October 19, 2024 • 20 mins
OUTWEIGH: Have you ever found yourself making promise after promise to “start fresh on Monday” or “stick to your plan this time,” only to fall off track again and again? If so, you’re not alone—and today’s episode of Outweigh is for you. In this powerful episode, Leanne Ellington tackles the struggle that so many women face: breaking the cycle of broken promises and learning how to rebuild self-trust.
Leanne opens up about her own journey and explains how every broken promise and failed diet creates memories that get locked into your brain, forming a self-fulfilling prophecy of failure and eroding your trust in yourself. This cycle isn’t just about food or exercise—it’s about the emotional weight you carry when you feel like you can’t follow through.
Tune in as Leanne shares why typical diet and fitness plans fall short: they address the surface-level symptoms but not the root cause—your brain’s wiring and self-image. It’s not about “fixing” yourself—it’s about transforming your self-image and rewiring your brain for sustainable success and self-trust.
HOST: Leanne Ellington // StresslessEating.com // @leanneellington
To learn more about re-wiring your brain to heal from the all-or-nothing diet mentality for good....but WITHOUT restricting yourself, punishing your body, (and definitely WITHOUT ever having to use words like macros, low-carb, or calorie burn) check out Leanne's FREE Stressless Eating Webinar @ www.StresslessEating.com
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
I won't let my body out be outwait everything that
I'm made, don't won't spend my life trying to change.
Speaker 2 (00:08):
I'm learning love who I am.
Speaker 1 (00:11):
Again, Stan, I feel free, I know everybody me It's
beautiful and that will always out way if you feel it.
Speaker 2 (00:24):
But she'll some love to the vio. Why get there?
Speaker 1 (00:28):
Say God day and did you and die out way?
Speaker 2 (00:35):
Happy Saturday, out wagh It's leanne here and I'm so
excited to be back with you for another episode of Outweigh.
And so the title of today's episode is breaking the
cycle of broken promises and reclaiming your self trust. And
that's why if we want to talk about that and
learn how to do that, we actually have to start
with something else that is incredibly important for you to
(00:56):
understand about yourself. And it's something that I have to
walk through with everything one of my clients and the
work that I do. But it's this idea of why
you stopped trusting yourself in the first place, like where
did that trust and integrity get broken? And then how
to earn back or repair that trust in integrity. And so,
if you've ever felt like you're stuck in this loop
where you make promises to yourself and then you break them,
(01:18):
or maybe you've just straight up stopped believing in yourself
altogether and stop making them all together. Then this episode
is definitely for you. Now, I want to ask you something,
and I want you to be really, really honest with
yourself here, But I want you to picture the last
time that you started a new diet, a plan, a program,
a motivation challenge, a journal challenge, a Bible study, whatever
it is, you committed to something right, and at first
(01:40):
you were all in, you were super motivated, excited, and
you're like, this is it. This time' is gonna be different.
I'm going to do it. But then deep down, somewhere
in the back of your mind, there's this little voice
that saying, like, who are you kidding? You've done this before,
it didn't work. What makes this time any different? And
so if that sounds familiar, I called that voice the
(02:00):
never gonna voice, and it's the voice that says, you're
never gonna stick with this, You're never gonna lose the weight,
you're never gonna change, you're never gonna heal from whatever
disorder is in your brain. And so here's the thing
about that voice. It can be so subtle, but once
it's there, it starts to eat away at your confidence
and your motivation and most importantly, your trust in yourself.
(02:22):
And so that's the real issue. It's not about the
food or the exercise or the thirty day challenge, right,
It's about your trust in yourself. And so you've most
likely lost trust in yourself because over the years you've
broken promises to yourself. And I'll be real with you.
I lived this struggle for years, right, and every time
i'd start a new plan, I tell myself, Yeah, this
(02:43):
time it's gonna be different. And honestly, you know what,
sometimes it was different, right, It was different for a
little while. It felt so different, But eventually I'd find
myself right back in the same place and breaking my promises,
you know, skipping the workout, binge in on food, whatever
it was, and then feel like a total failure because
I was either all in or I was all out.
There was no middle ground. And there was this one
(03:05):
time that sticks out in my memory. And these are
not my finer days, right. Remember, I was in the
heat of my disorder, but I just finished this strict
diet that lasted about twelve weeks and I had lost
a lot of weight. It was rapid, like something like
fifteen pounds, which is very rapid for that amount of
time in my opinion, don't recommend that you do it
that way. But anyways, on the outside, you know, people
were telling me how great I looked, and on the
(03:27):
inside I was miserable. Like not only was I not happy,
but you know, also duh, I mean you've been there.
I was starving, right, both physically starving and emotionally starving.
But also I knew deep down that the way I
was living wasn't sustainable. Like I knew it in my
head that, like I something, the other shoe was going
to drop at some point, right, So then guess what
happened after you know, that twelve week initial period, I
(03:48):
started slowly slipping, And you know, first it was I'd
stopped going to a workout here or there, and then
it was just a little treat that turned into that
full on binge, and before I knew it, I had
literally gained back all the weight I had lost and
then some right, because there's always interest that comes alongside
that rebound, and the worst part about that it was
like this was just more evidence that I couldn't trust
(04:08):
myself right, Like I didn't trust myself to ever keep
my promises. I didn't trust myself to be able to
like keep the weight off. So then it got to
that point like why would I even try?
Speaker 1 (04:17):
Right?
Speaker 2 (04:17):
And then I totally felt like a fraud. And that's
in the midst of all of the disorder that's going
on in my brain. And so here's the really sneaky
thing that happens. When we keep breaking promises to ourselves,
we start to expect failure. It's like our brain goes,
why even try? You know you're gonna mess this up again,
And it becomes this vicious cycle and really a self
fulfilling prophecy where every new plan or goal is doomed
(04:40):
before it even starts. And that's why so many of
us stop trusting ourselves. And then that lack of trust
is what makes us feel defeated before we even begin.
And I see this all the time with the women
I work with. They come to me and they're like, len,
I just can't trust myself anymore. Like I say I'm
going to do something, but they never follow through or
they just assume that they're totally broken in a lost
(05:01):
cause and that's a really, really painful place to be.
It's like, if you can't even trust yourself, or if
you feel like you're fatally flawed, how can you expect
to change anything? And here's where I really want to
dig in, because this just isn't about food or exercise
or sticking to a plan. It's about what I like
to call the weight of the weight. You've heard me
talk about it a lot, right, And I don't mean
(05:23):
it by this physical weight on your body. I'm talking
about the emotional weight, the mental load that we carry
around from all of those broken promises to ourselves and
all of those failed you know, plans or programs or
you know, quick hatch schemes, right, and then the weight
and the emotional weight of all of that negative self
talk and criticism. And so for me, the weight of
the weight was all those voices in my head saying
(05:44):
things like Leanne, you're a failure in a disappointment and
it wasn't conscious, it was subconscious, right, or saying like
you're never going to actually address this, this is going
to be like all the other times, or you know,
the fatal like dramatic one is like, this is just
how it's going to be the rest of your life,
like why bother? And it wasn't just about a number
on the scale, right, It was about how I was
feeling about myself and that emotional weight it is just
(06:08):
as heavy, if not heavier, than the physical weight. And
the longer we carry that around, the more we lose
trust in ourselves. Now, let's talk a little bit about
what's happening in your brain when this trust gets eroded. Okay,
so every time you make a promise to yourself and
you don't keep it, your brain creates a memory, Okay,
it remembers that you don't follow through. And so over time,
(06:30):
these memories start to build up and become a part
of your identity. And so instead of being someone who
can stick to a plan and achieve their goals, you
start to believe you're someone who always quits and someone
who never follows through. And then once that belief is
locked into your brain, it becomes this self fulfilling prophecy.
And so every time you start something new, your brain
(06:53):
is already expecting failure, so it is no surprise when
you fall off track. But here's the good news. You
hand rewire your brain. You can change those beliefs and
you can earn back your own trust. And it's not
a quick fix, but it's absolutely possible and one thousand
percent absolutely worth it. So how do you actually start
(07:14):
to rebuild that trust in yourself? And of course, again
I have to make the disclaimer that this episode is
not a substitute or a quick fix. Right, this is
the kind of stuff that I work intensively with my
clients for about sixteen weeks to rewire. But I just
want to start planting seeds in your brain, okay. And
the first thing you need to do is start small.
And I know that sounds almost too simple, but just
(07:36):
stay here with me for a minute. You know we
want you to start small and more importantly, make it sustainable, okay,
And so you don't need to go all in with
some crazy restrictive plan or set these massive goals that
feel overwhelming. Instead, I invite you to pick something small.
Maybe it's drinking an extra glass of water each day,
or maybe it's committing to moving your body in a
way that's therapeutic rather than punishment driven for just five
(07:58):
minutes a day. Right, most people are like, oh, I'll
do thirty sixty minutes, Like no, just start with five
a day, right, and earn back your own trust. Witness
yourself showing up for those five minutes. The point is
to pick something so doable that you know you can
stick with it, and something that moves you. Again, like
what you're committing to is just as important as like
how much of it. Make sure it's something that's moving
you towards healing, not away from it, not towards a
(08:20):
quick fix or some weight loss or like a band
aid over the problem, like moving towards healing right for
five minutes a day, right. And so for me, when
I started rebuilding my trust, I made a promise to
myself that I would just walk for ten minutes every
day minimum, because who I was in that moment, I
thought that I had to like walk for thirty or
sixty minutes at maximum, and like you know, force myself
to do it. And I'm like, okay, sometimes I only
(08:42):
have five or ten minutes, right, So it's like, okay,
find ten minute blocks, not thirty, not an hour, just ten.
And that was it. And it wasn't hardcore workouts, and
it wasn't a strict diet, just a ten minute walk.
But then here's the kicker. Right, if I wanted to
do more than ten minutes, I could, But now anything
more than that ten minutes was out of choice, not
because I was forcing myself. And more importantly, I could
(09:03):
go witness myself really being the version of myself keeping
a promise to myself. And guess what, every day that
I kept that promise, my trust in myself grew a
little bit stronger. The next thing is to build on
those small wins. So once you start keeping those small promises,
I want you to celebrate them, right, acknowledge that you
followed through. Each small win is like this deposit into
(09:25):
yourself es same bank account, And over time those small
wins start to add up and eventually you'll be ready
to take on bigger goals. But the key is to
build that trust gradually. But again, if you wait for
those massive wins to celebrate, you're gonna get desensitized and
really rob yourself of earning back that self trust factor.
So as you're experiencing yourself winning these small wins, you've
(09:47):
got to celebrate them. You've got to acknowledge them, you know,
even just like thank you for becoming the version of
myself that follows through on her word, like thank you
little teeny promise that you did that five minute walk
that you just did, like thank the activity, honor your right.
It's really huge. Number Three is to change the story
that you're telling yourself. And so this is a big one, right,
So that's always my disclaimer, Like we can't get it
(10:08):
all into it here today. But if you keep telling
yourself I'm a failure or I can't stick with anything,
then guess what, You're gonna believe it. And so you've
got to start changing the narrative instead of you know,
I'm somebody who always quits. Just even as simple as
telling yourself like I'm learning to trust myself again, not
even saying like I am trustworthy, because that might feel
like a lie to you right now you're like, actually,
(10:29):
I'm not right. But if you say like, hey, I'm
learning how to trust myself again, that's not a lie, right,
Or hey, I'm committed to showing up for myself every
single day in some small way, right, like beliefs like that.
It's like small ways, just every single day consistency and
these things, I'll be honest, they might feel awkward at first,
but the more you practice, the more natural it becomes
(10:50):
and this belief stuff again is the kind of stuff
that you know, I spend months working on this with
my client. So it's not a quick fix. But this
is simply about awareness and starting to change the narrative.
And even if you just find one new belief, for example,
that I'm learning to trust myself again belief and you
just practice that, it will become more and more who
you are and how you think, because it's not a lie.
It meets you where in your truth of who you
(11:10):
want to be. The next one is a big one.
I say that about all of them, right, but it's
to stop comparing yourself to others. And so this is
where social media can really mess with our heads. And
you know, or even go to a family picnic can
mess with your head, right. So we see people who
seem to have it all together, and then we start
comparing our journey to theirs, right, But the truth is
(11:33):
everyone's journey is different and what works for someone else
might not work for you, and that's okay, you know,
so just really focus on your own progress, your wins,
and let go of the comparison trap. And the other
thing too, is like I mean, I know this from
the thick of my disordered eating, Like when I would,
you know, see, people would probably see my body and
be like, oh my gosh, like I'm so proud of her,
or so happy for her, so jealous that she lost
(11:54):
the weight, right whatever we're thinking in the mind, in
our minds, like I've been happy for people, jealous of people,
and all the things of people at different times depending
on where I was. But all that's to say, like
the drastic weight loss that I had, I'm sure people
were like, what is she doing? How is she doing it?
But it's like if only they knew on the inside
the horror and the tearor and the disorder going on,
and they were comparing their version of heaven to my
(12:16):
version of present day. Do you know what I'm saying.
It's like, so we just never know what's going on
in somebody's heart and inside their mind. And that's why,
like it's not just about us not comparing ourselves to others.
It's like not being something that other people compare themselves
to either. It's like I'm just not playing the comparisonitis game.
It's not that I'm you know, judging you for playing it.
I'm just not playing right, and so focusing on your
(12:38):
own progress and your own wins and letting go of
the comparison trap, like just staying in your own lane. Gosh,
that's one of the biggest pieces of advice I would do.
And like, if social media is a weapon, like just
I would audit. I would really audit your time and
who you're following and all the things, right, And that's
really one of the hardest things for my clients to
actually learn to stop comparing themselves to others, because you know,
(12:59):
they come to me and they tell me that they'd
scroll through their feed and they're like seeing people who
seem to have it all together and you know, eating
perfectly or working out every day and looking like they
had zero struggles with food or body image. And one
of the things I would coach them on is like
that's why I'm like, it's so important, Like who are
you following? Like do you really want to be following
somebody that is obsessing over their macros and you know,
the calories that they're burning on the exercise when you're
(13:21):
on a healing journey for your heart, right, So like
just auditing that and following people, so now they're following
like you know, spiritual teachers or motivational speakers or whatever
it is, people that really inspire them, like creativity, like
people that are you know, focus on creativity. Like I say,
I hear all of my clients like who they're following
now versus who they were following when we first met,
and I'm like, oh my gosh, that's amazing. So at
(13:41):
least your feed is in a way where you're you're
again not playing the comparison game, but you're also in
a different reality when you are on social media, right.
And so once they stop comparing themselves to others, they
begin to notice something else though, right, that they are
showing up for themselves in small, consistent ways, because again
it's about building their own trust in their self. And
(14:02):
so little by little they started to believe in themselves
again because they're focusing on who they're being and who
they want to be versus what everyone else is doing
in the online world, right, And they feel that shift
happening inside of them. And then instead again, of course,
in the background, we're talking about promises made, Like instead
of making these huge, unsustainable, grandiose goals that they'll eventually break,
they're now setting realistic achievable promises and actually following through, right,
(14:25):
And so it happens in unison. And so here's something
I really want you to take away from today. Okay,
the stories that you tell yourself absolutely matter. And I
don't want to say like they matter the most, but
I almost want to say they matter the most because
if you keep telling yourself like I'm a failure or
I can't do this, your brain is going to believe
it and can keep believing it. And it's like when
you've been driving down that same road over and over
(14:47):
and over again. You know exactly where the turns are
and you know the potholes, and you could probably drive
it with your eyes closed, right. And that's what happens
with the stories that we repeat to ourselves. They become
so ingrained that they start to feel like facts. They
start to feel like they are evidence, even though they're
just stories that we've made up along the way. But
here's the good news. You can rewrite those stories. It's
(15:09):
not easy and it takes time, but it's absolutely possible.
And so instead of saying I'm going to always struggle
with this, or I'm never gonna stick with anything, or
I'm doomed try telling yourself a new story. Start with
something like, hey, again, I'm learning to trust myself or
I'm committed to earning back my own trust, right and again.
At first, your brain is going to resist, potentially, and
(15:31):
it might say, yeah, right, who are you kidding? Because
you're human, right, That's what the brain does, and it
makes sense because you don't trust yourself, so I would
be shocked if you didn't have that Yeah, but objection. Okay,
But the more you really connect and practice these new stories,
the more your brain will start to believe them, and
eventually those new stories become your reality. But it's so
(15:55):
important to make sure that the new story you're telling
yourself meets you in your doubt and does not constitute
lying to yourself, because your self image will always know,
and if you're lying to yourself or you don't believe it,
your self image will know. Okay, So I wanted just
leave you with a few more practical steps you can
start to take rebuilding your trust in yourself again. And
these are things that have helped me and their strategies
(16:17):
I teach my clients every day, so you know, keeping
promises small and realistic. So, like I mentioned earlier, start
with small promises that you know you can keep. Maybe
it's something as simple as waking up five minutes earlier
to sneak in five minutes of bed relaxing or stretching,
or journaling or meditating. Right, the key is to set
yourself up for success, and each time you keep a promise,
no matter how small, it's a win for self trust. Remember,
(16:40):
give yourself credit for the wins. Don't brush off your
small wins. If you kept a promise to yourself, celebrate it. Right.
And I couldn't tell you who the coach was, but
I once heard about an interview with a two time
Super Bowl champion coach and they asked what happened to
the third one and why they didn't win the third
super Bowl. His answer was, we stop celebrating all the
(17:01):
wins that were not the super Bowl. They got desensitized
and they stop celebrating their wins. And so I know
it sounds cheesy, but even just saying to yourself, hey,
I'm proud of myself that I showed up for me
today can make a huge difference over time, and over time,
these small acknowledgments build you up and you start to
feel more confident in your ability to follow through, okay,
(17:23):
and then break the cycle of that all or nothing thinking, Like,
one of the biggest mistakes we make is thinking that
if we mess up once, it's all over. And so
we fall into this all or nothing trap where if
we don't do something perfectly, we think we failed. But
life isn't all or nothing. It's about progress, not perfection.
And so if you slip up, that doesn't mean that
you've broken trust with yourself. It just means that you're human.
(17:45):
And so the important thing is just to get back
on track with what you've committed to and keep going.
And then, of course I want to invite you to
reframe your setbacks as learning opportunities. And so instead of
seeing a setback as proof that are more proof, I
should say that you're a failure or start looking at
it as a chance to learn something about yourself again,
getting curious and asking yourself, like, what can I learn
(18:07):
from this and how can I approach it differently next time.
This way, setbacks actually become lessons and opportunities for growth,
not just another reason to go beat yourself up. Okay,
And so let me just say this, rebuilding trust in
yourself it is a journey, and it's not something that
happens overnight, and it's not something you can just check
off a to do list. But every time you show
(18:28):
up for yourself, even in the smallest of ways, you're
building that trust muscle. And the more you practice, the
stronger it gets. And so I want to encourage you
to just start today, like, pick one small thing, just one,
and commit to it and keep that promise to yourself,
and then celebrate it and then do it again tomorrow.
Right like, little by little, day by day, you'll start
(18:48):
to rebuild that trust and before you know it, you'll
look back and realize how far you've come. So that
is it for today. And I hope this episode gave
you some clarity and maybe even a few tools you
can start using to rebuild your trust in yourself. And
if you've been feeling stuck or like you've lost faith
in your ability to follow through, just know that you
can turn that around. It starts with those small, doable
(19:12):
promises and changing the story that you're telling yourself. And
if you want to learn more about how I teach
my clients to really rewire their brain, turn off all
that food obsession and rewire it for peace and freedom.
Then head on over to stresslesseeding dot com and sign
up to watch the Stressless Eating sneak preview, where I've
literally peeled back the curtain and walked you through the
(19:32):
exact strategy I teach my clients to heal themselves from
the all or nothing diet mentality for good, but without
restricting themselves, punishing their bodies, and definitely without ever having
to use words like macros, low carb or calorie burn.
It's there for you to access over at stressless seeding
dot com and if you like outweigh, I actually have
(19:54):
another podcast here on iHeart where I talk about all
of this self image and body image stuff, but from
the perspective of where brain science intersects faith. It's called
What's God Got to Do with It? And you can
access it here on iHeart or wherever you get your podcasts.
So that's it for today. I'm Leah Ellington and I'll
talk to you soon.
I won't let my body out be outwait everything that
I'm made, don't won't spend my life trying to change.
Speaker 2 (00:08):
I'm learning love who I am.
Speaker 1 (00:11):
Again, Stan, I feel free, I know everybody me It's
beautiful and that will always out way if you feel it.
Speaker 2 (00:24):
But she'll some love to the vio. Why get there?
Speaker 1 (00:28):
Say God day and did you and die out way?
Speaker 2 (00:35):
Happy Saturday, out wagh It's leanne here and I'm so
excited to be back with you for another episode of Outweigh.
And so the title of today's episode is breaking the
cycle of broken promises and reclaiming your self trust. And
that's why if we want to talk about that and
learn how to do that, we actually have to start
with something else that is incredibly important for you to
(00:56):
understand about yourself. And it's something that I have to
walk through with everything one of my clients and the
work that I do. But it's this idea of why
you stopped trusting yourself in the first place, like where
did that trust and integrity get broken? And then how
to earn back or repair that trust in integrity. And so,
if you've ever felt like you're stuck in this loop
where you make promises to yourself and then you break them,
(01:18):
or maybe you've just straight up stopped believing in yourself
altogether and stop making them all together. Then this episode
is definitely for you. Now, I want to ask you something,
and I want you to be really, really honest with
yourself here, But I want you to picture the last
time that you started a new diet, a plan, a program,
a motivation challenge, a journal challenge, a Bible study, whatever
it is, you committed to something right, and at first
(01:40):
you were all in, you were super motivated, excited, and
you're like, this is it. This time' is gonna be different.
I'm going to do it. But then deep down, somewhere
in the back of your mind, there's this little voice
that saying, like, who are you kidding? You've done this before,
it didn't work. What makes this time any different? And
so if that sounds familiar, I called that voice the
(02:00):
never gonna voice, and it's the voice that says, you're
never gonna stick with this, You're never gonna lose the weight,
you're never gonna change, you're never gonna heal from whatever
disorder is in your brain. And so here's the thing
about that voice. It can be so subtle, but once
it's there, it starts to eat away at your confidence
and your motivation and most importantly, your trust in yourself.
(02:22):
And so that's the real issue. It's not about the
food or the exercise or the thirty day challenge, right,
It's about your trust in yourself. And so you've most
likely lost trust in yourself because over the years you've
broken promises to yourself. And I'll be real with you.
I lived this struggle for years, right, and every time
i'd start a new plan, I tell myself, Yeah, this
(02:43):
time it's gonna be different. And honestly, you know what,
sometimes it was different, right, It was different for a
little while. It felt so different, But eventually I'd find
myself right back in the same place and breaking my promises,
you know, skipping the workout, binge in on food, whatever
it was, and then feel like a total failure because
I was either all in or I was all out.
There was no middle ground. And there was this one
(03:05):
time that sticks out in my memory. And these are
not my finer days, right. Remember, I was in the
heat of my disorder, but I just finished this strict
diet that lasted about twelve weeks and I had lost
a lot of weight. It was rapid, like something like
fifteen pounds, which is very rapid for that amount of
time in my opinion, don't recommend that you do it
that way. But anyways, on the outside, you know, people
were telling me how great I looked, and on the
(03:27):
inside I was miserable. Like not only was I not happy,
but you know, also duh, I mean you've been there.
I was starving, right, both physically starving and emotionally starving.
But also I knew deep down that the way I
was living wasn't sustainable. Like I knew it in my
head that, like I something, the other shoe was going
to drop at some point, right, So then guess what
happened after you know, that twelve week initial period, I
(03:48):
started slowly slipping, And you know, first it was I'd
stopped going to a workout here or there, and then
it was just a little treat that turned into that
full on binge, and before I knew it, I had
literally gained back all the weight I had lost and
then some right, because there's always interest that comes alongside
that rebound, and the worst part about that it was
like this was just more evidence that I couldn't trust
(04:08):
myself right, Like I didn't trust myself to ever keep
my promises. I didn't trust myself to be able to
like keep the weight off. So then it got to
that point like why would I even try?
Speaker 1 (04:17):
Right?
Speaker 2 (04:17):
And then I totally felt like a fraud. And that's
in the midst of all of the disorder that's going
on in my brain. And so here's the really sneaky
thing that happens. When we keep breaking promises to ourselves,
we start to expect failure. It's like our brain goes,
why even try? You know you're gonna mess this up again,
And it becomes this vicious cycle and really a self
fulfilling prophecy where every new plan or goal is doomed
(04:40):
before it even starts. And that's why so many of
us stop trusting ourselves. And then that lack of trust
is what makes us feel defeated before we even begin.
And I see this all the time with the women
I work with. They come to me and they're like, len,
I just can't trust myself anymore. Like I say I'm
going to do something, but they never follow through or
they just assume that they're totally broken in a lost
(05:01):
cause and that's a really, really painful place to be.
It's like, if you can't even trust yourself, or if
you feel like you're fatally flawed, how can you expect
to change anything? And here's where I really want to
dig in, because this just isn't about food or exercise
or sticking to a plan. It's about what I like
to call the weight of the weight. You've heard me
talk about it a lot, right, And I don't mean
(05:23):
it by this physical weight on your body. I'm talking
about the emotional weight, the mental load that we carry
around from all of those broken promises to ourselves and
all of those failed you know, plans or programs or
you know, quick hatch schemes, right, and then the weight
and the emotional weight of all of that negative self
talk and criticism. And so for me, the weight of
the weight was all those voices in my head saying
(05:44):
things like Leanne, you're a failure in a disappointment and
it wasn't conscious, it was subconscious, right, or saying like
you're never going to actually address this, this is going
to be like all the other times, or you know,
the fatal like dramatic one is like, this is just
how it's going to be the rest of your life,
like why bother? And it wasn't just about a number
on the scale, right, It was about how I was
feeling about myself and that emotional weight it is just
(06:08):
as heavy, if not heavier, than the physical weight. And
the longer we carry that around, the more we lose
trust in ourselves. Now, let's talk a little bit about
what's happening in your brain when this trust gets eroded. Okay,
so every time you make a promise to yourself and
you don't keep it, your brain creates a memory, Okay,
it remembers that you don't follow through. And so over time,
(06:30):
these memories start to build up and become a part
of your identity. And so instead of being someone who
can stick to a plan and achieve their goals, you
start to believe you're someone who always quits and someone
who never follows through. And then once that belief is
locked into your brain, it becomes this self fulfilling prophecy.
And so every time you start something new, your brain
(06:53):
is already expecting failure, so it is no surprise when
you fall off track. But here's the good news. You
hand rewire your brain. You can change those beliefs and
you can earn back your own trust. And it's not
a quick fix, but it's absolutely possible and one thousand
percent absolutely worth it. So how do you actually start
(07:14):
to rebuild that trust in yourself? And of course, again
I have to make the disclaimer that this episode is
not a substitute or a quick fix. Right, this is
the kind of stuff that I work intensively with my
clients for about sixteen weeks to rewire. But I just
want to start planting seeds in your brain, okay. And
the first thing you need to do is start small.
And I know that sounds almost too simple, but just
(07:36):
stay here with me for a minute. You know we
want you to start small and more importantly, make it sustainable, okay,
And so you don't need to go all in with
some crazy restrictive plan or set these massive goals that
feel overwhelming. Instead, I invite you to pick something small.
Maybe it's drinking an extra glass of water each day,
or maybe it's committing to moving your body in a
way that's therapeutic rather than punishment driven for just five
(07:58):
minutes a day. Right, most people are like, oh, I'll
do thirty sixty minutes, Like no, just start with five
a day, right, and earn back your own trust. Witness
yourself showing up for those five minutes. The point is
to pick something so doable that you know you can
stick with it, and something that moves you. Again, like
what you're committing to is just as important as like
how much of it. Make sure it's something that's moving
you towards healing, not away from it, not towards a
(08:20):
quick fix or some weight loss or like a band
aid over the problem, like moving towards healing right for
five minutes a day, right. And so for me, when
I started rebuilding my trust, I made a promise to
myself that I would just walk for ten minutes every
day minimum, because who I was in that moment, I
thought that I had to like walk for thirty or
sixty minutes at maximum, and like you know, force myself
to do it. And I'm like, okay, sometimes I only
(08:42):
have five or ten minutes, right, So it's like, okay,
find ten minute blocks, not thirty, not an hour, just ten.
And that was it. And it wasn't hardcore workouts, and
it wasn't a strict diet, just a ten minute walk.
But then here's the kicker. Right, if I wanted to
do more than ten minutes, I could, But now anything
more than that ten minutes was out of choice, not
because I was forcing myself. And more importantly, I could
(09:03):
go witness myself really being the version of myself keeping
a promise to myself. And guess what, every day that
I kept that promise, my trust in myself grew a
little bit stronger. The next thing is to build on
those small wins. So once you start keeping those small promises,
I want you to celebrate them, right, acknowledge that you
followed through. Each small win is like this deposit into
(09:25):
yourself es same bank account, And over time those small
wins start to add up and eventually you'll be ready
to take on bigger goals. But the key is to
build that trust gradually. But again, if you wait for
those massive wins to celebrate, you're gonna get desensitized and
really rob yourself of earning back that self trust factor.
So as you're experiencing yourself winning these small wins, you've
(09:47):
got to celebrate them. You've got to acknowledge them, you know,
even just like thank you for becoming the version of
myself that follows through on her word, like thank you
little teeny promise that you did that five minute walk
that you just did, like thank the activity, honor your right.
It's really huge. Number Three is to change the story
that you're telling yourself. And so this is a big one, right,
So that's always my disclaimer, Like we can't get it
(10:08):
all into it here today. But if you keep telling
yourself I'm a failure or I can't stick with anything,
then guess what, You're gonna believe it. And so you've
got to start changing the narrative instead of you know,
I'm somebody who always quits. Just even as simple as
telling yourself like I'm learning to trust myself again, not
even saying like I am trustworthy, because that might feel
like a lie to you right now you're like, actually,
(10:29):
I'm not right. But if you say like, hey, I'm
learning how to trust myself again, that's not a lie, right,
Or hey, I'm committed to showing up for myself every
single day in some small way, right, like beliefs like that.
It's like small ways, just every single day consistency and
these things, I'll be honest, they might feel awkward at first,
but the more you practice, the more natural it becomes
(10:50):
and this belief stuff again is the kind of stuff
that you know, I spend months working on this with
my client. So it's not a quick fix. But this
is simply about awareness and starting to change the narrative.
And even if you just find one new belief, for example,
that I'm learning to trust myself again belief and you
just practice that, it will become more and more who
you are and how you think, because it's not a lie.
It meets you where in your truth of who you
(11:10):
want to be. The next one is a big one.
I say that about all of them, right, but it's
to stop comparing yourself to others. And so this is
where social media can really mess with our heads. And
you know, or even go to a family picnic can
mess with your head, right. So we see people who
seem to have it all together, and then we start
comparing our journey to theirs, right, But the truth is
(11:33):
everyone's journey is different and what works for someone else
might not work for you, and that's okay, you know,
so just really focus on your own progress, your wins,
and let go of the comparison trap. And the other
thing too, is like I mean, I know this from
the thick of my disordered eating, Like when I would,
you know, see, people would probably see my body and
be like, oh my gosh, like I'm so proud of her,
or so happy for her, so jealous that she lost
(11:54):
the weight, right whatever we're thinking in the mind, in
our minds, like I've been happy for people, jealous of people,
and all the things of people at different times depending
on where I was. But all that's to say, like
the drastic weight loss that I had, I'm sure people
were like, what is she doing? How is she doing it?
But it's like if only they knew on the inside
the horror and the tearor and the disorder going on,
and they were comparing their version of heaven to my
(12:16):
version of present day. Do you know what I'm saying.
It's like, so we just never know what's going on
in somebody's heart and inside their mind. And that's why,
like it's not just about us not comparing ourselves to others.
It's like not being something that other people compare themselves
to either. It's like I'm just not playing the comparisonitis game.
It's not that I'm you know, judging you for playing it.
I'm just not playing right, and so focusing on your
(12:38):
own progress and your own wins and letting go of
the comparison trap, like just staying in your own lane. Gosh,
that's one of the biggest pieces of advice I would do.
And like, if social media is a weapon, like just
I would audit. I would really audit your time and
who you're following and all the things, right, And that's
really one of the hardest things for my clients to
actually learn to stop comparing themselves to others, because you know,
(12:59):
they come to me and they tell me that they'd
scroll through their feed and they're like seeing people who
seem to have it all together and you know, eating
perfectly or working out every day and looking like they
had zero struggles with food or body image. And one
of the things I would coach them on is like
that's why I'm like, it's so important, Like who are
you following? Like do you really want to be following
somebody that is obsessing over their macros and you know,
the calories that they're burning on the exercise when you're
(13:21):
on a healing journey for your heart, right, So like
just auditing that and following people, so now they're following
like you know, spiritual teachers or motivational speakers or whatever
it is, people that really inspire them, like creativity, like
people that are you know, focus on creativity. Like I say,
I hear all of my clients like who they're following
now versus who they were following when we first met,
and I'm like, oh my gosh, that's amazing. So at
(13:41):
least your feed is in a way where you're you're
again not playing the comparison game, but you're also in
a different reality when you are on social media, right.
And so once they stop comparing themselves to others, they
begin to notice something else though, right, that they are
showing up for themselves in small, consistent ways, because again
it's about building their own trust in their self. And
(14:02):
so little by little they started to believe in themselves
again because they're focusing on who they're being and who
they want to be versus what everyone else is doing
in the online world, right, And they feel that shift
happening inside of them. And then instead again, of course,
in the background, we're talking about promises made, Like instead
of making these huge, unsustainable, grandiose goals that they'll eventually break,
they're now setting realistic achievable promises and actually following through, right,
(14:25):
And so it happens in unison. And so here's something
I really want you to take away from today. Okay,
the stories that you tell yourself absolutely matter. And I
don't want to say like they matter the most, but
I almost want to say they matter the most because
if you keep telling yourself like I'm a failure or
I can't do this, your brain is going to believe
it and can keep believing it. And it's like when
you've been driving down that same road over and over
(14:47):
and over again. You know exactly where the turns are
and you know the potholes, and you could probably drive
it with your eyes closed, right. And that's what happens
with the stories that we repeat to ourselves. They become
so ingrained that they start to feel like facts. They
start to feel like they are evidence, even though they're
just stories that we've made up along the way. But
here's the good news. You can rewrite those stories. It's
(15:09):
not easy and it takes time, but it's absolutely possible.
And so instead of saying I'm going to always struggle
with this, or I'm never gonna stick with anything, or
I'm doomed try telling yourself a new story. Start with
something like, hey, again, I'm learning to trust myself or
I'm committed to earning back my own trust, right and again.
At first, your brain is going to resist, potentially, and
(15:31):
it might say, yeah, right, who are you kidding? Because
you're human, right, That's what the brain does, and it
makes sense because you don't trust yourself, so I would
be shocked if you didn't have that Yeah, but objection. Okay,
But the more you really connect and practice these new stories,
the more your brain will start to believe them, and
eventually those new stories become your reality. But it's so
(15:55):
important to make sure that the new story you're telling
yourself meets you in your doubt and does not constitute
lying to yourself, because your self image will always know,
and if you're lying to yourself or you don't believe it,
your self image will know. Okay, So I wanted just
leave you with a few more practical steps you can
start to take rebuilding your trust in yourself again. And
these are things that have helped me and their strategies
(16:17):
I teach my clients every day, so you know, keeping
promises small and realistic. So, like I mentioned earlier, start
with small promises that you know you can keep. Maybe
it's something as simple as waking up five minutes earlier
to sneak in five minutes of bed relaxing or stretching,
or journaling or meditating. Right, the key is to set
yourself up for success, and each time you keep a promise,
no matter how small, it's a win for self trust. Remember,
(16:40):
give yourself credit for the wins. Don't brush off your
small wins. If you kept a promise to yourself, celebrate it. Right.
And I couldn't tell you who the coach was, but
I once heard about an interview with a two time
Super Bowl champion coach and they asked what happened to
the third one and why they didn't win the third
super Bowl. His answer was, we stop celebrating all the
(17:01):
wins that were not the super Bowl. They got desensitized
and they stop celebrating their wins. And so I know
it sounds cheesy, but even just saying to yourself, hey,
I'm proud of myself that I showed up for me
today can make a huge difference over time, and over time,
these small acknowledgments build you up and you start to
feel more confident in your ability to follow through, okay,
(17:23):
and then break the cycle of that all or nothing thinking, Like,
one of the biggest mistakes we make is thinking that
if we mess up once, it's all over. And so
we fall into this all or nothing trap where if
we don't do something perfectly, we think we failed. But
life isn't all or nothing. It's about progress, not perfection.
And so if you slip up, that doesn't mean that
you've broken trust with yourself. It just means that you're human.
(17:45):
And so the important thing is just to get back
on track with what you've committed to and keep going.
And then, of course I want to invite you to
reframe your setbacks as learning opportunities. And so instead of
seeing a setback as proof that are more proof, I
should say that you're a failure or start looking at
it as a chance to learn something about yourself again,
getting curious and asking yourself, like, what can I learn
(18:07):
from this and how can I approach it differently next time.
This way, setbacks actually become lessons and opportunities for growth,
not just another reason to go beat yourself up. Okay,
And so let me just say this, rebuilding trust in
yourself it is a journey, and it's not something that
happens overnight, and it's not something you can just check
off a to do list. But every time you show
(18:28):
up for yourself, even in the smallest of ways, you're
building that trust muscle. And the more you practice, the
stronger it gets. And so I want to encourage you
to just start today, like, pick one small thing, just one,
and commit to it and keep that promise to yourself,
and then celebrate it and then do it again tomorrow.
Right like, little by little, day by day, you'll start
(18:48):
to rebuild that trust and before you know it, you'll
look back and realize how far you've come. So that
is it for today. And I hope this episode gave
you some clarity and maybe even a few tools you
can start using to rebuild your trust in yourself. And
if you've been feeling stuck or like you've lost faith
in your ability to follow through, just know that you
can turn that around. It starts with those small, doable
(19:12):
promises and changing the story that you're telling yourself. And
if you want to learn more about how I teach
my clients to really rewire their brain, turn off all
that food obsession and rewire it for peace and freedom.
Then head on over to stresslesseeding dot com and sign
up to watch the Stressless Eating sneak preview, where I've
literally peeled back the curtain and walked you through the
(19:32):
exact strategy I teach my clients to heal themselves from
the all or nothing diet mentality for good, but without
restricting themselves, punishing their bodies, and definitely without ever having
to use words like macros, low carb or calorie burn.
It's there for you to access over at stressless seeding
dot com and if you like outweigh, I actually have
(19:54):
another podcast here on iHeart where I talk about all
of this self image and body image stuff, but from
the perspective of where brain science intersects faith. It's called
What's God Got to Do with It? And you can
access it here on iHeart or wherever you get your podcasts.
So that's it for today. I'm Leah Ellington and I'll
talk to you soon.
4 Things with Amy Brown News
Host
Amy Brown
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