June 4, 2019 • 16 mins
This is Amy’s ‘5th Thing’ (a bonus episode) where she answers your questions every Tuesday! ‘4 Things With Amy Brown’ comes out every Thursday, but on Tuesdays Amy answers questions you’ve emailed in.On today's episode Amy will address questions about:The next Step Bet Challenge for @erinoprea’s team, how often she shaves her face, tips for second day hair, little ways to help with back pain, avoiding drama while wedding planning with divorced parents and advice on boundaries + saying “no” to family members from @Kim_anderson_life. You can send in questions directly to Amy here: 4thingswithAmybrown@gmail.com...maybe one week your question will be shared!!
(Episode 43)
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to the Fifth Thing. This is the Q and
a episode of the Four Things podcast, and I just
want to thank you all for submitting questions every week
to four Things with Amy Brown at gmail dot com.
I go through them and try to pick some that
maybe a lot of you might have questions to or
you may want to. You know, maybe you hadn't really
(00:20):
thought that you wanted to know the answer to that,
but hopefully it'll be helpful in some way, shape or form.
So just before we get into the questions, I just
wanna say a genuine thank you to anybody that um
bought the Pimp and Joy patriotic line that went on
sale last Friday. We're currently sitting at a hundred and
sixty thousand dollars to donate towards um Scotty's new house
(00:41):
through Building Homes for Heroes. He is a war veteran,
came back from Iraq missing both legs because he lost
them to an I E. D blast, and he's got
a wife and two kids and it's very deserving of
a new a new home, a d A certified home
that he can move around in better. And Pim and Joy,
(01:04):
because of you, we're going to be able to donate
like a crazy amount. This is our biggest campaign yet,
so it's near and dear to my heart. Got super
emotional on Friday when we were about to hit like
a hundred thousand dollars in less than two hours because
it all started with my mom and you know, she
just wanted her cancer to be used for good. And
this is just yet another really cool campaign where um,
(01:26):
people are showing up and they're supporting and maybe you
aren't always able to support Pimp and Joy by buying
what we have, um to go towards the cause, which
of the proceeds do, but um, you decided to choose
joy for yourself or you decide to you know, at
least talk about it on social media or use the
hashtag or just spread joy to others. Like that's you
(01:48):
being a part of the movement. So thank you so much.
First question is from Sarah. I finally got an Apple
Watch and I'm so excited to start using it. I
was wondering if you know when Aaron's next step Bet
challenges and Sarah, it starts June seventeenth, that's the warm
up week, so I would sync up your Apple watching
(02:09):
your phone like all the things with the app like
right away, so that way it can start kind of
tracking because step bet needs to know what what rain
should they put your required steps in, So that's why
they want you to sync up. And the app is
just called step bet app. It's like green with like
a shoe and you've got to go to Aaron Opria's
game and join that and it'll be a lot of fun.
(02:30):
I'll be joining that one as well. So again, warm
up week is June seventeenth, so you've got a week
to sign up in that window and then boom game on.
So that's a lot of fun because you have an opportunity.
You have to pay forty dollars, but you can win
your money and then when everybody else's money that is
in and the challenge that that doesn't make it. The
people that drop out, which I've dropped out before. I've
been a loser, like I've lost my money and somebody else,
(02:53):
somebody else took it. But I've also been a winner
and it feels good. Next question is from gerald Deane. Hey, Amy,
get get right to the point with this one. How
often do you shave your face? So Geraldine, I do
it once or twice a week, which actually you're making
me like touch my face like right now as I'm talking,
and I'm like, huh, yeah, I probably need to go
home and shave my face, which I am obsessed with
(03:15):
the tinkle razors. I know a lot of you ask
like what specifically that I use, And you can find
those on Amazon super easy tinkle just like it sounds,
or you can go to my Amazon page. You can
find that at radio amy dot com and just order those.
You'll get like a colorful pack of like green and
pink and yellow, and I use them like once or
twice and then dispose of them and move on to
(03:36):
the next razor. So it's just a little like quick blade,
which uh, I'm like touching my face right now, which
reminds me that my neck is all out of whack
while I'm recording this right now. So I feel like
I sound really uncomfortable while I'm talking because I'm in
a really uncomfortable position because I just woke up with
like major neck pain and already went to the chiropractor.
(03:57):
It didn't help. Maybe it's still settle ing. I don't know.
I had to like just go to a chiropractor that
I could walk in and I'll be like, help me
because in between some work stuff today and I just
I couldn't look to the left or to the right,
like even while I was driving. It was bad. So
he adjusted me. And you know the funny thing is
like right before he's about to crack my neck, I'm like,
(04:19):
I mean I could die right now, because I know
people die sometimes when they get paralyzed, when they get
their next cracked, Like it's not my favorite thing to
have done, but I just was looking for any sort
of relief that, Like I was like, huh, I'm willing
to risk this, Like yeah, sure, crack my neck. I
might die, but at this point I really don't care.
And now I am like sort of fine, but I
(04:40):
don't know that, Like I'm like trying to turn my
head just to see if it feels any better. And no,
I mean it got my neck cracked and I survived,
but not any better at this point. Next question is
for Cassie. I watched your Beach Waves tutorial with Kelly
from Velvet's Edge, and I'm going to give it a shot.
But what do I do to keep my hair the
(05:01):
style going for the next day while sleeping at night?
Because second day hair is so hard. Well, I definitely
have to sort of freshen up my hair. I don't
have to fully restyle it every day, Cassie, but I
do have to like take my wand maybe make the
curls a little bit fresh in certain spots, or take
my straightener and straighten the tips, because that's a tip
to the beach wave hair is um, you know, curoling
(05:25):
the hair around the wand but don't do the tips,
like keep those straight and make it like loose, messy curls.
And so really when you sleep on it, it it ends
up getting a little bit messier just like adds to
the look. But you may have to freshen it up
in the morning with some dry shampoo, some texturizing spray,
you know, a few little you know, wand motions here
(05:45):
and there. Straightener, but also sleep with a silk pillow
case because that will really help your next day hair.
It will help keep it in place. So if you'll
want to check out that tutorial, it's up. It's on
YouTube Amy Bobby Bone Show. Beach waves, kelly, velvet s
edge like those are all the key words. Um. Next
question is from like a lot of you. So I
(06:06):
just put it all together. I feel like I was
getting a lot of questions about back pain and how
to help combat it because my lower back is always
such a hot mess. Which is ironic that my neck
is in such pain right now, because really I don't
have upper back neck pain issues. This is just a
random day, and I had already I had already selected
(06:26):
this question before I had neck pain. But I was
actually talking to Aaron Opria, my trainer, about it because
things that she tells me to do for my back,
and even my my normal chiropractor, not the one that
I just popped into today, but someone that like spends
more time with me, UM and has helped me with
my back a couple of times. UM. Something that they
(06:48):
talk about all the time is core and making sure
that you are holding your core so tight, not sucking in,
not but but just tight like down below almost like
you're tilting your pelvic area under and tightening up your
core like someone's going to punch you in the stomach.
Like always try to be in that position, whether you're
sitting or walking, working out, running, driving, whatever. UM. And
(07:12):
then obviously let me just preface it with this, like
check with your doctor to find out what the injury is,
because I definitely don't want you to make it worse.
And I'm not an expert here, but these are things
that I do to help relieve my back. So always
make sure my core is tight. I do certain like
yoga flows. You can always google like yoga for back
pain depending on where your back pain is, and they'll
(07:32):
give you certain certain stretches and moves that will help
and get moving. Like sometimes you're just stiff, Like, think
about it, if you've been laying around a lot, or
sitting a lot or driving a lot, could that be
the issue that you just need to get moving? And
then foam rolling is another huge help, Like I love
my phone roller. I need to do it more. In fact,
Aaron gets onto me all the time for not doing more.
(07:54):
But when I do it, I'm like, ah, why do
I know to do? Why do I not do this more?
It feels so good, Like if you do your hamstrings
for me, I feel like my hamstrings and my lower
back pain are totally related. Um, And so when I
foam roll my hamstrings, it does help offer relief in
my back. Um. The little cross ball can do the same.
(08:14):
I kind of lay on it right where my back hurts,
and like rub it in. They're really good if you
can afford or you're able to get like certain sports massages,
that may help. But drink plenty of water so you
can flush out those toxins, especially if they're getting in
there really deep. Tumeric and black pepper are really great
little anti inflammatory concoction. Is not necessarily black pepper, but
(08:36):
the tumeric, but the black pepper activates whatever the tumoric
needs to become more you know, anti inflammatory. But I
will say, if you're eating like a really inflammatory diet,
you can't just add in a few anti inflammatory things
and expect it to be fixed. Like you can't just
throw tumeric and black pepper on a bunch of French
(08:56):
fries and be like, oh, I'm so anti inflammatory right now. Um,
But those are things that that help. And then obviously,
I mean sometimes you might just have to take some leave,
which is really, honestly what I think I'm about to
do for my neck. So next form, Hannah, Hey mean,
(09:21):
my question for you pertains to wedding planning with divorced parents.
How did you go about planning your wedding to avoid
tension between your parents and third divorced, and what would
you recommend to keep the tension low? Um, Okay, I'm
just gonna get to it, Hannah. I feel like I
had a really unique experience, Like when my dad left,
my mom never said anything bad about my dad. They
(09:42):
always were able to get along, even though my dad
left my mom for somebody else, And then that that
somebody else was my stepmom at my wedding, So you
would think like maybe they wouldn't get along. Um, But
years had gone by, and I know that there were moments,
you know that just felt a little bit awkward because
(10:03):
I felt like my mom wanted some things to be
one way, and then maybe my step mom, which I
actually would always sort of refer to her as my
dad's wife because I don't really ever feel like she
stepped in as a mother role to me, which I
know may sound bad, but she just didn't. And in fact,
my dad has since gotten divorced from her, like in
the last I don't know how many years has it been,
(10:26):
less than ten years, um, But she was in my
life since I was eight years old. Eight to thirty something. Yeah,
let's just call it thirty one or so. That's a
long time for her. To be in my life, and
I haven't talked to her since her and my dad
got divorced. Anyway, I will say that my family's pretty
(10:47):
easy going though, so I can't offer you a lot
of advice. If your divorce parents have tension, I will
say something that you can just share with them is like, hey, guys,
this is my day. This isn't about you, This isn't
about any tension that you I have, but this is
about what I want to happen. And then also, fun fact,
I planned my wedding in like six weeks, so maybe
(11:09):
eight I guess it was like eight weeks felt like six,
but um so I just had to make quick decisions,
like nobody had time to kind of, you know, really
put in their opinion because we just had to do
what we needed to do to get it done. And
my husband was like going overseas to Afghanistan, so our
wedding kept getting pushed up and pushed up, and we
moved it. We were going to like wait like a
(11:29):
year and have a really long engagement, and the next
thing you know, we're like we're getting married in eight weeks.
Like literally everybody thought I was pregnant, which was not
the case because we hadn't even done it yet. Um,
so probably t am I for you, Hannah, I know
you weren't asking that, but it was just it's just
funny thinking back on literally how many people were like, oh, yeah,
(11:50):
Amy's totally pregnant. This has to be why she's getting
married in eight weeks because we only had been like
from the time we started dating to the time we
got married. It was a six month period. So I
will say it was very quick, and I don't blame
anybody for thinking that, but it just was not the case. Um.
But back to your question about parents, Hannah, is I
(12:12):
I hate that if your families do not get along
or if there's gonna be that tension. I hate that
for you on your special day. So I would just
say that you and your fiancee y'all need to stand
firm and that this is your day and you don't
want anybody to ruin it, and you all need to
just work together as a team to make decisions. And
if different sides of the family have different opinions, you
will gladly hear them out, but ultimately you're going to
(12:34):
make the best decision for you, and you want everybody
to have fun that day. You don't have to be
come across like super selfish, like this is this is
our day, We're gonna do what we want. That's not
what I'm saying at all. You can say like this
is our day and we want it to be super
special and memorable for us, but for everybody. So let's
all try to like put any feelings aside and like
work together to make this like a really special, wonderful day.
(12:56):
Next question is from Bianca. Hey, Amy, I struggle with
heelling people know. I feel really guilty when I actually
do tell people know. But my biggest struggle is telling
my family no. Could you ask him Anderson how to
make it easier to tell family no. I told family
yes so much that I'm currently in a financial bind
because of them. So Bianca actually reached out to Kim
(13:16):
and had her answered this. So I'm gonna read you
back what she wrote to you, and then hopefully this will,
you know, apply to anybody else listening that might be
in a similar situation or struggle with telling people no,
family or not. So here is what Kim wrote. Dear Bianca,
saying no can be excruciating, especially if we have attached
(13:37):
our self worth or value to another's approval or acceptance.
The minute that we put someone else's feelings in place
of our freedom, we are giving away our power and
well being. This goes for family too. You can check
out chapter six in my book Unstuck Kim Anderson dot
Life to find that where I tackle ways to set
healthy boundaries. But the bottom line is before we can
(14:01):
set healthy boundaries, we have to be willing to disappoint people,
which is definitely hard. We can all love each other
and family members well when we consider these two points. One.
Disappointing family is not fun, but it is inevitable. It
is never easy to tell family no. They matter to us,
and the last thing we want to do is disappoint them.
(14:21):
Believe it or not, Though it is an act of
love to force people to take responsibility for their actions,
by people pleasing, we are actually robbing others of the
chance to consider how their actions impact people and to
do the necessary work towards growth. Secondly, healthy people will
respect your boundaries when you set them. If your family
(14:42):
is giving your no pushback and you have done it
kindly and in love, they are the ones who need
to do the work. Ideally, Discussions around boundaries will prompt
conversations that build trust and intimacy, not conversations where you
become the bad person for saying no. Boundaries can be
as easy as this. That doesn't work for me. I
(15:02):
can't lend you the money. I wish I could, but
it's not gonna work for me at this time. I
understand you're disappointed, and I wish it weren't this way.
You are saying no and still being kind. Some people
can't hear no, and you might have to be a
little bit firmer. It's too bad, but it's okay. State
the boundary and then move on. Boundary violators will shame you,
(15:23):
Boundary respecters will embrace you regardless. You are free. So, Bianca,
I hope that that helped with you and your family situation, UM,
and then anybody else that is struggling with being a
yes person and constantly saying yes so much so that
it's like, you know, affecting your life like it is Bianca's.
(15:44):
So that is it for today's Q, and a thank
you for everyone that's submitted questions, and we will be
back on Thursday for a normal four Things episode. If
you want to check out cool Dad items for over
on shop Spoa for Father's Day. Actually today's Tuesday. If
(16:05):
you're listening to this on Tuesday, you might be able
to order in time. But the cool Dead items are
still supporting Project Meta Share in Haiti, so you can
find those at shop Spla dot com, e s p
w a dot com. And again, huge thank you to
everyone that went to buy Pimp and joy Um at
the shop Forward. It's pretty amazing, Like we are just
(16:28):
still in shock that it's in a hundred and sixty
thou dollars. Maybe now while I've been talking to you all,
who knows if it's gone up. I mean, I cannot
wait to update y'all on Scotty's house. I saw a
picture of the land where the house is going to
go the other day, and it's going to be so
amazing to see this house built and see how it's
gonna bless their family, so super cool. I hope you'll
have a great rest of your day whenever you're listening
(16:49):
to this, and I'll talk to you soon.
Welcome to the Fifth Thing. This is the Q and
a episode of the Four Things podcast, and I just
want to thank you all for submitting questions every week
to four Things with Amy Brown at gmail dot com.
I go through them and try to pick some that
maybe a lot of you might have questions to or
you may want to. You know, maybe you hadn't really
(00:20):
thought that you wanted to know the answer to that,
but hopefully it'll be helpful in some way, shape or form.
So just before we get into the questions, I just
wanna say a genuine thank you to anybody that um
bought the Pimp and Joy patriotic line that went on
sale last Friday. We're currently sitting at a hundred and
sixty thousand dollars to donate towards um Scotty's new house
(00:41):
through Building Homes for Heroes. He is a war veteran,
came back from Iraq missing both legs because he lost
them to an I E. D blast, and he's got
a wife and two kids and it's very deserving of
a new a new home, a d A certified home
that he can move around in better. And Pim and Joy,
(01:04):
because of you, we're going to be able to donate
like a crazy amount. This is our biggest campaign yet,
so it's near and dear to my heart. Got super
emotional on Friday when we were about to hit like
a hundred thousand dollars in less than two hours because
it all started with my mom and you know, she
just wanted her cancer to be used for good. And
this is just yet another really cool campaign where um,
(01:26):
people are showing up and they're supporting and maybe you
aren't always able to support Pimp and Joy by buying
what we have, um to go towards the cause, which
of the proceeds do, but um, you decided to choose
joy for yourself or you decide to you know, at
least talk about it on social media or use the
hashtag or just spread joy to others. Like that's you
(01:48):
being a part of the movement. So thank you so much.
First question is from Sarah. I finally got an Apple
Watch and I'm so excited to start using it. I
was wondering if you know when Aaron's next step Bet
challenges and Sarah, it starts June seventeenth, that's the warm
up week, so I would sync up your Apple watching
(02:09):
your phone like all the things with the app like
right away, so that way it can start kind of
tracking because step bet needs to know what what rain
should they put your required steps in, So that's why
they want you to sync up. And the app is
just called step bet app. It's like green with like
a shoe and you've got to go to Aaron Opria's
game and join that and it'll be a lot of fun.
(02:30):
I'll be joining that one as well. So again, warm
up week is June seventeenth, so you've got a week
to sign up in that window and then boom game on.
So that's a lot of fun because you have an opportunity.
You have to pay forty dollars, but you can win
your money and then when everybody else's money that is
in and the challenge that that doesn't make it. The
people that drop out, which I've dropped out before. I've
been a loser, like I've lost my money and somebody else,
(02:53):
somebody else took it. But I've also been a winner
and it feels good. Next question is from gerald Deane. Hey, Amy,
get get right to the point with this one. How
often do you shave your face? So Geraldine, I do
it once or twice a week, which actually you're making
me like touch my face like right now as I'm talking,
and I'm like, huh, yeah, I probably need to go
home and shave my face, which I am obsessed with
(03:15):
the tinkle razors. I know a lot of you ask
like what specifically that I use, And you can find
those on Amazon super easy tinkle just like it sounds,
or you can go to my Amazon page. You can
find that at radio amy dot com and just order those.
You'll get like a colorful pack of like green and
pink and yellow, and I use them like once or
twice and then dispose of them and move on to
(03:36):
the next razor. So it's just a little like quick blade,
which uh, I'm like touching my face right now, which
reminds me that my neck is all out of whack
while I'm recording this right now. So I feel like
I sound really uncomfortable while I'm talking because I'm in
a really uncomfortable position because I just woke up with
like major neck pain and already went to the chiropractor.
(03:57):
It didn't help. Maybe it's still settle ing. I don't know.
I had to like just go to a chiropractor that
I could walk in and I'll be like, help me
because in between some work stuff today and I just
I couldn't look to the left or to the right,
like even while I was driving. It was bad. So
he adjusted me. And you know the funny thing is
like right before he's about to crack my neck, I'm like,
(04:19):
I mean I could die right now, because I know
people die sometimes when they get paralyzed, when they get
their next cracked, Like it's not my favorite thing to
have done, but I just was looking for any sort
of relief that, Like I was like, huh, I'm willing
to risk this, Like yeah, sure, crack my neck. I
might die, but at this point I really don't care.
And now I am like sort of fine, but I
(04:40):
don't know that, Like I'm like trying to turn my
head just to see if it feels any better. And no,
I mean it got my neck cracked and I survived,
but not any better at this point. Next question is
for Cassie. I watched your Beach Waves tutorial with Kelly
from Velvet's Edge, and I'm going to give it a shot.
But what do I do to keep my hair the
(05:01):
style going for the next day while sleeping at night?
Because second day hair is so hard. Well, I definitely
have to sort of freshen up my hair. I don't
have to fully restyle it every day, Cassie, but I
do have to like take my wand maybe make the
curls a little bit fresh in certain spots, or take
my straightener and straighten the tips, because that's a tip
to the beach wave hair is um, you know, curoling
(05:25):
the hair around the wand but don't do the tips,
like keep those straight and make it like loose, messy curls.
And so really when you sleep on it, it it ends
up getting a little bit messier just like adds to
the look. But you may have to freshen it up
in the morning with some dry shampoo, some texturizing spray,
you know, a few little you know, wand motions here
(05:45):
and there. Straightener, but also sleep with a silk pillow
case because that will really help your next day hair.
It will help keep it in place. So if you'll
want to check out that tutorial, it's up. It's on
YouTube Amy Bobby Bone Show. Beach waves, kelly, velvet s
edge like those are all the key words. Um. Next
question is from like a lot of you. So I
(06:06):
just put it all together. I feel like I was
getting a lot of questions about back pain and how
to help combat it because my lower back is always
such a hot mess. Which is ironic that my neck
is in such pain right now, because really I don't
have upper back neck pain issues. This is just a
random day, and I had already I had already selected
(06:26):
this question before I had neck pain. But I was
actually talking to Aaron Opria, my trainer, about it because
things that she tells me to do for my back,
and even my my normal chiropractor, not the one that
I just popped into today, but someone that like spends
more time with me, UM and has helped me with
my back a couple of times. UM. Something that they
(06:48):
talk about all the time is core and making sure
that you are holding your core so tight, not sucking in,
not but but just tight like down below almost like
you're tilting your pelvic area under and tightening up your
core like someone's going to punch you in the stomach.
Like always try to be in that position, whether you're
sitting or walking, working out, running, driving, whatever. UM. And
(07:12):
then obviously let me just preface it with this, like
check with your doctor to find out what the injury is,
because I definitely don't want you to make it worse.
And I'm not an expert here, but these are things
that I do to help relieve my back. So always
make sure my core is tight. I do certain like
yoga flows. You can always google like yoga for back
pain depending on where your back pain is, and they'll
(07:32):
give you certain certain stretches and moves that will help
and get moving. Like sometimes you're just stiff, Like, think
about it, if you've been laying around a lot, or
sitting a lot or driving a lot, could that be
the issue that you just need to get moving? And
then foam rolling is another huge help, Like I love
my phone roller. I need to do it more. In fact,
Aaron gets onto me all the time for not doing more.
(07:54):
But when I do it, I'm like, ah, why do
I know to do? Why do I not do this more?
It feels so good, Like if you do your hamstrings
for me, I feel like my hamstrings and my lower
back pain are totally related. Um, And so when I
foam roll my hamstrings, it does help offer relief in
my back. Um. The little cross ball can do the same.
(08:14):
I kind of lay on it right where my back hurts,
and like rub it in. They're really good if you
can afford or you're able to get like certain sports massages,
that may help. But drink plenty of water so you
can flush out those toxins, especially if they're getting in
there really deep. Tumeric and black pepper are really great
little anti inflammatory concoction. Is not necessarily black pepper, but
(08:36):
the tumeric, but the black pepper activates whatever the tumoric
needs to become more you know, anti inflammatory. But I
will say, if you're eating like a really inflammatory diet,
you can't just add in a few anti inflammatory things
and expect it to be fixed. Like you can't just
throw tumeric and black pepper on a bunch of French
(08:56):
fries and be like, oh, I'm so anti inflammatory right now. Um,
But those are things that that help. And then obviously,
I mean sometimes you might just have to take some leave,
which is really, honestly what I think I'm about to
do for my neck. So next form, Hannah, Hey mean,
(09:21):
my question for you pertains to wedding planning with divorced parents.
How did you go about planning your wedding to avoid
tension between your parents and third divorced, and what would
you recommend to keep the tension low? Um, Okay, I'm
just gonna get to it, Hannah. I feel like I
had a really unique experience, Like when my dad left,
my mom never said anything bad about my dad. They
(09:42):
always were able to get along, even though my dad
left my mom for somebody else, And then that that
somebody else was my stepmom at my wedding, So you
would think like maybe they wouldn't get along. Um, But
years had gone by, and I know that there were moments,
you know that just felt a little bit awkward because
(10:03):
I felt like my mom wanted some things to be
one way, and then maybe my step mom, which I
actually would always sort of refer to her as my
dad's wife because I don't really ever feel like she
stepped in as a mother role to me, which I
know may sound bad, but she just didn't. And in fact,
my dad has since gotten divorced from her, like in
the last I don't know how many years has it been,
(10:26):
less than ten years, um, But she was in my
life since I was eight years old. Eight to thirty something. Yeah,
let's just call it thirty one or so. That's a
long time for her. To be in my life, and
I haven't talked to her since her and my dad
got divorced. Anyway, I will say that my family's pretty
(10:47):
easy going though, so I can't offer you a lot
of advice. If your divorce parents have tension, I will
say something that you can just share with them is like, hey, guys,
this is my day. This isn't about you, This isn't
about any tension that you I have, but this is
about what I want to happen. And then also, fun fact,
I planned my wedding in like six weeks, so maybe
(11:09):
eight I guess it was like eight weeks felt like six,
but um so I just had to make quick decisions,
like nobody had time to kind of, you know, really
put in their opinion because we just had to do
what we needed to do to get it done. And
my husband was like going overseas to Afghanistan, so our
wedding kept getting pushed up and pushed up, and we
moved it. We were going to like wait like a
(11:29):
year and have a really long engagement, and the next
thing you know, we're like we're getting married in eight weeks.
Like literally everybody thought I was pregnant, which was not
the case because we hadn't even done it yet. Um,
so probably t am I for you, Hannah, I know
you weren't asking that, but it was just it's just
funny thinking back on literally how many people were like, oh, yeah,
(11:50):
Amy's totally pregnant. This has to be why she's getting
married in eight weeks because we only had been like
from the time we started dating to the time we
got married. It was a six month period. So I
will say it was very quick, and I don't blame
anybody for thinking that, but it just was not the case. Um.
But back to your question about parents, Hannah, is I
(12:12):
I hate that if your families do not get along
or if there's gonna be that tension. I hate that
for you on your special day. So I would just
say that you and your fiancee y'all need to stand
firm and that this is your day and you don't
want anybody to ruin it, and you all need to
just work together as a team to make decisions. And
if different sides of the family have different opinions, you
will gladly hear them out, but ultimately you're going to
(12:34):
make the best decision for you, and you want everybody
to have fun that day. You don't have to be
come across like super selfish, like this is this is
our day, We're gonna do what we want. That's not
what I'm saying at all. You can say like this
is our day and we want it to be super
special and memorable for us, but for everybody. So let's
all try to like put any feelings aside and like
work together to make this like a really special, wonderful day.
(12:56):
Next question is from Bianca. Hey, Amy, I struggle with
heelling people know. I feel really guilty when I actually
do tell people know. But my biggest struggle is telling
my family no. Could you ask him Anderson how to
make it easier to tell family no. I told family
yes so much that I'm currently in a financial bind
because of them. So Bianca actually reached out to Kim
(13:16):
and had her answered this. So I'm gonna read you
back what she wrote to you, and then hopefully this will,
you know, apply to anybody else listening that might be
in a similar situation or struggle with telling people no,
family or not. So here is what Kim wrote. Dear Bianca,
saying no can be excruciating, especially if we have attached
(13:37):
our self worth or value to another's approval or acceptance.
The minute that we put someone else's feelings in place
of our freedom, we are giving away our power and
well being. This goes for family too. You can check
out chapter six in my book Unstuck Kim Anderson dot
Life to find that where I tackle ways to set
healthy boundaries. But the bottom line is before we can
(14:01):
set healthy boundaries, we have to be willing to disappoint people,
which is definitely hard. We can all love each other
and family members well when we consider these two points. One.
Disappointing family is not fun, but it is inevitable. It
is never easy to tell family no. They matter to us,
and the last thing we want to do is disappoint them.
(14:21):
Believe it or not, Though it is an act of
love to force people to take responsibility for their actions,
by people pleasing, we are actually robbing others of the
chance to consider how their actions impact people and to
do the necessary work towards growth. Secondly, healthy people will
respect your boundaries when you set them. If your family
(14:42):
is giving your no pushback and you have done it
kindly and in love, they are the ones who need
to do the work. Ideally, Discussions around boundaries will prompt
conversations that build trust and intimacy, not conversations where you
become the bad person for saying no. Boundaries can be
as easy as this. That doesn't work for me. I
(15:02):
can't lend you the money. I wish I could, but
it's not gonna work for me at this time. I
understand you're disappointed, and I wish it weren't this way.
You are saying no and still being kind. Some people
can't hear no, and you might have to be a
little bit firmer. It's too bad, but it's okay. State
the boundary and then move on. Boundary violators will shame you,
(15:23):
Boundary respecters will embrace you regardless. You are free. So, Bianca,
I hope that that helped with you and your family situation, UM,
and then anybody else that is struggling with being a
yes person and constantly saying yes so much so that
it's like, you know, affecting your life like it is Bianca's.
(15:44):
So that is it for today's Q, and a thank
you for everyone that's submitted questions, and we will be
back on Thursday for a normal four Things episode. If
you want to check out cool Dad items for over
on shop Spoa for Father's Day. Actually today's Tuesday. If
(16:05):
you're listening to this on Tuesday, you might be able
to order in time. But the cool Dead items are
still supporting Project Meta Share in Haiti, so you can
find those at shop Spla dot com, e s p
w a dot com. And again, huge thank you to
everyone that went to buy Pimp and joy Um at
the shop Forward. It's pretty amazing, Like we are just
(16:28):
still in shock that it's in a hundred and sixty
thou dollars. Maybe now while I've been talking to you all,
who knows if it's gone up. I mean, I cannot
wait to update y'all on Scotty's house. I saw a
picture of the land where the house is going to
go the other day, and it's going to be so
amazing to see this house built and see how it's
gonna bless their family, so super cool. I hope you'll
have a great rest of your day whenever you're listening
(16:49):
to this, and I'll talk to you soon.
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