Amy’s diving into 4 things that all tie together perfectly for this time of year!
First Thing: creative ways to recharge during the holiday season.
Second Thing: tips for navigating the holidays when you're going through heartache.
Third Thing: how to declutter your calendar when the invites (and obligations) start piling up.
Fourth Thing: letting go of sentimental things—Amy shares some helpful questions to ask yourself so you can free up space in your home and your mind.
HOST: Amy Brown // RadioAmy.com // @RadioAmy
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:13):
Cats up thing, little food for yourself life. Oh it's
pretty bad. Hey, it's pretty beautiful. Thing beautiful that for
a little more exciting, said, he can your kick in
with full thing with Amy.
Speaker 2 (00:32):
Brown, Happy Thursday. Four Things Amy Here and everyday life
can have us feeling like we're running on empty and
then holiday season comes in and we feel even more drained.
And so with the heaviness of the holidays too, I
know I feel that because I miss my mom, I
miss my dad. So maybe you've lost a loved one
(00:53):
or there's been a loss of a relationship like the
end of a marriage or a breakup, which I also
have experienced and know that the holidays can just bring
up a lot of feelings, a lot of first or
a lot of memories where you're like grieving what you
thought your life was going to be like. So today
I want to share four things that are all in
(01:14):
the same vein of you know, making sure you're taking
care of yourself and surviving the holidays. So up first
is going to be a list of creative things that
you can do to recharge, especially during the holiday season.
Like you could bust these out anytime of year, but
they're just good for right now. The second thing I've
got for you or tips for surviving the holidays during heartache.
(01:37):
Third thing, decluttering your calendar, especially with so many gatherings
in November, December, New Year's stuff. And then the fourth thing,
how to let go of sentimental things to free up
space in your home and your mind. Like, maybe if
you are home for the holidays, you've got some days
off for work and you finally have an opportunity to
maybe go through your closet or get rid of some things.
(02:00):
But you've got left over from that relationship or from
your mom or your dad that you inherit, and you're like,
why am I keeping this? I've got some questions you
can ask yourself to make the right decisions on what
to keep for not to keep. All right, let's get started.
Speaker 1 (02:16):
First.
Speaker 2 (02:19):
Yeah, all right, if we're not careful, the holidays are
going to suck the life right out of us. So
what we're going to do is we're going to get
ahead of any exhaustion that comes along with this time
of year, and we're going to recharge before and during
the holidays, not after. And so I've got this list
of ways that we're going to do it. Some of
them maybe you've tried before, others maybe not. It's a
(02:41):
mix of things that I compiled from things that I've
done for myself, things I've learned from my friends, especially
some of my mom friends. My therapist has assigned some
of these things to me. And then I've come across
different things online from time to time, and I sort
of just pulled it all together for you. So I've
got tips for recharging not after the holidays, but before
(03:06):
or during. That's what's crucial about this is you're gonna
start doing it now and then these are things you
can implement throughout the year anytime, but especially right now.
Tip number one is embracing the power of tiny little breaks.
We'll call them micro breaks. All you gotta do is
take five minutes for yourself. It's a little five minute
time out. You find a quiet spot for me. It's
(03:27):
my closet sometimes, or my bathroom or my car, whatever
it is for you, just find it. Go there, set
a timer, Breathe deeply for five minutes, do a short meditation,
Listen to your favorite song. There's no multitasking allowed, though,
like you can't be on your phone taking a break
(03:47):
and trying to do breath work while you're on Instagram.
The micro break is not that you need to be
able to enjoy something. I guess the only thing that
I will allow for you to do during your micro
break is if you wanted to sip something like warm
tea or coffee or something soothing that you really enjoy, like,
(04:09):
take that with you when you go. I mean, maybe
if it's five o'clock somewhere, you can take a little
glass of wine to your micro break responsibly. But whatever
the case, just no phone call, no other people. It's
just you on your micro break. And there's a lot
of power in that tip too. Try to create an
(04:30):
evening ritual like your own little mini spa night if
you will. But if you're not into that, honestly, it
could just be carving out time for you to read
that book you've been wanting to read, or watch a
show that you have been wanting to watch. And this
isn't a long thing. This is stuff that's going to
add up and be beneficial for you over time. It
doesn't mean you get to lay down and you just
(04:51):
watch two hours of something, because I don't think any
of us really have that. But if you've got twenty minutes.
What do you get to do for yourself? And if
you decide to go the more spa route, you could
do a dyi, a dyi, A dy excuse me face mask,
like if you've got some honey and oatmeal in your pantry,
(05:12):
that'll work. Wonders. You can google different masks that are
easy to whip up. If you've got some Epps and Salt.
If not, go buy some of the store. Order some
on Amazon now have it delivered. Start taking a bath.
If you don't like a full bath, you don't have
time for that, Maybe you do an Epps and Salt
foot soak. You dim the lights, you light a candle,
(05:33):
you put on calming music. Give yourself this little ritual
when you can tip three. Get outside vamos afuera. It's
one of my sister's favorite sayings. At her coffee shop roothouse,
they have hats and shirts and other things that sayfuta,
let's get outside. There's power in nature. So if you
(05:55):
can take a walk in the fresh air, even if
it's cold, bundle up. It'll boost your mood. Find sunshine,
Like maybe you can't get outside, but you got a
window and the sun's coming through it. Can you go
sit by that window and soak up some sunlight anyway
you can. That's a small thing that can help boost
your energy in your mood. Tip four, say yes to
(06:17):
help and also be a delegator. If you got kids,
hand them some simple tasks like rapping gifts, even if
they're a little messy. That adds charm. I rap kind
of messy, and I'll start telling myself that about my gifts.
It adds charm. I know some of you well, probably
like my sister. Speaking of her, she's kind of a
(06:38):
control freak with the gifts. She likes them to be
a certain way and be very cute. So you maybe
can't delegate that. But what else can you delegate? And
then can you simplify meals? Can you ask others to
pitch in around the house and help cook things. I'm
not saying it's just you. I'm speaking predominantly to women.
I know we have some men that listen. But if
(07:00):
you're the one that is always responsible for cooking and
what everyone's gonna eat for breakfast, lunch, and dinner when
you've got your kids home from school during the holidays,
my kids have a whole week off for Thanksgiving. I
remember only getting off like Thursday Friday when I was
in school back in the day, and maybe some districts.
That's how it is. My kids are going to be
(07:21):
off all week and then Christmas break, they're home for
a long time, so you're having to come up with
all these meals. Make sure that you simplify things, delegate,
and no shame in frozen, pre made situations. Even if
you're showing up somewhere as a guest, you can buy
things that are pre made and then go home, put
it in your own pretty dish which with your own
(07:43):
serving spoons. Woilah, you show up. Nobody knows the difference.
It becomes problematic when they ask you for the recipe.
Tip five, make time for what fuels you like. If
you know that laughter is so good and it fills
your cup up, hang out with that friend that makes
you laugh. Watch that funny movie for me, something that
(08:05):
always makes me laugh as Bridesmaids, not a holiday movie,
but it is so funny, or you know, get on
TikTok and get into a funny algorithm. You'll find some
funny things. Read funny memes, connect meaningful with people. If
that's something that fills you up. Maybe it's not your
funny friend, but you got a friend that you love
catching up with. Take fifteen minutes to FaceTime them, talk
(08:29):
on the phone, see them in person. A quick, heartfelt
conversation can be incredibly recharging, so don't discount that. Tip
six reclaim fifteen minutes a day, and an easy way
to do that is putting it down your phone. And
we talked about this last week, like having phone free zones,
like no phones in your bed or no phones at
the kitchen table. The whole challenge actually last week was
(08:52):
to go an hour a day being phone free. How
we do it on that? I don't know if it's
been possible for you. I haven't done every single day,
but I have been trying, and I've been more intentional
about it. And if that hasn't been possible yet, then
maybe we shoot for just fifteen minutes, Like put your
phone in another room for fifteen minutes and focus on yourself,
whether it's stretching or journaling or just laying on the couch.
(09:16):
Screen free time will feel so good. Tip seven give
yourself grace. This is the final tip. Set boundaries. Say
no to what doesn't serve you this season, like you
don't have to bake all the things or attend every party,
which we're going to talk more about how to declutter
(09:38):
your calendar and another thing coming up. But along with grace,
remember celebrating small wins is a great thing to do
during this time. At the end of the day, just
take a moment to acknowledge one thing you did well,
no matter how small. I feel like, between grace and
little celebrations, you'll be good. So Tip seven, give yourself
(10:01):
grace and celebrate things at the end of the day.
All right, So there you go. Seven tips. There. They're
all doable, easy. Like I said, nothing that's really going
to cost you any money. I know for some people
to be like, well I need to escape to the
spa for a full day, Well that's not always possible
because we've got a lot going on and you can't
(10:21):
do that, and that's also a lot of money. But
these little things, if you do them, maybe pick one
to do each day or a couple or every other day,
it will add up and it'll help you feel a
little bit more energized this holiday season instead of just
totally drained. So we can miss people anytime of year,
(10:52):
but the holidays, which are mostly a time for joy
and togetherness, the holidays can also just be really tough
and someone you love isn't there anymore. If you're missing
someone this Thanksgiving and Christmas season, just know that you're
not alone. I'm right there with you. I know so
(11:12):
many others listening are as well. And the focus for
this thing right now is going to be surviving the
holidays without your loved ones. And if this topic isn't
something that you've had to worry about, because well, there
was a time in my life that this type of
encouragement wouldn't have yet resonated with me because I hadn't
(11:32):
experienced the loss of my mom or my dad or
someone super super close to me, or even experience divorce,
which is the death of a relationship. So you know,
same vainish But anyway, if this topic isn't for you,
I get it. But maybe you could share this episode
with someone that you think might find this part helpful.
(11:55):
And since Thanksgiving is next week, we'll start with the
conflicting feelings of gratitude and sadness, disappointment, maybe even anger.
I just want to remind you that it is okay
to feel grateful and heartbroken at the same time. Grief
is messy, and holidays magnify the messiness of it for sure,
(12:18):
like everything's just amplified. So I want to normalize all emotions.
They are all allowed. And my hope is though, that
you're able to experience moments of happiness and joy alongside
your sadness. I suppose it really does depend on how
fresh things are for you. I get that. But wherever
(12:41):
you are in this stage of your life, these are
some tips or some things you can do to survive
the holidays with your heartbreak or your heart that is
aching right now. Incorporating traditions is something that can feel
really special. If you've got your mom's pie recipe and
(13:03):
she always made it and she's no longer with you, well,
your new tradition is going to be make that pie.
Or if she had a favorite pie she didn't make it,
but it was somebody else's recipe, but she loved having
it at Thanksgiving or Christmas, or your new tradition even
though no, maybe nobody else really likes that pie, but
your mom always did make the pie. It's a simple
(13:25):
way to feel their presence and have them a part
of the day even though they're not there, or if
it's not a leve one that you lost, but the
end of a relationship, you can create new traditions instead
of trying to recreate past holidays, you know, just embrace
the opportunity to start fresh. Like for me, starting some
(13:49):
new traditions have helped shift the focus from what is
different about my life that I didn't think was going
to be different, and what's missing from my life? It
shifts it to what's possible, Like maybe you host friends
coming over, Like if you're in a divorced situation, maybe
you don't have your kids and your ex whoever your
(14:09):
co parenting has them. Well, what can you do to
bring other people together? A plan a casual day with
close family and friends, or if you're solo, indulgent something
that you love, like ordering your favorite takeout, scheduling some
movie marathon. Like your favorite actress is Julia Roberts, watch
(14:29):
every movie she's ever been in in order that they
came out, Like give yourself a little challenge like that.
What else could you do? You could take a long walk.
We talked about being outside and the first thing and
how good that is for you. But maybe go take
a drive to a really pretty place where you can
actually take a hike instead of just walking around your
neighborhood or your neighborhood park, Like, is there a really
(14:50):
cool place you could go to to hike? And remember
that it's okay to say no to situations that feel overwhelming.
I think even if you've committed, because your family and friends,
if they know if you've experienced heartache and you're grieving
the loss of something, they're going to understand if you've
changed your mind and you're not going to go. So
(15:12):
if you're not up for that big family gathering, do
something smaller or do something by yourself. That's up to you.
I will say there's a difference though, in locking yourself
in your room and isolating yourself from everybody because you
don't want to face it all, and then creating solitude
for yourself because that's what you need at the time.
(15:33):
So just try to assess where you are with that,
allow yourself to grieve what's different, and then also look
for small moments of things to be thankful for. It's
that gratitude piece, Like maybe it's the piece of having
a little extra time for yourself or a new chance
to redefine what the holidays look like for you in
(15:54):
your own way. I'm going to be alone for Thanksgiving
without my kids, and it's still new to me. It's
still weird. We haven't been divorced that long. I think
maybe once I've got like maybe five years under my belt,
it'll finally feel real. But Thanksgiving and me in my house,
(16:14):
I've got some friends and i have things to do,
but I'm just not gonna have my kids, which is
gonna feel weird. So a way to look at that though, is, oh, look,
at this time, I'm going to get for myself to
maybe focus on some things that I've been putting off,
or I get to rest a little bit. If it's
a loved one that's passed on. Something else you could
(16:35):
do before the meal is go around the table and
have everyone share a favorite memory. That is a special
way to turn grief into gratitude, and then it keeps
that person alive in a way, a part of the family,
like they're still there. You could also light a candle
for them or play their favorite song while you're all
(16:56):
cooking and prepping the food. And these are just little
things that can be really good for you and your family,
depending on who all is involved in the grieving process.
And the main thing that I want you to let
soak in is that it is okay to laugh, to
feel happy, and to enjoy the holidays. Your loved one
(17:18):
would not want you to feel guilty for continuing to
live your life. So next week, whether you're surrounded by
people for Thanksgiving or you're spending the day more low key,
know that it is okay to miss the people or
the life you thought you'd have. It's okay to cry
and to celebrate all at once. I've been known to
(17:42):
laugh cry. Those moments are very therapeutic. They happen organically, though,
But if you don't give yourself the chance to laugh
or cry, then a laugh cry situation isn't even up
for grabs. Like when you have a laugh cry or
a cry laugh moment, depending on which comes first, it's
like you give your body a double dose of emotional
(18:04):
and physical release. If you ever had a laugh cry
or a cry laugh moment, you know exactly what I'm
talking about, and you just end up feeling so much
lighter after it happens. So don't rob yourself of that. Here,
we got the third thing, all right, It's a fact
(18:27):
a busy calendar leaves us feeling drained, even if it's
fun stuff that's on the calendar and one would look
at it and be like, oh wow, look at all
that joy, But yeah, it may not leave us fulfilled
at the end of the day. So decluttering your calendar
can be one of the best gifts that you can
give yourself. So the first thing you need to do
(18:48):
when you pull up your calendar is evaluate what is essential.
Take a look at what is on your calendar and
ask yourself, is this something I want to do or
feel obligated to do, because there's a difference. Sometimes we
commit out of a just habit or even guilt, but
(19:09):
it is okay to prioritize what truly brings you joy.
So again, on paper, it might be like, yes, I
said yes to this and it is ideally something that
should bring me joy. But if you really ask yourself
if you want to do it or you feel obligated,
or is it bringing joy for others and not really yourself.
(19:30):
Which we can make sacrifices for others, especially if they're
in our family or friends. We can still show up,
but do you set a boundary around the time, like,
maybe you still go to that, but if it's blocked off,
like for three hours, do you have to stay all three?
Can you maybe go for one hour? That might help
the next thing is to learn to say no with grace.
(19:53):
We've touched on this before. Saying no can be hard.
I feel like we could do an episode on this
one a month for all of us. But if you're
a people pleaser, I know it's particularly hard, but consider this.
When you say yes to everything, you're saying no to
your own time and energy. And a tip that helps
(20:14):
me is to respond with kindness, but just clear as
can be kind and clear. I have been working on that.
I used to respond with several sentences that were unnecessary,
but I've been practicing kind and clear, something like yeah,
I'd love to be there, but I need some downtime
(20:36):
this week. So cool, you're saying thanks for the invite,
I'd like to be there and this is what I
this is what I need and people are usually understanding,
and if they're not, then I don't know, maybe find
new people. And the next thing I want you to
do is plan for downtime. Yeah, actually schedule in your
calendar downtime or maybe even your recharge time. Like the
(20:57):
first thing we went over, that list of things you
can do to recharge. Put it in your calendar. And
if you do have multiple events, make sure you give
yourself gaps between so you can have some time to
decompress if you need to, or just go do that
five minute micro break in your car with a cup
(21:19):
of coffee or something. Downtime is where we can also recharge.
And if you want to do all those things that
are going to help you recharge, the various things that
I shared with you, you might have to put it
in the calendar. Actually write it down, put it on
your list of things to do, so you get to
cross it off, and then when you cross it off,
you get that dopamine hit and it feels so good.
(21:39):
So this holiday season, do not be afraid to guard
your calendar year round. Don't be afraid to guard your calendar.
Say yes to what matters and then let go of
what doesn't matter, because this is a gift that you
can give yourself. Your piece is important, and it matters
(22:08):
the question of what to keep or not to keep.
This is hard enough when it's our own things that
we have bought. I mean something to us. But when
we have inherited something that is sentimental or it is
something that was a part of a relationship that is
no longer, what do we do with it and how
do we decide? I have kept very personal things that
(22:32):
I was given for my mother. But I have also
in the last year, even though my mom died ten
years ago, and probably because I just went through a
lot the last few years and then moved this year,
I finally was able to part with some things that
I did not need to hold on to. I was
also able to organize things and maybe put them away
(22:53):
in a bin. Not maybe I actually did, but I
guess I'm suggesting maybe you could try this for yourself
if you're not ready to part with it, but it's
like out in your room or in your closet, or
you see it all the time. What if you were
to get a clear plastic bins you know where it
is and you can see it, and you put everything
in there, and then you put it away in your
(23:14):
attic or your basement or a different closet where you
don't have to see it all the time. That might
be hopeful for you. But some of the things that
I decided to keep they were really really special to me,
and they were things I was actually using and wearing
all the time, or they were bringing me joy when
I saw them. It's really tempting to want to keep
(23:36):
everything when someone that you have lost has given you stuff,
You're like, how can I give this away? There's a
lot of emotions attached to it, and for me, again,
it's been an ongoing process of letting go of some
sentimental items. But there are some questions that we can
ask ourselves when we're deciding what to keep and what
(23:57):
to give away. The first question is do you truly
love it? Like, yes, it is sentimental and it was
given to you, but do you truly love it? Who
are you keeping this for? Are you keeping it for
yourself or because you think that your mother or father
who has passed on would want you to keep it?
(24:20):
And if the answer to that is yes, then it's
still okay for you to keep it in honor of them.
But maybe one day you'll get to where it's like, no,
I don't know that I need to hold onto this
is the item something you will actually use. That's the
final question. If you will never use it and you
don't truly love it, and you don't really even know
(24:41):
who you're keeping it for or why, then like, yeah,
it's time to let it go. When you are very selective,
the items that you keep are much more meaningful because
if you keep everything, then nothing is important. Right. I
love that saying so much. Apply that in a lot
of different ways, Like if even when it comes to
(25:03):
saying yes to events, We've talked about this before, Right,
if you constantly say yes all the time, then your
yeses don't mean anything, And same thing applies here. If
you keep everything, then nothing is important. And I know
that you want things to have meaning and you want
them to be important. So I'm sending lots of love
(25:25):
and hugs and prayers if letting go of sentimental things
is something that you might be carving out time for
this holiday season, when you have a little time off
of work and you can reflect and you're thinking about
the loved one and you can have a whole moment
around it, make it a little ceremony of sorts if
you are donating it or handing it off to somebody else,
(25:47):
and just have your moment with the item and be
okay with releasing it and know that you don't have
to keep that in your room or in your closet,
or have it right there to look at every day,
because you feel like your mom's going to get mad
at you if you don't. You know what I mean,
It's all going to be fine. You just have to
do what's going to be best for you and your
mental health. I saw a clip of Julianne Moore and
(26:09):
James Gordon talking about her mother passing away and the
lockett that she now has and wears around her neck.
It was a gift from her father to her mother
when they met in high school, and she said, it's
so nice to have evidence of a life. And I
love that. So we're going to wrap with this clip
(26:30):
of Julianne Moore talking about it, like I still have
my mother's pinky ring and that's something I wear every
single day, and it's like evidence of my mom's life.
I truly love it. I am keeping it for myself
and it is an item that I am actually using
every day. And I feel like same thing applies with
what julian Moore is saying about this special lockett, Like
(26:53):
what things you have that are evidence of a life,
and those are the things you hold on to all right,
here's the Julian clip.
Speaker 3 (27:01):
What have you chose him? Oh, my mother's locket.
Speaker 2 (27:04):
I don't want to cry again.
Speaker 3 (27:06):
Okay, I wore it because that's right here, so believe
it or not. My father gave this to my mother
when they were in high school. My mother died in
two thousand and nine and it was very sudden and
it was really terrible, and it's nice to have something
of hers that I wear all the time. Sometimes it's
nice to have like evidence, you know, like evidence of
(27:28):
a light.
Speaker 2 (27:29):
All right, that's a wrap on today's episode. I hope
y'all are having the day that you need to have.
You have the Thanksgiving that you need to have next week,
And in the meantime, I'm at Radio Amy on Instagram
if you want to DM me there or send an
email for things with Amy Brown at gmail dot com.
All right, bye,
Cats up thing, little food for yourself life. Oh it's
pretty bad. Hey, it's pretty beautiful. Thing beautiful that for
a little more exciting, said, he can your kick in
with full thing with Amy.
Speaker 2 (00:32):
Brown, Happy Thursday. Four Things Amy Here and everyday life
can have us feeling like we're running on empty and
then holiday season comes in and we feel even more drained.
And so with the heaviness of the holidays too, I
know I feel that because I miss my mom, I
miss my dad. So maybe you've lost a loved one
(00:53):
or there's been a loss of a relationship like the
end of a marriage or a breakup, which I also
have experienced and know that the holidays can just bring
up a lot of feelings, a lot of first or
a lot of memories where you're like grieving what you
thought your life was going to be like. So today
I want to share four things that are all in
(01:14):
the same vein of you know, making sure you're taking
care of yourself and surviving the holidays. So up first
is going to be a list of creative things that
you can do to recharge, especially during the holiday season.
Like you could bust these out anytime of year, but
they're just good for right now. The second thing I've
got for you or tips for surviving the holidays during heartache.
(01:37):
Third thing, decluttering your calendar, especially with so many gatherings
in November, December, New Year's stuff. And then the fourth thing,
how to let go of sentimental things to free up
space in your home and your mind. Like, maybe if
you are home for the holidays, you've got some days
off for work and you finally have an opportunity to
maybe go through your closet or get rid of some things.
(02:00):
But you've got left over from that relationship or from
your mom or your dad that you inherit, and you're like,
why am I keeping this? I've got some questions you
can ask yourself to make the right decisions on what
to keep for not to keep. All right, let's get started.
Speaker 1 (02:16):
First.
Speaker 2 (02:19):
Yeah, all right, if we're not careful, the holidays are
going to suck the life right out of us. So
what we're going to do is we're going to get
ahead of any exhaustion that comes along with this time
of year, and we're going to recharge before and during
the holidays, not after. And so I've got this list
of ways that we're going to do it. Some of
them maybe you've tried before, others maybe not. It's a
(02:41):
mix of things that I compiled from things that I've
done for myself, things I've learned from my friends, especially
some of my mom friends. My therapist has assigned some
of these things to me. And then I've come across
different things online from time to time, and I sort
of just pulled it all together for you. So I've
got tips for recharging not after the holidays, but before
(03:06):
or during. That's what's crucial about this is you're gonna
start doing it now and then these are things you
can implement throughout the year anytime, but especially right now.
Tip number one is embracing the power of tiny little breaks.
We'll call them micro breaks. All you gotta do is
take five minutes for yourself. It's a little five minute
time out. You find a quiet spot for me. It's
(03:27):
my closet sometimes, or my bathroom or my car, whatever
it is for you, just find it. Go there, set
a timer, Breathe deeply for five minutes, do a short meditation,
Listen to your favorite song. There's no multitasking allowed, though,
like you can't be on your phone taking a break
(03:47):
and trying to do breath work while you're on Instagram.
The micro break is not that you need to be
able to enjoy something. I guess the only thing that
I will allow for you to do during your micro
break is if you wanted to sip something like warm
tea or coffee or something soothing that you really enjoy, like,
(04:09):
take that with you when you go. I mean, maybe
if it's five o'clock somewhere, you can take a little
glass of wine to your micro break responsibly. But whatever
the case, just no phone call, no other people. It's
just you on your micro break. And there's a lot
of power in that tip too. Try to create an
(04:30):
evening ritual like your own little mini spa night if
you will. But if you're not into that, honestly, it
could just be carving out time for you to read
that book you've been wanting to read, or watch a
show that you have been wanting to watch. And this
isn't a long thing. This is stuff that's going to
add up and be beneficial for you over time. It
doesn't mean you get to lay down and you just
(04:51):
watch two hours of something, because I don't think any
of us really have that. But if you've got twenty minutes.
What do you get to do for yourself? And if
you decide to go the more spa route, you could
do a dyi, a dyi, A dy excuse me face mask,
like if you've got some honey and oatmeal in your pantry,
(05:12):
that'll work. Wonders. You can google different masks that are
easy to whip up. If you've got some Epps and Salt.
If not, go buy some of the store. Order some
on Amazon now have it delivered. Start taking a bath.
If you don't like a full bath, you don't have
time for that, Maybe you do an Epps and Salt
foot soak. You dim the lights, you light a candle,
(05:33):
you put on calming music. Give yourself this little ritual
when you can tip three. Get outside vamos afuera. It's
one of my sister's favorite sayings. At her coffee shop roothouse,
they have hats and shirts and other things that sayfuta,
let's get outside. There's power in nature. So if you
(05:55):
can take a walk in the fresh air, even if
it's cold, bundle up. It'll boost your mood. Find sunshine,
Like maybe you can't get outside, but you got a
window and the sun's coming through it. Can you go
sit by that window and soak up some sunlight anyway
you can. That's a small thing that can help boost
your energy in your mood. Tip four, say yes to
(06:17):
help and also be a delegator. If you got kids,
hand them some simple tasks like rapping gifts, even if
they're a little messy. That adds charm. I rap kind
of messy, and I'll start telling myself that about my gifts.
It adds charm. I know some of you well, probably
like my sister. Speaking of her, she's kind of a
(06:38):
control freak with the gifts. She likes them to be
a certain way and be very cute. So you maybe
can't delegate that. But what else can you delegate? And
then can you simplify meals? Can you ask others to
pitch in around the house and help cook things. I'm
not saying it's just you. I'm speaking predominantly to women.
I know we have some men that listen. But if
(07:00):
you're the one that is always responsible for cooking and
what everyone's gonna eat for breakfast, lunch, and dinner when
you've got your kids home from school during the holidays,
my kids have a whole week off for Thanksgiving. I
remember only getting off like Thursday Friday when I was
in school back in the day, and maybe some districts.
That's how it is. My kids are going to be
(07:21):
off all week and then Christmas break, they're home for
a long time, so you're having to come up with
all these meals. Make sure that you simplify things, delegate,
and no shame in frozen, pre made situations. Even if
you're showing up somewhere as a guest, you can buy
things that are pre made and then go home, put
it in your own pretty dish which with your own
(07:43):
serving spoons. Woilah, you show up. Nobody knows the difference.
It becomes problematic when they ask you for the recipe.
Tip five, make time for what fuels you like. If
you know that laughter is so good and it fills
your cup up, hang out with that friend that makes
you laugh. Watch that funny movie for me, something that
(08:05):
always makes me laugh as Bridesmaids, not a holiday movie,
but it is so funny, or you know, get on
TikTok and get into a funny algorithm. You'll find some
funny things. Read funny memes, connect meaningful with people. If
that's something that fills you up. Maybe it's not your
funny friend, but you got a friend that you love
catching up with. Take fifteen minutes to FaceTime them, talk
(08:29):
on the phone, see them in person. A quick, heartfelt
conversation can be incredibly recharging, so don't discount that. Tip
six reclaim fifteen minutes a day, and an easy way
to do that is putting it down your phone. And
we talked about this last week, like having phone free zones,
like no phones in your bed or no phones at
the kitchen table. The whole challenge actually last week was
(08:52):
to go an hour a day being phone free. How
we do it on that? I don't know if it's
been possible for you. I haven't done every single day,
but I have been trying, and I've been more intentional
about it. And if that hasn't been possible yet, then
maybe we shoot for just fifteen minutes, Like put your
phone in another room for fifteen minutes and focus on yourself,
whether it's stretching or journaling or just laying on the couch.
(09:16):
Screen free time will feel so good. Tip seven give
yourself grace. This is the final tip. Set boundaries. Say
no to what doesn't serve you this season, like you
don't have to bake all the things or attend every party,
which we're going to talk more about how to declutter
(09:38):
your calendar and another thing coming up. But along with grace,
remember celebrating small wins is a great thing to do
during this time. At the end of the day, just
take a moment to acknowledge one thing you did well,
no matter how small. I feel like, between grace and
little celebrations, you'll be good. So Tip seven, give yourself
(10:01):
grace and celebrate things at the end of the day.
All right, So there you go. Seven tips. There. They're
all doable, easy. Like I said, nothing that's really going
to cost you any money. I know for some people
to be like, well I need to escape to the
spa for a full day, Well that's not always possible
because we've got a lot going on and you can't
(10:21):
do that, and that's also a lot of money. But
these little things, if you do them, maybe pick one
to do each day or a couple or every other day,
it will add up and it'll help you feel a
little bit more energized this holiday season instead of just
totally drained. So we can miss people anytime of year,
(10:52):
but the holidays, which are mostly a time for joy
and togetherness, the holidays can also just be really tough
and someone you love isn't there anymore. If you're missing
someone this Thanksgiving and Christmas season, just know that you're
not alone. I'm right there with you. I know so
(11:12):
many others listening are as well. And the focus for
this thing right now is going to be surviving the
holidays without your loved ones. And if this topic isn't
something that you've had to worry about, because well, there
was a time in my life that this type of
encouragement wouldn't have yet resonated with me because I hadn't
(11:32):
experienced the loss of my mom or my dad or
someone super super close to me, or even experience divorce,
which is the death of a relationship. So you know,
same vainish But anyway, if this topic isn't for you,
I get it. But maybe you could share this episode
with someone that you think might find this part helpful.
(11:55):
And since Thanksgiving is next week, we'll start with the
conflicting feelings of gratitude and sadness, disappointment, maybe even anger.
I just want to remind you that it is okay
to feel grateful and heartbroken at the same time. Grief
is messy, and holidays magnify the messiness of it for sure,
(12:18):
like everything's just amplified. So I want to normalize all emotions.
They are all allowed. And my hope is though, that
you're able to experience moments of happiness and joy alongside
your sadness. I suppose it really does depend on how
fresh things are for you. I get that. But wherever
(12:41):
you are in this stage of your life, these are
some tips or some things you can do to survive
the holidays with your heartbreak or your heart that is
aching right now. Incorporating traditions is something that can feel
really special. If you've got your mom's pie recipe and
(13:03):
she always made it and she's no longer with you, well,
your new tradition is going to be make that pie.
Or if she had a favorite pie she didn't make it,
but it was somebody else's recipe, but she loved having
it at Thanksgiving or Christmas, or your new tradition even
though no, maybe nobody else really likes that pie, but
your mom always did make the pie. It's a simple
(13:25):
way to feel their presence and have them a part
of the day even though they're not there, or if
it's not a leve one that you lost, but the
end of a relationship, you can create new traditions instead
of trying to recreate past holidays, you know, just embrace
the opportunity to start fresh. Like for me, starting some
(13:49):
new traditions have helped shift the focus from what is
different about my life that I didn't think was going
to be different, and what's missing from my life? It
shifts it to what's possible, Like maybe you host friends
coming over, Like if you're in a divorced situation, maybe
you don't have your kids and your ex whoever your
(14:09):
co parenting has them. Well, what can you do to
bring other people together? A plan a casual day with
close family and friends, or if you're solo, indulgent something
that you love, like ordering your favorite takeout, scheduling some
movie marathon. Like your favorite actress is Julia Roberts, watch
(14:29):
every movie she's ever been in in order that they
came out, Like give yourself a little challenge like that.
What else could you do? You could take a long walk.
We talked about being outside and the first thing and
how good that is for you. But maybe go take
a drive to a really pretty place where you can
actually take a hike instead of just walking around your
neighborhood or your neighborhood park, Like, is there a really
(14:50):
cool place you could go to to hike? And remember
that it's okay to say no to situations that feel overwhelming.
I think even if you've committed, because your family and friends,
if they know if you've experienced heartache and you're grieving
the loss of something, they're going to understand if you've
changed your mind and you're not going to go. So
(15:12):
if you're not up for that big family gathering, do
something smaller or do something by yourself. That's up to you.
I will say there's a difference though, in locking yourself
in your room and isolating yourself from everybody because you
don't want to face it all, and then creating solitude
for yourself because that's what you need at the time.
(15:33):
So just try to assess where you are with that,
allow yourself to grieve what's different, and then also look
for small moments of things to be thankful for. It's
that gratitude piece, Like maybe it's the piece of having
a little extra time for yourself or a new chance
to redefine what the holidays look like for you in
(15:54):
your own way. I'm going to be alone for Thanksgiving
without my kids, and it's still new to me. It's
still weird. We haven't been divorced that long. I think
maybe once I've got like maybe five years under my belt,
it'll finally feel real. But Thanksgiving and me in my house,
(16:14):
I've got some friends and i have things to do,
but I'm just not gonna have my kids, which is
gonna feel weird. So a way to look at that though, is, oh, look,
at this time, I'm going to get for myself to
maybe focus on some things that I've been putting off,
or I get to rest a little bit. If it's
a loved one that's passed on. Something else you could
(16:35):
do before the meal is go around the table and
have everyone share a favorite memory. That is a special
way to turn grief into gratitude, and then it keeps
that person alive in a way, a part of the family,
like they're still there. You could also light a candle
for them or play their favorite song while you're all
(16:56):
cooking and prepping the food. And these are just little
things that can be really good for you and your family,
depending on who all is involved in the grieving process.
And the main thing that I want you to let
soak in is that it is okay to laugh, to
feel happy, and to enjoy the holidays. Your loved one
(17:18):
would not want you to feel guilty for continuing to
live your life. So next week, whether you're surrounded by
people for Thanksgiving or you're spending the day more low key,
know that it is okay to miss the people or
the life you thought you'd have. It's okay to cry
and to celebrate all at once. I've been known to
(17:42):
laugh cry. Those moments are very therapeutic. They happen organically, though,
But if you don't give yourself the chance to laugh
or cry, then a laugh cry situation isn't even up
for grabs. Like when you have a laugh cry or
a cry laugh moment, depending on which comes first, it's
like you give your body a double dose of emotional
(18:04):
and physical release. If you ever had a laugh cry
or a cry laugh moment, you know exactly what I'm
talking about, and you just end up feeling so much
lighter after it happens. So don't rob yourself of that. Here,
we got the third thing, all right, It's a fact
(18:27):
a busy calendar leaves us feeling drained, even if it's
fun stuff that's on the calendar and one would look
at it and be like, oh wow, look at all
that joy, But yeah, it may not leave us fulfilled
at the end of the day. So decluttering your calendar
can be one of the best gifts that you can
give yourself. So the first thing you need to do
(18:48):
when you pull up your calendar is evaluate what is essential.
Take a look at what is on your calendar and
ask yourself, is this something I want to do or
feel obligated to do, because there's a difference. Sometimes we
commit out of a just habit or even guilt, but
(19:09):
it is okay to prioritize what truly brings you joy.
So again, on paper, it might be like, yes, I
said yes to this and it is ideally something that
should bring me joy. But if you really ask yourself
if you want to do it or you feel obligated,
or is it bringing joy for others and not really yourself.
(19:30):
Which we can make sacrifices for others, especially if they're
in our family or friends. We can still show up,
but do you set a boundary around the time, like,
maybe you still go to that, but if it's blocked off,
like for three hours, do you have to stay all three?
Can you maybe go for one hour? That might help
the next thing is to learn to say no with grace.
(19:53):
We've touched on this before. Saying no can be hard.
I feel like we could do an episode on this
one a month for all of us. But if you're
a people pleaser, I know it's particularly hard, but consider this.
When you say yes to everything, you're saying no to
your own time and energy. And a tip that helps
(20:14):
me is to respond with kindness, but just clear as
can be kind and clear. I have been working on that.
I used to respond with several sentences that were unnecessary,
but I've been practicing kind and clear, something like yeah,
I'd love to be there, but I need some downtime
(20:36):
this week. So cool, you're saying thanks for the invite,
I'd like to be there and this is what I
this is what I need and people are usually understanding,
and if they're not, then I don't know, maybe find
new people. And the next thing I want you to
do is plan for downtime. Yeah, actually schedule in your
calendar downtime or maybe even your recharge time. Like the
(20:57):
first thing we went over, that list of things you
can do to recharge. Put it in your calendar. And
if you do have multiple events, make sure you give
yourself gaps between so you can have some time to
decompress if you need to, or just go do that
five minute micro break in your car with a cup
(21:19):
of coffee or something. Downtime is where we can also recharge.
And if you want to do all those things that
are going to help you recharge, the various things that
I shared with you, you might have to put it
in the calendar. Actually write it down, put it on
your list of things to do, so you get to
cross it off, and then when you cross it off,
you get that dopamine hit and it feels so good.
(21:39):
So this holiday season, do not be afraid to guard
your calendar year round. Don't be afraid to guard your calendar.
Say yes to what matters and then let go of
what doesn't matter, because this is a gift that you
can give yourself. Your piece is important, and it matters
(22:08):
the question of what to keep or not to keep.
This is hard enough when it's our own things that
we have bought. I mean something to us. But when
we have inherited something that is sentimental or it is
something that was a part of a relationship that is
no longer, what do we do with it and how
do we decide? I have kept very personal things that
(22:32):
I was given for my mother. But I have also
in the last year, even though my mom died ten
years ago, and probably because I just went through a
lot the last few years and then moved this year,
I finally was able to part with some things that
I did not need to hold on to. I was
also able to organize things and maybe put them away
(22:53):
in a bin. Not maybe I actually did, but I
guess I'm suggesting maybe you could try this for yourself
if you're not ready to part with it, but it's
like out in your room or in your closet, or
you see it all the time. What if you were
to get a clear plastic bins you know where it
is and you can see it, and you put everything
in there, and then you put it away in your
(23:14):
attic or your basement or a different closet where you
don't have to see it all the time. That might
be hopeful for you. But some of the things that
I decided to keep they were really really special to me,
and they were things I was actually using and wearing
all the time, or they were bringing me joy when
I saw them. It's really tempting to want to keep
(23:36):
everything when someone that you have lost has given you stuff,
You're like, how can I give this away? There's a
lot of emotions attached to it, and for me, again,
it's been an ongoing process of letting go of some
sentimental items. But there are some questions that we can
ask ourselves when we're deciding what to keep and what
(23:57):
to give away. The first question is do you truly
love it? Like, yes, it is sentimental and it was
given to you, but do you truly love it? Who
are you keeping this for? Are you keeping it for
yourself or because you think that your mother or father
who has passed on would want you to keep it?
(24:20):
And if the answer to that is yes, then it's
still okay for you to keep it in honor of them.
But maybe one day you'll get to where it's like, no,
I don't know that I need to hold onto this
is the item something you will actually use. That's the
final question. If you will never use it and you
don't truly love it, and you don't really even know
(24:41):
who you're keeping it for or why, then like, yeah,
it's time to let it go. When you are very selective,
the items that you keep are much more meaningful because
if you keep everything, then nothing is important. Right. I
love that saying so much. Apply that in a lot
of different ways, Like if even when it comes to
(25:03):
saying yes to events, We've talked about this before, Right,
if you constantly say yes all the time, then your
yeses don't mean anything, And same thing applies here. If
you keep everything, then nothing is important. And I know
that you want things to have meaning and you want
them to be important. So I'm sending lots of love
(25:25):
and hugs and prayers if letting go of sentimental things
is something that you might be carving out time for
this holiday season, when you have a little time off
of work and you can reflect and you're thinking about
the loved one and you can have a whole moment
around it, make it a little ceremony of sorts if
you are donating it or handing it off to somebody else,
(25:47):
and just have your moment with the item and be
okay with releasing it and know that you don't have
to keep that in your room or in your closet,
or have it right there to look at every day,
because you feel like your mom's going to get mad
at you if you don't. You know what I mean,
It's all going to be fine. You just have to
do what's going to be best for you and your
mental health. I saw a clip of Julianne Moore and
(26:09):
James Gordon talking about her mother passing away and the
lockett that she now has and wears around her neck.
It was a gift from her father to her mother
when they met in high school, and she said, it's
so nice to have evidence of a life. And I
love that. So we're going to wrap with this clip
(26:30):
of Julianne Moore talking about it, like I still have
my mother's pinky ring and that's something I wear every
single day, and it's like evidence of my mom's life.
I truly love it. I am keeping it for myself
and it is an item that I am actually using
every day. And I feel like same thing applies with
what julian Moore is saying about this special lockett, Like
(26:53):
what things you have that are evidence of a life,
and those are the things you hold on to all right,
here's the Julian clip.
Speaker 3 (27:01):
What have you chose him? Oh, my mother's locket.
Speaker 2 (27:04):
I don't want to cry again.
Speaker 3 (27:06):
Okay, I wore it because that's right here, so believe
it or not. My father gave this to my mother
when they were in high school. My mother died in
two thousand and nine and it was very sudden and
it was really terrible, and it's nice to have something
of hers that I wear all the time. Sometimes it's
nice to have like evidence, you know, like evidence of
(27:28):
a light.
Speaker 2 (27:29):
All right, that's a wrap on today's episode. I hope
y'all are having the day that you need to have.
You have the Thanksgiving that you need to have next week,
And in the meantime, I'm at Radio Amy on Instagram
if you want to DM me there or send an
email for things with Amy Brown at gmail dot com.
All right, bye,
4 Things with Amy Brown News
Host
Amy Brown
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