So you're lucky.
Speaker 2 (20:12):
Count yourself lucky.
Speaker 1 (20:14):
Imagine if I was actually crazy, just you wait, maybe
I am. This is temporary. What if you had to
live with me like this forever?
Speaker 2 (20:23):
They would probably say, I gotta go buye.
Speaker 1 (20:25):
Yeah, then I guess someone keep dating you? All right,
there you go. Don't take things too fast. I would
stuggle with your cat, coregulate with your animals. Take care
of yourself cat. Where can people find.
Speaker 2 (20:37):
You on Instagram? At kat van Buren and at Uni Therapy.
Speaker 1 (20:40):
Podcast and I am at Radio Amy and we hope
that you are having.
Speaker 2 (20:45):
The day you need to have. Bye,
4 Things with Amy Brown News
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Amy Brown
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Monster: BTK
'Monster: BTK', the newest installment in the 'Monster' franchise, reveals the true story of the Wichita, Kansas serial killer who murdered at least 10 people between 1974 and 1991. Known by the moniker, BTK – Bind Torture Kill, his notoriety was bolstered by the taunting letters he sent to police, and the chilling phone calls he made to media outlets. BTK's identity was finally revealed in 2005 to the shock of his family, his community, and the world. He was the serial killer next door. From Tenderfoot TV & iHeartPodcasts, this is 'Monster: BTK'.
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations.