November 30, 2024 • 20 mins
OUTWEIGH: In the third part of our holiday series on Outweigh, Amy and Leanne tackle a topic that resonates with many women during this time of year: dealing with fears of holiday weight gain and body anxiety.
Amy sets the stage by acknowledging how these fears can intensify with the increased focus on food and body image that the season brings. Leanne delves into the root of these anxieties, explaining that the fear of weight gain often stems from deeper self-worth issues rather than just the number on the scale.
You'll learn how to reframe the holiday season as an opportunity to prioritize mental and emotional well-being instead of fixating on weight. By inviting you to detach from external pressures and celebrate your bodies for what they can do, you'll learn how to take a more compassionate approach to the holidays, so you can embrace the season with less pressure and more self-love.
HOSTS:
Amy Brown // RadioAmy.com // @RadioAmy
Leanne Ellington // StresslessEating.com // @leanneellington
To learn more about re-wiring your brain to heal from the all-or-nothing diet mentality for good....but WITHOUT restricting yourself, punishing your body, (and definitely WITHOUT ever having to use words like macros, low-carb, or calorie burn) check out Leanne's FREE Stressless Eating Webinar @ www.StresslessEating.com
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
I won't let my body out be outwait everything that
I'm made done, won't spend my life trying to change.
Speaker 2 (00:08):
I'm learning love who I am again.
Speaker 3 (00:11):
I'm strong, I feel free, I know every pardon me,
it's beautiful.
Speaker 1 (00:19):
And then we'll always out way if.
Speaker 3 (00:23):
You feel it.
Speaker 1 (00:24):
But she'll some love to the why get there?
Speaker 3 (00:28):
Take you one day and.
Speaker 2 (00:30):
Did you and die out way? Happy Saturday, out Weigh.
Speaker 3 (00:36):
Amy Brown here with Leanne Ellington and this is our
Holiday series, Part three. I hope y'all had a great
Thanksgiving and you were able to enjoy food, family, friends, freedom,
whatever that looks like for you this holiday season. And
(00:57):
we're rolling right into Christmas coming up soon and then
the New Year, so there's still lots of holiday things happening.
And this is the time of year where fear of
weight gain sets in and there's a lot of body anxiety.
So I just want to acknowledge those fears. Leanne and
I both do. They are heightened for a reason. It's
(01:19):
very normal for you to have heightened fears around weight
gain during the holidays. But people may not understand exactly
what body anxiety is, Leanne, because I don't know when
I was in the throes of my eating disorder, if
I was in tune with my body enough to know
that that's actually what was happening, because my thoughts were
(01:41):
just I was so consumed with anything health food body related,
but I don't think I really had like the language
for it. So what specifically is body anxiety and then
we can talk about weight gain fears.
Speaker 1 (01:55):
It's very closely related to a form of body dysmorphia,
where there's kind of this like higher fixation on your
like perceived flaws, right, And it's the things that typically
it's unnoticeable to other people, but you notice it like
a thousand times more. And how this shows up, it's like, well, okay,
the effects of it might be like you're spending a
lot a lot of time checking in the mirror. You know,
(02:17):
you're constantly checking for other people and what they're doing
to change their bodies. It's what causes a lot of
people to go on these kind of extreme things because
but the body anxiety side of it specifically is more
so that hyper fixation on your perceived flaws and what
you And again it's a perception based thing, and so
a lot of it does stem and compare like the
(02:38):
comparisonitis is a big part of it. But you know, this,
this specific topic, this is one of the ones that
comes up again all year round with my clients because
a lot of times when they come to work with me,
by the time they've gotten to that place where they're like, Okay,
something bigger has to change, Like this is so much
more than food. This is so much more than about
the way I'm ready to, like to finally take ownership
of this disempowered trunk and version of myself that sitting
(03:00):
on the sidelines of my life, and I'm ready to
break free and take back my power from this. Like
that's the decision that they come to when they come
to work with me, And when they get there, a
lot of times they've gained back a lot of the
weight that they lost, or they've experienced more weight gain
because they like they're like, okay, I'm done dieting, but
now I feel out of control on the other side
of it. So one of the things that comes up
a lot is this fear that like, Okay, people are
going to notice that I've gained weight, and then they
(03:22):
have again this hyper fixation on the weight gain and
what it meant and what it meant, which is causing
their body anxiety. And so this gets especially heightened around
the holidays because of the things that we've been talking
about these last couple of days. So you know, for
some people this might not necessarily be relevant, if you know,
but even the body anxiety can can be accompanied alongside
a mindset, even if you haven't physiologically gained weight, you know,
(03:45):
because that body anxiety is considered like a mental disorder
or disease, right, So keep in mind, like even if
your if your struggles haven't necessarily manifested as weight gain,
a lot of times that feeling that people are going
to notice your body is especially exacerbated around the holidays.
Speaker 3 (04:02):
So what's something we can do if we are like
listening right now and we're like, oh wait, I think
body anxiety. That sounds familiar to me. I feel like
that's happening, Like what's step one?
Speaker 1 (04:12):
Yeah, for sure, And obviously just want to give the
disclaimer that it's not like a fix from this episode,
like it's a you know, again, we're talking a lot
of times about decades of patterns and you know, tens
of thousands of repetitions, but you know, one of the
things is to first understand that you know, a lot
of it is coming from the societal pressure, right and
so if you are especially sensitive to the topic that
(04:35):
we're talking about right now, one of the first things
I invite my clients to do before we get into
the how to is I do invite them to kind
of take an audit of how much they're spending online
because a lot of times comparison itis, especially with social media,
can really really heighten this and oftentimes, just like limiting
the amount of time that they're online can get the
part of it is about getting their mental real estate
(04:56):
back so that they can take ownership of this. So
that's one of the first things I do is is
just like invite them to take a bit of an
inventory of how much time they're spending online. But that
being said, you know, first of it is just understanding
that a lot of times whatever is causing the weight gain,
whatever's causing the perception of the weight gain or the
body anxiety where you have a hyper fixation on what
(05:17):
you're perceiving as flaws, is really about a deeper self
worth issue rather than just a number on a scale
or the size of your genes or how they're fitting right.
So that's the first thing is like I would just
invite you all to get really real about what the
problem is. And again, it's not about your weight. It's
your thoughts about your weight. And it's not about what
the scale says. It's your thoughts about what the scale says.
(05:37):
So that's you know, number one. But if I were
to go kind of big picture overview of if I
were to give you a big picture overview of, like
what's the game plan during the holidays to really like
tackle the hyper fixation on your weight, I would, honestly
because because again what comes off the back of that
when you have a hyperfixation on weight or weight gain
or body is a lot of times that's what leads
(05:57):
people to these kind of extreme, you know methods of
like I gotta, you know, do whatever I can to
air quotes, get in control. So one of the things
I would invite you to do is actually reframe the
whole situation, where what if you looked at the holiday
time as actually the time to focus on your mental
and emotional well being rather than focusing on your physical body,
(06:20):
or rather than waiting for the New year's to get
yourself aligned like what if this was the perfect time
when you when you know that, especially if you're predisposed
to this time of your being a bit more of
a sensitive area on your body. What if this was
the time to double down on your mental health, your
emotional health, your spiritual health, and focusing on this idea
(06:41):
that your worth is tied to the scale or your
body and really acknowledging first of all, acknowledging that there's
typical fluctuations for all of us with our bodies and
like acceptance of that. But also and we talked about
the black and white thinking that comes off the back
of it. But like, again, what if this wasn't a
physical thing at all? What if you completely change the
conversation to that you entered into a mental, emotional, even
(07:03):
spiritual conversation around your body rather than it being a
physical one. And what if the holidays were actually the
best time to do that, to go inward.
Speaker 3 (07:11):
Yeah, I like that you use the word double down.
It is this is time to double down, yeau, like
on the mental side of things. And it may not
even mean like that you need to do some deep
therapeutic crazy thing, because it might not be a deep
therapeutic issue it might be a rewiring of your brain
(07:34):
that you have for so long lived in the animal
part of your brain that you don't have the control
anymore and it's sort of taken over. But the beauty
of our brains is that it's multiple, like you can
rewire it and you just have to start building those
new neuropathways. And that happens with repetition. So earlier, I know,
(07:55):
I even said, like, what's the first step, And not
to be daunting, but it might be like, well, that's
step one out of you know, a thousand times you
need to repeat something, and then a thousand more. But
your brain is making so many different decisions every day,
thousands and thousands and thousands of decisions. This is you
actually acknowledging what's happening and trying to take control of
(08:17):
some of those thousands and thousands of thoughts. And the
more you do it, the easier it gets. And so
I just want to clarify that because I think for
so long I was booking therapy appointments, which I think
therapy is super important, But it was in the throes
of my eating disorder that I thought I had some
deep rooted childhood issue that I wasn't tapping into that
I needed clarity on and then suddenly, bah bah, I
(08:39):
was going to be free of my eating disorder, when
really my brain was used to a certain behavior because
I had repeated it over and over and over and
over again. So I had to repeat my new healthy
mental thoughts and behaviors over and over and over again
to override the negative ones. And so for me, it
wasn't this, you know, issue with my dad. Did I
(09:01):
have issues with my dad from my childhood, Absolutely, But
is that what was going to give me freedom from
my disordered eating? No, mine was that route. And so
I say that just to offer hope that, yes, you
may have some deep rooted childhood stuff you need to
work through. I'm not saying do not pursue that, but
it also may not be as daunting as you think.
Speaker 2 (09:24):
It just may take a crap ton of repetition.
Speaker 1 (09:31):
Yeah, I'm so glad you said that, because I also
thought I had daddy issues and that was what was
causing it, you know. And I mean I went and
I talked it out, and I my dad and I
are aokay right now. But that did not eradicate the
disordered eating and the self image and the body image
that came alongside it. And you're right, it doesn't have
to be this deep dark, let's go dig up all
the skeletons in our emotional graveyard kind of thing. I
think a lot of people think it does, and that's
(09:52):
why they're afraid of the work. But really the work
is just like you said, there's a recipe of thoughts, beliefs,
and behaviors that are causing the disorder, and there's a
new recipe that's available to all of us of thoughts, beliefs,
and behaviors that will create our freedom and our peace
of mind and having this beautiful relationship with food where
food can just be food and your weight can just
be your weight, and you don't always have to like
(10:13):
your weight, like you're allowed to want to go change
it at some point in time too. Right, But first
and foremost, like, if we're coming back to this idea
of dealing with you know, the fears of weight gain
or the fears of body anxiety, what if, like what
you needed to hear today, what if? And I'm just
inviting you into the possibility. I'm not saying that I'm right,
but I just I do believe it to be true.
So I'm just inviting you to try on What if
(10:33):
your air quotes weight problems were actually in your head,
your heart, in your brain, and when you address all
of that, ironically, the weight stuff would Don't get me wrong,
We a lot of us need a better system of
thinking around food and a better like kind of decision
making process than good, bad, right, wrong? Should shouldn't because
that is what causes the disorder. But what if before
you even think about the food or the weight or
(10:55):
whatever it is, you look at the recipe of thoughts, beliefs,
and behaviors that are in your brain, and you're right,
it is just a matter of repetition. I call it
air attention, intension, and repetition. And once you find that
new recipe, it can happen very quickly, right, and you
don't have to go open the emotional you know, graveyard.
But sometimes that's really powerful too. But if that's what's
(11:16):
keeping you from going and healing your brain, they're kind
of like two separate but overlapping conversations that they can coexist.
But again, like, if that's what's keeping you from doing it,
don't buy into the lie that you have to go
get into a lot of pain to go heal the
disorder in your brain.
Speaker 3 (11:32):
Right, Okay, let's shift a little bit to the fear
of the weight gain, which, yeah, is another form of
body anxiety in itself. I'm just picturing like there's this
like then diagram and like there's all these different circles.
Speaker 1 (11:48):
So yeah, it really is. It's hard to like talk
about one thing without the other, you know. And so
ok So we talked about double downing on this idea
of like what if this was the perfect time to actually,
you know, focus on my mental emotional well being. But also,
you know, part of it is like, how can you
if you know that you're prone to body anxiety around
the holidays, how can you be proactive and stay present
(12:10):
and stay grounded during the holidays. So, for example, maybe
this is the perfect time for you to find new
ways to connect to your body through mindful movement, or
you know, finding clothes that make you feel good in
your body, right, rather than feeling like you have to
succumb to wearing the metaphorical sweatpants and sweatshirts that or
whatever it is baggy clothes, right, how can you focus
(12:30):
on the experiences in your social life rather than just
the food. Right, So there's ways for you because again,
because of reciprocal inhibition, like when one turns on the
other has to turn off. So if right now your
body is your your mind, and your brain is focusing
on my weight, my weight, my body, my body, my body,
because of reciprocal inhibition, all of the other amazing experiences
that are available to you are switched off. But the
(12:53):
beautiful thing thinking about reciprocal inhibition is if you start
focusing on, like, Okay, how can I actually connect my
body through amazing movement. Maybe there's a new yoga class
or a dance class I want to try, or maybe
I'm gonna go just buy like one pair of like
cute stretchy genes that make my butt look nice and
I'm gonna feel really I'm gonna rock in those genes
so that I have something that fits me that I
can feel proud of myself. And how can I you know,
(13:15):
focus on these like making time with friends to go
walking and stuff like that and hang out and connect
or go have a coffee rather than just you know,
obsessing over food or feeling like everything has to be
food focused. Right, how can I really proactively create the
holiday season that I want that has absolutely nothing to
do with my body, and then you're the one taking
back your power, detaching from you know, the external pressures
(13:39):
of whatever you think you have to do that during
the holiday season, but also you get to honor your
body where it is right now and find gratitude for
what your body can do right now and what you
do appreciate about your body. And again when you focus
on that, because of the again the law of reciprocal
inhibition the other stuff, it might not absolutely go away,
but that the voice, the noise, the volume is going
(14:02):
to come way down.
Speaker 2 (14:05):
So that fear of the weight gain. Yeah. I like
the way that you just said that.
Speaker 3 (14:09):
It's almost like it may still be there, but it's
not going to be cranked up as loud, which I
think that that's the goal. Maybe there's an underlying like
it's always going to be there. Landa and I are
saying that, like it's just this lifelong cure. Even though
we're both in recovery. You can still have certain thoughts.
But I do like that picture of there's a volume
(14:31):
button and how loud are you going to allow those
thoughts to be? And what are you going to allow
into your life because when I think about the fear
of weight gain category of this, you know, I think
of the scale and the pressure I would put on
myself weighing myself all the time. And that was a
(14:54):
whole mind game in itself, because if you don't really
know a number, then are you able to have this
unhealthy competition with yourself? I mean, because I would weigh
in the morning, I would wait in the afternoon, I
would wigh in the evening. Obviously you're going to weigh
more in the evening if you're drinking water and consuming food.
(15:15):
But my brain was so messed up that I'd be like, oh,
I can't believe that my scale is up. But like,
that's not rational thinking, because my rational brain right now
would tell me, okay, duh, yes, you're supposed to weigh more.
So you know, my solution to that is I don't
even have a scale anymore, and I don't know my
(15:35):
exact weight.
Speaker 2 (15:36):
And that's a decision that I made.
Speaker 3 (15:39):
Years ago because I had such a toxic relationship with
the scale, and when I would go to the doctor,
I would say, Hey, I know that you need to
weigh me for my record so that you know where
I am with things, but I'm gonna go ahead and
turn around. You don't have to look at it if
that's something that could be triggering. Now I'm to the
point where I can go to the doctor and that's okay.
I'm not triggered by that anymore. But when I was
(16:01):
in the process of remolding my brain and rewiring it,
those are things that I had to do. And then
at some point, I don't even know exactly when it was,
like I rounded the corner corner, and now I don't
have a scale here at my house. I'm not obsessed
with it like I once was, but I don't know.
(16:21):
Something just happened one day where I was at the
doctor and I hopped on the scale and it wasn't
a big deal, Like I didn't have to turn around.
I didn't have to make it a thing. But just
know that you're in charge of your own body and
you can be weighed. But some people don't even know
that that's an option to just turn around and not
have to look at the scale. But respect the fact
that your doctor's office may need that information, because I
(16:41):
think you can also refuse to be weighed. But then
I always wanted my doctor to have data. So I
wanted to have that, but I didn't want my brain
to have it because I couldn't trust my brain at
the time.
Speaker 1 (16:54):
Sure, yeah, absolutely, And I love that. You know we're
talking about with this conversation of turning the volume down,
Like the beautiful thing is is that you can turn
the volume down on one conversation and then a parallel
to that, turn the volume up on a separate conversation
that you're starting with yourself to. It's what's the opposite
of body anxiety, piece acceptance, gratitude, you know, and just
start into some people that feels like a foreign concept,
(17:17):
And that's where the opportunity is.
Speaker 3 (17:19):
And I'm thinking of like gathering with families, like different
holiday parties, work parties, stuff that may be coming up,
instead of your brain being consumed with all these other
thoughts of like what you're going to weigh before the
party or after the party, or what you're gonna eat
or what you're not gonna eat. How can you connect
with your coworkers in a fun way at this party?
How can you connect with your family that you haven't seen,
(17:39):
Like what are some conversation starters? Some fun games you
can play? I love those conversation card games for meals,
around the table, for getting people together. It's so fun
to ask the questions and see what everybody's answer is. Like,
there's tons of options available on Amazon if you just
type in like conversation starter games for family, for couples,
(18:04):
like if you want to get to know your partner better,
Like I'm just thinking of following what you're saying here,
Leanne about shifting the anxiety, turning that volume down, Well,
what do you want to turn up? If you want
to turn up other things and other parts of conversation,
then think of ways that you can give your brain
something else to think about. And some of these conversation
(18:25):
starters may help that, either with yourself if you're journaling,
or around the table with people that you love and
want to know better.
Speaker 2 (18:34):
And on a deeper level.
Speaker 1 (18:35):
Yeah, it's so so powerful. And that's where again, the
first way to you know, take back power from your
worth just being aligned with a scale or your weight
is to go find value in other ways, you know,
And one of the easiest ways to do that and
the best and the most feeling ways is connection to others.
You know, how can I just be present with others
and add you know, fun and laughter and love and
(18:57):
entertainment with these games, I mean all the things that
have absolutely nothing to do with what you look like.
Speaker 2 (19:02):
Love that all, right, LeAnn? Where can people find you?
Speaker 1 (19:05):
If you want to learn more about how to rewire
your brain and heal from the all or nothing diet
mentality and take back power from the body anxiety in
your head, you can check it out over at stressless
eating dot com. I've laid out just kind of peeled
back the curtain of what I teach my clients.
Speaker 3 (19:19):
And always we want to wrap with you having compassion
for yourself. Leanne and I are saying different things from
this side of the table, but we've been on both sides.
And I have compassion for that version of me, by
the way, that used to weigh myself multiple times a day.
It's a part of my story. And I think back
(19:41):
and I just I kind of want to pick her
up and hold her because she was exhausted, yes, very
decided love yes, and so I was just looking for
validation and the wrong places. So have compassion for yourself,
and Leanne and I just want to hold you, guys
and hug you and know that you are validated, and
(20:02):
for all the other amazing things about you that have
nothing to do with your body in any way, shape
or form. All right, we'll see you next Saturday for
our Holiday series, Part four. Were talking the gift of
self acceptance, which I think will be nice, that perfectly
a nice follow up to this conversation, and giving yourself
(20:22):
permission to enjoy the holidays.
Speaker 2 (20:24):
We'll see you then. Bye.
I won't let my body out be outwait everything that
I'm made done, won't spend my life trying to change.
Speaker 2 (00:08):
I'm learning love who I am again.
Speaker 3 (00:11):
I'm strong, I feel free, I know every pardon me,
it's beautiful.
Speaker 1 (00:19):
And then we'll always out way if.
Speaker 3 (00:23):
You feel it.
Speaker 1 (00:24):
But she'll some love to the why get there?
Speaker 3 (00:28):
Take you one day and.
Speaker 2 (00:30):
Did you and die out way? Happy Saturday, out Weigh.
Speaker 3 (00:36):
Amy Brown here with Leanne Ellington and this is our
Holiday series, Part three. I hope y'all had a great
Thanksgiving and you were able to enjoy food, family, friends, freedom,
whatever that looks like for you this holiday season. And
(00:57):
we're rolling right into Christmas coming up soon and then
the New Year, so there's still lots of holiday things happening.
And this is the time of year where fear of
weight gain sets in and there's a lot of body anxiety.
So I just want to acknowledge those fears. Leanne and
I both do. They are heightened for a reason. It's
(01:19):
very normal for you to have heightened fears around weight
gain during the holidays. But people may not understand exactly
what body anxiety is, Leanne, because I don't know when
I was in the throes of my eating disorder, if
I was in tune with my body enough to know
that that's actually what was happening, because my thoughts were
(01:41):
just I was so consumed with anything health food body related,
but I don't think I really had like the language
for it. So what specifically is body anxiety and then
we can talk about weight gain fears.
Speaker 1 (01:55):
It's very closely related to a form of body dysmorphia,
where there's kind of this like higher fixation on your
like perceived flaws, right, And it's the things that typically
it's unnoticeable to other people, but you notice it like
a thousand times more. And how this shows up, it's like, well, okay,
the effects of it might be like you're spending a
lot a lot of time checking in the mirror. You know,
(02:17):
you're constantly checking for other people and what they're doing
to change their bodies. It's what causes a lot of
people to go on these kind of extreme things because
but the body anxiety side of it specifically is more
so that hyper fixation on your perceived flaws and what
you And again it's a perception based thing, and so
a lot of it does stem and compare like the
(02:38):
comparisonitis is a big part of it. But you know, this,
this specific topic, this is one of the ones that
comes up again all year round with my clients because
a lot of times when they come to work with me,
by the time they've gotten to that place where they're like, Okay,
something bigger has to change, Like this is so much
more than food. This is so much more than about
the way I'm ready to, like to finally take ownership
of this disempowered trunk and version of myself that sitting
(03:00):
on the sidelines of my life, and I'm ready to
break free and take back my power from this. Like
that's the decision that they come to when they come
to work with me, And when they get there, a
lot of times they've gained back a lot of the
weight that they lost, or they've experienced more weight gain
because they like they're like, okay, I'm done dieting, but
now I feel out of control on the other side
of it. So one of the things that comes up
a lot is this fear that like, Okay, people are
going to notice that I've gained weight, and then they
(03:22):
have again this hyper fixation on the weight gain and
what it meant and what it meant, which is causing
their body anxiety. And so this gets especially heightened around
the holidays because of the things that we've been talking
about these last couple of days. So you know, for
some people this might not necessarily be relevant, if you know,
but even the body anxiety can can be accompanied alongside
a mindset, even if you haven't physiologically gained weight, you know,
(03:45):
because that body anxiety is considered like a mental disorder
or disease, right, So keep in mind, like even if
your if your struggles haven't necessarily manifested as weight gain,
a lot of times that feeling that people are going
to notice your body is especially exacerbated around the holidays.
Speaker 3 (04:02):
So what's something we can do if we are like
listening right now and we're like, oh wait, I think
body anxiety. That sounds familiar to me. I feel like
that's happening, Like what's step one?
Speaker 1 (04:12):
Yeah, for sure, And obviously just want to give the
disclaimer that it's not like a fix from this episode,
like it's a you know, again, we're talking a lot
of times about decades of patterns and you know, tens
of thousands of repetitions, but you know, one of the
things is to first understand that you know, a lot
of it is coming from the societal pressure, right and
so if you are especially sensitive to the topic that
(04:35):
we're talking about right now, one of the first things
I invite my clients to do before we get into
the how to is I do invite them to kind
of take an audit of how much they're spending online
because a lot of times comparison itis, especially with social media,
can really really heighten this and oftentimes, just like limiting
the amount of time that they're online can get the
part of it is about getting their mental real estate
(04:56):
back so that they can take ownership of this. So
that's one of the first things I do is is
just like invite them to take a bit of an
inventory of how much time they're spending online. But that
being said, you know, first of it is just understanding
that a lot of times whatever is causing the weight gain,
whatever's causing the perception of the weight gain or the
body anxiety where you have a hyper fixation on what
(05:17):
you're perceiving as flaws, is really about a deeper self
worth issue rather than just a number on a scale
or the size of your genes or how they're fitting right.
So that's the first thing is like I would just
invite you all to get really real about what the
problem is. And again, it's not about your weight. It's
your thoughts about your weight. And it's not about what
the scale says. It's your thoughts about what the scale says.
(05:37):
So that's you know, number one. But if I were
to go kind of big picture overview of if I
were to give you a big picture overview of, like
what's the game plan during the holidays to really like
tackle the hyper fixation on your weight, I would, honestly
because because again what comes off the back of that
when you have a hyperfixation on weight or weight gain
or body is a lot of times that's what leads
(05:57):
people to these kind of extreme, you know methods of
like I gotta, you know, do whatever I can to
air quotes, get in control. So one of the things
I would invite you to do is actually reframe the
whole situation, where what if you looked at the holiday
time as actually the time to focus on your mental
and emotional well being rather than focusing on your physical body,
(06:20):
or rather than waiting for the New year's to get
yourself aligned like what if this was the perfect time
when you when you know that, especially if you're predisposed
to this time of your being a bit more of
a sensitive area on your body. What if this was
the time to double down on your mental health, your
emotional health, your spiritual health, and focusing on this idea
(06:41):
that your worth is tied to the scale or your
body and really acknowledging first of all, acknowledging that there's
typical fluctuations for all of us with our bodies and
like acceptance of that. But also and we talked about
the black and white thinking that comes off the back
of it. But like, again, what if this wasn't a
physical thing at all? What if you completely change the
conversation to that you entered into a mental, emotional, even
(07:03):
spiritual conversation around your body rather than it being a
physical one. And what if the holidays were actually the
best time to do that, to go inward.
Speaker 3 (07:11):
Yeah, I like that you use the word double down.
It is this is time to double down, yeau, like
on the mental side of things. And it may not
even mean like that you need to do some deep
therapeutic crazy thing, because it might not be a deep
therapeutic issue it might be a rewiring of your brain
(07:34):
that you have for so long lived in the animal
part of your brain that you don't have the control
anymore and it's sort of taken over. But the beauty
of our brains is that it's multiple, like you can
rewire it and you just have to start building those
new neuropathways. And that happens with repetition. So earlier, I know,
(07:55):
I even said, like, what's the first step, And not
to be daunting, but it might be like, well, that's
step one out of you know, a thousand times you
need to repeat something, and then a thousand more. But
your brain is making so many different decisions every day,
thousands and thousands and thousands of decisions. This is you
actually acknowledging what's happening and trying to take control of
(08:17):
some of those thousands and thousands of thoughts. And the
more you do it, the easier it gets. And so
I just want to clarify that because I think for
so long I was booking therapy appointments, which I think
therapy is super important, But it was in the throes
of my eating disorder that I thought I had some
deep rooted childhood issue that I wasn't tapping into that
I needed clarity on and then suddenly, bah bah, I
(08:39):
was going to be free of my eating disorder, when
really my brain was used to a certain behavior because
I had repeated it over and over and over and
over again. So I had to repeat my new healthy
mental thoughts and behaviors over and over and over again
to override the negative ones. And so for me, it
wasn't this, you know, issue with my dad. Did I
(09:01):
have issues with my dad from my childhood, Absolutely, But
is that what was going to give me freedom from
my disordered eating? No, mine was that route. And so
I say that just to offer hope that, yes, you
may have some deep rooted childhood stuff you need to
work through. I'm not saying do not pursue that, but
it also may not be as daunting as you think.
Speaker 2 (09:24):
It just may take a crap ton of repetition.
Speaker 1 (09:31):
Yeah, I'm so glad you said that, because I also
thought I had daddy issues and that was what was
causing it, you know. And I mean I went and
I talked it out, and I my dad and I
are aokay right now. But that did not eradicate the
disordered eating and the self image and the body image
that came alongside it. And you're right, it doesn't have
to be this deep dark, let's go dig up all
the skeletons in our emotional graveyard kind of thing. I
think a lot of people think it does, and that's
(09:52):
why they're afraid of the work. But really the work
is just like you said, there's a recipe of thoughts, beliefs,
and behaviors that are causing the disorder, and there's a
new recipe that's available to all of us of thoughts, beliefs,
and behaviors that will create our freedom and our peace
of mind and having this beautiful relationship with food where
food can just be food and your weight can just
be your weight, and you don't always have to like
(10:13):
your weight, like you're allowed to want to go change
it at some point in time too. Right, But first
and foremost, like, if we're coming back to this idea
of dealing with you know, the fears of weight gain
or the fears of body anxiety, what if, like what
you needed to hear today, what if? And I'm just
inviting you into the possibility. I'm not saying that I'm right,
but I just I do believe it to be true.
So I'm just inviting you to try on What if
(10:33):
your air quotes weight problems were actually in your head,
your heart, in your brain, and when you address all
of that, ironically, the weight stuff would Don't get me wrong,
We a lot of us need a better system of
thinking around food and a better like kind of decision
making process than good, bad, right, wrong? Should shouldn't because
that is what causes the disorder. But what if before
you even think about the food or the weight or
(10:55):
whatever it is, you look at the recipe of thoughts, beliefs,
and behaviors that are in your brain, and you're right,
it is just a matter of repetition. I call it
air attention, intension, and repetition. And once you find that
new recipe, it can happen very quickly, right, and you
don't have to go open the emotional you know, graveyard.
But sometimes that's really powerful too. But if that's what's
(11:16):
keeping you from going and healing your brain, they're kind
of like two separate but overlapping conversations that they can coexist.
But again, like, if that's what's keeping you from doing it,
don't buy into the lie that you have to go
get into a lot of pain to go heal the
disorder in your brain.
Speaker 3 (11:32):
Right, Okay, let's shift a little bit to the fear
of the weight gain, which, yeah, is another form of
body anxiety in itself. I'm just picturing like there's this
like then diagram and like there's all these different circles.
Speaker 1 (11:48):
So yeah, it really is. It's hard to like talk
about one thing without the other, you know. And so
ok So we talked about double downing on this idea
of like what if this was the perfect time to actually,
you know, focus on my mental emotional well being. But also,
you know, part of it is like, how can you
if you know that you're prone to body anxiety around
the holidays, how can you be proactive and stay present
(12:10):
and stay grounded during the holidays. So, for example, maybe
this is the perfect time for you to find new
ways to connect to your body through mindful movement, or
you know, finding clothes that make you feel good in
your body, right, rather than feeling like you have to
succumb to wearing the metaphorical sweatpants and sweatshirts that or
whatever it is baggy clothes, right, how can you focus
(12:30):
on the experiences in your social life rather than just
the food. Right, So there's ways for you because again,
because of reciprocal inhibition, like when one turns on the
other has to turn off. So if right now your
body is your your mind, and your brain is focusing
on my weight, my weight, my body, my body, my body,
because of reciprocal inhibition, all of the other amazing experiences
that are available to you are switched off. But the
(12:53):
beautiful thing thinking about reciprocal inhibition is if you start
focusing on, like, Okay, how can I actually connect my
body through amazing movement. Maybe there's a new yoga class
or a dance class I want to try, or maybe
I'm gonna go just buy like one pair of like
cute stretchy genes that make my butt look nice and
I'm gonna feel really I'm gonna rock in those genes
so that I have something that fits me that I
can feel proud of myself. And how can I you know,
(13:15):
focus on these like making time with friends to go
walking and stuff like that and hang out and connect
or go have a coffee rather than just you know,
obsessing over food or feeling like everything has to be
food focused. Right, how can I really proactively create the
holiday season that I want that has absolutely nothing to
do with my body, and then you're the one taking
back your power, detaching from you know, the external pressures
(13:39):
of whatever you think you have to do that during
the holiday season, but also you get to honor your
body where it is right now and find gratitude for
what your body can do right now and what you
do appreciate about your body. And again when you focus
on that, because of the again the law of reciprocal
inhibition the other stuff, it might not absolutely go away,
but that the voice, the noise, the volume is going
(14:02):
to come way down.
Speaker 2 (14:05):
So that fear of the weight gain. Yeah. I like
the way that you just said that.
Speaker 3 (14:09):
It's almost like it may still be there, but it's
not going to be cranked up as loud, which I
think that that's the goal. Maybe there's an underlying like
it's always going to be there. Landa and I are
saying that, like it's just this lifelong cure. Even though
we're both in recovery. You can still have certain thoughts.
But I do like that picture of there's a volume
(14:31):
button and how loud are you going to allow those
thoughts to be? And what are you going to allow
into your life because when I think about the fear
of weight gain category of this, you know, I think
of the scale and the pressure I would put on
myself weighing myself all the time. And that was a
(14:54):
whole mind game in itself, because if you don't really
know a number, then are you able to have this
unhealthy competition with yourself? I mean, because I would weigh
in the morning, I would wait in the afternoon, I
would wigh in the evening. Obviously you're going to weigh
more in the evening if you're drinking water and consuming food.
(15:15):
But my brain was so messed up that I'd be like, oh,
I can't believe that my scale is up. But like,
that's not rational thinking, because my rational brain right now
would tell me, okay, duh, yes, you're supposed to weigh more.
So you know, my solution to that is I don't
even have a scale anymore, and I don't know my
(15:35):
exact weight.
Speaker 2 (15:36):
And that's a decision that I made.
Speaker 3 (15:39):
Years ago because I had such a toxic relationship with
the scale, and when I would go to the doctor,
I would say, Hey, I know that you need to
weigh me for my record so that you know where
I am with things, but I'm gonna go ahead and
turn around. You don't have to look at it if
that's something that could be triggering. Now I'm to the
point where I can go to the doctor and that's okay.
I'm not triggered by that anymore. But when I was
(16:01):
in the process of remolding my brain and rewiring it,
those are things that I had to do. And then
at some point, I don't even know exactly when it was,
like I rounded the corner corner, and now I don't
have a scale here at my house. I'm not obsessed
with it like I once was, but I don't know.
(16:21):
Something just happened one day where I was at the
doctor and I hopped on the scale and it wasn't
a big deal, Like I didn't have to turn around.
I didn't have to make it a thing. But just
know that you're in charge of your own body and
you can be weighed. But some people don't even know
that that's an option to just turn around and not
have to look at the scale. But respect the fact
that your doctor's office may need that information, because I
(16:41):
think you can also refuse to be weighed. But then
I always wanted my doctor to have data. So I
wanted to have that, but I didn't want my brain
to have it because I couldn't trust my brain at
the time.
Speaker 1 (16:54):
Sure, yeah, absolutely, And I love that. You know we're
talking about with this conversation of turning the volume down,
Like the beautiful thing is is that you can turn
the volume down on one conversation and then a parallel
to that, turn the volume up on a separate conversation
that you're starting with yourself to. It's what's the opposite
of body anxiety, piece acceptance, gratitude, you know, and just
start into some people that feels like a foreign concept,
(17:17):
And that's where the opportunity is.
Speaker 3 (17:19):
And I'm thinking of like gathering with families, like different
holiday parties, work parties, stuff that may be coming up,
instead of your brain being consumed with all these other
thoughts of like what you're going to weigh before the
party or after the party, or what you're gonna eat
or what you're not gonna eat. How can you connect
with your coworkers in a fun way at this party?
How can you connect with your family that you haven't seen,
(17:39):
Like what are some conversation starters? Some fun games you
can play? I love those conversation card games for meals,
around the table, for getting people together. It's so fun
to ask the questions and see what everybody's answer is. Like,
there's tons of options available on Amazon if you just
type in like conversation starter games for family, for couples,
(18:04):
like if you want to get to know your partner better,
Like I'm just thinking of following what you're saying here,
Leanne about shifting the anxiety, turning that volume down, Well,
what do you want to turn up? If you want
to turn up other things and other parts of conversation,
then think of ways that you can give your brain
something else to think about. And some of these conversation
(18:25):
starters may help that, either with yourself if you're journaling,
or around the table with people that you love and
want to know better.
Speaker 2 (18:34):
And on a deeper level.
Speaker 1 (18:35):
Yeah, it's so so powerful. And that's where again, the
first way to you know, take back power from your
worth just being aligned with a scale or your weight
is to go find value in other ways, you know,
And one of the easiest ways to do that and
the best and the most feeling ways is connection to others.
You know, how can I just be present with others
and add you know, fun and laughter and love and
(18:57):
entertainment with these games, I mean all the things that
have absolutely nothing to do with what you look like.
Speaker 2 (19:02):
Love that all, right, LeAnn? Where can people find you?
Speaker 1 (19:05):
If you want to learn more about how to rewire
your brain and heal from the all or nothing diet
mentality and take back power from the body anxiety in
your head, you can check it out over at stressless
eating dot com. I've laid out just kind of peeled
back the curtain of what I teach my clients.
Speaker 3 (19:19):
And always we want to wrap with you having compassion
for yourself. Leanne and I are saying different things from
this side of the table, but we've been on both sides.
And I have compassion for that version of me, by
the way, that used to weigh myself multiple times a day.
It's a part of my story. And I think back
(19:41):
and I just I kind of want to pick her
up and hold her because she was exhausted, yes, very
decided love yes, and so I was just looking for
validation and the wrong places. So have compassion for yourself,
and Leanne and I just want to hold you, guys
and hug you and know that you are validated, and
(20:02):
for all the other amazing things about you that have
nothing to do with your body in any way, shape
or form. All right, we'll see you next Saturday for
our Holiday series, Part four. Were talking the gift of
self acceptance, which I think will be nice, that perfectly
a nice follow up to this conversation, and giving yourself
(20:22):
permission to enjoy the holidays.
Speaker 2 (20:24):
We'll see you then. Bye.
4 Things with Amy Brown News
Host
Amy Brown
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